All language subtitles for La.theorie.du.K.O.S02E01.1080p.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.x264-SbR

They're dumb. They keep the lights on
when they're out so nobody breaks in.

But actually, I know it's a trick.
They're out, I'm sure of it.

I'll go through the window.

Then I'll open the door for you. Alright.

What's going on?

Who's that?

A burglar! I told you I'd put an end
to crime in this neighborhood.

How did you do it?

I tricked him. I turned on some lights
to make it look like the house was empty.

Dave? Jaimie?

First and last name!

Bouchard, Dave.

I'm talking to him.

I haven't seen you around in ages.

I haven't been... very free.

-What about Mexico?
-It didn't quite work out.

-So, you came to burglarize us?
-I didn't know.

Come on,
you dropped me off at least twice.

A true genius, huh?

He must have a reason. He's a good guy.

Yeah, I... I missed you.

See?

Do you mind?

I'm the one interrogating him.
I caught him.

I called the cops.
They're on the way.

So soon? What's the matter with you?
Can't we take the law into our own hands?

Come on, Dirty Harry. Didn't you catch him
so he'd get arrested?

But not right away!
I wanted to have some fun first!

Why the long face?

It's my resting bitch face.

Now don't fall for an outlaw.
This isn't a worst-boyfriend-ever contest.

I'm not falling for him. You have no idea
how many foster homes he's seen.

He probably grew up poor
in a starving family.

You don't know his reasons!

Jaimie's acting up again.

Another guy?

Her latest--

Hey, Titanic?

Danielle?

You haven't changed. How are you?
What have you been up to?

Just dealing with life, work,
you know what it is.

Seeing you really brings back memories.
It was a tough time.

But every once in a while,
we managed to forget where we were.

The shower, for example.

Yeah.

I won't bother you any longer.
It's so good to see you.

-You, too. Bye.
-Okay.

Okay.

Well, she's a girl that...

Well, you would've found out anyway.

It's a girl that...?

I met in jail.

Hi.

It's nice of you to visit.

I didn't want you to feel abandoned.

Please know that I know why you did
what you did. You're mad at society.

-I am?
-You're following your own rules.

There's a deep wound in you that
never healed, because you weren't loved.

That's a line from a cheesy song.

Not at all, come on.

Isn't it why you commit crimes?

Because you need love?

And of course,
now my father thinks I'm falling for you.

That would be such a cliché.
A girl who falls for a handsome convict.

Yeah... that's for sure.

Okay.

So? Did you bring him a blade
hidden inside a cake?

Jonathan couldn't keep his mouth shut.

Maybe because he's worried.

Listen, when a guy gets put in jail,
it's because he's a bad apple.

It's so that he doesn't infect others.
So stay away from him or...

He'll infect me?

Right, don't listen to me. But don't
be surprised if by the time he gets out,

he gets you involved in some street gang
or forces you to pose naked online.

Or if he starts a prostitution ring
and you end up shipped to Saudi Arabia,

right after he sells your organs
to buy himself crystal meth.

Man, you're really paranoid.

I'm not paranoid!

Next time, I won't open it for you.
You have to learn to do it yourself.

I couldn't find the wire
you told me about.

What the hell?

He's teaching me how to escape
from a car trunk. Just in case.

Still not paranoid?

What? Better safe than sorry.

Thanks to me, you'll never see
Jonathan's picture on a milk carton!

Come on. Let's try it one more time.

I'll go grab a beer.

She did time? She just admitted it?
What was she in for?

Well...

In jail?

You were saying about Jaimie's boyfriend?

Don't change the subject.
I just learned something major about you.

It doesn't change anything.

Oh, yeah? What if we wanna go to the U.S.?
You can't, with a criminal record.

You're judging me.

Were you?

No, I wasn't judging her.
But I had a right to be upset.

How long was she in?

Just a few months.

What for?

Nothing too bad.

Meaning?

I sold some stolen goods.
But I paid my debt to society.

How come she admitted it?

Because we bumped into a girl
she used to know in jail.

