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โThe Ceremonyโ
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At first I wrote her many letters.
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And then I met her again. She had accepted me.
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What I wanted...
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...was to belong to her...
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...to belong to her completely.
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I dreamed of
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having her initials on my skin...
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To know for certain that I really belonged to her
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This was very important to me.
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I thought about it often.
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I wanted to see her all the time.
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But she only saw me when she felt like it.
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And...
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Voilร .
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Belong to someone...
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How does one belong to someone?
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I don't know.
I don't know how to answer your question.
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I don't know what it means.
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Except...
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Except as far
as Jeanne de Berg and I are concerned.
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Belonging to her... In my case,
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"belonging" means
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thinking about her all the time.
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It's...
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It's...
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It's complicated. Could we take a break?
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Yes.ใ-Thank you.
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Wouldn't it be better to light it from behind?
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Here?
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Yes. That lighting was not good.
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It doesn't look good.ใ-OK.
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As far as I can tell, anyway.
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When we're together
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She is, as Christian would say,
the absolute "sovereign".
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Not my "sovereign",
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nor that of her other friends
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It's the life she's led,
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the things she's seen...
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...her experience and her age.
She inspires respect.
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Also, she has natural authority
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which she can impose when necessary.
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She does not accept it
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when things don't turn out as she planned.
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She imposes her will calmly,
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perfectly naturally.
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And she has an extraordinary imagination!
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That's what she's good at, amazing imagination.
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Her passion is theatre. That's important to know.
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She has a passion for theatre
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and for theatrical presentation.
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I've seen sessions of submission
that were incredibly boring.
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Watching a group of men who want to be whipped,
is of absolutely no interest!
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I'm sure they enjoy it...
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but it bores me to tears.
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I told her that
I wanted very much to be part of her "theatre".
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And she said, "But as what?"
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You see how she is. I smiled and said, "Well..."
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"...I'm not really sure."
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She said, "Well, think about it and let me know."
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And that's how I met her.
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How long did it take you to think it over?
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Not long.
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A week or two...
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The time to read her books.
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I don't have a clearly defined place within S/M.
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I like both sides. I like switching.
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I'm neither submissive, nor dominatrix.
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I like both.
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And that's what I told her.
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We had our first ceremony...
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which was wonderful, amazing.
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It was in the same place,
two or three months later...
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She created something for me
that was quite beautiful, really touching.
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Move!
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Come on. Come.
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Enough!
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Again. Play the beast.
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Come! Come on!
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The beast!
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Louder. Louder! Louder!
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Hush.
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Is this mainly
a question of power relationship for you?
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No, not really. It's about pushing intensity.
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Could you explain this?ใ-It's about intensity.
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Trying to push the limits of intensity.
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And, doing it... through domination
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because this is what interests me.
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Or by means of things...
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...things which stir emotion...
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...or destabilize one.
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And perhaps, up to a point,
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I enjoy inflicting pain.
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This is what excites me... gives me pleasure.
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Good.
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It began when I was very young, this... desire.
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I was a small boy,
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a very small boy
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and desired to be punished, to be beaten by women.
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I was really very young...
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...and I thought I was a monster.
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I couldn't talk about it to anyone.
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It was my terrible secret.
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I had no idea what to do about it.
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I thought I was abnormal, monstrous.
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And then... when I was at school...
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I came to realize that I wasn't the only one
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who had these... bizarre preferences.
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I even learned it was quite common.
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One day a teacher told us
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to read "Confessions", by Rousseau.
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I went home and began reading the book...
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...and I was dumbstruck.
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At one point Rousseau says...
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...I don't remember the sentence exactly, but...
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...basically,
he expressed the pleasure he'd felt as a child
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when he found himself
in Mlle Lambercier's lap
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while she punished him.
...and the confusion he felt at this.
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It was very odd...
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I felt strangely reassured by this.
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I told myself, "I'm not alone."
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"Other people also experience this."
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It was reassuring.
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It happened by chance...
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Does this interest you?
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To talk about this?
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Yeah?ใ-Yes.
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I was at the opening of an exhibition
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and was introduced to a charming gentleman.
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"Oh, 'Helleu'?" he said.
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"Are you related to the painter?"
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He said he'd love to show me
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his Helleu paintings.
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We exchanged cards,
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and one night he asked me to dinner
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and to see his paintings.
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We had dinner...
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He was charming, intelligent,
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but as usual, I soon got bored.
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After dinner, I'd had enough,
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so I said thank you and goodbye.
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He called three times to see me again...
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then gave up.
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The following year
I ran into him again at another opening.
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We left at the same time
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and he said, "May I invite you to dinner?"
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We had dinner. Then he said...
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"Listen, I'd love to serve you."
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"Excuse me?!"
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I thought, "This guy is insane.
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What does he mean, 'serve' me?"
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No one had ever spoken to me like that before.
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This was ten years ago,
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...though I won't tell you my real age,...
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but I was no spring chicken.
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"What can I do for you, madame?"
