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Now, after we are
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given the certificate,
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who do you think
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should speak first?
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I think it should
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be me and then you.
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But, if you want,
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it could be you and then me.
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Or it could go me, you, me.
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What do you think?
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How about just you?
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Thank you, Ron. Yes.
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Tomorrow,
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the Parks and Rec Department
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is receiving a commendation
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at the Indiana Statehouse
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for bringing
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the Harvest Festival back.
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And although it's
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purely ceremonial,
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it's a huge deal for me
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to go to the Statehouse.
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I couldn't care less
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about the commendation.
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But Indianapolis is home to
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Charles Mulligan's Steakhouse,
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the best damn
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steakhouse in the damn state.
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I have taken a picture
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of every steak
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I've ever eaten there.
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June 2004.
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Porterhouse,
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medium rare, Béarnaise sauce.
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January 2000.
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They call this
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one "The Enforcer."
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February '96.
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The steak, rib eye.
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The whiskey, Lagavulin 16.
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The lady next to me, a bitch.
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Specifically,
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my ex-wife, Tammy.
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Okay, this is the first
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time I ever went there.
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Oh, look at me.
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I'm just a kid.
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She's showing
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some elephant...
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Ooh, la la. Look who's fancy.
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Am I wearing an ascot?
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I didn't notice.
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Big night at
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the Snakehole Lounge!
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It's a launch party
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for Dennis Feinstein's
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new fragrance,
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Allergic for Men.
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Pawnee's own Dennis Feinstein
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is a real up-and-comer
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in the world of
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micro-brewed perfumes
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and body sprays.
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His ether-based perfume,
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Blackout,
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was named one of
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Maxim's top hundred ways
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to trick someone into sex.
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Club opens at 6:00,
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event starts at 9:00.
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No, no, way too late.
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I will be deep
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into my bath by then.
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Don't let us
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picture that. Ben,
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you gonna go?
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I don't think so.
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Probably just
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gonna take it easy,
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but thank you.
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Yeah, they always ask me
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to go out with them.
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They're just being polite.
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I move around a lot,
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so the friends I
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make in these cities,
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they're like
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Facebook friends, you know?
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"Hey, Doug from
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Bloomington is thinking
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about buying a shirt."
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Come on, Doug, who cares?
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Okay, Tom,
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I want you to take Ben
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and make him go to
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that antihistamine party.
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It's "Allergic,"
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and forget it.
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He doesn't know
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anybody in town.
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Come on, Tom, take him
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under your tiny little wing.
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He's a fully
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grown man, Leslie.
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And tonight's just
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not about pleasure.
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I'm schmoozing
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Dennis Feinstein
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so I can pitch
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him my new cologne,
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Tommy Fresh.
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Okay, well,
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while you're doing that,
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I want you to picture
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Ben in his motel room,
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all by himself
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with no friends,
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staring at the wall.
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Deal.
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Tom.
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So my band's
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working on a new album.
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Oh, yeah?
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What's it called?
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April Ludgate is
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the Best Ever, Volume One.
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Shut up.
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So, what do you
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wanna do tonight?
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We could watch TV
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at Burly's house
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or we could watch
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TV at your house.
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Or, I mean, we could
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watch TV at Best Buy.
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Why don't we go
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to Tom's thing?
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That weird cologne party
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thing at the Snakehole?
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I kind of forgot
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that you need money
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when you have a girlfriend.
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I wanna treat
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April like a queen,
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and queens deserve
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flowers and massages,
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chocolate, booze,
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diamonds, rubies, emeralds,
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them treasure chests
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full of scarves,
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different kinds of
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lubes that warm up
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when you rub 'em on stuff.
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I'm gonna give her all
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that stuff. And more.
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That sounds pretty awesome.
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Yeah, let's do it.
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Okay.
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All right. Bye.
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Bye.
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I don't know.
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I guess we're dating.
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It's new. Whatever!
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I don't like labels.
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Go away.
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This?
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That would be good.
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But does it say,
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"Hello, general assembly,
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"I've come to Indianapolis
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to accept your commendation?"
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As much as any
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one dress could.
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Leslie, I think
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Chris is cheating on me.
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What? That lying bastard!
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Wait. How do you know?
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I don't have
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any actual proof.
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Then I'm sure he's
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not cheating on you.
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And if he is,
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he's a monster.
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And if he's not,
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you guys are
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great together.
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But if he is,
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I will kill him.
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Well, we had
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a really good conversation
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about our
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relationship last week,
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and he was very reassuring
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that we're headed
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in a good direction.
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Great.
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But then he got distant.
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And when I asked
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to come visit him
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in Indianapolis,
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he was totally weird.
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He was weird.
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Look, it sounds like
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you're just spiraling.
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But what if I'm not?
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What if I'm not?
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What if he has
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a girl up there?
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I think he's cheating
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on me.
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Wow. Okay.
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Well, luckily,
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I'm heading up there.
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I'll invite him out
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to dinner and I'll poke
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around a little bit.
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Okay.
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I mean, he's not
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gonna be able
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to keep anything from me.
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In high school,
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they used to call
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me Angela Lansbury.
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But that was
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because of my haircut.
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Hey, champ.
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Hey, champion.
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Listen,
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you should come out tonight.
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Club's gonna be dope.
