All language subtitles for Homer.and.Eddie.1989.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

[MUSIC PLAYS ON RADIO]

GOOD MORNING AND HOWDY
TO YOU, ARIZONA.

GOOD MORNING, ARIZONA.
THIS IS BO...

AND THIS IS JIM,
AND WE'RE ONCE AGAIN
WELCOMING YOU

TO THE BO AND JIM MORNING SHOW.

GOOD MORNING.
MYSELF REPORTING THE NEWS

AND JIM REPORTING WEATHER
AND SPORTS.

IT'S EXACTLY 9:01--9:02.

AND NOW JIM WILL BE ALONG
IN A FEW MINUTES

WITH TODAY'S LATEST
WEATHER CONDITIONS.

BUT FIRST, TODAY'S SHOW
IS BEING BROUGHT
TO YOU BY...

MAMA LENA'S, THE ONLY
RESTAURANT IN THE STATE

OFFERING HOME-COOKED MEALS
JUST LIKE YOUR OWN MAMA
USED TO MAKE.

MMM!

MAMA LENA'S IS LOCATED
CONVENIENTLY

IN THE CENTER
OF DOWNTOWN FLAGSTAFF,

WHERE SHE OPENS EACH DAY
FOR BREAKFAST AT 7 A.M.

AND SERVES THOSE SCRUMPTIOUS
DINNERS UNTIL 10 P.M.

AND NOW, HERE'S JIM
WITH THE LATEST
ON THE WEATHER. JIM?

THANKS, BO.
YOU'RE WELCOME.

TODAY'S WEATHER WILL BE
MORE ABOUT THE SAME.

AROUND THE STATE,
THE WINDS WILL BE COLD,
THEY'LL BE BRISK.

ESPECIALLY IN
THE NORTHERN PORTION.

IT'S GONNA GET
A LITTLE NIPPY UP THERE.

FLAGSTAFF WILL BE
IN THE MID- TO LOWER 50s

AND MAY EVEN GET DOWN
TO THE HIGH 40s.

I WAS TALKING TO AN OLD MAN
JUST A LITTLE WHILE AGO.

HE SAID IT MIGHT BE
DOWN TO THE 30s.

SO IF YOU'RE GOING OUT
TO MAMA'S,

FOR LUNCH, FOR DINNER,
FOR BREAKFAST,
YOU BETTER BUNDLE UP.

IF YOU HAVE A HAT, WEAR IT.

AS MY GRANDPAPPY USED TO SAY,
IF YOU KEEP THE TOP
OF YOUR HEAD WARM,

THE REST OF THE BODY
WILL FOLLOW SUIT.

GOOD OLD GRANDPAPPY, JIM.

BO, I'LL RETURN AFTER THE NEWS

WITH MORE WEATHER
AND THE LATEST IN SPORTS.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[DOG PANTING]

HEY.

HOW ARE YA THIS MORNIN'?

[BARKING]

[HARMONICA PLAYING]
YEAH?

NO, YOU CAN'T
COME WITH ME.

NOT THIS TIME.

[PLAYING HARMONICA]

YOU'RE LEAVING?

[PLAYING HARMONICA]

YES, DAN. YES.

I'M GOING TO OREGON.

[BARKING]

[GRUNTING]

WAIT.

HI.

HI!

HI!

[HORN HONKS]

SCUM!

DIRTBAG!

YOU BETTER TAKE OFF,
'CAUSE YOU COME BACK HERE,

I MIGHT KICK SOME BUTT!

OH, COME ON, GOD, PLEASE?

JUST DO ME THIS ONE FAVOR.

I'LL NEVER ASK FOR ANOTHER ONE.

JEEZ, GOD.

[BRAKES SQUEAL]

I DIDN'T MEAN IT.

HI.

HI.

MY NAME IS HOMER.

WHAT'S--WHAT'S
YOUR GUYS' NAME?

MONEY.

NOW.

THANK YOU.

MOVE IT, MAGGOT.

HA HA HA HA HA!

YOU FORGOT THIS,
YOU IGNORANT SLIMEBALLS!

[BRAKES SQUEALING,
TIRES SCREECHING]

RIGHT SOCK.

CAN I HAVE MY BAG?

THANK YOU.

[COUNTRY WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING]

EDNA! YOU COOK THESE
GODDAMN FRIES
IN 40-WEIGHT MOTOR OIL?

TASTES GREASY AS SOM'BITCH.

WRING 'EM OUT.

[AIRPLANE FLYING LOW]

[LAUGHING]

I THINK I WANT THIS.

THAT'S 2 CENTS.

[MUTTERING]

OK.

WHAT ABOUT THE ONES
YOU ALREADY SWIPED?

DIDN'T THINK I SEEN THAT,
DID YOU?

IT HASN'T BEEN GOING
TOO GREAT FOR ME LATELY.

GET OUT OF HERE.

I'M GONNA PAY YOU
FOR THESE, I PROMISE.

FORGET IT.

NO, I'M GONNA--
I'M GONNA MAIL YOU A CHECK.

I JUST NEED YOUR ZIP CODE.

NO, THAT'S OK. I'M GONNA
GO TO THE POST OFFICE

AND I'M GONNA GET
THE ZIP CODE.

THANKS.

I MEAN IT, TOO.

Y-YOU KNOW, ONE DAY,

WHEN YOU LEAST
EXPECT IT,

YOU'RE GONNA GET A CHECK

FOR $3.00 IN THE MAIL
FROM ME.

HOMER LANZA.

[GRUNTING]

[YAWNS]

HI.

AAH!

[BRAKES SQUEAL]

SORRY.

SORRY?! WHAT THE FUCK
ARE YOU DOIN' IN MY CAR?

I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WAS IN THE CAR.

WHO DID YOU THINK
WAS IN IT?

I DIDN'T THINK NOBODY
WAS IN THE CAR.

I THOUGHT
IT WAS A WRECK.

YOU THOUGHT THIS WAS A WRECK?

COME HERE. COME HERE.

WHAT?

COME HERE.

LOOK.

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE
A WRECK TO YOU?

HUH? DOES IT LOOK
LIKE A WRECK TO YOU?

WELL, YEAH.

THIS IS NOT A WRECK.

THIS IS A LINCOLN.

THAT'S A CONTINENTAL.
SEE THAT?

WHERE?

READ IT, RIGHT THERE.
RIGHT THERE.

WHERE?
READ IT SO YOU CAN SEE IT.

UHH!
JUST GET--

UHH...

CALL MY FUCKIN' CAR A WRECK.

ALL RIGHT. FINE.

GODDAMN IT.

HEY.

HEY.

[BREATHING HARD]

YOU GOT ANY MONEY?

NO.

I'M BUSTED.

OH, YEAH, YOU'RE BUSTED,
ALL RIGHT.

WHERE YOU GOIN'
WITHOUT NO MONEY?

OREGON.

OREGON?

I'M GOING UP
TO SEE MY DAD.

HE'S IN THE HOSPITAL.

HE'S GOT CANCER.

I WANT TO SEE HIM
BEFORE HE DIES.

HEY, I'M REAL SORRY
TO HEAR THAT.

JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY,

HOW COME YOU'RE
TRAVELING TO OREGON

WITHOUT A PENNY
IN YOUR POCKET?

WELL, I HAD $87,

BUT SOME GUYS TOOK IT.

UH-HUH.
OH, YEAH?

SOME GUYS TOOK
YOUR $87?

YEAH.

WHO?

2 GUYS IN A RED FORD.

OH, YEAH?

WHICH WAY DID THEY GO?

UM...

THAT WAY.

YOU WANT A RIDE?

YOU SURE YOU'RE GOING
THAT WAY?

OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

SEE, THIS CAR GOES
ANYWHERE I WANT IT TO GO.

I JUST GET BEHIND
THE WHEEL AND IT GOES.

TAKE YOU TO OREGON,
WE'LL FIND THESE GUYS,

AND WE'LL GET MY $87
BACK, HUH?

YEAH. I HAVEN'T
HAD A RIDE

IN A LONG TIME.
NOWHERE TO GO.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

SO WHAT DO YOU DO
FOR WORK?

I'M A CHRISTIAN SCIENTIST.

YEAH.
OH, REALLY?

THERE'S A CHRISTIAN SCIENCE
READING ROOM

OH, YEAH?
RIGHT BY MY HOUSE.

YOU WANT A CANDY BAR?
I GOT ONE.

LET ME HAVE THE SLO POKE
IN YOUR POCKET THERE.

WHAT SLO POKE?

THE SLO POKE I FOUND
WHEN I WENT THROUGH
YOUR SHIT.

YOU KNOW WHAT SLO POKE
I'M TALKING ABOUT.

OH--OH, THAT SLO POKE.

OH, THAT'S MY LAST ONE.
BUT I GOT A COUPLE
OTHER ONES HERE

YOU MIGHT LIKE.

HERE. THIS ONE HERE
IS A SWITZER.

THIS IS REAL GOOD.

I DON'T WANT SWITZERS.

LOOK, IT'S ARTIFICIALLY
FLAVORED.

I DON'T CARE. I DON'T EAT
ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED STUFF.

WELL, HOW ABOUT THE WHOPPERS?
THE WHOPPERS GOT A LOT
OF GOOD STUFF IN IT.

NO. THEY GOT THAT
MALTED MILK STUFF
AND THAT CARAMEL IN IT.

WELL, SO DOES A SLO POKE.

NO, IT DOESN'T.

IT DOES NOT.
YES, IT DOES.

READ THE LABEL.
UH-HUH.

GIVE ME THAT.

I HOPE YOU'RE PROUD
OF YOURSELF.

YEAH, KINDA.

MY NAME IS HOMER LANZA.

WHAT?

HOMER LANZA.

HOMER LIKE YOU HIT
A BASEBALL HOME RUN

AND LANZA LIKE THE FAMOUS
SINGER MARIO LANZA.

MARIO LANZA?

MARIO LANZA?
I LOVE MARIO LANZA!

WHAT, ARE YOU RELATED?

NO, I DON'T THINK SO, BUT...

HE DON'T SEND ME NO MONEY
AT CHRISTMAS TIME,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
[LAUGHS]

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

EDDIE.

EDWINA...CERVI.

EDWINA?

YEAH.

EDWINA?

THAT'S A GIRL'S NAME.

YEAH. AND HOMER
IS A FAGGOT'S NAME.

SO...
IS NOT.

IS NOT.
YEAH.

NO, IT'S NOT.

WHERE DO YOU THINK
THE WORD HOMER CAME FROM?

NO.
HOMO.

OH, YEAH.

HOMO LANZA.
THAT'S YOU.

SO HOW DO YOU MAKE MONEY?

WHAT, DO YOU WORK?
YOU GOT A JOB?

I'M A DISHWASHER.

HUH?
THAT'S YOUR WORK?

I'M A DISHWASHER, TOO.

YEAH.
REALLY?

IT'S A SMALL WORLD,
AIN'T IT?

YEAH, YEAH.

I USED TO WORK...
[CONTINUES INDISTINCT]

YEAH, I'D LIKE THAT!

I LIKE SALTWATER
TAFFY...

[CONTINUES INDISTINCT]

YOU KNOW, I'VE HAD PIZZA
FROM ALL AROUND THE WORLD,

BUT I THINK I LIKE
ARIZONA PIZZA THE BEST.

