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1
00:00:02,244 --> 00:00:07,064
?
2
00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:10,559
Woman on radio:
Robbery in progress.
3
00:00:10,727 --> 00:00:12,410
Mitchell Flute:
Detective Flute is on it,
4
00:00:12,504 --> 00:00:15,730
Detective...Mitchell Flute.
5
00:00:15,824 --> 00:00:17,507
[Engine revving, tires screech]
6
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:19,901
[Siren]
7
00:00:20,012 --> 00:00:22,161
Mitchell: Hey, dispatch,
sure got a sweet voice.
8
00:00:22,255 --> 00:00:23,922
You new?
Dispatch: Don't bother, Flute.
9
00:00:24,016 --> 00:00:26,183
I've been warned that
you are quite the ladies' man.
10
00:00:26,410 --> 00:00:27,592
Mitchell: I don't know
who told you that,
11
00:00:27,686 --> 00:00:29,761
but your eyes sure sound
beautiful.
12
00:00:29,855 --> 00:00:32,414
Dispatch: Nice try, but--
wait. Why am I naked?
13
00:00:32,507 --> 00:00:33,857
Mitchell: I'll tell you
over breakfast.
14
00:00:34,026 --> 00:00:36,509
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I got to slide across a hood
15
00:00:36,753 --> 00:00:39,011
and knock a guy out
with one punch.
16
00:00:39,180 --> 00:00:41,940
[Tires screech]
17
00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:44,426
[Man gasps]
Mitchell: Uh!
18
00:00:44,553 --> 00:00:46,778
[Person clapping]
19
00:00:46,872 --> 00:00:48,038
Man: Well done.
20
00:00:48,207 --> 00:00:49,781
Mitchell: Can I help you
with something?
21
00:00:49,858 --> 00:00:51,600
Man: I could use someone
like you
22
00:00:51,693 --> 00:00:53,451
in my secret
crime fighting organization.
23
00:00:53,620 --> 00:00:54,861
Mitchell: What's the catch?
24
00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:56,621
Man: You'll have to leave
your family.
25
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:58,364
Now I know that--
[Vehicle recedes quickly]
26
00:00:58,533 --> 00:01:00,533
Oh. You're gone.
27
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:02,460
Mitchell: Your pop's got
a hell of an opportunity
28
00:01:02,554 --> 00:01:04,721
to go town to town
fighting crime in tight jeans.
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00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:06,464
I got to take it, Marvin.
30
00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:09,467
Marvin: So you're just
gonna leave me and Junior?
31
00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:11,395
Mitchell: Come on, now.
I'm not a monster.
32
00:01:11,563 --> 00:01:12,954
Junior's coming with me.
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00:01:13,123 --> 00:01:15,957
Marvin: I knew it. You've always
loved him more than me.
34
00:01:16,050 --> 00:01:17,642
Mitchell: Hey, that's not true.
35
00:01:17,736 --> 00:01:20,311
In fact, you'd be my first
choice if he wasn't available.
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00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,072
Marvin: Ohh. Thanks, Dad.
37
00:01:22,149 --> 00:01:23,740
Mitchell: I'll be back soon,
Sport-o.
38
00:01:23,967 --> 00:01:27,727
And when I do, I'll teach you
how to play ball.
39
00:01:27,896 --> 00:01:30,805
Let's go, Junior.
Junior: You got it, Dad.
40
00:01:30,899 --> 00:01:32,824
[Junior chuckles,
vehicle recedes]
41
00:01:32,976 --> 00:01:35,143
?
42
00:01:35,236 --> 00:01:37,921
Marvin: I can't
wait for him any longer.
43
00:01:39,758 --> 00:01:43,385
Let me know
if a strange older man shows up.
44
00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:47,431
[Theme music playing]
45
00:01:47,658 --> 00:02:03,596
?
46
00:02:03,765 --> 00:02:04,823
[Crack]
47
00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:08,843
Marvin Flute: Ugh. How did
I go from murders
48
00:02:08,937 --> 00:02:10,454
to mopping up
a boring bank robbery?
49
00:02:10,605 --> 00:02:12,030
What's next, solving CAPTCHAs?
God. I hope not.
50
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:13,773
I've literally
never gotten one right.
51
00:02:13,867 --> 00:02:15,775
Is the driver part of
the motorcycle?
52
00:02:15,944 --> 00:02:17,686
Summers: Judging
from the markings here,
53
00:02:17,779 --> 00:02:20,205
they got into the vault
using heavy machinery.
54
00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:21,781
Sorry. "Heavy's" offensive.
55
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:23,616
I meant big, beautiful
machinery.
56
00:02:23,635 --> 00:02:26,211
Mitchell: Who's in charge
of this investigation?
57
00:02:26,363 --> 00:02:27,620
Marvin: I am. Who are you,
58
00:02:27,789 --> 00:02:29,639
man inexplicably in shadow
on a bright day?
59
00:02:29,866 --> 00:02:32,291
Mitchell: I'm 190 pounds
of dry-aged, grass-choked,
60
00:02:32,385 --> 00:02:35,294
grade-A certified beefcake...
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00:02:35,314 --> 00:02:38,223
but you can call me Mitchell.
62
00:02:38,317 --> 00:02:40,317
Marvin: Daddy. Hee hee!
63
00:02:40,544 --> 00:02:42,185
Mitchell: I'm sorry. You are...?
64
00:02:42,321 --> 00:02:45,880
Marvin: Ha! Good one, Dad!
Mitchell: Oh, Sport-o!
65
00:02:45,974 --> 00:02:47,899
I just didn't recognize you
because you got so darn big.
66
00:02:47,993 --> 00:02:50,643
Marvin: My doctor says
all my numbers are really high.
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00:02:50,812 --> 00:02:53,371
Junior: What, no hug for me,
little brother?
