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1
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[music playing]
2
00:00:09,381 --> 00:00:10,500
Monica.
3
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[Sheila] Who's Monica?
4
00:00:12,420 --> 00:00:13,301
Mum.
5
00:00:14,261 --> 00:00:15,101
Mum?
6
00:00:15,541 --> 00:00:18,821
She looked absolutely beautiful.
I miss her.
7
00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:21,661
-Marry me.
-You know I've got a boyfriend.
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Two grand's worth of debt
and still mounting up!
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00:00:25,221 --> 00:00:26,620
Where is he?
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00:00:26,701 --> 00:00:28,221
[Fiona] We have got bailiffs
'cause of you.
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00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:30,061
[bailiff 1] Do you know
what your new name is, Frank?
12
00:00:30,140 --> 00:00:31,620
-Dead Man Walking.
-[grunts]
13
00:00:31,701 --> 00:00:34,621
Mr Wilson, Housing Officer.
14
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,101
Don't think you'll get away
with that one
15
00:00:36,181 --> 00:00:39,701
'cause I'll haunt you
for every last penny, madam.
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00:00:39,781 --> 00:00:41,021
-[Wilson grunts]
-[Veronica screams]
17
00:00:41,101 --> 00:00:43,141
[Fiona] He's about as much help
to us as you've been.
18
00:00:43,220 --> 00:00:44,900
We'd have been better off
without both of you.
19
00:00:44,981 --> 00:00:46,621
Over to you, Mum!
20
00:00:47,141 --> 00:00:48,781
Your house. Drive.
21
00:00:51,900 --> 00:00:54,220
[Frank] Now, nobody's saying
the Chatsworth Estate
22
00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:55,580
is the Garden of Eden,
23
00:00:55,661 --> 00:00:57,461
you know, but it's been
a good home to us,
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00:00:57,540 --> 00:01:02,661
to me, Frank Gallagher,
and me kids, who I'm proud of,
25
00:01:02,741 --> 00:01:06,140
'cause every single one of 'em
reminds me a little of me.
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00:01:06,221 --> 00:01:07,101
[all gasp]
27
00:01:07,581 --> 00:01:09,500
You know, they can all think
for themselves,
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00:01:09,581 --> 00:01:11,861
-which they've me to thank for.
-[boy] Run for it!
29
00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:14,741
Fiona, who's a big help, massive help.
30
00:01:15,341 --> 00:01:19,741
Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, which is
why nobody calls him Phillip anymore.
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Ian, a lot like his mam,
which is handy for the others,
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'cause she's disappeared into thin air.
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-[barks]
-Carl, daren't let him grow his hair.
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00:01:27,301 --> 00:01:30,541
One, it stands on end and makes him
look like Toyah. Two, nits love him.
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Debbie, total angel.
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You've to check your change, but she'll go
miles out of her way to do you a favour.
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00:01:38,581 --> 00:01:42,381
Plus Liam! Little rock 'n' roller!
Gonna be a star.
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-Once we've got the fits under control.
-[screams]
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00:01:45,101 --> 00:01:50,381
Steve, posh lad, different planet.
The truth is out there... not.
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Kev and Veronica. Fantastic neighbours.
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You know, lend you anything.
Well, not anything.
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00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:59,940
But all of 'em, to a man,
know first and foremost,
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one of the most vital necessities in this
life is, they know how to throw a party!
44
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:07,621
-[siren wailing]
-Scatter!
45
00:02:09,540 --> 00:02:11,661
[Carl imitating a rooster]
46
00:02:12,141 --> 00:02:15,421
[Frank] I've dreamt about lesbians
for as long as I can remember,
47
00:02:15,781 --> 00:02:19,980
but I bet I'm the only bloke who,
when his best wish gets granted,
48
00:02:20,061 --> 00:02:22,061
has to cope with the fact
that the only lezzer
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he'll ever get his hands on
is his ex-wife.
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[barking]
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00:02:26,221 --> 00:02:29,781
Not only is she not in the sack
with Olivia Newton-John,
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she's picked an oppo
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00:02:31,621 --> 00:02:35,781
who's bigger than I am, stronger than I am
and earns more than I ever could.
54
00:02:36,941 --> 00:02:38,501
[Carl] Mum, come and make my breakfast.
55
00:02:38,581 --> 00:02:39,581
[door closes]
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-Jesus. Oh, my God!
-You all right, Norm?
57
00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:45,861
No, summat just moved.
58
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:47,700
-God, it is. It's a bloody rat!
-[rat squeals]
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00:02:48,061 --> 00:02:49,700
Ugh, don't be daft. It'll be the wind.
60
00:02:49,781 --> 00:02:52,181
-[grunts]
-[rat squeals]
61
00:02:53,221 --> 00:02:56,061
So, what's this? A fart in a fur?
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00:03:00,700 --> 00:03:02,741
[Debbie] Mum,
we're gonna be late for school!
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00:03:03,461 --> 00:03:05,380
You cannot tread backwards, Monica.
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00:03:05,861 --> 00:03:07,341
You don't belong here.
65
00:03:12,221 --> 00:03:16,221
[Frank] The day I married Monica
was the happiest day of my life.
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00:03:16,661 --> 00:03:18,581
The day she left me
looking after six kids,
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00:03:18,661 --> 00:03:20,661
I thought, "Right, fuck her."
68
00:03:21,021 --> 00:03:23,380
The day she reappears
after three years in the cold,
69
00:03:23,461 --> 00:03:26,260
I just thought,
"Absolutely. Go on, Frank...
70
00:03:26,341 --> 00:03:27,420
Fuck her."
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00:03:27,621 --> 00:03:29,581
You spent the last three years
burying all this.
72
00:03:31,260 --> 00:03:32,461
There you go, love.
73
00:03:32,540 --> 00:03:34,980
Oh, I can't eat eggs. I'm allergic.
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They're Carl's. Carl!
Your tits are ready!
75
00:03:37,901 --> 00:03:39,461
You never used to be allergic to eggs.
76
00:03:39,540 --> 00:03:42,221
It started a few years back.
I almost died, didn't I?
77
00:03:43,341 --> 00:03:45,100
Your mum's trying to have
a conversation here.
78
00:03:45,181 --> 00:03:46,941
Yeah, and we can do our own breakfast.
79
00:03:47,021 --> 00:03:49,021
If you want privacy, go back in the van.
80
00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:50,341
[Norm] It stinks to high heaven!
81
00:03:50,420 --> 00:03:51,260
Never used to.
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I've just had to kill a rat that size.
Haven't I, Mon?
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00:03:54,540 --> 00:03:55,661
[Monica] Yeah.
84
00:03:58,621 --> 00:03:59,540
What size?
85
00:04:02,661 --> 00:04:03,581
What colour?
86
00:04:11,581 --> 00:04:13,221
[sobs]
87
00:04:23,461 --> 00:04:26,101
Well, who in their right mind
keeps a rat as a pet?
88
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:35,261
-Pack up. We're going back to Moston.
-[Monica] Ugh.
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00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:37,060
It's like Village of The Damned.
90
00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:39,541
They've nobody else to look after 'em.
91
00:04:39,620 --> 00:04:42,461
-Never bothered you before.
-Well, Fiona was here before.
92
00:04:47,740 --> 00:04:49,981
I'm not asking for a court report,
Veronica.
93
00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:52,661
Did she or did she not get
the school uniform sorted out?
94
00:04:52,740 --> 00:04:55,341
Yes, she definitely did 'cause Ian nipped
round with today's milk.
95
00:04:55,421 --> 00:04:57,101
Yeah, I just wanna make sure
Monica hasn't abandoned
96
00:04:57,180 --> 00:04:58,581
the kids before they get
a chance to kill her.
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00:04:58,661 --> 00:05:00,141
It was all kosher
when I popped around earlier.
98
00:05:00,221 --> 00:05:02,381
Even Carl's?
Because if he forgets his tie
99
00:05:02,461 --> 00:05:04,180
one more time, they'll suspend him.
100
00:05:04,261 --> 00:05:06,421
Do you mind?
I'm trying to have a life here!
101
00:05:07,261 --> 00:05:08,461
Oh, fine.
102
00:05:08,541 --> 00:05:10,221
I'll go around and check in three minutes.
103
00:05:11,421 --> 00:05:13,341
Make sure the kids have all got
my number and enough cash
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to ring me if they get any shit
from the lesbians, yeah?
105
00:05:15,261 --> 00:05:16,620
Do you want me to do
the bleedin' washing up
106
00:05:16,701 --> 00:05:18,060
-while I'm at it?
-I'm being serious, Kev.
107
00:05:18,141 --> 00:05:19,060
[Kev] And I'm being brief.
108
00:05:19,141 --> 00:05:21,500
Ring us back in half an hour or so.