ABSOLUTELY THE BEST.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS REALLY
A NICE RESTAURANT, EDDIE.

YOU SURE YOU CAN AFFORD THIS?

OH, YEAH. I FIGURED
IT WAS THE LEAST I COULD DO

SINCE I BASHED YOUR FUCKIN'
HEAD INTO THE CAR.

OH, THAT'S OK.
I'VE BEEN--I'VE BEEN HIT
A LOT WORSE THAN THAT.

I WAS HIT WITH A BASEBALL
ONE TIME.

OH.

YEAH. THAT'S WHY
I'M THE WAY I AM.

OH, YEAH? HOW'S THAT?

YOU KNOW, NOT TOO SMART.

WHO THE FUCK SAYS
YOU'RE NOT SMART?

EVERYBODY.

THEY ALL SAY THAT.

IT'S BECAUSE
WHEN THE BALL HIT ME,

IT KNOCKED MY BRAINSTEMS
LOOSE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

WHAT THE FUCK
IS A BRAINSTEM?

I NEVER FUCKIN'
EVEN HEARD OF IT.

BRAINSTEMS...

ARE THINGS THAT ARE
IN YOUR NECK HERE...

UH-HUH.

THAT PUSH YOUR BRAIN
UP TO THE TOP
OF YOUR HEAD

JUST IN CASE YOUR BRAIN
WANTS TO FALL DOWN
INTO YOUR NECK.

GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.

OH, YEAH. YEAH.

THEY SAY I HAVEN'T
BEEN THE SAME SINCE.

REALLY?

WELL, SO WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, THEY TELL ME

THAT I WAS PLAYING
THIRD BASE, RIGHT?

AND SOME GUY--
I WASN'T PAYING
NO ATTENTION, I GUESS--

AND SOME GUY JUST
WHACKED THE BALL
REAL HARD

AND I GOT BEANED
RIGHT IN MY EAR.

IF YOU LOOK REAL CLOSE
HERE...

YOU CAN STILL SEE MY--
MY, UH...

MY STITCHES. SEE?
SEE THEM RIGHT BACK THERE?

OH, YEAH, LOOK AT
THAT SHIT RIGHT THERE.

YEAH.
YEAH, NEAT, HUH?

YEAH.
THAT'S FUCKIN' HIP, MAN.

IT'S LIKE FRANKENSTEIN
AND SHIT.

HEY, BUDDY, YOU WANT TO
HOLD IT DOWN
ON THE CUSS WORDS?

THIS IS MY WIFE.

EDDIE, I DON'T THINK--

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
THE UGLY BITCH HOME, HUH?

EDDIE--EDDIE, YOU'RE MUCH
MORE IMPORTANT THAN--

UHH! UHH...

WHAT THE FUCK
YOU GETTIN' UP FOR?

I'M HOMER LANZA.
THEN SIT THE FUCK DOWN.

CHECK, PLEASE.
SHE'S NOT REALLY
A BAD GUY

ONCE YOU GET
TO KNOW HER.

SHE'S HELPING ME
FIND MY MONEY THAT
THESE GUYS ROBBED.

WHAT YOU LOOKIN' AT?

IS THAT YOUR WIFE?

SHE'S VERY LOVELY.

I CAN SEE WHY YOU GOT UPSET
WHEN SHE SAID MOTHERFUCKER.

BUT YOU SHOULDN'T WORRY,
BECAUSE STICKS AND STONES

MAY BREAK YOUR BONES,
BUT WORDS WILL NEVER
HURT YOU.

YOU GOTTA REMEMBER THAT.

HI. I'M HOMER LANZA.
YOU KNOW, ANY--

COME ON, HOMER, WE GOTTA GO.

OK. SHE'S A VERY NICE
PERSON.

YOU KNOW, I GOT ROBBED
OF $87 ONE TIME

AND SHE'S BEEN REALLY NICE
ABOUT THAT.

SHE'S GOOD FRIEND OF MINE.
SHE DON'T DO THIS OFTEN.

BYE-BYE, NOW.

BYE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
IT WAS VERY GOOD PIZZA.

HEY, MICKEY,
A STOLEN CREDIT CARD!

[SHOUTING IN JAPANESE]

[ENGINE REVVING]

WHAT'S THE HURRY, EDDIE?

THERE HE IS! THERE HE IS!

[MICKEY SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

...YOU CREEP COCKSUCKER!
WHAT ARE YOU COCKSUCKERS--

[TRUCK HORN HONKING]

I THINK HE BUSTED
YOUR WINDOW.

IT'S OK. IT'S OK.

BOY, HE WAS SURE UPSET,
WASN'T HE?

WHAT'D YOU DO, GIVE HIM
A BAD CREDIT CARD
OR SOMETHING?

NO, NO, NO.
I GAVE HIM DINERS CLUB.

I DIDN'T KNOW
IT WAS OVERDRAWN.

YOU KNOW, NO ONE
CUTS YOU A BREAK NO MORE.

AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH?

YEAH. YOU KNOW, I APPLIED
FOR A CREDIT CARD ONCE.

GET OUTTA HERE.

YEAH. THE BANK
TURNED ME DOWN.

YEAH.
REALLY?

WELL, YOU KNOW,
YOU AIN'T A MAN

TILL YOU GOT
A CREDIT CARD.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I WOULD DO WITHOUT MINE.

WELL, I'M NOT GONNA
GO BACK THERE

AND ASK 'EM FOR YOURS.

NOSIRREE.

HA HA HA HA HA!

WELL, SHIT,
IT'S THE COMPUTER'S
FAULT, ANYWAY.

I MEAN, THE COMPUTER
IS THE WORST--

I DON'T KNOW,
IT'S THE WORST THING
EVER CREATED.

YEAH.

I MEAN, IT'S WORSE
THAT THE CLAP.

IT'S WORSE THAN COPS.
IT'S DAMN NEAR AS BAD
AS SHRINKS, MAN,

[BELCHES]
I'M TELLING YOU.

DAMN, HOMER.

[BELCHES]

YEAH, WELL, HOW COME
YOU HIT ME BACK THERE, EDDIE?

HUH?

HOW COME YOU HIT ME
BACK THERE?

I MEAN...

I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.

I JUST--I FELT
LIKE IT, I GUESS.

I--I KNOW, BUT DON'T
DO THAT NO MORE, OK?

'CAUSE IT REALLY HURTS
LIKE THE DICKENS.

WELL, HOMER, I MEAN,
I CAN'T MAKE ANY PROMISES.

GOD.

I THOUGHT WE WAS FRIENDS.

FRIENDS? NO, MAN,
I'M JUST USING YOU

TO GET MY $87 BACK.

WELL...

WELL, DON'T DO IT NO MORE,
ANYWAY, OK?

'CAUSE I JUST CAN'T
TAKE A PUNCH LIKE I USED TO

WHEN I WAS
IN THE GOLDEN GLOVES.

YOU WERE NEVER
IN NO GOLDEN--

YOU SUCH A LIAR.

GOLDEN GLOVES.
NO!

NO, I KNOCKED OUT
ABOUT 600 GUYS.

[LAUGHING]

YES.

YEAH, I ONLY LOST ONE FIGHT
IN MY WHOLE CAREER.

AND I GOT SCREWED ON THAT ONE.

YOU ARE SO FULL OF--

NO, I WAS IN GUATEMALA
AND THOSE...

I SHOULD'VE NEVER
WENT DOWN THERE.
THE REFS WERE MURDER.

Eddie: YOU ARE SO FULL OF SHIT.

YOU GO DOWN
TO THE HALL OF RECORDS

AND YOU LOOK IT UP
AND IT'S THERE.

[CONTINUES INDISTINCT]

HOMER.

COME ON, WHERE THE FUCK
ARE YOU? HUH? HUH?

GOD DAMN IT.

I PACKED AN EXTRA TOOTHBRUSH.

SO, I'LL LET YOU BORROW MINE
IF YOU PROMISE

THAT YOU'LL WASH IT OFF
REAL GOOD.

FUCK THAT.

ALL RIGHT.

BUT YOU DON'T WANT
ALL THAT PLAQUE AND TARTER

TO BUILD UP ON YOUR CHOPPERS.

MY DENTIST SAYS
THAT ONCE YOU GET IT ON THERE,

IT TAKES A BLOWTORCH
TO GET IT OFF.

IS THAT ALL YOU
THINK ABOUT IS PLAQUE
AND FUCKIN' TARTER?

WELL, IN THE MORNING
AND AFTER MEALS, YES.

DO YOU KNOW
WHAT'S OUT THERE?

BESIDES YOUR CAR?

THERE ARE LAWYERS,

THERE ARE SHRINKS,

THERE ARE NUNS!

[RUMBLING]

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

WHAT?

IT'S THE BIG ONE.

[RUMBLING GETS LOUDER]

IT'S AN EARTHQUAKE.

I DON'T THINK I CAN GET
THIS BRUSH CLEAN.

SHH!

[RUMBLING LOUDER]

NO. NO.

THAT WASN'T IT.

THAT WASN'T IT.

WHERE WAS I?

YOU WAS TALKIN' ABOUT
MURDERERS, RAPISTS, AND LAWYERS.

YES.

THERE'S--THERE'S LAWYERS...

AND SHRINKS AND--

AND THERE'S NUNS,
AND THERE'S...

THERE'S PEOP--
THERE'S PEOPLE--

THERE'S PEOPLE
OUT THERE STARVING.

THERE'S PEOPLE OUT THERE
STARVING.

THEY DON'T HAVE ANYPLACE TO GO.
THERE'S NO FOOD FOR THEM.

AND THERE'S HURRICANES
AND THERE'S ALL KINDS
OF WEATHER

AND THERE'S PESTILENCE.
GOD MADE PESTILENCE.

AND THAT'S WHAT
HE PUT DOWN ON PEOPLE.
HE MADE PESTILENCE.

AND HE MADE DISEASES.

THERE'S DISEASES THAT
THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE A CURE FOR.

IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER
HOW MUCH RICH--
HOW MUCH RICH YOU ARE,

AND IT DOESN'T MATTER TO THEM
BECAUSE THEY CAN'T CURE IT.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU DO.
THEY DON'T HAVE THE MONEY
TO CURE IT.

AND YOU WANT ME TO...

YOU WANT ME...

TO BRUSH MY TEETH?

YOU WANT TO BRUSH
YOUR TEETH NOW?!

OHH!

HEY, CUT IT OUT!
STOP IT, EDDIE!

I'M NOT KIDDIN', EDDIE!

UHH!

YOU'RE GONNA HURT YOUR--
STOP IT, EDDIE!

CUT IT OUT! CUT IT OUT!
STOP IT, EDDIE!

STOP! STOP THAT, EDDIE!

EDDIE! NO, EDDIE, STOP IT!

I WON'T ASK YOU TO BRUSH
YOUR TEETH NO MORE, EDDIE!

ALL RIGHT, STOP IT, EDDIE!

NO!

EDDIE!
[GRUNTING]

OH, MY GOD!

[PANTING]

[WHIMPERING]

[CRYING]

[SOBBING]

EDDIE...

[CRYING]

* HOME

* IS WHERE I LONG TO BE

* HOME

* WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY

* HOME

* STAYS IN MY MEMORY

* OH, I WISH THAT I WAS HOME

* HOME

* IS WHERE MY HEART IS

* HOME

* IS WHERE IT'S ALWAYS BEEN

* HOME

* WHERE SWEET MEMORIES LIVE

* HOW I WISH THAT I WAS HOME

KEEP YOU WARM.

