Original subtitles

(♪ Upbeat music)

(♪ Bells chiming, organ music)

(Narrator) Here, in this institution of higher learning,

are gathered some of the greatest minds of our time.

It is here that the future of mankind lies.

From these portals will come the keys to space travel,

to the secrets of the universe,

to new answers in science, the arts, medicine and commerce.

And it is here that serious, dedicated students assemble to study the higher forms

of love?

(Sighs)

(Students) Ooh!

Aah!

Aah!

Ooh!

Go on, pal.

(Students cheering)

Ooh!

(Students cheering)

(Students shouting)

(Students scream)

Class dismissed!

Way to go.

(Gasps) Oh, Dr. Corley, you really know how to teach a class.

(♪ Upbeat rock music)

(Narrator) Professor Percy Corley, one of the brilliant young men on the faculty.

Dr. Corley has solved equations

that have baffled the higher mathematicians since Einstein,

but even though he knows every intimate secret

of the relationship between X and Y,

Dr. Corley is hopelessly lost, a mere babe in the woods

when it comes to the relationship between B and G, boys and girls.

In matters of love, Dr. Corley is still in kindergarten.

(Percy) Could it be that there is something else?

Could it be that girls are better than textbooks?

I wonder what Mother would say.

(Engine starts)

(Metal clanking)

(Horn honking)

(♪ Upbeat jazz music)

(Mother) Is that you, precious?

Precious, is that you?

Percy!

Yes, Mother, it's me.

- Why didn't you answer me? - (Coughs)

I did when you used my name.

How many more times do I have to tell you before you'll listen?

Tell me what, darling?

(Groans) I'm 32 years old, Mother, 32.

How much longer are you gonna keep calling me by that stupid baby pet name?

How much longer? No.

Oh, is that all you're upset about?

I'm sorry, darling. I'll try harder to remember.

(Sighs)

Percy, where were you? Where have you been?

I went for a walk.

Alone?

Don't I usually take my walks alone?

Percy, a boy your age really should show some interest in girls.

"A boy my age"?

It's not natural, Percy, you having no interest in girls.

Who says I... No! Who says I have no interest in girls?

- I'm not queer, you know. - Percy.

Why don't you just forget it, Mother?

I worry about you, darling.

You really should know some nice girl.

I don't understand you, Mother. I just don't understand you.

For years, all I've been hearing is that there are no nice girls.

Now, that's all I hear.

(Sighs) Go bake your cucumber pie.

Percy, dear...

(Sighs) Will you please just forget it, Mother?

How can I forget it?

Don't you think I ever wanted all the joys of having my own grandchild?

What do you want from me? I can't do it alone.

You know that, don't you? I can't do it alone!

Look. Girls that... Well, they get paid for being nice to men.

They tell me to keep my money.

They don't want anything to do with a creep like me.

- Oh, you're not a creep, precious, not you. - Oh, I'm a creep. I'm a creep.

I'm a creep! Creep!

Look, I'm a misfit that never should've happened.

(Sighs)

Now, go... Go bake your pie, Mother, your cucumber pie.

(Sighs)

I'm going to the lab.

- Oh, dear, I forgot to tell you. - Forgot to tell me what?

Dr. West called while you were gone. He seemed very excited about something.

He said you should go over to the lab right away.

I promised I'd tell you.

Thanks.

Be sure you lock the door, Percy.

A poor woman like me can't feel safe alone at night,

what with all these sex fiends running loose these days.

Watch your tie, dear.

(Door closes)

(♪ Harmonica tune)

(♪ Upbeat jazz music)

(Horn honking)

(Narrator) Most computers are programmed to make possible man's conquest of space.

Dr. Hamilcar West has poured 10 years into the creation of a super computer

with just one aim,

to make possible, on a scientific basis, man's conquest of women.

Something troubling you, my boy?

I spoke to your mother this afternoon. Did she tell you?

Well, cheer up, my boy. I've got some news about the secret project.

Hold still, my boy. Listen to this. I was sitting in my bathtub this afternoon...

Well, it's not really a bathtub. It's my hip bath. And I shouted, "Eureka, I found it!"

The answer to the problem?

No, the soap.

- Then it hit me. - The answer?

No, the soap dish.

Well, anyway, you remember that oscillating amplifier

that couldn't generate our signal beyond 26.3 decibels?

