All language subtitles for anniversary.special.2025

[ Cheers and applause ]

Ladies and gentlemen, this
is Sabrina carpenter.
[ Cheering ]

Is Sabrina carpenter.
[ Cheering ]
This is the one and only Paul

[ cheering ]
This is the one and only Paul
Simon.

This is the one and only Paul
Simon.
[ Cheering ]

Simon.
[ Cheering ]
I sang this song with George

[ cheering ]
I sang this song with George
Harrison on "Saturday night

I sang this song with George
Harrison on "Saturday night
live" in 1976.

Harrison on "Saturday night
live" in 1976.
I was not born then, and

live" in 1976.
I was not born then, and
neither were my parents.

I was not born then, and
neither were my parents.
[ Laughter ]

Neither were my parents.
[ Laughter ]
I'm glad they're getting a

[ laughter ]
I'm glad they're getting a
chance to hear it tonight.

♪♪
♪ sitting in the railway
station, ticket for my

♪ sitting in the railway
station, ticket for my
destination ♪

station, ticket for my
destination ♪
♪ on a tour of

destination ♪
♪ on a tour of
one-night stands

♪ on a tour of
one-night stands
my suitcase and

one-night stands
my suitcase and
guitar in hand ♪

my suitcase and
guitar in hand ♪
♪ and every stop

guitar in hand ♪
♪ and every stop
is neatly planned

♪ and every stop
is neatly planned
for a poet and

is neatly planned
for a poet and
a one-man band ♪

for a poet and
a one-man band ♪
♪ homeward bound

a one-man band ♪
♪ homeward bound
I wish I was

♪ homeward bound
I wish I was
homeward bound ♪

I wish I was
homeward bound ♪
♪ home, where my

homeward bound ♪
♪ home, where my
thought's escaping

♪ home, where my
thought's escaping
home, where my

thought's escaping
home, where my
music's playing ♪

home, where my
music's playing ♪
♪ home, where my

music's playing ♪
♪ home, where my
love lies waiting

♪ home, where my
love lies waiting
silently for me ♪

love lies waiting
silently for me ♪
♪ every day's

silently for me ♪
♪ every day's
an endless stream

♪ every day's
an endless stream
of cigarettes

an endless stream
of cigarettes
airport lounges and magazines ♪

of cigarettes
airport lounges and magazines ♪
♪ and each town

airport lounges and magazines ♪
♪ and each town
looks the same to me

♪ and each town
looks the same to me
the movies and

looks the same to me
the movies and
the factories ♪

the movies and
the factories ♪
♪ and every stranger's

the factories ♪
♪ and every stranger's
face I see

♪ and every stranger's
face I see
remind me that ♪

face I see
remind me that ♪
♪ I long to be

remind me that ♪
♪ I long to be
homeward bound ♪

♪ I long to be
homeward bound ♪
♪ I wish I was

homeward bound ♪
♪ I wish I was
homeward bound ♪

♪ I wish I was
homeward bound ♪
♪ home, where my

homeward bound ♪
♪ home, where my
thought's escaping

♪ home, where my
thought's escaping
home, where my

thought's escaping
home, where my
music's playing ♪

home, where my
music's playing ♪
♪ home, where my

music's playing ♪
♪ home, where my
love lies waiting

♪ home, where my
love lies waiting
silently for me ♪

♪♪
♪ tonight I'll sing
my songs again

♪ tonight I'll sing
my songs again
I'll play the game

my songs again
I'll play the game
and pretend ♪

I'll play the game
and pretend ♪
♪ but all my words come back to

and pretend ♪
♪ but all my words come back to
me in shades of mediocrity ♪

♪ but all my words come
back to me in shades

of mediocrity ♪ ♪ like
emptiness and Harmony, I

me in shades of
mediocrity ♪ ♪ like emptiness

and Harmony, I need
someone to comfort me ♪

♪ like emptiness and Harmony, I
need someone to comfort me ♪
homeward bound ♪

need someone to comfort me ♪
homeward bound ♪
♪ I wish I was home

homeward bound ♪
♪ I wish I was home
home, where my

♪ I wish I was home
home, where my
thought's escaping ♪

home, where my
thought's escaping ♪
♪ home, where my

thought's escaping ♪
♪ home, where my
music's playing

♪ home, where my
music's playing
home, where my love

music's playing
home, where my love
lies waiting ♪

home, where my love
lies waiting ♪
♪ silently for me

lies waiting ♪
♪ silently for me
silently for me ♪♪

♪ silently for me
silently for me ♪♪
♪ silently for me ♪

silently for me ♪♪
♪ silently for me ♪
♪ silently for me ♪♪

♪ silently for me ♪
♪ silently for me ♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪
it's the "Saturday night
live" 50th anniversary special,

it's the "Saturday
night live" 50th

anniversary special, with
musical guests Paul Simon

live" 50th anniversary special,
with musical guests Paul Simon
and Sabrina carpenter!

With musical guests Paul Simon
and Sabrina carpenter!
♪♪ Miley Cyrus and Brittany

and Sabrina carpenter!
♪♪ Miley Cyrus and Brittany
Howard, Lil Wayne and the roots,

♪♪ Miley Cyrus and Brittany
Howard, Lil Wayne and the roots,
roots.

Howard, Lil Wayne and the roots,
roots.
And Paul McCartney.

Roots.
And Paul McCartney.
♪♪ ladies and gentlemen, Steve

and Paul McCartney.
♪♪ ladies and gentlemen, Steve
Martin!

♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
good evening, and welcome to

[ cheers and applause ]
Good evening, and welcome to
the 50th anniversary of

good evening, and welcome to
the 50th anniversary of
"Saturday night live."

The 50th anniversary of
"Saturday night live."
[ Cheering ]

"Saturday night live."
[ Cheering ]
I'm Steve Martin, "Saturday

[ cheering ]
I'm Steve Martin, "Saturday
night live's" newest diversity

I'm Steve Martin, "Saturday
night live's" newest diversity
hire.

Night live's" newest diversity
hire.
What a thrill it is to be here.

Hire.
What a thrill it is to be here.
When I heard "snl" wanted to do

what a thrill it is to be
here. When I heard "snl"

wanted to do an
anniversary special, I wanted

when I heard "snl" wanted to do
an anniversary special, I wanted
to leap in the air.

An anniversary special, I wanted
to leap in the air.
And the only reason I didn't is

to leap in the air.
And the only reason I didn't is
because at the time, I was

and the only reason I didn't is
because at the time, I was
wearing a short skirt with no

because at the time, I was
wearing a short skirt with no
underwear.

Wearing a short skirt with no
underwear.
I can't believe I made it here

underwear.
I can't believe I made it here
in time.

I can't believe I made it here
in time.
It was only a few days ago that

in time.
It was only a few days ago that
lorne told me I was doing the

it was only a few days
ago that lorne told me

I was doing the monologue,
and I was actually

lorne told me I was
doing the monologue, and

I was actually vacationing
on a friend's boat

monologue, and I was actually
vacationing on a friend's boat
down in the Gulf of Steve

vacationing on a friend's boat
down in the Gulf of Steve
Martin.

Down in the Gulf of Steve
Martin.
[ Laughter ]

Martin.
[ Laughter ]
But finally, it took me a while

[ laughter ]
But finally, it took me a while
to get here, but I did.

But finally, it took me a while
to get here, but I did.
"Saturday night live," as you

to get here, but I did.
"Saturday night live," as you
know, turned 50 years old this

"Saturday night live," as you
know, turned 50 years old this
year, and I turned 79.

Know, turned 50 years old this
year, and I turned 79.
[ Applause ]

Year, and I turned 79.
[ Applause ]
But I feel like I'm 65, which is

[ applause ]
But I feel like I'm 65, which is
also not good.

But I feel like I'm 65, which is
also not good.
Now seriously, I do not mind

also not good.
Now seriously, I do not mind
getting older.

Now seriously, I do not mind
getting older.
Do you think these hearing aids

getting older.
Do you think these hearing aids
make my ass look smaller?

Do you think these hearing aids
make my ass look smaller?
I do.

Make my ass look smaller?
I do.
I'm still learning about life.

I do.
I'm still learning about life.
Actually, my wife, who is a very

I'm still learning
about life. Actually, my

wife, who is a very smart,
wise person, taught me

actually, my wife, who is a very
smart, wise person, taught me
something the other day.

Smart, wise person, taught me
something the other day.
She sat me down, and she said,

something the other day.
She sat me down, and she said,
"Steve, you know, babies don't

she sat me down, and she said,
"Steve, you know, babies don't
get sarcasm."

"Steve, you know, babies don't
get sarcasm."
And I realized I'd been wasting

get sarcasm."
And I realized I'd been wasting
my time going up to strollers in

and I realized I'd been
wasting my time going up

to strollers in the street
saying, "oh, what a

my time going up to strollers in
the street saying, "oh, what a
cute baby!"

The street saying, "oh, what a
cute baby!"
Whoa.

Cute baby!"
Whoa.
[ Laughter ]

Whoa.
[ Laughter ]
Now, a fun fact.

[ Laughter ]
Now, a fun fact.
A person born during first

now, a fun fact.
A person born during first
season of "Saturday night live"

a person born during first
season of "Saturday night live"
could today be easily dead of

season of "Saturday night live"
could today be easily dead of
natural causes.

Could today be easily dead of
natural causes.
[ Laughter ]

Natural causes.
[ Laughter ]
Now you're going to see a lot of

[ laughter ]
Now you're going to see a lot of
familiar things tonight.

Now you're going
to see a lot of familiar

things tonight. Musical
guests, sketches, cameo

familiar things tonight.
Musical guests, sketches, cameo
appearances, the news.

Musical guests, sketches, cameo
appearances, the news.
And this is the monologue.

Appearances, the news.
And this is the monologue.
Traditionally, the weakest part

and this is the monologue.
Traditionally, the weakest part
of the show.

Traditionally, the weakest part
of the show.
Yes, the monologue is like a

of the show.
Yes, the monologue is like a
rent-controlled tenant.

Yes, the monologue is like a
rent-controlled tenant.
It's not going anywhere, even

rent-controlled tenant.
It's not going anywhere, even
though it stinks.

It's not going anywhere, even
though it stinks.
And there are so many members of

though it stinks.
And there are so many members of
the "snl" family here tonight.

And there are so many
members of the "snl" family

here tonight. The
great bill Murray is here.

The "snl" family here tonight.
The great bill Murray is here.
[ Applause ]

The great bill Murray is here.
[ Applause ]
We wanted to make sure bill

[ applause ]
We wanted to make sure bill
would be here tonight so we

we wanted to make sure bill
would be here tonight so we
didn't invite him.

Would be here tonight so we
didn't invite him.
[ Laughter ]

Didn't invite him.
[ Laughter ]
And David letterman is here.

[ Laughter ]
And David letterman is here.
[ Applause ]

And David letterman is here.
[ Applause ]
Wow.

[ Applause ]
Wow.
Dave, thanks for leaving the

wow.
Dave, thanks for leaving the
sheep at home.

Dave, thanks for leaving the
sheep at home.
And we can't forget the writers

sheep at home.
And we can't forget the writers
who have always been the heart

and we can't forget the writers
who have always been the heart
and soul of "snl."

Who have always been the heart
and soul of "snl."
In fact, let's please have the

and soul of "snl."
In fact, let's please have the
great writers from the past 50

in fact, let's please
have the great writers

from the past 50 years
stand up and take a bow.

Great writers from the past 50
years stand up and take a bow.
[ Cheers and applause ]

Years stand up and take a bow.
[ Cheers and applause ]
By the way, that tribute to the

[ cheers and applause ]
By the way, that tribute to the
writers was written by ai.

By the way, that tribute to the
writers was written by ai.
[ Laughter ]

Writers was written by ai.
[ Laughter ]
Oh my god!

[ Laughter ]
Oh my god!
John mulaney!

Oh my god!
John mulaney!
I didn't know you were going to

John mulaney!
I didn't know you were going to
be here.

I didn't know you were going to
be here.
You would if you'd ever come

be here.
You would if you'd ever come
to rehearsal.

You would if you'd ever come
to rehearsal.
By the way, congratulations on

to rehearsal.
By the way, congratulations on
your Emmy win.

By the way, congratulations on
your Emmy win.
Nope.

Your Emmy win.
Nope.
Emmy nomination.

Nope.
Emmy nomination.
Nope.

Emmy nomination.
Nope.
Grammy win?

Nope.
Grammy win?
Nope.

Grammy win?
Nope.
Grammy nomination.

Nope.
Grammy nomination.
Nope.

Grammy nomination.
Nope.
Golden globe win?

Nope.
Golden globe win?
Nope.

Golden globe win?
Nope.
Golden globe nomination?

Nope.
Golden globe nomination?
Yes, sir, and thank you.

Golden globe nomination?
Yes, sir, and thank you.
You know, we writers really

yes, sir, and thank
you. >> You know, we

writers really appreciated
that tribute, but I

you know, we writers
really appreciated that

tribute, but I believe
the heart and soul of

appreciated that tribute, but I
believe the heart and soul of
this show is the celebrity

believe the heart and soul of
this show is the celebrity
hosts.

This show is the celebrity
hosts.
Many of whom are in this room

hosts.
Many of whom are in this room
tonight.

Many of whom are in this room
tonight.
You know, as I look around, I

tonight.
You know, as I look around, I
see some of the most difficult

you know, as I look
around, I see some of the

most difficult people
I have ever met in my

see some of the most difficult
people I have ever met in my
entire life.

People I have ever met in my
entire life.
Over the course of 50 years, 894

entire life.
Over the course of 50 years, 894
people have hosted "Saturday

over the course of 50
years, 894 people have

hosted "Saturday night
live," and it amazes me

people have hosted "Saturday
night live," and it amazes me
that only two of them have

night live," and it amazes me
that only two of them have
committed murder.

That only two of them have
committed murder.
[ Laughter ]

Committed murder.
[ Laughter ]
Each week, each week a new

[ laughter ]
Each week, each week a new
celebrity host comes in with

each week, each week a new
celebrity host comes in with
their own dynamic and they throw

celebrity host comes in with
their own dynamic and they throw
everything off.

Their own dynamic and they throw
everything off.
But not you, Steve, because you

everything off.
But not you, Steve, because you
have no dynamic.

But not you, Steve, because you
have no dynamic.
Thank you.

Have no dynamic.
Thank you.
[ Laughter ]

Thank you.
[ Laughter ]
Oh my god!

[ Laughter ]
Oh my god!
[ Applause ]

Oh my god!
[ Applause ]
Ladies and gentlemen, the

[ applause ]
Ladies and gentlemen, the
only Canadian who wasn't in

ladies and gentlemen, the
only Canadian who wasn't in
"schitt's creek," Martin short.

Only Canadian who
wasn't in "schitt's creek,"

Martin short. >> Wait
a second, I thought we

"schitt's creek," Martin short.
Wait a second, I thought we
were hosting together.

Wait a second, I thought we
were hosting together.
Do you have your passport

were hosting together.
Do you have your passport
with you?

Do you have your passport
with you?
No.

With you?
No.
I.C.E., get him!

No.
I.C.E., get him!
No!

I.c.e., get him!
No!
I'll cooperate!

No!
I'll cooperate!
Don't take me.

I'll cooperate!
Don't take me.
I'll name names.

Don't take me.
I'll name names.
Mike Myers, Jim carrey!

I'll name names.
Mike Myers, Jim carrey!
Damn you, you white-haired son

Mike Myers, Jim carrey!
Damn you, you white-haired son
of a bitch!

Damn you, you white-haired son
of a bitch!
[ Cheers and applause ]

Of a bitch!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Marty and I have been working

[ cheers and applause ]
Marty and I have been working
together so long that we can

Marty and I have
been working together so

long that we can
actually finish each other's

together so long that we can
actually finish each other's
careers.

Actually finish each other's
careers.
[ Laughter ]

Careers.
[ Laughter ]
I hope you are enjoying my

[ laughter ]
I hope you are enjoying my
monologue tonight.

I hope you are enjoying my
monologue tonight.
But if you aren't enjoying it...

Monologue tonight.
But if you aren't enjoying it...
♪♪

But if you aren't enjoying it...
♪♪
maybe you should get up and take

♪♪
maybe you should get up and take
a good look at yourself in the

maybe you should get
up and take a good look at

yourself in the mirror
and say to yourself, what

a good look at yourself in the
mirror and say to yourself, what
have I become?

Mirror and say to yourself, what
have I become?
This can't be Steve's fault.

Have I become?
This can't be Steve's fault.
And ask yourselves,

this can't be Steve's fault.
And ask yourselves,
when did I abandon joy?

And ask yourselves,
when did I abandon joy?
And what can I bring to the

when did I abandon joy?
And what can I bring to the
monologue as an audience member

and what can I bring to the
monologue as an audience member
next time.

Monologue as an audience member
next time.
All right, we've got a great

next time.
All right, we've got a great
show tonight.

All right, we've got a great
show tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]

Show tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
We have a great show.

[ Cheers and applause ]
We have a great show.
Paul Simon was here, Sabrina

we have a great show.
Paul Simon was here, Sabrina
carpenter was here, bill Murray

Paul Simon was here,
Sabrina carpenter was

here, bill Murray was
here, David letterman was

carpenter was here, bill
Murray was here, David

letterman was here,
John mulaney was here,

was here, David letterman was
here, John mulaney was here,
Martin short, it's called

here, John mulaney was here,
Martin short, it's called
front-loading.

Martin short, it's called
front-loading.
And we'll be back.

Front-loading.
And we'll be back.
Thank you.

And we'll be back.
Thank you.
♪

it's an American institution.
Streaming now on peacock.

This is pbs.
Thank you, thank you.
What a wonderful evening filled

thank you, thank you.
What a wonderful evening filled
with so much whimsy and wonder.

What a wonderful
evening filled with so much

whimsy and wonder. And
please give another big hand

with so much whimsy and
wonder. And please give

another big hand to
florian trunt, our body

and please give another big hand
to florian trunt, our body
contortionist.

To florian trunt, our body
contortionist.
I am stuck.

Contortionist.
I am stuck.
Is it me or did his mouth get

I am stuck.
Is it me or did his mouth get
dangerously close to his Fanny

is it me or did his mouth get
dangerously close to his Fanny
cheeks?

Dangerously close to his Fanny
cheeks?
Any way, our next act is no

cheeks?
Any way, our next act is no
stranger to the stage, all the

any way, our next act
is no stranger to the

stage, all the way
from the finger lakes, it's

stranger to the stage, all the
way from the finger lakes, it's
sisters.

Way from the finger lakes, it's
sisters.
You know what they say about the

sisters.
You know what they say about the
finger lakes.

You know what they say about the
finger lakes.
First you might one finger, but

finger lakes.
First you might one finger, but
soon you'll be asking for all

first you might one finger, but
soon you'll be asking for all
five.

Soon you'll be asking for all
five.
Tonight a special guest, he is

five.
Tonight a special guest, he is
the handsome young dark-haired

tonight a special guest,
he is the handsome

young dark-haired
alcoholic everyone has been

the handsome young dark-haired
alcoholic everyone has been
talking about, it's Robert

alcoholic everyone has been
talking about, it's Robert
goulet.

Talking about, it's Robert
goulet.
♪♪

Goulet.
♪♪
♪ Robert goulet.

♪♪
♪ Robert goulet.
[ Applause ]

♪ Robert goulet.
[ Applause ]
Hi, everyone, it's me, Robert

[ applause ]
Hi, everyone, it's me, Robert
goulet.

Hi, everyone, it's me, Robert
goulet.
You like my motor horseys?

Goulet.
You like my motor horseys?
Just rolled in from a rally in

you like my motor horseys?
Just rolled in from a rally in
sturgis, south Dakota.

Just rolled in from a rally in
sturgis, south Dakota.
100 miles per hour, no bathroom

sturgis, south Dakota.
100 miles per hour, no bathroom
breaks, no time to stop.

100 miles per hour, no bathroom
breaks, no time to stop.
You know the rest.

Breaks, no time to stop.
You know the rest.
Now let's get to those golden

you know the rest.
Now let's get to those golden
goulet pipes.

Now let's get to those golden
goulet pipes.
♪ need some warm and company to

goulet pipes.
♪ need some warm and company to
get me through the day ♪

♪ need some warm and company to
get me through the day ♪
♪ it's been so long just me and

get me through the day ♪
♪ it's been so long just me and
me, no woman just goulet ♪

♪ it's been so long just
me and me, no woman

just goulet ♪ ♪ if I
don't see a woman soon,

me, no woman just goulet ♪
♪ if I don't see a woman soon,
no telling what I'll do ♪

♪ if I don't see a woman soon,
no telling what I'll do ♪
♪ so got to deliver a woman or

no telling what I'll do ♪
♪ so got to deliver a woman or
three or two ♪

♪ so got to deliver a woman or
three or two ♪
♪♪

three or two ♪
♪♪
♪ ow, ow, oh my god ♪

♪♪
♪ ow, ow, oh my god ♪
did they put LSD in my Caesar

♪ ow, ow, oh my god ♪
did they put LSD in my Caesar
salad or do I see three

did they put LSD in my Caesar
salad or do I see three
beautiful ladies hitchhiking my

salad or do I see three
beautiful ladies hitchhiking my
way.

Beautiful ladies hitchhiking my
way.
Hi, traveler!

Way.
Hi, traveler!
[ Applause ]

Hi, traveler!
[ Applause ]
♪ we want a ride ♪

[ applause ]
♪ we want a ride ♪
♪ we'd love to it is right by

♪ we want a ride ♪
♪ we'd love to it is right by
your side ♪

♪ we'd love to it is right by
your side ♪
♪ and then we hope you will

your side ♪
♪ and then we hope you will
decide, which one of US will be

♪ and then we hope you will
decide, which one of US will be
your bride ♪

decide, which one of US will be
your bride ♪
[ Cheering ]

Your bride ♪
[ Cheering ]
Whoa, volume!

[ Cheering ]
Whoa, volume!
Put that in my breath.

Whoa, volume!
Put that in my breath.
And did you say "bride"?

Put that in my breath.
And did you say "bride"?
Caesar salad first.

And did you say "bride"?
Caesar salad first.
Callback.

Caesar salad first.
Callback.
I don't even know your names.

Callback.
I don't even know your names.
Well, that's easy.

I don't even know your names.
Well, that's easy.
I'm Janet.

Well, that's easy.
I'm Janet.
Oh, Janet.

I'm Janet.
Oh, Janet.
I'm Holly.

Oh, Janet.
I'm Holly.
Like the bush.

I'm Holly.
Like the bush.
I'm Margaret.

Like the bush.
I'm Margaret.
You sure.

I'm Margaret.
You sure.
And I'm dooneese.

You sure.
And I'm dooneese.
[ Cheers and applause ]

And I'm dooneese.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Honking ]

[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Honking ]
Forehead!

[ Honking ]
Forehead!
Sorry, sorry.

Forehead!
Sorry, sorry.
I meant to say forehead.

Sorry, sorry.
I meant to say forehead.
Nope, did it again.

I meant to say forehead.
Nope, did it again.
One more time.

Nope, did it again.
One more time.
Forehead.

One more time.
Forehead.
Just think.

Forehead.
Just think.
♪ sisters cute as cute can be,

just think.
♪ sisters cute as cute can be,
soon you'll fall for one of US

♪ sisters cute as cute can be,
soon you'll fall for one of US
three ♪

soon you'll fall for one of US
three ♪
♪ we keep forgetting mom had

three ♪
♪ we keep forgetting mom had
four ♪

♪ we keep forgetting mom had
four ♪
♪ I came out of a different

four ♪
♪ I came out of a different
hole ♪

♪ I came out of a different
hole ♪
[ Laughter ]

Hole ♪
[ Laughter ]
If your trying to do the math

[ laughter ]
If your trying to do the math
on that one, if you're trying to

if your trying to do
the math on that one, if

you're trying to think
of the hole it should be,

on that one, if you're
trying to think of the

hole it should be, it's
the one behind that.

Think of the hole it should be,
it's the one behind that.
Okay, gunshot.

It's the one behind that.
Okay, gunshot.
♪ men get lonely on a long cold

okay, gunshot.
♪ men get lonely on a long cold
night ♪

♪ men get lonely on a long cold
night ♪
♪ you can count on US to hold

night ♪
♪ you can count on US to hold
you tight.

♪ You can count on US to hold
you tight.
♪ your girlfriend ♪

you tight.
♪ your girlfriend ♪
I'll be lover ♪

♪ your girlfriend ♪
I'll be lover ♪
♪ I'll be your sweetheart ♪

I'll be lover ♪
♪ I'll be your sweetheart ♪
♪ I'll be just like this ♪

♪♪
can you come over here?
I want to talk to you in

can you come over here?
I want to talk to you in
private.

I want to talk to you in
private.
No, no, not those privates.

Private.
No, no, not those privates.
There is nothing to hear down

no, no, not those privates.
There is nothing to hear down
there, believe me.

There is nothing to hear down
there, believe me.
Just go.

There, believe me.
Just go.
Jesus the heck.

Just go.
Jesus the heck.
Let's wrap this bastard up.

Jesus the heck.
Let's wrap this bastard up.
I'll sing.

Let's wrap this bastard up.
I'll sing.
♪ I don't know how to choose

I'll sing.
♪ I don't know how to choose
normally I'm full of booze ♪

♪ I don't know how to choose
normally I'm full of booze ♪
♪ just not sure how I feel,

normally I'm full of booze ♪
♪ just not sure how I feel,
let's try to seal the deal ♪

♪ just not sure how I feel,
let's try to seal the deal ♪
♪ with a kiss ♪

let's try to seal the deal ♪
♪ with a kiss ♪
oh, now we're talking.

♪ With a kiss ♪
oh, now we're talking.
♪ with a snuggle.

Oh, now we're talking.
♪ with a snuggle.
Finally, some comfort.

♪ With a snuggle.
Finally, some comfort.
♪ with a tickle ♪

finally, some comfort.
♪ with a tickle ♪
♪ you'll find out ♪

♪ with a tickle ♪
♪ you'll find out ♪
what is happening?

♪ You'll find out ♪
what is happening?
Oh.

What is happening?
Oh.
That reminds me, I need to get

oh.
That reminds me, I need to get
some oral surgery done soon.

That reminds me, I need to get
some oral surgery done soon.
I got... I don't hate it.

Some oral surgery done soon.
I got... I don't hate it.
I don't hate it.

I got... I don't hate it.
I don't hate it.
I can't believe I'm saying this,

I don't hate it.
I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I think I love you.

I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I think I love you.
Yes.

But I think I love you.
Yes.
I love you.

Yes.
I love you.
There is nothing you could say

I love you.
There is nothing you could say
that would change my mind.

There is nothing you
could say that would

change my mind. ♪ a bird
in my mouth and I went

that would change
my mind. ♪ a bird in my

mouth and I went to the
movies and I laughed at

♪ a bird in my mouth
and I went to the movies

and I laughed at the
movies and the bird flew

to the movies and I laughed at
the movies and the bird flew
out, but the bird choked on

the movies and the bird flew
out, but the bird choked on
popcorn and I gave it cpr, and

out, but the bird choked
on popcorn and I gave

it cpr, and the bird
flew away and I caught

popcorn and I gave it cpr, and
the bird flew away and I caught
it and ate it wrong.

The bird flew away and I caught
it and ate it wrong.
Is that bad?

It and ate it wrong.
Is that bad?
Doo doo doo.

Is that bad?
Doo doo doo.
Wow, to think I almost picked

doo doo doo.
Wow, to think I almost picked
Kim Kardashian.

Wow, to think I almost picked
Kim Kardashian.
Isn't love wonderful?

Kim Kardashian.
Isn't love wonderful?
And by wonderful, I mean

isn't love wonderful?
And by wonderful, I mean
visually offending.

And by wonderful, I mean
visually offending.
And thanks once again to three

visually offending.
And thanks once again to three
of the four maharelle sisters.

And thanks once again
to three of the four

maharelle sisters. >>
Denise, I got a motorcycle

of the four maharelle sisters.
Denise, I got a motorcycle
helmet made for you.

Denise, I got a motorcycle
helmet made for you.
Tonight's show brought to you

helmet made for you.
Tonight's show brought to you
by stuff toer's community

tonight's show brought to you
by stuff toer's community
breakfast, and Dr. Wilson.

By stuff toer's community
breakfast, and Dr. Wilson.
We'll be right back.

Breakfast, and Dr. Wilson.
We'll be right back.
[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪
ladies and gentlemen.
Talk about a live show!

Ladies and gentlemen.
Talk about a live show!
This is black jeopardy!

Talk about a live show!
This is black jeopardy!
[ Cheering ]

This is black jeopardy!
[ Cheering ]
Yeah, all right, what up?

[ Cheering ]
Yeah, all right, what up?
What up, what up?

Yeah, all right, what up?
What up, what up?
Welcome to black jeopardy, the

what up, what up?
Welcome to black jeopardy, the
only jeopardy where every single

welcome to black jeopardy, the
only jeopardy where every single
viewer fully understood

only jeopardy where
every single viewer fully

understood Kendrick's
halftime performance.

Viewer fully understood
Kendrick's halftime performance.
I'm your host, Darnell Hayes.

Kendrick's halftime
performance. I'm your host,

Darnell Hayes. Today's
contestants is shalice.

I'm your host, Darnell Hayes.
Today's contestants is shalice.
Hi!

Today's contestants is shalice.
Hi!
Darius, come on, now.

Hi!
Darius, come on, now.
[ Applause ]

Darius, come on, now.
[ Applause ]
Oh, and look at this, Tracy

[ applause ]
Oh, and look at this, Tracy
Morgan, big dog's going to make

oh, and look at this, Tracy
Morgan, big dog's going to make
the big money.

