Original subtitles

You're doing fine today.

Ah.

Oh!

My little angels are behaving themselves well today too.

I'm so glad.

Good morning, Alaric.

Up you come.

Come on, come on.

What a life you have.

The official lazy bones of the house.

I'm really so terribly sorry, sir. -

I broke a cup.

But it wasn't the good china.

May pay for it out of my salary.

The muse of tragedy isn't necessary, Maria.

Anybody can break a cup, it isn't even very original.

I'll replace it, sir.

You seem just a little nervous today.

Is something bothering you?

Talk it over, my dear, it's better, you know.

I'm always ready to give you my counsel.

You know I'd like you to think of me as your father.

I'm always ready, hmm?

You're too kind, sir.

Hmm.

Hmm?

Little birdie must be hungry.

Here you are, some toast.

There, isn't that delicious?

Poor dear.

Hmm.

Alaric.

Here.

Hmm, survival of the fittest.

You really are making far too much fuss of that cat.

Do you think so, my dear?

Certainly.

Anyway, we don't want the house full of feathers.

Do you think that feathers bring bad luck, is that it?

MmMmm.

Maria; Madame?

Ah, good morning to you, Maria.

Have you noticed that something seems to be amiss with her?

MmMmm.

One of the nails came out.

Our work was rather sloppy here.

It's only since our dear nephew and niece left us...

That Maria's become so suspicious.

And far too curious, too.

Such a shame.

It certainly is.

I often wonder why you were so unpleasant to us, the two of you.

Your uncle and I didn't deserve it.

We welcomed you into our home with open arms and open hearts.

We gave you everything you wanted.

As though you were our own...

Our own children.

We gave you everything you desired.

And you did nothing at all to deserve our love.

All you were interested in was our money.

You were ill-mannered.

Yes, very ill-mannered.

We really did love you.

Horrid little things.

Sooner or later, you're going to come to a very sticky end.

No use trying to run away.

Sooner or later, I'll find you.

Madam?

Oh.

It's you.

Oh, my poor back.

You sent for me, Madam?

My husband told me about your mother.

I'm so sorry.

He would hate losing you.

I do hope it won't be permanent.

I think so, Madam.

It's better for us all.

If you don't mind.

I'm so very sorry about all this.

But above all...

I'm so very sorry for you.

Yes, parasites should be eliminated.

I have to start doing housework again.

So...

I'm lucky, very lucky that Peter's here to give me a hand.

Listen, are you really sure about this place?

About how it's supposed to be so isolated and everything?

And about there's nobody there,

Just the old folks and the maid, that's all.

Worried?

Would it be so strange?

I don't feel like being in it up to my neck, do you?

Well, if you're thinking of backing out...

Come stay with me.

Let me tell you.

Doing impression: "If I ever heard the word..."

"Just to describe..."

"And he has been peeing in a lake."

"And my boss' wife worked there for years, fuck it."

And how long did you have to work her to get all the news?

A gentleman doesn't talk.

Right, that's why I asked you.

- Aw, son of a... - Woman: All you guys ever talk about is sex,

While I sit here starving to death.

OK, we'll stop in the next town to take on some supplies.

What about the good old supermarket?

- Good enough. - I'm ready.

Uh, the market's down there to the right.

Got that from the shoe maker's daughter.

What else did you get from her?

For god's sake, you two.

Woman: OK, I'll start.

Just like last time.

Move it.

Here we are.

Um, I was wondering whether you sold this type of women's underwear.

Um, no, I'm sorry, but...

We have many other kinds of things.

- Oh, do you? - Mm-hmm.

Well, actually, I was wondering...

- I was looking for a place... - Oh.

Called Torgiano.

- Uh, it's not far away at all. - I'm not sure.

It's about 60 kilometers from here.

- 60 kilometers, huh? - Yeah.

How long will that take us?

- Well, about, uh... - Oh, thanks.

You oughta make it in about half an hour.

- Not far. - Not far at all.

But you better watch out.

There's been a detour the last couple of weeks.

I hope we don't wind up in Cairo or somewhere.

Well, I haven't been out that way since Wednesday,

So I'm not sure it's still there.

But be on the lookout for it, huh?