Well, what do you think I did?

You rewired!

No, I turned off the hot water.

- Then everything became clear. - The answer?

No, all the water ran out of the bathtub.

And as I sat there, marveling at the miracle of nature

that makes it possible for us to get hot and cold water whenever we want it,

and I said to myself, "Hamilcar..." That's my name, you know.

I know your name.

- "Hamilcar, you old..." - The goat!

"Hamilcar, you old reprobate, if we can have hot and cold running water,

"we can have hot and cold amperages."

- And then I pulled out my... - Screwdriver?

My thumb, and you know what?

The amperage doubled.

All the water went out of the tub,

so I came down here and rewired the oscillator,

and you know what?

You solved it.

No, I hit my thumb with the hammer.

The same I had in the bathtub. The thumb, that is, not the hammer.

I never take a hammer into the bathtub. It rusts, you know?

Amazing coincidence.

That you hit your thumb with a hammer?

No, of course not. As a matter of fact, the thing didn't work at all.

But then I took the 6-S-N-7 tube and made it in a series with the grid,

and then when the tape deck hits the 26,000 cycles,

why, the voltage in the grid builds up to 50,000 ohms.

And when it gets to 50,000 ohms, anything can happen.

Your thumb, with the hammer, you mean?

Oh, Percy, you're just not with it at all.

As a matter of fact, that hammer was the same color

as this bathrobe my mother gave me for my 14th birthday.

No, I'm wrong. It was my 37th birthday.

The mind plays tricks, eh, boy?

Well, I was standing holding my thumb, and it came to me.

The answer?

No, the telegram from the Institute of Physical Science.

And you know what was in it?

- The answer to that equation we sent them? - Not quite.

They said I neglected to pay my dues,

so I decided to compute the solution myself, and I did.

You found the solution?

No, I paid my dues.

I sent them a check tonight.

By gum, now that I think of it, I didn't sign the check.

But I didn't address the envelope anyway.

Uh, my boy, I have computed

that if X is equals the energy stored in the orbs

of the transforming generator,

then XY must equal the transforming generator,

plus the exchange cycle. Look what I did.

You hooked the transformer and the generator in parallel.

No, I cut my ear shaving.

- Your ear? - Anyway, you were always right, my boy.

I hooked the transformer and generator in series, not parallel,

and almost knocked the main fuse right out of the box, I did. How about that?

How do you cut your ear shaving?

Well, my boy, when I blew out the main fuse,

the basketball team were mighty sore, they were.

They were playing in the gymnasium?

No, they were petting in the basement, where the fuse box is.

But I digress.

When I replaced the main, it hit me like lightning.

- The answer? - No, the electricity.

I was standing in a puddle of water. Feels like lightning, I'm told.

But then I came back here, and I sat down to work in earnest.

I still don't see how you cut your ear shaving.

Oh, it's easy. Anyone can do it. Just turn your head when you're not looking.

Turn your head when you're not looking?

That's right. That's exactly right.

So I figured that if... wiring the generator and the transformer

into the feeder capacitors,

and then, by slowly building up the resistors on the sync pulse,

I would have it, and it worked.

Turn your head when you're not looking?

I said it worked.

Not looking where? Huh?

- It worked! - It worked.

- It worked. - It worked.

- It worked! - It worked!

Come over here, and I'll show you, my boy.

I have reprogrammed this machine to do some sort of full-package structure.

(Machine whirring loudly)

Otherwise, the theory can't be demonstrated. Now, look at this wiring.

I re-diagrammed the whole installation

so that you can introduce line multiplication in the terminal.

Now, you see that this, from here, can switch directly into the oscillator.

Now we switch directly to combine them.

Now come. I'll show you what I've done.

(Chattering)

(Both laughing)

(Machine gulping)

(Machine slurping)

(Machine burping)

(Accelerated chattering on tape)

(Machine laughing dementedly)

(Machine popping)

(Machine groaning)

(Machine blowing raspberries)

(Machine groaning)

(Machine) Rabbit.

Grab it.

(Inaudible)

(♪ Upbeat music)

(Percy) Ever since I was a little boy,

I've always wished I could have a bunny of my own, a real live bunny.

Percy, here's where you can add another oak leaf cluster to that brain of yours.

Now, I'm able to make the lower vertebrae forms,

but I don't have the proper equations for the higher forms.

