All language subtitles for The.Last.Drive-In.With.Joe.Bob.Briggs.S20E19.The.Living.Dead.At.Manchester.Morgue.720p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-BFM_track3_[eng]

-♪ I been thinking
'bout my trailer ♪

♪ And the way it used to sway ♪

♪ When the mattress springs
were squealin' high ♪

♪ And the roaches ran away ♪

♪ But now you're gone
to Memphis... ♪

-Yeah. So...

Why do all moms tell you don't
rest your elbows on the table?

Is there, like, a dirty elbow
virus or something?

-♪ ...roaches... ♪

♪♪

-♪ Hey, everybody,
have you heard the news? ♪

♪ Joe Bob is back in town ♪

♪ He's over at the drive-in,
hanging around ♪

♪ Watching crazy movies,
so come on down ♪

♪ To Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Blood, beasties,
boobies, and more ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's a spooky good time
with monsters and ghosts ♪

♪ Crazy, kooky fun with
the world's greatest host ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be legendary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be very scary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪♪

-I'm Joe Bob Briggs.

And for the final night
of the season,

we are headed for the land
of the flat cap,

Northern England,

to celebrate
some Italian zombies

who were invented
by Spanish filmmakers

who had to flee
zombie persecution

in a fascist totalitarian state.

You know, we should be grateful
that we live in a time

and a culture that allows
zombies to be depicted

in all media at all times.

We have achieved
zombie freedom here,

and by God,
we're not giving that up.

Joining me, as usual,
will be the beautiful

and talented Darcy
the Mail Girl.

Probably...
-Yeah.

-...you know, the most
influential woman

in cheap horror.

And she will be shepherding
the social media

as it pours in
from our friends in Manchester

and other European capitals
of zombie chaos.

And, Darcy, I know
we've had hundreds,

if not thousands of letters
asking us to play the movie

"The Living Dead
at Manchester Morgue."

People from Manchester,
people from Madrid,

people from Rome.
Because each of those cities

claims pride of ownership
in that film.

-No, not really.
-No?

-No.
-So where does the groundswell

of support
for this film come from?

-Only from you.
-That is not true.

This is a classic
of Euro horror.

-It's completely true.
But go ahead.

-Okay. So the wonderful thing
about the flat cappers

in "The Living Dead
at Manchester Morgue"

is that they give us
an explanation for the zombies.

George Romero never told us
exactly where the living dead

came from or what caused them
to turn nasty.

Lucio Fulci suggested
it had something

to do with Caribbean voodoo,

but he didn't really
carry his research far enough

to identify the origin.

The great thing
about this movie

is that they tell us
exactly what happened.

Zombies were created
by flat cappers

in the United Kingdom
Ministry of Agriculture.

[Laughter]

-You keep saying that.
What are you talking about?

-I keep saying what?
-"Flat cappers."

-Oh, you know, those guys
who wear the hats

that are flat on top,
you know, an ivy cap, Gatsby?

-No.
-Driving cap.

You know, London cabbies
wear those things.

Duckbill. Paddy.

-Oh, okay. Duckbill. I get it.
Like a golf hat kind of.

-Well, if it was a golf hat,
it would --

This is Northern England.
If it was a golf hat,

it would be from Scotland.

So that would not be a duckbill.
That would be a bunny.

-A bonnet?
-No, a bunny.

You have to say it in Scottish.
-[Laughs]

There's no such thing
as a Scottish language.

-Have you seen "Trainspotting,"
Darcy?

There is a Scottish language.

-Is there?
I haven't, actually.

I'm sorry.
-Oh, okay.

-Maybe tam-o'-shanter,
you know, is a better word.

-I'm sorry I asked about this.

-It's not really
a tam-o'-shanter 'cause --

It can't be
a tam-o'-shanter

because those have
the fluff ball on the top, so...

-The fluff ball?

-Yeah. A flat capper would
not tolerate a fluff ball.

They actually -- In London,
they look down on you

if you wear any kind of
duckbill, you know.

You're like low class,
you're outdated.

You know, it's an old man thing.

But if you wear one
on the PGA golf tour,

you are the coolest guy
out there.

You know, it's kind of
like cowboy boots.

If I wear these boots...

-Close up, please.
-Yeah. Look.

If I wear these boots
to the Chrysler Building

on Lexington Avenue,

you know, just walk through
the revolving doors.