109
00:05:22,180 --> 00:05:24,981
-What are they like?
-Be quick.
110
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I want to check Carl's got his tie.
111
00:05:26,861 --> 00:05:28,060
-All right, hang on.
-Oh.
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-That's it.
-[Veronica moans]
113
00:05:29,261 --> 00:05:30,380
[Kev] Get a good grip.
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[Veronica moans]
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Oh, Kev! Oh! [moaning]
116
00:05:36,101 --> 00:05:36,940
[hair dryer whirs]
117
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[Frank]
♪ Sunshine on a rainy day ♪
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♪ Sunshine on a rainy day ♪
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[hair dryer stops]
120
00:06:05,661 --> 00:06:07,821
Yeah, you're right. It fits.
121
00:06:08,380 --> 00:06:10,781
I said it would a month ago, when you said
you wouldn't be seen dead in it.
122
00:06:10,861 --> 00:06:12,261
What, now can't you take a joke?
123
00:06:12,341 --> 00:06:13,620
Listen, I'm going to get a paper.
124
00:06:13,701 --> 00:06:15,060
-Owt you want?
-Yeah...
125
00:06:15,781 --> 00:06:17,101
get us enough for an overdose.
126
00:06:17,180 --> 00:06:18,901
Tell the chemist I'll pay him later.
127
00:06:19,421 --> 00:06:21,740
Joke! Just practicing.
128
00:06:22,421 --> 00:06:24,421
Hey, and a good 'un.
129
00:06:24,781 --> 00:06:27,500
-See you later.
-[Sheila] I usually get a kiss.
130
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,541
[man speaking over TV]
131
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[door closes]
132
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[crow cawing]
133
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[laboured breathing]
134
00:06:44,341 --> 00:06:46,820
[bird calls]
135
00:06:46,901 --> 00:06:48,541
[ominous music]
136
00:06:57,341 --> 00:06:59,221
[Frank] Kev, see if
anyone's looking for us.
137
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-Michael, watch, watch.
-[phone beeping]
138
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[both laugh]
139
00:07:39,380 --> 00:07:40,940
Two bailiffs, six o' clock.
140
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:44,861
-Is that front or back?
-Back, back. So be sharp.
141
00:07:45,701 --> 00:07:46,661
[cymbal crashes]
142
00:07:47,180 --> 00:07:48,701
[Kev] And watch out for Wilson.
143
00:07:49,341 --> 00:07:51,341
It's the shirt I'm feeling sorry for.
144
00:07:51,421 --> 00:07:52,380
[door closes]
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It's not my fault he's getting
a stiffy for his ex.
146
00:07:55,701 --> 00:07:56,861
Best not be either.
147
00:08:01,260 --> 00:08:02,221
[dog barking]
148
00:08:13,021 --> 00:08:14,060
Shit!
149
00:08:29,221 --> 00:08:31,021
[whispers] Eugene, Eugene come here.
150
00:08:36,741 --> 00:08:37,661
Michael, over.
151
00:08:41,340 --> 00:08:43,820
Monica? Frank wants to see you.
152
00:08:50,501 --> 00:08:52,980
Don't go dribbling on that.
You're not keeping it.
153
00:08:53,061 --> 00:08:54,141
[slot machine chimes]
154
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:56,301
Not you! Where's Monica?
155
00:08:56,381 --> 00:08:58,701
[Norma] Two reasons why Monica
will never make it home.
156
00:08:59,021 --> 00:09:00,220
Size doesn't matter
157
00:09:00,781 --> 00:09:02,821
and it's just a blister. It'll fade.
158
00:09:03,021 --> 00:09:06,340
Day we wed,
it was "Till death do us part."
159
00:09:06,421 --> 00:09:08,061
-If that's a threat, Frank--
-No, it's...
160
00:09:08,741 --> 00:09:11,301
just a promise that she made me
on our wedding day.
161
00:09:11,381 --> 00:09:12,541
Are these dead, fellas?
162
00:09:14,980 --> 00:09:17,421
Hey, chick.
Fetch us a couple of bevvies
163
00:09:17,781 --> 00:09:19,261
-and whatever Worzel's having.
-[scoffs]
164
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:23,821
A pint of Dog, cheese and onion pie
and some more nuts. She's payin'.
165
00:09:23,901 --> 00:09:26,061
More nuts? In your dreams, Daddio.
166
00:09:26,141 --> 00:09:28,581
[laughs] Hey, that's a good 'un.
167
00:09:28,661 --> 00:09:30,061
Is he allowed all this?
168
00:09:30,141 --> 00:09:33,181
Frank thinks I owe him big style
so he can have what he wants.
169
00:09:33,261 --> 00:09:34,541
And a couple of Es.
170
00:09:44,661 --> 00:09:49,701
Two years ago... we rescued a woman
and her kids from a total psycho.
171
00:09:49,781 --> 00:09:51,901
I'm not fucking interested.
172
00:09:51,980 --> 00:09:53,980
She'd have been dead now
if we hadn't have killed her.
173
00:09:54,980 --> 00:09:57,501
[fruit machine chimes]
174
00:09:57,581 --> 00:09:59,860
'Cause of him, she owed thousands.
175
00:10:00,381 --> 00:10:02,941
She walked away without so much
as a paper bill.
176
00:10:03,821 --> 00:10:07,301
All we needed was one official agency
to list her as dead.
177
00:10:07,860 --> 00:10:10,141
Within a week, it all went
as quiet as a mouse for her.
178
00:10:10,781 --> 00:10:12,821
No debts, no bailiffs,
179
00:10:13,340 --> 00:10:15,621
-no hassle, just like that.
-[clicks fingers]
180
00:10:17,340 --> 00:10:18,821
Imagine that, Frank.
181
00:10:19,261 --> 00:10:20,581
You pretend to be dead,
182
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,220
-but your debts die for real.
-[coughs]
183
00:10:28,941 --> 00:10:30,901
[Tony] Actually, Sheila, we've had, uh,
184
00:10:30,980 --> 00:10:32,941
complaints about noise
from the neighbours.
185
00:10:33,821 --> 00:10:35,581
-[sobs]
-You having a bit of trouble?
186
00:10:37,421 --> 00:10:39,541
Frank's ex coming around
shouting the odds.
187
00:10:40,460 --> 00:10:44,501
They haven't seen each other for a bit
so they had a lot to say, as it happens.
188
00:10:51,021 --> 00:10:53,100
[Tony] You and Fiona,
you're as mad as each other.
189
00:10:53,941 --> 00:10:56,581
You're gonna spend the rest of your lives
cleaning up after Frank.
190
00:10:56,661 --> 00:10:57,541
Is he worth that?
191
00:10:58,061 --> 00:11:01,421
I'd give my right arm to spend the rest
of my life cleaning up after Frank.
192
00:11:01,501 --> 00:11:02,661
[sobs]
193
00:11:03,860 --> 00:11:06,141
-Have you met Monica?
-No.
194
00:11:06,220 --> 00:11:09,581
Cracking on she's a lesbian.
I saw the way she looked at him.
195
00:11:10,581 --> 00:11:11,701
Fiona's mum's a lesbian?
196
00:11:11,781 --> 00:11:13,501
Not for long, she's not. You watch.
197
00:11:14,980 --> 00:11:16,261
[Sheila sobbing]
198
00:11:21,821 --> 00:11:23,901
[Tony] Hey, hey, here you are.
199
00:11:24,340 --> 00:11:26,941
Honestly, Sheila,
I can't see anybody fighting over Frank.
200
00:11:27,021 --> 00:11:28,340
I would if I could.
201
00:11:29,860 --> 00:11:32,621
She's got her feet back under
the table round at Fiona's,
202
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:35,740
except it's not Fiona's anymore
'cause she's forced her out.
203
00:11:36,021 --> 00:11:37,701
-What? Fiona's gone?
-No choice.
204
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:39,460
She's gone to live-- [screams]
205
00:11:39,541 --> 00:11:41,541
-What? Where's she gone?
-[screams]
206
00:11:41,621 --> 00:11:44,860
-Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
-What?
207
00:11:45,061 --> 00:11:46,621
What the fuck have you done to her?
208
00:11:46,701 --> 00:11:47,661
Get a towel!
209
00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:49,261
It's there, it's in your hand, Sheila.
210
00:11:49,340 --> 00:11:53,501
I know! I wiped me eyes!
Chillies! Cooking with chillies!
211
00:11:53,581 --> 00:11:55,941
-Jesus, I can't see!
-Here bring her to the sink!
212
00:11:56,021 --> 00:11:57,941
-[Tony] Here let's have a look.
-[Stan] Don't you touch her,
213
00:11:58,021 --> 00:11:59,181
not if you had hold of the tea towel!
214
00:11:59,261 --> 00:12:00,340
I'm blind!
