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1
00:00:03,132 --> 00:00:04,858
- Car!
- Kurt.
2
00:00:04,883 --> 00:00:06,858
Why were you so close to
my face when I woke up?
3
00:00:06,915 --> 00:00:07,924
I'm an orphan.
4
00:00:07,951 --> 00:00:09,651
I was found in a baby nursery store.
5
00:00:10,139 --> 00:00:13,073
I really want to help this
baby find its mother.
6
00:00:14,710 --> 00:00:17,644
Fired?! This is because
I believe in aliens.
7
00:00:17,704 --> 00:00:20,243
Nope. No. Only about your
negligence and incompetence.
8
00:00:20,322 --> 00:00:21,889
I am going back to the FBI.
9
00:00:21,985 --> 00:00:23,384
I say we mutiny.
10
00:00:23,452 --> 00:00:25,519
Overthrow that square piece of shit.
11
00:00:30,092 --> 00:00:31,917
Jeff, do you have a minute?
12
00:00:32,164 --> 00:00:33,724
I'm kind of in the middle of something.
13
00:00:33,764 --> 00:00:34,765
Good.
14
00:00:34,864 --> 00:00:37,952
I noticed the hull is still
dirty and needs cleaning.
15
00:00:38,067 --> 00:00:39,438
Tell me, Jeff...
16
00:00:39,569 --> 00:00:42,737
Why haven't you completed
your maintenance assignments?
17
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:45,047
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
18
00:00:45,554 --> 00:00:47,208
I was planning on doing it later.
19
00:00:50,036 --> 00:00:51,812
Okay, fine. I lied.
20
00:00:51,906 --> 00:00:54,531
The hull is dirty, and that's
because I didn't clean it.
21
00:00:54,617 --> 00:00:56,917
In fact, I haven't done
any of the menial tasks
22
00:00:56,971 --> 00:00:58,619
you've assigned me because... Hello!
23
00:00:58,648 --> 00:01:01,115
It's not in my job description.
24
00:01:02,642 --> 00:01:04,549
Can I show you something, Jeff?
25
00:01:04,627 --> 00:01:06,794
I think you'll find it interesting.
26
00:01:11,354 --> 00:01:14,145
Can you explain what's happening here?
27
00:01:14,747 --> 00:01:16,303
I was doing CPR.
28
00:01:16,423 --> 00:01:18,005
I was saving his life.
29
00:01:18,136 --> 00:01:20,366
Maybe we should let the
rest of the crew see it
30
00:01:20,423 --> 00:01:22,089
so they can decide what you were doing.
31
00:01:22,337 --> 00:01:25,946
I'm sure Kurt would like to
weigh in on what was happening.
32
00:01:26,367 --> 00:01:28,671
Now, what were we talking about?
33
00:01:28,757 --> 00:01:32,201
Ah, yes. Something about
your job description.
34
00:01:37,228 --> 00:01:39,845
Screw that floating jack-in-the-box.
35
00:01:40,249 --> 00:01:42,182
Piece of little trash.
36
00:01:42,729 --> 00:01:45,332
I'd like to kick him right
in that square butt.
37
00:01:45,434 --> 00:01:46,586
My job description.
38
00:01:46,636 --> 00:01:48,536
You want to know my job description?
39
00:01:58,801 --> 00:01:59,913
Alex!
40
00:02:00,021 --> 00:02:01,148
I thought you left already.
41
00:02:01,196 --> 00:02:04,042
Yeah. I was driving by,
and I thought, "Oh, no",
42
00:02:04,096 --> 00:02:05,896
I didn't get a chance
to say goodbye to Gina.
43
00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:08,622
"I should see if she's home
and say goodbye to her."
44
00:02:08,706 --> 00:02:10,663
Oh, well...
45
00:02:11,483 --> 00:02:12,603
goodbye.
46
00:02:12,668 --> 00:02:14,001
Yeah.
47
00:02:14,543 --> 00:02:16,030
Bye.
48
00:02:21,572 --> 00:02:22,719
Mm.
49
00:02:27,158 --> 00:02:30,077
There is actually one thing
I wanted to ask you.
50
00:02:30,165 --> 00:02:33,856
Someone slipped this envelope
in my convention tote bag.
51
00:02:34,043 --> 00:02:35,409
- Was it you?
- No. What is it?
52
00:02:35,457 --> 00:02:37,591
It's an envelope that says,
"You are not alone,"
53
00:02:37,687 --> 00:02:41,422
and, on the inside, it says
"family" in big, bold letters
54
00:02:41,471 --> 00:02:42,723
with a phone number on it.
55
00:02:42,772 --> 00:02:44,176
As you know, I don't
know who my family is,
56
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:45,963
and I've kind of spent my
whole life looking for them,
57
00:02:45,987 --> 00:02:47,835
but I also feel like this
could totally be nothing.
58
00:02:47,859 --> 00:02:48,875
Do you want to come inside
59
00:02:48,899 --> 00:02:50,219
- and talk about this?
- Could we?
60
00:02:50,244 --> 00:02:51,249
Yeah, I-I would love to.
61
00:02:51,274 --> 00:02:52,426
Yeah.
