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I found this
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typewriter next to
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the courtyard dumpster.
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An old Underwood 5
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with original
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carriage return.
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Took her home, polished her up
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and bought a brand new ribbon
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off of
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electronicbay.com.
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Okay, somebody has
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got to do something.
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I'm getting
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a cluster headache.
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He's leaving.
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Let's go.
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I've got
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to throw it away.
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No, I'm not.
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It weighs
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a billion tons.
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What is he
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typing, anyway?
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"If you sons of bitches
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try to remove this typewriter,
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I'll kill you."
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I'm going to type
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every word I know!
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Rectangle.
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America.
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Megaphone.
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Monday.
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Butthole.
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Well, I hate
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to be the bearer
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of bad tidings,
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but these interviews
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are more important
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than we thought.
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Harvest Fest is
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two weeks away,
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and awareness
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is still
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pretty low.
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Boy, 35%?
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It's actually
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34.2%.
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"34.2%." I'm Ben,
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the numbers robot.
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It's just an exact
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calculation.
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"It's just an exact
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calculation."
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All right.
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So, we're doing a huge
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media blitz to publicize
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the Harvest Festival,
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and we've got TV,
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newspaper, radio...
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And I even called Oprah.
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Well, I tried to call Oprah.
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I couldn't get her number.
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I'm putting it out there,
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like The Secret.
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And hopefully,
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she'll call me.
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Our first interview
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is at 93.7 F.M. with Crazy Ira
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and The Douche.
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Crazy Ira and...
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The Douche.
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They are Pawnee's
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most hilarious
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drive time radio guys.
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So much better than
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Tubby Tony and
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the Papaya. Am I right?
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They're
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seriously so funny.
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Is this right?
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This feels
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almost perfect,
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but I don't think
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your core has
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maximized elasticity.
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Okay. I'll come back,
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if you guys
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are being weird.
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No, no, no,
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no, no.
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You're exactly the person that
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I most want to talk to,
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right at this moment.
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And lunge.
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Have you given my offer
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any more thought?
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What exactly
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would happen if
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I said yes?
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Well, you would work
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at the state house.
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You would coordinate
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my professional
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and personal schedule,
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and we would give you
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a small relocation fee
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for your move to Indianapolis.
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That sounds boring.
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But I have nothing
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keeping me here.
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Do you have Internet
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in your office?
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Yes.
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Fine, I'll do it.
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That is literally
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the best news
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that I've heard all day.
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Unlike April,
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I still do not know
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what my future
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holds with Chris.
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And it's starting
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to bum me out.
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I need some
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more vitamin D.
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Yeah.
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Hey. Crazy. What was
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that meeting about?
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It turns out Chris
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is my real dad.
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I think you're lying.
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I think I know what
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that meeting was about.
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You can't go
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to Indianapolis.
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There's got to be
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something that I can do
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to convince
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you how much
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I care about you.
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Tell me your least
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favorite things
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you have to do every day,
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and I'll do them
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for a month.
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Fine.
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If you do everything
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I hate for a month,
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then I might begin
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to think about
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the possibility
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of thinking about
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maybe staying.
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That's all I
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have to hear.
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You won't live
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to regret this.
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Unless Andy
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can un-kiss Ann,
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then I'm not going
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to change my mind.
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But if he wants
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to take my dumb sister
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to her dumb dance class,
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then I'm not going
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to dumb stop him.
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Crazy Ira
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and The Douche, 93. 7.
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You know why
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I'd never
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be an astronaut?
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Two words.
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Space farts.
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You can't roll down
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the window of the shuttle.
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Am I right, folks?
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Houston,
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we have a...
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What do you think
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about that,
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Neil Armstrong?
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That's one small
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for man,
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one giant
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for mankind.
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All right.
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Switching gears
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here now.
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We've got Leslie Knope
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and Tom "Haverfart"
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and Ben Wyatt.
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And they're in
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the hizzy to talk about
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an upcoming event
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called
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the Harvest Festival.
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Well, The Douche,
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it's a Pawnee
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tradition,
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and it's where fun
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meets awesome.
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Meets agriculture.
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And it is going
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to be next month,
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right here in Pawnee.
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And spoiler alert,
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it's going to have
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the best corn maze ever.
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You lost your virginity
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in a corn maze,
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didn't you, Douche?
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That's right.
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To your mom.
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Crazy Ira!
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Clean your room!
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There's also going
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to be hay rides.
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"Hey, ride me,"
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is what Crazy Ira's
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mom said.
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Stop it!
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China Joe,
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you are a poet.
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My bird is missing.
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I need a permit
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to post signs.
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Let me just look
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for that form.
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There's no time!
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He can fly!
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Nine things
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April hates to do.
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Number one,
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run the permits desk
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for an hour.
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That's no problem.
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I eat "running
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the permits desk
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for an hour" for breakfast.
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Ow. That's... Ow.
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Henry. Stop it.
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Great. Ow.
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Okay, Henry.
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Cute kid.
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Andy.
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Got a sec?
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Yeah.
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Henry.
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Why are you working
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the permits desk,
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and why was
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that child clubbing
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your nuggets?
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I'm trying to stop
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April from taking
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a job with Chris,
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so I'm doing everything
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she hates doing
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for the next month.
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That's going
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to work?
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She said it might.
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But it's all
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I've got, man.
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Give me the list.
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I'll help you.
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Oh, my God.
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Thank you.
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You got it.
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No, I don't care
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about their
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relationship.
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I just don't want
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to lose April.
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I would never
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be able to find
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a worse assistant.
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Okay.
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Thanks, Leslie.
