All language subtitles for La.theorie.du.K.O.S02E10.1080p.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.x264-SbR

JONATHAN'S
BIRTHDAY

It's soon.

Yeah.

Last time was shortly after my death,
so you didn't have to, but this time...

Yes.

Time flies.

-Yes.
-Stressful, huh?

No.

It was when I was alive
and taking care of it, so imagine now.

I'll keep it simple.
Balloons, a cake and a clown,

preferably with no criminal record.
That's it.

Birthday parties can't be simple nowadays.
Remember the one Jonathan went to?

We played hockey at an ice rink
that his dad rented.

He took us all to a Japanese restaurant
where the cook flips food in the air!

Awesome! And we went go-karting!
When we came back,

he turned the house into a castle
and we played knights.

He had horses in the courtyard.

And then there was fireworks!
It was so freaking cool, Dad!

How are you gonna top that?

You make it sound like a competition
where I have to mortgage the house.

No, but you have to make an effort.
It's for him.

I know, I have the potential to screw up
his entire life. No need to remind me.

What's cooking?

An egg.

In the microwave?

I'll take cereals.

Give your brother a hand.

Sure, I'll do it next time he paints
his nails at breakfast.

What?

I fixed your oil pump.

I made an appointment for that.
Why did you touch it?

To save you lots of money.

No. You didn't actually fix it,
you patched it up. Big difference.

That'll teach me. Don't thank me.

I won't.

Hey, we're nearly there. Right?

For sure.

It's gonna be a hell of a party.

Great, keep getting his hopes up.

Jonathan, I was thinking...
You know...

You're getting quite big now.

You don't wanna throw a party?

Yes, yes, I do. Of course, I do.

But at his age,
maybe he feels too old for that.

-Not at all.
-I'll help. I'll handle the activities.

No. Out of the question.

I did it for your birthday.

Precisely.

I'll show you, you sissies. You'll wanna
crawl back into your mothers' bellies.

What's wrong with you?
You show up to a party without a gift?

Because it's my birthday, Dad.

- Call me, "sir."
-Yes, sir.

Faster! One, two, one, two!

You! Stand up straight. He has scoliosis.

Ten push-ups.

And... go!

So? You didn't like it?

Every month,
we could put a picture of one of you.

Are we talking about action shots
or beauty shots?

I don't know yet.

In my case, it's pretty clear.
Every action shot is a beauty shot.

We could also put the dates
of our events.

Guy, do you really wanna make
a calendar with wresters?

The firefighters do it.

But the profits go to charity.

Yes, to badly burned victims and such.

If you're worried about
where our profits will go, don't be.

I'm badly burned, too.

-What?
-Really?

All my cash went up in smoke.

Seriously. Let's be clear, guys.

I want a majority of you
to get on board.

Sleep on it, will you?

It can't look cheap.

Personally,
I don't wanna make a fool of myself.

Let me stop you right there, guys.
When you have natural class,

there's no risk of looking cheap.
My aunt used to pose for calendars.

She's the biggest pride of my family.

-Really?
-Yeah, my aunt Linda.

She had style from head to toe,

whether lying on the hood of a '77 Camaro
or the windshield of a monster truck.

That Linda, she was something.

Open up!

I need my music.

You also need clean clothes.

There.

Boy, that firefighter doesn't seem
in a rush to put out a fire.

He's just posing in shorts.

-Are you shocked?
-No.

But... what would you say
if I had such a calendar featuring girls?

With half-naked girls
holding a giant hose? That'd be gross.

But half-naked guys
holding a giant hose, that's okay?

Sure. It's sexy, in good taste, and funny,
with a touch of self-deprecation.

Ask any radio or TV show host.

Is that okay because firefighters
are viewed as heroes?

Not at all. It could as well be mailmen,
garbage men, or accountants.

I wouldn't mind at all.

There. This is yours.

Dad?

Yeah?

-You know, about the party.
-Yes?

I know it's a hassle for you.
Especially without Mom.

Where are you getting at?

It's okay if we don't invite friends
or if we don't throw a party. I get it.

But... do you want to?

Yes.

I thought you didn't.

I thought it was you who didn't.

No, not at all.
If I asked if you were too old for it,

it was because
I didn't wanna impose anything.

-Are you sure?
-Yes! Of course.

I'm so glad you still like those things
and you aren't bored of them yet.

That means there's more fun to be had
before you become a teenager.

Will you take us to a Japanese restaurant?

Don't push your luck.
Come on, clean up your mess.

Okay, I'm in.

Alright! Twelve wrestlers
for the twelve months of the year.

Let's pick a month for each of you.
Eddie?

November?

January.

October.

-Carl, when will we get to admire you?
-In May.

February, yes! Wait. February?

February? Damn it.

-What?
-It's the shortest month.

It's me they'll see the least.

Can I help?

No. I'd rather avoid swear words
on the cards.

Hi.

What?

Amazing. Even to sell pastry,
you manage to look like a hooker.

Thank you.

You're writing by hand?

Yes, to show that I care
and that it's important.

And that you're too poor to buy a printer.

Very funny. So, what do you think?
It's the program for Jonathan's party.

Pin the tail on the donkey,
apple bobbing,

cornhole, musical chairs...
What? What's wrong?

If you wanna capture the interest of kids
used to playing video games,

sure, make them play cornhole.
They'll love it.

Guy, I can't do it. Sorry.