Imagine what we could do with it if we could make realistic animals,

realistic in every way.

(Grunts)

And then we can reverse the machine

and make them disappear and bring them back whenever we want.

Why, we can make beautiful women in there.

In there? It's too uncomfortable.

Uh, women. Well, they're... They're...

Well, they're... I understand they're, uh, very difficult to make

and expensive, too.

Nonsense, my boy. If we figure out the right equations,

(Scoffs) they're no more expensive than one of these cards.

- And when we're through with them... - Ooh.

Percy, my boy, with your brain,

you could have us up to here in beautiful women!

(Laughing)

Try it, Percy.

Instant women and no morning after.

(Machine chiming)

(Machine squelching)

(Machine farting)

(Cacophonic whistling)

(Clattering)

(Machine retching)

(Machine) Oh, so sorry, please.

(Machine laughing dementedly)

(Clears throat)

Percy, my boy.

(Screaming)

(In high-pitched voice) But, Percy, we could make some beautiful music together.

(Screaming)

Oh, well, I guess that's what you could call a near miss, my boy.

Well, back to the old drawing board.

(West chuckles)

(§ Jazz music)

(Humming)

(Whirring)

(Machine exclaiming)

(Machine chiming)

(Machine slurping)

(Machine burping)

(Whirring)

(Percy exclaiming)

(Machine whirring loudly)

Move! Move! Move!

(Accelerated chattering on tape)

Put it on in reverse!

(♪ Marching song playing on tape)

(Machine laughing dementedly)

One moment.

There. Get that.

(Machine burping)

(Machine groaning)

(♪ Classical music playing on tape)

(All) Wow!

(Machine) How about that, sports fans?

I am sorry, sir.

I am programmed to love only Dr. Corley.

(Percy laughing)

(Percy) I would never have believed it if it hadn't been happening to me.

The great dream of every bachelor,

to be literally attacked by a beautiful woman,

a woman hungry for the satisfaction only you can give her.

I know. It's really happening.

The great dream was somehow turning into a nightmare!

Wait, wait, wait. Wait just a second. Let's get an appointment.

- Wait. - (Woman) But I love you.

I love you.

- I love... - Wait!

I love you.

Wait!

Oh, all right.

Oh, okay. Get off of me.

(Percy) Here was my dream girl.

The only trouble was, I had built her,

uh, in a mechanical sense, of course.

She wasn't real flesh and bone, but whatever she was,

(Slurping)

it was yummy!

Wait. You can't kiss me like that! I won't even let anybody use my toothbrush!

(Sighs)

Why don't you go get your own girl?

(Percy) And Professor West wasn't losing any time in punching out his own dream girl.

(Machine chiming)

(Machine slurping)

(Percy) At his age, this kind of activity could give him a heart attack.

But what a way to go!

Anyway, both of us decided that, when it comes to women,

you're better off if they're not born, but made.

(Accelerated chattering on tape)

(♪ Marching song playing on tape)

(Machine laughing dementedly)

(Machine burping)

(Machine groaning)

(♪ Classical music playing on tape)

(Machine) Take her to your leader.

(Percy) Now, it was Dr. West's turn to come to life.

He had poured into the computer a lifetime of longing for his dream girl.

And here she was

in what look liked acres of warm, bouncing flesh.

(Slurping)

Like my own dream girl, she wasn't really human,

but Dr. West wasn't going to X-ray her.

He was going to make up for lost time.

Hey, Percy, let's have a party!

What do you think I'm doing?

Hey, you watch me.

(Machine chiming)

(Accelerated chattering on tape)

(Laughs) Okay, here we go.

(West laughing)

Hey, Percy. Look what we got, Percy.

Come on. Sit down. Sit down.

Sit down, won't you?

(West laughing)

Hey, Percy, just like the real thing.

Yeah, just like the real thing.

(West laughing)

(Woman 1) Percy, I love you.

(Percy laughing)

(Woman 2) Oh, Hamilcar.

You are a great lover.

(West laughing)

(Percy) We had programmed the computer perfectly.

Dr. West's girl not only had but one aim in what you might call her life,

to bring him joy, pleasure and happiness,

but she even knew how to pronounce his first name.

Making love is like eating olives. It's better every time.

Come to think of it, making love is even better than eating olives.

You don't have to spit out the pits.

