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1
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:10,673
All right, all right, I'll talk.
2
00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:12,751
Just make the pain stop.
3
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:15,355
Oh, shut up.
I'm just trying to get the blood flowing.
4
00:00:15,520 --> 00:00:18,114
- More like make me haemorrhage.
- Don't tempt me.
5
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:20,430
Oh, God, you broke something.
6
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:22,671
Oh, too bad
it wasn't your bloody pie hole.
7
00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:24,672
There, we're done, you big baby.
8
00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:27,592
What, already?
9
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,910
Oh, that felt great.
10
00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:33,038
Oh, I feel like a new man.
11
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:35,111
- I love your new table.
- Oh, you're sweet.
12
00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,510
- Can I make you a sandwich?
- Oh, that'd be great, yeah.
13
00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:38,670
Oh, by the way, Daph,
14
00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:41,480
you know, they're showing the first
ever episode of Rockford today.
15
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,870
If you're really serious
about becoming American citizen,
16
00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:46,680
- maybe you ought to watch it.
- Ah.
17
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:48,559
Well, now you've opened it.
18
00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:50,472
- That's mail theft.
- Nonsense.
19
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:51,835
- What's going on?
FRASIER: Nothing.
20
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,310
A piece of Cam Winston's mail
found its way into our box.
21
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:55,993
Been happening
since we switched boxes,
22
00:00:56,160 --> 00:00:58,436
even after I gave the postman
a stern lecture.
23
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,637
Especially after.
24
00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,759
FRASIER:
It was an honest mistake.
25
00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:05,638
Cam and I
are on all the same mailing lists.
26
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,155
I'm sure mine is in his box.
Besides, it's nothing personal.
27
00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:09,913
It's just an announcement
for someplace
28
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:12,435
called La Porte D'Argent.
29
00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,193
Probably just another
froufrou restaurant
30
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:15,714
or froufrou clothing store.
31
00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,439
No, no, no,
this is not froufrou, Dad,
32
00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:20,877
as evidenced
by the manly scent of balsam.
33
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:24,351
They obviously deal
with a very upscale clientele.
34
00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:27,194
Oh, La Porte D' Argent'?
35
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,397
Someone at the racquet club
was talking about this.
36
00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:32,074
- It's very, very exclusive.
- Yes?
37
00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:33,310
That's all I know.
38
00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,351
Some ill-mannered person
started up his blow dryer
39
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:38,840
before I could hear any more.
40
00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:40,839
- Hello.
NILES: Oh, Daphne, Daphne.
41
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,718
Did I get one of these
in the mail today?
42
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:46,077
- No, I don't think so.
- Poor Niles.
43
00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:47,630
What's this about?
44
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,553
Oh, they're all worked up over
some smelly invitation Frasier stole
45
00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:52,040
to someplace they never heard of.
46
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:53,315
Oh.
47
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,879
But that's what's so intriguing,
48
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:56,713
there exists
an exclusive place in Seattle
49
00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:58,154
that neither of us knows about.
50
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:03,153
It could be an art gallery
or a new haberdashery.
51
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,551
Or an Italian shoelace boutique.
52
00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:08,791
- What's happening?
- It's a machine.
53
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:12,715
It's asking me to enter
my six-digit access code. What'll I do?
54
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:17,272
Why don't you just punch in
whatever keys spell out "snobby"?
55
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,710
You know, it might be worth a try.
56
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,720
- Oh, denied.
- Oh.
57
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:31,319
The allure of La Porte D'Argent
has increased ten-fold.
58
00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:32,515
Here's our plan.
59
00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:36,036
Go to the university computer lab,
bribe some hungry hacker.
60
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:37,952
And once they've tapped
into their mainframe,
61
00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:40,873
La Porte D'Argent
will offer up her sweet secret
62
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:43,714
like a blushing bride
on her wedding night.
63
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:47,796
Why don't you just go down there
and ask them what they do?
64
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,150
All right, Dad, that's a plan B.
65
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:10,879
Hello. Uh.
66
00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,271
- Is this La Porte D'Argent?
- Yes, it is.
67
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:14,760
Ah, good.
68
00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:18,436
Say, someone was asking me
earlier today about La Porte D'Argent,
69
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:23,754
and I had a difficult time
characterising it. Uh.
70
00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:25,354
What would you tell him?
71
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:27,477
We try to discourage
word-of-mouth.