Morgan, big dog's going to make
the big money.
[ Cheers and applause ]

The big money.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now wait a minute, Tracy,

[ cheers and applause ]
Now wait a minute, Tracy,
don't you already have a lot of

now wait a minute, Tracy,
don't you already have a lot of
money?

Don't you already have a lot of
money?
You got to have a lot of money

money?
You got to have a lot of money
if you live like I live.

You got to have a lot of money
if you live like I live.
I eat four-cheese lasagna.

If you live like I live.
I eat four-cheese lasagna.
If they only got three cheeses,

I eat four-cheese lasagna.
If they only got three cheeses,
I ain't eating it.

If they only got three cheeses,
I ain't eating it.
Okay.

I ain't eating it.
Okay.
We hear you, Tracy Morgan.

Okay.
We hear you, Tracy Morgan.
I refuse to ingest three

we hear you, Tracy Morgan.
I refuse to ingest three
cheeses.

I refuse to ingest three
cheeses.
You're at four cheeses.

Cheeses.
You're at four cheeses.
We got Tracy Morgan.

You're at four cheeses.
We got Tracy Morgan.
Thank you.

We got Tracy Morgan.
Thank you.
All right.

Thank you.
All right.
Let's take a look at our

all right.
Let's take a look at our
categories.

Let's take a look at our
categories.
We've got look here, this joker

categories.
We've got look here, this joker
talking about, leave bronny

we've got look here,
this joker talking about,

leave bronny alone,
man, live from New York,

talking about, leave bronny
alone, man, live from New York,
and as always, white people.

Alone, man, live from New York,
and as always, white people.
All right.

And as always, white people.
All right.
Shalice, you're our returning

all right.
Shalice, you're our returning
champion, so you pick.

Shalice, you're our returning
champion, so you pick.
Let's go with look here for

champion, so you pick.
Let's go with look here for
honey.

Let's go with look here for
honey.
Okay.

Honey.
Okay.
Your 11-year-old is asking for

okay.
Your 11-year-old is asking for
something while you're on the

your 11-year-old is asking for
something while you're on the
phone.

Something while you're on the
phone.
What is look here!

Phone.
What is look here!
You this close.

What is look here!
You this close.
This close.

You this close.
This close.
That's right.

This close.
That's right.
That is right.

That's right.
That is right.
[ Applause ]

That is right.
[ Applause ]
That's exactly right.

[ Applause ]
That's exactly right.
Yep.

That's exactly right.
Yep.
Get a little close to see

yep.
Get a little close to see
what happens.

Get a little close to see
what happens.
Exactly.

What happens.
Exactly.
All right.

Exactly.
All right.
Pick again.

All right.
Pick again.
Let's go with maaannn for

pick again.
Let's go with maaannn for
300.

Let's go with maaannn for
300.
Answer there, there is 30

300.
Answer there, there is 30
some people at the park wearing

answer there, there is 30
some people at the park wearing
the same red t-shirt.

Some people at the park wearing
the same red t-shirt.
Darius?

The same red t-shirt.
Darius?
What is man, that's just the

Darius?
What is man, that's just the
Jansen family reunion.

What is man, that's just the
Jansen family reunion.
That's right.

Jansen family reunion.
That's right.
That's right.

That's right.
That's right.
Got a picture of a tree or

that's right.
Got a picture of a tree or
something.

Got a picture of a tree or
something.
I don't know.

Something.
I don't know.
Speaking of family, Darius,

I don't know.
Speaking of family, Darius,
Tracy, y'all seem like you might

speaking of family, Darius,
Tracy, y'all seem like you might
be related.

Tracy, y'all seem like you might
be related.
Well, James Earl Jones is my

be related.
Well, James Earl Jones is my
biological father.

Well, James Earl Jones is my
biological father.
James Earl Jones impregnated my

biological father.
James Earl Jones impregnated my
mother on the said of

James Earl Jones impregnated my
mother on the said of
"claudine."

Mother on the said of
"claudine."
You know what?

"Claudine."
you know what?
We might be related.

You know what?
We might be related.
I don't see it.

We might be related.
I don't see it.
You know what?

I don't see it.
You know what?
Let's just move on.

You know what?
Let's just move on.
Darius, it's still your pick.

Let's just move on.
Darius, it's still your pick.
Okay, let's go with live from

Darius, it's still your pick.
Okay, let's go with live from
New York for honeys.

Okay, let's go with live from
New York for honeys.
Okay.

New York for honeys.
Okay.
The answer there, this legendary

okay.
The answer there, this legendary
late night show created some of

the answer there, this legendary
late night show created some of
comedy's biggest stars.

Late night show created some of
comedy's biggest stars.
It's a skit comedy show, been on

comedy's biggest stars.
It's a skit comedy show, been on
for a long time.

It's a skit comedy show, been on
for a long time.
Darius?

For a long time.
Darius?
What is "in living color"?

Darius?
What is "in living color"?
No, no, I'm sorry.

What is "in living color"?
No, no, I'm sorry.
I think y'all know this, though.

No, no, I'm sorry.
I think y'all know this, though.
As kids, you probably stayed up

I think y'all know this,
though. As kids, you

probably stayed up late
on Saturday to watch.

As kids, you probably stayed up
late on Saturday to watch.
Tracy?

Late on Saturday to watch.
Tracy?
What is "showtime at the

Tracy?
What is "showtime at the
Apollo."

What is "showtime at the
Apollo."
[ Buzzer ]

Apollo."
[ Buzzer ]
Featuring sandman Simms.

[ Buzzer ]
Featuring sandman Simms.
[ Buzzer ]

Featuring sandman Simms.
[ Buzzer ]
No.

[ Buzzer ]
No.
Come on, y'all really don't

no.
Come on, y'all really don't
know?

Come on, y'all really don't
know?
Hosted by Steve Harvey?

Know?
Hosted by Steve Harvey?
Again, no.

Hosted by Steve Harvey?
Again, no.
Let me hear you say yeah.

Again, no.
Let me hear you say yeah.
This is not that.

Let me hear you say yeah.
This is not that.
Oh, my gosh.

This is not that.
Oh, my gosh.
Chenice?

Oh, my gosh.
Chenice?
Okay.

Chenice?
Okay.
Of course, this show has been on

okay.
Of course, this show has been on
every Saturday for years, right,

of course, this show has been on
every Saturday for years, right,
Darnell?

Every Saturday for years, right,
Darnell?
Yes.

Darnell?
Yes.
And it's got a host and a

yes.
And it's got a host and a
musical guest, right?

And it's got a host and a
musical guest, right?
Yes.

Musical guest, right?
Yes.
Okay, okay.

Yes.
Okay, okay.
Can I say the famous catchphrase

okay, okay.
Can I say the famous catchphrase
that opens the show?

Can I say the famous catchphrase
that opens the show?
Go ahead.

That opens the show?
Go ahead.
It's soul train!

Go ahead.
It's soul train!
[ Buzzer ]

It's soul train!
[ Buzzer ]
No!

[ Buzzer ]
No!
Now, y'all know the answer is

no!
Now, y'all know the answer is
"Saturday night live."

Now, y'all know the answer is
"Saturday night live."
What is "Saturday night

"Saturday night live."
What is "Saturday night
live"?

What is "Saturday night
live"?
Come on, Darius, I just gave

live"?
Come on, Darius, I just gave
you the answer.

Come on, Darius, I just gave
you the answer.
No, I'm asking.

You the answer.
No, I'm asking.
What is "Saturday night live"?

No, I'm asking.
What is "Saturday night live"?
I don't know that.

What is "Saturday night live"?
I don't know that.
It's "Saturday night live."

I don't know that.
It's "Saturday night live."
It's a skit comedy show.

It's "Saturday night live."
It's a skit comedy show.
It's been on for 50 years.

It's a skit comedy show.
It's been on for 50 years.
What day do they tape on?

It's been on for 50 years.
What day do they tape on?
[ Laughter ]

What day do they tape on?
[ Laughter ]
Saturday.

[ Laughter ]
Saturday.
It's in the name.

Saturday.
It's in the name.
Now Tracy, you were on it with

it's in the name.
Now Tracy, you were on it with
Tina fey.

Now Tracy, you were on it with
Tina fey.
What is "30 rock"!

Tina fey.
What is "30 rock"!
[ Buzzer ]

What is "30 rock"!
[ Buzzer ]
You know what?

[ Buzzer ]
You know what?
I tell you what, let's just hear

you know what?
I tell you what, let's just hear
about today's prizes.

I tell you what, let's just hear
about today's prizes.
Donny?

About today's prizes.
Donny?
Thanks, Darnell.

Donny?
Thanks, Darnell.
Today's black jeopardy is

thanks, Darnell.
Today's black jeopardy is
sponsored by a te.

Today's black jeopardy is
sponsored by a te.
Now you don't have to say fix me

sponsored by a te.
Now you don't have to say fix me
a plate.

Now you don't have to say fix me
a plate.
You already got one.

A plate.
You already got one.
And by a tin of Danish butter

you already got one.
And by a tin of Danish butter
cookies or a sowing kit.

And by a tin of Danish butter
cookies or a sowing kit.
Which one is it?

Cookies or a sowing kit.
Which one is it?
You'll have to open to find out.

Which one is it?
You'll have to open to find out.
And by who all going to be

you'll have to open to find out.
And by who all going to be
there.

And by who all going to be
there.
The even invitation for all your

there.
The even invitation for all your
events, barbecues or meeting at

the even invitation for all your
events, barbecues or meeting at
the spot.

Events, barbecues or meeting at
the spot.
Before you put, always going to

the spot.
Before you put, always going to
be there.

Before you put, always going to
be there.
Back to you, Darnell.

Be there.
Back to you, Darnell.
Got to know who all going to

back to you, Darnell.
Got to know who all going to
be there.

Got to know who all going to
be there.
Let's stick with live from new

be there.
Let's stick with live from new
York.

Let's stick with live from new
York.
And to help, here is a special

York.
And to help, here is a special
guest clue from Mr. Chris rock.

And to help, here is a special
guest clue from Mr. Chris rock.
Thank you!

Guest clue from Mr. Chris rock.
Thank you!
[ Cheering ]

Thank you!
[ Cheering ]
Thank you, Darnell.

[ Cheering ]
Thank you, Darnell.
It's an honor to be here on

thank you, Darnell.
It's an honor to be here on
"black jeopardy."

It's an honor to be here on
"black jeopardy."
I've been a fan of the show

"black jeopardy."
I've been a fan of the show
since the '70s when it was

I've been a fan of the show
since the '70s when it was
called "mama's got questions."

Since the '70s when it was
called "mama's got questions."
Okay.

Called "mama's got questions."
Okay.
Now some of y'all might remember

okay.
Now some of y'all might remember
me from "Saturday night live."

Now some of y'all might
remember me from "Saturday

night live." I was a
black guy who came after

me from "Saturday night live."
I was a black guy who came after
Eddie Murphy.

I was a black guy who came after
Eddie Murphy.
That's kind of like being a the

Eddie Murphy.
That's kind of like being a the
point guard after Stephen curry.

That's kind of like being a the
point guard after Stephen curry.
Okay.

Point guard after Stephen curry.
Okay.
Here is your clue about "snl."

Okay.
Here is your clue about "snl."
This was character has made

here is your clue about "snl."
This was character has made
people laugh for years.

This was character has made
people laugh for years.
Who is my dear?

People laugh for years.
Who is my dear?
No.

Who is my dear?
No.
That is not Tyler Perry.

No.
That is not Tyler Perry.
Can't you see that she is right?

That is not Tyler Perry.
Can't you see that she is right?

Can't you see that she is right?
Now, could win some money

now, could win some money
here and the church lady.
Yes.

Here and the church lady.
Yes.
Yes.

Yes.
Yes.
That is correct.

Yes.
That is correct.
Thank you.

That is correct.
Thank you.
That is the church lady, $400

thank you.
That is the church lady, $400
for you.

That is the church lady, $400
for you.
Thank you.

For you.
Thank you.
Speaking of church, can I say

thank you.
Speaking of church, can I say
something?

Speaking of church, can I say
something?
It's more folks went to church,

something?
It's more folks went to church,
we wouldn't be in this mess

it's more folks went to church,
we wouldn't be in this mess
we're in now.

We wouldn't be in this mess
we're in now.
I would like to shake your

we're in now.
I would like to shake your
hand, sir.

I would like to shake your
hand, sir.
Here we go.

Hand, sir.
Here we go.
Thank you, now maybe I'll

here we go.
Thank you, now maybe I'll
start a show for you to come on

thank you, now maybe I'll
start a show for you to come on
and we'll call it "black

start a show for you to come on
and we'll call it "black
jeopardy."

And we'll call it "black
jeopardy."
We don't need it.

Jeopardy."
we don't need it.
We don't need it.

We don't need it.
We don't need it.
Slow it down a little bit.

We don't need it.
Slow it down a little bit.
We're going to take a break.

Slow it down a little bit.
We're going to take a break.
When we return to "black

we're going to take a break.
When we return to "black
jeopardy," we will see if anyone

when we return to "black
jeopardy," we will see if anyone
has watched any of this year's

jeopardy," we will see if anyone
has watched any of this year's
Oscar movies.

Has watched any of this year's
Oscar movies.
How about it?

Oscar movies.
How about it?
We'll see you.

How about it?
We'll see you.
[ Applause ]

Hi, everyone.
[ Cheering ]
Tonight is a celebration of

[ cheering ]
Tonight is a celebration of
classic moments, but "snl" will

tonight is a celebration of
classic moments, but "snl" will
always have that contrarian

classic moments, but "snl" will
always have that contrarian
edge, never wanting to do

always have that contrarian
edge, never wanting to do
anything that feels too obvious,

edge, never wanting to do
anything that feels too obvious,
too on the nose.

Anything that feels too obvious,
too on the nose.
[ Cheering ]

Too on the nose.
[ Cheering ]
Who are you?

[ Cheering ]
Who are you?
What's your age and your name?

Who are you?
What's your age and your name?
Ladies and gentlemen, my name

what's your age and your name?
Ladies and gentlemen, my name
is Sally O'Malley.

Ladies and gentlemen, my name
is Sally O'Malley.
[ Cheering ]

Is Sally O'Malley.
[ Cheering ]
I'm proud to say I'm 50 years

[ cheering ]
I'm proud to say I'm 50 years
old, just like "Saturday night

I'm proud to say I'm 50 years
old, just like "Saturday night
live."

Old, just like "Saturday night
live."
Listen, my mom, she is not one

live."
listen, my mom, she is not one
of the gals who is afraid to

listen, my mom, she is
not one of the gals who

is afraid to tell a
real, she likes to kick,

of the gals who is afraid to
tell a real, she likes to kick,
shred, and kick.

Tell a real, she likes to kick,
shred, and kick.
[ Cheering ]

Shred, and kick.
[ Cheering ]
So please enjoy this video

[ cheering ]
So please enjoy this video
celebrating 50 years of physical

so please enjoy
this video celebrating 50

years of physical comedy
on "snl" while we kick,

celebrating 50 years of physical
comedy on "snl" while we kick,
stretch, and kick!

Comedy on "snl" while we kick,
stretch, and kick!
[ Cheers and applause ]

Stretch, and kick!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Jury a gem, absolute gem.

Look, lorne, I'm not going to
do the fall.
I'm sorry.

Do the fall.
I'm sorry.
The whole noyfnt sketch is to

I'm sorry.
The whole noyfnt sketch is to
show your fall.

The whole noyfnt sketch is to
show your fall.
People expect to see you fall.

Show your fall.
People expect to see you fall.
It's a tradition.

People expect to see you fall.
It's a tradition.
No problem.

It's a tradition.
No problem.
No, absolutely not.

No problem.
No, absolutely not.
I'm not doing it.

No, absolutely not.
I'm not doing it.
And I'm going to tell you why.

I'm not doing it.
And I'm going to tell you why.
Why?

And I'm going to tell you why.
Why?
♪♪

♪♪ >> ah!

Mary Katharine.
I do gymnastics.
Mary, Mary...

♪ What is love, baby don't hurt
me, no more ♪
♪ baby don't hurt me, no more ♪

me, no more ♪
♪ baby don't hurt me, no more ♪
♪ what is love ♪

♪ baby don't hurt me, no more ♪
♪ what is love ♪
♪ what is love ♪

♪ what is love ♪
♪ what is love ♪
you're making me very

♪ what is love ♪
you're making me very
uncomfortable.

You're making me very
uncomfortable.
No I'm not.

Uncomfortable.
No I'm not.
You kind of are.

No I'm not.
You kind of are.
Might need a whole bottle.

You kind of are.
Might need a whole bottle.
I could eat a whole bottle

might need a whole bottle.
I could eat a whole bottle
too.

I could eat a whole bottle
too.
♪ don't even try to...

Too.
♪ don't even try to...
Jesus Christ!

♪ Don't even try to...
Jesus Christ!
You ready?

Jesus Christ!
You ready?
What?

You ready?
What?
Thing about the habit.

What?
Thing about the habit.
Now I've done it.

Thing about the habit.
Now I've done it.
I put the chickens on to my

now I've done it.
I put the chickens on to my
finger.

I put the chickens on to my
finger.
I'm glad in a way this happened.

Finger.
I'm glad in a way this happened.
I sing my...

I'm glad in a way this happened.
I sing my...
you're going to spook the

I sing my...
you're going to spook the
horse.

You're going to spook the
horse.
Do be careful.

Horse.
Do be careful.
No one is who they appear to

do be careful.
No one is who they appear to
be.

No one is who they appear to
be.
I can't feel my mouth.

Be.
I can't feel my mouth.
You know what?

I can't feel my mouth.
You know what?
Apparently a lot.

You know what?
Apparently a lot.
I'll stop bleeding if you open

apparently a lot.
I'll stop bleeding if you open
your mouth.

I'll stop bleeding if you open
your mouth.
I'm going to go to sleep now.

Your mouth.
I'm going to go to sleep now.
Bon appetit.

I'm going to go to sleep now.
Bon appetit.
[ Applause ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[ applause ]
♪

You know, it's funny.
Do you... do you need a
kleenex?

Do you... do you need a
kleenex?
No, I've got it.

Kleenex?
No, I've got it.
[ Laughter ]

No, I've got it.
[ Laughter ]
When our daughter Kelsey told

[ laughter ]
When our daughter Kelsey told
US that she and Matt wanted to

when our daughter
Kelsey told US that she

and Matt wanted to do a
vowel renewal, we were a

US that she and Matt
wanted to do a vowel

renewal, we were a little
surprised since they've

do a vowel renewal,
we were a little surprised

since they've only
been married less than a

little surprised since
they've only been married

less than a year, but
hey, what's another 70

only been married less than a
year, but hey, what's another 70
grand at best western.

Year, but hey, what's another 70
grand at best western.
And I just want to say,

grand at best western.
And I just want to say,
congratulations, you guys!

And I just want to say,
congratulations, you guys!
Drinks for everyone!

Congratulations, you guys!
Drinks for everyone!
Open bar.

Drinks for everyone!
Open bar.
I apologize.

Open bar.
I apologize.
My wife is doing wet February.

I apologize.
My wife is doing wet February.
Oh hell yes I am.

My wife is doing wet February.
Oh hell yes I am.
Any way, Kelsey and Matt...

oh hell yes I am.
Any way, Kelsey and Matt...
I want to say, let me take

any way, Kelsey and Matt...
I want to say, let me take
the ring.

I want to say, let me take
the ring.
Sure.

The ring.
Sure.
May you have a marriage as

sure.
May you have a marriage as
loving and passionate as daddy

may you have a marriage as
loving and passionate as daddy
and me.

Loving and passionate as daddy
and me.
Oh, baby.

And me.
Oh, baby.
How about you.

Oh, baby.
How about you.
[ Cheering ]

How about you.
[ Cheering ]
Mm, mm.

[ Cheering ]
Mm, mm.
Oh, wow!

Mm, mm.
Oh, wow!
What happened?

Oh, wow!
What happened?
What happened?

What happened?
What happened?
Okay.

What happened?
Okay.
For those of you who don't know

okay.
For those of you who don't know
me, I'm Sophie, the bride's

for those of you who don't know
me, I'm Sophie, the bride's
childhood bestie.

Me, I'm Sophie, the bride's
childhood bestie.
I couldn't make it to the

childhood bestie.
I couldn't make it to the
wedding because I was

I couldn't make it to the
wedding because I was
unfortunately in prison.

Wedding because I was
unfortunately in prison.
You got so skinny in jail,

unfortunately in prison.
You got so skinny in jail,
girl.

You got so skinny in jail,
girl.
I know, right?

Girl.
I know, right?
I couldn't eat the food.

I know, right?
I couldn't eat the food.
Any way, I'd love to invite

I couldn't eat the food.
Any way, I'd love to invite
Kelsey's best friends aka, the

any way, I'd love to invite
Kelsey's best friends aka, the
kel squad.

Kelsey's best friends aka, the
kel squad.
So instead of a speech, we're

kel squad.
So instead of a speech, we're
going to do something different

so instead of a
speech, we're going to do

something different
for y'all, because we're a

going to do something
different for y'all,

because we're a little
bit basic, a little bit

for y'all, because we're a
little bit basic, a little bit
toxic.

Little bit basic, a little bit
toxic.
So as some of you know, we

toxic.
So as some of you know, we
took Kelsey to city to celebrate

so as some of you know, we
took Kelsey to city to celebrate
renewal.

Took Kelsey to city to celebrate
renewal.
Matt said it had to be a day

renewal.
Matt said it had to be a day
trip because he doesn't trust

Matt said it had to be a day
trip because he doesn't trust
overnights anymore.

Trip because he doesn't trust
overnights anymore.
Guilty as charged.

Overnights anymore.
Guilty as charged.
Seriously, I love strong women.

Guilty as charged.
Seriously, I love strong women.
While in New York, we got

seriously, I love strong women.
While in New York, we got
blackout drunk and went to

while in New York, we got
blackout drunk and went to
"wicked."

Blackout drunk and went to
"wicked."
So Matt and Kelsey, this is for

"wicked."
so Matt and Kelsey, this is for
you.

♪♪
♪ something has changed within
her, she's ready to commit ♪

♪ something has changed
within her, she's ready

to commit ♪ ♪ sees a
thing in Matthew that

her, she's ready to commit ♪
♪ sees a thing in Matthew that
honestly we do not get ♪

♪ sees a thing in Matthew that
honestly we do not get ♪
♪ and worked on herself, and

honestly we do not get ♪
♪ and worked on herself, and
Matt has gone to the gym ♪

♪ and worked on herself, and
Matt has gone to the gym ♪
Kelsey has made a commitment, so

Matt has gone to the gym ♪
Kelsey has made a commitment, so
guess what?

Kelsey has made a commitment, so
guess what?
This just in ♪

guess what?
This just in ♪
♪ she's going to try monogamy,

this just in ♪
♪ she's going to try monogamy,
she's finally learned what is

♪ she's going to try monogamy,
she's finally learned what is
monogamy ♪

she's finally learned what is
monogamy ♪
♪ and we will hold her dawn ♪

monogamy ♪
♪ and we will hold her dawn ♪
♪♪

♪ and we will hold her dawn ♪
♪♪
[ Applause ]

♪♪
[ Applause ]
hey, well, that was great.

[ Applause ]
Hey, well, that was great.
And now the song is over, and we

hey, well, that was
great. And now the song

is over, and we will
not learn anything else.

And now the song is over, and we
will not learn anything else.
Really?

Will not learn anything else.
Really?
Because a lot more happened.

Really?
Because a lot more happened.
Oh my god, doing Taylor.

Because a lot more happened.
Oh my god, doing Taylor.
♪ after the show, in times

oh my god, doing Taylor.
♪ after the show, in times
square, there is a whack Kian

♪ after the show, in times
square, there is a whack Kian
know Reeves, but Kelsey doesn't

square, there is a whack
Kian know Reeves, but

Kelsey doesn't clear,
it's clear that Kelsey's

know Reeves, but Kelsey doesn't
clear, it's clear that Kelsey's
mind is elsewhere ♪

clear, it's clear that Kelsey's
mind is elsewhere ♪
♪

mind is elsewhere ♪
♪
what were you thinking about?

♪
what were you thinking about?
My friends are singing.

What were you thinking
about? >> My friends

are singing. ♪ next
up we take a pedicab in

my friends are singing.
♪ next up we take a pedicab in
central park ♪

♪ next up we take a pedicab in
central park ♪
♪ Kelsey says there is a giant

central park ♪
♪ Kelsey says there is a giant
hole in my heart ♪

♪ Kelsey says there is a giant
hole in my heart ♪
♪ she turns and then whispers I

hole in my heart ♪
♪ she turns and then whispers I
could be with him ♪

♪ she turns and then whispers I
could be with him ♪
♪ we all know she is talking

could be with him ♪
♪ we all know she is talking
about domingo, he the middle of

♪ we all know she is
talking about domingo,

he the middle of New
York and she turns to the

about domingo, he the middle of
New York and she turns to the
sky ♪

New York and she turns to the
sky ♪
♪ she is looking for the Latin

sky ♪
♪ she is looking for the Latin
guy ♪

♪ she is looking for the Latin
guy ♪
♪ domingo ♪

guy ♪
♪ domingo ♪
♪ try to live without domingo,

♪ domingo ♪
♪ try to live without domingo,
baby ♪

♪ try to live without domingo,
baby ♪
♪ come on, open relationships ♪

baby ♪
♪ come on, open relationships ♪
hi, domingo.

♪ Come on, open relationships ♪
hi, domingo.
How are the kitchen

hi, domingo.
How are the kitchen
renovation going?

How are the kitchen
renovation going?
Wait, you guys know domingo?

Renovation going?
Wait, you guys know domingo?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wait, you guys know domingo?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was my primary care

yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was my primary care
physician, and domingo, do you

he was my primary care
physician, and domingo, do you
know that you were right?

Physician, and domingo, do you
know that you were right?
I do have hashimoto's.

Know that you were right?
I do have hashimoto's.
I can't believe domingo is at

I do have hashimoto's.
I can't believe domingo is at
another major life event of

I can't believe domingo is at
another major life event of
mine.

Another major life event of
mine.
Don't worry, Matt, we got

mine.
Don't worry, Matt, we got
you.

Don't worry, Matt, we got
you.
Yeah.

You.
Yeah.
[ Cheering ]

Yeah.
[ Cheering ]
Reception is lit, as many of

[ cheering ]
Reception is lit, as many of
you know, we're Matt's

reception is lit, as many of
you know, we're Matt's
groomsmen, aka, the doormats.

You know, we're Matt's
groomsmen, aka, the doormats.
We took Matt a golf trip to the

groomsmen, aka, the
doormats. We took Matt a

golf trip to the real
city that never sleeps,

we took Matt a golf
trip to the real city that

never sleeps, scottsdale,
Arizona, which is

real city that never sleeps,
scottsdale, Arizona, which is
also our hometown.

Scottsdale, Arizona, which is
also our hometown.
And our name.

Also our hometown.
And our name.
These are the three Scots, and

and our name.
These are the three Scots, and
I'll Dale.

These are the three Scots, and
I'll Dale.
Scots... Dale!

I'll Dale.
Scots... Dale!
And to play 18 holes, we

Scots... Dale!
And to play 18 holes, we
needed a little...

and to play 18 holes, we
needed a little...
Espresso.

Needed a little...
Espresso.
♪♪

Espresso.
♪♪
♪ the cruising had a local

♪♪
♪ the cruising had a local
staycation because we'd been hit

♪ the cruising had a local
staycation because we'd been hit
hard by inflation ♪

staycation because we'd been hit
hard by inflation ♪
♪ and we knew Matt needs a break

hard by inflation ♪
♪ and we knew Matt needs a break
from Kelsey ♪

♪ and we knew Matt needs a break
from Kelsey ♪
♪ just kidding, kels, your

from Kelsey ♪
♪ just kidding, kels, your
marriage is healthy ♪

♪ just kidding, kels, your
marriage is healthy ♪
wait, what even is this song?

Marriage is healthy ♪
wait, what even is this song?
♪ now we're in a bar, caddie's

wait, what even is
this song? ♪ now we're in

a bar, caddie's named
renaldo, to the condo ♪

♪ now we're in a bar,
caddie's named renaldo,

to the condo ♪ ♪ we
got a bed, Matthew does

named renaldo, to the condo ♪
♪ we got a bed, Matthew does
not ♪

♪ we got a bed, Matthew does
not ♪
♪ he's going to walk with

not ♪
♪ he's going to walk with
renaldo.

♪ He's going to walk with
renaldo.
Wait, Sophie, were you on the

renaldo.
Wait, Sophie, were you on the
guys trip?

Wait, Sophie, were you on the
guys trip?
You know, I'm pretty sick of

guys trip?
You know, I'm pretty sick of
girls after prison.

You know, I'm pretty sick of
girls after prison.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, who is

girls after prison.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, who is
renaldo.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, who is
renaldo.
Don't worry, renaldo is in my

renaldo.
Don't worry, renaldo is in my
past.

Don't worry, renaldo is in my
past.
Matthew, I'm here.

Past.
Matthew, I'm here.
Hey, man.

Matthew, I'm here.
Hey, man.
Hey.

Hey, man.
Hey.
Hey, man, came all this way,

hey.
Hey, man, came all this way,
had to explain, renaldo,

hey, man, came all this way,
had to explain, renaldo,
Matthew's my guy, said he's not

had to explain, renaldo,
Matthew's my guy, said he's not
mine, but we did hook up,

Matthew's my guy, said he's not
mine, but we did hook up,
though.

Mine, but we did hook up,
though.
What?

Though.
What?
Matt!