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"What can I do for you, Claude?"
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I said, "Well,
I'd like you to do some grocery shopping for me."
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So, he did. Then he said,
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"But I could do much more..."
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"...I could clean your windows,
your shoes, your house."
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I looked at him, flabbergasted.
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I said, "Why on earth would you do this?"
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He said, "I have a mistress for whom
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I've been doing it for 35 years."
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I said, "And how does she thank you?"
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I didn't find him attractive at all.
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He said, "She whips me until I bleed."
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Stupefaction! I said,
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"Well, I'd never be able to thank you like that!"
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"So, I'll just see to my windows
without your help."
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For me, it's never the same.
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Ask 100 dominatrices...
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You'll get 100 different answers.
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For me...
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...there are two ways of living this.
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There are two kinds of pleasure
for those who dominate.
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Firstly...
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and this might be a truly sadistic streak in me
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before I knew Catherine,
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what excited me most of all...
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...was dominating virile men
who were not submissive.
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Taming them.
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Training them.
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Men, real machos...
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...who'd never imagined submitting themselves
to a woman.
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My greatest pleasure was...
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...dominating that kind of man...
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...and seeing to what extent,
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in spite of themselves, they enjoyed it.
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So maybe I wasn't really sadistic.
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If there was no pleasure for them
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there was none for me either.
My satisfaction came...
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...from seeing them discover pleasure
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where they never expected it.
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Maybe it was sadistic, after all.
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They found it shameful to discover
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they enjoyed being dominated.
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...Oh, it's all terribly complicated.
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Oddly enough, I don't analyze these experiences.
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As you might have noticed...
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I don't question what I do.
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I play the game, I believe in the game...
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...and I'm extremely...
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Well...
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It's as if I'm merging with them,
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allowing myself to...
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Catherine once said that
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I was the most wellbalanced one in the group.
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However, my last lover said
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I was the most perverted woman he knew!
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But I think it's Catherine who's right.
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I'm not at all perverted.
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I see no perversion in me.
I have no wish to manipulate...
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Because that's what perversity is.
It's manipulation...
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I don't do this.
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Play the chicken.
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Get up, chicken.
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Come on.
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Come...
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Come.
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Come here. Come on.
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Come on, little chickens. Come on.
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Again. Come on now, little chickens. Again.
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Louder. Come on now!
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Faster! Faster! Faster!
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In sadomasochism there's this idea of
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giving up control, or of keeping it.
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It's not a matter of who has the power.
That's not the issue.
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What matters is that
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someone is there to ensure a kind of trust.
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This trust allows the "other" to let go,
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we can let go of ourself, let go of things,
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give ourself up, lose ourself...
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Because we knows someone's there to set the limits,
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to say when to stop,
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when to go,
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when to push forward.
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This way of doing things is even more powerful.
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when it all takes place in silence,
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and there's order, and ritual.
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Suddenly, things that were deeply buried,
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come to light.
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What makes it so powerful,
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is the immediacy which you don't have
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when you take time to get to know someone.
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When you take time to know someone
in "normal" life
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you need a good while
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before touching anything deep.
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In this game, it can happen instantly.
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Catherine can be absolutely magnificent
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in her bond with the "other".
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At the same time, there's respect, great depth...
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...and power.
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Another thing that's fascinating in life is
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when you're able to surpass yourself,
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00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:09,360
be it an acrobat, a dancer,
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a pianist, or an actor...
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It's wonderful seeing someone surpassing himself.
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In our milieu, people do that...
...and Catherine encourages it.
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She encourages that exaltation.
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It's magnificent.
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She encourages it in me too,
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in my capacity as a mistress.
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That's what I'm discovering.
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With her, I let myself go.
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I don't ask questions. I participate completely,
270
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:50,840
without question.
271
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:56,200
It's a bit like a Childemperor...
272
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:58,520
It's like the power in a child's game...
273
00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:05,800
All of a sudden, you choose to place your toys...
274
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:07,800
...here or there or there... and this or this or
275
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:10,000
that should happen.
276
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,760
This is what she does,
277
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:14,240
Only, she does it with people...
278
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:19,000
But at the same time ensuring
there's respect for everyone involved.
279
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:24,640
She takes into
consideration every single person involved.
280
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:29,800
But, at the same time,
each person is like a character
281
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:33,040
playing a part, like in child's game.
282
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:36,760
That's what I find poetic about Jeanne de Berg,
283
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:40,960
her persona.
284
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:45,280
But at the same time, it's her...
It's Catherine RobbeGrillet.
285
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:51,960
This mixture of childhood...
the great gravity of childhood
286
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:59,600
and this elderly woman with her maturity
287
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,680
It's a doublesided thing
288
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:03,840
that I find very beautiful in Catherine.
289
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:04,880
"Good evening, Madame.
I would like you to insult me"
290
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,600
"by calling me 'dirty nigger|and 'whore'.
291
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:10,160
Respectfully, Madame."
292
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:17,120
On the one hand there's this request
to be treated like a dog...
