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www.titlovi.com
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- Hi. How are you?
- I'm good. Thanks.
3
00:00:55,687 --> 00:00:57,280
Who do I
make this out to?
4
00:00:57,282 --> 00:00:59,493
Uh, Bobbi with an "I".
5
00:01:02,628 --> 00:01:04,991
In the prologue,
you say you wrote this book
6
00:01:04,993 --> 00:01:07,963
in order to better understand
and accept death.
7
00:01:08,337 --> 00:01:09,193
Um...
8
00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:11,030
Yeah. It feels unnatural to me.
9
00:01:11,032 --> 00:01:14,439
I can't accept that something
alive has to die.
10
00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:15,970
Thank you.
11
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,409
- Ingrid...
- Mm.
12
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:18,806
We've fulfilled the hour.
13
00:01:18,808 --> 00:01:20,038
I mean, in fact,
we've gone over.
14
00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,513
Well, there's still
a lot of people waiting.
15
00:01:22,515 --> 00:01:24,614
Yes. We'll do what you want.
16
00:01:24,616 --> 00:01:25,714
Could you sign mine?
17
00:01:25,716 --> 00:01:27,914
Stella! I didn't see you.
18
00:01:27,916 --> 00:01:29,949
Why didn't you
come straight up?
19
00:01:29,951 --> 00:01:31,423
I was embarrassed.
20
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:32,457
You draw a crowd!
21
00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:33,953
- A lot of young people.
- Thank you.
22
00:01:33,955 --> 00:01:35,185
Not just women.
23
00:01:35,187 --> 00:01:37,286
Stella, this is Anne.
Anne, my friend Stella.
24
00:01:37,288 --> 00:01:38,760
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
25
00:01:38,762 --> 00:01:40,399
I'm gonna stay until
I've signed for everybody.
26
00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:43,501
Yes. I'll just make sure
no one else joins the line.
27
00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:44,865
Okay.
28
00:01:44,867 --> 00:01:47,230
Oh, I haven't seen you
in forever.
29
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:48,803
I'm living in Boston now.
30
00:01:48,805 --> 00:01:49,969
I came to see my son,
31
00:01:49,971 --> 00:01:52,611
and to visit Martha
in the hospital.
32
00:01:53,678 --> 00:01:55,941
You know she has cancer, right?
33
00:01:55,943 --> 00:01:57,140
It's a bad one.
34
00:01:57,142 --> 00:01:58,306
Martha?
35
00:01:58,308 --> 00:01:59,483
Martha Hunt?
36
00:01:59,485 --> 00:02:00,275
Yes.
37
00:02:00,277 --> 00:02:02,112
She's at Manhattan Memorial
Cancer Center.
38
00:02:02,114 --> 00:02:03,454
I thought you would've heard.
39
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:05,522
No. To be honest,
I haven't seen her in years.
40
00:02:05,524 --> 00:02:07,623
Martha is sick?
I can't imagine it.
41
00:02:07,625 --> 00:02:10,758
If you go see her,
it'll make her very happy.
42
00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:12,320
Yeah. Of course.
43
00:02:12,322 --> 00:02:13,464
Of course I will.
44
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:17,468
Um, thank you so much for
coming. I really appreciate it.
45
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:18,403
Congratulations.
46
00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:19,437
- Thank you.
- Mm!
47
00:02:19,439 --> 00:02:20,702
- I'll see you soon.
- Thanks.
48
00:02:20,704 --> 00:02:22,365
- Bye.
- Bye.
49
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,237
Hi.
50
00:02:27,271 --> 00:02:30,582
- Who do I make this out to?
- Frances.
51
00:02:30,912 --> 00:02:33,913
- Is that you?
- No, it's my girlfriend.
52
00:02:33,915 --> 00:02:35,551
She really admires you.
53
00:02:35,553 --> 00:02:37,951
- So do I.
- Thank you.
54
00:02:40,382 --> 00:02:44,287
Could you write
"It won't happen again"?
55
00:02:46,289 --> 00:02:48,058
Of course I can.
56
00:02:48,060 --> 00:02:51,470
Yes. Thank you.
It won't happen again.
57
00:02:53,329 --> 00:02:54,803
I hope not.
58
00:03:10,049 --> 00:03:12,687
Hi. I'm here
to see Martha Hunt.
59
00:03:12,689 --> 00:03:14,821
I think she's
on the 16th floor.
60
00:03:14,823 --> 00:03:16,626
Okay. One sec.
61
00:03:18,661 --> 00:03:20,320
Yes. Room 1614.
62
00:03:20,322 --> 00:03:23,092
The elevator is at the end
of the hall, on the left.
63
00:03:23,094 --> 00:03:24,258
- Thanks.
- No problem.
64
00:03:46,854 --> 00:03:48,251
Martha?
65
00:03:49,054 --> 00:03:50,660
Ingrid!
66
00:03:51,287 --> 00:03:53,320
What a surprise!
67
00:03:53,322 --> 00:03:55,762
- How did you hear?
- I ran into Stella.
68
00:03:55,764 --> 00:03:58,159
- She told me.
- Oh.
69
00:03:58,161 --> 00:04:01,162
I'm so sorry, I didn't
even know you were sick.
70
00:04:01,164 --> 00:04:04,132
Oh, well, you with your work
and me with mine.
71
00:04:04,134 --> 00:04:06,937
I mean, time's gotten away
from us.
72
00:04:06,939 --> 00:04:08,334
Yes, and I was living in Paris.
73
00:04:08,336 --> 00:04:11,304
Yeah, I heard.
I've been reading about you.
74
00:04:11,306 --> 00:04:13,746
I know you have published
another book
75
00:04:13,748 --> 00:04:15,715
and it's doing very well.
76
00:04:15,717 --> 00:04:17,884
Thank you.
77
00:04:18,082 --> 00:04:19,523
So...
78
00:04:20,117 --> 00:04:21,721
How are you?
79
00:04:21,723 --> 00:04:24,889
I'm sure you're sick
of telling everybody.
80
00:04:24,891 --> 00:04:28,189
Well, it's cervical cancer.
Stage three.
81
00:04:28,191 --> 00:04:31,225
It isn't operable,
but they're treating me, so...
82
00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:34,294
looks like I'm not gonna die
quite yet.
83
00:04:34,296 --> 00:04:39,639
Um, I've become a guinea pig
for an experimental treatment
84
00:04:39,641 --> 00:04:42,774
and the results are better
than the doctors expected.
85
00:04:42,776 --> 00:04:43,775
- Great!
- Yeah.
86
00:04:43,777 --> 00:04:46,503
That's great! Well, you seem
like you're in good spirits.
87
00:04:46,505 --> 00:04:50,045
Well, I swing between
euphoria and depression.
88
00:04:50,047 --> 00:04:51,849
Oh, I'm so sorry.
89
00:04:51,851 --> 00:04:52,751
No, it's normal,
90
00:04:52,753 --> 00:04:55,479
and the doctors warned me,
you know.
91
00:04:55,481 --> 00:04:57,560
- Highs and lows.
- Mm-hmm.
92
00:04:58,022 --> 00:04:59,485
Mm-hmm.
93
00:04:59,793 --> 00:05:00,891
It'll sound absurd,
94
00:05:00,893 --> 00:05:06,798
but after all the accepting
and preparing to face the end,
95
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:09,867
survival feels
almost disappointing.
96
00:05:09,869 --> 00:05:11,033
Oh, don't say that.
97
00:05:11,035 --> 00:05:13,576
No, I was prepared to leave.
98
00:05:15,237 --> 00:05:19,876
In fact, when they gave me
the initial diagnosis,
99
00:05:19,878 --> 00:05:21,009
I didn't want any treatment.
100
00:05:21,011 --> 00:05:23,409
Well, I'm glad
you changed your mind.
101
00:05:23,816 --> 00:05:27,048
'Cause, you know,
just the thought...
102
00:05:27,050 --> 00:05:28,588
And that I wouldn't know...
103
00:05:28,590 --> 00:05:31,316
Anyway, I realized
that I really...
104
00:05:31,318 --> 00:05:35,628
I'm not ready to abandon
the party just yet.
105
00:05:35,630 --> 00:05:39,632
But I had truly gotten
used to the idea.
106
00:05:39,634 --> 00:05:42,899
Well, I suppose that it's good
to get used to the idea,
107
00:05:42,901 --> 00:05:45,231
but without giving up, right?
108
00:05:45,233 --> 00:05:47,741
You've been through
a lot of wars, remember?
109
00:05:48,005 --> 00:05:50,535
I live with them every day.
110
00:05:52,570 --> 00:05:55,648
Oh, Ingrid,
I'm so happy to see you.
111
00:05:55,650 --> 00:05:58,244
I almost called you
a thousand times.
112
00:05:58,246 --> 00:05:59,476
- I'm sorry.
- Me, too!
113
00:05:59,478 --> 00:06:01,180
It's ridiculous that
we haven't seen each other.
114
00:06:01,182 --> 00:06:04,414
I promise I'm gonna visit
until you get sick of me.
115
00:06:04,416 --> 00:06:05,822
Will you?
116
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,021
You promise?
117
00:06:07,023 --> 00:06:08,627
I'm gonna hold you to that.
118
00:06:08,629 --> 00:06:10,928
Your daughter knows, I guess.
119
00:06:11,731 --> 00:06:13,128
Yes.
120
00:06:13,524 --> 00:06:18,230
When I first made up my mind
to forgo any treatment,
121
00:06:18,232 --> 00:06:19,871
I told her...
122
00:06:20,564 --> 00:06:22,643
and she just said...
123
00:06:22,907 --> 00:06:24,711
"It's your choice. "
124
00:06:25,536 --> 00:06:26,535
Period.
125
00:06:26,537 --> 00:06:29,340
As if it was something trivial,
126
00:06:29,342 --> 00:06:32,279
something that had
nothing to do with her.
127
00:06:33,115 --> 00:06:34,950
How are you two getting along?
128
00:06:34,952 --> 00:06:37,018
Um, same as ever.
129
00:06:37,020 --> 00:06:38,547
We're barely in touch.
130
00:06:38,549 --> 00:06:40,021
What does she do?
131
00:06:40,023 --> 00:06:41,021
She's doing well.
132
00:06:41,023 --> 00:06:45,258
She's, uh, an agent
for classical musicians.
133
00:06:47,799 --> 00:06:49,867
It might sound horrible,
134
00:06:50,626 --> 00:06:54,465
but I don't feel like
she's my daughter.
135
00:06:55,202 --> 00:06:59,534
I fantasize frequently about
her being swapped at birth.
136
00:06:59,536 --> 00:07:00,403
What?
137
00:07:00,405 --> 00:07:03,472
What are you talking about?
She looks just like you.
138
00:07:03,474 --> 00:07:05,311
She has your face.
139
00:07:05,949 --> 00:07:09,854
I never interested her
as a mother.
140
00:07:10,547 --> 00:07:11,249
Why not?
141
00:07:11,251 --> 00:07:14,188
I was a teenager
when I had her.
142
00:07:14,694 --> 00:07:17,519
I didn't know what to do
with a baby.
143
00:07:17,521 --> 00:07:21,654
And when we started working at
Paper Magazine, you remember?
144
00:07:21,656 --> 00:07:23,733
We practically lived at night.
145
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:26,428
You remember New York
in the '80s?
146
00:07:26,430 --> 00:07:27,231
Yeah.
147
00:07:27,233 --> 00:07:30,071
Anything important
happened at night.
148
00:07:32,667 --> 00:07:36,636
And then I went to work
as a war correspondent,
149
00:07:36,638 --> 00:07:38,440
traveling constantly.
150
00:07:38,442 --> 00:07:40,717
And that didn't help.
151
00:07:40,719 --> 00:07:44,019
My work just completely
took over.
152
00:07:46,450 --> 00:07:51,158
I was never what a mother
is supposed to be.
153
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:56,161
But Michelle started to hate me
154
00:07:56,163 --> 00:07:58,836
long before I was away so much.
155
00:08:00,167 --> 00:08:02,101
I remember feeling
her resentment
156
00:08:02,103 --> 00:08:04,467
even when she was
a little girl.
157
00:08:07,074 --> 00:08:09,813
She made herself very clear.
158
00:08:13,509 --> 00:08:19,086
She couldn't bear...
not having a father.
159
00:08:19,823 --> 00:08:22,923
She saw other girls
with their fathers
160
00:08:22,925 --> 00:08:26,258
and she wanted to know
about hers.
161
00:08:27,655 --> 00:08:31,725
At first, I told her I didn't
know who he was, but...
162
00:08:33,265 --> 00:08:35,729
...it kind of
made things worse.
163
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:38,565
I was lying to her.
164
00:08:39,909 --> 00:08:42,780
Of course I knew
who her father was.
165
00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:45,144
His name was Fred.
166
00:08:50,314 --> 00:08:52,248
We dated
for a few months
167
00:08:52,250 --> 00:08:53,414
before he was drafted.
168
00:08:53,416 --> 00:08:58,322
And then went away to fight,
towards the end of Vietnam.
169
00:08:58,751 --> 00:09:03,160
When he came back,
a year later, he was...
170
00:09:03,162 --> 00:09:04,755
somebody different.
171
00:09:04,757 --> 00:09:07,098
Fred! What happened?
172
00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:09,630
He was a broken toy.
173
00:09:10,631 --> 00:09:12,807
Hey. Hey, it's okay.
174
00:09:12,809 --> 00:09:15,040
I'm here.
It's all over now, Fred.
175
00:09:15,042 --> 00:09:16,305
You're back home.
176
00:09:16,307 --> 00:09:18,441
But it's not over for me.
177
00:09:20,311 --> 00:09:23,347
I still got the war
inside my head.
178
00:09:25,018 --> 00:09:27,020
I can't get free of it.
179
00:09:28,450 --> 00:09:31,387
I hallucinate every single day.
180
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:36,964
And I was high
practically all the time.
181
00:09:40,363 --> 00:09:43,432
I don't know what I'm doing
with my life,
182
00:09:44,136 --> 00:09:46,369
but I'm not staying here.
183
00:09:50,571 --> 00:09:52,144
It's all right.
184
00:09:52,848 --> 00:09:55,343
Feel free to do what you like.
185
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:58,282
Think about
what's best for you.
186
00:10:02,121 --> 00:10:03,551
Okay.
187
00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:06,817
Thanks.
188
00:10:11,789 --> 00:10:13,329
Can I kiss you?
189
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:44,591
- Does Michelle know this?
- Oh.
190
00:10:45,724 --> 00:10:48,229
She started asking
about her father
191
00:10:48,231 --> 00:10:50,761
as soon as she could talk.
192
00:10:52,565 --> 00:10:57,372
But it's not something you can
explain to a child, right?
193
00:10:57,702 --> 00:11:01,539
By puberty, she carved out
quite an abyss between us.
194
00:11:01,541 --> 00:11:04,544
It came to define
her adolescence.
195
00:11:05,545 --> 00:11:08,612
But, by then,
I was no longer there.
196
00:11:08,614 --> 00:11:13,091
I was in New York, with you,
living my life.
197
00:11:14,455 --> 00:11:16,752
I arranged to meet Fred
one evening
198
00:11:16,754 --> 00:11:19,062
to tell him about
the situation.
199
00:11:19,064 --> 00:11:21,394
So, I took a first aid course
200
00:11:21,396 --> 00:11:25,200
and, because I'm a war veteran,
they've hired me at a hospital,
201
00:11:25,202 --> 00:11:26,862
down in San Diego.
202
00:11:28,534 --> 00:11:30,767
It's good news, right?
203
00:11:31,570 --> 00:11:34,078
I have some news for you too.
204
00:11:35,376 --> 00:11:36,949
I'm pregnant.
205
00:11:37,983 --> 00:11:41,646
- You're pregnant?
- Yes.
206
00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:46,255
But I was planning on moving
to San Diego next week.
207
00:11:47,850 --> 00:11:49,025
Then what are we gonna do?
208
00:11:49,027 --> 00:11:53,031
Whatever I do, my parents
will support me, so...
209
00:11:53,196 --> 00:11:54,758
I'm not alone.
210
00:11:56,628 --> 00:11:58,003
Mm.
211
00:11:59,268 --> 00:12:00,894
I don't think
working in a hospital
212
00:12:00,896 --> 00:12:04,271
was the best thing
for such a damaged person.
213
00:12:04,273 --> 00:12:06,473
It's the closest thing to war.
214
00:12:06,836 --> 00:12:08,637
He needed therapy and rehab.
215
00:12:08,639 --> 00:12:11,939
Yeah, that would have been
more sensible,
216
00:12:12,610 --> 00:12:15,052
but he wanted to be useful,
217
00:12:15,811 --> 00:12:17,184
to ease his conscience.