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Plus, I'm pretty sure you
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have nothing else going on.
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Well, that's not
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totally true.
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The owner of
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the motel I'm staying at
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said she was gonna screen
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Hope Floats in the lobby.
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Asked me if
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I wanted to watch.
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Yeah. You should
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probably get out of that.
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I think she's
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gonna murder you.
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Come on down
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00:05:16,580 --> 00:05:17,640
to the Snakehole.
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I'm not gonna take
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no for an answer.
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Okay. Yeah, no,
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I'll stop by.
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Cool.
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Thank you.
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Hey, you mind if I ask?
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What are you
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gonna wear tonight?
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You know,
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I was probably just
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gonna stick with this.
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Come on, seriously.
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What are you gonna wear?
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Something totally different.
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Probably go home
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and grab something.
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Cool.
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If you would be willing
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to just take a brief pit stop,
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we could see Indiana's
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second-largest rocking chair.
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No.
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Then maybe we should take
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a quick two-hour sojourn
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to Dame Gervin's
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Misshapen Celebrity Castle.
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00:05:52,610 --> 00:05:55,350
It's where Madame Tussaud
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sends all of its
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failed wax figures,
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and if you can
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figure out who it is,
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you get to take it home.
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No.
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What's wrong with you,
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grouchy pants?
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00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:04,150
I've been fasting all day
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to save room for Mulligan's.
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00:06:04,460 --> 00:06:05,890
Fasting's not
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healthy for you, Ron.
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00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:07,420
Leslie,
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you need to understand,
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we are heading
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for the most
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special place on earth.
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When I'm done
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eating a Mulligan's meal,
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for weeks afterwards,
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there are flecks of meat
296
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in my mustache,
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00:06:14,670 --> 00:06:17,140
and I refuse to clean it
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00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:20,400
because, every now and then,
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a piece of meat will
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fall into my mouth.
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I forgot to tell you,
302
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:21,880
Chris Traeger
303
00:06:22,010 --> 00:06:23,440
is joining us
304
00:06:22,010 --> 00:06:23,440
for dinner tonight.
305
00:06:23,510 --> 00:06:25,170
Please tell me
306
00:06:23,510 --> 00:06:25,170
he's meeting us
307
00:06:23,510 --> 00:06:25,170
at the restaurant.
308
00:06:25,250 --> 00:06:26,410
No, we are picking him up.
309
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:27,780
Damn it, woman!
310
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:31,380
Welcome.
311
00:06:29,280 --> 00:06:31,380
I am so glad you guys called.
312
00:06:31,450 --> 00:06:32,920
This is gonna be great.
313
00:06:31,450 --> 00:06:32,920
Come on in, come on in.
314
00:06:32,990 --> 00:06:34,320
Sure.
315
00:06:32,990 --> 00:06:34,320
Or we could just...
316
00:06:34,660 --> 00:06:35,780
Wow!
317
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:37,820
Look at your foyer.
318
00:06:37,890 --> 00:06:39,490
It's like a spa in here.
319
00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:41,790
Exactly.
320
00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:41,790
The entranceway to your house
321
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,560
sends a message to the world
322
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,560
about who you are.
323
00:06:43,630 --> 00:06:46,760
And the front door
324
00:06:43,630 --> 00:06:46,760
provides energy
325
00:06:43,630 --> 00:06:46,760
flow and opportunity.
326
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,300
You cannot limit that.
327
00:06:48,370 --> 00:06:49,740
Yeah. Ron doesn't
328
00:06:48,370 --> 00:06:49,740
even have a front door.
329
00:06:49,870 --> 00:06:51,500
He won't even
330
00:06:49,870 --> 00:06:51,500
tell me his address.
331
00:06:51,670 --> 00:06:53,840
Ask him where he lives.
332
00:06:51,670 --> 00:06:53,840
Where do you live?
333
00:06:53,910 --> 00:06:54,900
Why?
334
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:59,380
So this is some kind
335
00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:59,380
of coat closet or something?
336
00:07:00,150 --> 00:07:02,740
Wow, there's a lot of
337
00:07:00,150 --> 00:07:02,740
men's coats in here.
338
00:07:02,820 --> 00:07:03,910
I like coats.
339
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:06,080
Could I use your
340
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:06,080
bathroom really quick?
341
00:07:06,390 --> 00:07:07,820
It's right behind you.
342
00:07:06,390 --> 00:07:07,820
Okay.
343
00:07:08,660 --> 00:07:10,020
Toilet seat's up.
344
00:07:14,030 --> 00:07:17,360
Hey, let me get a beer
345
00:07:14,030 --> 00:07:17,360
and a Pawnee Sunrise.
346
00:07:17,430 --> 00:07:19,130
Do you wanna pay
347
00:07:17,430 --> 00:07:19,130
cash or start a tab?
348
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,760
I... It's okay...
349
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,760
I know Tom.
350
00:07:21,870 --> 00:07:23,070
Tom who?
351
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:24,400
Tom Hammen...
352
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:24,400
Hammenstein.
353
00:07:24,470 --> 00:07:25,940
Haverford.
354
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:27,170
He's, like, my best friend.
355
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:31,150
Hey, Freddy,
356
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:31,150
this guy says he knows Tom
357
00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:31,150
and wants a drink for free.
358
00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,040
You got money to
359
00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,040
pay for those drinks?