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But you know,
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what we really want
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to do today
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is have a chat
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with Ben Wyatt, here.
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Come on, Ben.
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I'm more of
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a behind-the-scenes
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kind of guy.
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Well, it's either
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come with us or
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get in the spank chair.
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So, maybe it's time for
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an interview. Come on,
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everybody, give him a hand.
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Come on!
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Come on over, Ben.
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Yeah.
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So, this guy, Ben Wyatt...
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We're looking him up
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on AltaVista.
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He's from
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some hick town,
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Partridge, Minnesota.
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And when he's 18,
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he's elected mayor.
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That's funny.
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Yeah, he's 18,
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becomes the mayor,
309
00:06:53,340 --> 00:06:56,900
and then blows
310
00:06:53,340 --> 00:06:56,900
the whole budget
311
00:06:53,340 --> 00:06:56,900
on an ice skating rink.
312
00:06:57,010 --> 00:06:58,840
City goes
313
00:06:57,010 --> 00:06:58,840
bankrupt.
314
00:06:57,010 --> 00:06:58,840
Joke!
315
00:06:59,610 --> 00:07:00,640
Get out of there!
316
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,410
What did you call
317
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,410
it again, bro?
318
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,410
What was it called?
319
00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:05,410
Say it.
320
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:06,540
Ice Town.
321
00:07:08,890 --> 00:07:13,950
I was a kid.
322
00:07:08,890 --> 00:07:13,950
And when you...
323
00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:17,460
You end up
324
00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:17,460
getting out there
325
00:07:14,060 --> 00:07:17,460
and there's a...
326
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,900
I really wish
327
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,900
you guys could
328
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,900
see this guy right now.
329
00:07:19,970 --> 00:07:21,870
He is drenched
330
00:07:19,970 --> 00:07:21,870
in sweat.
331
00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:24,810
There's also going
332
00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:24,810
to be ponies at
333
00:07:21,940 --> 00:07:24,810
the Harvest Festival.
334
00:07:24,870 --> 00:07:27,870
All right.
335
00:07:24,870 --> 00:07:27,870
Let's take a caller
336
00:07:24,870 --> 00:07:27,870
from Douche Nation.
337
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,570
All right.
338
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,570
Talk to me,
339
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:29,570
caller.
340
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,810
What's up, guys?
341
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,810
Just douching over
342
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,810
here in Eagleton.
343
00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:32,900
Sweet.
344
00:07:32,980 --> 00:07:35,710
Seems like 18
345
00:07:32,980 --> 00:07:35,710
is pretty young
346
00:07:32,980 --> 00:07:35,710
for a mayor.
347
00:07:35,780 --> 00:07:37,080
What were you, like, 12?
348
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,290
The funny... When...
349
00:07:42,190 --> 00:07:43,180
I guess...
350
00:07:45,460 --> 00:07:47,360
The fortunate...
351
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:50,130
Can we just, sort of...
352
00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:54,230
Game over, man.
353
00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:54,230
Game over.
354
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,830
Nice job, man.
355
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,830
Was that your first time
356
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:57,830
talking to other people?
357
00:07:58,010 --> 00:07:59,240
Because it came
358
00:07:58,010 --> 00:07:59,240
off that way.
359
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:00,770
You embarrassed
360
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:00,770
me in front of
361
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:00,770
The Douche.
362
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:01,970
I'm sorry,
363
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:01,970
you guys. I just...
364
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:05,210
I haven't had to deal
365
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:05,210
with that mayor stuff
366
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:05,210
for 17 years.
367
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:06,410
I guess I'm not
368
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:06,410
totally over it.
369
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,640
No worries.
370
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,640
Look, it was just
371
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,640
a bump in the road.
372
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,620
Okay.
373
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,620
Fortunately,
374
00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,620
the Leslie-mobile
375
00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:11,880
is an all-terrain
376
00:08:10,690 --> 00:08:11,880
vehicle.
377
00:08:12,550 --> 00:08:14,250
So, everything
378
00:08:12,550 --> 00:08:14,250
involving Ben
379
00:08:12,550 --> 00:08:14,250
is fine.
380
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:17,590
I just need to talk
381
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:17,590
to you in private about
382
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:17,590
something different
383
00:08:17,660 --> 00:08:19,030
that is not
384
00:08:17,660 --> 00:08:19,030
Ben-related.
385
00:08:19,130 --> 00:08:20,120
Ben, good job.
386
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,530
Your boy's
387
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,530
a nightmare.
388
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,430
I know,
389
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:24,430
but we need him.
390
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:27,300
If they ask us
391
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:27,300
about the budget,
392
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:27,300
he's our numbers guy.
393
00:08:27,370 --> 00:08:29,600
Well, we should just
394
00:08:27,370 --> 00:08:29,600
slap a pair of Ray-Bans
395
00:08:27,370 --> 00:08:29,600
on a calculator,
396
00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:30,970
because that
397
00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:30,970
would be way
398
00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:30,970
more charming.
399
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:34,810
I'll do the newspaper
400
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:34,810
interview. You and Ben
401
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:34,810
do Channel Four.
402
00:08:34,910 --> 00:08:37,280
Perd Hapley is
403
00:08:34,910 --> 00:08:37,280
a big softie.
404
00:08:34,910 --> 00:08:37,280
It'll be a puff piece.
405
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,340
He can do it.
406
00:08:38,450 --> 00:08:40,110
So, how are you
407
00:08:38,450 --> 00:08:40,110
liking Pawnee?
408
00:08:40,450 --> 00:08:42,580
There are
409
00:08:40,450 --> 00:08:42,580
a lot of cars.