218
00:12:17,186 --> 00:12:21,584
He believed that helping people
between life and death...
219
00:12:21,586 --> 00:12:26,756
was his best chance
of getting back any peace.
220
00:12:27,262 --> 00:12:31,330
I could only free him
of any responsibility.
221
00:12:31,332 --> 00:12:34,531
He left before
Michelle was born.
222
00:12:34,533 --> 00:12:35,631
He never knew her.
223
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:42,805
He didn't call once
to ask about her.
224
00:12:43,938 --> 00:12:45,905
When did you tell her?
225
00:12:45,907 --> 00:12:48,217
She was about 12.
226
00:12:48,777 --> 00:12:52,680
She wanted to know
where he was living...
227
00:12:52,682 --> 00:12:54,915
and I didn't know anymore.
228
00:12:55,817 --> 00:12:57,949
She was so insistent...
229
00:12:57,951 --> 00:13:01,227
that I tracked down
an old friend of his
230
00:13:01,229 --> 00:13:02,758
from high school,
231
00:13:03,198 --> 00:13:08,333
who told me that Fred
had gotten married
232
00:13:08,335 --> 00:13:10,898
and had recently died.
233
00:13:11,635 --> 00:13:16,002
I asked him
for his wife's number...
234
00:13:16,376 --> 00:13:18,541
and then I called her.
235
00:13:18,543 --> 00:13:21,084
I wanted to know
what had happened.
236
00:13:21,447 --> 00:13:27,288
She told me they were
coming home after a trip.
237
00:13:29,817 --> 00:13:31,555
Is that smoke?
238
00:13:32,325 --> 00:13:33,854
Yes.
239
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,657
Something's on fire.
240
00:13:36,659 --> 00:13:38,397
There's a house on fire.
241
00:13:40,234 --> 00:13:42,531
We should call
the fire department.
242
00:13:49,144 --> 00:13:51,905
- Stop the car.
- Fred...
243
00:13:57,977 --> 00:13:59,482
What are you doing?
244
00:13:59,484 --> 00:14:01,385
- I'm gonna take a look.
- No!
245
00:14:01,387 --> 00:14:02,881
That's crazy! Fred!
246
00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:05,323
- There might be someone inside.
- Fred, stop! Stop!
247
00:14:05,325 --> 00:14:09,393
Don't go in. It's dangerous!
Look at me, I'm here.
248
00:14:09,395 --> 00:14:10,690
Let's find a gas station
249
00:14:10,692 --> 00:14:12,164
and call
the fire department, please.
250
00:14:12,166 --> 00:14:13,726
Don't you hear the screams?
251
00:14:13,728 --> 00:14:15,926
No, I don't hear anything.
252
00:14:17,699 --> 00:14:21,142
Fred, please! Fred! Fred!
253
00:14:21,604 --> 00:14:23,340
Fred, don't go in there!
254
00:14:25,839 --> 00:14:27,179
Don't you hear the screams?
255
00:14:27,181 --> 00:14:30,118
There's someone inside
crying for help!
256
00:14:31,779 --> 00:14:33,253
Fred!
257
00:14:44,594 --> 00:14:46,858
Sir! Sir!
258
00:14:46,860 --> 00:14:48,497
Please, help me!
259
00:14:48,499 --> 00:14:50,631
- Sir! Sir, please!
- Let's go!
260
00:14:50,633 --> 00:14:53,336
- Please, my husband's inside!
- Ladder up!
261
00:14:53,338 --> 00:14:55,096
Sir! My husband's inside!
262
00:14:55,098 --> 00:14:56,174
My husband's inside!
263
00:14:56,176 --> 00:14:57,703
He thought he heard
voices crying for help.
264
00:14:57,705 --> 00:14:59,067
Put two lines
on the back side, guys!
265
00:14:59,069 --> 00:15:00,871
He went into the house
trying to save
266
00:15:00,873 --> 00:15:02,279
whoever was trapped
by the fire.
267
00:15:02,281 --> 00:15:03,940
Okay, get back in your car.
Do not go over there.
268
00:15:03,942 --> 00:15:04,941
I will stay here. Okay.
269
00:15:04,943 --> 00:15:06,415
Please, ma'am.
Is there someone else?
270
00:15:06,417 --> 00:15:08,010
- No, I don't know!
- Ladder up, guys! Ladder!
271
00:15:08,012 --> 00:15:09,154
There's a civilian inside!
272
00:15:09,156 --> 00:15:10,815
Get back in your car,
ma'am, please.
273
00:15:12,082 --> 00:15:13,686
All right,
get in there!
274
00:15:13,688 --> 00:15:15,655
Get in that top window.
275
00:15:15,657 --> 00:15:19,496
There you go.
It's gonna blow out.
276
00:15:21,597 --> 00:15:23,126
Good boys.
277
00:15:31,706 --> 00:15:34,068
I'm sorry, there was nothing
we could do.
278
00:15:36,446 --> 00:15:39,183
He didn't get
to the second floor.
279
00:15:39,185 --> 00:15:42,142
He must have passed out
from the smoke and the flames.
280
00:15:42,144 --> 00:15:43,484
And the other bodies?
281
00:15:43,486 --> 00:15:44,584
There was nobody else.
282
00:15:44,586 --> 00:15:46,982
This house has been abandoned
for a long time.
283
00:15:46,984 --> 00:15:48,456
There was only your husband.
284
00:15:48,458 --> 00:15:50,359
But he...
285
00:15:50,361 --> 00:15:53,395
he told me he heard
screams for help...
286
00:15:53,397 --> 00:15:55,366
Impossible, ma'am.
287
00:15:55,795 --> 00:15:57,533
There was no one else.
288
00:15:58,094 --> 00:15:59,634
It's true.
289
00:16:00,635 --> 00:16:03,902
I didn't hear
the screams either.
290
00:16:04,474 --> 00:16:08,135
I tried to stop him
from going in, but...
291
00:16:09,380 --> 00:16:10,379
I didn't.
292
00:16:10,381 --> 00:16:12,106
He was very brave.
293
00:16:12,108 --> 00:16:14,107
Did you tell
Michelle all of this?
294
00:16:14,109 --> 00:16:16,549
I had to give her every detail.
295
00:16:16,551 --> 00:16:20,256
I even gave her her father's
wife's phone number.
296
00:16:20,258 --> 00:16:21,180
You know what?
297
00:16:21,182 --> 00:16:23,116
Let's get you back to bed.
You're tired.
298
00:16:23,118 --> 00:16:24,623
Yeah, but I have
to tell you this.
299
00:16:24,625 --> 00:16:27,760
We can...
We can talk more later.
300
00:16:28,266 --> 00:16:30,763
So, one day...
301
00:16:32,270 --> 00:16:35,535
- I got a call from Fred's wife.
- Okay.
302
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:36,833
And she told me
303
00:16:36,835 --> 00:16:39,066
- that she wanted an address.
- Mm-hmm.
304
00:16:39,068 --> 00:16:41,200
She wanted to
send me something.
305
00:16:41,202 --> 00:16:42,410
Mm-hm.
306
00:16:42,412 --> 00:16:44,280
And, shortly after,
307
00:16:44,282 --> 00:16:48,583
I received a note
in the mail and a letter...
308
00:16:49,177 --> 00:16:52,389
that the wife received
from Michelle,
309
00:16:52,983 --> 00:16:54,751
introducing herself
310
00:16:54,753 --> 00:16:57,426
and saying that it was her,
311
00:16:57,690 --> 00:16:58,887
Fred's daughter,
312
00:16:58,889 --> 00:17:02,222
who had been
in the burning house.
313
00:17:02,695 --> 00:17:05,960
"It was me he tried to save. "
314
00:17:05,962 --> 00:17:10,129
"It was me for whom he died... "
315
00:17:10,131 --> 00:17:13,308
that's what Michelle
said to the wife.
316
00:17:13,310 --> 00:17:14,969
That's insane!
317
00:17:14,971 --> 00:17:16,346
Yes.
318
00:17:23,947 --> 00:17:24,748
Hi!
319
00:17:24,750 --> 00:17:26,552
It's Martha, the nuisance.
320
00:17:26,554 --> 00:17:28,884
You're not
a nuisance.
321
00:17:28,886 --> 00:17:30,391
How're you feeling?
322
00:17:30,393 --> 00:17:31,788
Fine. I'm at home.
323
00:17:31,790 --> 00:17:34,120
The hospital's given me
a few days off
324
00:17:34,122 --> 00:17:36,121
between treatments,
so I'm at home.
325
00:17:36,123 --> 00:17:37,859
I'd love for you to come over.
326
00:17:37,861 --> 00:17:40,928
Ooh, you've caught me
in the middle of moving.
327
00:17:40,930 --> 00:17:43,634
Oh, then you're
really busy, right?
328
00:17:43,636 --> 00:17:46,571
Um, well, you know
what moving's like.
329
00:17:46,573 --> 00:17:51,070
But, um, if you're feeling
lonely, I could stop by,
330
00:17:51,072 --> 00:17:52,742
we could take a walk
in the park.
331
00:17:52,744 --> 00:17:55,239
I might not be quite up
for a walk.
332
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:58,176
Um, okay, you know what?
Let me, um...
333
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:01,982
Let me finish what I'm doing
and I'll be right over.
334
00:18:01,984 --> 00:18:06,329
Thanks, sweetheart,
but don't feel obliged.
335
00:18:29,648 --> 00:18:33,045
- These are for you.
- You are a darling.
336
00:18:33,047 --> 00:18:35,113
And I've brought you
a couple of books.
337
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:36,719
Oh! Thank you.
338
00:18:36,721 --> 00:18:38,116
You want something to drink?
339
00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:40,118
Oh. I'd love some tea.
340
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,362
- Herbal tea if you have it.
- Sure.
341
00:18:42,364 --> 00:18:45,367
- I'll put these in a vase.
- Okay.
342
00:18:45,862 --> 00:18:48,401
And all of this is for you.
343
00:18:48,403 --> 00:18:49,963
You have to finish all of it.
344
00:18:49,965 --> 00:18:52,570
Wow! Well, I will do my best.
345
00:18:52,572 --> 00:18:54,000
I love fruit.
346
00:18:57,807 --> 00:18:59,708
Are you working
on something new?
347
00:18:59,710 --> 00:19:01,072
Um, yeah, actually I am.
348
00:19:01,074 --> 00:19:05,076
I'm doing research
on the painter Dora Carrington
349
00:19:05,078 --> 00:19:06,616
and her, um... Mm...
350
00:19:06,618 --> 00:19:10,081
...intense relationship with
the writer Lytton Strachey.
351
00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:12,248
- Mm-hm.
- Here he is.
352
00:19:12,250 --> 00:19:13,425
Uh, Strachey was gay,
353
00:19:13,427 --> 00:19:18,793
so she married the straight man
that he was infatuated with.
354
00:19:18,795 --> 00:19:21,059
It's gonna be
the story of the trio.
355
00:19:21,061 --> 00:19:22,566
It isn't groundbreaking,
356
00:19:22,568 --> 00:19:24,535
but I want to see
where it takes me.
357
00:19:24,537 --> 00:19:25,932
Here, um, look.
358
00:19:25,934 --> 00:19:27,065
Um, unfortunately for her,
359
00:19:27,067 --> 00:19:29,672
there was another
more famous painter...
360
00:19:29,674 --> 00:19:31,201
- Leonora Carrington. Yeah.
- Yes,
361
00:19:31,203 --> 00:19:32,741
the surrealist
Leonora Carrington,
362
00:19:32,743 --> 00:19:35,911
whose name was obviously
very similar to hers.
363
00:19:36,549 --> 00:19:38,209
Um...
364
00:19:38,517 --> 00:19:40,013
Dora...
365
00:19:40,211 --> 00:19:42,013
was better known for this
366
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:45,282
bizarre love story
with Strachey.
367
00:19:46,459 --> 00:19:49,955
She devoted 17 years
of her life to him.
368
00:19:49,957 --> 00:19:50,923
- Wow.
- Mm.
369
00:19:50,925 --> 00:19:53,596
It'll be a fictionalized
biography, so...
370
00:19:53,598 --> 00:19:56,324
I'll make some stuff up, too.
371
00:19:56,326 --> 00:20:00,768
I've never been able
to allow myself that.
372
00:20:00,770 --> 00:20:03,738
Mm. Well, I hope not.
373
00:20:03,740 --> 00:20:05,641
You're a war reporter.
374
00:20:05,643 --> 00:20:07,302
Yeah, you have to...
375
00:20:07,304 --> 00:20:08,842
You know,
you can't show your emotions.
376
00:20:08,844 --> 00:20:12,813
You have to block them out
so you can do your job
377
00:20:12,815 --> 00:20:15,486
and stay in the present
in the middle of whatever hell.
378
00:20:15,488 --> 00:20:18,554
Maybe I should write about you
and not Carrington.
379
00:20:18,556 --> 00:20:19,687
I don't think you'd enjoy
380
00:20:19,689 --> 00:20:21,557
writing about
illnesses and treatments.
381
00:20:21,559 --> 00:20:24,659
- Mm. You're wrong.
- I'm just a journalist,
382
00:20:24,661 --> 00:20:27,662
addicted to wars
and adrenaline.
383
00:20:27,664 --> 00:20:29,501
You think that's nothing?
384
00:20:31,162 --> 00:20:32,898
It wasn't all tragedy.
385
00:20:32,900 --> 00:20:34,935
You know, life went on.
386
00:20:35,705 --> 00:20:39,627
There was one report
when I added a bit of fiction.
387
00:20:39,636 --> 00:20:41,152
Really?
388
00:20:41,238 --> 00:20:44,241
Actually, I never published it.
389
00:20:45,407 --> 00:20:47,077
It was during the war in Iraq.
390
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:50,718
On the last day,
before we left Baghdad.
391
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,379
Are you sure
this is the right way?
392
00:20:52,381 --> 00:20:56,286
Yeah, just make a left here
in this alley.
393
00:20:56,924 --> 00:20:58,860
Let's make this brief.
394
00:21:01,862 --> 00:21:02,993
Here. Stop here.
395
00:21:12,642 --> 00:21:16,371
Martin, what are you doing
here in Baghdad?
396
00:21:17,779 --> 00:21:19,647
You look great. You really do.
397
00:21:19,649 --> 00:21:20,439
Thank you.
398
00:21:20,441 --> 00:21:22,441
Yeah, I'm sorry. Paco, Martin.
399
00:21:22,443 --> 00:21:23,585
He's a Carmelite, like me.
400
00:21:23,587 --> 00:21:25,213
Pleasure. Let me introduce you
to Martha.
401
00:21:25,215 --> 00:21:28,381
She is a brilliant journalist
from The New York Times.
402
00:21:29,626 --> 00:21:30,823
They are the Carmelites
403
00:21:30,825 --> 00:21:31,824
I was telling you about.
404
00:21:31,826 --> 00:21:33,155
It's a pleasure
to meet you both.
405
00:21:33,157 --> 00:21:35,564
Are you intending
to stay in Baghdad?
406
00:21:35,566 --> 00:21:36,928
Yes, here we are.
407
00:21:36,930 --> 00:21:37,962
But you're alone.
408
00:21:37,964 --> 00:21:41,538
All the NGOs and the Red Cross
have left already.
409
00:21:41,769 --> 00:21:42,603
I know.
410
00:21:42,605 --> 00:21:44,770
The situation is
out of control.
411
00:21:44,772 --> 00:21:46,167
It's very dangerous.
412
00:21:46,169 --> 00:21:47,234
You're here as well.
413
00:21:47,236 --> 00:21:48,675
Yeah, but we're
just passing through.
414
00:21:48,677 --> 00:21:51,040
We're leaving as soon as
we finish talking to you.
415
00:21:51,042 --> 00:21:52,646
We can't let them down now,
416
00:21:52,648 --> 00:21:54,076
this is when the people
need us most.
417
00:21:54,078 --> 00:21:59,017
That's true, but it's still
extremely dangerous.
418
00:22:00,018 --> 00:22:01,446
But then you know that.
419
00:22:01,448 --> 00:22:04,594
We can't
let them down now, señora.
420
00:22:04,957 --> 00:22:06,726
Do you mind
if we take a photo of you
421
00:22:06,728 --> 00:22:08,959
and how the mission
has been left?
422
00:22:10,567 --> 00:22:11,324
Okay.
423
00:22:11,326 --> 00:22:13,293
You can photograph
the mission and me,
424
00:22:13,295 --> 00:22:17,198
but he doesn't want to risk
his family in Spain seeing him.
425
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:18,573
- They'd worry.
- Yeah, of course.
