All language subtitles for The Twilight Zone - 5x28 - Caesar and Me

You unlock this door
with the key of imagination.

Beyond it is another dimension-

a dimension of sound,

a dimension of sight,

a dimension of mind.

You're moving into a land
of both shadow and substance,

of things and ideas.

You've just crossed over
into the twilight zone.

Oh, sure, it's
a nice watch,

but i'm sorry,
mr. West.

I'm afraid
that that's all
i can give you.

That belonged
to my grandfather.

Five dollars,
mr. West.

Now, don't
you worry.

Your luck is bound
to get better.

Oh, sure,
sure it will.

Now, listen,
i'll be coming back

real soon
to claim that

so please,
don't sell it, huh?

I'll do my best.

Thank you.

For 30 days,
at least.

Mr. West.

I'll, uh...

i'll give you
$25 for him.

Oh, thank you, no.

No, thank you,
he's not for sale.

Oh, good afternoon,
mrs. Cudahy.

Hello, mr. West.

Nuts.

Why, susan, i'm warning you
for the last time now.

You stop playing
with those poison darts.

They're not really poison,
aunt agnes,

and i missed him anyway.

Wanna bet you didn't get a job?

Susan.
Go out and play.

Oh, i am so sorry,
mr. West.

I don't know
what i'm going to do

with that little girl.

That's perfectly all
right, mrs. Cudahy.

I imagine you have
your hands full.

You just sit right here
and relax

and i'll fix us some dinner.

A fella deserves
something in his stomach

at the end of a tough day, huh?

Now, this ought to do it.

I'll warm up some of that
fine potato soup i made for you.

And don't
you worry-

we'll get
a booking

any day now,
you and me.

We're going to be headliners

just like you and
that other fellow used to be.

Only i won't skip out on you
like he did.

No, sir.

The shame of it all.

Abandoning you for some woman!

No, sir!

It's going to be you and me,
pal, together forever!

Why don't you stop
kidding yourself, buddy?

Face it, you're finished.

Jonathan west, ventriloquist,
a master of voice manipulation.

A man, late of ireland,

with a talent for putting words
into other peoples' mouths.

In this case, the other person
is a dummy aptly named caesar,

a small splinter
with large ideas,

a wooden tyrant with a mind
and a voice of his own

who is about to talk jonathan
west into the twilight zone.

Tonight's the night.

I can feel it,

we're going
to knock 'em dead.

Wait till they hear
the new material.

Oh, hello, susan.

Show me how you
make him talk.

Oh, i'd like
to, susan,

but we're in a big
hurry right now.

We're on our
way downtown.

We've got an
important appointment.

An audition, as
a matter of fact.

Just do it once,
jonathan.

The part where
he laughs.

I want to see if
your lips move.

All right.

Caesar, what did
the lady say

she would do to you

if you ever
misbehaved again?

She said

she'd slice me
into a venetian blind.

And you replied?

I said

"oh, you make me shudder!"

I didn't see
your lips move.

That's right,
you didn't.

If you're so good,

then how come you
can't get a job?

Well, all that's
going to change,

young lady, tonight.

You've said
that before.

Susan, where are you?

Go on,
run along.

You won't
get the job.

Hey, pal!

Keep that brat
out of this room.

Now, now, don't you
worry about her,

my lovely friend.

We're going
to kill 'em.

Caesar, there's
a man outside.

What about it?

A man with a wooden
leg named smith.

Is that so?

What's the name
of his other leg?

Would you like me
to go through

the juvenile
delinquent routine?

It's really very funny.

No, that'll be all.

Just leave
your phone number.

We'll get
in touch with you.

Maybe mr. Miller
had a fight

with his wife
at breakfast.

Maybe he heard
your bad jokes.

Ah, morning, mrs. Cudahy.

It's a lovely
day, isn't it?

Yes, it is, mr. West.

I have to talk to you.

I know, mrs. Cudahy,
i know.

It's about the rent.

But i'll have that
all straightened out

by this evening.
Oh, that'll be nice.

You see, i'm
looking for a job

something till the
show biz picks up.

Well, as you're in
that frame of mind

maybe i can
help you.

Now, this is
my cousin.

He works at that
employment agency.

Well, thank you
very much, mrs. Cudahy.

My, you are
a living darling!

Typing?

No, sir.

Salesman?

No, sir.

Mechanic?

Uh... no.

Mr. West, have
you ever held

a position
of any sort?

Ever made any kind
of a regular salary?

That is, besides
show business?

Well, sir, uh...
yes, i did.

