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1
00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:09,085
Woman on radio:
Robbery in progress.
2
00:00:09,218 --> 00:00:11,122
Mitchell Flute:
Detective Flute is on it,
3
00:00:11,222 --> 00:00:14,362
Detective... Mitchell Flute.
4
00:00:18,737 --> 00:00:20,775
Hey, dispatch,
sure got a sweet voice.
5
00:00:20,876 --> 00:00:22,645
You new?
Don't bother, Flute.
6
00:00:22,745 --> 00:00:24,883
I've been warned that
you are quite the ladies' man.
7
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,353
I don't know
who told you that,
8
00:00:26,453 --> 00:00:28,525
but your eyes sure sound
beautiful.
9
00:00:28,625 --> 00:00:31,095
Nice try, but--
wait. Why am I naked?
10
00:00:31,196 --> 00:00:32,632
I'll tell you
over breakfast.
11
00:00:32,765 --> 00:00:35,204
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I got to slide across a hood
12
00:00:35,371 --> 00:00:37,709
and knock a guy out
with one punch.
13
00:00:40,815 --> 00:00:43,086
Uh!
14
00:00:45,592 --> 00:00:46,827
Well done.
15
00:00:46,961 --> 00:00:48,496
Can I help you
with something?
16
00:00:48,497 --> 00:00:50,267
I could use someone
like you
17
00:00:50,367 --> 00:00:52,238
in my secret
crime fighting organization.
18
00:00:52,371 --> 00:00:53,541
What's the catch?
19
00:00:53,641 --> 00:00:55,377
You'll have to leave
your family.
20
00:00:55,511 --> 00:00:57,114
Now I know that--
21
00:00:57,248 --> 00:00:59,252
Oh. You're gone.
22
00:00:59,352 --> 00:01:01,256
Your pop's got
a hell of an opportunity
23
00:01:01,356 --> 00:01:03,561
to go town to town
fighting crime in tight jeans.
24
00:01:03,694 --> 00:01:05,263
I got to take it, Marvin.
25
00:01:05,397 --> 00:01:08,236
So you're just
gonna leave me and Junior?
26
00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:10,074
Come on, now.
I'm not a monster.
27
00:01:10,207 --> 00:01:11,643
Junior's coming with me.
28
00:01:11,777 --> 00:01:14,650
I knew it. You've always
loved him more than me.
29
00:01:14,750 --> 00:01:16,419
Hey, that's not true.
30
00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:19,092
In fact, you'd be my first
choice if he wasn't available.
31
00:01:19,225 --> 00:01:20,861
Ohh. Thanks, Dad.
32
00:01:20,862 --> 00:01:22,431
I'll be back soon,
Sport-o.
33
00:01:22,532 --> 00:01:26,405
And when I do, I'll teach you
how to play ball.
34
00:01:26,540 --> 00:01:29,546
Let's go, Junior.
You got it, Dad.
35
00:01:33,988 --> 00:01:36,727
I can't
wait for him any longer.
36
00:01:38,564 --> 00:01:42,204
Let me know
if a strange older man shows up.
37
00:02:06,319 --> 00:02:07,522
Marvin Flute: Ugh. How did
I go from murders
38
00:02:07,623 --> 00:02:09,324
to mopping up
a boring bank robbery?
39
00:02:09,325 --> 00:02:10,895
What's next, solving CAPTCHAs?
God. I hope not.
40
00:02:11,028 --> 00:02:12,598
I've literally
never gotten one right.
41
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:14,602
Is the driver part of
the motorcycle?
42
00:02:14,736 --> 00:02:16,439
Judging
from the markings here,
43
00:02:16,540 --> 00:02:19,045
they got into the vault
using heavy machinery.
44
00:02:19,178 --> 00:02:20,582
Sorry. "Heavy's" offensive.
45
00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,417
I meant big, beautiful
machinery.
46
00:02:22,418 --> 00:02:25,055
Who's in charge
of this investigation?
47
00:02:25,056 --> 00:02:26,426
I am. Who are you,
48
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,330
man inexplicably in shadow
on a bright day?
49
00:02:28,430 --> 00:02:31,102
I'm 190 pounds
of dry-aged, grass-choked,
50
00:02:31,202 --> 00:02:34,107
grade-A certified beefcake...
51
00:02:34,108 --> 00:02:37,080
but you can call me Mitchell.
52
00:02:37,180 --> 00:02:39,218
Daddy. Hee hee!
53
00:02:39,318 --> 00:02:41,088
I'm sorry. You are...?
54
00:02:41,222 --> 00:02:44,563
Ha! Good one, Dad!
Oh, Sport-o!
55
00:02:44,663 --> 00:02:46,800
I just didn't recognize you
because you got so darn big.
56
00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:49,472
My doctor says
all my numbers are really high.
57
00:02:49,606 --> 00:02:52,210
What, no hug for me,
little brother?
58
00:02:52,344 --> 00:02:53,580
Junior.
59
00:02:57,454 --> 00:03:00,528
I missed you, buddy boy.
60
00:03:00,629 --> 00:03:02,565
Go on.
