Original subtitles

-? Look up there ? -? What do you see? ?

? Nature and stuff ?

-? Like a rock ? -? And a tree ?

? Oh, the Great North ?

? Way up here, you can breathe the air ?

? Catch some fish ?

? Or gaze at a bear ?

? Wow ?

? Oh, the Great North ?

? Here we live, oh, oh ?

? Here we'll stay, oh, whoo ?

? From longest night to longest day ?

? In the Great North. ?

[cheering]

[Beef] So, why don't we start

with a quick recap of this evening's events,

shall we, Moonathan?

I've never been one for dwelling on the past.

But if it'd make you feel better, sure.

Tonight I let you host a school night sleepover

because you said you and your friends had, quote,

"a buttload of studying" to do.

I believe I said ass-load, but go on.

Then, at midnight, I was yanked

out of a perfect dream in which I was

a medieval blacksmith's apprentice,

-[shrieking] -by the horrific sounds of

of owls devouring red squirrels.

Ah, the circle of life.

And these sounds were coming

-from your room. -[shrieks]

Aah! Ow.

Before I could even process the chaos,

-I received a call from Chief Edna -[phone rings]

informing me that you and your friends

had snuck out of the house.

At which point, Russell...

-Aah! -apparently broke his arm.

[Moon] Hairline fracture.

[Beef] And instead of waking me

so I could take him to the hospital,

-you snuck the Zamboni out -[whooping]

and went on a joyride around town,

clipping four car mirrors,

obliterating the town's topiary garden,

and crushing Lone Moose's first food delivery robot.

[robot whimpers]

[Beef] That last part I'm actually okay with.

Look, Dad, why don't I offer you a standard apology

and repayment offer?

It's not about the money.

This is the third such incident

of wild disobedience this month.

Just last week I had to confiscate

your novelty prank diarrhea.

I hope it's given you some chuckles.

It has not.

Moon, while you are far and away

my most mature progeny,

tonight I find myself saying,

for the first time in your life,

-you are grounded. -[gasps]

Grounded? Like some sort of child?

Or root vegetable?

Exactly like a child or root vegetable.

-For how long? -For the foreseeable future.

Some level of rebellion is natural,

but as your father, I have to offer you consequences.

Offer rejected.

Getting older should mean more freedom.

That's what being an adult is.

You get to do whatever you want all the time.

[laughs] Adults get to do whatever they want.

Now, that brings me some chuckles.

[Wolf] Oh yeah,

humans can live for up to a week

after their head is cut off,

as long as they don't see their reflection

and know their head was cut off.

Babe, that is absolutely not true.

Ooh! Look at that condenser.

That bad boy could sure crisp my vegetables.

Awoogah!

Oh, my God, are you guys still watching

-those refrigerator videos? [Judy] Um,

are we still watching videos

about Lil' Frosty brand mini-fridges,

the latest trend dominating VidVok

and driving us insane with jealousy?

Yes.

Did you know that Timoth�e Chalamet

uses his tiny fridge to store his eye creams

and his Chalamet brand Iced Timo-t�as?

Why on earth would I know that?

Dad, any chance you've, uh, changed your mind

about loaning us each 400 bucks

to get mini-fridges for our rooms?

I have not. We have a refrigerator.

It's called the outdoors.

We also have a refrigerator called the refrigerator.

-Ugh, fine. -Aw, so close.

Hey. where's Moon?

He's mad at me because I grounded him,

so he is walking to school.

He also declined a Pop-Tart

and my standard "have a great day."

Can I have his "have a great day"?

Sure, son. Have a great day.

What a rush!

[Russell] Well,

I got punished pretty bad.

I'm not allowed to watch my mom's boyfriend Jamie

play Xbox for a whole month.

And my mom punished me

by throwing out all my horror movies.

She's been looking for an excuse to get rid of them.

She thinks watching them exacerbates my sleep-tunneling,

but it's not true. I just dig tunnels in my sleep randomly.

Ugh! And I have to "help out with chores"

and "think about what I did."

Moon, anything to add to the conversation, punishment-wise?