68
00:02:53,499 --> 00:02:54,664
Marvin: Junior.
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00:02:54,833 --> 00:02:58,576
[Rock music playing]
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00:02:58,729 --> 00:03:01,671
Junior: I missed you, buddy boy.
71
00:03:01,898 --> 00:03:03,732
Mitchell: Go on.
Give your brother a hug.
72
00:03:03,900 --> 00:03:05,567
[Marvin groans]
73
00:03:05,660 --> 00:03:07,085
Junior: I see you're
still stupid.
74
00:03:07,254 --> 00:03:08,661
Marvin: I smell
you're still stinky.
75
00:03:08,755 --> 00:03:10,830
Stop! Stupid jerk! Let go! Dad!
76
00:03:10,849 --> 00:03:12,407
Junior: Oh, he's crying
because he missed me.
77
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:13,883
[Mitchell laughing]
Summers: Wait.
78
00:03:14,019 --> 00:03:16,186
Your brother's a car?
Mitchell: Not just any car.
79
00:03:16,413 --> 00:03:17,912
This here is Junior.
80
00:03:17,973 --> 00:03:21,340
He's loaded with the coolest
technology 1985 had to offer--
81
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,009
T-tops, six lighters,
82
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:24,528
and a back seat
big enough for one handsome man
83
00:03:24,755 --> 00:03:27,088
and the lucky waitress
he picked up that night.
84
00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:28,698
Junior: Dad's had a ton of sex
inside me.
85
00:03:28,925 --> 00:03:31,034
Mitchell: And on your hood.
Heh heh!
86
00:03:31,261 --> 00:03:33,762
Summers: And this is OK
because he's a car?
87
00:03:33,930 --> 00:03:35,597
Marvin: So you came back here
just to see me?
88
00:03:35,690 --> 00:03:37,207
Mitchell: Of course I did.
89
00:03:37,434 --> 00:03:39,376
And I'm investigating
a string of bank robberies
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00:03:39,603 --> 00:03:40,602
across the country.
91
00:03:40,620 --> 00:03:42,546
But I'm mainly here to see you
92
00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:44,939
and also mainly to solve
this case.
93
00:03:45,108 --> 00:03:46,958
Marvin: If you want, you can
come back to the office
94
00:03:47,110 --> 00:03:48,810
and we can, like, share clues
and leads
95
00:03:48,887 --> 00:03:51,129
and, like, you can, like,
meet my friends and stuff
96
00:03:51,223 --> 00:03:52,463
or whatever.
97
00:03:52,558 --> 00:03:54,373
Mitchell: Sounds great, Chief-o.
98
00:03:54,542 --> 00:03:56,467
Junior: Oh, hey,
your fly's down.
99
00:03:56,562 --> 00:03:57,727
Marvin: It is?
Junior: Bam!
100
00:03:57,879 --> 00:04:00,713
Gas cap sack tap.
[Marvin groaning]
101
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:05,126
Summers: White families
are [bleep] weird.
102
00:04:05,295 --> 00:04:06,570
[Stan moaning]
103
00:04:06,721 --> 00:04:08,479
Stan: Oh, God. I'm dying,
104
00:04:08,632 --> 00:04:09,889
and I never got to shake
Lena Dunham's hand
105
00:04:10,058 --> 00:04:12,467
and thank her for
her short window of bravery.
106
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:13,893
Mr. Flesh: Who cares about you?
107
00:04:14,062 --> 00:04:17,396
What happens to me if you die?
Do I come alive?
108
00:04:17,565 --> 00:04:20,325
Do I become you?
Aah. What a nightmare!
109
00:04:20,493 --> 00:04:22,644
No offense.
We gotta talk to your mom.
110
00:04:22,813 --> 00:04:24,737
Stan:
No! She's too overprotective.
111
00:04:24,756 --> 00:04:26,481
Mr. Flesh: Then we better hurry
and find your dad
112
00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:28,091
while we're in the sweet spot
113
00:04:28,242 --> 00:04:31,928
between breakfast, beer,
and lunch--also beer. Come on.
114
00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:34,656
Marvin:
Look, Dad, here's my award
115
00:04:34,749 --> 00:04:36,600
for most property damage
during a pursuit.
116
00:04:36,768 --> 00:04:38,159
Mitchell: Uh-huh.
You know, Tom Selleck
117
00:04:38,252 --> 00:04:40,770
once complimented me on
my chest hair at the airport.
118
00:04:40,922 --> 00:04:42,831
Marvin: As he should.
It's very lush.
119
00:04:42,849 --> 00:04:45,166
Junior: And that's
when a whole turd
120
00:04:45,259 --> 00:04:46,610
fell out of Flute's pant leg
121
00:04:46,837 --> 00:04:48,928
during the Presidential Fitness
Test.
122
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,447
[Laughter]
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00:04:50,616 --> 00:04:52,674
Martinez: What an absolute
pooser. That's a--
124
00:04:52,843 --> 00:04:54,600
Junior: Poop loser! Very funny.
125
00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:56,527
Martinez: Thank you.
Marvin: How the--
126
00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:57,937
You're on my desk, Junior!
127
00:04:58,106 --> 00:05:01,273
Junior: Oh, sorry.
Did I crush your desky-wesky?
128
00:05:01,293 --> 00:05:02,350
[Engine revs]
129
00:05:02,443 --> 00:05:03,776
[Junior and Martinez laugh]
130
00:05:04,020 --> 00:05:06,204
Kang: Mitchell Flute.
Mitchell: This guy.
131
00:05:06,356 --> 00:05:08,965
Marvin: You two know each other?
Mitchell: We worked together.
132
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:12,302
I used to call him Kemosabe,
and he used to tell me to stop.
133
00:05:12,471 --> 00:05:13,786
Kang: Many times.
