All language subtitles for Give.Me.an.A.2022.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264

Oh, my God,
I thought Mr. J's class

- was never gonna end.
- Same.

I hate the way he stares
at me-- he's such a creep.

Shit,
I knew I had it somewhere.

I totally got a demerit for
having this in English today.

Isn't that your third
demerit this week?

Oh, I got one
in first period because

- my skirt was too short.
- Uh, does anyone have

a pad? I think I just
started my period.

- I have a tampon?
- Naomi doesn't wear tampons.

- What? Why?
- I don't know, I don't like

- sticking things up my ass.
- You don't stick it

up your ass, you put it
in your vajiji.

That's what I meant, I just--
I don't know how to use it.

She lives with her dad.

Oh, okay, watch, demo.

Vagina,
insert applicator, push up,

pull out, the end,
don't leave it in overnight.

- Here's another one.
- Okay.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Okay, ladies,
here's your new uniforms.

- Let's go.
- Yes, Coach Judy.

Wow, these are shorter
than the old ones.

Janie's gonna probably
complain about them

- not showing enough leg.
- Shut up!

I totally got
a demerit for a skirt

- longer than this today.
- Ladies, come on,

being sexy is powerful.

Yeah, reclaim it,
like, we might look like

sluts, but we want
to look like sluts.

Yeah, I'm down,
it's our bodies,

- we do what we want.
- Sure, totally, yes.

But also, please,
these uniforms came

from a culture
of pleasing men.

Here we go with Danice
and her feminism again.

Fuck the patriarchy,
we get it.

Fuck the patriarchy!

Y'all, I don't care
about what we wear.

I do this
because I love cheer,

I freakin' love dance,

and I freakin' love
you ladies.

- We love you.
- Okay, you got 60 seconds

to get on the field,
let's hustle.

Hey, anyone got
an extra water bottle?

- I do.
- Where's Naomi?

Bathroom probably.

Shit, my earring.
I'll rip my ears off.

- Ready...
- Okay!

♪ We're not the bad guys,
we just want a choice ♪

♪ You can't silence us,
we will raise our voice ♪

♪ We are the future,
we're here to stay ♪

♪ We just want
bodily autonomy ♪

♪ Why are we protecting
rape and incest? ♪

♪ It's my body,
I decide what is best ♪

♪ If this is
about the right to life ♪

♪ Then my life matters like
your daughters and wives ♪

♪ We're strong and sexy,
we like our rights ♪

♪ And we don't wanna
give 'em up without a fight ♪

- ♪ Ladies, are we ready? ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah, okay! ♪

- ♪ Ladies, are we ready? ♪
- ♪ Yeah! What do we say? ♪

♪ Give me an A! ♪

Aah!

Don't, Sienna.

Sienna?

Oh, looks like he's here,
I'll call you later.

- Depending on how things go.
- Sounds good.

Sienna?

Mark?

Wow.

Um, you are really hot,

even better than
your profile picture.

- Thanks, you too.
- It seems like half the time,

an entirely different
human being shows up.

Instead of DTF, they should
call it bait-and-switch.

Yeah.

Thank you,
I ordered us beers.

Cheers.

Contract law.

- Wow.
- Yeah, yeah.

I plan to work
in criminal defense,

helping kids who are
caught in the system.

Oh, shit,
so you're, like,

saving the world and shit.

And shit, yeah.
What about you?

I'm a surfer.

Yeah, well, it sounds

- like you're very active.
- Oh, yeah.

Speaking of, uh,

you wanna get out of here?

Definitely.
I definitely do.

You are so hot.

You are.

- So, are you pro?
- No, not yet.

But that's the goal.
If things work out

with the sponsor
I'm talking to,

I'll be on the tour
this year.

So, how about you?
What's next?

- What's next what?
- You know,

once you finish school?

Whole marriage, kids thing?

Aww, you wanna get
to know me, that's cute.

Um, to be honest with you,
I don't see myself

participating in
the patriarchal oppression

of monogamy, marriage,
or child-rearing at all.

I think there are
enough kids in the world.

I intend to do
what I want when I want,

and help the young people
who are already here.

Ooh, I totally get that.

That's admirable, man.

Uh, I hate
to ruin the moment,

but because we were talking
about the future,

I have to ask...

what happens
if I get pregnant?

We use protection.

Obviously, but, I mean,
that's not 100%.

Accidents do happen,
and now that abortion's

no longer an option,
I think we need to discuss

what happens
if that happens.

Uh... well, I guess...

we'll... we'll figure it out.

Might be the lawyer in me,
but I think we need

to figure it out now.

- Who're you calling?
- Mm.

Megan, hi, I have that
last-minute contract for you.

Would you mind just...
having a little chat

- with my attorney?
- Your attorney?

- Yeah.
- Okay, yeah.

So, Mark, meet Megan.
Megan, Mark.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi, Mark.

Congratulations
on having sex with Sienna.

Oh, uh... thank you.

I'll go through this
as quickly as I can,

so you two can get to it.
Do you consent

- to being recorded?
- You mean during sex?

No, just so that

we can go over the contract.

Oh, right, uh...

okay, yeah.

So, this is just
a simple sex contract,

stating that you and Sienna
agree to go into

a consensual sexual encounter
to be concluded

at any point in time
that either of you so choose.

Do you agree?

I'm sorry,
I require a verbal yes or no.

- Oh, yes.
- Yes for me.

You both agree to use
prophylactic condoms,

as directed,
during said sexual encounter.

- I do. I mean, yes.
- Me, too.

Finally, Mark, should Sienna
accidentally become pregnant

as a result of this
consensual sexual encounter,

you acknowledge that
you've been made aware that

Sienna intends to focus
on her career

and has no intention
or interest

in raising any child
that might result

from said consensual
sexual encounter; further,

being as the federal law
currently bans all abortion,

even in the event of rape,
incest, or health

of the mother, do you agree,
that in the event that

there was an unwanted
pregnancy, that Sienna would

have no legal
or financial obligation

to any child born
after the execution

of this legally-binding
contract?

Uh... just to be clear,

if I say "no," then
we're not having sex, right?

Right, okay...

then I guess
it's... a yes.