426
00:22:18,575 --> 00:22:20,740
Totally understand,
but if we could get one of you,
427
00:22:20,742 --> 00:22:21,938
that would be great.
428
00:22:21,940 --> 00:22:23,236
- Okay.
- Sure.
429
00:22:24,580 --> 00:22:25,909
- Here?
- Yeah.
430
00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:28,538
Just perhaps
a little tiny step closer...
431
00:22:28,540 --> 00:22:30,881
Yeah, that's fine,
so that I can see the impacts.
432
00:22:36,757 --> 00:22:38,451
I think you have it.
433
00:22:40,387 --> 00:22:42,222
How long has it been...
434
00:22:42,224 --> 00:22:43,927
since we last saw each other?
435
00:22:43,929 --> 00:22:47,394
Five years.
436
00:22:48,131 --> 00:22:49,561
Wow.
437
00:22:50,265 --> 00:22:52,036
Do you remember Liberia?
438
00:22:52,267 --> 00:22:54,071
How could I forget?
439
00:22:54,940 --> 00:22:58,810
Look, I have some photos of you
that we didn't publish.
440
00:22:58,812 --> 00:23:01,373
If you give me an address,
I can send them to you.
441
00:23:01,375 --> 00:23:02,538
Maybe to the Embassy.
442
00:23:02,540 --> 00:23:04,144
No, you keep them.
443
00:23:04,146 --> 00:23:06,753
That way I'll keep you company.
444
00:23:07,446 --> 00:23:08,821
Okay.
445
00:23:10,416 --> 00:23:12,660
It was really great seeing you.
446
00:23:13,056 --> 00:23:13,824
Take care.
447
00:23:13,826 --> 00:23:15,861
- Goodbye.
- Be safe.
448
00:23:19,865 --> 00:23:21,999
How do you know the Carmelite?
449
00:23:24,595 --> 00:23:26,300
We met in Sierra Leone.
450
00:23:27,939 --> 00:23:29,807
We became lovers there.
451
00:23:29,809 --> 00:23:32,174
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
452
00:23:32,647 --> 00:23:34,603
After that, we met more times.
453
00:23:34,605 --> 00:23:37,573
Always in places
that were at war.
454
00:23:37,575 --> 00:23:38,750
And you had sex?
455
00:23:38,752 --> 00:23:40,851
Well, of course, yeah.
456
00:23:40,853 --> 00:23:44,020
Bernardo never renounced
physical pleasure.
457
00:23:44,383 --> 00:23:47,285
He was always in
the most conflictive places.
458
00:23:47,287 --> 00:23:50,664
And I think that sex
was his best shield.
459
00:23:51,962 --> 00:23:55,029
I'm pretty sure
the Carmelite is his partner.
460
00:23:55,031 --> 00:23:56,261
You think so?
461
00:23:56,263 --> 00:23:57,900
Definitely.
462
00:23:57,902 --> 00:23:59,836
That is the only way
you can stay in Baghdad
463
00:23:59,838 --> 00:24:01,675
and not be afraid of the war.
464
00:24:02,170 --> 00:24:05,272
- What a wonderful story.
- Yup.
465
00:24:06,636 --> 00:24:07,635
Don't you dare write it.
466
00:24:07,637 --> 00:24:10,442
No, no, no, of course not.
467
00:24:12,543 --> 00:24:15,445
But how about sin for him?
468
00:24:15,447 --> 00:24:16,787
I mean, don't they feel guilty?
469
00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:18,217
After all, they are Catholic.
470
00:24:18,219 --> 00:24:21,453
Yeah, I don't know.
He never talked about that.
471
00:24:22,619 --> 00:24:25,454
With all the horrors
you see in war,
472
00:24:25,456 --> 00:24:27,060
feeling guilty about having sex
473
00:24:27,062 --> 00:24:29,229
doesn't really
carry much weight,
474
00:24:29,625 --> 00:24:31,429
you simply get used to it.
475
00:24:32,100 --> 00:24:33,706
I know that.
476
00:24:36,467 --> 00:24:37,807
I wrote their story,
477
00:24:37,809 --> 00:24:41,208
their love story,
as I imagined it,
478
00:24:41,637 --> 00:24:44,046
but it stayed in my computer.
479
00:24:44,816 --> 00:24:50,116
So, you're gonna write about
Dora Carrington's insane love.
480
00:24:50,118 --> 00:24:50,985
Mm-hm.
481
00:24:50,987 --> 00:24:52,415
And her connection
to Virginia Woolf,
482
00:24:52,417 --> 00:24:55,957
who Strachey
also pursued romantically.
483
00:24:55,959 --> 00:24:57,387
What a group!
484
00:24:57,389 --> 00:24:59,521
I so admire their freedom.
485
00:24:59,523 --> 00:25:01,589
Strachey died
of stomach cancer
486
00:25:01,591 --> 00:25:03,525
18 years after meeting Dora
487
00:25:03,527 --> 00:25:06,560
and Dora survived him
by barely two months
488
00:25:06,562 --> 00:25:09,332
before she shot herself
in the stomach.
489
00:25:09,334 --> 00:25:11,301
She was only 38.
490
00:25:11,303 --> 00:25:15,041
I'm struck by the symmetry
of that kind of gesture,
491
00:25:15,043 --> 00:25:16,042
his stomach cancer
492
00:25:16,044 --> 00:25:18,341
and her shooting herself
in the stomach.
493
00:25:18,343 --> 00:25:20,112
I know, it struck me, too.
494
00:25:20,114 --> 00:25:25,216
I wonder what Virginia Woolf
thought of Carrington's death?
495
00:25:25,218 --> 00:25:27,889
Maybe Virginia saw...
496
00:25:27,891 --> 00:25:28,956
a kind of warning,
497
00:25:28,958 --> 00:25:31,717
a mirror that reflected her?
498
00:25:31,719 --> 00:25:33,622
As if they were fated?
499
00:25:35,426 --> 00:25:37,624
Do you think I'm fated, too?
500
00:25:37,626 --> 00:25:39,967
No! Of course not.
501
00:25:39,969 --> 00:25:42,563
I've never known anyone
more alive than you.
502
00:25:42,565 --> 00:25:45,335
This week I'm starting
a new experimental
503
00:25:45,337 --> 00:25:47,974
- immunotherapy treatment.
- Uh-huh.
504
00:25:47,976 --> 00:25:49,074
They've already tried it
505
00:25:49,076 --> 00:25:51,637
and it seems to work well
with cases of cervical cancer.
506
00:25:51,639 --> 00:25:54,211
- Well, that's great news!
- Yeah.
507
00:25:54,213 --> 00:25:56,114
Let me know
when I can come and visit you,
508
00:25:56,116 --> 00:25:57,920
- okay?
- I will.
509
00:25:59,317 --> 00:26:02,120
- Talking of symmetry...
- Mm-hmm?
510
00:26:02,122 --> 00:26:03,794
Do you remember...
511
00:26:04,190 --> 00:26:06,027
Damian Cunningham?
512
00:26:06,423 --> 00:26:08,060
How could I forget?
513
00:26:08,062 --> 00:26:10,997
I inherited him
from you.
514
00:26:10,999 --> 00:26:12,526
The shared lover.
515
00:26:12,528 --> 00:26:13,934
- Well, I...
- I have to say
516
00:26:13,936 --> 00:26:16,101
I felt terrible
when you got together
517
00:26:16,103 --> 00:26:17,168
after I'd been with him.
518
00:26:17,170 --> 00:26:18,873
Okay, we didn't
share him exactly
519
00:26:18,875 --> 00:26:20,072
because you'd already broken up
520
00:26:20,074 --> 00:26:21,337
and you were
out of the country.
521
00:26:21,339 --> 00:26:22,569
I would never go back with him
522
00:26:22,571 --> 00:26:25,539
and, to tell the truth,
I was never faithful.
523
00:26:25,541 --> 00:26:30,642
But he was a passionate
and enthusiastic lover
524
00:26:30,644 --> 00:26:32,985
and I hope he was for you, too.
525
00:26:32,987 --> 00:26:34,283
I had no complaints.
526
00:26:50,070 --> 00:26:51,467
Hi.
527
00:26:53,601 --> 00:26:55,141
What is it?
528
00:26:56,538 --> 00:26:58,177
It hasn't worked.
529
00:26:58,573 --> 00:27:00,606
I've got metastases in my liver
530
00:27:00,608 --> 00:27:02,377
- and in my bones.
- Oh, Martha.
531
00:27:02,379 --> 00:27:04,214
I should have followed
my first instinct.
532
00:27:04,216 --> 00:27:07,151
Should never have put myself
through this torture.
533
00:27:07,153 --> 00:27:10,087
This diarrhea,
vomiting, fatigue...
534
00:27:10,089 --> 00:27:11,814
to end up like this.
535
00:27:11,816 --> 00:27:14,652
I should never have given in
to false hope.
536
00:27:14,654 --> 00:27:15,554
Okay. Okay.
537
00:27:15,556 --> 00:27:18,128
All right,
what does the doctor say?
538
00:27:18,130 --> 00:27:18,964
Tell me.
539
00:27:18,966 --> 00:27:21,791
Oh, that I could
live for months,
540
00:27:21,793 --> 00:27:23,232
maybe a year.
541
00:27:23,234 --> 00:27:25,762
He wants me to continue
with the treatment,
542
00:27:25,764 --> 00:27:27,335
even though it looks hopeless.
543
00:27:27,337 --> 00:27:28,633
Maybe it will work this time.
544
00:27:28,635 --> 00:27:31,671
I don't wanna wallow
in self-pity.
545
00:27:36,885 --> 00:27:39,479
But I'm not a stoic. I'm sorry.
546
00:27:39,481 --> 00:27:43,549
I don't wanna go through
excruciating pain.
547
00:27:43,551 --> 00:27:47,225
You can't be self-possessed
if you're in agony.
548
00:27:47,423 --> 00:27:49,356
You can't think straight.
549
00:27:49,358 --> 00:27:51,424
You can only think
of one thing...
550
00:27:51,426 --> 00:27:53,461
the fucking cancer.
551
00:27:55,298 --> 00:27:57,938
I've always taken care
of my health,
552
00:27:58,433 --> 00:27:59,938
now I regret it.
553
00:27:59,940 --> 00:28:02,039
The doctor says
I have a strong heart.
554
00:28:02,041 --> 00:28:03,172
What does that mean?
555
00:28:03,174 --> 00:28:05,075
My body is just
gonna go on fighting...
556
00:28:05,077 --> 00:28:08,947
while I suffer and suffer
until my last breath?
557
00:28:09,950 --> 00:28:11,578
I don't know.
558
00:28:12,711 --> 00:28:15,087
I don't know how to help you.
559
00:28:15,956 --> 00:28:17,584
I'm so sorry.
560
00:28:21,489 --> 00:28:24,789
I think I deserve a good death.
561
00:28:26,164 --> 00:28:30,066
At least one without
convulsions in my last moments.
562
00:28:30,068 --> 00:28:32,530
Going out with
a little bit of dignity,
563
00:28:32,532 --> 00:28:34,699
clean and dry.
564
00:28:36,437 --> 00:28:39,009
But I know
I'm asking too much...
565
00:28:39,869 --> 00:28:41,242
What are you
doing up, Martha?
566
00:28:41,244 --> 00:28:42,573
I'm fucking over this.
567
00:28:42,575 --> 00:28:44,839
- Can you help her, please?
- Of course.
568
00:28:44,841 --> 00:28:45,983
Let's get you back in bed.
569
00:28:45,985 --> 00:28:48,955
Come on.
Let me help you.
570
00:28:49,813 --> 00:28:51,417
Bring it on.
571
00:28:51,419 --> 00:28:52,992
Here we go.
572
00:28:54,884 --> 00:28:57,588
I'll end up
turning into a junkie.
573
00:28:58,525 --> 00:29:00,723
I am one already, I guess.
574
00:29:00,725 --> 00:29:03,363
It's okay. Really.
575
00:29:03,365 --> 00:29:06,170
Here, this will help.
576
00:29:43,833 --> 00:29:45,538
Are you still here?
577
00:29:46,671 --> 00:29:48,046
Yes.
578
00:29:50,378 --> 00:29:53,413
Should I ask them
to bring your dinner?
579
00:29:54,315 --> 00:29:55,844
Are you hungry?
580
00:29:56,218 --> 00:29:57,582
No.
581
00:30:00,189 --> 00:30:01,685
Ingrid...
582
00:30:03,093 --> 00:30:05,621
Do you think
I need to say goodbye
583
00:30:05,623 --> 00:30:07,128
to my closest friends?
584
00:30:07,130 --> 00:30:10,562
I think you should do
whatever you wanna do.
585
00:30:10,892 --> 00:30:14,203
I just want peace and quiet.
586
00:30:14,698 --> 00:30:19,307
Have you thought about
how you wanna spend your time?
587
00:30:20,836 --> 00:30:22,077
And where?
588
00:30:22,079 --> 00:30:24,840
Is there some place
you'd like to go?
589
00:30:25,610 --> 00:30:27,051
Look.
590
00:30:32,089 --> 00:30:34,189
Pink snowflakes.
591
00:30:35,322 --> 00:30:39,755
There had to be something good
about climate change.
592
00:30:41,592 --> 00:30:43,022
Well...
593
00:30:43,990 --> 00:30:46,267
I've lived to see that.
594
00:30:50,139 --> 00:30:53,503
You remember the end
of Joyce's The Dead?
595
00:30:53,505 --> 00:30:56,079
Vaguely.
596
00:30:56,838 --> 00:30:59,280
"The snow was falling,
597
00:31:00,006 --> 00:31:03,645
falling on
the lonely churchyard,
598
00:31:03,647 --> 00:31:07,618
falling faintly
through the universe.
599
00:31:09,224 --> 00:31:11,620
And faintly falling,
600
00:31:11,622 --> 00:31:15,724
like the descent
of their last end,
601
00:31:16,923 --> 00:31:22,599
on all
the living and the dead. "
602
00:31:26,306 --> 00:31:28,638
It's getting late and, uh...
603
00:31:29,309 --> 00:31:30,937
I should be going.
604
00:31:38,516 --> 00:31:39,979
Thank you.
605
00:31:40,881 --> 00:31:43,125
I'll see you tomorrow.
606
00:32:28,928 --> 00:32:31,764
There's still a half an hour
before the movie starts.
607
00:32:31,766 --> 00:32:34,206
Should we go in and get
our seats before the rush?
608
00:32:34,208 --> 00:32:37,309
No. I wanna talk to you
about something.
609
00:32:37,639 --> 00:32:38,440
Okay.
610
00:32:38,442 --> 00:32:41,036
I will not go out
in mortifying anguish.
611
00:32:41,038 --> 00:32:43,876
I've gotten hold
of a euthanasia pill.
612
00:32:44,140 --> 00:32:45,139
Don't ask me how,
613
00:32:45,141 --> 00:32:47,845
on the dark web
you can find almost anything.
614
00:32:47,847 --> 00:32:50,353
I also have
an abundance of opioids
615
00:32:50,355 --> 00:32:51,519
for the moments of pain.
616
00:32:51,521 --> 00:32:52,784
And don't look at me like that,
617
00:32:52,786 --> 00:32:55,954
I'm not asking you
to convince me otherwise.
618
00:32:56,152 --> 00:32:58,262
I don't know what to say.
619
00:32:58,264 --> 00:33:00,365
I'm hoping you'll say yes.
620
00:33:00,860 --> 00:33:02,233
Yes to what?
621
00:33:02,235 --> 00:33:04,732
To my asking you to help me.
622
00:33:04,897 --> 00:33:06,833
Help you what?
623
00:33:07,273 --> 00:33:09,867
I've faced death several times,
624
00:33:09,869 --> 00:33:11,968
but I've always
been accompanied.
625
00:33:11,970 --> 00:33:16,413
We reporters formed
a kind of mobile family.
626
00:33:17,678 --> 00:33:19,911
This is another war,
627
00:33:20,285 --> 00:33:22,254
I'm not afraid of it.
628
00:33:22,386 --> 00:33:23,143
But...
629
00:33:23,145 --> 00:33:26,181
like the other times
I faced death...
630
00:33:27,259 --> 00:33:30,086
I don't wanna be alone, Ingrid.
631
00:33:31,956 --> 00:33:33,958
I'm asking you...
632
00:33:34,233 --> 00:33:36,928
to be in the next room.
633
00:33:37,302 --> 00:33:38,994
I think we should
go get our seats.
634
00:33:38,996 --> 00:33:42,338
Yeah, sure, but I prefer
to go on talking to you,
635
00:33:42,340 --> 00:33:44,100
if you don't mind.
636
00:33:46,168 --> 00:33:48,137
Okay. Um...
