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1
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,000
SHE SCOFFS
2
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,120
SHE SCOFFS AGAIN
3
00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:29,480
Come here. Here.
4
00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:35,799
On no level was you fornicating
with Siobhain,
5
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:40,400
next to me, while I was asleep, OK.
6
00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:51,240
See, I thought I'd lost my
virginity at 15, Linda.
7
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:54,639
But in hindsight,
8
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,959
I think Siobhain took it
the other night.
9
00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,080
Ugh! I'm not having
this conversation.
10
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,879
I mean, yeah, I know about all
this role play stuff, you know,
11
00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:08,879
people pretending to be
firemen, nurses, plumbers,
12
00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:10,720
but dogs?
13
00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:18,760
I never knew you could feel degraded
and liberated at the same time.
14
00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:23,359
But I'm worried it might come back
and bite me on the bum.
15
00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:27,279
Like she Siobhain did.
Please.
16
00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:33,200
Cos them pictures, they're on
the cloud now. Out of context.
17
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,359
Are you OK?
18
00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:46,190
I don't think the lice are
gonna be enough for me anymore.
19
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:02,999
? Wolf mother, where you been?
20
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:06,320
? You look so worn, so thin
21
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:15,400
? You're a taker, devil's maker
Let me hear you sing, hey-ya, hey-ya
22
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:24,720
? Wolf father, at the door
You don't smile anymore
23
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,359
? You're a drifter, a shapeshifter
24
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:33,480
? Let me see you run, hey-ya, hey-ya
25
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:43,920
? Holy light, oh, burn the night
Oh, keep the spirits strong
26
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:52,480
? Watch it grow, child of woe
Oh, keep holding on
27
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:58,799
? When I run through the deep dark
forest long after this begun
28
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:03,839
? Where the sun would set, the trees
were dead and the rivers were none
29
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:08,559
? And I hope for a trace to lead me
back home from this place
30
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:12,720
? But there was no sound, there was
only me and my disgrace... ?
31
00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:22,799
When are you gonna stop all this
pointless dick-bashing, Linda?
32
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:26,400
TOENAIL CLIPS
Argh! Please, Siobhain.
33
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:29,319
Do them outside.
34
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,550
That's not very joyful of you,
Linda, is it?
35
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:34,919
NAIL CLIPS AGAIN
36
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:38,439
Why is it so loud? It's just nail.
37
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:40,239
Vitamin B, Lin.
38
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,479
I could dig through frozen soil
with these.
39
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:47,199
If I were a bird. In winter.
And I needed a worm.
40
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,280
What are you on about?
41
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,039
Where you going?
42
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,079
Housework Action Group meeting.
43
00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:57,320
Then I'm gonna try out
a new vegan mushroom eel recipe.
44
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:02,439
Housewife Action Group?
Mushroom vegan eels?
45
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,879
You are a Guardian reader's
wet dream.
46
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:08,599
And whose wet dream are you?
Jim Davidson's?
47
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,160
And have a wash.
You smell like a bin.
48
00:04:16,541 --> 00:04:19,639
'In the latest Ledgergate news,
49
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:21,719
The Verderer's ill-advised strategy
for the men
50
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:25,079
to withhold sex until their
wives "come to their senses"
51
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,119
has catastrophically backfired.
52
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:30,119
The majority of women have
enthusiastically welcomed
53
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:31,519
a period of celibacy,
54
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,279
and are now rethinking
their sexuality.
55
00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:36,239
It's another blow for the men,
56
00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:38,800
and not the kind they were hoping
for.'
57
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,679
The thing is, Linda,
58
00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:49,119
going on strike is all very well
in theory,
59
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:52,839
but the reality is,
if the women don't do everything,
60
00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:57,199
stuff is either not done
or it's done badly,
61
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,679
and they have to do it again,
62
00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:03,559
and so what the women wanna know is,
63
00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:05,399
how does it all end?
64
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:08,559
They don't wanna live in a pigsty,
65
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:12,639
the kids are getting sick
through malnutrition,
66
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:16,439
school trips and clubs,
they're being missed, and the men...
67
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:22,320
the men are using the same cloth
to do everything with.
68
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:29,959
They're not ... they're not even
wringing the water out,
69
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:32,200
before wiping down surfaces.
70
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:37,559
Do you know,
71
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,279
nice women don't make
the history books, Janet.
72
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:45,879
My proposals are,
one. All housework, and childcare,
73
00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:49,359
and mental load divided equally.
74
00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,999
Two. Chore benefit.
75
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:56,159
Like... like child benefit,
but for chores?
76
00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,599
Exactly. Oh!
77
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,439
Jesus, Janet!
78
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,560
I've had a thought, Linda.
