Original subtitles

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[CAR RADIO PLAYING]

[STATIC]

And now the news.

[SHOUTING AND SIRENS]

You wanna take it for a test drive?

[GASPING]

Last week we talked about you feeling like the sad clown.

What's going on now?

Well, I had a dream the other night.

I was riding in a Cadillac like my father used to have.

Carmela was driving.

I was in the back passenger seat.

Sitting next to me was Gloria.

In front of me, sitting next to Carmela was a business associate of mine.

He's the one whose son had the accident.

I don't know where we were going. No place.

At least, we never seemed to get anywhere.

Kind of like this therapy.

And it was hot in the car, it was stuffy.

There was no air conditioning.

That's all of it.

Oh, and

my friend had a caterpillar on his head.

It turned into a butterfly.

Has your friend recently changed?

Not friend. Associate.

-And, no. -What do you think the dream means?

Can't you just tell me what the fucking thing means? You obviously know.

Why do we have to go through this exercise every time?

I don't obviously know. I didn't have the dream.

The meaning is elicited through verbalization.

And the "gehoxagogen" is framed up by the "ramistam."

Okay.

Your wife, your mistress, a business associate, you

all in the same car.

-Your father's car. -With my wife driving.

Which, if my father were alive

he wouldn't have stood for for two seconds.

-I hear anger. -No, I'm just saying

the old guys were different.

Men in the front, wives in the back.

You like that arrangement.

Actually, I think the wives should ride in a little cart, behind the car.

Like in the cartoons.

Like behind Noah's Ark, there's a boat with the skunks.

So wives are skunks.

Oh, Jesus-fucking-Christ. It's a fucking joke.

Does it have to be like a cancer hospital in here?

But Carmela is in control in the dream.

-Why, because she's driving? -Whatever's gone on with the other two

you wanna square it with her.

-Why? -That's what we need to find out.

Freud says dreams are wishes.

Dreams are wishes?

I thought you said that dreams represent repressed urges and…

-It depends. -I ought to quit this fucking therapy.

Maybe it's this, maybe it's that. Maybe it's va fangool!

What about impulse control?

I've been sitting here for 4 years and nothing's been done about that!

And it leads me to make mistakes at work!

What good did you do me with that?!

-Let's get back to the dream. -Fuck the dream. It's just a dream.

The money I been dropping here, I could've bought a Ferrari.

At least I would've got a blow job.

-What do you mean? -Please, huh? Don't get me started.

You're glossing over the significant accomplishments we've made in here.

"Oh, my mother would come when she looked at a pot roast.

Oh, you're second in the birthing order.

Oh, Carmela's driving the car, how fucking interesting."

When you first came here, you were clinically depressed.

You suffered from panic attacks that put your life in danger.

There's been significant relief in both those areas.

You're right, but…

I mean, come on. I've been coming here four years now.

I've been a good sport.

[BLOWING WHISTLE]

Sophia, your jacket.

You're just getting over a cold. Come on.

I miss you so much.

I'd be with you right now if it wasn't for the kids.

We want a 40-percent position in your HUD business.

Because I bet on the other thing, you reach into my pocket on this?

That was a gesture of goodwill.

Tony, we've been down this road before.

We share Zellman.

Therefore, any of the fruits of Zellman, we're entitled to.

-We done here? -Fucking Ralph.

Where's your point man on this thing?

-He missed his drops this week. -I don't know.

Maybe you can tell me.

About what we expected.

Bloomin' Onion. Cool.

The steak with the toothpick is Daddy's. He likes it still mooing.

I saw on CNBC that Outback's profitability is…

-Excuse me. -Dad?

Sit. Sit and eat.

It's a sin to waste good food.

Try the mushrooms. I don't know what they do to them, but they're delicious.

[TV PLAYING]

Bobby?

I'm all right.

The kids are fed.

Thank you.

Bobby, what did you do with the cake today?