360
00:07:33,350 --> 00:07:37,010
Yes. No.
361
00:07:37,220 --> 00:07:39,120
Make room for
362
00:07:37,220 --> 00:07:39,120
the paying customers, huh?
363
00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:43,690
Let's go, Knope!
364
00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:44,950
Just one second.
365
00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:46,020
Hey, what's up?
366
00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:47,930
Hey, I think you
367
00:07:46,090 --> 00:07:47,930
might be right.
368
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:53,100
I found a woman's
369
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:53,100
razor in Chris's shower
370
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:53,100
and a pink swimming cap.
371
00:07:53,170 --> 00:07:54,730
Are you serious?
372
00:07:53,170 --> 00:07:54,730
What the hell?
373
00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:57,670
You know, it could be nothing,
374
00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:57,670
but it feels like something.
375
00:07:57,740 --> 00:07:59,610
I don't...
376
00:07:57,740 --> 00:07:59,610
I'm coming up there.
377
00:07:59,940 --> 00:08:00,930
Wait.
378
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:03,680
All right, okay.
379
00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:04,940
All right, let's go.
380
00:08:08,450 --> 00:08:09,280
Oh, my God.
381
00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:12,110
They just forgot to
382
00:08:10,020 --> 00:08:12,110
unlock the door, that's all.
383
00:08:13,490 --> 00:08:15,250
Ron, it looks like
384
00:08:13,490 --> 00:08:15,250
they're closed
385
00:08:15,390 --> 00:08:17,790
for some kind of
386
00:08:15,390 --> 00:08:17,790
health code violation.
387
00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:21,420
Ron, stop it! Ron?
388
00:08:24,230 --> 00:08:29,260
They just boarded her up
389
00:08:24,230 --> 00:08:29,260
like she was some
390
00:08:24,230 --> 00:08:29,260
common warehouse.
391
00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:31,600
I should have been here.
392
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:35,970
What happened to the steaks
393
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:35,970
that were in there
394
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:35,970
when they closed?
395
00:08:37,150 --> 00:08:38,810
Do you think they got eaten?
396
00:08:38,980 --> 00:08:42,710
Why don't we go back
397
00:08:38,980 --> 00:08:42,710
to my place and
398
00:08:38,980 --> 00:08:42,710
I'll fire up the grill?
399
00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:45,820
You sure you're not expecting
400
00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:45,820
company or something?
401
00:08:45,890 --> 00:08:47,320
No.
402
00:08:47,420 --> 00:08:48,410
What do you say, Ron?
403
00:08:48,490 --> 00:08:49,920
Go back to my place,
404
00:08:48,490 --> 00:08:49,920
I'll make you some grub?
405
00:08:50,390 --> 00:08:52,690
It'll be just as good
406
00:08:50,390 --> 00:08:52,690
as it would've been here.
407
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:55,550
Okay.
408
00:08:56,530 --> 00:08:59,260
That man is a legend.
409
00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:00,930
Think about all
410
00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:00,930
the scents he's created.
411
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:06,000
Attack, Yearning, Thickening,
412
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:06,000
Itch, Coma, Sideboob.
413
00:09:06,070 --> 00:09:07,840
Dennis Feinstein,
414
00:09:06,070 --> 00:09:07,840
though?
415
00:09:07,910 --> 00:09:09,340
I don't know.
416
00:09:07,910 --> 00:09:09,340
He should probably change
417
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:10,910
his name to something
418
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:10,910
a little more exotic
419
00:09:10,980 --> 00:09:13,310
if he wants to make
420
00:09:10,980 --> 00:09:13,310
it big in perfume.
421
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,280
Oh, his real name is
422
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,280
Dante Fiero,
423
00:09:15,350 --> 00:09:17,010
but he changed it
424
00:09:15,350 --> 00:09:17,010
to Dennis Feinstein
425
00:09:17,150 --> 00:09:18,810
'cause that's way
426
00:09:17,150 --> 00:09:18,810
more exotic in Pawnee.
427
00:09:18,890 --> 00:09:20,720
Okay.
428
00:09:18,890 --> 00:09:20,720
So what's your plan?
429
00:09:20,790 --> 00:09:21,920
Wait till he's alone,
430
00:09:22,090 --> 00:09:25,990
then I'll walk
431
00:09:22,090 --> 00:09:25,990
up and spray him
432
00:09:22,090 --> 00:09:25,990
with Tommy Fresh,
433
00:09:26,090 --> 00:09:27,690
and I say, "Uh-oh.
434
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,560
"Looks like you just
435
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,560
inhaled your future."
436
00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:34,130
Yeah.
437
00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:34,130
That might actually work.
438
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,110
Is everything okay?
439
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:41,010
It kind of sucks
440
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:41,010
that I'm super broke
441
00:09:41,310 --> 00:09:44,910
and I wanna buy you stuff
442
00:09:41,310 --> 00:09:44,910
and it's embarrassing
443
00:09:41,310 --> 00:09:44,910
that I can't, but...
444
00:09:45,010 --> 00:09:47,710
I'm broke too,
445
00:09:45,010 --> 00:09:47,710
and I don't want anything.
446
00:09:47,780 --> 00:09:49,650
I just wanna
447
00:09:47,780 --> 00:09:49,650
hang out with you.