THANK YOU.

SO, HOMER, WHAT DO YOU DO
FOR FUN IN ARIZONA?

OH, YOU KNOW, LOTS OF STUFF.

YOU KNOW, I PLAY WITH
THE NEIGHBOR'S DOGS,

AND I SMASH BOTTLES.

I READ ALL ABOUT BASEBALLS.

I FIX THE KIDS' TIRES
DOWN THE STREET.

WELL, IT DEPENDS--
EVER BEEN LAID?

HOW'D YOU LIKE TO GET
SOME OF THAT CHEERLEADER
PUSSY, HUH?

SIT ON YOUR FACE?

EDDIE, COME ON.

HEY! HEY, GIRLS!

HEY, GIRLS?
[CHEERING]

HEY, GIRLS!

HEY, GIRLS!
THIS IS MY FRIEND.

HE--HE IS
THE STUD OF LIFE,

LIKE THIS IS GREAT.

[CHANTING CHEERS]

HEY! HEY, GIRLS!

LET'S GET YOU LAID.

HEY, I'VE BEEN LAID.
I'VE BEEN LAID.

HEY. EDDIE.

HEY! WHOO! WHOO!

HEY, GIRLS! HEY!

RICK 'EM, RACK 'EM,
RICK 'EM, RACK 'EM,

GET THAT GUY
AND REALLY FUCK HIM.

[INDISTINCT]

COME ON,
WE'RE GONNA GET KILLED!

HEY, GIRLS! HEY!

[CHEERING]

[LAUGHING]

WHOO! HA HA!

HA HA HA!

[HORN HONKING]

I SAID I'VE BEEN LAID,
EDDIE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
YOU CRAZY?!

HEY, FUCK YOU!
FUCK YOU!

FUCKIN' PEOPLE.

MAN.

WHAT WERE YOU SAYIN'?

I SAID I HAVEN'T BEEN
LAID A LOT.

I MEAN, ARIZONA'S
A VERY TOUGH STATE FOR THAT.

OH. WELL, YOU AIN'T A MAN
TILL YOU BEEN LAID.

I MEAN, YOU ARE NOT A MAN
TILL YOU'VE HAD SOME PUSSY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I WOULD DO WITHOUT MINE.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I GOT A COUSIN--

I GOT A COUSIN
BREAK YOU IN JUST RIGHT.

EDDIE, I SAID I'D BEEN LAID.

YOU JUST SAID NOT A LOT.

WELL, IT DEPENDS
IF YOU CONSIDER 5,000 A LOT.

WHERE DID YOU GET
5,000 WOMEN?

DIFFERENT PLACES.

WELL, YOU KNOW,
I DON'T NEED 5,000 WOMEN

BECAUSE MOST OF THEM
COME BACK 2, 3--

OH, BULLSHIT.

4 TIMES. THAT'S TRUE.

I MEAN, I'VE BEEN LAID
SO MANY TIMES,

I THINK I SHOULD BE
IN THE GUINNESS BOOK
OF WORLD RECORDS

FOR HOW MANY TIMES
I'VE BEEN LAID.

COME ON, WE'RE GONNA
HAVE SOME FUN HERE.

OH, GREAT. IS IT
A VIDEO ARCADE?

NO, MAN. THIS IS WHERE
MY COUSIN ESTHER WORKS.

OH.

OH!

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]
EDDIE--

WELL, WHAT IF I GET
A DISEASE OR SOMETHING, HUH?

[BUZZER]

I'M ONLY DOING THIS
FOR YOU, YOU KNOW.

UH-HUH. YEAH.

WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT?

WHAT'S IT LOOK LIKE?

LIKE YOU LOOKING
FOR THE PALSY CLINIC.

OH, THAT'S CUTE.
THAT'S REAL CUTE.

HEY. YOU GONNA
LET US IN OR WHAT?

DEFINE "OR WHAT."

WE ARE 2 PAYING
CUSTOMERS HERE
TO SEE ESTHER.

OH. LUCKY HER.

[BUZZER]
ESTHER!

COMPANY!

[GATE CREAKS]

OK, BOYS, MAKE YOURSELF
AT HOME.

GO AHEAD.

SIT DOWN.

SIT.

[HOMER COUGHS]

ESTHER!

COMPANY!

GET YOU SOMETHING TO DRINK?

I WOULD LIKE
A MILKSHAKE, PLEASE.

[SIGHS] CHRIST.

JEEZ, A MILKSHAKE.

I ALWAYS HAVE A MILKSHAKE
BEFORE SEX.

I GOT 2 KINDS OF WHISKEY.

I GOT ROTGUT AND CHEAP SHIT.
WHAT'LL IT BE?

NOTHING, THANK YOU.

ESTHER!

GET IN HERE!

THAT'S IT.
SOON AS I GET MY $87,

I'M CUTTIN' YOU LOOSE.

A MILKSHAKE.

JEEZ.

I'M JUST THIRSTY.

WHO--WHO'S THAT?

PROBABLY
THE EXTERMINATOR.

ESTHER.

ESTHER, HOW YOU DOIN'?

GOOD TO SEE YOU.

GET UP. YOU'RE IN
THE PRESENCE OF A LADY.

COME ON.

EDDIE?

YEAH. YEAH!

IT'S ME.

THIS IS MY COUSIN
ESTHER.

SHE IS THE GREATEST.

UH, WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR HEAD?

AH, SHIT, I DON'T KNOW.
I HURT IT SOME...

HEH.

WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?

OH, THIS IS HOMER.
THIS IS MY ACE.

HI.
THIS IS HOMER.
SAY HI.

AIN'T HE CUTE?
SAY HI AGAIN.

IT'S HOMER.
HI.

HIS NAME
IS HOMER LANZA.

HOMER LIKE YOU HIT
A HOME RUN,

LANZA LIKE THE SINGER.
AIN'T THAT RIGHT?

YEAH. MARIO.
LIKE MARIO LANZA.

MARIO LANZA.

ARE YOU RELATED TO HIM?

TO MARIO?

I DON'T THINK SO.

I MEAN, HE DON'T SEND ME
NO MONEY AT CHRISTMAS TIME.

[LAUGHS]

HE'S FUNNY.

YOU'RE FUNNY, HOMER.
THAT'S VERY FUNNY.

YEAH.

YEAH, UH...

UH, I FIGURE,

SINCE THIS IS
YOUR BUSINESS,
THAT, UH...

YOU...

YOU GOT CASH?

I WAS KIND OF HOPING,
YOU KNOW, SINCE, UH,

WE'RE FAMILY
AND EVERYTHING,

YOU'D GIVE US
A LITTLE, UH...

A LITTLE DISCOUNT,
FAMILY DISCOUNT.

FUCK THE FAMILY DISCOUNT.

30 BUCKS.

HEY, THAT--

SHUT UP.

30 BUCKS.

HE'S ALL YOURS.

OK. GET IT.

OK, GET GOIN'.

I THINK I NEED
THE MILKSHAKE NOW, EDDIE.

YEAH.

ENJOY YOURSELF.
YOU'RE PAYING FOR IT.

THAT'S CASH.

SLIPPED MY MIND.

I GOT IT.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

I GOT IT RIGHT IN--

ONE SECOND.
I GOT IT.

IT'S RIGHT IN THE--

IN--PROBABLY IN THE--
YEAH.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

YOUR HUSBAND
JUST GOT IN, RIGHT?

YEAH. THAT'S RIGHT.

HE'S BEEN GONE A WHILE.
UH-HUH.

GLAD TO SEE YOU OUT.
HEH HEH HEH!

THERE. YOU GOT THAT?
YEAH.

OK. TELL HIM I SAID HELLO.
GREAT.

OK.
TELL HIM TO COME SEE ME.

BYE-BYE.
ALL RIGHT. SEE YOU LATER.

HEY, BILL?
WHAT?

THESE PEARS
AIN'T LOOKING
REAL GOOD, MAN.

WELL, HAVE SOME APPLES.
THEY LOOKED GOOD
THE OTHER DAY.

NO, I LIKE PEARS.
[CASH REGISTER BEEPING]

HERE. THERE'S SOME PLASTIC ONES.
[LAUGHTER]

YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER
DONE ANYTHING
LIKE THIS BEFORE.

WAS I GREAT,
OR WAS I JUST
REAL GOOD?

DID YOU ENJOY IT?

OH, VERY MUCH,
MISS ESTHER.

THEN YOU WERE GREAT.

[RECORD SCRATCHING]
[DOO-WOP MUSIC PLAYING]

* OOH
* BA-DOO

* OOH, OOH
* BA-DOO

* BA-DOO
* OOH, OOH

* BOO, BA-DOO
* OOH

* OOH, OOH
* BA-DOO

* BA-DOO, DOO, BOO
* OOH, OOH, OOH

* SWEET EMOTIONS OF LOVE

* TENDERLY...
* BOO, BA-DOO...

OK, THANKS A LOT.
Man: HAVE A GOOD ONE.

HEY. HOW YOU DOING?

FINE.
GOOD. GLAD TO HEAR IT.

LIKE TO KNOW
PEOPLE ARE DOING GOOD.

THAT SO? WOULD YOU
MOVE BACK, PLEASE?

WILL YOU
BACK UP, PLEASE.

MOVE BACK. PLEASE?

NICE SHIRT.

NICE GUN.

UHH!
[GLASS SHATTERS]

WHAT DID I DO?

[SWEET EMOTIONS OF LOVE
PLAYING]

SHE AIN'T NO GOOD, HOMER--
NEVER WAS.

AW, COME ON, ESTHER.

YOU HAVEN'T SEE HER
FOR A LONG TIME.

SHE'S BEEN REAL GOOD WITH ME.
SHE BUYS ME THINGS.

SHE EVEN BOUGHT ME YOU.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[COMIN' DOWN WITH LOVE
PLAYING]

* SOME KIND OF JITTERBUG

* YOU'RE COMIN' DOWN
WITH LOVE... *

HEY, EDDIE, WHERE DID YOU
GET THAT MONEY?

I HAD IT. LET'S GO.

ESTHER?

Eddie: HOMER--
THANK YOU.

HOMER, COME ON.
YOU'RE VERY SPECIAL.

COME ON!
LET'S GO,
GOD DAMN IT!

HEY, EDDIE,
LET'S TAKE A PICTURE.

NO, WE DON'T
HAVE TIME.
LET'S GO.

COME ON, EDDIE.
WE GOT PLENTY OF TIME.

WILL YOU
COME ON? GET IN
THE CAR, HOMER!

COME ON, LOOK, EDDIE.
THIS IS FUN. LOOK.

MOVE OVER.

I'M THE BOY.

DO YOU WANT
THE PICTURE, OR NOT?

JEEZ.

[CAMERA CLICKS]

* ACES AND EIGHTS

* THE JOKER'S WILD

* A PRETTY FACE

* THAT NEVER SMILES

* MY BEAUTIFUL GAL

* IS LONG GONE

* MY HEART IS RACIN'

* I'M BURNIN' INSIDE

* OH, GOD

* WHERE AM I GONNA HIDE?