Cake?

Your daughter said she saw it in your car.

She told me about it when I picked her up from practice.

I took it to Karen's grave.

I buried it.

Today was our anniversary.

Fourteen years.

I wish you would've told me before I picked up the steaks from Outback.

The sides alone were over $30.

-How often do you go to the grave? -Every day.

That's what I miss the most, talking to her.

Believe me, Bobby, I know. I lost both my parents.

It's very easy for people to give facile advice.

"Suck it up, move on," et cetera.

I'm not gonna tell you that. Grieving is a process.

Sometimes courage isn't a value.

[PHONE RINGING]

Tony.

-Hello? -Look.

Let's not let it get out of hand. We've been doing good business.

Carmine agrees. I agree.

Well, 40 percent's not gonna happen. Now, we all know it.

I'm willing to go five and a half.

Five and a half.

Hello?

Not acceptable.

This guy who does the housing appraisals for Tony.

Vic the Appraiser they call him.

Joey.

I want you to pay a visit to this Polack

Tony Soprano's got doing phony house appraisals.

Vic the Appraiser.

Make this guy understand that he'll be working for us.

On these shit-hole houses we bought in Jersey.

You got it.

Why did he get her a cake? She died.

Go back to bed.

Nicky Ghilardi said Mommy's ghost is gonna come back and haunt us.

There's no such things as ghosts.

The cake…

Maybe it was for the nuns.

Sometimes when I'm walking down the hallway I can smell her hair.

Well, maybe if we did something bad, she'd haunt us for our own good.

There's nothing to be scared of. Go back to bed.

[DOOR CLOSING]

Tony's pretty hot that you didn't counteroffer.

God forbid if this gets really bad

there could be a change.

Tony?

Suffice to say, no matter what happens now or in the future

Carmine won't forget you.

And as far as us talking like this…

It's just because we're old friends.

And I know I can blow off a little steam with you.

Cheaper than the bartender.

I'm only trying to bring good relations between the families.

As I always do and always will.

No matter what happens, or who's in charge.

If it's me, God forbid… …or whoever.

-Hey, Branca. How you doing? -Hello.

-Is he around? -Shaving.

-How's your boss? -Shaving, his face.

No, your employer there, Miss Kirilenko?

Fine.

Reason I'm asking is because we didn't get the bill.

-Here he is. -I've fucking had it.

-With what? -Everything.

-Did you offer my nephew something? -I'm a registered nurse.

Not maid.

Did you offer him an aspirin?

Cunt.

What's with you?

This fucking competency hearing.

Delayed twice and now it's coming up on Friday.

I don't know whether to chill champagne or shit in my pants.

No, it's gonna be…

You got shaving cream all over you.

Don't you wash yourself off?

It's over here too.

It's that fucking lighting upstairs.

If Bobby put in the right wattage…

Listen. We find out where the jurors meet every day

before they get bused to the courthouse.

This mental competency thing don't work…

I don't wanna talk about it.

So, what is the story there with you two?

He's a great guy. He's just still very much in mourning.

We're stuck at platonic.

Well, Karen was a wonderful person.

I'm sure God must have his reasons, but sometimes you have to wonder.

Well, I'm sure she was as good as gold, but he's developing a psychosis.

Her clothes are still in the closet.

Yesterday he bought her a cake for their anniversary and he buried it at her grave.

What? At her grave?

God forbid that I should say something.

Then I would be perceived as a harpy

coming between him and his dead, idealized wife.

Listen, you, don't make any plans for Sunday.

Baccalieris are coming, make them feel welcome.

-Bobby Jr.? That kid's, like, 11. -I don't ask you to do chore one.

You can go without seeing Devin and your friends for one night.

Yeah, we were supposed to study. But I guess you don't care about that.

Vic?

Yo, Vic.

-You don't return Johnny's phone calls? -What did you say?

I'm only the appraiser!