Fantastic.
And just one final provision:

if a child is born,
you, Mark-- I'm sorry,

- what was your full name?
- Mark Darren Greer.

You, Mark Darren Greer,
agree to sole parentage,

sole custody,
and to maintain any and all

financial obligations
for said child

from his earliest six weeks
of pregnancy through

- said child's 18th birthday.
- Yep, yep, yes.

- Whatever, yes.
- Okay, this contract

is hereby executed.

I just need to do
a quick retina scan.

And if you could just give me
a thumbprint here.

Yes, and if you could

e-sign there.

Congratulations,
you and Sienna are

officially cleared for sex.
Have fun, you two.

That was a lot.

How are you feeling?
Still...

DTF?

Totally.

My controller glitched--
two out of three.

Mark Darren Greer?

Yeah...

I'm sorry,
do I know you?

Hi, um, we met
nine months ago.

I'm Sienna Campbell's
attorney.

Sienna... oh, yeah.

- Right, what's up?
- I'm here to execute

the fulfillment
of your sex contract.

Meet your daughter, Emma.

Oh...

♪ Down to fuck
down to fuck ♪

♪ Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck ♪

♪ Down to fuck-- hey!
down to fuck-- hey! ♪

♪ Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck ♪

Today's an exciting day
for all of us.

I can sense
some feelings of anxiety

in the room right now,
and that's normal.

Even I was anxious
before my first lesson.

If any of you are feeling
nervous at any time,

the Association has
provided a little something

to help calm your nerves.

Now, I'm sure you all have
a lot of questions.

I hope to answer all of them
before the end of this.

I'm going to be
passing these around.

Please take one
and pass them back.

What's wrong?

You don't wanna be
left behind, do you?

Good girl.

You are all
doing the right thing.

Now... are there
any questions?

Does it hurt?

No.

No, it's as close to God
as you will ever be.

How many times
do we get to it?

As many times as you can!

- What if it doesn't work?
- It will work.

As women,
after our 19th year,

our bodies are...

as ready as
they will ever be.

What's that?

That...

is a very generous donation

from the Association.

He has accelerated
the course,

which in turn has given us

a 100% success rate
in seeding!

One hundred years ago,
when our Supreme Court

made that brave decision,

overturning
that archaic bill,

it brought in a new era

of putting life first.

I thank God

every day

for putting me
in this situation.

So that we may continue

to give the gift
of conception.

Now...

we can do this the long way,

where I go over
what's in your booklets,

you take notes,
you learn,

blah blah blah.

Or...

we can do this the fun way.

Do I have
any volunteers?

Wow, so eager, hmm?

Vita?

Can you come up
to the front of the class?

Vita... please?

Thank you for volunteering.

Wasn't that brave?

Coming up here all by herself?

Now, class,

what should Vita do next?

She should get
on top of him.

Great suggestion.

Did you hear that?

She says you should get
on top of him.

Good, Vita.

Now, class,
now what should Vita do?

She should grind on him.

Yes, she should grind
on the dummy.

Grind on the dummy.

You should be
very proud of yourself.

Good girl.

Send the next group in.

♪ So blessed our love,
us ladies ♪

- ♪ Aah... ♪
- ♪ God gave us ♪

♪ Our precious babies ♪

Y'all sure I can't get you
anything other than water?

Oh, I make the absolute
best ice lattes.

Absolutely heaven-sent.

Oh, and don't worry,
we've got decaf for Mama.

Oh, we're actually

- not pregnant.
- Ah-ah!

Not yet, honey.

Uh, actually
I can't get pregnant.

Well, the Lord works
in mysterious ways.

All of these fertility places
are like this.

Completely baby-obsessed.

Obsessed with the mommies,
obsessed with the daddies.

Knock-knock.

Hi, I'm Dr. Lizbeth.

Thank you so much
for coming in today.

Janie, this is
my boyfriend Alex.

- Hi.
- Uh, it's nice to meet you,

- Dr. Elizabeth.
- Oh, no.

It's just Dr. Lizbeth,
not "E-lizabeth."

That was my grandmother's
grandmother.

And you two,
such a lovely married couple.

Oh, actually no, not yet.

We've been together
almost ten years now.

We've just been to so many
of our friends' weddings

that we decided
we should just wait.

But somebody did
catch the bouquet

at the last one, so.

I have been married
for 20 years

to my wonderful
husband Luke,

and we have
three precious babies.

That's Kayleigh, Bayleigh,
and J.C., our boy.

Named for Jesus Christ
but also my favorite member

of NSYNC.

But don't tell
my husband that!

Seriously, don't.

Um, you have
a lovely family, Doctor,

but we are not
quite ready for that yet.

Oh, but what are
you two waiting for?

A stork delivery?
'Cause I've got

some bad news for you...
he's retired!

- He's retired!
- Yeah.

I see here
we have 13 gorgeous babies.

Gorgeous, huh?
Must get it from me.

Um, actually
they're frozen embryos,

they aren't babies.

Oh.

We are actually here, um,

because of this letter
you sent.

Was there an issue
with our payment--

Oh, no-no-no, nothing--
nothing like that.

We are part
of a new program

that protects
every child in the state

from day one
to heaven above.

I was particularly touched
when I read your file, Janie.

You had breast cancer
in your 20s?

That is so incredibly sad.

Yeah, that's the reason

we froze embryos
to begin with.

We weren't even sure
if we were going to use them.

Just wanted to, you know,
keep our options open.

Actually we've been thinking
about adoption, maybe?

I don't know, surrogacy just
seems so stressful.

Such a silly idea

when you've already
been so blessed.

Nobody wants to go through
all that adoption paperwork.

Boo, paperwork's
the worst, right?

Plus, you're already
starting a family.

A family of 15.

That's gonna be
a lot of diapers.

Again, they're frozen embryos.
They are not babies.

And it was made
very clear to us that,

during the process,
we would actually have

- to discard several embryos.
- Ssh!

You don't want

your precious babies
to hear you.

Life begins

at conception.

And that includes
the embryonic form.

Just like your 13 precious,

little...

babies.

Thank you so much
for your time, Doctor,

but we actually have
got to get going.