Grounded. Indefinitely.

-[gasps] -Whoa.

So why do you seem so calm?

Because only a kid can be grounded.

And by sundown I will no longer be a child

in the eyes of the law.

[gasps] Did you find a Zoltar machine?

Better. I found out that there's an old Lone Moose law

that lets kids ten and older legally become adults.

The law was put in place to recruit more nimble-fingered

child fish-canning factory workers

to move to town, and it worked. Even in the 1800s,

brutal factory work was preferable

to the tyrannical yoke of parents.

And today, after school, I'm getting emancipated.

Oh, come on, it can't be that easy.

The Internet doesn't lie, Henry.

Well, even if it is true, you'd never have the guts

to do it 'cause- no offense-

you're a stupid coward.

Remember, I said no offense.

None taken.

Anyway, you guys want to sign my cast?

My mom says nothing political.

Moon, before you begin shouting, let me assure you

the town still doesn't have money

for a King Stallion attack helicopter.

Uh, I'm actually here on a more urgent matter.

-Oh, boy. -There comes a time

in a boy's life when he's had enough

of parental overreach.

And so I'm filing the paperwork for

emancipation.

-Okay. -Let me guess.

There's tons of red tape

and I'll need Dad's permission.

Nope. You just sign the paperwork,

pay three dollars, and you're good to go.

Then, with the power vested in you by the state of Alaska,

I now pronounce me an adult.

Hello, Moon. How was school?

I'm gonna stop you right there, Beef.

I have an announcement.

I've filed emancipation papers at town hall

and I'm now officially an adult.

Therefore, your prior punishment is now null and also void.

Uh, yuh-oh, hit the deck, Dad's gonna burst.

-Okey doke. -[all gasp] -What?

Okay, I did not see that coming.

For the record, you were a fairly good parent

and I'm happy to write you a letter of recommendation.

Thank you.

Wait, what does this all mean?

Can Moon ground us now?

That's irrelevant.

Because this adult right here- me- is also

-moving out. -[all gasp]

I have an appointment to view Delmer's guest cabin,

which he rents out via AlaskaBnB.

The one right next to our property?

The very same.

Then let us part ways as men.

Please communicate my forwarding address to Santa.

I'll see you all at the family reunion.

As you'll see, there's a toilet and a television.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Very nice.

There's also a basement. Please don't touch

the porcelain Smurf figurines I keep down there. I'll know.

The rent is 500 a month.

-But for friends and family...? -Five even.

What if I throw in one surrogate grandson dinner a week,

with a hair ruffle and unlimited "attaboys"?

Let's say 490.

Attaboy.

Uh, Dad, just a thought- if Moon gets to move out,

can Ham and I rent out his room on AlaskaBnB

and use the money for our fridges? It's only fair!

-Okey doke. -[whoops] -Yes!

I'm finally a landlord.

With the understanding it will be

entirely your responsibility.

Wow, I can't believe our minutes-long dream

of renting Moon's room out is finally coming true.

Okay, this is chaos. What is your dad up to?

Oh, he's doing that thing where he lets you

make a bad decision and then see how it plays out.

Like when I ate nothing but meatballs

for two months and one came back up out my mouth.

And it was still perfectly round.

Oof. And then you learned your lesson?

Nope. 'Cause it turned out it was actually

a huge brown marble I had also swallowed on a dare.

How did you stay alive long enough to meet me?

Well, technically, I was pronounced dead

for three minutes in high school.

But I pulled through.

All right. With delivery,

it comes to 43 bucks.

Keep the change.

Oh, thank you for the 44 dollars.

Ah.

I'm home.

Now, time to do whatever the hell I want.

[Ham] Come on in, Mr. Scramps.

Oh, please, call me Pernell.

This is the room you'll be renting.

And if you need anything,

just use these complimentary dinosaur walkie-talkies.

As your hosts, we are full service,

-at your beck and call. -Your every wish is our command.

Huzzah! What a perfectly charming space.

Fortune favors me this evening.

We'll get out of your hair. Oh!

Lordy, lordy, do I spy an accordy?

