All language subtitles for Wedding Wars 2006_eng.vtt

The past four years,

it's been my honor
to serve as your governor,

and with your support,
I will continue

to fight for each
and every one of you.

Aren't you clapping
a little too hard?

I can't help it.
That was fantastic.

His speechwriter
must be brilliant.

Yeah, he's okay.

Well,
if he isn't appreciated here,
he can always go work

for one of
the other campaigns
begging for his services.

It's a free country.

...increase Maine's
minimum wage

to keep pace with
the cost of living.

In the next four years...

Of course,
there are perks to
working for the governor.

Yeah,
his really hot daughter.

Actually, I was
thinking of the dental plan,
but she's okay, too.

He's so lucky to have her.

Oh, he knows that.

That's why he's
been waiting for the
perfect time to do this.

I know that
we will succeed.

And I want
to thank my family

for their love and support,
my beautiful wife, Claire,

and my wonderful
daughter, Maggie.

Ben, you're an
excellent campaign manager,

and I'm sure
you're gonna make an
equally fine son-in-law.

Don't worry, Governor.
Marriage and politics
aren't that different.

The key to success is
finding the right candidate.

Yes, except
marriage is even better.
No term limits.

Oh,
this is so exciting!

We can have the
ceremony right out here.

Yeah, Ben and I were
thinking of something
small and intimate.

Well, it'll have to be.
You can't fit more than
400 guests out here.

Okay,
when I say "small"...

You know she
always gets her way,

so you might as well
give in and save
yourself the grief.

That's true.

Well, okay, then.

An intimate
little 400-person
backyard wedding it is.

First Saturday
in September's
perfect for a wedding.

The leaves won't
have started to change.

There'll be
no showy foliage
competing with the bride.

Yes, I'll be the
one in white,
or at least ecru.

Well, your wedding
planner's going

to have something
to say about that.

Do you have
someone in mind?

I hadn't even
thought of that.

What about Shel?

Shel?
Who's Shel?

Ben's brother.
Don't you think
he would be perfect?

Maggie, I don't...

Your brother is
a wedding planner?

More of a party planner.

Yeah, but he was
telling me at your
dad's retirement party

he's always wanted
to get into weddings.

Don't you think
he'd be great?

Sure, if you
want to have fun,
but this is a wedding.

I mean a formal wedding.

When I think of Shel,
my mind doesn't go to formal.

Mojito time!
Who wants?

Over here!

Mustn't go to waste.
There are people
sober in China.

Oh! Kids!

Turn that off, Mark.
I hate being on camera.

Turn that off.
I said cut! Cut it!

Nope, not, no, no.

I'm cutting
you two O-F-F!

Yes, you can have.
Open up.

And done with you.

Hey, Shel.

Ben! What's wrong?
Mom and Dad okay?

Yeah, they're okay. Why?

Shel! Mayo!

Hold on a second.

Uh, garlic,
herb, or spicy aioli?

Garlic.

Incoming!

You know I can't catch.

I know.
It's just so much
fun watching you try.

Oh, Ted, Ben's here.

Ben!

Oh, no! What's wrong?
Nothing's wrong.

Can't I visit my brother
without there being
something wrong?

Yes, but you never have.

Well, I am now.

Look, if you're too busy,
I'll just...
No, no, no, no!

Hang on!
We'll talk in a second.
Let me flip my burgers.

Turkey, beef,
soy, or veggie?

Sure.

Move, move.

What are you doing?

Get over here.

Hey, there.

Hey.

I live in 203. Dan.

Ben.

So, how do you
know Shel and Ted?

I'm Shel's brother.

Oh. Cool.

I'm engaged.

To a woman.

Need some more mustard.

Who was that?

I can't believe it!
You and Maggie
are getting married!

Oh, my God, we love her!
You'll have such
beautiful children!

Congratulations, Ben!

Thanks, Ted.

So, anyway,
we're thinking of
a September wedding,

Uh-huh.
and if you're available,
I was hoping that...

I would be
your best man?
I would love to!

Actually,
I was gonna ask Wayne.

Oh...

I've known him since...
No, no, no.

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean...

No, I shouldn't
have assumed. I'm sorry.

So, Ben,
what were you going to ask?

Oh, right. Listen,

and feel free to say no,

but Maggie thought...
Well, we both thought,

that you might want to
be our wedding planner.

My first wedding!
Yes, yes, yes, yes!

Mine, too. Okay.

I'm glad he was
so excited about it!

Yeah.

Okay, what's wrong?

Nothing.

It's just that, you know,

things are
a little awkward
between me and Shel.

Growing up,
we were inseparable.

Little League,
fishing, building forts.

He even
followed me all the way
to Maine for college.

All the way to Maine
from New Hampshire.

What is that, like,
a 20-minute trip?

Sorry.

So, what happened?

Well, nothing happened.
We just sort of drifted apart.

I told him I was gay,
that's what happened.

Of course it
wasn't because he's gay.

I was always
fine with that.

He turned white
as a sheet and started
backing towards the door

mumbling something,
"I've got to get
to rugby practice."

It hasn't really
been the same since.

That's why I never
came out to my parents.
I mean...

You know,
I figured if Ben
couldn't handle it,

an old-school union
guy like my father
would finish his beer,

have a final burp,
and then keel over dead.

Well, on the upside,
this wedding is
a great opportunity...

...for you
and your brother
to get close again.

I'm thinking of
something tasteful
with just a touch of whimsy.

Oh, I adore whimsy!

Yeah,
and mostly
we want it to be fun.

Oh, yeah,
lots of fun.

Good. You'll get
to meet Conrad.

Governor, aren't you
supposed to be meeting

with the Fish and
Game Commissioner?

That was canceled.

The Coast Guard caught some
Norwegians poaching salmon.

Oh. Is that illegal now?

Because poached salmon
makes a terrific entree,

especially with
a balsamic reduction.

Ooh! That sounds good!

Dad, this is Shel,
Ben's brother.

He is our
wedding planner.

Pleasure to meet you, sir.
Yeah, you, too.

Thanks for
taking on this job.

Seeing as how
we're gonna be family,

it'll give us a chance
to know you better.

We were just gonna
take Shel for a tour.
You want to join us?

Honey, your dad's busy.
He doesn't wanna...

Sure, sweetie,
it sounds like fun.

Good.
Great.

Fun. Fun.

Please don't
say "fabulous."

Fabulous,
simply fabulous.

You see that
dock and the little
lighthouse down there?

Conrad had
that built for Maggie
on her ninth birthday.

Yes, I did.

Gorgeous.
Gorgeous.

I'd say that our best
place for the ceremony
is right here on the patio,

with some guests
there and there.

Sounds good.
Yeah.

No.

No? No?

No, I'd say it'd be
best to hold the ceremony
right down here by the water.

See? We'll build
a nice gazebo right there.