72
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,836
That's exactly what I said.
73
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,189
So, oh, well, I'm here
to take advantage of your offer.
74
00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:36,671
- Sure. Can I have you name, please?
- Yes. Frasier Crane.
75
00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,677
I'm not finding you.
76
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:42,990
Try Dr. Frasier Crane.
77
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,349
Perhaps you've heard
my popular radio show?
78
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,031
I'm not really a radio person.
79
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,719
I'm sorry, Dr. Crane,
you're not on the list, I can't let you in.
80
00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:57,870
- But I have an invitation.
- But you're not on the list.
81
00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:00,759
- Yes, but I do have an invitation.
- But you aren't on the list.
82
00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,639
Yes, well, if I were on the list,
then I wouldn't need an invitation.
83
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:06,792
I would say I'm on the list, therefore,
the invitation supersedes the list.
84
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,713
No, invitations are given out
only to those on the list.
85
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:10,870
Aha.
86
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:13,554
But you do concede
that I have a valid invitation?
87
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,109
- Yes.
- It follows that I would be on the list.
88
00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:17,600
But you're not.
89
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:20,037
Then how did I get the invitation?
90
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:21,952
I really don't know.
You could have stolen it.
91
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:25,912
Are you accusing me of deception?
92
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:27,479
Cam. Cam Winston. Ha.
93
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,278
There you are.
94
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:32,714
Hello, Frasier.
95
00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:36,518
While I was waiting for you,
I decided to test the mettle of this man.
96
00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,512
I'm pleased to report
that he follows the rules
97
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:40,353
of La Porte D'Argent to the letter.
98
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,669
Anyway, I am a guest
of Mr. Cam Winston's here.
99
00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:50,037
Uh, he told me to meet him here,
gave me the invitation and here I am.
100
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,759
Yes, I am Cam Winston,
and he's my guest
101
00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:55,038
and I asked him
to meet me here. Oh.
102
00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:57,914
Here you are, Mr. Winston.
103
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,071
Welcome to La Porte D'Argent.
104
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,117
- Thank you.
- Hope you both enjoy your stay.
105
00:05:02,280 --> 00:05:06,114
Take a moment to look over our
services, and I'll be back in a moment.
106
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:12,958
Niles, it's a day spa.
107
00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:17,034
Good gravy, this is fantastic.
108
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:19,553
Would you stop talking like that?
109
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,109
That's the worst impersonation
of Cam Winston I've ever heard.
110
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,396
- Heard another?
- Of course not.
111
00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,437
Then it's the best.
112
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,629
Now you're stuck
talking like that all day.
113
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,074
Here are your keys, gentlemen.
114
00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:32,958
Your aestheticians
will be with you shortly.
115
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,474
Thank you. Ahem.
116
00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,632
Thank you. Good,
I've been waiting for that all morning.
117
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,439
Oh, Niles.
118
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,750
The Ayurvedic massage
sounds splendid.
119
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:48,753
"Two therapists at once
using hot stones"
120
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:55,191
and a blend of essential oils
personally created for your dosha.
121
00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:58,113
I think I'll have
aromatherapy Swedish.
122
00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:01,557
Oh, Niles, look at this bounty.
123
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:04,314
Take a risk. Be a man.
124
00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:08,280
"The Chardonnay Rosehip
Salt Glow?"
125
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:09,999
Now that's more like it.
126
00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,392
FRASIER: Oh, lovely.
NILES: Hello there.
127
00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:15,994
- Right this way.
FRASIER: Thank you.
128
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:19,357
Frasier, Frasier,
river rocks and a stalk of wheat.
129
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:21,557
FRASIER: Ooh.
- Ooh.
130
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:32,879
I knew it was going to be good,
but I had no idea it would be this good.
131
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,395
I feel like I've been rubbed
by angels.
132
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,631
Niles, I just wish you had tried
133
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,757
the Wassertanzen
aqua-therapy treatment.
134
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:42,355
I feel as if I've had
a rebirthing experience.
135
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:43,919
I've never felt better in my life.
136
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:47,759
I'm so polished,
my entire body is squeaking.
137
00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:51,511
- Ah, hello.
- How was everything?
138
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:53,239
NILES: Heaven.
FRASIER: Oh, nirvana.
139
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:54,435
I'm so glad.
140
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,750
Now, this is a breakdown
of your services.
141
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:57,910
NILES:
Ah.