Where you been?
134
00:05:14,030 --> 00:05:15,363
Mitchell: You know me.
135
00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:17,048
Solving cases, kissing faces,
and jumping cars
136
00:05:17,125 --> 00:05:19,458
over drawbridges that
are almost but not quite open,
137
00:05:19,627 --> 00:05:20,960
too far to get across.
138
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:23,721
Junior: Mitchell's too humble,
so I made this.
139
00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:25,707
['80s-style synthesizer music
playing]
140
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:27,466
Junior:
Welcome to the dangerous world
141
00:05:27,635 --> 00:05:29,894
of a hero who was never there--
142
00:05:29,988 --> 00:05:33,657
Mitchell Flute,
a loner with fists of stone
143
00:05:33,884 --> 00:05:36,493
and the hair of
an aging secretary.
144
00:05:36,644 --> 00:05:38,569
Finally free from his son
145
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:41,439
who shakes out full turds
from his pant leg,
146
00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:43,816
Mitchell vowed to help
the helpless.
147
00:05:44,060 --> 00:05:48,171
Assisting him along the way is
his hot mechanic Ashley
148
00:05:48,322 --> 00:05:52,567
until she turned 26
and had to be replaced.
149
00:05:52,660 --> 00:05:55,753
Also, here's another pic of
Flute shaking turds out
150
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:59,331
created by A.I. in the style
of Wes Anderson.
151
00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:00,925
Marvin: Why is that
in the video?
152
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:03,094
[Laughter]
Mitchell: Heh! You boys.
153
00:06:03,188 --> 00:06:05,689
Hey, I gotta clean the old
spit valve on my meat horn,
154
00:06:05,916 --> 00:06:07,765
but when I get back,
remind me to tell you
155
00:06:07,918 --> 00:06:09,600
about the time I bedded
Mrs. America
156
00:06:09,695 --> 00:06:11,602
after taking down three
terrorists with a thumbtack
157
00:06:11,697 --> 00:06:14,531
and a skunked can of Lowenbrau.
158
00:06:15,926 --> 00:06:18,927
Marvin: Look, I know
what you're gonna say.
159
00:06:19,095 --> 00:06:20,686
My dad is such a hunk, right?
160
00:06:20,855 --> 00:06:23,189
Summers: Uh, that's not how
you should describe a parent.
161
00:06:23,357 --> 00:06:24,599
And didn't he abandon you?
162
00:06:24,768 --> 00:06:26,376
Marvin: What? No. Pay attention.
163
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:28,603
My dad wasn't the problem.
Junior was.
164
00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:30,529
He's the one who drove
my dad away from me,
165
00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:32,031
literally and the opposite one.
166
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,384
Imagine a son not having
his father around at that age.
167
00:06:34,553 --> 00:06:37,203
Stan: Dad, can I talk to you
about something?
168
00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:38,947
It's kind of important.
169
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,782
Marvin: The most important thing
in life is
170
00:06:40,951 --> 00:06:43,117
a father connecting on
a deep level with his son.
171
00:06:43,211 --> 00:06:47,121
So please leave me alone, so I
can connect with my father...
172
00:06:47,215 --> 00:06:48,732
son.
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00:06:48,959 --> 00:06:52,384
Summers: You OK, Stan? You look
absolutely crushed emotionally.
174
00:06:52,553 --> 00:06:56,464
As your dad's partner, I'm
very familiar with that look.
175
00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:58,299
Stan: There's something I really
need to talk to my dad about,
176
00:06:58,392 --> 00:06:59,817
but it's private.
177
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:01,560
Wynona: You can talk
freely here.
178
00:07:01,729 --> 00:07:04,806
Your dad's so abusive to us,
we're practically family.
179
00:07:04,975 --> 00:07:07,658
Stan: Well, last night,
I sort of had a weird dream,
180
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:09,586
where everyone I knew was dead.
181
00:07:09,755 --> 00:07:11,421
Kang: You were just having
a nightmare.
182
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:12,905
Stan: But when I woke up,
183
00:07:12,924 --> 00:07:16,426
there was a mess on the front of
my pajama pants.
184
00:07:16,595 --> 00:07:17,986
Kang: Come back.
Summers: Flute!
185
00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:19,821
Wynona: Wait!
Martinez: Bad parenting ass.
186
00:07:19,990 --> 00:07:21,598
Flute: Hope you enjoyed
stealing Dad from me
187
00:07:21,825 --> 00:07:23,992
because once he sees how good I
am at detectiving,
188
00:07:24,085 --> 00:07:26,344
he's gonna dump you off
at a Carvana and stay with me.
189
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:28,104
Junior: I wouldn't try that
if I were you.
190
00:07:28,273 --> 00:07:29,439
You couldn't handle Dad.
191
00:07:29,608 --> 00:07:31,666
Marvin: Oh. Want to bet?
I'll bet you my legs.
192
00:07:31,759 --> 00:07:34,593
Junior: That's OK. I'm good
with my 4 wheels and one dad.
193
00:07:34,687 --> 00:07:36,838
Marvin: Fine.
Then what about this?
194
00:07:36,931 --> 00:07:39,674
Junior: Oh, my hood ornament!
I knew you stole it.
195
00:07:39,767 --> 00:07:41,025
Marvin: Solve the case
and I'll give it back,
196
00:07:41,269 --> 00:07:42,510
but if I solve it...
197
00:07:42,512 --> 00:07:44,621
Junior: I'll leave town
and you get Dad.
198
00:07:44,772 --> 00:07:46,697
Both: Deal. Jinx!
Jinx. You owe me a Coke.
199
00:07:46,850 --> 00:07:48,683
[Junior says phrase first]
Jinx. You owe me a kiss.
200
00:07:48,852 --> 00:07:50,109
[Marvin groans]
201
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:52,036
Woman: And that's what happens
when you lose a jinx.