293
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,920
It's actually signed "The Dog".
294
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,880
...while at the same time,
he shows great respect towards me.
295
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:30,680
Of course, it sounds silly
when you read it out aloud.
296
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:46,520
I understand perfectly that,
in the minds of people...
297
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:49,760
...in the world of sadomasochism,
298
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,840
one encounters desires which offend.
299
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,000
Desires which offend those
300
00:27:55,000 --> 00:28:00,080
who don't understand this world.
301
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:05,360
Not only are these desires incomprehensible,
302
00:28:05,360 --> 00:28:07,560
they are shocking.
303
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:14,320
But I do understand, yes...
304
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:18,880
Especially given the fact that
305
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:22,200
no one is forcing me...
306
00:28:24,360 --> 00:28:26,200
...to gratify desires of this nature,
307
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,280
no one forces me to organize anything.
308
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:31,880
I don't have to do this...
309
00:28:31,880 --> 00:28:33,240
Especially not for financial reasons!
310
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,040
I do what I do because it interests me.
311
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:43,000
At the same time,
I have the feeling that I'm doing good.
312
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:45,880
The young man who asked me to do this
313
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:47,520
has been wanting it for a long time.
314
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:52,160
But couldn't find it. At least that's what he says.
315
00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:53,920
He says he's never found a woman
316
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:57,240
to satisfy these desires.
317
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:01,600
For two weeks he's been texting me to say
318
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:04,080
how he awaits the day...
319
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:08,160
...with desire.
320
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:17,520
With... Yes, the word "desire" seems appropriate.
321
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:14,000
I find this very beautiful. I do.
322
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:20,320
There's a sort of theatricality to my soirรฉes
323
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:26,560
a certain kind of eroticism,
while at the same time...
324
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:30,200
I am mistress of all these scenes.
325
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:33,960
Mistress of Ceremonies.
326
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:40,560
My role is to bring them
to the point of incandescence
327
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,080
where everyone present is seized
328
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:49,360
by a sort of dramatic tension
329
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,480
which is like something sacred
330
00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:54,120
...but temporary.
331
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:57,120
Well, I exaggerate a little.
332
00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:59,680
We're not used to associating
333
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,200
the words "sacred" and "erotic",
334
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,040
...it's not considered decent.
335
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:05,640
But this is what I want.
336
00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:09,000
I love... and admire her.
337
00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:11,280
Why?
338
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:18,520
Because... she's intelligent...
339
00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:21,520
...cultivated, open to the world.
340
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:24,600
Her world is not small or isolated.
341
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:26,840
You can't be married to RobbeGrillet without it
342
00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:28,200
having some effect on you.
343
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:29,920
You can't live with a man of such intelligence,
344
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:32,120
without being...
345
00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:38,000
Consider everything she's done with him,
...literature...
346
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:42,160
...his films, all the travel...
347
00:31:42,160 --> 00:31:46,680
These things opened her up to the world around her.
348
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,840
And it's in her nature,
349
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:51,720
These experiences fed her.
350
00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:59,120
Her marriage was a great success. Bravo!
351
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:01,280
She succeeds in everything she does.
352
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:08,480
She takes complete responsibility
353
00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,760
for who she is.
She accepts completely what she is.
354
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:16,080
Of course, being Mme Alain RobbeGrillet...
355
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:20,400
How should I put this?
356
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,400
It's easier for Mme RobbeGrillet
357
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:24,840
to admit on primetime television
358
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:25,920
that she has "particular interests".
359
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:30,560
Not easy for most women.
360
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:08,600
It's also rare in France.
361
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:12,120
The great theme in films
362
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:13,800
is a virile friendship between two men.
363
00:33:13,800 --> 00:33:16,600
DelonBelmondo...
364
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:18,240
That's the great theme...
365
00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,600
Speaking of protest and disorder...
366
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:25,520
you have chosen naked women, lesbians.
367
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:27,640
Why didn't you choose naked men
368
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:29,640
and gay men?
369
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:36,880
This applause dismays me.
370
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:41,720
Once you're at Barthes' level
371
00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:43,520
you need no introduction;
372
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,440
however,
373
00:33:57,920 --> 00:34:01,560
I would like to...
374
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:05,320
I was always interested in eroticism.
375
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:08,440
This is where my personal creativity lay.
376
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:12,840
...not only when it came to my love affairs.
377
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:15,760
Alain was a faithful husband,
378
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:19,560
not at all a "skirtchaser", as we used to say.
379
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:25,240
I, on the other hand,
was open to everything around me.
380
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:31,080
This creativity
381
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:34,640
was never officially recognised.
382
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:37,000
For a long time it remained private.
383
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,240
It was only seen as "particular"
384
00:34:39,240 --> 00:34:43,160
or "marginal" creativity
385
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:46,000
when I first spoke in public,
386
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,640
and when my first book was published.
387
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:53,400
That's when it started to become "public".
388
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:59,920
Alain's creativity lay entirely
389
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,480
in his literature and in his films...