You have a great eye, young lady.

Are you in town for a concert?

Uh, no. I'm actually planning to break the Guinness world record

for non-stop accordion play.

That's why I needed the room.

I couldn't do it at home in Talkeetna

or my wife Rooster would divorce me.

How long is the current record?

-Three days. -[doorbell rings]

Sorry I'm late.

Hey! Now, who's this guy?

Meldrick Withers, official Guinness Witness,

pleased to meet you. And you.

-Salutations, bearded sir. -No, thank you.

-I'm not involved. -Very well.

Meldrick is here to verify that I don't stop playing

for even one second once I start.

Oh, so he'll also be here

-for three days? -Yes indeedy,

but I do not require accommodations, young man.

I've been trained by the Guinness organization

to stay awake for days at a time.

If he's playing, I'm witnessing.

-Shall we begin? -We shall.

And your time starts... now!

Let me show you to our room, good sir.

Absolutely. I'll follow along

-just so. -Boy, oh, boy, I do like

climbing a good set of stairs.

[Meldrick] Oh, it's perfect for the calves.

Huh. You can really still hear it, huh?

Sort of cuts through the walls. But he's good.

The only thing I'm hearing is the low, beautiful hum

of a tiny, high-end fridge

with the ability to make exactly one ice cube.

-[whoops] -[aggressive punk music playing]

[grunts]

[announcer] Tonight, on When Nature

Says "Na-Uh-Uh": a raccoon with a gun.

Mmm. Dee-sgusting.

-[gunshot on TV] -[laughs]

-[racoon snarling on TV] -That raccoon did have a gun.

[accordion playing in distance]

[loudly] Any trouble sleeping last night?

[chuckles] Nothing but. Didn't get a wink.

Same. But worth it.

-For the fridge. -For the fridge.

Got to have that fridge.

I finished my rendering for my architecture elective.

What do we think?

Looks great.

And I just finished my English essay.

What do we think?

Wonderful!

-[school bell rings] -[Russell] Wow.

So, you spent the whole night in a house

all by yourself? With no parents?

How did you know when bedtime was?

My body decided.

And it passed out around 3:00a.m.

Aren't you tired?

Nothing a Mountain Dew Code Red couldn't fix.

I love Mountain Dew but my mom

says it makes me unparentable.

Welp, I have a conference with Mrs. Hill

about Moon's recent math grades.

Gonna tell her I'll handle it at home.

I wonder if Moon would adopt me.

[sighs] I'll have what he's having.

Ah, another perfect day of adulthood.

Take that, Dad. I mean Beef.

[kids laughing in distance]

What the hell are those kids doing on my lawn?

Guess who else got emancipated!

He's too stupid to guess. It's us.

Moon, I can't believe I'm admitting it,

but this is incredible.

Look at my hermit crabs just walking around.

They're so much happier.

You think that's good? Check this out.

Open your mouths.

-Forecast calls for Skittles. -Ah... -Mmm.

Little dusty, but that's how I like- [coughing]

Mmm! This is the life.

What do you guys want to watch next?

-Chainsaw Surgeon? -[doorbell rings]

Doug's Nugs. Got a 400-piece nuggets tower

with a 15-sauce dip flight for Debbie.

Pay the Doug, Moon.

Oh, man, I'm not Doug, but thank you.

Uh, sure.

I-I guess I can get it this time. Then next time,

-you can- -My mom would never let me order this.

Mmm. 'Cause she knows... Mmm.

I'd eat till I got so sick.

Well, she ain't here.

Henry, crank up the screams,

and let's chug these nugs.

[Russell vomiting]

Russell, you okay in there?

-[Russell] I got so sick. -Can I get you some water?

[Russell] Maybe just a cup of the ranch dip.

-Russell, do you have nugs in there? -[Russell chewing]

-No. -Stop eating.

[Russell] When I'm sick, my Mom always

tells me a Russell adventure.

-Can you tell me one? -Uh...

-[Russell] Please? -Fine.

Uh, once upon a time, there was a brave Russell

who wanted to go to Mars...