79
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:12,519
I'm off to reread section 137 of
the 1972 Local Government Act.
80
00:06:12,520 --> 00:06:15,359
Call me.
81
00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:18,120
Oh, yeah, I'll text you later.
Yeah, yeah.
82
00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,839
You best have a plan B, Verderer.
83
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:28,679
The women have gone from
vacuuming carpets to munching 'em.
84
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,599
I got a plan B.
85
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:37,159
And we shall prevail against these
wanton succubi.
86
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:40,999
Hah? These agents of the Devil.
87
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:44,119
Oh, Shirley, I've spilt me pint.
Can you give us a cloth?
88
00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,639
Get it yourself, you lazy gobshite.
89
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,559
Eh? What?
You're at work, you're not at home.
90
00:06:49,560 --> 00:06:52,039
The strike doesn't apply here.
91
00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:54,639
I am at home. I live upstairs.
92
00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,840
Well, this is ridiculous!
93
00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:00,200
Jesus on a stick.
94
00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:07,039
And rinse it and wring it out
when you're done.
95
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:08,639
All right.
96
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,520
'Ark at 'er when she's at home, eh?
97
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,960
HE MUTTERS
98
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,639
Have you warned them?
99
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:45,799
Warned who?
100
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:47,799
The men.
About what?
101
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,559
Vegan mushroom eels.
102
00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:53,439
No, I didn't mention the V word.
I was vague,
103
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,119
said something about
a new recipe, you know,
104
00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:58,199
healthier, full of vitamins and
natural aphrodisiacs and that.
105
00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,080
Bit of peri-peri.
106
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:04,879
See the problem with
the menopause is that a lot of
107
00:08:04,880 --> 00:08:07,839
the symptoms could be other
things, right, so you don't know
108
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:10,639
if it's the menopause or if it's
something else going on.
109
00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:12,039
I know.
110
00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:16,039
Like I don't know if my achy joints
is down to hormones
111
00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:18,199
or sleeping standing up.
112
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,319
Exactly. Like,
113
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:22,319
is my murderous rage due to
a lack of oestrogen or is it
114
00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:25,439
because Colin Cockface can't
pronounce my name right?
115
00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,999
I swear to God, Ags, if he calls
me THeresa one more time
116
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,759
I'll tape his fucking mouth shut
with an HRT patch.
117
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,719
Just put a hex on him, Tree.
118
00:08:32,720 --> 00:08:35,999
Much easier than asking men
to stop doing things.
119
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,720
Mm.
120
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:49,680
HARMONICA PLAYS GENTLE MELODY
121
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:05,080
Good morning. Good Morning. Er...
122
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,199
Not feeling great today.
123
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,959
Didn't sleep well.
124
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:15,279
Don't worry, I'm not gonna head off
to the Severn Bridge to end it all.
125
00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:17,240
Not... not after last time.
126
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:20,559
You'd think they'd let me off
the parking ticket,
127
00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:22,599
all things considered.
128
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,279
But, er, no.
129
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:29,280
No, er... no anger today.
Just, er...
130
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:34,480
...just sadness and emptiness.
131
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:38,959
Very sad.
132
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:42,999
And, er, very empty.
133
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:46,200
A heaviness, you know?
134
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,279
Don't make sense, does it?
135
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:54,360
To feel both empty and heavy.
136
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,439
Anyway,
137
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:05,399
onwards and upwards.
138
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:08,559
One day at a time.
One day at a time.
139
00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:12,479
Good morning. Good morning.
Good morning.
140
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:17,359
The topic for today is
of course Ledgergate.
141
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:21,359
CHUCKLING: Honestly, it's like
the plot of a terrible
142
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:25,879
feminazi lesbo porno movie.
You know?
143
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:29,319
Easy Rider meets Handmaid's Tale
144
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,479
meets The Riddle of the Sphinx.
145
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,959
Now, I don't know about you
boys, but that would,
146
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:39,000
that would not get me going
in any way whatsoever.
147
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:47,319
Back after this.
148
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:49,320
COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS
149
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:17,359
Have you heard about
Jeremiah's baby?
150
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:18,719
What that it came out laughing?
151
00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:20,519
No. The birthmark.
152
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,160
Oh.
153
00:12:22,161 --> 00:12:27,079
Which Watkins ancestor do you reckon
has come back this time then, eh?
154
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:33,119
Well, hopefully not great great
great grandfayther Josiah.
155
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:37,439
Hmm, yeah, well,
we'll found out soon enough
156
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:40,879
if the nipper starts eating his
own faeces.
157
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:43,559
Oh, and did you hear that
Jeremiah lost the placenta on
158
00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:46,399
the way home from the hospital?
Sally can't bury it.
159
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:50,799
What so the baby's not anchored
to the earth? No.
