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1
00:00:07,821 --> 00:00:10,141
[Frank] Now, nobody's saying
the Chatsworth estate
2
00:00:10,221 --> 00:00:13,461
is the garden of Eden, you know,
but it's been a good home to us,
3
00:00:13,541 --> 00:00:18,541
to me, Frank Gallagher.
And me kids, who I'm proud of,
4
00:00:18,620 --> 00:00:22,061
'cause every single one of 'em
reminds me a little of me.
5
00:00:22,140 --> 00:00:23,221
[all gasp]
6
00:00:23,501 --> 00:00:25,421
Y'know, they can all think for themselves,
7
00:00:25,501 --> 00:00:27,780
-which they've me to thank for.
-[boy] Run for it!
8
00:00:28,341 --> 00:00:30,660
Fiona, who's a big help, massive help.
9
00:00:31,421 --> 00:00:35,381
Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, which is
why nobody calls him Phillip anymore.
10
00:00:36,061 --> 00:00:38,461
Ian, a lot like his mam,
which is handy for the others,
11
00:00:38,540 --> 00:00:40,381
'cause she's disappeared into thin air.
12
00:00:40,461 --> 00:00:43,141
-[barking]
-Carl, we daren't let him grow his hair.
13
00:00:43,220 --> 00:00:44,981
One, it stands on end
and makes him look like Toyah.
14
00:00:45,061 --> 00:00:46,461
Two, nits love him.
15
00:00:47,101 --> 00:00:51,021
Debbie, total angel.
You've to check your change
16
00:00:51,101 --> 00:00:53,580
but she'll go miles out
of her way to do you a favour.
17
00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:57,741
Plus Liam! Little rock 'n' roller!
Gonna be a star.
18
00:00:58,220 --> 00:00:59,580
Once we've got the fits under control.
19
00:00:59,661 --> 00:01:00,501
[screams]
20
00:01:01,181 --> 00:01:03,461
Steve, posh lad, different planet.
21
00:01:03,540 --> 00:01:06,301
The truth is out there... not!
22
00:01:06,821 --> 00:01:09,581
Kev and Veronica. Fantastic neighbours,
23
00:01:09,661 --> 00:01:12,261
you know, lend you anything.
Well, not anything.
24
00:01:12,341 --> 00:01:15,861
But all of them, to a man,
know first and foremost,
25
00:01:15,941 --> 00:01:18,821
one of the most vital
necessities in this life is,
26
00:01:18,901 --> 00:01:21,301
they know how to throw a party!
27
00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:22,500
[siren wailing]
28
00:01:22,581 --> 00:01:23,541
[Frank] Scatter!
29
00:01:35,461 --> 00:01:37,621
[Fiona] You know when you drop
a pen and you know
30
00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:40,661
where you dropped it,
but it's just not there?
31
00:01:41,541 --> 00:01:42,981
That's how Mum vanished.
32
00:01:43,541 --> 00:01:46,060
Went for a loaf, never seen since.
33
00:01:48,021 --> 00:01:50,341
Dad did a superb job of taking on the role
34
00:01:50,420 --> 00:01:54,700
of both our parents.
He did sod all, twice over.
35
00:01:55,220 --> 00:01:57,381
[door opens, shuts]
36
00:01:57,780 --> 00:02:01,261
You'd think wouldn't you, that two times
zero would be no loss at all,
37
00:02:02,140 --> 00:02:04,301
but I think that old saying's true.
38
00:02:04,821 --> 00:02:07,700
"You don't know what
you've got till it's gone."
39
00:02:12,380 --> 00:02:14,501
-Lip, kettle, come on.
-I'll do that.
40
00:02:14,581 --> 00:02:15,581
It's all right, you sit down.
41
00:02:16,540 --> 00:02:17,820
[indistinct chattering]
42
00:02:18,380 --> 00:02:20,021
[Steve] No vinegar, who's no vinegar?
43
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:20,941
[Debbie] Me.
44
00:02:21,741 --> 00:02:23,861
[Steve] Uh, fish...
[chuckles] without batter?
45
00:02:24,141 --> 00:02:25,421
[Veronica] Me.
46
00:02:25,781 --> 00:02:27,621
Come on, shift up,
make room for little 'un.
47
00:02:27,941 --> 00:02:29,380
Oi, oi!
48
00:02:29,741 --> 00:02:31,301
[Veronica] Only if you finish
your chips, come on.
49
00:02:31,941 --> 00:02:33,540
-Uh, uh, who's this?
-[Lip] Karen.
50
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:36,181
[Veronica] Hi, Karen, nice top.
What size are you?
51
00:02:36,260 --> 00:02:39,021
-[Lip chuckles]
-[Fiona shushing] Shut up.
52
00:02:43,061 --> 00:02:44,380
[Frank] Billy, have a drink.
53
00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:48,141
Go on, have one.
54
00:02:52,501 --> 00:02:53,700
[referee's whistle blowing on TV]
55
00:02:53,781 --> 00:02:54,941
[Frank] Jez, pint of Dog.
56
00:02:55,260 --> 00:02:57,861
[indistinct football commentary on TV]
57
00:02:58,581 --> 00:03:00,700
[indistinct shouting]
58
00:03:03,581 --> 00:03:05,221
-When you're ready.
-[all cheering]
59
00:03:05,301 --> 00:03:06,941
[news reporter on TV]
The Blair-Brown government
60
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:09,221
came to power promising
to address Britain's position
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00:03:09,301 --> 00:03:10,901
in the European league tables on poverty.
62
00:03:10,980 --> 00:03:12,581
The debates
in the House of Commons today
63
00:03:12,661 --> 00:03:14,901
could seriously affect the way
one in three of this country's
64
00:03:14,980 --> 00:03:16,820
families may have to live
for the worse.
65
00:03:16,901 --> 00:03:19,621
[cheering and shouting]
66
00:03:23,501 --> 00:03:25,061
Let the dog see the rabbit, mate.
67
00:03:33,581 --> 00:03:35,420
Four kids and half a wage.
68
00:03:36,021 --> 00:03:37,781
What am I supposed to do for food
if you cut
69
00:03:37,861 --> 00:03:39,741
the single-parent benefit
by thirty percent?
70
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,861
[Steve] All right, Frank. Are you okay?
71
00:03:41,941 --> 00:03:44,461
-Is that my t-shirt?
-Yeah.
72
00:03:45,140 --> 00:03:47,380
I just meant-- What happened?
73
00:03:47,741 --> 00:03:49,661
-[screams]
-[Veronica] Jesus, Frank.
74
00:03:49,941 --> 00:03:51,861
Bloke in the pub told me to pass it on.
75
00:03:52,461 --> 00:03:55,341
Wants you to keep your filthy little dick
away from his daughter.
76
00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:57,540
You're pissed, Frank.
Don't do this to your kids.
77
00:03:57,621 --> 00:04:00,100
-This is pissed.
-Dad, leave it. Steve, just go.
78
00:04:00,181 --> 00:04:01,061
[Lip] Debbie, no.
79
00:04:01,140 --> 00:04:03,181
-Get off of me.
-Fuck off!
80
00:04:03,260 --> 00:04:05,461
-No, get him out of here now.
-You're pathetic, mate.
81
00:04:05,540 --> 00:04:08,181
Big lad, Steve, eh? You reckon
you're a big lad now, do you?
82
00:04:08,260 --> 00:04:09,260
[Fiona] Just go, Steve.
83
00:04:09,341 --> 00:04:10,700
Yeah, look at him shitting himself.
84
00:04:10,781 --> 00:04:12,181
You're a total waste of organs, Frank.
85
00:04:12,260 --> 00:04:14,341
-[Fiona] I mean it, Steve, get out now.
-Yeah, all right.
86
00:04:15,980 --> 00:04:18,060
[interview continues on TV]
87
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:21,781
Should have twatted him back.
88
00:04:23,701 --> 00:04:25,261
If I ever do that I'll kill him.
89
00:04:25,341 --> 00:04:29,461
So? Seven years for murder,
get laid as often as you want.
90
00:04:29,901 --> 00:04:30,981
Tattoos, everything.
91
00:04:32,661 --> 00:04:33,781
Gay heaven.
92
00:04:43,060 --> 00:04:43,901
Ugh!
93
00:04:45,781 --> 00:04:46,620
No.
94
00:04:46,701 --> 00:04:47,901
Piss off.
95
00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:49,781
[groans in frustration]
96
00:05:07,901 --> 00:05:09,541
[alarm blaring in distance]
97
00:05:14,381 --> 00:05:16,101
[indistinct chatter]
98
00:05:29,901 --> 00:05:31,541
[whistling]
99
00:05:35,180 --> 00:05:36,380
[Veronica] How's it going, Conrad?
100
00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:38,620
-Oh, not so bad, you know.
-Shirley any better?