448
00:09:49,780 --> 00:09:51,550
Plus, I can get free
449
00:09:49,780 --> 00:09:51,550
drinks any time I want.
450
00:09:51,820 --> 00:09:52,810
How?
451
00:09:53,690 --> 00:09:56,280
I'm a girl
452
00:09:53,690 --> 00:09:56,280
in a sleazy club.
453
00:09:58,290 --> 00:09:59,920
Hey.
454
00:09:59,990 --> 00:10:01,660
I hate drinking alone.
455
00:10:01,730 --> 00:10:03,700
Can I get
456
00:10:01,730 --> 00:10:03,700
you a drink?
457
00:10:01,730 --> 00:10:03,700
Sure.
458
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:04,760
Triple whiskey.
459
00:10:04,870 --> 00:10:05,860
What's your name?
460
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:07,830
Oprah.
461
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:07,830
I'm Kevin.
462
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:10,530
Cool.
463
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:10,530
I kind of wanna
464
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:10,530
drink alone.
465
00:10:10,870 --> 00:10:12,100
But...
466
00:10:10,870 --> 00:10:12,100
I said I wanna
467
00:10:10,870 --> 00:10:12,100
drink alone.
468
00:10:12,170 --> 00:10:13,770
Thanks. Bye.
469
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,530
Here. You take
470
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,530
this one.
471
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:21,340
I will get myself
472
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:21,340
a martini from that idiot.
473
00:10:22,180 --> 00:10:25,210
So, Chris,
474
00:10:22,180 --> 00:10:25,210
do you have any sisters?
475
00:10:25,290 --> 00:10:27,050
No, I don't, Leslie.
476
00:10:25,290 --> 00:10:27,050
Do you have sisters?
477
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,590
Maybe. So how's your mom?
478
00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,590
Is she visiting?
479
00:10:29,690 --> 00:10:31,850
No, she's home
480
00:10:29,690 --> 00:10:31,850
up in Wisconsin.
481
00:10:29,690 --> 00:10:31,850
Is your mom visiting?
482
00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:33,360
Any aunts?
483
00:10:31,930 --> 00:10:33,360
Nope. You have aunts?
484
00:10:33,430 --> 00:10:35,620
Girl cousins?
485
00:10:33,430 --> 00:10:35,620
A youthful grandmother,
486
00:10:33,430 --> 00:10:35,620
perhaps?
487
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:36,790
Nope.
488
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,970
Did you forget how to
489
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,970
have a conversation?
490
00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:40,800
I am so happy
491
00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:40,800
you guys are here.
492
00:10:40,870 --> 00:10:42,060
I'm gonna go
493
00:10:40,870 --> 00:10:42,060
fire up the grill.
494
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:44,530
I'm gonna kill him, Ron.
495
00:10:44,670 --> 00:10:45,730
Why?
496
00:10:45,810 --> 00:10:48,900
Chris is cheating on Ann.
497
00:10:45,810 --> 00:10:48,900
There's evidence everywhere.
498
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,140
She's coming up here
499
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,140
so they can have it out.
500
00:10:52,250 --> 00:10:54,050
Ask her to bring
501
00:10:52,250 --> 00:10:54,050
some garlic salt.
502
00:10:54,180 --> 00:10:56,010
I'm worried Chris
503
00:10:54,180 --> 00:10:56,010
doesn't have any.
504
00:11:00,020 --> 00:11:01,080
I got this from a waiter.
505
00:11:01,390 --> 00:11:02,820
I told him I had
506
00:11:01,390 --> 00:11:02,820
a pork deficiency.
507
00:11:02,890 --> 00:11:04,420
Sweet! Pigs in a blanket.
508
00:11:04,490 --> 00:11:06,430
I always wondered why
509
00:11:04,490 --> 00:11:06,430
they call them that.
510
00:11:06,660 --> 00:11:08,690
Look what I got.
511
00:11:06,660 --> 00:11:08,690
Look what I got
512
00:11:06,660 --> 00:11:08,690
from the bathroom.
513
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,670
Mints. Six of 'em.
514
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:13,120
Nice.
515
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:13,120
Yeah.
516
00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:18,170
Okay, whoever gets
517
00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:18,170
the most free stuff
518
00:11:13,900 --> 00:11:18,170
by the end of the night wins.
519
00:11:19,070 --> 00:11:20,060
Deal.
520
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,570
Go!
521
00:11:22,710 --> 00:11:24,180
Ron, would you like
522
00:11:22,710 --> 00:11:24,180
some salad?
523
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,450
Since I am not a rabbit,
524
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:27,450
no, I do not.
525
00:11:27,550 --> 00:11:28,740
Try it. Salad's
526
00:11:27,550 --> 00:11:28,740
good for you.
527
00:11:28,820 --> 00:11:29,810
You got it.
528
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:33,620
Mmm.
529
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:33,620
Delicious.
530
00:11:33,690 --> 00:11:36,560
So, Chris, what
531
00:11:33,690 --> 00:11:36,560
do you do up here
532
00:11:33,690 --> 00:11:36,560
in your spare time?
533
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:40,090
Well, I exercise,
534
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:40,090
and I exercise my mind.
535
00:11:40,530 --> 00:11:42,520
And I try to keep
536
00:11:40,530 --> 00:11:42,520
up on current events.