142
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:00,992
NILES:
Mm. Oh.
143
00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:03,549
- Nirvana ain't cheap, huh?
- No.
144
00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:06,516
Well, it's worth it, I suppose, ha, ha.
145
00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,273
Do we make this
a standing appointment?
146
00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,272
- I think we owe it to ourselves.
- Yes.
147
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:11,760
I'd be happy to set that up.
148
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:13,069
Now, I've also put together
149
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:16,392
a personal La Porte D' Argent
product system for each of you
150
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,951
based on the recommendations
of your aestheticians.
151
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,111
Oh, Niles, this smells great.
152
00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:23,918
Try that.
153
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,390
The Mid-afternoon
Anti-Stress Spritz.
154
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,153
FRASIER:
Mm-hm.
155
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,997
I've never even heard
of eyelash conditioner.
156
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,559
Ah.
157
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:37,713
Hence the brittle lashes.
158
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,673
Hey.
159
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:42,880
Isn't that Senator Ogden?
160
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:44,713
It is.
161
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,030
Oh, Niles,
this just gets better and better.
162
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,396
Balanced skin and social advancement
all in one setting.
163
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:51,551
I'm gonna go say hello.
164
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:55,390
I'm sorry.
165
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:58,632
That area is restricted
to our gold-level members.
166
00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:03,389
You have a gold level?
How do you get in?
167
00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:05,471
You'd have to be on the list.
168
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:06,994
Well, we are on the list.
169
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:09,117
The gold list.
170
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,509
FRASIER:
This is absurd.
171
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:13,240
I mean, I am a member of every
exclusive club in this entire town.
172
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,550
You must have a reciprocal
membership with one of them.
173
00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:17,518
I'm sorry,
but you're more than welcome
174
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:20,752
to enjoy the many amenities
of the silver level.
175
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,838
And just how are we supposed
to enjoy this?
176
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:31,437
And this isn't working.
177
00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:40,675
You never told me
Rockford was Maverick.
178
00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:43,912
Well, technically, he's not Maverick
in this. He's Rockford.
179
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,435
Even though we all know
he's secretly Maverick.
180
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,319
- I can see why you like this show.
- Yeah.
181
00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:50,515
What's not to like?
182
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:54,071
Solving crimes, pretty girls,
car chases...
183
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,914
- Leisure suits.
- Yeah.
184
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,594
Rockford's dad reminds me of you.
185
00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:04,996
- What are you talking about?
- Rockford's dad.
186
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,549
You're just like him.
Cranky, but loveable.
187
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:10,678
The hell I am. I'm like Rockford.
188
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:12,353
- How'd you get that?
- Well, come on.
189
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:14,955
He solves crimes, I solve crimes.
190
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:17,350
We're both in tune
with the beat of the street.
191
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,079
He's the kind of guy
that men wanna be
192
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:20,992
and woman wanna be with.
193
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:22,355
When this show first came out,
194
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,238
everybody used to say
I was like Rockford.
195
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:30,911
I'm sorry, I don't see it.
You still remind me of his dad.
196
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:34,552
Rocky? But he's old.
197
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:38,350
Oh, I see.
198
00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:40,794
I didn't mean that.
199
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,998
I just meant there's something
about him that reminds me of you.
200
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:45,594
Yeah, his oldness?
201
00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:47,353
Oh, stop it.
202
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,955
If you wanna be Rockford,
you can be Rockford, I don't care.
203
00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,316
Fine. Then let's just watch it.
204
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,311
I don't wanna watch this anymore.
205
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:02,996
Congratulations.
You've ruined Rockford for me.
206
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:06,118
I had a nagging feeling
the whole time
207
00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:08,794
they were holding something
back on purpose.
208
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:12,351
Blended for your dosha indeed.
209
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:15,717
They wouldn't know my dosha
if they fell over it.
210
00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,874
So, what kind of a hoity-toity place
did it end up being?
211
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,758
It was a hellhole.
212
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,750
The nerve to call it a day spa
213
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:26,958
when it's nothing more than
a mere front for a bona fide luxury spa
214
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,397
which taunts those kept at bay
outside its golden door.
215
00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:32,471
If you didn't go in,
how do you know it's better?
216
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:35,553
It had to be. The door was gold.
Ours was only silver.
217
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,439
Gold is better than silver.
218
00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,876
Stupid silver.
219
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,199
Well, you'll always be
in my exclusive club, honey.