* TELL ME WHY

* THE NIGHT'S

* SO LONG

* NIGHT IS THE HUNTER

* WHEN YOU'RE RUNNIN' AWAY

* NIGHT IS THE HUNTER

* WHEN YOUR DREAMS
DON'T PAY... *

Homer: AND IT WAS
REAL NICE OF YOU BUYING
ME ESTHER. THANKS A LOT.

Eddie: HEY, DON'T THANK ME, MAN.
THANK THE LIQUOR STORE
IN BEATTY.

WHAT FOR?

THAT'S WHERE I GOT THE MONEY.

OH. YOU USED TO
WORK THERE, HUH?

WHAT ARE YOU? STUPID?
NO, I ROBBED THE PLACE.
COME ON.

NO, COME ON, EDDIE.
GET OUT OF HERE.

LOOK! THIS IS
THE GUN I USED.

EDDIE, EDDIE,
YOU CAN GET IN TROUBLE.

ONLY POLICEMEN
AND CRIMINALS ARE
ALLOWED TO HAVE THOSE.

* NIGHT IS THE HUNTER

* WHEN YOU'RE RUNNIN' AWAY

* NIGHT IS THE HUNTER...

Man on TV: AN EARTHQUAKE
MEASURING 7.1 ON
THE RICHTER SCALE

ROCKED SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA
THIS MORNING.

IT IS THE SECOND
7 MAGNITUDE QUAKE HERE
IN THE LAST 4 MONTHS.

RESCUE CREWS ARE BUSY
DIGGING THROUGH
THE RUBBLE AND--

THAT REVELATIONS
HAVE SHOWN US

THAT THE PALE RIDER
WILL COME, HAS BEEN HERE.

ISAIAH--
THE LORD IS
OVERTURNING THE LAND,

MAKING IT A WASTELAND
OF DESTRUCTION...
[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

DO YOU BELIEVE
IN GOD, EDDIE?

NO.
HOW COME?

I DON'T BELIEVE IN
ANYTHING I CAN'T SEE.

WELL...

YOU CAN'T SEE POLAND,
BUT YOU BELIEVE
IN THAT, DON'T YOU?

WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?

I SAID,

YOU CAN'T SEE POLAND,
BUT YOU BELIEVE
IN THAT, DON'T YOU?

WHAT THE--
LOOK, NO. FORGET IT.

JUST FORGET IT, OK?
LEAVE IT ALONE.

WELL, IT'S JUST THAT
THERE'S MORE HERE
THAN MEETS THE EYE.

THAT'S ALL.

YOU KNOW,
I BELIEVE IN GOD.

OH, YEAH? WHY?
MM-HMM.

WELL, BECAUSE
WE WOULDN'T BE HERE
IF THERE WAS NO GOD.

WHY?

BECAUSE SOMEONE HAD TO
CREATE THE EARTH.

WHY?

BECAUSE THERE ISN'T
JUST NOTHING HERE.

YOU KNOW, EVERYTHING
HAD TO BE CREATED
BY SOMEONE.

YOU KNOW,
LIKE THIS ROBE--

THIS ROBE
WAS CREATED BY...

BY ROBINSON.

YOUR PAINTING
OVER THERE--

THIS HERE WAS
CREATED BY...

REEVES. SEE?

EVERYTHING HAD TO BE
CREATED BY SOMEONE.

AND GOD CREATED
THE EARTH.

YOU'RE SURE ABOUT THAT?
OH, YES, VERY SURE.

OH, YEAH? WELL, LET ME
ASK YOU A QUESTION.

YEAH.
YOU BELIEVE IN GOD, RIGHT?

YES, I DO.
YOU BELIEVE
IN GOD'S DIVINE WISDOM?

I CERTAINLY DO.
HIS GOODNESS? ALL OF THAT?

OF COURSE.
TELL ME WHY THE FUCK

GOD LET YOU GET HIT BY
A FUCKING BASEBALL, HUH?

PROBABLY...

PROBABLY BECAUSE
HE THOUGHT MAYBE
IT WAS GOOD FOR ME.

OH, HE THOUGHT IT WAS
GOOD FOR YOU?
MAYBE.

GOD THOUGHT THAT WAS GOOD
FOR YOU?
WELL, I DON'T KNOW

EVERYTHING, EDDIE.
OH, NO?

WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
THERE AIN'T NO FUCKING
GOD, HOMER.

THERE AIN'T NO FUCKING GOD.
DON'T SAY THAT.

HEY, IF YOU'RE UP THERE--
I MEAN, MAYBE I'M WRONG, HOMER--

MAYBE I'M MAKING
AN ABSOLUTELY ASS OF MYSELF.

BUT GOD, IF YOU'RE UP THERE,
EDDIE...

AND YOU'RE SITTING AND YOU'RE
HANGING OUT,
EDDIE...

AND YOU GOT
NOTHING TO DO, TALK TO ME.

EDDIE, DON'T TALK TO GOD
LIKE THAT,
TELL ME WHY--

BECAUSE THAT'S GONNA BE
DANGEROUS.
TELL ME WHY

YOU LET THIS MOTHERFUCKER
GET HIT ON THE HEAD

EDDIE--EDDIE--
WITH A BASEBALL. TELL ME WHY--

PLEASE, DON'T LET HIM
HEAR THAT, EDDIE!

A BENEVOLENT GOD,
AN UNDERSTANDING GOD, BUT NO!

HE'S NOT! HE'S A MEAN,
VILE, EVIL SHIT!

YOU AIN'T SHIT!
YOU DON'T EXIST!

MOTHERFUCKER--
YOU DON'T FUCKING EXIST.

NO, NO, EDDIE.
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

COME ON DOWN HERE! UHH!
NO. COME ON, EDDIE.

YOU DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
FIGHT!

COME ON, FIGHT!
SHE DIDN'T MEAN IT, GOD.

COME ON, ALREADY!
[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

NO. COME ON.

COME IN HERE. RELAX.

YOU JUST STAY IN THERE
FOR A LITTLE BIT.

STAY THERE.
JUST STAY IN THERE.

[POUNDING]
BY THE COLLAR AND LEAD THEM

TO THE ALTAR OF GOD.

THE LAND WILL BE
COMPLETELY EMPTIED, AND--

THE LORD HAS SPOKEN!

AMEN.
[POUNDING STOPS]

MAN HAS TRIED.
EDDIE...

MY FRIENDS, MAN HAS FAILED.
MAN CANNOT SAVE YOU--ONLY GOD.

FEW...
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

WILL BE LEFT ALIVE.

Preacher: AND I TELL YOU,
MY FRIENDS,

THAT DAY IS SOON AT HAND.

IF WE DO NOT GRAB
OUR EVIL COUSINS BY THE COLLAR

AND LEAD THEM
TO THE ALTAR OF GOD,

WE CANNOT SAVE THIS LAND...
[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

[PANTING]

[WHISPERING] Now do you
believe in God?

IT'S NOT THAT, HOMER.

I GOT A TUMOR.

TUMOR?

IT'S ABOUT...
THE SIZE OF A WALNUT.

Well, just have
a doctor cut it out,
that's all.

THEY CAN'T.
THEY CAN'T.

Why not?

BECAUSE MY BRAIN IS WRAPPED
AROUND IT LIKE A JELLYFISH.

OH, MAN, THAT'S GROSS.

HEY, WHY DON'T YOU
TAKE SOME PILLS?

NO.
WHY NOT?

I'M NOT TAKING THOSE PILLS.
WHY NOT?

They're probably
real good for you.
They're good for you.

I'm not taking them.

They make--
they make me into a zombie.

A ZOMBIE.

A REAL ZOMBIE?

Homer: HEY, EDDIE,
I'M--I'M HERE.

OHH! EDDIE!
EDDIE, COME ON!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
EDDIE? STOP IT!

NO! AAH! COME ON!

[LAUGHING]
EDDIE, STOP THAT!

OW! OW, THAT HURT. OW.

EDDIE, COME ON, NOW.
STOP THAT.

Eddie: WHAT'S THE MATTER,
HOMER?
OH. I QUIT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, MAN?
I QUIT. I QUIT.

HEY!
OHH!

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
WAIT. EDDIE--I QUIT.

I QUIT, I QUIT!
ALL RIGHT, HOMER,

YOU'RE DEAD MEAT
NOW, MAN. HEH!

NO, EDDIE. OW.
HOMER--

OW, RIGHT IN THE HEAD.
I'M SORRY.

DO YOU DRIVE?
A CAR?

YEAH.
NOT NO MORE.

OH, MAN...

YOU AIN'T A MAN
TILL YOU CAN DRIVE.

YOU SAID THAT ABOUT SEX.

THERE'S A LOT OF STUFF
YOU GOTTA DO TO BE
A MAN.

COME ON, GIVE ME THAT.
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH IT?

NOTHING. GET IN THE CAR.

I DON'T WANT TO GET
IN THE CAR, EDDIE.

GET IN THE CAR. COME ON.
IT'S COLD, HOMER, GET IN THERE.

GET IN. COME ON.
I'M IN.

[SIGHS]
LET'S GO.

OHH!
LET'S GO.

I'M SCARED.
OF WHAT?

UH, ON ACCOUNT OF
I WAS IN A TRAGIC ACCIDENT
ONCE AT THE INDY 500.

HOMER, YOU NEVER
DROVE NO INDY CAR.

YES, I DID. IN 1976, I HAD
LAPPED MARIO ANDRETTI 3 TIMES.

AND A.J. FOYT,
WELL, HE CRACKED INTO ME.

AND HIS CAR WENT OVER THE WALL
AND KILLED 200 RACING FANS.

SO, I CAN'T--
HOMER, LET GO
OF THAT DOOR.

LET IT GO. YOU ARE
GIVING ME A HEADACHE
WITH YOUR BULLSHIT.

NO BULLSHIT!
YOU CAN LOOK IT UP
IN THE HALL OF RECORDS.

AND IT'S GONNA SAY,
"HOMER LANZA
ALMOST WINS INDY 500."

LET THAT DOOR GO.
CLOSE IT.
NO.

CLOSE IT NOW.
CLOSE IT.
NO.

GET OVER HERE.
NOW, YOU CAN DO THIS.

NOW, PUT YOUR HAND
ON THE WHEEL.

COME ON.

SEE?

NOW, TAKE ONE HAND
AND TURN ON THE CAR.

THIS IS YOUR CAR.
[ENGINE STARTS]

YOU'RE IN COMMAND NOW.
PUT YOUR FOOT
ON THE GAS PEDAL SLOWLY.

EASE IT DOWN.

FEELING PRETTY GOOD?
YEAH.

LET'S GO.

AAH! EDDIE!

[BOTH SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

Eddie: NO, NO, NO, NO!
TURN, TURN, TURN, TURN!

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

EDDIE! AAH! EDDIE!

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

HOMER--HOMER...

Homer: SANTA CLAUS!

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

HA!
OH!

TURN! TURN!
NO, NO, TURN THE OTHER WAY!

[COUGHING]

YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH. [COUGHING]

AHH.

I LIKE DRIVING.

JUST WATCH
WHERE YOU'RE GOING, OK?

DO YOU LIKE
THE GLASSES I PICKED?

YOU THINK THEY'RE
A GOOD PICK?

YEAH.
I MEAN, I PICKED THEM

BECAUSE OF THE COLOR
OF MY EYES.

THEY LOOK GREAT ON YOU.