410
00:08:42,780 --> 00:08:43,980
I mean,
411
00:08:42,780 --> 00:08:43,980
not too many.
412
00:08:45,050 --> 00:08:48,550
Trucks and stuff.
413
00:08:45,050 --> 00:08:48,550
But, you know...
414
00:08:49,890 --> 00:08:53,120
Cool. Good talk,
415
00:08:49,890 --> 00:08:53,120
Ice Town.
416
00:08:49,890 --> 00:08:53,120
Okay.
417
00:08:56,530 --> 00:08:59,520
Wow. Who knew that
418
00:08:56,530 --> 00:08:59,520
watercress, garbanzo beans
419
00:08:56,530 --> 00:08:59,520
and walnuts
420
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,000
could complement
421
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,000
each other so well?
422
00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:02,860
Good dressing,
423
00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:02,860
too, right?
424
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,940
Flaxseed and agave.
425
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,940
Same basic ingredients
426
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,940
as bird feed.
427
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,180
I'm just going
428
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,180
to come right out
429
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,180
and say it.
430
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,080
I want to define
431
00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:14,080
your bagua.
432
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:16,480
Okay. What's that?
433
00:09:16,650 --> 00:09:17,880
It's a feng
434
00:09:16,650 --> 00:09:17,880
shui term.
435
00:09:18,220 --> 00:09:21,250
The energy
436
00:09:18,220 --> 00:09:21,250
in this house
437
00:09:18,220 --> 00:09:21,250
is a little stale.
438
00:09:21,620 --> 00:09:25,750
But I think I can
439
00:09:21,620 --> 00:09:25,750
redefine your flow
440
00:09:21,620 --> 00:09:25,750
in a very positive way.
441
00:09:26,590 --> 00:09:30,050
Great. I'm not
442
00:09:26,590 --> 00:09:30,050
really attached to the way
443
00:09:26,590 --> 00:09:30,050
this stuff is arranged.
444
00:09:30,730 --> 00:09:32,220
Or the stuff itself.
445
00:09:32,370 --> 00:09:33,770
Or this house,
446
00:09:32,370 --> 00:09:33,770
even, really.
447
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,360
Great, let's do it.
448
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,360
Am I not being
449
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,360
obvious enough?
450
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,000
I feel like
451
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,000
I'm being obvious.
452
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:44,410
This just in.
453
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:44,410
Harvest Festival more
454
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:44,410
like "Harvest Bestival."
455
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,040
The Parks Department
456
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,040
has planted the seeds,
457
00:09:46,110 --> 00:09:48,170
and now, they're
458
00:09:46,110 --> 00:09:48,170
harvesting the rewards.
459
00:09:48,420 --> 00:09:49,410
Great. You done?
460
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:52,780
They'll put the fun
461
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:52,780
in funnel cake.
462
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:52,780
Okay. Now, I'm done.
463
00:09:52,950 --> 00:09:54,920
Tell me about
464
00:09:52,950 --> 00:09:54,920
Ben Wyatt.
465
00:09:52,950 --> 00:09:54,920
Sure.
466
00:09:55,020 --> 00:09:56,010
He works for
467
00:09:55,020 --> 00:09:56,010
the state government,
468
00:09:56,090 --> 00:09:57,960
and he's been
469
00:09:56,090 --> 00:09:57,960
coming to advise us
470
00:09:56,090 --> 00:09:57,960
about our budget.
471
00:09:58,060 --> 00:10:01,550
Come on, Leslie.
472
00:09:58,060 --> 00:10:01,550
The Douche blew
473
00:09:58,060 --> 00:10:01,550
this story wide open.
474
00:10:01,730 --> 00:10:03,760
Ben Wyatt bankrupts
475
00:10:01,730 --> 00:10:03,760
a town and then
476
00:10:01,730 --> 00:10:03,760
comes to Pawnee
477
00:10:03,830 --> 00:10:05,100
to tell us how
478
00:10:03,830 --> 00:10:05,100
to spend our money?
479
00:10:05,170 --> 00:10:06,600
There's no story
480
00:10:05,170 --> 00:10:06,600
here, Shauna.
481
00:10:06,670 --> 00:10:09,730
He's just a dedicated
482
00:10:06,670 --> 00:10:09,730
civil servant who is
483
00:10:06,670 --> 00:10:09,730
doing whatever he can
484
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,430
to make sure
485
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,430
that this is the best
486
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,430
Harvest Festival ever.
487
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:16,410
And he's easy
488
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:16,410
on the eyes, too.
489
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:20,080
What exactly is
490
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:20,080
the nature of your
491
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:20,080
relationship with him?
492
00:10:20,150 --> 00:10:21,670
Strictly professional.
493
00:10:20,150 --> 00:10:21,670
Just friends.
494
00:10:21,750 --> 00:10:23,180
So, are you colleagues
495
00:10:21,750 --> 00:10:23,180
or are you friends?
496
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,620
We are colleagues
497
00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,620
with benefits.
498
00:10:27,190 --> 00:10:31,720
We're colleagues who benefit
499
00:10:27,190 --> 00:10:31,720
from the fact that
500
00:10:27,190 --> 00:10:31,720
we're also friends.
501
00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:34,930
I'm sorry, Shauna.
502
00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:34,930
I think I need to go.
503
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,230
But, thank you
504
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,230
so much,
505
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:38,030
and as always,
506
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:38,030
everything I said
507
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:38,030
is off the record.
508
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:39,430
Okay? Bye.
509
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,200
What's the next task?
510
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:42,760
We have to write
511
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:42,760
her grandmother
512
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,500
a thank you note
513
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,500
for a birthday check.