62
00:02:54,606 --> 00:02:56,606
I know you're here for
Richard's mediation,
63
00:02:56,630 --> 00:02:58,281
but you haven't responded to my Evite
64
00:02:58,415 --> 00:03:00,570
for "Yvonne and Gerry's
First Ever Party"
65
00:03:00,650 --> 00:03:02,336
and Annual Game Night and Pot Luck.
66
00:03:02,361 --> 00:03:03,398
"BYOB."
67
00:03:03,423 --> 00:03:05,406
Everyone else in group has RSVD'd "yes."
68
00:03:05,481 --> 00:03:07,254
I told Yvonne I'm coming.
69
00:03:07,397 --> 00:03:08,709
Just respond to the Evite.
70
00:03:08,864 --> 00:03:09,876
That'd be great.
71
00:03:09,952 --> 00:03:12,313
Hey, guys. Thanks so much for coming.
72
00:03:12,379 --> 00:03:15,101
WikiHow says it's very helpful
to have some character witnesses
73
00:03:15,154 --> 00:03:16,836
when you're suing your former employer.
74
00:03:16,875 --> 00:03:17,908
Where's your lawyer?
75
00:03:17,955 --> 00:03:19,455
Lawyers are for guilty people.
76
00:03:19,535 --> 00:03:20,848
I'll be representing myself.
77
00:03:20,948 --> 00:03:23,618
I'm late! Sorry.
78
00:03:23,652 --> 00:03:24,925
Yeah.
79
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:27,327
Okay, this is a very
important day for me,
80
00:03:27,653 --> 00:03:30,701
and for anyone who's been fired
for their alien beliefs.
81
00:03:30,806 --> 00:03:33,755
Now, Ozzie fought and
died for our truth,
82
00:03:34,375 --> 00:03:37,161
but now it's time for me to
pick up the sword of justice.
83
00:03:37,220 --> 00:03:39,487
We got your back, bro.
84
00:03:39,542 --> 00:03:41,859
Gerry, are you chewing gum?
85
00:03:43,045 --> 00:03:44,444
Here. Give it here.
86
00:03:46,802 --> 00:03:50,050
Ah! Finally getting around
to doing your work, I see.
87
00:03:50,112 --> 00:03:52,279
What?
88
00:03:52,428 --> 00:03:54,052
No! I-I love doing this!
89
00:03:55,344 --> 00:03:57,844
Uh, can I talk to you alone
away from the cameras?
90
00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,720
Because, you know
91
00:03:59,782 --> 00:04:02,214
nothing feels like work when
you truly love your job!
92
00:04:02,277 --> 00:04:04,009
Meet me in the supply closet.
93
00:04:05,331 --> 00:04:06,974
I don't think we should mutiny.
94
00:04:07,054 --> 00:04:09,121
What?! You can't get cold feet now.
95
00:04:09,173 --> 00:04:10,283
We all agreed.
96
00:04:10,312 --> 00:04:12,154
I can't start the resistance on Earth
97
00:04:12,234 --> 00:04:13,554
with Eric running things up here.
98
00:04:13,616 --> 00:04:14,656
We have to get rid of him.
99
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:16,000
But you don't understand.
100
00:04:16,151 --> 00:04:17,977
I've been compromised.
101
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:19,600
Eric has a video of me.
102
00:04:19,689 --> 00:04:21,331
Oh, stop making this about you.
103
00:04:21,410 --> 00:04:23,110
It is about me!
104
00:04:23,259 --> 00:04:25,959
I'm doing something in the video.
105
00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:27,540
Okay. What are you doing?
106
00:04:27,596 --> 00:04:29,424
- It can't be that terrible.
- Exactly.
107
00:04:29,532 --> 00:04:30,988
I was performing CPR,
108
00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:32,966
and you have to do it
directly on the mouth,
109
00:04:33,021 --> 00:04:35,369
so what you're really
watching on the video
110
00:04:35,444 --> 00:04:37,413
is me saving Kurt's life...
111
00:04:37,893 --> 00:04:39,206
with my mouth.
112
00:04:39,308 --> 00:04:40,386
That's all.
113
00:04:40,443 --> 00:04:42,376
Oh. And Eric's blackmailing you.
114
00:04:42,609 --> 00:04:45,875
Uh, no. Because he doesn't
have anything on me.
115
00:04:46,048 --> 00:04:48,082
I... It was CPR.
116
00:04:48,184 --> 00:04:51,693
Okay, Jeff, we all know
you're in love with Kurt.
117
00:04:53,776 --> 00:04:55,041
What?!
118
00:04:55,183 --> 00:04:57,472
Kurt? The Reptilian?
119
00:04:57,627 --> 00:04:59,026
He's nothing to me.
120
00:04:59,128 --> 00:05:01,962
We just work together on the same ship.
That's all.
121
00:05:02,488 --> 00:05:03,765
Just tell Kurt how you feel,
122
00:05:03,825 --> 00:05:06,189
and then Eric won't have
anything to blackmail you with.
123
00:05:09,144 --> 00:05:10,437
I can't do that.
124
00:05:10,749 --> 00:05:11,772
All right.
125
00:05:11,842 --> 00:05:13,073
Well, it's a pretty big ship.