HEY, LOOK AT THAT RED FORD.
I BET THAT'S THE GUYS
THAT ROBBED YOU.

Homer: I DON'T KNOW.
PULL THE CAR AROUND, QUICK.

HURRY UP. COME ON.

BOY. I NEVER THOUGHT
WE'D FIND THEM.

WELL, IT'S A FORD,

BUT I DON'T THINK
THIS IS THE SAME ONE.

EDDIE, THIS IS
A LOT NEWER.

IT'LL DO.

NO, THIS AIN'T
THE CAR, EDDIE.

EDDIE?

EDDIE!

Eddie:
PSST! PSST!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN THERE?

COME HERE.
COME INSIDE.
WHAT FOR?

'CAUSE WHEN
THOSE PEOPLE COME OUT,
WE'RE GONNA JUMP 'EM.

EDDIE, I--I DON'T THINK
THIS IS THEM.

LOOK, THESE ARE
THE MOTHERFUCKERS
THAT TOOK MY $87.

NOW, EITHER GET
IN THE FUCKIN' CAR
OR COME IN HERE.

EDDIE, TH-THIS
IS NOT THE CAR.

EDDIE, IT'S--THAT'S
DEFINITELY NOT THEM, EDDIE.

EDDIE? H-HOLD ON.

HEY...[PANTS]

LOOK, HEY,
IF I WERE YOU,

I WOULDN'T GO
NO CLOSER
TO THAT CAR.

WHY NOT?
WELL, MY FRIEND,
SHE'S IN THERE,

AND SHE'S GONNA
JUMP OUT, AND SHE'S
GONNA ROB YOU.

WHAT--
LOOK. LOOK. SEE?
SHE'S RIGHT THERE.

EDDIE, I'M JUST DOING THIS
TO PROTECT YOU.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
NO, NO!

NO, NO, NO.
DON'T GO ANY CLOSER.

SHE'S GOT A GUN.
AND SHE'S
A LITTLE CRAZY.

YOU KNOW, SHE'S A LITTLE LIGHT
IN THE BRAIN DEPARTMENT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

GET OUT OF MY WAY,
BUDDY, OK?
I KNOW, BUT--

SEE? SEE?

ONE FUCKIN' WORD,
YOUR HEAD IS EVERYWHERE.

EDDIE, HE'S A GOOD GUY, EDDIE.
[MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYING]

YOU EVER BEEN TO ARIZONA?
NO.

[PLAYING LA NEGRA]
[CHATTERING IN SPANISH]

OH, THIS IS JUST GREAT.
GIVE ME YOUR WALLET.

DON'T HURT HIM.
SHUT UP. SHUT UP.

Homer: SHE DOESN'T REALLY
MEAN THAT, YOU KNOW.
SHE'S JUST A LITTLE UPSET.

90 BUCKS.
GIVE HIM $3.00.

I DON'T HAVE
$3.00, EDDIE.

I'M SORRY, MAN.
COME ON.

GIVE ME
YOUR ADDRESS,

AND I'LL SEND IT
BACK TO YOU.
WHAT?

Man: NO, YOU KEEP IT.
HOMER!

NO, NO, IT'LL
COME IN HANDY SOMEDAY.
LET ME SEND IT TO YOU.

Eddie: HOMER!
I'M SURE! YOU KEEP IT!

YOU PEOPLE ARE
REALLY GOOD PEOPLE.
YOU KNOW THAT?

BUT I WARNED YOU
THAT SHE WAS
A LITTLE--

HELP!
DIDN'T I TELL
YOU THAT?

HELP!
EDDIE!

Woman: WE'RE BEING ROBBED!
[MUSIC STOPS]

CALL THE POLICE!
CALL THE POLICE!
CALL THE POLICE!

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
MY HUSBAND--

HI.
EL DOCTOR, POR FAVOR!

IT'S ALL RIGHT.
THEY'RE GONE.

[HOW FAR CAN YOU GO
PLAYING]

[WOMAN SHOUTING
INDISTINCTLY]

* ROCKIN' WITH THE GIRL
TILL THE MORNIN' LIGHT *

* WHEN WE GOT DOWN,
WE GET DOWN LOW *

* AND WE ROCKED TILL
WE COULD NOT ROCK NO MORE *

* ONE BIG QUESTION
WE WANTED TO KNOW... *

* HOW FAR CAN YOU GO?

* HOW LONG WILL YOU RIDE?

[GRUNTING]

OH, MY HANDS
ARE...

MY HANDS
ARE SO DIRTY.

YOU KNOW, I NEVER HAD
A FRIEND LIKE YOU
BEFORE, EDDIE.

NOT EVEN WHEN
YOU WERE A KID?

ESPECIALLY WHEN
I WAS A KID.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR FOLKS?
DIDN'T THEY LIKE YOU?

OH, YEAH. SURE.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I GOT
MY BRAIN STEMS CRUNCHED

BY THAT BASEBALL?
UH-HUH.

WELL, THEY SENT ME
ALL THE WAY ACROSS
THE COUNTRY,

JUST SO I CAN GET
THE BEST CARE POSSIBLE.

YOU SEEN THEM SINCE THEN?

OH, YEAH. WELL,
THEY BROUGHT ME BACK

FOR THE FIRST 2 YEARS
FOR CHRISTMAS, YOU KNOW.

UH-HUH.

BUT THEN MY DAD,
HIS BUSINESS WENT SOUR.

AND SO, INSTEAD OF SPENDING
THE MONEY ON PLANE TICKETS,

THEY SAID I SHOULD STAY
IN THE HOSPITAL AT CEDAR CREST.

AH.
CAN I DO THAT?

WHAT?
I WANT TO DO
THE CAR UP AND DOWN.

YEAH, YEAH. COME ON.

UH, DO YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

NO.
OK. FLIP THIS,
AND THEN YOU PUMP.

YOU KNOW HOW
TO PUMP, DON'T YOU?

HOMER, YOU EVER THINK
YOUR FOLKS SENT YOU AWAY

'CAUSE MAYBE
THEY DIDN'T WANT YOU?

NO. OH, NO.
YOU DON'T KNOW THEM.

THEY LOVE ME LIKE CRAZY.

SO, WHEN WAS
THE LAST TIME YOU SAW THEM?

HERE, GIVE ME THIS.
GIVE ME THIS.
GIVE ME THIS.

UM...WHEN I WAS 14.

THAT'S DAMN NEAR
20 YEARS, HOMER.

WELL, MY DAD'S BUSINESS
REALLY WENT SOUR.

I MEAN, THEY SEND ME
MONEY SOMETIMES,

BUT I DON'T REALLY
CASH THE CHECK,
BECAUSE HIS BUSINESS

IS STILL
REALLY, REALLY SOUR.

SO, WHAT ABOUT
YOUR HOME, EDDIE?

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

FROM OAKLAND.

[SIREN BLARING]

YEAH, I HEARD
OF OAKLAND.

WE CAN STOP BY THERE
AND SEE YOUR FOLKS
IF YOU WANT.

NAH, WE BETTER
GET YOU TO OREGON.

HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN
SINCE YOU SEEN 'EM?

WELL, I DON'T REMEMBER
SEEING MY DAD.

AND IT'S BEEN ABOUT...10 YEARS
SINCE I'VE SEEN MY MOM.

YEAH, BUT I BET
SHE LOVES YOU VERY MUCH.

I DOUBT IT.

[SIRENS BLARING]

[LIVIN' IN THE JUNGLE
PLAYING]

* SOMEBODY TELL ME
THAT THIS AIN'T REAL *

[RADIO CHATTER]

* STRANGE CAGES
OF CONCRETE AND STEEL *

* SOMEBODY'S
NEON NIGHTMARE *

* LIVIN' IN THE JUNGLE

* GIVE IT TO ME,
OR I'LL TAKE IT FROM YOU *

* GOD HELP US
IF YOU'RE BRAND-NEW *

* NO MERCY

* LIVIN' IN THE JUNGLE

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

* YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR BACK

* LIVIN' IN THE JUNGLE

* YOU GOTTA COVER YOUR TRACKS

* LIVIN' IN THE JUNGLE
HEY...

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
LOOKING AT, BOY?

WHO'S THIS GUY?
HE'S MY UNCLE.

* SOMEBODY TELL ME,
HOW DO THEY COPE? *

* CRAZED ANIMALS
WITHOUT ANY HOPE *

* MIDNIGHT DESPERADO

* LIVIN' IN THE JUNGLE

Woman: LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE.

* SOMEBODY'S SCREAMIN'
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

* SOMEBODY'S PISSED
Man: WAIT TILL I GET YOU.

[SHOUTING CONTINUES]

* LIVIN' IN THE JUNGLE

Man on TV: FINLEY--
CHUCK FINLEY, UH,

IS CONSIDERED THE NEXT PITCHER
FOR THE CALIFORNIA ANGELS,

BIG LEFT-HANDER. HE WAS
SCHEDULED TO GO NUMBER 2,

BUT THEY THOUGHT THEY'D
SHAKE IT UP A LITTLE BIT,

AND GO LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT.

AND PHILLIPS RAN UP TO BUNT.
[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

YO, MAN.
CAN I TALK TO YOU?

YO, MIRA.

I'LL TAKE IT.

Man on TV: A LOST ART THERE
FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

Second man on TV: ABSOLUTELY.
GIVES YOU ONE MORE DIMENSION...
[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

[PIANO PLAYING]

Man on TV: THAT'S A PITCH IN
ON THE INSIDE CORNER,

GOOD FOR ANOTHER STRIKE...
[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

* HUSH, LITTLE BABY

* DON'T YOU CRY

* PAPA'S GONNA BUY YOU
A MOCKINGBIRD... *

NOW, YOU HEAR ME
TALKING TO YOU.
MIRA. MIRA.

MIRA. MIRA.
* IF THAT MOCKINGBIRD

Eddie:
HEY, LOOK, MAN,
I'M TALKING TO YOU.

* DON'T SING

* PAPA'S GONNA BUY YOU
A DIAMOND RING... *

UH, I'M WITH
MY FRIEND EDDIE.

Eddie: YO, MIRA.
YO, MAN. CAN I
TALK TO YOU?

[WHISPERING]
She's got a gun.

* IF THAT DIAMOND RING
TURNS BRASS... *

Man on TV: RAN 2 PITCHES
RIGHT THERE, AND PHILLIPS...
[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

THAT LOOKS LIKE
A BEAUTY THERE.

THAT'S 2 WITH A STRIKE.

HOW DO YOU THINK
THE A's ARE
GONNA DO THIS YEAR?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WELL, I THINK THAT
MARK McGWIRE THERE,

HE REALLY--
HE'S A GOOD HITTER.

NOW, IF HE CAN
MAINTAIN THAT
THROUGH THE SEASON,

I THINK THEY'RE
GONNA DO GOOD,

'CAUSE HE HITS GOOD
FOR A WHITE BOY,
YOU KNOW.

I ALSO THINK
THAT IF THEY HAD
A LITTLE MORE DEPTH

IN THEIR PITCHING,
YOU KNOW--

THEY NEED
SOME RELIEF.
YOU KNOW,

IF THEY'D GET
SOME GOOD TRADES
THIS YEAR, YOU KNOW,

SOME GOOD TRADES--
HEY.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW LINDA CERVI?
USED TO COME IN HERE
ALL THE TIME ON THE WEEKENDS?