514
00:10:44,570 --> 00:10:47,010
It has to be really good,
515
00:10:44,570 --> 00:10:47,010
too, because it's
516
00:10:44,570 --> 00:10:47,010
five months late.
517
00:10:47,210 --> 00:10:49,800
Never written
518
00:10:47,210 --> 00:10:49,800
a thank you note before.
519
00:10:47,210 --> 00:10:49,800
This will be fun.
520
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:51,310
What does
521
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:51,310
she call her?
522
00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,670
Gamma. No.
523
00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,670
Nanna.
524
00:10:53,950 --> 00:10:56,540
Or Nana. Gizmo.
525
00:10:53,950 --> 00:10:56,540
Something like that.
526
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:04,590
This is for your Gizmo.
527
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:04,590
I think you'll find
528
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:04,590
it's pretty good.
529
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,920
"Dear April's
530
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,920
grandmother..."
531
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,920
I said grandfather.
532
00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:10,690
Oops.
533
00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:10,690
Okay.
534
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:13,000
"You are a beautiful
535
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:13,000
and amazing woman." Man.
536
00:11:13,070 --> 00:11:15,200
"I hope someday,
537
00:11:13,070 --> 00:11:15,200
I can become half
538
00:11:13,070 --> 00:11:15,200
the woman you are."
539
00:11:15,270 --> 00:11:16,330
He's a man.
540
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,600
"Thank you for
541
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,600
the $500."
542
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,600
It was $5.
543
00:11:18,670 --> 00:11:21,700
"Enjoy the Mouse
544
00:11:18,670 --> 00:11:21,700
Rat CD." He is deaf.
545
00:11:22,810 --> 00:11:25,440
Okay. Do you want me
546
00:11:22,810 --> 00:11:25,440
to make those changes,
547
00:11:22,810 --> 00:11:25,440
or is it good?
548
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,240
Before we do
549
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:28,240
this next interview,
550
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,220
there's a little secret
551
00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,220
I want to let you in on.
552
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,150
It's called
553
00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,150
the "Haverford Schmooze."
554
00:11:32,220 --> 00:11:33,950
Look, I was just
555
00:11:32,220 --> 00:11:33,950
caught off guard.
556
00:11:32,220 --> 00:11:33,950
I'm fine.
557
00:11:34,020 --> 00:11:35,250
Three easy steps.
558
00:11:35,590 --> 00:11:40,120
Smile, friendly
559
00:11:35,590 --> 00:11:40,120
physical contact
560
00:11:35,590 --> 00:11:40,120
and flattery.
561
00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:43,400
"Hey, Perd. Was
562
00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:43,400
your dad RoboCop?
563
00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:43,400
Because your arms are guns."
564
00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:45,430
RoboCop didn't have
565
00:11:43,570 --> 00:11:45,430
guns for arms.
566
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,630
Oh, my God.
567
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,630
That's so not
568
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,630
the point, you nerd.
569
00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:48,860
Just saying.
570
00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:50,000
Why are we
571
00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:50,000
at a mall?
572
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:51,600
We're getting you
573
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:51,600
a new suit.
574
00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:53,300
I've let this go on
575
00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:53,300
long enough.
576
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,100
I like this suit.
577
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:55,100
You shouldn't,
578
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:56,540
because it looks
579
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:56,540
like garbage.
580
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,510
Your suit looks
581
00:11:56,840 --> 00:11:59,510
more like garbage.
582
00:11:59,610 --> 00:12:00,740
Really?
583
00:11:59,610 --> 00:12:00,740
Yeah.
584
00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:02,940
Because Brooks
585
00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:02,940
Brothers Boys
586
00:12:00,820 --> 00:12:02,940
doesn't make garbage.
587
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:06,850
Okay. This next thing
588
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:06,850
is a photography
589
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:06,850
class assignment.
590
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,050
Can you figure
591
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:08,050
that out?
592
00:12:08,590 --> 00:12:11,080
"Encapsulate
593
00:12:08,590 --> 00:12:11,080
the spirit
594
00:12:08,590 --> 00:12:11,080
of melancholy."
595
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,890
Melancholy.
596
00:12:11,160 --> 00:12:12,890
Easy.
597
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:15,660
Boom. A sad desk.
598
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:17,590
Boom. Sad wall.
599
00:12:18,970 --> 00:12:22,270
It's art. Anything
600
00:12:18,970 --> 00:12:22,270
is anything.
601
00:12:18,970 --> 00:12:22,270
Right on.
602
00:12:22,540 --> 00:12:24,100
I'm going to go
603
00:12:22,540 --> 00:12:24,100
drop this off
604
00:12:22,540 --> 00:12:24,100
and pick up the mail.
605
00:12:24,770 --> 00:12:26,100
Sad floor.
606
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,240
It does look sad,
607
00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:28,240
kind of.
608
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:31,670
Sorry for stepping
609
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:31,670
on you, floor.
610
00:12:35,550 --> 00:12:38,350
Hey. You got Andy
611
00:12:35,550 --> 00:12:38,350
doing all your work
612
00:12:35,550 --> 00:12:38,350
for you?
613
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,190
Yes, but he said
614
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,190
he wanted to do it.
615
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:42,780
I'm only doing it
616
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:42,780
because I'm
617
00:12:41,260 --> 00:12:42,780
getting him back...
618
00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:45,220
Yeah, I don't care.
619
00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:45,220
I got something
620
00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:45,220
to add to your list.
621
00:12:46,860 --> 00:12:48,490
Yup. There we go.
622
00:12:49,030 --> 00:12:50,560
That's the stuff.