537
00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:44,160
Oh, that's what
538
00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:44,160
you call it.
539
00:11:44,230 --> 00:11:46,290
Sorry?
540
00:11:44,230 --> 00:11:46,290
How are things
541
00:11:44,230 --> 00:11:46,290
going with Ann?
542
00:11:46,430 --> 00:11:47,420
You know what's
543
00:11:46,430 --> 00:11:47,420
funny about Ann?
544
00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:48,830
She's my best friend,
545
00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:51,740
and anyone who hurt her
546
00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:51,740
is someone I would murder,
547
00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:51,740
probably.
548
00:11:52,970 --> 00:11:54,840
Oh, is that
549
00:11:52,970 --> 00:11:54,840
what's upsetting you?
550
00:11:56,210 --> 00:11:58,610
This is very
551
00:11:56,210 --> 00:11:58,610
uncomfortable for me.
552
00:11:56,210 --> 00:11:58,610
I don't know what to say.
553
00:12:00,950 --> 00:12:01,970
Watch the master
554
00:12:00,950 --> 00:12:01,970
work it.
555
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,310
I'm the Yoda
556
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:03,310
of networking.
557
00:12:03,850 --> 00:12:06,010
Well, Yoda wouldn't
558
00:12:03,850 --> 00:12:06,010
actually need networking.
559
00:12:06,090 --> 00:12:07,320
I mean, his powers
560
00:12:06,090 --> 00:12:07,320
were more spiritual.
561
00:12:07,390 --> 00:12:08,520
Shut up, you nerd!
562
00:12:08,590 --> 00:12:09,750
I get it. Okay.
563
00:12:12,460 --> 00:12:15,730
Mr. Feinstein,
564
00:12:12,460 --> 00:12:15,730
Tom Haverford.
565
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,560
I'm the organizer
566
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,560
of this soiree
567
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:19,500
and I'm also
568
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:19,500
a huge fan of yours.
569
00:12:19,570 --> 00:12:21,540
I use all your colognes.
570
00:12:19,570 --> 00:12:21,540
Sometimes two at once!
571
00:12:21,670 --> 00:12:24,540
I don't recommend that.
572
00:12:21,670 --> 00:12:24,540
Are you from the FDA?
573
00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:27,580
You know, legally,
574
00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:27,580
if you're from the FDA,
575
00:12:24,610 --> 00:12:27,580
you have to tell me.
576
00:12:28,010 --> 00:12:31,570
I wanted to talk to you
577
00:12:28,010 --> 00:12:31,570
because I actually
578
00:12:28,010 --> 00:12:31,570
created my own scent.
579
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:35,450
Great. I'd love
580
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:35,450
to smell it, right?
581
00:12:36,150 --> 00:12:37,140
I know you're
582
00:12:36,150 --> 00:12:37,140
a busy guy.
583
00:12:37,220 --> 00:12:39,590
Yeah, man.
584
00:12:37,220 --> 00:12:39,590
I'm crazy busy.
585
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,390
But all day long,
586
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,390
people are
587
00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,390
pitching me colognes.
588
00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:44,590
That guy just pitched me
589
00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:44,590
a cologne called Sluts.
590
00:12:44,860 --> 00:12:47,890
I'm gonna tell
591
00:12:44,860 --> 00:12:47,890
you what I told him.
592
00:12:44,860 --> 00:12:47,890
Not just anybody can do this.
593
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,760
Although it's a great name,
594
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,760
and I'm probably
595
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:49,760
gonna steal it.
596
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,560
Please, it'll take
597
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,560
two seconds.
598
00:12:51,630 --> 00:12:53,800
If you like it,
599
00:12:51,630 --> 00:12:53,800
maybe we go into
600
00:12:51,630 --> 00:12:53,800
business together,
601
00:12:53,870 --> 00:12:55,130
branch out in other states,
602
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,970
move over to watches
603
00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:56,970
and fancy raincoats,
604
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,010
open up stores in
605
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:59,010
London and Paris.
606
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,600
I don't know.
607
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,600
I haven't thought it through.
608
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:04,700
But for now, I want
609
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:04,700
to present Tommy Fresh.
610
00:13:09,780 --> 00:13:11,410
All right, I get it.
611
00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:13,980
It's a gag scent.
612
00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:13,980
Hilarious!
613
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:17,220
As in, "It's hilarious
614
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:17,220
how awesome it is"?
615
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:20,830
It smells like somebody
616
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:20,830
spilled Chinese
617
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:20,830
food in a bird cage.
618
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,630
Horrible!
619
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,630
It's assaultive.
620
00:13:22,930 --> 00:13:25,830
It takes
621
00:13:22,930 --> 00:13:25,830
everything in my power
622
00:13:22,930 --> 00:13:25,830
to not retch right now.
623
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,170
Kid, you need to
624
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:28,170
find another game.
625
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,730
Leave perfumery
626
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,730
to the real men.
627
00:13:34,610 --> 00:13:37,170
Hey, Ann, if you get this,
628
00:13:34,610 --> 00:13:37,170
I don't know if you
629
00:13:34,610 --> 00:13:37,170
should come up here.
630
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,080
He's not worth it, okay?
631
00:13:39,150 --> 00:13:41,240
Call me,
632
00:13:39,150 --> 00:13:41,240
let me know where you are,
633
00:13:39,150 --> 00:13:41,240
and if you have...