That way
the guests could sort of
radiate up the lawn,

improve sightlines,
and if we're lucky,

we won't have to
mic the service.

Shel, maybe the
governor doesn't
want anyone radiating.

I'd say he's right.
No, it'll be better his way.

Great! Now for music.

I say we start out
with a string quartet,
something simple, elegant.

Eggshell cotton tablecloths

with centerpieces
featuring either pink tea
roses or Oriental lilies.

What do you think, honey?

It's all good.
Ben.

Ben, it's not all good.

This is not you
getting together with

a bunch of your
buddies for Super Bowl,

in which case,
I would definitely
go with the lilies.

This is your
wedding day.
It matters.

Pink tea roses
sound nice.

Fine.

Although the lilies
have a stronger scent.

Yes, they do
have a lovely fragrance.

Which is helpful
if you're serving fish.

Lilies it is, then.

James!

It smells
so good in here!

Hi.
Hi.

This is the lovely bride.
Hello.

Dazzle us.

...these two
as a centerpiece.

But these roses
are amazing!

She likes the roses.
Let's start with the roses.

Oh, no.
Nope.

You missed this...

I love you.

Ben?
Yeah?

What do you think?
Excellent.

Here. Let's see this.

Stop!

Try this.

One, two, three.

Get back
on the dance floor!

Look who's here.
Hey! Hi!

Hey, gorgeous.

Hi.

Hi!

Hug, kiss.

I don't know,
natural but, you know,
done, but not too done.

More fun.
Some movement.

Done and fun.
Right.

Fill this out,
pull the bangs over.
Puffy.

It's puffy, Freddie.

I mean, not so big.

No Farrah Fawcett.
Give us a little Jaclyn Smith.

Okay, Jaclyn Smith.

Well?
Definitely number three.

No.

No?
No?

There's coconut
in the frosting,

which a lot of
people don't like.

The more popular
choice will be lemon.

Mmm-hmm.

All right.

Lemon it is.

I now pronounce this
wedding good to go.

Just think,
two weeks from today,
we'll be married.

I can't wait.

Welling!
Re-elect Welling!
Re-elect Conrad Welling!

No, I'm sorry,
the governor won't be

attending your
anti-immigration rally.

Frankly,
if people from Vermont
want to move to Maine,

putting up a fence
won't stop them.

Yeah,
I know they're annoying,
but we need the syrup.

Ben, you've got
to see this.

...declaring any
ban on gay marriage
to be unconstitutional.

The decision is
already under attack
from Senator Ray Brighton,

Governor Welling's
opponent in the upcoming
November election.

And if this decision stands,

gays will be
allowed to marry in Maine
beginning next year.

Now, we cannot
allow this to happen.

As your new governor,

my first act
will be to seek
a constitutional amendment

restricting marriage
to one man and one woman,

the way God intended it.

So Brighton is
speaking for God now.

That's quite an endorsement.

This is gonna
make gay marriage
a major issue in the race.

The press is gonna be
all over you for a response.

I've got a fundraiser
in Bar Harbor tomorrow.

Let's set up
a press conference
while I'm there.

Will do.
Is Ben there with you?

I want him to
draft my response.

He's right here.
Yes, sir.

Ben, I need this speech
first thing in the morning,

so drop everything
and get to it.

Okay.

Ready? Easy.
Here we go.

Yep.

Good.

Hello?
Ben.

Yeah, I just
read your pages.

Yes, sir.

They're exactly
what I was looking for.
Good job.

Thank you, sir, thank you.
Thank you.

You're welcome.
Make sure you hold down
the fort while I'm gone.

Yes, I will.
Bravo, Ben.

Thanks. Bye.

It's starting to
look beautiful.

You're doing
a really great job, Shel.

Thanks.

That means a lot to me,
coming from you.

I know Maggie
talked you into all this,

so I appreciate
you saying that.

Where is she, by the way?

We're supposed to
taste-test some champagne.

She's stuck in the office.
She sent me as a replacement.

Sorry.

Don't be.

It'll be like
when we used to sneak

into Mom and Dad's
liquor cabinet.

Only without
puking this time, huh?

What were we thinking?
I don't know.

Follow me.

What, you wanna race?

Come on, old man!

Come on!

Stay away from
the schnapps, Shel!

Mmm... Ah!

It's a close call,
but I'm leaning
toward the Cristal.

No, no. Try a little
more Veuve Clicquot.
It grows on you.

There you go.

Oh. Hey, your song.

No, no, no, no.

Come on, come on,
listen, listen.

Nice vibrato.

Hey, we should sing
that at the wedding!

Hey, maybe we shouldn't.
Maybe we should sober up.

I'm in no hurry, bro.

Me either, bro.

Thanks for
that update, Katie.

Now onto
the campaign trail.
Hey, look.

In a move
that will surely
shock campaign pundits,

Governor Welling
has weighed in

on the State
Supreme Court's decision
legalizing gay marriage.

Why don't we
get some lunch?

Wait, I want to see this.

Our gay citizens

are entitled to the
same rights and privileges

as everyone else
in our great state.

I love this guy.

However, that doesn't mean
we need turn our backs

on thousands of
years of tradition.

Which is why I support
a constitutional amendment

to prohibit
same-sex marriage.

He's against gay marriage?

More like he's in favor
of traditional marriage.

Let's go get some lunch.

I can't believe it.

He seemed like
such a good guy.

He is a good guy.

He's always been a big
supporter of gay rights.

Yeah. Just not this one.

At least not in
an election year.

He's an old-fashioned guy,
you know?

And he's not alone.
Over 60% of
voters are against it.

Well, that doesn't
make it right.

Right?

Oh, no.
You agree with him.

You probably even
wrote his speech.

Oh, my God.

You did.

I can't believe it.
My own brother.

I should've known.

Come on, Shel.

I can't believe it.

So, it's okay for me
to plan your wedding,

but it's not okay for me
to have one of my own.

It's not that simple.
Seems pretty simple to me.

You think it's fine for me
to be treated differently
than everyone else.

That's not true.
You can still have a wedding.

You just have
to marry a woman.

Ha! Funny.
I'm kidding.

We'll see how funny it is
when you're planning
your own wedding.

What're you talking about?
You can't walk out.

We have
less than two weeks.

Yeah. Good luck with that.
Because I quit.

You can't quit.
You have our deposit.

Right. Fine, okay.
All right, I'm not quitting.

Thank you.

I'm going on strike.

Strike?

You can't be serious.

Oh, I'm dead serious.

Dad went on strike
for what he believed in.

Dad struck for
higher wages and
better working conditions,

not so he could marry
some guy at the VFW!

You're picketing?

Yep. I'm exercising
my right to free speech,

and my calves,
which is perfect by the way,

because today was
leg day at the gym.

Shel, I...

This whole "Norma Gay"
routine is not gonna
change the governor's mind.

Yeah, well, maybe if I can
change someone's mind.

So this is to
rally Maine's gay
soccer mom population?

