Original subtitles

(Irv) Previously on "Everwood.."

You would never have gone for Ephram?

Not my type, I mean, no offense, but..

...I'm actually more into guys like your brother.

- Bright? - Surprisingly shallow.

- Are you asking me out? - I was trying to.

I'm sorry.

I think I'm in love with somebody else.

- Do I know him? - No.

Someone I went to high school with.

["The Birds And The Bees"]

♪ Let me tell you about ♪

♪ The birds and the bees ♪

♪ And the flowers and the trees ♪

♪ And the moon up above ♪

Nice voice.

Sound a little like Rod Stewart.

I'll take it.

So, what can I do you for, Ephram?

Oh, I-I just, I just came by to talk to Dr. Jake.

I don't have an appointment

but won't be more than 15 seconds.

No problem. He just got in.

Go on back to Exam Room One and I'll let him know you're here.

Thanks.

[door opens]

Ephram Brown.

Seems to be a pretty common last name around here.

- Unless? - Yeah. Son of.

You're Andy Brown's son. No way!

Way.

[chuckles] Your dad is the man.

I looked him up when I got here

and th-there are like 500,000

websites with his name in them.

He's like the Madonna of medicine.

I'll be sure to pass that on.

Well, so what're you doing here?

I mean, I-I just came by to get

you know, tested for whatever, sexually.

I mean, whatever you test for, go ahead and test away.

Sure. We can do that. No problem.

Uh, I just need you to, uh, fill out some paperwork here.

It's just, uh, basic sexual history stuff, if that's okay.

It's standard procedure.

Yeah, no, that's great.

Okay, here you go.

Well, so what's he like as a dad? Is he cool?

Yeah, I mean, you know, he's, uh, h-he's my dad.

When I was a resident at Cedars, I met tons of famous people.

'And so you know, y-you'd meet their kids'

'and they'd be all kinds of crazy.'

'I just figured that anybody'

who is as successful as your dad

would probably be a lousy parent

but y-you seem pretty normal.

Yeah, it's asking me here if I've ever had sex with animals?

Oh, yeah, people do weird things.

Just write no.

- Unless? - No!

- Yeah, definitely no. - 'This is just kind of funny.'

I-I usually don't get this excited.

I mean, I treated Spielberg--

Conventional intercourse, would be?

- Uh, intercourse with a woman. - Right.

Anyway, all the other residents, they were totally curious.

You know, like what kind of DVDs did Spielberg bring in?

What kind of books did he read?

I-I am done.

Oh, great.

Okay.

You know, on-on the unprotected question, um..

Let's say like two times you didn't have something

with you and-and once ...it broke.

I mean, what are your odds of catching something?

Seeing as you're not an intravenous drug user

and you've only had one partner, I consider you

a low-risk candidate.

Great.

Okay, so you're not currently sexually active?

Uh, no, I'm not. Uh..

But I'm hoping to be, which is why I'm here.

Well, that's responsible of you.

I kinda gotta get going, so..

Of course.

Okay, well, we can do these tests for you right now.

I'll run the whole panel and we can have results for you

within in a few days.

'Back in a flash.'

[theme music]

[indistinct chatter]

How's it going, beautiful?

Ah, spare me the sweet talk

and tell me you can do short order.

- That good, huh? - 'Yeah.'

Hey, you've seen Andy at all around today?

Uh, actually I haven't. Why, is everything okay?

Yeah, yeah. I just need to talk to him.

'So, hey, how's everything going with the high school guy?'

You know, the one you're in love with?

Oh. Oh, yeah. It-it's going okay.

Just okay?

Well, what did he say when you told him? Did he flip out?

Uh, not exactly.

What are you.. Jake?

- Talk to me. What happened? - You're not allowed back here.

I know. I know, it's a high security post.

- So, what's going on? - Nothing's going on.

I haven't said anything to him yet.

Don't look at me like that. I just..

I haven't had a chance. The right moment hasn't come up.

Well, it's never gonna be the right moment.

You just have to do it.

Why is this so important to you?

Because I just hate to see you

wasting your time pining.

That makes two of us

and that's just a total waste of energy.

It's, it's just..