215
00:12:00,421 --> 00:12:02,421
Here you are, this way. Sheila, this way.
216
00:12:02,501 --> 00:12:04,141
-Fetch some water.
-[groans]
217
00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:05,340
[Stan] Come into the kitchen.
218
00:12:05,701 --> 00:12:07,181
-Sheila!
-[screams]
219
00:12:07,421 --> 00:12:08,621
[Stan] Sheila, come this way.
220
00:12:08,701 --> 00:12:10,261
Here, slap this over your fa--
221
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:18,501
-[groans]
-[Tony] Over here, Sheila.
222
00:12:18,901 --> 00:12:21,100
Ah, oh, my God!
223
00:12:21,460 --> 00:12:24,781
-Where am I now?
-Home. Chatsworth Estate.
224
00:12:24,860 --> 00:12:27,381
-Where am I standing?
-Garden.
225
00:12:27,460 --> 00:12:29,621
[groans]
226
00:12:31,621 --> 00:12:33,581
[sobs gently]
227
00:12:37,021 --> 00:12:38,261
[sighs]
228
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:43,421
[whimpering]
229
00:12:49,740 --> 00:12:52,860
[pants]
230
00:12:52,941 --> 00:12:54,821
[birds twitter]
231
00:12:54,901 --> 00:12:56,620
[whimpering]
232
00:13:03,460 --> 00:13:05,340
[birds chirping]
233
00:13:07,421 --> 00:13:08,381
[groans]
234
00:13:12,901 --> 00:13:13,860
[Sheila] I did it.
235
00:13:15,220 --> 00:13:16,661
I went outside.
236
00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:20,941
-Where's Fiona gone?
-Five years.
237
00:13:21,141 --> 00:13:23,781
"She's gone to live round..."
238
00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:25,901
Steve's.
239
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:30,661
Oh, my God, catch me;
I think I'm going to faint.
240
00:13:30,740 --> 00:13:32,141
No, you're fine, Mrs Jackson.
241
00:13:33,381 --> 00:13:34,340
I know. [panting]
242
00:13:35,501 --> 00:13:36,460
[thuds]
243
00:13:37,740 --> 00:13:39,581
[Frank] I don't understand,
how does it work then?
244
00:13:39,661 --> 00:13:40,821
[Norma] A couple of teams of girls.
245
00:13:40,901 --> 00:13:41,980
We've done it for years.
246
00:13:42,061 --> 00:13:44,261
A Team deals with deaths and overseas.
247
00:13:44,501 --> 00:13:47,181
B Team specialises
in domestic manoeuvres.
248
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,381
Helping like-minded chicks do a runner.
249
00:13:50,740 --> 00:13:53,220
Yeah, and money,
accommodation et cetera.
250
00:13:53,821 --> 00:13:54,980
So, which one are you?
251
00:13:55,061 --> 00:13:57,181
Well, you have to have military training
for the A team.
252
00:13:57,261 --> 00:13:58,100
We're B.
253
00:13:59,581 --> 00:14:02,340
So, you helped Monica leave me?
254
00:14:02,421 --> 00:14:04,381
No, that was, er, Cindy, I think.
255
00:14:04,460 --> 00:14:06,661
-The two Juliets.
-Oh.
256
00:14:07,901 --> 00:14:10,501
So you knew you were a lezzer
before you fucked off?
257
00:14:11,061 --> 00:14:12,941
She's always been a chick, Frank,
258
00:14:13,021 --> 00:14:14,541
so, don't build your hopes up.
259
00:14:14,781 --> 00:14:16,781
She can't even look at a penis
without gagging.
260
00:14:21,740 --> 00:14:24,141
So what would I have to do
if I went along with all this?
261
00:14:24,220 --> 00:14:26,261
The least, which is lucky.
262
00:14:29,340 --> 00:14:30,701
He thinks he stands a chance
263
00:14:31,661 --> 00:14:32,661
and he won't listen to me.
264
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,500
Well, don't apologise for him--
Stan, yeah?
265
00:14:35,581 --> 00:14:37,460
I mean, everybody's entitled
to give it their best shot.
266
00:14:37,541 --> 00:14:39,541
You can't-- [chuckles]
You can't hate him for it.
267
00:14:44,740 --> 00:14:46,781
Well, what's he doing sniffing
'round Chatsworth
268
00:14:46,860 --> 00:14:48,381
for a love life
if he could get it anywhere?
269
00:14:48,901 --> 00:14:50,181
[chair scrapes]
270
00:14:50,261 --> 00:14:52,581
Think about what you've just said
and phone me to apologise
271
00:14:52,661 --> 00:14:54,220
when you've worked it out, Tony.
272
00:14:55,941 --> 00:14:58,500
-No, I'm not sayin' that.
-You are fucking sayin'!
273
00:14:58,821 --> 00:15:01,421
-I'm not good enough for him?
-[Tony] No, no, no.
274
00:15:02,220 --> 00:15:04,381
Well, okay,
maybe it came out wrong, but,
275
00:15:04,460 --> 00:15:06,181
you think about what I said, Fiona.
276
00:15:06,541 --> 00:15:08,460
A middle-class bloke, money,
277
00:15:08,901 --> 00:15:10,701
a fucking house this size, come on.
278
00:15:11,541 --> 00:15:12,740
You don't meet people like that.
279
00:15:12,821 --> 00:15:15,821
People like you do not meet
people like that.
280
00:15:16,941 --> 00:15:18,860
Oh, yeah,
and Steve loves Chatsworth so much
281
00:15:18,941 --> 00:15:20,021
he asked you to move in here.
282
00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:21,821
No, he didn't, it was my idea.
283
00:15:21,901 --> 00:15:24,460
For your information, he thinks
coming here is a mistake.
284
00:15:24,901 --> 00:15:27,061
-[scoffs] For?
-Me, the kids.
285
00:15:27,661 --> 00:15:30,261
I have left them with my mum
and her girlfriend.
286
00:15:30,541 --> 00:15:32,701
Neither of 'em capable
of running that house.
287
00:15:32,901 --> 00:15:35,301
And it's the kids
that are suffering, again.
288
00:15:35,980 --> 00:15:38,941
And I agree with him.
It's Steve saying that.
289
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,901
It's him talking me around.
290
00:15:40,980 --> 00:15:43,460
He spends more time at ours
than he does here.
291
00:15:43,541 --> 00:15:45,860
Half a chance and he would move
in permanently!
292
00:15:46,541 --> 00:15:49,901
-What?
-That's the whole fucking point!
293
00:15:55,100 --> 00:15:56,220
How's that normal?
294
00:15:57,141 --> 00:16:00,100
A 25-year-old bloke.
He buys stuff like this.
295
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,541
Oh, no, he'd rather stay
on a council estate
296
00:16:03,620 --> 00:16:05,781
with his girlfriend
and five suffering kids,
297
00:16:06,141 --> 00:16:07,021
none of 'em hers.
298
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:08,740
Make it sound like a bloody pigsty.
299
00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:11,421
[Tony] That's what it would look like
to someone like him.
300
00:16:11,941 --> 00:16:12,941
Eh, how could it not?
301
00:16:13,701 --> 00:16:15,061
-[door closes]
-Think.
302
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,860
[Steve] Sorry, Helmet, time's up, mate.
303
00:16:16,941 --> 00:16:18,380
Fiona, the kids just rang.
304
00:16:18,460 --> 00:16:19,821
They need us round at yours now.
305
00:16:19,901 --> 00:16:21,021
[water running]
306
00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:23,661
I'm going.
307
00:16:24,301 --> 00:16:25,781
Think about what I said, Fiona.
308
00:16:30,701 --> 00:16:31,661
[door closes]
309
00:16:42,021 --> 00:16:42,980
Right, go, Stan!
310
00:16:43,781 --> 00:16:46,661
Didn't I say
I can often surprise myself? Didn't I?
311
00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:48,301
I'm not in the fucking mood, Stan,
drive or get out!
312
00:16:48,380 --> 00:16:50,860
I'm not in the fucking mood either,
so just calm down.
313
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:53,061
Wing mirror.
314
00:16:53,901 --> 00:16:55,421
Blue car. His? Yeah?
315
00:16:55,980 --> 00:16:56,821
[Tony] So?
316
00:16:56,901 --> 00:16:58,701
He doesn't have to pay for it.
His work does.
317
00:16:59,821 --> 00:17:00,661
It's nicked.
318
00:17:05,340 --> 00:17:08,221
The VIN number on the glasswork
doesn't match the reg plate.
319
00:17:08,301 --> 00:17:10,301
-How do you know?
-[Stan] He went in the boot for a rack,
320
00:17:10,380 --> 00:17:11,900
pair of number plates there.
321
00:17:11,981 --> 00:17:15,100
Not the current one.
Not the original one either.