Honk if you
support gay marriage!

Honk if you're
for gay marriage!

That's the finger
of oppression, ma'am!

I can't believe
you're doing this to me!

You did this to me first!

Yeah?
Hey, Ben,
terrific job.

Our position on gay marriage
is getting a great reaction.

Mostly.

I even got a response
from the White House.

The President and
the First Lady are

coming out to help me
with the campaign,

and then they're gonna
stay for the wedding.

My God, that's amazing!

What's amazing?
Is that the governor?
Let me talk to him. Governor?

Is that Shel
there with you?
Put him on.

I want to give
him the good news.

He's got his
hands full right now.
Governor?

He's really busy.
Sorry, Governor.
Governor?

I'll be sure to tell him.
Sorry, Governor. Bye.

Hello? Ben?

You know what?
You can hang up on me,
but I will not be silenced.

Support gay marriage!
Shel? Shel?

The President of
the United States
is coming to this wedding.

The President?

This is gonna be the
most important night
of your career,

so put down
the picket sign.

Well,
this changes everything.

I'm gonna have to
rethink this whole thing.
The seating chart.

The menu, of course.
I mean, the menu...

Wait a minute.
I see what you're doing.

If I quit,
the bad guys,
meaning you, win.

Good. Very clever.
Good try.

Okay, you're not
thinking clearly.

Support gay marriage!
You've been drinking.

Trust me on this!
You've been drinking, too!

Okay, who do you
trust that's sober?
What about your...

Ted?

The prosecution
has no objection

to the defense's
request for a continuance,
Your Honor.

Very well.
Trial will resume on
Wednesday at00 a.m.

Hey!
I was just gonna call you.
Want to grab some dinner?

Why not?

What?

Shel, have you
lost your mind?

Honk if you
support gay marriage!

I'm glad you showed up.
He won't listen to reason.

He'll listen to reason.
I think he just doesn't
want to listen to you.

You go. Take off.
Everything will be fine.

Thanks.

So now you're in league
with Darth Brother?

Only partly.

Shel, I understand
how you're feeling,
but what are you doing?

You're not political.
You don't even
watch the news.

Anderson Cooper
doesn't count.

You don't have
to watch the news to know
the governor is wrong.

So why don't you go
join one of the gay
political groups

that I'm sure
will be protesting
outside the Capitol?

You're just
gonna look foolish
out here by yourself.

Then why don't you join me?
Then I'll only
look half-foolish.

Because I happen to
be a state prosecutor
who really likes his job.

They frown on us
heckling the governor.

Shel, I love you,
but I can't do this.

All right.

Well,
I guess we both have to do
what we think is right, huh.

It's gonna be getting dark.
Why don't we talk
about this more at home?

I think I'm gonna
stay here tonight.

All night?
Mmm.

But you hate camping!

It'll be cold,
and there'll be bugs,

and Heath Ledger
won't be coming by
to cuddle with you.

I'll be fine.

All right.
You know, Shel, I wasn't
gonna say this before,

but this is really tacky.

I think you'd
better go now.

Support my
constitutional right
to get married!

Support my right
to get married.

Support my
constitutional right
to get married!

Support my right
to gay marriage!

Gay marriage, anyone?

At least Rosa Parks
got to sit down.

Hey.

You here to
support gay marriage?

Huh? Hell, no!

I'm here 'cause
some guy named Ted

ordered you a pizza
and a six-pack.

Thank you.
I got it. Thanks.

Honey, I love that
you keep yourself
in shape for me,

but don't you think
you're overdoing
it a little bit?

It's not for you.

It's for the President.

If I can't be
the most important man
at my wedding,

I can at least
have the best pecs.

...or use other means
of transportation.

Governor Welling announced
at a press conference today

that he is
staunchly in favor of

an amendment to
ban gay marriage.

What?

This puts both he
and his opponent,
Senator Brighton,

on the same
side of the issue,
effectively making it

a dead issue
in the campaign.

Okay, let me
say one thing
before you get mad.

Too late.
How could my father
do something like this?

Because even though
he supports gay rights,

he believes that
marriage should be
between a man and a woman.

What did he say
when you tried to
talk him out of it?

"Thanks, Ben.
I'm glad we agree"?

You agree?
How could you possibly agree?

Your own brother is gay!
Don't remind me.

What is that
supposed to mean?

Ben,
are you embarrassed
that Shel is gay?

No.

Okay, maybe a little.

Hey, but on some level,
Shel is, too.

That's insane.
He is totally out.

He wears
a Prada shoulder bag!

Not in front of
our parents, he doesn't.

As far as
they're concerned,
that is not a cat

he wants out of the bag,
Prada or not.

What did he say when
he heard about this?

Okay, I'm not
gonna lie to you.

He was a little miffed.

I'm calling him!

No, no, no,
please don't do that.

Look,
he's probably forgotten
all about it by now.

Besides, he and Ted
are already in bed.

If you call,
you might interrupt

things.

Things?
It's called sex, Ben.

You can't even say it. Sex.

I can say it, okay?

I'm just more comfortable
when it involves
a man and a woman.

Especially when
that woman is looking

very sexy in her
pink nightgown.

Mmm.

You know,
you and your brother have

a lot more in
common than you think.

Oh, yeah? What's that?

Neither one of you
is gonna be having sex
with a woman tonight.

Crazy man.

Support gay marriage.

Morning, Ben.

Question, why is
your brother picketing
outside my house?

One, two, three, four.
Don't you close
that closet door!

Five, six, seven, eight.
Open up the marriage gate.

Shel?
Yes.

Ben told me you were upset,
but this isn't
the way to change my mind.

What is the way to
change your mind?

Well,
to be honest,
there is none.

One, two, three, four.
I don't work here anymore!

Five, six, seven, eight...

Shel?
Yes, Claire?

Don't you think
that you could
protest Conrad

but at the same time
help Maggie and Ben?
Claire...

Well, dear,
it's just a picket sign.

It's not as if he's
hanging you in effigy.

Claire, that's a good idea.
Can I borrow his
red and blue sweater?

You don't want
to use that.
It's hideous.

It's so red-state,
blue-state.

Madeleine Albright
gave me that sweater.

Governor, I'm really
sorry about this.

Well, it's really
not your fault, Ben,

but what do you
plan to do about it?

I got it covered.
After you called me,
I came up with a plan.

I'll do anything
short of a Taser.

Oh, don't worry.

My plan is
equally effective
and twice as deadly.

Support my right
for gay marriage!

Support my right...

Hi! Hi!

Shel, look who came
out early. Mom and Dad.

Look at you.

Hi, Mom.
Hi, honey.

Hey, Shel,
how are you?

Hey, Dad.

Give me a hug.

Oh, Verne,
have you ever seen
such a beautiful house?

Doesn't have wheels.

Ben says you've been
doing a knockout job
on this wedding.