OH, YEAH.
I REMEMBER HER.

HOW DO I JUST--
HOW DO I DO THE--
THIS PART HERE?

JUST SUCK ON IT.

* A CART AND BULL

* AND IF
THAT CART AND BULL *

* TURN OVER...

YOU SHOULD CHECK
WITH MAGGIE OVER THERE.

HEY, MAN, WE ALL LOOK ALIKE.
WHICH ONE IS MAGGIE?

THE OLD BROAD
WITH THE RED HAIR.

[PLAYING PIANO]

HEH HEH HEH!
OK. THANKS, MAN.

* IF THAT HORSE AND CART
FALL DOWN... *

ARE YOU MAGGIE?

MM-HMM.

YOU KNOW LINDA CERVI?

MM-HMM.

YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO KNOW
WHERE I COULD FIND HER,
WOULD YOU?

YOU COULD TRY
THE WILTON STREET
CEMETERY.

* IN TOWN
MM-HMM.

THANKS.

[APPLAUSE]

[SONG ENDS]

[DOG BARKING]

JEEZ, EDDIE, THIS IS
REALLY SPOOKY.

THIS IS REALLY
SPOOKY, EDDIE.

HEY, DO YOU
EVER GO TO
THE HORROR MOVIES,

WHERE ALL
THE DEAD BODIES
AND MONSTERS

COME OUT OF
THEIR GRAVES
AT NIGHT?

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT, EDDIE?

NO MATTER
HOW SLOW THEY WALK,
THEY ALWAYS CATCH YOU.

I MEAN, THERE WAS JUST
NO WAY TO KILL 'EM, NOHOW.

THEY JUST WALKED FORWARD...

REAL SLOW...

LIKE THIS.

AND THEY COME...

AND THEY CATCH YA!
[GASPS]

UHH!

ARE YOU CRAZY?
YES, BUT--

UHH!

YOU SCARED ME.
I'M SORRY.

CUT IT OUT!
I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY, EDDIE.

UHH! DON'T HIT ME.

SCARE ME LIKE THAT--
WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

I'M SORRY, EDDIE.

CRAZY?

MA?

EDDIE...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

THIS IS
MY FRIEND, HOMER.

HELLO, HOMER.

HI.

WHEN DID YOU...

GET OUT OF
THE HOSPITAL?

2 WEEKS AGO.
I BUSTED OUT.

THE DOCTORS...TAKE CARED
OF THE TUMORS?

THE TUMORS?
MM.

YEAH. OH, YEAH.

YOU DON'T THINK I'D BUST OUT
WITHOUT THEM CURING ME, DO YOU?

HMM.

[SNIFFS]

GOOD.

HMM.

KIND OF WEIRD, JUST YOU
SITTING HERE LIKE THIS.

OH, OH, IT'S OK.

IT'S OK.
[KNOCKING]

I OWN THE PLACE.
[GRUNTS]

HOW DO YOU KNOW
THAT YOU'RE GONNA DIE
ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, MA?

I GOT A...
GOOD FEELING

ABOUT IT.

BUT AIN'T YOU SCARED?

OH, EDDIE...

EVERYBODY DIES.

AND IF THERE WAS
SOMETHING WRONG
WITH THAT,

PEOPLE JUST
WOULDN'T DO IT.

BUT DON'T YOU WORRY,
EDDIE. YOU GOT
A LONG TIME LEFT.

BUT WHEN
THAT TIME COMES,

IT'LL BE RIGHT FOR YOU.

AND YOU'LL BE GLAD!

GLAD.

HEH HEH HEH.

NOW, GO ON.
GET OUT OF HERE.

HMM.

CAN I STAY AND TALK
A LITTLE WHILE LONGER?

WE HAD A NICE TALK
ALREADY!

I CAN'T SIT HERE
GABBING ALL NIGHT.

BE OFF WITH YOU!

HMM.

HMM.

HMM.

HOMER! TAKE GOOD CARE
OF HER!

HMM.

[SEA GULLS CRYING]

SHE LIVED A GOOD LIFE,
EDDIE, AND YOU DONE
ALL YOU COULD FOR HER.

YEAH.

YOU KNOW, EVER SINCE
I WAS 8 YEARS OLD,

I'VE BEEN IN TROUBLE.

THAT'S WHAT I DID
FOR MY MOM.

YEAH, BUT YOU DIDN'T
MEAN IT.

YOU KNOW, BAD STUFF JUST KIND OF
FOLLOWS YOU AROUND. THAT'S ALL.

I MEAN,
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

HOMER, YOU KNOW
I'M AN ESCAPED
MENTAL PATIENT.

OH.

YOU KNOW, I KNEW THERE WAS
SOMETHING WACKY ABOUT YOU.

[COMIN' DOWN WITH LOVE
PLAYING]

* DON'T BOTHER
WITH THE DOCTOR *

* 'CAUSE THERE AIN'T NOTHING
HE CAN DO *

* IF YOUR HEART
FEELS FUNNY *

* IT'S 'CAUSE CUPID
SHOT HIS ARROW AT YOU *

* YOU LAY AWAKE ALL NIGHT,
DREAM ABOUT THE GIRL *

* FRIENDS WILL SAY
YOU'RE IN ANOTHER WORLD *

* THE DOCTOR CAN'T GIVE YOU
NO MAGIC DRUG *

* 'CAUSE YOU'RE COMIN' DOWN
WITH LOVE *

* THE DOCTOR CAN'T GIVE YOU
NO MAGIC DRUG *

* 'CAUSE YOU'RE COMIN' DOWN
WITH LOVE *

[SONG ENDS]

[SWING MUSIC PLAYING]

* WELL, TELL, WELL, YEAH,
WELL, TELL ME
THAT YOU LOVE ME BACK *

* I, YEAH, MY, OH, MY,
HOW I LOVE YOU *

* JUST WHEN I THOUGHT
THAT IT COULD NEVER BE *

* YOU CAME ALONG FOR ME

* WHOA, OH, NO,
OH, NOBODY CAN DO IT, NO *

* BUT YOU, WHOO-HOO,
DO LIKE THE WAY YOU DO IT *

* JUST WHEN I THOUGHT
THAT IT COULD NEVER BE *

* YOU CAME ALONG FOR ME

* JUST WHEN I THOUGHT
I WAS LOST *

* SUDDENLY YOU WERE THERE

* WELL, IF YOU WANTED ME TO,
I'D WALK TO KALAMAZOO *

* JUST TO SHOW YOU
HOW MUCH I CARE *

* YOU CAME ALONG FOR

* YOU CAME ALONG FOR

* YOU CAME ALONG FOR ME

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

EDDIE?

[ENGINE REVVING]

BYE, NOW!

SHE WAS CUTE.

OH, YEAH. SHE THOUGHT
YOU WERE CUTE, TOO.

LOOK, I GOTTA GO INSIDE
AND GET SOME CANDY.

DO ME A FAVOR.
TAKE THE HOSE.

HEY. TAKE THE HOSE.

YEAH. OH, YEAH. SURE.

YOU GOT IT?
YEAH.

[CLICKING]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

THAT'S IT.

[GUNSHOT]

[ENGINE REVVING
AND TIRES SCREECHING]

[PANTING]

NO.

STOP THE CAR, EDDIE,
RIGHT NOW.

WHAT? NO. NO.
STOP THE CAR.

YES.

I-I'M NOT STAYING
WITH YOU.

I'M NOT STAYING. I MEAN IT.
LET ME GO.
CALM DOWN.

CALM DOWN.
LET ME GO NOW, EDDIE!

I WANT TO GO OUT NOW.
STOP THE CAR!

[TIRES SCREECH]

GOD DAMN IT, HOMER.
SHIT!

WHAT IS
YOUR PROBLEM? HUH?

Eddie: WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU JUST CUT IT OUT.

YOU--YOU KILLED
THAT MAN BACK THERE.
YOU KILLED HIM.

HOMER, IT WAS THE TUMOR.
NO.

IT WAS NOT THE TUMOR.
I SEEN IT.

AND YOU'RE GONNA GO
TO HELL FOR THAT.

DON'T SAY THAT TO ME.
DON'T SAY THAT.

FINE, GO. I DON'T CARE.
JUST REMEMBER,

YOU PROMISED MY MOTHER
YOU WERE GONNA TAKE CARE OF ME.

YOU PROMISED.
YOU CAN'T BREAK A PROMISE.
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND.

YOU KILL EVERYBODY!
YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

YOU MESSED IT UP!
WE COULD HAVE BEEN
FRIENDS, EDDIE.

WE COULD HAVE BEEN
FRIENDS FOREVER.

NOT FOREVER, HOMER--
FOR A MONTH.
NO.

FOR ONE MONTH.
I'M DYING, HOMER.

YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT.
NO, I'M NOT.

IT'S WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID
AT THE HOSPITAL--

ONE MONTH.

IT'S NOT AN EXCUSE.

I DON'T KNOW
WHY I DO THESE THINGS.

I DON'T KNOW.

IT SCARES ME.

I'M SORRY.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE
MY BEST FRIEND, DON'T YOU?

I DON'T WANT TO LOSE
MY BEST FRIEND NOW.

[TOSSES SUITCASE]

WELL, THEN,
YOU GOT...

YOU GOTTA DO SOME
THINGS DIFFERENT.
THAT'S ALL.

YOU'VE GOT TO.

I KNOW.
YOU GOTTA--

YOU GOTTA ASK GOD TO
FORGIVE YOU, EDDIE.

GOD DOESN'T FORGIVE
PEOPLE LIKE ME HOMER.

YES, HE DOES, EDDIE.
HE DOESN'T.

IF YOU ASK HIM,
HE WILL.

AND THAT'S NO B.S.

THINK SO?

PROMISE?

I PROMISE.

"BLESS ME--" WHAT IS THAT WORD?
"BLESS ME, FATHER" FOR WHAT?

I HAVE SINNED.
"I HAVE SINNED.

IT'S BEEN I DON'T KNOW HOW LONG
SINCE MY LAST CONFESSION."

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST IDEA
YOU EVER HAD.

IT IS NOT
A STUPID IDEA.

YOU'RE DOING GOOD.
JUST READ FROM THE LIST
THAT WE WROTE.

OK. I READ FROM THE LIST,
AND THEN WHAT?

THEN THE PRIEST
FORGIVES YOU
FOR YOUR SINS

AND TELLS YOU HOW MANY
PRAYERS YOU HAVE TO SAY
FOR YOUR PENANCE.

BUT YOU GOTTA MAKE SURE
YOU GOT 'EM ALL
WRITTEN DOWN.

BECAUSE IF YOU SCREW UP
AT ALL, IT'LL ALL BE
NULL AND VOID.

AND THAT'S IT?

YEAH, THAT'S IT.
THAT'S ALL.

THAT'S ALL?
I JUST GOTTA READ THIS STUFF,
AND HE'S GONNA MAKE IT OK?

YEAH.
WELL.

[WHISPERING]
OK, it's your turn.
HUH?

It's your turn.
Go on.

WHAT'S THAT WORD?

SINNED.
OK.

That's it,
right there.
Go in there.

BLESS ME, FATHER, FOR
I HAVE SINNED. UM...

I CURSED.
I CURSED PEOPLE OUT.

I'VE LIED.
I'VE BEAT PEOPLE UP.

AND, MAN, YOU KNOW,
I HIT MY BEST FRIEND.