126
00:05:13,108 --> 00:05:14,348
It's gonna take you a long time
127
00:05:14,372 --> 00:05:16,146
to clean it with that toothbrush.
128
00:05:16,939 --> 00:05:18,005
Ugh.
129
00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:19,293
But good luck.
130
00:05:19,342 --> 00:05:20,574
What?
131
00:05:20,616 --> 00:05:21,682
Oh.
132
00:05:23,886 --> 00:05:25,958
Richard, would you like
to present your case?
133
00:05:26,018 --> 00:05:28,191
Yes. Thank you, Your Honor.
134
00:05:28,231 --> 00:05:29,444
I'm not a judge.
135
00:05:29,469 --> 00:05:31,669
I'm just Patrick, the mediator.
136
00:05:31,961 --> 00:05:34,261
Thank you, uh, Patrick.
137
00:05:34,465 --> 00:05:38,017
As you know, I was ruthlessly
fired from my job...
138
00:05:38,177 --> 00:05:40,092
A job that I am darn good at.
139
00:05:40,332 --> 00:05:42,714
The reason given? Incompetence.
140
00:05:42,771 --> 00:05:44,137
Please.
141
00:05:44,173 --> 00:05:46,457
We all know the real
reason that I was fired.
142
00:05:46,543 --> 00:05:47,690
I knew too much.
143
00:05:47,777 --> 00:05:49,454
What do you mean, "knew too much?"
144
00:05:49,551 --> 00:05:51,251
About aliens.
145
00:05:51,347 --> 00:05:52,746
And the Reptilian agenda.
146
00:05:52,964 --> 00:05:55,081
Now, shortly after my girlfriend
147
00:05:55,151 --> 00:05:57,347
was exploded at the
hands of a Reptilian,
148
00:05:57,432 --> 00:05:58,798
I took a week off to grieve,
149
00:05:58,887 --> 00:06:00,253
as any normal person would.
150
00:06:00,322 --> 00:06:02,189
Totally would've done that.
Thank you, Gerry.
151
00:06:02,248 --> 00:06:03,847
You'll be hearing more from him later.
152
00:06:03,893 --> 00:06:05,280
Now, "time off" is protected
153
00:06:05,338 --> 00:06:08,172
by the Family and Medical
Leave Act of '93.
154
00:06:08,239 --> 00:06:10,512
Uh, fun fact... '93
is also the same year
155
00:06:10,572 --> 00:06:13,306
that tennis great Monica Seles
was stabbed in the back
156
00:06:13,378 --> 00:06:16,750
by a crazed fan of her
rival, Steffi Graf,
157
00:06:17,013 --> 00:06:18,979
who is a well-known Reptilian.
158
00:06:21,029 --> 00:06:22,108
Oh, boy.
159
00:06:24,947 --> 00:06:26,380
Have you tried calling it?
160
00:06:26,721 --> 00:06:28,811
'Cause if it were me,
and I'd been searching
161
00:06:28,851 --> 00:06:31,908
for my long-lost family, uh...
I think I'd call.
162
00:06:32,007 --> 00:06:35,376
It could be a fake number.
Or a trap. Or a prank.
163
00:06:35,428 --> 00:06:36,660
I-I get pranked a lot.
164
00:06:36,698 --> 00:06:38,306
Don't you wanna find out?
165
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:39,560
Don't you want answers?
166
00:06:39,768 --> 00:06:42,418
To what? Like why did
my parents abandon me?
167
00:06:42,578 --> 00:06:44,011
You know what else gets abandoned?
168
00:06:44,066 --> 00:06:45,933
Broken toys. Junk cars.
169
00:06:45,981 --> 00:06:47,081
Things nobody wants.
170
00:06:47,136 --> 00:06:49,637
Alex, there are many, many reasons
171
00:06:49,711 --> 00:06:51,310
that a parent gives up their child.
172
00:06:51,364 --> 00:06:53,407
You don't know that you were abandoned.
173
00:06:53,568 --> 00:06:54,706
Oh, really?
174
00:06:58,614 --> 00:07:02,022
"Abandoned Baby Found Abandoned
in Local Nursery Store."
175
00:07:02,117 --> 00:07:04,396
They use the word "abandoned" twice.
176
00:07:07,326 --> 00:07:10,057
They found me asleep in
the furniture section.
177
00:07:11,345 --> 00:07:14,294
They said I couldn't have been
more than a few hours old.
178
00:07:14,788 --> 00:07:17,409
The FBI did everything they
could to find my family,
179
00:07:17,462 --> 00:07:19,399
but with no luck.
180
00:07:19,534 --> 00:07:20,659
And over the years,
181
00:07:20,684 --> 00:07:23,814
it was the FBI that would check up on me
182
00:07:23,868 --> 00:07:26,169
at whatever foster home I was in.
183
00:07:26,709 --> 00:07:28,542
Is that why your last name is Foster?
184
00:07:28,790 --> 00:07:30,095
Oh, my God. I hope not.