160
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:52,359
How'd he lose it then?
161
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:54,839
He was pissed as a fart.
Worrying thing is,
162
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,839
it was wrapped up in paper like
a package from the butchers.
163
00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,640
Ew. Well, best avoid the kebab shop
for a few days then.
164
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,199
Gonna have a serious problem,
that kid.
165
00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,639
Oh, yeah.
166
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:09,840
Especially if it's great great great
grandfayther Josiah reincarnated.
167
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:19,480
Oh! But he has got
the Watkins webbed toes.
168
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:23,680
Ah. Best swimmers in the forest.
169
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:45,839
Is that an harmonic in your pocket
or are you just pleased to see me?
170
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:47,880
THEY CHUCKLE
171
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,840
I have this effect on men.
172
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:56,919
They say you're never more than
six feet away from a rat.
173
00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,360
Well, I'm never more than six feet
away from a semi.
174
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,890
Well, it's good to see you,
Siobhain. I'll, er...
175
00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,200
...I'll leave you to your privacy.
176
00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:22,600
You're not my type anyway.
177
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:38,359
I need to speak to you.
178
00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:41,119
I never understood why it was just
me with webbed toes.
179
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,040
Well, I do now. Eh?
180
00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:51,240
I think that Fayther
might be my real dad.
181
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:55,800
And you know something.
And I know that you do.
182
00:14:55,801 --> 00:14:59,679
Well, I do know that mum was
having an affair
183
00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,600
with someone down here for years.
But that's all I know.
184
00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:05,320
So he could be my dad, then?
185
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:23,520
Did Dad know? Yes.
186
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,639
So Dad knew. And you knew.
187
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,000
And everyone knew except me.
188
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,800
That explains everything,
doesn't it?
189
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:45,519
Why I felt like an outsider.
190
00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:49,160
Because... because I was.
191
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,640
Why didn't you tell me?
192
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,199
Well, it wasn't my place.
Not your place?!
193
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:12,319
Well, no. I was a child.
It was Mum's place.
194
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,199
And she told me not to tell you,
195
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,119
she said it was
"our little secret".
196
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,919
You know what Mum was like.
197
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:21,960
She was always pitting us
against each other.
198
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,879
You took what you could get.
199
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:27,720
Love crumbs.
200
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:33,359
And I resented you.
201
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,719
You were the reason Mum
and Dad fought.
202
00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:37,159
What do you mean?
203
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,960
You were a reminder of her deceit.
204
00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:50,480
What about after she died?
205
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:56,240
Was there no point in the past
40 years when you could've told me?
206
00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,519
Well, I wanted to,
207
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:04,519
but then as time passed
it got harder and harder.
208
00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:10,640
I cannot believe that you have known
all these years.
209
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:15,960
And still been vile to me.
210
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:20,320
Cos it's not that big a
deal, Linda.
211
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:24,239
I'm not who I thought I
was, Siobhain.
212
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:29,360
None of us are who we thought
we were. Deal with it.
213
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,520
..Have you ever seen the rain?
214
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:50,560
? Comin' down on a sunny day
215
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:57,640
? Yesterday and days before
216
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:03,799
? Sun is cold and rain is hard,
I know
217
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:07,240
? It's been that way for all my time
218
00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:14,519
? Till forever on it goes
219
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:19,040
? Through the circle fast and slow
I know
220
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:23,680
? It can't stop I wonder
221
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:33,560
? I wanna know have you ever seen
the rain?
222
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:42,640
? I wanna know have you ever seen
the rain?
223
00:19:45,360 --> 00:19:48,200
? Comin' down on a sunny day ... ?
224
00:19:57,481 --> 00:20:00,239
Thing with these ledgers is,
225
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,759
it's different chores on
different days.
226
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,599
I mean, do we have to stick
to that,
227
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,520
or can I put a wash on
on a different day than she did?
228
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:16,279
What's this?
The Feminist Manifesto?
229
00:20:16,280 --> 00:20:18,640
Oh. Right.
230
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:23,350
I'll be taking this poisonous
propaganda, thank you, gentlemen.
231
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:47,920
PHONE RINGS
232
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:52,970
Hey, Theresa.
233
00:20:52,971 --> 00:20:57,199
What the fuck did you put in those
vegan mushroom eels, Linda?
234
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,320
The men are going fucking apeshit.
235
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:52,240
Shit.
236
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:59,839
? Oh, Sally my dear, it's you I'd be
kissing
237
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:05,240
? She smiled and replied. "You don't
know what you're missing"
238
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:17,079
? Oh, Sally my dear, I wish I could
wed you
239
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:21,359
? Oh, Sally my dear, I wish I could
bed you...
240
00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:23,400
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
241
00:22:23,450 --> 00:22:28,000
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