I HIT HOMER.

WHY DID YOU BEAT UP
YOUR BEST FRIEND HOMER?

'CAUSE I GET MAD.

E-EXCUSE ME.

AH-CHOO!

OHH. DAMN COLD.

[SNIFFS]
GOD BLESS YOU, FATHER.

[DOOR SLAMS]

[SIGHS]

YOU KNOW, YOU OUGHT TO
TRY SOME GOLDENSEAL
OR SOMETHING.

THAT WILL REALLY,
YOU KNOW, HELP
GET RID OF THAT.

YEAH?
YEAH, A COUPLE OF
LOZENGES FOR YOUR THROAT.

YOU SOUND
A LITTLE HOARSE.

THANK YOU.

YEAH. YOU'RE WELCOME.

[SIGHS]

DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER SINS?

YEAH. UM,
I KILLED 3 PEOPLE.

YOU'VE KILLED 3 PEOPLE.

YEAH. I KILLED ONE GUY
THIS WEEKEND.

A LONG TIME AGO, I KILLED
SOME OTHER PEOPLE.

BUT, YOU KNOW,
I'M REAL SORRY
ABOUT IT, REALLY.

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW...

I DIDN'T WANT TO GROW UP
TO KILL ANYBODY.

YOU KNOW?

COULD YOU JUST,
LIKE, MAKE IT OK
WITH GOD

SO I COULD, LIKE,
GET ON MY WAY?

MURDER IS
A VERY SERIOUS CRIME.

I--I CAN'T JUST
GRANT ABSOLUTION.

ARE YOU GONNA
TURN ME IN?

NO.

NO, I CAN'T. I WOULDN'T.

BUT I AM ASKING YOU
TO TURN YOURSELF IN.

YOU MUST BE
OUT OF YOUR MIND...

BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING
BACK TO THE LOONEY BIN.

* BEEN A LONG TIME GONE

* MOVING ON

* CAN'T REMEMBER
WHERE I'VE BEEN *

* DOWN THE LINE

* ONE MORE TIME

* YEAH, LIVING
ON THE FRINGE *

* BEEN A LITTLE BIT ROWDY

* A LITTLE BIT LOST

* NEVER HAD WHAT YOU CALL HOME

* GOING A LITTLE CRAZY

* TRYING TO GET OFF

* BEEN TROUBLE
SINCE I WAS BORN *

* BABY

* I BET YOU'RE JUST LIKE ME

* YOU FEEL YOU DON'T BELONG

* LET'S SEE

* WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME...

Eddie: SO, UH,
YOUR PARENTS ARE OK WITH
ME STAYING OVER, HUH?

Homer: OH, YEAH, SURE.

ANY FRIEND OF MINE
IS A FRIEND OF THEIRS,

THAT'S FOR SURE.

MY FOLKS ARE GOOD PEOPLE.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

HOMER, DID YOU SEE JESUS
GO AROUND THE CORNER
WITH A CROSS?

WHERE?

RIGHT BACK THERE.
I JUST SAW HIM.

JESUS AIN'T AROUND HERE.

DIDN'T I JUST TELL YOU
I GODDAMN SAW--

BACK THE GODDAMN CAR UP.

HE JUST WENT AROUND
THE CORNER.

YOU CAN'T SEE JESUS.

HE'S BEEN INVISIBLE
EVER SINCE HE WAS DEAD.

JUST BACK THE CAR UP

AND DON'T ASK ME
ANYMORE QUESTIONS.

I'M BACKING UP,
I'M BACKING UP.

NOW, TURN.
MAKE THIS TURN HERE.

[BICYCLE BELL RINGS]

HE'S GOT TO BE AROUND
HERE SOMEWHERE.

I MEAN, I JUST SAW HIM
GO AROUND THE CORNER.

I THINK YOU'VE BEEN
SEEING THINGS AGAIN.

I SWEAR I JUST SAW HIM
GO AROUND THE CORNER.

HAD ON A CROWN
OF THORNS.

HAD THE CROSS AND--

THAT'S WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE
IN ALL THE PICTURES.

STRANGEST THING.

* JESUS SCARED THE HELL
RIGHT OUT OF ME *

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

IT'S OUR HOUSE,
ALL RIGHT.

I--I JUST DON'T
REMEMBER IT BEING
SO BIG.

YEAH, THAT'S NEW THERE.

I THINK THEY BUILT THAT.

YEAH, THEY ADDED ON.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

DOESN'T LOOK LIKE
ANYBODY'S THERE.

I THINK THAT'S MY ROOM.

OH, YEAH?

YEAH.

IT'S GOT RUNNING WATER
AND EVERYTHING?

OH, YEAH.

THIS IS REALLY NICE.

YOU KNOW, I COULD
PROBABLY LIVE HERE, MAN.

HEY, HOMER. YOU KNOW,
IF I HAD KNOWN YOU
WAS THIS RICH,

I'D HAVE PROBABLY
KIDNAPPED YOU

AND THEN TRADED
YOUR ASS BACK FOR
THIS HOUSE, MAN.

THIS IS REALLY COOL.

[GRUNTS]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

TRYING TO OPEN THE DOOR.

I COULD JUST SHOOT
THE LOCK OFF.

"I CAN SHOOT THIS.
I CAN SHOOT THAT."

THAT'S YOUR ANSWER
TO EVERYTHING,
AIN'T IT, EDDIE?

NO.

HEY, YOU BROKE
MY PARENTS' DOOR.

MOM!

Eddie: MA!

HEY, EDDIE,
COME UP TO MY ROOM.

I WANT TO SHOW YOU
MY MICKEY MANTLE POSTER.

COME ON, EDDIE.

EDDIE, COME ON.

COME ON, EDDIE.

HEY, NOW,
THESE THREADS ARE ME.

FLOWERS?

WHERE'S MICKEY MANTLE?

[PLAYING PIANO]

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M HOMER'S FRIEND
EDDIE.

I'M CALLING THE POLICE.
[CLATTER]

WHY? WHAT? NO--NO,
I'M HOMER'S FRIEND
EDDIE.

WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A MINUTE. HEY.

WHAT THE FUCK
IS WRONG WITH YOU?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I TOLD YOU THAT
I'M HOMER'S FRIEND
EDDIE.

WE HAVE AN INTRUDER.
LANZA RESIDENCE.

MA?
NO, NO, NO.

WILL YOU SEND
A POLICEMAN AROUND?

IT'S SOME OTHER
WITCH.

SHE SAYS SHE'S GONNA
CALL THE COPS.

AND IF YOU DON'T
STOP HER, I WILL.

IF I WERE YOU,
I'D RUN.

WHO ARE YOU?

I'VE GOT A BETTER QUESTION.

WHO ARE YOU?

WELL, I'M HOMER LANZA.

AND I'M LOOKING FOR
MY MOM AND DAD.

THE LANZAS
DON'T HAVE CHILDREN.

SURE THEY DO. ME.

YOU ASK BESS THE MAID, OK.

SHE REMEMBERS WHO I AM.

BESS RETIRED.

I'M THE MAID NOW.

GREAT.

WELL, SO THEN

MY MOM AND DAD HAVEN'T
TOLD YOU ABOUT ME YET, THEN.

HERE.

SEE?

LOOK.

THAT'S ME.

THAT'S MY DAD,
THAT'S MY MOM.

IT'S JUST LIKE THE PHOTO
ON THE PIANO THERE,

BUT I'M NOT IN THAT ONE.

I'M IN THIS ONE.

NOW, CAN YOU TELL ME
WHERE THEY ARE, PLEASE?

THEY NEVER TOLD ME
THEY HAD A CHILD.

MR. LANZA, YOUR FATHER

DIED 2 DAYS AGO.

YOUR MOTHER'S
AT THE WAKE NOW.

OH, WHERE WOULD THAT BE?

UH, THE FUNERAL HOME
IN THE CENTER OF TOWN.

THANK YOU.

HOMER.

HOMER, COME ON.

[SNIFFLES]

COME ON. COME ON,
YOU'VE GOT TO SNAP
OUT OF THIS.

MR. LANZA,

IT'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

MR. LANZA,
COME ON. COME ON.

COME ON.

NOW, THAT'S A GOOD BOY.
THAT'S A GOOD BOY.

COME ON. VERY GOOD.

I WILL TELL THE POLICE

IT WAS A FALSE ALARM.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

EDDIE.

READY?

[MARCHING BAND PLAYING]

[HORNS HONKING]

[CLANG]

GET THAT. GODDAMN,
THERE'S HORSE SHIT
ALL OVER THE GROUND.

WHAT'S THIS TOWN
THINK IT IS, DODGE CITY?

WELL, THERE'S A PARADE
HERE, THAT'S WHY.

THEY HAVE PARADES HERE
EVERY MONTH.

'CAUSE THEY'RE
HAPPY PEOPLE HERE.

USUALLY THESE GUYS
ARE WEARING HOODS.

YOU CAN LOOK IT--
YOU CAN LOOK IT UP

IN THE GUINNESS BOOK
OF RECORDS, TOO.

THEY HAVE ONE
EVERY MONTH HERE
IN OREGON CITY.

COME ON.
[HONKS HORN]

[MARCHING BAND PLAYING]

SMART GUY.

THERE'S JESUS!

DID YOU SEE JESUS?
JESUS CHRIST?

HE'S RIGHT THERE.

OOH, WHAT?

TELL ME YOU DON'T
SEE HIM.

BIG AS DAY,
CAN'T MISS HIM.

HE'S GOT A CROWN
OF THORNS ON.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING]

IF THAT'S NOT JESUS,
I'M NOT BLACK.

OH, GOD.

I THINK I GOT A LITTLE FAT.

I JUST SAW HIM.
JUST SAW HIM.

EDDIE. EDDIE,
WHERE YOU GOING?

EDDIE, COME ON.

I WANT TO GO SEE
MY DAD NOW.

DON'T BUG ME, HOMER.

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

HE'S DRESSED IN A SHROUD.
IT'S HIM.

IT'S THE BIG J.C.

NOW DON'T PISS ME OFF,
HOMER.

YOU WANT TO SEE
YOUR FATHER?

BELIEVE ME,
I JUST SEEN JESUS.

[MARCHING BAND PLAYING]

HUH? THIS GONNA LOOK OK?

LOOKS NICE, EDDIE.

WHERE DID YOU
GET IT?

OH, UH, I GOT IT
FROM YOUR HOUSE.

THAT'S MY DAD'S.

I KNOW,
BUT HE'S DEAD.

HE'S NOT GONNA
MISS IT.

GET THIS STUFF
OFF YOUR BACK.

HOW ABOUT ME, EDDIE,
DO I LOOK OK?

YEAH.
YEAH, YOU LOOK FINE.

YEAH?
YEAH.

LET ME ADJUST
YOUR...

I HATE DEAD PEOPLE.

GO AHEAD.

GO AHEAD.

CAN I HELP YOU?

YES, I'M HERE
TO SEE MY DAD.

WHO'S THAT?

THE DEAD GUY UP FRONT.

A STRANGE MAN CAME IN
ACTING WEIRD.

HE WENT UP THERE.

[INDISTINCT]

HEY, PA.

I'M REAL SORRY THAT

I DIDN'T GET HERE
IN TIME TO SEE YOU

WHILE YOU WAS ALIVE,

BUT YOU PROBABLY DIDN'T
WANT ME HERE ANYWAY.