Which, by the way,
the Chrysler Building

is where
the winged serpent lives.

If you've been watching all the
movies on "The Last Drive-In."

-We know.

-If I wear these boots
into the Chrysler building,

it's considered cool.

But if I wear this
exact same pair of boots

into the Bank of America Plaza
in downtown Dallas --

you know, that skyscraper
that turns green at night? --

you know, I'm considered a hick.

So why is that?

Why is it that the closer
you are

to where people actually do wear
cowboy boots for their jobs,

the more people look down on it,
you know?

So it's the same thing
with other kinds of clothes.

You know,
those antique golfing duds

with the blousy shirt

and the puffy sleeves
and the high socks and all that?

That comes from Scotland.
But nobody in Scotland wears it.

You know, only Americans wear
that stuff in golf tournaments.

The Scots think that's dorky.
-And your point?

-Well, my point is that

"The Living Dead
at Manchester Morgue" tells us

and shows us
what causes zombieism.

-Wearing bad hats?

-No, pay attention.
The Ministry of Agriculture

was trying to get rid
of crop-killing insects,

but they were no longer
allowed to use DDT,

so they invented this machine
that makes a sound

that drives the bugs crazy,

and they start eating
one another.

-So, then, why did you talk
about their hats

for 10 minutes?

-Because haberdashery
in England

is a clue
to their origin.

Like, all right, what do you
associate with Manchester?

What do you --
-Soccer. I mean, football.

-And why is that?
-Manchester United.

It's like -- It's one
of the soccer football teams

that everyone's heard of.

-Okay. All right.
-Right? Is that wrong?

-And what does the coach
of Manchester United wear?

-I'm going to guess
it's a flat cap.

-Well, yes, he does, but that's
not what I'm talking about.

Manchester is known
for pollution.

It's famous for pollution, dirty
belching smokestack pollution.

And you'll see, in the opening
scenes of this movie,

everybody's wearing a surgical
mask just like in COVID.

But this was 1974,
and everybody

on the street wore these masks

because they lived
in the dirtiest city in Europe.

So it makes sense, then, that
the flat cappers in Manchester

would invent the machine
that creates zombieism.

Zombies are eco
horror creatures.

-No, it doesn't make sense,

but go ahead and introduce
the movie, please.

-Okay.
-Please.

-That's exactly what
I'm about to do.

-Thank you.

-So, remember
Generalissimo Francisco Franco?

Remember him?
-No. No.

-Well, actually, he was dead
before you were born, but,

well, he was the totalitarian
dictator of Spain,

and he did not allow
horror movies in Spain.

Or let's say
he frowned on him.

But if you set your --
If you were a Spanish filmmaker

and you set your horror movie
in some country

that he didn't like,
like England or France,

he would approve it.

-So you're telling me
that the leader of Spain

was dictating
who made horror movies?

-He was dictating
who made movies at all,

but horror was
especially frowned on,

and he couldn't stand
the idea of Spaniards

being in horror movies.

So flat cappers in
Northern England, not a problem.

So that's how the Spanish
director, Jorge Grau,

ends up in the Peak --
what's called the Peak District

of Northern England
making a zombie movie.

Jorge Grau would never
be caught dead in a flat cap.

He would most likely be
sporting a berettina

because he was from Catalonia.

-Dude, if you start talking
about another hat,

I'm going to have to kill you.

-Well, that's a little harsh.
Okay.

No berettina digression,
I promise.

-Thank you.

-But "The Living Dead
at Manchester Morgue"

is the second
great zombie movie,

following in the tradition
of George Romero's

"Night of the Living Dead,"
and it's the sensitive story

of a motorcycle-riding
antiques dealer

who tries to get away
for a quiet weekend

in the Pennines.

The Pennines...
are --

-No, no.

-Okay. Well, he has a cottage
in the Pennines,

which is this range of hills.

-No, no.
-All right.

All right. A quiet weekend
when he has an accident

and is forced to hitch a ride
with a nervous woman on her way

to help her
heroin-addicted sister,

leading to a series
of misadventures

in which the two of them
get blamed for a murder

while encountering a shuffling
zombie named Guthrie,

who unleashes a churchyard
full of living dead,

creating a zombie pandemic
exacerbated by the nurse-eating

babies at a nearby hospital.