202
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:53,445
Child: What if you win it?
203
00:07:53,614 --> 00:07:55,381
Woman: Ohh, I don't know
why I kidnapped you.
204
00:07:59,971 --> 00:08:02,030
Mitchell: All right, Junior,
what you got?
205
00:08:02,032 --> 00:08:03,881
Junior: I've indexed businesses
with heavy machinery
206
00:08:03,975 --> 00:08:05,958
able to rip off a bank wall--
Mitchell: No, no, no, no.
207
00:08:06,127 --> 00:08:08,794
What you got for us tonight?
Daddy's looking for love.
208
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:11,055
Marvin: I have so much love
to give.
209
00:08:11,149 --> 00:08:12,723
Junior: Daddy's looking for sex,
dummy.
210
00:08:12,818 --> 00:08:14,466
Marvin: Well, since you like
waitresses, you should
211
00:08:14,635 --> 00:08:15,985
try The Wet Noodle.
212
00:08:16,154 --> 00:08:19,230
They're not the prettiest,
but they're not the prettiest.
213
00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:21,549
Mitchell: Heh. My boy gets me.
214
00:08:21,642 --> 00:08:23,568
Take us there, Junior.
Junior: Sounds great.
215
00:08:23,662 --> 00:08:25,328
Mitchell: Did I ever tell you
about the time
216
00:08:25,555 --> 00:08:27,221
I bedded Mrs. America
217
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,574
after killing three terrorists
with a thumbtack
218
00:08:29,817 --> 00:08:31,650
and a skunked can of Lowenbrau?
219
00:08:31,819 --> 00:08:33,753
[Tires screech]
220
00:08:35,006 --> 00:08:37,674
Marvin: A table for two...
people. No cars.
221
00:08:37,825 --> 00:08:39,750
Junior: Great.
Well, while you two eat,
222
00:08:39,845 --> 00:08:41,827
I'll check the heavy machinery
rental shop.
223
00:08:41,921 --> 00:08:43,588
Marvin: Actually,
maybe I'll help Junior.
224
00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:46,074
Mitchell: Glad to see my boys
getting along.
225
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,425
What's your name, doll?
226
00:08:47,594 --> 00:08:49,335
Junior: Huh. You're crazy
227
00:08:49,579 --> 00:08:51,020
if you think I'll
ever let you drive me.
228
00:08:51,172 --> 00:08:52,747
Marvin: And you're crazy if you
think anyone
229
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:54,599
would drive you now.
Junior: "Now"?
230
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,359
Marvin: Now that you're
covered in seagulls.
231
00:08:56,586 --> 00:08:57,843
Crouton attack!
232
00:08:57,863 --> 00:09:00,179
Junior: Aah! Not the seagulls!
Marvin: Yes, yes.
233
00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:03,199
Poop, my pretties. Poop...
Junior: Ugh! Why? Ugh. Ohh...
234
00:09:03,351 --> 00:09:04,868
[Marvin laughs]
235
00:09:05,111 --> 00:09:06,870
?
236
00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:08,354
Kang: Oh, great.
237
00:09:08,431 --> 00:09:09,780
He's one of those spiral-drawing
kids.
238
00:09:09,875 --> 00:09:12,934
Look, we owe it to our community
to help this kid
239
00:09:12,952 --> 00:09:15,027
or we're gonna wind up
with another Jake Paul.
240
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:18,047
Martinez: As a lapsed/relapsed/
prolapsed Catholic,
241
00:09:18,199 --> 00:09:19,457
you shouldn't talk about sex
242
00:09:19,609 --> 00:09:20,717
until after you've had
your third kid.
243
00:09:20,886 --> 00:09:22,534
Summers: Don't worry.
I'm downloading
244
00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:24,462
a chronological history of sex
off the internet
245
00:09:24,556 --> 00:09:26,205
to help explain it to Stan.
246
00:09:26,374 --> 00:09:28,132
I'm starting in the 1800s--
247
00:09:28,226 --> 00:09:31,802
blowing kisses, tasteful
decolletage, furtive glances.
248
00:09:31,897 --> 00:09:34,956
Wynona: Seriously?
The human body is my specialty.
249
00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:36,641
I'll handle this.
250
00:09:36,809 --> 00:09:38,826
Summers: Hmm. Pornography
used to be so artistic.
251
00:09:38,886 --> 00:09:42,964
Whoa! Looks like razors
haven't been invented yet.
252
00:09:43,057 --> 00:09:44,741
[Tires screech]
253
00:09:44,968 --> 00:09:46,409
Marvin: Wait here while I go
bond with a human
254
00:09:46,560 --> 00:09:50,229
in a way you can't because
you're a stupid car.
255
00:09:50,248 --> 00:09:51,581
Hey, man, I'm also a man.
256
00:09:51,750 --> 00:09:53,416
You want to shake hands
because we both have them?
257
00:09:53,643 --> 00:09:54,900
[Vehicle horn honks]
258
00:09:54,994 --> 00:09:56,811
Worker: Oh, my God.
Is that a classic car?
259
00:09:56,922 --> 00:09:59,480
Wow. She's a beaut.
260
00:09:59,591 --> 00:10:01,257
Junior: You ain't
so bad yourself, Don.
261
00:10:01,409 --> 00:10:02,908
Don: Whoa! You can talk?
262
00:10:03,002 --> 00:10:06,596
Junior: I can say all kinds of
things, like "Suck it, Flute,"
263
00:10:06,823 --> 00:10:09,173
and "I need the names of anyone
that rented heavy machinery
264
00:10:09,325 --> 00:10:10,508
from you this week."
265
00:10:10,602 --> 00:10:12,343
Don: Happy to give you that
private info
266
00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:14,996
if you'll let me look under
the hood.