634
00:13:42,820 --> 00:13:43,810
Ron?
635
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:45,880
What in the
636
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:45,880
devil's name is this?
637
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:46,940
Portobello mushrooms.
638
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,190
Where's the steak?
639
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,190
There's no steak.
640
00:13:49,260 --> 00:13:51,250
That's a healthier option.
641
00:13:49,260 --> 00:13:51,250
It's organically grown.
642
00:13:53,190 --> 00:13:54,360
Lord.
643
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:55,690
Ron, are you okay?
644
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:56,990
Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay.
645
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,860
Could you get us
646
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,860
a cold compress
647
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,860
or something?
648
00:14:06,740 --> 00:14:09,580
Hey, six beers
649
00:14:06,740 --> 00:14:09,580
for table 12.
650
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:11,070
Do you work here?
651
00:14:11,210 --> 00:14:13,610
Yeah. My dad owns
652
00:14:11,210 --> 00:14:13,610
this place.
653
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:15,550
I'm Janet.
654
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:15,550
Janet Snakehole.
655
00:14:15,950 --> 00:14:18,780
Hey!
656
00:14:15,950 --> 00:14:18,780
This round's on the house!
657
00:14:18,850 --> 00:14:20,450
All right!
658
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:21,680
How about some tips?
659
00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:23,220
Gum or mint, sir?
660
00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:24,490
Gum.
661
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:26,650
Then a mint, I guess.
662
00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:26,650
All out, sir.
663
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:27,920
Don't have those either, sir.
664
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,960
Do you have anything?
665
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,960
Out of everything, sir.
666
00:14:32,270 --> 00:14:33,700
This is so awesome!
667
00:14:33,770 --> 00:14:36,140
We are like Robin Hood.
668
00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:40,370
We steal from the club
669
00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:40,370
and we give to ourselves.
670
00:14:40,610 --> 00:14:42,170
Look, we'll find
671
00:14:40,610 --> 00:14:42,170
a 24-hour diner.
672
00:14:42,410 --> 00:14:45,540
Or we can get one
673
00:14:42,410 --> 00:14:45,540
of those cows that we saw
674
00:14:42,410 --> 00:14:45,540
on the way up here
675
00:14:45,610 --> 00:14:48,110
and we'll bring it back
676
00:14:45,610 --> 00:14:48,110
and we'll make
677
00:14:45,610 --> 00:14:48,110
steaks out of that.
678
00:14:48,850 --> 00:14:50,610
Ann Perkins,
679
00:14:48,850 --> 00:14:50,610
what are you doing here?
680
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,480
Whose pink razor's
681
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,480
in your shower?
682
00:14:52,550 --> 00:14:53,650
Excuse me?
683
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,520
Leslie found a pink razor
684
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,520
and a pink swimming
685
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,520
cap in your shower.
686
00:14:56,590 --> 00:14:57,960
Whose is it?
687
00:14:58,130 --> 00:14:59,890
I guess you're
688
00:14:58,130 --> 00:14:59,890
talking about my razor.
689
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:02,900
I shave my legs
690
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:02,900
for swimming, and women's
691
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:02,900
razors work better.
692
00:15:03,260 --> 00:15:04,890
For whatever reason,
693
00:15:03,260 --> 00:15:04,890
men's razor technology
694
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:07,440
hasn't figured out how
695
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:07,440
to properly
696
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:07,440
contour the shinbone.
697
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,430
And the swimming cap?
698
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,530
Indiana Breast
699
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,530
Cancer Awareness
700
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,530
Triathlon, 2009.
701
00:15:12,610 --> 00:15:14,540
Came in fourth!
702
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:18,210
Well, I found concealer
703
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:18,210
in your medicine cabinet.
704
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:18,210
What's that about?
705
00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:20,510
I'm a human being.
706
00:15:20,580 --> 00:15:22,740
Sometimes I get blemishes.
707
00:15:20,580 --> 00:15:22,740
I'm not perfect.
708
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:25,750
Oh, God.
709
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:25,750
I am so sorry, honey.
710
00:15:25,820 --> 00:15:27,290
I'm so embarrassed.
711
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,150
I was scared that you
712
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,150
were cheating on me.
713
00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:33,320
No, I'm not cheating
714
00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:33,320
on you.
715
00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:36,330
But I'm also
716
00:15:33,390 --> 00:15:36,330
not dating you.
717
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,870
We broke up
718
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,870
last week.
719
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,140
We talked at your house.
720
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,140
Do you not remember this?
721
00:15:46,210 --> 00:15:49,010
Of course I remember,
722
00:15:46,210 --> 00:15:49,010
but we didn't break up.
723
00:15:49,210 --> 00:15:50,680
I'm sorry, Ann,
724
00:15:49,210 --> 00:15:50,680
but I'm certain we did.
725
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,250
Okay, you said
726
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,250
that you didn't
727
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:53,250
wanna leave Pawnee
728
00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:55,650
and that I was
729
00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:55,650
the most amazing woman
730
00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:55,650
you had ever met.
731
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,210
Which you are.