Yeah. That's why I
thought it'd be fun
to have you come out early,

so you could see
Shel hard at work.

Yeah. All right,
well, why don't I
show you around, huh?

Follow me.
Say, Shel?

What were you
doing out here anyway?

Taking a walk.

In front of
the governor's house?

Back and forth,
back and forth?

Yes, it helps me relax.

What do you guys want
to see Shel work on first?

Hey,
how about the seating chart?
That's not done, is it?

All right, you know what?
I will not be
blackmailed any further.

Honey, you can say
anything you want.

We don't care about
the seating chart.

No, this is something
I should've done
a long time ago.

Mom, Dad...
Oh, no.

...I'm gay.

And Ben and Maggie
have been living in
sin for over a year.

Is it because
I made you watch
ice skating with me?

No, Mother.

And it's nothing
to be ashamed of.
I'm just gay.

Same way some people
are just smart
or just tall or...

Or just Lutheran?
Yes, exactly.

Well, actually,
I was born gay,

where people
choose to be Lutheran.

You were born Lutheran, Shel.
It says so right on
your birth certificate.

No, Dad, that's because...

And it doesn't say "gay,"
I can promise you that.

Okay, the point is,
this is who I am.

And I just hope you
both can accept it.

He really did it.

I'm afraid he's not
giving up anytime soon.

So now what?

Well, first thing is to
keep it out of the press.

Come on. He's one
guy with a picket sign.
Since when is that news?

Since the one guy
is the gay brother of

the man marrying
the governor's daughter,

whose wedding the President
and the First Lady
will be attending.

Okay. I'll switch
all press away from...

Tisdale.
Tisdale?

Channel 9 News.
I set him up to
do a puff piece

on the wedding
with Maggie today.

Oh, God. Maggie.

Well, call him.
Call her. Call it off!

It's too late.
They're on their
way here now.

Damn, we got to get
rid of my brother.

How?

The governor
wants to meet with me?

I can't promise
he'll change his mind,

but you've got one
chance to wow him.

Wow. It doesn't mean
I'm calling off the strike.

Of course not.
We wouldn't expect that.

We got to hurry.
He's waiting for you.

All right.
Not that way.

We're meeting on a boat?

Not so much a boat
as it is a nautical
conference room.

Shel, this is Ed Myerson,
the governor's
press secretary.

What's up?
Hi, the governor
was called away.

But he asked me
to write down your

thoughts in anticipation
of a later meeting.

Ed'll take down
everything so make sure

you cover all your
points in detail.

Okay.

Ready when you are.

Okay. Well, I guess,
basically the question is,

why can my brother
get married and I can't?

Of course.
Right?

I mean,
that's how this whole thing
kind of started, you know.

That was
the initial conception.

Hey, honey,
what are you doing here?

Master's in journalism
from Northwestern.

They send me out to cover
this cotton candy crap.

I thought it would
be fun if we did
the interview together.

Well, hello!
There's the happy couple.

Casper, this is Maggie,
my beautiful bride-to-be.

Maggie,
it's a pleasure
to meet you.

You, too. Where's Ed?

See, if you don't
treat people equally,

this essentially stops
becoming America, right?

Right?
Right.

I'm here at
Governor Welling's estate,
where, this Saturday,

a very special
wedding will take place.

Even the bridal
bouquet will be
red, white and blue.

I mean, sure, anyone
can live together, but...

Saying "I do" in front
of my family and friends

is gonna be
the happiest day
of my life.

So, are you brave
enough to tell us

what a wedding whose
guest list includes

the President of
the United States costs?

Well, we could,
but money's not important.
What matters is...

...having your relationship
accepted by society.

That's true.

I just want what
everyone else has.

Yeah.

Everybody... No!

What's going on here?

You're doodling?
What is this?

What are you doing?
It's an octopus.

Well, there's no doubt
in this reporter's mind

that the state of this union
will be happily ever after.

This is Caspar Tisdale
for Channel 9.

I think that
went well, don't you?

You jerk! You liar!

Shel!
Oh, my God, you're soaked.

Who's that?
That's nobody.

You don't worry about him.
Stop!

Don't put that camera away.
They're trying to silence me.

Support gay marriage!

How fast can we
set up again?

It's the Channel 9
Local News with anchors

Matt Wildman and
Katie Gonzales,

Arlo Donovan with the weather,
and Brook Palmer on sports.

I'm toast.

I'm not speaking to you.

Listen, I really want to
thank you for doing this.

You're really gonna
help me get my message
out, Mr. Tisdale.

Hey, call me Caspar.

Okay.
Sounds better on the air.

Welcome to Channel 9 News.

Poor Shel.

I didn't lie to you.
I told you he was miffed.

Miffed?
"Miffed" and "on strike"
are not the same thing, Ben.

When factory
workers get screwed,

the union does not
go out on "miff."

Ben, sweetie, don't you
think your parents would
like to come inside?

I think they'd rather be
alone in the RV for a while.

It's been a pretty rough day.

Okay,
this says it has something
to do with Shel's genes.

Not his blue jeans.

Which I always
thought he wore too
tight anyway, but...

Oh, dear.

FYI, poor Shel told them
we've been living together.

Now they think
you're a slut.

...more liberal constituents.

Both Governor
Welling and his opponent,
Senator Ray Brighton,

have announced their support
of a constitutional amendment

defining marriage as
between a man and a woman.

But for at least one member
of the governor's circle,

this announcement
was a call to action.

Caspar Tisdale
joins us now with more
on the story. Caspar.

This is Caspar Tisdale
reporting live from
Governor Welling's estate,

where an unusual
protest is underway.

Shel Grandy was
handling the arrangements

for his brother's wedding
to the governor's daughter.

That is,
until the governor came
out against gay marriage.

And that's when Mr. Grandy,
who happens to be gay,

decided to go on strike.

Do I talk now?

Well, you wouldn't be
a very good spokesman
if you didn't.

Yes.

Well, I'm here to
say that the governor
is being unfair.

Uh-huh.

Well, so far your
protest doesn't seem to
have picked up much steam.

Has anyone joined you
out here on the line?

No, I'm pretty much...
I'm just doing this on my own.

And you think
that will change
the governor's mind?

No, no, I don't think
that's gonna happen.

He already told me that
he's not gonna
change his mind.

So at this point,
you're really just
striking out of spite.

No, I'm...

I'm striking...

I'm striking for my...
My beliefs.

I believe wholeheartedly
in my beliefs.

I guess you got
all the political
savvy in your family, huh?

He's never
done this before.

What would you say
to all the people
who are thinking

you're just another crackpot
from a fringe group
with an ax to grind?

Shut up!
No one's thinking that.

We're not just a fringe group.
There are a lot of us
out here, Mr. Tisdale.

Mmm-hmm.
Interesting thought.

If all the world's
florists, hairstylists
and choreographers

were to go on strike,
could we survive?

For Channel 9 Action News,

this is Caspar Tisdale
reporting live from
Governor Welling's estate.