101
00:05:38,701 --> 00:05:41,661
Oh, still pissed off about being sectioned
but what can I do, Veronica?
102
00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:44,541
[Veronica] Oh, once we got my mum in
there she looked ten years younger.
103
00:05:44,821 --> 00:05:46,301
-What ward is she on?
-Sixteen.
104
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,661
Oh, well, she'll look about
thirty years younger then.
105
00:05:48,740 --> 00:05:50,701
[both laugh]
106
00:05:52,141 --> 00:05:53,781
[Veronica] Oh, looks sore though.
107
00:05:53,861 --> 00:05:55,021
How many stitches?
108
00:05:55,101 --> 00:05:56,981
[Conrad] Seven. Cheese knife.
109
00:05:57,060 --> 00:05:58,661
-Oh, poor lad.
-Oh, I'll live.
110
00:05:59,461 --> 00:06:00,901
Not if Shirley ever gets out.
111
00:06:00,981 --> 00:06:01,821
[imitates cut]
112
00:06:01,901 --> 00:06:04,101
[Conrad laughing]
113
00:06:05,101 --> 00:06:06,141
[Conrad] See you later.
114
00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:21,141
Cheers, gorgeous.
115
00:06:21,940 --> 00:06:22,901
[clanking]
116
00:06:23,861 --> 00:06:27,541
[Conrad singing] ♪ I'm horny
Horny, horny, horny tonight ♪
117
00:06:27,861 --> 00:06:31,301
♪ I'm horny, horny, horny
Horny tonight ♪
118
00:06:31,380 --> 00:06:34,901
♪ I'm horny, horny, horny
Horny tonight ♪
119
00:06:39,820 --> 00:06:43,500
Samson Pickle turned to his mum
120
00:06:43,581 --> 00:06:46,060
with a tear in his eye and said...
121
00:06:46,861 --> 00:06:51,940
[all] "You don't know
what you've got till it's gone!"
122
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,301
-[Liam] Ugh!
-[laughs]
123
00:06:59,421 --> 00:07:00,541
[Carl] There's no point.
124
00:07:00,981 --> 00:07:04,101
[indistinct chatter]
125
00:07:10,701 --> 00:07:15,341
[Fiona echoing] You don't know
what you've got till it's gone!
126
00:07:15,421 --> 00:07:20,380
[children] You don't know
what you've got till it's gone!
127
00:07:20,461 --> 00:07:24,740
Got till it's gone!
What you've got till it's gone!
128
00:07:25,341 --> 00:07:26,341
[Steve] Evening, campers.
129
00:07:26,421 --> 00:07:28,301
-[Lip] Hey, how you doing, man?
-You all right?
130
00:07:28,380 --> 00:07:30,021
-[Lip] You all right?
-[Liam] How's it going?
131
00:07:30,101 --> 00:07:32,820
[Steve] Not bad.
Don't you hate it when that happens.
132
00:07:33,701 --> 00:07:35,341
-They're his tits.
-[Steve] What?
133
00:07:35,421 --> 00:07:38,180
It's the only reason he does eggs
and he's just licked that one.
134
00:07:38,620 --> 00:07:40,820
[Lip] With a stonking abscess,
so a bit more protein
135
00:07:40,901 --> 00:07:42,861
-then you banked on, Steve.
-[all laughing]
136
00:07:45,701 --> 00:07:46,701
Hiya.
137
00:07:48,060 --> 00:07:49,940
[all shout and laugh]
138
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:55,740
Sorry about last night.
139
00:07:55,820 --> 00:07:59,180
[Steve] Hey, look, Brooklyn Beckham's
the yard stick on this one,
140
00:07:59,260 --> 00:08:01,221
never apologise for your parents.
141
00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:03,141
Get rid of this.
142
00:08:07,301 --> 00:08:08,341
[sighs]
143
00:08:18,541 --> 00:08:20,740
Has anyone seen Dad since last night?
144
00:08:20,820 --> 00:08:22,461
He was asleep behind the settee.
145
00:08:28,260 --> 00:08:29,341
It's a tent.
146
00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:34,261
Why have we got a bleeding tent
behind the settee?
147
00:08:34,501 --> 00:08:36,381
Drying it out, I'm off camping next week.
148
00:08:36,460 --> 00:08:37,381
Bom, bom.
149
00:08:38,141 --> 00:08:40,781
[Debbie] I thought it was Dad.
150
00:08:40,861 --> 00:08:42,861
I left him a cup of tea this morning.
151
00:08:44,021 --> 00:08:46,941
I thought I heard him say,
"Thanks, Debs."
152
00:08:54,861 --> 00:08:57,301
[indistinct chattering]
153
00:08:58,421 --> 00:08:59,661
[moaning, grunting]
154
00:08:59,741 --> 00:09:01,460
Hang on tight, hang on tight.
155
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,501
[moaning, grunting]
156
00:09:05,421 --> 00:09:06,261
Sorry!
157
00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:09,181
Came in the back way.
158
00:09:09,980 --> 00:09:11,141
You're not the only one.
159
00:09:11,220 --> 00:09:14,021
Kev, was me dad
in the Jockey this afternoon?
160
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:15,781
This afty?
161
00:09:16,741 --> 00:09:17,701
No, no.
162
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:19,541
Did he come back to the pub last night?
163
00:09:19,621 --> 00:09:20,661
Uh...
164
00:09:22,941 --> 00:09:25,581
[Kev] Footie till 9:00,
pub quiz till 10:00,
165
00:09:25,661 --> 00:09:28,261
scrapping by half past.
Police turned up
166
00:09:28,340 --> 00:09:31,421
and yeah, Frank were there
but he was slaughtered.
167
00:09:31,781 --> 00:09:33,301
I mean slaughtered.
168
00:09:34,860 --> 00:09:35,821
Thanks.
169
00:09:36,941 --> 00:09:39,901
Go on, Kev. Go on, hang on.
You hang on, son,
170
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,541
-we're going to the moon.
-[Veronica laughing]
171
00:09:41,621 --> 00:09:43,621
Hey, Tim, it's Lip,
have you seen me dad?
172
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,100
-[Carl] Is that yours?
-No, since Diana died.
173
00:09:46,181 --> 00:09:50,220
Hiya, Wendy.
Veronica, cleaning services...
174
00:09:51,061 --> 00:09:52,621
well, ex-cleaning services.
175
00:09:53,181 --> 00:09:55,301
-Eric, it's Lip, Gallagher.
-[Veronica] Carol's daughter,
176
00:09:56,261 --> 00:09:57,421
Kev Ball's girlfriend.
177
00:09:58,701 --> 00:10:00,781
Bought your Sky box off you
so you could go to Magaluf.
178
00:10:01,220 --> 00:10:03,701
Yeah. Hiya! Listen, you didn't have
179
00:10:03,781 --> 00:10:05,901
any admissions to casualty
last night, did you?
180
00:10:06,181 --> 00:10:10,381
Name of Gallagher, black hair,
blue eyes, scruffy, bit mental?
181
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:13,941
You couldn't check the computer for us
could you, Wendy? Cheers.
182
00:10:20,741 --> 00:10:21,661
[Wendy] Hello!
183
00:10:22,661 --> 00:10:24,860
Veronica, hello!
184
00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:29,021
Are you there? Veronica?
185
00:10:30,781 --> 00:10:32,821
Wendy? Oh, Wendy, hiya.
186
00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:34,661
Oh, you haven't?
187
00:10:35,261 --> 00:10:37,501
Oh, never mind. Thanks anyway.
188
00:10:38,661 --> 00:10:41,621
No! Oh, do you know
whether it's a boy or a girl yet?
189
00:10:42,141 --> 00:10:44,661
Oi! What is your problem?
190
00:10:45,261 --> 00:10:47,581
Need to ring the bookies
before I go to work, no phone.
191
00:10:47,661 --> 00:10:49,421
I look for t'mobile, vanished.
192
00:10:49,501 --> 00:10:51,261
I lent your mobile to Lip
so he could ring round and see
193
00:10:51,340 --> 00:10:52,781
if anyone knew where Frank was.
194
00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:54,860
Oh right, so both my bills
are being run up next door?
195
00:10:54,941 --> 00:10:57,901
-Oh, your bills? Hello!
-Why don't they get a frigging phone?
196
00:10:57,980 --> 00:10:59,220
[Veronica] No frigging money.
197
00:10:59,301 --> 00:11:00,821
Yeah well me neither
at this rate, V.
198
00:11:00,901 --> 00:11:02,421
[Veronica] Ah, you tight arsed gimp.
199
00:11:02,501 --> 00:11:04,941
Frank is missing and you,
you need to see somebody;
200
00:11:05,021 --> 00:11:07,061
you're bloody weird.
Most normal blokes fall asleep
201
00:11:07,141 --> 00:11:08,661
after sex but not Kev, oh no.