Give your brother a hug.
61
00:03:04,502 --> 00:03:05,972
I see you're
still stupid.
62
00:03:06,106 --> 00:03:07,509
I smell
you're still stinky.
63
00:03:07,609 --> 00:03:09,477
Stop! Stupid jerk! Let go! Dad!
64
00:03:09,478 --> 00:03:11,249
Oh, he's crying
because he missed me.
65
00:03:11,349 --> 00:03:12,786
Wait.
66
00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:15,123
Your brother's a car?
Not just any car.
67
00:03:15,223 --> 00:03:16,793
This here is Junior.
68
00:03:16,794 --> 00:03:20,233
He's loaded with the coolest
technology 1985 had to offer--
69
00:03:20,234 --> 00:03:21,704
T-tops, six lighters,
70
00:03:21,804 --> 00:03:23,440
and a back seat
big enough for one handsome man
71
00:03:23,541 --> 00:03:25,711
and the lucky waitress
he picked up that night.
72
00:03:25,712 --> 00:03:27,648
Dad's had a ton of sex
inside me.
73
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,787
And on your hood.
Heh heh!
74
00:03:29,887 --> 00:03:32,626
And this is OK
because he's a car?
75
00:03:32,759 --> 00:03:34,462
So you came back here
just to see me?
76
00:03:34,563 --> 00:03:36,166
Of course I did.
77
00:03:36,266 --> 00:03:38,336
And I'm investigating
a string of bank robberies
78
00:03:38,436 --> 00:03:39,471
across the country.
79
00:03:39,472 --> 00:03:41,441
But I'm mainly here to see you
80
00:03:41,442 --> 00:03:43,814
and also mainly to solve
this case.
81
00:03:43,947 --> 00:03:45,818
If you want, you can
come back to the office
82
00:03:45,819 --> 00:03:47,689
and we can, like, share clues
and leads
83
00:03:47,855 --> 00:03:50,093
and, like, you can, like,
meet my friends and stuff
84
00:03:50,193 --> 00:03:51,429
or whatever.
85
00:03:51,530 --> 00:03:53,300
Sounds great, Chief-o.
86
00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:55,404
Oh, hey,
your fly's down.
87
00:03:55,505 --> 00:03:56,673
It is?
Bam!
88
00:03:56,674 --> 00:03:59,613
Gas cap sack tap.
89
00:03:59,713 --> 00:04:04,021
White families
are weird.
90
00:04:05,558 --> 00:04:07,427
Oh, God. I'm dying,
91
00:04:07,428 --> 00:04:08,831
and I never got to shake
Lena Dunham's hand
92
00:04:08,964 --> 00:04:11,369
and thank her for
her short window of bravery.
93
00:04:11,469 --> 00:04:12,839
Mr. Flesh: Who cares about you?
94
00:04:12,972 --> 00:04:16,345
What happens to me if you die?
Do I come alive?
95
00:04:16,479 --> 00:04:19,318
Do I become you?
Aah. What a nightmare!
96
00:04:19,452 --> 00:04:21,557
No offense.
We gotta talk to your mom.
97
00:04:21,691 --> 00:04:23,693
No! She's too overprotective.
98
00:04:23,694 --> 00:04:25,396
Mr. Flesh: Then we better hurry
and find your dad
99
00:04:25,397 --> 00:04:27,000
while we're in the sweet spot
100
00:04:27,001 --> 00:04:30,908
between breakfast, beer,
and lunch--also beer. Come on.
101
00:04:32,077 --> 00:04:33,547
Look, Dad, here's my award
102
00:04:33,647 --> 00:04:35,417
for most property damage
during a pursuit.
103
00:04:35,551 --> 00:04:36,987
Uh-huh.
You know, Tom Selleck
104
00:04:37,087 --> 00:04:39,592
once complimented me on
my chest hair at the airport.
105
00:04:39,593 --> 00:04:41,729
As he should.
It's very lush.
106
00:04:41,730 --> 00:04:44,068
And that's
when a whole turd
107
00:04:44,168 --> 00:04:45,638
fell out of Flute's pant leg
108
00:04:45,739 --> 00:04:47,876
during the Presidential Fitness
Test.
109
00:04:49,613 --> 00:04:51,516
What an absolute
pooser. That's a--
110
00:04:51,650 --> 00:04:53,553
Poop loser! Very funny.
111
00:04:53,654 --> 00:04:55,489
Thank you.
How the--
112
00:04:55,490 --> 00:04:56,927
You're on my desk, Junior!
113
00:04:57,061 --> 00:05:00,232
Oh, sorry.
Did I crush your desky-wesky?
114
00:05:02,906 --> 00:05:05,175
Mitchell Flute.
This guy.
115
00:05:05,176 --> 00:05:07,882
You two know each other?
We worked together.
116
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:11,355
I used to call him Kemosabe,
and he used to tell me to stop.
117
00:05:11,489 --> 00:05:12,792
Many times.
Where you been?
118
00:05:12,959 --> 00:05:14,328
You know me.