Great TV, kid.

You bitch.

He made Shel look
like a complete fool.

He did, didn't he?
Yep.

Well, I'd sure hate
to lose my hairstylist.

Let's hope he
doesn't strike while
the curling iron is hot.

And on that note,
let's go straight

to the weather,
with Arlo Donovan.

Where's Arlo?

He just left.

Well, it appears
Arlo has stepped
away from the map.

Turning now to
our next story...

"I'm on strike,
too, ass wipes."

Um...

Um...

Katie?

Uh...

Back to you, Matt.

Honey!
Were you watching upstairs?

That fruit loop
I delivered pizza to
was on the news.

Jerome, we need to talk.

Huh?

You're being too
hard on yourself.

He didn't even give
you a chance to talk.

Mom says
don't feel too bad.

She'd come out
and tell you herself,

but she's too
busy telling Dad.

Why did they decide
to come out so early?

Oh, my God.
You're kidding.
You called them?

Are you okay?

Yeah.

You know, I thought
if I'd go on TV,

I'd get some
people on my side,

but I just ended up
looking like a jackass,
just like you predicted.

It wasn't that bad.

Well, it'd be
easier to believe

if you hadn't felt
the need to race over
here and tell me.

Well, the important thing is
it's all behind us now.

Come on. Let's go home.

What are all
these cars doing here?

Oh, no.

What kind of
strike is this?

Well, I don't know.

Is anything even open?

What's going on?
We're on strike. Goodbye.

I can't believe it!
What is going on?

This strike
is something else!

Support Shel!

Support gay marriage!

Send a message
to our governor!

Support Shel!

Here, take a flyer.
Support Shel!

Re-elect Welling.
Please hold.

Ben,
thank God you're here.

The advance team
from the White House
was at the airport.

No one was there
to pick 'em up.

The cab went to
the Governor's.

But Angela
arranged for a limo.

The limo service
is on strike.

Well, why didn't she
call somebody else?

Angela's on strike, too.

Hello? Re-elect Welling.
Please hold.

Hello? Mom? Not now.

Five, six, seven, eight.
Open up the marriage gate.

One, two, three, four.
Don't you close
that closet door!

Five, six, seven, eight.
Open up the marriage gate.

One, two, three, four.
Don't you close
that closet door!

Five, six, seven, eight.
Open up the marriage gate.

One, two, three, four.
Don't you close that...

Well, naturally,
world affairs come first.

Uh-huh.

Well, you give
the First Lady my best.

An emergency summit
on the Middle East
has come up.

The President won't be
attending the wedding.

Well, if it's
an emergency summit...

Please! An emergency summit
is the presidential
equivalent of

"I'd love to come,
but I have to wash my hair."

What do you
think you're doing?

Honoring the strike.

Hi, is this
World of Weddings?

Yes, I'm calling about
a wedding coordinator.

This Saturday at
the governor's estate.

Hello?

No, the wedding is
actually this Saturday.

At the governor's estate.

Hello?

Hi. I'm looking for
a wedding coordinator.

Uh-huh.

Hello,
Till Death Do Us Part?

Uh-huh.

Yeah, this Saturday at
the governor's estate.

Uh-huh.

This Saturday at
the governor's estate.

Hi, I was wondering
if you could help me out.

I need a wedding coordinator.

You have many
wedding coordinators?
That's fantastic.

Thank you for coming
on such short notice, Mrs...

Fairfield, darling, Fairfield.
And you're in very good hands.

I'm known as
"The Wedding Planner
to the Stars!"

In Maine?

Do you remember
Tony Orlando and Dawn?

I did one of
the Dawns' weddings.

She was...

Okay, what the
holy hell is going on
at the front gate?

I can't hear
myself think!

Oh, that's, uh...
That's nothing.

Actually, it's our
former wedding planner

making a very valid
stand for gay rights.

Oh!

Well,
my second husband,
Macey, was a gay.

Yeah. Gay as
the day is long.

He ran off with
the pool boy, Javier.

He's a very
handsome man, Javier.
Always wore a white thong.

Didn't speak
a word of English.
Didn't have to.

Mmm-mmm,
mmm-mmm-mmm.

Azaleas!

Excuse me?

Nothing says "We'll
be together forever"
like azaleas!

You know, actually,
we like everything
Shel picked out.

We really just need
you to coordinate.

Gold lame as far
as the eye can see!

Giant topiary cupids,
dancing waterfall...

...three, four. Don't you
close that closet door!

Five, six, seven, eight!
Open up the marriage gate.

Let her through.
Let her through.

Shel, I don't want to do
this wedding without you.

I want to postpone it,
but they're trying
to guilt me into it.

My father says it's
gonna hurt his campaign.

I don't know
what I'm gonna do.

That's okay, Maggie.
I understand.

I love you.

I love you, too.

You're gonna miss
a great wedding, Shel.

Mrs. Fairfield has
lots of good ideas.

Ice sculptures,
a champagne fountain,
cherub caterers.

Cherub caterers?

Yep. She's promised
us lots of pizzazz.

Hmm.

Pizzazz.

The only thing
worse than pizzazz
is razzle-dazzle.

Wayne?

Dude!

Wayne.

Oh! That's how you
greet your best man!

Hey.
Hey.

Oh.

Hi. Whoo!

I thought
you were staying
at the Verdi Hotel.

So did I,
but they screwed
up my reservation.

Something about the
gay dudes going on strike.

So it looks like
I'm gonna be
crashing here with you...

And Magpie.

What started out
as a simple, one-man protest

has ended up
affecting every state...

From Augusta, Maine,
to San Diego, California,

no American city is
immune to the strike.

In a wave of support
that caught most
Americans by surprise,

Shel Grandy's
strike for the right

to marry has swept
across the nation...

The gay strike
is one week old,

and there seems to
be no end in sight.

You?
I'm totally surprised.
I mean,

the way that it's
sweeping the nation

really demonstrates the level
of discontent out there.

It's sort of like
the gay equivalent to,

"I'm mad as hell,
and I'm not gonna
take it anymore."

Excellent analogy.

Thanks. Sort of
getting the hang of this.

So, you're out there
striking for gay marriage.

We know you've gotten
thousands of proposals.

Does anybody
strike your fancy?

Well, I'm not gonna deny,
there are a lot of
great guys out there,

but no one compares
to my boyfriend, Ted.

Well, in that case,

this is
a slightly disappointed
and still single Ken Caldwell

reporting live
from Los Angeles.

Thank you.

Can I have one of those?

Thanks.

- What do we want?
- Marriage equality!

When do we want it?
Now!

- What do we want?
- Marriage equality!

When do we want it?
Now!

What do we want?

Marriage equality!

When do we want it?
Now!

What do we want?
Marriage access!

All we want is
marriage access.

We pay our bills,
we pay our taxes.

All we want is
marriage access.