(Groaning)

(Moaning)

Percy, help me up. I think my old transformer has blown a fuse.

What is wrong, my love?

My heart...

- (Groans) - Professor.

Percy, turn on the magneto, and put it in reverse.

Reverse! Don't twiddle my voice.

Turn it on. Turn it on, and jam the oscillator all the way up.

Are you glad I programmed the computer for just such an emergency?

Hit the switch, Percy.

No, wait a minute.

(Whirring)

Now throw the switch, Percy.

I taught you... You've been an...

Banzai!

(Machine turning off)

(§ Jazz music)

(Percy) Was it all just a trick of my imagination?

But that couldn't be.

Dr. West was real. Dead real.

Shh. Was that real?

(West) I am happy, Percy.

Very, very happy.

Yes, Percy, it's me.

I poured my life into creating this machine.

I often wished that I could somehow live on through it,

after I've done away with all flesh.

(Women laughing)

(Woman) These are really electro.

(West) Thank you, my dear.

That's a little 12-X-7-2-5-9 I've gotten to know.

You ought to see those filaments.

Anyway, my boy, when I was programming this monster,

oh, this handsome machine,

I took the precaution to match my own brain wave

to the central programming station,

so now the computer's brain is my own.

Now I'm immortal,

living on in a mechanical mind that will never die.

Machines don't think. They don't feel.

What good is life if you can't feel?

(West) Good friend, I'm going to feel through you.

Go on. Sit in the conditioning chair.

Go on. Go on, Percy.

Sit down.

Sit down.

You've never been programmed

to solve problems involving girls, have you, Percy?

Well...

(West) How would you like to feel more self-confidence,

to be outgoing, to be magnetically masculine,

to be Don Juan, Casanova, Sheldon Seymour,

all the great lovers of history all rolled into one?

How about it?

Sheldon Seymour?

I don't know. I'd have to ask my mother first. She might not...

(West) Oh, forget your mother and what she likes and doesn't like.

That's your problem. Think about what you'd like, Percy.

You'd like being attractive to beautiful women, wouldn't you?

Of course. Lean back.

That's it. That's the boy.

Now close your eyes. Close your eyes, Percy.

All right, Percy. Now, draw pictures in your mind's eye.

Concentrate. Percy, concentrate.

Wherever the girls are, Percy, that's where you're going to be.

And whenever you finish an adventure with one of those beauties,

you'll return to me here.

And all the recorded sensation in your subconscious mind will be transcribed

on the tapes of my memory banks.

(West laughing)

Then I'll be able to enjoy those juicy experiences with you.

(West laughing)

(♪ Upbeat harpsichord music)

(Door slams)

Professor? Are you asleep?

(West) I never sleep.

That's one of the nice things about not being mortal.

Well, I'm mortal, Professor.

Boy, am I mortal!

(West) Hurry up. Hurry up. I've been waiting all night for you.

It's almost daylight. Pull the hood down.

I can't wait to get started enjoying everything you've done this evening.

Pull it down. Pull it down. Pull it down, Percy.

(♪ Fast playful music)

(Inaudible)

Enough already!

This isn't living.

I'm just feeding the memory banks of that dirty-minded old computer.

Ah!

(West) Where have you been? You're late for this evening's assignment.

You're not even dressed.

Ah, I'm not going anywhere tonight.

I may never go out of town for you again.

You have some pretty exciting episodes in your memory banks

from the missions I did go out on for you.

I'm afraid you'll have to be satisfied showing reruns.

(West) What do you mean, you may never go on another mission for me,

that you're ready to turn your back on me, to forget me? Why?

Tell me why, or don't you think I deserve an explanation?

I don't want to appear to be ungrateful.

(West) Of course not. After all I've done for you,

trying to reprogram and help you, now you want to forget me.

But you don't want to appear ungrateful. Heavens, no!

These girls, they're nuts.

(West) Let me bring back the dream girl you made in the computer.

You can have the girl of your dreams, and I can record it.

(West laughing)

That sounds like fun.

She's not that kind of girl. I mean, she's not nuts.

(West) Not what kind of a girl?

She's not that kind.

(West) All girls are that kind of girl when they're made in a computer.

Do you want me to blow a tube?

If you fall for one girl, you're not playing the game, Percy.

And that's dangerous.

Haven't you heard about the battle of the sexes?