322
00:17:16,340 --> 00:17:18,620
Hey, again,
Mr Premature Ejaculation.
323
00:17:18,701 --> 00:17:20,261
Buckle up. We've got work to do.
324
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:21,660
-Yeah, we'll nick him.
-[Stan] We will.
325
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,340
But if we nick him for more than,
326
00:17:23,420 --> 00:17:25,701
then we're looking
at a longer-term sentence,
327
00:17:25,781 --> 00:17:27,781
not a holiday camp. Get me?
328
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:32,381
[engine starts]
329
00:17:35,261 --> 00:17:37,501
[dog barking]
330
00:17:38,341 --> 00:17:39,381
What's going on?
331
00:17:40,021 --> 00:17:42,101
[Monica] Your dad's got news for you.
332
00:17:44,221 --> 00:17:46,621
[Frank] I'm dying, apparently.
333
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:50,261
[Fiona] You what?
334
00:17:54,461 --> 00:17:56,021
[phone ringing]
335
00:17:57,221 --> 00:17:59,061
Yeah, Steven with a V.
336
00:17:59,940 --> 00:18:00,900
McBride.
337
00:18:02,221 --> 00:18:05,701
62 Whalley Lane, Manchester,
338
00:18:05,781 --> 00:18:09,101
M14 2KM.
339
00:18:13,341 --> 00:18:14,900
[Mr Wilson] It's not good news.
340
00:18:15,420 --> 00:18:16,660
But don't blame me.
341
00:18:17,940 --> 00:18:19,301
Eviction notice.
342
00:18:19,821 --> 00:18:20,940
They want you out.
343
00:18:21,021 --> 00:18:23,981
At the minute,
they've had enough of your dad,
344
00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:26,900
not so much the deviance,
as the lies.
345
00:18:28,021 --> 00:18:29,581
Well, they'll love the next bit.
346
00:18:31,741 --> 00:18:33,301
You best come in, Mr Wilson.
347
00:18:35,461 --> 00:18:36,940
[Steve sobs]
348
00:18:44,621 --> 00:18:46,821
Oh, sweet Jesus, no!
349
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:49,700
Both wrists and a bottle of tablets.
350
00:18:50,180 --> 00:18:52,221
-I blame myself.
-So do I.
351
00:18:52,301 --> 00:18:54,461
-We all do.
-[Ian] I'm off to work.
352
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:57,180
Work? Surely not.
353
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:59,381
I fucking hated him.
And I need the money.
354
00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:05,861
[door closes]
355
00:19:07,341 --> 00:19:08,900
Are you okay, Mr Wilson?
356
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,700
It was never the best job in the world,
357
00:19:11,341 --> 00:19:12,501
but it was never as bad as this,
358
00:19:12,581 --> 00:19:14,101
not by a long shot.
359
00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:20,541
Do you mind if I...
360
00:19:22,180 --> 00:19:23,501
Please do.
361
00:19:23,821 --> 00:19:26,501
He'd appreciate it
if you paid your respects.
362
00:19:26,581 --> 00:19:27,541
[clears throat]
363
00:19:33,420 --> 00:19:37,581
Dear Lord, help us house
the tenants we could,
364
00:19:37,940 --> 00:19:41,141
show compassion and mercy
whenever we should.
365
00:19:41,940 --> 00:19:42,861
Lord...
366
00:19:43,940 --> 00:19:47,101
give us strength
when foresight is needed
367
00:19:47,781 --> 00:19:50,461
to nail the ones we know
who have cheated.
368
00:19:52,021 --> 00:19:52,900
Dear Lord...
369
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:56,061
let not this trickiest job
370
00:19:56,501 --> 00:20:00,180
make us grand or smug
371
00:20:00,261 --> 00:20:03,221
or proud or snobs.
372
00:20:05,021 --> 00:20:07,940
Something written for me by my wife
to help me get through the job.
373
00:20:08,501 --> 00:20:11,541
She died last summer so I know
what you're all going through. [sobs]
374
00:20:13,501 --> 00:20:15,981
So... she'll be with me dad?
375
00:20:17,221 --> 00:20:19,341
No, she'll be over the other side...
376
00:20:20,061 --> 00:20:20,981
probably.
377
00:20:21,061 --> 00:20:22,621
[church bells tolling]
378
00:20:26,621 --> 00:20:27,821
[bailiff 1] Dead? How?
379
00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:29,781
Woman over there says heart attack.
380
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:31,981
Fucking hell.
381
00:20:33,381 --> 00:20:35,341
-Poor Frank.
-[bailiff 2] Nah,
382
00:20:35,420 --> 00:20:37,341
there's summat not right about this.
383
00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:39,821
-[Fiona] Dad!
-Fuck off!
384
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:41,700
If he'd done another verse
I'd have croaked.
385
00:20:41,781 --> 00:20:44,501
-Get back in the coffin!
-No, it's freaking me out.
386
00:20:44,581 --> 00:20:46,141
I'm having flashbacks to me mam.
387
00:20:47,061 --> 00:20:48,461
She's taking the piss.
388
00:20:49,101 --> 00:20:50,900
She's just trying to show me up
in front of you.
389
00:20:50,981 --> 00:20:52,621
Hey, you don't need helpers, Frank.
390
00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:55,180
Frank, if the creditors catch up with you
you're dead anyway, get in the coffin.
391
00:20:55,261 --> 00:20:57,621
Your parents must have got a clue,
you know, dropping the L for normal.
392
00:20:57,700 --> 00:21:00,261
Oh, Frank, I never borrowed
any money I couldn't pay back.
393
00:21:00,341 --> 00:21:03,261
-You're a sad bitch.
-[Lip] Dad! In your box!
394
00:21:03,341 --> 00:21:06,900
Well, just look at all you, eh,
where's the L word? Loyalty.
395
00:21:07,221 --> 00:21:08,861
Doing what you're told
by this twisted,
396
00:21:09,581 --> 00:21:11,501
rug-chomping, fucking chimp!
397
00:21:11,581 --> 00:21:14,940
It's the bailiffs, they've got papers!
If it's a warrant we're in trouble.
398
00:21:15,180 --> 00:21:16,341
[Steve] Frank, get in the coffin.
399
00:21:16,621 --> 00:21:17,821
[all gasp]
400
00:21:18,021 --> 00:21:19,301
Shit!
401
00:21:19,381 --> 00:21:23,061
[Steve] Get him in, quick.
402
00:21:23,141 --> 00:21:24,501
[pounding on door]
403
00:21:24,581 --> 00:21:25,981
[indistinct whispers]
404
00:21:26,501 --> 00:21:28,221
[pounding on door]
405
00:21:31,381 --> 00:21:33,061
[Monica] Show a bit of respect, eh.
406
00:21:36,101 --> 00:21:37,061
[door closes]
407
00:21:41,381 --> 00:21:42,900
You piece of shit!
408
00:21:42,981 --> 00:21:44,940
[bailiff 2] Too late
to apologise for that, love.
409
00:21:45,021 --> 00:21:46,541
We were only doing our jobs, right.
410
00:21:46,621 --> 00:21:49,541
And we feel bad enough about it,
to leave this with you.
411
00:21:51,541 --> 00:21:52,460
[Debbie] To keep?
412
00:21:52,541 --> 00:21:53,700
[bailiff 2] He was a good bloke.
413
00:21:53,781 --> 00:21:56,621
We meet a lot like him.
Don't mean any harm.
414
00:21:56,700 --> 00:21:58,581
They always think they can pay it back.
415
00:21:59,420 --> 00:22:01,101
Boo! You're not dead!
416
00:22:01,180 --> 00:22:03,501
Get up! Get out!
Are you fuck dead!
417
00:22:03,581 --> 00:22:05,021
[bailiff 1] Michael, cut it out.
418
00:22:05,101 --> 00:22:07,301
Two and a half grand,
and counting!
419
00:22:07,501 --> 00:22:08,940
Plus, the car one of you nicked.
420
00:22:09,301 --> 00:22:13,460
Michael. Michael!
This is really, really sick.
421
00:22:23,581 --> 00:22:25,301
Hey, hey. No, look...
422
00:22:26,660 --> 00:22:29,861
I mean, I thought he was...
I thought you were...
423
00:22:29,940 --> 00:22:33,101
[pants]
424
00:22:34,660 --> 00:22:36,021
Oh, shit!
425
00:22:41,381 --> 00:22:42,221
[door closes]
426
00:22:44,981 --> 00:22:47,021
[Debbie] Sheila, come out and help me.
427
00:22:47,221 --> 00:22:49,700
-Help me!
-Debbie!
428
00:22:50,420 --> 00:22:52,021
She-- Sheila! [chokes]
429
00:22:53,660 --> 00:22:55,460
-Debbie! Debbie!
-[Debbie] Sheila, help me!