[Russell] My mom already did Mars.

-Russell, stop eating nuggets. -[Russell] No!

[vomiting]

[accordion playing in distance]

[phone vibrates]

Principal Gibbons.

Let me guess- all of my children

have fallen asleep at school?

[gasps] How'd you know?

Oh, I see.

Your plan is the old "give 'em what they want

and let 'em learn the hard way."

Indeed. Some lessons I provide,

some are provided by the universe.

Oh, Moon's waking up. Hey, Moon.

[yawns] Sorry.

It took forever to get Russell down last night.

Cherish these moments. They fly by.

[accordion playing]

So, does the accordion not have a volume knob?

My crazy uncle played ceaselessly when I was a child,

so I barely notice it,

but why don't we go down to Maude's for dinner tonight?

-Yep, get me out of here. -Great idea.

-Oh, hell yeah. -Oh, no, not you two.

Since this is your lodger,

you'll have to stay behind and see to his supper.

[chuckles] Right.

You know what?

I think maybe I'll go outside

and put icicles in my ears,

and maybe that'll kill me,

and there's no accordions in Heaven.

Nope, they are all in hell.

This next ditty is from James Buchanan's inauguration.

Ooh, that's one of my favorite inaugurations.

I hardly even feel like I'm witnessing.

[laughs] Get a job you love,

and you'll never work a day in your life.

Guys, we had a lot of fun

shaking and opening the sodas last night,

but I was wondering if we could, uh...

And I guess I have my answer.

Well, I'm a little tired, so I'm gonna turn in early.

Sounds dumb, but okay. We're just gonna watch

Magician Mortician 2: Stabba-Cadabra

and then probably Mallory Machete Five:

The Return of Mallory.

Okay. Well, I trust your judgement.

Have a good night.

Uh, I have a hangnail.

Where are the knives?

-[knock on door] -[gasps]

Moon, come with me.

-[grunting] -Looks like your friend

is sleep-tunneling.

-Must have hit a pipe. -Henry. Henry, wake up.

Mallory Machete is coming!

Keep digging, everybody. No one dies underground!

Thank you, young man,

for assisting me with my oral hygiene.

[exhales] We aim to please.

And then aim to freeze when we get those fridges.

And he's... still playing.

Okay, you know, y-you don't have to keep announcing that.

-Oh, I don't mind. -[phone rings]

Oh, that's me. Now, young lady.

-Hm? -[Pernell] Could you perhaps remove my phone

from my front shirt pocket and hold it up to my ear?

-Mm-hmm... -Pernell Scramp speaking.

Oh, hello, darling.

Yes, I have time to talk through

our insurance policies at length.

No, of course I don't mind holding while you shower.

And he's... still playing!

[grumbles]

Uh, Moon, we're sitting over here.

And I'm sitting over here, where I can think about

how much money I had to pay my landlord last night

for the pipe my friend destroyed.

I was technically sleeping, so you can't be mad.

I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed.

All right,

I have my surrogate grandson dinner engagement

with Delmer tonight.

In my absence, I need you

to follow a few simple rules.

[gasps] You take that back!

I understand your reaction

but, given last night's events,

we don't want to risk damaging any more property

and getting kicked out of our kids paradise.

Ugh, fine, what are these dumb rules?

One: do not let Russell eat any nuggets.

Two: no tunnel-inducing horror movies for Henry,

which leads directly to rule three:

just stay in the house.

Ugh, how come I don't get my own rule?

Because I'm afraid of you.

Now, here is $20 for pizza.

Uh... [clears throat] Point of clarification.

May I get nuggets on the pizza?

Please refer to rule one.

I will see you all in two hours.

Wow, so

that's how MASH ended?

Yeah. Audiences were more sophisticated back then.

Huh. It sure is great to have dinner with another adult.

Attaboy. Next week, I'll tell you

about the new changes to my Medicare.

Can't wait.

-[whistling a tune] -[rock music playing in distance]

-[laughs] -[whoops]

You have got to be fudging kidding me.

Why are there live lobsters crawling around?!

And why is there a hole in the floor?