What?
Matt!
Renaldo?

Matt!
Renaldo?
Okay, I'm sorry, you two know

renaldo?
Okay, I'm sorry, you two know
each other?

Okay, I'm sorry, you two know
each other?
Of course!

Each other?
Of course!
We are brothers.

Of course!
We are brothers.
I'm the older brother.

We are brothers.
I'm the older brother.
And I'm the younger brother.

I'm the older brother.
And I'm the younger brother.
And I'm the half-brother.

And I'm the younger brother.
And I'm the half-brother.
[ Cheering ]

And I'm the half-brother.
[ Cheering ]
Hi, Santiago.

[ Cheering ]
Hi, Santiago.
Mom, dad, wait, how do you

hi, Santiago.
Mom, dad, wait, how do you
know him?

Mom, dad, wait, how do you
know him?
Well, I did their kitchen

know him?
Well, I did their kitchen
renovation, and then I had sex

well, I did their kitchen
renovation, and then I had sex
with the wife.

Renovation, and then I had sex
with the wife.
Feel you, Santiago.

With the wife.
Feel you, Santiago.
♪♪

feel you, Santiago.
♪♪
>>

♪♪
>>
♪ came all this way, word to the

>>
♪ came all this way, word to the
wise, if you got wives, hide

♪ came all this way, word to the
wise, if you got wives, hide
them from US ♪

wise, if you got wives, hide
them from US ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]

Them from US ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Domingo!

[ Cheers and applause ]
Domingo!
♪♪

And now deep thoughts by
Jack handy.
Looking back over 50 years,

Jack handy.
Looking back over 50 years,
we treasure the laughs, the

looking back over
50 years, we treasure the

laughs, the friendships,
the fond memories.

We treasure the laughs,
the friendships, the

fond memories. But the
real treasure was how

friendships, the fond memories.
But the real treasure was how
much money we were making.

Ladies and gentlemen, Tina
fey and Amy poehler!
[ Cheers and applause ]

Fey and Amy poehler!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Oh, wow.

[ Cheers and applause ]
Oh, wow.
What a night.

Oh, wow.
What a night.
Well, even after 50 years, there

what a night.
Well, even after 50 years, there
are still things about "snl"

well, even after 50 years, there
are still things about "snl"
that people don't know.

Are still things about "snl"
that people don't know.
So we are here to answer any

that people don't know.
So we are here to answer any
questions people still have

so we are here to answer any
questions people still have
about the show.

Questions people still have
about the show.
Don't be shy.

About the show.
Don't be shy.
Just raise your hand.

Don't be shy.
Just raise your hand.
Yes, quinta brunson.

Just raise your hand.
Yes, quinta brunson.
Hi.

Yes, quinta brunson.
Hi.
Hi!

Hi.
Hi!
[ Applause ]

Hi!
[ Applause ]
Hi.

[ Applause ]
Hi.
Quinta brunson here.

Hi.
Quinta brunson here.
First of all, I want to say, you

quinta brunson here.
First of all, I want to say, you
ladies look great.

First of all, I want to say, you
ladies look great.
What's your secret?

Ladies look great.
What's your secret?
Wow, thank you for asking

what's your secret?
Wow, thank you for asking
that question we wrote.

Wow, thank you for asking
that question we wrote.
I'm wearing a 3D printed mask of

that question we wrote.
I'm wearing a 3D printed mask of
my younger self.

I'm wearing a 3D printed mask of
my younger self.
And my face is all natural,

my younger self.
And my face is all natural,
but full disclosure, this is the

and my face is all natural,
but full disclosure, this is the
back of my head.

But full disclosure, this is the
back of my head.
I slip mid hair and started

back of my head.
I slip mid hair and started
over.

I slip mid hair and started
over.
Well, it's working for you,

over.
Well, it's working for you,
baby girl.

Well, it's working for you,
baby girl.
Any way, I am a "snl" superfan.

Baby girl.
Any way, I am a "snl" superfan.
My question is kind of a deep

any way, I am a "snl" superfan.
My question is kind of a deep
cut.

My question is kind of a deep
cut.
In the march 18th, 1993 good

cut.
In the march 18th, 1993 good
nights, Tim meadows whispered

in the march 18th, 1993
good nights, Tim meadows

whispered something
to musical guest sade?

Nights, Tim meadows whispered
something to musical guest sade?
What was he saying?

Something to musical guest sade?
What was he saying?
Oh, wow, let's find out.

What was he saying?
Oh, wow, let's find out.
Tim, do you remember what you

oh, wow, let's find out.
Tim, do you remember what you
were saying?

Tim, do you remember what you
were saying?
Oh, yeah, wow.

Were saying?
Oh, yeah, wow.
[ Applause ]

Oh, yeah, wow.
[ Applause ]
Thank you.

[ Applause ]
Thank you.
Yes, it was march '93.

Thank you.
Yes, it was march '93.
I'm pretty sure I was saying

yes, it was march '93.
I'm pretty sure I was saying
hey, sade, you want to drink

I'm pretty sure I was
saying hey, sade, you

want to drink some zima
with me in my dressing

hey, sade, you want to drink
some zima with me in my dressing
room?

Some zima with me in my dressing
room?
We can play mortal kombat 1 and

room?
We can play mortal kombat 1 and
watch the new menendez trial.

We can play mortal kombat 1 and
watch the new menendez trial.
That's exactly what I

watch the new menendez trial.
That's exactly what I
thought.

That's exactly what I
thought.
Thank you so much.

Thought.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.

Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Thank you.

Thank you.
Thank you.
[ Applause ]

Thank you.
[ Applause ]
.

[ Applause ]
.
Also, at work by the way,

.
also, at work by the way,
sade are still together.

Also, at work by the way,
sade are still together.
That's awesome.

Sade are still together.
That's awesome.
That's awesome.

That's awesome.
That's awesome.
Who else has a question?

That's awesome.
Who else has a question?
I have a question.

Who else has a question?
I have a question.
Oh, hi, Ryan Reynolds, hi.

I have a question.
Oh, hi, Ryan Reynolds, hi.
[ Applause ]

Oh, hi, Ryan Reynolds, hi.
[ Applause ]
How's it going?

[ Applause ]
How's it going?
Great.

How's it going?
Great.
Why, what have you heard?

Great.
Why, what have you heard?
[ Laughter ]

Why, what have you heard?
[ Laughter ]
My question is you flow the

[ laughter ]
My question is you flow the
materials that they made the

my question is you flow the
materials that they made the
coneheads with, are those

materials that they made the
coneheads with, are those
edible?

Coneheads with, are those
edible?
Edible?

Edible?
Edible?
No, no.

Edible?
No, no.
And based on them being made in

no, no.
And based on them being made in
1975, I'd assume they're highly

and based on them being made in
1975, I'd assume they're highly
toxic.

1975, I'd assume they're highly
toxic.
Oh, okay.

Toxic.
Oh, okay.
So somebody hypothetically took

oh, okay.
So somebody hypothetically took
a couple nibbles backstage and

so somebody hypothetically
took a couple nibbles

backstage and got
excited, should they go to

a couple nibbles
backstage and got excited,

should they go to the
hospital or should they...

Got excited, should they go to
the hospital or should they...
yes, they should go to

the hospital or should they...
yes, they should go to
hospital right away.

Yes, they should go to
hospital right away.
Good.

Hospital right away.
Good.
Good luck.

Good.
Good luck.
Okay.

Good luck.
Okay.
Next question...

Okay.
Next question...
I have a question.

Next question...
I have a question.
Yes?

I have a question.
Yes?
[ Applause ]

Yes?
[ Applause ]
When I hosted the show, there

[ applause ]
When I hosted the show, there
was a woman who pulled me behind

when I hosted the
show, there was a woman who

pulled me behind a
little curtain and took my

was a woman who pulled me behind
a little curtain and took my
pants off.

A little curtain and took my
pants off.
Does she work here?

Pants off.
Does she work here?
Is she a blond woman with a

does she work here?
Is she a blond woman with a
stopwatch?

Is she a blond woman with a
stopwatch?
Yeah.

Stopwatch?
Yeah.
She put her arm around my waist

yeah.
She put her arm around my waist
and kind of shook me until my

she put her arm around my waist
and kind of shook me until my
shoes fell off.

And kind of shook me until my
shoes fell off.
Did I dream that or is that...

Shoes fell off.
Did I dream that or is that...
no, that's Donna.

Did I dream that or is that...
no, that's Donna.
Come out here, Donna.

No, that's Donna.
Come out here, Donna.
[ Applause ]

Come out here, Donna.
[ Applause ]
Donna, hi!

[ Applause ]
Donna, hi!
[ Cheering ]

Donna, hi!
[ Cheering ]
Donna, Donna has been

[ cheering ]
Donna, Donna has been
dressing every host since 1997.

Donna, Donna has been
dressing every host since 1997.
She has seen every celebrity

dressing every host since 1997.
She has seen every celebrity
here in their underpants.

She has seen every celebrity
here in their underpants.
Donna, I know it's hard to

here in their underpants.
Donna, I know it's hard to
pick, but who was your fav...

Donna, I know it's hard to
pick, but who was your fav...
Jason momoa.

Pick, but who was your fav...
Jason momoa.
Our next question was

Jason momoa.
Our next question was
submitted by a viewer.

Our next question was
submitted by a viewer.
Loved fan 89 wants to know why

submitted by a viewer.
Loved fan 89 wants to know why
am I seated across the street in

loved fan 89 wants to
know why am I seated

across the street in
the American girls store?

Am I seated across the street in
the American girls store?
I'm not mad.

The American girls store?
I'm not mad.
I just want to know why.

I'm not mad.
I just want to know why.
Ladies?

I just want to know why.
Ladies?
[ Applause ]

Ladies?
[ Applause ]
Okay.

[ Applause ]
Okay.
So lovitz fan is Jon lovitz.

Okay.
So lovitz fan is Jon lovitz.
I know the seating chart was

so lovitz fan is Jon lovitz.
I know the seating chart was
really hard to figure out.

I know the seating chart was
really hard to figure out.
You were going to be seated in

really hard to figure out.
You were going to be seated in
the studio, but then Julia

you were going to be
seated in the studio, but

then Julia Louis-Dreyfus
asked to bring her

the studio, but then Julia
Louis-Dreyfus asked to bring her
service dog.

Louis-Dreyfus asked to bring her
service dog.
Yeah.

Service dog.
Yeah.
Yeah, sorry.

Yeah.
Yeah, sorry.
Jon, it's a medical thing.

Yeah, sorry.
Jon, it's a medical thing.
You really need that dog, right,

Jon, it's a medical thing.
You really need that dog, right,
Julia?

You really need that dog, right,
Julia?
Oh, no, no, no.

Julia?
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm here for him.

Oh, no, no, no.
I'm here for him.
He is blind.

I'm here for him.
He is blind.
[ Laughter ]

He is blind.
[ Laughter ]
So Ricky, the blond woman who

[ laughter ]
So Ricky, the blond woman who
just talked, that's Amy poehler.

So Ricky, the blond
woman who just talked,

that's Amy poehler. And
the older woman next to her

just talked, that's Amy poehler.
And the older woman next to her
is Tina fey.

And the older woman next to her
is Tina fey.
And the intense energy that

is Tina fey.
And the intense energy that
you're feeling to your left is

and the intense energy that
you're feeling to your left is
Adam driver.

You're feeling to your left is
Adam driver.
[ Applause ]

Adam driver.
[ Applause ]
He is an absolutely incredible

[ applause ]
He is an absolutely incredible
actor.

He is an absolutely incredible
actor.
And right now he is acting like

actor.
And right now he is acting like
he is not attracted to me.

And right now he is acting like
he is not attracted to me.
How you doing?

He is not attracted to me.
How you doing?
This is my puppy here.

How you doing?
This is my puppy here.
Yeah.

This is my puppy here.
Yeah.
All right.

Yeah.
All right.
Okay.

All right.
Okay.
All right.

Okay.
All right.
Let's take another question.

All right.
Let's take another question.
Yes, Cher, you have a question?

Let's take another question.
Yes, Cher, you have a question?
No, I don't.

Yes, Cher, you have a question?
No, I don't.
[ Laughter ]

No, I don't.
[ Laughter ]
I got a lot of answers.

[ Laughter ]
I got a lot of answers.
Hey!

I got a lot of answers.
Hey!
We'll hook up with you after

hey!
We'll hook up with you after
the show.

We'll hook up with you after
the show.
Next question.

The show.
Next question.
Yes, Keith Richards?

Next question.
Yes, Keith Richards?
[ Cheering ]

Yes, Keith Richards?
[ Cheering ]
I let a scarf here in 1988,

[ cheering ]
I let a scarf here in 1988,
and I'm kind of wondering if

I let a scarf here in 1988,
and I'm kind of wondering if
anybody has seen it around.

And I'm kind of wondering if
anybody has seen it around.
A scarf, yeah, in 1998?

Anybody has seen it around.
A scarf, yeah, in 1998?
Well, that's a long time ago.

A scarf, yeah, in 1998?
Well, that's a long time ago.
I don't think so.

Well, that's a long time ago.
I don't think so.
I'm not sure.

I don't think so.
I'm not sure.
Look, it's simply not here,

I'm not sure.
Look, it's simply not here,
okay?

Look, it's simply not here,
okay?
Can we all stop looking?

Okay?
Can we all stop looking?
Next question!

Can we all stop looking?
Next question!
Okay, okay.

Next question!
Okay, okay.
Yes, Jon hamm?

Okay, okay.
Yes, Jon hamm?
Yeah, hey, guys...

yes, Jon hamm?
Yeah, hey, guys...
[ Cheering ]

Yeah, hey, guys...
[ Cheering ]
This might be a weird

[ cheering ]
This might be a weird
question because I've hosted

this might be a weird
question because I've hosted
three times and I know I'm part

question because I've hosted
three times and I know I'm part
of the family.

Three times and I know I'm part
of the family.
But am I funny?

Of the family.
But am I funny?
Funny!

But am I funny?
Funny!
We...

funny!
We...
whenever we ask you to do a

we...
whenever we ask you to do a
bit, you always say yes.

Whenever we ask you to do a
bit, you always say yes.
And that's what matters.

Bit, you always say yes.
And that's what matters.
Yes, yes.

And that's what matters.
Yes, yes.
Next question.

Yes, yes.
Next question.
Hola.

Next question.
Hola.
[ Speaking in Spanish ]

Hola.
[ Speaking in Spanish ]
Yo sochitos.

[ Speaking in Spanish ]
Yo sochitos.
[ Speaking in Spanish ]

Yo sochitos.
[ Speaking in Spanish ]
So Jon hamon.

[ Speaking in Spanish ]
So Jon hamon.
All right, yes.

So Jon hamon.
All right, yes.
Next question, Seth?

All right, yes.
Next question, Seth?
Hi, guys.

Next question, Seth?
Hi, guys.
It kind of feels like this whole

hi, guys.
It kind of feels like this whole
question and answer thing is

it kind of feels like
this whole question and

answer thing is just
way for you guys to give

question and answer thing is
just way for you guys to give
air time to celebrities who

just way for you guys to give
air time to celebrities who
aren't in other parts of the

air time to celebrities who
aren't in other parts of the
show.

Aren't in other parts of the
show.
Really?

Show.
Really?
It doesn't seem that way to me.

Really?
It doesn't seem that way to me.
What do you think, reverend al

it doesn't seem that way to me.
What do you think, reverend al
sharpton and ray Romano?

What do you think, reverend al
sharpton and ray Romano?
It seems very natural to US.

Sharpton and ray Romano?
It seems very natural to US.
Really, don't be so cynical,

it seems very natural to US.
Really, don't be so cynical,
Seth.

Really, don't be so cynical,
Seth.
We're having a nice time here.

Seth.
We're having a nice time here.
There you go.

We're having a nice time here.
There you go.
Jason momoa, yes, Jason?

There you go.
Jason momoa, yes, Jason?
This Donny lady, she like to

Jason momoa, yes, Jason?
This Donny lady, she like to
travel?

This Donny lady, she like to
travel?
We'll have to ask her.

Travel?
We'll have to ask her.
All right.

We'll have to ask her.
All right.
Good to know.

All right.
Good to know.
Hi, I'm Fred armisen, thanks.

Good to know.
Hi, I'm Fred armisen, thanks.
Thank you.

Hi, I'm Fred armisen, thanks.
Thank you.
[ Cheering ]

Thank you.
[ Cheering ]
Thank you, guys.

[ Cheering ]
Thank you, guys.
My question is, do you know why

thank you, guys.
My question is, do you know why
lorne cut "vampire office"?

My question is, do you know why
lorne cut "vampire office"?
What?

Lorne cut "vampire office"?
What?
Well, in 2005, I wrote a

what?
Well, in 2005, I wrote a
sketch called "vampire office"

well, in 2005, I wrote a
sketch called "vampire office"
and it played pretty well at

sketch called "vampire
office" and it played

pretty well at dress
and it didn't get on air.

And it played pretty
well at dress and it

didn't get on air. >>
Okay, I guess maybe other

dress and it didn't get on air.
Okay, I guess maybe other
sketches did better?

Okay, I guess maybe other
sketches did better?
No.

Sketches did better?
No.
It was a pretty bad show front

no.
It was a pretty bad show front
to back.

It was a pretty bad show front
to back.
I don't know.

To back.
I don't know.
Okay, well, maybe he just

I don't know.
Okay, well, maybe he just
didn't like it.

Okay, well, maybe he just
didn't like it.
Well, do you know if he saw

didn't like it.
Well, do you know if he saw
the changes I was going to make,

well, do you know
if he saw the changes I

was going to make,
because I cut the b word as

the changes I was going to make,
because I cut the b word as
Vanessa comes in as Simon

because I cut the b word as
Vanessa comes in as Simon
cowell.

Vanessa comes in as Simon
cowell.
Wait, are you holding the

cowell.
Wait, are you holding the
sketch right now?

Wait, are you holding the
sketch right now?
Do you think I should resib

sketch right now?
Do you think I should resib
mitt ID?

Do you think I should resib
mitt ID?
Sure.

Mitt ID?
Sure.
Great.

Sure.
Great.
Okay.

Great.
Okay.
Okay, we only have time for

okay.
Okay, we only have time for
like 100 more questions.

Okay, we only have time for
like 100 more questions.
Yes, yes.

Like 100 more questions.
Yes, yes.
Peyton Manning?

Yes, yes.
Peyton Manning?
Yes...

Peyton Manning?
Yes...
[ Cheering ]

Yes...
[ Cheering ]
Is lorne going to retire now?

[ Cheering ]
Is lorne going to retire now?
No, I don't think so.

Is lorne going to retire now?
No, I don't think so.
Okay, that's great news.

No, I don't think so.
Okay, that's great news.
Lorne, never retire.

Okay, that's great news.
Lorne, never retire.
It's brutal out here.

Lorne, never retire.
It's brutal out here.
They have me doing all these

it's brutal out here.
They have me doing all these
commercials... insurance, beer.

They have me doing all these
commercials... insurance, beer.
I did one the other day for

commercials... insurance,
beer. I did one the

other day for something
called fan fight power

I did one the other day for
something called fan fight power
monster 3.

Something called fan fight power
monster 3.
I don't even know what the hell

monster 3.
I don't even know what the hell
it is.

I don't even know what the hell
it is.
I assumed it was a video game,

it is.
I assumed it was a video game,
but in the voice overi said now

I assumed it was a video game,
but in the voice overi said now
in diet chili flavor.

But in the voice overi said now
in diet chili flavor.
I hate being retired.

In diet chili flavor.
I hate being retired.
Okay, okay.

I hate being retired.
Okay, okay.
No, seriously, lorne, getting

okay, okay.
No, seriously, lorne, getting
old sucks.

No, seriously, lorne, getting
old sucks.
You feel like such a loser.

Old sucks.
You feel like such a loser.
Galifianakis knows what i'm

you feel like such a loser.
Galifianakis knows what i'm
talking about.

Galifianakis knows what i'm
talking about.
Please don't bother me.

Talking about.
Please don't bother me.
I just want to row elax and wat

please don't bother me.
I just want to row elax and wat
kanye perform.

I just want to row elax and wat
kanye perform.
You got it, Zach.

Kanye perform.
You got it, Zach.
[ Applause ]

Hello?
Bowflex.
What's up, dude.

Bowflex.
What's up, dude.
Are you going to the 50th?

What's up, dude.
Are you going to the 50th?
No, I can't.

Are you going to the 50th?
No, I can't.
I'm not going to go.

No, I can't.
I'm not going to go.
What you talking about?

I'm not going to go.
What you talking about?
It's going to be incredible.

What you talking about?
It's going to be incredible.
Everyone on earth is going to be

it's going to be incredible.
Everyone on earth is going to be
there.

Everyone on earth is going to be
there.
Honestly, it stresses me out

there.
Honestly, it stresses me out
too much.

Honestly, it stresses me out
too much.
What do you mean?

Too much.
What do you mean?
Come on, you knoll I get

what do you mean?
Come on, you knoll I get
anxiety.

Come on, you knoll I get
anxiety.
Bowen, cool it.

Anxiety.
Bowen, cool it.
♪ I know you're anxious just

Bowen, cool it.
♪ I know you're anxious just
looking at the side and when

♪ I know you're anxious
just looking at the

side and when you're
retired, it was the there

looking at the side and
when you're retired, it

was the there is one
thing you got to keep in

you're retired, it was the there
is one thing you got to keep in
mind ♪

is one thing you got to keep in
mind ♪
♪ so we're going press rewind,

mind ♪
♪ so we're going press rewind,
let's go back in time ♪

♪ so we're going press rewind,
let's go back in time ♪
♪ young ackroyd, looks so fine

let's go back in time ♪
♪ young ackroyd, looks so fine
and fancy free ♪

♪ young ackroyd, looks so fine
and fancy free ♪
♪ but the reality was quite

and fancy free ♪
♪ but the reality was quite
tragic, he suffered from

♪ but the reality was quite
tragic, he suffered from
anxiety ♪

tragic, he suffered from
anxiety ♪
Jesus, what was that?

Anxiety ♪
Jesus, what was that?
I don't know what you're

Jesus, what was that?
I don't know what you're
talking about.

I don't know what you're
talking about.
That's the footage exact lib as

talking about.
That's the footage exact lib as
it aired

that's the footage exact lib as
it aired
♪ Eddie Murphy and Mr.

It aired
♪ Eddie Murphy and Mr.
Robinson's neighborhood, she was

♪ Eddie Murphy and Mr.
Robinson's neighborhood, she was
the star of the show each

Robinson's neighborhood, she was
the star of the show each
Saturday, be he suffered

the star of the show each
Saturday, be he suffered
anxiety ♪

Saturday, be he suffered
anxiety ♪
♪ hey, Billy crystal, saying

anxiety ♪
♪ hey, Billy crystal, saying
marvelous, but one thing wasn't

♪ hey, Billy crystal, saying
marvelous, but one thing wasn't
marvelous, ♪

marvelous, but one thing wasn't
marvelous, ♪
♪ because everyone that ever

marvelous, ♪
♪ because everyone that ever
worked at "snl" had anxiety ♪

♪ because everyone
that ever worked at "snl"

had anxiety ♪ ♪ you
are not alone, my friend,

worked at "snl" had anxiety ♪
♪ you are not alone, my friend,
and...

♪ You are not alone, my friend,
and...
what?

And...
what?
The connection is a complex

what?
The connection is a complex
of directional, a communication

the connection is a
complex of directional,

a communication between
essential nervous system

of directional, a communication
between essential nervous system
and your butt.

Between essential nervous system
and your butt.
♪ when you're watching "snl,"

and your butt.
♪ when you're watching "snl,"
just imagine everyone you see,

♪ when you're watching
"snl," just imagine

everyone you see, right
before the show went to

just imagine everyone you see,
right before the show went to
the bathroom and took the

right before the show went to
the bathroom and took the
crazy...

The bathroom and took the
crazy...
right.

Crazy...
right.
♪ everybody, like this ♪

right.
♪ everybody, like this ♪
you've got to stop doing

♪ everybody, like this ♪
you've got to stop doing
that.

You've got to stop doing
that.
No promises.

That.
No promises.
♪ jump to the '90s, Molly,

no promises.
♪ jump to the '90s, Molly,
making them laugh, but that's

♪ jump to the '90s, Molly,
making them laugh, but that's
not how they felt at all ♪

making them laugh, but that's
not how they felt at all ♪
♪ we wanted to die, we whisper

not how they felt at all ♪
♪ we wanted to die, we whisper
and we had on the air ♪

♪ we wanted to die, we whisper
and we had on the air ♪
come on, guys, we have

and we had on the air ♪
come on, guys, we have
perspective.

Come on, guys, we have
perspective.
We know these are champagne

perspective.
We know these are champagne
problems.

We know these are champagne
problems.
I mean, it's not like we're

problems.
I mean, it's not like we're
working in a coal mine.

I mean, it's not like we're
working in a coal mine.
God, no.

Working in a coal mine.
God, no.
But here's a secret.

God, no.
But here's a secret.
♪ it's way worse than working in

but here's a secret.
♪ it's way worse than working in
a coal mine.

♪ It's way worse than working in
a coal mine.
We would love to be working in a

a coal mine.
We would love to be working in a
coal mine, just look at these

we would love to be
working in a coal mine, just

look at these coal
miners drinking sweet tea,

coal mine, just look
at these coal miners

drinking sweet tea, under
the lorne, good to you?

Coal miners drinking
sweet tea, under the lorne,

good to you? >> Now
that I hear it, I might

under the lorne, good
to you? >> Now that I

hear it, I might skip it
too, because in the end

now that I hear it, I might
skip it too, because in the end
you have to take care of

skip it too, because in the end
you have to take care of
yourself.

You have to take care of
yourself.
I'm a decision for mental

yourself.
I'm a decision for mental
health ♪

I'm a decision for mental
health ♪
but what if they forget about

health ♪
but what if they forget about
me, if I don't go to the show,

but what if they forget about
me, if I don't go to the show,
will I disappear ♪

me, if I don't go to the show,
will I disappear ♪
♪ or will I fall to the bottom

will I disappear ♪
♪ or will I fall to the bottom
of the cast members ♪

♪ or will I fall to the bottom
of the cast members ♪
♪ that's your forte ♪

of the cast members ♪
♪ that's your forte ♪
you know what?

♪ That's your forte ♪
you know what?
I'm in.

You know what?
I'm in.
Because everyone ♪

I'm in.
Because everyone ♪
I get it now!

Because everyone ♪
I get it now!
♪ that ever worked at "snl" had

I get it now!
♪ that ever worked at "snl" had
anxiety ♪

♪ that ever worked at "snl" had
anxiety ♪
♪ it's hard the waiting rooms

anxiety ♪
♪ it's hard the waiting rooms
and have the therapist in new

♪ it's hard the waiting rooms
and have the therapist in new
York say ♪

and have the therapist in new
York say ♪
♪ every single person who worked

York say ♪
♪ every single person who worked
at "snl" had anxiety, every

♪ every single person who worked
at "snl" had anxiety, every
single person who worked at

at "snl" had anxiety, every
single person who worked at
"snl" had anxiety.

Single person who worked at
"snl" had anxiety.
Everybody!

"Snl" had anxiety.
Everybody!
♪ every single person who worked

everybody!
♪ every single person who worked
at "snl" had anxiety ♪

♪ every single person who worked
at "snl" had anxiety ♪
♪ every single person who worked

at "snl" had anxiety ♪
♪ every single person who worked
at "snl" had anxiety ♪

♪ every single person who worked
at "snl" had anxiety ♪
♪ every single person who worked

at "snl" had anxiety ♪
♪ every single person who worked
at "snl" had anxiety ♪♪

♪ every single person who worked
at "snl" had anxiety ♪♪

Ladies and gentlemen, Miley
Cyrus and Brittany Howard.
[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪
♪ it's been seven hours
and 13 days, since u took your

♪ it's been seven hours
and 13 days, since u took your
love away ♪

and 13 days, since u took your
love away ♪
♪ I go out every night

love away ♪
♪ I go out every night
and I sleep all day

♪ I go out every night
and I sleep all day
since you took

and I sleep all day
since you took
your love away ♪

since you took
your love away ♪
♪ since you been gone

your love away ♪
♪ since you been gone
I can do whatever I want

♪ since you been gone
I can do whatever I want
yeah, I can see whomever I

I can do whatever I want
yeah, I can see whomever I
choose ♪

yeah, I can see whomever I
choose ♪
♪ I can eat my dinner

choose ♪
♪ I can eat my dinner
at a fancy restaurant but

♪ I can eat my dinner
at a fancy restaurant but
nothing, oh nothing can take

at a fancy restaurant but
nothing, oh nothing can take
away these blues ♪

nothing, oh nothing can take
away these blues ♪
♪ 'cause nothing compares

away these blues ♪
♪ 'cause nothing compares
no, nothing compares to you ♪

♪ 'cause nothing compares
no, nothing compares to you ♪
♪ oh, nothing, nothing ♪

no, nothing compares to you ♪
♪ oh, nothing, nothing ♪
Brittany Howard!