119
00:05:14,461 --> 00:05:15,997
Solving cases, kissing faces,
and jumping cars
120
00:05:15,998 --> 00:05:18,470
over drawbridges that
are almost but not quite open,
121
00:05:18,604 --> 00:05:19,906
too far to get across.
122
00:05:20,006 --> 00:05:22,745
Mitchell's too humble,
so I made this.
123
00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:26,485
Welcome to the dangerous world
124
00:05:26,620 --> 00:05:28,758
of a hero who was never there--
125
00:05:28,858 --> 00:05:32,632
Mitchell Flute,
a loner with fists of stone
126
00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:35,537
and the hair of
an aging secretary.
127
00:05:35,538 --> 00:05:37,609
Finally free from his son
128
00:05:37,742 --> 00:05:40,380
who shakes out full turds
from his pant leg,
129
00:05:40,515 --> 00:05:42,852
Mitchell vowed to help
the helpless.
130
00:05:43,019 --> 00:05:47,226
Assisting him along the way is
his hot mechanic Ashley
131
00:05:47,227 --> 00:05:51,537
until she turned 26
and had to be replaced.
132
00:05:51,637 --> 00:05:54,809
Also, here's another pic of
Flute shaking turds out
133
00:05:54,943 --> 00:05:58,383
created by A.I. in the style
of Wes Anderson.
134
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,019
Why is that
in the video?
135
00:06:00,153 --> 00:06:02,057
Heh! You boys.
136
00:06:02,157 --> 00:06:04,797
Hey, I gotta clean the old
spit valve on my meat horn,
137
00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:06,832
but when I get back,
remind me to tell you
138
00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:08,671
about the time I bedded
Mrs. America
139
00:06:08,771 --> 00:06:10,675
after taking down three
terrorists with a thumbtack
140
00:06:10,775 --> 00:06:13,614
and a skunked can of Lowenbrau.
141
00:06:14,883 --> 00:06:17,955
Look, I know
what you're gonna say.
142
00:06:18,089 --> 00:06:19,759
My dad is such a hunk, right?
143
00:06:19,893 --> 00:06:22,264
Uh, that's not how
you should describe a parent.
144
00:06:22,397 --> 00:06:23,634
And didn't he abandon you?
145
00:06:23,768 --> 00:06:25,436
What? No. Pay attention.
146
00:06:25,437 --> 00:06:27,641
My dad wasn't the problem.
Junior was.
147
00:06:27,642 --> 00:06:29,580
He's the one who drove
my dad away from me,
148
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:31,115
literally and the opposite one.
149
00:06:31,215 --> 00:06:33,554
Imagine a son not having
his father around at that age.
150
00:06:33,654 --> 00:06:36,292
Dad, can I talk to you
about something?
151
00:06:36,392 --> 00:06:37,962
It's kind of important.
152
00:06:37,963 --> 00:06:39,832
The most important thing
in life is
153
00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:42,104
a father connecting on
a deep level with his son.
154
00:06:42,204 --> 00:06:46,145
So please leave me alone, so I
can connect with my father...
155
00:06:46,245 --> 00:06:47,849
son.
156
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:51,456
You OK, Stan? You look
absolutely crushed emotionally.
157
00:06:51,590 --> 00:06:55,229
As your dad's partner, I'm
very familiar with that look.
158
00:06:55,230 --> 00:06:57,334
There's something I really
need to talk to my dad about,
159
00:06:57,435 --> 00:06:58,804
but it's private.
160
00:06:58,938 --> 00:07:00,675
You can talk
freely here.
161
00:07:00,808 --> 00:07:03,881
Your dad's so abusive to us,
we're practically family.
162
00:07:04,014 --> 00:07:06,720
Well, last night,
I sort of had a weird dream,
163
00:07:06,854 --> 00:07:08,757
where everyone I knew was dead.
164
00:07:08,891 --> 00:07:10,562
You were just having
a nightmare.
165
00:07:10,695 --> 00:07:11,996
But when I woke up,
166
00:07:11,997 --> 00:07:15,605
there was a mess on the front of
my pajama pants.
167
00:07:15,738 --> 00:07:17,039
Come back.
Flute!
168
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,844
Wait!
Bad parenting ass.
169
00:07:18,978 --> 00:07:20,782
Hope you enjoyed
stealing Dad from me
170
00:07:20,882 --> 00:07:22,986
because once he sees how good I
am at detectiving,
171
00:07:23,086 --> 00:07:25,490
he's gonna dump you off
at a Carvana and stay with me.
172
00:07:25,624 --> 00:07:27,194
I wouldn't try that
if I were you.
173
00:07:27,327 --> 00:07:28,631
You couldn't handle Dad.
174
00:07:28,764 --> 00:07:30,768
Oh. Want to bet?
I'll bet you my legs.
175
00:07:30,869 --> 00:07:33,740
That's OK. I'm good
with my 4 wheels and one dad.
176
00:07:33,841 --> 00:07:35,778
Fine.
Then what about this?
177
00:07:35,878 --> 00:07:38,784
Oh, my hood ornament!
I knew you stole it.
178
00:07:38,884 --> 00:07:40,220
Solve the case
and I'll give it back,
179
00:07:40,387 --> 00:07:41,623
but if I solve it...