It's complicated.

He's a good friend.

And as cliche as this may sound

it's hard to cross that line, if I say something

and he doesn't feel the same way back

it could get all weird between us

I mean, our whole friendship is gonna change.

Well, it already has. At least for you.

I mean, the fact that you're not being honest

with him right now, what kind of friendship is that?

And besides, if you don't tell him

I'm gonna keep on flirting with you.

Jake..

Okay.

I'm going to retreat now

to the unrestricted zone.

Don't be scared, Nina.

Just do it.

(Amy) 'The first times always hurts but it gets easier, I promise.'

Oh, maybe I'm not ready for this.

Let me just try it one more time?

(Rose) Amy, I'm leaving now.

I'll be home on Monday. You have grandma's number?

Oh, my God! I think it's stuck up inside my eyeball.

Oh, let me see. Let me see. Oh, yeah, I see it.

It's up to the left. Do you want me to grab it?

Are you sure you should be doing this?

- We're fine, mom. - I think I got it, I got it.

- Are you sure? - I got it. Uh..

Mom, doesn't Hannah look great without her glasses?

- Beautiful. - Stop it.

You girls have fun.

Bye. Love you.

See, you're suffering now

but it's gonna be totally worth it, I promise.

Like, remember the first time you shaved your legs?

Completely traumatic, but now it's like nothing.

No, it's still traumatic.

[sighs]

So, is Bright home?

He's, uh, working the restaurant today, I think. Why?

Just curious.

What?

(Amy) Okay, I don't want to sound like

I hate my brother right now

because I don't, but..

...you can't like him.

You think he's out of my league?

No, it's just better to be on the same level

'as the person that you like, in terms of experience.'

How far have you gone?

Oh, come on. It's not like I'm the queen of experience either.

Trust me.

Um, I've never kissed a guy.

Okay.

Now you see, Bright is at the other end

of the fooling-around spectrum.

I mean, there's a huge gap between someone who's never

kissed a guy and someone who's

been with half of county.

It's like he's Tiger Woods and you're playing miniature golf.

Only I've never even held a club.

It's not all about how far you've gone.

It has a lot to do with attitude too.

I mean, Ephram and I

we take these things very seriously.

We're comfortable talking about them.

Bright doesn't take anything seriously at all.

Do you really want your first kiss

to be with someone like that?

Maybe.

Hannah, no.

Oh, my gosh, just forget about my brother

and I promise that I will make it my mission

to find you someone better.

And besides, with those new contact lenses

I'm not even gonna have to try.

Okay.

So, when's he getting home?

[giggles]

Are we alone?

Well, Dr. Abbott left an hour ago, if that's who

you're referring to, unless it's Louise you're worried about.

Yeah, she's pretty scrappy, but I think I can take her.

So, hey. Uh, I just wanted to run something by you.

How's Edna doing?

Um, great. She's-she's been great.

Has she made you her famous spiced cider yet?

Uh, I can't say that I've had the cider. No.

Oh, that's too bad. It's terrific.

You know she mills the spices herself.

She has a mortar and pestle, and she takes little--

Look, uh, a boy

a senior, 17 years old

came into my office today, for an STD test.

Okay.

Okay, and..

I'm sure it's different in L.A.

I'm-I'm just curious how it works here in Everwood.

Do you give them free contraceptives?

It's your call, doctor. You do whatever you want to do.

Well, yes, but since the kid's a minor

I mean, do you notify the parent?

Parent or parents?

Actually, I think he's being raised by a single dad.

Well, in that case, I would, uh

talk to him, make sure that he's..

...being safe, and if anything abnormal showed up in the--

No, I don't, I don't think that's the issue here.

I think he's just doing them as a precaution

you know, before.

Right.

Well, it seems like you're covering all your bases.

Okay. Good.

I'm just trying to do the right thing here, you know.

I don't wanna make any more rookie mistakes in this town.

Thanks, Andy.

[doorbell rings]

Coming.

Ah, Dr. Brown. Come in. Come in.

Your timing is impeccable.

Debra Winger's just been diagnosed

with a malignant tumor.

Another serving of shells and cheese

is simmering on the stovetop.