Thirteen...

precious lives
put at risk,

all for your sinful
and reckless lifestyle.

Okay,

like she said,
we're leaving.

- What the hell is this?!
- Unfortunately, Janie,

we will be
arresting you today

on 13 charges
of child abuse and neglect,

13 charges of attempted
baby-killing--

What the fuck are
you talking about?!

- They aren't children!
- Maybe you should've

prayed more
before the devil cursed you

with all that cancer
for your sins.

Fuck you, Dr. Elizabeth,
you insane fucking fuck!

That's not my fucking name!

♪ So blessed,
all of us ladies ♪

♪ God gave us... ♪

♪ Our precious babies ♪

Pull over! Stop the car!

- I can't-I can't breathe!
- No-no-no, you're breathing,

you're breathing,
just too fast.

No, I can't breathe, I think
I'm having a heart attack.

No-no-no, you're not having
a heart attack, Kate.

I promise, you're not having
a heart attack. It's okay.

Look at me, look at me,
you are so strong

for making this decision
for yourself, and I know

we've been
to five different places.

- I'm not okay.
- But we're here early

this time,
I think you'll make it in.

It's not okay...

You're okay.
It's okay, we're--

we're so close, I know,
I know, but I'm here.

I'm here, and afterwards
we can go get a slushie,

and you'll never have to think
about this again, okay?

But we-we have to go,
right now, okay?

Or you're gonna lose
your chance.

We have to go now, okay?

Okay, okay.

I know, I know, I know.

Okay.

Here.

- Are you ready?
- Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

It's okay.

Ignore them.

Ignore them, ignore them.

Hey, hey, I'm gonna be
next to you the whole time.

I can't do this.

Look, look, do you remember
when we were kids?

We would go swimming
in the pool all the time

during the summer?

- What?
- You were always

so much better at holding
your breath than I was.

Hey.

Hey, look at me.
Look at me.

Look at me.
Not them, not them.

Don't look at them.
Look, you could

hold your breath
for almost three minutes.

Just do that today.

Three minutes,
and then it's done.

- Okay. Okay.
- Okay?

Three minutes.

- Three minutes.
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Okay?

- Yeah, I-- okay.
- Let's go, let's go.

You don't have to do this.

What're you doing here,
huh? Huh?

It's okay, there are people
here to help you.

Is it you?
Are you a child killer?

You should be ashamed!
How dare you?!

Leave her alone!
Leave her alone!

Go to hell, bitch!

Why are you doing this?!

Turn around,
save your child.

Stop!

Stop!

Just to confirm real quick,

your daughter is
Gabi, age 12.

That's right.

And, uh, no other children
in the house?

All right, Mr. Sanchez, if you
could just sign this for me.

You think this is enough?

For what we've lost?

Look, man,
I'm just here to install.

You can call
your representative.

Gabi?

Why don't you tell me what's
going on with you today?

Uh, I finished
my book today.

That's great, sweetie.

And all my friends are coming.

I'm officially a teenager.

Feliz Cumpleaños to me!

That's great, sweetie.

He doesn't listen,
and I told him

what kind to get,
and he got me

the wrong one again.

I feel like I'm walking around
in a diaper.

You'll be
all right, sweetie.

Why did he ask me
to meet his parents

if he was just gonna
break up with me?

You'll be
all right, sweetie.

Gosh, say something else.

- You'll be--
- Stop, please.

Say something real.

I just want you
to talk to me!

Really.

I'm not allowed, Gabi.

Please?

You'll be all right, sweetie.

Es tuya, Gabi.

Okay, but I haven't
touched it in years.

No lo tienes que usar,
pero no tiene

- sentido aquí.
- You don't get it.

Okay, it won't hurt
if you take it.

It does!
It does hurt me, Dad.

Every time I look at that,
I think of all the ways

that you weren't there for me.

All the times that you let
a government contractor

be my parent
when you didn't feel like it.

You never fucking
felt like it!

Gabi, this is
what they gave us.

And...

I was doing my best.

It wasn't enough.

Not even close.

Gabi!

Gabi!

What's, uh...
what's in the box?

I guess Dad's moving
out of his house.

Sent me the last of my things.

Feliz Cumpleaños to me.

Gabi?

I-I didn't think
you would be allowed.

Oh, they stopped monitoring
our line years ago.

Told me to disconnect it,
but I didn't.

I should have...

Guess their plan
did not work, huh?

I'm so sorry,
I always wanted to say more,

to be better for you.

Why'd you do it?

I got to have
my abortion years ago.

I always knew I didn't want
children, but...

there's a curiosity there.

Even in the certainty.
And I guess I thought I...

I thought I was helping.

Why did you pick it up again?

Oh, I, um...

I guess my dad is...

is moving, and...

You guess?

We're not close.

He picked up the phone once.

- Really?
- I couldn't say anything

to him, but he...
he talked.

If it means anything
to you now, he cared for you

so very much.

He was trying very hard
to do right by you.

I, um...

I'm pregnant.

Do you...

Do you want to...

Yeah.

Yeah, I do.

I, um...

I have a partner,

and...

he's good,

and we're ready.

I just...

um...

my...

my mom wanted her baby too.

Her second baby.

And it just,
it went wrong,

and they wouldn't help her.

And I'm just--
I'm scared that,

that, what if
it's genetic, you know?

what if-what if it goes
wrong for me too?

And they won't
help me and...

I don't want
to die for this.

But I'm scared that
they're gonna make me.

Gabi...

oh, Gabi...

you'll be all right, sweetie.

Braintree, March 31, 1776.

I wish you would ever
write me a letter

half as long as I write you.

Mm, I long to hear

that you have declared
an independence,

and by the way,
in the new code of laws,

which I suppose it will be
necessary for you to make,

I desire you would
remember the ladies...

and be more generous

and favorable to them
than your ancestors.

April 14th, 1776,

as to your extraordinary
code of laws...

I cannot but laugh.

We've been told that
our struggle has loosened

the bands of government
everywhere, that, uh,

children and apprentices
were disobedient,

that schools and colleges
were grown turbulent,

that Indians slighted
their guardians

and Negroes grew insolent
to their masters.