202
00:11:08,740 --> 00:11:11,301
Well if it makes you this narky,
forget it. Forget sex all together,
203
00:11:11,381 --> 00:11:12,901
because I am sick of this!
204
00:11:13,460 --> 00:11:14,421
[door shuts]
205
00:11:15,061 --> 00:11:15,980
Freak!
206
00:11:16,541 --> 00:11:18,421
You can't file Frank as a missing person.
207
00:11:18,501 --> 00:11:20,381
-Why not?
-He's always missing.
208
00:11:20,901 --> 00:11:22,980
That is what I said.
209
00:11:23,061 --> 00:11:24,980
Look, what if he's just kipped
round a mate's?
210
00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:27,501
He hasn't.
And who would give him a bed?
211
00:11:27,581 --> 00:11:29,340
-He just hasn't.
-Oh, come on, Fiona,
212
00:11:29,421 --> 00:11:30,661
we've found him in wheelie bins before.
213
00:11:30,740 --> 00:11:33,301
-Never on a Friday.
-[sirens wailing in distance]
214
00:11:33,381 --> 00:11:34,980
What's Friday got to do with it?
215
00:11:35,501 --> 00:11:38,100
Giro day. Hadn't realised
it were a Friday.
216
00:11:40,941 --> 00:11:43,661
Let's get the desk sergeant.
What was Frank last wearing?
217
00:11:53,181 --> 00:11:55,141
[indistinct chattering]
218
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,581
Shove it up your arse, Kev,
and no more favours from me,
219
00:12:05,661 --> 00:12:07,581
like filling in
your fake insurance claims
220
00:12:07,661 --> 00:12:09,100
because you're too thick
to do it yourself.
221
00:12:09,541 --> 00:12:11,860
Whoa, Lip, Lip, wait.
222
00:12:12,821 --> 00:12:15,100
Lip, whoa, whoa, whoa,
look, look, look.
223
00:12:15,541 --> 00:12:17,340
He can't be far. He's never far.
224
00:12:17,661 --> 00:12:19,821
I know, but it's Friday.
225
00:12:20,661 --> 00:12:25,301
Oh, right. Oh, Jesus.
Jez, Frank Gallagher,
226
00:12:25,381 --> 00:12:27,100
was he on his tod when we
turfed him out last night?
227
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:30,100
Name me one person
who'd be seen dead with him in that state.
228
00:12:30,621 --> 00:12:31,460
Yes, love.
229
00:12:31,541 --> 00:12:33,781
Steve had shot off by then
so he definitely wasn't.
230
00:12:34,261 --> 00:12:35,301
Which Steve?
231
00:12:35,541 --> 00:12:37,220
Has anyone seen Frank the Plank
since last night?
232
00:12:38,460 --> 00:12:40,620
-Which Steve?
-Steve Steve, Fiona's bloke.
233
00:12:41,181 --> 00:12:42,100
What, in here?
234
00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:44,581
Yeah, talking to your dad.
Pleasant enough.
235
00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:46,181
Oh, fuck.
236
00:12:46,261 --> 00:12:47,541
[mouths]
237
00:12:49,740 --> 00:12:52,581
[news reporter] We go to Baring Street,
where police have found the body
238
00:12:52,661 --> 00:12:56,421
of an as yet unidentified person
floating in the water.
239
00:12:56,501 --> 00:13:00,340
He was discovered at around
11:30 a.m. by a local man...
240
00:13:00,421 --> 00:13:01,581
Is that Baring Street bridge?
241
00:13:02,661 --> 00:13:04,821
I broke my collarbone
falling down them steps.
242
00:13:04,901 --> 00:13:07,781
After my very first taste
of another woman's tongue.
243
00:13:11,701 --> 00:13:14,541
[upset stammering]
244
00:13:17,381 --> 00:13:18,421
Again, Debbie.
245
00:13:18,901 --> 00:13:22,821
Ashley's mum
saw a body in the canal
246
00:13:23,381 --> 00:13:24,740
this afternoon.
247
00:13:25,541 --> 00:13:29,220
Stupid cow telling her that.
It won't be him, sweetheart,
248
00:13:29,301 --> 00:13:30,581
or the police
would have known by now.
249
00:13:30,661 --> 00:13:32,261
I will deck that bloody woman.
250
00:13:32,340 --> 00:13:35,501
I owe her a smack anyway for that
curtain rail. I'll go around later.
251
00:13:35,581 --> 00:13:37,381
[Steve] Does that even sound like
your dad?
252
00:13:37,460 --> 00:13:39,421
Why would he be walking
towards the canal
253
00:13:39,501 --> 00:13:40,901
if he lives in the opposite direction?
254
00:13:41,381 --> 00:13:42,220
[Lip] It depends.
255
00:13:42,860 --> 00:13:44,821
How was he looking when you
left him in the Jockey, Steve?
256
00:13:46,061 --> 00:13:46,901
When?
257
00:13:47,301 --> 00:13:52,460
Uh, about nine-ish. I went over to the pub
to apologise for the barney.
258
00:13:52,541 --> 00:13:56,181
Bought him a drink. We made friends
and then I shot off home.
259
00:13:56,261 --> 00:13:57,141
Why didn't you say?
260
00:13:57,220 --> 00:13:58,941
[Steve] Because I saw him
for half an hour tops.
261
00:13:59,021 --> 00:14:00,860
I wasn't the last to see him.
How was that helpful?
262
00:14:01,661 --> 00:14:04,781
Kev. When I left the Jockey
was Frank bladdered or not?
263
00:14:05,661 --> 00:14:06,821
-No.
-[Steve] No.
264
00:14:07,661 --> 00:14:08,661
Can I borrow you for a sec?
265
00:14:12,061 --> 00:14:14,021
[shouting indistinctly]
266
00:14:26,661 --> 00:14:27,581
It's all right.
267
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:30,781
[Fiona] Oh, Jesus.
268
00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:34,661
Oh, no.
269
00:14:43,581 --> 00:14:45,460
-[man] That's just shit!
-[woman] Ridiculous!
270
00:14:45,701 --> 00:14:46,740
[man] Shit bastards!
271
00:14:49,181 --> 00:14:51,100
Police PR prank puts shits up public.
272
00:14:51,181 --> 00:14:53,340
Police PR prank puts shits up public!
273
00:14:53,421 --> 00:14:54,620
How low can you stoop?
274
00:14:54,941 --> 00:14:56,860
Police PR prank puts shits up public!
275
00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:59,901
Police PR prank puts shits up public!
276
00:15:00,301 --> 00:15:01,301
Manchester Mail.
277
00:15:02,381 --> 00:15:04,261
[police officers cheer]
278
00:15:06,460 --> 00:15:09,181
-[insects buzzing]
-[birds chirping]
279
00:15:10,821 --> 00:15:11,901
[moans]
280
00:15:18,301 --> 00:15:19,941
[bell tolling]
281
00:15:22,340 --> 00:15:23,421
Oh, my head.
282
00:15:33,781 --> 00:15:34,781
[mumbles] Fuck sakes.
283
00:15:40,541 --> 00:15:41,860
Hey, have you got the time on you?
284
00:15:43,781 --> 00:15:44,661
Got the time?
285
00:15:47,181 --> 00:15:48,581
Got the time-- time on you?
286
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:52,261
Fine. Right. Fuck you.
287
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:00,661
[dog whimpers]
288
00:16:01,821 --> 00:16:02,860
Fuck off.
289
00:16:24,061 --> 00:16:25,500
[Frank] Maybe I've had a stroke.
290
00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:31,181
Last I remember I'm walking up
Belvedere Road.
291
00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:33,460
Paddy King is going,
292
00:16:33,541 --> 00:16:36,181
"Night, Frank", I go, "Night Paddy.
293
00:16:38,141 --> 00:16:41,460
I mean, this is beyond me.
How the fuck did you all get here?
294
00:16:41,541 --> 00:16:43,061
[speaking in French]
Let's see your papers.
295
00:16:43,141 --> 00:16:46,261
[Frank] No, but I haven't a clue
how I got here.
296
00:16:46,460 --> 00:16:48,061
[speaking in French]
Identification?
297
00:16:48,261 --> 00:16:49,141
What?
298
00:16:49,220 --> 00:16:50,421
Passport?
299
00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:53,141
Oh, but you're not listening
to a word are you?
300
00:16:53,661 --> 00:16:58,581
I haven't got a passport.
I've never had a passport.
301
00:16:58,980 --> 00:17:01,301
I don't want a passport.
302
00:17:01,781 --> 00:17:03,500
[prisoner]
That's a Manchester accent, no?
303
00:17:04,021 --> 00:17:04,900
Who said that?
304
00:17:05,340 --> 00:17:09,261
[prisoner] Cheetham Hill.
Five years. Mid-eighties.