No, thanks. I just ate.

Well, Suit yourself.

- Harold, listen. Uh-- - 'You know I have to tell you.'

This whole bachelorhood thing is not at all intolerable.

Do you realize I have serving utensils

sitting in the sink unrinsed?

Unrinsed.

Now, do you have any idea the kind of freedom that is?

Ephram and Amy are gonna have sex.

What?

Jake came by my office after work today.

Apparently, Ephram went to see him for an STD test.

Just as a precaution before they..

Before they..

'Well, I'm assuming it hasn't happened yet'

at least that's what he thought.

Jake told you this?

'In a roundabout way, yes.'

And believe me, the irony did not go unnoticed.

It made me feel kind of bad about last year with Amy.

But, listen, that's not important. The point is--

The point is, they're going to have sex.

- Looks like it, yes. - But how?

Oh, how did this happen?

Well, they're both seniors in high school.

They're going off to college next year.

It's not that unusual. Ephram's already had sex.

'So he's probably over ready.'

- You think he's pressuring her? - No, I don't think that.

And you don't think that.

I think my macaroni and cheese

is coming back on me, that's what I think.

My God, whatever happened

to good old-fashioned handholding?

A chaste kiss on the cheek

in the presence of a chaperone?

I don't know, Harold.

Maybe they went the way of the poodle skirt.

And you had to go ahead and build that

soundproof garage for Ephram.

Why not just buy them their very own Motel 6?

Oh, calm down, Harold. The reason I came here--

Oh, don't tell me to calm down, Andy.

My daughter's about to be deflowered by super sperm

over there, I'm not supposed to have a reaction?

- You don't understand. - Of course, I understand.

Ephram's my son. I'm just as upset about this as you are.

No, you're not. It's not the same with boys.

I had the talk with Bright last year, lasted all of 15 minutes

I never even thought about it again.

But Amy..

Amy, she's my little girl.

It's different, Andy.

You'll see, in ten years time, when you're having this

conversation with Delia, get back to me.

You're right.

I probably wouldn't have given this a second thought if..

...everything hadn't happened last year with--

With Madison. I know.

Listen, I'll talk to him. Maybe..

Maybe I can convince him

to hold off for awhile.

And I'll talk to Amy too.

Perhaps I'll..

Oh, God!

Rose is out of town all weekend

visiting that wretched mother of hers.

Do you think this can wait until Monday?

Well, we can wait.

The question is, could they wait?

Welcome to bachelorhood, Harold.

[sighs]

- Andy? - Hmm.

Do you have any idea what you're going to say?

Nope. You?

None whatsoever.

[piano music]

You in the middle of something?

Not anymore. What's up?

I wanna talk to you about sex.

Well, I don't know how much pot you smoked in the 60's

but we had this conversation already last year.

I know that.

We gonna have it again

with every girl I date till I'm married?

Hopefully, this will be my swan song.

But this one's a little different.

This time I'm going to tell you that

I don't think you should..

...have sex...with Amy.

That was supposed to be a complete sentence.

Are you forbidding it?

Obviously, I can't control the decisions that you make

but I, I would appreciate it

if you would hear me out.

I know that you and Amy are in love

'and I know that that feeling is very powerful.'

'It makes you want to push the relationship forward'

but I would like you to think about how it was for you

with Madison last year.

How did you know I had sex with Madison?

Because at some point, the relationship deepened.

It changed.

You changed.

And I saw it happen.

And I want you

to think about

how you felt after it happened

'and multiply those feelings by a thousand'

'and that's how it's gonna be for Amy.'

Yeah, I hear you, and if-if I didn't think that

I was in this for the long haul, then I might agree.

That's just it. You are in it for the long haul.

I can see that.

Which is why you can afford to take your time.

I mean, how's it going for you two right now?

Great. We're the best we've ever been.

Well, sex changes that.

'Forever.'

'Dynamics..'

'...the focus of the relationship.'

'I mean, you two have worked'

'so hard for so long to be together'

and to be happy.

You willing to risk that?

Not when you put it like that.

'Look, I know that sex has a way'

of feeling like the prize, especially at your age

'and I understand.'