430
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:57,141
[chokes]
431
00:22:57,381 --> 00:22:59,180
Come on, Sheila. Now!
432
00:22:59,621 --> 00:23:00,741
She-- [coughing]
433
00:23:02,741 --> 00:23:05,741
Get off her, you bastards!
Leave her alone!
434
00:23:05,981 --> 00:23:08,981
Debbie! Leave her alone! Ugh.
435
00:23:10,660 --> 00:23:13,861
[screeches]
436
00:23:18,501 --> 00:23:19,781
Sheila, you did it!
437
00:23:19,861 --> 00:23:21,460
Sheila, it worked, the plan worked.
438
00:23:21,541 --> 00:23:25,301
I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it!
439
00:23:30,621 --> 00:23:32,381
[all sobbing]
440
00:23:46,061 --> 00:23:49,501
He's dead!
And he's not coming back!
441
00:24:02,460 --> 00:24:05,420
I'd love to know what people thought
about me when I'm dead.
442
00:24:05,501 --> 00:24:07,061
You wouldn't if you were Frank.
443
00:24:12,660 --> 00:24:13,621
It's Wilson.
444
00:24:26,700 --> 00:24:27,781
[Jez] Family only.
445
00:24:28,221 --> 00:24:31,261
Definitely not you! Not tonight.
446
00:24:31,341 --> 00:24:33,621
I'm sorry, there's a gazebo
and a dartboard
447
00:24:33,700 --> 00:24:36,660
round the back for any punters
not having invitations.
448
00:24:36,741 --> 00:24:38,981
[Kev] Frank Gallagher
was a deeply valued
449
00:24:39,061 --> 00:24:40,940
and respected member of this community.
450
00:24:41,021 --> 00:24:42,381
[all laugh]
451
00:24:42,940 --> 00:24:44,900
[Kev] He was a good friend
and neighbour
452
00:24:44,981 --> 00:24:47,781
-and he'll be sorely missed.
-[indistinct chatter]
453
00:24:47,861 --> 00:24:51,501
He once told me in private that
if he ever died unexpectedly
454
00:24:51,581 --> 00:24:54,141
that the one thing he'd like saying
at his wake...
455
00:24:55,781 --> 00:24:56,741
was this.
456
00:24:56,940 --> 00:24:58,381
[all cheer and applaud]
457
00:24:58,460 --> 00:25:02,660
["(I've Had) The Time of My Life playing]
458
00:25:03,180 --> 00:25:06,141
I'm alive! [laughs]
459
00:25:06,221 --> 00:25:07,821
[cheering]
460
00:25:08,660 --> 00:25:09,940
Are you there, Marty?
461
00:25:10,261 --> 00:25:11,660
Fuckin' Randall and Hopkirk.
462
00:25:11,741 --> 00:25:13,621
Who the fuck would bury anyone
in a white suit?
463
00:25:13,700 --> 00:25:14,821
Whose idea was that?
464
00:25:15,541 --> 00:25:19,141
Well, tonight, Matthew,
I'm going to be a party!
465
00:25:19,220 --> 00:25:20,821
[all cheer]
466
00:25:25,021 --> 00:25:26,101
[laughs]
467
00:25:28,460 --> 00:25:29,420
When you're ready.
468
00:25:30,781 --> 00:25:32,741
[Ian] Is it okay if I shoot off in a sec?
469
00:25:33,101 --> 00:25:33,940
Who are you meeting?
470
00:25:35,940 --> 00:25:38,781
No, you've shown your face. Well done.
471
00:25:38,861 --> 00:25:40,141
Once I've slung this down, I'm off.
472
00:25:40,501 --> 00:25:42,341
I thought the woman across
the road was looking after Liam.
473
00:25:43,261 --> 00:25:45,261
-Only till 9:00.
-I'll come with you.
474
00:25:45,341 --> 00:25:47,821
No, you stay.
You're not used to a lock-in.
475
00:25:48,541 --> 00:25:49,501
You'll love it.
476
00:25:50,381 --> 00:25:52,301
[music continues]
477
00:26:03,220 --> 00:26:04,180
[door closes]
478
00:26:06,261 --> 00:26:07,581
So, you came home to collect Liam?
479
00:26:08,900 --> 00:26:09,940
Liam's in bed.
480
00:26:13,220 --> 00:26:16,460
You see, Liam sleeps
with the lights blazing.
481
00:26:18,940 --> 00:26:20,501
All the upstairs lights are off.
482
00:26:24,541 --> 00:26:26,781
-Have I done something wrong?
-No, not...
483
00:26:27,420 --> 00:26:28,381
[sighs]
484
00:26:30,581 --> 00:26:32,180
Five nights out of seven...
485
00:26:32,981 --> 00:26:35,101
Liam ends up in my bed,
486
00:26:35,981 --> 00:26:37,341
and that doesn't bother you.
487
00:26:38,341 --> 00:26:40,581
-Not if I'm honest.
-It wasn't the question.
488
00:26:44,061 --> 00:26:45,381
The night you met me...
489
00:26:47,660 --> 00:26:49,220
why didn't you take me back
to your house?
490
00:26:50,460 --> 00:26:51,660
Because yours was nearer.
491
00:26:53,581 --> 00:26:56,581
-And because I don't like mine.
-[Fiona] Sometimes, Stevie,
492
00:26:57,220 --> 00:26:59,981
I can't tell whether it's me
you're interested in...
493
00:27:01,220 --> 00:27:03,101
or my family. [scoffs]
494
00:27:04,700 --> 00:27:05,861
What's that supposed to mean?
495
00:27:05,940 --> 00:27:07,940
Well, it's obvious we need all
the help we can get,
496
00:27:08,021 --> 00:27:09,541
so how can we be good for you?
497
00:27:19,381 --> 00:27:22,741
[Frank] ♪ The old hometown
Looks the same, Kev ♪
498
00:27:24,341 --> 00:27:26,781
♪ As I step down
From the train ♪
499
00:27:28,581 --> 00:27:30,021
♪ There to meet me ♪
500
00:27:30,301 --> 00:27:31,581
[pounding on door]
501
00:27:31,660 --> 00:27:32,501
♪ There's my mama ♪
502
00:27:36,061 --> 00:27:37,501
And I thought I'd snuffed it.
503
00:27:38,541 --> 00:27:41,141
♪ Down the road, I walk... ♪
504
00:27:41,220 --> 00:27:42,180
Where's Steve?
505
00:27:42,261 --> 00:27:44,541
-Shot off a while back.
-With our Fiona.
506
00:27:44,741 --> 00:27:47,700
[Frank] ♪ ...hair of gold
And tits like cherries ♪
507
00:27:48,821 --> 00:27:49,900
♪ It's good to touch... ♪
508
00:27:49,981 --> 00:27:50,940
Wait here.
509
00:27:51,261 --> 00:27:56,141
♪ ...the green green grass of home ♪
510
00:27:57,621 --> 00:28:02,420
♪ Yes, they all come to meet me... ♪
511
00:28:02,501 --> 00:28:04,021
Even you, sunshine.
512
00:28:04,581 --> 00:28:07,021
-Do you want a drink, Stan?
-I can't, I'm on overtime.
513
00:28:07,101 --> 00:28:09,141
Salford soda and a couple of Es
for later?
514
00:28:09,700 --> 00:28:12,021
Yeah, great, if I'm not in anybody's way.
515
00:28:12,420 --> 00:28:16,061
♪ ...the green
green grass of home-- ♪
516
00:28:20,981 --> 00:28:23,141
-Sheila.
-I know. [panting]
517
00:28:23,220 --> 00:28:25,460
If I look to the left or right,
this could be a nightmare,
518
00:28:25,821 --> 00:28:26,700
but I don't have to.
519
00:28:27,141 --> 00:28:29,900
There you are. I'm absolutely fine,
520
00:28:29,980 --> 00:28:32,180
but if I faint, don't shift us.
521
00:28:32,940 --> 00:28:35,061
I'll be right as rain in a few minutes.
522
00:28:35,141 --> 00:28:36,341
[Jez] You allowed a drink, Sheila?
523
00:28:36,420 --> 00:28:38,180
Oh, vodka and tonic for me.
524
00:28:38,621 --> 00:28:40,021
Rum and black for Debbie.
525
00:28:40,101 --> 00:28:41,061
Thanks, sweetheart.
526
00:28:41,341 --> 00:28:43,180
[Debbie] Just the black.
And a straw, please.
527
00:28:44,101 --> 00:28:45,821
Everybody looks ten years older.
528
00:28:47,141 --> 00:28:50,021
-I feel like Woody Allen.
-You look fantastic, Sheila.
529
00:28:50,101 --> 00:28:52,621
Actually, it's less disorientating
if I look at Monica.
530
00:28:53,220 --> 00:28:55,301
She's wearing an outfit
I had on when I last went out.