185
00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:32,987
Look, I get why you love the FBI,
186
00:07:33,415 --> 00:07:36,116
but maybe another
reason why you're there
187
00:07:36,324 --> 00:07:39,314
is because you prefer to solve
other people's mysteries
188
00:07:39,340 --> 00:07:40,461
more than your own,
189
00:07:40,486 --> 00:07:41,829
and I think it's time for you
190
00:07:41,857 --> 00:07:44,031
to solve the biggest mystery of all:
191
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,859
Your orphanity.
192
00:07:46,251 --> 00:07:47,314
Orphanity?
193
00:07:47,339 --> 00:07:48,372
Orphanity?
194
00:07:48,531 --> 00:07:49,696
- No.
- Orphanness.
195
00:07:49,765 --> 00:07:51,031
Your orphanhood.
196
00:07:51,059 --> 00:07:52,459
I'll be the Watson
197
00:07:52,483 --> 00:07:53,701
to your Holmes.
198
00:07:53,726 --> 00:07:54,717
Don't do that.
199
00:07:54,742 --> 00:07:56,567
Let's just call the number.
200
00:07:59,282 --> 00:08:00,801
There's nothing to be ashamed of.
201
00:08:00,901 --> 00:08:02,481
Just tell him how you feel.
202
00:08:02,542 --> 00:08:05,209
Once you own it, Eric can't own you.
203
00:08:05,674 --> 00:08:07,245
You're right. It's easy.
204
00:08:08,042 --> 00:08:10,750
I tell Kurt how I feel, then
I tell Eric to shove it.
205
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:13,163
- Yeah.
- Okay.
206
00:08:16,406 --> 00:08:18,339
Hey, Kurt.
207
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:20,725
- How ya doing?
- I'm great.
208
00:08:20,860 --> 00:08:21,960
Good.
209
00:08:22,514 --> 00:08:24,524
Listen, I was wondering
if I could talk to you
210
00:08:24,577 --> 00:08:26,796
about something of a personal nature.
211
00:08:26,856 --> 00:08:28,049
Car!
212
00:08:29,236 --> 00:08:30,335
I'm sorry. That...
213
00:08:30,579 --> 00:08:31,746
That keeps happening.
214
00:08:32,486 --> 00:08:33,806
Wh... Wh... What were you saying?
215
00:08:35,381 --> 00:08:37,008
Don't worry about it.
216
00:08:37,396 --> 00:08:39,863
See ya tomorrow.
217
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:43,130
We've got to erase that video.
218
00:08:45,184 --> 00:08:47,011
I ca... I can't do it.
219
00:08:48,064 --> 00:08:49,176
You're nervous.
220
00:08:49,276 --> 00:08:51,403
You're afraid that this
person might reject you,
221
00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:52,670
and I'm not gonna lie to you...
222
00:08:52,694 --> 00:08:54,889
There is a 50% chance it's
gonna go really badly.
223
00:08:54,947 --> 00:08:56,167
- Thanks.
- But there's also
224
00:08:56,192 --> 00:08:57,574
a 50% chance it's gonna go great.
225
00:08:57,649 --> 00:09:00,517
I can't just dial a number willy-nilly.
226
00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:01,811
I have to think this through.
227
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,360
The last time I rushed into something,
228
00:09:03,582 --> 00:09:05,716
I was the laughingstock of the FBI.
229
00:09:05,772 --> 00:09:07,452
Okay, that sounds like
a specific incident
230
00:09:07,503 --> 00:09:08,743
that you need to tell me about.
231
00:09:08,767 --> 00:09:09,920
- Nope.
- Okay, great.
232
00:09:09,945 --> 00:09:11,705
Then let's get right to
dialing this number.
233
00:09:11,729 --> 00:09:13,729
So, I was on this raid,
234
00:09:13,918 --> 00:09:18,018
and I didn't wait for backup,
because I heard a baby inside.
235
00:09:18,797 --> 00:09:20,326
No, I'm not waiting.
236
00:09:20,358 --> 00:09:21,457
I'm going in.
237
00:09:27,171 --> 00:09:28,930
Ow! My foot!
238
00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:30,493
Aah!
239
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:36,274
Oh, it's okay.
240
00:09:36,341 --> 00:09:38,058
I'm coming.
241
00:09:41,158 --> 00:09:43,021
Oh, for crying out loud.
242
00:09:43,414 --> 00:09:45,416
The baby was on TV.
243
00:09:45,530 --> 00:09:48,631
It was a PSA about secondhand smoke.
244
00:09:48,667 --> 00:09:49,679
Oh.
245
00:09:49,704 --> 00:09:51,270
I almost got laughed out of the FBI.
246
00:09:51,363 --> 00:09:53,696
No wonder my parents didn't want me.
247
00:09:53,766 --> 00:09:55,979
Would you like to know
what stands out to me
248
00:09:56,021 --> 00:09:57,286
about that story?
249
00:09:57,311 --> 00:09:59,496
The fact that I risked my
life for a television set?
250
00:09:59,544 --> 00:10:00,643
No.
251
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:03,837
You went in to save that
baby without even thinking.
252
00:10:04,143 --> 00:10:07,434
You went in that door
because you were brave.
253
00:10:07,819 --> 00:10:10,989
And I think that you
should be brave right now
254
00:10:11,096 --> 00:10:14,798
and bust through this
door for a real baby...
255
00:10:14,946 --> 00:10:16,572
for Baby Alex.