220
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:48,432
Oh, thanks. And that's all I need.
221
00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:51,310
There must be somebody
who can get us in.
222
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:54,430
- Let's go comb our Rolodexes.
NILES: Yes.
223
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,193
Yes, there has to be a way
out of the slum
224
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,351
they call the Silver Room.
225
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,672
Why do I keep squeaking?
226
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:06,632
Hey, Frasier, wait till you see this.
227
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,393
It is so cool.
228
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:09,755
Really?
229
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,480
Well, I could use something
to balm my wounds.
230
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:13,914
Painful as it is,
231
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:17,391
I've come to accept that I shall never
pass through that spa's gold door.
232
00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:20,873
- I was filing your new head shot.
- Yes.
233
00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,758
And I started looking
through your old ones,
234
00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,150
going back
to when you first started.
235
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:33,350
Ooh.
236
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:34,669
What am I looking at?
237
00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:37,753
Oh, it's like an animation
of your hairline receding.
238
00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:39,510
Isn't that great?
239
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,154
Okay, wait, now,
here's the good part.
240
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,391
- Uh-huh.
- It's growing back.
241
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:47,675
- Receding.
- Yes, yes.
242
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,911
- Growing back.
- Yes, all right, Roz, that's enough.
243
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:51,275
Oh, don't be so sensitive.
244
00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:52,635
- Hi.
ROZ: Hi.
245
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,632
Oh, Niles, no good news, I suppose.
246
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,677
I've had no luck getting us
into the gold level.
247
00:11:56,840 --> 00:12:00,037
Are you guys really this bent out
of shape about that gold spa?
248
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:01,190
Yes.
249
00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,033
Why can't you be happy
with the silver?
250
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,838
- Because gold is better.
- Bull.
251
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,514
The only reason why you wanna
go there is because you can't.
252
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,237
We saw a senator going in.
253
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,791
A senator.
We elected him, he works for us.
254
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,076
How is it fair that our employee
is admitted
255
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:20,234
while we are shunted off
to the icy depths of silver level?
256
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,638
It's a spa.
257
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,837
How much better could it be?
258
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,037
What, are they gonna
carry you around like a sultan?
259
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,111
You gonna be massaged
by supermodels?
260
00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,191
And then what if you do get
through the gold door?
261
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,271
What next? The diamond door?
262
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,113
And after that, a titanium door.
263
00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:38,998
And after that, a plutonium door.
264
00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:40,480
Oh, that's ridiculous.
265
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:44,679
Plutonium's radioactive. No one
is going to make a door out of it.
266
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,116
Although Roz
does make a point, Niles.
267
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,476
What kind of crazy fantasy
are we chasing?
268
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,712
See? I'm right.
269
00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:58,598
Oh, I'm sorry.
270
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:02,276
I was just imagining supermodels
with that crook Senator Ogden.
271
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,876
It was Senator Ogden? I know him.
272
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,474
You do?
273
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:10,753
Yeah. He really owes me one too.
274
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,309
- You want me to give him a call?
- Would you? Absolutely.
275
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:14,879
How do you know Senator Ogden?
276
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:19,320
Well, I knew him a few years ago
when his marriage was on the rocks.
277
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:20,993
We kept it very hush-hush.
278
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,674
Thank God I knew CPR.
279
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,149
Rockford's on.
280
00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:31,750
Not interested.
281
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:33,593
Oh, come on.
It looks like a good one.
282
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,957
- Tom Selleck's in it.
- Oh, those are good.
283
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:39,873
Not that I care.
284
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:43,115
You know,
I caught a few episodes at home,
285
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:48,070
and I see the resemblance between
you and a young Jim Rockford.
286
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:51,238
No, you don't.
287
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,314
Yes, I do.
288
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:56,120
No one gives him credit
when he has a good idea.
289
00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,317
He likes to drive a little too fast...
290
00:13:58,480 --> 00:13:59,470
He's got my chin.
291
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,076
He knows how to work the system
and babes love him.
292
00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:04,310
Yes, they do.
293
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:07,879
So, what do you say?
294
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:11,473
Oh, okay, why not?
295
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,876
Ah, this is good.
296
00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:18,360
Sorry I got so worked up.
297
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:19,999
Oh, you can't help it.
298
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:23,073
You've got principles like Rockford.
299
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,993
Okay, let's not lay it on too thick.
300
00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:28,069
Oh, look at that.