305
00:17:09,461 --> 00:17:12,860
Oh, man, thank you.
Just tell him will you,
306
00:17:12,940 --> 00:17:13,981
just tell him.
307
00:17:14,781 --> 00:17:17,061
[speaking French]
If I help, can I go?
308
00:17:17,701 --> 00:17:20,180
I promise to keep my willy
where it belongs.
309
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:22,620
Really promise.
310
00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:36,541
What is it that you need to say first?
311
00:17:36,821 --> 00:17:37,741
Uh-- I...
312
00:17:38,101 --> 00:17:39,861
My name's Frank Gallagher.
313
00:17:40,261 --> 00:17:43,900
I live at 2 Windsor Gardens, Stretford.
314
00:17:44,621 --> 00:17:46,900
[speaking French]
He's called Frank Gallagher.
315
00:17:47,420 --> 00:17:49,660
No fixed abode.
316
00:17:49,741 --> 00:17:52,341
He travels Europe illegally
317
00:17:52,420 --> 00:17:55,621
transporting drugs for
people he's never met.
318
00:17:56,341 --> 00:17:59,341
[Frank] Look, I'm scared
'cause I haven't a clue
319
00:17:59,420 --> 00:18:02,261
what happened last night.
320
00:18:02,341 --> 00:18:05,461
-I'm bricking myself here, you know.
-[exhales]
321
00:18:06,141 --> 00:18:09,021
[speaking French]
He has many radical beliefs,
322
00:18:09,101 --> 00:18:13,741
but, the one he is
least ashamed of is...
323
00:18:13,821 --> 00:18:15,420
"The French are all fuckers!"
324
00:18:18,660 --> 00:18:20,420
[Frank] What did he say mate? What--
325
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:24,501
Qu'est-- Qu'est-ce que c'est,
old mate? Eh?
326
00:18:25,341 --> 00:18:27,981
Come on! C'est une mistake!
327
00:18:28,061 --> 00:18:28,981
-[Veronica] No!
-I know.
328
00:18:29,061 --> 00:18:30,261
-Frank?
-In France?
329
00:18:30,341 --> 00:18:33,981
I know. [chuckles]
Well, Calais, so only just.
330
00:18:34,061 --> 00:18:35,061
[all] How?
331
00:18:36,420 --> 00:18:38,180
Fax from the embassy
just says he's admitting
332
00:18:38,261 --> 00:18:39,741
to drugs charges, but that's before
333
00:18:39,821 --> 00:18:41,381
they've accused him,
so they're rightly thinking
334
00:18:41,461 --> 00:18:42,940
-ahead of the ball.
-They're charging him?
335
00:18:43,021 --> 00:18:44,381
No, they want rid. He'll be escorted
336
00:18:44,461 --> 00:18:45,940
through the tunnel
about 6:00 in the morning.
337
00:18:46,021 --> 00:18:47,061
When will you get him back here?
338
00:18:47,141 --> 00:18:49,221
We can't.
Not unless you're shelling out
339
00:18:49,301 --> 00:18:50,741
for a car and an officer to fetch him.
340
00:18:50,821 --> 00:18:52,420
You could get him, we could nip across
341
00:18:52,501 --> 00:18:55,061
on a day ticket to pick up
some booze like our Kirsty does.
342
00:18:55,141 --> 00:18:56,660
Could I fuck, because--
343
00:18:57,821 --> 00:18:59,061
Tone, no offence.
344
00:19:03,261 --> 00:19:05,341
[humming La Marseillaise]
345
00:19:05,420 --> 00:19:06,660
Car's not insured,
346
00:19:07,061 --> 00:19:08,501
tax disk's a photocopy,
347
00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:10,461
and the shockers won't get us
past Asda.
348
00:19:11,981 --> 00:19:14,341
-Right, Tone.
-[Tony continues humming]
349
00:19:33,501 --> 00:19:35,381
I just got out the shower
and was coming back round.
350
00:19:41,861 --> 00:19:42,900
Becks, can you?
351
00:19:52,461 --> 00:19:53,381
Who's she?
352
00:19:54,741 --> 00:19:56,061
She's a tenant.
353
00:19:56,420 --> 00:19:57,341
[stammers] What's up?
354
00:19:58,660 --> 00:20:00,341
How did you get my dad to France?
355
00:20:00,420 --> 00:20:01,821
[chuckles, stammers]
356
00:20:02,141 --> 00:20:03,660
Me? Are you serious? Me?
357
00:20:05,741 --> 00:20:06,821
[Fiona] French health warnings.
358
00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:12,021
-Boot of the car.
-How do you get him in the boot?
359
00:20:12,101 --> 00:20:13,981
He was so off his face
he'd have jumped in a coffin.
360
00:20:14,061 --> 00:20:16,700
He went back out with just a tenner.
And I gave him a twenty and a few tabs.
361
00:20:17,420 --> 00:20:18,341
Why France?
362
00:20:18,900 --> 00:20:20,061
Well, my sister lives in Folkestone.
363
00:20:20,141 --> 00:20:21,981
I was going down to see the new kid.
364
00:20:22,781 --> 00:20:24,301
Idea was to just drop your dad
365
00:20:24,381 --> 00:20:26,461
somewhere weird
and then I saw these signs
366
00:20:26,541 --> 00:20:29,581
for the Channel Tunnel
and the idea just kind of--
367
00:20:29,660 --> 00:20:32,461
-just kind of snowballed.
-And that's funny, Steve?
368
00:20:32,741 --> 00:20:34,341
No, really funny would have been Bosnia.
369
00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:36,461
Just 'cause he took a swing at you.
370
00:20:36,541 --> 00:20:38,581
No, because he's got a family
he doesn't deserve,
371
00:20:38,660 --> 00:20:40,660
and he needs a wakeup call
before he wrecks all your lives.
372
00:20:40,741 --> 00:20:43,021
Bollocks. Because you hadn't
the guts to just whack him back.
373
00:20:43,101 --> 00:20:46,061
Look, I don't do violence?
[grunts]
374
00:20:46,141 --> 00:20:48,940
What my dad is
and what my family is has got fuck all
375
00:20:49,021 --> 00:20:50,581
to do with somebody like you!
376
00:20:50,660 --> 00:20:51,741
[Steve grunts]
377
00:20:52,741 --> 00:20:55,101
-Bastard!
-[both grunt]
378
00:20:58,700 --> 00:21:01,821
-[timer rings]
-[woman] Sorry, can I just--
379
00:21:03,461 --> 00:21:06,461
Just that I've got to be out
in a quarter of an hour, so...
380
00:21:15,341 --> 00:21:16,261
[Steve] Oi!
381
00:21:17,301 --> 00:21:19,981
You took him there, you get him back.
382
00:21:20,861 --> 00:21:22,541
[pants]
383
00:21:29,301 --> 00:21:31,021
[Carl] Kev, look,
I've broken the PlayStation 2.
384
00:21:31,101 --> 00:21:32,501
[Kev] All right guys, see what I can do.
385
00:21:32,581 --> 00:21:34,221
[Ian] Kev, any CDs for under a fiver,
386
00:21:34,301 --> 00:21:36,781
get us five but only chart, and UK chart.
387
00:21:37,660 --> 00:21:40,900
Take his birth certificate in case
they need it for identification.
388
00:21:41,341 --> 00:21:42,940
[Carl] Kev, look,
I've broken the PlayStation 2.
389
00:21:43,021 --> 00:21:44,621
[Kev] All right, all right.
See what I can do.
390
00:21:44,700 --> 00:21:47,460
Hey, Steve, Steve. Tow bar's on,
trailer lights work like magic.
391
00:21:47,541 --> 00:21:49,541
[boy] Here you are,
get us ten cases of lager for me dad, Kev.
392
00:21:49,621 --> 00:21:52,101
[Kev] No, no way lager. The only booze
I'm bringing back is ours.
393
00:21:52,180 --> 00:21:53,821
Hang on a minute, whose is this?
394
00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:56,781
Right, listen, listen, oi, oi.
Shut up, listen.
395
00:21:56,861 --> 00:22:01,981
Police have just found a body
exactly fitting Frank's description.
396
00:22:02,061 --> 00:22:04,141
[Debbie screaming]
397
00:22:05,821 --> 00:22:07,541
I knew it, I knew it, I dreamt it,
398
00:22:07,621 --> 00:22:09,061
I dreamt he was dead.
399
00:22:09,141 --> 00:22:11,180
-Listen, don't--
-[Fiona] Has nobody told her?
400
00:22:11,261 --> 00:22:12,581
[Ian] I haven't seen her for hours.
401
00:22:12,660 --> 00:22:14,821
They've found him, Debs.
Dad's coming home.
402
00:22:15,101 --> 00:22:16,621
I feel rotten now.
403
00:22:16,700 --> 00:22:18,900
It were a joke, sweetheart.