But your letter was
the first intimation that

another tribe,
more numerous and powerful

than all the rest,
were grown discontented.

This is rather
too coarse a compliment,

but you are... so saucy,
I won't blot it out.

Do not put
such unlimited power

into the hands
of the husbands.

Remember, all men would be
tyrants if they could.

If particular care
and attention is not paid

to the ladies,

we are determined
to foment a rebellion.

And we'll not hold
ourselves bound

by any laws
in which we have

no voice or representation.

That your sex are
naturally tyrannical

is a truth so...
thoroughly established

as to admit of no dispute,
but such of you as wish

to be happy willingly,

give up the harsh title
of master.

For the more tender
and endearing one

of friend.

Put it out of the power
of the vicious

and the lawless
to use us with cruelty.

Men of sense in all ages

abhor these customs

which treat us only
as the vessels of your sex.

We know better than to repeal
our masculine systems.

Although they are
in full force,

you know they are
little more than theory.

We dare not exert our power
in its full latitude.

We are obliged to go fair

and softly...

and in practice,

you know that
we are the subjects.

Regard us then as beings
placed by providence

under your protection,
and in imitation

of the supreme being,

make use of that power
only for our happiness.

I long to hear that you have
declared an independency.

And by the way,
in the new code of laws,

which I suppose it will be
necessary for you to make,

I desire
you would remember

the ladies.

And be more generous
and favorable to them

than your ancestors.

Finally, you've made
the decision

to take control of your life.

...wink!

You've made the decision
to choose Plan C,

the only birth control
approved

- by the federal government.
- Tell me more!

Waah!

Unlike previous forms
of contraception

outlawed by the court...

Plan C has no side effects,

well, unless you count
a clear complexion,

carefree weight loss,
and my favorite side effect...

copious coitus.

Plan C gave me a choice,

and lucky for me,
I chose him.

Commitment.

Thanks to Plan C,
I'll always be committed

to my partner,
from when we eat

to when we make love...

...we're always in sync.

Always.

Plan C combines

state of the art
drone technology

with the latest
in nano-robotics,

to create
an intra-uterine device

more advanced
than ever before.

Your doctor inserts
the device vaginally,

and after
a simple cognitive test,

aligns the system...

...with
the complimentary app.

Just a simple
in-office procedure--

simple in-office procedure--

And you're set, for life.

And when you're ready
for that next step,

just tell your doctor,
and once he--

or she has

confirmed you're eligible,
they painlessly adjust

the settings
so you can conceive.

Commitment, choice, control.

Contraception that works.

That's why I chose
Plan C.

♪ Plan C,
the only plan for me ♪

Talk to your doctor to see

if Plan C is
right for you!

God, I hate that song.
Your legally-required viewing

is complete; do you have
any more questions

before you consent
to Plan C?

Will it hurt?

When you put it in?

Yes.

Hurts a lot.

Do you still consent?

Yeah, can we do it today?

Like, right now?

♪ Plan C,
the only plan for me ♪

- Hey, Jodie.
- Hey, Carla.

- Hey, come on in, hey, y'all.
- Hey.

You good?
Go on in.

- How much time we got today?
- I've only got, like,

- 20 minutes.
- My next shift is

- across town.
- I've got ten.

- What, no Della?
- She's doing a triple today.

What?
Fuck, okay.

All right,
that's enough.

You gotta get up,
get dressed,

get your ass out the door.

No one's coming for us.

You gotta go to one job
and then the next job

and then the next job,
and you look forward.

One day at a time, okay?

Just one day at a time.

I smell like bleach.

Ugh, here, let me take this.

I know you don't wanna
hear that, but you don't have

any other choice,
none of us do.

...get to see each other.

I miss you too.
I miss you too.

- Thank you.
- I'm gonna see you tonight.

I'm gonna see you
tonight, okay?

I miss you.
You don't got to worry.

No, it's gonna be okay,
I can tell you that

- from experience, honey.
- I'm scared.

- I know.
- That's normal.

For your safety.

You can trust us,
you're safe.

Just go with it.

I can't do it,
I can't do it.

You got to harden
yourself now, you hear me?

Catch the bus, make the beds,
feed the mouths,

grow the babies,

birth the babies,
raise the babies.

Work.

And when you feel
like you're gonna break,

you come here.
We'll get you cleaned up,

we'll get you dressed
every day, if we have to.

I wish it wasn't
this way, honey...

but it is.

Okay?

Okay?

Okay.

License and registration?

Thank you. Do you know
why I pulled you over today?

No, officer, I do not.

Uh, you were using
the carpool lane

despite being
one single solitary person.

Oh, well, actually,
I am driving for two.

- Oh!
- Just a few months.

Cool, well,
points for creativity,

and congratulations,
but that doesn't count

so I'm still gonna have
to ticket you.

Oh, well, you definitely
don't have to.

Um, you could just
let me off with a warning.

Legally, there are
two of us, please?

I really can't handle
a $250 ticket right now.

- It's $490.
- What?!

Oh, my God, no,
I definitely can't--

Okay, don't fall
into the victim role here,

all right? God has
a plan for you, Jenna.

And single moms have
made it work

since the beginning of time.
You got this.

You can't force me
to have a baby

and pay a speeding ticket.

It's not actually
a speeding ticket--

Whatever!

It's all part
of God's plan, okay?

The burden is heavier
on us as women,

but that's because
we're stronger.

He never gives us challenges
that we can't overcome.

I mean, suicide's a thing.

Yeah, that's
that victim mentality,

it'll kill ya,
that's what I'm saying.

Usually I just take a photo
and it auto-populates but--

So, you think
that this is a baby.

- Yeah.
- Well, then you can't

possibly write me up
for driving with my baby.

I can, uh, and I am.

Except, menu, it's not--
oh, it's loading.

All right, just gotta
wait for it to--

might take a second.

Have you seen the new season
of "Ozark"? It's good.

- Ahh, we're back.
- Stop writing that.

Hey, I said stop writing.

I'm gonna need you
to stay in your vehicle.

Look, a ticket is no big deal,
but threatening an officer,

- that's a big deal.
- Yeah, you're right.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

But, look, I am
really struggling right now.