Let me appraise you of this. Be at the Red Chimney on Route 3

9:00 tomorrow morning ready to go to work for Johnny and Carmine.

Victor's scared now.

-Nobody knows where he is. -Look, it's a bluff.

They don't wanna start a separate operation.

You know the costs that are involved? You got the appraiser, the poverty pimp.

They want in on a going thing.

Want me to pay a visit to Johnny Sack's guys?

Just say the word.

No. You know what?

-I'm not gonna go fucking ballistic. -All due respect, T

throwing your appraiser a beating was a provocation to you directly.

[HONKING]

There he is.

Stop beeping that fucking horn or I'm gonna shove it up his fucking ass!

T, Sil.

-All right, Sil. -Enjoy the game.

-I'll see you, Ton. -All right, Vit.

You ever talk to Beansie down there in Florida?

Now and then.

Does he ever run into Carmine's son down there in Miami?

I'll be on my cell, you need me.

Beans tells me he sees Little Carmine all the time.

Well, maybe Beans can feel him out.

See if he's receptive to a meeting with me.

Maybe we can work this shit out, he talks to his old man.

Beansie's gotta happen to run into him.

Not like we're asking.

Yeah, it was pretty cool.

-Look at that. -Just stuffed artichokes.

-No cactus for me. -Cactus.

You're not Italian if you don't like artichokes.

So, what, Mike Piazza eats nothing but artichokes?

I mean, that's dicked up.

All right.

I like rice. Maybe I'm Chinese.

-A.J. -You too, Bobby.

How'd you like if Oriental kids made fun of you?

[DOORBELL]

I'll get it.

-You want an artichoke, Bobby Jr.? -No.

It's dinnertime.

You sure, B.J.? You're really missing out.

I said already.

Hi. Hello. Hi, Mrs. Soprano.

Everybody, this is Devin.

-Devin, would you like something to eat? -No, thank you, I'll just wait inside.

She tell you who I saw at Schantz's Hardware?

Oh, God. Do you have to tell every person you run into?

I'll put an end to the mystery right now. Connie Francis.

[PHONE RINGING]

Excuse me.

She was looking at recessed lighting.

I put in recessed lighting. But I'm sorry now.

-Hello. -Tony, it's me.

-Hey, how you doing? -Fine fettle.

Listen, I spoke to our friend. The son. He seemed very receptive.

Tuesday night.

We'll meet down here in FLA.

We'll pick a place later.

I got my stepdaughter and her friends this weekend.

-I'm gonna have to bring them along. -Okay, good. Good.

Thanks.

Somebody will call you.

-Where is Anthony? -He went upstairs with that girl.

You two, come with me.

Anthony!

-That door is not supposed to be closed. -We were studying.

-Is this how you treat your guests? -My guests? You invited them.

These kids just lost their mom. Could you give them a little time?

-You know how much Bobby likes you. -What am I, daycare?

You must have a million games in here. Clue, Monopoly.

Help them pick something out.

Come on in, kids. A.J.'s gonna help you find a game.

Spirit

speak to me.

Is Bobby Jr. gay?

No, do it again for real, like last time with the dead little baby.

Yeah, quit messing around.

Okay. Serious.

Spirits, identify yourself.

-You're forcing it again. -Shut up.

-Do you think it's my mom? -Probably not. It's not people you know.

-Will you do it with me, Devin? -Okay.

Spirit

-do you know Karen Baccalieri? -Sophia.

Is she making new friends in heaven?

Maybe we should play something else.

-Yeah, this is stupid. Let's play Clue. -You're just a scared little baby.

I'm not scared. I have this game at home.

I used to play it all the time.

Until it got boring.

How about we try and contact the dead for real?

Just heard from our friend. The other guy will sit down. I'm going on Tuesday.

-Want me there? -I was thinking of bringing Paulie.

Face time with you could be what he needs.

-He's on the rag lately. -Then I decided against it.