531
00:28:55,381 --> 00:28:57,501
-[Sheila panting]
-[indistinct chatter]
532
00:28:57,741 --> 00:28:59,180
Fucking bitch!
533
00:28:59,261 --> 00:29:01,501
I mean, are you sure you should
be doing this?
534
00:29:01,581 --> 00:29:02,660
[Sheila] I'm absolutely sure.
535
00:29:02,741 --> 00:29:04,381
[breathing heavily]
536
00:29:04,460 --> 00:29:05,621
I need a kiss.
537
00:29:13,381 --> 00:29:15,061
You don't want
to be overdoing it, do you?
538
00:29:15,581 --> 00:29:17,381
You'll feel a lot safer at home.
539
00:29:18,141 --> 00:29:19,821
I feel alive again, Frank.
540
00:29:22,101 --> 00:29:24,021
And I've got a little surprise for you.
541
00:29:33,341 --> 00:29:34,781
[blows into microphone]
542
00:29:36,141 --> 00:29:38,700
[breathes raggedly]
543
00:29:40,821 --> 00:29:42,821
I'm pregnant.
[gasping laugh]
544
00:29:43,061 --> 00:29:44,741
[all cheer and whistle]
545
00:29:44,821 --> 00:29:47,541
[Sheila laughs]
546
00:29:47,621 --> 00:29:48,900
[man] Well done, Frank.
547
00:29:49,621 --> 00:29:50,900
Can I baby-sit, Dad?
548
00:30:02,781 --> 00:30:06,220
Hey, Frank, you're officially dead.
549
00:30:07,581 --> 00:30:08,700
I am now.
550
00:30:09,261 --> 00:30:12,021
Yes, I like your family.
551
00:30:13,021 --> 00:30:14,621
I love being here.
552
00:30:15,220 --> 00:30:18,180
Because every time I turn up,
I-- I feel more welcome,
553
00:30:18,261 --> 00:30:22,021
more satisfied and treated better than
any place I've ever turned up in my life.
554
00:30:22,660 --> 00:30:24,581
And d-- do you know why that is, Fiona?
555
00:30:25,501 --> 00:30:27,420
I'm here because you're here.
556
00:30:27,741 --> 00:30:30,301
I-- I'm here for you.
557
00:30:31,621 --> 00:30:32,581
What do you want?
558
00:30:32,660 --> 00:30:35,541
Do you want somebody
who-- who doesn't like where you live?
559
00:30:36,301 --> 00:30:38,460
Do you want somebody who wants
the total opposite?
560
00:30:38,541 --> 00:30:39,541
No!
561
00:30:39,621 --> 00:30:42,180
I don't understand
what I've done wrong.
562
00:30:42,261 --> 00:30:45,261
Nothing, honestly. Nothing!
563
00:30:46,021 --> 00:30:48,900
I have been dumped on so many times.
564
00:30:49,501 --> 00:30:51,581
Bloody Mum, bloody Dad.
565
00:30:52,420 --> 00:30:55,061
And you are so generous.
566
00:30:55,141 --> 00:30:58,261
-With other people's money.
-I'm not talking about money.
567
00:30:59,861 --> 00:31:01,301
The way you are with the kids.
568
00:31:01,900 --> 00:31:03,741
The time you spend with 'em.
569
00:31:03,821 --> 00:31:07,541
-They love having you around.
-This is where I'm confused,
570
00:31:08,660 --> 00:31:10,781
'cause generally, I think
I'm quite a decent bloke.
571
00:31:14,900 --> 00:31:15,741
[Fiona] Plus...
572
00:31:17,781 --> 00:31:18,980
someday soon...
573
00:31:20,781 --> 00:31:22,821
I really want to have a family
of my own.
574
00:31:26,101 --> 00:31:26,980
I do, too.
575
00:31:29,180 --> 00:31:31,420
I hadn't banked on one this big,
but I do, too.
576
00:31:31,621 --> 00:31:35,501
[Tony] Oh, I definitely wouldn't
do that, Fiona.
577
00:31:38,861 --> 00:31:44,301
BMW. 3 Series.
Registration Y586 BCY.
578
00:31:45,980 --> 00:31:48,660
Or the Shogun from Leeds... no?
579
00:31:50,061 --> 00:31:51,821
How about the black Merc from Didsbury?
580
00:31:51,900 --> 00:31:54,101
These are accusations,
I'm saying nothing till I get a lawyer.
581
00:31:54,180 --> 00:31:56,581
[scoffs] Fine. Say nothing.
582
00:31:57,341 --> 00:31:59,700
We know what nothing means.
He's a thief.
583
00:32:00,460 --> 00:32:03,660
He's just a... ringer.
That's all we've got here.
584
00:32:04,501 --> 00:32:05,821
And that's where the money's come from.
585
00:32:05,900 --> 00:32:08,861
[Steve] Don't listen to a word of this.
It's all bollocks. I want a lawyer.
586
00:32:09,180 --> 00:32:12,541
[Tony] See, it's not what Merc
or what Beemer, just "I want a lawyer".
587
00:32:12,621 --> 00:32:13,821
It's the surest sign you're right.
588
00:32:16,101 --> 00:32:17,660
How come you're on your own, Tony?
589
00:32:21,700 --> 00:32:22,940
-[Tony] It's a favour.
-For?
590
00:32:23,581 --> 00:32:25,660
The last thing I want
is embarrassment for you.
591
00:32:26,381 --> 00:32:27,700
Are you nicking him or not?
592
00:32:28,660 --> 00:32:30,460
-I'll leave that up to you.
-[Fiona] Oh, go on!
593
00:32:31,821 --> 00:32:33,940
-[Tony] No, I'm saying--
-What, Tony? What?
594
00:32:34,501 --> 00:32:35,900
You let him go and he can scarper
595
00:32:35,980 --> 00:32:37,700
and I'm lumbered
with paying back favours to you?
596
00:32:37,781 --> 00:32:38,740
Fuck off!
597
00:32:39,180 --> 00:32:41,541
I told you months back
that you weren't my type.
598
00:32:41,621 --> 00:32:42,501
What do you do?
599
00:32:42,980 --> 00:32:44,420
-Blackmail?
-No, it's not.
600
00:32:44,501 --> 00:32:45,460
Bloody is, mate.
601
00:32:48,900 --> 00:32:50,541
You've told him no, but he's still here.
602
00:32:50,980 --> 00:32:54,460
Only because I love him.
603
00:33:00,301 --> 00:33:01,460
A bloody car thief?
604
00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:03,940
That is not all he is!
605
00:33:18,740 --> 00:33:19,621
[door closes]
606
00:33:25,101 --> 00:33:27,861
[Tony] Steven McBride,
I am arresting you
607
00:33:27,940 --> 00:33:29,261
-on suspicion of theft.
-Oh, no, Tony, no!
608
00:33:29,341 --> 00:33:31,940
[Tony] You do not have to say anything,
but it may harm your defence--
609
00:33:32,021 --> 00:33:32,980
[Fiona] Please, Tony, stop!
610
00:33:33,061 --> 00:33:36,101
[police siren wailing]
611
00:33:45,460 --> 00:33:46,501
[engine stops]
612
00:33:46,900 --> 00:33:48,700
[car doors close]
613
00:33:53,220 --> 00:33:56,660
Now, how come it's always people
like you, always get their own way, eh?
614
00:33:56,740 --> 00:33:59,740
-You blew that, mate, not me.
-I am not your mate!
615
00:34:01,900 --> 00:34:04,301
Now, if I take you in,
she won't talk to me again, will she?
616
00:34:04,381 --> 00:34:05,220
No.
617
00:34:06,501 --> 00:34:07,900
What have you got that I haven't?
618
00:34:09,461 --> 00:34:11,381
I just got there before you, Tony.
619
00:34:16,141 --> 00:34:18,700
I promised that I'd never let
anybody do that again.
620
00:34:23,461 --> 00:34:24,461
[sighs]
621
00:34:30,381 --> 00:34:31,340
Look, can I smoke?
622
00:34:33,340 --> 00:34:34,621
Do you want to help me out here?
623
00:34:49,660 --> 00:34:50,740
You could get five years for this.
624
00:34:59,941 --> 00:35:01,421
You ever driven a three and a half litre?
625
00:35:03,421 --> 00:35:05,061
-No.
-Give it a try.
626
00:35:06,581 --> 00:35:07,780
Take it for a spin.
627
00:35:08,820 --> 00:35:10,701
[scoffs] Yeah, right.
628
00:35:11,621 --> 00:35:13,541
How to keep Tony quiet? Buy him off.
629
00:35:14,101 --> 00:35:15,541
-You fuck right off!
-[keys jingle]
630
00:35:15,621 --> 00:35:17,741
-I've got principles.
-Yeah, so have I.