'All I'm asking for you to do'

'is to just...take your time.'

I just want you to, uh..

...enjoy getting to that.

It's worth it.

- Impressive. - Yeah?

Yeah, I mean, definitely one of your better ones.

It hasn't come up yet, but, uh, you know

if it does, I'll be sure to think about it.

[instrumental music]

Crudites?

What is all of this?

High tea.

Try the spread, it's wonderful.

No, I'm good.

Dad, you realize the last time

that we had a tea party, I was, like, four.

Yes. Yes.

And do you remember those tea parties?

How we used to make those little cakes in your Easy Bake Oven?

Those were delicious, weren't they?

- Um, yeah. - Yes.

But remember how if we took them out prematurely..

...they wouldn't be ready.

Hmm?

Because, honey, it wasn't time yet.

I'm-I'm talking about sex, Amy.

I know that you and Ephram have discussed it.

What? No. N-no we haven't.

- Of course, you have. - No we haven't, dad.

Come now, we should be able to engage

in an honest discourse on this subject

without falling prey to the typical flusterings.

I am a hip dad.

For the record, you can't say you're hip.

It kind of goes against actually being hip.

Is mom home yet?

Oh, we do not need your mother.

Here, have a scone.

- Listen to me. - Dad--

Just..

'I know that you and Ephram aren't kids anymore.'

You're teenagers with all of those hormones

coursing through your bodies.

Why wouldn't you be thinking about sex?

I guess it' s not that I'm-I'm not thinking about it. I just--

'Oh, honey, it's only natural.'

What with the media bombarding you

with suggestive imagery every chance it gets.

Movies, television.

'Not to mention those Victoria's Secret commercials'

which leave very little to the imagination.

And I'm sure that

many of your peers are even trying it out.

- Yeah, some of them. - Lots of them.

And I'm assuming you're still on the...pill?

Yes, but only because Aunt Linda said

it wasn't good to go on and off of it.

So I just...stayed on.

Unless, maybe, subconsciously I..

...stayed on for Ephram and I.

You probably did.

Because you wanted your..

...first time to be with someone that

you're in love with, and you felt comfortable with.

Yes, that's true.

See, I understand these things.

Maybe you're right.

Maybe I've just avoided talking

to Ephram about this, because I'm..

I don't know.

Scared of my sexuality.

No. W-what's that now? You..

Dad, you're probably dead on.

I'm probably a lot closer to this than I thought.

Maybe it is time I start talking to Ephram about this stuff.

Wait, so you truly have not actually--

'Dad, this is fantastic.'

You really clarified a lot of stuff for me.

And you were right, we didn't need mom at all for this.

[door opens]

Hannah, hey. Uh, we don't open until 5:30.

Yeah, I know. I'm actually not here to eat.

I can't remember if I told you or not

but I'm living at Nina's

and she's got a whole other person

to feed now that I'm there.

And, uh, she works so hard already

so I was thinking maybe I could help her out.

And I know you seem to really enjoy working here, so--

- What, you want a job? - Yeah.

Are you okay? Do you have something in your eye?

No. Well, technically yes.

I'm just having some blinking issues.

Oh.

So listen, uh, my manager's not here right now

and I'm on the clock, so..

Uh, okay.

But, uh, I can get you an application

if you just hang for a little while.

'I gotta do a few things.'

Sure, I can hang.

Alright.

You're really good at that.

Setting up really fast.

Eh. I don't think about it anymore.

You get used to it, you know.

Well, it's obvious you're a natural.

Really coordinated and everything.

Uh, so you want some restaurant lingo?

So when you sit down with Mikey you'll sound more professional.

Sure.

This, what I'm doing right here

it's called marrying the ketchups.

Because you're marrying two ketchups?

Exactly.

Do you, Mr. Heinz

take you, Miss, uh, Generic Tomato Paste

to be your lawfully wedded wife?

I do.

There must be a lot of inbreeding, huh?

'Cause they're both ketchups.

You know, they're keeping it in the family.

I'm sorry. That was stupid.

Oh, no. No, I get it. It took me a while.

I like it. You're twisted.

- Thanks. - Yeah.

Gotta got that

Ephram smart thing going on.

