Original subtitles

Join the City Guard as a merc and fight alongside Tesla.

Even I, genius that I am, find this option difficult.

Zero point one percent chance of survival means...

...99.9% chance to ruin my console!

"Enlistment and Baptism"

Chance of survival 0.1%...

I-If I'm gonna quit this game, isn't now the time?

"Pant-shitter who became a merc after the goblin assault."

"Pant-shitter who became a merc after the goblin assault."

I-I didn't shit my pants!

You're unbelievably stupid!

Your console is toast! My condolences!

Sh-Shut up! I'm on this site to avoid that!

But in the unlikely event

that you earned the title "Best Best Friend Killer"

your chances aren't zero.

What? You mean...

"Best Best Friend Killer: The Best Amicide"

Fat chance you earned it, though.

Anyway. It's hopeless. Just die. That's all.

I obtained the title "The Best Amicide."

You aren't lying, are you?

Enter the words of the promise.

"Enter the words!"

Why is this locked behind a password?

"We're best friends forever."

"We're best friends forever."

Not only were you haunted by a ghost,

but you also escaped your crazed childhood friend.

Not bad, I must say.

Some people could take a decade and never figure those words out.

Very well.

I'll tell you the trick to Kiwame Quest.

The trick?

Your chance of survival might just go from 0.1% to about 0.5%.

That's practically no change!

But first, you must endure the five days of training.

Endure until the second wave of the goblin assault.

But be warned, depending on the player,

it will break you.

For real?

This game really is extreme.

For you garbage players it will be tough,

but a failure who can't overcome this will never succeed in life.

Dig deep, even if you have to fake it.

True, the goblin assault is a hellish event with SS-difficulty.

But once you clear it, you'll encounter the true mystery of Ted.

Try to keep your eyes open,

and think.

I wrote that the chance of survival is 0.1%, but despite that I cleared it.

In other words, you're on the razor's edge, but it's not impossible.

Got that, worm?

His tone was nasty as ever,

but it was like...

Like he was saying, "Can you do it? I did. Now it's your turn."

That's the feeling I got.

I still have my second custard cup,

but I've lost my appetite.

I don't want to brick my console, nor do I have the money for a new one.

It would be reasonable to quit KQ at this point, but...

What? You're disturbing me.

Here. For you.

C-Custard? Why?

I'm about to play that full-dive RPG again.

What? You didn't sell it?

I tried to.

But... I decided not to.

Why? You said it was a shitty game.

Yeah. It couldn't be shittier. It's the epitome of a shitty game.

But...

You threw in the towel on running and took up full-dive RPGs,

and to top it off you even abandon that!

You're just pathetic!

I decided to at least get to a good ending point.

You came just to tell me that?

School is off for several days.

So, I'd like to play the whole time.

So I also wanted to warn you.

Why tell me this?

Kaede, I think I'll scream again tonight.

Obviously I'll try not to, but I'll fail.

No doubt I'll scream.

Wh-What's going on here? Are you messing with--

Kaede.

It's just like you said.

I feel like, ever since I quit running, I've been running away from things.

I'll probably end up bothering you.

But,

I want to see something through.

Please let me.

Oh, whatever! Leave me alone.

I'm sorry, Kaede.

Are you ready now?

Yeah!

To Queen Govern's mansion then.

Let's go!

I saw.

In the walkthrough. The stuff about 0.1% chance of survival.

Oh.

You should've checked the walkthrough first! Nincompoop.

Nothing I can do now.

Anyway, we need to make it through the training.

Five days...

Just what happens? He said it could break me.

No idea.

New recruits to the Guard sleep at the training grounds.

But first we greet Queen Govern.

I see.

The cries of someone being tortured again.

That's disturbing.

I appreciate your enlistment.

I am Govern. I administer this city.

P-Pleased to meet you.

Not what I imagined from the name "Govern"...

Huh?

Guards are the treasure of the city.

Please protect the people of the city from the goblins.

I will be praying for your safety.

That was hilarious!

And the sound you made!

You sounded like a certain popstar breaking into a dance.

Anyone would react that way to suddenly being latched onto.