256
00:10:17,212 --> 00:10:18,366
Stop.
257
00:10:18,391 --> 00:10:20,191
Risk foolishness,
258
00:10:20,292 --> 00:10:24,261
and, this time, you might be rewarded.
259
00:10:26,184 --> 00:10:29,883
Today, I will prove that
I am no more incompetent
260
00:10:29,949 --> 00:10:31,556
than anyone else in this company.
261
00:10:31,623 --> 00:10:33,490
Exhibit A.
262
00:10:33,845 --> 00:10:37,691
This is Dinah from accounting
shopping for cat toys online.
263
00:10:37,816 --> 00:10:40,415
She is stealing company time.
264
00:10:40,964 --> 00:10:43,616
Exhibit B. Andrew in Sales.
265
00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:46,610
He's not conducting any business,
bathroom or otherwise.
266
00:10:46,678 --> 00:10:49,219
He is literally sleeping on the job.
267
00:10:49,460 --> 00:10:50,590
Exhibit C.
268
00:10:50,736 --> 00:10:53,545
Cindy using the company photocopier
269
00:10:53,665 --> 00:10:56,360
to make baby-shower invitations.
270
00:10:56,561 --> 00:10:58,227
Now, is this a happy occasion?
271
00:10:58,309 --> 00:11:01,477
Or an absolute abuse
of company property?
272
00:11:01,533 --> 00:11:03,173
I don't even think
she's really pregnant.
273
00:11:03,197 --> 00:11:05,501
Now, I think I've proven
that the bar of competence
274
00:11:05,550 --> 00:11:07,183
is set pretty low at Glemtech,
275
00:11:07,238 --> 00:11:09,272
and yet, somehow, my performance record
276
00:11:09,308 --> 00:11:11,408
is the worst in the company.
277
00:11:11,577 --> 00:11:12,896
That's absurd.
278
00:11:12,977 --> 00:11:14,949
Chelsea, will you please tell the room
279
00:11:15,113 --> 00:11:18,281
what my main topic of
conversation at group is,
280
00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:20,854
apart from aliens and such?
281
00:11:20,932 --> 00:11:21,965
Your job.
282
00:11:22,007 --> 00:11:24,541
Mm. What about my job?
283
00:11:24,566 --> 00:11:26,299
How you love it.
284
00:11:26,324 --> 00:11:29,925
How you sold more computer-jack thingies
285
00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:32,280
than anybody else.
286
00:11:32,477 --> 00:11:35,612
Super boring work stuff.
287
00:11:35,667 --> 00:11:38,734
"Super boring work stuff."
288
00:11:38,970 --> 00:11:43,940
I talk so much about my job
that it literally bores her.
289
00:11:45,949 --> 00:11:49,602
Kelly, do you remember
when you caught me crying
290
00:11:49,688 --> 00:11:52,322
outside the men's room
just before group?
291
00:11:52,451 --> 00:11:54,141
Yeah. It was... It was intense.
292
00:11:54,199 --> 00:11:56,799
And do you remember me saying
that they were "happy tears"
293
00:11:56,855 --> 00:11:59,909
because I had gotten a new
standing desk at work?
294
00:12:00,031 --> 00:12:02,031
No, I just remember the crying.
295
00:12:02,106 --> 00:12:04,606
Well, there was no standing desk.
296
00:12:04,715 --> 00:12:08,083
My co-workers just stole my chair.
297
00:12:08,498 --> 00:12:11,848
Which is why I was crying.
298
00:12:13,085 --> 00:12:15,680
Gerry, will you please
look at the minutes
299
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,709
for our group meeting on April 15th?
300
00:12:18,817 --> 00:12:23,027
Is there any mention of me
wearing pajamas on that day?
301
00:12:23,315 --> 00:12:25,562
- No.
- Interesting.
302
00:12:25,731 --> 00:12:28,370
Because it was Pajama Day at work.
303
00:12:28,473 --> 00:12:30,106
But no one told me.
304
00:12:30,175 --> 00:12:33,826
So there I stood like
a pajama-less fool.
305
00:12:33,886 --> 00:12:35,178
Now, on May 2nd.
306
00:12:35,267 --> 00:12:38,302
Any notes about me wearing
something unusual on that day?
307
00:12:38,664 --> 00:12:41,655
You wore a cowboy hat and a bolo tie.
308
00:12:41,733 --> 00:12:42,775
That's right.
309
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,268
Because I was told it
was Cowboy Day at work,
310
00:12:45,938 --> 00:12:47,437
but it wasn't.
311
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:49,686
That's messed up.
312
00:12:50,084 --> 00:12:53,246
I was not fired from my job
because I'm bad at it.
313
00:12:54,092 --> 00:12:55,958
I was fired because no one likes
314
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:59,443
the guy who talks about aliens.
315
00:12:59,978 --> 00:13:03,346
Your Honor, I rest my case.
316
00:13:03,588 --> 00:13:05,896
Again, I'm not a judge.
317
00:13:06,617 --> 00:13:08,817
Do you have anything
else you'd like to add?
318
00:13:10,386 --> 00:13:11,928
No, we're good.
319
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:16,504
Okay, we'll take a short recess
while I review the case.