180
00:07:41,624 --> 00:07:43,726
I'll leave town
and you get Dad.
181
00:07:43,727 --> 00:07:45,864
Deal. Jinx!
Jinx. You owe me a Coke.
182
00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:47,768
Jinx. You owe me a kiss.
183
00:07:49,271 --> 00:07:51,209
And that's what happens
when you lose a jinx.
184
00:07:51,342 --> 00:07:52,578
What if you win it?
185
00:07:52,712 --> 00:07:54,549
Ohh, I don't know
why I kidnapped you.
186
00:07:59,157 --> 00:08:01,027
All right, Junior,
what you got?
187
00:08:01,028 --> 00:08:03,065
I've indexed businesses
with heavy machinery
188
00:08:03,165 --> 00:08:05,036
able to rip off a bank wall--
No, no, no, no.
189
00:08:05,169 --> 00:08:07,942
What you got for us tonight?
Daddy's looking for love.
190
00:08:08,043 --> 00:08:10,246
I have so much love
to give.
191
00:08:10,347 --> 00:08:11,917
Daddy's looking for sex, dummy.
192
00:08:12,017 --> 00:08:13,653
Well, since you like
waitresses, you should
193
00:08:13,787 --> 00:08:15,223
try The Wet Noodle.
194
00:08:15,356 --> 00:08:18,430
They're not the prettiest,
but they're not the prettiest.
195
00:08:18,531 --> 00:08:20,701
Heh. My boy gets me.
196
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:22,772
Take us there, Junior.
Sounds great.
197
00:08:22,872 --> 00:08:24,542
Did I ever tell you
about the time
198
00:08:24,642 --> 00:08:26,177
I bedded Mrs. America
199
00:08:26,178 --> 00:08:28,784
after killing three terrorists
with a thumbtack
200
00:08:28,951 --> 00:08:30,821
and a skunked can of Lowenbrau?
201
00:08:34,061 --> 00:08:36,933
A table for two...
people. No cars.
202
00:08:36,934 --> 00:08:38,971
Great.
Well, while you two eat,
203
00:08:39,071 --> 00:08:41,008
I'll check the heavy machinery
rental shop.
204
00:08:41,108 --> 00:08:42,812
Actually,
maybe I'll help Junior.
205
00:08:42,946 --> 00:08:45,249
Glad to see my boys
getting along.
206
00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:46,687
What's your name, doll?
207
00:08:46,820 --> 00:08:48,557
Huh. You're crazy
208
00:08:48,724 --> 00:08:50,192
if you think I'll
ever let you drive me.
209
00:08:50,193 --> 00:08:51,929
And you're crazy if you
think anyone
210
00:08:51,930 --> 00:08:53,866
would drive you now.
"Now"?
211
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,605
Now that you're
covered in seagulls.
212
00:08:55,705 --> 00:08:57,040
Crouton attack!
213
00:08:57,041 --> 00:08:59,244
Aah! Not the seagulls!
Yes, yes.
214
00:08:59,344 --> 00:09:02,416
Poop, my pretties. Poop...
Ugh! Why? Ugh. Ohh...
215
00:09:06,325 --> 00:09:07,561
Oh, great.
216
00:09:07,562 --> 00:09:09,031
He's one of those spiral-drawing
kids.
217
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:12,103
Look, we owe it to our community
to help this kid
218
00:09:12,104 --> 00:09:14,241
or we're gonna wind up
with another Jake Paul.
219
00:09:14,341 --> 00:09:17,347
As a lapsed/relapsed/
prolapsed Catholic,
220
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,683
you shouldn't talk about sex
221
00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:20,019
until after you've had
your third kid.
222
00:09:20,153 --> 00:09:21,790
Don't worry.
I'm downloading
223
00:09:21,890 --> 00:09:23,760
a chronological history of sex
off the internet
224
00:09:23,860 --> 00:09:25,463
to help explain it to Stan.
225
00:09:25,597 --> 00:09:27,301
I'm starting in the 1800s--
226
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:31,008
blowing kisses, tasteful
decolletage, furtive glances.
227
00:09:31,108 --> 00:09:34,181
Seriously?
The human body is my specialty.
228
00:09:34,315 --> 00:09:35,718
I'll handle this.
229
00:09:35,852 --> 00:09:38,022
Hmm. Pornography
used to be so artistic.
230
00:09:38,122 --> 00:09:42,197
Whoa! Looks like razors
haven't been invented yet.
231
00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:45,704
Wait here while I go
bond with a human
232
00:09:45,705 --> 00:09:49,477
in a way you can't because
you're a stupid car.
233
00:09:49,478 --> 00:09:50,915
Hey, man, I'm also a man.
234
00:09:51,048 --> 00:09:52,752
You want to shake hands
because we both have them?
235
00:09:54,288 --> 00:09:56,058
Oh, my God.
Is that a classic car?
236
00:09:56,225 --> 00:09:58,730
Wow. She's a beaut.
237
00:09:58,897 --> 00:10:00,600
You ain't
so bad yourself, Don.