732
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:57,210
And then I said
733
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,150
that I would move to
734
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,150
Indianapolis if I had to,
735
00:15:59,220 --> 00:16:01,050
and you said you didn't
736
00:15:59,220 --> 00:16:01,050
wanna make me do that,
737
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,720
and then you said that
738
00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,720
in a different world...
739
00:16:02,790 --> 00:16:05,280
Oh, my God.
740
00:16:02,790 --> 00:16:05,280
You broke up with me.
741
00:16:06,190 --> 00:16:07,990
Oh, my God.
742
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:10,590
Yeah, so here's
743
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:10,590
what happened.
744
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:13,790
Sweet and beautiful Ann
745
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:13,790
has never been dumped before,
746
00:16:13,870 --> 00:16:16,030
and Chris is such
747
00:16:13,870 --> 00:16:16,030
a positive person,
748
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,400
when he broke up with her,
749
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:18,400
she just didn't realize it.
750
00:16:18,470 --> 00:16:20,070
It's kind of understandable.
751
00:16:20,340 --> 00:16:23,710
Although it does
752
00:16:20,340 --> 00:16:23,710
kind of make you wonder
753
00:16:20,340 --> 00:16:23,710
how good of a nurse she is.
754
00:16:23,780 --> 00:16:25,610
Oh, my God.
755
00:16:23,780 --> 00:16:25,610
You left, and you said
756
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:27,620
you were gonna work late,
757
00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:27,620
and I kissed you?
758
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,410
As enjoyable as that was,
759
00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:30,410
I did find it odd.
760
00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:33,150
And then I wanted
761
00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:33,150
you to meet my parents?
762
00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:35,280
I'm sure they're
763
00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:35,280
great people, but strange.
764
00:16:35,490 --> 00:16:37,960
This is humiliating.
765
00:16:35,490 --> 00:16:37,960
I'm sorry, I gotta go.
766
00:16:39,490 --> 00:16:40,590
Hey...
767
00:16:42,860 --> 00:16:44,360
Hey, man.
768
00:16:44,430 --> 00:16:48,370
I got you
769
00:16:44,430 --> 00:16:48,370
another melon-tini.
770
00:16:48,870 --> 00:16:49,860
Thanks.
771
00:16:51,870 --> 00:16:57,970
Listen, that guy is a jerk,
772
00:16:51,870 --> 00:16:57,970
and if you ask me,
773
00:16:51,870 --> 00:16:57,970
he smells like...
774
00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:03,380
Success!
775
00:16:58,050 --> 00:17:03,380
He smells like success.
776
00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:04,880
You know what I smell like?
777
00:17:05,690 --> 00:17:09,710
A teriyaki hairpiece?
778
00:17:09,990 --> 00:17:13,950
I smell like the guy
779
00:17:09,990 --> 00:17:13,950
who's always coming up short.
780
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,290
And you know what?
781
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,290
I'm just sick of it.
782
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:19,190
Tommy Fresh was my dream.
783
00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:22,460
Now no one's ever
784
00:17:20,430 --> 00:17:22,460
gonna smell it but me.
785
00:17:23,070 --> 00:17:24,800
I can smell
786
00:17:23,070 --> 00:17:24,800
your dreams, Tom.
787
00:17:25,470 --> 00:17:27,000
I can.
788
00:17:27,210 --> 00:17:29,400
And I can smell 'em
789
00:17:27,210 --> 00:17:29,400
from here.
790
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:33,010
And honestly, they
791
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:33,010
smell terrible.
792
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:37,120
But I like Tom.
793
00:17:37,450 --> 00:17:40,150
I've got a jar of olives.
794
00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:41,780
Nice.
795
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:43,480
A thing of toothpicks
796
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:43,480
that look like swords.
797
00:17:43,590 --> 00:17:46,620
And a year's
798
00:17:43,590 --> 00:17:46,620
supply of toilet paper.
799
00:17:47,030 --> 00:17:52,630
I got... Boom!
800
00:17:47,030 --> 00:17:52,630
$38 in tips.
801
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:55,000
$180.
802
00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:00,240
We should give
803
00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:00,240
it back.
804
00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:00,240
We should give it back.
805
00:18:02,810 --> 00:18:04,610
Follow me.
806
00:18:02,810 --> 00:18:04,610
Okay.
807
00:18:06,550 --> 00:18:07,570
Oh, my God.
808
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,620
Wow. Thank you.
809
00:18:18,690 --> 00:18:20,060
One time, when I was
810
00:18:18,690 --> 00:18:20,060
in high school,
811
00:18:20,130 --> 00:18:23,460
a guy's mom called me
812
00:18:20,130 --> 00:18:23,460
and broke up with me
813
00:18:20,130 --> 00:18:23,460
for him.
814
00:18:26,030 --> 00:18:28,200
There was another time
815
00:18:26,030 --> 00:18:28,200
where I was on a date
816
00:18:28,270 --> 00:18:30,140
and I tripped and
817
00:18:28,270 --> 00:18:30,140
broke my kneecap.
818
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,770
And then the guy said
819
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,770
he wasn't "feeling it,"
820
00:18:32,910 --> 00:18:35,310
so he left and I
821
00:18:32,910 --> 00:18:35,310
waited for an ambulance.
822
00:18:36,610 --> 00:18:38,100
One time I was dating
823
00:18:36,610 --> 00:18:38,100
this guy for a while,
824
00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:39,580
and then he got
825
00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:39,580
down on one knee
826
00:18:39,710 --> 00:18:41,110
and he begged me to
827
00:18:39,710 --> 00:18:41,110
never call him again.