I could really please just use
the tiniest bit of kindness.

- Please.
- I get it.

I don't wanna be a mom,
that seems really hard.

But that's why I keep
my legs closed.

It's pretty straightforward,
you know, I mean,

for the future,
too late now, but...

You have heard of rape, right?

- One in six American women--
- If a baby isn't meant

to be born,
the body will reject it.

Isn't that amazing?
It's all in God's hands.

Oh, yeah, then
what about that ticket?

Is that in God's hands?
'Cause that looks

- like that's in your hands.
- Oh, hey.

I got a gun, right?
So we're gonna calm down.

I understand
that you're hormonal,

but you gotta relax and get
back inside the vehicle.

What is gonna happen
when I can't pay my rent

because of that ticket?
And what if it's God's plan

that I miscarry him,
and I get charged with murder?

It's scarier than that gun.

Okay, you know,
when a dog

is about to be euthanized,
it's very sad,

none of us like it, but
they have to do it sometimes.

But occasionally
it outsmarts the human

and hides in a corner
or escapes.

Usually, even when
they find the dog,

they grant the dog
a stay, right, because

the thinking is,
well, maybe that dog is

destined to live, right?

Just gotta think
about a baby like that.

I am not a violent person,
but I do mean you bodily harm.

I'm gonna need you
to get back in the car.

Oh, fuck.

Hey, hey, it's okay,
it's okay.

We're just gonna write you
this one ticket.

I'm not gonna cuff you
or anything, you can

handle one ticket, okay?

Let's try to...

Oh... okay.

That was... it's a bit
like trying to pat your head

and rub your belly at the same
time, you know what I mean?

Oh, that was close,
but that's what I'm saying is

it's all part of--

Hey.

Hey, beautiful.

What's your name?

What's your name?

Nothing?

Hey, beautiful?

I'm trying to talk to you.

Huh.

Fuckin' rude.

- Bitch.
- Hey, Mister.

Want to play backseat bingo?

Okay, silent treatment.

Hey, beautiful!

Nothing?

Hey, Mister!

♪ I need a playboy ♪

♪ Super smash game boy,
send a dick pic... ♪

Previously
on "Crucible Island"...

I can't wait to find out
why we're here, okay?

For two reasons, one,

'cause Henny-thing is
possible, baby.

And two,
if there's a cash prize,

I'm gonna use that
as seed money

for my staplecoin startup.

Fingers crossed that this is

a home renovation show.

People think moving a palm is

just like moving
any other tree,

but it takes a...

a real gentle touch.

I have some medical bills
piling up.

Just a... sorcery mishap.

Heh, so I could
definitely use the cash

to make those, um--

ts-ts-ts-tsah!
Disappear.

I'm just hoping
this is a springboard

to get my brand out there.

I'm not eating no bug though.

Honestly, I guess
I'm really here

- just to find love.
- Love.

Or a new assistant.

Hello, hello, hello.

Seems you've all settled in.
I bet everyone is dying

to know
why you're all here.

Let's go ahead and call
this lovely lady Bernadette.

Right? Oh, man, if this is
what we're working with,

I'm hella excited.

Oh, I'm glad I tanned
my balls for this.

Ooh, she is really smokin'.

Now, Bernadette has just
come back from the doctor,

and we can confirm
she is with child.

We brought you five here
to deduce

which of you heathens put
Bernadette in the family way.

...dada.

Now, once the lucky
impregnator is rooted out,

he will leave
the house a father!

Or with an 18-year

financial commitment to pay
child support.

Okay, are you ready,
Bernadette?

I have never seen
this woman before.

I don't even know
a Bernadette.

This is unacceptable.
I refuse to speak

unless my lawyer is present.

Ruthie, please bring in
Geoff's contract,

highlighting articles 37,
42, and 68.9.

There's this one,
this one...

Well, that's settled.

Get some sleep, boys.

Tomorrow, you face judgment
in the Reckoning Round.

I have so many bills going on!

What about
my staplecoin startup?

Geoff, how many women have
you slept with

this year to date?

One.

My wife.

Oh.

Oh, well, seems we have
some studio callers

claiming that is perjurious.

Ruthie?

You have a fucking wife?

Does she paint you
with hummus?

You told me
you loved me this morning.

Look at you.
So many followers.

How many of these women
have you slept with?

- Henny.
- April-May June.

That's me-- Henny,
have you had sex with women

or a woman
in the last five months?

Uh, yes, I-I have,
yeah, you know.

- Just one, though.
- Oh, one's enough.

Were you safe
when you did this?

I think so.

Braden's been
bragging about tail

since we got here.
He's your guy.

It wasn't me.
I always pull out.

Pointing fingers
at others is always

the best line of defense.

Geoff, have you ever paid

for someone to have
a secret abortion?

Never.

The Wisdom Round.

Where do a woman's eggs
come from?

Her hoo-hoo.

Um... God?

No, but you are
all still in the game.

Question number two,
how is an embryo created?

Through alcohol and mistakes,
am I right?

I know this one.
The fallopian tubes.

It's not, it's not,
it's not the fallopian tubes.

Question number three,
can you name

the female
reproductive hormones?

Is the answer boobs?

Potassium.

Science, brah.

Well, this is
an abomination.

Hi, uh, April-May June.

So, obviously
I don't know much

about reproductive
stuff, and...

being here has made me realize
that I haven't been

the best guy,
but seeing Bernadette,

I'm, like, starting
to feel things

that I've never
felt before.

So, I just wanna say,
if it was me,

I accept full responsibility.

Wow, thank you, Henny.

Bernadette,
is Henny the father?

No!

Well, Henny,
you are not the father.

But your willingness
to take accountability

for your actions has
been noted.

So, Henny, you have been
released from your witch hunt.

Your time on "Crucible Island"

has officially come
to an end.

Thank you. Henny-thing
is possible, guys.

He really was
the only one of you I liked.

Our expert will monitor
your polygraph units,

so no lies.

Welcome to the alibi round.

Geoff, where were you
on the night of March 17th?

I was home with my wife.

- Where I always am.
- Well, that's great.