Sure, we've seen it before,
but have we seen it with

five-time Academy Award-nominee
Arthur Kennedy

as the police inspector

allegorically drawn to resemble
Generalissimo Francisco Franco?

I think not.

Let's look at those Drive-In
Totals and get started.

We have...

[Laughter]

Drive-In Academy Award
nominations for

Ray Lovelock as the smart-mouth
urban hippie antiques dealer

trapped in a small
town nightmare

who says, "The dead
don't walk around

except in very bad
paperback novels."

Cristina Galbó as the dingbat
American

who backs over a motorcycle

and ends up getting lost
with a hippie

and attacked by the undead.

José Lifante as the balding
nature photographer

with a drug addict wife
and a cigarette holder.

Jeannine Mestre
as the whimpering Katie,

who likes to shoot
up in the dark.

Arthur Kennedy
as the bitter detective

who likes to rough up
suspects and says,

"You're all the same, the lot
of you with your long hair.

I wish the dead could
come back to life, you bastard.

Because then I could
kill you again."

Vera Drudi as the kimono-clad
owner of the Owl Hotel

who says, "You would not be

the people involved
in the murder, would you?"

And Jorge Grau,
the writer-director,

for bringing the zombie
from Pittsburgh to Europe.

Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.

Although the berettina would
have been an intriguing subject

if you had
let me talk about it.

-It's unfortunate we missed out.

-Because it's the opposite
of the flat cap.

-Okay.

-Like a giant bag of apples
on top of your head.

-Don't exaggerate.

-Bright red, puffs up
on top of your head.

-You already agreed.

-It's kind of the national
hat of Catalonia.

-Stop.

♪♪

-You know where we should
go sometime?

Sitges. Sitges, Spain.
It's in Catalonia.

They have the oldest horror
film festival in the world.

-Yeah. Let's go.

-It's in Catalonia.
-I already said I'd go.

-We'd have to wear berettinas.

-Please stop saying "berettina."

-Okay. All you had
to do was ask nicely.

-Oh, okay.

♪♪

[Distant traffic noises]

[Bell chimes]

[Key turns in lock]

[Motorcycle starts]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Voice moaning]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Siren wailing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Motorcycle approaching]
-That'll be three quid, miss.

-Sorry. How much?
-Three pounds, please.

Thank you.

-Give us a fill-up.

[Car engine revving]

[Loud banging]

[Engine stops]

-I'm so sorry.
I must be a little tired.

I put it into reverse.

-Yes, I can see that.

-Of course I'm insured.
And whatever expense --

-Of course, darling.

After all, it could
have been worse.

Couldn't it?
-Yes.

-There's even a garage.
How long will it take?

-Well, you'll need a new wheel.

We'll have to get
that from Glasgow.

And it's the weekend.

Earliest will be Monday evening.

-Okay, it's yours.

I'll see you on Monday then.
And don't bugger me about.

Are you going to Windermere?

-Not into the town exactly.
Nearby.

-Well, you'll take me there
just the same, won't you?

It's the least you could do.

Right?

I'll drive.

I mean, we don't want to go
all the way in reverse, do we?

-Actually,
you'll be doing me a favor.

You see, I've driven all the way
from London,

and I do feel
a little tired.

-Then go to sleep.

Thank you.

-Aren't you taking a lot
for granted?

-Look, darling,
you don't have to worry.

I mean, I'm not gonna
jump you or something.

The name's George.

-And I'm Edna Simmonds.

-Hmm.
You look a little like an Edna.

You up from London
for the weekend?

-More or less.

My sister has a cottage near
here at Southgate.

-Hmm.

-It is a warning against
hysteria

when confronted by
ecological problems,

many of which have been
exaggerated.

And this so-called Project
for Survival

by Goldsmith and Allen
has been signed by 33

English scientists, among
them Julian Huxley.

-What rot.
Ecological problems exaggerated.

You know, of course,
when we all die,

only the scientists
will survive.

[Honks horn]

[Honks horn]
Oh, charming.

[Honking]

-What's so important about
Windermere?

A girl?

-Beautiful country,
low industry...

and an isolated little house
all mine...

where, from Saturday to Monday,
I'll listen to the grass grow.

Very restful.

-Stop!

Please.

Listen. I must be in Southgate
this evening.

And if I take you to Windermere,
I'll be late.