404
00:22:18,981 --> 00:22:21,180
He's in France. He's okay.
405
00:22:21,261 --> 00:22:23,501
Steve and Kev and Veronica are off
to get him, aren't you?
406
00:22:23,581 --> 00:22:24,741
[Kev] Yeah.
407
00:22:24,821 --> 00:22:25,940
What's he doing in France?
408
00:22:26,460 --> 00:22:29,021
Look, we'll have him home
for morning, I promise.
409
00:22:29,101 --> 00:22:32,420
I'm really sorry we scared you, Debs,
and I'm really, really sorry.
410
00:22:33,541 --> 00:22:35,621
[Veronica] Joke was, it wasn't a bloke,
411
00:22:35,700 --> 00:22:38,420
it were three bags of rags, so they knew
it couldn't be Frank straight away
412
00:22:38,501 --> 00:22:39,741
-because the socks match!
-[laughs]
413
00:22:42,221 --> 00:22:44,581
[indistinct chattering]
414
00:22:58,381 --> 00:23:00,381
No way am I pulling
that fucking monstrosity.
415
00:23:14,900 --> 00:23:16,660
[Tony] Is this Steve bloke
a fixture now then?
416
00:23:16,741 --> 00:23:17,940
Just somebody I've met.
417
00:23:18,581 --> 00:23:22,581
Right. I'm wondering where
that leaves me then, Fiona.
418
00:23:23,900 --> 00:23:25,541
You? What?
419
00:23:26,021 --> 00:23:27,021
Me with you?
420
00:23:32,660 --> 00:23:35,660
Tony, we had a great night out.
421
00:23:36,301 --> 00:23:39,021
Great mates, great laugh, sex,
422
00:23:40,501 --> 00:23:41,381
but that's it.
423
00:23:42,221 --> 00:23:44,621
Oh, come on, that's the whole point,
isn't it?
424
00:23:44,700 --> 00:23:46,541
One night stand, no strings.
425
00:23:47,981 --> 00:23:48,981
You were me first.
426
00:23:52,341 --> 00:23:54,621
First one night stand or first?
427
00:23:55,221 --> 00:23:56,261
The first.
428
00:23:56,940 --> 00:24:00,501
I only got circumcised when I were 18,
so it set me back, way back.
429
00:24:01,301 --> 00:24:03,621
So if you really want to take
the piss, spread that around.
430
00:24:03,700 --> 00:24:04,781
Hey...
431
00:24:06,501 --> 00:24:08,900
If that was your first
you weren't half bad.
432
00:24:11,700 --> 00:24:12,660
Thanks.
433
00:24:14,781 --> 00:24:17,541
[door opens, shuts]
434
00:24:21,381 --> 00:24:22,301
[Kev] Hey up!
435
00:24:22,821 --> 00:24:24,741
There's no place like home, eh, Frank?
436
00:24:26,101 --> 00:24:27,021
Good to be back.
437
00:24:28,180 --> 00:24:29,341
Fuck's sake...
438
00:24:31,021 --> 00:24:32,460
[cheering]
439
00:25:32,821 --> 00:25:35,261
[breathes raggedly]
440
00:25:37,861 --> 00:25:40,021
[faint echoing chatter]
441
00:25:53,581 --> 00:25:54,940
-[knock at door]
-[chatter stops]
442
00:25:55,021 --> 00:25:56,581
[Debbie] You decent?
443
00:25:58,261 --> 00:25:59,220
I got you this.
444
00:25:59,981 --> 00:26:00,821
It's from France.
445
00:26:00,900 --> 00:26:02,700
I asked Veronica to get it for us.
446
00:26:03,021 --> 00:26:04,981
I don't want nothing French
in this house.
447
00:26:09,981 --> 00:26:10,900
There's no hot water.
448
00:26:11,781 --> 00:26:12,741
What?
449
00:26:13,741 --> 00:26:15,581
Oh, fuck's sake.
450
00:26:16,541 --> 00:26:19,101
Your giro, and it's Saturday
451
00:26:19,180 --> 00:26:20,700
so the post office closes at 12:00.
452
00:26:21,180 --> 00:26:22,021
Is he still here?
453
00:26:22,101 --> 00:26:25,220
Steve? No, he's just nipped home
to get changed.
454
00:26:25,301 --> 00:26:26,940
Yeah, well, tell him
not to bother coming back.
455
00:26:27,021 --> 00:26:30,581
Dad, he's just spent five hundred quid
bailing you out.
456
00:26:30,660 --> 00:26:32,061
And why would he do that, eh?
457
00:26:32,141 --> 00:26:37,021
When I woke up in France, in a park,
looking like a fucking dosser,
458
00:26:37,781 --> 00:26:40,021
all I could smell was air freshener.
459
00:26:40,101 --> 00:26:43,101
Middle of the park, orange air freshener.
460
00:26:43,581 --> 00:26:48,460
I've just spent five hours in his car,
same fucking smell.
461
00:26:50,741 --> 00:26:51,741
He did this.
462
00:27:04,621 --> 00:27:07,341
I wish you'd taken a camera,
with you in the pictures.
463
00:27:08,341 --> 00:27:09,460
Total shit hole.
464
00:27:09,861 --> 00:27:12,021
Eh, definition of French foreplay.
465
00:27:17,381 --> 00:27:18,821
Bet you were the only one
that missed me.
466
00:27:19,341 --> 00:27:20,900
No, because Carl said,
467
00:27:20,981 --> 00:27:23,061
"The gas has gone, where's the pliers?"
468
00:27:23,141 --> 00:27:26,341
And Lip said that Dad's the only one
that knows how to do the meter.
469
00:27:28,781 --> 00:27:29,741
[Frank] Hmm.
470
00:27:29,821 --> 00:27:31,341
-Did you see Paris?
-Yeah.
471
00:27:32,021 --> 00:27:33,261
The Eiffel Tower?
472
00:27:34,581 --> 00:27:41,180
Christ, yeah, but you know you can see
right across France from the top.
473
00:27:42,141 --> 00:27:44,621
Yeah. I didn't stay up too long...
474
00:27:45,541 --> 00:27:48,581
Don't know what the French birds are into,
but they couldn't keep their eyes off me,
475
00:27:48,660 --> 00:27:49,861
they were looking at me like,
476
00:27:49,940 --> 00:27:52,180
-"Eh, I am 'aving zis guy."
-[laughs]
477
00:27:52,861 --> 00:27:55,741
Well, yeah, it got a bit unnerving
so I legged it back down.
478
00:27:57,381 --> 00:27:59,420
Well, I mean bits of France are gorgeous
479
00:27:59,501 --> 00:28:01,061
but you've just got to know
your way about.
480
00:28:02,341 --> 00:28:03,220
Do you now?
481
00:28:03,821 --> 00:28:05,301
Every inch.
482
00:28:07,021 --> 00:28:09,381
I have to cash my giro, do us a brew
for when I get back.
483
00:28:09,460 --> 00:28:10,741
Okay.
484
00:28:14,700 --> 00:28:16,900
Look, he can't know?
485
00:28:16,981 --> 00:28:21,621
He does, and even if he doesn't he thinks
you did it, so it makes no odds.
486
00:28:21,981 --> 00:28:26,220
But I gave him three Zopiclone.
Mum s-- Mum said don't use
487
00:28:26,301 --> 00:28:28,261
more than two or you won't know
your own name for a week.
488
00:28:28,781 --> 00:28:30,061
Your mum was in on this?
489
00:28:30,700 --> 00:28:34,261
Yeah, no, she prescribed
the Zopiclone for me.
490
00:28:35,821 --> 00:28:37,101
She's a doctor?
491
00:28:37,180 --> 00:28:39,940
Yeah. Mum, Dad, brother, sister,
492
00:28:40,021 --> 00:28:43,381
they all are. We're the medical
equivalent of a battery farm.
493
00:28:43,460 --> 00:28:45,141
Me included if I hadn't run a mile.
494
00:28:45,460 --> 00:28:47,900
I, uh, I quit medical school two years in.
495
00:28:47,980 --> 00:28:50,900
I am that DIY plane from Chicken Run.
496
00:28:51,821 --> 00:28:53,341
You walked away from that?
497
00:28:53,420 --> 00:28:56,220
Yes, sprinted away from that,
in the vain hope
498
00:28:56,301 --> 00:28:58,621
of finding some personality
that wasn't a carbon copy
499
00:28:58,700 --> 00:29:01,141
-of my father's.
-So you nick cars for a living?
500
00:29:02,581 --> 00:29:04,301
[stammers]
I do what I chose to do.
501
00:29:05,581 --> 00:29:07,541
And my dad's the waste of organs.
502
00:29:08,861 --> 00:29:12,301
Hey, wait, hang on, look I've apologised,
503
00:29:12,381 --> 00:29:14,180
I've done what you asked,
and I've put things right.