301
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,311
Malibu, California.
302
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:32,232
FYI, those mountains you see
in the background
303
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,630
are the same ones you see
at the beginning of M*A*S*H.
304
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,110
Oh, I love M*A*S*H.
305
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,556
Whenever I watch it, I think of you.
306
00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:43,953
Serving in Korea all those years ago,
just like Colonel Potter.
307
00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:49,150
That's it. Go home.
308
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:50,799
Why?
309
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,520
Colonel Potter was old
when he did Dragnet.
310
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:57,229
Colonel Potter,
that funny, young doctor
311
00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,835
who used to mix martinis in his tent.
312
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:01,799
Oh, you're thinking of Hawkeye.
313
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,678
Yes, that's who I meant.
314
00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:09,472
Okay.
315
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,998
I've taken you
to the Relaxation Grotto.
316
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,710
We'll just let the wrap and your Orange
Honey Butter mask soothe you
317
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:32,794
while you listen to the healing sounds
of the Javanese rainforest, okay?
318
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,837
Okay.
319
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:46,395
Oh, excuse me.
320
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,196
- Frasier? Frasier, is that you?
- Niles.
321
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:54,000
- Hi.
- I just had a colour-therapy treatment.
322
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:56,629
My eyes haven't readjusted yet. Uh.
323
00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:59,110
They sent me in here to relax.
324
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,796
I'm letting
my Orange Honey Butter mask set.
325
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:09,075
- Roz was so wrong.
- Ah.
326
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:12,315
Completely wrong. Ha, ha.
327
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:16,877
Oh, there, my eyes are better.
328
00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:19,271
Oh, Niles.
329
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:21,438
You should see this place.
330
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,035
Be my eyes, Frasier.
331
00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:31,951
Well, it's just paradise.
332
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:38,190
From the rare exotic orchids
to the trompe l'oeil sky,
333
00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:42,319
to the perfectly bubbled stream,
to the...
334
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:45,993
To the what?
335
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,431
There's a platinum door.
336
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,751
Platinum?
337
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,431
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
338
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,715
- Is it guarded?
- No.
339
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:01,349
Just brazenly standing there.
340
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,750
Then rip the cucumbers
from my eyes and let's go.
341
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:05,399
Right.
342
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,154
- Niles.
- What?
343
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,357
- What are we doing?
- Oh.
344
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,233
This is exactly what Roz said.
345
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,118
No, no, Roz said diamond door.
346
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:18,069
Oh, Niles, this is heaven,
right here and now.
347
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:19,992
Why do we have to think
about someplace else?
348
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,879
This is only heaven for the people
who can't get into the real heaven,
349
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:24,917
the platinum heaven.
350
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,749
Niles, why can't we be happy?
351
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:30,389
Why must we allow the thought
of something that at this point
352
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:33,120
can only be incrementally better
ruin what is here and now?
353
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,475
I don't know.
354
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,790
Let's figure it out on the other side.
355
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,592
No, I am through chasing
the eternal carrot.
356
00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,878
Whatever is behind that door
shall remain behind that door, unseen.
357
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,758
Then stay if you want.
358
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:51,480
I have to know.
359
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,674
Oh, for God's sake,
you can't even walk, you ninny.
360
00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:00,071
All right, all right,
I will go just to take a peek.
361
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,675
I'm sorry, sir,
you're not allowed through there.
362
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,116
Please remain
in the Relaxation Grotto.
363
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:15,998
"Please remain
in the Relaxation Grotto."
364
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:21,151
Have crueller words
ever been spoken?
365
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:25,949
That's it. I am determined to see
where they think I don't belong.
366
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:27,918
Take me with you.
367
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:43,397
Niles, ah, healing warmth and light.
368
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:46,359
It must be a magnificent solarium.
369
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,955
Goodbye, sweet and edible facials.
370
00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:53,353
Hello, radiant, life-giving sun.
371
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,270
It's beautiful. It's beautiful.
372
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:59,398
Yes, this is where we belong.
373
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,637
Do you smell garbage?
374
00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:13,875
Oh, dear, Niles,
I don't think this is part of the spa.
375
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:17,552
Hello?
376
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:23,159
Hello?
Anyone in the Relaxation Grotto?
377
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:26,279
Frasier? Look at all those bees.
378
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:27,953
Bees?
379
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:30,794
Niles, our sweet and edible facials.
380
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:32,871
Run.28823
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