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SPORADIC BANGING
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00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:31,520
BANGING CONTINUES
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00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:25,319
The scenes at the Eel Cafe
last night
4
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:28,919
was like something out of
a Ken Russell film.
5
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,839
Took the fire brigade an hour
to free Derek's penis
6
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,039
from a tree hollow.
7
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,879
Poor old John is still in a trance,
8
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:40,199
mumbling about witches
in the wood.
9
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:43,359
Farmer Beelzebub has been waiting in
A&E for six hours
10
00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:47,519
with severely burnt testicles
after crawling into a pizza oven
11
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,879
cos he thought the sky
was falling on him.
12
00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:53,559
CONTINUING ON RADIO: Agnes Watkins,
Theresa Watkins.
13
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,799
Call it what you like -
spiking, drugging -
14
00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,319
I call it witchcraft.
15
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,639
It's no co-incidence that
the spell was cast on
16
00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:06,479
the eve of the Watkins sisters'
annual witches' supper.
17
00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:09,239
I dread to think what they took from
those poor men
18
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:12,240
for their witches' brew while they
were half mad.
19
00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:14,959
Hair?
20
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,639
Saliva?
21
00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:19,720
My apologies, semen?
22
00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:24,719
Those mushrooms could
have been fatal.
23
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:26,959
FATAL!
24
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:29,080
Those men could be dead now.
25
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:34,399
The time for talking is over.
26
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,679
What's needed now is action.
27
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,399
And its high time I took
the law into my own hands.
28
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:43,599
And, mark my words,
I will grasp that law firmly,
29
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,839
and milk it for everything
that it's got
30
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:48,520
until I get the results I want.
31
00:02:51,920 --> 00:02:54,199
Back after this.
32
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,119
ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
33
00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:59,399
Shut up.
34
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:00,680
Idiot.
35
00:03:06,771 --> 00:03:10,679
Ryan found these unopened in
the cabinet.
36
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:14,359
I don't need them.
I'm feeling fine.
37
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,839
You don't look fine.
38
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:21,799
It's none of your business, Joy,
not any more.
39
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:25,159
Come on, Jim,
it was never gonna work.
40
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:29,520
We're too different.
You say potato, I say potato.
41
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,719
The damage you women leave behind.
42
00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:38,439
You can't keep blaming
the women in your life.
43
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:41,479
You using me like
a piece of meat has nothing to do
44
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:44,400
with my mother leaving me at
the Leigh Delamere services.
45
00:03:46,901 --> 00:03:49,119
Please, take them, Jim.
46
00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:52,240
Not until I've led our men
to victory.
47
00:03:57,080 --> 00:04:00,640
I think you crave
chaos as a deflection.
48
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,319
HE LAUGHS
49
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:05,279
Where'd you read that?
50
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:07,400
Spiritual Guru Digest?
51
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:10,879
Cod Psychology Monthly?
52
00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:14,000
Nah, I've had enough of this, Joy.
I need to get on.
53
00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,999
The time is 8:30.
54
00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:25,519
Today marks 200 days
before Pancake Day.
55
00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:28,199
So... that's something
to look forward to.
56
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,519
I am a lemon and sugar man.
57
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,600
Ah, here she comes.
Somert urgent, she said.
58
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:40,959
What's so important, town mouse?
59
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:45,319
Well, it's... it's quite a big
one, so...
60
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:48,279
Ooh! Not pregnant, are you?
61
00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:52,119
Oh, no. I...I'm out the other side
of all that now, Tree.
62
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:54,239
Done the dirty with an animal!
63
00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:55,479
What? No, course I haven't.
64
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:56,999
Was it a muntjac?
65
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,439
A muntjac? I don't know what
that is. Ooh! Not an eel, was it?
66
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:00,919
SHE LAUGHS
67
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,959
You know what? It doesn't matter.
It... it was nothing.
68
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,399
No, forget about it.
Linda, Linda.
69
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:07,359
No, no, the moment's passed.
70
00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,319
It absolutely hasn't, Linda.
It has. No, it hasn't.
71
00:05:09,320 --> 00:05:12,439
Stop being so bloody sensitive.
Come here now. Tell us.
72
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,799
Come on, Linda.
You really want to know? Yes!
73
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,160
Yes, Linda, we do.
74
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:28,040
So, I...
75
00:05:31,320 --> 00:05:33,320
I'm your half-sister.
76
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,959
Are...
77
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,680
...er, you gonna s-say something,
or...?
78
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,320
But what do you want us to say?
79
00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:59,119
I don't know.
80
00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,359
Well, what did you say to Ryan?