Let's see if Mrs. Geoff
can corroborate.

Let's get her
on the line, Ruthie.

Hi, April-May,
as much as I don't wanna help

this narcissistic
small-

- boy loser,

we were at home that night
waiting for a couch delivery.

There's ring-cam footage.
As usual, Geoff was rude

to the delivery guys.

Serve him, Abigail!

Hey, Lindy, wait,
please, I--

Eh, yeah, we lost her.

All right, Geoff,
you're not the father.

Well, you have officially been
released from your witch hunt.

Your time on "Crucible Island"
has come to an end.

Now get the fuck out.

I lost, and then I won,
and that's politics.

We are down to three.

So, who's the culprit?
Is it Braden?

Is it Marco?
Is it Keith?

You have three seconds to
answer this question, Braden,

where were you
on the night of March 17th?

You're gonna need to be

quicker, okay,
moving on to Marco.

March 17th, St. Paddy's Day.

I was with
my frisbee golf team,

chugging pitchers
on a parade float.

Hah! I was on a parade float.

Did you have sex?

Nah...

- yeah.
- Oh, my fucking God.

why are we believing
Mr. Dick-Every-Girl-Down?

It's obviously fucking Braden.

Why me? Huh?
Why not magic man here?

He conjures.
I mean, I guess he can

conjure a babe
who fuckin' knows--

then he can conjure
another girl.

Oh, what the fuck, Keith,
Braden literally

calls himself
a clit whisperer.

'Cause it's fuckin' true.

- Mm-hmm.
- Fuckin' Braden.

Fuck you, pipsqueak.

Maybe it's you,
fuck you!

Shall we let the final three
in on our little secret?

Before you were brought here,
Bernadette decided she was

not ready to be a mother.

Not emotionally, not mentally,
not financially.

She went ahead and made
the terminal decision

to have an illegal abortion,

and her actions resulted

in her immediate arrest
and pending prosecution.

Fuck yeah.

Now, in the good old US of A,

we have a saying.

Ruthie, can you tell us
what the saying is?

It takes two to tango.

And once we expose

whomever was
the reputed father,

he too will face
manslaughter charges

alongside Bernadette!

- What?
- She will not tango alone.

I can't go to jail
for a hookup.

It's time for
the Persecution Round.

Let's turn our inquiry over
to the home tribunal.

Folks at home, call 555-1111

to let us know
who you denounce.

- Go ahead, caller.
- I'm pretty sure

Braden did it, he just
looks like a piece of shit.

- Who the fuck is this?
- I'm just a self-righteous

asshole that has now been
emboldened by the patriarchy

and legally enabled to impose
my narrow-minded morality

on anyone
I damn well please.

So, your word
or mine, stranger.

...that's fucking insane.

Next caller claims
to have a connection

to one of you!

Hi, I'm the HR rep
that hired Marco

for our corporate retreat.
He swore he could make

the underwriters disappear,
but instead,

he made my underwear
disappear.

Every last pair.

Even when I bought new ones.

I mean,
he is a good magician,

but he's definitely a perv.

- Abracadabra, loser.
- Oh, you're so damn smug.

When did you get that T-shirt,
spring break?

Yes, actually.

Daytona, where I got COVID
for the whole month of March.

I was bedridden
the entire time I was there.

Keith, you evade punishment.

Keith-It-Reals, you are
released from your witch hunt.

Your time at "Crucible Island"
has come to an end.

- Later, bozos.
- Fuck off.

And then there were two.

Find out who gets raked
over the fiery coals

of feticide next time
on "Crucible Island."

The following program is

brought to you
by VCTV.

Welcome...
to Vasectopia.

A place where you can
finally be yourself again.

Take it away, friends.

- Come on, let's go!
- Okay!

♪ Vasectopia's
the place to be ♪

♪ It's a place
for you and me ♪

♪ You can't get pregnant
in a place like this ♪

♪ Let Vasectopia be
your bliss ♪

Now, what we've learned here
at Vasectopia is that

men aren't crazy about
unwanted pregnancies either.

Right, Kevin?

So we've created a world
where people can

enjoy their lives
and have as much sex

as they consent to,

without the fear
of going to jail.

And don't forget...

bodily autonomy.

♪ In a world
that's dark and sad ♪

♪ Getting pregnant can
be real bad ♪

Now the government
owns your uterus

♪ We got a place to hide
that can be your bliss ♪

Trying to buy contraception

on the black market
out there in the real world?

Don't be ridiculous.

Here, you can get it for free.

♪ Vasectopia's
the place to be ♪

♪ It's a place for you
and me ♪

♪ You can't get pregnant
in a place like this ♪

♪ Let Vasectopia be
your bliss ♪

♪ Outside these gates,
you can go to prison ♪

♪ If a sperm and egg have
some sexy fission ♪

♪ Doesn't matter
if it's incest, rape ♪

♪ Or can kill you,
the government owns ♪

♪ Your body more than you do ♪

♪ Vasectopia's
the place to be ♪

♪ It's a place for you
and me ♪

♪ You can't get pregnant
in a place like this ♪

♪ Let Vasectopia be
your bliss ♪

♪ Ding dong ding... ♪

♪ Vasectopia ♪

♪ Ding dong ding dong ♪

♪ Ding dong
ding dong ♪

And the best part
about Vasectopia is...

well, it's in the name.

♪ Come to our doors
and get your snip snip ♪

♪ In our penis-shaped pool,
you can go for a dip ♪

♪ We also have
vagina lollipops ♪

♪ You can lick 'em all day,
and we'll get you off ♪

♪ Vasectopia's
the place to be ♪

♪ It's a place for you
and me ♪

♪ You can't get pregnant
in a place like this ♪

♪ Let Vasectopia be
your bliss ♪

Seriously,
why is this only on us?

♪ You can't get pregnant
in a place like this ♪

♪ Let Vasectopia be
your bliss ♪

Vasectopia.

Join us.

...would be
a monumental decision,

and we are at the capitol
of the last holdout state

to keep pro-choice
abortion rights

since the Supreme Court
overturned Roe v. Wade

over a decade ago
on June 24th, 2022.

The state has become
a battleground

for the pro-life movement
and politicians.