623
00:12:50,930 --> 00:12:52,760
April really does
624
00:12:50,930 --> 00:12:52,760
this every day?
625
00:12:52,930 --> 00:12:54,960
Yes. Work the heel.
626
00:12:55,070 --> 00:12:56,200
Andy, can
627
00:12:55,070 --> 00:12:56,200
I be next?
628
00:12:57,370 --> 00:12:58,360
Yeah.
629
00:12:58,610 --> 00:13:01,370
I have got a corn
630
00:12:58,610 --> 00:13:01,370
so big you could
631
00:12:58,610 --> 00:13:01,370
slap butter on it.
632
00:13:02,010 --> 00:13:04,480
Welcome to
633
00:13:02,010 --> 00:13:04,480
Ya' Heard? With Perd.
634
00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:05,640
I'm Perd Hapley.
635
00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:07,650
The story of
636
00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:07,650
our guests today
637
00:13:05,780 --> 00:13:07,650
is that
638
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,810
they are from the
639
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,810
Department of Parks
640
00:13:07,720 --> 00:13:09,810
and Recreation.
641
00:13:10,020 --> 00:13:11,580
Ben Wyatt
642
00:13:10,020 --> 00:13:11,580
and Tom Haverford.
643
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:13,180
What up, Perd?
644
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:13,180
Big fan.
645
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,420
Me, too, Perd.
646
00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:15,420
What up?
647
00:13:16,290 --> 00:13:18,280
The thing
648
00:13:16,290 --> 00:13:18,280
about this
649
00:13:16,290 --> 00:13:18,280
first question is,
650
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,560
I'd like to ask you
651
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:20,560
about the Harvest Festival.
652
00:13:20,660 --> 00:13:23,790
Perd, it's going
653
00:13:20,660 --> 00:13:23,790
to be amazing.
654
00:13:20,660 --> 00:13:23,790
Carnival rides, games...
655
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:27,230
Sweetums is even
656
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:27,230
building a plus-sized
657
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:27,230
roller coaster
658
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:29,460
for some of Pawnee's
659
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:29,460
obese thrill-seekers.
660
00:13:29,670 --> 00:13:31,370
You must be
661
00:13:29,670 --> 00:13:31,370
this wide to ride.
662
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,740
Wow. That's going
663
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,740
to be a pretty big
664
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,740
roller coaster.
665
00:13:34,340 --> 00:13:35,400
Yup.
666
00:13:36,310 --> 00:13:37,710
Hey, guys.
667
00:13:36,310 --> 00:13:37,710
How did it go?
668
00:13:37,780 --> 00:13:39,610
Well, there were
669
00:13:37,780 --> 00:13:39,610
some sticky moments.
670
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,710
Let's go to
671
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,710
the videotape.
672
00:13:43,150 --> 00:13:45,590
Look. Who hasn't
673
00:13:43,150 --> 00:13:45,590
had gay thoughts?
674
00:13:45,750 --> 00:13:47,190
Who?
675
00:13:45,750 --> 00:13:47,190
Are you okay?
676
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,480
Yeah, I'm fine.
677
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,480
I'm fine.
678
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,920
I mean, you know,
679
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,920
sometimes, I feel like
680
00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,920
I might need glasses.
681
00:13:51,090 --> 00:13:52,320
Is there a bird
682
00:13:51,090 --> 00:13:52,320
in here?
683
00:13:52,390 --> 00:13:55,660
I swear, I keep seeing
684
00:13:52,390 --> 00:13:55,660
a bird in this studio.
685
00:13:55,730 --> 00:13:57,260
Maybe that's all
686
00:13:55,730 --> 00:13:57,260
there is to it.
687
00:13:55,730 --> 00:13:57,260
How did this happen?
688
00:13:57,330 --> 00:14:00,360
He was fine until
689
00:13:57,330 --> 00:14:00,360
Perd started asking him
690
00:13:57,330 --> 00:14:00,360
about the "boy mayor" stuff.
691
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,060
What's wrong with you?
692
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,060
You look psychotic.
693
00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:06,370
I was 18 when I was
694
00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:06,370
elected mayor. Okay?
695
00:14:02,140 --> 00:14:06,370
So, excuse me for that.
696
00:14:06,570 --> 00:14:09,240
Cindy Eckert had
697
00:14:06,570 --> 00:14:09,240
just turned me down
698
00:14:06,570 --> 00:14:09,240
for senior prom.
699
00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:11,680
Do you know how that...
700
00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:11,680
I should call her.
701
00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:11,680
I should.
702
00:14:11,780 --> 00:14:13,300
No, I shouldn't.
703
00:14:11,780 --> 00:14:13,300
And I'm not going to.
704
00:14:13,380 --> 00:14:14,820
And I'm proud
705
00:14:13,380 --> 00:14:14,820
of myself for that.
706
00:14:16,150 --> 00:14:19,750
And then, he talked
707
00:14:16,150 --> 00:14:19,750
about feeling up Cindy Eckert
708
00:14:16,150 --> 00:14:19,750
for the first time
709
00:14:19,820 --> 00:14:21,120
for about
710
00:14:19,820 --> 00:14:21,120
five minutes.
711
00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:22,450
And then,
712
00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:22,450
the show ended.
713
00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:25,380
As did our careers
714
00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:25,380
and, probably,
715
00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:25,380
Harvest Fest.
716
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:29,530
Boom. Sadness.
717
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:29,530
That's the one.
718
00:14:33,670 --> 00:14:36,160
Natalie! Hey.
719
00:14:33,670 --> 00:14:36,160
It's me, Andy.
720
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,340
You're an hour
721
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,340
and a half late.