637
00:33:49,248 --> 00:33:51,712
Do you know when
you wanna do this?
638
00:33:52,141 --> 00:33:53,648
Not exactly.
639
00:33:54,176 --> 00:33:55,716
Within a month?
640
00:33:56,387 --> 00:34:00,784
Before I start to deteriorate
and you don't recognize me.
641
00:34:00,786 --> 00:34:05,217
These next weeks
I should be reasonably well,
642
00:34:05,219 --> 00:34:06,592
but I wanna do it soon.
643
00:34:06,594 --> 00:34:09,155
My doctors think that
I'm gonna return
644
00:34:09,157 --> 00:34:10,926
to complete the treatment.
645
00:34:10,928 --> 00:34:14,371
It's best they don't
suspect anything.
646
00:34:14,569 --> 00:34:16,470
Where do you wanna do it?
647
00:34:16,472 --> 00:34:18,507
I don't wanna be at home.
648
00:34:19,607 --> 00:34:23,941
And I don't wanna go back
to anywhere I've been happy.
649
00:34:25,316 --> 00:34:28,108
It's always a mistake
to return to some place
650
00:34:28,110 --> 00:34:29,208
you've been truly happy.
651
00:34:29,210 --> 00:34:32,178
You just ruin the good memories
of the first time.
652
00:34:32,180 --> 00:34:33,388
No, I understand that.
653
00:34:33,390 --> 00:34:36,754
I think it will be easier
for me to let myself go
654
00:34:36,756 --> 00:34:41,593
if I'm not surrounded
by familiar things,
655
00:34:41,595 --> 00:34:43,089
intimate things.
656
00:34:43,091 --> 00:34:46,127
I think that would
hold me back.
657
00:34:47,898 --> 00:34:51,671
I prefer some unknown place,
658
00:34:52,034 --> 00:34:54,608
comfortable and safe,
659
00:34:54,872 --> 00:34:57,070
and not too far away.
660
00:34:57,072 --> 00:34:59,545
Do you need my help
finding a place
661
00:34:59,547 --> 00:35:02,075
or getting you settled in?
662
00:35:02,077 --> 00:35:03,846
No, no, no.
663
00:35:03,848 --> 00:35:06,323
No, I can
take care of that part.
664
00:35:06,950 --> 00:35:10,954
What I need is somebody
to be there with me,
665
00:35:11,460 --> 00:35:13,627
in the room next door.
666
00:35:14,925 --> 00:35:17,530
Wouldn't you prefer
someone you're closer to?
667
00:35:17,532 --> 00:35:18,530
We're very close.
668
00:35:18,532 --> 00:35:20,466
No, yes, of course,
of course we are.
669
00:35:20,468 --> 00:35:22,930
Oh, my God,
we're very close. I just...
670
00:35:22,932 --> 00:35:25,702
There were years where
we didn't see each other.
671
00:35:26,705 --> 00:35:28,265
What about Stella?
672
00:35:28,267 --> 00:35:29,772
Or Maggie?
673
00:35:29,774 --> 00:35:30,707
Or Vanessa?
674
00:35:30,709 --> 00:35:32,610
You've all been friends
since you were kids.
675
00:35:32,612 --> 00:35:35,879
I admit I thought
of them first.
676
00:35:36,176 --> 00:35:37,582
I asked all three of them.
677
00:35:37,584 --> 00:35:42,017
They all were horrified
and they all said no.
678
00:35:42,688 --> 00:35:43,720
They understood it,
679
00:35:43,722 --> 00:35:45,953
but they said
they could never be a part
680
00:35:45,955 --> 00:35:48,252
of helping me take my own life.
681
00:35:48,254 --> 00:35:49,220
Absolutely not.
682
00:35:49,222 --> 00:35:52,533
- What about your daughter?
- It wouldn't be fair to her.
683
00:35:53,226 --> 00:35:55,160
I've been an absent mother.
684
00:35:55,162 --> 00:35:56,601
I don't wanna impose
my dying on her.
685
00:35:56,603 --> 00:36:01,539
You could at least consult her
and let her be a part of it.
686
00:36:01,541 --> 00:36:04,038
We're two strangers, Ingrid.
687
00:36:04,742 --> 00:36:06,610
She made that clear
when I told her
688
00:36:06,612 --> 00:36:09,340
about my doubts
about the treatment.
689
00:36:09,846 --> 00:36:12,387
"It's your choice" she said.
690
00:36:13,520 --> 00:36:15,181
And she's right.
691
00:36:15,390 --> 00:36:16,754
Right.
692
00:36:42,977 --> 00:36:44,779
No matter what,
693
00:36:44,781 --> 00:36:47,916
people want you
to keep fighting.
694
00:36:48,378 --> 00:36:52,347
This is the way we've
been taught to see cancer.
695
00:36:52,349 --> 00:36:57,693
As a fight...
between patient and disease,
696
00:36:57,695 --> 00:37:01,224
which is to say
between good and evil.
697
00:37:01,226 --> 00:37:04,163
If you survive, you're a hero.
698
00:37:04,669 --> 00:37:07,133
If you lose, well,
699
00:37:07,705 --> 00:37:10,576
perhaps you didn't
fight hard enough.
700
00:37:12,138 --> 00:37:14,303
People don't like
using words like
701
00:37:14,305 --> 00:37:17,515
"terminal" or "incurable. "
702
00:37:17,517 --> 00:37:20,045
They call that defeatist talk.
703
00:37:20,047 --> 00:37:21,947
Some of the worst stuff
comes from
704
00:37:21,949 --> 00:37:24,213
the cancer support community.
705
00:37:24,215 --> 00:37:27,414
Some of them think
of your cancer as a gift,
706
00:37:27,416 --> 00:37:30,725
an opportunity
for spiritual growth.
707
00:37:30,727 --> 00:37:31,858
Bullshit!
708
00:37:31,860 --> 00:37:36,161
People should see
this is my way of fighting.
709
00:37:37,228 --> 00:37:41,474
Cancer can't get me
if I get me first.
710
00:37:43,201 --> 00:37:46,743
And what's the point
in waiting...
711
00:37:47,304 --> 00:37:49,306
when I'm so ready to go?
712
00:37:50,043 --> 00:37:53,011
Are you completely sure
you're ready?
713
00:37:53,013 --> 00:37:54,551
Totally.
714
00:37:54,553 --> 00:37:57,281
Since the first diagnosis.
715
00:37:58,315 --> 00:38:01,525
You know I have
a terrible fear of death.
716
00:38:01,527 --> 00:38:02,415
I know.
717
00:38:02,417 --> 00:38:03,526
I've read your book.
718
00:38:03,528 --> 00:38:06,531
That's why
I didn't ask you first.
719
00:38:07,664 --> 00:38:09,664
But you understand me,
don't you?
720
00:38:09,666 --> 00:38:11,259
I do, I do. I envy you.
721
00:38:11,261 --> 00:38:12,667
You're in control of your life.
722
00:38:12,669 --> 00:38:16,539
I only need you to accompany me
the days leading to it,
723
00:38:16,541 --> 00:38:18,937
as if we were on vacation.
724
00:38:18,939 --> 00:38:21,544
I just wanna know that,
when it happens,
725
00:38:21,546 --> 00:38:24,140
there'll be someone
in the next room.
726
00:38:24,142 --> 00:38:25,845
It terrifies me, Martha.
727
00:38:25,847 --> 00:38:26,780
I understand.
728
00:38:26,782 --> 00:38:28,716
I think that you have
every right to do this
729
00:38:28,718 --> 00:38:29,816
and I admire you for it,
730
00:38:29,818 --> 00:38:32,346
but I don't know that I can be
the one to find you dead.
731
00:38:32,348 --> 00:38:33,413
I'm not that strong.
732
00:38:33,415 --> 00:38:36,055
You're much stronger
than you think you are.
733
00:38:37,991 --> 00:38:41,159
Anyway, I had to try.
734
00:38:44,326 --> 00:38:45,831
I can't answer you now, Martha,
735
00:38:45,833 --> 00:38:47,294
but I promise you
I'll think about it.
736
00:38:47,296 --> 00:38:50,605
Right now I'm too confused
and too terrified.
737
00:38:50,607 --> 00:38:52,002
I understand.
738
00:38:52,004 --> 00:38:54,545
I understand it's sudden...
739
00:38:55,975 --> 00:38:58,307
and it's disconcerting.
740
00:39:02,179 --> 00:39:04,214
I'll think of someone.
741
00:39:13,762 --> 00:39:17,062
- I wasn't too much?
- No, no.
742
00:39:56,133 --> 00:39:58,562
- Martha?
- Hello, Ingrid.
743
00:39:58,564 --> 00:40:00,610
I've made up my mind.
744
00:40:03,503 --> 00:40:04,976
Come on in.
745
00:40:05,306 --> 00:40:07,372
The owner is
a jewelry designer.
746
00:40:07,374 --> 00:40:10,914
She's a friend of mine,
so I don't pay much rent.
747
00:40:10,916 --> 00:40:11,981
Mmm.
748
00:40:11,983 --> 00:40:14,346
You get the impression
it's been furnished
749
00:40:14,348 --> 00:40:16,656
with stuff from the garbage.
750
00:40:16,658 --> 00:40:18,086
Not everything.
751
00:40:18,088 --> 00:40:21,925
And it takes talent to pick
stuff out of the garbage.
752
00:40:21,927 --> 00:40:24,356
You haven't finished moving in.
753
00:40:24,358 --> 00:40:27,394
- Do you want a hand?
- Uh...
754
00:40:27,592 --> 00:40:29,330
No.
755
00:40:31,266 --> 00:40:33,299
I'll do it after.
756
00:40:33,301 --> 00:40:36,874
And even so,
you're going with Martha.
757
00:40:36,876 --> 00:40:40,570
She is totally
alone, Damian.
758
00:40:40,572 --> 00:40:43,078
None of her friends
are helping her with this.
759
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:46,245
She even told me
I wasn't her first choice.
760
00:40:46,247 --> 00:40:48,852
It's like her daughter
doesn't even exist.
761
00:40:48,854 --> 00:40:50,018
In the years I was with her,
762
00:40:50,020 --> 00:40:52,152
she never told me
she had a daughter.
763
00:40:52,154 --> 00:40:53,956
I know, it's a...
764
00:40:53,958 --> 00:40:54,957
It's a sad story.
765
00:40:54,959 --> 00:40:59,260
It's a terrible,
terrible misunderstanding.
766
00:41:01,460 --> 00:41:04,032
Have you told her
that we're in touch?
767
00:41:04,034 --> 00:41:06,034
Uh... No.
768
00:41:06,036 --> 00:41:08,707
Um, we talked about you
in a... in a general way.
769
00:41:08,709 --> 00:41:11,974
- She has nice memories of you.
- Oh. Really?
770
00:41:11,976 --> 00:41:14,240
Our relationship
was mostly physical.
771
00:41:14,242 --> 00:41:17,012
She was always about
to go off somewhere else,
772
00:41:17,014 --> 00:41:21,577
that's why our lovemaking
had that sense of urgency.
773
00:41:21,579 --> 00:41:24,151
It was like having sex
with a terrorist...
774
00:41:24,153 --> 00:41:25,515
it always felt
like the last time.
775
00:41:25,517 --> 00:41:28,121
Well, she rates you
pretty highly as a lover.
776
00:41:28,123 --> 00:41:29,518
I'd like to know
what rating you give me.
777
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:31,960
Oh, I can't believe
you're still flirting with me.
778
00:41:31,962 --> 00:41:34,732
- I'm serious.
- No, no, you're not serious.
779
00:41:34,734 --> 00:41:37,493
What's serious
is Martha's situation.
780
00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:39,902
And your being terrified
of death?
781
00:41:39,904 --> 00:41:41,871
You just published
a book about that.
782
00:41:41,873 --> 00:41:44,236
Have you overcome that,
thanks to the book?
783
00:41:44,238 --> 00:41:47,076
No.
784
00:41:55,447 --> 00:41:57,856
Hi. How are you?
785
00:41:58,087 --> 00:41:58,921
Better.
786
00:41:58,923 --> 00:42:01,682
Much better since you said yes.
787
00:42:01,684 --> 00:42:03,827
Where are you? Are you at home?
788
00:42:03,829 --> 00:42:04,894
Yeah.
789
00:42:04,896 --> 00:42:05,994
I'm watering the plants.
790
00:42:05,996 --> 00:42:09,392
Oh, I thought you had someone
who did that for you.
791
00:42:09,394 --> 00:42:10,327
I do.
792
00:42:10,329 --> 00:42:13,495
But today I felt like doing it
and I am enjoying it.
793
00:42:13,497 --> 00:42:15,332
Okay. Good.
794
00:42:15,334 --> 00:42:20,106
Um, have you... Have you
decided where we're going?
795
00:42:20,108 --> 00:42:22,306
That's why I called.
796
00:42:22,308 --> 00:42:23,604
It's, uh, near Woodstock,
797
00:42:23,606 --> 00:42:26,079
it's about two hours
from the city.
798
00:42:26,081 --> 00:42:27,278
It looks fantastic.
799
00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:30,116
Uh, it's a bit expensive,
but, hey,
800
00:42:30,118 --> 00:42:33,517
the occasion
calls for it.
801
00:42:34,023 --> 00:42:36,320
So, do you know how long...
802
00:42:36,322 --> 00:42:37,618
I've rented it for a month.
803
00:42:37,620 --> 00:42:41,189
- That should give me more than
enough time. - A month?
804
00:42:41,690 --> 00:42:44,130
Yeah. My blood count's low
805
00:42:44,132 --> 00:42:45,560
and I have to take a break
806
00:42:45,562 --> 00:42:47,166
before I start
the new treatment,
807
00:42:47,168 --> 00:42:48,463
and you're the only one
who knows
808
00:42:48,465 --> 00:42:50,696
I'm not going back
to the hospital.
809
00:42:50,698 --> 00:42:53,204
It's not like
I've picked a date.
810
00:42:53,206 --> 00:42:57,111
I mean, you'll never
know it anyway.
811
00:42:57,540 --> 00:43:00,477
But... I'm ready to go.
812
00:43:01,346 --> 00:43:04,083
I would even say I'm impatient.
813
00:43:04,085 --> 00:43:05,678
I'm gonna be giving a lecture
814
00:43:05,680 --> 00:43:08,054
near Woodstock at Bard
in two weeks,
815
00:43:08,056 --> 00:43:09,187
so we can see each other.
816
00:43:09,189 --> 00:43:11,123
Mmm, I don't think
that's a good idea,
817
00:43:11,125 --> 00:43:13,488
I'll be with Martha
all the time.
818
00:43:13,490 --> 00:43:15,589
I'll call you if I can.
819
00:43:15,591 --> 00:43:17,327
You're going to need a lawyer.
820
00:43:17,329 --> 00:43:18,834
Yes, I should look for one.
821
00:43:18,836 --> 00:43:22,629
Let me help you with that,
but I'll have to fill them in.
822
00:43:22,631 --> 00:43:25,137
No, no, in that case, no.
823
00:43:25,139 --> 00:43:26,336
This is an absolute secret.
824
00:43:26,338 --> 00:43:27,876
Martha doesn't even know
I've told you.
825
00:43:27,878 --> 00:43:32,013
Okay. But if you need anything,
you should let me know.
826
00:43:33,245 --> 00:43:35,181
I worry about you.
827
00:43:35,643 --> 00:43:37,117
Thank you.
828
00:44:34,635 --> 00:44:36,140
According to this map,
829
00:44:36,142 --> 00:44:39,275
we go up these stairs
to enter the house.
830
00:44:39,277 --> 00:44:40,806
Okay.
831
00:45:09,768 --> 00:45:11,440
Look at this.
832
00:45:25,685 --> 00:45:27,718
Wow,
it's so beautiful.
833
00:45:27,720 --> 00:45:32,295
It's so much more beautiful
than in the photographs.
834
00:45:35,364 --> 00:45:36,891
Is that a real Hopper?
835
00:45:36,893 --> 00:45:39,764
I don't think they would
have left it here.
836
00:45:39,973 --> 00:45:42,006
It's a very good copy.
837
00:45:42,008 --> 00:45:43,667
It looks real.
838
00:46:06,131 --> 00:46:08,164
- Do you hear them?
- Mm-hmm.
839
00:46:08,166 --> 00:46:10,069
Isn't that wonderful?
840
00:46:13,533 --> 00:46:17,834
And we can lie in the sun,
like in the Hopper,
841
00:46:18,505 --> 00:46:21,673
and catch the evening breeze.
842
00:46:26,744 --> 00:46:28,449
Are you okay?
843
00:46:30,385 --> 00:46:31,914
Very happy.
844
00:46:48,931 --> 00:46:50,931
Do you mind if I take this one?