...we managed to forget where we were.
The shower, for example.

Yeah.

I won't bother you any longer.
It's so good to see you.

Whoa, whoa. Rewind a little bit.

I won't bother you...

No, no. Before that.

The shower, for example.

Yeah. What?

The days are long, in jail.

No men.

Carl...

I don't think the biggest news of the day
is that Titanic served time.

It's that she might be bi.

Well... I'll have to ask her if--

-No.
-Don't do that, she'll deny it.

In order to know the truth,
just set her a few subtle traps.

Right, right. Okay.

You're close to fulfilling
the ultimate male fantasy.

How so?

Double. Two girls making you dinner.

Not even close, Chris.

You might be one of the rare lucky ones
with a girl who could be into threesomes.

Oh, yeah. That, too, man.

-Threesome!
-That, too.

You're acting weird.
Is something on your mind?

No, no.

Why did you bring me here?

Well, why not? A lot of couples that are
madly in love come to places like this.

That girl on stage...
do you think she's cute?

Or not. Just making conversation.

Hello?

Hello.

You're here again.

Yes. But today, it's special.

I came to tell you that
it's a yes about the trailer.

Uh, what do you mean?

The trailer.

I'll be your partner in the intensely
emotional moments you'll experience in it.

Love will make you feel like a real human,
even for a brief moment.

That one's a line from a song, I know it.

No. I'm talking about the trailers
they have outside the jails.

Oh, right. Okay.
But we don't have any trailers here.

What? No trailers?

That's only for maximum security jails.
What I did wasn't bad enough for that.

Okay, but you do feel that the system
is stealing your life away, right?

That your heart's loaded like a gun?

Dave. That was one.

One what?

A line from a song.

Oh, right.

-Carl?
-Yes?

-We need to talk.
-What is it?

That's the second time your daughter went
to visit Jack the Ripper in jail.

He didn't kill anyone.

Not yet,
but jail's the best crime school there is.

When he gets out, he'll have graduated
from amateur to professional criminal.

But when your debt to society is repaid,
you're free to start over.

That's new, coming from you.
Aren't you worried about your daughter?

Some people have been well rehabilitated
after serving their time.

I'm positive you know someone who has.

Oh, no. No, I don't know anyone like that.
I'd feel it, believe me.

You do know someone.

-I don't.
-You do.

-No.
-Yes.

-No.
-Annick.

Yeah. It was a youthful mistake,
yet she didn't rip out my guts.

Annick?

What the hell?

Well done, Jonathan!

It's hard to get it out of her.

Carl, do you have any gay friends?
I mean, guys?

Why do you ask?

Answer the question.

Yes.

Well, that's good.
It always helps to have at least one.

It allows to start
a random conversation like,

"I'm not homophobic, I have gay friends."
Do you follow?

Same about blacks.

Exactly. I'm sure lots of people
are friends with him just so they can say,

"I'm not a racist.
I even have black friends."

Lots.

But it's not about that. It's about
that sixth sense they have, the gay-dar.

Yeah. It's like a radar for gays.

But that's not the issue here.
I know Annick isn't gay.

We've been doing it for months,
I would've known it.

Careful now. A good gay-dar
can detect traces of bisexuality,

even the tiniest ones.

Hello. Hello?

Hi.

You know, if I don't press charges,
you could get out right away.

I suppose.

I've decided to give you a second chance.

Really?

After all, you must've had a tough life
to end up the way you are.

You probably went through
God knows how many foster homes.

Well... none, actually.

Really? So... where you raised
by a single parent?

No.

Drunk father? No.

-Violent?
-No, sorry.

Unemployed, at least?

No, he's a surgeon.

Didn't you grow up
in a bad neighborhood or something?

In the suburbs.
I don't think it's a bad neighborhood.

If you want your second chance,
you'd better help me out, damn it.

Annick, I'm so glad to meet you.

Me, too.

I don't know why it took so long.

You might steal her.

-No risk of that.
-Clearly.

I'll clean up.

I'll help.

