Original subtitles

And in recognition of your resolve,

I'll be honest with you.

Reona?

You know what? If someone besides Kamui clears the game...

I'd like to marry them.

You remember that, right?

Y-Yes, but weren't you just joking?

Hiro, the truth is,

ten years ago, I met Kamui.

I say I met him, but it was only in the game.

I saw him strutting through Ted clad in black armor.

As a fellow high schooler at the time, I couldn't help but admire him.

So as he was exiting the city, I ran up to him,

and asked him to go out with me.

That's when...

I'm not into women with tits like a Holstein cow.

What?

Everything has its limits.

Your tits are past the limit.

Bye now.

Can you believe he said that to me?

"Past the limit," really?

My boobs aren't a credit card!

He then went on to clear the unbeatable Kiwame Quest!

So I swore revenge!

I decided to find somebody else who successfully cleared KQ.

"I'll marry them!" I swore.

Huh? Is that the end?

That's right!

So, Hiro, beat the game!

Then marry me,

and after our honeymoon, we'll kiss in front of Kamui

and give him the finger together as a happy couple!

"A New Ally"

That was a letdown.

When you're that secretive,

isn't their normally a deeper reason? The kind that fires people up?

I'm not fired up at all.

I've actually lost motivation.

Hiro, you're still awake.

Tesla.

I'm sorry about Amos and Granada.

Don't be. What's past is past.

I'm surprised to see you here so late.

There's no telling when the goblins will attack.

It's keeping me awake tonight.

I think they're coming tonight.

Oh?

No, I mean, it's just a hunch.

I can't just tell him I read it in a walkthrough.

You're a curious fellow, Hiro.

Hiro.

Something tells me you want to leave the city. Am I right?

What?!

No, I, um... uh...

I get it. I do.

If I weren't captain of the Guard,

I'd want to blow this place and test my skills out in the great big world.

Tesla...

Then let's leave the city together!

Interesting.

If we manage to overcome this situation,

it might not be half bad to go on a journey together.

So then...

I'll consider it.

Yet another reason to find a way to deal with this goblin crisis.

Th-That all made it seem like he might die...

I can't allow that to happen.

Looks like I better check the walkthrough.

Why're you in my room?!

Don't tell me you're actually plotting to take me out

by covering my nose and mouth while I play!

Don't be silly!

You didn't answer no matter how much I knocked!

I thought you might've dropped dead!

Oh, I see.

So why'd you come to my room?

Y-You were acting strange...

I want to see something through.

Please let me.

It seemed like you might try to go out playing a full-dive RPG or something.

So I just kinda... came to investigate!

Oh, you were worried about me!

A-As if!

If you died playing video games, it'd shame the whole family!

Right, right. Thanks, Kaede!

Hey!

What's the big idea?

You know, it's better if a rotten otaku like you

takes a full-dive dirt nap sad and alone!

What's a full-dive dirt nap?! Hey!

The nerve of her!

I remember Kamui said he'd tell me the trick to KQ.

You really endured the merc event, right?

If you lie, I'll stick 1,000 needles in your balls.

Not make me swallow them?! Scary!

As proof, enter your current title.

"Diabolic Spiteful Best Friend Killer"

So you earned "Diabolic Spiteful Best Friend Killer"? Good.

Is it?! That was a legitimate strategy?

Of course there were other options,

but better to be a wicked bastard than a gutless doormat.

Very well. I'll tell you the trick to KQ.

"The Trick"

Very well. I'll tell you the trick to KQ.

"The Trick"

The trick!

You mean...

You're still looking?

How creepy.

I've told you all there is to tell already!

Don't rely on a walkthrough for every little thing, you damned sheep!

Why am I being scolded for using the walkthrough?!

Die, dumbass!

And the site closed itself!

There's nothing left but to do it.

"Day 6: Day of the Goblin Assault"

"Day 6: Day of the Goblin Assault"

We're finally at the goblin assault.

...

--Hiro, did you polish your sword?