267
00:10:15,089 --> 00:10:16,439
[Low whistle]
268
00:10:16,666 --> 00:10:20,017
Junior: Yeah, you're looking
at 250 cubic inches.
269
00:10:20,170 --> 00:10:21,519
Don: Damn! You're huge.
270
00:10:21,688 --> 00:10:23,595
Marvin: Yeah, well,
I'm 5 1/2 clean.
271
00:10:23,764 --> 00:10:27,358
Now, give me that list of names
and a Mach Three Sensitive.
272
00:10:27,510 --> 00:10:32,680
['80s-style synthesizer music
playing]
273
00:10:32,849 --> 00:10:33,848
Marvin: Ha!
274
00:10:33,959 --> 00:10:36,442
Have fun on the ground, car.
275
00:10:36,610 --> 00:10:40,446
Junior: Last one to the top has
to french my tailpipe. Ha ha!
276
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:45,042
?
277
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:47,695
Junior: Uhh? Huh? Wait. Don't!
278
00:10:47,788 --> 00:10:50,548
I know all the words to "All Too
Well," ten-minute version.
279
00:10:50,717 --> 00:10:51,975
Ow! Fire!
280
00:10:52,143 --> 00:10:56,220
?
281
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,671
Junior: Ah, yes. Thank you.
282
00:10:57,707 --> 00:10:59,816
Mmm.
[Object flies, thud]
283
00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:04,904
Ah, ha ha ha! Got you back.
Now please flip me over.
284
00:11:07,158 --> 00:11:09,808
Stan: This is the morgue.
I am dying!
285
00:11:09,944 --> 00:11:11,402
Wynona, chuckling: No.
286
00:11:11,554 --> 00:11:13,054
You are here to see that
the human body is
287
00:11:13,147 --> 00:11:14,905
a beautiful piece of
engineering.
288
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,908
And it all starts with
reproduction.
289
00:11:18,003 --> 00:11:18,909
[Others scream]
290
00:11:19,062 --> 00:11:20,394
Mr. Flesh: Holy human centipede.
291
00:11:20,488 --> 00:11:22,413
Wynona: Sorry. Wrong body.
Ha ha!
292
00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:24,565
This guy was attacked by
his pet chimp.
293
00:11:24,658 --> 00:11:27,326
Anyway, this is where
the genitals would be
294
00:11:27,345 --> 00:11:28,903
if Bobo hadn't bitten them off.
295
00:11:29,072 --> 00:11:30,905
Mr. Flesh: Don't worry.
[Stan breathing heavily]
296
00:11:30,907 --> 00:11:32,423
This will be a pivotal part
of the podcast
297
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:34,333
after you Menendez your parents.
298
00:11:34,543 --> 00:11:35,685
Kang: All right. That's enough.
299
00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:39,430
It's time to do things
the old-fashioned way.
300
00:11:39,524 --> 00:11:40,765
Summers:
Watching "Deep Throat" now.
301
00:11:40,859 --> 00:11:42,341
Still no sign of Nixon,
302
00:11:42,510 --> 00:11:43,842
and I'm really praying
that continues.
303
00:11:44,087 --> 00:11:45,677
Marvin: Well, none of
those leads turned out.
304
00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:47,864
Can wait to tell Dad
how you beefed it.
305
00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:50,349
Junior: Well, not if I tell
him how you beefed it first.
306
00:11:50,426 --> 00:11:52,518
Marvin: Wait. Is that Dad?
307
00:11:52,686 --> 00:11:54,537
?
308
00:11:54,706 --> 00:11:57,615
Junior: Hey, Dad, um,
are--are you feeling OK?
309
00:11:57,709 --> 00:12:00,284
Marvin: He's feeling great.
This dawg's on a walk of shame.
310
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:02,270
Told you The Wet Noodle
was a bronze mine.
311
00:12:02,363 --> 00:12:03,713
What was her name?
312
00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:06,791
Mitchell: I...don't remember.
313
00:12:06,943 --> 00:12:09,293
Junior: Dad, I think you need
something to eat.
314
00:12:09,537 --> 00:12:10,778
Mitchell: I'm fine.
Don't tell me what to do.
315
00:12:10,871 --> 00:12:12,446
Marvin: I wouldn't tell you
what to do, Dad.
316
00:12:12,540 --> 00:12:13,723
I believe
in permissive childing.
317
00:12:13,950 --> 00:12:15,633
Junior: You still got that
butt banana?
318
00:12:15,709 --> 00:12:17,560
He needs food.
He's not thinking straight.
319
00:12:17,787 --> 00:12:20,121
Marvin: Oh, really?
Then what's that?
320
00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:21,564
Dad figured it out.
321
00:12:21,791 --> 00:12:24,216
This is the heavy machinery
we've been looking for.
322
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:25,717
Junior: Cross-checking
the internet,
323
00:12:25,886 --> 00:12:27,403
and they've had a rally
in every city
324
00:12:27,555 --> 00:12:29,797
where a bank's been robbed.
Let's go.
325
00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:31,407
Marvin: You remember how many
fingers she had?
326
00:12:31,634 --> 00:12:33,743
That's how I know
the waitresses' names.
327
00:12:35,154 --> 00:12:38,748
Junior: Someone here robbed
the bank, but which one?
328
00:12:38,917 --> 00:12:41,642
?
329
00:12:41,753 --> 00:12:43,160
[Loud clank]
330
00:12:43,313 --> 00:12:46,071
[Footsteps clanking]
331
00:12:46,091 --> 00:12:47,924
Marvin: Freeze. Police.
332
00:12:48,075 --> 00:12:51,485
?
333
00:12:51,654 --> 00:12:53,838
Junior: Gah! I can't see.