631
00:35:17,820 --> 00:35:18,741
[scoffs]
632
00:35:18,820 --> 00:35:21,461
I've never committed
a single violent crime in my life.
633
00:35:22,021 --> 00:35:23,261
I've never hurt anyone.
634
00:35:24,181 --> 00:35:26,461
I-- I've never burgled anyone.
I don't need to.
635
00:35:31,661 --> 00:35:32,621
It's...
636
00:35:33,741 --> 00:35:34,981
It's a compulsion.
637
00:35:35,741 --> 00:35:38,181
I just like driving other people's cars.
638
00:35:39,421 --> 00:35:40,941
Especially when I know they're fully comp.
639
00:35:43,061 --> 00:35:44,141
Just imagine it.
640
00:35:45,181 --> 00:35:46,741
You're nipping out
for a pint of milk,
641
00:35:47,381 --> 00:35:49,461
something as-- as mundane,
642
00:35:49,541 --> 00:35:52,261
something as ordinary and boring as that.
643
00:35:54,221 --> 00:35:56,061
You wouldn't believe how sexy that is.
644
00:35:58,261 --> 00:36:00,421
Is it just because it's not your car?
645
00:36:00,501 --> 00:36:01,581
Precisely that.
646
00:36:03,820 --> 00:36:04,780
And I swear that one...
647
00:36:05,941 --> 00:36:07,300
is completely untraceable.
648
00:36:10,061 --> 00:36:11,340
Where would I say I got it?
649
00:36:14,340 --> 00:36:16,300
Bought it from me, in good faith.
650
00:36:16,381 --> 00:36:17,981
You give me a cheque for 15,000 pounds,
651
00:36:18,061 --> 00:36:19,901
I'll give you 15 grand back in cash.
652
00:36:30,221 --> 00:36:33,261
[rock music playing]
653
00:36:42,780 --> 00:36:44,101
[car door closes]
654
00:36:44,181 --> 00:36:45,701
-[oven dings]
-[Carl] Can I have some egg?
655
00:36:45,780 --> 00:36:47,701
-Mum, Mum, I don't like me egg--
-[Lip] Mum, can I have chips--
656
00:36:47,780 --> 00:36:49,981
[Carl] Mum, it's all circular. Mum.
657
00:36:50,221 --> 00:36:51,701
[indistinct chatter]
658
00:36:51,780 --> 00:36:53,661
[Ian] Mum, you're not even listening.
659
00:36:53,741 --> 00:36:57,461
[all chattering, shouting]
660
00:36:58,380 --> 00:36:59,421
Mum, what about my chips?
661
00:36:59,501 --> 00:37:01,021
Mum, I need a letter
for games tomorrow.
662
00:37:01,261 --> 00:37:02,941
-Mum, there's no ketchup!
-Mum!
663
00:37:03,300 --> 00:37:06,461
[indistinct chatter]
664
00:37:07,541 --> 00:37:09,101
Liam!
665
00:37:09,621 --> 00:37:10,860
He's still at the nursery.
666
00:37:10,941 --> 00:37:12,701
[Debbie] Yeah, and it closes at five.
667
00:37:13,101 --> 00:37:15,221
-Oh, my God!
-Oh, Mum.
668
00:37:15,741 --> 00:37:17,340
At least she came back.
669
00:37:17,621 --> 00:37:19,461
She didn't come back, she were forced.
670
00:37:20,181 --> 00:37:21,581
She's only here 'cause she can't leave.
671
00:37:21,661 --> 00:37:24,461
Right, hands up.
Who believes her when she says
672
00:37:24,541 --> 00:37:26,061
she had no idea
where we were living?
673
00:37:31,860 --> 00:37:33,901
Time for you to go... Mum.
674
00:37:44,941 --> 00:37:47,340
[birds chirping]
675
00:37:51,941 --> 00:37:54,421
If I'd have had a clairvoyant
tell me last week I'd be doing this now,
676
00:37:54,981 --> 00:37:56,300
I think I would have hit her.
677
00:37:57,981 --> 00:38:00,061
-[doorbell ringing]
-[Sheila] I'll get that!
678
00:38:00,141 --> 00:38:02,021
[pants excitedly]
679
00:38:09,541 --> 00:38:13,261
-Fiona, how are you?
-Sheila, that was fantastic!
680
00:38:13,901 --> 00:38:15,340
And is the other bit true?
681
00:38:15,621 --> 00:38:17,820
Nurse came this morning with
the dates for the antenatal.
682
00:38:19,701 --> 00:38:22,340
-I did it!
-Oh, congratulations!
683
00:38:22,421 --> 00:38:23,820
Oh! [laughs]
684
00:38:24,421 --> 00:38:26,141
Give us them flowers, you.
685
00:38:26,780 --> 00:38:29,541
I was gonna ask if you wanted
anything from the supermarket,
686
00:38:29,621 --> 00:38:31,340
but do you fancy coming along?
687
00:38:31,820 --> 00:38:32,860
Oh, my God, Frank.
688
00:38:32,941 --> 00:38:34,621
-I can do me own shopping.
-Good.
689
00:38:35,340 --> 00:38:38,541
-Hey, don't go mad though.
-Oh, give over. I'm loaded.
690
00:38:39,061 --> 00:38:41,261
I've spent next to nothing
the last five years.
691
00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:42,901
Oh.
692
00:38:42,981 --> 00:38:44,780
Maternity clothes, I love 'em.
693
00:38:45,221 --> 00:38:48,461
Bereavement cards from people
who took it seriously.
694
00:38:50,860 --> 00:38:54,061
"Good luck, kids, one man's loss
can be a gain for many."
695
00:38:54,141 --> 00:38:56,021
-Victor.
-I'll twat him when I see him.
696
00:38:56,101 --> 00:38:57,820
Well, you won't have to
if he thinks you're dead.
697
00:38:57,901 --> 00:39:00,181
[Fiona and Sheila laugh]
698
00:39:00,261 --> 00:39:02,741
And a death benefit certificate
for 25 pounds,
699
00:39:02,820 --> 00:39:05,101
-to help towards the funeral.
-[Sheila] Oh, that's sweet.
700
00:39:05,941 --> 00:39:07,300
It's in my name.
701
00:39:07,380 --> 00:39:09,741
Aww. But I'll sign it over to you,
702
00:39:09,820 --> 00:39:12,340
you might as well have it
if it's the last giro you'll see.
703
00:39:12,421 --> 00:39:15,501
-What are you on about?
-Well, you can't claim if you're dead.
704
00:39:15,581 --> 00:39:19,581
[Sheila] Oh don't be gormless, Frank.
Even I worked that one out.
705
00:39:22,981 --> 00:39:25,541
-The devious fucking bitch!
-What?
706
00:39:26,101 --> 00:39:29,101
Fucking lezzers have done this, haven't
they, to get out of paying maintenance.
707
00:39:29,181 --> 00:39:30,941
[Sheila] Don't get het up
about all that stuff.
708
00:39:31,501 --> 00:39:33,340
I claim more than enough
for all three of us.
709
00:39:33,421 --> 00:39:35,820
[Fiona] No, Mum and Norma
have settled for a hundred,
710
00:39:35,901 --> 00:39:37,501
in cash, up front, every week to me.
711
00:39:38,021 --> 00:39:39,780
-Oh, says who?
-Mum and Norma.
712
00:39:39,860 --> 00:39:40,941
Right.
713
00:39:44,300 --> 00:39:45,261
[Sheila] Frank!
714
00:39:55,820 --> 00:39:59,340
-[women singing]
-[guitar playing]
715
00:40:01,221 --> 00:40:04,820
♪ You don't have to say
You love me ♪
716
00:40:04,901 --> 00:40:07,621
♪ Just be close at hand ♪
717
00:40:08,701 --> 00:40:11,981
♪ You don't have to stay forever ♪
718
00:40:12,061 --> 00:40:14,461
♪ I will understand ♪
719
00:40:15,300 --> 00:40:16,860
♪ Believe ♪
720
00:40:17,101 --> 00:40:18,820
You stitched me up, you bitch.
721
00:40:18,901 --> 00:40:21,380
You whores of Satan.
Where's my money, you?
722
00:40:21,461 --> 00:40:24,221
Oh, calm down, Frank.
Everybody got what they wanted.
723
00:40:24,300 --> 00:40:25,581
Nobody stitched anybody.
724
00:40:25,661 --> 00:40:28,340
I can't even claim basic. Basic!
725
00:40:28,421 --> 00:40:30,300
Well, you shouldn't have been
allowed to in the first place
726
00:40:30,380 --> 00:40:32,021
since none of your kids
actually saw the money.
727
00:40:32,101 --> 00:40:34,061
Oh, well, they never saw any
from her, did they?
728
00:40:34,141 --> 00:40:35,421
She was in recovery!