Today, the governor is due
to sign the ratification

presented by
the state senate.

The announcement could be
the end of this process,

which has since led to--

the banning of
abortion rights in 49 states.

As we wait for the decision,
let's go to other--

...we are
looking out for the unborn.

Mainstream media want you
to believe

that we aren't pro-women!

Being pro-life

and pro-women's rights

aren't mutually exclusive!

Oh, God...

oh, you can do it.
You can do it.

Is some...
Is someone there?

Juanita, mi amor,

cuídate, por favor.

No.

Hey, Vi.
Lookin' bien as usual.

Heh, Officer Hall.

Uh, been busy today.

Huh.

- That's all right.
- Yeah.

I have time.

Time.

Ahh, see, this girl has
the whole department crazy.

You know, I had to work OT
last night because we got

a tip that she was, you know,
seen a few miles from here.

I... I hope she's okay.

Where's your...
your little helper?

Um...

Juanita,
she took the day off.

She went to the capitol.

Ahh, Juanita.

I just hope
she's on the right side

of this mess.
You know, it can be...

muy malo.

Coffee's ready.

Ahh.

Café con leche.

Yeah, yeah,
that's exactly it.

- That's how I like it.
- Mm.

Mmm.

Too strong?

Uh, nah, nah, nah,
it's fine.

It's just fine.

- Thanks, Vi.
- Mm-hmm.

- What's up?
- You're not gonna

believe this.

Oh, my gosh.

- Is that--
- We can't.

- We are fucked.
- I mean, if she makes it,

what's stopping her
from ratting us out?

This is the job.

Please help me.

Hang on.

Thank you.

Okay.

It's okay.

You made it.

We want to help you.

Shit.

Ssh.

Shit... por favor,

no se vayan,
don't go anywhere.

I'm stupid, I was, um,
I was in the back.

- You know--
- That's all right.

- I left my glasses.
- Ahh.

Ahh, there.

Now, I know you don't keep
these cameras just

to keep an eye
on an empty store.

Yeah.

"We have a moral duty

to disobey an unjust law."

Our friend said that.

Breaking news, this just in,

a decision has been reached
in the landmark

pro-choice case
in the last state

currently fighting
to uphold abortion rights

in the country.
Let's go live

from the state capitol,
where the governor is

about to announce...

I know
I'm not hearing you right.

Come on, really?

I-I love you, Junie,
but this is not

- what's best for you.
- Okay, um...

You know what's best for me
and my body, right?

All right, no,
that's not what I'm saying,

- and you know it.
- Marco,

you've been
begging me for years

- to be a cool uncle.
- Yeah, I wanna be

a cool uncle
to a normal kid.

What's that supposed
to mean, hm?

IVF is perfectly normal.

It's not. Do you even know
what this procedure is?

Okay, I-I did research, okay?

It's not IVF,
it's your stem cells.

What does that even mean?

This is the government doing
what they always do...

Goodbye, Marco, goodbye.

It's, it's...

Uncle SAM's IVF Program,

how can I help you?

Hi, yes,
Juniper Stone.

January 15, 1993.

I need Dr. Evka
immediately.

Please hold.

How are you feeling, dear?

Something's wrong.

I woke up
this morning, and...

- my stomach...
- It's perfectly fine.

This is expected.
This is normal.

I am with you.
I see you.

I wouldn't let
anything happen.

It's very distended.

I'm concerned.

Should I go to the hospital?

Right now,
your stem cells are

fertilizing
and growing exponentially.

As per the process,
that was explained to you

in your contract.

Unless you did something

that you were instructed
not to do.

Yes, no-- of course not.

We are monitoring you.

Have you been missing
your injections?

Communicating outside
of the designated

connection window?

I don't know
why I'm so bad at that.

We are the future,

and the future is perfect.

Thank you, Dr. Evka.

You've reached Juniper Stone,

CEO of Rhino Group Media.

Please leave a message
after the beep.

Junie?

Please, please, please

check out the article
I sent you.

Call me back. Bye.

Hey, it's Kat.

Um, my wife's in
the same IVF group as you,

and she's acting
really weird.

Are you okay?

This is Lisa
from Dr. Evka's office.

I'm calling
to remind you that

you're in a closed
communication portion

of your incubation period.

Dr. Evka's office, please?

This is wrong.
Something is wrong.

I...

I saw something.

Saw something?

Do we have to do
mental health re-evaluation?

No.

That's what I thought, dear.

Our bodies are built
for this.

This new life,
it's a whole new you.

A better you.

You are going to make

an incredible mother.

Thank you, Dr. Evka.

Now, you just have
to let her out.

How are you feeling, dear?

Much better.

♪ Come on, kid,
take a little trip ♪

♪ You wanna get high
on the east side with ♪

♪ All the bad kids,
very bad kids ♪

♪ But the shoe don't fit,
it drops like a brick ♪

♪ When times get tough,
gets a little rough ♪

♪ And you just want love
but up comes nothing ♪

♪ Yeah, up comes nothing ♪

♪ Push me out ♪

♪ You know you don't
wanna be lonely, too ♪

♪ Don't put me down ♪

♪ Are you ever gonna get
I'm a bad kid, too? ♪

♪ I guess I'm never
gonna get what I want ♪

♪ 'Cause all I wanna get
is along with you ♪

♪ I guess I'm never gonna
get what I want ♪

♪ 'Cause all I wanna
get is along... ♪

♪ So, now you've got
to learn how ♪

♪ To be bad to get down
with the cool crowd, honey ♪

♪ Going downtown,
backstreets, underground ♪

♪ Kicking around
with the bad boys ♪

♪ And when times get tough,
gets a little rough ♪

♪ And we all need love
but we all get nothing ♪

♪ Yeah, we all need love
but we all get nothing ♪

♪ Get out while you can ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ Not everything
that sparkles ♪

♪ In your eyes is
a crazy diamond ♪

♪ I'm tired
of making trouble ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

♪ I'm tired
of the same old dances ♪

♪ So let's get out
while we can ♪

♪ So come on, kid,
take a little trip ♪

♪ You wanna get high
on the east side with ♪

♪ All the bad kids,
very bad kids ♪

♪ But the shoe don't fit,
the shoe don't fit ♪

♪ The shoe don't fit ♪

♪ I'm an asshole, baby ♪

♪ But I'm an asshole, too ♪

- ♪ What do you want? ♪
- ♪ I'm an asshole, baby ♪

- ♪ Why do you care? ♪
- ♪ I'm an asshole, too ♪

Well,
if you ever find yourself

hopeless
and without love,

always know
happiness could be

waiting for you
out there.