81
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:04,120
Nothing. We just gave them a hug.
82
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:07,600
Aw.
83
00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:11,319
Oh, oh, no, let's... let's
do that later, Linda, eh?
84
00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:13,640
Cos I'm dead comfy now, so...
85
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:18,600
No.
86
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,239
I've worked it out,
in case you're interested,
87
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:33,039
which you're obviously not.
88
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,999
And I now realise
that's why we kept coming here
89
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,039
when I was little.
90
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:39,799
Not because Mum wanted to spend
"quality time" with me and Siobhain,
91
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:43,640
but because she wanted
to see your dad. Our dad.
92
00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:46,640
Right.
93
00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:52,839
Well, that is NOT how I imagined
that going at all.
94
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:54,280
In any way.
95
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:58,439
Not quite Danny Dyer on
Who Do You Think You Are?
96
00:06:58,440 --> 00:06:59,879
but there you go.
97
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,999
PHONE RINGS
98
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,600
Hello, Janet.
99
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,679
Oh, I'm really sorry.
Yeah, no, I'm on my way.
100
00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,239
I'll be there in 20 minutes.
101
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:14,000
SHE SIGHS
102
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:16,720
SHE SCOFFS
103
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,999
Panini?
104
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,519
Mm! Yeah?
105
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,240
Put some little cheese
balls on the side.
106
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:41,080
SHE SIGHS CONTENTEDLY
107
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:02,479
BELL RINGS
108
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:05,119
Hey, leave the Eel sisters
out of your witch hunt.
109
00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:06,839
They had nothing to do
with the spiking.
110
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:07,959
It was my mistake.
111
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,559
I didn't know my stinkhorn
from my hen-of-the-woods.
112
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:11,760
Hmm!
113
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:16,119
I'm coming for you, Linda Jenkins.
Mm-hm.
114
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:19,119
So you best be ready,
cos I'm coming. Mm?
115
00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:23,119
Do you hear me?
I'm coming.
116
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,599
Ooh!
117
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:25,839
You come yet?
118
00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,399
That's 20 quid, please.
119
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:29,760
Aww!
120
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,359
Sorry I'm late, Janet.
Something came up.
121
00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:38,799
Lead by example, Linda.
That's the third time now.
122
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:40,519
Sorry.
123
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,920
Oh, off out?
124
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:48,320
No. I always wear this
when I have a good idea.
125
00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:53,279
The spiking's thrown a bit of
a spanner in the negotiations.
126
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,679
Oh, why?
It's unnerved the men.
127
00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:58,799
But it was an accident.
But the men don't see it like that.
128
00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:02,559
They're saying the experience
has left them feeling violated,
129
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:06,199
humiliated, eel-masculated.
130
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:07,959
Eel-masculated?
131
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,920
It's like emasculated,
but with eels.
132
00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:15,959
I've, er... I've looked into it,
133
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:19,440
and I think I might be able to move
some money around local budgets.
134
00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:24,519
WHISPERS:
Siphon it from "elsewhere."
135
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:29,080
Get the women �85 and 63 pence
per month. Oh!
136
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,879
It's a bit iffy,
but what council isn't?
137
00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:36,160
Oh, well done, Janet.
138
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,280
How about...
139
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,839
...mandatory housework training?
140
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:48,559
Like conscription,
but for chores, not wars.
141
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:52,679
Pig Man could lead it.
He was born wiping, that man.
142
00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:55,640
We could think of a catchy name
for it.
143
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:58,399
Er...
144
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,719
Clean-scription.
No.
145
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,280
Pan-scription.
Absolutely not.
146
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:05,919
National cervix.
147
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:07,200
Stop now, Janet.
148
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,639
VOICES OVERLAP:
Blessing be upon you,
149
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,319
O wondrous Spirits of the Dead
150
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,519
and honour you on this sacred night.
151
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:23,239
Until you be refreshed
and reborn again in perfect love,
152
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:28,360
we bid you each a fond farewell.
153
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:51,159
? I'll turn into a witch tonight
154
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:56,119
? How did you happen to find me, sir?
155
00:11:56,120 --> 00:12:01,119
? Thought no-one could see me now
156
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:06,080
? I didn't put my clothes on
157
00:12:19,800 --> 00:12:25,759
? The bubble that you left then
158
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:30,079
? I think it's safer than the cold
159
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:35,959
? Not too late to go home now
160
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:40,400
? I'll chew the pill for you
161
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:59,519
? And I'm flying away
162
00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:07,359
? But I think I saw some turbines
163
00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:11,880
? Turning beneath me
164
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:22,839
? Don't waste your pearls on me
165
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:29,839
? I'm only a pig, I'm only a pig
166
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:37,840
? I'm only a pig,
I'm only a pig
167
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,999
? Slept beside... ?