So, uh, what are you doing right now?

Now?

'Cause I am off.

And I was thinking about going to grab a movie. Wanna come?

Yeah. Uh, yeah, I can definitely come. Sure.

- Then let's hit it. - Okay.

Oh, wait a minute.

You wanted that application, right?

- Right, yes. - One second.

[sighs]

[knocking on door]

Hello?

- Andy? - Nina!

There's my lovely next-door neighbor.

'You know what you are looking at?'

You are looking at one hell of a father-son communicator.

- Is that so? - 'Mm-hmm.'

I had a very nice chat with Ephram this morning

and, uh, let's just say that I was extremely effective.

That sounds like a good enough reason for a night on the town

which is why I came by.

Well, I-I have a sitter

for tonight, she offered to work.

I think she was just looking for an excuse

to get away from her boyfriend, but I just heard about

this new tapas place, sounds really good.

You get a whole bunch of little tastes.

Oh, very Spanish. Sounds great.

What time should we go?

Um, actually I made a reservation

for 8 o'clock, so, uh?

A reservation?

Uh, yeah.

Wow, I haven't heard that term in over a year.

Must be pretty swanky.

Yeah, well, it's just new.

So, uh, so I'll come by around 7:30?

- Yeah, perfect. - Okay, see you at 7:30.

So, I had sort of an interesting conversation with my dad today.

Yeah?

Yeah, apparently he thinks we're having sex.

Or that we're thinking about it anyways.

That's a little weird.

I had the exact same

conversation with my dad today.

Really?

I guess it's in the air.

How long ago did you guys have this talk?

A few hours ago.

The funny thing is, he just sort of assumed that

we've been thinking about it, wh-which I haven't really

but the fact that he was made me think that

maybe we should be.

Edna?

Ooh, I bring up sex and you bring up my grandma.

Okay, so this is not a big deal, so don't, like, freak out

or anything, but I went and, uh, saw Dr. Jake the other day

just for, you know, some routine check-ups and stuff.

And I decided that I, I should probably get tested.

So I did, and Edna must've seen my chart

and told our dads

which is why we're both getting the talk.

Oh, wait, you went to get tested for, like, HIV and stuff?

Yeah, it seemed like the responsible thing to do, so..

Why didn't you tell me?

Uh, I don't know.

I guess I thought that they were my tests

and they didn't really have anything to do with you.

Okay.

I mean, I took the tests for you.

I just figured I'd wait until I had a clean bill of health

before I got you involved.

That's romantic.

Some girls get flowers and I get test results.

'No, I'm serious, Ephram.'

The second that I started thinking about this

I talked to you about it, like four minutes ago.

But not only did you not talk to me about it

you got a doctor's appointment

'and got blood taken and--'

And you're making this into a way bigger deal

than it needs to be, okay.

What, the getting tested or the having sex?

Either. Both.

I mean, it doesn't have to be this massive.

Right, because you're such an experienced sex God that

our first time is just whatever.

- No, it's not my first time. - But it's our first time.

Thanks for reminding me though because

you know, you getting an STD test wasn't enough.

- Amy? - 'You know what, Ephram?'

It doesn't even matter because this whole thing

has just made me realize that we are not even

close to being ready, anyways.

Way to go, dad! Almost had me this time.

What are you talking about?

I know you know that I went to get tested

which is why you gave me that load of crap

about holding off with Amy.

It's not a load of crap.

As if you had no idea.

As if you're just Mr. Father-Knows-Best.

Alright, I knew.

But you clearly didn't want

to discuss it with me.

Most of the time you just say the stupidest crap

which really pisses me off, but every once in a while

you actually say something that makes sense like, this morning

I was actually thinking about taking your advice.

Look, the fact that I knew about

your doctor's appointment doesn't change our conversation.

Yes, it does. It completely does.

Because it came from a totally false place.

Motivated by some personal agenda which I don't get.

Well, what don't you get?

Why you care? Seriously, I..

W-why are you jumping through hoops

trying to keep me from having sex?

Maybe if it was my first time

I get it, but it's not.

Sex has been had, so

why are you freaking out now?

Because..