Woman: Well, could you tell me more or less where it is?

And more or less where it'll take us to?

Shopkeeper: Well, let's take a look at that map of yours,

And I'll try to show you.

The detour's gonna take you around the lake here.

Well, it's really a reservoir.

Were all the girls as pretty as you around here?

I got work to do.

What was that?

Did you find what you were looking for?

Told you we wouldn't.

Didn't expect to find English products in a place like this.

Come on, let's go.

Well, you really explained that well.

I don't see how I can get lost.

Thanks very much, bye.

Bye.

Hey.

Sir?

We have some good English whiskey here.

My dear lady, Scotland is not England.

Toodle-doo.

Toodle up yours, too.

Come on, move it, they'll catch on.

Let's get out of here.

- Hold your horses. - Christ.

Oh, I wouldn't believe you were so stupid.

You couldn't have stolen anything else.

Nothing is ever nearly good enough for you, is it?

You've got all kinds of things.

Snacks, potato chips, oranges, nacho mix.

Potted meats, mixed pickles, what more do you want?

I wasn't talking to you.

Now what do you say?

Oh, Paul, lay off for god's sake.

Bang, bang!

Tell your idiot friend he's not being the slightest bit amusing.

He'll never change, will you?

Where'd you get it?

The market had a toy section.

Maybe it'll come in useful.

Hey kids, alert the control tower.

There's a stowaway on board.

What brings you to us, Cat?

How'd you get on board?

Stinking little beast.

God, you don't have feelings for anyone but yourself, do you?

Stowaways are keelhauled.

But I'll give you one chance.

You make your way out of the sack and you're OK.

Would you tell your friend to let the poor cat out of the bag?

Know what you could do?

You could mind your own damn business once in a while.

You really think that one cat more or one cat less...

Is gonna mean anything to anyone in this whole goddamn world?

Parasites must be intimidated.

I have arranged everything.

She broke too much and she knew too much.

Now she won't give us any more problems.

Fine.

There is, however, the problem of replacing her.

Yes.

This is the third time we've had to change our maid in just one year.

Hmm.

Who can that be?

Good morning, can I help you in any way?

We're just checking, ma'am.

We saw your gate open and thought it looked a little bit strange.

Is anything the matter?

Oh no, it's nothing.

It's just an electrical fault.

It happened just this morning.

Glad to hear that.

I'll see that it's repaired immediately.

Just one thing.

This villa's a bit too isolated.

You should get a burglar alarm.

Really?

Thank you, I'll speak to my husband.

Pleasure.

- Thank you, good bye. - Goodbye, ma'am.

Hey, did you see that?

Whoever they are, they must be loaded.

Millions.

Nothing for us to worry about.

Uh, very nice young men.

However, Peter,

I think it would be better if you repaired the gate before evening.

God, aren't we ever gonna get there?

Didn't that guy say it was only half an hour or so?

We've been going since two.

We're almost there.

A left past this village and then 2 more kilometers.

Woman: Well, when you see a likely place, stop.

I have to take a pee.

Old man: Feeling a bit under the weather today, aren't we, my precious?

Well, your father will soon have you fit again.

And back in fighting trim.

Hmm?

He knows exactly the medicine you need.

Now don't forget no more wicked little tricks, eh?

I'll let you be with your little brother for a while.

Now stay well and don't worry father.

Hmm.

You really were such ingrates.

It pains me to think how happy we could have been together.

Me, Sara, the two of you and my adorable watches and clocks.

Life is so sad.

When you think you've found something beautiful and worthwhile, what happens?

You have to give it up.

Here. It'll do us all good.

Hey, hey, save some for your old buddy.

Enjoy a nice long sleep, cat.

Here. There should be a little left.

Thanks.

Should be a little left for me, too.

It's nice.

Hey.

Lady and gentlemen, here we are.

That's the house? You sure?

You know it.

Pretty sweet, I'd say.

The gatekeeper's daughter told me about it.

Well, today has certainly flown by. It's evening already.

I do hope we can find another maid quickly.

I don't want you tiring yourself.

Oh, don't worry about it.

Now and again, I like to prepare the supper myself.

That wretched thing again.

We're not expecting anybody.

Could it be those police officers again?