320
00:13:18,650 --> 00:13:19,857
You okay, Richard?
321
00:13:19,918 --> 00:13:21,451
Yeah, doing great.
322
00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:23,980
Pretty sure I just won that thing.
323
00:13:24,342 --> 00:13:25,606
Hmm.
324
00:13:27,058 --> 00:13:28,221
It's not a snake.
325
00:13:28,246 --> 00:13:29,712
- Take the phone, Alex.
- Mnh-mnh.
326
00:13:29,787 --> 00:13:31,487
- Come on.
- I don't want to.
327
00:13:31,537 --> 00:13:33,164
All right, look, I'm gonna
dial the first number,
328
00:13:33,188 --> 00:13:34,668
and you dial the second. Just did it.
329
00:13:34,692 --> 00:13:36,036
You dial the second one.
330
00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:37,760
All right, fine. I'll dial the second.
331
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:38,974
Okay, now you do the third.
332
00:13:39,023 --> 00:13:41,143
- Want to do the third?
- Fine, I'll just... Let me...
333
00:13:41,167 --> 00:13:42,090
Okay.
334
00:13:42,180 --> 00:13:43,779
You got it? You're good? You got it.
335
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:45,146
What kind of telephone is this?
336
00:13:45,175 --> 00:13:46,487
It's a land line. I'm not a Millennial.
337
00:13:46,511 --> 00:13:47,774
- It's ringing.
- Okay, good.
338
00:13:47,799 --> 00:13:48,853
And I'm gonna throw up.
339
00:13:48,878 --> 00:13:50,038
No, you're fine. You're good.
340
00:13:50,062 --> 00:13:51,829
You got this.
341
00:13:55,508 --> 00:13:56,708
Oh, no. It went to voice-mail.
342
00:13:56,740 --> 00:13:58,318
- What do I do?
- What does it say?
343
00:13:58,343 --> 00:13:59,663
"Leave a message after the beep."
344
00:13:59,696 --> 00:14:01,736
Okay. Listen for the beep
and then leave a message.
345
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:04,957
Hello, hello. I'm Alex
Foster, and I'm an orphan.
346
00:14:05,359 --> 00:14:07,126
It's... It's the truth. It's the truth.
347
00:14:07,194 --> 00:14:08,548
I'm calling you on the off chance
348
00:14:08,573 --> 00:14:10,774
that you're a family member
349
00:14:10,837 --> 00:14:13,704
or know who my... my parents are.
350
00:14:13,793 --> 00:14:17,646
Um, I was abandoned at a
baby store as a newborn.
351
00:14:17,704 --> 00:14:19,804
Actually, I didn't mean to
use the word "abandoned."
352
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:21,971
That sounded really accusatory,
353
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,441
and I don't know what your deal is.
354
00:14:23,465 --> 00:14:24,760
Maybe there was a really
good reason for that.
355
00:14:24,784 --> 00:14:25,850
Not that I'm blaming you
356
00:14:25,875 --> 00:14:29,276
or that you're even the person to blame.
357
00:14:29,321 --> 00:14:31,321
And if you're not the person to blame,
358
00:14:31,424 --> 00:14:33,391
maybe you know who that person is
359
00:14:33,433 --> 00:14:35,867
so that you can... Maybe...
360
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:37,600
...kind of point me in
the right direction
361
00:14:37,624 --> 00:14:40,958
of where to hunt them down.
362
00:14:40,985 --> 00:14:42,425
It's enough. It's good. You're good.
363
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:44,640
Anyways, my past is my past,
364
00:14:44,738 --> 00:14:45,820
so "whatevs."
365
00:14:45,892 --> 00:14:47,861
Call me back. Or don't call me back.
366
00:14:47,886 --> 00:14:48,952
Either way.
367
00:14:48,977 --> 00:14:50,305
But thank you for your time.
368
00:14:50,384 --> 00:14:51,583
I love you.
369
00:14:51,696 --> 00:14:53,176
Why did... I don't know why I said...
370
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,051
I don't know why I said "I
love you," that I love you.
371
00:14:55,075 --> 00:14:56,558
- That was weird.
- Just hang up, I think. We're done.
372
00:14:56,582 --> 00:14:57,849
- I'm so sorry about that.
- Hang up.
373
00:14:57,873 --> 00:14:59,153
- That was weird.
- Just hang up.
374
00:14:59,204 --> 00:15:00,604
- Okay. Okay, thanks a lot.
- Right.
375
00:15:00,628 --> 00:15:01,766
- Good.
- How did I do?
376
00:15:01,848 --> 00:15:04,734
Did it give you the option
to delete and re-record?
377
00:15:04,759 --> 00:15:05,807
- No.
- Okay.
378
00:15:05,852 --> 00:15:06,984
Then you did perfect.
379
00:15:07,387 --> 00:15:08,874
It's great.
380
00:15:10,258 --> 00:15:12,252
Well, I think I did a pretty good job
381
00:15:12,319 --> 00:15:14,119
showing how terrible those guys are.
382
00:15:14,174 --> 00:15:15,479
Honestly, Richard,
383
00:15:15,504 --> 00:15:18,772
we had no idea they
were such jerks to you.