390
00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:08,840
...Mine was in eroticism.
391
00:35:19,640 --> 00:35:24,280
Can you tell me about
the precise moment when you realized
392
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:27,800
you wanted your relationship to change?
393
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:38,360
It was one an evening
when we were holding auditions.
394
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:44,240
We had plans for a certain soirรฉe
395
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:47,520
and needed a number of men
with a very specific profile.
396
00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:52,000
We brought together several candidates.
397
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,520
We examined them in the middle of a circle.
398
00:35:55,520 --> 00:36:00,880
We women, formed a circle in the room...
399
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:04,440
...and we brought the candidates into
the middle of our circle.
400
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:09,160
And we examined them. There were a few tests...
401
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:12,440
Nothing difficult,
but things which would be an indication
402
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:14,600
of their behaviour,
403
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:16,760
how they understood our expectations,
404
00:36:16,760 --> 00:36:21,080
and... their abilities.
405
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:24,920
I looked at this young man,
406
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:27,480
walking around in the circle.
407
00:36:27,480 --> 00:36:29,280
He passed by the others, by me...
408
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:31,920
then stopped in front of Catherine.
409
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:33,760
He knelt down...
410
00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:39,640
And I realized that I wanted it to be me.
411
00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:47,160
It was like a flash of lightning.
It was very powerful.
412
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:49,920
This position was not something
I'd ever desired.
413
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,520
It was truly powerful.
414
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:54,440
As if I'd been injected with something.
415
00:36:54,720 --> 00:36:58,320
...so powerful, that I decided...
416
00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:01,520
that very night, when I got home...
I sat and wrote a letter to Catherine...
417
00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:06,920
...offering myself as her submissive.
418
00:37:07,560 --> 00:37:11,600
It must've been powerful, because as I wrote
419
00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:14,800
I had the feeling I was risking our friendship.
420
00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:20,520
I was worried that our friendship
421
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:22,720
was based on the complicity
we shared as dominatrices...
422
00:37:22,720 --> 00:37:24,560
and if she discovered that
423
00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:30,680
what I wanted was something completely different...
424
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:33,440
it would spoil our friendship.
425
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:38,440
Looking back... I know that was impossible...
426
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:43,440
but at the time, what I felt was so strong....
427
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:50,720
It was something I desired so much that...
428
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,360
...anything which might jeopardize
429
00:37:55,360 --> 00:37:59,680
my relationship with Catherine scared me.
430
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:06,280
It's her, it's me.
431
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:10,760
We're very close.
432
00:38:11,880 --> 00:38:13,360
We make love.
433
00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:16,480
She's the one in charge.
434
00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:20,800
She gives the rhythm, the pace,
435
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:24,040
in this text, in this dream.
436
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:30,800
And that's what concerns me.
What I write in this text, is,
437
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:35,080
"I must wait... I must behave...."
438
00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:37,120
"She's in charge."
439
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:44,080
"And we'll only stop when she's had enough."
440
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:52,840
Writing this, I realize that it's very pleasant.
441
00:38:57,360 --> 00:39:03,120
Because I'm not afraid anymore...
of making mistakes.
442
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:06,400
She is in charge, she calls the shots.
443
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:11,240
We do things her way, according to her wishes.
444
00:39:13,240 --> 00:39:16,560
So there's no risk of my getting it wrong...
445
00:39:18,720 --> 00:39:20,920
...no risk of hurting her.
446
00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:25,760
It's very simple.
447
00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:45,800
Is this okay? Can he hear me?
448
00:39:45,800 --> 00:39:49,880
Is this okay? Such an interesting experience.
449
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:52,160
I never wanted to be independent.
450
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:55,800
I wanted a husband who'd take care of me...
451
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,640
...who'd allow me to do what I wanted.
452
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:00,320
even if it meant not working.
453
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:03,680
I trusted Alain.
454
00:40:05,240 --> 00:40:07,960
We had a happy relationship,
455
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:09,720
so it never occurred to me to think,
456
00:40:09,720 --> 00:40:12,480
"If I only had a career, I could do what I want
457
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:14,280
and not depend on a man."
458
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:17,720
This dependence was never a burden to me.
459
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:18,960
Never.
460
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:21,560
And I've never regretted my choice.
461
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:23,200
Why would I?
462
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:25,040
If I'd had a profession,
463
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:27,880
I'd never have had the life I've had.
464
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:30,960
I travelled the world with him...
465
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:33,640
I met fascinating people...
466
00:40:38,240 --> 00:40:39,560
This is not a recipe
467
00:40:39,560 --> 00:40:43,600
I'd recommend for other women.
468
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:46,760
But for me, it was perfect.
469
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:49,480
I always say that
470
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:52,400
I have had all the security of a married woman
471
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:56,760
whose husband was of the old school,
someone responsible
472
00:40:56,760 --> 00:41:02,280
while at the same time,
having the freedom of a single woman.
473
00:41:02,280 --> 00:41:04,560
I've had the best of both worlds.
