Original subtitles

New tattoo?

Yeah. Sorry, I'd already forgotten about it.

I've seen guys kiss their muscles before,

but you're the first that wants to French-kiss them.

You think I'd French-kiss my muscles? Come on.

I can control myself. Most of the time.

We have a problem.

Kurt just called from Vancouver. Your partner just got busted.

He tried to cross the U.S. border

with eight condoms filled with cocaine in his stomach.

What?

He must've swallowed them by accident.

Shut up.

Anyway, he's gonna need a new partner for the tour.

-When is it? -From the 19th onwards.

Shit, I can't. I would've loved to, I could use the cash.

-It pays? -Really well.

-What about you? -Me?

There isn't enough money in the world to force me to spend a week

with Mr. Tattoo Lover over there.

What's the matter?

I have something to tell you.

The fight's about to start. Whatever you've done, we'll fix it later.

I'd rather tell you before you come back, so you don't freak out.

What is it?

It's about yew.

What about me, was I adopted?

No, not you, yew. The yew roofing.

Don't you get it?

What?

My goodness.

Guy, when Eddie said the tour was paid work,

how much was he talking about?

About $8,000. But didn't you say there wasn't enough money in the world...?

Well, that kind of money does make sense.

I'm fed up with this. Dad!

What?

Oh, no!

It's leaking here, too?

We're gonna need lifeboats, if we don't wanna end up like the Titanic.

Hey, it's Sugar. Wow, so handsome.

Well, looks are all he's got.

I meant his tattoo.

-Did you hear? -She likes his tattoo.

It's not just an innocent comment. Soon, she'll have a tattoo of her own.

-So? -So? You're gonna let her?

Aren't you disgusted to see all these kids with barbwire tattoos and piercings?

When I was young, we only had two holes in our nose called nostrils.

But it's her body.

But we'll have to see the damn thing.

This is the 21st century. If she wants a tattoo...

Don't you find it weird that she's willing to have something permanent on her,

when she buys new clothes every other day? Huh?

It's leaking here.

What?

Carl, you're her father. Fathers hate tattoos.

It's a principle of life.

I'm a young father. I don't freak out at every new thing.

If she gets her way, she'll tattoo the name of every new boyfriend

and in five years, she'll look like the Stanley Cup.

What's the matter? You're giving me the silent treatment?

Dad says you're really narrow-minded.

He does?

He's just teasing. Your father teases me.

If you look up "open-minded" in the dictionary,

my picture will be next to the definition.

You said it was next to "wisdom."

Yeah.

And next to "kindness."

And to "mentally balanced."

My picture's in all sorts of places. Our world lacks role models.

So you don't mind a world with other ethnic groups?

Not at all. Why would I?

What if someone's name is Chen?

Chen?

My friend's dad is Vietnamese.

I don't mind people's nationalities. Anyone is welcome in this house.

You can tell your friend they can come and play. No problem.

You see? I don't have any prejudice whatsoever.

And if I was prejudiced, I'd ask you where the father's convenience store is.

It's on 6th Avenue.

Come on, Jonathan.

Being Vietnamese doesn't necessarily mean he has a convenience store.

He could run... a pharmacy.

They do have a convenience store. I've been there.

Maybe you got it wrong. It might've been a grocery store.

-Same difference. -A tiny one.

A tiny grocery store called Trader Thibodeau's?

Who's prejudiced now? I'm very disappointed, Jonathan.

Would you like to know the meaning of my tattoo?

Not really.

You know what?

I told Guy I'd let you come to Vancouver with me.

But... there's one small condition.

What condition?

You'll have to be really, really nice to me.

What does the tattoo mean?

Even now, you're still a bit cold.

I'd really like to know the meaning of your tattoo, my handsome Christian.

I'm super interested, honestly.

I can't stand being left in the dark.

Well, I'm touched. I'm really glad to hear you're that interested

in knowing the meaning of my tattoo.

Because it involves a real life odyssey.

I see.

First of all, I could sense it would be a special day.

A day full of positive energy. Because as I went to run an errand,

I immediately found a parking spot.

So I thought the sign was pretty clear.

A tattoo done on such a day would definitely bring me luck.

Right here. This one looks great.

If you want a symbol, I can pick one that suits you better.

It would relate to a fundamental deity originating from ancient Asian wisdom.

It translates to:

"God of nobility and splendor."

That's me right there.

Hell yeah.

And there you have it. Now you know the whole story behind...

this absolute masterpiece.

Well... I feel privileged to have been told that story.

People are gonna chase you to get the movie rights.

Could you give me the address of the tattoo artist?

Yeah, sure.

What are you doing Saturday night?

I don't know.

I don't know either. But if you wanna be nice to me, you could buy me dinner.

Hey. Think about Vancouver.

Right! Dinner is really... a great idea, Christian.

Do you have any allergies?

Yeah. To cheap food.

Hilarious.

Grandpa.

Here.

Thanks, buddy.

That's perfect.

Carl. Come here, I gotta talk to you.

What is it?

Check this out.

I asked Jonathan to do an internet search. Look at these pictures.

That's disgusting.

-It is. Do you know what these are? -No.

Examples of botched tattoos.