♪ Oh, nothing, nothing ♪
Brittany Howard!
♪ it's been so lonely

Brittany Howard!
♪ it's been so lonely
without you here

♪ it's been so lonely
without you here
like a bird without a song ♪

without you here
like a bird without a song ♪
♪ nothing can stop

like a bird without a song ♪
♪ nothing can stop
these lonely tears

♪ nothing can stop
these lonely tears
from falling ♪

these lonely tears
from falling ♪
♪ tell me baby

from falling ♪
♪ tell me baby
where did I go wrong

♪ tell me baby
where did I go wrong
I could put my arms around

where did I go wrong
I could put my arms around
every boy I see ♪

I could put my arms around
every boy I see ♪
♪ but they'd only

every boy I see ♪
♪ but they'd only
remind me of you

♪ but they'd only
remind me of you
I went to the doctor

remind me of you
I went to the doctor
and guess what he told me ♪

I went to the doctor
and guess what he told me ♪
♪ guess what he told me

and guess what he told me ♪
♪ guess what he told me
he said girl

♪ guess what he told me
he said girl
you better have fun ♪

he said girl
you better have fun ♪
♪ but he's a fool ♪

you better have fun ♪
♪ but he's a fool ♪
♪ because nothing compares,

♪ but he's a fool ♪
♪ because nothing compares,
nothing compares to you ♪

♪ because nothing compares,
nothing compares to you ♪
♪ nothing, nothing ♪

nothing compares to you ♪
♪ nothing, nothing ♪
wait for it.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪
♪ all the flowers that you
planted, mama, in the backyard ♪

♪ all the flowers that
you planted, mama, in

the backyard ♪ ♪ all
died when you went away,

planted, mama, in the backyard ♪
♪ all died when you went away,
oh, oh oh, oh ♪

♪ all died when you went away,
oh, oh oh, oh ♪
♪ I know that living with you,

oh, oh oh, oh ♪
♪ I know that living with you,
baby, was sometimes hard, but

♪ I know that living
with you, baby, was

sometimes hard, but I'm
willing to give it another

baby, was sometimes hard, but
I'm willing to give it another
try ♪

I'm willing to give it another
try ♪
♪ because nothing compares,

try ♪
♪ because nothing compares,
nothing compares to you ♪

♪ because nothing compares,
nothing compares to you ♪
♪ because nothing compares,

nothing compares to you ♪
♪ because nothing compares,
nothing compares to you ♪

♪ because nothing compares,
nothing compares to you ♪
♪ because nothing compares.

Nothing compares to you ♪
♪ because nothing compares.
Nothing, nothing compares to

♪ because nothing compares.
Nothing, nothing compares to
you ♪

nothing, nothing compares to
you ♪
♪ because nothing compares,

you ♪
♪ because nothing compares,
nothing compares to you, you,

♪ because nothing compares,
nothing compares to you, you,
you, you, you, you ♪♪

nothing compares to you, you,
you, you, you, you ♪♪
[ Applause ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪
it's weekend update, 50th
anniversary edition.

It's weekend update, 50th
anniversary edition.
With Colin jost and mikele...

Anniversary edition.
With Colin jost and mikele...
Michael che.

With Colin jost and mikele...
Michael che.
I'm Michael che.

Michael che.
I'm Michael che.
I'm Colin jost.

I'm Michael che.
I'm Colin jost.
Well, it is an honor and a

I'm Colin jost.
Well, it is an honor and a
thrill to be hosting weekend

well, it is an
honor and a thrill to be

hosting weekend update
for the 50th, and if it

thrill to be hosting
weekend update for the

50th, and if it was up
to our president, final

update for the 50th, and if it
was up to our president, final
season of "snl."

Was up to our president, final
season of "snl."
It is incredible that "snl" is

season of "snl."
It is incredible that "snl" is
still going after all this time.

It is incredible that
"snl" is still going

after all this time. And
I'm just talking about

still going after all this time.
And I'm just talking about
tonight's show.

And I'm just talking about
tonight's show.
There are so many famous hosts

tonight's show.
There are so many famous hosts
and musical guests here tonight

there are so many
famous hosts and musical

guests here tonight that
some huge names actually

and musical guests here
tonight that some huge

names actually have
to watch from studio 8g

that some huge names actually
have to watch from studio 8g
next door as well as from the

have to watch from
studio 8g next door as well

as from the metropolitan
detention center in

next door as well as from the
metropolitan detention center in
Brooklyn.

Metropolitan detention center in
Brooklyn.
Oh, you went to the parties,

Brooklyn.
Oh, you went to the parties,
okay.

Oh, you went to the parties,
okay.
"Saturday night live" has won

okay.
"Saturday night live" has won
95 emmys, one grammy, three

"Saturday night live"
has won 95 emmys, one

grammy, three peabodys,
and has over 100 Tonys

95 emmys, one grammy, three
peabodys, and has over 100 Tonys
on the crew.

Peabodys, and has over 100 Tonys
on the crew.
I'm kidding, but let's actually

on the crew.
I'm kidding, but let's actually
take a moment to thank foez

I'm kidding, but let's actually
take a moment to thank foez
hard-

take a moment to thank foez
hard-
those hardworking crew guys.

Hard-
those hardworking crew guys.
I want to thank those crew guy,

those hardworking crew
guys. I want to thank

those crew guy, and
also like to congratulate

I want to thank those crew guy,
and also like to congratulate
them on their January 6th

and also like to congratulate
them on their January 6th
pardons.

Them on their January 6th
pardons.
[ Laughter ]

Pardons.
[ Laughter ]
A lot of ponies.

[ Laughter ]
A lot of ponies.
Health experts are facing

a lot of ponies.
Health experts are facing
increased pressure in the face

health experts are
facing increased pressure

in the face of outbreak
of covid, the flu,

increased pressure in
the face of outbreak of

covid, the flu, rsv and
norovirus, which they're

of outbreak of covid,
the flu, rsv and norovirus,

which they're calling a
quad deem Mick. Emic,

rsv and norovirus, which
they're calling a quad

deem Mick. Emic, the
smart thing, packed every

calling a quad deem Mick. Emic,
the smart thing, packed every
entertainer over 60 in one

the smart thing, packed every
entertainer over 60 in one
stage.

Entertainer over 60 in one
stage.
"Snl's" first major cast change

stage.
"Snl's" first major cast change
was in season 2 when Chevy chase

"snl's" first major cast
change was in season 2

when Chevy chase left
the show and was replaced

was in season 2 when Chevy chase
left the show and was replaced
by kenan Thompson.

Left the show and was replaced
by kenan Thompson.
[ Laughter ]

By kenan Thompson.
[ Laughter ]
Me and Colin are actually the

[ laughter ]
Me and Colin are actually the
longest serving weekend update

me and Colin are actually the
longest serving weekend update
anchors.

Longest serving weekend update
anchors.
I've done weekend update for so

anchors.
I've done weekend update for so
long, next season I'm co-hosting

I've done weekend update for so
long, next season I'm co-hosting
with my son bronny.

Long, next season I'm co-hosting
with my son bronny.
And since the 40est we've lost

with my son bronny.
And since the 40est we've lost
the late great Norman Donald who

and since the 40est we've lost
the late great Norman Donald who
hosted weekend update.

The late great Norman Donald who
hosted weekend update.
That's right.

Hosted weekend update.
That's right.
Norman Donald who hosted weekend

that's right.
Norman Donald who hosted weekend
update until he was fired for

Norman Donald who hosted
weekend update until he

was fired for making
jokes about o.J. Simpson,

update until he was
fired for making jokes

about o.J. Simpson, and
he is one of my heroes.

Making jokes about o.J.
Simpson, and he is one

of my heroes. So if he
is watching up there, I

and he is one of my
heroes. So if he is watching

up there, I just want
to say, we love you,

so if he is watching up there, I
just want to say, we love you,
o.J.

Just want to say, we love you,
o.J.
Well, there is a lot going on

o.j.
Well, there is a lot going on
in the world right now, and here

well, there is a lot
going on in the world

right now, and here to
tell US her thoughts on all

in the world right now,
and here to tell US her

thoughts on all of it
is the girl you wish you

to tell US her thoughts
on all of it is the

girl you wish you hadn't
started a conversation

of it is the girl you wish you
hadn't started a conversation
with at a party.

Hadn't started a conversation
with at a party.
Oh, my gosh, notice anything

with at a party.
Oh, my gosh, notice anything
different about me.

Oh, my gosh, notice anything
different about me.
Are you pregnant?

Different about me.
Are you pregnant?
Wow.

Are you pregnant?
Wow.
You just assume I'm pregnant.

Wow.
You just assume I'm pregnant.
Just because I have a baby

you just assume I'm pregnant.
Just because I have a baby
inside me.

Just because I have a baby
inside me.
That's misogynistic.

Inside me.
That's misogynistic.
Congratulations.

That's misogynistic.
Congratulations.
It's nice to see.

Congratulations.
It's nice to see.
Oh, is it nice, Michael?

It's nice to see.
Oh, is it nice, Michael?
Is it nice to be on the verge of

oh, is it nice, Michael?
Is it nice to be on the verge of
the apocalypse.

Is it nice to be on the verge of
the apocalypse.
It's devastating.

The apocalypse.
It's devastating.
It's a constipational crisis,

it's devastating.
It's a constipational crisis,
literally for me.

It's a constipational crisis,
literally for me.
Do I want to bring a baby into

literally for me.
Do I want to bring a baby into
the world or should I keep her

do I want to bring a
baby into the world or

should I keep her in here
for another 3 1/2 years.

The world or should
I keep her in here for

another 3 1/2 years. >>
I don't think you can do

in here for another 3 1/2 years.
I don't think you can do
that.

I don't think you can do
that.
Oh, I guess you know more

that.
Oh, I guess you know more
than my ob/gyn.

Oh, I guess you know more
than my ob/gyn.
Do your research, Michael.

Than my ob/gyn.
Do your research, Michael.
Facts.

Do your research, Michael.
Facts.
90% of babies born today will

facts.
90% of babies born today will
never know who your father is.

90% of babies born today will
never know who your father is.
My father?

Never know who your father is.
My father?
Three out of four kids get

my father?
Three out of four kids get
bullied.

Three out of four kids get
bullied.
And only two of them deserve it.

Bullied.
And only two of them deserve it.
What?

And only two of them deserve it.
What?
And there are people in

what?
And there are people in
Africa right now...

and there are people in
Africa right now...
was that it?

Africa right now...
was that it?
Yes.

Was that it?
Yes.
There are people there now.

Yes.
There are people there now.
You should know that, Michael.

There are people there now.
You should know that, Michael.
Read a phone.

You should know that, Michael.
Read a phone.
[ Laughter ]

Read a phone.
[ Laughter ]
Have your elon salute really

[ laughter ]
Have your elon salute really
quick.

Have your elon salute really
quick.
No, don't do that.

Quick.
No, don't do that.
I have to do this dance.

No, don't do that.
I have to do this dance.
I'm sorry, where did you

I have to do this dance.
I'm sorry, where did you
work?

I'm sorry, where did you
work?
I'm the press secretary at

work?
I'm the press secretary at
the white house.

I'm the press secretary at
the white house.
People are so angry about dei,

the white house.
People are so angry about dei,
well, stop drinking and driving.

People are so angry about dei,
well, stop drinking and driving.
Bettina, bettina!

Well, stop drinking and driving.
Bettina, bettina!
Who are you talking to?

Bettina, bettina!
Who are you talking to?
That's bettina.

Who are you talking to?
That's bettina.
She is a horrible person.

That's bettina.
She is a horrible person.
At least now we have some good

she is a horrible person.
At least now we have some good
people in charge.

At least now we have some good
people in charge.
Like everyone's mad that rf

people in charge.
Like everyone's mad that rf
Carlos Jr. is a nippo baby, but

like everyone's mad that rf
Carlos Jr. is a nippo baby, but
hi brain worm earned it.

Carlos Jr. is a nippo baby, but
hi brain worm earned it.
It ate its way to the top.

Hi brain worm earned it.
It ate its way to the top.
Oh my god.

It ate its way to the top.
Oh my god.
In fallujah, why is no one

oh my god.
In fallujah, why is no one
talking about Luigi woman-gione.

In fallujah, why is no one
talking about Luigi woman-gione.
Yes.

Talking about Luigi woman-gione.
Yes.
I just blew Michael che.

Yes.
I just blew Michael che.
You're welcome.

I just blew Michael che.
You're welcome.
Well, thank you.

You're welcome.
Well, thank you.
And by the way, can I ask who

well, thank you.
And by the way, can I ask who
the father is?

And by the way, can I ask who
the father is?
You sure can!

The father is?
You sure can!
Wow.

You sure can!
Wow.
Huge reveal.

Wow.
Huge reveal.
Oh my god.

Huge reveal.
Oh my god.
Huge.

Oh my god.
Huge.
You two are together?

Huge.
You two are together?
Yep.

You two are together?
Yep.
We're the typical Hollywood

yep.
We're the typical Hollywood
couple.

We're the typical Hollywood
couple.
A beautiful woman in her 30s,

couple.
A beautiful woman in her 30s,
drunk idiot in his 70s.

A beautiful woman in her 30s,
drunk idiot in his 70s.
You're really going to be a

drunk idiot in his 70s.
You're really going to be a
dad?

You're really going to be a
dad?
Hey, if Alec Baldwin can do

dad?
Hey, if Alec Baldwin can do
it.

Hey, if Alec Baldwin can do
it.
When I was a kid, everyone was

it.
When I was a kid, everyone was
pregnant.

When I was a kid, everyone was
pregnant.
High school baby married Vietnam

pregnant.
High school baby married Vietnam
job you hate.

High school baby married Vietnam
job you hate.
Okay?

Job you hate.
Okay?
But nowadays, it's just oh, i'm

okay?
But nowadays, it's just oh, i'm
sorry, can you yassify my

but nowadays, it's just oh, i'm
sorry, can you yassify my
chickpea pasta?

Sorry, can you yassify my
chickpea pasta?
Excuse me, excuse me, are these

chickpea pasta?
Excuse me, excuse me, are these
flare jeans ai?

Excuse me, excuse me, are these
flare jeans ai?
Ooh, oh, wait, we're in a brave

flare jeans ai?
Ooh, oh, wait, we're in a brave
new world.

Ooh, oh, wait, we're in a brave
new world.
Not my captain america.

New world.
Not my captain america.
Okay.

Not my captain america.
Okay.
Okay.

Okay.
Okay.
Drunk uncle.

Okay.
Drunk uncle.
>

drunk uncle.
>
I rip your buttons off.

>
I rip your buttons off.
♪ if I could turn back time ♪

I rip your buttons
off. ♪ if I could turn

back time ♪ ♪ if I
could... rip your shirt ♪

♪ if I could turn back time ♪
♪ if I could... rip your shirt ♪
drunk uncle.

♪ If I could... rip your shirt ♪
drunk uncle.
So I'm not land shark, okay?

Drunk uncle.
So I'm not land shark, okay?
So I'm not Brian fellows, okay?

So I'm not land
shark, okay? So I'm not

Brian fellows, okay? So
I'm not beautiful guest

so I'm not Brian fellows, okay?
So I'm not beautiful guest
timothee chalamet!

So I'm not beautiful guest
timothee chalamet!
G burger, g burger, g burger.

Timothee chalamet!
G burger, g burger, g burger.
Yes, from the '70s.

G burger, g burger, g burger.
Yes, from the '70s.
No, I misplaced 14

yes, from the '70s.
No, I misplaced 14
cheesebergers.

No, I misplaced 14
cheesebergers.
I'm sorry, but I think you

cheesebergers.
I'm sorry, but I think you
might be too drunk.

I'm sorry, but I think you
might be too drunk.
Yes, I had to tackle Paul

might be too drunk.
Yes, I had to tackle Paul
Simon.

Yes, I had to tackle Paul
Simon.
But I missed, and now Sabrina

Simon.
But I missed, and now Sabrina
carpenter's dead.

But I missed, and now Sabrina
carpenter's dead.
Okay.

Carpenter's dead.
Okay.
Drunk uncle and girl at a

okay.
Drunk uncle and girl at a
party, everyone.

Drunk uncle and girl at a
party, everyone.
♪ if I could turn...

Party, everyone.
♪ if I could turn...
bettina.

♪ If I could turn...
bettina.
Bettina.

Bettina.
Bettina.
And now we will throw it over to

bettina.
And now we will throw it over to
you, Seth.

And now we will throw it over to
you, Seth.
Thank you, Amy.

You, Seth.
Thank you, Amy.
I really appreciate it.

Thank you, Amy.
I really appreciate it.
You know, it's important that we

I really appreciate it.
You know, it's important that we
spend some time tonight talking

you know, it's important
that we spend some time

tonight talking about
lorne Michaels, and no one

spend some time
tonight talking about lorne

Michaels, and no one knows
him better than our next

about lorne Michaels, and no one
knows him better than our next
guest.

Knows him better than our next
guest.
Please welcome lorne's best

guest.
Please welcome lorne's best
friends from growing up.

Please welcome lorne's best
friends from growing up.
[ Applause ]

Friends from growing up.
[ Applause ]
Hi, guys.

[ Applause ]
Hi, guys.
How you doing?

Hi, guys.
How you doing?
Better than anyone.

How you doing?
Better than anyone.
What's lorne really like?

Better than anyone.
What's lorne really like?
Oh, he is the best.

What's lorne really like?
Oh, he is the best.
He is relax and chill.

Oh, he is the best.
He is relax and chill.
He is super down to earth and

he is relax and chill.
He is super down to earth and
approachable.

He is super down to earth and
approachable.
We love, we love him.

Approachable.
We love, we love him.
He is our buddy.

We love, we love him.
He is our buddy.
Totally, yes.

He is our buddy.
Totally, yes.
I will say sometimes he can

totally, yes.
I will say sometimes he can
be a little rude.

I will say sometimes he can
be a little rude.
Yeah, like a month ago, he

be a little rude.
Yeah, like a month ago, he
asked US to help him move.

Yeah, like a month ago, he
asked US to help him move.
And we're like sure, of course.

Asked US to help him move.
And we're like sure, of course.
Help you move.

And we're like sure, of course.
Help you move.
Have a little dinner, whatever.

Help you move.
Have a little dinner, whatever.
So we get there.

Have a little dinner, whatever.
So we get there.
Lorne opens the door, and he is

so we get there.
Lorne opens the door, and he is
like oh, you two.

Lorne opens the door, and he is
like oh, you two.
And we're like what?

Like oh, you two.
And we're like what?
You invited US.

And we're like what?
You invited US.
We don't have to be here.

You invited US.
We don't have to be here.
So we look around.

We don't have to be here.
So we look around.
Nothing is packed.

So we look around.
Nothing is packed.
Nothing is packed.

Nothing is packed.
Nothing is packed.
You haven't even started yet?

Nothing is packed.
You haven't even started yet?
And then he starts pointing at

you haven't even
started yet? And then he

starts pointing at
paintings and saying this is

and then he starts
pointing at paintings and

saying this is from
Steve, this is from Paul,

paintings and saying this is
from Steve, this is from Paul,
this is from Mick.

From Steve, this is from Paul,
this is from Mick.
And does he mean Mick Jagger?

This is from Mick.
And does he mean Mick Jagger?
Just to say it.

And does he mean Mick Jagger?
Just to say it.
I'm sorry, you guys have to

just to say it.
I'm sorry, you guys have to
speak up.

I'm sorry, you guys have to
speak up.
I don't think anybody can hear

speak up.
I don't think anybody can hear
you.

I don't think anybody can hear
you.
But also, it does sound like

you.
But also, it does sound like
maybe lorne can be a little

but also, it does sound like
maybe lorne can be a little
difficult.

Maybe lorne can be a little
difficult.
No.

Difficult.
No.
No, no.

No.
No, no.
No.

No, no.
No.
He is our friend.

No.
He is our friend.
He is our best friend.

He is our friend.
He is our best friend.
He is easy-breezy crazy time,

he is our best friend.
He is easy-breezy crazy time,
all of it.

He is easy-breezy crazy time,
all of it.
I will say he can be kind of

all of it.
I will say he can be kind of
like inconsiderate.

I will say he can be kind of
like inconsiderate.
Like we're packing his stuff for

like inconsiderate.
Like we're packing his stuff for
hours, and he's gone.

Like we're packing his stuff for
hours, and he's gone.
And he comes back, and oh, hey,

hours, and he's gone.
And he comes back, and oh, hey,
like which bathroom can I use?

And he comes back, and
oh, hey, like which bathroom

can I use? And he
goes there is a Starbucks

like which bathroom can I use?
And he goes there is a Starbucks
across the street.

And he goes there is a Starbucks
across the street.
But you have to buy something

across the street.
But you have to buy something
first.

But you have to buy something
first.
So get me a latte.

First.
So get me a latte.
What?

So get me a latte.
What?
We're helping you move.

What?
We're helping you move.
Again, you guys have to speak

we're helping you move.
Again, you guys have to speak
up.

Again, you guys have to speak
up.
But it seems like maybe you guys

up.
But it seems like maybe you guys
aren't that good a friends with

but it seems like maybe you guys
aren't that good a friends with
him.

Aren't that good a friends with
him.
Oh, no, no, no.

Him.
Oh, no, no, no.
Best friends.

Oh, no, no, no.
Best friends.
He is our person.

Best friends.
He is our person.
He is our person.

He is our person.
He is our person.
My emergency contact.

He is our person.
My emergency contact.
He gets all my organs if I

my emergency contact.
He gets all my organs if I
die.

He gets all my organs if I
die.
I love him so much.

Die.
I love him so much.
But any way, it's like it's

I love him so much.
But any way, it's like it's
nighttime.

But any way, it's like it's
nighttime.
And he's like... he's like i'm

nighttime.
And he's like... he's like i'm
going to dinner, keep at it.

And he's like... he's
like i'm going to dinner,

keep at it. >> We've
been packing your stuff

going to dinner, keep at it.
We've been packing your stuff
all day.

We've been packing your stuff
all day.
Where are we supposed to eat?

All day.
Where are we supposed to eat?
And he goes, by the way you two

where are we supposed
to eat? And he goes, by

the way you two look,
I don't think you need

and he goes, by the way you two
look, I don't think you need
help finding food.

Look, I don't think you need
help finding food.
What?

Help finding food.
What?
He is he saying we're fat?

What?
He is he saying we're fat?
He can't talk to US like

he is he saying we're fat?
He can't talk to US like
that.

He can't talk to US like
that.
We're friends from growing up.

That.
We're friends from growing up.
And then he goes you guys had

we're friends from
growing up. >> And then he

goes you guys had a
problem with me from the

and then he goes you guys had
a problem with me from the
moment you walked in here.

A problem with me from the
moment you walked in here.
You didn't ask me how my day was

moment you walked in here.
You didn't ask me how my day was
or notice my haircut.

You didn't ask me how my day was
or notice my haircut.
You don't understand how much

or notice my haircut.
You don't understand how much
pressure I'm under.

You don't understand how much
pressure I'm under.
Nbc's breathing down my neck.

Pressure I'm under.
Nbc's breathing down my neck.
Making 100 documentaries and

nbc's breathing down
my neck. >> Making 100

documentaries and they
don't even give me a free

making 100 documentaries and
they don't even give me a free
membership.

They don't even give me a free
membership.
Guys, I can barely hear you,

membership.
Guys, I can barely hear you,
but it sounds like you have a

guys, I can barely hear you,
but it sounds like you have a
deeply dysfunctional

but it sounds like you have a
deeply dysfunctional
relationship with him.

Deeply dysfunctional
relationship with him.
No.

Relationship with him.
No.
No, no, no.

No.
No, no, no.
It's kind of how you feel

no, no, no.
It's kind of how you feel
about Colin and che.

It's kind of how you feel
about Colin and che.
No, I love Colin and che.

About Colin and che.
No, I love Colin and che.
They're the best.

No, I love Colin and che.
They're the best.
I will say, I do feel like their

they're the best.
I will say, I do feel like their
chemistry is like a work in

I will say, I do feel like their
chemistry is like a work in
progress.

Chemistry is like a work in
progress.
Seth meyers, everybody.

Progress.
Seth meyers, everybody.
Lorne's best friends growing

Seth meyers, everybody.
Lorne's best friends growing
up, everybody.

Lorne's best friends growing
up, everybody.
[ Applause ]

Up, everybody.
[ Applause ]
Well, you guys, you may have

[ applause ]
Well, you guys, you may have
seen in the lead-up, the 50th

well, you guys, you may have
seen in the lead-up, the 50th
anniversary there a lot of

seen in the lead-up, the 50th
anniversary there a lot of
"snl" -related lists and

anniversary there a lot of
"snl" -related lists and
rankings.

"Snl" -related lists and
rankings.
Here with his ranking of the

rankings.
Here with his ranking of the
best weekend update anchors of

here with his ranking of the
best weekend update anchors of
all time, it's former update

best weekend update anchors of
all time, it's former update
anchor bill Murray.

All time, it's former update
anchor bill Murray.
[ Applause ]

Anchor bill Murray.
[ Applause ]
Thank you, Colin.

[ Applause ]
Thank you, Colin.
Let's just jump right in.

Thank you, Colin.
Let's just jump right in.
In honor of black history month,

let's just jump right
in. In honor of black

history month, I want
to start by ranking the

in honor of black history
month, I want to start

by ranking the African
American weekend update

I want to start by ranking the
African American weekend update
anchors.

African American weekend update
anchors.
[ Laughter ]

Anchors.
[ Laughter ]
We'll start with number one, and

[ laughter ]
We'll start with number one, and
this is by default, Michael che.

We'll start with number one, and
this is by default, Michael che.
[ Applause ]

This is by default, Michael che.
[ Applause ]
Now we'll move on to the regular

[ applause ]
Now we'll move on to the regular
weekend update anchors.

Now we'll move on to the regular
weekend update anchors.
Regular?

Weekend update anchors.
Regular?
What the hell you mean regular?

Regular?
What the hell you mean regular?
These are in no particular

what the hell you mean
regular? >> These are in

no particular order,
so I've listed them from

these are in no particular
order, so I've listed them from
worst to best.

Order, so I've listed them from
worst to best.
First off, I have to disqualify

worst to best.
First off, I have to disqualify
myself because my entire time

first off, I have to disqualify
myself because my entire time
here I was on

myself because my entire time
here I was on
performance-enhancing drugs.

Here I was on
performance-enhancing drugs.
All right.

Performance-enhancing drugs.
All right.
It's what we call an 88-shaker,

all right.
It's what we call an 88-shaker,
quaaludes, cocaine, and

it's what we call an 88-shaker,
quaaludes, cocaine, and
nighttime thera flu.

Quaaludes, cocaine, and
nighttime thera flu.
All right.

Nighttime thera flu.
All right.
Number 10.

All right.
Number 10.
He's one of the all-time greats,

number 10.
He's one of the all-time greats,
Mr. Colin Quinn.

He's one of the all-time greats,
Mr. Colin Quinn.
Okay, okay.

Mr. Colin Quinn.
Okay, okay.
I had you for a second.

Okay, okay.
I had you for a second.
Don't worry.

I had you for a second.
Don't worry.
Numbers 9, 8, and 7, okay?

Don't worry.
Numbers 9, 8, and 7, okay?
Heads up, Kevin nealon.

Numbers 9, 8, and 7, okay?
Heads up, Kevin nealon.
Come on!

Heads up, Kevin nealon.
Come on!
Dennis Miller, and Seth meyers.

Come on!
Dennis Miller, and Seth meyers.
[ Applause ]

Dennis Miller, and Seth meyers.
[ Applause ]
.

[ Applause ]
.
I just wish we had the time

.
I just wish we had the time
tonight to say something nice

I just wish we had the time
tonight to say something nice
about any of them.

Tonight to say something nice
about any of them.
We actually do probably have

about any of them.
We actually do probably have
enough time.

We actually do probably have
enough time.
We're right here at 6:00 now.

Enough time.
We're right here at 6:00 now.
Okay.

We're right here at 6:00 now.
Okay.
Colin, this could be you, huh?

Okay.
Colin, this could be you, huh?
Is it?

Colin, this could be you, huh?
Is it?
No, it is not.

Is it?
No, it is not.
The next two are controversial.

No, it is not.
The next two are controversial.
This was tough.

The next two are controversial.
This was tough.
But I'm going to put Tina and

this was tough.
But I'm going to put Tina and
Amy just ahead of Tina and

but I'm going to put Tina and
Amy just ahead of Tina and
Jimmy.

Amy just ahead of Tina and
Jimmy.
Okay.

Jimmy.
Okay.
Sorry, Jimmy, I'm sorry.

Okay.
Sorry, Jimmy, I'm sorry.
And congratulations, Tina.

Sorry, Jimmy, I'm sorry.
And congratulations, Tina.
It was close, but I checked

and congratulations, Tina.
It was close, but I checked
online, and girl on girl is

it was close, but I checked
online, and girl on girl is
still very, very popular.

Online, and girl on girl is
still very, very popular.
Okay.

Still very, very popular.
Okay.
Next up, Cornelius crane chase.

Okay.
Next up, Cornelius crane chase.
Hmm.

Next up, Cornelius crane chase.
Hmm.
Who we've all come to know as

hmm.
Who we've all come to know as
Connie.

Who we've all come to know as
Connie.
Let's face it, weekend updates

Connie.
Let's face it, weekend updates
simply would not exist without

let's face it, weekend updates
simply would not exist without
him.

Simply would not exist without
him.
So it would be wrong to have him

him.
So it would be wrong to have him
listed at anywhere but number

so it would be wrong to have him
listed at anywhere but number
four.

Listed at anywhere but number
four.
[ Applause ]

Four.
[ Applause ]
Number three, Jane curtain and

[ applause ]
Number three, Jane curtain and
Danny ackroyd.

Number three, Jane curtain and
Danny ackroyd.
[ Cheering ]

Danny ackroyd.
[ Cheering ]
A true story, I was the first to

[ cheering ]
A true story, I was the first to
call Jane an ignorant slut.

A true story, I was the first to
call Jane an ignorant slut.
Backstage.

Call Jane an ignorant slut.
Backstage.
Danny had the brilliant idea to

backstage.
Danny had the brilliant idea to
say it on camera, and really,

Danny had the brilliant idea to
say it on camera, and really,
really mean it.