We said we'd pick randomly.
It's done, end of story.

-No way. I'd rather quit wrestling.
-You're not quitting anything.

But it's so unfair,
I couldn't possibly accept that.

Then fix it. If someone wants
to swap months with you, go for it.

So you think you're part
of the wrestling elite

and you deserve the month of January?
Well, excuse me, big guy.

Because when I look at you,
I only see a February loser.

Besides,
Three Kings' Day is such a lame holiday.

I wanted to tell you that Nicolas
will be coming to the party.

Great, Jonathan will be glad.

Out of curiosity, what were you planning
on doing for lunch?

Well...

I hope it's something healthy.

Yes.

Some jerks still serve disgusting stuff
like hot dogs at kids' parties.

Hot dogs, can you imagine?
I call them crap sandwich.

Right. Some people do that, huh?

No, man, you gotta take February.
Besides, Christmas,

what a lame holiday.

And you, in exchange,
you'd take the month of...

February.

Wouldn't it be hilarious?

Not to mention St. Patrick's Day
is such a lame holiday.

I have Irish blood.

And will there be any nuts in the cake?
Of traces of nuts?

No, it's gonna be fine.

Nope. Not a single trace of nuts.

Hey. Eddie.

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.

I'm gonna make you an offer
you just can't refuse.

-What's your month?
-November.

November? Oh, poor guy.

Why?

It's such a sad time of the year.
There's nothing to do.

The days get short, it's cold,
the trees don't have any leaves,

and there's no snow to compensate.
Plus, Veterans Day is so lame.

I know, but I mean...

And did you know it's the month
with the highest rate of depression?

Just because I'm Mr. November doesn't mean
it has anything to do with me.

Oh, so you think people won't associate
your face with depression?

Come on now.

What are you getting at?

Me? I wanna help you get rid of it.
For your sake.

Which means I'd be willing
to swap months with you.

-February.
-Yeah.

It's not much better.

-Not for me. But for you, it is.
-Why is that?

Well, it's Black People Day.

You mean Black History Month.
So what?

Well... you're black.

So the remaining 11 months
don't concern me?

No, it's not that. Eddie.

February... is a little short for me.

But it's okay for black folks? Piss off.

Hey, come on. Eddie.
You're my black friend.

What activities?
Well, I was planning a piñata and--

Oh? With a wooden stick?

Well, yes, with a stick.

So you thought about protective gear
as well, right? Helmets, goggles...

They'll be the ones beating the piñata,
not the other way around.

That's lame.

But the piñata represents an animal.

It usually does.

My husband and I
are against animal testing.

Not only is a piñata violent,
it's also violence inflicted on an animal.

It won't be shaped like an animal.

You're so nice.

Yes, I know.

Hello.

I'm here for the fire inspection.

That's right, we talked on the phone.
Go ahead, make yourself at home.

But isn't this a wrestling ring usually?

Yes. But today's a special day,

we're doing a photoshoot for a calendar.
You know what I'm talking about, right?

A cal...

A... a calendar?

What's the matter?

Well, it's just that...
I once posed for a calendar myself.

As a firefighter.

Never again.

Why, what happened?

It's humiliating.

All my friends and colleagues
make fun of me now.

An old lady even recognized me
during a fire.

She called me a bimbo
while I was saving her.

-Can I...?
-Sure, go ahead.

I'll just turn my back on your setup.
It brings back too many memories.

Guy, we're starting to wonder
about that calendar.

No, don't do this to me.
I might be able to postpone the shoot,

but I can't cancel it. The photographer's
been paid. So has the printer.

I even picked the best quality paper.

Glossy on both sides?

-Yeah.
-Really?

Are you really giving me all 12 months?

You'll have the whole calendar.
I asked everyone, we all agreed.

You're too dazzling.
You're too charismatic.

We give up.

Well, guys, I won't let you down.
I promise.

Promise.

I heard you also make non-violent piñatas?

Yes. They're shaped like rocks
and filled with chocolate.

A non-violent piñata?

Yes. I'm in luck, there's only one left.
I gotta go get it now.

The guests arrive at one o'clock.

Don't worry. I'll be right back.

"A rock..."

Oh, no, no, no.

You gotta be kidding.

Yes, it's the oil pump!

What? But I took care of it.

Precisely!
Don't take care of anything anymore!

Not even Jonathan's guests
until you get here?

No! Don't do anything!
Do you hear me?

Don't you throw a party
like you did for me.

I was never able to watch
Full Metal Jacket.

-Okay, okay.
-Swear it!

I swear, I swear.

"Lame" doesn't even begin to describe it.

Can't you think of something
that would be more fun?

Bye, Nicolas.

Bye, Simon.

Thanks, guys.

Thank you.

You swore!

Yes, I swore not to do the same
as your party. I kept my word.

What do you think will happen
once they tell their parents?

Jonathan, how would you feel
if you had to change schools?

Oh, come on.

Mr. Hébert? I'm Nicolas' mother.

He was at Jonathan's party
on Saturday.

He told me about that afternoon
and the games he got to play.

I wanted to thank you.

For the rock-shaped piñata?

No, for... the lady.

There's certain topics we don't know
how to approach with our kids,

but thanks to what he saw,
we were able to start a dialogue.

You're welcome.

Did you thank your grandfather?

Grandpa, I wanted to tell you
that it was a great party.

It was a great party for me, too.