504
00:29:14,741 --> 00:29:16,900
The amount of choices you've had,
it's a bit rich that you don't like
505
00:29:16,980 --> 00:29:18,861
other people living with theirs,
isn't it, Steve?
506
00:29:36,061 --> 00:29:37,501
-[clattering]
-[man screams]
507
00:29:39,101 --> 00:29:40,821
Couple of days until I find a flat?
508
00:29:40,900 --> 00:29:44,381
[Paddy] No way, Frank. I promised the wife
never again, we had to burn that mattress.
509
00:29:44,460 --> 00:29:47,741
Oh, come on, Paddy, we're supposed to be
mates, I'll kip on the floor.
510
00:29:47,821 --> 00:29:50,101
[Paddy] Definitely not, we've carpets now.
511
00:29:53,420 --> 00:29:54,420
[dog barking]
512
00:29:58,940 --> 00:29:59,861
[Lip] You off?
513
00:30:00,660 --> 00:30:02,420
[Frank] If you lot want to take the piss,
carry on,
514
00:30:02,501 --> 00:30:04,621
-carry on without me.
-[Lip] Nobody is.
515
00:30:04,700 --> 00:30:06,821
I don't like the way
I've been talked to these days.
516
00:30:06,900 --> 00:30:08,180
[Lip] About what?
517
00:30:08,261 --> 00:30:10,700
"When can I have this, Dad?
When can I buy that, Dad?"
518
00:30:10,781 --> 00:30:12,021
All six of you, yak yak fucking yak.
519
00:30:12,101 --> 00:30:13,541
Never mind that I'm a single parent,
520
00:30:13,621 --> 00:30:15,141
never mind you wouldn't be
here without me.
521
00:30:15,821 --> 00:30:18,180
Surround sound bitching
is all the thanks I get.
522
00:30:18,381 --> 00:30:20,700
Life's hard, we know that,
money's hard,
523
00:30:20,781 --> 00:30:22,341
I can only stretch it so far.
524
00:30:22,861 --> 00:30:24,621
[Lip] Do you know how much
we spend a week on shopping?
525
00:30:24,700 --> 00:30:26,021
[Frank] The lot, that's how much.
526
00:30:26,101 --> 00:30:28,180
Forty-five quid.
Fiona pays twenty-five,
527
00:30:28,261 --> 00:30:30,741
-me and Ian go a tenner each.
-Yeah, plus gas, plus electric,
528
00:30:30,821 --> 00:30:32,781
-rent--
-All covered in your giro.
529
00:30:32,861 --> 00:30:33,821
There, right.
530
00:30:33,900 --> 00:30:35,341
Hundred and twenty-seven a week.
531
00:30:35,420 --> 00:30:37,460
It goes nowhere. You haven't got a clue,
have you?
532
00:30:37,541 --> 00:30:39,460
Do you know how much
you spend a week in the Jockey?
533
00:30:39,900 --> 00:30:42,261
-Hey, none of your business.
-Roughly eighty.
534
00:30:43,700 --> 00:30:47,341
Well, that's Kev, isn't it?
My mate Kev giving it that behind my back.
535
00:30:47,420 --> 00:30:49,940
Yeah, well, he's pissed on his own chips.
You see what it does to his wages
536
00:30:50,021 --> 00:30:51,180
when I boycott the Jockey.
537
00:30:51,261 --> 00:30:52,420
-And go where?
-The Crown.
538
00:30:52,501 --> 00:30:53,980
-[Lip] You're barred.
-[Frank] Crosslands.
539
00:30:54,061 --> 00:30:56,180
-[Lip] You're barred.
-Elmo's Head.
540
00:30:56,261 --> 00:30:58,061
It got torched a fortnight back.
541
00:31:00,781 --> 00:31:02,861
I don't need Kev to tell me,
I check your wallet every night.
542
00:31:03,501 --> 00:31:05,180
See, see.
543
00:31:05,261 --> 00:31:06,700
Go on!
544
00:31:09,021 --> 00:31:10,381
[George] Ah, Frank.
545
00:31:11,660 --> 00:31:13,541
Or French Frank they're calling you
on the radio.
546
00:31:14,420 --> 00:31:16,660
It's like an eclipse.
Britain went dark without you.
547
00:31:16,900 --> 00:31:18,141
I'm stuck for a bed, George.
548
00:31:18,220 --> 00:31:21,061
[George] Oh, come in then, man,
and fill us in with the gaps, eh?
549
00:31:21,980 --> 00:31:22,980
Is the lad with you, yeah?
550
00:31:23,061 --> 00:31:25,501
He's going home.
[mouthing] Fuck off.
551
00:31:35,301 --> 00:31:36,621
[muffled grunts]
552
00:31:37,861 --> 00:31:39,420
[dogs barking]
553
00:31:46,061 --> 00:31:47,541
[Lip] You forgotten you owe him money?
554
00:31:48,821 --> 00:31:51,220
Everybody thinks I owe them
fucking money.
555
00:31:54,381 --> 00:31:55,660
He thinks you flogged his telly.
556
00:31:55,980 --> 00:31:58,781
I've been nothing but a friend
to that thick Irish dick.
557
00:31:59,660 --> 00:32:00,940
I know who you sold his telly to!
558
00:32:01,021 --> 00:32:02,660
I won't say it twice, go home.
559
00:32:03,180 --> 00:32:05,021
-What?
-I won't say it twice.
560
00:32:06,940 --> 00:32:09,261
All right, so people are laughing at you.
561
00:32:09,660 --> 00:32:12,341
But they only thought France was a laugh
once they knew you were safe.
562
00:32:12,900 --> 00:32:15,061
The t-shirt I want is mug.
563
00:32:15,141 --> 00:32:16,700
I didn't fuck off like your mam did.
564
00:32:16,781 --> 00:32:19,381
I could have shot off and let the council
sort you out. I didn't.
565
00:32:20,101 --> 00:32:21,141
And pubs weren't--
566
00:32:22,781 --> 00:32:25,061
Ask anyone. The odd pint that was it.
567
00:32:25,141 --> 00:32:26,700
Three pints I'd be on the floor.
568
00:32:26,781 --> 00:32:28,980
Brandy made me puke.
Whisky gave me headache
569
00:32:29,061 --> 00:32:31,581
and they all took the piss
then because I couldn't
570
00:32:31,660 --> 00:32:34,541
knock it back. You can't win.
571
00:32:34,621 --> 00:32:37,460
Your mum fucks off,
you're all looking at me.
572
00:32:37,541 --> 00:32:40,101
Six kids, kids to keep on top of.
573
00:32:41,261 --> 00:32:44,541
[clicks tongue]
You never had to... do stuff before.
574
00:32:44,821 --> 00:32:48,660
Fucking massive,
and clothes for school, massive.
575
00:32:48,740 --> 00:32:51,381
Having to pick it up
as I go along. Massive.
576
00:32:51,460 --> 00:32:53,940
And I find out my dad's
sending her money,
577
00:32:54,021 --> 00:32:55,940
'cause he's always had
a soft spot for her,
578
00:32:56,021 --> 00:32:57,501
so I know he's saying it's my fault.
579
00:32:57,821 --> 00:33:00,420
Proving it by giving me what?
580
00:33:01,220 --> 00:33:02,420
Fuck all!
581
00:33:02,501 --> 00:33:04,381
He wouldn't even baby sit.
582
00:33:04,821 --> 00:33:09,541
One long headache. Because people are
looking at me like I'm fucking up...
583
00:33:10,980 --> 00:33:12,660
which I am.
584
00:33:12,740 --> 00:33:14,740
I mean, if you can't do right
for doing wrong
585
00:33:14,821 --> 00:33:16,420
what is the point?
586
00:33:16,700 --> 00:33:20,621
Get a few pints down you,
get a round in, get another,
587
00:33:20,940 --> 00:33:23,141
nobody's buying you one back
and they never will.
588
00:33:23,541 --> 00:33:27,381
You've shelled out for hundreds.
Not one back.
589
00:33:29,381 --> 00:33:33,900
But, "Are you getting them in?"
You're having a laugh.
590
00:33:34,381 --> 00:33:37,740
I mean, that's all you need... isn't it?
591
00:33:40,501 --> 00:33:44,420
You know, people laughing
and people talking, anything,
592
00:33:44,501 --> 00:33:47,261
so long as it's not sounding
like six whinging fucking kids
593
00:33:47,341 --> 00:33:49,101
you never wanted in the first place.
594
00:33:49,861 --> 00:33:52,700
Fuck the lot of 'em.
Get used to the headaches.
595
00:33:56,420 --> 00:33:59,581
[cheering and applause]
596
00:34:04,501 --> 00:34:06,061
[whistling]
597
00:34:06,900 --> 00:34:09,780
Oh, qu'est-ce que vous voulez,
monsieur?