474
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:23,400
So, Alain married you
475
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:25,440
because he was passionately in love with you?
476
00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:27,600
And for you
477
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:29,960
it was more like a convenient arrangement?
478
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:33,520
No, I loved him in my own way.
479
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:35,320
Yes, I did love him in my own way.
480
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:37,360
But it certainly wasn't passionate love.
481
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:39,520
And did he know that?
482
00:41:39,520 --> 00:41:43,600
Yes, of course he did.
483
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:45,800
One day he said,
484
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:48,280
"Isn't it about time you started loving me now?"
485
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:51,040
He was joking, but he did say it.
486
00:41:56,200 --> 00:42:02,040
Being loved the way
he loved me was terribly reassuring.
487
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:05,160
I felt safe and warm.
488
00:42:06,480 --> 00:42:07,520
His love for me was precisely
489
00:42:07,520 --> 00:42:09,560
why I was so attached to him.
490
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:28,160
Isn't it everybody's wish to feel protected?
491
00:42:29,240 --> 00:42:31,400
Well, perhaps not yours...
492
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:42,000
And what did he want from you?
493
00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:44,800
What was he looking for in a woman?
494
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:48,440
To live with me.
495
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:51,960
And of course, erotic relations,
496
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:53,920
in spite of everything.
497
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:06,360
When you're a dominatrix...
498
00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:11,440
...whatever happens, you're desired...
499
00:43:12,720 --> 00:43:17,160
...because there's so little response
500
00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:19,320
to the needs of submissives.
501
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:24,040
There are far more submissives
who want to be dominated
502
00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:28,120
than women who want to dominate.
503
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:30,640
So, we have the power.
504
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:31,880
We know we're desired.
505
00:43:31,880 --> 00:43:33,720
We know that, no matter what,
506
00:43:33,720 --> 00:43:35,320
we'll have candidates.
507
00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:41,440
When you're submissive...
508
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:51,520
...and especially,
when you are Jeanne de Berg's submissive...
509
00:43:57,520 --> 00:44:01,960
...you can never be sure of
the other person's desire.
510
00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:06,960
Jeanne de Berg or Catherine...
511
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:13,920
has countless submissives wanting her attention.
512
00:44:16,560 --> 00:44:23,040
So, offering oneself as a submissive
513
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:27,360
and then being accepted by Catherine, by Jeanne...
514
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:37,800
...to me,
this suggests a certain desire on her part.
515
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:45,000
It means that
she would want me as her submissive...
516
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:49,120
...Not just accept me, but want me...
517
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:52,680
since there are so many others.
518
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:09,760
No, Alain's sexuality was by no means normal.
519
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:12,840
Not at all.
520
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:20,880
And given his sadistic preferences,
he never thought he'd meet anyone...
521
00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:23,320
...who would suit him.
522
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:28,160
He'd resigned himself to kissing
the whole thing goodbye.
523
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:35,800
He just thought that it wasn't for him...
524
00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:37,080
That he didn't correspond to
525
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:39,120
what women wanted in a man.
526
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:48,000
I didn't laugh, I wasn't shocked...
527
00:45:49,560 --> 00:45:54,160
From the start, I listened with interest.
528
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:15,160
So you were Alain's submissive?ใ-Yes.
529
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:19,880
In those days, I preferred being passive.
530
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:24,400
I preferred being taken care of...
531
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:28,800
It was the pleasure of letting go...
532
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:32,880
...of obeying, being constrained...
533
00:46:33,720 --> 00:46:35,400
...immobilized...
534
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:42,120
Of giving yourself up to someone... completely.
535
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:49,400
It's a pleasure
536
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:51,200
which is physical and intellectual, all at once.
537
00:46:57,320 --> 00:47:02,200
Of course, looking at me there...
with that angelic face...
538
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:09,600
...you'd never suspect what my life was.
539
00:47:27,400 --> 00:47:29,040
Do you like your body?
540
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:31,040
My body?
541
00:47:32,240 --> 00:47:34,280
I've never been interested in it.
542
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:39,480
Or rather...
543
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:46,000
...when I was young...
544
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,840
...I thought I was alright.
545
00:47:49,480 --> 00:47:53,880
I was tiny, "a pocketedition "...
546
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:57,440
...wellproportioned...
547
00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:03,080
They called me "little Tanagra".
548
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:06,800
Those miniature Greek figurines.
549
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:09,360
About this big.
550
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:13,240
There was a famous French poet...
His name was Paul Fort.
551
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:18,720
I had auditioned for him at drama school.
552
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:23,160
He said I was a "little Tanagra".
553
00:48:24,480 --> 00:48:29,560
I've always had the gift of
taking life as it comes.
554
00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:35,960
So I was short, so what? I accepted it.
555
00:48:35,960 --> 00:48:37,160
And if nobody liked me,
556
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:39,480
I'd move on.
557
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:45,480
I'm not a crybaby.
558
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:46,640
I've never been a crybaby.