Doing what,
may i ask?

Back home i worked
for a puppeteer

as his apprentice.

Apprentice?

Yes, sir, he taught me
my trade.

And i came to your country
to earn me fortune.

Well, then you're not
a citizen, mr. West?

Oh, no, sir, not yet,
but i'm studying

and i soon will be.

That's very nice.

All right, we have
your number.

We'll call you

if we get anything
in your line.

? jonathan can't
find a job...?

Susan, why don't
you go find

somebody else
to bother?

The truth hurts!

And you're too scared
to tell my aunt

because you're behind
in your rent.

Now what?

I don't know.

It seems no matter
what i try, i fail.

If i could just get
some money together-

enough for some food
and to pay the rent-

i could think clearly
without these pressures.

Just a little money for
food and rent, is that it?

Is that all you
want out of life?

I guess so.

You're a clod.

A real clod.

I try, i give it my best.

Your best stinks.

In the name of heaven, caesar,
i've had enough!

I'vehad enough.

Get that through your head.

What do you mean?

Let me spell out
the cold, hard facts-

the way it's going to be
and what you're going to do.

Oh, forget it, i'm a failure.

Will you shut up
and listen?

There's all kinds of ways
to get hold of money.

I've tried everything.

You havenottried everything.

Now, shut up...

and listen.

Where are we now?

We're right in front
of the furniture store.

I don't mean
that, stupid!

I mean, how far are we
from the delicatessen?

Please, not so loud!

Why, is there
anyone around?

No, no, but please,
be quiet!

Tell me when
we're in front
of our mark.

Now what?

I lost my footing,
it's very dark.

Good, that's
a break.

Are we on the
sidewalk now?

Yes.

Yes, now we're right in front
of the delicatessen.

Is the
coast clear?

Yes.

There's absolutely
no one around.

Okay.

Then stop
wasting time.

Move!

31... 32...
33.

There you are,
mrs. Cudahy

all paid up in full.

Will wonders
ever cease?

Shh, susan.

Isn't it nice
to pay your bills?

Yes, ma'am.

Better count it
again, auntie.

See if they're real.

Susan, be a good girl
and go tidy up your room.

And don't be fresh
to mr. West.

He has a new start on life,
don't you, mr. West?

That's right,
mrs. Cudahy,
a new start.

Don't let her
worry you.

You know how children
are these days.

Oh, i understand.

A common thief.

What a way
to make a living.

You couldn't make it
any other way.

What's happened to me?

What am i?

A no-talent
ventriloquist.

Worse.

A second-rate thief.

Third-rate.

Starving to death.

In the profession i know

paying the bills by robbing
the neighborhood delicatessen.

Well, that's show biz.

I guess i wasn't too bad

considering it was
my opening performance.

Let me straighten you out

before you start taking
too many bows.

Oh, caesar,
just let me alone, please.

No! Let me spell
it out for you.

You act penny ante
because you think penny ante.

That's the story of your life.

From now on,

you're going
to listen to me.

You're going to get rid of
that shanty irish routine.

This is america.

What do you mean?

Open your eyes!
Look around you!

The streets are paved with gold,
and it's sitting out there

waiting for us.

Think you're smart,
don't you, mr. Stuck-up?

Just 'cause you're
on the stage.

You can talk!

I heard you!

Come on,
say something.

I dare you.

Susan!

What were you
doing in my room?

You're hurting me-
i'll tell my aunt.

Didn't she tell you to stay
out of the guest rooms.

Now what were you
doing in there?

Wouldn't you
like to know?

You brat, tell me
what you were doing.

You're so smart, ask him.

Caesar.

Caesar, what happened?

Sit down.

Did she do anything to hurt you?

Never mind that.

First things
first.

We've got to get of here.

I'm scared.

Maybe she knows.

This is no time to get chicken.

After
tonight's job,

we'll be on
easy street.

You don't understand

i'm not cut out
for this line of work.

Take it easy.

You're eating,
aren't you?

You're paying
the rent.

Where were you before?

Now, listen to me.

This is the big one.

But this is the last one.

The end for me.

Yeah, sure.

Sure
it is, pal.

Just one more.

The "really big shoe."

It's all right so far.

There's no one around.

Then get moving.

Up to the front office.

It's only the mice.

Get going before
they attack us.

And stop shaking.

Hurry up.

You got the wire?

Yes.

Remember, if the
watchman comes around,

just stay as calm
as you can

and explain you were
looking for mr. Miller;

that you were supposed
to meet him here.

Slowly now.