The other day, we were talking about Florida.

I noticed you clammed up around Paulie.

You did too.

It occurred to me that maybe Paulie's the one

telling our friend in New York our business.

Somebody had to pass along that fat joke.

He was in Youngstown at the time. In the can.

What, people can't visit him?

Jesus, you believe this shit?

Talking about fucking Paulie here.

He's got no reason to know about the trip. Nobody's got a reason to know.

Absolutely. It's on a need-to-know basis.

Get this fucking appraiser working again. I got houses just sitting there.

You gotta hold hands.

And nobody let go.

The most important thing

is that you keep your eyes closed during the ceremony.

Because if you open them, whatever spirits we're speaking to

will permanently remain trapped between worlds forever.

Everybody's eyes shut?

Oh, great spirit from beyond.

Reveal yourself.

Give us a sign of your presence.

-A.J.! -Keep laughing if you think it's funny.

It was you.

-You hear that? -What?

-I heard it. -Me too.

Wait. I see a…

A gray mist

with little specks of light.

-That's what I'm seeing too. -Wait!

I see somebody. An old man.

Spirit from another dimension, can you reveal yourself?

What?

-What's that? -How come he's only talking to you?

Because I'm the oldest and closest to the afterlife.

You're a sea captain?

Capt. Jacobus?

What?

He says it's a terrible storm.

It's raining where you are?

Waves are smashing against the boat?

Aah! Aah!

She's here! She's here!

[SCREAMING]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

What's going on?

Oh, my God. What happened?

Nothing. We were just playing.

We were playing Ouija board, and then A.J. did this séance.

Dad, I wanna go home.

Soph, it's just a Ouija board.

She's just scared.

It's okay, honey. Daddy's here.

This is your idea of fun? You scared these kids half to death!

I didn't do anything, he freaked out.

Why's your shirt all wet?

Bobby, look! He had a sponge!

After what we just talked about, this is what you do.

-You asshole! You asshole! -Robert!

You, say good night.

You, get out of my sight.

I can't remember a time when I was more disappointed in you.

Wanna know something?

He locked me in the garage at the guy with the ponytail's house.

Bobby, I don't even know what to say. I am so embarrassed.

Part of growing up. Don't worry about it.

I'm only the appraiser!

[PANTING]

Do you think you could hide from us?

Tony bought three more houses that need appraisals, Victor.

I can't. I told you. Please!

Johnny and Carmine's guys, they hurt me.

That's nothing compared to what we're gonna do.

So go back inside, get your appraising shit and start appraising!

Did you like the movie?

What's the matter?

You went to the cemetery today, didn't you?

How do you know?

Because you got cemetery mud on your shoes.

Mud? What are you, Marg Helgenberger now?

What do you know about the mud? You been spying on me?

What, I can't go to the cemetery?

-I gotta get permission from you? -We're talking about you. Not me.

The grave and the funeral… It's never-ending.

You don't wanna let it go.

-Did you even pay the funeral bill yet? -I'm never gonna pay him.

Son of a bitch put an extra 15 pounds on Karen when they did her up.

This dispute with the bill is morbid clinging.

This is exactly what I mean.

We have a nice evening and end up talking about your wife.

-You invited me. -The other night at Tony's

your kids were trying to contact Karen on a Ouija board.

What do you expect talking to a headstone?

-She's my wife. -Well, she's dead. And I'm here.

-Shut the fuck up. -You shut the fuck up.

[RASTA MUSIC PLAYING]

[PHONE]

-Yeah. -Tony, it's Svetlana.

-Well, hey. -I've just receiving the brooch.

I want to thank you.

-I don't know why I deserve it, but… -No, I don't wanna hear that.

I want you to keep it.

I'm gonna keep it, don't worry.

Diamonds like this?

OH.

It's a very nice gift. Very sweet.

And what's happened between us

it was nice too.

Okay. Well

that's it then?

