Original subtitles

Let me...

Don't answer.

I have to, it's my mom.

Hello?

Yes. How are you?

Yes. No, nothing special.

Yann sneezes a lot.

Yeah. You think it's allergies?

Yeah, could be.

Seems like everyone has them these days.

Yeah. What?

Yeah. No, I'll be there, don't worry.

Okay, bye.

Don't you think it's weird talking to your mom in the middle of sex? Don't you think it's weird talking to your pals sitting on the toilet?

I did it one time.

Yeah, right.

I'll take a shower. She's coming.

What? Yeah.

It's high time you met my mom.

You should've met her by now. We've been dating long enough.

Annick wants me to meet her mom.

Oh, my God.

What's the problem?

You'll find out soon enough.

When a girl wants you

to meet her mom, that's the point of no return in a relationship.

It means you'll be stuck with that girl for a damn long time.

You'd better be sure of what you're doing.

And it's rare for a man to be really sure.

It can take years until you're sure.

You can die before you're sure.

It's best to date orphans, I tell you.

So, it's going to be official way sooner than you thought.

Damn.

Hi, Annick, it's Carl.

While you were in the shower, my daughter called to tell me

Jonathan was sick, that's why I left fast.

Okay? So, yeah, that's why. Sorry. And I... Kisses, bye.

You don't love her.

Well, I do, but...

Maybe in six months or a year...

If I'm so popular with boys, is it because

I don't have a mom to introduce?

Oh, no. It's her.

She came here directly.

Will she ask for a doctor's note?

Hey. Hello.

She's going to realize I'm not sick.

Jonathan. Do you love your father? Do you love him a lot?

Absolutely.

Are you guys crazy?

-I don't believe you. -I'm serious.

He's sick as a dog.

Okay. Let's see him.

Really? He's resting right now.

Nice try.

No. Annick...

I'm... I'm sure he's better now.

You should've seen him earlier.

The Exorcist looked like a Disney movie, compared to that.

It just started again.

And the winner is...

Sugar Chris!

Thanks, everyone.

I wanted to take a moment to tell you

I'm embarking on a new mission.

A mission that consists

of settling the score with a traitor.

The one who left the good guys to join the bad guys!

And if by any chance tonight, that rat...

was here with us, I'd invite him into the ring,

so he could face these fists and so that justice might be served!

I'm the one you're looking for, Sugar Chris.

Finally,

there you are, Revenge Hébert. Or perhaps, I should say

Judas Hébert!

If that nickname is an invitation...

to crucify you...

then I accept your challenge!

Good. But first, I want you to know

that the vision of your deceitful face makes me...

want to spontaneously say that...

Makes me want to spontaneously say that...

"You'll pay for your treachery."

"That you'll pay for your treachery."

That you'll pay for your treasury!

"Your treachery," goddamn it!

Your treasury, goddamn it!

Okay.

Pierre-Louis?

Oh, hi, Carol.

What are you doing?

Watching the asphalt grow?

No, I'm waiting for the kids. They took the bus.

You're not driving?

No, Patrick has the car.

He's at a conference.

He drove to a conference?

He flew.

So, where's the car?

In the airport parking lot.

And you can't use it while he's out of town?

No. It's too new. But when it's older and he gets another one,

I'll get this one. For a symbolic price

and my eternal gratitude.

My God, how sweet.

I remember when my dad did that for me.

What I appreciate most about your marriage

is that you embody older values from a time when people were happy.

There were almost no divorces back then.

It's like people are scared to commit to a relationship nowadays.

I, for one, couldn't live without love.

Without Patrick in my life...

I think I'd die.

And you? Meh...

"That you'll pay for your treachery."

Not "That you'll pay for your treasury," for Chrissake!

It was on the tip of my tongue.

You're thinking of your herpes.

You're so stupid.

I'll have you know it wasn't labial.

Okay, enough.

I'm happy to write the stories, but you have to learn your lines.

It would help if we had a better script, though.

Eddie's right.

You want Revenge Hébert to become a bad guy? Fine.

But the reason isn't clear. What's his motivation?

Okay, fine. I'll come up with better stories.

And lastly...

your age.

DATING FOR LIFE

If I tell the truth, I'm only gonna get grandmas.

Well, you are a grandpa.

I know you're no expert on this, but women age much faster than men.

Okay.

What do we put? Fifty-five?

Forty-nine?

You know, Carol,

it's great to dream, but could you satisfy a younger woman?

What do you mean?

I mean, literally.

I'll manage, don't worry about that.

Just say I'm 49 and had a hard life.

Thursday?

Thursday... No, I'll be working late at the office.

Friday?

No, Friday's Jaimie's birthday.

Saturday, then.

No, it's still Jaimie's birthday.

Are you kidding me?

No, it's because Jaimie was born at midnight, so we celebrate

on the eve and the next day.

Yeah. It's like...

It's like Jesus.

-You just don't wanna meet my mom. -No, it's not that.

I do wanna meet her,

I just want it to be the right time.

-It's not a big deal. -Well, it kind of is.

If I meet your mom

and we break up, there'll be two sad people instead of one.

So, you plan on dumping me?

No.

So, are we together?

Well...

You know, relationships...

have different levels, right?

And since we each have different expectations...

we should be less together for a little while, before we...

we dive in and are together for real. No?