238
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,204
Whoa! You can talk?
239
00:10:02,304 --> 00:10:05,944
I can say all kinds of
things, like "Suck it, Flute,"
240
00:10:06,045 --> 00:10:08,448
and "I need the names of anyone
that rented heavy machinery
241
00:10:08,449 --> 00:10:09,819
from you this week."
242
00:10:09,919 --> 00:10:11,656
Happy to give you that
private info
243
00:10:11,790 --> 00:10:14,261
if you'll let me look under
the hood.
244
00:10:15,898 --> 00:10:19,337
Yeah, you're looking
at 250 cubic inches.
245
00:10:19,338 --> 00:10:20,675
Damn! You're huge.
246
00:10:20,808 --> 00:10:22,912
Yeah, well,
I'm 5 1/2 clean.
247
00:10:23,046 --> 00:10:26,685
Now, give me that list of names
and a Mach Three Sensitive.
248
00:10:32,096 --> 00:10:33,133
Ha!
249
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,737
Have fun on the ground, car.
250
00:10:35,871 --> 00:10:39,745
Last one to the top has
to french my tailpipe. Ha ha!
251
00:10:44,523 --> 00:10:46,960
Uhh? Huh? Wait. Don't!
252
00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:49,900
I know all the words to "All Too
Well," ten-minute version.
253
00:10:50,033 --> 00:10:51,368
Ow! Fire!
254
00:10:55,711 --> 00:10:56,946
Ah, yes. Thank you.
255
00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:59,218
Mmm.
256
00:10:59,384 --> 00:11:04,294
Ah, ha ha ha! Got you back.
Now please flip me over.
257
00:11:06,567 --> 00:11:09,137
This is the morgue.
I am dying!
258
00:11:09,237 --> 00:11:10,773
Wynona, chuckling: No.
259
00:11:10,774 --> 00:11:12,344
You are here to see that
the human body is
260
00:11:12,444 --> 00:11:14,114
a beautiful piece of
engineering.
261
00:11:14,215 --> 00:11:17,321
And it all starts with
reproduction.
262
00:11:18,289 --> 00:11:19,693
Mr. Flesh: Holy human centipede.
263
00:11:19,793 --> 00:11:21,729
Sorry. Wrong body.
Ha ha!
264
00:11:21,830 --> 00:11:23,901
This guy was attacked by
his pet chimp.
265
00:11:24,001 --> 00:11:26,672
Anyway, this is where
the genitals would be
266
00:11:26,673 --> 00:11:28,242
if Bobo hadn't bitten them off.
267
00:11:28,375 --> 00:11:30,112
Mr. Flesh: Don't worry.
268
00:11:30,113 --> 00:11:31,850
This will be a pivotal part
of the podcast
269
00:11:31,984 --> 00:11:33,720
after you Menendez your parents.
270
00:11:33,854 --> 00:11:35,123
All right. That's enough.
271
00:11:35,223 --> 00:11:38,663
It's time to do things
the old-fashioned way.
272
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:40,199
Watching "Deep Throat" now.
273
00:11:40,299 --> 00:11:41,736
Still no sign of Nixon,
274
00:11:41,870 --> 00:11:43,205
and I'm really praying
that continues.
275
00:11:43,372 --> 00:11:45,076
Well, none of
those leads turned out.
276
00:11:45,243 --> 00:11:47,080
Can wait to tell Dad
how you beefed it.
277
00:11:47,247 --> 00:11:49,718
Well, not if I tell
him how you beefed it first.
278
00:11:49,719 --> 00:11:51,890
Wait. Is that Dad?
279
00:11:54,127 --> 00:11:57,033
Hey, Dad, um,
are--are you feeling OK?
280
00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:59,739
He's feeling great.
This dawg's on a walk of shame.
281
00:11:59,872 --> 00:12:01,643
Told you The Wet Noodle
was a bronze mine.
282
00:12:01,744 --> 00:12:03,046
What was her name?
283
00:12:03,146 --> 00:12:06,217
I...don't remember.
284
00:12:06,218 --> 00:12:08,757
Dad, I think you need
something to eat.
285
00:12:08,923 --> 00:12:10,160
I'm fine.
Don't tell me what to do.
286
00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:11,830
I wouldn't tell you
what to do, Dad.
287
00:12:11,930 --> 00:12:13,199
I believe
in permissive childing.
288
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:15,035
You still got that
butt banana?
289
00:12:15,036 --> 00:12:17,006
He needs food.
He's not thinking straight.
290
00:12:17,107 --> 00:12:19,477
Oh, really?
Then what's that?
291
00:12:19,612 --> 00:12:21,015
Dad figured it out.
292
00:12:21,115 --> 00:12:23,520
This is the heavy machinery
we've been looking for.
293
00:12:23,621 --> 00:12:25,156
Cross-checking
the internet,
294
00:12:25,290 --> 00:12:26,859
and they've had a rally
in every city
295
00:12:26,860 --> 00:12:29,198
where a bank's been robbed.
Let's go.
296
00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:30,901
You remember how many
fingers she had?
