Original subtitles

Excuse me?

I said, he's not yours.

What do you mean?

I had a paternity test.

It's better this way.

You think?

I have a busy schedule for the next 15 years.

Grow teeth, fill diapers, have chickenpox, acne, smoke weed, get chlamydia.

Do you really want to go through this again?

When you put it like that, I guess not.

And we would both end up in diapers.

Very funny.

You already have a son, you should take care of him.

Now if you don't mind, I have to start screaming for no good reason.

What are you doing?

I'm bowling.

Isn't it obvious? I'm washing my car.

Why?

You never wash it.

I want to take it to a shop, see what I can get for it while it still runs.

I'd like something newer that doesn't look like it was in a demolition derby.

Yeah.

-Are you okay? -I'm fine. Couldn't be better.

Glad to hear it.

You don't have a brother.

Disappointed?

No, it's better this way. I'm too old to be a father.

I've seen older ones.

Yeah, right. Charlie Chaplin, Yves Montand, and Pablo Picasso.

All frigging losers.

-You seemed happy. -I was pretending.

Hope you kept the receipts.

You know, Carl, with this baby,

I felt like it was my chance to be a better father.

But I realize that I should make it up to you, not to some other kid.

It's no big deal.

It is. If I had loved you more, you wouldn't have this void.

-What void? -Look at you.

You clearly lacked something, in order to become such a social misfit.

Look who's talking.

Carl, I'd like us to be close.

You live 30 feet away, it's pretty close.

I want to be there for you, Carl.

Call Sylvie back. The lab might've made a mistake.

We'll wash the car together, just like when you were a kid.

I asked Jaimie. She could help out for once.

What? I didn't wanna get my clothes wet.

You look like a calendar girl.

Go and rest. I'll wash the car with your dad. Just like old times.

Ladies and gentlemen, in the right corner,

Revenge Hébert!

And in the left corner,

with his manager and mother, he'll give you a complex,

Oedipe Roy!

Congratulations.

-Nice fight. -Thanks.

It was okay.

-It's a disturbing character, though. -It's just a character.

I mean, she's not my mother.

I hope not.

Are you coming?

Yes, auntie. Dude.

I don't like this character. -Oedipe Roy? -It's confusing.

His manager is his mother who's actually his aunt and they're kissing all the time.

It's gross. It's a bad idea.

I think it's a great idea. Especially since it was mine.

-Where did you get that? -You never heard of Oedipus?

Hey, do you think I'm illiterate?

Is it a trick question?

Stop it. And why did this idiot choose a woman's name for his character?

A woman's name?

Oedipe.

Come on. Like Oedipe Butler.

Oedipe Piaf.

What's that?

I told you I wanted to make up for lost time and finish what I started.

That's out of the question. Not this.

What's that about?

When I was a kid, he wanted to show me how to ride a bike.

I didn't wanna be pushed from the top of the hill.

You don't know how to ride a bike? At your age?

You don't boast about these things.

Right.

But look at his face.

You could be more supportive.

It doesn't have to be a bike.

Yeah, but each time we try to do something together, it's a disaster.

He's your father. You won't get another.

We can wait until it's dark. I'll put on training wheels,

-it'll be less embarrassing. -No.

We'll do something together, but not this.

Excellent idea, Carl. I love shopping for cars.

That's a real father-son activity.

That's what I thought.

My father did the same for my first car. He put his experience to good use.

And?

We got screwed.

But we got screwed together.

As a team. In synch. We were equally pissed off.

You'll see, it's an unforgettable experience.

That's outrageous.

He didn't even give us a price.

So...

Here's the best price I can offer.

Hey. It's a used car.

No, it's a certified pre-owned vehicle.

It went through a thorough, 823-step inspection.

That's reassuring. It's even better than a new car.

Come on, Dad.

Let's negotiate. Stop fooling around and start negotiating.

Well...

I'm already at cost price.

"Cost price," he says. Soon, you'll go talk to your boss.

They always do that. Go ahead. It'll save us some time.

Okay, well, I'll go...

It's going well. Let me handle it.

So that's what you're doing instead of talking to your boss.

You're letting us wait around thinking you're negotiating.

You're playing with us. You already know what the offer will be.

Hey, let go of him, Dad! Hey!

Hey. What's up, boys?

Notice anything?

Look at that. Did you get cataracts overnight?

Very funny. I won't be laughed at anymore for supposedly being illiterate.

I'm back in school.

-Really? Which university? -Yeah.

Which university? Calm down, man. I have to finish high school first.

But after that, sky's the limit.

That's why I hate doing things with you. You're so high strung and angry.

But I saw right through his little game, didn't I?

Look at this guy. He won't stop at the sign.

Hey!

What the hell?

What a jerk. Let's chase him down.

Stop it.

He's driving like he has a death wish. Let's fulfill it. Come on, go!

-You have road rage, too. -I do not.

You bet your ass you do.