...with you and Amy

it's, it's much more serious.

- That's why I-I-- - I don't care.

Alright, forget it.

Hey.

'Yeah, if I wanna have sex'

I'm gonna have sex

and I'm not gonna talk to you about it.

I'll just cancel that reservation.

- Amy. - Hi, grandma.

You totally ruined my life.

Well, this should be fun.

(Amy) 'I mean, it is obviously not all your fault'

I just don't understand why you would go to my dad

instead of coming to me, especially after everything

'we went through last year.'

Come to you about what?

You're making me dizzy, private.

I know that you know that Ephram went to get an STD test

from Dr. Jake and I know that you told my dad

who told Dr. Brown, or you told Dr. Brown who told my dad.

I'm not quite sure of the order here.

Okay.

The point is that now

the entire population of Everwood knows

that Ephram wanted to have sex with me except for me.

So you didn't know he was getting tested?

- No! - Okay. Okay.

I'm just trying to break this down to basics.

So you're upset that Ephram didn't tell you?

I'm upset because..

...because this whole thing is just embarrassing.

Farting in a public restroom is embarrassing.

That's not what's got you bugged.

So if you're gonna throw a hissy fit at me at least be honest.

I feel like an idiot.

I-I've just been trying to convince myself

that Ephram and I are on the same page with this stuff.

Like sex and everything.

I mean, I-I knew that

he slept with Madison.

He told me that, but I just

thought that maybe if I didn't think about that

that I could pretend like it didn't happen.

Well, why does it matter that it happened?

Because...how am I gonna live up to that?

What?

Oh, Amy.

'Oh, grandma, try to be a little unbiased here, seriously.'

I mean, the girl's like four years older than me.

Clearly way more experienced, a hell of a lot prettier.

Now watch it. That's my favorite granddaughter you're insulting.

I'm serious though.

I mean...I just try to imagine

that Ephram and I were in the same universe

and the bottom line is, we're not.

You're in love.

That's the only universe that counts.

Listen to me.

Sex isn't just an act

you learn how to do once.

It's different with every person.

'And-and every time you embark on that journey'

with someone new, it's scary.

No matter how many times you've done it before.

Heck, the first time Irv and I--

Ooh, grandma, no.

Sorry.

But you get what I'm saying.

It's alright to be afraid or nervous.

'It just means it's important to you.'

Yeah.

I guess I don't fully believe you yet

but I appreciate the thought.

Thank you.

Edna?

You ever discuss a patient's business

outside the office again

you'll be begging for a court-martial.

How did you find out--

I'm like God, that's how. I know all.

The kid is a minor, and to tell you the truth

he looked kind of freaked out

sitting in my office all by himself.

If I were his parent, I would want to know.

You don't get to make that call.

What you did was unprofessional!

If you're talking confidentiality

I didn't mention his name, not once.

And I gotta say, I-I still don't know how you--

Pay attention, because it might be complicated

for your California pea-sized brain to understand.

Ephram Brown, son of Dr. Brown

goes out with Amy Abbott

daughter of Dr. Abbott

who happens to be my son

which makes her my granddaughter.

Wow!

- It's like a Greek play. - That's right.

So if you ever do anything like this again

I'll buy a broach and stab you in the eyes myself.

Hey, Edna.

How come you never make me your spiced cider?

So, how are you liking this place?

Nina treating you alright?

Yeah, Nina's great.

I've met a lot of really nice people.

Uh, you mean my sister and her permanent appendage.

And you.

So, hey, good luck with that application.

If you need any help with the restaurant lingo

give me a buzz.

- Really? - Yeah.

Oh.

I'm sorry, did I lean in wrong?

No. No. It's just, uh..

This, this isn't that kind of night, Hannah.

I-I know, I'm trying to make it that kind of night.

I like you, Bright.

Yeah, I know. I kind of figured that out from before.

Oh, you.. Okay.

Hey, look, I'm sorry. I hope I didn't lead you on or anything.

No. No. No, you didn't. It's fine.

Although, actually you kinda did.

I mean, if you knew that I..

Why would you do all that stuff?

We just went to the movies, Hannah.

It's not like I tried to rip your shirt off.