334
00:12:53,990 --> 00:13:06,275
['80s-style synthesizer
rock music playing]
335
00:13:06,427 --> 00:13:08,702
[Breathing heavily]
Junior: I won.
336
00:13:08,762 --> 00:13:10,671
Looks like Dad and I will
see you in another 30 years,
337
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:12,022
Flutie boy.
338
00:13:12,117 --> 00:13:14,600
Marvin: I doubt that based
on my cholesterol numbers
339
00:13:14,768 --> 00:13:17,620
and because I'm busting
this perp.
340
00:13:17,789 --> 00:13:19,104
?
341
00:13:19,198 --> 00:13:20,514
Junior: Hey. What the...?
342
00:13:20,683 --> 00:13:22,774
All right. Fine. You won.
343
00:13:22,794 --> 00:13:25,536
But you need to understand,
Dad didn't just choose me.
344
00:13:25,705 --> 00:13:27,112
He needs me.
345
00:13:27,206 --> 00:13:28,706
Marvin: You're not that special.
346
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,691
You're just a talking car.
Everything talks these days--
347
00:13:30,784 --> 00:13:32,301
my phone, my doorbell, my son.
348
00:13:32,470 --> 00:13:33,785
Junior: You don't understand.
349
00:13:33,805 --> 00:13:36,364
Marvin: No, you don't
understand,
350
00:13:36,532 --> 00:13:38,641
so let me put it
in your language.
351
00:13:38,792 --> 00:13:40,977
The tank's on E and there's not
a gas station for miles.
352
00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:42,961
You're a wreck,
completely totaled.
353
00:13:43,055 --> 00:13:45,706
Even NPR wouldn't take you
as a tax-deductible donation
354
00:13:45,799 --> 00:13:47,466
to keep quality independent
programing on the air.
355
00:13:47,635 --> 00:13:49,043
Your VIN number has been
sanded down.
356
00:13:49,061 --> 00:13:52,488
Junior: Stop it, stop it!
You made your point.
357
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:56,141
[Sighs]
Here's Mitchell's stuff.
358
00:13:56,161 --> 00:13:57,643
Mitchell: Where's Junior going?
359
00:13:57,811 --> 00:13:59,570
Marvin: Who cares?
It's just me and you now.
360
00:13:59,722 --> 00:14:01,572
Uhh! Boy, this is heavy.
What's in it?
361
00:14:01,724 --> 00:14:04,058
Pills, CPAP machine, more pills.
362
00:14:04,151 --> 00:14:05,893
Mitchell: Say, did I ever tell
you about the time
363
00:14:05,986 --> 00:14:08,820
I bedded a terrorist after
I killed three Mrs. Americas
364
00:14:08,989 --> 00:14:11,899
with a thumbtack
and a skunked can of, um,
365
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:13,158
of, uh...
366
00:14:13,403 --> 00:14:14,585
Marvin: Lowenbrau?
367
00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:15,736
Mitchell: Sounds good.
Let's go get one.
368
00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:17,680
[Beep]
Oh. Time to scrub Daddy.
369
00:14:17,907 --> 00:14:19,682
And I'm not
referring to "Shark Tank's"
370
00:14:19,909 --> 00:14:22,410
number-one selling product,
though you may need one,
371
00:14:22,578 --> 00:14:24,428
because my adult diaper is full
372
00:14:24,522 --> 00:14:26,689
and it does not
smell Mr. Wonderful.
373
00:14:31,421 --> 00:14:33,011
Marvin: 36, 37.
374
00:14:33,180 --> 00:14:34,922
Wow. I didn't realize you had
so many health issues.
375
00:14:34,941 --> 00:14:37,775
Mitchell: Look, I know I wasn't
there when you needed me,
376
00:14:37,869 --> 00:14:41,262
and I appreciate you're here
when I need you.
377
00:14:41,355 --> 00:14:42,613
I love you.
378
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,098
Marvin: I've been waiting
my whole life
379
00:14:44,191 --> 00:14:45,616
for you to say that to me.
380
00:14:45,768 --> 00:14:47,101
Mitchell: Now
come sit on Daddy's lap.
381
00:14:47,119 --> 00:14:48,452
Marvin: Hee hee! OK.
382
00:14:48,621 --> 00:14:50,955
Mitchell: So what's
underneath that shirt?
383
00:14:51,107 --> 00:14:53,274
Marvin: A butcher's diagram
of a cow tattoo I got
384
00:14:53,292 --> 00:14:54,884
after watching ten minutes
of "The Bear."
385
00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:56,886
But then I binged the rest, and
now I want to get it removed.
386
00:14:57,129 --> 00:14:59,222
Too much screaming. You don't
have to work with your cousin.
387
00:14:59,449 --> 00:15:00,723
Mitchell: OK. Come on, darling.
388
00:15:00,950 --> 00:15:03,041
I'm not paying you to talk.
I'm paying you to clap.
389
00:15:03,135 --> 00:15:05,085
[Slaps butt]
390
00:15:05,288 --> 00:15:06,378
?
391
00:15:06,472 --> 00:15:07,621
Kang: Now, when I was your age,
392
00:15:07,790 --> 00:15:09,457
a boy learned this stuff
by doing.
393
00:15:09,475 --> 00:15:12,217
Stan, I want you to meet...
394
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:13,978
Vernadette.
395
00:15:14,146 --> 00:15:16,572
Vernadette holds the record for
the most arrests in Grimsburg.
396
00:15:16,741 --> 00:15:19,575
She does it all--
petty theft, light arson,
397
00:15:19,802 --> 00:15:21,485
instructional prostitution.
398
00:15:21,579 --> 00:15:24,154
Vernadette: Hey, kid,
you ready to become a--
399
00:15:24,323 --> 00:15:26,490
[Coughing]
400
00:15:26,734 --> 00:15:28,251
a man?
401
00:15:28,419 --> 00:15:30,811
Kang: Oh, Vernadette.