722
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:41,380
I know. I know.
723
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:41,380
I had to massage
724
00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:41,380
a ton of feet.
725
00:14:41,510 --> 00:14:42,640
Super sorry.
726
00:14:42,710 --> 00:14:44,870
Come on. Get in.
727
00:14:42,710 --> 00:14:44,870
I need to do everything
728
00:14:42,710 --> 00:14:44,870
on April's list
729
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:46,440
or she's not going
730
00:14:44,950 --> 00:14:46,440
to go out with me.
731
00:14:46,850 --> 00:14:48,610
You're into April?
732
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,210
Come on.
733
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,210
We'll talk about it
734
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:51,210
in the car.
735
00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:52,620
Hold on.
736
00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:52,620
I'll get my books.
737
00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:53,950
Okay.
738
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,020
Okay, great.
739
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:57,020
Call me.
740
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:01,490
That should be some
741
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:01,490
damage control. I'm having
742
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:01,490
dinner with Perd Hapley.
743
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:02,550
Tom, what do
744
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:02,550
we have?
745
00:15:02,730 --> 00:15:04,290
I've gotten calls from
746
00:15:02,730 --> 00:15:04,290
a dozen businesses
747
00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:06,060
thinking about pulling
748
00:15:04,370 --> 00:15:06,060
their sponsorships.
749
00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:08,600
Sweetums might cancel
750
00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:08,600
the Fat-Coaster.
751
00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:08,600
Oh, my God.
752
00:15:08,970 --> 00:15:10,030
Okay, look,
753
00:15:08,970 --> 00:15:10,030
we need to focus.
754
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:11,730
We still have
755
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:11,730
the Pawnee Today
756
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:11,730
interview.
757
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:13,330
Well, is it too late
758
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:13,330
to cancel?
759
00:15:13,540 --> 00:15:16,480
Yeah. Yeah.
760
00:15:13,540 --> 00:15:16,480
It's too late
761
00:15:13,540 --> 00:15:16,480
to cancel.
762
00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:18,480
Joan Callamezzo
763
00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:18,480
runs this town.
764
00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:21,150
But Ben, don't worry about it.
765
00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:21,150
You're not going
766
00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:21,150
in front of the camera.
767
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:22,210
Fine with me.
768
00:15:23,150 --> 00:15:25,050
Are you trying
769
00:15:23,150 --> 00:15:25,050
to lure this young lady
770
00:15:23,150 --> 00:15:25,050
into your van?
771
00:15:25,590 --> 00:15:26,580
Yeah.
772
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:30,820
But she's being really
773
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:30,820
difficult about it,
774
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:30,820
and it's actually not my van.
775
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,050
I stole it from
776
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,050
a friend of mine.
777
00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:36,490
I technically shouldn't
778
00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:36,490
be even driving, because
779
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,620
my license is
780
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,620
crazy expired.
781
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:43,470
That's Dwyer.
782
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:43,470
D-W-Y-E-R.
783
00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:47,170
Dude! Come on.
784
00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:47,170
I've got to get
785
00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:47,170
out of here!
786
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,470
Natalie, tell
787
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,470
this guy
788
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:49,470
you know me.
789
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:56,480
Joan? I thought you were
790
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:56,480
Jennifer Aniston
791
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:56,480
filming a movie here.
792
00:15:58,450 --> 00:16:00,390
Joan, let's make
793
00:15:58,450 --> 00:16:00,390
a pact, okay?
794
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,080
If we're both
795
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,080
still single in an hour,
796
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,080
let's get married.
797
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,750
Tom, I'm already
798
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,750
married.
799
00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,750
That's right. To Seal.
800
00:16:06,060 --> 00:16:08,260
What? I confused you
801
00:16:06,060 --> 00:16:08,260
with Heidi Klum again.
802
00:16:09,430 --> 00:16:10,920
See you later, Joan.
803
00:16:09,430 --> 00:16:10,920
That's just...
804
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,300
That's how
805
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,300
it's done.
806
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,300
In five, four...
807
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,830
Hello, and welcome
808
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,830
to Pawnee Today.
809
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,830
I'm Joan Callamezzo.
810
00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:21,480
Today's guest is
811
00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:21,480
Leslie Knope, who is
812
00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:21,480
here to tell us
813
00:16:21,540 --> 00:16:24,910
how this year's
814
00:16:21,540 --> 00:16:24,910
Harvest Festival is going
815
00:16:21,540 --> 00:16:24,910
to bankrupt the city.
816
00:16:25,510 --> 00:16:29,040
Well, Joan, actually,
817
00:16:25,510 --> 00:16:29,040
there's a lot of false
818
00:16:25,510 --> 00:16:29,040
information flying around.
819
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,280
The Harvest
820
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,280
Festival is...
821
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,280
Jumping right in.
822
00:16:31,820 --> 00:16:33,080
That's rude.
823
00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:34,450
I just want
824
00:16:33,220 --> 00:16:34,450
everyone to know
825
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,490
what an extraordinary
826
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,490
event this is
827
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,490
going to be.
828
00:16:36,790 --> 00:16:38,260
But at what cost?
829
00:16:38,590 --> 00:16:41,430
How many cities
830
00:16:38,590 --> 00:16:41,430
does Ben Wyatt
831
00:16:38,590 --> 00:16:41,430
need to destroy
832
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,020
before he's put
833
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,020
behind bars?
834
00:16:43,330 --> 00:16:45,030
Ben Wyatt has done
835
00:16:43,330 --> 00:16:45,030
nothing wrong.