845
00:46:50,933 --> 00:46:53,573
Of course not. It's your house.
846
00:46:56,311 --> 00:46:58,674
Mmm. This one
is a little small,
847
00:46:58,676 --> 00:47:00,115
I'm gonna look downstairs.
848
00:47:00,117 --> 00:47:01,679
All right.
849
00:47:18,729 --> 00:47:21,666
I'm gonna take this one, okay?
850
00:47:21,996 --> 00:47:24,073
Very good!
851
00:47:24,075 --> 00:47:28,143
You don't mind that
I'm not in the room next door?
852
00:47:28,145 --> 00:47:30,774
I can hear you breathe!
853
00:47:31,214 --> 00:47:33,280
And yell!
854
00:47:33,282 --> 00:47:35,877
Okay!
855
00:47:43,687 --> 00:47:46,162
Here we go.
856
00:47:49,429 --> 00:47:51,528
Let's get you unpacked.
857
00:47:51,530 --> 00:47:53,026
Thank you.
858
00:47:53,202 --> 00:47:54,828
I'll unpack it later.
859
00:47:54,830 --> 00:47:57,567
You're not
my caretaker, Ingrid.
860
00:47:57,569 --> 00:47:59,274
You're my guest.
861
00:47:59,604 --> 00:48:00,405
Okay.
862
00:48:00,407 --> 00:48:03,971
Um... I'll go unpack my things.
863
00:48:20,492 --> 00:48:22,791
Martha?
864
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:29,367
What is it, honey?
865
00:48:29,369 --> 00:48:31,270
- You won't believe it.
- What?
866
00:48:31,272 --> 00:48:32,172
I forgot it!
867
00:48:32,174 --> 00:48:33,701
You forgot what?
868
00:48:33,703 --> 00:48:34,933
The pill, the euthanasia pill!
869
00:48:34,935 --> 00:48:37,034
I brought all the others!
We have to go back.
870
00:48:37,036 --> 00:48:39,410
Oh, it's okay, we'll go back
first thing in the morning.
871
00:48:39,412 --> 00:48:41,247
- No, not tomorrow!
- Don't worry about it.
872
00:48:41,249 --> 00:48:42,644
We have to go now!
873
00:48:42,646 --> 00:48:43,711
I just need to be sure
874
00:48:43,713 --> 00:48:46,351
that I didn't lose it
or misplace it,
875
00:48:46,353 --> 00:48:49,158
that I didn't just dream it up.
876
00:48:49,587 --> 00:48:50,885
Okay.
877
00:48:55,494 --> 00:48:59,596
Buying another pill would be
extremely complicated.
878
00:49:01,136 --> 00:49:04,830
I have a friend
who knows a mathematician
879
00:49:04,832 --> 00:49:07,604
who found it on the dark web.
880
00:49:08,242 --> 00:49:10,242
It's all very sordid,
881
00:49:10,244 --> 00:49:13,346
not to mention totally illegal.
882
00:49:16,008 --> 00:49:17,744
It's scary...
883
00:49:17,746 --> 00:49:19,581
knowing that all that exists
884
00:49:19,583 --> 00:49:22,817
just behind
our computer screens.
885
00:49:24,621 --> 00:49:26,722
I feel like a criminal.
886
00:49:30,759 --> 00:49:33,496
I never thought
I'd be back here again.
887
00:49:33,498 --> 00:49:35,762
With that wonderful skyline.
888
00:49:35,764 --> 00:49:38,060
Life always surprises you.
889
00:49:38,062 --> 00:49:39,996
All right, let's get to work.
890
00:49:39,998 --> 00:49:41,635
- Okay.
- I'll start in the kitchen.
891
00:49:41,637 --> 00:49:42,834
Don't worry, we'll find it.
892
00:49:42,836 --> 00:49:44,770
Just, um... Just try to think
of all the places
893
00:49:44,772 --> 00:49:45,837
you usually hide things.
894
00:49:45,839 --> 00:49:48,246
This is the first thing
I have ever hidden.
895
00:49:48,248 --> 00:49:49,071
Really?
896
00:49:49,073 --> 00:49:52,316
The only thing I can remember
is I put it in an envelope.
897
00:49:52,318 --> 00:49:53,482
Okay. Uh...
898
00:49:53,484 --> 00:49:55,187
Why don't I start
in your office?
899
00:49:55,189 --> 00:49:56,815
- Is that okay? Okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
900
00:49:56,817 --> 00:50:00,084
Where did I put it?
Where did I put it?
901
00:50:17,739 --> 00:50:21,346
Oh, my God.
We're never gonna find it.
902
00:51:35,210 --> 00:51:36,981
I found an envelope.
903
00:51:37,388 --> 00:51:38,818
That's it!
904
00:51:39,016 --> 00:51:40,245
Where did you find it?
905
00:51:40,247 --> 00:51:41,213
In your desk.
906
00:51:41,215 --> 00:51:44,491
There was key in a drawer
and I opened it.
907
00:51:44,493 --> 00:51:46,592
How could I have forgotten?
908
00:51:46,594 --> 00:51:47,824
I even left the key in it?
909
00:51:47,826 --> 00:51:50,497
Well, you meant to take it,
at the last minute, you forgot.
910
00:51:50,499 --> 00:51:52,336
It's not so weird.
911
00:51:54,129 --> 00:51:55,834
Thank you.
912
00:51:56,131 --> 00:51:58,870
Such a strange sensation.
913
00:51:59,266 --> 00:52:01,574
It's like being here
after I'm dead.
914
00:52:01,576 --> 00:52:03,202
Oh, God, don't say that.
915
00:52:03,204 --> 00:52:07,043
It's too soon for you to
refer to yourself as a ghost.
916
00:52:07,648 --> 00:52:10,418
Let me straighten up
before we leave.
917
00:52:10,420 --> 00:52:12,015
Thank you.
918
00:53:05,935 --> 00:53:08,507
Forgive me for all this hassle.
919
00:53:08,509 --> 00:53:09,838
I'm sorry, really.
920
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:12,137
It's okay.
921
00:53:12,139 --> 00:53:15,516
What a great place
to return to.
922
00:53:16,583 --> 00:53:18,517
Stupid fridge.
923
00:53:18,519 --> 00:53:20,488
You need some help?
924
00:53:22,820 --> 00:53:24,151
I got it.
925
00:53:30,762 --> 00:53:32,223
You know, maybe...
926
00:53:32,225 --> 00:53:35,965
leaving the pill behind
was a kind of a sign?
927
00:53:36,537 --> 00:53:39,573
Maybe you're not as ready
as you think.
928
00:53:41,102 --> 00:53:44,368
I told you never to say
that to me.
929
00:53:45,237 --> 00:53:47,844
I don't remember
you telling me that.
930
00:53:49,714 --> 00:53:52,783
I think I've said
so many things to you.
931
00:53:53,344 --> 00:53:56,719
That's the problem
with chemo brain.
932
00:53:56,721 --> 00:54:01,627
My memory keeps failing me
and I get distracted so easily.
933
00:54:02,628 --> 00:54:06,630
It can continue even
after the treatment stops
934
00:54:06,632 --> 00:54:09,096
and it can go on for years.
935
00:54:09,393 --> 00:54:12,000
I'll be spared that, at least.
936
00:54:14,332 --> 00:54:16,103
When I write...
937
00:54:16,774 --> 00:54:18,303
When I wrote...
938
00:54:19,271 --> 00:54:22,041
I had to proofread
a thousand times.
939
00:54:22,043 --> 00:54:25,307
I can't trust my judgement
about anything anymore.
940
00:54:25,309 --> 00:54:26,550
Well...
941
00:54:26,552 --> 00:54:29,916
Then why do you trust
this decision?
942
00:54:29,918 --> 00:54:33,218
How do you know
it's not chemo brain, too?
943
00:54:34,054 --> 00:54:36,384
I've left the pill
in the top drawer
944
00:54:36,386 --> 00:54:38,122
of the bedside table.
945
00:54:38,124 --> 00:54:41,664
If I forget,
which I don't think I will,
946
00:54:41,666 --> 00:54:43,424
you will remind me.
947
00:54:43,426 --> 00:54:46,768
And I prefer not to talk
about this anymore.
948
00:54:46,770 --> 00:54:50,675
Well, it's my business, too,
don't you think?
949
00:54:53,744 --> 00:54:55,680
Sure. Of course.
950
00:54:57,011 --> 00:54:59,275
I'll leave a signed letter
for the police
951
00:54:59,277 --> 00:55:03,246
telling them everything,
including the name of the pill
952
00:55:03,248 --> 00:55:04,555
and where I got it.
953
00:55:04,557 --> 00:55:08,448
Your name will not
appear anywhere.
954
00:55:08,450 --> 00:55:12,892
All you have to do is to say
that you know nothing.
955
00:55:12,894 --> 00:55:15,158
Don't budge from that.
956
00:55:15,160 --> 00:55:17,633
I don't wanna give you
any more information.
957
00:55:17,635 --> 00:55:19,967
The less you know, the better.
958
00:55:21,265 --> 00:55:23,773
And this is important.
959
00:55:28,580 --> 00:55:30,679
I'll sleep with my door open,
960
00:55:30,681 --> 00:55:33,814
and the day
that you find it closed...
961
00:55:33,816 --> 00:55:36,553
is the day
it's already happened.
962
00:55:36,555 --> 00:55:39,481
That's the sign, door closed.
963
00:55:44,761 --> 00:55:47,158
I know it's difficult.
964
00:55:48,995 --> 00:55:51,833
But just think
we're on vacation.
965
00:55:52,537 --> 00:55:56,429
You can write,
we can come and go...
966
00:55:56,431 --> 00:55:59,302
I don't think I'll
be able to concentrate.
967
00:56:01,106 --> 00:56:02,039
And if I write,
968
00:56:02,041 --> 00:56:03,502
you might show up
in it somewhere
969
00:56:03,504 --> 00:56:04,712
and I don't wanna do that.
970
00:56:04,714 --> 00:56:07,814
Yeah. That could
complicate your life
971
00:56:07,816 --> 00:56:09,717
if the police investigate.
972
00:56:09,719 --> 00:56:11,147
Well, I'm not gonna do it.
973
00:56:11,149 --> 00:56:12,786
Wait till I'm dead.
974
00:56:12,788 --> 00:56:14,249
Oh, God!
975
00:56:14,251 --> 00:56:18,926
Can you not say,
"Wait until I'm dead," please?
976
00:56:21,060 --> 00:56:22,633
I promise.
977
00:56:24,096 --> 00:56:25,865
I'd like to find a gym
somewhere around here
978
00:56:25,867 --> 00:56:28,429
that I can go to
a couple of days a week.
979
00:56:30,035 --> 00:56:31,100
I'm the only one who eats
980
00:56:31,102 --> 00:56:32,530
and I don't want
to gain ten pounds
981
00:56:32,532 --> 00:56:33,608
while you waste away.
982
00:56:33,610 --> 00:56:35,203
Oh, give me a chance.
983
00:56:35,205 --> 00:56:37,042
I'll catch up with you.
984
00:56:40,144 --> 00:56:42,080
Look, I'm eating.
985
00:56:42,982 --> 00:56:46,953
I have practically
held death in my hands.
986
00:56:47,514 --> 00:56:51,892
I never imagined it would be
something so light.
987
00:57:27,663 --> 00:57:29,060
Martha?
988
00:57:32,833 --> 00:57:35,669
Good morning.
989
00:57:35,671 --> 00:57:37,497
I'm making breakfast.
990
00:57:38,135 --> 00:57:39,266
You want some toast?
991
00:57:39,268 --> 00:57:40,905
No, just some coffee.
992
00:57:40,907 --> 00:57:42,643
Help yourself.
It's already made.
993
00:57:42,645 --> 00:57:45,107
There's juice, fruit...
994
00:57:45,109 --> 00:57:46,979
whatever you want.
995
00:57:51,444 --> 00:57:54,753
My behavior yesterday
was unacceptable.
996
00:57:54,755 --> 00:57:58,856
I completely understand
that it drove you crazy.
997
00:57:58,858 --> 00:58:03,423
But in my current state,
I can't make any promises.
998
00:58:03,764 --> 00:58:05,590
So, just in case...
999
00:58:07,328 --> 00:58:11,099
I put a medium-range sedative
in this drawer.
1000
00:58:11,101 --> 00:58:12,628
And if you find me unbearable,
1001
00:58:12,630 --> 00:58:16,137
you just have one
and you can relax.
1002
00:58:16,139 --> 00:58:18,106
I could have
used that last night.
1003
00:58:18,108 --> 00:58:19,074
You...
1004
00:58:19,076 --> 00:58:22,946
You're one of a kind, Martha.
You really... You really are.
1005
00:58:24,279 --> 00:58:26,444
I've made a list
of stuff to buy.
1006
00:58:26,446 --> 00:58:28,448
We need a few things.
1007
00:58:28,888 --> 00:58:31,450
Is there anything
you want me to get?
1008
00:58:32,220 --> 00:58:33,859
Don't think so.
1009
00:58:34,156 --> 00:58:36,829
Do you wanna come
to the store with me?
1010
00:58:38,193 --> 00:58:39,995
Maybe another day.
1011
00:58:39,997 --> 00:58:42,261
It's so nice here.
1012
00:58:42,263 --> 00:58:44,901
I'd like to stay
if you don't mind.
1013
00:58:44,903 --> 00:58:46,872
No, of course not.
1014
00:58:48,368 --> 00:58:51,666
I found a gym nearby, too.
1015
00:58:51,668 --> 00:58:52,777
That's great.
1016
00:58:52,779 --> 00:58:55,408
I think that's
a very good idea.
1017
00:58:58,147 --> 00:59:00,213
Okay, well...
1018
00:59:00,215 --> 00:59:03,581
I have my phone with me
if you need anything.
1019
00:59:03,889 --> 00:59:05,649
Thanks, love.
1020
00:59:21,136 --> 00:59:21,871
Hi.
1021
00:59:21,873 --> 00:59:23,598
I was hoping I could use
the gym today.
1022
00:59:23,600 --> 00:59:24,599
Are you a member?
1023
00:59:24,601 --> 00:59:26,073
Uh, no. I'm just in town
for a little bit.
1024
00:59:26,075 --> 00:59:27,943
If you use one of our
personal trainers,
1025
00:59:27,945 --> 00:59:29,175
you don't need to be a member.
1026
00:59:29,177 --> 00:59:31,980
Um, okay. I'll use
one of your trainers then.
1027
00:59:31,982 --> 00:59:34,413
You'll like Jonah, you'll see.
1028
00:59:34,952 --> 00:59:35,786
Thanks.
1029
00:59:35,788 --> 00:59:38,646
So, would you like to start
a warm up doing steps?
1030
00:59:38,648 --> 00:59:39,955
- Okay.
- Is okay?
1031
00:59:39,957 --> 00:59:42,925
Do you think you can do this
for 30 seconds?
1032
00:59:42,927 --> 00:59:46,898
- Um, sure. All right.
- Okay, go for it. Have a try.
1033
00:59:47,195 --> 00:59:49,591
And we are on. Okay, nice.
1034
00:59:49,593 --> 00:59:51,064
- Keep focus on your leg.
- Mmm-hmm.
1035
00:59:51,066 --> 00:59:52,626
And, if you can,
move your arm...
1036
00:59:52,628 --> 00:59:54,905
- Okay.
- Okay, with each step.
1037
00:59:55,598 --> 00:59:56,839
And we are done.
1038
00:59:56,841 --> 01:00:00,106
Nice. You're pretty strong,
you young lady.
1039
01:00:00,108 --> 01:00:01,371
What I am is winded.
1040
01:00:01,373 --> 01:00:05,045
Well, if you want, there are
other variations we can do.
1041
01:00:05,850 --> 01:00:07,916
I mean, you can go try
like this.
1042
01:00:07,918 --> 01:00:09,379
You can go back and forth.
1043
01:00:09,381 --> 01:00:12,448
Or you can jump on it
and go left
1044
01:00:12,450 --> 01:00:15,187
and right or back
and on the box.
1045
01:00:15,189 --> 01:00:17,255
- Okay. Okay.
- Have a try one more.
1046
01:00:17,257 --> 01:00:20,192
Nice.
1047
01:00:20,194 --> 01:00:21,754
- Focus on your core here.
- Uh-huh.
1048
01:00:21,756 --> 01:00:24,801
And breathe.
1049
01:00:24,803 --> 01:00:26,330
Inhale and exhale.
1050
01:00:29,269 --> 01:00:30,565
Perfect. One more.
1051
01:00:34,471 --> 01:00:36,176
Is everything okay?