This isn't a little while, it's taking too long.

Delivery from Gagnon Pharmacy.

Are you Mr. Hébert?

Technically, yes.

Not sure you're the right one.

The Viagra's not for you, I imagine?

Ah, so you're the one who...

No, it's me.

In that case, have a good one.

A day, that is.

-So, do you really need--? -Hey.

Let's not discuss this in front of him.

Discuss what? Viagra?

Your penis doesn't have enough blood?

Eat while it's hot.

Apparently, it's common, as we get older.

Because the blood vessels shrink.

Grandpa's not old enough for that. Okay? Now eat.

-It could be testosterone levels. -I don't think that's the problem.

So, it must be psychological.

Are you intimidated by naked women, Grandpa?

Hey.

Where were you when sex was taboo?

We couldn't tell a clit from a belly button,

but at least we had table manners. You must be Carl.

Mrs. Roberge?

I didn't know you'd be here.

No, I'm the neighbor, Jacqueline.

I just came over to drop off a screwdriver she lent me.

She should be here any minute.

-Okay, no problem. Bye. -Bye.

Mrs. Roberge?

No, Water Department.

The neighbor opened up so I could check the meter.

Oh, okay.

-Have a nice day. -You, too.

Oh, hello.

Hey. How's it going?

You look like you just saw a ghost.

I'll stop, there's nothing I can do.

Even mouth-to-mouth isn't working.

Is something bothering you?

No, no.

It's okay.

Don't worry, it happens to a lot of men.

Age 85 and over.

You know, a woman can be sexually satisfied

even if her partner has problems.

All she needs is another lover.

You're so good to me.

Come here.

You're already getting messages.

Already?

Yes, look.

"Passionate lady, 42 years old."

Wow.

-What's her name? -Rita.

Rita?

-Forty-two? -That's what it says.

"Rita, 42 years old," that's clearly a lie.

No way. An 80, 82-year-old Rita, maybe. But not 42.

That's like Solange or Paulette.

With a name like that? If I meet a Megan, she can't be 75.

To a Megan, Lady Gaga is a singer. To a Rita, a "lady gaga"

is an old hag in a retirement home. Big difference.

Hello, ma'am.

I don't think this will work.

I've changed my mind. I'm not comfortable with this.

Huh?

I shouldn't have signed up for a dating website.

Look, I also lied about my age, but you went over the top.

Are you Carol Hébert?

I'm the one...

you're supposed to have dinner with.

Carl.

Have you ever ridden a horse?

Because apparently, when you fall,

you have to get right back on. If you catch my drift.

-I'll get my saddle. -I'll be in the hall.

Carl, Carl!

My mom's in the hospital. I need you to drive.

Yes, hurry up.

There are advantages to a woman of my age.

You can tell her, "It's for life,"

and it's less of a commitment than if you say it to a 20-year-old.

That's for sure.

And need I insist on the fact that it's absolutely impossible

for us to have a baby by mistake?

I wish you hadn't met her for the first time in these circumstances.

Hey, it's okay.

Mom.

I'm here, Mom.

What is it?

I'm in heaven.

And in the right corner,

Revenge Hébert!

Not too long ago, I was called...

a traitor.

Because I went from good to evil.

But who can tell me

why I should be called a traitor?

Who can tell me?

I wanna know, but no one will tell me.

That's what I wanted.

Revenge Hébert.

I can explain

why you must be called a traitor.

It's because...

It's because...

Go on! Say it!

Because--

It's because you had nasty thoughts about my 80-year-old mom,

you freaking pervert!

Oh, yes.

An old lady, who's fragile, sick,

and helpless in her hospital bed!

Is there a more degrading way

to betray the moral code of the good and switch over to evil?

You're a gerontophile!

That's the truth!

Hey, everyone. The important thing is, it worked.

In the end, the storyline was a success,

thanks to Annick in no small part. Cheers.

-Cheers. -Thank you both.

Inspired from true events, at that.

It was pretty explicit to see.

-Quite the misunderstanding. -Oh, well...

We broke the ice, I met her mom. No more stress.

Aren't you embarrassed telling the story, though?

How so?

Well... you resorted to...

Pharmaceutical enhancement.

No, come on, guys. I just wanted to try it.

Look at that face...

You know, the fact that your first meeting was a disaster made me think.

You're right, we shouldn't rush things.

No.

I'm pretty sure I love you, but I don't dare to say it.

You just did.

Yeah.

Well, I've changed my mind.

It's been a year, you know?

At this pace, we won't celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary,

but the 25th anniversary of us hesitating to commit.

What are you saying?

Well... I'm saying...

"Fuck buddy..."

isn't very elegant to describe the woman who makes my heart beat so fast.

I wanna call you my girlfriend.

Yes.

Should I... wait for you in the car?

Yeah.

Boyfriend. Girlfriend.

Well done, son.

Thanks, Dad.

You know, I had proof I don't need Viagra yet.

Are you saying that...?

Can I meet her?

No.

-Why not? -Two reasons.

One, I'm not sure it's serious.

And the second?

She's an older, more mature woman. Know what I mean?

A woman of your age?

I know your kinky side.

-What? -I can't risk you meeting her,

I'd be too scared you'd make a move.

Keep to women your own age and save us the trouble, okay?