Say it on camera, and really,
really mean it.
Number two is norm McDonald.

Really mean it.
Number two is norm McDonald.
[ Applause ]

Number two is norm McDonald.
[ Applause ]
He may have been the best ever,

[ applause ]
He may have been the best ever,
but more importantly, he made

he may have been
the best ever, but more

importantly, he made me,
for one, ask the question of

but more importantly,
he made me, for one, ask

the question of myself
could o.J. Possibly have

me, for one, ask the question of
myself could o.J. Possibly have
done it?

Myself could o.J. Possibly have
done it?
[ Laughter ]

Done it?
[ Laughter ]
So that brings US to number one.

[ Laughter ]
So that brings US to number one.
Colin?

So that brings US to number one.
Colin?
Got a good feeling about this.

Colin?
Got a good feeling about this.
Okay.

Got a good feeling about this.
Okay.
Number one is funny, got a great

okay.
Number one is funny, got a great
smile, ha, and he is currently

number one is funny,
got a great smile, ha, and

he is currently sleeping
every kind of way with

smile, ha, and he is
currently sleeping every

kind of way with the
lovely actress Scarlett

sleeping every kind of way with
the lovely actress Scarlett
Johansson.

The lovely actress Scarlett
Johansson.
Of course I'm talking about my

Johansson.
Of course I'm talking about my
brother, Brian

of course I'm talking about my
brother, Brian
[ Applause ]

Brother, Brian
[ Applause ]
What?

[ Applause ]
What?
Yes.

What?
Yes.
Wow.

Yes.
Wow.
I'm told a very, very

wow.
I'm told a very, very
considerate lover.

I'm told a very, very
considerate lover.
I couldn't be happier to be

considerate lover.
I couldn't be happier to be
here.

I couldn't be happier to be
here.
Bill Murray, everybody.

Here.
Bill Murray, everybody.
I'm Michael che.

Bill Murray, everybody.
I'm Michael che.
Good night!

Thank you all for coming.
I'm general Fairfax with the
u.S. Space force.

I'm general Fairfax with the
u.S. Space force.
This is Dr. Tyler from SETI.

U.s. Space force.
This is Dr. Tyler from SETI.
We are eager to talk to you

this is Dr. Tyler from SETI.
We are eager to talk to you
as you have all experience

we are eager to talk to you
as you have all experience
advairified alien abduction.

As you have all experience
advairified alien abduction.
This is wild.

Advairified alien abduction.
This is wild.
One minute we're three friends

this is wild.
One minute we're three friends
slamming Miller tall boys behind

one minute we're three
friends slamming Miller

tall boys behind the
dollar tree, now we're

slamming Miller tall boys behind
the dollar tree, now we're
sitting at the Pentagon.

The dollar tree, now we're
sitting at the Pentagon.
Hey, I've been meaning to ask

sitting at the Pentagon.
Hey, I've been meaning to ask
like why do you call it the

hey, I've been
meaning to ask like why do

you call it the Pentagon
when it's only got five

like why do you call it the
Pentagon when it's only got five
sides?

Pentagon when it's only got five
sides?
Because a shape with five

sides?
Because a shape with five
sides is called a Pentagon.

Because a shape with five
sides is called a Pentagon.
I don't think that's right.

Sides is called a Pentagon.
I don't think that's right.
We'll look into it.

I don't think that's right.
We'll look into it.
Now let's start with how you

we'll look into it.
Now let's start with how you
were all brought aboard the

now let's start with how you
were all brought aboard the
spacecraft.

Were all brought aboard the
spacecraft.
Well, this beam of light

spacecraft.
Well, this beam of light
appeared from the bottom of the

well, this beam of light
appeared from the bottom of the
ship.

Appeared from the bottom of the
ship.
Floated me up like a saw pan

ship.
Floated me up like a saw pan
beckoning me.

Floated me up like a saw pan
beckoning me.
Same-same, and we met these

beckoning me.
Same-same, and we met these
two beautiful glowing aliens who

same-same, and we met these
two beautiful glowing aliens who
took our hands and said

two beautiful glowing aliens who
took our hands and said
"welcome."

Took our hands and said
"welcome."
I've never felt so safe.

"Welcome."
I've never felt so safe.
And you, Ms. Rafferty?

I've never felt so safe.
And you, Ms. Rafferty?
Yeah, a little different for

and you, Ms. Rafferty?
Yeah, a little different for
me.

Yeah, a little different for
me.
I was less cradled by light and

me.
I was less cradled by light and
more grabbed by a giant rusty

I was less cradled by
light and more grabbed

by a giant rusty claw
which yanked me right out

more grabbed by a giant rusty
claw which yanked me right out
of my slacks.

Claw which yanked me right out
of my slacks.
So I'm pantsless, right?

Of my slacks.
So I'm pantsless, right?
I'm folded in half like a

so I'm pantsless, right?
I'm folded in half like a
wallet.

I'm folded in half like a
wallet.
I'm getting winched skyward with

wallet.
I'm getting winched skyward with
my vagita and my tragedy, and

I'm getting winched
skyward with my vagita and

my tragedy, and aye
tossed into the bottom of

my vagita and my tragedy, and
aye tossed into the bottom of
the ship.

Aye tossed into the bottom of
the ship.
I see my old pals the gray

the ship.
I see my old pals the gray
aliens with the big dumb eyes.

I see my old pals the
gray aliens with the

big dumb eyes. >>
Mrs. Rafferty, I'm told this

aliens with the big dumb eyes.
Mrs. Rafferty, I'm told this
is your fifth time being

Mrs. Rafferty, I'm told this
is your fifth time being
abducted by these gray aliens?

Is your fifth time being
abducted by these gray aliens?
Yeah.

Abducted by these gray aliens?
Yeah.
Only other place I've been

yeah.
Only other place I've been
pantsless five times is six

only other place I've been
pantsless five times is six
flags.

Pantsless five times is six
flags.
Okay, well, let's move past

flags.
Okay, well, let's move past
that.

Okay, well, let's move past
that.
Now what happened next in the

that.
Now what happened next in the
upper part of the ship?

Now what happened next in the
upper part of the ship?
Well, the smart aliens bathed

upper part of the ship?
Well, the smart aliens bathed
US in this glowing liquid that

well, the smart aliens bathed
US in this glowing liquid that
erased all my pain.

US in this glowing liquid that
erased all my pain.
My bad knee didn't even hurt.

Erased all my pain.
My bad knee didn't even hurt.
I busted it a few years back

my bad knee didn't even hurt.
I busted it a few years back
playing paint ball.

I busted it a few years back
playing paint ball.
Competitive.

Playing paint ball.
Competitive.
I don't know why you winked

competitive.
I don't know why you winked
at me after saying that, but

I don't know why you winked
at me after saying that, but
let's continue.

At me after saying that, but
let's continue.
Were you also bathed in this

let's continue.
Were you also bathed in this
light, sir?

Were you also bathed in this
light, sir?
Huh, yes, ma'am.

Light, sir?
Huh, yes, ma'am.
It felt better than any drug,

huh, yes, ma'am.
It felt better than any drug,
including the ones I'm on right

it felt better than any drug,
including the ones I'm on right
now.

Including the ones I'm on right
now.
Now that really tweaks my

now.
Now that really tweaks my
cheeks because down in steerage,

now that really tweaks my
cheeks because down in steerage,
the mood was tense.

Cheeks because down in steerage,
the mood was tense.
Steerage, what do you think

the mood was tense.
Steerage, what do you think
could have caused this reaction?

Steerage, what do
you think could have caused

this reaction? >> Well,
between you, me and

could have caused
this reaction? >> Well,

between you, me and
Jesus c., I think it had the

well, between you, me and
Jesus c., I think it had the
state of my down there hair.

Jesus c., I think it had the
state of my down there hair.
Because remember, I'm Donald

state of my down there hair.
Because remember, I'm Donald
ducking it, okay?

Because remember, I'm Donald
ducking it, okay?
Shirt, no pants.

Ducking it, okay?
Shirt, no pants.
So I'm poke Kay bowl and my

shirt, no pants.
So I'm poke Kay bowl and my
smoky hole are out.

So I'm poke Kay bowl and my
smoky hole are out.
And pubically speaking, nature

smoky hole are out.
And pubically speaking, nature
has reclaimed the earth.

And pubically speaking, nature
has reclaimed the earth.
Last time I had a Brazilian down

has reclaimed the earth.
Last time I had a Brazilian down
there was 2002.

Last time I had a Brazilian down
there was 2002.
His name was Diego, and he got

there was 2002.
His name was Diego, and he got
strep throat.

His name was Diego, and he got
strep throat.
Who mows the lawn in winter, am

strep throat.
Who mows the lawn in winter, am
I right?

Who mows the lawn in winter, am
I right?
Amen.

I right?
Amen.
Not say amen to that country.

Amen.
Not say amen to that country.
Mrs. Reporty, I'm failing to

not say amen to that
country. >> Mrs. Reporty,

I'm failing to see what
your unkempt private

Mrs. Reporty, I'm
failing to see what your

unkempt private area
has to do with the aliens'

see what your unkempt private
area has to do with the aliens'
demeanor.

Area has to do with the aliens'
demeanor.
Okay, my theory is they

demeanor.
Okay, my theory is they
thought it was an animal.

Okay, my theory is they
thought it was an animal.
First, they didn't know if it

thought it was an animal.
First, they didn't know if it
was friendly.

First, they didn't know if it
was friendly.
So they're cautious.

Was friendly.
So they're cautious.
They're going up the cabinet,

so they're cautious.
They're going up the cabinet,
and they're going... and then,

they're going up the
cabinet, and they're going

and then, then, the
Alpha comes in, and he

and they're going... and then,
then, the Alpha comes in, and he
challenges it, right.

Then, the Alpha comes in, and he
challenges it, right.
He goes like this.

Challenges it, right.
He goes like this.
Hehhhhh!

He goes like this.
Hehhhhh!
So he gives a thumbs-up like

hehhhhh!
So he gives a thumbs-up like
we're good, it's tame.

So he gives a thumbs-up like
we're good, it's tame.
And whoa, it's play time.

We're good, it's tame.
And whoa, it's play time.
And one of them comes up under

and whoa, it's play time.
And one of them comes up under
it, puts it on like a wig, and

and one of them comes
up under it, puts it on

like a wig, and he's like
doing frat comedy, and

it, puts it on like a
wig, and he's like doing

frat comedy, and another
one, he is so excited,

he's like doing frat
comedy, and another one,

he is so excited, he
is wrestling with it, like

another one, he is so
excited, he is wrestling

with it, like it's his
brother, pulling me all

he is wrestling with it, like
it's his brother, pulling me all
around the room.

It's his brother, pulling me all
around the room.
So I look down.

Around the room.
So I look down.
I see a guy between my legs with

so I look down.
I see a guy between my legs with
a smile on his face.

I see a guy between my legs with
a smile on his face.
I don't know.

A smile on his face.
I don't know.
First time for everything.

I don't know.
First time for everything.
Amen.

First time for everything.
Amen.
Okay, again, not a thing to

amen.
Okay, again, not a thing to
say amen to.

Okay, again, not a thing to
say amen to.
And this goes on about 15

say amen to.
And this goes on about 15
minutes until who comes to the

and this goes on about 15
minutes until who comes to the
door but my frigging mother,

minutes until who comes to the
door but my frigging mother,
Colleen sr.

Door but my frigging mother,
Colleen sr.
Yes.

Colleen sr.
Yes.
We actually had some questions

yes.
We actually had some questions
for her as well.

We actually had some questions
for her as well.
I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.

For her as well.
I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.
[ Applause ]

I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.
[ Applause ]
Sorry, sorry, my bathroom

[ applause ]
Sorry, sorry, my bathroom
break took longer than I

sorry, sorry, my bathroom
break took longer than I
thought.

Break took longer than I
thought.
My number one turned into a

thought.
My number one turned into a
number three.

My number one turned into a
number three.
Mega mill of alert.

Number three.
Mega mill of alert.
Not.

Mega mill of alert.
Not.
Now Mrs. Rafferty, you had been

not.
Now Mrs. Rafferty, you had been
abducted earlier that same

now Mrs. Rafferty, you had been
abducted earlier that same
evening?

Abducted earlier that same
evening?
Yep.

Evening?
Yep.
US Rafferty gals, we always

yep.
US Rafferty gals, we always
attracted the freaks.

US Rafferty gals, we always
attracted the freaks.
For years I thought Colleen's

attracted the freaks.
For years I thought Colleen's
father was part alien, but it

for years I thought Colleen's
father was part alien, but it
turns out he was just

father was part alien, but it
turns out he was just
uncircumcised.

Turns out he was just
uncircumcised.
Amen.

Uncircumcised.
Amen.
Please, stop.

Amen.
Please, stop.
Stop.

Please, stop.
Stop.
Any way, I still had my pants

stop.
Any way, I still had my pants
on when they took me, but that

any way, I still had
my pants on when they

took me, but that was
good because much like her,

on when they took me, but that
was good because much like her,
I got a into the woods

was good because much like her,
I got a into the woods
situation.

I got a into the woods
situation.
My ex used to say that it was

situation.
My ex used to say that it was
like trying to hack his way

my ex used to say that it was
like trying to hack his way
through the black forest.

Like trying to hack his way
through the black forest.
Okay.

Through the black forest.
Okay.
Okay.

Okay.
Okay.
I feel like we're off track.

Okay.
I feel like we're off track.
You said that after arriving on

I feel like we're
off track. You said that

after arriving on the
ship, the aliens lost

you said that after arriving on
the ship, the aliens lost
interest and, quote, stuck you

the ship, the aliens lost
interest and, quote, stuck you
in a closet?

Interest and, quote, stuck you
in a closet?
Yeah, yes.

In a closet?
Yeah, yes.
Can you believe that?

Yeah, yes.
Can you believe that?
I mean, hey, I'm used to being

can you believe that?
I mean, hey, I'm used to being
stuffed into those closets, but

I mean, hey, I'm used
to being stuffed into those

closets, but it's usually
when the guy's wife

stuffed into those closets,
but it's usually when

the guy's wife comes
home later or earlier or

it's usually when the guy's wife
comes home later or earlier or
whatever.

Comes home later or earlier or
whatever.
So all of the sudden I hear this

whatever.
So all of the sudden I hear this
screaming, this one.

So all of the sudden I hear this
screaming, this one.
And so I just kind of... just

screaming, this one.
And so I just kind of... just
kind of bust out of that... I

and so I just kind of
just kind of bust out

of that... I just bust
out, and I just kicked

kind of bust out of
that... I just bust out,

and I just kicked those
little... I just kicked

just bust out, and I just kicked
those little... I just kicked
those little p ervs away.

Those little... I just kicked
those little p ervs away.
Wow, you are a good mama.

Those little p ervs away.
Wow, you are a good mama.
Yeah, well, a good mother can

wow, you are a good mama.
Yeah, well, a good mother can
also be a gad girl.

Yeah, well, a good mother can
also be a gad girl.
What's your name, mustache?

Also be a gad girl.
What's your name, mustache?
Okay, can we not do any of

what's your name, mustache?
Okay, can we not do any of
that right now, please?

Okay, can we not do any of
that right now, please?
How did you all exit the

that right now, please?
How did you all exit the
spacecraft?

How did you all exit the
spacecraft?
That same soft light picked

spacecraft?
That same soft light picked
me up and placed me back in my

that same soft light picked
me up and placed me back in my
bed.

Me up and placed me back in my
bed.
Me too.

Bed.
Me too.
That light even tucked me in,

me too.
That light even tucked me in,
which was so thoughtful of it.

That light even tucked
me in, which was so

thoughtful of it. >> And
how did you two depart

which was so thoughtful of it.
And how did you two depart
the spacecraft?

And how did you two depart
the spacecraft?
Well, in the past I've just

the spacecraft?
Well, in the past I've just
been pushed out of a hatch, but

well, in the past
I've just been pushed out

of a hatch, but this time
that's what happened

been pushed out of a hatch, but
this time that's what happened
too.

This time that's what happened
too.
[ Laughter ]

Too.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, but my pants got

[ laughter ]
Yeah, but my pants got
snagged on a piece of metal, so

yeah, but my pants got
snagged on a piece of metal, so
they're gone.

Snagged on a piece of metal, so
they're gone.
And then as for underwear,

they're gone.
And then as for underwear,
underwear wise, this devil wears

and then as for underwear,
underwear wise, this devil wears
nada.

Underwear wise, this devil wears
nada.
[ Applause ]

Nada.
[ Applause ]
Basically, we kind of it was

[ applause ]
Basically, we kind of it was
a free-fall for 40 feet with our

basically, we kind
of it was a free-fall for

40 feet with our Crockett's
and our parapets on

a free-fall for 40 feet with our
Crockett's and our parapets on
full display.

Crockett's and our parapets on
full display.
We crashed through a ceiling.

Full display.
We crashed through a ceiling.
We land ass up on top of Phil

we crashed through a ceiling.
We land ass up on top of Phil
mcdermott.

We land ass up on top of Phil
mcdermott.
And who is Phil mcdermott?

Mcdermott.
And who is Phil mcdermott?
He is a gentleman whose

and who is Phil mcdermott?
He is a gentleman whose
family I bet wished they went

he is a gentleman whose
family I bet wished they went
with the closed cassette

family I bet wished they went
with the closed cassette
funeral.

With the closed cassette
funeral.
[ Laughter ]

Funeral.
[ Laughter ]
Not the worst thing my mom

[ laughter ]
Not the worst thing my mom
and I have done in a church.

Not the worst thing
my mom and I have done

in a church. >> Please,
let's not finish that

and I have done in a church.
Please, let's not finish that
story at all.

Please, let's not finish that
story at all.
Thank you for your candor.

Story at all.
Thank you for your candor.
We're going to take you for some

thank you for your candor.
We're going to take you for some
psychological tests now.

We're going to take you for some
psychological tests now.
Oh, we'll save you the

psychological tests now.
Oh, we'll save you the
trouble.

Oh, we'll save you the
trouble.
Fail.

Trouble.
Fail.
[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪
that's right.
It was early, only 50 bucks.

That's right.
It was early, only 50 bucks.
Young man.

It was early, only 50 bucks.
Young man.
Oh my god, laraine Newman.

Young man.
Oh my god, laraine Newman.
Would you mind keeping the

oh my god, laraine Newman.
Would you mind keeping the
studio open a few minutes

would you mind keeping the
studio open a few minutes
longer?

Studio open a few minutes
longer?
Of course, take as long as

longer?
Of course, take as long as
you need.

♪♪
god.
Excuse me?

God.
Excuse me?
What up?

Excuse me?
What up?
Oh, you startled me, that's

what up?
Oh, you startled me, that's
all.

Oh, you startled me, that's
all.
I thought I was alone.

All.
I thought I was alone.
I'm larrain.

I thought I was alone.
I'm larrain.
Okay.

I'm larrain.
Okay.
What's your name?

Okay.
What's your name?
Chad.

What's your name?
Chad.
Hi, Chad.

Chad.
Hi, Chad.
I'm sorry to disturb you.

Hi, Chad.
I'm sorry to disturb you.
I used to work here.

I'm sorry to disturb you.
I used to work here.
Back when the show first

I used to work here.
Back when the show first
started.

Back when the show first
started.
Hey, Chad, Chad, do you think

started.
Hey, Chad, Chad, do you think
maybe you could take a

hey, Chad, Chad, do you think
maybe you could take a
five-minute break?

Maybe you could take a
five-minute break?
I was hoping to have a quiet

five-minute break?
I was hoping to have a quiet
moment in here.

I was hoping to have a quiet
moment in here.
Okay.

Moment in here.
Okay.
Actually, would you join me.

Okay.
Actually, would you join me.
It might be nice to have some

actually, would you join me.
It might be nice to have some
company.

It might be nice to have some
company.
Okay.

♪♪
wow, look at US.
Look at our clothes.

Wow, look at US.
Look at our clothes.
Gay.

Look at our clothes.
Gay.
God, I look so young, but you

gay.
God, I look so young, but you
know what I had in 1975?

God, I look so young, but you
know what I had in 1975?
Big ass bush?

Know what I had in 1975?
Big ass bush?
No.

Big ass bush?
No.
I had ambition.

No.
I had ambition.
We all did, but god, we were

I had ambition.
We all did, but god, we were
terrified.

We all did, but god, we were
terrified.
I think that's why we clung to

terrified.
I think that's why we clung to
each other like we did, which of

I think that's why we
clung to each other like

we did, which of course
created its own problems

each other like we did,
which of course created

its own problems with
the partying and sex.

Course created its own problems
with the partying and sex.
What up?

With the partying and sex.
What up?
If I wasn't wild, I would

what up?
If I wasn't wild, I would
have been all over you back

if I wasn't wild, I would
have been all over you back
then.

Have been all over you back
then.
But I'm not like that anymore.

Then.
But I'm not like that anymore.
Okay.

But I'm not like that anymore.
Okay.
Chad, would you do me a

okay.
Chad, would you do me a
favor?

Chad, would you do me a
favor?
Do me.

Favor?
Do me.
Would you put a follow spot

do me.
Would you put a follow spot
on me?

Would you put a follow spot
on me?
I just want to feel what it's

on me?
I just want to feel what it's
like to walk on to that stage

I just want to feel what it's
like to walk on to that stage
one more time.

Like to walk on to that stage
one more time.
Okay.

One more time.
Okay.
I'm ready, Chad.

Okay.
I'm ready, Chad.
My bad!

I'm ready, Chad.
My bad!
My bad.

My bad!
My bad.
My bad.

My bad.
My bad.
My bad.

My bad.
My bad.
My bad.

My bad.
My bad.
So unflattering.

My bad.
So unflattering.
My bad.

So unflattering.
My bad.
My bad.

My bad.
My bad.
There we go.

My bad.
There we go.
I can almost hear the laughs,

there we go.
I can almost hear the laughs,
Chad.

I can almost hear the laughs,
Chad.
The band, that famous sacks, I

Chad.
The band, that famous sacks, I
can almost feel what it was like

the band, that famous
sacks, I can almost feel

what it was like when
all of this was new.

Can almost feel what it was like
when all of this was new.
Okay.

When all of this was new.
Okay.
I can almost see my old

okay.
I can almost see my old
friends.

I can almost see my old
friends.
Thanks for indulging me, Chad.

Friends.
Thanks for indulging me, Chad.
I have so many wonderful

thanks for indulging me, Chad.
I have so many wonderful
memories here.

I have so many wonderful
memories here.
I'm sure you do too.

Memories here.
I'm sure you do too.
I hope you realize how lucky you

I'm sure you do too.
I hope you realize how lucky you
are to work here, Chad.

I hope you realize how lucky you
are to work here, Chad.
It's a pretty magical place.

Are to work here, Chad.
It's a pretty magical place.
Okay.

It's a pretty magical place.
Okay.
[ Applause ]

Okay.
[ Applause ]
♪

[ applause ]
♪
[ Cheering ]

[ Cheers and applause ]
Ladies and gentlemen, Adam
sandler.

Ladies and gentlemen, Adam
sandler.
Yeah, baby!

Sandler.
Yeah, baby!
Let's hear it for Jack, baby.

Yeah, baby!
Let's hear it for Jack, baby.
Jack made it out tonight!

Let's hear it for Jack, baby.
Jack made it out tonight!
Love you, brother.

Jack made it out tonight!
Love you, brother.
Okay, here we go.

Love you, brother.
Okay, here we go.
♪ everyone in this room has

okay, here we go.
♪ everyone in this room has
something in common ♪

♪ everyone in this room has
something in common ♪
♪ all of our lives were changed

something in common ♪
♪ all of our lives were changed
by the show ♪

♪ all of our lives were changed
by the show ♪
♪ everyone in this room has

by the show ♪
♪ everyone in this room has
something else in common, none

♪ everyone in this room has
something else in common, none
of US were allowed to use the

something else in common, none
of US were allowed to use the
little bathroom in lorne's

of US were allowed to use the
little bathroom in lorne's
office ♪

little bathroom in lorne's
office ♪
♪ 50 years, 50 years, Saturday

office ♪
♪ 50 years, 50 years, Saturday
night live has been on for 50

♪ 50 years, 50 years, Saturday
night live has been on for 50
years ♪

night live has been on for 50
years ♪
♪ 50 years of your sketch

years ♪
♪ 50 years of your sketch
killing at read-through and

♪ 50 years of your sketch
killing at read-through and
finding out they didn't take it

killing at read-through
and finding out they

didn't take it because
the host didn't want to

finding out they didn't take it
because the host didn't want to
take off his shirt ♪

because the host didn't want to
take off his shirt ♪
♪ 50 years, of Tuesday late

take off his shirt ♪
♪ 50 years, of Tuesday late
night pizza ♪

♪ 50 years, of Tuesday late
night pizza ♪
♪ 35 years of pepto-bismol from

night pizza ♪
♪ 35 years of pepto-bismol from
nurse Theresa ♪

♪ 35 years of pepto-bismol from
nurse Theresa ♪
yeah, baby!

Nurse Theresa ♪
yeah, baby!
♪ 50 years of the cast looking

yeah, baby!
♪ 50 years of the cast looking
straight at the cue cards, and

♪ 50 years of the cast
looking straight at the

cue cards, and 30 years
of drunk Wally holding

straight at the cue
cards, and 30 years of

drunk Wally holding the
cue cards upside down ♪

30 years of drunk Wally holding
the cue cards upside down ♪
that a baby, Wally!

The cue cards upside down ♪
that a baby, Wally!
♪ 50 years of writers seeing

that a baby, Wally!
♪ 50 years of writers seeing
Steven Spielberg at lorne's

♪ 50 years of writers
seeing Steven Spielberg

at lorne's monitors,
not laughing at one of

Steven Spielberg at
lorne's monitors, not

laughing at one of his
sketches that he obviously

monitors, not laughing at one of
his sketches that he obviously
hated ♪

his sketches that he obviously
hated ♪
♪ 50 years of those same writers

hated ♪
♪ 50 years of those same writers
getting wasted at the after

♪ 50 years of those same writers
getting wasted at the after
party ♪

getting wasted at the after
party ♪
♪ and loudly telling everybody

party ♪
♪ and loudly telling everybody
that jaws was overrated ♪

♪ and loudly telling
everybody that jaws was

overrated ♪ ♪ 50 years
of prank calling some

that jaws was overrated ♪
♪ 50 years of prank calling some
"New York" magazine critic, ♪

♪ 50 years of prank
calling some "New York"

magazine critic, ♪ ♪ 50
years of finding out your

"New York" magazine critic, ♪
♪ 50 years of finding out your
favorite musician's

♪ 50 years of finding out your
favorite musician's
antisemitic ♪

favorite musician's
antisemitic ♪
♪ 50 years of asking an intern

antisemitic ♪
♪ 50 years of asking an intern
to pick up your laundry at 2:30

♪ 50 years of asking
an intern to pick up your

laundry at 2:30 A.M.,
not realizing that the

to pick up your
laundry at 2:30 A.M., not

realizing that the intern
was Martin scorsese's kid

A.M., not realizing that
the intern was Martin

scorsese's kid or Nora
efron's kid or Randy

intern was Martin
scorsese's kid or Nora efron's

kid or Randy Newman's
kid or whoever lorne

or Nora efron's kid or Randy
Newman's kid or whoever lorne
had dinner with on Wednesday

Newman's kid or whoever lorne
had dinner with on Wednesday
night's kid ♪

had dinner with on Wednesday
night's kid ♪
♪ 50 years from cast members

night's kid ♪
♪ 50 years from cast members
saying I'm not getting on

♪ 50 years from cast members
saying I'm not getting on
enough ♪

saying I'm not getting on
enough ♪
♪ their spirits are broken and

enough ♪
♪ their spirits are broken and
their hearts are full of

♪ their spirits are broken and
their hearts are full of
malice ♪

their hearts are full of
malice ♪
♪ 50 years of them storming off

malice ♪
♪ 50 years of them storming off
to tell lorne how they really

♪ 50 years of them storming off
to tell lorne how they really
feel ♪

to tell lorne how they really
feel ♪
♪ then chickening out and saying

feel ♪
♪ then chickening out and saying
hey lorne, I knitted this scarf

♪ then chickening out and saying
hey lorne, I knitted this scarf
for Alice ♪

hey lorne, I knitted this scarf
for Alice ♪
♪ 50 years of waking up Sunday

for Alice ♪
♪ 50 years of waking up Sunday
afternoon to threats, 50 years

♪ 50 years of waking
up Sunday afternoon to

threats, 50 years of
downing writing that cold

afternoon to threats,
50 years of downing

writing that cold open
five minutes until dress,

of downing writing that cold
open five minutes until dress,
and Colin ♪

open five minutes until dress,
and Colin ♪
♪ 50 years of wondering who is

and Colin ♪
♪ 50 years of wondering who is
going to take over the show when

♪ 50 years of wondering
who is going to take

over the show when
lorne retires, but everyone

going to take over the
show when lorne retires,

but everyone knows
the answer is of course is

lorne retires, but everyone
knows the answer is of course is
petey ♪

knows the answer is of course is
petey ♪
♪ 50 years of young comedians

petey ♪
♪ 50 years of young comedians
getting hired for other shows ♪

♪ 50 years of young
comedians getting hired

for other shows ♪ ♪
stand-up second city in all

getting hired for other shows ♪
♪ stand-up second city in all
the rest ♪

♪ stand-up second city in all
the rest ♪
♪ 50 years of cast members

the rest ♪
♪ 50 years of cast members
saying I think our cast is the

♪ 50 years of cast members
saying I think our cast is the
greatest of all time ♪

saying I think our cast is the
greatest of all time ♪
♪ but we all know that the first

greatest of all time ♪
♪ but we all know that the first
cast was the best ♪

♪ but we all know that the first
cast was the best ♪
♪ and because of them we got

cast was the best ♪
♪ and because of them we got
four years of Eddie Murphy,

♪ and because of them we got
four years of Eddie Murphy,
eight years of will forte ♪

four years of Eddie Murphy,
eight years of will forte ♪
♪ five years of chan hooks and

eight years of will forte ♪
♪ five years of chan hooks and
gilda, six of Victoria, 11 of

♪ five years of chan hooks and
gilda, six of Victoria, 11 of
chase ♪

gilda, six of Victoria, 11 of
chase ♪
♪ three years of Melanie

chase ♪
♪ three years of Melanie
hutsell, Michael mckeon crushed

♪ three years of Melanie
hutsell, Michael mckeon crushed
it in two ♪

hutsell, Michael mckeon crushed
it in two ♪
♪ one in Billy crystal, six of

it in two ♪
♪ one in Billy crystal, six of
Dennis Miller, eight of Harvey

♪ one in Billy crystal, six of
Dennis Miller, eight of Harvey
the blue ♪

Dennis Miller, eight of Harvey
the blue ♪
♪ seven years of, five years

the blue ♪
♪ seven years of, five years
Terry and Quinn, four of

♪ seven years of, five years
Terry and Quinn, four of
klingon, 11 of armisen ♪

Terry and Quinn, four of
klingon, 11 of armisen ♪
♪ 14 years of Davis and handy,

klingon, 11 of armisen ♪
♪ 14 years of Davis and handy,
Schiller, 18 of ammon and disco,

♪ 14 years of Davis
and handy, Schiller, 18 of

ammon and disco, 30
years of downey, 45 years of

Schiller, 18 of ammon and disco,
30 years of downey, 45 years of
lorne ♪

30 years of downey, 45 years of
lorne ♪
♪ six years of our boy farley,

lorne ♪
♪ six years of our boy farley,
five of our buddy norm ♪

♪ six years of our boy farley,
five of our buddy norm ♪
♪ 50 years of one of US getting

five of our buddy norm ♪
♪ 50 years of one of US getting
to say live from New York, it's

♪ 50 years of one of US getting
to say live from New York, it's
Saturday night ♪

to say live from New York, it's
Saturday night ♪
♪ 50 years of standing on home

Saturday night ♪
♪ 50 years of standing on home
base, waving good night and

♪ 50 years of standing on home
base, waving good night and
goodbye ♪

base, waving good night and
goodbye ♪
♪ 50 years of the best times of

goodbye ♪
♪ 50 years of the best times of
our lives ♪♪

♪ 50 years of the best times of
our lives ♪♪
all right!