836
00:16:45,900 --> 00:16:49,770
You know? If you want
837
00:16:45,900 --> 00:16:49,770
to ask him questions,
838
00:16:45,900 --> 00:16:49,770
let's go for it, huh?
839
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,840
Just ask any question
840
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,840
about his past or present.
841
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:53,470
Just get it over with.
842
00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:53,470
Ben, let's get up here.
843
00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:54,530
What?
844
00:16:53,540 --> 00:16:54,530
Yeah. Come on.
845
00:16:55,510 --> 00:16:56,770
We'll just ask him
846
00:16:55,510 --> 00:16:56,770
a bunch of questions,
847
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,840
and then, we'll get
848
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,840
everything cleared
849
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,840
and out of the way.
850
00:16:58,950 --> 00:17:00,410
Sound good? Yeah?
851
00:16:58,950 --> 00:17:00,410
Great.
852
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:02,970
Good. Let's take
853
00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:02,970
some calls, Joan.
854
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:06,020
Why don't you?
855
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:06,020
Okay. Caller,
856
00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:06,020
are you there?
857
00:17:06,450 --> 00:17:08,690
Yeah, how can you
858
00:17:06,450 --> 00:17:08,690
justify raising taxes
859
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,350
for something that
860
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,350
will hurt the town?
861
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:12,620
I...
862
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,090
For...
863
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:20,060
Just to add to what
864
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:20,060
Ben's stammering about,
865
00:17:20,130 --> 00:17:21,800
we aren't going
866
00:17:20,130 --> 00:17:21,800
to raise taxes.
867
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,600
So, that's that.
868
00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,600
Next caller?
869
00:17:28,510 --> 00:17:29,940
Do you fish,
870
00:17:28,510 --> 00:17:29,940
April?
871
00:17:30,010 --> 00:17:31,570
No. Fish are gross.
872
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:33,650
Let me give
873
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:33,650
you a piece
874
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:33,650
of fishing advice.
875
00:17:33,750 --> 00:17:35,650
I said I don't...
876
00:17:33,750 --> 00:17:35,650
When you have
877
00:17:33,750 --> 00:17:35,650
a fish on the line,
878
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,510
you don't just drag it
879
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,510
behind the boat.
880
00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:40,580
You either reel it in
881
00:17:38,350 --> 00:17:40,580
or you cut him loose.
882
00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:44,390
Especially if he's
883
00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:44,390
a nice fish with a big,
884
00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:44,390
lovable fish heart.
885
00:17:44,490 --> 00:17:46,320
You don't know
886
00:17:44,490 --> 00:17:46,320
what you're
887
00:17:44,490 --> 00:17:46,320
talking about.
888
00:17:46,430 --> 00:17:49,590
Maybe not.
889
00:17:46,430 --> 00:17:49,590
Maybe you really do
890
00:17:46,430 --> 00:17:49,590
hate Andy.
891
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:53,090
Maybe moving
892
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:53,090
to Indianapolis just
893
00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:53,090
to get revenge on him
894
00:17:53,170 --> 00:17:54,660
is a really good idea.
895
00:17:55,540 --> 00:17:57,060
What do I know?
896
00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:06,570
You are going
897
00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:06,570
to love this.
898
00:18:06,910 --> 00:18:10,080
Verosian tea really
899
00:18:06,910 --> 00:18:10,080
supercharges the bacteria
900
00:18:06,910 --> 00:18:10,080
in your colon.
901
00:18:10,180 --> 00:18:12,050
Plus, it smells
902
00:18:10,180 --> 00:18:12,050
interesting. Waft it.
903
00:18:13,290 --> 00:18:16,050
Are we actually ever
904
00:18:13,290 --> 00:18:16,050
going to drink it, or we're
905
00:18:13,290 --> 00:18:16,050
just going to sniff it?
906
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:17,990
I love sniffing.
907
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:17,990
Don't get me wrong.
908
00:18:18,060 --> 00:18:19,720
You are hilarious.
909
00:18:21,260 --> 00:18:23,290
So, you're
910
00:18:21,260 --> 00:18:23,290
leaving soon.
911
00:18:23,630 --> 00:18:25,500
Back to Indianapolis
912
00:18:23,630 --> 00:18:25,500
briefly,
913
00:18:25,570 --> 00:18:28,470
and then, on to
914
00:18:25,570 --> 00:18:28,470
a town called
915
00:18:25,570 --> 00:18:28,470
Snerling, Indiana,
916
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:29,630
for several months.
917
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:30,790
Never heard of it.
918
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:33,460
It's quite small.
919
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:33,460
The cows outnumber
920
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:33,460
the people forty to one.
921
00:18:34,010 --> 00:18:35,000
It sounds amazing.
922
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:40,850
I like you a lot.
923
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:40,850
I love spending time
924
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:40,850
with you.
925
00:18:41,380 --> 00:18:43,680
And I thoroughly
926
00:18:41,380 --> 00:18:43,680
enjoy you,
927
00:18:41,380 --> 00:18:43,680
Ann Perkins.
928
00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:48,010
I just think we need
929
00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:48,010
to talk about what
930
00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:48,010
that means for us.
931
00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:49,650
I don't want
932
00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:49,650
to be clingy.
933
00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:49,650
No, no, no. Please.
934
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,220
It is something that
935
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:51,220
we need to figure out,
936
00:18:51,290 --> 00:18:53,230
and we should
937
00:18:51,290 --> 00:18:53,230
do that right now.
938
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,590
I'm so happy
939
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,590
you said that.
940
00:18:58,030 --> 00:18:59,360
Wow, that's disgusting.
941
00:18:59,630 --> 00:19:01,830
Yes, it's very
942
00:18:59,630 --> 00:19:01,830
hard to drink.