[Laugh track]
402
00:15:30,904 --> 00:15:33,981
["Vernadette"
theme music playing]
403
00:15:34,074 --> 00:15:45,417
?
404
00:15:45,586 --> 00:15:54,018
?
405
00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:56,779
[Cheering and applause]
406
00:15:56,948 --> 00:15:59,282
[Stan and Vernadette laugh]
407
00:15:59,509 --> 00:16:01,675
Kang: So did you two...you know?
408
00:16:01,844 --> 00:16:04,345
Vernadette: Shucks!
We was having way too much fun
409
00:16:04,363 --> 00:16:06,347
on an all-new "Vernadette,"
410
00:16:06,457 --> 00:16:09,941
Friday nights at 8/7 Central.
411
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:11,109
[Thud]
412
00:16:11,278 --> 00:16:12,944
[Adults groan]
413
00:16:13,113 --> 00:16:14,522
?
414
00:16:14,690 --> 00:16:17,466
Junior, drunkenly:
Keep the ethanol coming, man.
415
00:16:17,693 --> 00:16:22,212
Say, you got a nice perm.
Want to solve crimes?
416
00:16:22,381 --> 00:16:23,973
I'll let you inside me.
417
00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:26,884
Marvin: Hey! I can't believe you
cared more about winning a bet
418
00:16:26,978 --> 00:16:29,053
to hurt me than telling me
Dad was losing it.
419
00:16:29,205 --> 00:16:31,147
Junior: I was trying
to win the bet
420
00:16:31,298 --> 00:16:32,723
to save you from finding out.
421
00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:34,725
Marvin: And were you saving
me when you ruined my life
422
00:16:34,877 --> 00:16:36,727
and ran away with Dad?
Junior: Fine.
423
00:16:36,821 --> 00:16:38,729
Look, I was happy he took me
with him,
424
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,639
but it hasn't been as great
as you think.
425
00:16:40,808 --> 00:16:43,551
I mean, did we have incredible
adventures? Sure.
426
00:16:43,685 --> 00:16:45,569
Have we dabbled in every sexual
experience,
427
00:16:45,721 --> 00:16:47,479
including a devil's four-way
with dad,
428
00:16:47,648 --> 00:16:50,482
a Waffle House waitress,
and her mid-size SUV? You bet.
429
00:16:50,501 --> 00:16:52,335
Did it traumatize me?
Ask my therapist.
430
00:16:52,486 --> 00:16:53,894
Do I have a therapist?
431
00:16:53,987 --> 00:16:57,173
No. Because my car insurance
doesn't cover mental health.
432
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,900
Marvin: I guess it wasn't
so great being you either, huh?
433
00:16:59,919 --> 00:17:02,511
You're too close to Dad
and I'm not close enough.
434
00:17:02,663 --> 00:17:04,755
Junior: It's been hard
since Dad's health turned south,
435
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:06,515
but I didn't want you
to see that.
436
00:17:06,684 --> 00:17:08,667
I wanted you to remember him
the way he was.
437
00:17:08,836 --> 00:17:11,336
Marvin: So you were trying to
protect me?
438
00:17:11,430 --> 00:17:14,598
Junior: Isn't that
what big brothers do?
439
00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:16,100
[Squeak]
440
00:17:16,268 --> 00:17:19,269
Marvin: Thank you. Also, might
be time to change your blades.
441
00:17:19,422 --> 00:17:21,530
Junior: Thanks. So where is he?
442
00:17:21,699 --> 00:17:23,591
Marvin: I left Dad at home.
Junior: Alone?!
443
00:17:23,684 --> 00:17:26,351
Y--you saw how he wanders.
444
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:27,611
Oh...
[Horn honks]
445
00:17:27,705 --> 00:17:29,521
According to my tracking map,
446
00:17:29,690 --> 00:17:31,098
he's on the field at
the monster truck event.
447
00:17:31,191 --> 00:17:32,433
We gotta save Dad!
448
00:17:32,526 --> 00:17:33,692
Marvin: You're too drunk.
I'll drive.
449
00:17:33,861 --> 00:17:35,786
['80s-style synthesizer music
playing]
450
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:37,788
I've always dreamed of getting
to drive--
451
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:39,289
Oh, my God!
This seat is also a bedpan?
452
00:17:39,458 --> 00:17:41,199
How often do you empty this?
453
00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:42,551
Junior: Just drive.
454
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:46,130
[Tires screech, horns honk]
455
00:17:46,224 --> 00:17:48,949
Kang: Well, I guess we're as bad
at parenting as Flute.
456
00:17:49,060 --> 00:17:50,618
Wynona: We can't be that bad.
457
00:17:50,786 --> 00:17:52,878
The kid feels calm enough
to sleep around us.
458
00:17:53,046 --> 00:17:57,141
Martinez: Aw. Cute kid.
Wonder what he's dreaming about.
459
00:17:57,293 --> 00:17:58,459
Dreaming?
460
00:17:58,569 --> 00:18:00,385
Wake him up before it happens
again.
461
00:18:00,479 --> 00:18:02,312
Kang: I'd say shake him,
but the last 20 years
462
00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:03,981
are the first time
in human history
463
00:18:04,075 --> 00:18:06,558
where you can't touch a kid,
no matter how rotten they are.
464
00:18:06,727 --> 00:18:10,037
Harmony: What the hell are you
doing to Stan?
465
00:18:11,474 --> 00:18:13,657
Oh, great. Now I gotta
wash these, too?
466
00:18:13,809 --> 00:18:15,492
I already washed his pajamas
467
00:18:15,586 --> 00:18:17,086
after he slept on
that yogurt tube last night.
468
00:18:17,329 --> 00:18:18,812
Martinez: Yogurt tube?