These things happen and then life goes on.

Are you sure? Because if

you ever wanna talk or if you ever need anything…

No, it's all right. Thank you for the brooch.

Broke a woman's heart.

Told her I couldn't see her no more. Sad, but there's no getting around it.

-Who is she? -She takes care of my uncle.

Runs an eldercare agency.

Took care of my mother too.

-Your former girlfriend's cousin? -That one, yeah.

-Is she your current goomar? -No, it was a brief fling kind of thing.

You know, but after a while, I felt like I had to cut off the leg…

Not leg, affair. Did I say, leg?

-Why did you cut it off? -Jesus, I am married.

-What happened? -I bought her the…

It's this diamond pin that I send to every woman when I'm

easing out the door. I'm such a fucking prick.

You know what?

This is all bullshit.

It was she who gave me my walking papers.

-You believe that? -What I meant was…

You know why she didn't want to see me?

She said I was high-maintenance.

This is after all the time and all the money and all the fucking Prozac,

and all the fucking cocksucking, motherfucking dream interpretations.

She says she didn't want to prop me up.

And this from a broad that walks around on crutches half the time.

Nice, huh?

Do you agree with her characterization of you?

I'm a miserable prick. I've said it since day one.

And you're no longer interested in changing.

In finding a way out.

No, I guess not.

I said this last time, you didn't want to hear it.

You're paying me for my honest opinion.

You should be in therapy.

All this fucking self-knowledge, what the fuck has it gotten me?

Okay, maybe it got me some shit in the beginning. Some leadership strategies.

All we do now is we sit around shooting the breeze

about philosophy, the Italians, my uncle Eckley.

I try to keep the focus on the work.

So when it goes off, it's my fault? Okay, fine. I accept that.

You know what she says?

This broad?

She's from Russia. Dirt poor.

She had some kind of "osocarma" disease in her leg when she was nine.

She says that nowhere else in the world do people expect to be happy

except for here in this country. And still, we're not. And we got everything.

And when we're not, what do we do? We go to shrinks.

For what, 6, 7 bucks a minute?

There's some truth to what she says.

But should that be a source of shame?

That when the desperate struggle for food and shelter is finally behind us

we can turn our attention to other sources of pain and truth?

Pain and truth. Come on. I'm a fat fucking crook from New Jersey.

Anthony.

Now that the panic attacks and the baseline depression

have been dealt with, the real work can begin.

-I knew you'd say something like that. -Because it's true.

When we're not constantly having to put out fires

we can really delve into who you are,

and what you're really after in your very brief time on this earth.

I'm sorry.

I don't wanna do this anymore.

And you can say that I'm running away.

I've been here longer than I'd ever thought.

Longer than anybody ever thought I'd stay.

And you know what? I get no appreciation for it.

You've shown a lot of courage.

I commend you on that.

Well, thank you for the commendation and

adiós.

Look, no fault, no foul.

I appreciate everything you've done for me.

Come to your next appointment. One more time.

You'll cover my $300 a week in no time with some other mortadella.

All right, I shouldn't have said that.

Look, you saved my life in the beginning.

And for all the times I came on like an asshole, I'm very sorry.

You've got my number if you change your mind.

And if you begin to feel any of the old feelings, you need to call me.

No.

So, what's customary? I mean, we shake hands? What?

How about a diamond pin?

Okay, well…

Goodbye.

[PHONE RINGING]

You've reached Dr. Elliot Kupferberg.

Please leave a message at the beep.

If this is an emergency

you can reach me at 973-555-7089.

Well, guess who's no longer a patient of mine.

Calling all cars.

[VIDEO GAME SOUNDS]

His user name had 666. That means Satan.

[SPEAKING SPANISH ON RADIO]

HO!

-I was gonna park in that spot. -Hey, ball breaker. Welcome to Miami.

Mr. Melvoin, I've read your application,

for dismissal on the grounds of mental incompetence.