943
00:19:04,870 --> 00:19:06,860
Yeah,
944
00:19:04,870 --> 00:19:06,860
why should we trust
945
00:19:04,870 --> 00:19:06,860
this Ben Wyatt guy?
946
00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:09,700
Because I'm trusty.
947
00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:09,700
Trust me.
948
00:19:09,810 --> 00:19:14,540
I'm trustworthy.
949
00:19:09,810 --> 00:19:14,540
And I am working
950
00:19:09,810 --> 00:19:14,540
very hard to...
951
00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:18,350
...make sure that this town
952
00:19:15,020 --> 00:19:18,350
gets back on its feet.
953
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:21,320
Here we go.
954
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:21,320
Okay, great.
955
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:21,320
Next caller?
956
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,520
So,
957
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,520
I looked you up on AltaVista,
958
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:23,520
and I found out
959
00:19:23,590 --> 00:19:26,360
that the last seven towns
960
00:19:23,590 --> 00:19:26,360
you've gone to ended
961
00:19:23,590 --> 00:19:26,360
up bankrupt.
962
00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:30,690
Okay. First of all,
963
00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:30,690
why does everyone
964
00:19:27,230 --> 00:19:30,690
in this town use AltaVista?
965
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:35,600
Is it 1997?
966
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:35,600
And second, I am
967
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:35,600
a budget specialist.
968
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:39,860
I went to those towns
969
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:39,860
because they were bankrupt,
970
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:39,860
and now, they aren't.
971
00:19:40,570 --> 00:19:42,630
And yeah,
972
00:19:40,570 --> 00:19:42,630
I screwed up
973
00:19:40,570 --> 00:19:42,630
when I was 18,
974
00:19:42,710 --> 00:19:44,870
but who doesn't
975
00:19:42,710 --> 00:19:44,870
do dumb stuff
976
00:19:42,710 --> 00:19:44,870
when they're 18?
977
00:19:46,180 --> 00:19:49,480
Joan?
978
00:19:46,180 --> 00:19:49,480
I stole my
979
00:19:46,180 --> 00:19:49,480
gym teacher's husband.
980
00:19:51,850 --> 00:19:52,880
So, there you go.
981
00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:56,590
Well. What else
982
00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:56,590
you got, callers?
983
00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:58,450
Going once, going...
984
00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:58,450
Here we go.
985
00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:03,190
Yeah, hi. Can you
986
00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:03,190
tell me more about the corn
987
00:19:59,430 --> 00:20:03,190
maze at the Harvest Festival?
988
00:20:03,260 --> 00:20:04,560
Are dogs allowed?
989
00:20:07,700 --> 00:20:09,190
Hello.
990
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:10,800
How did it
991
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:10,800
go today?
992
00:20:11,170 --> 00:20:12,200
It was super fun.
993
00:20:12,340 --> 00:20:13,600
It was?
994
00:20:12,340 --> 00:20:13,600
Yeah.
995
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,170
You have a list
996
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:15,170
for tomorrow?
997
00:20:17,780 --> 00:20:19,370
You want to do
998
00:20:17,780 --> 00:20:19,370
this again tomorrow?
999
00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:21,250
Yes, I do. I mean,
1000
00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:21,250
it's the deal, right?
1001
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,220
I got to do it
1002
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,220
for a whole month,
1003
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:23,220
and then,
1004
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:24,720
you're not going
1005
00:20:23,280 --> 00:20:24,720
to move to Indianapolis.
1006
00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:34,390
I better be
1007
00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:34,390
the only person
1008
00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:34,390
you kissed today.
1009
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,220
Yeah, I'm positive
1010
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:38,220
that you are.
1011
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:43,960
If I thought
1012
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:43,960
you were serious,
1013
00:20:41,940 --> 00:20:43,960
I'd be offended, Perd.
1014
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:45,230
But I know that
1015
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:45,230
we're buddies.
1016
00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:46,640
And I know
1017
00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:46,640
you wouldn't
1018
00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:46,640
do that to me.
1019
00:20:46,710 --> 00:20:49,510
But, no, this is
1020
00:20:46,710 --> 00:20:49,510
a birthmark,
1021
00:20:46,710 --> 00:20:49,510
Perd. Okay?
1022
00:20:49,780 --> 00:20:52,840
This is the little scar
1023
00:20:49,780 --> 00:20:52,840
I got when I was nine
1024
00:20:49,780 --> 00:20:52,840
and I fell off my bike.
1025
00:20:52,950 --> 00:20:54,750
So, no,
1026
00:20:52,950 --> 00:20:54,750
I'm not perfect.
1027
00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:57,740
I can't look away.
1028
00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:57,740
It's amazing.
1029
00:20:57,820 --> 00:20:59,480
Okay. Wait, wait, wait.
1030
00:20:57,820 --> 00:20:59,480
Now, here's
1031
00:20:57,820 --> 00:20:59,480
the best part.
1032
00:20:59,650 --> 00:21:03,110
Okay, that's all
1033
00:20:59,650 --> 00:21:03,110
the time we have
1034
00:20:59,650 --> 00:21:03,110
here on Ya' Heard?
1035
00:21:03,190 --> 00:21:05,320
I'm Perd Hapley,
1036
00:21:03,190 --> 00:21:05,320
Channel Four.
1037
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:06,760
More like
1038
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:06,760
"Turd Crapley."
1039
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,130
Yes. Yes.
1040
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,130
Yeah?
1041
00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:11,430
Bravo!
1042
00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:11,430
Thank you
1043
00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:11,430
very much.
53906
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