Who's driving? How can I have road rage if I'm not driving?

Am I driving? No, I'm not. I'm not.

I started studying.

-Really? -Yeah.

What's the capital of Saskatchewan?

Regina.

Yeah, I knew that.

Yeah, right. I just told you.

Hey... do you know what CO2 is?

It's carbon monoxide.

Stop hyping yourself up. It's a high school diploma, not a PhD.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Do you know the duration of the gestation period of the elephant?

You're getting on my nerves.

Between 22 and 24 months. Isn't that incredible?

What's the square root of 16? Come on. Tell me.

I know you don't know. Who, that, which, whom.

It's the object of the preposition, you moron.

Did you see the price of that? And we have to build it, too.

They're not going to make it for us. That's the price...

Hey. Are you nuts?

Don't try and tell me you cut me off without noticing, you idiot.

You have some serious anger management issues.

-Come. -He started it.

Us Quebecers, my dear sir,

we're happy to welcome people from everyewhere in the world.

As long as they don't take advantage of our kindness and our love of peace!

I'm very sorry, sir.

I can't take it anymore.

What's wrong?

Christian? In school?

I think it's a monstrosity.

I understand. It's...

It's against nature.

It's like a blind man picking up archery.

Or an anorexic chef.

Don't worry, Eddie. I'll take care of it.

All right.

You know, Jonathan, I'd like to do stuff with your dad.

But we can't seem to find the right activity.

The one that would make us connect more, you know?

All right.

Here, take that. And another one.

Okay.

There's always something missing. Two screws.

This should go... there.

Goddamn wrench!

Your father must have a screwdriver.

He never used it.

What kind of moron invented this packaging? Get me some scissors.

So...

You've decided to become intelligent?

I felt like trying it out.

That's great.

Do you realize the implications?

What do you mean?

Everybody knows that intelligent people are less happy, didn't you know?

No.

-Do you believe in God, Chris? -No.

Unless I'm deep in shit and I don't wanna be held responsible.

Enjoy it, it won't last.

When you become intelligent, you won't believe in angels, paradise and all that.

You'll realize that life is a countdown and there's nothing afterwards.

Only decomposition and oblivion.

And everything you've done in life counts for nothing.

My God, you're freaking me out.

The choice is yours. It's up to you.

But you'll start asking yourself many questions.

-Such as? -Where do we come from?

Who are we?

Where are we going?

That's pretty heavy, when you've only asked yourself what dressing you like.

You know, Chris, there's one million functioning illiterates in Quebec.

Why would you betray them?

They're your people.

And for what? Join the intelligent people? Let me tell you a story, Chris.

In elementary school, I was a dunce. I was a bully and a wedgie master.

I led a healthy life. And I was happy.

Of course.

In high school,

my parents put me in a private school for smart kids.

I spent a whole year of suffering and humiliation.

They'd put philosophy books in my locker.

They'd insult me in verses.

Chris, promise me you'll never be like them.

Swear it, Chris.

-Chris. -Okay.

Grandpa?

I just had an idea.

Guy.

Your speech worked. He gave up.

That's great news.

See, he's back to his old self.

BILLY AND BUDDY

And your high school story,

he ate it up. He thinks it's true. He's so gullible.

Right?

Anyway, I thought it was hilarious. I wonder where you get these things.

I improvised.

Oh, how mischievous can fate be

Burdening this poor, pudgy idiot with a head so ugly

Barely capable of understanding our taunts I pity you and your fleshy body

Hey, Carl. I have a surprise for you.

Really? What is it?

Someone offered to team up with you for tonight's fight.

It's an amazing concept.

And in the right corner,

representing the good, another intergenerational team,

Revenge Hébert and his father,

Justice Hébert!

You could've given me some advance notice.

And give you the opportunity to refuse?

Exactly.

-My turn. Let me do it. -No.

You realize it's supposed to be fake?

It can still be manly, though.

You don't have to do this.

Hey, grandpa, you're too old to wrestle!

Careful, you might break a hip!

You don't need a wrestling belt, you need a lumbar belt!

What do you want?

No, no, no! Dad!

What's your problem?

Mr. Hébert is a born showman.

Let him go!

Let him go.

This could be the magical moment I wanted us to share.

I feel like Gordie Howe when he played hockey with his kids.

And I don't want this moron to ruin everything. Do you understand?

Let's finish him together.

As a team.

As a team, my boy.

Your family Christmas must be weird as hell.

-What is it? -Well...

I just wanted to tell you...

What?

It was fun. I enjoyed wrestling with you.

I told you we could do stuff together.

Too bad it's too late for other things we've never done.

It's never too late.

What do you...?

No, Dad.

It's out of the question.

Isn't it a bit high?

No, you have to be confident. Come on. I could start a bit further down.

It's fine. It's perfect. Come on, put your feet there.

-Okay? -Okay.

All right, go for it.

-Don't push me. -I won't.