We pay our bills,
we pay our taxes.
All we want...

In yet another assault
on one of our most
cherished institutions,

gays want to get married.

What next? Polygamy?

Incest?
A man marrying his dog?

Don't even
think about it.

The Dow Jones is already
looking good in heavy trading.

But that's not all
that's looking good
for the marketplace.

Merchandisers are
clearly feeling optimistic

from the terrific pre-school
Labor Day sales numbers.

The profits
from last weekend
signal the kickoff

of the big winter
retail sales period,
which begins with Labor Day

and culminates
with the end-of-the-year
winter holidays.

In other news, the man
gay striker Shel Grandy

wants to marry
has been revealed

as Augusta prosecutor,
Ted Moore.

Hey, Ted. Congratulations.

That was Endless Love,
going out to Shel and Ted.

And now Celine Dion with...

All we want is
marriage access.

We pay our bills,
we pay our taxes.

You guys, it's Ted!

All right, Ted!

Congratulations!

Throwing a strike is
no different than
throwing a good party.

The key is make sure
everyone feels welcome

and keep them circulating.
That's about it.

Excuse me
one second, please.

Hi. I know
what you're gonna say,
and I'm really sorry.

Can we please talk
about this in private?

Sure.

Oh! Hello!
I'm Wanda. I'm Shel's mom.

I recognize you
from the newspaper.
You're Shel's special friend.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, you!

It's not funny.
Are you sure these are
the ones Shel ordered?

Well, they're the
ones they sent.

I mean, mind you,
they were giggling

when they delivered...
I'm sorry!

Never mind.

Look, darling,
there is still time

to get you in
a nice top hat and tails.

MRS.Mmm?

Maybe you should
wear your blue Armani.

Dude, these tuxes you
ordered are awesome!

Oh, God.

Oh, no. Oh, God.

I like it.

Sorry about that.

No need to apologize.
I was happy to be
grilled by your mom

about an impending wedding
I know nothing about!

She really
seemed to like you.

Ted, I never said anything
about us getting married.

I mentioned your name
once in an interview,
that's it.

That's it?
Yeah.

The bailiff wants
to throw me a shower!

It'll blow over.
You know how the press is.

Tomorrow Britney
will drop another baby,
and it'll be old news.

Well, it better be.

And so what if people think
we do want to get married?

Is that a bad thing?

Shel,
we just moved in together
six months ago.

Eight months ago.
And we've been together
two and a half years.

That's longer
than Ben and Maggie.

We're not like them.

So, what are
you saying to me?

Are you saying
you wouldn't want to
marry me even if you could?

I don't know.
You don't know?

I don't know.

I've never spent
one instant of my life

thinking about
getting married.

In fact, one of
the benefits of being gay
was that I always thought

I wouldn't have to spend
one instant of my life

thinking about
getting married,
until now, thanks to you.

Fine, Ted. Who wants
to marry you anyway?
Not me. I'm not asking.

Well, fine.
Fine.

Bridesmaids swing
to the left.

The cherub flower
girl takes her position.

Everyone settles.
There's a hush, and I sing...

Governor brings Maggie.

Maggie, greet Ben.

Maggie, turn away.
Ben, swing her
around gently toward you.

He takes her left hand.

She takes his hand.

Squeeze it!

Maggie's line:
"Ben, I'm scared."

"I know. I'm here."

I also do
a terrific Mack the Knife,
but you know what?

I like to save that
for when you're ready to
cut the cake, okay? Well?

Really good.
Yeah.

But you're
going to be so busy.

Maybe we should
just go with a DJ.
Mmm-hmm.

What are you
talking about?

I mean, nothing is
as good as live musicians.

Is he alive?
Ben!

We're gonna think about it.

'Cause we need to
go get ready for
the rehearsal dinner, so...

Really?
Mmm.

Where you having it?

Sorry, Governor,
we ran out of Guinness,

and our delivery
guy is out on...

Well, you know.

Yeah, we know.

Fish and chips and
burgers coming right up.

Ooh.
I'm really
sorry about this.

I had a reservation
at Finique,

but they got
the dates mixed up.

That's a shame.
I really love French food.

What's odd is that none of
the other places you called
could fit us in either.

I'll bet that's
because of Shel.

Turns out your
son's very popular.

Well, at least
one of them is.

Well, Shel always did
have loads of friends.

Who wouldn't be
proud to count Shel

amongst their friends
and their family?

Maggie, could I see you
alone for a moment?

Sure.

Excuse us.

Dude.

Look, sweetheart,
I know you blame Ben

for everything
that's gone wrong
in the last couple of weeks.

Actually, Dad,
I don't entirely blame Ben.

Well, in any case,

Ben's the one
you've been taking
potshots at all night.

I know. Sorry.
It's not my finest hour.

It's just... I'm
starting to see a side of him
that I really don't like.

Look, maybe you
need to remind yourself

of all the things that
you do like about him.

After all,
you did agree
to marry him.

Yeah, because I
stupidly love him.

And I'm sure he
stupidly loves you, too.

He's just so frustrating.

Look, why don't you do
what your mother does

when she's
frustrated with me?

Needlepoint's not my thing.

Actually, I meant to say,
calmly talk things out.

Needlepoint?

Yeah.

So, last January when
I didn't take your mother

to Hawaii to
the governors' conference

and she started making
those little pillows...

I can't believe
you're just realizing this.

Okay, this conversation
is not going at all
the way I planned.

So let's get back to the
table so I can give your
mother the good news.

What good news?

Well, it seems
I'm taking her to
Maui this winter.

Well, I'm glad we
solved your problem.

Don't worry, honey.
I think I may have

a way to solve
your problem, too.

Did you...

Everything okay?

How are you doing?

Hi, great.

Ben, I've been thinking.

If we sit down
with Shel and start...

How was the rehearsal dinner?
I heard Finique
lost the reservations.

Bummer.
Strike for gay marriage!

Shel, I think I
have a way to end this.

Yeah?

You're gonna
want to hear this.

All right.

Let's go someplace
a little quieter.

Should I be leaving
a trail of bread crumbs?

Is your plan to
take me out here

and hope I can't
find my way back?

No, this is real.
The governor's willing
to issue a statement

in favor of civil
unions just as soon

as you call off the strike.
You won, Shel.

Did you just say
"civil unions"?
Yes.

No deal.

What do you mean no deal?
No deal.

The governor's going out
on a big limb for you.

What more do you want?

I want the same
thing you have. Marriage.

Civil unions are
the same as marriage.

Yeah, sitting in
the back of the bus
is just as comfortable

as sitting in
the front of the bus.

Don't you get it?
Marriage isn't just
about a beautiful wedding.

There are legal issues.

Tax benefits,
health insurance,

property rights,
social security,

and about 100
other laws that apply

to married couples
but not civil unions.

Really?
Really.

You know, I may have
started this strike
because I was mad at you,

but I've learned
a lot from these people.