598
00:34:09,860 --> 00:34:11,621
[Frank] Pint of bitter and a couple of Es.
599
00:34:13,660 --> 00:34:15,621
Oh, twisted Jesus.
600
00:34:16,461 --> 00:34:17,461
Kill me.
601
00:34:18,021 --> 00:34:21,541
[French song playing]
602
00:34:22,180 --> 00:34:23,621
I don't know you, Frank,
603
00:34:24,541 --> 00:34:26,981
but it occurred to me that me and you
are the victims here.
604
00:34:27,780 --> 00:34:29,860
Two hard working, God fearing men.
605
00:34:32,901 --> 00:34:37,981
We raised children in a straight line
with discipline and God's good guidance.
606
00:34:38,941 --> 00:34:42,381
Our Karen were only twelve
when I heard her using the "C" word.
607
00:34:42,860 --> 00:34:43,860
And on a Sunday.
608
00:34:44,541 --> 00:34:45,381
Fuck.
609
00:34:47,141 --> 00:34:47,981
F.
610
00:34:48,461 --> 00:34:50,941
How did I, a man
who said 16 years ago
611
00:34:51,021 --> 00:34:55,381
I want to work for God
in Africa, big place, big work.
612
00:34:57,021 --> 00:35:00,901
How did I end up with a woman
whose only pleasures are sex,
613
00:35:01,621 --> 00:35:05,141
TV, cookery
and drawing maximum benefits
614
00:35:05,221 --> 00:35:06,621
from the cash strapped state?
615
00:35:07,461 --> 00:35:10,541
Hundreds a week she gets, hundreds!
For what?
616
00:35:12,461 --> 00:35:13,941
Being agoraphobic.
617
00:35:14,860 --> 00:35:17,061
I don't know
where Sheila's dignity's gone
618
00:35:17,581 --> 00:35:19,141
or whether she ever had any...
619
00:35:21,381 --> 00:35:23,421
Or whether I was just kidding
myself all long.
620
00:35:25,621 --> 00:35:27,421
[sniffles]
Her world's about this big
621
00:35:27,501 --> 00:35:29,541
and the less she does
the more they pay her.
622
00:35:31,820 --> 00:35:32,860
Well I've done it now,
623
00:35:33,461 --> 00:35:34,701
I've left her,
624
00:35:34,780 --> 00:35:37,141
but I refuse to be sorry because--
625
00:35:37,221 --> 00:35:39,701
Because-- [crying]
626
00:35:44,541 --> 00:35:45,381
It's like...
627
00:35:46,860 --> 00:35:48,061
It's like cruel to be kind.
628
00:35:53,860 --> 00:35:56,101
[Sheila] If you're from the church
I've had it.
629
00:35:56,181 --> 00:35:59,820
No, uh, they're for you, Sheila.
630
00:36:00,941 --> 00:36:04,340
-You know, by way of an apology.
-Apology for what?
631
00:36:05,661 --> 00:36:08,901
[stammers] Uh...
Well not-- not apology just--
632
00:36:11,061 --> 00:36:12,181
I'm Frank...
633
00:36:13,300 --> 00:36:14,261
Ian's dad.
634
00:36:15,141 --> 00:36:16,221
Lip's dad.
635
00:36:17,261 --> 00:36:18,581
Oh, the twins.
636
00:36:19,381 --> 00:36:20,461
No...
637
00:36:21,581 --> 00:36:24,820
No, I just heard about your bit of bother,
you know.
638
00:36:25,421 --> 00:36:26,581
Eddie and all that.
639
00:36:27,661 --> 00:36:31,901
Well, it's just to say
not everybody thinks it's hilarious.
640
00:36:33,541 --> 00:36:34,820
You take no notice.
641
00:36:36,541 --> 00:36:37,741
That's very neighbourly of you.
642
00:36:39,661 --> 00:36:41,981
Come in... Frank.
643
00:36:46,541 --> 00:36:47,820
You have to take your shoes off!
644
00:36:47,901 --> 00:36:49,901
[dramatic music]
645
00:36:52,261 --> 00:36:53,421
Belting house, Sheila.
646
00:36:55,501 --> 00:36:56,741
It feels big without him.
647
00:36:58,941 --> 00:37:00,581
Well, you want to come round ours,
648
00:37:01,501 --> 00:37:03,101
you can't shift with kids. Six of them.
649
00:37:05,261 --> 00:37:06,581
That must be nice.
650
00:37:08,021 --> 00:37:10,261
Yeah, well it's great
when they're little, you know,
651
00:37:10,340 --> 00:37:12,221
but they're all growing up now.
652
00:37:13,221 --> 00:37:16,141
I mean, you know, you miss
that company, don't you?
653
00:37:16,221 --> 00:37:18,541
When they're all off out all the time.
654
00:37:20,061 --> 00:37:21,181
House on your own.
655
00:37:24,141 --> 00:37:29,141
Well, no, I mean, I love time
to myself but, uh...
656
00:37:30,701 --> 00:37:31,860
I mean, there are limits.
657
00:37:35,300 --> 00:37:36,141
Hey.
658
00:37:37,141 --> 00:37:39,061
-Hey, come on, Frank.
-[Frank groans]
659
00:37:40,621 --> 00:37:42,941
Preaching to the converted here.
660
00:37:44,061 --> 00:37:46,021
I've not been out
of the house for five years.
661
00:37:47,221 --> 00:37:48,340
Five years?
662
00:37:48,581 --> 00:37:49,741
I can't.
663
00:37:49,820 --> 00:37:51,581
I've got an overwhelming fear of--
664
00:37:53,300 --> 00:37:54,501
Oh, God.
665
00:37:56,941 --> 00:38:00,061
I've got agoraph--
I'm really sorry, Frank
666
00:38:00,141 --> 00:38:03,061
I know I'm daft about shoes
but feet have to--
667
00:38:03,141 --> 00:38:04,461
These stink to high heaven.
668
00:38:05,300 --> 00:38:09,661
Oh, God, Sheila, sorry,
I'll bugger off out of your way. Sorry!
669
00:38:10,461 --> 00:38:14,300
You see again, by the time you get
the bathroom, hot water gone.
670
00:38:14,380 --> 00:38:17,581
No, I tried running the bath when
I got back from France, hot water gone.
671
00:38:17,661 --> 00:38:19,300
You know, it's always muggins
672
00:38:19,380 --> 00:38:21,300
having to boil kettles and--
673
00:38:22,181 --> 00:38:25,300
-We've hot water.
-Hey, congratu-fucking-lations.
674
00:38:25,380 --> 00:38:27,941
No, in case you wanted a bath.
675
00:38:30,061 --> 00:38:30,901
Here?
676
00:38:32,661 --> 00:38:33,621
Where in France?
677
00:38:34,340 --> 00:38:37,061
[water dripping gently]
678
00:38:45,501 --> 00:38:46,541
[knocking]
679
00:38:46,621 --> 00:38:50,261
Frank? Frank?
There are clothes out here.
680
00:38:50,340 --> 00:38:52,661
I've stuck yours in the wash
so I hope they fit.
681
00:38:56,621 --> 00:38:58,501
Sorry, Sheila, I nodded off.
682
00:38:58,581 --> 00:38:59,661
You must be exhausted.
683
00:39:00,181 --> 00:39:03,101
-Won't Eddie miss them?
-Not unless he sheds four stone.
684
00:39:03,860 --> 00:39:05,541
Found Christ, then barrelled.
685
00:39:08,380 --> 00:39:09,661
You're quite lean, aren't you?
686
00:39:09,741 --> 00:39:12,141
Yeah, I can go for about three days
without food.
687
00:39:12,621 --> 00:39:13,461
Suits you.
688
00:39:16,221 --> 00:39:18,141
Anyway, they're yours if you want them.
689
00:39:24,061 --> 00:39:25,101
Oh, Jesus.
690
00:39:26,661 --> 00:39:27,701
It's all right.
691
00:39:29,741 --> 00:39:31,300
Something I haven't seen for a long time.
692
00:39:34,661 --> 00:39:36,501
Eddie's only just left, hasn't he?
693
00:39:39,380 --> 00:39:40,661
I've never seen Eddie's.
694
00:39:41,300 --> 00:39:43,181
Always had to be pitch black for Eddie.
695
00:39:44,741 --> 00:39:46,021
Saw an outline once
696
00:39:46,101 --> 00:39:49,061
during a thunderstorm.
Like a pair of rolled up socks.
697
00:39:51,300 --> 00:39:54,701
So, you must be over the moon
with a chap like this.
698
00:39:54,780 --> 00:39:55,701
[grunts]
699
00:39:56,741 --> 00:39:58,901
Hark at her, desperate Daisy.
700
00:39:59,300 --> 00:40:04,061
Hey, if desperate's a crime,
I'm a lifer, Sheila.