1052
01:00:40,279 --> 01:00:44,283
When the body's in great shape,
it takes longer to die.
1053
01:00:46,186 --> 01:00:47,284
When death comes,
1054
01:00:47,286 --> 01:00:50,826
the mind wants to go,
but the body keeps fighting.
1055
01:00:50,828 --> 01:00:54,524
Heart beating "no"
with every beat.
1056
01:00:54,898 --> 01:00:55,721
Well...
1057
01:00:55,723 --> 01:00:58,999
all the more reason
to look after yourself.
1058
01:00:59,001 --> 01:01:00,935
I live with a friend
who's dying.
1059
01:01:00,937 --> 01:01:02,466
I'm sorry.
1060
01:01:02,972 --> 01:01:05,502
Come. Let's have a seat.
1061
01:01:05,733 --> 01:01:07,108
Come here.
1062
01:01:10,540 --> 01:01:13,377
Is there anything
that I can do?
1063
01:01:18,855 --> 01:01:21,053
I wish I could give you a hug,
1064
01:01:21,055 --> 01:01:23,286
but we're not allowed
to touch clients anymore
1065
01:01:23,288 --> 01:01:26,555
because of the lawsuits
and whatever.
1066
01:01:29,195 --> 01:01:31,096
And it's a problem,
1067
01:01:31,098 --> 01:01:33,659
because it can be hard
to correct people's posture
1068
01:01:33,661 --> 01:01:35,265
with just words,
1069
01:01:35,267 --> 01:01:37,907
and touching is so important.
1070
01:01:38,303 --> 01:01:40,831
This world
is absurd and inhumane.
1071
01:01:40,833 --> 01:01:44,177
I don't see it improving
any time soon.
1072
01:01:45,706 --> 01:01:48,377
But thank you, I feel hugged.
1073
01:01:54,615 --> 01:01:57,781
Oh, I've been meaning
to read this book.
1074
01:01:57,783 --> 01:02:01,257
Isn't it a wonderful title?
Erotic Vagrancy.
1075
01:02:01,259 --> 01:02:03,030
Do you wanna buy it?
1076
01:02:04,361 --> 01:02:06,935
I won't have time to finish it.
1077
01:02:12,864 --> 01:02:15,304
I like the way
it's laid out here.
1078
01:02:15,306 --> 01:02:16,470
Mmm.
1079
01:02:16,472 --> 01:02:18,043
Oh, look.
1080
01:02:18,045 --> 01:02:19,838
Martha Gellhorn.
1081
01:02:20,047 --> 01:02:22,379
The View from the Ground.
1082
01:02:23,611 --> 01:02:28,185
She wrote that you only ever
truly love one war,
1083
01:02:28,187 --> 01:02:31,157
after that you're just
doing your duty.
1084
01:02:32,752 --> 01:02:34,786
Which one was yours?
1085
01:02:35,787 --> 01:02:38,394
Bosnia, without a doubt.
1086
01:02:43,003 --> 01:02:45,971
The fight to survive
by the Bosnian people
1087
01:02:45,973 --> 01:02:49,238
against a perfectly
equipped army...
1088
01:02:49,240 --> 01:02:50,701
stole the hearts of all of us
1089
01:02:50,703 --> 01:02:53,110
who witnessed
the extermination.
1090
01:02:53,112 --> 01:02:57,149
There are very few women
war correspondents.
1091
01:02:57,677 --> 01:02:59,842
War is a man's thing.
1092
01:02:59,844 --> 01:03:02,119
You have to sort of become
one of the guys
1093
01:03:02,121 --> 01:03:04,286
and it was never
a problem for me,
1094
01:03:04,288 --> 01:03:06,156
I've always lived like a man.
1095
01:03:06,158 --> 01:03:11,260
Actually, I think
what Michelle really missed...
1096
01:03:11,262 --> 01:03:14,925
was having a maternal figure
in her life.
1097
01:03:15,134 --> 01:03:18,497
And in this, I must admit
1098
01:03:18,499 --> 01:03:20,400
she... she was right.
1099
01:03:20,402 --> 01:03:22,767
Don't be so hard on yourself.
1100
01:03:26,771 --> 01:03:29,871
Hey, look who's coming to town!
1101
01:03:29,873 --> 01:03:31,840
The life of the party!
1102
01:03:31,842 --> 01:03:33,347
"How bad can it get?
1103
01:03:33,349 --> 01:03:35,811
Navigating urban life
with integrity. "
1104
01:03:35,813 --> 01:03:36,845
You feel like going?
1105
01:03:36,847 --> 01:03:38,352
No, you know what?
I've heard it already
1106
01:03:38,354 --> 01:03:40,222
and it's not an evening
I'd like to repeat.
1107
01:03:40,224 --> 01:03:42,719
We all have our own
personal apocalypses.
1108
01:03:42,721 --> 01:03:44,622
Are you having
an awful time with me?
1109
01:03:44,624 --> 01:03:47,493
No, no, I meant him,
his lecture.
1110
01:03:47,495 --> 01:03:49,792
Global crisis, climate change.
1111
01:03:49,794 --> 01:03:51,103
Yeah.
1112
01:03:51,202 --> 01:03:52,201
Hi.
1113
01:03:52,203 --> 01:03:53,864
I love your hair.
1114
01:03:54,139 --> 01:03:55,536
Nice.
1115
01:04:05,578 --> 01:04:08,744
When the nightmares
come rushing in,
1116
01:04:08,746 --> 01:04:11,582
I think about
all the men I've loved.
1117
01:04:11,584 --> 01:04:13,287
Sounds like a song.
1118
01:04:13,289 --> 01:04:15,355
A good one.
1119
01:04:17,359 --> 01:04:20,296
Even if it was
just for one night.
1120
01:04:20,560 --> 01:04:24,498
Sometimes I think
about Damian.
1121
01:04:28,535 --> 01:04:30,799
I still think
sex is the best way
1122
01:04:30,801 --> 01:04:34,002
to fend off looming thoughts
of death.
1123
01:04:34,739 --> 01:04:37,675
Like those Spanish Carmelites.
1124
01:04:38,445 --> 01:04:42,084
Wars turned me into
a promiscuous woman, Ingrid.
1125
01:04:42,086 --> 01:04:44,011
Good.
1126
01:04:45,012 --> 01:04:46,781
Are you still
in touch with him?
1127
01:04:46,783 --> 01:04:49,588
- With who?
- Damian.
1128
01:04:50,292 --> 01:04:51,423
Um...
1129
01:04:51,425 --> 01:04:53,856
You know...
Um, from time to time.
1130
01:04:55,627 --> 01:04:59,026
"How bad can it get?"
1131
01:05:00,335 --> 01:05:01,598
Well...
1132
01:05:01,600 --> 01:05:05,934
much worse than you imagine,
Damian, honey.
1133
01:05:09,278 --> 01:05:10,642
Hey.
1134
01:05:11,181 --> 01:05:12,743
You all right?
1135
01:05:13,150 --> 01:05:15,119
I was trying to write.
1136
01:05:16,186 --> 01:05:17,583
I can't.
1137
01:05:19,485 --> 01:05:24,356
In this war, I'm incapable
of writing anything.
1138
01:05:24,358 --> 01:05:26,052
What about reading?
1139
01:05:26,723 --> 01:05:28,362
You love to read.
1140
01:05:28,560 --> 01:05:30,265
I've tried.
1141
01:05:30,958 --> 01:05:34,467
I've tried with some
of my favorite writers.
1142
01:05:35,666 --> 01:05:39,142
The spell just isn't
there anymore.
1143
01:05:41,111 --> 01:05:43,674
I'm talking about Faulkner,
1144
01:05:44,576 --> 01:05:46,215
Hemingway...
1145
01:05:47,447 --> 01:05:49,548
I can't concentrate.
1146
01:05:50,043 --> 01:05:54,454
My mind just flies off
into the void.
1147
01:05:55,081 --> 01:05:57,292
If you're too tired,
1148
01:05:58,128 --> 01:05:59,821
I could read to you.
1149
01:06:02,296 --> 01:06:04,089
Not just reading,
1150
01:06:04,694 --> 01:06:07,466
all pleasure's been reduced.
1151
01:06:09,435 --> 01:06:10,401
It's hard to know
1152
01:06:10,403 --> 01:06:13,637
what to pay attention
to anymore.
1153
01:06:16,101 --> 01:06:18,103
I have very little time
1154
01:06:18,411 --> 01:06:20,578
and I don't want to waste it.
1155
01:06:22,217 --> 01:06:24,186
Okay. Um...
1156
01:06:26,980 --> 01:06:31,050
What about music?
1157
01:06:32,359 --> 01:06:35,624
I can only listen
to the birds singing.
1158
01:06:35,626 --> 01:06:39,496
Well, luckily, they give us
a serenade every day.
1159
01:06:39,498 --> 01:06:42,025
Music decenters me.
1160
01:06:42,027 --> 01:06:45,468
It comes between me
and whatever it is I'm doing,
1161
01:06:45,470 --> 01:06:47,802
even if it's just thinking.
1162
01:06:48,440 --> 01:06:52,002
Maybe the chemo
is affecting my hearing.
1163
01:06:52,004 --> 01:06:53,740
Oh, honey.
1164
01:06:53,742 --> 01:06:57,845
I've been reduced
to very little of myself.
1165
01:07:05,193 --> 01:07:09,395
I long for some peace
of body and mind.
1166
01:07:10,990 --> 01:07:15,335
And to just talk whenever
I'm invaded by memory.
1167
01:07:15,863 --> 01:07:16,961
Am I talking too much?
1168
01:07:16,963 --> 01:07:19,370
No, no, no, no.
Talk all you want,
1169
01:07:19,372 --> 01:07:20,965
I love listening to you.
1170
01:10:05,830 --> 01:10:07,533
What's going on?
1171
01:10:07,535 --> 01:10:09,867
What's wrong?
1172
01:10:11,330 --> 01:10:14,806
Your door was closed,
so I thought you...
1173
01:10:15,708 --> 01:10:18,203
Oh, I'm so sorry.
1174
01:10:18,205 --> 01:10:19,171
I opened a window
1175
01:10:19,173 --> 01:10:22,515
and the breeze
must have closed it.
1176
01:10:22,517 --> 01:10:24,178
Oh, my God!
1177
01:10:30,459 --> 01:10:32,657
Do you think it's fair
to be mad at me
1178
01:10:32,659 --> 01:10:34,925
because I'm still alive?
1179
01:10:37,499 --> 01:10:40,260
Think of it as a rehearsal.
1180
01:10:40,997 --> 01:10:43,604
Now you know how it's gonna be.
1181
01:10:44,033 --> 01:10:46,639
You know how you're gonna feel.
1182
01:10:47,365 --> 01:10:49,607
You're gonna have
to make some calls
1183
01:10:49,609 --> 01:10:53,446
and act out all the things
we talked about.
1184
01:10:53,448 --> 01:10:56,110
And you never knew anything...
1185
01:10:56,418 --> 01:10:57,912
and we were on vacation...
1186
01:10:57,914 --> 01:11:00,246
Please, just stop!
1187
01:11:01,621 --> 01:11:02,587
Okay.
1188
01:12:12,184 --> 01:12:14,318
Should we call it a night?
1189
01:12:14,923 --> 01:12:15,757
Oh!
1190
01:12:15,759 --> 01:12:19,257
Or does the young lady
wanna keep watching movies?
1191
01:12:19,862 --> 01:12:23,833
Did you tell me
that they have The Dead?
1192
01:12:24,394 --> 01:12:25,635
Or did I dream that?
1193
01:12:25,637 --> 01:12:27,736
Yeah, they have it.
1194
01:12:27,738 --> 01:12:30,367
Um, you wanna watch it?
1195
01:12:30,642 --> 01:12:31,740
Yes, please.
1196
01:12:31,742 --> 01:12:33,810
Here we go.
1197
01:12:35,944 --> 01:12:37,517
Here we go.
1198
01:12:46,856 --> 01:12:50,087
Yes, the newspapers are right.
1199
01:12:50,089 --> 01:12:53,794
Snow is general
all over Ireland.
1200
01:12:53,796 --> 01:12:58,293
Falling on every part
of the dark central plain,
1201
01:12:58,295 --> 01:13:00,902
on the treeless hills.
1202
01:13:01,265 --> 01:13:04,233
Softly upon the Bog of Allen
1203
01:13:04,235 --> 01:13:08,171
and farther westward,
softly falling
1204
01:13:08,173 --> 01:13:13,110
into the dark mutinous
Shannon waves.
1205
01:13:13,112 --> 01:13:17,380
One by one,
we're all becoming shades.
1206
01:13:18,656 --> 01:13:22,119
Snow is falling,
1207
01:13:22,121 --> 01:13:24,418
falling in
that lonely churchyard
1208
01:13:24,420 --> 01:13:27,423
where Michael Furey
lies buried.
1209
01:13:28,094 --> 01:13:30,896
Falling faintly
through the universe
1210
01:13:30,898 --> 01:13:33,668
and faintly falling,
1211
01:13:33,670 --> 01:13:37,333
like the descent
of their last end,
1212
01:13:37,641 --> 01:13:42,371
upon all the living
and the dead.
1213
01:14:01,258 --> 01:14:02,765
Do you hear them?
1214
01:14:03,062 --> 01:14:04,492
Mmm-hmm.
1215
01:14:12,499 --> 01:14:14,072
It's daytime.
1216
01:14:18,109 --> 01:14:19,979
And you're alive.
1217
01:14:29,890 --> 01:14:31,549
Oh, this is too much.
1218
01:14:31,551 --> 01:14:32,660
- Yeah?
- This is harder
1219
01:14:32,662 --> 01:14:34,994
- than I thought it'd be.
- Okay.
1220
01:14:36,864 --> 01:14:37,896
I think I need to sit.
1221
01:14:37,898 --> 01:14:41,031
All right. Yeah, let's go
sit over here.
1222
01:14:41,033 --> 01:14:43,233
Here, let me help you.
1223
01:14:46,566 --> 01:14:49,877
Hey, I've got you. Here we go.
1224
01:14:50,141 --> 01:14:51,713
Here you go.
1225
01:14:52,648 --> 01:14:54,210
Okay.
1226
01:14:55,211 --> 01:14:56,881
Oh!
1227
01:14:56,883 --> 01:14:59,952
- Oh, that's much better.
- Oh, good.
1228
01:15:02,922 --> 01:15:06,154
Before coming here,
I made a new will.
1229
01:15:06,156 --> 01:15:09,830
Aw, let's not talk
about this now, please.
1230
01:15:10,226 --> 01:15:13,029
I'm leaving the apartment
and everything in it
1231
01:15:13,031 --> 01:15:15,330
to Michelle and you.
1232
01:15:19,972 --> 01:15:23,336
I found your war journals
in your desk.
1233
01:15:23,338 --> 01:15:26,141
What do you want us
to do with them?
1234
01:15:26,143 --> 01:15:27,978
Is it okay if I read them?
1235
01:15:27,980 --> 01:15:30,180
Of course you can read them.
1236
01:15:32,951 --> 01:15:34,687
Can I tell your story?
1237
01:15:34,689 --> 01:15:36,724
You can do what you want.
1238
01:15:37,252 --> 01:15:39,056
I won't be here.
1239
01:15:40,618 --> 01:15:42,191
Can I say that?
1240
01:15:42,422 --> 01:15:43,830
No.
1241
01:15:44,589 --> 01:15:46,030
Okay.
1242
01:16:39,214 --> 01:16:41,953
Let's not talk
about this now, okay?
1243
01:16:42,283 --> 01:16:45,759
All right,
I'll see you there. Bye.
1244
01:16:52,260 --> 01:16:53,424
Dear Ingrid,
1245
01:16:53,426 --> 01:16:59,002
Today is such a beautiful day
that it seemed to me it...
1246
01:17:00,630 --> 01:17:01,906
Hey.
1247
01:17:02,137 --> 01:17:02,839
Hi.
1248
01:17:02,841 --> 01:17:04,874
- Everything okay?
- Yeah.
1249
01:17:04,876 --> 01:17:06,700
This breeze is delicious.
1250
01:17:06,702 --> 01:17:09,914
Be careful,
it's a little chilly.
1251
01:17:11,014 --> 01:17:11,815
Um...
1252
01:17:11,817 --> 01:17:14,114
If you don't need me,
I'm gonna go to the gym.
1253
01:17:14,116 --> 01:17:15,313
But I can stay if you want.
1254
01:17:15,315 --> 01:17:18,085
No. Please, go.
I don't want to be a downer.
1255
01:17:18,087 --> 01:17:19,152
You're not a downer.
1256
01:17:19,154 --> 01:17:21,517
You've been
pretty well-behaved.