559
00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:50,080
And I quickly discovered
560
00:48:50,720 --> 00:48:52,080
that people actually liked me.
561
00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:54,160
Which was very reassuring.
562
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:57,440
Even today
563
00:48:57,440 --> 00:49:02,560
I am still solicited as a dominatrix.
564
00:49:03,040 --> 00:49:04,920
I get many offers...
565
00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:09,680
...even for physical relationships.
566
00:49:10,160 --> 00:49:11,600
...which I decline,
567
00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:13,040
nevertheless, I do receive them.
568
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:17,360
People who actually want physical relations
with me.
569
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:19,560
Incredible!
570
00:49:20,320 --> 00:49:22,640
Of course, it's reassuring...
571
00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:27,120
Especially at my age.
572
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:33,360
You don't feel like an old reject that
573
00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:35,280
no one notices anymore
574
00:49:35,280 --> 00:49:38,720
someone who'd be better off in a cemetery.
575
00:49:38,960 --> 00:49:41,240
That's not at all how I feel.
576
00:50:40,840 --> 00:50:47,440
Today, I have erotic relations with...
577
00:50:49,760 --> 00:50:53,120
Well, "erotic relations"
obviously means "with someone else"...
578
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:55,720
...but I am never naked,
579
00:50:55,720 --> 00:50:58,280
I am in the dominant role...
580
00:50:58,280 --> 00:51:03,040
I decide whether I'm dressed or not.
581
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:05,920
Almost always, I am dressed.
582
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:09,880
And should I decide not to be dressed...
583
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:20,680
...the person with me...
584
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:26,960
...is blindfolded, so they can't see me.
585
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:33,320
I have occasionally asked Beverly to bathe me...
586
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:36,280
This is not an ordinary bath.
587
00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:38,560
The purpose is not to wash....
588
00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:41,840
It's a bath with caresses, like the one I describe
589
00:51:41,840 --> 00:51:44,640
in "Cรฉrรฉmonies de Femmes"...
590
00:51:44,640 --> 00:51:47,560
...with foam and perfumes...
591
00:51:47,560 --> 00:51:51,800
It's a bath where the contact is sensual...
592
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:58,760
Usually with candles, incense and...
593
00:51:59,120 --> 00:52:02,520
At such times, she wears a blindfold
594
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:04,320
and does not see me.
595
00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:11,800
She is in contact with my skin, but doesn't see me.
596
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:15,000
Nowadays, in an erotic situation,
597
00:52:15,680 --> 00:52:17,560
no one ever sees me naked.
598
00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:19,440
This happens less and less often,
599
00:52:19,440 --> 00:52:22,360
and when it does, no one sees me.
600
00:52:24,520 --> 00:52:28,440
I believe I've answered your question.
601
00:52:35,720 --> 00:52:37,560
It's been a long time, actually.
602
00:52:41,960 --> 00:52:48,480
I've always been shy...
603
00:52:48,480 --> 00:52:52,080
...Even as a child.
604
00:52:53,680 --> 00:53:00,520
It increases with age
605
00:53:00,520 --> 00:53:05,600
We are conscious of our own bodies.
606
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:07,560
When you look at yourself in the mirror,
607
00:53:07,560 --> 00:53:10,880
naturally you see your body changing.
608
00:53:10,880 --> 00:53:15,200
It's less and less harmonious,
less beautiful to see.
609
00:53:15,200 --> 00:53:18,920
Increasingly affected by age...
610
00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:21,160
...I don't want to show that.
611
00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:26,480
I know there are men and women
612
00:53:26,480 --> 00:53:28,000
who aren't bothered by this...
613
00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:31,240
...who are perfectly comfortable with their ageing.
614
00:53:34,280 --> 00:53:35,720
That's not my case. It surprises me that
615
00:53:35,720 --> 00:53:39,360
ageing doesn't bother them.
616
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:41,960
But... good for them!
617
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:43,920
There's nothing wrong with that...
618
00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:47,280
...I pass no moral judgement.
619
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:51,200
But I can't do it.
620
00:53:51,200 --> 00:53:54,200
I would feel horribly uncomfortable.
621
00:53:54,200 --> 00:53:55,320
I cannot.
622
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:18,960
You are here for our pleasure.
623
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:23,840
I've been told that you can dance.
624
00:55:24,720 --> 00:55:28,240
So... dance.
625
00:55:41,360 --> 00:55:42,640
Go on.
626
00:56:32,640 --> 00:56:34,320
Stand behind her...
627
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:38,000
Take both arms...
628
00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:43,120
Good. Yes.
629
00:56:45,680 --> 00:56:48,640
Guide her. That's good.
630
00:56:55,360 --> 00:56:56,800
Move aside.
631
00:57:00,240 --> 00:57:01,360
Come nearer...
632
00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:07,480
That's right... Arms above your head.
633
00:57:07,480 --> 00:57:09,080
Like this.
634
00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:12,280
Good.
635
00:57:16,440 --> 00:57:21,640
Look at me. Look into my eyes. Very good.