297
00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:33,272
That's how I know
the waitresses' names.
298
00:12:34,575 --> 00:12:38,249
Someone here robbed
the bank, but which one?
299
00:12:45,497 --> 00:12:47,433
Freeze. Police.
300
00:12:51,041 --> 00:12:53,278
Gah! I can't see.
301
00:13:05,804 --> 00:13:08,108
I won.
302
00:13:08,208 --> 00:13:10,313
Looks like Dad and I will
see you in another 30 years,
303
00:13:10,446 --> 00:13:11,516
Flutie boy.
304
00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:14,087
I doubt that based
on my cholesterol numbers
305
00:13:14,221 --> 00:13:17,193
and because I'm busting
this perp.
306
00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:19,966
Hey. What the...?
307
00:13:20,099 --> 00:13:22,236
All right. Fine. You won.
308
00:13:22,237 --> 00:13:25,043
But you need to understand,
Dad didn't just choose me.
309
00:13:25,176 --> 00:13:26,580
He needs me.
310
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,215
You're not that special.
311
00:13:28,315 --> 00:13:30,120
You're just a talking car.
Everything talks these days--
312
00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:31,856
my phone, my doorbell, my son.
313
00:13:31,990 --> 00:13:33,157
You don't understand.
314
00:13:33,158 --> 00:13:35,831
No, you don't
understand,
315
00:13:35,964 --> 00:13:38,034
so let me put it
in your language.
316
00:13:38,035 --> 00:13:40,574
The tank's on E and there's not
a gas station for miles.
317
00:13:40,741 --> 00:13:42,444
You're a wreck,
completely totaled.
318
00:13:42,545 --> 00:13:45,150
Even NPR wouldn't take you
as a tax-deductible donation
319
00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:46,987
to keep quality independent
programing on the air.
320
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:48,523
Your VIN number has been
sanded down.
321
00:13:48,524 --> 00:13:52,097
Stop it, stop it!
You made your point.
322
00:13:52,263 --> 00:13:55,637
Here's Mitchell's stuff.
323
00:13:55,638 --> 00:13:57,140
Where's Junior going?
324
00:13:57,273 --> 00:13:59,110
Who cares?
It's just me and you now.
325
00:13:59,111 --> 00:14:01,114
Uhh! Boy, this is heavy.
What's in it?
326
00:14:01,115 --> 00:14:03,520
Pills, CPAP machine, more pills.
327
00:14:03,620 --> 00:14:05,423
Say, did I ever tell
you about the time
328
00:14:05,524 --> 00:14:08,362
I bedded a terrorist after
I killed three Mrs. Americas
329
00:14:08,496 --> 00:14:11,367
with a thumbtack
and a skunked can of, um,
330
00:14:11,368 --> 00:14:12,705
of, uh...
331
00:14:12,872 --> 00:14:14,040
Lowenbrau?
332
00:14:14,174 --> 00:14:15,241
Sounds good.
Let's go get one.
333
00:14:15,242 --> 00:14:17,280
Oh. Time to scrub Daddy.
334
00:14:17,380 --> 00:14:19,284
And I'm not
referring to "Shark Tank's"
335
00:14:19,384 --> 00:14:21,923
number-one selling product,
though you may need one,
336
00:14:22,057 --> 00:14:24,027
because my adult diaper is full
337
00:14:24,128 --> 00:14:26,264
and it does not
smell Mr. Wonderful.
338
00:14:30,907 --> 00:14:32,411
36, 37.
339
00:14:32,545 --> 00:14:34,413
Wow. I didn't realize you had
so many health issues.
340
00:14:34,414 --> 00:14:37,354
Look, I know I wasn't
there when you needed me,
341
00:14:37,454 --> 00:14:40,794
and I appreciate you're here
when I need you.
342
00:14:40,894 --> 00:14:42,196
I love you.
343
00:14:42,296 --> 00:14:43,634
I've been waiting
my whole life
344
00:14:43,734 --> 00:14:45,035
for you to say that to me.
345
00:14:45,036 --> 00:14:46,605
Now
come sit on Daddy's lap.
346
00:14:46,606 --> 00:14:48,075
Hee hee! OK.
347
00:14:48,209 --> 00:14:50,546
So what's
underneath that shirt?
348
00:14:50,547 --> 00:14:52,751
A butcher's diagram
of a cow tattoo I got
349
00:14:52,752 --> 00:14:54,555
after watching ten minutes
of "The Bear."
350
00:14:54,722 --> 00:14:56,559
But then I binged the rest, and
now I want to get it removed.
351
00:14:56,726 --> 00:14:58,864
Too much screaming. You don't
have to work with your cousin.
352
00:14:58,964 --> 00:15:00,366
OK. Come on, darling.
353
00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:02,604
I'm not paying you to talk.
I'm paying you to clap.
354
00:15:06,045 --> 00:15:07,180
Now, when I was your age,
355
00:15:07,313 --> 00:15:08,950
a boy learned this stuff
by doing.
356
00:15:09,050 --> 00:15:11,789
Stan, I want you to meet...
357
00:15:11,889 --> 00:15:13,459
Vernadette.