All we can do is answer it and find out.

Yes?

Oh, I'm so sorry to bother you.

But my car's broken down.

And I can't get it to start.

Would it be possible to use your telephone?

I'll open the gate. Come in.

This way, please, miss.

I apologize for the modesty of my house.

Oh, but it's beautiful, really.

Hmm.

I'm glad you like it. We're very fond of it.

Oh, come in, my dear.

This young lady's car broke down,

And she needs to use our telephone.

This is my wife, Sara.

Uh, pleased to meet you.

My name's Diana.

I'm sorry to disturb you, but I thought I was lost.

I was lucky my car broke down near your house.

You know, the zone's quite isolated.

Young girls shouldn't drive around the countryside alone.

It's a terrible habit, really.

They aren't able to cope with all the emergencies that might arise.

It's lucky that you came when you did, though.

In a quarter of an hour, we would have let the dogs out.

Oh, excuse me.

I have to run back to the kitchen.

Or everything will burn.

Victor, darling, show her where the telephone is.

Of course, dear. This way.

I suppose you collect clocks, don't you?

They're just like children for me.

Do you like them?

Oh, they're beautiful.

But you have so many of them.

I've been collecting them for 70 years now.

The two of you live all alone in this big house.

Yes, unfortunately.

And your... your children,

They don't live with you?

Ah, my dear, we have no children.

That was my nephew and his wife.

Why do you say "were," may I ask?

Because they've left us.

It's as though they were dead for us, I'm afraid.

Well, you must miss them a lot.

Yes, very much.

Ah, the telephone's over here.

Thank you.

I found it.

There it is.

I have some friends in this area.

It won't take long.

Take as long as you like, please.

In the meantime, I'll set another plate for you at the table.

Go ahead. Cut the wire.

No, really, you must have a bite with us. We insist.

Oh, I don't know what to say.

You've been so kind already.

I'd hate to put you out any further.

Nonsense, young lady.

That's the signal.

- She opened the window, and they're alone the house. - Right.

Old woman: And you'll be depriving Victor of the chance of admiring a very pretty face.

Which is something he does admire greatly.

Almost as much as his collection.

My husband is convinced that his clocks know him and understand him.

Don't move!

I said stay where you are, or you'll be sorry.

Take just one step, and I'm not responsible for what might happen!

But...

If you stay where you are...

You won't get hurt.

Better drop it or your brains go.

I'm not fooling.

Move just one muscle, and I'll blast all three of you.

No, Sara!

Oh, my god!

You killed her!

You killed my Sara!

Tony!

No!

Paul, what have you done?

He would have killed you, Tony.

Diana, Diana, darling, don't cry.

It's alright. Don't cry.

Tony!

What is it?

Tony, come here.

Stay there.

He's still alive.

Not for very much longer.

Let's grab a few things and get the hell out of here.

I wish we'd never come to this place.

Tony...

Shame it stopped. Hmm.

Here, this is for you.

It's a beautiful ring.

Hey.

Please, could we go?

OK, we'll go.

Come on.

Come on.

That's enough. Let's get out of here.

Yeah, right.

Watch out!

Get back!

Great.

Now we've got no chance.

We'll have to wait until they go.

Oh, my god, please.

Look, we could at least take advantage of the situation.

Come on, let's get some rest.

No, Tony, please don't make me go back.

I'm not going back, please.

Come on.

Tony.

The clocks have all stopped.

Look.

So what?

Ah, Christ!

We'll put these two in the bathroom.

Yeah.

Let's go.

I thought they were all dead.

You must have been mistaken.

Let's go.

There are some rooms up here.

I think we could all use a bit of shut-eye, huh?

Come on.

This way.

No...

Son of a bitch.

- Feeling better? - Mm-hmm.

Those damn dogs were all we needed, right?

Yeah, right.

I can't find my lighter.

Must have dropped it.

Here.

Here, be careful.

It's the last match.

Good shit, huh?

I needed that.

Feel better already?

Do us a favor, Paul.

Leave us alone, OK?

You can roll yourself another joint.

Why can't I stay with you?

I don't want to hit by myself.

Oh, come on. You could find another room close by.

We won't be that far.

Do we have to spell it out for you?