No. Hey. Look-look. Hey, you're right, okay.

I flirted with you, but I-I don't know why.

It's just a natural reflex with me, and--

And what?

And I don't know, I guess part of me

liked having the company.

I mean, look, I'm really messed up right now.

My life is nothing like how I pictured it.

You know, all my friends are off to college.

And Ephram, h-he's my best friend.

We're not even talking right now.

You coming in the restaurant today, I mean, you were looking

up to me and treating me like a movie star or something.

It made me feel good.

I haven't felt like that in a long time.

Maybe you don't deserve to.

[door slams]

(Andy) 'It's like every time we take two steps forward'

we-we're taking 30 steps back.

Oh, I'm sure it's not that bad. Maybe 29 steps, tops.

Well, and obviously, it doesn't matter.

He's gonna do what he wants to do..

There's nothing I can do about it.

But there never was anything you could've done about it.

I mean, I'm sure that it was hell of a speech

but...you didn't really think that you were gonna stop them

from having sex, did you?

Why is that so crazy?

I mean, when did we get to this point where kids just have sex

and we're supposed to be okay with it?

At least you know that Ephram is being responsible

and you guys did cover that stuff last year.

Please. Last year I had my head in the sand.

I was so busy trying to be his friend, his buddy.

I think I actually told him to go and have fun

'if you can believe that.'

Well, it doesn't sound like the worst advice.

Well, trust me, it is.

You know, you can only pull off that friend routine for so long

before being a parent catches up with you

and you start to think about

the ten million things that can go wrong.

But you can't think about that stuff.

I mean, you can, but it'll just drive you nuts.

If I worried about every possible concussion

Sam might get when he hits the monkey bars, I'd go insane.

Well, monkey bars are very dangerous too, Nina.

I could tell you stories.

Please don't.

But that's the thing, Andy.

There, there comes a point

where you just have to trust your kid

and have faith in the universe that they're gonna be okay.

Yeah, well..

I don't have that kind of faith.

Well, I do.

And I keep a little extra for you.

So don't worry, okay?

I don't know what I'd do without you, Nina. I really don't.

[sighs] Look at you in that outfit.

I can't believe I messed up your evening tonight.

Ah, it's okay. I can always wear it again.

Yeah, but you look so pretty.

And I could've been your wingman tonight.

I mean, I bet there are thousands

of single guys at that place.

Well, you know what, I'll make it up to you.

Take a rain check, okay?

Sure. Rain check.

- 'Hey, Bright.' - Look, I already know, okay?

'So don't bothering laying into me.'

You can't make me feel any worse than I already do.

Umm, hello, guilty conscience.

'I just came to tell you that'

I took the trash out so you don't have to.

Oh. Thanks.

So, what'd you do?

Nothing.

Get into another fight with dad?

Mom? Ephram?

Look, I'm not gonna talk to you about this, okay?

- So, go. - Okay, fine.

I don't really have the head space to listen

to what you have to say anyways.

Good.

But let me just give you two seconds of advice.

No, I'm serious, and this is coming from a girl

who's done therapy, yoga and antidepressants

so I know what I'm talking about.

You can't keep shutting people out, Bright.

I mean, I know you think you can

because you think that you'll keep

finding new doors to open

but the fact is, they're not there.

They're actually are a limited number of doors

and an extremely limited number of great people

who really, really care.

So just work it out with whoever.

If there's a thousand people pissed at you

then just...start with one.

And start soon, because it's really hard losing people.

But it's even harder getting them back.

That's it.

[Hannah sobbing]

Hannah, I think I am gonna take that blue one back.

'Honey, is something wrong?'

No. No. I'm fine.

Something happen at home? Did your mom call?

Oh, no, no, it's..

It's nothing, it's just stupid boy stuff.

[scoffs] Well, there is nothing stupid about boy stuff.

You know how they say if you

put yourself out there, like really risk something

like your heart or something

then it's supposed to work out?

Who says that?

- You know, movies, Shakespeare. - Oh, right.

Yeah, well, it's definitely not true.

And personally, I think it is a very bad idea

putting yourself out there, you're, like, unwise.