It happens way more often than you'd think. One out of six cases.

That means for every pirate heart, there's a bunch of these atrocities.

You didn't ask for botched tattoos pics, you asked for skin cancer pics.

Did a friend give you my address?

A friend? I wouldn't go that far...

To be honest, I'm doing it to piss off my dad.

There's no age to anger your parents.

I keep talking, it must be annoying.

No, it's fine.

It takes more than that to break my inner serenity.

It shows. You really look calm.

Sometimes I do lose it, though.

Really?

It happened to me no later than last week.

Sometimes you feel your energy shifting out of balance.

Your biggest desire then becomes to get that balance back.

Of course, you have to be patient.

But nature always gives you an opportunity to do it.

You just need to seize it.

"God of nobility and splendor."

That's me right there.

Hell yeah.

So how did you seize that opportunity?

That's a trade secret.

Jonathan? You told me your friend Chen was coming.

-Yeah. -Look what I found. We'll play war games.

That must be Chen.

Grandpa, I'd like you to meet Chen.

Can we have the guns?

I doubt your friend will be interested in war games.

I am, though.

Why are you hesitating?

Come to think about it, war is such a violent thing.

How about playing peace games instead?

I have a guitar and some hippie wigs.

You thought she'd be a boy?

What would it change? Nothing.

Let's play war games.

Which war? World War I? World War II?

The Vietnam War. So I'll win for sure.

How many people are you expecting?

Just one.

It's either that or we'll have to sleep with life jackets.

Oh, no.

Hey. Look what I got you. It's a good one, $45. You'll owe me.

Holy shit, did I force you to do that?

We're not gonna starve.

The kids will eat the leftovers.

No.

I don't think so. I'm gonna eat it all. Right?

And why not? Let me try that. Tasty.

More.

-Got you! -You're cornered!

Okay, okay. I surrender. I can't take this anymore.

Let's have a five-minute cease-fire.

Mr. Sugar Chris, in our house. What an honor.

-What? -His tattoo.

-What about it? -Nothing.

What's funny?

-Well... -Can you read it?

Yes. It's Vietnamese?

No, Chinese. But my mom's Chinese, I can read it.

What does it say?

It describes me. It means god of nobility and splendor.

Why, you little...

Sorry, Mr. Chris. But in this house, we respect ethnic minorities.

So Chen, I encourage you to speak freely.

What's written on the man's muscle there?

No, don't feel that you have to.

-Okay? -Go on. We wanna know what it says.

No, Chen. You don't have to, really.

Come on.

No, no. Chen, don't.

It means... freaking moron.

I do lose it, though.

Get that balance back.

Nature always gives you an opportunity.

You just need to seize it.

How did you seize that opportunity?

It's a trade secret.

Come on, Christian.

This is all your fault.

You can forget about Vancouver and the tour.

This is bullshit. You know what?

I don't give a damn. I'm relieved not to be your bitch anymore.

You freaking moron.

Excuse me?

What? It's so much fun to say,

it feels like a facial caress. Freaking moron!

-Hey. -I'm not the one saying it, your arm is!

Hey. Don't you dare tell this to anyone else.

So you're a self-proclaimed moron?

The good news is you've become famous in Asia.

There's just one problem.

I don't mind the tattoo, but Kurt called from Vancouver.

He saw this and...

And what?

There's a large Asian community over there and with this thing on your arm,

he's not too eager to see wrestling turned into a circus.

The Sugar Moron isn't exactly a popular character.

"The Sugar Moron..."

What... What are you saying?

Once you remove your tattoo, you'll be welcome there. But not now.

Better to send Carl on his own. Okay?

Kurt said he'd find you a partner.

Nice pic, huh?

Wanna see something?

What?

Oh, my God. It's... It's not permanent, is it?

Sure, it is.

You did it to piss your father off? What a baby.

No, I did it out of solidarity for you. I know you want one.

What makes you say that?

When you saw Sugar Chris' picture, you said you liked his tattoo.

That was to prepare me.

No way. Tattoos are no longer cool. Justin Bieber ruined the trend.

What's cool is no tat.

-Really? -Yes. Everyone has them.

Not everyone.

Hey. You got a tattoo?

Oh, yeah. Sorry, I'd forgotten about it.

Having a tattoo is such a rebellious feeling.

Well, you know, when you get a tattoo, it's like the beginning

of an odyss--

I know. Look.

Cool, huh? Oh, yeah.

What's up?

Carl got a tattoo.

No way! Show me.

-No, it's... -Come on.

Very nice. But it's small, much smaller than mine.

Yours?

Yes. I have one just above my ass. Wanna see?

No, no, no, it's--

LASER TATTOO REMOVAL

Thanks.

It's gonna take ten sessions to remove it all.

Does it hurt?

What do you think, you dick?

Hi.

-What? -Well...

This? I just wanted to see how they would feel for a day.

To see if I really wanted them.

No tattoos, but this is okay?

Tattoos are lame, but that doesn't mean I don't wanna pimp my body.

I'm a girl of my time. And you know what?

I totally loved the test run.

Being a double D is like spreading happiness around you.

Everyone smiles at you.

I guess I'll start saving some money.

I like that better than tattoos.