--Yes. --Hiro, did you polish your sword?

Have you eaten?

Yes, but not too much.

--Did you pee?

--I did. --Did you pee?

--I did. --Poop?

--Yes. --Poop?

All right! You're fully prepared!

I don't know about "fully," but whatever happens happens.

I have an anouncement to make.

Given the heightened danger of the goblins, two new fighters will join our ranks.

Replacements for Granada.

It may just be two, but I'm glad to have more support.

This is Inquisitor Mizarisa

and Fruit Knife Wielder From Hell Alicia.

Make them feel welcome.

Are you kidding me?!

As if the goblins weren't enough! How is that fair?!

Hey, Hiro! Good to see ya again!

Have you wet yourself wonderfully today, too?

Wet myself? I'm not a baby!

I look forward to working with you.

Women you've met join you in your time of need.

A proper video game development: a harem!

Good for you, Hiro!

It's not good at all!

I might get hacked up by fruit knives and a saw before the goblins even show up!

We have evacuated those on the outskirts to the center of the city,

but many have ignored the evacuation order.

There are also reports of crime occurring out of our sight.

Thus I'd like you all to go on patrol.

--Yes, sir!

--What? Is today not the day the goblins attack? --Yes, sir!

--What? Is today not the day the goblins attack?

Hmm. It looks like there's another event first.

Well, I'm sure it won't be a very difficult event.

I hope so...

Hiro.

I'm assigning you to the eastern district.

Eastern district?

It's where Ginji was.

What?

Oh? Is there a problem?

Oh, no problem! It's fine!

Good. Take Mizarisa and Alicia on patrol with you.

There's a huge problem with that!

I'm so happy to be with Hiro!

So you two are close.

I thought so when I saw you wave to each other earlier.

She waved. I didn't!

B-Besides!

As you're aware, Alicia has a grudge against me.

It's an opportunity to clear things up!

It won't do to have discord among our ranks.

But!

I leave it to you, Hiro.

T-T-T-Tesla!

Hiro, are you sure?

About what?

I wasn't making a fuss back there, but...

We've got a pretty big score to settle.

She was about to kill you.

And above all, she's creepy.

You know you're pretty creepy yourself...

We should keep away from her.

I wish you'd keep away from me.

So mean!

Now, now. Alicia maybe, but Mizarisa has no desire to kill you.

Yeah. Instead she has a raring desire to torture me.

Anyway, why are there problems in town during an impending goblin attack?

You dummy. Order breaks down most when things look bleak!

I don't need that level of realism in a game...

Or is it the other way around?

Maybe chaos in people's hearts brings about chaos in the world.

I wasn't seeking a philosophical discussion.

Thief!

Help!

Move it!

F-For real? Nice one, Alici--

Gross!

Isn't this great, Hiro? Let's go return her purse!

B-B-But there's a hand on it!

It could be considered, like, a premium upgrade.

In what universe?!

You saved a townsperson!

This is an RPG standard!

I bet you get a reward!

Th-That's a good point.

E-Excuse me.

Your purse, ma'am.

Of course it turned out this way!

Darn. There was no reward.

You there. Why the hell did you do this?

Th-The goblins are gonna kill us all anyway!

So you decided to satisfy your appetites while you could. Is that it?

You got desparate so easily.

You know some people die young, despite how badly they want to live.

Right, Hiro?

She's definitely referring to Martin!

Don't kill me! I only did it because I was encouraged to!

Excuse me?

He's been telling people that with the Guard distracted, it's the perfect time!

What?

Thief!

Help!

--Stop!

--Help! --Stop!

Leona, so then...

Someone is instigating these crimes.

Perhaps its the boss of this event.

Boss?!

I bet I can get a weapon that will help against the goblins.

Hey! Tell us where to find this guy!

H-He's at the casino right over there.

There're a lot of them.

They're scary.

Let's see...

Hiro, that must be the boss!

H-He looks tough.

I'll take him.

Since the only thing you're good for is peeing yourself.

Shut up!