YOU KNOW, I REALLY
DON'T BLAME YOU

FOR BEING ASHAMED OF
YOUR MENTAL RETARD SON.

I MEAN, IF I WAS YOU,
I PROBABLY WOULDN'T WANT
TO KNOW ME EITHER.

OH, AND I'M REAL SORRY

ABOUT NOT
PAYING ATTENTION

WHEN THAT BALL HIT ME.

YOU KNOW.

I WAS JUST LOOKING
TO SEE IF YOU WAS
AT THE GAME.

I GUESS
YOU WAS BUSY.

I UNDERSTAND, DAD.

AW, DAD...

YOU'VE COME
A LONG WAY, HOMER.

HOW ARE YOU?

I'M GOOD, MA.
HOW ARE YOU?

I TRIED TO PHONE YOU
WHEN HE DIED.

I WAS GOING TO SEND YOU
PLANE TICKETS.

MOM, YOU KNOW,
I REALLY BELIEVED--

I MEAN, I REALLY BELIEVED
THAT YOU WASN'T RICH

AND THAT YOU WANTED
THE BEST FOR ME.

OH, WE DO, HOMER.

I KNOW, UNTIL--
UNTIL YOU SAW THAT I
WASN'T GETTING NO BETTER.

AND THAT YOU NEVER
COULD BE PROUD OF ME.

AND THEN YOU SAID
"TO HELL WITH HIM,

"HE AIN'T OUR SON.

"HE AIN'T OUR SON.

"WHY DON'T WE JUST
LEAVE HIM DOWN THERE

AND FORGET ABOUT HIM?"

AND THAT'S WHAT YOU DID.

HOMER, WE LOVE YOU.

OH, MOM.

HOMER, I'D LIKE YOU COME
AND STAY AT THE HOUSE TONIGHT.

HMM?

WE CAN TALK ALL DAY
TOMORROW.

I'D REALLY LIKE THAT.

I DON'T KNOW, MA.

I DON'T THINK I'D
LIKE THAT SO MUCH.

DON'T...

DON'T HATE ME.

NO, I UNDERSTAND.

IT'S SO NICE,
THE THREE OF US
TOGETHER.

YEAH.

IT IS.

SEE YA, DAD.

[MARCHING BAND PLAYING]

WHAT'D YOUR MOTHER SAY?

SHE SAY WE COULD STAY?

NO.

NO.

NO?

REALLY?

NO.

SHE DON'T WANT ME.

THEY DIDN'T WANT ME
AT ALL.

EVERYTHING THEY SAY
IS...

IT'S JUST A BULL STORY.

IT'S JUST A BULL STORY.

HEY, MISTER,
DON'T CRY.

IT'S A PARADE.

HEY, COME ON.

DON'T TALK
TO STRANGERS.

HEY!

YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.

FOR WHAT?

I'M--I'M--I'M--I'M
JUST--JUST KIDDING.

YOU'RE--YOU'RE
HOMER LANZA, RIGHT?

YES.

WHO ARE YOU?

TOMMY DEARLY.

I WAS P-PITCHING
THAT DAY YOU GOT HIT

IN THE S-SIDE OF
THE HEAD WITH
THE B-BASEBALL.

OH, SURE,
I REMEMBER YOU NOW.

YOU KNOW, I'M
S-SORRY I HUNG

THAT CURVEBALL, MAN.

OHH.

THAT'S...

THAT'S OK.

SO, UH, WHAT HAVE
YOU BEEN DOING
WITH YOURSELF

ALL THESE YEARS?

OH, I'VE BEEN
WASHING DISHES.

GOOD. GOOD.

THIS IS MY GOOD FRIEND
EDDIE.

EDDIE, THIS IS ANOTHER
FRIEND OF MINE, TOMMY.

HOW--HOW--HOW ARE--

THIS IS MY BUDDY
B-B-BOBBY BANKS.

HE'S A FRIEND OF MINE
ON--ON--ON THE FORCE.

THERE'S A PARTY
GOING ON.

YEAH. HOMER, COME HERE.

THERE'S A PARTY GOING ON.
COME ON.

YEAH.

COME ON, LET'S GO
GET A BODYBUILDER, HUH?

HEY, UH, HOMER,

I'LL--I'LL S-SEE YA
T-TONIGHT!

[POLKA MUSIC PLAYING]

[WOMEN SINGING IN GERMAN]

JESSE!

JESSE!

HOMER!

JESSE!

HI.

HOMER, LONG TIME
NO SEE.

I HATE MATH.
I HATE MATH.

I HATED MATH.

WHO'S THIS?

MY LITTLE SISTER,
REMEMBER?

WOW, YOU'VE REALLY
GROWN UP.

BETSY, RIGHT?
BETSY.

[WOMEN SINGING IN GERMAN]

HEY, EDDIE,
LOOK AT MY FRIEND.

SEE? OH, COME HERE, HONEY.

SEE?
[APPLAUSE]

DON'T HE LOOK LIKE ME?
YES.

HUH?

HI.

CAN I HOLD HIM?

OH, PLEASE.

WHOOP.
[LAUGHS]

YEAH, THERE YOU GO.

OH, EDDIE, GUESS WHAT.

WHAT?

YOU KNOW JESSE,
MY FRIEND JESSE?

HIS FAMILY OWNS
A RESTAURANT,

AND HE SAID HE'S GONNA
GET ME A JOB THERE.

AND GET THIS.

I'M GONNA MAKE
25 CENTS AN HOUR MORE

THAN I DID BEFORE.

NOT BAD, HUH?

THAT'S GREAT.

THANK YOU.

THAT'S GREAT.

HEY, AND I THOUGHT
MAYBE WE'D GO TO CANADA,

YOU KNOW,
AND MESS AROUND,

YOU KNOW, GET IN SOME
TROUBLE OR SOMETHING.

I DON'T KNOW, EDDIE.

I THINK IT'S TIME FOR ME
TO GET BACK TO BUSINESS.

YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH?

IF I ASK JESSE,
I BET HE COULD GET
YOU A JOB THERE, TOO.

COME ON, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

SURE, HOMER.

YEAH?
YEAH.

GREAT.

DO YOU WANT TO DANCE
WITH ME, HOMER?

OK, BETSY,
THAT SOUNDS FUN.

COME ON.

I'LL SEE YOU IN A MINUTE.

YEAH.

I DON'T THINK
I KNOW HOW TO DO THIS.

SURE, HOMER.
JUST TRY IT.

1, 2, 3.
1, 2, 3.

THAT'S PERFECT.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[POLKA MUSIC PLAYS
IN BACKGROUND]

BOBBY?

HEY, EDDIE.

WANT TO DO ME
A FAVOR?

SURE.

GIVE THIS TO HOMER.

SURE.

THIS, TOO.

YOU TRUST ME
WITH ALL THIS?

DID YOU SEE
WHICH WAY SHE WENT?

SHE WENT THAT WAY,
HOMER.

JUST A SECOND AGO.

HEY, HOMER,
WHAT ABOUT THE SUITCASE?

$1.39.
YOU WANT A BAG?

NO, I DON'T NEED--
I DON'T NEED A BAG.

I GOT SOME, UM,
I GOT SOME...MONEY
HERE SOMEWHERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT,

I GAVE ALL MY MONEY
TO HOMER.

WELL, I GUESS YOU BETTER
GO SEE HOMER.

UH, SEE, I CAN'T.

THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANY MONEY.

SO YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANY MONEY,
SO THAT'S THAT.

I NEED THE ASPIRIN.

I REALLY NEED
THE ASPIRIN.

WELL, THAT'S--
THAT'S TOO BAD.

WHY DON'T YOU, UH,
GO OUT AND EARN SOME MONEY

AND THEN COME BACK.

I'VE GOT SOME CHANGE.

YOU KNOW WHAT,
I GIVE YOU A QUARTER,

YOU GIVE ME FOUR.

I GOT CHANGE.
I'LL GIVE YOU
A QUARTER FOR FOUR.

EDDIE.

LOOK, I GOT THE CHANGE.

I GOT--I CARRY CHANGE
ALL THE TIME.

I CARRY THE CHANGE
ALL THE TIME.

LOOK, UH, UM.
[CASH REGISTER OPENS]

[CHUCKLES]
YOU THINK...

I'M SORRY.

LOOK. LOOK, JUST TAKE IT,
FOR CHRIST'S SAKES.

JUST TAKE
THE GODDAMN MONEY, PLEASE.

TAKE IT.

TAKE IT!
TAKE IT!

AND GET THE FUCK
OUT OF HERE, WILL YOU, PLEASE?

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

NO!

EDDIE!

EDDIE, EDDIE, EDDIE.

EDDIE, YOU CAN'T DIE.

NO, EDDIE,
YOU CAN'T DIE.

COME ON, I'M GONNA TAKE
YOU TO THE HOSPITAL.

YES. YES, DON'T SAY
THAT, EDDIE.

DON'T SAY THAT.
YOU'RE GONNA LIVE.

BUT YOU ARE.
TRUST ME.

BELIEVE ME, I KNOW.

I CAN SAVE YOU.
I CAN.

NO, I CAN.
I CAN SAVE YOU.

I CAN OPERATE ON YOU
MYSELF, YOU KNOW THAT.

I'VE DONE IT FOR
THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE.

PUT ME DOWN, HOMER.

[GRUNTS] EDDIE.

OH, GOD, DON'T
LET THIS HAPPEN.

OH.

OH, PLEASE.
PLEASE STOP.

STOP, PLEASE.
I NEED SOME HELP.

PLEASE, I NEED
SOME HELP!

I'M SORRY, EDDIE.

[DRAGGING]

[WHISPERING]
Homer.

Homer, look.

I TOLD YOU IT WAS HIM.

I TOLD YOU IT WAS HIM.

[DRAGGING]

Man: SORRY ABOUT THAT FREAK.

GOD'S GONNA TAKE GOOD
CARE OF YOU, EDDIE.

* SO TELL, TELL, YEAH, WELL,
TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME *

* LIKE MY, MY, MY, OH, MY

* HOW I LOVE YOU

* JUST WHAT I THOUGHT
THAT IT COULD NEVER BE *

* YOU CAME ALONG FOR ME

* NO, NO, NO, NO,
WHOA, OH, NO, NO *

[BIRDS CAWING]

[HOME BY RICHIE HAVENS PLAYING]

* HOME

* IS WHERE I LONG TO BE

* HOME

* WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY

* HOME

* STAYS IN MY MEMORY

* OH, I WISH THAT I WAS HOME *

* HOME

* IS WHERE MY HEART IS

* HOME

* IS WHERE IT'S ALWAYS BEEN

* HOME

* WHERE SWEET MEMORIES LIVE

* OH, I WISH THAT I WAS HOME

* WHY DO WE WANDER
SO FAR AWAY *

* AND THEN THINK ABOUT IT
EVERY DAY? *

* I'M GOING BACK THERE SOON

* SOME SWEET DAY

* I ONLY HOPE EVERYTHING
IS STILL THE SAME *

* 'CAUSE HOME

* IS WHERE I LONG TO BE

* HOME

* WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY

* HOME

* STAYS IN MY MEMORY

* OH, I WISH THAT I WAS HOME

* HOW I WISH THAT
I WAS HOME *