358
00:15:13,594 --> 00:15:16,232
Vernadette holds the record for
the most arrests in Grimsburg.
359
00:15:16,365 --> 00:15:19,237
She does it all--
petty theft, light arson,
360
00:15:19,337 --> 00:15:21,141
instructional prostitution.
361
00:15:21,241 --> 00:15:23,781
Hey, kid,
you ready to become a--
362
00:15:26,318 --> 00:15:27,955
a man?
363
00:15:28,089 --> 00:15:30,393
Oh, Vernadette.
364
00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:01,288
So did you two... you know?
365
00:16:01,421 --> 00:16:03,960
Shucks!
We was having way too much fun
366
00:16:03,961 --> 00:16:05,998
on an all-new "Vernadette,"
367
00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:09,572
Friday nights at 8/7 Central.
368
00:16:14,248 --> 00:16:17,154
Junior, drunkenly:
Keep the ethanol coming, man.
369
00:16:17,254 --> 00:16:21,896
Say, you got a nice perm.
Want to solve crimes?
370
00:16:22,029 --> 00:16:23,499
I'll let you inside me.
371
00:16:23,667 --> 00:16:26,573
Hey! I can't believe you
cared more about winning a bet
372
00:16:26,673 --> 00:16:28,742
to hurt me than telling me
Dad was losing it.
373
00:16:28,743 --> 00:16:30,880
I was trying
to win the bet
374
00:16:30,881 --> 00:16:32,450
to save you from finding out.
375
00:16:32,585 --> 00:16:34,420
And were you saving
me when you ruined my life
376
00:16:34,421 --> 00:16:36,458
and ran away with Dad?
Fine.
377
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,462
Look, I was happy he took me
with him,
378
00:16:38,597 --> 00:16:40,333
but it hasn't been as great
as you think.
379
00:16:40,466 --> 00:16:43,206
I mean, did we have incredible
adventures? Sure.
380
00:16:43,306 --> 00:16:45,275
Have we dabbled in every sexual
experience,
381
00:16:45,276 --> 00:16:47,180
including a devil's four-way
with dad,
382
00:16:47,313 --> 00:16:50,152
a Waffle House waitress,
and her mid-size SUV? You bet.
383
00:16:50,153 --> 00:16:52,023
Did it traumatize me?
Ask my therapist.
384
00:16:52,024 --> 00:16:53,560
Do I have a therapist?
385
00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:56,766
No. Because my car insurance
doesn't cover mental health.
386
00:16:56,866 --> 00:16:59,538
I guess it wasn't
so great being you either, huh?
387
00:16:59,539 --> 00:17:02,276
You're too close to Dad
and I'm not close enough.
388
00:17:02,277 --> 00:17:04,347
It's been hard
since Dad's health turned south,
389
00:17:04,447 --> 00:17:06,285
but I didn't want you
to see that.
390
00:17:06,418 --> 00:17:08,288
I wanted you to remember him
the way he was.
391
00:17:08,422 --> 00:17:11,061
So you were trying to
protect me?
392
00:17:11,161 --> 00:17:14,668
Isn't that
what big brothers do?
393
00:17:16,005 --> 00:17:19,009
Thank you. Also, might
be time to change your blades.
394
00:17:19,010 --> 00:17:21,314
Thanks. So where is he?
395
00:17:21,448 --> 00:17:23,252
I left Dad at home.
Alone?!
396
00:17:23,352 --> 00:17:26,058
Y--you saw how he wanders.
397
00:17:26,191 --> 00:17:27,360
Oh...
398
00:17:27,460 --> 00:17:29,064
According to my tracking map,
399
00:17:29,198 --> 00:17:30,800
he's on the field at
the monster truck event.
400
00:17:30,901 --> 00:17:32,137
We gotta save Dad!
401
00:17:32,237 --> 00:17:33,438
You're too drunk.
I'll drive.
402
00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:37,346
I've always dreamed of getting
to drive--
403
00:17:37,446 --> 00:17:39,084
Oh, my God!
This seat is also a bedpan?
404
00:17:39,217 --> 00:17:40,888
How often do you empty this?
405
00:17:40,988 --> 00:17:42,357
Just drive.
406
00:17:45,797 --> 00:17:48,637
Well, I guess we're as bad
at parenting as Flute.
407
00:17:48,804 --> 00:17:50,306
We can't be that bad.
408
00:17:50,439 --> 00:17:52,611
The kid feels calm enough
to sleep around us.
409
00:17:52,745 --> 00:17:56,885
Aw. Cute kid.
Wonder what he's dreaming about.
410
00:17:56,886 --> 00:17:58,188
Dreaming?
411
00:17:58,355 --> 00:18:00,126
Wake him up before it happens
again.
412
00:18:00,226 --> 00:18:02,096
I'd say shake him,
but the last 20 years
413
00:18:02,230 --> 00:18:03,766
are the first time
in human history
414
00:18:03,867 --> 00:18:06,272
where you can't touch a kid,
no matter how rotten they are.
415
00:18:06,405 --> 00:18:09,845
What the hell are you
doing to Stan?