Our lives ♪♪
all right!
Thank you, all!

All right!
Thank you, all!
[ Cheers and applause ]

BMW.
Hot dogs and heroin, get
your hot dogs and heroin here.

Hot dogs and heroin, get
your hot dogs and heroin here.
Hello, kind sir.

Your hot dogs and heroin here.
Hello, kind sir.
We just moved here from the

hello, kind sir.
We just moved here from the
small towns we grew up in.

We just moved here from the
small towns we grew up in.
That's right.

Small towns we grew up in.
That's right.
We're both young and of the same

that's right.
We're both young and of the same
age, with dreams of making it

we're both young and
of the same age, with

dreams of making it big
here in New York City.

Age, with dreams of making it
big here in New York City.
You're moving to New York

big here in New York City.
You're moving to New York
now?

You're moving to New York
now?
It's 1975.

Now?
It's 1975.
New York is dying.

It's 1975.
New York is dying.
It's a bankrupt hell hole.

New York is dying.
It's a bankrupt hell hole.
Oh, it is?

It's a bankrupt hell hole.
Oh, it is?
Well, let's get out of here.

Oh, it is?
Well, let's get out of here.
No.

Well, let's get out of here.
No.
We're poets and dreamers, and

no.
We're poets and dreamers, and
New York can where we belong.

We're poets and dreamers, and
New York can where we belong.
So one hot dog with heroin,

New York can where we belong.
So one hot dog with heroin,
please.

So one hot dog with heroin,
please.
Very well.

Please.
Very well.
Hot dog and heroin, tell these

very well.
Hot dog and heroin, tell these
boys what New York City is all

hot dog and heroin, tell these
boys what New York City is all
about.

Boys what New York City is all
about.
♪♪

About.
♪♪
♪ baby look at me, and tell me

♪♪
♪ baby look at me, and tell me
what you see ♪

♪ baby look at me, and tell me
what you see ♪
♪ this old city is going to

what you see ♪
♪ this old city is going to
hell ♪

♪ this old city is going to
hell ♪
♪ urine is all you can smell ♪

hell ♪
♪ urine is all you can smell ♪
♪ fame, you're going to get shot

♪ urine is all you can
smell ♪ ♪ fame, you're

going to get shot in
a taxi, you're going to

♪ fame, you're going to get shot
in a taxi, you're going to
stabbed on the train ♪

in a taxi, you're going to
stabbed on the train ♪
♪ the president... baby remember

stabbed on the train ♪
♪ the president... baby remember
the game ♪

♪ the president... baby remember
the game ♪
♪♪

♪♪

[ applause ]
Whoa, where are we now, John?
It's the 1980s.

Whoa, where are we now, John?
It's the 1980s.
We're at a power lunch on wall

it's the 1980s.
We're at a power lunch on wall
street.

We're at a power lunch on wall
street.
Oh, New York is fine now?

Street.
Oh, New York is fine now?
If you're white, yes.

Oh, New York is fine now?
If you're white, yes.
It's all thanks to the boom on

if you're white, yes.
It's all thanks to the boom on
the stock market and a new diet

it's all thanks to the
boom on the stock market

and a new diet that's
been sweeping the city.

The stock market and a new diet
that's been sweeping the city.
Cocaine and some vodka.

That's been sweeping the city.
Cocaine and some vodka.
What a wonderful fame.

Cocaine and some vodka.
What a wonderful fame.
Cocaine and some vodka, it's how

what a wonderful fame.
Cocaine and some vodka, it's how
the mets win their games.

Cocaine and some vodka,
it's how the mets win

their games. ♪ no
sleeping, for a couple of

the mets win their games.
♪ no sleeping, for a couple of
days ♪

♪ no sleeping, for a couple of
days ♪
♪ it's the power lift that

days ♪
♪ it's the power lift that
shrinks your dick ♪

♪ it's the power lift that
shrinks your dick ♪
♪ cocaine and vodka ♪

shrinks your dick ♪
♪ cocaine and vodka ♪
♪ vodka, wow.

♪ Cocaine and vodka ♪
♪ vodka, wow.
I think Kinsey is going to be

♪ vodka, wow.
I think Kinsey is going to be
psyched.

I think Kinsey is going to be
psyched.
Won't it make it harder for

psyched.
Won't it make it harder for
artists like me to live here?

Won't it make it harder for
artists like me to live here?
It will.

Artists like me to live here?
It will.
And as we enter the '90s, times

it will.
And as we enter the '90s, times
square will be transformed from

and as we enter the
'90s, times square will

be transformed from
pimps and photographers to

square will be transformed from
pimps and photographers to
something filthier, cartoon

pimps and photographers to
something filthier, cartoon
mascots.

Something filthier, cartoon
mascots.
But the old guard will not go

mascots.
But the old guard will not go
quietly.

But the old guard will not go
quietly.
♪ look down, look down, you're

quietly.
♪ look down, look down, you're
standing in my grave ♪

♪ look down, look down, you're
standing in my grave ♪
♪ look down you fool, I have

standing in my grave ♪
♪ look down you fool, I have
served ♪

♪ look down you fool, I have
served ♪
♪ you will never change, I swear

served ♪
♪ you will never change, I swear
I do, you know nothing, two for

♪ you will never change, I swear
I do, you know nothing, two for
eight ♪

I do, you know nothing, two for
eight ♪
♪

eight ♪ ♪ ♪♪

♪
♪♪
♪ but look, it's the one who

♪♪
♪ but look, it's the one who
will unite them, the one

♪ but look, it's the one who
will unite them, the one
character in Times Square whose

will unite them, the one
character in Times Square whose
family friendly but also a

character in Times Square whose
family friendly but also a
prostitute, the green MandM.

Family friendly but also a
prostitute, the green MandM.
♪♪

Prostitute, the green MandM.
♪♪
♪ I dreamed a dream I'm... cough

♪♪
♪ I dreamed a dream I'm... cough
cough... and I was high on meth

♪ I dreamed a dream I'm... cough
cough... and I was high on meth
and skittles ♪

cough... and I was high on meth
and skittles ♪
♪ so different than it used to

and skittles ♪
♪ so different than it used to
be, so different from this hell

♪ so different than it used to
be, so different from this hell
I'm living ♪

be, so different from this hell
I'm living ♪
♪ so different now that it used

I'm living ♪
♪ so different now that it used
to be, but Julie killed the

♪ so different now that it used
to be, but Julie killed the
dream I dreamed ♪

to be, but Julie killed the
dream I dreamed ♪
what are you doing?

Dream I dreamed ♪
what are you doing?
Stop.

What are you doing?
Stop.
What are you doing?

Stop.
What are you doing?
That's right, Rudy giuliani,

what are you doing?
That's right, Rudy giuliani,
here in post-9/11 New York, the

that's right, Rudy
giuliani, here in post-9/11

New York, the city
has rallied like never

here in post-9/11 New York, the
city has rallied like never
before.

City has rallied like never
before.
Rudy, Rudy, you're america's

before.
Rudy, Rudy, you're america's
mayor.

Rudy, Rudy, you're america's
mayor.
You're beloved all across the

mayor.
You're beloved all across the
country, this is your big shot.

You're beloved all
across the country, this is

your big shot. What
are you going to do with

country, this is your big shot.
What are you going to do with
it?

What are you going to do with
it?
Simple.

It?
Simple.
I am throwing away my shots.

Simple.
I am throwing away my shots.
I am throwing my shots.

I am throwing away my shots.
I am throwing my shots.
Anyone and I am throwing away my

I am throwing my shots.
Anyone and I am throwing away my
shots.

Anyone and I am throwing away my
shots.
♪♪ whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

shots.
♪♪ whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
♪ rise up, a rise up, I'll plant

♪♪ whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
♪ rise up, a rise up, I'll plant
the thieves, and rise up,

♪ rise up, a rise up, I'll plant
the thieves, and rise up,
getting crazy, going to rise

the thieves, and rise up,
getting crazy, going to rise
up ♪

getting crazy, going to rise
up ♪
♪ rise up, and just like a city,

up ♪
♪ rise up, and just like a city,
buzz he is going away, I am

♪ rise up, and just like a city,
buzz he is going away, I am
throwing away ♪

buzz he is going away, I am
throwing away ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]

Throwing away ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Then after Michael bloomberg

[ cheers and applause ]
Then after Michael bloomberg
took New York to new heights.

Then after Michael
bloomberg took New York

to new heights. >> In
terms of how unaffordable

took New York to new heights.
In terms of how unaffordable
it became.

In terms of how unaffordable
it became.
Great impression.

It became.
Great impression.
And sylvie blasio brought ill

great impression.
And sylvie blasio brought ill
brought US universal di care.

And sylvie blasio brought ill
brought US universal di care.
Yeah, that right.

Brought US universal di care.
Yeah, that right.
Homeless dudes want to push

yeah, that right.
Homeless dudes want to push
people on to the subway track,

homeless dudes want to push
people on to the subway track,
they got it.

People on to the subway track,
they got it.
Somehow New York today feels

they got it.
Somehow New York today feels
like it's back in the '70s, back

somehow New York today feels
like it's back in the '70s, back
on skid row.

Like it's back in the '70s, back
on skid row.
That's right.

On skid row.
That's right.
Skid row.

That's right.
Skid row.
Oh my god, who hit you,

skid row.
Oh my god, who hit you,
Colin?

Oh my god, who hit you,
Colin?
No.

Colin?
No.
Not this time.

No.
Not this time.
You see, there is a new menace

not this time.
You see, there is a new menace
on the streets of our city.

You see, there is a new menace
on the streets of our city.
♪♪

On the streets of our city.
♪♪
♪ suddenly evites, they're

♪♪
♪ suddenly evites, they're
flying around me, on the

♪ suddenly evites, they're
flying around me, on the
sidewalk and suddenly e-bikes,

flying around me, on the
sidewalk and suddenly e-bikes,
they're trying to kill you, it's

sidewalk and suddenly e-bikes,
they're trying to kill you, it's
like from midnight ies ♪

they're trying to kill you, it's
like from midnight ies ♪
[ Applause ]

Like from midnight ies ♪
[ Applause ]
Then why even live in new

[ applause ]
Then why even live in new
York anymore?

Then why even live in new
York anymore?
It's too loud, it's too

York anymore?
It's too loud, it's too
dangerous.

It's too loud, it's too
dangerous.
They gives rats free birth

dangerous.
They gives rats free birth
control, but not human women?

They gives rats free
birth control, but not

human women? I mean,
if this is what New York

control, but not human women?
I mean, if this is what New York
is, I'm out.

I mean, if this is what New York
is, I'm out.
Wait, Pete, and where did

is, I'm out.
Wait, Pete, and where did
spade go, by the way?

Wait, Pete, and where did
spade go, by the way?
Oh, he sat back down in the

spade go, by the way?
Oh, he sat back down in the
audience.

Oh, he sat back down in the
audience.
Yeah, I got a feel for it.

Audience.
Yeah, I got a feel for it.
Pete, before you turn your

yeah, I got a feel
for it. >> Pete, before

you turn your back on
New York, remember what

Pete, before you turn your
back on New York, remember what
this city gave you.

Back on New York, remember what
this city gave you.
Herpes?

This city gave you.
Herpes?
No, this city didn't give you

herpes?
No, this city didn't give you
that.

No, this city didn't give you
that.
I remember how the city inspired

that.
I remember how the city inspired
you.

I remember how the city inspired
you.
Just because the art scene and

you.
Just because the art scene and
the music scene are dead and the

just because the art
scene and the music scene

are dead and the city is
a bunch of td banks and

the music scene are dead and the
city is a bunch of td banks and
you can't just give up.

City is a bunch of td banks and
you can't just give up.
I'm just asking you, nay, all of

you can't just give
up. I'm just asking you,

nay, all of US here,
to still believe in the

I'm just asking you,
nay, all of US here, to still

believe in the power
of New York, and to give

US here, to still believe in the
power of New York, and to give
the city we love...

Power of New York, and to give
the city we love...
♪♪

The city we love...
♪♪
♪ one day more, another

♪♪
♪ one day more, another
destiny ♪

♪ one day more, another
destiny ♪
♪ still having a horse and

destiny ♪
♪ still having a horse and
carriage, how can it be ♪

♪ still having a horse and
carriage, how can it be ♪
♪ even though it's full of guns,

carriage, how can it
be ♪ ♪ even though it's

full of guns, there is
no place I would spend

♪ even though it's full of guns,
there is no place I would spend
my time ♪

there is no place I would spend
my time ♪
♪ I would not live another

my time ♪
♪ I would not live another
place ♪

♪ I would not live another
place ♪
yes.

Place ♪
yes.
♪ though we cannot afford

yes.
♪ though we cannot afford
apartments ♪

♪ though we cannot afford
apartments ♪
♪ one day more, we will unite

apartments ♪
♪ one day more, we will unite
again ♪

♪ one day more, we will unite
again ♪
♪ our rise to power merely...

Again ♪
♪ our rise to power merely...
one day more ♪

♪ our rise to power merely...
one day more ♪
♪ revolution, how to stop the

one day more ♪
♪ revolution, how to stop the
violent crime, most cities don't

♪ revolution, how to stop the
violent crime, most cities don't
have more people, here it

violent crime, most cities don't
have more people, here it
happens all the time ♪

have more people, here it
happens all the time ♪
♪ I dreamed a dream that king

happens all the time ♪
♪ I dreamed a dream that king
Kong died, then I remembered

♪ I dreamed a dream that king
Kong died, then I remembered
he's in Florida ♪

Kong died, then I remembered
he's in Florida ♪
♪ I place is here, I fight with

he's in Florida ♪
♪ I place is here, I fight with
you ♪

♪ I place is here, I fight with
you ♪
♪ tomorrow we'll discover what

you ♪
♪ tomorrow we'll discover what
our city has in store, one more

♪ tomorrow we'll
discover what our city has

in store, one more time,
one more day, one day

our city has in store, one more
time, one more day, one day
more ♪♪

time, one more day, one day
more ♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]

Sfliefnlgt, 17-time host, Alec
Baldwin.
Thank you.

Baldwin.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.

Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Good evening, everyone.

Thank you very much.
Good evening, everyone.
I'm Alex Baldwin.

Good evening, everyone.
I'm Alex Baldwin.
I should have corrected you

I'm Alex Baldwin.
I should have corrected you
about that a long time ago.

I should have corrected you
about that a long time ago.
I'm here to introduce some of

about that a long
time ago. I'm here to

introduce some of the
best commercial parodies to

I'm here to introduce
some of the best commercial

parodies to ever appear
on "Saturday night

the best commercial parodies to
ever appear on "Saturday night
live."

Ever appear on "Saturday night
live."
I'm also like to thank the fine

live."
I'm also like to thank the fine
folks who are sponsoring this

I'm also like to thank the fine
folks who are sponsoring this
soygd.

Folks who are sponsoring this
soygd.
Segment.

Soygd.
Segment.
Are you having trouble falling

segment.
Are you having trouble falling
asleep?

Are you having trouble falling
asleep?
Nothing puts people... nothing

asleep?
Nothing puts people... nothing
puts people to sleep faster than

nothing puts people...
Nothing puts people to

sleep faster than the
sketches to air after

puts people to sleep faster than
the sketches to air after
update.

The sketches to air after
update.
We also third year veneers.

Update.
We also third year veneers.
Arrived here with no money and

we also third year
veneers. Arrived here with

no money and gaffed
up teeth, by year three,

arrived here with no
money and gaffed up teeth,

by year three, you
better believe they're

gaffed up teeth, by year three,
you better believe they're
getting third year veneers.

You better believe they're
getting third year veneers.
Right, Sam?

Getting third year veneers.
Right, Sam?
You bet, Alex.

Right, Sam?
You bet, Alex.
Just never bite into an

you bet, Alex.
Just never bite into an
apple.

Just never bite into an
apple.
And now without further ado,

apple.
And now without further ado,
here are some commercials.

And now without further ado,
here are some commercials.
[ Applause ]

Here are some commercials.
[ Applause ]
You just go ahead, have a

[ applause ]
You just go ahead, have a
talk with the your old grandma.

You just go ahead, have a
talk with the your old grandma.
You're still having control

talk with the your old grandma.
You're still having control
problems, aren't you?

You're still having control
problems, aren't you?
I don't feel confident,

problems, aren't you?
I don't feel confident,
Harvey.

I don't feel confident,
Harvey.
Come with me.

Harvey.
Come with me.
I'll let you in on a little

come with me.
I'll let you in on a little
secret.

I'll let you in on a little
secret.
Here we are.

Secret.
Here we are.
Oops, I pooped my pants.

Here we are.
Oops, I pooped my pants.
A lot of miles that day and

oops, I pooped my pants.
A lot of miles that day and
downed a lot of donuts.

A lot of miles that day and
downed a lot of donuts.
Have been on my tray table since

downed a lot of donuts.
Have been on my tray table since
I was a kid.

Have been on my tray table since
I was a kid.
Well, there is fiber and

I was a kid.
Well, there is fiber and
there is high fiber.

Well, there is fiber and
there is high fiber.
Colon blow.

There is high fiber.
Colon blow.
I think I get the picture.

Colon blow.
I think I get the picture.
Get the edge.

I think I get the picture.
Get the edge.
Hi, I'm Mel where you find

get the edge.
Hi, I'm Mel where you find
your own towel, you cut your own

hi, I'm Mel where you find
your own towel, you cut your own
steaks.

Your own towel, you cut your own
steaks.
Wilson trap doors.

Steaks.
Wilson trap doors.
Watch, the British toupee.

Wilson trap doors.
Watch, the British toupee.
But can it copy your ad?

Watch, the British toupee.
But can it copy your ad?
The xerox 790 ad check can.

But can it copy your ad?
The xerox 790 ad check can.
Why not share the most moment

the xerox 790 ad check can.
Why not share the most moment
of them all with the love

why not share the most moment
of them all with the love
toilet.

Of them all with the love
toilet.
♪♪

Toilet.
♪♪
the canon ae 1, a Cannon so

♪♪
the canon ae 1, a Cannon so
simple, even Stevie wonder can

the canon ae 1, a Cannon so
simple, even Stevie wonder can
use it.

Simple, even Stevie wonder can
use it.
Robots are everywhere.

Use it.
Robots are everywhere.
And they eat all people's

robots are everywhere.
And they eat all people's
medicine for fuel.

And they eat all people's
medicine for fuel.
Now there is a company that

medicine for fuel.
Now there is a company that
offers coverage against the

now there is a company that
offers coverage against the
unfortunate event of a robot

offers coverage against the
unfortunate event of a robot
attack, old glory insurance.

Unfortunate event of a robot
attack, old glory insurance.
Discontinue use of happy fun

attack, old glory insurance.
Discontinue use of happy fun
ball if any of the following

discontinue use of happy fun
ball if any of the following
occurs.

Ball if any of the following
occurs.
This mother's day, give her

occurs.
This mother's day, give her
something that says I'm not a

this mother's day, give her
something that says I'm not a
woman anymore.

Something that says I'm not a
woman anymore.
I'm a mom.

Woman anymore.
I'm a mom.
With Tylenol P.M., I know i'm

I'm a mom.
With Tylenol P.M., I know i'm
going get a good night sleep.

With Tylenol P.M., I
know i'm going get a good

night sleep. I Salim
through my first dump in

going get a good night sleep.
I Salim through my first dump in
the morning.

I Salim through my first dump in
the morning.
Did you [ Bleep ] the bed?

The morning.
Did you [ Bleep ] the bed?
Now with ecstasy.

Did you [ Bleep ] the bed?
Now with ecstasy.
Nutraquick suppository.

Now with ecstasy.
Nutraquick suppository.
Jon hamm's Jon hamm.

Nutraquick suppository.
Jon hamm's Jon hamm.
Crystal gravy.

Jon hamm's Jon hamm.
Crystal gravy.
Baby's thing.

Crystal gravy.
Baby's thing.
Baby's toupee.

Baby's thing.
Baby's toupee.
Tampon, made for a woman by a

baby's toupee.
Tampon, made for a woman by a
republican.

Tampon, made for a woman by a
republican.
It's a robot and it cleans my

republican.
It's a robot and it cleans my
business, my lady business, and

it's a robot and it cleans my
business, my lady business, and
I like that.

Business, my lady business, and
I like that.
Using bosley's breakthrough

I like that.
Using bosley's breakthrough
technique, harvested from the

using bosley's
breakthrough technique,

harvested from the
mezzanine and brought to the

technique, harvested from the
mezzanine and brought to the
head.

Mezzanine and brought to the
head.
That's what I call taco.

Head.
That's what I call taco.
Well, it's not a taco town,

that's what I call
taco. >> Well, it's not

a taco town, taco,
until we roll it up in a

well, it's not a taco town,
taco, until we roll it up in a
blueberry pancake.

Taco, until we roll it up in a
blueberry pancake.
It's almost pizza, pizza that

blueberry pancake.
It's almost pizza, pizza that
is practically in every way

it's almost pizza, pizza that
is practically in every way
except for a few key once.

Is practically in every way
except for a few key once.
I'll eat it.

Except for a few key once.
I'll eat it.
No!

I'll eat it.
No!
Absolutely not.

No!
Absolutely not.
Is it a b shirt?

Absolutely not.
Is it a b shirt?
Is it a c shirt?

Is it a b shirt?
Is it a c shirt?
No, a z shirt.

Is it a c shirt?
No, a z shirt.
For when you realize you love

no, a z shirt.
For when you realize you love
Taylor swift.

For when you realize you love
Taylor swift.
Babe, we need those.

Taylor swift.
Babe, we need those.
What's going on back there?

Babe, we need those.
What's going on back there?
[ Bleep ] Love function guy.

What's going on back
there? [ Bleep ] Love

function guy. >> You
can't smoke in here, man.

[ Bleep ] Love function guy.
You can't smoke in here, man.
You're smoking in here.

You can't smoke in here, man.
You're smoking in here.
We've got toilet.

You're smoking in here.
We've got toilet.
Ozempic for ramadan.

We've got toilet.
Ozempic for ramadan.
Xanax for gay summer

ozempic for ramadan.
Xanax for gay summer
weddings.

Xanax for gay summer
weddings.
Freeways.

Weddings.
Freeways.
Undercover office potty.

Freeways.
Undercover office potty.
Bathroom cobra.

Undercover office potty.
Bathroom cobra.
Rogaine.

Bathroom cobra.
Rogaine.
Deluxe 2.

Rogaine.
Deluxe 2.
With a smile that says yum.

Deluxe 2.
With a smile that says yum.
Introducing Wells for

with a smile that says yum.
Introducing Wells for
sensitive little boys.

Introducing Wells for
sensitive little boys.
You want to do the commercial

sensitive little boys.
You want to do the commercial
anymore?

You want to do the commercial
anymore?
Okay.

Anymore?
Okay.
He wants to go back to the well.

Okay.
He wants to go back to the well.
[ Applause ]

He wants to go back to the well.
[ Applause ]
I agree.

[ Applause ]
I agree.
I think needs a vacation.

I agree.
I think needs a vacation.
I agree.

I think needs a vacation.
I agree.
Hello.

I agree.
Hello.
Hi, I'm Betty.

Hello.
Hi, I'm Betty.
Welcome to Bronx beat.

Hi, I'm Betty.
Welcome to Bronx beat.
Yes.

Welcome to Bronx beat.
Yes.
This is a very special

yes.
This is a very special
episode because we are coming

this is a very special
episode because we are coming
from the "snl" 50th anniversary

episode because we are coming
from the "snl" 50th anniversary
show.

From the "snl" 50th anniversary
show.
Right.

Show.
Right.
Ooh la la!

Right.
Ooh la la!
[ Applause ]

Ooh la la!
[ Applause ]
I am seeing so many icons.

[ Applause ]
I am seeing so many icons.
What an incredible night.

I am seeing so many icons.
What an incredible night.
We got very famous people in

what an incredible night.
We got very famous people in
the audience.

We got very famous people in
the audience.
Actor, actor.

The audience.
Actor, actor.
Actor.

Actor, actor.
Actor.
Conan o'brien.

Actor.
Conan o'brien.
Actor, actor.

Conan o'brien.
Actor, actor.
And look at this guy.

Actor, actor.
And look at this guy.
Oh, yeah.

And look at this guy.
Oh, yeah.
He's a cutie.

Oh, yeah.
He's a cutie.
Hey, hi.

He's a cutie.
Hey, hi.
Who you?

Hey, hi.
Who you?
Hi, cutie.

Who you?
Hi, cutie.
What do you do?

Hi, cutie.
What do you do?
I'm an actor.

What do you do?
I'm an actor.
Oh, you know what?

I'm an actor.
Oh, you know what?
Honey, get up here.

Oh, you know what?
Honey, get up here.
Come on.

Honey, get up here.
Come on.
[ Applause ]

Come on.
[ Applause ]
Hurry up.

[ Applause ]
Hurry up.
We don't have time.

Hurry up.
We don't have time.
The show is 30 minutes.

We don't have time.
The show is 30 minutes.
Okay.

The show is 30 minutes.
Okay.
Okay, okay.

Okay.
Okay, okay.
So tell US your name, honey, who

okay, okay.
So tell US your name, honey, who
are you?

So tell US your name, honey, who
are you?
Miles teller.

Are you?
Miles teller.
Oh, you're cute, miles.

Miles teller.
Oh, you're cute, miles.
Miles, I like your smile.

Oh, you're cute, miles.
Miles, I like your smile.
Miles smiles.

Miles, I like your smile.
Miles smiles.
So you're an actor.

Miles smiles.
So you're an actor.
So what's that like?

So you're an actor.
So what's that like?
You know what, miles, if I

so what's that like?
You know what, miles, if I
was an actor and had to kiss

you know what, miles, if I
was an actor and had to kiss
someone in a movie, I would

was an actor and had to kiss
someone in a movie, I would
immediately fall in love.

Someone in a movie, I would
immediately fall in love.
You know what?

Immediately fall in love.
You know what?
It's not very romantic.

You know what?
It's not very romantic.
If my job were to be in

it's not very romantic.
If my job were to be in
movies and do love scenes, i'd

if my job were to be in
movies and do love scenes, i'd
be in jail.

Movies and do love scenes, i'd
be in jail.
Yeah.

Be in jail.
Yeah.
So miles, we want to know

yeah.
So miles, we want to know
every single little thing about

so miles, we want to know
every single little thing about
you.

Every single little thing about
you.
How did you get your start?

You.
How did you get your start?
I caught the acting bug when

how did you get your start?
I caught the acting bug when
I was a sophomore in high

I caught the acting bug when
I was a sophomore in high
school.

I was a sophomore in high
school.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

School.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't start that far back.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't start that far back.
We don't have that kind of time.

Don't start that far back.
We don't have that kind of time.
Yeah, miles, we're not

we don't have that kind of time.
Yeah, miles, we're not
immortal.

Yeah, miles, we're not
immortal.
Okay.

Immortal.
Okay.
What do we know you from?

Okay.
What do we know you from?
Well, I was in "top gun:

What do we know you from?
Well, I was in "top gun:
Maverick."

Well, I was in "top gun:
Maverick."
Oh, there we go.