168
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:09,719
All right, lads,
settle down, settle.
169
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:13,399
Like to say a few words, if I may.
170
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:16,919
Tonight we make history!
171
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,839
ALL: Yes!
172
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:21,879
We take back control!
ALL: Yes!
173
00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:24,799
We make men great again!
174
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,639
THEY CHEER
175
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:30,679
? Ploughed the ground Good for you
176
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:35,760
? Could grow some plants
if you wanted to... ?
177
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:56,959
Hold your nerve.
178
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,320
Stand firm!
179
00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:04,560
Be not afraid...
180
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:10,079
...for victory... awaits!
181
00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:11,879
THEY CHEER
182
00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:13,599
Let's kill the bitches!
183
00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:15,639
SILENCE FALLS
Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, Brian.
184
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,079
No.
185
00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:19,999
That's not what we're doing here.
Eh?
186
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:25,039
? Broke the zip inside my stomach
187
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:29,239
? Blood dripping down onto the broom
188
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:34,119
? Off the broom and into the sky
189
00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:39,360
? Mixed with your tears
seeped to the ground
190
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:58,599
? And I'm flying away
but I think... ?
191
00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,359
Oh, has everyone been for a wee-wee?
ALL: Yes.
192
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,239
Cos I...I'm not gonna be stopping
ten times on the way. We know.
193
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:05,519
Right? OK.
194
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:08,239
Right, grab your torches
and placards.
195
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:10,679
The Women's Revolt is over.
196
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:14,759
Tonight the night we show them
what revolting looks like!
197
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:18,160
THEY CHEER
198
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:12,599
? Without a broom or bubble
199
00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:18,119
? You learnt to fly all by yourself
200
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:23,079
? You could see through the mess
201
00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:28,800
? You chose to float above us. ?
202
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:57,160
INDISTINCT SPEECH
203
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:30,800
TENSE MUSIC BUILDS
204
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:53,040
MEN CLAMOUR AND BANG
205
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:20,719
Theresa Watkins, Agnes Watkins,
Linda Jenkins,
206
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:25,519
I am arresting you under the 1603
Act Against Conjuration Witchcraft
207
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,999
And Dealing With Evil And
Wicked Spirits.
208
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,519
MURMURS OF APPROVAL
209
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:32,559
We've turned a blind eye
to your dead witches' suppers
210
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:36,519
for the best part of four decades.
Well, I am ending them tonight,
211
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:39,839
in accordance with ancient forest
rules
212
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:43,239
within said hundred of
Speech House Lake.
213
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:44,639
Tie 'em up, boys.
214
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,279
Come on. Right.
Who's got the rope?
215
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,879
I ain't got it.
I told you to bring it.
216
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,199
Oh, for God's sake!
217
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:52,559
I mean...
218
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:56,439
Right, er, you-you-you may
not wish to say something.
219
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,599
Er, if you, er...
220
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:00,719
What is it?
221
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:04,199
Er, it may harm what you...
Anything you say may be taken
222
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,080
in evidence, so help you God!
223
00:20:07,121 --> 00:20:10,159
Right, up against the wall, women.
224
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,999
Who's got the handcuffs?
Get the handcuffs.
225
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,039
Not me. I ain't got any.
226
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:15,439
Well, what kind
of ambush is this, Brian?
227
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,919
Jim, Jim, I think
it's all gone a bit too far.
228
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:22,039
Huh?! This ain't feeling right
to me.
229
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:23,879
I've got the willies.
230
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,519
I think I just got swept up
in it all,
231
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:28,799
but what you're doing here is wrong,
232
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,599
and I can't, in good conscience,
be a part of it no more.
233
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,039
Oh, God.
234
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:38,039
Sorry, ladies,
you look... right beautiful.
235
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:39,719
I like your feathers.
Oh, for God's...
236
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:42,399
Sorry, ladies.
237
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,879
You will be incarcerated
for desertion for this, Brian!
238
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,879
Incarcerated! Do you hear me?
239
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,479
Good riddance.
DOOR SLAMS
240
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:50,919
Ha! Ha!
241
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:54,439
I don't need anyone else
to help restore natural order
242
00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,679
to this town. You women don't
scare me. I will not be silen...
243
00:20:57,680 --> 00:20:59,240
THUD
244
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,520
CLEARS THROAT
245
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,400
Lovely. Thanks.
246
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:54,160
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
247
00:21:54,210 --> 00:21:58,760
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