729
00:40:35,501 --> 00:40:37,061
Fuck off. You stitched me.
730
00:40:37,141 --> 00:40:39,261
-[Jez] Oi, oi, eh.
-[woman] That's enough.
731
00:40:39,901 --> 00:40:41,820
No, don't patronise me.
732
00:40:42,340 --> 00:40:46,221
Frank's a pussy, aren't ya?
Meow, meow.
733
00:40:46,780 --> 00:40:48,380
[women cheer and applaud]
734
00:40:49,621 --> 00:40:50,661
Wanker.
735
00:40:52,941 --> 00:40:54,261
-Look out!
-[guitar clangs]
736
00:40:54,340 --> 00:40:57,221
Oh, Frank! You tosser.
What have you done?
737
00:40:58,141 --> 00:40:59,501
You get him back Norma, go on, go.
738
00:41:01,141 --> 00:41:03,141
Yeah? Well?
739
00:41:03,701 --> 00:41:06,981
And? Okay? Okay, come on.
740
00:41:08,021 --> 00:41:10,701
You fuck like a bloke.
Come on, fight like one.
741
00:41:12,741 --> 00:41:14,300
[women shout]
742
00:41:19,541 --> 00:41:21,421
-[Debbie laughing]
-[indistinct chatter]
743
00:41:21,501 --> 00:41:22,661
[Steve] Do you guys want a beer?
744
00:41:22,741 --> 00:41:25,621
Yeah, three beers, please, Veronica.
You're showing off.
745
00:41:25,701 --> 00:41:27,941
[pants]
746
00:41:28,221 --> 00:41:30,820
-Which one's yours?
-It's the one at the end
747
00:41:30,901 --> 00:41:32,300
next to the derelict house.
748
00:41:32,901 --> 00:41:35,181
-[Steve] Hi, Sheila.
-Hiya, Steve!
749
00:41:36,860 --> 00:41:38,501
[breathing heavily]
Hiya, Kev. How are you?
750
00:41:38,581 --> 00:41:40,181
[laughs]
751
00:41:41,261 --> 00:41:43,061
-State of me!
-Hiya, gorgeous.
752
00:41:44,300 --> 00:41:47,661
[Sheila] Credit card expired
in 2000 so we had to get cash,
753
00:41:47,741 --> 00:41:49,541
didn't we? I loved it!
754
00:41:50,820 --> 00:41:53,380
Sheila, you look about
three months more pregnant
755
00:41:53,461 --> 00:41:54,501
than last time I saw ya!
756
00:41:54,581 --> 00:41:56,501
-It's a cushion.
-Is it?
757
00:41:56,581 --> 00:41:58,221
I'm testing my smocks.
758
00:41:58,780 --> 00:41:59,741
What do you think?
759
00:42:02,181 --> 00:42:04,021
[Debbie] God,
your shoes are top, Sheila.
760
00:42:04,101 --> 00:42:05,581
[Kevin] We got--
We got lagers here.
761
00:42:06,261 --> 00:42:09,340
We're just having a break,
Fiona, fixing Steve's boiler.
762
00:42:09,421 --> 00:42:11,261
-Yeah. Oi.
-Fucking slave-driver or what?
763
00:42:12,221 --> 00:42:14,221
Lip, Ian, give us a hand
with the bags.
764
00:42:15,501 --> 00:42:16,541
Here you are.
765
00:42:17,901 --> 00:42:19,340
Thanks. Come on.
766
00:42:42,380 --> 00:42:43,981
And you can pack that in for a start.
767
00:42:44,061 --> 00:42:46,380
-What?
-Fixing Steve's boiler?
768
00:42:46,461 --> 00:42:48,261
He hasn't moved in yet, you know.
-[Steve] Yes, I have.
769
00:42:48,981 --> 00:42:49,820
Who asked you?
770
00:42:49,901 --> 00:42:52,300
I took the liberty of bringing some
clothes and a bit of furniture and stuff.
771
00:42:52,380 --> 00:42:54,261
-Aww.
-[Fiona] No, you haven't.
772
00:42:55,101 --> 00:42:59,141
Oh, sorry. [chuckles] Sorry,
you thought I meant your house.
773
00:42:59,380 --> 00:43:01,701
No, you see, I meant ours.
774
00:43:09,261 --> 00:43:10,661
-Is he for real?
-Yep.
775
00:43:10,741 --> 00:43:12,061
He did a cash deal.
776
00:43:12,300 --> 00:43:13,780
For more than it's worth, if you ask me.
777
00:43:15,380 --> 00:43:17,061
It took a month of hard bargaining.
778
00:43:17,141 --> 00:43:19,021
You weren't meant to find out
until it was all done and dusted
779
00:43:19,101 --> 00:43:21,261
and that was long before Helmet ever got--
780
00:43:21,340 --> 00:43:22,741
Hey, speak of the bent little devil.
781
00:43:23,621 --> 00:43:25,581
-[all cheering]
-Hey! Helmet!
782
00:43:33,421 --> 00:43:35,780
-Can I look?
-Oi. Hey. Look...
783
00:43:36,541 --> 00:43:37,661
I haven't finished yet.
784
00:43:38,021 --> 00:43:39,141
What I want to say...
785
00:43:40,981 --> 00:43:44,061
is, Fiona,
from the bottom of my heart,
786
00:43:44,421 --> 00:43:45,380
I love you.
787
00:43:47,860 --> 00:43:49,141
Happy 21st.
788
00:43:53,981 --> 00:43:54,941
[Fiona sobs]
789
00:44:03,981 --> 00:44:06,900
[all cheer, whistle]
790
00:44:09,380 --> 00:44:10,221
Oi, all right!
791
00:44:14,380 --> 00:44:15,900
Are you going to show me around?
792
00:44:15,981 --> 00:44:17,621
Um, best not.
793
00:44:17,701 --> 00:44:19,181
Yeah, it'll be great in a fortnight.
794
00:44:19,261 --> 00:44:21,340
[Sheila] Kev reckons it will
only cost 500 to knock through.
795
00:44:21,421 --> 00:44:23,261
-That's if you want to.
-You don't have to!
796
00:44:23,340 --> 00:44:24,541
[Debbie] I can be in charge next door.
797
00:44:24,621 --> 00:44:27,340
Yeah and we could knock the back yard
together and that would be top.
798
00:44:27,421 --> 00:44:29,541
[Kev] Couple of grand to do it up,
Couple of grand to get it furnished.
799
00:44:29,621 --> 00:44:31,380
I suppose that will come off
the insurance claim though.
800
00:44:31,981 --> 00:44:33,461
What insurance claim?
801
00:44:33,701 --> 00:44:35,141
-[explosion]
-[all scream]
802
00:44:35,541 --> 00:44:36,701
[Kev] Fucking hell!
803
00:44:39,181 --> 00:44:41,061
[all laughing]
804
00:44:41,141 --> 00:44:43,741
[all cheering]
805
00:44:50,141 --> 00:44:51,741
[cheering]
806
00:44:56,780 --> 00:44:58,581
That'll be your boiler, then, Steve.
807
00:44:58,661 --> 00:45:00,221
[Steve] Sounds like it, Kev.
808
00:45:00,300 --> 00:45:02,621
Wouldn't you know it? British workmanship.
809
00:45:03,300 --> 00:45:05,701
Whoo!
810
00:45:07,780 --> 00:45:08,780
Come here.
811
00:45:08,860 --> 00:45:10,061
[screams]
812
00:45:15,701 --> 00:45:18,300
[Frank] That's why Tony Blair's
a no-no.
813
00:45:18,380 --> 00:45:19,380
[fire engine sirens blaring]
814
00:45:19,461 --> 00:45:22,300
[Frank] Forget Iraq. Never mind pensions.
815
00:45:22,701 --> 00:45:26,741
The only thing that gimp's achieved
in eight years is making lesbians think
816
00:45:26,820 --> 00:45:27,780
they own the place,
817
00:45:28,181 --> 00:45:32,501
while working class heroes like me
are left propping the bleedin' country up.
818
00:45:33,141 --> 00:45:34,741
Well, fuck him!
819
00:45:38,261 --> 00:45:40,021
Actually, don't, I bet he'd love it.
820
00:45:40,860 --> 00:45:44,661
[theme music plays]
821
00:46:23,860 --> 00:46:27,221
[man speaking over TV]
822
00:46:32,340 --> 00:46:33,701
[Frank whistles]
823
00:46:36,541 --> 00:46:38,541
You'll have to wait, you dirty boy.
824
00:46:39,340 --> 00:46:41,661
I promised to go and see me mam
before she dies.
825
00:46:42,941 --> 00:46:44,380
-[car horn honks]
-That's me taxi.
826
00:46:54,741 --> 00:46:58,141
[man speaking over TV]
57717
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