701
00:40:06,541 --> 00:40:08,141
Give it a feel if you're tempted.
702
00:40:08,820 --> 00:40:11,701
No, No, I'll embarrass myself.
703
00:40:11,780 --> 00:40:13,501
Nobody here complaining.
704
00:40:23,860 --> 00:40:27,221
It's okay, sweetheart, take your time.
705
00:40:34,581 --> 00:40:37,101
You're not looking after
each other at all, are you?
706
00:40:37,181 --> 00:40:40,061
It's a bit tight, Sheila.
Oh, fuck. No, hang on, Sheila,
707
00:40:40,141 --> 00:40:41,820
because I can't see a thing here.
708
00:40:44,661 --> 00:40:47,380
[chuckles]
709
00:40:56,221 --> 00:40:57,461
If I'm embarrassing myself...
710
00:40:58,780 --> 00:40:59,741
I'm doing it right.
711
00:41:01,981 --> 00:41:03,340
Oh, yeah.
712
00:41:06,541 --> 00:41:09,181
So, tell me-- Oh, that is tight.
713
00:41:10,981 --> 00:41:12,261
Oh, no! Ow.
714
00:41:15,181 --> 00:41:17,780
Paper said Sagittarius was in
for a quiet week.
715
00:41:21,581 --> 00:41:23,300
So just tell us--
716
00:41:23,380 --> 00:41:25,501
Eh, no, no, way too tight.
717
00:41:34,181 --> 00:41:37,421
I've changed me mind. Sheila.
718
00:41:38,300 --> 00:41:40,501
[chuckles] Just a joke, that's all.
719
00:41:42,421 --> 00:41:44,780
I'm getting a panic attack here.
[grunts]
720
00:41:45,340 --> 00:41:47,701
No. You know what--
721
00:41:47,780 --> 00:41:49,461
No, that's good.
722
00:41:50,101 --> 00:41:51,421
I'm struggling to breathe here.
723
00:41:51,661 --> 00:41:52,701
Will you beg?
724
00:41:53,661 --> 00:41:54,501
What you in for?
725
00:41:55,820 --> 00:41:58,820
Relax, Frank. I said relax.
726
00:41:58,901 --> 00:41:59,941
[whip cracks]
727
00:42:00,621 --> 00:42:01,741
Not that much.
728
00:42:05,021 --> 00:42:06,461
[breathing heavily]
729
00:42:06,901 --> 00:42:09,061
Oh, it's fucking vanished.
730
00:42:09,780 --> 00:42:10,820
Give it time.
731
00:42:12,340 --> 00:42:13,461
Plenty.
732
00:42:20,061 --> 00:42:23,340
See, you'll smile for me.
733
00:42:23,981 --> 00:42:25,021
Yeah, okay.
734
00:42:26,701 --> 00:42:27,780
Okay.
735
00:42:31,780 --> 00:42:32,941
It's been over a year.
736
00:42:35,261 --> 00:42:38,661
If that's not a smile,
I don't know what is.
737
00:42:44,741 --> 00:42:47,981
And if he smiles, we all smile.
738
00:43:04,501 --> 00:43:05,581
Sit yourself down.
739
00:43:09,860 --> 00:43:10,901
When did this get done?
740
00:43:11,380 --> 00:43:13,901
Nipped down and stuck the chops
on a low light about 7:00.
741
00:43:14,581 --> 00:43:16,541
Snuck back about 10:00
to peel the spuds.
742
00:43:17,421 --> 00:43:18,501
What time is it?
743
00:43:20,461 --> 00:43:22,461
Fuck's sake. What did you slip us?
744
00:43:22,780 --> 00:43:24,380
Just natural tiredness, Frank.
745
00:43:25,340 --> 00:43:26,541
Was probably jet lag.
746
00:43:28,181 --> 00:43:31,021
You weren't asleep, you were just staring.
747
00:43:34,380 --> 00:43:35,421
Look at the good it's done you,
748
00:43:35,501 --> 00:43:37,221
you look like you've got blusher on.
749
00:43:43,101 --> 00:43:45,021
[laughs]
750
00:43:47,661 --> 00:43:49,780
["The Waltons" theme music playing on TV]
751
00:43:56,701 --> 00:43:58,181
[phone ringing]
752
00:44:04,221 --> 00:44:05,661
-I haven't got one.
-I haven't got one.
753
00:44:06,380 --> 00:44:07,741
[phone ringing]
754
00:44:09,421 --> 00:44:11,101
Are you contract or pay as you go?
755
00:44:18,061 --> 00:44:19,181
Hello?
756
00:44:36,221 --> 00:44:38,061
I'm the only child my father's scared of
757
00:44:38,380 --> 00:44:39,820
because I'm the total opposite.
758
00:44:41,661 --> 00:44:42,981
Because I wanted to be.
759
00:44:47,820 --> 00:44:49,941
You're... You're kind of...
760
00:44:51,221 --> 00:44:52,340
You're kind of me in a skirt.
761
00:44:54,021 --> 00:44:56,621
And I don't honestly believe
we could get this lucky twice.
762
00:45:01,900 --> 00:45:02,981
Skirt or no skirt...
763
00:45:05,981 --> 00:45:06,981
these are for you.
764
00:45:32,780 --> 00:45:34,860
[Fiona] Reactions to the loss
were mixed.
765
00:45:34,941 --> 00:45:38,061
Debbie missed him like mad,
until she realised
766
00:45:38,141 --> 00:45:41,340
he was only a walk away
and Sheila was lovely.
767
00:45:41,860 --> 00:45:45,741
Now! Go on! Go on now!
Debbie, get out of the way.
768
00:45:45,820 --> 00:45:48,261
[Fiona] Dad would need skivvies
wherever he ended up.
769
00:45:48,340 --> 00:45:49,461
Here he comes! Here he comes!
770
00:45:49,541 --> 00:45:55,061
He was in parasite heaven,
returning only on Fridays, 8:00 to 8:30,
771
00:45:55,141 --> 00:45:59,461
bringing newfound parenting skills
back to the homestead.
772
00:46:01,141 --> 00:46:03,820
Every time it looked like
this family was falling apart,
773
00:46:04,340 --> 00:46:07,421
the next time you looked,
we'd doubled the numbers.
774
00:46:07,501 --> 00:46:09,621
Sheila's wasn't Sheila's anymore,
775
00:46:10,300 --> 00:46:11,380
it was where Dad lived,
776
00:46:12,101 --> 00:46:13,261
it was his house,
777
00:46:13,900 --> 00:46:16,981
Dad and Sheila's.
Part of the Gallagher colony.
778
00:46:17,221 --> 00:46:18,461
[Sheila] Brekky's under the grill.
779
00:46:18,541 --> 00:46:21,941
We'd always be welcome,
so long as money wasn't an issue,
780
00:46:22,021 --> 00:46:23,421
that seemed fair enough.
781
00:46:24,981 --> 00:46:27,261
Because we got more
floor space to ourselves.
782
00:46:42,941 --> 00:46:45,541
Near the top, Deb, bit of bird shit.
783
00:46:47,581 --> 00:46:48,780
There, on the right...
784
00:46:50,941 --> 00:46:52,501
More up-- Yeah, more on the right.
785
00:46:53,621 --> 00:46:54,941
Hey, watch the ladder.
786
00:46:56,021 --> 00:46:58,461
All right, if you can't be good,
start saving!
787
00:46:58,541 --> 00:47:00,701
[Frank laughs]
788
00:47:12,461 --> 00:47:14,461
Me and Kev are getting married!
789
00:47:14,541 --> 00:47:16,380
[screaming]
790
00:47:16,461 --> 00:47:18,581
-[Fiona] You're gonna fake it?
-[Veronica] We'll still be married.
791
00:47:18,661 --> 00:47:19,780
-Just won't be legal.
-[both laugh]
792
00:47:20,981 --> 00:47:22,741
[Lip] He's a maniac. He came at me.
793
00:47:23,261 --> 00:47:25,340
[Veronica] He's gonna to burn down
the bleeding house.
794
00:47:25,421 --> 00:47:26,741
How long does it take to get a divorce?
795
00:47:26,820 --> 00:47:28,461
[screams]
796
00:47:28,541 --> 00:47:30,380
[theme music playing]
797
00:48:05,701 --> 00:48:09,541
You may remember, a few weeks ago
we showed you these, the kuffs 'o luv.
798
00:48:10,021 --> 00:48:12,181
Six ninety-nine and a bargain.
799
00:48:13,181 --> 00:48:15,860
The cuffs were manufactured
in Stoke on Trent
800
00:48:16,101 --> 00:48:18,340
but a faulty locking mechanism
801
00:48:18,621 --> 00:48:21,221
was illegally imported from North Korea,
802
00:48:21,701 --> 00:48:24,021
without this channel's knowledge
or approval.
56991
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