My hermit crabs were lonely.

And the party theme was Stranger Things.

This hole leads to the Upside Down.

Great news, though- we didn't break any rules on your list.

Did you break Delmer's Smurfs?

[Russell] Well, the first one was 'cause

we thought there was chocolate inside.

And the rest because we were mad

that there wasn't chocolate inside.

I just had to forfeit my entire security deposit last night

because of your sleep-tunneling

and you still decided to make a hole in the floor?

I don't understand! We just

had a conversation about this.

[clattering]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

You ordered nuggets again?

That was on the rule list!

I'm sorry. I have a problem.

I think I wanted to get caught.

This is... this is... You're all grounded!

-Indefinitely! -You can't do that.

You're not our dad.

-Or our mom's boyfriend Jamie. -Ugh!

Fine! Suit yourselves. I'm going out for a drink.

-[clattering in distance] -[accordion playing in distance]

[Moon] Stupid Henry. Stupid Russell.

-Stupid hermit crabs. -Moon?

Hello.

-Hey. Sorry if I woke you up. -That's okay.

I'm just surprised to see you. It's pretty late,

and you don't live here anymore.

Couldn't sleep at my place.

Something on your mind?

Yeah. Lots.

I heard your friends moved in with you.

How's that going?

Eh, not great.

I mean, we had it in our hands,

-a paradise. -Uh-huh.

But then they just wouldn't listen.

Even when it was for their own good.

How the hell do you do it, Dad?

Well, it's up and down, even for me.

Perhaps you're aware that

one of my sons moved out this week?

Yeah, uh, I'm kind of here to apologize for that.

Oh. Go on.

I thought being an adult meant doing whatever you want,

and it was, at first,

but once you have some kids living with you,

it's not total freedom.

It's more like...

The crushing weight of responsibility

with intermittent bursts of freedom-slash-alcohol,

followed by more crushing weight.

And once in a while, a Father's Day card.

And then you try to make a few rules for your own sanity,

but they do not like that.

[laughs] It's not just for my sanity.

It's because it's my job to prepare you for the adult world.

And the world has rules, so we do, too.

I get that now. Sorry I was a total ass.

I was gonna say butt.

But, uh, apology accepted.

Boy, I'd like to be a kid again,

but I don't think I can.

I mean, the paperwork is binding.

I'm pretty sure we can get Peppers

to look the other way on this one.

-Thanks, Dad. -[accordion continuing]

-Is someone playing the accordion? -Yeah.

-Judy and Ham's tenant. -Ugh, those two.

You really got your hands full.

That's it! I can't take another second of this!

Get out and take Satan's squash box with you!

If you don't stop playing right now,

I will murder you to death!

Oh, why, you can stop anytime, Pernell.

You actually broke the record eight hours

-and two seconds ago. -[both gasp]

-Three seconds ago. -What?!

-Four seconds ago. -Oh, okay, damn you to hell.

Get your fingers off those flippin' keys, my man.

Okay, okay. Just please don't hurt me, good, sir.

[gasps] The quiet.

It's glorious.

-[snoring] -Buckle up, Pernell.

You're a world record holder now.

Everything is about to change for you.

[Honeybee] Welp, looks like everything's

back to normal around here, huh?

Yep. Almost like Dad planned it that way.

I don't know what you're talking about, son.

Now, would anyone like to give up their Saturday leisure time

to help Moon and I glue hundreds

of Smurf figurines back together?

-Oh, Smurf yeah. -I'm in. -Can we do it in pure silence?

You bet your ass we can.

[Russell] ? The sun dips down below the ground ?

? The stars fill up the sky ?

? Brave Russell jumps up upon his steed ?

? And waves to his mom's ?

? Boyfriend Jamie goodbye ?

? He laughs right in the face of fear ?

? He never does surrender ?

? For his quest each night will save the world... ?

? He'll fight a dragon, save a cat ?

? His muscles so strong from his bedtime snack ?

? He's the bravest brave boy that ever did endeavor ?

? On a brave, brave big boy... ?

Mom, Jamie, I'm scared!

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Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0