1257
01:17:21,519 --> 01:17:24,962
Have you talked
to your trainer about me?
1258
01:17:25,754 --> 01:17:26,830
Um...
1259
01:17:26,832 --> 01:17:29,426
Well... I mean, it came up.
1260
01:17:29,428 --> 01:17:31,934
I was talking about
being in good shape
1261
01:17:31,936 --> 01:17:34,530
and the heart beating
to survive.
1262
01:17:34,532 --> 01:17:37,939
You know, everything that you
talked about in the hospital
1263
01:17:37,941 --> 01:17:40,238
and he looked at me
like I was a lunatic,
1264
01:17:40,240 --> 01:17:43,373
so I told him I had
a friend that was sick.
1265
01:17:43,375 --> 01:17:44,913
That's all.
1266
01:17:44,915 --> 01:17:50,512
Just remember, you know
nothing about anything.
1267
01:17:50,514 --> 01:17:52,087
Mm.
1268
01:17:55,651 --> 01:17:58,126
Come here, give me a kiss.
1269
01:18:00,062 --> 01:18:02,064
- You okay?
- Yes.
1270
01:18:24,448 --> 01:18:26,318
- Hi.
- Hi.
1271
01:18:30,652 --> 01:18:33,158
I lied to her, I don't like it.
1272
01:18:33,160 --> 01:18:34,929
Well, you'll have to practice.
1273
01:18:34,931 --> 01:18:35,820
Lying?
1274
01:18:35,822 --> 01:18:40,231
Yes. Officially, you aren't
aware of Martha's intentions.
1275
01:18:40,233 --> 01:18:41,067
Yeah.
1276
01:18:41,069 --> 01:18:43,168
And I found a lawyer,
in case you need one.
1277
01:18:43,170 --> 01:18:45,566
Thank you. Let's not
talk about this now.
1278
01:18:45,568 --> 01:18:48,074
- Mm.
- How'd your lecture go?
1279
01:18:48,076 --> 01:18:53,048
Well, they weren't too happy
about my not taking questions.
1280
01:18:54,016 --> 01:18:55,675
In the end,
1281
01:18:55,677 --> 01:18:59,447
people started muttering
and someone called me a coward.
1282
01:18:59,449 --> 01:19:01,152
It doesn't bother me.
1283
01:19:01,154 --> 01:19:02,890
I spent way too much time
1284
01:19:02,892 --> 01:19:05,288
caring about my reputation,
and for what?
1285
01:19:05,290 --> 01:19:08,258
So, what are you doing with all
that time you've gotten back?
1286
01:19:08,260 --> 01:19:11,932
Are you doing more
of what you love?
1287
01:19:11,934 --> 01:19:14,594
I have to admit
that my interest in things
1288
01:19:14,596 --> 01:19:17,940
has been shrinking
as I get older.
1289
01:19:18,468 --> 01:19:20,567
Martha said the same thing
a couple days ago.
1290
01:19:20,569 --> 01:19:23,768
There are so few things left
that she can really enjoy.
1291
01:19:23,770 --> 01:19:26,311
- I understand.
- Mm.
1292
01:19:26,872 --> 01:19:27,981
But you're not sick.
1293
01:19:27,983 --> 01:19:30,280
No, but I feel the same way,
especially after the pandemic.
1294
01:19:30,282 --> 01:19:33,714
I don't go to the cinema
or listen to music.
1295
01:19:33,956 --> 01:19:35,252
I... I read a lot,
1296
01:19:35,254 --> 01:19:37,023
but only subjects
to do with my lectures.
1297
01:19:37,025 --> 01:19:39,684
Mm. You still go to galleries?
You used to love that.
1298
01:19:39,686 --> 01:19:41,389
When we were together,
we'd go all the time
1299
01:19:41,391 --> 01:19:43,996
and talk about
how powerful the art is.
1300
01:19:43,998 --> 01:19:45,525
You still like that?
1301
01:19:45,527 --> 01:19:48,330
Even if every poet in the world
sat down to write a poem
1302
01:19:48,332 --> 01:19:50,937
about the climate crisis,
it wouldn't save one tree.
1303
01:19:50,939 --> 01:19:53,467
At least you're still
interested in trees.
1304
01:19:53,469 --> 01:19:55,139
I'm interested in sex, too.
1305
01:19:55,141 --> 01:19:57,108
Well, then you're not that bad.
1306
01:19:57,110 --> 01:19:58,802
When I was young,
1307
01:19:58,804 --> 01:20:03,708
if a day went by without sex,
I thought it was incomplete.
1308
01:20:03,710 --> 01:20:04,709
I remember that.
1309
01:20:04,711 --> 01:20:10,486
I'm not nostalgic, but I miss
the nights when we'd drink...
1310
01:20:10,816 --> 01:20:12,618
and take drugs, have sex,
1311
01:20:12,620 --> 01:20:16,457
all that didn't distract us
from what we really wanted to do.
1312
01:20:16,459 --> 01:20:18,920
You drank and you took drugs.
1313
01:20:18,922 --> 01:20:20,724
I mean, more than I did anyway.
1314
01:20:20,726 --> 01:20:22,198
I don't know
how much you drank,
1315
01:20:22,200 --> 01:20:26,103
but you always acted as you were
as blitzed as the rest of us.
1316
01:20:26,105 --> 01:20:29,634
But you were an essential part
of the party.
1317
01:20:29,636 --> 01:20:31,240
That is, until you got bored
1318
01:20:31,242 --> 01:20:33,937
and went off
to discover Europe.
1319
01:20:34,608 --> 01:20:36,643
You want to talk about that?
1320
01:20:37,149 --> 01:20:38,676
Tell me about your lecture.
1321
01:20:39,481 --> 01:20:43,945
I admit that I've become
something of a monomaniac.
1322
01:20:43,947 --> 01:20:45,782
My own son is no longer
speaking to me
1323
01:20:45,784 --> 01:20:48,125
because I didn't hide
how appalled I was
1324
01:20:48,127 --> 01:20:50,952
that his wife
is expecting another child.
1325
01:20:50,954 --> 01:20:52,294
He doesn't want me
anywhere near her
1326
01:20:52,296 --> 01:20:53,724
for fear
she'll have a miscarriage.
1327
01:20:53,726 --> 01:20:56,331
What? How could you tell him
that he can't have another child?
1328
01:20:56,333 --> 01:20:58,762
- It's their third!
- What...
1329
01:20:58,764 --> 01:21:00,961
So, what's the next
logical alternative?
1330
01:21:00,963 --> 01:21:02,402
For people
to start killing themselves?
1331
01:21:02,404 --> 01:21:04,437
People should be aware,
once and for all,
1332
01:21:04,439 --> 01:21:07,970
of the state of the fucking
planet they're living on.
1333
01:21:08,674 --> 01:21:11,939
Well, perhaps this isn't
the best subject for you.
1334
01:21:11,941 --> 01:21:16,053
You're living with
a dying woman in a world
1335
01:21:16,055 --> 01:21:19,025
also in its death throes.
1336
01:21:20,026 --> 01:21:22,554
Do you really think the
situation is that desperate?
1337
01:21:22,556 --> 01:21:27,328
Yes. Read the science and see
what the world is doing with it.
1338
01:21:27,330 --> 01:21:32,300
They're releasing more CO2
into the air than ever before.
1339
01:21:32,302 --> 01:21:33,301
Sooner or later,
1340
01:21:33,303 --> 01:21:38,405
and I fear it will be sooner,
all this will be shot to hell.
1341
01:21:38,407 --> 01:21:42,177
Nothing is going to hasten
the end of the planet
1342
01:21:42,179 --> 01:21:45,510
more than the survival
of neo-liberalism
1343
01:21:45,512 --> 01:21:46,775
and the rise of the far right.
1344
01:21:46,777 --> 01:21:51,881
And we have both of them here,
marching side by side.
1345
01:21:53,982 --> 01:21:58,360
Sorry, I didn't want
to bring you down, but...
1346
01:21:58,888 --> 01:22:00,327
I get riled up with this.
1347
01:22:00,329 --> 01:22:04,760
You cannot go around telling
people that there's no hope.
1348
01:22:04,762 --> 01:22:05,695
It's tragic.
1349
01:22:05,697 --> 01:22:08,830
And maybe it's really
unpleasant of me to say so,
1350
01:22:08,832 --> 01:22:11,074
but I've completely lost faith
1351
01:22:11,076 --> 01:22:12,504
in people doing
the right thing.
1352
01:22:12,506 --> 01:22:15,210
I'm living every day expecting
to find Martha's body in her bed,
1353
01:22:15,212 --> 01:22:20,116
but that doesn't stop me from
enjoying every minute with her,
1354
01:22:20,118 --> 01:22:21,677
just the opposite.
1355
01:22:21,679 --> 01:22:24,845
I'm learning from her
and you should, too,
1356
01:22:24,847 --> 01:22:29,159
because there are lots of ways
to live inside a tragedy.
1357
01:22:30,391 --> 01:22:33,095
Of course it's painful,
1358
01:22:33,097 --> 01:22:35,759
but I can take it.
1359
01:22:36,166 --> 01:22:38,298
And I'm trying to live
1360
01:22:38,300 --> 01:22:40,762
with the same joy that she has,
1361
01:22:40,764 --> 01:22:43,666
and with the same
appreciation, so...
1362
01:22:43,668 --> 01:22:46,702
the last thing I need
is a speech like yours.
1363
01:22:46,704 --> 01:22:49,146
I've always admired you
for that.
1364
01:22:50,070 --> 01:22:50,937
What?
1365
01:22:50,939 --> 01:22:53,379
You're one of the only people
who knows how to suffer
1366
01:22:53,381 --> 01:22:57,154
without making others
feel guilty about it.
1367
01:23:38,458 --> 01:23:40,953
Do you think
it will be much longer?
1368
01:23:40,955 --> 01:23:45,090
No, it'll be soon. Any day now.
1369
01:23:45,728 --> 01:23:47,695
You have to be prepared.
1370
01:23:47,697 --> 01:23:48,795
I know the police.
1371
01:23:48,797 --> 01:23:50,236
They'll ask you
all sorts of questions,
1372
01:23:50,238 --> 01:23:53,701
they'll dig into your
relationship like scavengers.
1373
01:23:53,703 --> 01:23:55,373
You need
a kind of mental script.
1374
01:23:55,375 --> 01:23:58,178
No, I thought about it,
I do have it.
1375
01:23:58,180 --> 01:24:01,610
Good. Stay strong
and stick to your story.
1376
01:24:01,612 --> 01:24:02,677
And when it happens,
1377
01:24:02,679 --> 01:24:05,482
you should call the police
before you call me.
1378
01:24:05,484 --> 01:24:06,813
No, I need to call
her daughter.
1379
01:24:06,815 --> 01:24:08,287
I should call her
before I call you.
1380
01:24:08,289 --> 01:24:10,751
Okay, but be careful
what you say to her.
1381
01:24:10,753 --> 01:24:13,017
I had to tell the lawyer
about the situation.
1382
01:24:13,019 --> 01:24:16,955
Why do we have to go through
all this, like we're criminals?
1383
01:24:16,957 --> 01:24:18,627
Shouldn't dying people
have the right
1384
01:24:18,629 --> 01:24:20,024
to end their lives
with dignity?
1385
01:24:20,026 --> 01:24:22,862
They will, once
our teetering health system
1386
01:24:22,864 --> 01:24:25,030
completely collapses.
1387
01:25:01,803 --> 01:25:03,244
Martha?
1388
01:25:23,054 --> 01:25:24,856
Dear Ingrid,
1389
01:25:24,858 --> 01:25:27,188
today is such a beautiful day
1390
01:25:27,190 --> 01:25:30,664
that it seemed to me
it was the moment to leave.
1391
01:25:30,666 --> 01:25:35,031
It consoled me that you weren't
in the room downstairs,
1392
01:25:35,033 --> 01:25:37,341
even though that was the idea.
1393
01:25:37,343 --> 01:25:40,938
But you know I always improvise
1394
01:25:40,940 --> 01:25:42,544
and I'm almost happy that,
1395
01:25:42,546 --> 01:25:46,041
while I fade away
on the lounger,
1396
01:25:46,043 --> 01:25:47,515
you're out in the world,
1397
01:25:47,517 --> 01:25:51,387
experiencing something
different to my death.
1398
01:25:51,389 --> 01:25:55,987
No one will be able
to accuse you of complicity.
1399
01:25:56,559 --> 01:25:57,723
You have accompanied me
1400
01:25:57,725 --> 01:26:02,563
as much as any human being
can accompany another.
1401
01:26:02,565 --> 01:26:06,734
Call my daughter
and tell her I'm sorry.
1402
01:26:07,306 --> 01:26:10,441
And thank you, love.
1403
01:26:35,696 --> 01:26:37,126
Martha.
1404
01:26:40,030 --> 01:26:42,373
I'll do whatever you want.
1405
01:27:08,431 --> 01:27:12,026
We had dinner and then we
watched a Buster Keaton movie.
1406
01:27:12,028 --> 01:27:13,060
I told you this already.
1407
01:27:13,062 --> 01:27:15,370
And you didn't notice
anything strange,
1408
01:27:15,372 --> 01:27:18,507
anything that made
you suspect...
1409
01:27:20,542 --> 01:27:21,442
Try to remember.
1410
01:27:21,444 --> 01:27:24,104
I remember it perfectly,
it was a fun night.
1411
01:27:24,106 --> 01:27:26,876
There were no gestures?
Nothing she said?
1412
01:27:26,878 --> 01:27:29,846
We said goodnight
and then I went upstairs
1413
01:27:29,848 --> 01:27:32,178
and I stayed up late
reading a book
1414
01:27:32,180 --> 01:27:34,917
that Martha had recommended
called Erotic Vagrancy.
1415
01:27:34,919 --> 01:27:38,283
It's about Elizabeth Taylor
and Richard Burton.
1416
01:27:38,285 --> 01:27:39,427
- Do you know it?
- No.
1417
01:27:39,429 --> 01:27:42,023
Martha and I both thought
that it was really fun.
1418
01:27:42,025 --> 01:27:45,468
Try to answer
only the questions I ask you.
1419
01:27:48,470 --> 01:27:50,901
What'd you do
the following morning?
1420
01:27:52,573 --> 01:27:54,364
I had lunch with a friend.
1421
01:27:54,366 --> 01:27:56,938
And when I came back,
I called out for her
1422
01:27:56,940 --> 01:27:58,841
and when she didn't answer,
1423
01:27:58,843 --> 01:28:00,711
I went to her bedroom.
1424
01:28:00,713 --> 01:28:02,108
But she wasn't there.
1425
01:28:02,110 --> 01:28:06,046
So I went into the backyard
and that's when I saw her.
1426
01:28:06,048 --> 01:28:09,214
And, at first, I thought that
she was asleep on the lounge chair
1427
01:28:09,216 --> 01:28:12,624
and I got really nervous
and I called the ambulance.
1428
01:28:12,626 --> 01:28:14,219
And they got there very quickly
1429
01:28:14,221 --> 01:28:15,462
and then the EMTs saw her
1430
01:28:15,464 --> 01:28:18,696
and then they said there was
nothing that they could do.
1431
01:28:18,698 --> 01:28:20,192
Nobody buys this pill
by accident
1432
01:28:20,194 --> 01:28:22,832
if they're not thinking of
suicide or killing someone,
1433
01:28:22,834 --> 01:28:25,164
so, you didn't know
anything about this?
1434
01:28:25,166 --> 01:28:26,132
About what?
1435
01:28:26,134 --> 01:28:28,101
About her being in possession
of this illegal compound.
1436
01:28:28,103 --> 01:28:31,807
No. She was taking medication
for the pain,
1437
01:28:31,809 --> 01:28:33,842
you know, patches and pills,
but she...
1438
01:28:33,844 --> 01:28:36,979
she never shared
the specifics with me.
1439
01:28:37,408 --> 01:28:38,946
It is strange that,
1440
01:28:38,948 --> 01:28:40,343
if you two
were such good friends,
1441
01:28:40,345 --> 01:28:43,214
that she didn't say
anything to you.
1442
01:28:43,216 --> 01:28:49,156
You can't just walk into a
drugstore and buy this pill.
1443
01:28:49,464 --> 01:28:51,763
It's very difficult to come by.
1444
01:28:52,225 --> 01:28:55,160
I think when she rented
the house,
1445
01:28:55,162 --> 01:28:58,537
she already knew what she was
gonna do, right?
1446
01:28:58,539 --> 01:29:00,099
It's possible,
1447
01:29:00,101 --> 01:29:02,475
but she didn't
tell me anything.