Oh? Then maybe I should test that some time.

D-Don't...

...do that.

Here are the training grounds.

Everyone, I'd like to introduce a new colleague.

This is Hiro. He has temporarily enlisted as a mercenary.

I-I look forward to fighting alongside you.

And we have two more.

There were other new recruits?

This is Granada and Palù. They are also mercs.

Hey.

'Sup.

All of you, make our three new recruits feel welcome.

Welcome!

Glad to have you!

Your efforts have driven the goblins back.

However, the goblins may attack again.

Train hard and be ready!

Yes, sir!

The goblins' target this time seemed to be Queen Govern's mansion.

Perhaps their monster instincts told them the city would fall if the mansion falls.

We must protect the city and protect Queen Govern!

That is our duty as members of the Ted City Guard!

Work hard, Hiro.

Huh? I thought Tesla would be training me.

Hey. Thanks for joining.

To start, let me show you your lodgings. Follow me.

I'm Bob.

I just became a Guard about a month ago, so I'm only technically your senior.

No need for formality.

Thanks, Bob.

Nobody seemed very strong.

Well, you're obviously the strongest, Granada.

You mercs have pluck.

That's the spirit!

So this is my room.

Reona, you've been quiet.

I thought it best not to speak during explanations.

I want you to focus on the game.

I see. So there's a method to your madness.

Of course. I'm a first-rate game advisor!

And not a hint of irony.

Well, I'm gonna get changed now.

Go ahead. I don't mind.

I do mind!

Oh, you do?

Not like there's anything to see, anyway.

Did I just hear crude remarks?

All changed?

Yep. All set.

Then let's head back. It's time for some light practical training.

W-With a sword?

Yes. And martial arts.

All right! Finally, a tutorial!

The game's been strangely RPG-like lately!

Now, no need to be nervous!

Today's more like an introduction exercise. You can relax.

Hmm. What's this?

Wh-What's what?

You're pretty slender. Do you specialize in covert operations or something?

Covert? Not really.

Is that so? Well, I suppose you'll be fine. I suppose.

Right.

Come at me!

What's wrong?

Put more oomph into it!

Whoops, it's already started.

Oh, Instructor!

New recruits Granada and Palù. And Hiro, I presume.

Wait, you?!

This guy's the instructor?!

I'm Amos, the Training Instructor here.

You better do as I say!

Otherwise we'll throw you out!

Especially you!

M-Me?

Captain Tesla seems to have taken a liking to you.

But skill and ability are what matters here!

There's no room for dead weight!

You mean, "Yes, sir!"

And where were your salutes?

Yes, sir...

I better get things into gear.

Hiro! So you became a Guard after all.

--Huh?

--I'm Cathy. --Huh?

After the goblin attack...

I was the one who took that girl home.

She told me about how you saved her.

Freaking Amos. He just pushed the job on someone else.

I'm glad to have a brave ally.

Nice to meet you.

Of course. The feeling is mutual.

Hey! You two!

You're supposed to be training!

What makes you think you can loaf about?

You know what? Fine.

We'll start practical training with you, Hiro!

All right!

Bring it on.

I was nearly killed by frenzied goblins and a frenzied childhood friend.

A wooden sword match is nothing.

W-Well, now you look serious.

Good luck, Hiro!

Let's eat together after!

All right!

Sh-Show some respect!

C-C-Come at me!

Fine. Here I come!

What?

S-So you're good.

Shake it off, Hiro!

Hiro, stay calm and watch his movements carefully!

Now that I look, that's an amateur's stance.

My hands are tingling!

Come on now!

From your loafing I thought you might be tough.

But you're a weakling.

He sucks...

Seriously? He's so weak!

Well, look how skinny he is.

A merchant could do better. Build some muscle.

So that's what Bob was concerned about.

Everybody does look pretty built...

Hiro, are you okay?

I didn't know Amos was so strong.

I mean, he's an instructor with the Guard.

He wouldn't lose to a high-school student. This isn't a manga.

Sure, it's not a manga, but it is a game!

Whoa!

That all ya got, teach?

Tr-Training is over for today!

Ow, ow, ow.