So you want to
make a difference?

You go talk to the governor
and change his mind.

I can't do that.

You know,
it makes perfect sense
that your song is Ben.

Because it's about a rat,
which is exactly what
you turned out to be.

I hate that song!

I remember so
clearly your face

the day I told you
I was coming out.

You made that
rat face like...

It wasn't a rat face,
that was a wince of surprise.

It was a wince of,
"Oh, no! My brother's a fag!"

Well, excuse me
for not throwing on

the Village People
and dancing for joy.

It was a lot to spring on me.
You're the one
who changed, not me.

I didn't change, Ben.
You just started
treating me differently.

You know, sometimes,
I could just...

What? Hit me?

Go ahead. Thanks to you,
Maggie hates me,
half the town's booing me,

even Mom's giving
me the evil eye.

You might as well hit me.
You've done everything else!

Well, go ahead, hit me.

Well, come on, hit me!

You hit me. I can't
believe you just hit me.

You told me to hit you.
I thought you
wanted me to hit you.

Ow!

I didn't say
you could hit me.

It was implicit
when you hit me.
Oh, yeah?

Not bad for a fairy, huh?

Wait. Dad's coming.
Where?

I can't believe you
still fall for that.

Break it up.
Break it up!

He started it.
He started it.

You so started it.

You.

Hey, aren't you
that gay strike guy?

Yeah.

We're behind you, man.

Yeah. Can you
sign my helmet?

Yes, I'd be delighted to.

There you go.

"To my gay brother."

What makes you
think I'm gay?

Sorry, I just assumed.
Let me fix that.

Now it's "To my
not-gay brother."

Grandy, you made bail.

The straight one.

The gay one
gets out, too.

Funny how
we both chose to
wear concealing hats.

Please, I came
this close to wearing
Shel's sombrero.

Yeah, we'd make
a great photo op.

"Governor's daughter
and Assistant
District Attorney

"were seen
bailing their respective

"boyfriends out
of the big house."

You know, when Shel said
he wanted to fight
for gay marriage,

I had no idea he
meant literally.

I don't think it's
about gay marriage

as much as it's
about Ben and Shel.

Oh, yeah.

Do you think
they are ever going

to grow up and
forgive each other?

It's hard to say.

Unfortunately,
along with the great hair,

they both inherited
a stubborn streak.

Why couldn't they
both just have
been double-jointed?

Maggie, it's not my fault.
He's a crazy person.

A civil union is
not a marriage!

You hear that?

Well, he's right.
Would you be satisfied

just signing
a contract with me?

I give up.
I give up. You know,

you're the only
sane one of the bunch.

While you were
outside siding with Shel,

he was trying to help me
talk him out of striking.

I didn't do it
for you, Ben.
I did it for Shel.

Frankly, I think
you're kind of an ass.

Let's get out of here,
shall we?

I'm sorry we fought
over the marriage thing.

It's just...
I don't like being pressured.

Ted, if you love someone,

the idea of staying together
shouldn't feel like pressure.

You know, I've been
thinking about this.

If we're not in
this for the long run,

I'm not so sure I want
to be in it at all.

Wait. Shel, why can't
we just go back to
the way it was before?

'Cause I'm not
the same person
I was before.

Shel, get in the car.

Maggie, say something.
We gotta talk about this.

Ben, right now,
I don't want to
talk to anyone.

I don't want to see anyone.
I just want to be left alone.

Magpie, your wedding
planner lady called.

She said she
couldn't get doves,

but you shouldn't worry,
'cause she lined up
some trained pigeons.

It appears
the two-week-old gay strike
has actually helped Welling.

Over 60% of voters
support his decision to
stand up to the protesters.

You see? There you go.

The moral majority's
on my side.

Conrad, you know,
just because people
disagree with you on this

doesn't mean that
they are immoral.

Me, for instance.

Well, you?
You're on their side?

It's not them or us, dear.
We're all the same.

Frankly,
I'm a little disappointed

that you seem to
have forgotten that.

Is that needlepoint?

Yes, I'm going to cover
the dining room chairs,
all 12 of them.

I think I'm going
to get some air.

Don't catch cold.

Governor! Sorry,
I was... I wasn't...

Clearly, I was,
but, you know,
I didn't yet.

You know,
I often find common ground
with my political opponents,

but I don't very
often find a common tree.

You got nine
bathrooms in the house
and you still use a tree.

You really are
a man of the people.

I didn't want to go back
in the house yet, you know?

I'm not very popular
with my wife right now.

How come you're not
using your parents' RV?

I'm not really popular
with my dad right now.

Well, that's
the toughest thing

about being in politics,
you know.

You don't want to disappoint
the people you love,

but sometimes
it's inevitable.

Yeah, even when
you believe in something
in your heart,

you just have to
hope they understand,
I guess.

"To thine own self be true."

Even when it sucks, huh?

Even when it sucks.

Look, Shel, I'm enjoying
our little talk here but...

I know. I got...

See you.
Thanks, Gov.

Now the polls are
showing Welling's

tough stance
against the gay strikers

has put him
comfortably in the lead.

Let's hope the gays will
leave the marching to
people with real issues

and go back
to their parades.

Son.

I know. I heard.

My strike is
making the governor
even more popular than ever.

I guess I embarrassed
you for nothing, huh?

Look, I can't really
say this is easy for me,

this gay stuff.

I don't know.

But I do know
I'm proud of you,

taking a stand for
something you believe in.

But I lost.

Let me tell you something.

In '86, when our
union went on strike,

we were out for six months.

We ended up losing anyway.

I put my sign down
and went back to work.

So you think I should
go back to work
on the wedding?

That's between you
and your conscience.

All I'm really
trying to say is,

even though we lost,
I'll never
regret taking a stand.

And neither should you.

Thanks, Dad.

Look...

We went back out
a couple of years later,
and we won.

I mean,
you can lose a battle
and still win the war.

Remember that.

I'm sorry I didn't
tell you and Mom
I was gay sooner.

I'm sorry.

I'm just sorry
that you didn't
feel that you could.

You know,
there's no secret,
no matter how big,

could ever come
between us.

You're my son.

No matter what.

Hey, Ben?

Ben?

Ben?

It's Magpie.

Dude, on the phone,
phone, phone.

Hi, honey.

Hi, honey.

Did you sneak
out early because

it's bad luck
to see the bride
before the wedding?

I got to
run out for a while.
Cool.

Hey, even though
the wedding's off,

can I still wear
the pretty tux today?

How'd you know
about the wedding?

I was on the extension.
I'm the one who blew his nose.

Out of the way, please.

Thank you.

Excuse me, darling.

Have you seen
a small Panamanian

gardener with
a topiary elephant?

No, I'm happy to say.

What are you doing
over here anyway?

Why aren't you
with your rabble,
leading the charge?

The media wants my
reaction to the poll.

I'm just trying to
think what I'm gonna say.