828
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,410
One guy broke up with me
829
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,410
while we were in
830
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,410
the shower together.
831
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:46,520
Skywriting isn't
832
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:46,520
always positive.
833
00:18:46,590 --> 00:18:51,420
Another time, a guy invited
834
00:18:46,590 --> 00:18:51,420
me to a beautiful picnic
835
00:18:46,590 --> 00:18:51,420
with wine and flowers,
836
00:18:51,490 --> 00:18:53,520
and then, when I tried
837
00:18:51,490 --> 00:18:53,520
to sit down, he said,
838
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:56,290
"Don't eat anything.
839
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:56,290
Rebecca's coming."
840
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:57,920
And then he broke up with me.
841
00:18:58,400 --> 00:18:59,700
Who was Rebecca?
842
00:18:59,770 --> 00:19:01,430
Yeah. Exactly.
843
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,600
Thanks for driving me.
844
00:19:04,940 --> 00:19:07,930
Wait. You're
845
00:19:04,940 --> 00:19:07,930
getting your commendation
846
00:19:04,940 --> 00:19:07,930
tomorrow at the Statehouse.
847
00:19:08,010 --> 00:19:11,540
Oh, please.
848
00:19:08,010 --> 00:19:11,540
It's just a goofy ceremony.
849
00:19:08,010 --> 00:19:11,540
I don't even care about it.
850
00:19:11,610 --> 00:19:12,840
Leslie.
851
00:19:12,910 --> 00:19:17,010
Besides, Ron is
852
00:19:12,910 --> 00:19:17,010
staying behind. He'll go.
853
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,110
Is Ron gonna be okay?
854
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,150
I honestly don't know.
855
00:19:28,130 --> 00:19:31,530
This isn't a steak.
856
00:19:28,130 --> 00:19:31,530
Why would you call
857
00:19:28,130 --> 00:19:31,530
it that on your menu?
858
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:33,190
I don't know what
859
00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:33,190
to tell you, man.
860
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:39,470
Just give me all the
861
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:39,470
bacon and eggs you have.
862
00:19:39,540 --> 00:19:40,970
Wait, wait.
863
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:42,910
I worry what you
864
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:42,910
just heard was,
865
00:19:42,980 --> 00:19:45,070
"Give me a lot of
866
00:19:42,980 --> 00:19:45,070
bacon and eggs."
867
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:50,920
What I said was,
868
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:50,920
"Give me all the
869
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:50,920
bacon and eggs you have."
870
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:52,750
Do you understand?
871
00:19:56,060 --> 00:20:00,190
It's called a Tommytini.
872
00:19:56,060 --> 00:20:00,190
It's just vodka and
873
00:19:56,060 --> 00:20:00,190
a bunch of cinnamon.
874
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,130
That sounds gross.
875
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,130
Ben.
876
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,300
Oh, Miller Lite.
877
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,300
How'd you know?
878
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:06,930
Everybody knows.
879
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:06,930
That's your drink.
880
00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:08,630
Tommy.
881
00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:08,630
Let's do this.
882
00:20:15,210 --> 00:20:16,200
Mmm.
883
00:20:16,580 --> 00:20:17,670
How's it going?
884
00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:19,610
Hey, look who's socializing!
885
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,270
Yeah, and I'm
886
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,270
having a good time.
887
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:22,710
Sit with us.
888
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:22,710
Okay.
889
00:20:22,850 --> 00:20:26,880
Ann's in kind of a crappy mood
890
00:20:22,850 --> 00:20:26,880
because Chris dumped her.
891
00:20:27,250 --> 00:20:28,980
Yeah, like a week
892
00:20:27,250 --> 00:20:28,980
ago, right?
893
00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:33,160
Yeah, but I only knew
894
00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:33,160
about it an hour ago.
895
00:20:33,590 --> 00:20:35,720
So that's why you
896
00:20:33,590 --> 00:20:35,720
tried to kiss him.
897
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:38,230
We were all seriously
898
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:38,230
confused about that.
899
00:20:38,330 --> 00:20:40,860
Who's "we"?
900
00:20:38,330 --> 00:20:40,860
What are you...
901
00:20:38,330 --> 00:20:40,860
Oh, God.
902
00:20:45,340 --> 00:20:46,770
Did you keep
903
00:20:45,340 --> 00:20:46,770
the toilet paper?
904
00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:48,500
Yes. I feel bad,
905
00:20:46,910 --> 00:20:48,500
but I need it.
906
00:20:52,010 --> 00:20:53,810
Hey, hey, that's
907
00:20:52,010 --> 00:20:53,810
gotta be Feinstein's car.
908
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,140
Give me...
909
00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:55,140
Give me the Tommy Fresh.
910
00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:57,010
Why?
911
00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:57,010
Give me Tommy Fresh.
912
00:21:03,990 --> 00:21:05,520
He's gonna smell
913
00:21:03,990 --> 00:21:05,520
your dreams now.
914
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,090
Are you okay?
915
00:21:09,260 --> 00:21:10,820
Is it that bad?
916
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:12,520
Oh, my God,
917
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:12,520
it's unbelievable.
49184
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