It'll work.

Suppose it doesn't.

Supposing
i can't open it.

You opened the back
door, didn't you?

Now, stop whining.

Do you want to
be poor again?

It clicked.

Open it, stupid.

Hold it out there!

Who is it?

Jonathan west, sir,
the ventriloquist.

Mr. Miller told me
to meet him after closing.

Oh, yeah?

Yes, sir.

Have you met caesar, sir?

Caesar, can you say hello to the
nice gentleman from in there?

What are you,
the house dick?

No, i'm the night watchman.

Listen, with the
job you're doing

it's a wonder the mice
haven't heisted the joint.

Caesar, that's enough.

I'm sorry, sir.

I'm afraid he's a born comic.

Sure, i remember you now
from the other day.

You were
auditioning.

Mr. Miller went home.

He left about 45 minutes ago.

Really? I'm sorry.

You should have
caught our act.

We're very big
in dublin.

Never mind, caesar.

Well, thank you very much, sir.

I won't be keeping you.

Good night.

I'd feel better

if the watchman
hadn't seen us.

Stop worrying.
I'll cover for you.

I'm your alibi.

But if that watchman
reports me...

not you, pal... us.
We're a team.

Sure, sure, i know that.

But what about
that night watchman?

Forget the watchman.

Shut up, go to bed.

"The carioca club
robbed last night.

"Manager's office
looted.

"Night watchman

providing police
with clue."

Police department, please.

I know who robbed
the carioca club last night.

Kinda early in the day

to be hitting the juice,
ain't it, dillinger?

You like a roof over
your head, don't you?

Now don't give me your common
thief routine again, huh?

A man has to live with himself.

Even if he lives in the gutter.

Oh, mr. West,
these two gentlemen,

they're from the
police department

and they want
a word with you.

Why, certainly.

Won't you
come in please?

What could i do
for you, gentlemen?

Well, you see...

thank you,
mrs. Cudahy.

Mr. West, i'd
like to ask you

a few questions.

Mrs. Cudahy,
could you wait?

You may be
of some help.

Oh, of course.

Mr. West is one of
my favorite boarders.

I'd ask you to sit
down, gentlemen,

but i don't have
many chairs.

It's just a room
for one.

Me and my friend, that is.

But it suits me just fine.

Mr. West, where
were you last night

at around midnight?

He was at home, i'm sure.

He seldom goes out at night.

I seldom go out at night.

Mr. West,
the desk
sergeant

received
an anonymous
phone call

indicating
you were not
in your room.

We're almost always
here at night.

You didn't go
to the carioca

looking for anyone?

The night club?

Oh.

Oh, that night club.

That's a place where
we might be working soon.

Because the night
watchman said

that he saw
you there...

absolutely.

Oh, last night, you say.

Well, let me think now.

Caesar and i had dinner and...

tell them, caesar.

Caesar, please,
tell them.

Tell them
i wouldn't hurt anyone.

I mean, i didn't use a gun
or anything, did i?

Please, caesar, tell them how we
were going to play the big time.

We're a team, you see.

You don't believe me, do you?

Well, you
just ask him.

You ask caesar.

Go on, tell them.

Tell them, caesar.

Tell them
how you were

only trying
to help me-

to take the
pressure off.

I tried to find a job
and i couldn't.

Isn't that
right?

You were trying to help me-
tell them.

The bills were piling up,
there was no food to eat,

the rent was overdue
and you were trying to help me.

Isn't that right, caesar?

Please tell
them, caesar.

Tell them that you were
just trying to help me

and that i'm not
a common thief, caesar.

Please, caesar.

I thought you said it was us.

Oh, caesar.

He said we were a team.

Mr. West, you better
come along with us now.

Such a nice man.

He's a
no-good crook.

Psst.

Hey, you.

Yeah, you.

Come over here, honey.

I know you
finked on him.

You're a hip little kid.

I like you.

I knew you talked.

I knew it.

I want to ask
you something.

You're not happy living here
with your crummy aunt, are you?

That's a stupid question.

You'd probably like to run away
from this flea trap.

I sure would.

Okay...

it's you and me, kid.

We're a team.

Is mr. West going to jail?

Honey, he'll be gone
a long, long time.

I know where
he's got the
money hidden.

We'll go to new york.

I'll show you the bright lights.

What about my aunt?

Honey...

you still got
those poison darts?

A little girl
and a wooden doll,

a lethal dummy
in the shape of a man.

But everybody knows
dummies can't talk-

unless, of course,
they learn their vocabulary

in the twilight zone.