The wrong crowd could be
the right one for you,

so don't be blue.

Sooner or later,
it will all make sense.

Just take some of these.

♪ I'm an asshole, baby ♪

- ♪ Why do you care? ♪
- ♪ I'm an asshole, too ♪

- ♪ What do you want? ♪
- ♪ I'm an asshole, baby ♪

- ♪ Why do you care? ♪
- Just take some of these.

♪ Push me out ♪

♪ You know you don't
wanna be lonely, too ♪

♪ Don't put me down ♪

♪ You say you never
cross the line ♪

♪ With your makeup all fine
all the time ♪

♪ Listen to them,
and they'll do it ♪

♪ To the nines,
never steal it ♪

♪ For yourself
and say it's fine ♪

♪ Just sit there
and pretend you don't mind ♪

♪ Mm, mm ♪

♪ Mmmm ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ This time
you sit in silence ♪

♪ Watching everyone else
go right ♪

♪ Cry to yourself
and whine ♪

♪ Just please remember
you're trying ♪

♪ And you feel it
in your gut ♪

♪ The pain
you don't know what ♪

♪ Whatever's
bringing you down ♪

♪ Just enough to stop
you say you never ♪

♪ Cross the line
with your makeup all fine ♪

♪ All the time
listen to them ♪

♪ And they'll do it
to the nines ♪

♪ Never steal it for yourself
and say it's fine ♪

♪ Just sit there
and pretend you don't mind ♪

♪ Mm, mm ♪

♪ Mmmm ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ And this time, you won't
pretend you don't mind ♪

♪ Time to let 'em all
see you redefined ♪

♪ And this time, you won't
pretend you don't mind ♪

♪ Time to let 'em all
see you... ♪

♪ Love... ♪

♪ You say you never
cross the line ♪

♪ With your makeup all fine
all the time ♪

♪ Listen to them
and go do it to the nines ♪

♪ But this time, you won't
pretend you don't mind ♪

♪ Never steal it for yourself
and say it's fine ♪

♪ Never sit there
and pretend you're all right ♪

♪ Never sitting there
in silence ♪

♪ 'Cause this time's
a different time ♪

♪ Gonna let 'em
all see you redefined ♪

♪ And cross the line ♪

♪ Put it in my pussy
and run ♪

♪ But if you run
then that's no fun ♪

♪ 'Cause if it's gonna be
tough on me ♪

♪ You shouldn't be the one
that gets it for free ♪

♪ Down to fuck!
Down to fuck! ♪

♪ Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck! ♪

♪ Down to fuck!
Down to fuck! ♪

♪ Hey, hey,
who's down to fuck? ♪

♪ I love dick
but no baby ♪

♪ I love dick but no baby ♪

♪ If you gimme the dick
and give me a baby ♪

♪ Take the baby
and let me be me ♪

♪ Down to fuck!
Down to fuck! ♪

♪ Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck! ♪

♪ Down to fuck!
Down to fuck! ♪

♪ Hey, hey,
who's down to fuck? ♪

♪ Down to fuck-- hey!
down to fuck-- hey! ♪

♪ Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck! ♪

♪ Down to fuck-- hey!
down to fuck-- hey! ♪

♪ Hey, hey,
who's down to fuck? ♪

♪ 2022 and birth control ♪

♪ PMS, estrogen,
I control ♪

♪ Fuck the nine,
and their cohort ♪

♪ They have a body
and nothing to abort ♪

♪ Down to fuck-- hey!
down to fuck-- hey! ♪

♪ Hey, hey,
I'm down to fuck! ♪

♪ Down to fuck-- hey!
down to fuck-- hey! ♪

♪ Hey, hey,
who's down to fuck? ♪

Oh, one-two!

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ Got it wasted
so I'm on my own ♪

♪ Don't need to tell me
what I already know ♪

♪ A broken smile
and broken bones ♪

♪ Don't need to tell you
that nothing here ♪

♪ Is wrong ♪

♪ So you think
you know better? ♪

♪ Think I know
nothing at all ♪

♪ I'm so, so fed up ♪

♪ With you and your kind ♪

♪ You think
you know the truth ♪

♪ But you don't
look behind ♪

♪ Has it occurred to you ♪

♪ That we don't even mind? ♪

♪ Don't need no help
from no other ♪

♪ I got it covered
in glitter ♪

♪ I'll see the stars
from the gutter ♪

♪ Whoo-hoo! ♪

♪ Whoo-hoo! ♪

♪ Got a reckless heart,
I'm not slowing down ♪

♪ What are you waiting for?
Let's crash this town ♪

♪ A broken heart
a messed-up mind ♪

♪ Don't need to tell you
that we won't be just fine ♪

♪ So you think
you know better? ♪

♪ You got it all
figured out ♪

♪ I'm so, so fed up ♪

♪ With you and your kind ♪

♪ You think
you know the truth ♪

♪ But you don't
look behind ♪

♪ Has it occurred to you ♪

♪ That we don't
ever mind? ♪

♪ Don't need no help
from no other ♪

♪ I got covered
in glitter ♪

♪ I see the stars
from the gutter ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ So you think
you know better? ♪

♪ You got it all
figured out ♪

♪ I'm so, so fed up ♪

♪ With you and your kind ♪

♪ You think
you know the truth ♪

♪ But you don't
look behind ♪

♪ Has it occurred to you ♪

♪ That we don't
ever mind? ♪

♪ So you think
you know better? ♪

♪ You got it all
figured out ♪

♪ I'm so, so fed up ♪

♪ With you and your lies ♪

♪ Don't need no help
from no other ♪

♪ I got covered
in glitter ♪

♪ I see the stars
from the gutter ♪