So, what do you think?

Seriously?

Yup.

Free for real?

Yeah.

I don't get it. They no longer think
you're a danger to society?

Not at all.

So all of a sudden,
I'm no longer out of reach.

What?

Dave... we need to talk.

Hi. Danielle?

Well, yeah. Didn't your boyfriend
tell you he invited me?

It's fine, it's fine. It's a surprise.

Oh. Okay.

Thank you.

You know, I figured that

you might enjoy catching up
and recalling old jail stories.

Well...

Because as far as jail stories go,
I'm open. I couldn't be more open.

Okay.

-I'm so happy to see you.
-So am I.

You have a man?

No.

We've been dating for--

If you need anything, just holler.
I'm right next door.

-He's nice.
-Yeah.

It's almost been a year.
Before that, I was alone for a long time.

I hear you. By the time you get out,
you don't know how to handle things.

You don't know what you're supposed to do.
I was really lost.

It's tough. It is.

It's hot.

The topic's hot, too.

Thanks.

I have some.

I'll have a glass, too.
It's making me thirsty.

Your wine's tasty.

-Yeah.
-Yeah. I'm glad you like it.

Speaking of tasty,
I didn't eat the lunch you made me.

-Why not?
-I admit I had a change of heart.

Instead of eating my lunch,
which is always the same,

I went to the diner and had
what they call a Trio. It's good.

Oh, yeah. Their Trios are great.

Right you are. Trios are great.

Careful, Carl.

-Oh, it happens.
-Damn it.

Put some salt.

I'm gonna go fix this.

Put lots of salt.

It's just stuff you ask yourself.

You don't really know how it happens.
You keep wondering about

what attracts you to other people.
You wonder about intimacy, too.

Oh, it's you.
They let you out after all?

Yeah, but it's thanks to you.
Thanks for giving me a second chance.

-Thank my granddaughter.
-No, not her.

Nothing.

She's not here.

I know.

What is it you want, then?

My second chance.

A second chance in life,
not a second chance to burglarize us!

Goddammit! And they wonder why
we're prejudiced against ex-convicts.

Damn you, little pricks.

So what are you gonna do with me
while you do the job?

We didn't think about that.

Any suggestions?

Well... are you sure about this?

So you can go about your business
and make your escape.

Sure, but...

It's the most efficient solution.
I'll be lucky if they ever find me.

Okay, well...

Thanks.

You... you're welcome.

Watch out.

Damn fools.

Now where's... that little wire?

Where is it?

That's weird.
Where the hell is that stupid wire?

Wait... is that it?

Why is it...? What the hell?

Pierre-Louis, I trusted you.

What?

Annick isn't bi. Nothing ever happened
in jail, not even in the shower.

Okay, I confess.

It's embarrassing for me to say this,
but my gay-dar is weak.

Isn't it a prerequisite for gays,
along with liking Lady Gaga?

Well, mine doesn't work.
I once followed a guy dressed in leather,

I was sure I was right, but no.
I ended up at a bikers' meet.

That's too bad.

Bad judgment, you mean.

Why don't I have it?

Come on.

It's no big deal.

Hey! Is anyone there?

But was she telling the truth?

She did convince me.

Nothing happened in jail, that's all.

It's always better
not to jump to conclusions.

Carl?

Do you remember me?
We were boy scouts together. Pierrot.

Pierrot? Oh, my God, it's you.
It's been ages!

Remember all the fun
we used to have in the shower?

The shower, yes!

Wow, Pierrot.

Well, I gotta go, take care of yourself.
See you around.

Sure thing. Bye, Pierrot.

It's really Pierrot, that's...

Hey, no, no, no.
Whoa, guys, it's not what you think.

After gym class, we would shower
and wet our towels... to slap each other.

Right. Right.

Goddammit, guys.

Jonathan, open the trunk! Open it!

Remember what you told me, Grandpa.
You have to learn to do it yourself.

Jonathan, you little...

Thanks to me, we'll never see
your face on a milk carton.

Open! Jonathan!