Yeah, hey, really.

There are times, you know.

Would you move it?

OK.

OK, I'll go.

And don't forget to shut the door, huh?

Yes, sir.

Do one for me.

What do you think?

Is he jealous of me?

Probably.

Maybe he's just afraid.

He's insane.

He's mad.

He's...

Diana: Oh yeah.

Slut.

The table.

My lighter.

The blood's disappeared.

Tony?

Tony!

Tony, is that you?

Ghostly voices: Come to us. Paul, Come this way.

Tony, Tony wake up.

- Wake up, I heard a gunshot. - Hmm?

A gunshot.

It's not possible.

We cut the wires.

Paul!

It came from downstairs.

Paul, where are you?

Paul!

He's not here.

Paul?

For god's sake, where are you?

Paul?

Paul: Help! Help!

Paul?

Paul?

- Paul: For god's sake, help! - Where are you?

Paul?

Christ.

The table.

What's going on here?

Huh?

Diana!

Tony look, the table.

Everything's back in its place.

It doesn't make any sense.

And look, the bloodstains are gone.

Oh, Tony, I'm so scared.

What's going on here?

Paul's disappeared.

And he wouldn't have cleaned up the mess anyway.

And the body's not in the closet anymore.

The gun's gone.

I get the feeling...

That the shot we heard wasn't a dream after all.

Listen, just stay here and don't move.

Tony.

Tony.

Children.

Children.

Sara: Young lady.

It's beautiful, Diana.

That ring suits you very well.

It complements your fair skin and your lovely eyes.

You certainly have good taste.

Don't worry.

I will help you to take it off.

Tony!

Tony!

Thank you.

Tony! Oh god!

What happened?

- What happened? - The young lady was kind enough to...

Give me a lovely ring.

It's impossible.

They're gonna kill us.

Victor: Anyone can break a cup, my dear.

Sara: Parasites must be eliminated.

Victor: You didn't do anything to deserve our love.

Sara: We gave you everything you wanted.

- Maybe we can get out that way. - Uh-huh.

Here, hold the lighter.

OK.

Come on.

Paul!

Tony, please help me.

I'm dying.

Oh my god.

What happened?

The bastard shot me.

I knew you'd never betray me, children.

But it's already daylight.

It can't be.

It's three o'clock in the morning.

It should be dark outside.

Maybe your watch is wrong.

No way.

Excuse me.

I just saw...

I just saw two policemen.

They're coming up to the house.

How did they get in?

How soon will they be here?

In about a minute.

What should we do?

Ask what they came to the house for.

Good morning, ma'am.

Good morning.

Can I help you in any way?

We're just checking, ma'am.

We saw your gate open and thought it looked a little bit strange.

Is anything the matter?

Oh no, it's nothing.

It's just an electrical fault.

It happened just this morning.

Glad to hear that.

I'll see that it's repaired immediately.

Just one thing.

The villa's a bit too isolated.

You should get a burglar alarm.

Really?

Thank you. I'll speak to my husband.

Pleasure.

Thank you again.

Goodbye, ma'am.

Goodbye.

Whoever they are, they must be loaded.

Loaded.

It went well?

Yes.

Everything's alright.

What did they want?

You know, the gate was open.

But didn't you tell me that Peter had fixed it?

Yes.

Ah, they were the same police, not from 12 hours ago, the very same ones.

12 hours?

- Oh... - Such precious dears.

Excuse me, sir.

I fixed the gate opening mechanism.

Good.

Now we can concentrate on the children.

Surely.

Tony?

Huh? What is it?

I hear someone talking to someone.

There! Those two cops!

- Hey, you! - Help!

- Hey! - Get us out of here!

- Police! - Help me, please!

We're in here!

Oh my god.

Paul.

Tony.

Tony!

My hand!

It's not possible.

Oh my God, what's that?

Diana: Oh god, oh god!

Diana: Tony, get me out of here, please!

They must be in that little room down there.

Come on! Move it!

Paul: Give me a hand!

I can't make it by myself!

Paul: Help me, Tony!

For God's sake, help me!

Paul: Someone please help me.

Paul: No!

Paul!

Paul!

Paul!

Paul!

Tony!