1448
01:29:02,477 --> 01:29:04,268
She was exhausted
from the last treatment
1449
01:29:04,270 --> 01:29:06,435
and she wanted to take a break
before going back
1450
01:29:06,437 --> 01:29:08,206
for the next round of chemo.
1451
01:29:08,208 --> 01:29:10,581
She wasn't the type
to throw in the towel.
1452
01:29:10,583 --> 01:29:12,209
She didn't complain?
1453
01:29:12,211 --> 01:29:15,786
She didn't say anything
that made you sense...
1454
01:29:16,919 --> 01:29:17,984
the end?
1455
01:29:17,986 --> 01:29:20,318
It was a great responsibility
for you.
1456
01:29:20,989 --> 01:29:23,321
She complained sometimes.
1457
01:29:24,597 --> 01:29:29,457
What did she complain about?
What did she say?
1458
01:29:29,459 --> 01:29:32,669
She'd lost the capacity
for attention.
1459
01:29:32,671 --> 01:29:37,808
She couldn't read or write,
for example.
1460
01:29:38,677 --> 01:29:40,303
Her life was reduced
to surviving.
1461
01:29:40,305 --> 01:29:43,405
You know, I find it
very hard to believe
1462
01:29:43,407 --> 01:29:46,111
that she didn't say anything
that made you suspect the end.
1463
01:29:46,113 --> 01:29:48,751
It was more than evident
that she was very sick,
1464
01:29:48,753 --> 01:29:50,280
but she wanted to
take a vacation
1465
01:29:50,282 --> 01:29:51,786
before going back
to the hospital.
1466
01:29:51,788 --> 01:29:53,722
I told you this already.
1467
01:29:53,924 --> 01:29:59,338
So, we also spoke to some
of Martha's close friends.
1468
01:30:00,797 --> 01:30:05,296
In general, they all coincide
with your testimony.
1469
01:30:06,495 --> 01:30:08,803
But one of them, Stella Byrne,
1470
01:30:08,805 --> 01:30:11,575
told us that, after Martha
finished her chemotherapy,
1471
01:30:11,577 --> 01:30:14,908
that she proposed
that she accompany her
1472
01:30:14,910 --> 01:30:17,075
to a house in the country
1473
01:30:17,077 --> 01:30:21,048
where she intended
to commit suicide.
1474
01:30:24,282 --> 01:30:27,219
Asked her to, and I quote...
1475
01:30:27,890 --> 01:30:29,892
"Be in the room next door. "
1476
01:30:32,762 --> 01:30:34,421
And her friend refused.
1477
01:30:34,423 --> 01:30:38,095
I wasn't in the room next door,
I was in the room downstairs.
1478
01:30:38,097 --> 01:30:39,459
When I spoke to Mrs. Byrne
1479
01:30:39,461 --> 01:30:40,735
and informed her
of the suicide,
1480
01:30:40,737 --> 01:30:42,264
she told me
she wasn't surprised.
1481
01:30:42,266 --> 01:30:45,806
There's another word for what
Martha did, it's called euthanasia.
1482
01:30:45,808 --> 01:30:47,104
Well, call it what you want,
1483
01:30:47,106 --> 01:30:50,844
but, for me, what your friend
did is a crime
1484
01:30:50,846 --> 01:30:54,474
and, as a policeman,
as a human being,
1485
01:30:54,476 --> 01:30:56,311
as a man of faith,
1486
01:30:56,313 --> 01:31:00,282
I'm radically opposed
to anyone committing a crime.
1487
01:31:00,284 --> 01:31:03,628
And, of course, anyone aiding
and abetting in one.
1488
01:31:15,199 --> 01:31:18,906
Damian, can you come down
to the police station, please?
1489
01:31:19,137 --> 01:31:20,004
This is endless.
1490
01:31:20,006 --> 01:31:23,403
How do you explain
that your friend Martha
1491
01:31:23,405 --> 01:31:24,745
was so explicit with Mrs. Byrne
1492
01:31:24,747 --> 01:31:27,572
and yet she didn't tell you
anything about her intentions?
1493
01:31:27,574 --> 01:31:28,848
I'm not gonna say another word.
1494
01:31:28,850 --> 01:31:31,213
If I'm under arrest,
then tell me the charges.
1495
01:31:31,215 --> 01:31:33,820
Otherwise, I'll wait
in the hall for my lawyer.
1496
01:31:33,822 --> 01:31:34,854
Very foresighted of you.
1497
01:31:34,856 --> 01:31:36,449
What made you think
you'd need a lawyer?
1498
01:31:36,451 --> 01:31:40,387
Why don't you ask your friend,
he witnessed the interrogation.
1499
01:31:40,389 --> 01:31:43,995
I think you're lying.
1500
01:31:43,997 --> 01:31:46,294
And that you're the kind of
person who wouldn't say no
1501
01:31:46,296 --> 01:31:50,102
if a friend asked you
for help committing suicide.
1502
01:31:52,104 --> 01:31:53,433
Let her go.
1503
01:32:02,410 --> 01:32:03,816
Hey.
1504
01:32:03,818 --> 01:32:05,081
- Hi.
- Hi.
1505
01:32:05,083 --> 01:32:07,721
- How are you?
- I'm okay.
1506
01:32:07,723 --> 01:32:09,349
This is my lawyer, Sarah.
1507
01:32:09,351 --> 01:32:11,252
- Hi. Pleasure.
- Thank you for coming.
1508
01:32:11,254 --> 01:32:12,660
Of course.
Damian's filled me in.
1509
01:32:12,662 --> 01:32:14,926
Is there anything I should know
about the interrogation?
1510
01:32:14,928 --> 01:32:16,862
Well, he treated me
like I was the killer.
1511
01:32:16,864 --> 01:32:18,963
- But you were with me.
- He doesn't care.
1512
01:32:18,965 --> 01:32:20,767
He insists that I'm implicated.
1513
01:32:20,769 --> 01:32:21,669
Okay, but...
1514
01:32:21,671 --> 01:32:23,803
He spoke to a friend
of Martha, Stella Byrne,
1515
01:32:23,805 --> 01:32:26,168
who said that Martha
had approached her first
1516
01:32:26,170 --> 01:32:27,334
and she refused to help her.
1517
01:32:27,336 --> 01:32:29,600
Okay, well, I'm sure
everything was recorded.
1518
01:32:29,602 --> 01:32:30,843
Mm-hmm.
1519
01:32:30,845 --> 01:32:34,341
Um, and this police officer
witnessed everything.
1520
01:32:34,343 --> 01:32:35,374
You can come in now.
1521
01:32:35,376 --> 01:32:37,917
I'll go in alone.
I'm her attorney.
1522
01:32:38,885 --> 01:32:41,547
Don't worry,
this is all very clear.
1523
01:32:43,186 --> 01:32:44,218
Thank you for coming.
1524
01:32:44,220 --> 01:32:46,286
My pleasure.
1525
01:32:46,288 --> 01:32:48,123
Jesus! What an asshole!
1526
01:32:48,125 --> 01:32:50,323
I've never been treated
like that before.
1527
01:32:50,325 --> 01:32:53,458
You were unlucky enough to come
up against a religious fanatic,
1528
01:32:53,460 --> 01:32:55,064
but he's not gonna
bother you again.
1529
01:32:55,066 --> 01:32:56,197
I'm gonna file a complaint.
1530
01:32:56,199 --> 01:32:58,034
Thank you so much
for everything.
1531
01:32:58,036 --> 01:33:00,432
You still need to be available
for the next 48 hours
1532
01:33:00,434 --> 01:33:03,204
until forensic formalities
are done.
1533
01:33:03,206 --> 01:33:05,778
Um, I told them to call me
if necessary.
1534
01:33:05,780 --> 01:33:06,845
I'll be at the house.
1535
01:33:06,847 --> 01:33:08,275
Do you have
all the information you need?
1536
01:33:08,277 --> 01:33:09,749
Yes, Damian gave it to me.
1537
01:33:09,751 --> 01:33:12,246
Just give me a call
if anything comes up, okay?
1538
01:33:12,248 --> 01:33:14,017
I'm gonna head back
to the office.
1539
01:33:14,019 --> 01:33:15,315
I'm really sorry for your loss.
1540
01:33:15,317 --> 01:33:17,151
- Thank you.
- Thanks, Sarah.
1541
01:33:17,153 --> 01:33:18,449
Bye.
1542
01:33:18,451 --> 01:33:20,484
I can't believe
Stella told him that.
1543
01:33:20,486 --> 01:33:21,793
Well, he probably cornered her,
1544
01:33:21,795 --> 01:33:24,455
and they have Martha's computer
and her cell phone.
1545
01:33:24,457 --> 01:33:25,324
Mm.
1546
01:33:25,326 --> 01:33:26,490
Do you know if they talked?
1547
01:33:26,492 --> 01:33:30,034
No, I don't know,
she didn't tell me anything.
1548
01:33:30,496 --> 01:33:31,627
What do you wanna do?
1549
01:33:31,629 --> 01:33:34,597
I need to go back to the house
and pack up Martha's things.
1550
01:33:35,941 --> 01:33:37,239
Sorry.
1551
01:33:38,306 --> 01:33:39,811
Hello?
1552
01:33:39,813 --> 01:33:41,606
Uh, speaking.
1553
01:33:42,948 --> 01:33:44,475
It's Michelle.
1554
01:33:44,477 --> 01:33:46,281
Martha's daughter?
1555
01:33:46,578 --> 01:33:47,445
Yes, of course.
1556
01:33:47,447 --> 01:33:49,216
No, no, of course
you can come over.
1557
01:33:49,218 --> 01:33:53,827
I'm headed there right now.
I'll text you the address.
1558
01:33:54,388 --> 01:33:57,291
Okay, I'll see you soon. Bye.
1559
01:33:58,798 --> 01:34:01,293
Wow. Wow.
1560
01:34:01,295 --> 01:34:02,591
I'm headed back to the city,
1561
01:34:02,593 --> 01:34:06,971
so tell me when you're back and
I'll help you with your move.
1562
01:34:07,400 --> 01:34:10,073
Thank you for everything.
1563
01:34:11,668 --> 01:34:15,144
And you can tell me
how it went with Michelle.
1564
01:34:15,375 --> 01:34:16,640
I will.
1565
01:34:17,410 --> 01:34:20,886
- Thanks. I'll call you, okay?
- Okay. Take care.
1566
01:34:53,918 --> 01:34:55,821
Hello, I'm Michelle.
1567
01:34:56,151 --> 01:34:57,680
I'm Ingrid.
1568
01:34:58,417 --> 01:34:59,649
Hi.
1569
01:35:02,421 --> 01:35:05,831
- Let's go inside, okay?
- Yeah.
1570
01:35:08,592 --> 01:35:10,132
Come on in.
1571
01:35:15,269 --> 01:35:17,599
Do you wanna see
your mother's room?
1572
01:35:17,601 --> 01:35:18,731
Yes, please.
1573
01:35:18,733 --> 01:35:21,769
It's right down there.
Right down the hall.
1574
01:35:49,203 --> 01:35:50,730
I made some coffee.
1575
01:35:50,732 --> 01:35:52,138
Would you like some?
1576
01:35:52,140 --> 01:35:53,700
Uh, I also have tea.
1577
01:35:53,702 --> 01:35:56,472
No, coffee's great. Thank you.
1578
01:35:56,474 --> 01:35:58,014
Here you go.
1579
01:36:01,808 --> 01:36:03,346
Did she tell you about me?
1580
01:36:03,348 --> 01:36:05,711
Of course she did.
1581
01:36:05,713 --> 01:36:10,716
And she told me you were very upset
that you never met your father.
1582
01:36:10,718 --> 01:36:12,784
So she told you
about my father?
1583
01:36:12,786 --> 01:36:14,126
She did.
1584
01:36:15,030 --> 01:36:16,931
Don't you think
she could have helped him
1585
01:36:16,933 --> 01:36:18,691
when he came back from the war?
1586
01:36:18,693 --> 01:36:21,166
She helped him
as best she could.
1587
01:36:21,168 --> 01:36:23,905
Your father came back
very badly damaged
1588
01:36:23,907 --> 01:36:27,106
and he wanted to move to another
city and start a new life.
1589
01:36:27,108 --> 01:36:30,637
His plans never included you
or Martha.
1590
01:36:30,639 --> 01:36:35,776
And your mother accepted the
end of the relationship and...
1591
01:36:36,216 --> 01:36:37,776
And she saw him
in such a bad way
1592
01:36:37,778 --> 01:36:40,052
that she gave him a kiss
to give him some peace
1593
01:36:40,054 --> 01:36:43,387
and that kiss turned
into something more.
1594
01:36:44,421 --> 01:36:47,325
And you are the fruit
of that moment.
1595
01:36:47,787 --> 01:36:50,590
My mother never told me
anything about that.
1596
01:36:50,592 --> 01:36:53,230
It's a difficult thing
to explain to a child.
1597
01:36:53,232 --> 01:36:55,663
She could have told me later.
1598
01:36:55,894 --> 01:36:57,102
By then you were so estranged
1599
01:36:57,104 --> 01:37:00,008
that she didn't feel
it was possible anymore.
1600
01:37:00,800 --> 01:37:03,075
She was a teenager,
1601
01:37:03,077 --> 01:37:04,109
she had a life to live,
1602
01:37:04,111 --> 01:37:06,672
and your father
moved to San Diego
1603
01:37:06,674 --> 01:37:09,149
and he made no effort
to know you.
1604
01:37:19,720 --> 01:37:21,490
So, Ingrid,
1605
01:37:22,062 --> 01:37:26,660
do you think I was totally
mistaken about Martha?
1606
01:37:27,232 --> 01:37:29,100
You were unfair,
1607
01:37:29,102 --> 01:37:33,898
but no one can blame you for
wanting to know who your father was.
1608
01:37:36,307 --> 01:37:37,339
It's a sad story,
1609
01:37:37,341 --> 01:37:40,278
it was very painful
for both of you.
1610
01:37:43,479 --> 01:37:45,050
Don't be so hard on yourself,
1611
01:37:45,052 --> 01:37:47,681
Martha wasn't
the perfect mother.
1612
01:37:48,781 --> 01:37:50,618
No, she wasn't.
1613
01:37:54,589 --> 01:37:55,819
Can I stay here tonight?
1614
01:37:55,821 --> 01:37:59,825
Yes, of course.
This is your mother's house!
1615
01:38:02,893 --> 01:38:04,200
Dear Martha,
1616
01:38:04,202 --> 01:38:08,006
I thought you'd like to know I've
come back to the house in the woods
1617
01:38:08,008 --> 01:38:10,340
to gather up your things.
1618
01:38:11,737 --> 01:38:14,540
Your daughter came to see me.
1619
01:38:14,542 --> 01:38:16,775
I'm still shaking.
1620
01:38:17,116 --> 01:38:19,248
She looks so like you.
1621
01:38:19,250 --> 01:38:23,285
She asked me if she could stay
and sleep in your bed...
1622
01:38:23,287 --> 01:38:25,718
and, of course, I said yes.
1623
01:38:26,521 --> 01:38:30,162
I think your death
has brought her closer to you.
1624
01:38:33,198 --> 01:38:36,166
I never thought
I'd inherit her,
1625
01:38:36,168 --> 01:38:39,039
even if it's just for a day.
1626
01:38:39,369 --> 01:38:42,471
The house is filled with you.
1627
01:38:44,175 --> 01:38:47,968
When I came in,
after talking to the police,
1628
01:38:47,970 --> 01:38:51,677
the first thing I saw
was the door of your room,
1629
01:38:52,480 --> 01:38:54,678
and it was open.
1630
01:38:54,680 --> 01:38:58,517
And I said to myself,
"She's alive. "
1631
01:39:31,881 --> 01:39:35,049
I came out here
to listen to the birds.
1632
01:39:36,721 --> 01:39:39,526
Your mother
would get up like this,
1633
01:39:40,263 --> 01:39:41,924
at dawn,
1634
01:39:42,496 --> 01:39:44,597
and lie right there.
1635
01:39:49,107 --> 01:39:52,473
Look, it's snowing.
1636
01:40:00,877 --> 01:40:02,846
The snow is falling.
1637
01:40:04,682 --> 01:40:06,418
It's falling on the lonely pool
1638
01:40:06,420 --> 01:40:08,290
we never used.
1639
01:40:09,885 --> 01:40:11,920
It's falling on the woods,
1640
01:40:12,195 --> 01:40:14,492
where we walked and you lay,
1641
01:40:14,494 --> 01:40:17,629
exhausted, on the ground.
1642
01:40:19,400 --> 01:40:22,568
Falling on your daughter
and on me.
1643
01:40:24,900 --> 01:40:28,068
Falling upon the living
and the dead.
1644
01:40:31,068 --> 01:40:35,068
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