Maverick."
oh, there we go.
We've seen that.

Oh, there we go.
We've seen that.
We've seen that.

We've seen that.
We've seen that.
Look at you.

We've seen that.
Look at you.
Look at you in "top gun 2".

Look at you.
Look at you in "top gun 2".
It's actually "top gun:

Look at you in "top gun 2".
It's actually "top gun:
Maverick."

It's actually "top gun:
Maverick."
Oh, "top gun 2."

Maverick."
oh, "top gun 2."
"Top gun 2".

Oh, "top gun 2."
"Top gun 2".
I'm proud of you.

"Top gun 2".
I'm proud of you.
Proud of you in "top gun 2" with

I'm proud of you.
Proud of you in "top gun 2" with
Tom Cruise.

Proud of you in "top gun 2" with
Tom Cruise.
Who did you play?

Tom Cruise.
Who did you play?
Who did you play?

Who did you play?
Who did you play?
I played rooster.

Who did you play?
I played rooster.
Okay.

I played rooster.
Okay.
Okay, rooster.

Okay.
Okay, rooster.
I remember you.

Okay, rooster.
I remember you.
That was you playing football on

I remember you.
That was you playing football on
the beach tussling with Tom

that was you playing football on
the beach tussling with Tom
cruise, huh?

The beach tussling with Tom
cruise, huh?
Let me ask you a question.

Cruise, huh?
Let me ask you a question.
You like to tussle?

Let me ask you a question.
You like to tussle?
You like to tussle?

You like to tussle?
You like to tussle?
You like to tussle on the beach?

You like to tussle?
You like to tussle on the beach?
You a tussler?

You like to tussle on the beach?
You a tussler?
I bet you do.

You a tussler?
I bet you do.
I bet you like to tussle with

I bet you do.
I bet you like to tussle with
Tom Cruise on the beach.

I bet you like to tussle with
Tom Cruise on the beach.
You like to tussle?

Tom Cruise on the beach.
You like to tussle?
Cock-a-doodle-doo.

You like to tussle?
Cock-a-doodle-doo.
Cock-a-doodle-doo in "top gun

cock-a-doodle-doo.
Cock-a-doodle-doo in "top gun
2.

Cock-a-doodle-doo in "top gun
2.
"Top gun: Maverick."

2.
"Top gun: Maverick."
I've never going to call it

"top gun: Maverick."
I've never going to call it
that.

I've never going to call it
that.
Thank you.

That.
Thank you.
You can go sit down, rooster.

Thank you.
You can go sit down, rooster.
Goodbye.

You can go sit down, rooster.
Goodbye.
[ Applause ]

Goodbye.
[ Applause ]
He's cute.

[ Applause ]
He's cute.
He should be an actor.

He's cute.
He should be an actor.
He is cute.

He should be an actor.
He is cute.
All right.

He is cute.
All right.
That's all the time we have.

All right.
That's all the time we have.
It's a very packed show.

That's all the time we have.
It's a very packed show.
Betty, let's get out of here,

it's a very packed show.
Betty, let's get out of here,
you know.

Betty, let's get out of here,
you know.
We can go get some coffee or

you know.
We can go get some coffee or
something.

We can go get some coffee or
something.
Somebody talking about

something.
Somebody talking about
coffee?

Somebody talking about
coffee?
[ Cheering ]

Coffee?
[ Cheering ]
Oh, my gosh, we're not

[ cheering ]
Oh, my gosh, we're not
worthy, we're not worthy!

Oh, my gosh, we're not
worthy, we're not worthy!
Touch my monkey, touch my

worthy, we're not worthy!
Touch my monkey, touch my
monkey.

Touch my monkey, touch my
monkey.
Okay.

Monkey.
Okay.
Oh my god, look at you, it's

okay.
Oh my god, look at you, it's
so good to see you.

Oh my god, look at you, it's
so good to see you.
Thank you for stopping by.

So good to see you.
Thank you for stopping by.
Well, I was at zabar's

thank you for stopping by.
Well, I was at zabar's
picking up a noodle cuing kugel

well, I was at zabar's
picking up a noodle cuing kugel
thought I would come see the

picking up a noodle cuing kugel
thought I would come see the
girls.

Thought I would come see the
girls.
We are thrilled you're here.

Girls.
We are thrilled you're here.
You look wonderful.

We are thrilled you're here.
You look wonderful.
Thank you.

You look wonderful.
Thank you.
Both of you, you look like

thank you.
Both of you, you look like
butter.

Both of you, you look like
butter.
My god.

Butter.
My god.
Oh, come on, look at you.

My god.
Oh, come on, look at you.
Two big sticks of butter, that's

oh, come on, look at you.
Two big sticks of butter, that's
what you are.

Two big sticks of butter, that's
what you are.
Well, I do use a salve on my

what you are.
Well, I do use a salve on my
skin that is made of stem cells

well, I do use a salve on my
skin that is made of stem cells
and snail mucin.

Skin that is made of stem cells
and snail mucin.
I think it's made of snail

and snail mucin.
I think it's made of snail
sperm.

I think it's made of snail
sperm.
Good for you, good for you.

Sperm.
Good for you, good for you.
How is our mutual friend Paul

good for you, good for you.
How is our mutual friend Paul
Baldwin?

How is our mutual friend Paul
Baldwin?
Well, our dear friend Paul

Baldwin?
Well, our dear friend Paul
Baldwin is in the clinic here in

well, our dear friend Paul
Baldwin is in the clinic here in
the city.

Baldwin is in the clinic here in
the city.
He's got advanced spillken

the city.
He's got advanced spillken
connector, flew him up from boca

he's got advanced spillken
connector, flew him up from boca
raton in an iron lung.

Connector, flew him up from boca
raton in an iron lung.
What a shonda.

Raton in an iron lung.
What a shonda.
Poor Baldwin.

What a shonda.
Poor Baldwin.
I'm telling you right now,

poor Baldwin.
I'm telling you right now,
I'm getting a little verklempt.

I'm telling you right now,
I'm getting a little verklempt.
Talk amongst yourselves.

I'm getting a little verklempt.
Talk amongst yourselves.
I'll give you a topic.

Talk amongst yourselves.
I'll give you a topic.
Professor Vera was neither

I'll give you a topic.
Professor Vera was neither
progressive nor an error.

Professor Vera was neither
progressive nor an error.
Okay.

Progressive nor an error.
Okay.
Okay.

Okay.
Okay.
That's a good way to pull

okay.
That's a good way to pull
through.

That's a good way to pull
through.
Thanks, god, pooh-pooh pooh.

Through.
Thanks, god, pooh-pooh pooh.
How you doing?

Thanks, god, pooh-pooh pooh.
How you doing?
It's been a tough year.

How you doing?
It's been a tough year.
What's wrong?

It's been a tough year.
What's wrong?
I have a hematoma

what's wrong?
I have a hematoma
infactoryum.

I have a hematoma
infactoryum.
My shorts are on fire.

Infactoryum.
My shorts are on fire.
I had to have it moved four

my shorts are on fire.
I had to have it moved four
inches.

I had to have it moved four
inches.
Where my belly button used to

inches.
Where my belly button used to
be, I can't wear belmonts.

Where my belly button used to
be, I can't wear belmonts.
Your store. Zorch?

Be, I can't wear belmonts.
Your store. Zorch?
Your what?

Your store. Zorch?
Your what?
My zorch.

Your what?
My zorch.
I think he means the downtown

my zorch.
I think he means the downtown
area.

I think he means the downtown
area.
You in know what I want to

area.
You in know what I want to
do, sit down.

You in know what I want to
do, sit down.
You know who likes sitting down?

Do, sit down.
You know who likes sitting down?
My stupid husband.

You know who likes sitting down?
My stupid husband.
Yeah, I heard about the

my stupid husband.
Yeah, I heard about the
husband.

Yeah, I heard about the
husband.
All he does is sit around and

husband.
All he does is sit around and
watch outlander reruns on starz.

All he does is sit around and
watch outlander reruns on starz.
Here it comes.

Watch outlander reruns on starz.
Here it comes.
Stupid, but I love him so much.

Here it comes.
Stupid, but I love him so much.
I know, I know.

Stupid, but I love him so much.
I know, I know.
Give me my four children.

I know, I know.
Give me my four children.
I want them to live forever.

Give me my four children.
I want them to live forever.
You better pray he doesn't.

I want them to live
forever. >> You better

pray he doesn't. Never
going to say his splunk

you better pray he doesn't.
Never going to say his splunk
is...

Never going to say his splunk
is...
[ Talking gibberish ]

Is...
[ Talking gibberish ]
Everybody try, my ssris must

[ talking gibberish ]
Everybody try, my ssris must
be booming because I don't feel

everybody try, my ssris must
be booming because I don't feel
a thing.

Be booming because I don't feel
a thing.
Can I just say something?

A thing.
Can I just say something?
Can I just say something?

Can I just say something?
Can I just say something?
We're all miracles.

Can I just say something?
We're all miracles.
Maybe the secret of life is that

we're all miracles.
Maybe the secret of life is that
there are no big whoops, only a

maybe the secret of
life is that there are no

big whoops, only a
series of small agonizing

there are no big whoops, only a
series of small agonizing
whoops.

Series of small agonizing
whoops.
You're right, Linda.

Whoops.
You're right, Linda.
Bring it in.

You're right, Linda.
Bring it in.
You are so right, Linda.

Bring it in.
You are so right, Linda.
You know what?

You are so right, Linda.
You know what?
The whole world is going to blow

you know what?
The whole world is going to blow
up.

The whole world is going to blow
up.
Who cares.

Up.
Who cares.
Have a glass of wine.

Who cares.
Have a glass of wine.
Have two glasses of wine.

Have a glass of wine.
Have two glasses of wine.
Who cares.

Have two glasses of wine.
Who cares.
You know what?

Who cares.
You know what?
We should go for a glass of

you know what?
We should go for a glass of
wine.

We should go for a glass of
wine.
Right now.

Wine.
Right now.
You know what?

Right now.
You know what?
Bad news, it's raining.

You know what?
Bad news, it's raining.
But good news, it's sweater

bad news, it's raining.
But good news, it's sweater
weather.

But good news, it's sweater
weather.
Sweater weather!

Weather.
Sweater weather!
We're going to have some

sweater weather!
We're going to have some
wine.

We're going to have some
wine.
Let's go.

Wine.
Let's go.
[ Cheers and applause ]

Ladies and gentlemen, lil
Wayne and the roots.
[ Cheers and applause ]

Wayne and the roots.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪

[ cheers and applause ]
♪♪
ladies and gentlemen what

♪♪
ladies and gentlemen what
the, y'all.

Ladies and gentlemen what
the, y'all.
Five for three two...

The, y'all.
Five for three two...
♪ what the f-though

five for three two...
♪ what the f-though
where the love go

♪ what the f-though
where the love go
five, four, three, two

where the love go
five, four, three, two
I let one go ♪

five, four, three, two
I let one go ♪
♪ bow, get the f-though

I let one go ♪
♪ bow, get the f-though
I don't bluff, bro

♪ bow, get the f-though
I don't bluff, bro
aiming at your head

I don't bluff, bro
aiming at your head
like a buffalo ♪

aiming at your head
like a buffalo ♪
♪ you a roughneck

like a buffalo ♪
♪ you a roughneck
I'm a cutthroat

♪ you a roughneck
I'm a cutthroat
you're a tough guy

I'm a cutthroat
you're a tough guy
that's enough jokes ♪

you're a tough guy
that's enough jokes ♪
♪ then the sun die

that's enough jokes ♪
♪ then the sun die
the night is young though

♪ then the sun die
the night is young though
the diamonds still shine

the night is young though
the diamonds still shine
get it rough ♪

the diamonds still shine
get it rough ♪
♪ let's work

get it rough ♪
♪ let's work
what the f-though

♪ let's work
what the f-though
where the love go ♪

what the f-though
where the love go ♪
♪ five, four, three, two

where the love go ♪
♪ five, four, three, two
I let one go

♪ five, four, three, two
I let one go
let's work ♪

I let one go
let's work ♪
♪ bow, get the f-though

let's work ♪
♪ bow, get the f-though
I don't bluff, bro

♪ bow, get the f-though
I don't bluff, bro
aiming at your head

I don't bluff, bro
aiming at your head
like a buffalo ♪

aiming at your head
like a buffalo ♪
♪ she lick me

like a buffalo ♪
♪ she lick me
like a lollipop

♪ she lick me
like a lollipop
lollipop ♪

like a lollipop
lollipop ♪
♪ shorty want a thug

lollipop ♪
♪ shorty want a thug
thug, thug

♪ shorty want a thug
thug, thug
bottles in the club

thug, thug
bottles in the club
club, club ♪

bottles in the club
club, club ♪
he like a lollipop

club, club ♪
he like a lollipop
♪♪

he like a lollipop
♪♪
♪ she even wear her hair like

♪♪
♪ she even wear her hair like
mine, but man, she never had a

♪ she even wear her hair like
mine, but man, she never had a
love like mine ♪

mine, but man, she never had a
love like mine ♪
♪ I never seen a body like

love like mine ♪
♪ I never seen a body like
hers ♪

♪ I never seen a body like
hers ♪
♪ that body err love for word ♪

hers ♪
♪ that body err love for word ♪
♪ I told her to back it up, she

♪ that body err love for word ♪
♪ I told her to back it up, she
made it jump ♪♪

♪ I told her to back it up, she
made it jump ♪♪
that's when she... okay, okay,

made it jump ♪♪
that's when she... okay, okay,
okay ♪

that's when she... okay, okay,
okay ♪
♪ you don't understand ♪

okay ♪
♪ you don't understand ♪
♪ two women at the same time,

♪ you don't understand ♪
♪ two women at the same time,
synchronized swimming ♪

♪ two women at the same time,
synchronized swimming ♪
♪ I never met the girl, but I

synchronized swimming ♪
♪ I never met the girl, but I
like I missed her ♪

♪ I never met the girl, but I
like I missed her ♪
♪ and death is a sister ♪

like I missed her ♪
♪ and death is a sister ♪
♪ can resist her ♪

♪ and death is a sister ♪
♪ can resist her ♪
♪ we are no mother nature, it's

♪ can resist her ♪
♪ we are no mother nature, it's
all in the family, I got no

♪ we are no mother nature, it's
all in the family, I got no
relation ♪

all in the family, I got no
relation ♪
♪ no matter who's buying, I'm a

relation ♪
♪ no matter who's buying, I'm a
celebration, black and white

♪ no matter who's buying, I'm a
celebration, black and white
diamonds ♪

celebration, black and white
diamonds ♪
♪ I don't feel like I've done

diamonds ♪
♪ I don't feel like I've done
enough, ♪

♪ I don't feel like I've done
enough, ♪
♪ yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ I got to stop, she got me
thinking ♪
I could date a cop ♪

thinking ♪
I could date a cop ♪
♪ 'cause her uniform

I could date a cop ♪
♪ 'cause her uniform
fits her so tight

♪ 'cause her uniform
fits her so tight
she read me my rights ♪

fits her so tight
she read me my rights ♪
♪ she put me in her car

she read me my rights ♪
♪ she put me in her car
she cut off all the lights

♪ she put me in her car
she cut off all the lights
she said I have the right

she cut off all the lights
she said I have the right
to remain silent ♪

she said I have the right
to remain silent ♪
♪ now I got her hollering

to remain silent ♪
♪ now I got her hollering
sounding like a siren

♪ now I got her hollering
sounding like a siren
talking 'bout

sounding like a siren
talking 'bout
wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪

talking 'bout
wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪
♪ and I know she the law

wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪
♪ and I know she the law
and she know I'm the boss

♪ and I know she the law
and she know I'm the boss
and she know I get high

and she know I'm the boss
and she know I get high
above the law ♪

and she know I get high
above the law ♪
♪ and she know I'm raw

above the law ♪
♪ and she know I'm raw
she know I'm from the streets

♪ and she know I'm raw
she know I'm from the streets
and all she want me to do

she know I'm from the streets
and all she want me to do
is f-the police ♪

and all she want me to do
is f-the police ♪
♪ talking 'bout

is f-the police ♪
♪ talking 'bout
wee-oo-wee-oo-wee, yeah ♪

♪ talking 'bout
wee-oo-wee-oo-wee, yeah ♪
♪ when I get up all in you

wee-oo-wee-oo-wee, yeah ♪
♪ when I get up all in you
we can hear the

♪ when I get up all in you
we can hear the
angels calling US ♪

we can hear the
angels calling US ♪
♪ we can see

angels calling US ♪
♪ we can see
the sunrise before US

♪ we can see
the sunrise before US
and when I'm in that thang ♪

the sunrise before US
and when I'm in that thang ♪
♪ I'll make that body sing

and when I'm in that thang ♪
♪ I'll make that body sing
I'll make it say

♪ I'll make that body sing
I'll make it say
wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪

I'll make it say
wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪
♪ wee-oo-wee-oo-wee

wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪
♪ wee-oo-wee-oo-wee
wee-oo-wee-oo-wee

♪ wee-oo-wee-oo-wee
wee-oo-wee-oo-wee
wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪

wee-oo-wee-oo-wee
wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪
♪ wee-oo-wee-oo-wee

wee-oo-wee-oo-wee ♪
♪ wee-oo-wee-oo-wee
wee-oo-wee-oo-wee

♪ wee-oo-wee-oo-wee
wee-oo-wee-oo-wee
I'll make ya say ♪

♪ A million, a million, a
million, a million, a million ♪
♪ a million, a million, a

million, a million, a million ♪
♪ a million, a million, a
million ♪

♪ a million, a million, a
million ♪
♪ a millionaire

million ♪
♪ a millionaire
I'm a young money millionaire

♪ a millionaire
I'm a young money millionaire
tougher than Nigerian hair ♪

I'm a young money millionaire
tougher than Nigerian hair ♪
♪ my criteria compared

tougher than Nigerian hair ♪
♪ my criteria compared
to your career

♪ my criteria compared
to your career
and leak on the sheet ♪

to your career
and leak on the sheet ♪
♪ of the tablet in my mind

and leak on the sheet ♪
♪ of the tablet in my mind
'cause I don't write...

♪ Of the tablet in my mind
'cause I don't write...
cause I ain't got time ♪

'cause I don't write...
cause I ain't got time ♪
♪ and the almighty power

cause I ain't got time ♪
♪ and the almighty power
of that ch-ch-ch-chopper

♪ and the almighty power
of that ch-ch-ch-chopper
sister, brother

of that ch-ch-ch-chopper
sister, brother
son, daughter ♪

sister, brother
son, daughter ♪
♪ father, mother

son, daughter ♪
♪ father, mother
♪

♪ father, mother
♪
tell the coppers

♪ tell the coppers ha-ha-ha-ha ♪

tell the coppers
ha-ha-ha-ha ♪
♪ you can't catch 'em

ha-ha-ha-ha ♪
♪ you can't catch 'em
you can't stop 'em

♪ you can't catch 'em
you can't stop 'em
I go by them goon rules ♪

you can't stop 'em
I go by them goon rules ♪
♪ if you can't beat 'em

I go by them goon rules ♪
♪ if you can't beat 'em
then you pop 'em

♪ if you can't beat 'em
then you pop 'em
you can't man 'em

then you pop 'em
you can't man 'em
then you mop 'em ♪

you can't man 'em
then you mop 'em ♪
♪ you can't stand 'em

then you mop 'em ♪
♪ you can't stand 'em
then you drop 'em

♪ you can't stand 'em
then you drop 'em
you pop 'em 'cause ♪

then you drop 'em
you pop 'em 'cause ♪
♪ we pop 'em like

you pop 'em 'cause ♪
♪ we pop 'em like
Orville redenbacher

♪ we pop 'em like
Orville redenbacher
♪ everybody, homeboy ♪

Orville redenbacher
♪ everybody, homeboy ♪
♪ a million here

♪ everybody, homeboy ♪
♪ a million here
a million there

♪ a million here
a million there
sicilian with long hair ♪

a million there
sicilian with long hair ♪
♪ with coke in her derriere

sicilian with long hair ♪
♪ with coke in her derriere
like smoke in

♪ with coke in her derriere
like smoke in
the thinnest air ♪

like smoke in
the thinnest air ♪
♪ I open the lamborghini

the thinnest air ♪
♪ I open the lamborghini
hopin' them guys see me

♪ I open the lamborghini
hopin' them guys see me
like look at

hopin' them guys see me
like look at
that bastard weezy ♪

like look at
that bastard weezy ♪
♪ he's a beast

that bastard weezy ♪
♪ he's a beast
he's a dog

♪ he's a beast
he's a dog
he's a mother... problem ♪

he's a dog
he's a mother... problem ♪
♪ okay, you're a goon

he's a mother... problem ♪
♪ okay, you're a goon
but what's a goon

♪ okay, you're a goon
but what's a goon
to a goblin ♪♪

but what's a goon
to a goblin ♪♪
thank you.

To a goblin ♪♪
thank you.
Happy 50th.

Thank you.
Happy 50th.
[ Cheering ]

As we celebrate the
achievements of the past 50
years, we must also take a

achievements of the past 50
years, we must also take a
moment to honor those who we've

years, we must also take a
moment to honor those who we've
lost.

Moment to honor those who we've
lost.
Countless members of the "snl"

lost.
Countless members of the "snl"
family taken from US too soon.

Countless members
of the "snl" family taken

from US too soon. I'm
talking of course "snl"

family taken from US too soon.
I'm talking of course "snl"
characters and sketches that

I'm talking of course "snl"
characters and sketches that
have aged horribly.

Characters and sketches that
have aged horribly.
But even though these

have aged horribly.
But even though these
characters, accents and let's

but even though these
characters, accents and let's
just call them ethnic wigs were

characters, accents
and let's just call them

ethnic wigs were
unquestionably in poor taste,

just call them ethnic wigs were
unquestionably in poor taste,
you all laughed at them.

Unquestionably in poor taste,
you all laughed at them.
So if anyone should be canceled,

you all laughed at them.
So if anyone should be canceled,
shouldn't it be you, the

so if anyone should be canceled,
shouldn't it be you, the
audience?

Shouldn't it be you, the
audience?
[ Laughter ]

Audience?
[ Laughter ]
Something to think about.

[ Laughter ]
Something to think about.
Any way, we now present to you

something to think about.
Any way, we now present to you
this in memoriam.

Would you tell me...
it will give me a job.
Your job, he he he.

It will give me a job.
Your job, he he he.
Make you believe.

Your job, he he he.
Make you believe.
Hey, excuse me.

Make you believe.
Hey, excuse me.
This is getting out of hand.

Hey, excuse me.
This is getting out of hand.
Why don't you drop out of

this is getting out of
hand. >> Why don't you

drop out of that green
jumpsuit and show me

why don't you drop out of
that green jumpsuit and show me
that fat ass.

That green jumpsuit and show me
that fat ass.
Hey, what do you say we

that fat ass.
Hey, what do you say we
adjoin to the janitor's closet,

hey, what do you
say we adjoin to the

janitor's closet, drop trow
and see if we can make

adjoin to the janitor's closet,
drop trow and see if we can make
baby?

Drop trow and see if we can make
baby?
It looks like this is my

baby?
It looks like this is my
lucky day.

It looks like this is my
lucky day.
I'll take the rapist for 200.

Lucky day.
I'll take the rapist for 200.
That's therapist.

I'll take the rapist for 200.
That's therapist.
Look at my bum, I look at

that's therapist.
Look at my bum, I look at
your bum.

Look at my bum, I look at
your bum.
I made a little diary to show

your bum.
I made a little diary to show
everybody how it is to be a

I made a little diary to show
everybody how it is to be a
host here.

Everybody how it is to be a
host here.
I made my grandmother's

host here.
I made my grandmother's
special recipe for cocker

I made my grandmother's
special recipe for cocker
spaniel.

Special recipe for cocker
spaniel.
I know it's not your first

spaniel.
I know it's not your first
choice, but keep in mind you're

I know it's not your first
choice, but keep in mind you're
a doll.

Choice, but keep in mind you're
a doll.
All right.

A doll.
All right.
Jane, you ignorant slut!

All right.
Jane, you ignorant slut!
Guys dancing with guys, girls

Jane, you ignorant
slut! >> Guys dancing

with guys, girls dancing
with girls, guys that

guys dancing with
guys, girls dancing with

girls, guys that looks
like girls dancing with

dancing with girls, guys that
looks like girls dancing with
girls.

Looks like girls dancing with
girls.
You don't even know what gay

girls.
You don't even know what gay
is.

You don't even know what gay
is.
I didn't like it the first

is.
I didn't like it the first
time when it was called chasing

I didn't like it the first
time when it was called chasing
Amy.

Time when it was called chasing
Amy.
Run, throw, and catch like a

Amy.
Run, throw, and catch like a
girl.

Run, throw, and catch like a
girl.
Olympics.

Girl.
Olympics.
The winner is.

Olympics.
The winner is.
It should be noted that that

the winner is.
It should be noted that that
joke was written by a woman.

It should be noted that that
joke was written by a woman.
No, just kidding.

Joke was written by a woman.
No, just kidding.
We don't hire women.

No, just kidding.
We don't hire women.
Happy holidays for everyone,

we don't hire women.
Happy holidays for everyone,
expect New Jersey!

Happy holidays for everyone,
expect New Jersey!
What the hell is that?

Please welcome Marsha Quinn,
sue chow and li hao.
Welcome to celebrity battle

sue chow and li hao.
Welcome to celebrity battle
of the sexes and races.

Welcome to celebrity battle
of the sexes and races.
You know you're a beautiful

of the sexes and races.
You know you're a beautiful
woman.

You know you're a beautiful
woman.
Robert Blake, puff daddy.

Woman.
Robert Blake, puff daddy.
Don't judge a book by its

Robert Blake, puff daddy.
Don't judge a book by its
cover.

Don't judge a book by its
cover.
My man is like r. Kelly.

Cover.
My man is like r. Kelly.
Thank you to r. Kelly.

My man is like r. Kelly.
Thank you to r. Kelly.
I'm Jared Vogel from subway.

Thank you to r. Kelly.
I'm Jared Vogel from subway.
White trash.

I'm Jared Vogel from subway.
White trash.
Jungle bunny.

White trash.
Jungle bunny.
Honky!

Jungle bunny.
Honky!
Spade.

Honky!
Spade.
Honky honky.

Spade.
Honky honky.
[ Bleep ] [ Bleep ].

Honky honky.
[ Bleep ] [ Bleep ].
Dead honky.

Hi, guys!
Hi.
Hi, drew.

Hi.
Hi, drew.
Hi.

Hi, drew.
Hi.
Good to see you.

Hi.
Good to see you.
I didn't know you knew eyo.

Good to see you.
I didn't know you knew eyo.
Just met in the bathroom.

I didn't know you knew eyo.
Just met in the bathroom.
Crawled under her stall.

Just met in the bathroom.
Crawled under her stall.
My kind of gal.

Crawled under her stall.
My kind of gal.
What a night to celebrate.

My kind of gal.
What a night to celebrate.
I know.

What a night to celebrate.
I know.
You know what?

I know.
You know what?
Is there a bartender here?

You know what?
Is there a bartender here?
What can I get you?

Is there a bartender here?
What can I get you?
[ Cheers and applause ]

What can I get you?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, you know, it's a

[ cheers and applause ]
Well, you know, it's a
celebration.

Well, you know, it's a
celebration.
I'm thinking some bubbly.

Celebration.
I'm thinking some bubbly.
I love that yeah, it's great.

I'm thinking some bubbly.
I love that yeah, it's great.
Here you go, guys.

I love that yeah, it's great.
Here you go, guys.
Thank you.

Here you go, guys.
Thank you.
All right!

Thank you.
All right!
Party!

All right!
Party!
Ex-official.

Party!
Ex-official.
Have you seen the latest

ex-official.
Have you seen the latest
study on alcohol?

Have you seen the latest
study on alcohol?
Even one drink can significantly

study on alcohol?
Even one drink can significantly
slash life expectancy.

Even one drink can significantly
slash life expectancy.
♪♪

Slash life expectancy.
♪♪
♪ you're enjoying your day,

♪♪
♪ you're enjoying your day,
everything going your way, then

♪ you're enjoying your day,
everything going your way, then
along comes Debbie downer ♪

everything going your
way, then along comes

Debbie downer ♪ ♪ tell
you about a new disease,

along comes Debbie downer ♪
♪ tell you about a new disease,
a car accident or a killer

♪ tell you about a new disease,
a car accident or a killer
bees ♪

a car accident or a killer
bees ♪
♪ but you can't stop Debbie

bees ♪
♪ but you can't stop Debbie
downer ♪

♪ but you can't stop Debbie
downer ♪
okay, I think sometimes you

downer ♪
okay, I think sometimes you
just got to celebrate.

Okay, I think sometimes you
just got to celebrate.
I mean, this is such a

just got to celebrate.
I mean, this is such a
special night.

I mean, this is such a
special night.
I agree.

Special night.
I agree.
To "snl," to another 50 years!

I agree.
To "snl," to another 50 years!
Cheers!

To "snl," to another 50 years!
Cheers!
Let's hope humanity lasts

cheers!
Let's hope humanity lasts
that long.

Let's hope humanity lasts
that long.
At this point, it looks like

that long.
At this point, it looks like
we're going the way of the white

at this point, it looks like
we're going the way of the white
rhino.

We're going the way of the white
rhino.
What are you talking about?

Rhino.
What are you talking about?
There are only two left in

what are you talking about?
There are only two left in
captivity, and they're both

there are only two left in
captivity, and they're both
female.

Captivity, and they're both
female.
♪♪

Female.
♪♪
well, here is a toast to all

♪♪
well, here is a toast to all
of the friends we've made, both

well, here is a toast to all
of the friends we've made, both
old and new.