You've got to keep your guard up all the time

and every time you're in contact with the enemy.

What kind of Casanova are you, my boy?

Has all my reprogramming been wasted on you?

Yes, it has.

Besides, there doesn't have to be a battle of the sexes.

(West) You've longed for the answer.

Women are the natural enemy of men, a natural craving for men.

Now you get into that conditioning chair, son. Let me straighten you out.

No! No more conditioning in that blown-up hair dryer.

No more reprogramming and no more transcriptions for your memory bank.

(West) Believe me, son. Please believe me. I know what's best for you.

No!

(West) After all I've done for you? I need you.

I've got my own life to get on with.

I wanna get out of here. Where are my glasses?

(West) Wait! You can't do this to me. I won't let you do this.

I won't let you.

Help! Trudy! Amber! Jackie! Florence! Anne! Linda!

Help! Help! Help!

Percy.

Percy.

Percy.

Percy.

Percy.

(All chanting) We love you.

We love you.

We love you.

(Chanting continues)

(West) Percy, get away!

Don't let him touch the control panel! Don't let him touch it!

(Percy) I see now.

It's a little like cutting off my leg.

Dream girl.

Dream girl.

If only you were real...

Now, Professor, I'm going to change you from AC to DC,

and maybe you'll leave me alone.

(Machine whirring)

(West) Percy? What are you doing?

Percy? Percy? Do not touch the computer, Percy.

Get up from that chair, Percy. Percy. Are you listening to me, Percy?

Don't touch that machine!

That's enough now, Percy!

Percy, you can't.

You're erasing memory banks that can never be replaced!

Percy, don't. Percy!

(Effeminately) Percy, what a perfectly stunning ascot you have!

It's aqua, isn't it?

Oh, my dear, it's just... Oh, it's you!

Percy, I know of...

You don't like girls, so I have this divine chap for you to meet.

Oh, and wait until he gets into your hair.

He's a hairdresser, you know.

Okay, okay, okay.

Professor, I guess you deserve better than that.

I'll put some of the hormones back into your memory banks.

(Machine chiming)

(Narrator) Percy reprogrammed the machine

so that Dr. West and his memories are locked together.

If no one pulls the plug, there will be life in the old boy

and current in his old wires for a long time to come.

(Woman) Come on. Come on, baby. Oh!

Good morning, uh, Dr. Corley.

Oh, yes. It is a good morning, isn't it? Good morning to you!

(Stammering) I'm very sorry, but do I know you?

Why, have you lost your glasses?

Oh, worse. I broke them. Accidently, of course.

Oh. Oh, that's really too bad.

Yes, itis. It's so beautiful this time of morning.

It's a shame not to be able to see all the beauty better.

Oh, you know my name, uh... Do I know you?

Oh, I don't really... I don't really think so.

There's no reason you should.

There is. You seem like a very nice person, a person I'd like to know.

Oh, why, thank you.

You... You probably wouldn't think so if you had your glasses.

Oh, that's not so. I'll bet you're very pretty.

Where have you seen me before?

I'm... I'm in my seventh year of graduate work

in the science department at the university.

Really? Well, you're...

It's like going to school is all I seem to have any talent for.

Yes, I'm that way, too.

Why, what a thing for you to say, Dr. Corley!

Why, the professors in the department are always talking

about what an outstanding mind you are.

Professors are often wrong about most things outside their own field.

It doesn't always help. The mind, I mean.

Oh, I... know what you mean. That's why I have my little dogs.

- They keep me company. - I always thought a pet would help.

Uh, my mother never let me keep pets.

She didn't like the mess they made around the house.

(Both chuckle)

- May I walk with you? - Oh! Oh. Of course!

(Giggling)

(Both laughing)

Why, you're in my seminar! I've wanted to meet you for a year.

(Stammers) That is...

Yes, Dr. Corley? You were saying?

Uh, may I call you Agnes?

Oh, yes, please do.

I think it's a simply horrible name.

Well, I think it's beautiful. I'll bet you're beautiful, too.

Oh. Oh, I almost wish you'd never get a new pair of glasses.

(Laughing)

Oh, it's you, dear.

Yes, it's me, Mother.

Are you all right, dear?

Where are your glasses?

- I broke my... - You're acting very strange.

I broke them, Ma. I'm happy. I'm happy, happy, happy.

You sound delirious.