So, I'm guessing that you put your heart on the line

and you didn't get the outcome you were hoping for?

I just thought you know, if I..

...if I got contact lenses and did my hair the right way

then...maybe I'd be that girl that guys like back.

But I'm not that girl.

I'm never gonna be that girl.

Oh! And I never should've told him that I liked him. Oh!

Him who? Never mind, it doesn't matter.

But, honey, there's nothing wrong with what you did.

Yes, there is, because he doesn't like me back

and now I just look like this enormous idiot.

No, you don't.

[scoffs] Actually, you look

incredibly brave to me.

'It takes guts to tell someone how you feel about them.'

And you know what

it almost doesn't matter what they say back.

Just the fact that you had the courage to say it

means that you are the kind of girl that gets the guy.

Not all the guys, the right guy.

The one who's gonna appreciate how rare you are.

[sniffles]

It's just...I liked liking him.

It was fun to think about him.

'It was a fun dream to go to sleep, too, you know?'

I guess false hope is better than no hope at all, right?

[sighs] Shakespeare, what a hack!

[laughs] Yep, I say that we skip dinner tonight

and go straight to dessert, what do you think?

[chuckles] I like it.

Oh. I almost forgot.

Somebody left this by the front door. I assume, it's for you.

Ketchup children.

What does that mean?

Consolation prize.

[instrumental music]

You know, these crumpets are delicious.

I've never actually had a crumpet.

Hear me out, Brown. I've researched thoroughly.

Several well-respected programs

accept new students at the semester break.

And over for one is an exceptional music program.

I don't think that's the answer.

Okay, option two.

We devise a system whereby at no time

are these two left unsupervised.

Did you know, there is a LoJack device

specifically designed for people?

People on parole...from prison.

But the technology exists.

We decide how to use it.

It's over, isn't it?

Not necessarily.

They're teenagers.

There's a very good chance they'll screw

this relationship up before

they even get to the sex.

Here's to praying.

(Rose) 'Hello. Anybody home?'

- Rose? - 'Harold?'

Thank God.

Never leave me alone again.

(Rose) 'Oh, it's good to see you too, dear.'

(Harold) 'We need to buy locks, Rose.'

Lots of locks and a security system.

Preferably something with a motion detector.

- 'Was there a break in?' - Not yet.

- Hi, Rose. Welcome back. - Oh, Dr. Brown.

I don't know what we have in the way of food

but you're welcome to stay for dinner.

No. No, I'm fine.

- I'll see you tomorrow, Harold. - Yes. Yes.

Let me tell you, Rose.

You can not imagine the kind

of weekend that I've had.

'Oh, well, let me tell you'

'my mother was in fine form as well.'

You know, if we went to see another movie we could spend

another two hours avoiding a conversation?

Yeah, I was thinking a triple feature.

It could be like the whole week never happened.

No, I'm glad this week happened, Ephram.

I'm not necessarily a fan of how it happened, just..

Pick a hand.

What?

Pick a hand.

That one.

What is this?

An apology letter, how very formal of you.

Your test results.

I wanted to try to make them

as romantic as possible.

You know, pretty street, starry night.

And you're clean.

Yeah, that wasn't supposed to be a surprise.

Look, Amy..

I need you to know that if..

...you know, we do

I mean, it's gonna be a-a big deal for me, as well.

It's not something I'm-I'm gonna take lightly

because...you're not somebody that I take lightly.

I know.

[instrumental music]

You, uh..

You wanna see what was in my other hand?

Oh, my God!

I was, uh, I was actually, uh, looking

to try and find you a bracelet

and...then I saw this

and it just reminded me of you.

The circle, it's like...infinite.

It's kinda how I feel about us, so..

[sighs] I'm.. I'm shocked.

Here, allow me.

[music continues]

It's beautiful.

Thank you.

Well, I guess it's a good thing

I stayed on the pill.

You-you are?

Since when?

Last year.

For Tommy.

You went on the pill for that creep?

Yeah. So?

Yeah, I mean, I mean, you knew when you went on the pill

that nothing was gonna happen, right?

Are you feeling threatened?

(Ephram) No. I'm fine.

(Amy) You're really good.

[theme music]