636
00:57:22,160 --> 00:57:27,640
She dances nicely... She's pretty.ใ-Lovely.
637
00:57:28,880 --> 00:57:30,360
Now, turn....
638
00:57:33,120 --> 00:57:35,000
Turn around...
639
00:57:38,200 --> 00:57:40,240
Turn... Good.
640
00:57:40,920 --> 00:57:44,720
So that we can see your behind...
641
00:57:53,160 --> 00:57:55,560
Bigger movements...
642
00:57:58,440 --> 00:57:59,360
That's right.
643
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:08,400
That's lovely.
644
00:58:28,960 --> 00:58:32,160
Bigger movements... More.
645
00:59:10,080 --> 00:59:11,440
Step back.
646
00:59:13,400 --> 00:59:14,960
Return to your place.
647
00:59:14,960 --> 00:59:17,800
Step back. There.
648
00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:23,480
Look at me.
649
00:59:26,360 --> 00:59:27,840
Smile.
650
00:59:33,920 --> 00:59:36,200
It was very beautiful.ใ-Well done.
651
01:00:38,600 --> 01:00:41,080
Do you feel now that you belong to her?
652
01:00:41,680 --> 01:00:46,360
Yes. Now I'm sure of it, because...
653
01:00:50,640 --> 01:00:53,000
...we've signed a contract.
654
01:01:00,160 --> 01:01:07,640
In this contract I asked to be her subject.
655
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:13,040
I wanted her to be my sovereign.
656
01:01:16,360 --> 01:01:18,480
This contract was signed.
657
01:01:21,320 --> 01:01:24,600
But before it was signed,
658
01:01:26,200 --> 01:01:29,000
she...burned her initials into my skin.
659
01:01:30,720 --> 01:01:32,200
So...
660
01:01:32,920 --> 01:01:34,880
Yes, I belong to her.
661
01:02:37,760 --> 01:02:39,920
Madame, you asked nothing of me.
662
01:02:40,560 --> 01:02:42,680
It is of my own free will that
663
01:02:42,680 --> 01:02:45,760
I offer my allegiance, obedience and loyalty.
664
01:02:46,920 --> 01:02:50,200
I commend to you everything I possess
665
01:02:50,200 --> 01:02:54,480
material, intellectual and physical
666
01:02:54,480 --> 01:02:57,600
that you may do with them whatever you see fit.
667
01:02:59,600 --> 01:03:01,880
I swear to dedicate myself to you,
as your attendant, your servant
668
01:03:02,320 --> 01:03:04,560
to defend, support and protect you,
669
01:03:04,920 --> 01:03:10,640
whatever the circumstances
670
01:03:11,000 --> 01:03:15,200
in every possible way,
even to the detriment of my own life.
671
01:03:26,560 --> 01:03:32,640
Was it important to you
to make the relationship official?
672
01:03:37,080 --> 01:03:41,200
It never used to be for me.
673
01:03:45,800 --> 01:03:49,200
No, I never felt it was important.
674
01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:54,520
But with her it was important,
675
01:03:54,520 --> 01:03:56,680
because it seemed to me
676
01:03:56,680 --> 01:03:59,480
that if there were a contract,
677
01:03:59,480 --> 01:04:02,640
if our relationship were official
678
01:04:03,280 --> 01:04:06,200
I'd have a greater chance of staying with her...
679
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:10,600
She'd be more likely to take me seriously
and keep me with her.
680
01:04:13,840 --> 01:04:16,520
As you know, I'm a solitary person...
681
01:04:16,520 --> 01:04:17,520
"As you know..."
682
01:04:17,520 --> 01:04:19,080
How could you know!
683
01:04:19,080 --> 01:04:22,320
Of course, with 3 husbands
and many lovers and friends...
684
01:04:22,320 --> 01:04:23,280
that sounds odd.
685
01:04:23,280 --> 01:04:26,160
but I am alone, I live alone
686
01:04:26,160 --> 01:04:28,720
and have no intimate friends of either gender.
687
01:04:28,720 --> 01:04:31,800
I wake up alone, manage my problems alone,
688
01:04:31,800 --> 01:04:34,400
decide alone whether to get up
689
01:04:34,880 --> 01:04:37,400
Do my exercises, or not...
690
01:04:38,240 --> 01:04:42,800
...and whether or not I call my friends.
691
01:04:43,440 --> 01:04:49,040
It's a personal choice, rather than a conviction.
692
01:04:49,040 --> 01:04:55,480
There's just no one I could see myself
693
01:04:55,480 --> 01:05:00,160
being with all the time,
even respecting their temperament...
694
01:05:00,160 --> 01:05:03,120
That's why the BeverlyCatherine
695
01:05:03,120 --> 01:05:05,160
bond fascinates me. It's just perfect.
696
01:05:06,520 --> 01:05:08,320
But...
697
01:05:10,720 --> 01:05:13,400
Between them, there's complicity...