384
00:15:18,898 --> 00:15:22,244
Did they really put a
squirrel in your lunch box?
385
00:15:22,449 --> 00:15:23,815
You saw the evidence.
386
00:15:23,948 --> 00:15:24,985
God.
387
00:15:25,010 --> 00:15:26,142
Those guys were dicks.
388
00:15:26,239 --> 00:15:28,406
Sure it's a place you want
to go back to, buddy?
389
00:15:28,801 --> 00:15:30,419
I love my job.
390
00:15:30,536 --> 00:15:32,136
Look, no matter the outcome,
391
00:15:32,211 --> 00:15:34,311
you can always reinvent
yourself, Richard.
392
00:15:34,831 --> 00:15:38,630
I mean, look at me... I'm a
dancer and publisher now.
393
00:15:38,784 --> 00:15:40,625
Who knows what I'm gonna be tomorrow.
394
00:15:40,787 --> 00:15:42,073
The world's your oyster.
395
00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:44,475
I'm allergic to shellfish, so...
396
00:15:44,605 --> 00:15:46,171
I've made my decision.
397
00:15:46,266 --> 00:15:48,605
Uh, just wink if I won.
398
00:15:49,474 --> 00:15:51,041
Sorry.
399
00:15:51,291 --> 00:15:54,480
Jeff, do you have to do
that while I'm working?
400
00:15:54,586 --> 00:15:58,255
I'm just doing my job,
because I'm a team player.
401
00:15:58,615 --> 00:15:59,789
I tried to find the footage,
402
00:15:59,813 --> 00:16:01,413
but Eric locked me out of the system.
403
00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:02,937
I'll try my access code.
404
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,082
Yeah, but if I can't get in,
there's absolutely no...
405
00:16:05,106 --> 00:16:06,872
- I'm in.
- Unbelievable.
406
00:16:08,781 --> 00:16:10,648
The video's not here.
407
00:16:10,724 --> 00:16:12,323
He must have it on a separate drive.
408
00:16:12,398 --> 00:16:14,723
Wow. He's really serious
about blackmailing you.
409
00:16:14,827 --> 00:16:16,927
That six-sided son of a bitch!
410
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:18,910
Wait a second. What's this?
411
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:25,615
It looks like he's charging.
412
00:16:25,657 --> 00:16:27,722
What?
413
00:16:28,067 --> 00:16:29,901
He does it every day...
414
00:16:29,976 --> 00:16:31,408
at the same time.
415
00:16:32,167 --> 00:16:35,053
Jeff, this is our way to defeat Eric.
416
00:16:35,174 --> 00:16:37,361
We grab him when he's charging.
417
00:16:37,437 --> 00:16:39,603
"Jeff's Mutiny" is back in action.
418
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,098
Oh! You missed a spot.
419
00:16:41,253 --> 00:16:43,593
Ohh! Well, thanks, Jonathan.
420
00:16:43,736 --> 00:16:45,703
You're very helpful.
421
00:16:46,065 --> 00:16:47,218
I'll be honest.
422
00:16:47,334 --> 00:16:49,701
This was a weird case.
423
00:16:50,002 --> 00:16:52,369
One side cites incompetence.
424
00:16:52,813 --> 00:16:56,091
The other side cites belief in aliens.
425
00:16:57,129 --> 00:16:58,332
Which is it?
426
00:16:58,488 --> 00:16:59,854
Aliens.
427
00:17:01,301 --> 00:17:04,298
After reviewing all of the evidence,
428
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:07,157
I think it's a cut-and-dry
case of harassment.
429
00:17:07,408 --> 00:17:10,664
It shouldn't matter that
Richard's outlandish beliefs
430
00:17:10,743 --> 00:17:12,776
make him an easy target.
431
00:17:13,146 --> 00:17:16,409
Richard was a competent employee...
432
00:17:16,990 --> 00:17:18,831
by Glemtech standards.
433
00:17:18,877 --> 00:17:20,638
Ah! Ya hear that?
434
00:17:20,663 --> 00:17:21,710
Competent.
435
00:17:21,735 --> 00:17:24,247
Therefore, it is my decision
that Richard Schultz
436
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:26,797
is entitled to return to
his previous position
437
00:17:26,847 --> 00:17:28,480
at Glemtech Manufacturing
438
00:17:28,868 --> 00:17:33,169
and he shall be awarded $75,000
for emotional damages.
439
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:34,566
- What?!
- Yeah!
440
00:17:34,621 --> 00:17:37,088
Suck it, Glemtech!
441
00:17:37,263 --> 00:17:40,531
Congratulations! This
is so wonderful! Oh.
442
00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:42,011
Oh, you won!
443
00:17:42,068 --> 00:17:44,507
- For justice.
- Yes, Chelsea.
444
00:17:44,693 --> 00:17:45,814
Justice.
445
00:17:45,892 --> 00:17:48,425
Justice for experiencers everywhere.
446
00:17:49,020 --> 00:17:51,744
See you at work, mofos!
447
00:17:53,987 --> 00:17:55,281
I don't know, I don't know.
Who do you think it is?
448
00:17:55,305 --> 00:17:56,684
Do you think it's my family
449
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:58,542
or someone who knows my family?