469
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:20,423
Harmony: Yeah, he lost
his last tooth,
470
00:18:20,650 --> 00:18:21,999
so I put a Go-Gurt under
his pillow
471
00:18:22,151 --> 00:18:24,427
because I had blown
the last of my cash on a horse
472
00:18:24,654 --> 00:18:27,078
that was supposed to
be a sure thing but turned out
473
00:18:27,098 --> 00:18:29,432
to be a kiddie ride
in front of a supermarket.
474
00:18:29,659 --> 00:18:32,268
I'm not a perfect mother.
475
00:18:32,419 --> 00:18:33,752
[Door shuts]
476
00:18:33,921 --> 00:18:35,438
Kang: Perhaps we're not
as bad as we thought.
477
00:18:35,665 --> 00:18:37,665
Maybe parenting is just hard.
478
00:18:37,833 --> 00:18:40,258
Summers: Not as hard
as the stepmoms are making it.
479
00:18:40,352 --> 00:18:42,928
That's not how homework works!
480
00:18:43,096 --> 00:18:49,100
[Rock music]
481
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:50,936
Marvin: Dad!
482
00:18:51,104 --> 00:18:54,105
Announcer: And that'll do it for
our monster truck show tonight.
483
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,866
Marvin: Oh, thank goodness.
484
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,535
Announcer: Which means it's
time for Biggosaurus,
485
00:18:58,688 --> 00:19:01,613
and he's hungry
for some junky cars.
486
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:03,691
[Cheering]
487
00:19:03,859 --> 00:19:07,194
Mitchell: Vroom. Vroom.
Meep-meep.
488
00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:11,381
[Cheering]
489
00:19:11,476 --> 00:19:13,050
Vroom. Rrr!
490
00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:14,551
?
491
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:18,129
Marvin: Time for turbo boost.
[Beep]
492
00:19:18,149 --> 00:19:19,640
Oops.
493
00:19:19,817 --> 00:19:22,634
?
494
00:19:22,803 --> 00:19:24,712
Junior: It's too dangerous.
Jump out.
495
00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:28,232
Marvin: No! We're a team.
Junior: No, we're a family.
496
00:19:28,326 --> 00:19:30,901
[Beeping]
497
00:19:30,995 --> 00:19:33,687
Marvin: No!
498
00:19:33,889 --> 00:19:41,486
?
499
00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:43,172
Junior: Oh, you can't hurt me.
500
00:19:43,399 --> 00:19:45,749
I've seen my dad's anus.
501
00:19:45,901 --> 00:19:47,084
?
502
00:19:47,253 --> 00:19:49,086
[Cheering]
503
00:19:49,255 --> 00:19:52,197
Marvin: Brother!
504
00:19:52,332 --> 00:19:53,682
[Cheering continues]
505
00:19:53,851 --> 00:19:55,684
But we were just getting to know
each other.
506
00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:57,520
I had so many questions.
507
00:19:57,747 --> 00:19:59,337
Like, do you get horny
for other cars?
508
00:19:59,357 --> 00:20:00,764
And, well, that was it,
509
00:20:00,858 --> 00:20:02,583
but I'm sure there would have
been more.
510
00:20:02,676 --> 00:20:06,086
Junior: Just take care of Dad,
and I'm actually...
511
00:20:06,255 --> 00:20:08,756
into trains.
512
00:20:08,849 --> 00:20:11,182
Marvin: No, Junior.
Please don't--
513
00:20:11,427 --> 00:20:13,594
[Engine revving]
514
00:20:13,763 --> 00:20:15,788
die.
515
00:20:17,875 --> 00:20:22,027
Thanks for fixing Junior, Tisha.
Happy birthday.
516
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:25,105
Mitchell: I know this
is a rare moment of lucidity,
517
00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:27,365
so I'm going to say it quick
before it's gone.
518
00:20:27,459 --> 00:20:31,387
I'm proud of you.
You're a good man...
519
00:20:31,538 --> 00:20:33,797
with a great rack.
520
00:20:33,966 --> 00:20:36,207
Junior: I feel good as new.
521
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:38,043
Marvin: Well, not quite.
522
00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:40,896
['80s-style synthesizer music
playing]
523
00:20:41,123 --> 00:20:42,973
?
524
00:20:43,125 --> 00:20:47,477
[Engine revving]
525
00:20:47,630 --> 00:20:53,224
?
526
00:20:53,393 --> 00:20:55,411
Marvin: My dad is such a hunk.
527
00:20:55,562 --> 00:20:57,329
Ugh.
I guess that does sound weird.
528
00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:02,734
Junior: Mitchell Flute,
529
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:05,236
a lone crusader
in a dangerous world
530
00:21:05,256 --> 00:21:07,147
that has totally passed him by.
531
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,425
He and his car--mostly his car--
532
00:21:09,652 --> 00:21:11,001
fight crime, help the helpless,
533
00:21:11,153 --> 00:21:13,487
and no longer have sex
in front of each other
534
00:21:13,656 --> 00:21:15,489
because they've set up
healthy boundaries.
535
00:21:15,658 --> 00:21:18,158
So if you seek justice
and you can find him
536
00:21:18,251 --> 00:21:19,751
and it's within daylight hours
537
00:21:19,920 --> 00:21:22,179
and there's not
lots of memorizing involved,
538
00:21:22,348 --> 00:21:23,831
you, too, can hire--
539
00:21:23,924 --> 00:21:25,515
Mitchell: Should we pull over
and...?
540
00:21:25,759 --> 00:21:27,000
Junior: No.
541
00:21:27,052 --> 00:21:29,002
Mitchell Flute.
542
00:21:29,096 --> 00:21:34,450
?
543
00:21:34,677 --> 00:21:35,784
Person: Bento.
[Cheering]
544
00:21:35,834 --> 00:21:40,384
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