Of the friends we've made, both
old and new.
Hey, amen to that.

Old and new.
Hey, amen to that.
Hey, just a heads up, we

hey, amen to that.
Hey, just a heads up, we
don't have any eggs.

Hey, just a heads up, we
don't have any eggs.
What?

Don't have any eggs.
What?
Why would we want eggs?

What?
Why would we want eggs?
Bird flu is on the rampage.

Why would we want eggs?
Bird flu is on the rampage.
Millions of s s of fowl have a

bird flu is on the rampage.
Millions of s s of fowl have a
been culled.

Millions of s s of fowl have a
been culled.
Debbie, we're trying to have

been culled.
Debbie, we're trying to have
fun, okay.

Debbie, we're trying to have
fun, okay.
Why don't you go take five.

Fun, okay.
Why don't you go take five.
Believe me, I'd love to sit

why don't you go take five.
Believe me, I'd love to sit
down.

Believe me, I'd love to sit
down.
My right foot is throbbing.

Down.
My right foot is throbbing.
Pretty sure it's my old friend

my right foot is throbbing.
Pretty sure it's my old friend
gout.

Pretty sure it's my old friend
gout.
♪♪

Gout.
♪♪
thank you.

♪♪
thank you.
Well.

Thank you.
Well.
Hey, Bobby!

Well.
Hey, Bobby!
Good to see you.

Hey, Bobby!
Good to see you.
Nice to see you.

Good to see you.
Nice to see you.
Excuse me, I'm such a big

nice to see you.
Excuse me, I'm such a big
fan.

Excuse me, I'm such a big
fan.
It's good to see you.

Fan.
It's good to see you.
Can I have a Tequila and a soda

it's good to see you.
Can I have a Tequila and a soda
with a straw?

Can I have a Tequila and a soda
with a straw?
You talking to me?

With a straw?
You talking to me?
You talking to me?

You talking to me?
You talking to me?
Is that supposed to be a

you talking to me?
Is that supposed to be a
joke?

Is that supposed to be a
joke?
No, I'm asking, I have dry

joke?
No, I'm asking, I have dry
eye, and it's hard to discern if

no, I'm asking, I have dry
eye, and it's hard to discern if
you were talking to me.

Eye, and it's hard to discern if
you were talking to me.
♪♪

You were talking to me.
♪♪
just give me a drink.

♪♪
just give me a drink.
Okay, sure.

Just give me a drink.
Okay, sure.
Coming right up.

Okay, sure.
Coming right up.
Here you go.

Coming right up.
Here you go.
There you go with that.

Here you go.
There you go with that.
There you go.

There you go with that.
There you go.
Kind of surprise you'd want a

there you go.
Kind of surprise you'd want a
straw.

Kind of surprise you'd want a
straw.
Why is that?

Straw.
Why is that?
Microplastic.

Why is that?
Microplastic.
At this point, we're all walking

microplastic.
At this point, we're all walking
landfills.

At this point, we're all walking
landfills.
♪♪

Landfills.
♪♪
odds are they've already

♪♪
odds are they've already
taken up residence in your

odds are they've already
taken up residence in your
testes.

Taken up residence in your
testes.
♪♪

Testes.
♪♪
[ Laughter ]

♪♪
[ Laughter ]
Deborah, I'm going to talk

[ laughter ]
Deborah, I'm going to talk
now, and you're going to shut

Deborah, I'm going to talk
now, and you're going to shut
it.

Now, and you're going to shut
it.
I do not appreciate this

it.
I do not appreciate this
conversation.

I do not appreciate this
conversation.
I don't want to talk about

conversation.
I don't want to talk about
plastic in my balls.

I don't want to talk about
plastic in my balls.
I want to laugh and feel joy and

plastic in my balls.
I want to laugh and feel joy and
have a sliver of hope for three

I want to laugh and
feel joy and have a sliver

of hope for three
goddamn hours of my life.

Have a sliver of hope for three
goddamn hours of my life.
That's all I want.

Goddamn hours of my life.
That's all I want.
I came here tonight to get a

that's all I want.
I came here tonight to get a
little frigging break from our

I came here tonight
to get a little frigging

break from our world
right now, which is like

little frigging break
from our world right

now, which is like
living under a... in a full

world right now, which is like
living under a... in a full
diaper.

Living under a... in a full
diaper.
Diapers are a leading culprit

diaper.
Diapers are a leading culprit
in the microplastic saga.

Diapers are a leading culprit
in the microplastic saga.
♪♪

In the microplastic saga.
♪♪
Bobby, Bobby, Bob, it's all

♪♪
Bobby, Bobby, Bob, it's all
working.

Bobby, Bobby, Bob, it's all
working.
She think she is helping, okay?

Working.
She think she is helping, okay?
My kids think the best of you.

She think she is helping, okay?
My kids think the best of you.
Speaking of kids, it's

my kids think the best of you.
Speaking of kids, it's
official.

Speaking of kids, it's
official.
I can't have children.

Official.
I can't have children.
♪♪ but I told you that once,

I can't have children.
♪♪ but I told you that once,
Jimmy.

♪♪ But I told you that once,
Jimmy.
Yeah, did you?

Jimmy.
Yeah, did you?
I don't remember.

Yeah, did you?
I don't remember.
You know what, Debbie,

I don't remember.
You know what, Debbie,
Jimmy's right.

You know what, Debbie,
Jimmy's right.
Why don't you join US in a

Jimmy's right.
Why don't you join US in a
toast.

Why don't you join US in a
toast.
Okay.

Toast.
Okay.
Okay.

Okay.
Okay.
Let me get my drink.

Okay.
Let me get my drink.
To laughter, to friendship,

let me get my drink.
To laughter, to friendship,
and to 50 years!

To laughter, to friendship,
and to 50 years!
And to continuing advances in

and to 50 years!
And to continuing advances in
curing feline aids.

And to continuing advances in
curing feline aids.
It's the number one killer of

curing feline aids.
It's the number one killer of
domestic cats.

It's the number one killer of
domestic cats.
Meow, meow.

Domestic cats.
Meow, meow.
♪ no, you can't stop Debbie

meow, meow.
♪ no, you can't stop Debbie
downer ♪

♪ no, you can't stop Debbie
downer ♪
[ Applause ]

♪♪

All right, you knucklehead,
listen up.
I bet you think robbing a

listen up.
I bet you think robbing a
convenience store is pretty

I bet you think robbing a
convenience store is pretty
boss, yeah?

Convenience store is pretty
boss, yeah?
Whatever, man.

Boss, yeah?
Whatever, man.
You may think it's one big

whatever, man.
You may think it's one big
joke, but it's not.

You may think it's one big
joke, but it's not.
It's why I invited

joke, but it's not.
It's why I invited
representatives from the scared

it's why I invited
representatives from the scared
straight program.

Representatives from the scared
straight program.
They're inmates at the larchmont

straight program.
They're inmates at the larchmont
maximum security prison and here

they're inmates at the
larchmont maximum security

prison and here to
warn you of a dangerous

maximum security prison and here
to warn you of a dangerous
lifestyle.

To warn you of a dangerous
lifestyle.
Get in here!

Lifestyle.
Get in here!
All right, here we come.

Get in here!
All right, here we come.
On your feet!

All right, here we come.
On your feet!
Coming up.

On your feet!
Coming up.
Sit your asses down!

Coming up.
Sit your asses down!
On your feet!

Sit your asses down!
On your feet!
Sit down before I kill

on your feet!
Sit down before I kill
somebody.

Sit down before I kill
somebody.
There you go.

Somebody.
There you go.
All right.

There you go.
All right.
My name is Lorenzo macintosh.

All right.
My name is Lorenzo macintosh.
And my name is all the way

my name is Lorenzo macintosh.
And my name is all the way
ray may.

And my name is all the way
ray may.
I don't do nothing halfway.

Ray may.
I don't do nothing halfway.
[ Laughter ]

I don't do nothing halfway.
[ Laughter ]
What you in here for, chief?

[ Laughter ]
What you in here for, chief?
Let me guess, manipulating

what you in here for, chief?
Let me guess, manipulating
crypto market.

Let me guess, manipulating
crypto market.
No, no, that's a terrible

crypto market.
No, no, that's a terrible
guess, no.

No, no, that's a terrible
guess, no.
I got these little bozos

guess, no.
I got these little bozos
shoplifting.

I got these little bozos
shoplifting.
Oh, shoplifting.

Shoplifting.
Oh, shoplifting.
It starts with shoplifting.

Oh, shoplifting.
It starts with shoplifting.
Guess where it ends... genocide!

It starts with shoplifting.
Guess where it ends... genocide!
What?

Guess where it ends... genocide!
What?
But wait.

What?
But wait.
You better listen up.

But wait.
You better listen up.
You think you tough, huh?

You better listen up.
You think you tough, huh?
You real street?

You think you tough, huh?
You real street?
Well, guess what?

You real street?
Well, guess what?
When I was a boy, I watched both

well, guess what?
When I was a boy, I watched both
my parents die on these streets.

When I was a boy, I watched both
my parents die on these streets.
That's right.

My parents die on these streets.
That's right.
And the family that adopted him

that's right.
And the family that adopted him
made him sleep under the

and the family that adopted him
made him sleep under the
staircase.

Made him sleep under the
staircase.
Until one day I got a letter

staircase.
Until one day I got a letter
from an owl telling me I had to

until one day I
got a letter from an owl

telling me I had to report
to some kind of school

from an owl telling me I had to
report to some kind of school
for wizards.

Report to some kind of school
for wizards.
[ Laughter ]

For wizards.
[ Laughter ]
Is that what you want, huh?

[ Laughter ]
Is that what you want, huh?
You and Hermione have to stop

is that what you want,
huh? You and Hermione

have to stop who must
not be named before he

you and Hermione have
to stop who must not be

named before he gets
his hands on the sorcerer's

who must not be named before he
gets his hands on the sorcerer's
stone?

Gets his hands on the sorcerer's
stone?
That's definitely Harry

stone?
That's definitely Harry
Potter.

That's definitely Harry
Potter.
No, no.

Potter.
No, no.
Shut your damn mouth.

No, no.
Shut your damn mouth.
Your mind.

Shut your damn mouth.
Your mind.
In prison there will be a dude

your mind.
In prison there will be a dude
entering your chamber of

in prison there will be a dude
entering your chamber of
secrets.

Entering your chamber of
secrets.
Maybe Slytherin right into your

secrets.
Maybe Slytherin right into your
ass-ka-ban.

Maybe Slytherin right into your
ass-ka-ban.
You're not going to be in

ass-ka-ban.
You're not going to be in
Hogwarts.

You're not going to be in
Hogwarts.
There will be warts on your hog.

Hogwarts.
There will be warts on your hog.
Come on, hufflepuff it.

There will be warts on your hog.
Come on, hufflepuff it.
The dude I describe as

come on, hufflepuff it.
The dude I describe as
serious black is going to wave

the dude I describe as
serious black is going to wave
his wand in your face and say

serious black is going to wave
his wand in your face and say
expect

his wand in your face and say
expect
expecto fellatio.

Expect
expecto fellatio.
Good lord, fellows.

Expecto fellatio.
Good lord, fellows.
Well done, chief.

Good lord, fellows.
Well done, chief.
We stepped on the line.

Well done, chief.
We stepped on the line.
That's a two point shot.

We stepped on the line.
That's a two point shot.
Now which one of you all is

that's a two point shot.
Now which one of you all is
the ringleader?

Now which one of you all is
the ringleader?
What I didn't realize it was

the ringleader?
What I didn't realize it was
national rat out a latino day.

What I didn't realize it was
national rat out a latino day.
On your damn feet.

National rat out a latino day.
On your damn feet.
Look at them pretty brown

on your damn feet.
Look at them pretty brown
eyes.

Look at them pretty brown
eyes.
They're going love you in

eyes.
They're going love you in
prison, Arianna pequeno.

They're going love you in
prison, Arianna pequeno.
Why you shoplift?

Prison, Arianna pequeno.
Why you shoplift?
I was trying to impress my

why you shoplift?
I was trying to impress my
girlfriend.

I was trying to impress my
girlfriend.
She thick as hell.

Girlfriend.
She thick as hell.
You think I'm going to try

she thick as hell.
You think I'm going to try
those?

You think I'm going to try
those?
Start with a 400 pound

those?
Start with a 400 pound
professor, huh?

Start with a 400 pound
professor, huh?
And I fell in love with Jada

professor, huh?
And I fell in love with Jada
pinkett?

And I fell in love with Jada
pinkett?
But he was ashamed of his weight

pinkett?
But he was ashamed of his weight
so he drank a serum that turned

but he was ashamed of his weight
so he drank a serum that turned
him into buddy love.

So he drank a serum that turned
him into buddy love.
Is that what you want?

Him into buddy love.
Is that what you want?
Then you go through a den and

is that what you want?
Then you go through a den and
realize that everybody at the

then you go through a den and
realize that everybody at the
table is the same person.

Realize that everybody at the
table is the same person.
Because this is real!

Table is the same person.
Because this is real!
Yo, okay, that's almost

because this is real!
Yo, okay, that's almost
certainly "the nutty professor."

Yo, okay, that's
almost certainly "the

nutty professor." >>
What will that what you're

certainly "the nutty professor."
What will that what you're
going to both get.

What will that what you're
going to both get.
Prison, you'll be professor

going to both get.
Prison, you'll be professor
your love of nuts all right, but

prison, you'll be
professor your love of

nuts all right, but you
won't be losing no 200

your love of nuts all right, but
you won't be losing no 200
pounds.

You won't be losing no 200
pounds.
You'll be gaining 9 inches.

Pounds.
You'll be gaining 9 inches.
See they give you a

you'll be gaining 9 inches.
See they give you a
possession, muscle relaxants.

See they give you a
possession, muscle relaxants.
You'll be handling so many dudes

possession, muscle
relaxants. You'll be handling

so many dudes at once,
they'll all be cheering

you'll be handling so
many dudes at once, they'll

all be cheering at the
same time, Hercules,

at once, they'll all be cheering
at the same time, Hercules,
Hercules.

At the same time, Hercules,
Hercules.
Absolutely not, no.

Hercules.
Absolutely not, no.
I let that go way too long

absolutely not, no.
I let that go way too long
because optimism a fan of the

I let that go way too long
because optimism a fan of the
film.

Because optimism a fan of the
film.
Come on.

Film.
Come on.
These are children.

Come on.
These are children.
Fellows all right?

These are children.
Fellows all right?
30-year-old children.

Fellows all right?
30-year-old children.
Come on.

30-year-old children.
Come on.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Come on.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
[ Applause ]

Hey, hey, hey, hey.
[ Applause ]
No one else is wearing their

[ applause ]
No one else is wearing their
spring uniform.

No one else is wearing their
spring uniform.
[ Laughter ]

Spring uniform.
[ Laughter ]
Who the hell is this guy?

[ Laughter ]
Who the hell is this guy?
That's big red.

Who the hell is this guy?
That's big red.
That's right.

That's big red.
That's right.
They call me big red.

That's right.
They call me big red.
Because of your hair?

They call me big red.
Because of your hair?
No, because I'm well read.

Because of your hair?
No, because I'm well read.
I got six geds and a nagging

no, because I'm well read.
I got six geds and a nagging
uti, and I'd like to offer a

I got six geds and a nagging
uti, and I'd like to offer a
counterpoint.

Uti, and I'd like to offer a
counterpoint.
Prison is actually really fun.

Counterpoint.
Prison is actually really fun.
I'm in an improv group, i'm

prison is actually really fun.
I'm in an improv group, i'm
scrapbooking like crazy.

I'm in an improv group, i'm
scrapbooking like crazy.
Outside I never used to get

scrapbooking like crazy.
Outside I never used to get
laid.

Outside I never used to get
laid.
Now I'm having sex 50, 60 times

laid.
Now I'm having sex 50, 60 times
a day.

Now I'm having sex 50, 60 times
a day.
It's incredible.

A day.
It's incredible.
Yeah, but don't let all of

it's incredible.
Yeah, but don't let all of
that fool you.

Yeah, but don't let all of
that fool you.
This man is tough as nails.

That fool you.
This man is tough as nails.
Tough as press-on nails.

This man is tough as nails.
Tough as press-on nails.
You better believe that, buster.

Tough as press-on
nails. You better believe

that, buster. >> Tell
him your story, red.

You better believe that, buster.
Tell him your story, red.
Well, you see, I was

tell him your story, red.
Well, you see, I was
abandoned as a baby.

Well, you see, I was
abandoned as a baby.
Got my human parents.

Abandoned as a baby.
Got my human parents.
So I was forced to grow up at

got my human parents.
So I was forced to grow up at
the north pole.

So I was forced to grow up at
the north pole.
And you know, I'm going to skip

the north pole.
And you know, I'm going to skip
ahead to elf.

And you know, I'm going to skip
ahead to elf.
I'm going to talk about elf.

Ahead to elf.
I'm going to talk about elf.
But guess what!

I'm going to talk about elf.
But guess what!
This is real.

But guess what!
This is real.
This is elf.

This is real.
This is elf.
I mean, real!

This is elf.
I mean, real!
So you were an elf?

I mean, real!
So you were an elf?
I knew you were a little bitch.

So you were an elf?
I knew you were a little bitch.
Oh!

I knew you were a little bitch.
Oh!
That's the night the lights

oh!
That's the night the lights
went out in Georgia.

That's the night the lights
went out in Georgia.
You better keep your damn

went out in Georgia.
You better keep your damn
mouth shut.

You better keep your damn
mouth shut.
In prison, you're not going

mouth shut.
In prison, you're not going
to be named elf you're no.

In prison, you're not going
to be named elf you're no.
You're going to get elfed.

To be named elf you're no.
You're going to get elfed.
In your butt.

You're going to get elfed.
In your butt.
I'm trying, I'm trying.

In your butt.
I'm trying, I'm trying.
You're doing good.

I'm trying, I'm trying.
You're doing good.
That's right, that's right.

You're doing good.
That's right, that's right.
And forget about your nut

that's right, that's right.
And forget about your nut
hole.

And forget about your nut
hole.
What you need to be worrying

hole.
What you need to be worrying
about is your south pole,

what you need to be worrying
about is your south pole,
because you'll be yelling son of

about is your south pole,
because you'll be yelling son of
a nutcracker, all right?

Because you'll be yelling
son of a nutcracker,

all right? And it won't
be no Santa coming

a nutcracker, all right?
And it won't be no Santa coming
to town.

And it won't be no Santa coming
to town.
It will be Santos coming in your

to town.
It will be Santos coming in your
brown.

It will be Santos coming in your
brown.
No, no!

Brown.
No, no!
Get out of here.

No, no!
Get out of here.
Let's go.

Get out of here.
Let's go.
All three.

Let's go.
All three.
Let's go.

All three.
Let's go.
That's okay.

Let's go.
That's okay.
That's okay.

That's okay.
That's okay.
Red, come on.

That's okay.
Red, come on.
We got to go.

Red, come on.
We got to go.
Red, get we got to go.

We got to go.
Red, get we got to go.
[ Applause ]

Red, get we got to go.
[ Applause ]
Boy.

[ Applause ]
Boy.
I don't know what I was

boy.
I don't know what I was
thinking.

I don't know what I was
thinking.
I don't know how that would be

thinking.
I don't know how that would be
helpful, you know.

I don't know how that would be
helpful, you know.
Ask what I can do for you.

Helpful, you know.
Ask what I can do for you.
Come on, enough.

Ask what I can do for you.
Come on, enough.
It's too much.

Come on, enough.
It's too much.
It's all right.

It's too much.
It's all right.
[ Cheers and applause ]

It's all right.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪

[ cheers and applause ]
♪♪
ladies and gentlemen, a live

♪♪
ladies and gentlemen, a live
show!

Ladies and gentlemen, a live
show!
>>.

Show!
>>.
[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

[ cheers and applause ]
Hello, y'all.
I am Jared Maurice!

Hello, y'all.
I am Jared Maurice!
[ Cheering ]

I am Jared Maurice!
[ Cheering ]
Wait a minute, are there any

[ cheering ]
Wait a minute, are there any
cops in the audience?

Wait a minute, are there any
cops in the audience?
I am Garrett Morris, okay, and

cops in the audience?
I am Garrett Morris, okay, and
way back there, when I joined

I am Garrett Morris, okay, and
way back there, when I joined
the cast of "Saturday night

way back there, when I joined
the cast of "Saturday night
live," I had no idea, y'all,

the cast of "Saturday night
live," I had no idea, y'all,
that I would be required to do

live," I had no idea, y'all,
that I would be required to do
so many reunion shows.

That I would be required to do
so many reunion shows.
[ Laughter ]

So many reunion shows.
[ Laughter ]
But here I am, okay.

[ Laughter ]
But here I am, okay.
Now, this film you're going to

but here I am, okay.
Now, this film you're going to
see, it's a great film made by

now, this film you're going to
see, it's a great film made by
my man Tom Schiller, yeah.

See, it's a great film made by
my man Tom Schiller, yeah.
In 1978, and it features the

my man Tom Schiller, yeah.
In 1978, and it features the
entire cast.

In 1978, and it features the
entire cast.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy

entire cast.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy
"look back in anger."

So sit back, relax, and enjoy
"look back in anger."
[ Applause ]

I guess this is my stop.
♪♪

♪♪

I thought I'd be the first to
go.
I was one of those live hard,

go.
I was one of those live hard,
die young, good-looking corpse

I was one of those live hard,
die young, good-looking corpse
types.

Die young, good-looking corpse
types.
Well, I guess they were wrong.

Types.
Well, I guess they were wrong.
Here they are, all my friends.

Well, I guess they were
wrong. Here they are,

all my friends. This is
not ready for prime time

here they are, all my friends.
This is not ready for prime time
cemetery.

This is not ready for prime time
cemetery.
Oh, no.

Cemetery.
Oh, no.
♪♪

Here's gilda radner.
She had her own show on Canadian
television for years and years,

she had her own show
on Canadian television

for years and years,
"the gilda radner show."

Television for years
and years, "the gilda

radner show." Well, at
least now I can see her

"the gilda radner show."
Well, at least now I can see her
on reruns.

Well, at least now I can see her
on reruns.
God bless her.

On reruns.
God bless her.
Here is where laraine is.

God bless her.
Here is where laraine is.
They say she murdered her dej

here is where laraine is.
They say she murdered her dej
husband.

They say she murdered her dej
husband.
Then moved to the valley in

husband.
Then moved to the valley in
California and had pecan farms.

Then moved to the
valley in California and had

pecan farms. She was
a big one when she died.

California and had pecan
farms. She was a big

one when she died. Jane
curtain, she married a

she was a big one when
she died. Jane curtain,

she married a stockbroker,
had two children,

Jane curtain, she married a
stockbroker, had two children,
moved upstate New York.

Stockbroker, had two children,
moved upstate New York.
She died of complications during

moved upstate New York.
She died of complications during
cosmetic surgery.

She died of complications during
cosmetic surgery.
Garrett Morris.

Cosmetic surgery.
Garrett Morris.
Apparently Garrett left the show

Garrett Morris.
Apparently Garrett left the show
and worked in the black theater

apparently Garrett left the show
and worked in the black theater
for years.

And worked in the black theater
for years.
And then he died of an overdose

for years.
And then he died of an overdose
of heroin.

And then he died of an overdose
of heroin.
Here is bill Murray.

Of heroin.
Here is bill Murray.
He lived the longest.

Here is bill Murray.
He lived the longest.
38 years.

He lived the longest.
38 years.
He was happy when he died,

38 years.
He was happy when he died,
though.

He was happy when he died,
though.
He just grown his mustache back.

Though.
He just grown his mustache back.
Probably still growing.

He just grown his mustache back.
Probably still growing.
Oh, and here is Chevy chase.

Probably still growing.
Oh, and here is Chevy chase.
The guy his first movie with

oh, and here is Chevy chase.
The guy his first movie with
Goldie hawn.

The guy his first movie with
Goldie hawn.
Over here is Danny ackroyd.

Goldie hawn.
Over here is Danny ackroyd.
I guess he loved his Harley too

over here is Danny ackroyd.
I guess he loved his Harley too
much.

I guess he loved his Harley too
much.
I clocked him at 175 miles an

much.
I clocked him at 175 miles an
hour before the crash.

I clocked him at 175 miles an
hour before the crash.
It was a blur.

Hour before the crash.
It was a blur.
I got called in to identify his

it was a blur.
I got called in to identify his
body.

I got called in to identify his
body.
I recognized him by his webbed

body.
I recognized him by his webbed
toes.

I recognized him by his webbed
toes.
Saturday night show was the best

toes.
Saturday night show was the best
experience of my life.

Saturday night show was the best
experience of my life.
Now they're all gone.

Experience of my life.
Now they're all gone.
I miss every one of them.

Now they're all gone.
I miss every one of them.
Why me?

I miss every one of them.
Why me?
Why did I live so long?

Why me?
Why did I live so long?
They're all dead.

Why did I live so long?
They're all dead.
I'll tell you why.

They're all dead.
I'll tell you why.
Because I'm a dancer.

I'll tell you why.
Because I'm a dancer.
♪♪

♪♪ [ Applause ]

♪♪

[ applause ]

♪♪

Ladies and gentlemen, sir
Paul McCartney!
[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪
♪ once there was a way to get
back homeward ♪

♪ once there was a way to get
back homeward ♪
♪ once there was a way to get

back homeward ♪
♪ once there was a way to get
back home ♪

♪ once there was a way to get
back home ♪
♪ a secret door, do not cry, and

back home ♪
♪ a secret door, do not cry, and
I will sing a lullaby ♪

♪ a secret door, do not cry, and
I will sing a lullaby ♪
snowe

I will sing a lullaby ♪ snowe ♪

snowe ♪ ♪♪

♪ Darling do not cry and I will
sing a lullaby ♪
♪ once there was a way to get

sing a lullaby ♪
♪ once there was a way to get
back homeward ♪

♪ once there was a way to get
back homeward ♪
♪ once there was a way, to get

back homeward ♪
♪ once there was a way, to get
back home ♪

♪ once there was a way, to get
back home ♪
♪ sleep, pretty darling, do not

back home ♪
♪ sleep, pretty darling, do not
cry ♪

♪ sleep, pretty darling, do not
cry ♪
♪ and I will sing you a

cry ♪
♪ and I will sing you a
lullaby ♪

♪ and I will sing you a
lullaby ♪
♪ oh, you're going to carry that

lullaby ♪
♪ oh, you're going to carry that
way carry the way long way ♪

♪ oh, you're going to
carry that way carry the

way long way ♪ ♪ oh,
you're going to carry that

way carry the way long
way ♪ ♪ oh, you're going

to carry that weight,
carry that weight the

♪ oh, you're going to carry that
weight, carry that weight the
long time ♪

♪♪

♪♪
♪ I never give you my pillow, I
only send my invitations ♪

♪ I never give you my pillow, I
only send my invitations ♪
♪ and in the middle of the

only send my invitations ♪
♪ and in the middle of the
celebration I pray that ♪

♪ and in the middle of the
celebration I pray that ♪
♪ oh you're going to carry that

celebration I pray
that ♪ ♪ oh you're going

to carry that weight,
carry that weight a long

♪ oh you're going to carry that
weight, carry that weight a long
time ♪

weight, carry that weight a long
time ♪
♪ boy, you're going to carry

time ♪
♪ boy, you're going to carry
that that weight, carry that

♪ boy, you're going to carry
that that weight, carry that
weight a long time ♪

♪♪

♪ Oh, yeah, all right ♪

♪ Are you going to be in my
dreams tonight ♪

♪♪

♪♪
♪ love you, love you, love you,
love you ♪

♪ love you, love you, love you,
love you ♪
♪ love you, love you, love you,

love you ♪
♪ love you, love you, love you,
love you ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪

♪♪ [ Cheering ]

♪ And in the end, the love you
take ♪
♪ is equal to the love you

take ♪
♪ is equal to the love you
make ♪

♪ is equal to the love you
make ♪
♪ ahhh-ahhh ♪♪

make ♪ ♪ ahhh-ahhh ♪♪

[ cheers and applause ]

[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you.

♪♪
if you want to know what it
takes to make a show like this

if you want to
know what it takes to make

a show like this last
for 50 years, see these

takes to make a show like this
last for 50 years, see these
people right around me, the

last for 50 years,
see these people right

around me, the first
cast, laraine Newman, Jane

people right around me, the
first cast, laraine Newman, Jane
curtain, Garrett and Chevy

first cast, laraine Newman, Jane
curtain, Garrett and Chevy
chase.

Curtain, Garrett and Chevy
chase.
They paved the way for people

chase.
They paved the way for people
like cheri oteri, Jay pharaoh,

they paved the way for
people like cheri oteri,

Jay pharaoh, the great
kenan Thompson and

like cheri oteri, Jay pharaoh,
the great kenan Thompson and
Billy crystal.

The great kenan Thompson and
Billy crystal.
And finall the reason we're

Billy crystal.
And finall the reason we're
all here, the man who made our

and finall the reason we're
all here, the man who made our
dream come true, the one and

all here, the man who made our
dream come true, the one and
only, oh, and Paul.

Dream come true, the one and
only, oh, and Paul.
Lorne Michaels!

Only, oh, and Paul.
Lorne Michaels!
[ Cheers and applause ]

Lorne Michaels!
[ Cheers and applause ]
50, best of luck, we can't wait.

[ Cheers and applause ]
50, best of luck, we can't wait.
God knows we love you all.

50, best of luck, we can't wait.
God knows we love you all.
Good night and god bless!

God knows we love you all.
Good night and god bless!
[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪ [ Applause ]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