698
01:05:13,400 --> 01:05:15,800
The complicity of woman to woman.
699
01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:19,920
I discovered women late in life.
700
01:05:19,920 --> 01:05:21,880
She contributed greatly to this
701
01:05:21,880 --> 01:05:23,760
discovery of women.
702
01:05:26,960 --> 01:05:29,880
We know each other better and better.
703
01:05:29,880 --> 01:05:34,800
At first, I asked her before doing anything.
704
01:05:34,800 --> 01:05:40,840
I never did a thing
without first checking with her.
705
01:05:40,840 --> 01:05:44,760
Obviously, I'd get dressed
without asking what to wear...
706
01:05:44,760 --> 01:05:48,880
But I never made any decision
707
01:05:48,880 --> 01:05:50,720
which might affect her, without checking.
708
01:05:50,720 --> 01:05:53,240
Now, I feel I know her well
709
01:05:53,240 --> 01:05:55,640
enough to guess what she will answer.
710
01:05:55,640 --> 01:06:01,960
Which means... I'm more independent.
711
01:06:02,160 --> 01:06:04,560
I take the initiative,
712
01:06:04,560 --> 01:06:07,080
but initiatives which I know will please her...
713
01:06:08,720 --> 01:06:10,800
...which I hope will please her.
714
01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:15,840
What hasn't changed?
715
01:06:19,520 --> 01:06:22,600
What hasn't changed is...
716
01:06:25,120 --> 01:06:28,720
...my desire to submit myself to her...
717
01:06:30,640 --> 01:06:33,080
...to do whatever she wants.
718
01:06:33,080 --> 01:06:38,560
...to be the person that she wants me to be.
719
01:06:42,600 --> 01:06:44,080
...and to...
720
01:06:45,760 --> 01:06:47,800
...give myself up to her will.
721
01:06:51,400 --> 01:06:54,080
What makes people happy?
722
01:06:54,840 --> 01:06:57,680
Not necessarily what we were taught!
723
01:07:01,080 --> 01:07:03,920
...And love isn't necessarily
what they taught us either.
724
01:07:05,720 --> 01:07:08,080
...Not to mention the idea of sin,
725
01:07:09,720 --> 01:07:12,560
which was so much a part of my youth.
726
01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:15,200
Your upbringing was...?
727
01:07:15,200 --> 01:07:20,000
Traditional bourgeois French Catholic upbringing.
728
01:07:25,800 --> 01:07:29,760
You know, I've come a long way!
729
01:07:30,320 --> 01:07:32,880
There are, of course, many positive aspects to it
730
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:36,480
which I appreciate.
731
01:07:41,000 --> 01:07:44,760
But there are also barriers...
732
01:07:44,760 --> 01:07:46,160
blinders...
733
01:07:47,720 --> 01:07:49,280
...Yes, blinders.
734
01:07:52,920 --> 01:07:54,720
And... there's Good and Evil.
735
01:07:55,600 --> 01:07:56,400
With Catherine...
736
01:07:56,400 --> 01:07:58,200
there is no "Good and Evil".
737
01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:06,680
That's an important point.
738
01:08:10,680 --> 01:08:12,640
Not to mention "normal" or "abnormal"...
739
01:08:12,640 --> 01:08:14,520
...All the idiotic things said about that!
740
01:08:18,800 --> 01:08:23,040
Have you found a soul mate in her?
741
01:08:23,360 --> 01:08:24,400
Yes.
742
01:08:27,040 --> 01:08:28,360
Absolutely.
743
01:10:08,000 --> 01:10:10,000
My freedom comes...
744
01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:17,240
...from the fact that
I firmly believe we're never happier
745
01:10:17,240 --> 01:10:23,560
than when we are able to do what we do best.
746
01:10:24,480 --> 01:10:27,120
And what I do best, is love Catherine.
747
01:10:29,480 --> 01:10:30,560
Yes.
748
01:10:31,480 --> 01:10:33,760
I love her, I know how to love her
749
01:10:33,760 --> 01:10:36,720
and take care of her, and I do it well.
750
01:10:36,720 --> 01:10:38,480
So I spend my days doing
751
01:10:39,560 --> 01:10:43,880
what no one else could do as well as me.
752
01:10:44,640 --> 01:10:46,480
I believe this is freedom.
753
01:10:57,800 --> 01:11:01,160
I kneel before Jeanne
754
01:11:01,160 --> 01:11:03,160
to whom I owe respect and obedience.
755
01:11:03,920 --> 01:11:07,400
Jeanne who has taken me beyond anything
I could ever have imagined.
756
01:11:08,560 --> 01:11:11,360
I kneel before Catherine,
757
01:11:11,360 --> 01:11:13,320
the tiny woman who enchants me
758
01:11:13,320 --> 01:11:20,120
ever astonished by the tenderness
I feel and that she bestows on me.
759
01:11:26,040 --> 01:11:27,200
Je t'aime (I love you).
760
01:11:28,320 --> 01:11:29,720
Je vous aime (I love you).
52122
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