Tony, help me!

Come back!

Tony!

Tony!

No, no!

Paul: No!

No!

Come on, let's get out of here.

Diana!

Help me!

Help me!

Give me your hand!

Hurry!

Pull!

Pull!

Don't stop!

Oh god, Tony!

Tony!

What?

What?!

Oh Christ!

Hurry!

Get out of here, get out of here!

Run, go!

Oh god!

Victor: I think the girl has gone into the chapel.

Sara: I might have known.

Dear old Uncle Victor.

I'm afraid your precious clocks aren't going to be of much use to you this time!

Darling Aunt Sara...

Bitch.

I've dreamed away a lifetime waiting for the moment I could do this to you.

Tony.

- Hey, she finally woke up, huh? - Tony!

Hey, hey, what's wrong?

You need affection?

I think that's it.

Huh?

Hug me, Tony, hug me hard.

Did it ever occur to you that there might be others who need affection too?

Aw.

You sure you're feeling okay, huh?

Never felt better.

OK, come on, let's go.

We sort of decided not to knock over that house.

What do you think?

That's how I feel.

We really passed out like rocks.

That joint did us in.

Diana: Tell the truth, Paul.

What the hell did you put in that joint?

Whiskers from that damn cat.

Three gross of toad tails, burned hangman's noose,

And vitamin E.

You know, Paul and I had the same dream.

Hmm.

No, I'm serious.

I mean, it was incredible.

It was the same, right down to the last detail.

A nightmare.

I won't even tell it to you.

It was just too damn scary.

Believe me, we did the right thing leaving that house alone.

Hey, there.

What's the matter?

Diana: Let me ask you something.

Were there a lot of clocks in this dream you guys had?

Thank you, Maria.

I'm afraid the toast got a bit burned.

We happen to like it.

We're just like Uncle Victor and Aunt Sara.

Aren't we, Simon darling.

Oh, yes we are.

- Maria? - Yes, sir?

What do you need?

Would you like a bite too?

Thank you. It's something I'd appreciate.

Good. I'm glad.

So sit and have a little of your toast with us.

You're part of our loving family, too.

- Isn't she? - Mm-hmm.

I'll go get a cup, then.

- A good one. - Mmm.

My darling.

I think we'd better see soon about fixing up the chapel.

We have some terribly important guests.

Do you think they'll be offended?

Being put in together with the gardener like that?

Oh, no, please.

I put poor old Peter in Maria's grave, my dear.

Oh, good.

Now, look. It's not possible that... that...

Well all three of us have the same dream.

It is strange.

I mean, I dreamt that I was being chased by that old hag.

You know, the aunt.

And she tore my hand apart with a dagger to get her ring back.

Then this other guy was chasing me all over the place.

Inside the house, out in the grounds. He was trying to kill me.

The tall one, half blind.

You know, the gardener.

What? Ah!

No, really. No, really. Look.

My throat was being cut by a chainsaw.

- Some kind of imagination. - Much obliged.

Look. I dreamt that this woman came up out of the ground.

With flesh hanging all over her.

- Ooh, fun. - Yuck.

Tony: Anyway, this broad was armed with a very nasty, very long,

Very sharp pointed wooden pole.

Which she kindly drove through my stomach.

It was like a film thing, you know, a zombie.

Hey, you guys. We're forgetting the rotting corpses.

What?

The rotting corpses. Did you see them?

The rotting corpses. Did you see any?

Uh-uh.

Oh.

Dum-dum.

Paul: Anyway, aside from all the rest of it,

I dreamt that the two of you had given me the bum's rush.

And I was scared out of my mind.

To make things worse, I'd lost my lighter.

And couldn't even relax with a joint of good stuff.

But when I came upstairs to ask for a match,

You were too busy with a "business meeting" to take any notice of the poor old me.

But the real worst part about it was that I was actually jealous of the girl.

The girl of my best friend.

Now look, cut it out. Now really, really,

It's not possible that we all had the same dream.

Why not?

Let's not worry about it anymore.

It's the damn cat that's bringing us bad luck.

Come on, throw it out.

Throw it, throw it.

No.

Do whatever you like.

It's still alive!

- What? Oh, my god! - No way can it be alive!