I've reviewed the findings of the doctors in this matter.

Frankly, they were unmoved by Mr. Soprano's performance.

Your Honor, to couch it as a performance…

It's their opinion that he understands the charges,

and that he's competent to participate in his defense.

-I'd like another round of testing. -Your Honor…

Mr. Castleman. I didn't come all this way to stop this trial now.

Court will convene on Monday at 9:30 to continue proceedings.

Your Honor, please.

Since his injury, I have not had a single conversation with Mr. Soprano

in which we've related on any meaningful level.

Feel free to take that up on appeal.

Fuck!

We'll get to a juror. We're working very hard.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Bobby, hi. What's up?

I was just doing housework. Why?

Is everything all right?

Oh, my God.

Tell me about it.

Got home tonight.

Kids were kind of quiet.

Then bedtime, all hell broke loose.

Crying, wouldn't be left alone.

Sophia especially.

They've been playing with that goddamn Ouija board again.

Oh, no.

They were trying to contact Karen.

What?

I don't know what to say, Bobby.

I came over this afternoon with some pound cake.

I saw it.

I heard them in his room with that Ouija board. I thought:

"This is not good."

But then, after the other night, I didn't want to overstep my bounds.

It's my fault.

Hey. You're under a lot of stress. You're a single dad.

No, you were right.

It's bad for them. It's unwholesome.

You want me to go up?

I think they're asleep. Finally.

I had to read to Sophia for, like, an hour.

She couldn't even handle a Nancy Drew, it was too mysterious.

-Go ahead. -It's just

the dead have nothing to say to us, Bobby.

It's our own narcissism that makes us think they even care.

It does get better with time.

Did you get anything to eat at least? Can I fix you something?

-No, it's too much trouble. -No, it's not.

I'm starving too.

There's probably something in here.

Karen's ziti.

It's the last one she made.

And it was, like, 300 degrees in that Minnie Mouse head.

So I took it off, you know? I was gonna have a cigarette.

-And some kid took a picture of me… -Come on, girls, girls.

These gentlemen have things to discuss. Let's go.

Okay.

-Nice to meet you guys. -We'll see you at the bar later.

See you guys after.

Look, Carmine.

You know what's going on with your dad and Johnny and us over in Jersey.

First, let me say, I understand.

I appreciate the respect you're showing me by coming here,

-and reaching out to me at this time. -Always.

And I will also say, I know my old man can be a tough nut to crack.

I don't wanna crack nuts. But I will.

-I feel the anger. -When I try for the second time

on a separate issue entirely to reach an accommodation,

and he don't even make a counteroffer, where's his respect?

I don't know what advice he's getting from Johnny.

Johnny's always usually a voice of moderation.

Me and him, we get along good.

So all due respect, let's not jump in and blame Johnny.

True. John's a pragmatist.

But he's also a greedy motherfucker.

He lives above his head a little.

I am reminded of Louis the whatever's finance minister, De-something.

He built a chateau. Nicole and I saw it when we went to Paris.

It even outshone Versailles, where the king lived.

In the end, Louis clapped him in irons.

Look, Tony

all I can promise you is I will look into it.

I understand you gotta try to feel out your old man,

so he don't give you amazz. You know, for sticking your nose in.

Tony, I haven't been afraid of my father for quite some time.

Fair enough.

But, Carmine, bear in mind, he came onto my turf.

He tried to recruit my melanzane.

And worse, he roughed up my appraiser.

If the proper response is not forthcoming in a businesslike time frame…

My next move will not be further conversation.

I get it.

You should know my next call will be to Johnny Sack.

To let him know that we talked. He shouldn't feel blindsided.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

[DOOR SCREECHING]

Hello? Hello?

I'm here for the masoner job.

Me no… …speak English.

[SPEAKING ITALIAN]

[DOOR SCREECHING]

[GASPING]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[SURF POP MUSIC PLAYING]