He wasn't much.

You're amazing, Granada!

We gained a strong ally!

I bet he could beat a goblin!

H-Hey, Bob.

Training is over, so...

...shall we go?

Uh... actually something came up. Sorry.

Hey, um...

Huh?

It was incredible!

The food's good today.

You've been totally ostracized.

Don't say it out loud.

Hiro, you look pretty out of place.

This was the obvious result of a high schooler becoming a mercenary.

You should've thought more before volunteering.

It seemed like a classic video game event!

Well, it's only five days!

Just tough it out and it'll be over!

And you'll get to learn Kamui's trick!

Y-You're right.

It's only the first day. I don't need Kamui making fun of me.

That's the spirit, Hiro!

You've been made fun of enough already!

This was a tiring day.

Shall we sleep until morning?

Huh? Sleep inside the game?

You've played full-dive RPGs before, right?

Sleeping in the game is pretty common.

Well, that's true.

Are you lonely? Is that it?

Want me to join you?

N-No thanks!

Oh, too bad.

J-Join me?

What would've happened if I'd said yes?

What? Already?!

"Day 2"

"Day 2"

Hiro, wake up. It's morning.

G-Good morning...

This groggy feeling...

They're even realistic about this, too?

They used cutting-edge neuroscience to make you feel as if you'd slept for hours.

Unnecessarily high tech of them.

More importantly, everyone's already training.

What?! Lead with that!

I'm sorry I'm late!

My, Granada, you've got such talent! Yes, yes. That's it!

Just keep going like that.

Amos is already buttering him up.

Huh? Oh, you. You're here?

Of course I'm here!

Hiro, I know he's frustrating, but he's still the instructor.

Let's act like it.

R-Right.

Excuse me, Instructor Amos. What should I do?

Try practice swings.

Practice swings.

If I do those, will I discover a special move or something?

Don't be silly! Are you a child?

But Tesla has a special move.

He's a genius while you're mediocre!

Why did he even recruit you?

Please just teach me. I'll practice as hard as I can.

Listen here. You think a little practice is all it takes?

If it was, why the hell would we have trained for years?

Y-You have a point, sir.

Besides, you're utterly hopeless.

You completely lack talent for this.

You're like an 80-year-old who wants to become a dancer!

Do you get it?

I'm treated like a geezer?! I'm the game's protagonist!

Well, you can't say he's wrong.

Why don't you do practice swings like he says?

F-Fine.

I heard this guy murdered his best friend.

Really? And he's allowed to join? What if he comes for us while we sleep?

No, that was all a misunderstanding. Tesla determined it was an accident, so--

Stop dragging everyone down.

Huh?

One weak link can make the chain fail.

Get me?

W-Well I uh...

Hiro, you can train with me if you like.

Th-Thanks!

Pathetic.

What's wrong? Change your mind?

N-Not at all! Coming! I'll be right there!

You have a friend. Reassuring, huh?

It is.

I'm pooped.

I'm so hungry.

Whad'ya think we get?

Bread, like always.

Use your pinky, ring finger, and middle finger more.

Your thumb and pointer can be like support.

O-Okay.

Bend your right elbow slightly, and use your left arm as solid support.

L-Like this?

Yeah. Looks good.

"L-Like this?" That's you!

Okay, break's over!

You over there! Get moving!

Oh, Granada, you're fine as you are.

Thanks to Cathy I actually managed to learn something.

"Day 3"

"Day 3"

Today we're supposed to learn practical techniques, but...

I'm screwed.

Begin the practice matches on my command!

Begin!

Oh, come on! This isn't practice!

Forget goblins. One of those strikes will take me out first!

What's wrong, Hiro?

G-Grip tightly with this finger, then support... right arm...

Wait. How did it go? Dammit!

Only one option now!

Go all-out! Strike with all my might!

Huh?

What was that wimpy attack?

Match over! Winner, Granada!

Nice move!

Go, Granada!

Just quit already.

Having you here is worse than useless.

If you don't wanna leave, start paying us for the privilege.

Yeah. Then you'd be worth having around.

This is my life, even in a game?

Episode 9: A Fairy's Power.