Well, you can
tell them that you
succeeded at one thing.

The wedding's
been put on hold.

Maggie apparently
wants to call it off,
and no one knows where she is.

Maggie's called
off the wedding?
What happened?

Well, you didn't
hear it from me.

I happen to
know from a very...

Thank you.

Whoo-hoo!

Thank you.
Good morning.

I know it's
been a long night,
but in spite of the polls,

I want you all to
know that everyone here,

and everyone that supported us
around the country,
have made a difference.

An even bigger difference
than I think any of us

ever could
imagine a few weeks ago.
I know I sure couldn't.

We may have
lost the battle,

but in my heart,
I know one day we
will win the war.

We'll win because
we're gonna keep trying

and because the people
and friends and family

and co-workers we return to,
have been put on notice

that we will not be treated
like second-class citizens

because of who we love.

And if you're not
out to all the people

in your life,
then maybe it's time.

Because those who
think gay people

are out to destroy
the institution of marriage

don't know us very well.

We do not destroy.
We renovate.

And we are gonna
make marriage stronger

and even more
beautiful than ever.

I may not always agree
with everyone in my family,

but they are my family.

And this whole thing started

because I believe everybody
deserves a beautiful wedding.

For better or worse,
that includes my brother.

There was supposed to be
a wedding here today,

but it's not gonna
happen without our help.

Now,

I'd like to ask you
all a little favor.

Does she have
any idea how
embarrassing it would be

to cancel this wedding now?
How could she do this to me?

And you, too,
Ben, naturally.

Okay,
I called up all the guests
and gave them the heads-up

that the wedding
may be canceled.

Postponed.
With extreme prejudice.

I'll be right in there.

Why don't you try
her cell phone again?
Maybe she'll answer this time.

My speed dial tries
every two minutes.

She just doesn't
want to talk to me.

It's probably just
pre-wedding jitters.

I know I was really nervous
about my honeymoon night.

Of course,
that wouldn't really
be a problem for her.

It's not jitters.

She just doesn't
want to marry some
thick-headed oaf

who's totally
unaware how she's
feeling half the time.

Oh, no, dear.
If that were true,
no woman would get married.

I'm calling in
the state troopers.
Maybe they can find her.

I'm surprised she doesn't
have one of those GPS
deals on her cell phone.

So you could locate her
in case of emergency.

My God,
of course she does.

You're a genius!

We'll pinpoint
her in two seconds.

If you're calling security,
you might want to tell them

the gays are
invading the south lawn.

Wait for it.

It could be cooler.

Oh, my God.
We have our work
cut out for us.

What?
Let's go, gang.

Get out of the way.

The lame,
get rid of the lame!
Anything lame goes away.

All right,
gentlemen, focus.

Tenors,
little more to your left.

Get in places, and remember,
if you can't see me,
I can't see you.

Ted? What are you doing here,
besides sabotaging the gazebo

these nice lesbians
just put back together?

I love you.

I love you so much,
and I don't want to
lose you, you crazy man.

I love you, too.

But I'm not
ready to get married.
I understand.

Moving in together
was traumatic enough.

I know.

Just give me some time.
I'll give you time.

I am Mr. Time.
I'll give you all
the time you need.

How much time do you need?

Shel!
What?

I don't know,
I don't know. I just...
In time, okay?

Maybe...
Maybe I just need a sign.

Okay,
not that kind of sign.

Okay.

Okay.

Wow.

This is gonna be beautiful.

It sure is.

Ben and Maggie
must be so excited.

Maggie!

Let's jump in my
car right here!

Who's driving this van?
Who's driving this van?

Maggie.

Ben? How did you find me?

The GPS on your cell phone.

Only you've been
moving around a lot.
I've been chasing you all day.

Listen, sweetheart,
running is not the answer.

I know I've been an idiot,
but please stay and marry me.

Ben, I don't want
to get married

until it's a happy
occasion for everyone,
including me.

And I don't know
if I'd be happy
marrying someone

who'd take sides
against his own brother.

Shel didn't let you
down for being gay.

You let him down
by not accepting it.

But I do accept it.
I get it now.

Okay, I really want
to believe you,

but you're gonna have to
be a little more specific.

Okay, okay.
When you called off
the wedding this morning,

I knew that I had screwed up
the happiest day of my life.

And then it hit me.

That's what I have
been trying to keep Shel
from having all along.

Right now, he and I
are fighting for
the same thing.

And I swear to you,

as soon as I stop
begging you for forgiveness,
I'll start begging him.

So please,
don't get on that plane.

What plane?

The plane you were taking.

Oh.

Actually, I was here
to pick up Stephanie.

But she missed her flight,
which is fine,

'cause I no longer
need a maid of honor.

Ben,
even if Shel forgives you,
there's no time.

We can't get
married like this.

Maggie!

Oh, my God.

Maggie!

Maggie!

Maggie!

Bonnie, thanks!

Oh, my God.

Thanks, girls!
Yeah, boss.

Whoa.

How did you...
What did...

I can't believe it.

This is what I do, Ben.
No, no, no.

I mean,
I can't believe you'd do this
for me, Shel. I'm sorry...

I know. And when I have
time, I want to hear
the whole apology,

but right now,
hair and makeup, stat!
Let's go!

Wait.

One more thing.

I got the rings.

Wow.

Wait till you see
where she's wearing
something blue.

Hi.

Second.

We are gathered
here to witness

and to celebrate
in holy matrimony

the union of
Margaret Welling
and Benjamin Grandy.

Ed, there's
something I have to do.
Trust me.

Mrs. Welling...
Just trust me.

I'm gonna
throw the bouquet!

Come on,
you crazy people! Come on!

Everybody!

Come on, come on, come on!

Okay.

Ready?

One! Two!

Three!

Hi. Verne,
this is Ted, Shel's lover.

Nice to finally
meet you, sir.

Call me Verne.
So, I hear you're a lawyer.

Prosecutor, actually.

Well, that's good.
I mean, it means
you always got work.

You wouldn't
happen to be a Lutheran,
would you?

I am so
getting laid tonight.

Say yes.

I have been
requested to ask you all
to clear the dance floor

for a very special dance.

So please clear the floor.
Thank you.

No, no, no, Ben.

Come on, come on.
Something special.

Shel, this is so beautiful.

Thank you.

What?
Do you mind?

What do you want? What?

I thought maybe we...
I'm not gonna dance with you.

Dancing with a man
make you uncomfortable?

Get away from me!
Come on!

It doesn't make
me uncomfortable.
Let's dance. I lead.

I lead. I lead!
I lead. All right, lead.

But, Shel,
the institution of marriage

has been around
for a long time.

I understand.
You can't expect it
to change overnight.

Nothing stays
the same forever.

But, Shel,
it's not like I can
just reverse my opinion.

I mean, come on,
Governor. Why not?

Well, for one thing,
I don't want to.
I want to get re-elected.

So you're
against gay marriage...