I'm not delirious, Ma. Just happy.

I met this wonderful girl.

What?

And I have a date this evening.

With a girl I've never met? I might not even like her.

Oh, it really doesn't matter whether you like her or not, Mother.

What?

Well, I like her, and she seems to like me.

Oh, what an unkind thing to say to your mother!

And after all I've done for you!

(Crying)

- Watch your tie, dear. - (Door closes)

(Agnes sighs)

(Sighs)

For goodness' sakes, Henry, relax. You'd think you were going out on this date.

(Sighs)

She's been disappointed too many times.

I'll relax when that yahoo gets here, if he gets here.

(Sighs)

(Sighs)

(Agnes) Mother?

- Yes? - Would you help me?

I can't seem to manage this zipper.

And would you please put your teeth in, Father.

(Sighs)

- My mouth hurts. - You look especially nice today.

That dress is very becoming.

Oh, you're just saying that, Mother, but I like it.

Enough. It's the truth. You look special nice.

Thank you, Father.

Oh, if I do look nice,

it's because I'm going out with a very special young man.

(Sighs)

He can't be too young if he's a college professor.

Well, he's just very intelligent. You'll see.

You're afraid he won't come, aren't you, Daddy?

What?

He'll come. He's different, you'll see.

(Sighs)

(Sighs)

Oh, I'd better go finish my makeup.

(Sighs)

(Agnes sighs)

- Um... - Uh...

But...

- Uh, uh... - Well...

I was just telling your mother how nice you look.

Oh, I hope Percy thinks so.

Percy?

Well, that's his name.

And no one who would name their daughter Agnes has any right to...

I like it. I like it. It's just...

I like it.

(Sighs)

(Doorbell ringing)

Oh, that's him.

Oh, let him in, Father, please, and tell him I'll be ready in just a minute.

But you are ready.

Henry!

Women.

I beg your... Oh. Is this...

You've come to the right place, son. I'm Agnes' father.

Come on in. Agnes will be ready soon.

- They're for Agnes. - Oh.

Uh, are you sure?

Most of Agnes' beaus bring me the flowers.

They're for Agnes.

Uh, well...

Oh, I'm Percy. Percy Corley.

I'm glad to know you, son.

From what Agnes has told us about you,

I wasn't sure whether we'd have to call you doctor or professor or something.

I'm Agnes' mother. I'm so glad to meet you.

They're for Agnes.

Oh, she'll just love them. They're beautiful.

Sit down.

(Blows nose)

Oh, they're beautiful, Percy. Oh, thank you.

- You've met my folks, I guess. - Well, yeah.

Please sit down.

I'll put these in water. I won't be a minute, and then we'll go, okay?

(Clears throat)

(Coughs)

Needlework.

Huh?

What you're doing, needlework.

I know.

Intricate needlework. I guess I have an eye for intricate things.

Uh...

Intricate needlework, you know?

A well tied fly for trout casting,

now that's something intricate I'd appreciate personally.

You ever do any trout casting?

No, I've never cast a trout.

Oh, you don't cast the trout, Percy. You cast the fly.

Oh, I thought you said...

Intricate.

Oh, aren't they beautiful?

Oh!

They're real pretty.

Oh, I just love them.

(Clears throat)

Are you ready?

Oh, you don't wanna rush off.

Sit down. Let us get acquainted with your young man.

(Clears throat)

(Agnes clears throat)

(Percy clears throat)

(All chuckling)

(All laughing)

Do you feel that we're... We're really afraid of you, Percy.

Agnes has told us about you being a PhD, a very important man and all that.

And I think you're afraid of us, too.

(Chuckles)

(Percy) It was amazing how much I seemed to have in common with this girl.

That plush toy had taken my eye, too,

because all my life, I wished I could have a bunny of my very own.

Even a stuffed one suddenly became important.

(♪ Fairground music playing)

(Gun shooting)

(Gun shooting)

(Horn honking)

(♪ Upbeat music)

(Birdsong)

(§ Jazz music)

(♪ Joyful whistling tune)

Duck!

No, no. A duck.

- Oh. - Haven't you ever had a pet, Percy?

No.

Ever since I was a little boy, I've always wished I could have one.

Oh!

I've always wanted a bunny, a real live bunny of my very own.

Well, you know what they used to say when we were Kids.

If you wish hard enough, your wish will come true.