Hiro, you rescue the captives.

O-Okay.

Come on. You better help, too.

I'm Inquisitor--no, right now I'm Mizarisa of the City Guard!

Surrender and be taken into custody.

The City Guard?

Interesting.

Let's do this!

You wanna go?

Great!

Now's my chance!

You're safe now.

What?

Ginji?!

What, you again?

They captured you, too?

Yeah! They took me and were going to sell me off!

For real?

Who the hell would buy an old dude like him?

That was disappointing.

Mr. Ginji, this isn't what you promised!

Hiro!

Don't you two move!

If you do, I'll snap his neck!

Hiro!

Ginji, you were the instigator?

You make it sound so bad.

This area's been going downhill since the goblins first attacked.

I just gave it a little push!

Wh-Why would you do that?

Why, to draw the Guard's attention away!

I made myself a nice profit.

You blended in with the NPCs to steal?

Well, that all ends today.

Hey! Leave your valuables and get out!

Otherwise I'll kill him!

Oh, Ginji makes a refreshing villain!

You asshole.

After everything, I thought we'd started a friendship of sorts.

Idiot.

Becoming friends after a fight?

That's high-school drama nonsense.

We're just two people who met in a game. Nothing more.

Oh, I see. I see!

We'll never come to an understanding then.

I hear you loud and clear,

you old fart!

D-Damned brat!

Amazing, Hiro! Against Ginji, that was astonishingly good!

Leave the rest to me.

Wait, Mizarisa!

Hiro?

Stay out of this one.

This guy's mine.

What? You cocky brat.

So it starts again!

A fight between fated rivals!

Things are going to go differently today, kid.

I've got a stronger weapon with me.

D-Don't tell me he has a magic item...

Double brass knuckles!

You're dead, kid!

That's the same as last time!

Are you stupid?

You dumbass! It's twice the attack power!

Now die!

Like I'll lose!

Small fry fight! Go, Ginji! Go, Hiro!

Can we put an end to this farce now?

Farce?!

An NPC called it a farce...

I-I'm sorry!

Please forgive me.

H-How pathetic can this get?

Okay, line up!

Looks like the event ended.

Yeah.

Your childhood friend is strong.

With my gout I couldn't do a thing.

But, Ginji, didn't you kill both your best friend and childhood friend?

It was years ago.

And I killed my childhood friend before she awakened as Hell's Fruit Slicer.

That sound creeps me out every time.

I guess that's what happens to a person who's locked in a cell forever.

You seem calm.

Well, yeah.

What's with the act?

I'll get meals for free, and the goblins can't reach me in the cell.

Depending on the perspective, prison life ain't so bad.

I see! Positive thinking!

I don't think that's what that means!

Well, I also got out of a few pinches this way in real life.

What? You intentionally commit small crimes to go to jail?

This guy is seriously scum.

A bit of life wisdom!

That's not what that means!

Let's go! No dawdling!

You should really re-examine your life.

I ain't a kid anymore. I ain't gonna change at my age.

Hiro, good work capturing that gang of thieves.

I didn't do much.

It was all Mizarisa and Alicia--

It's the goblins!

They're finally here.

Hiro, this is it!

R-Right!

--They're at the north gate!

--Huh? Wh-What is this? --They're at the north gate!

--Huh? Wh-What is this? --All right. Let's go!

Yes, sir!

M-My stomach!

I told you to use the bathroom earlier!

I did!

But...

I got it. It must be extreme nerves.

You know, like how on test days you need to use the bathroom a bunch?

--What?

--Sound familiar? --What?

--Sound familiar?

Y-Yes, it does!

But this is in a game!

As I've told you, KQ is the pinnacle of realism!

Things that would happen in real life happen in game!

Anyway, just go use the bathroom!

Shit! Come out already!

Shit!

Everyone's fighting the goblins.

What am I fighting?

Yes! Much better.

Now to find Tesla.

Eek!

A goblin's peeking at me!

Episode 11: City of Dead Ends.