450
00:17:58,567 --> 00:18:00,134
Think I should leave another message?
451
00:18:00,159 --> 00:18:02,659
Listen, it's only been 15 minutes, okay?
452
00:18:02,808 --> 00:18:04,842
They could be at work or,
453
00:18:05,024 --> 00:18:07,958
you know, yoga or a movie or anything.
454
00:18:08,068 --> 00:18:10,068
Well, that sounds like
a pretty good life.
455
00:18:14,908 --> 00:18:16,174
Hello?
456
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:17,695
Yes, yes.
457
00:18:17,890 --> 00:18:19,757
She's right here.
458
00:18:21,741 --> 00:18:23,261
Do you want some privacy?
459
00:18:23,317 --> 00:18:24,797
Don't you dare leave me.
460
00:18:24,821 --> 00:18:25,973
Okay.
461
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:28,909
Hello?
462
00:18:30,042 --> 00:18:31,575
This is Alex.
463
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:36,748
I'm sorry I'm...
464
00:18:36,811 --> 00:18:37,943
Congrats!
465
00:18:38,008 --> 00:18:39,730
- Congratulations!
- What's going on?
466
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:42,280
You just kicked Reptilian
butt, that's what's going on.
467
00:18:42,845 --> 00:18:44,657
We're celebrating you
getting your job back.
468
00:18:44,716 --> 00:18:46,216
In your pajamas? I don't understand.
469
00:18:46,277 --> 00:18:49,403
We just thought that you
deserved an actual Pajama Day.
470
00:18:49,483 --> 00:18:52,088
You know, what they did to
you at work was pretty mean.
471
00:18:52,138 --> 00:18:54,501
Well, I-I don't have
any pajamas, though.
472
00:18:54,593 --> 00:18:57,469
- Well, we got you covered.
- Oh, guys!
473
00:18:57,529 --> 00:18:58,602
Aww!
474
00:18:58,627 --> 00:19:01,461
So, how was your first day back at work?
475
00:19:01,859 --> 00:19:03,474
Uh, I didn't go.
476
00:19:03,828 --> 00:19:05,405
I quit.
477
00:19:05,637 --> 00:19:06,935
You guys were right.
478
00:19:06,986 --> 00:19:09,035
I-I don't need to be somewhere
I'm not appreciated.
479
00:19:09,121 --> 00:19:10,820
Besides, I've got 75 G's.
480
00:19:11,183 --> 00:19:13,009
I don't have to work if I don't want to.
481
00:19:13,107 --> 00:19:14,707
But I think I'll take a little time off,
482
00:19:14,762 --> 00:19:16,022
think about my next move.
483
00:19:16,422 --> 00:19:18,012
Maybe I'll start my own business,
484
00:19:18,076 --> 00:19:19,276
and it'll be a company
485
00:19:19,318 --> 00:19:21,520
that doesn't discriminate
against experiencers.
486
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,635
- Hear, hear!
- So proud of you, Richard.
487
00:19:23,695 --> 00:19:25,815
Oh, before we toast Richard,
I just want to make sure
488
00:19:25,871 --> 00:19:27,871
that you're all coming to
our Game Night tomorrow.
489
00:19:27,904 --> 00:19:29,107
I know you all RSVP'd,
490
00:19:29,154 --> 00:19:31,488
but I thought an in-person
head count was also necessary.
491
00:19:31,674 --> 00:19:33,265
Y-Yeah, w-we'll be there, Gerry.
492
00:19:33,498 --> 00:19:35,098
- Please stop texting.
- Very well, then.
493
00:19:35,122 --> 00:19:35,986
- Yeah.
- To Richard.
494
00:19:36,034 --> 00:19:37,795
- To Richard!
- Thank you so much. All right.
495
00:19:37,820 --> 00:19:41,430
Hi. Yes. I need to reschedule my flight.
496
00:19:41,860 --> 00:19:44,600
I just found out I have a sister.
497
00:19:45,643 --> 00:19:47,127
Yes, I'll hold.
498
00:19:49,416 --> 00:19:51,916
I have a sister!
499
00:19:52,105 --> 00:19:54,821
I have a sister!
500
00:19:59,226 --> 00:20:00,592
♪ But the choice is yours
501
00:20:00,703 --> 00:20:03,287
The mutiny happens tomorrow.
502
00:20:03,988 --> 00:20:06,624
Is that what you wanted
to tell me before?
503
00:20:07,506 --> 00:20:09,370
Yeah!
504
00:20:09,861 --> 00:20:11,212
Copy that.
505
00:20:11,503 --> 00:20:13,663
Okay, well, I got to go
scrub the other room.
506
00:20:13,687 --> 00:20:14,889
This one is very clean.
507
00:20:14,984 --> 00:20:16,250
Mm-hmm. Ha ha ha!
508
00:20:16,335 --> 00:20:18,586
Well, you know me. I love scrubbing!
509
00:20:18,669 --> 00:20:22,262
synced & corrected by PopcornAWH
www.addic7ed.com.
510
00:20:22,425 --> 00:20:25,123
Finally... It's complete.
511
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:27,428
Good job, Gerry.
512
00:20:27,589 --> 00:20:29,797
I'm going to miss you when you're gone.
36238
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