416
00:18:11,181 --> 00:18:13,451
Oh, great. Now I gotta
wash these, too?
417
00:18:13,452 --> 00:18:15,289
I already washed his pajamas
418
00:18:15,389 --> 00:18:16,959
after he slept on
that yogurt tube last night.
419
00:18:17,126 --> 00:18:18,361
Yogurt tube?
420
00:18:18,362 --> 00:18:20,266
Yeah, he lost
his last tooth,
421
00:18:20,366 --> 00:18:21,801
so I put a Go-Gurt under
his pillow
422
00:18:21,802 --> 00:18:24,274
because I had blown
the last of my cash on a horse
423
00:18:24,374 --> 00:18:26,645
that was supposed to
be a sure thing but turned out
424
00:18:26,646 --> 00:18:29,284
to be a kiddie ride
in front of a supermarket.
425
00:18:29,384 --> 00:18:32,089
I'm not a perfect mother.
426
00:18:33,693 --> 00:18:35,296
Perhaps we're not
as bad as we thought.
427
00:18:35,396 --> 00:18:37,434
Maybe parenting is just hard.
428
00:18:37,568 --> 00:18:40,039
Not as hard
as the stepmoms are making it.
429
00:18:40,139 --> 00:18:42,745
That's not how homework works!
430
00:18:49,023 --> 00:18:50,661
Dad!
431
00:18:50,794 --> 00:18:53,933
And that'll do it for
our monster truck show tonight.
432
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,469
Oh, thank goodness.
433
00:18:55,570 --> 00:18:58,341
Which means it's
time for Biggosaurus,
434
00:18:58,342 --> 00:19:01,415
and he's hungry
for some junky cars.
435
00:19:03,553 --> 00:19:06,927
Vroom. Vroom.
Meep-meep.
436
00:19:11,267 --> 00:19:12,905
Vroom. Rrr!
437
00:19:14,575 --> 00:19:17,948
Time for turbo boost.
438
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,519
Oops.
439
00:19:22,625 --> 00:19:24,460
It's too dangerous.
Jump out.
440
00:19:24,461 --> 00:19:28,102
No! We're a team.
No, we're a family.
441
00:19:30,874 --> 00:19:33,546
No!
442
00:19:41,428 --> 00:19:43,098
Oh, you can't hurt me.
443
00:19:43,198 --> 00:19:45,636
I've seen my dad's anus.
444
00:19:49,110 --> 00:19:51,982
Brother!
445
00:19:53,754 --> 00:19:55,657
But we were just getting to know
each other.
446
00:19:55,824 --> 00:19:57,460
I had so many questions.
447
00:19:57,561 --> 00:19:59,196
Like, do you get horny
for other cars?
448
00:19:59,197 --> 00:20:00,567
And, well, that was it,
449
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,437
but I'm sure there would have
been more.
450
00:20:02,538 --> 00:20:05,944
Just take care of Dad,
and I'm actually...
451
00:20:06,077 --> 00:20:08,516
into trains.
452
00:20:08,616 --> 00:20:11,054
No, Junior.
Please don't--
453
00:20:13,593 --> 00:20:15,697
die.
454
00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:21,942
Thanks for fixing Junior, Tisha.
Happy birthday.
455
00:20:22,042 --> 00:20:24,914
I know this
is a rare moment of lucidity,
456
00:20:24,915 --> 00:20:27,253
so I'm going to say it quick
before it's gone.
457
00:20:27,354 --> 00:20:31,360
I'm proud of you.
You're a good man...
458
00:20:31,361 --> 00:20:33,767
with a great rack.
459
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:36,104
I feel good as new.
460
00:20:36,204 --> 00:20:37,775
Well, not quite.
461
00:20:53,305 --> 00:20:55,408
My dad is such a hunk.
462
00:20:55,409 --> 00:20:57,313
Ugh.
I guess that does sound weird.
463
00:21:01,455 --> 00:21:02,691
Mitchell Flute,
464
00:21:02,792 --> 00:21:05,161
a lone crusader
in a dangerous world
465
00:21:05,162 --> 00:21:07,067
that has totally passed him by.
466
00:21:07,167 --> 00:21:09,404
He and his car--mostly his car--
467
00:21:09,505 --> 00:21:10,939
fight crime, help the helpless,
468
00:21:10,940 --> 00:21:13,412
and no longer have sex
in front of each other
469
00:21:13,547 --> 00:21:15,416
because they've set up
healthy boundaries.
470
00:21:15,551 --> 00:21:18,055
So if you seek justice
and you can find him
471
00:21:18,155 --> 00:21:19,692
and it's within daylight hours
472
00:21:19,825 --> 00:21:22,162
and there's not
lots of memorizing involved,
473
00:21:22,296 --> 00:21:23,733
you, too, can hire--
474
00:21:23,834 --> 00:21:25,504
Should we pull over
and...?
475
00:21:25,670 --> 00:21:26,906
No.
476
00:21:27,006 --> 00:21:28,943
Mitchell Flute.
477
00:21:34,588 --> 00:21:35,823
Bento.
35303
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