-What's so important about
Southgate?

A man?

-Uh, no.

I have to see my sister
before...

-Before what?

-Look, I have a suggestion.

Take me there.

Keep the car to go
to Windermere,

and I'll send
someone for it.

-Oh, then I'll be late.
Look, the house is new.

And I have an appointment
with some friends to fix it up.

-Oh, please!

-Okay. Show me the way.

[Engine starts]

[Pulsing]

[Bird squawking]

-I've only been there once.

I remember a stream, but all
these country roads look alike.

-[Sighs]

Well, there's a stream all
right, but the road ends here.

[Sighs]

Hang on a sec.
I'll go and ask.

-Hey, what are you doing
with the key? Why?

-Not that I don't trust you,
but I really can't risk

your leaving me here on foot,
can I?

Don't get your knickers in
a twist. I'll be back soon.

-George!

Ask for the Madison's house.

[Animal chirping]

[Chickens clucking, cows mooing]

-Hello? Anyone around?

[High-pitched hum resonating]

[Hum continues]

-There.
For the prescribed area,

keep it on an emission
of 17 megahertz. Try it.

-Right.

[Hum resonating]

Ta very much.

-Excuse me.
The road to the Madison's place?

-Hang on a second.
I'll show you.

-Now, before you lower it,
I'll just adjust

the cycle convergence.
-All right.

-Okay, sir,
let's give it a whirl.

-What is this thing?

-It's supposed to destroy
insects and parasites.

It was sent by
the Department of Agriculture.

It's still experimental.

-I'd send it
right back where it came from

and keep the insects and
parasites nature's given you.

-What are you talking about?

-Just another machine
to pollute the Earth.

Till now, at least, this part of
the country's been left alone.

-What do you mean,
"pollute the Earth"?

We're here to demonstrate to
the growers just the opposite.

And they're all agreed.

I've got their signatures here
in me pocket.

-This works solely
by ultrasonic radiation.

There's not a chemical involved.

Cor.
-You're quite right, sir.

-If you don't like progress,

those two's the wrong two
to talk to.

Now where was it you wanted
to go to?

Oh, the Madison place.
Yeah, you go over that hill,

and on the right,
there's a big oak.

Then you follow the old ridge,
and it's the first -- second --

No, the third gate --
-Oh, come along with it, fella.

I'm used to traffic lights.
Let's have it over again.

-Oh, all right. Up from London,
are ya? I should've known.

Don't see too many young fellas
dressed like you round here.

Anyway, if you hang on,
I'll go and put this thing down.

-All right, Bernard,
let's have another bash

at the main rotator.
-Right.

-Well?

-No, nothing yet.
[Engine starts]

Hey, you did it.

[Hum resonating,
men chattering]

[Bird squawking]

[Bird squawks]

[Rustling]

[Splashing]

[Ragged breathing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Breathing stops]

♪♪

[Loud moaning]

[Hum resonating]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Roaring]

♪♪

-[Gasps]

♪♪

♪♪

[Screams]

-Go back along the road
on to the side of the river.

I'm sure you know a river
when you see one.

-George!

George! George!

That man, he's following me!
He tried to attack me!

[Wind whistling]

-Sorry, love,
but I can't see anyone.

-No, there was someone there.
Back there. He was horrible!

-Are you certain?

-He was very tall w-w-with
black hair and a black suit.

A-And his clothes
were wet as if --

as if he'd just come
out of the water.

-You're wet, too.

-I fell into the water when I
was running away.

-Hey, don't be fright.

Must have been Guthrie,
the loony.

-Who's that then?
-No, I were only joking.

Old Guthrie's dead.
He were a tramp.

He used to sleep down there
by the river.

And then, about a week ago he
drownded his self.

It seems to
have been a suicide.

-And now he's a ghost.

-I'm sure he wanted to kill me.
He tried to get into the car!

-Well, it must have been
another tramp then,

trying to get some money
out of you.

-Old Guthrie used
to do that, too,

to every car that
come along, eh?

-Come on now, darling.

You were sitting there
all alone,

and he frightened you,
that's all.

It was getting dark.
More natural.

Come on.

I found out how to get
to your sister's house.

Thank you.
-Bye.

♪♪

♪♪

[Animal squawking]

♪♪

[Running footsteps departing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Banging]

-Katie?

-Strawberries, Martin.

I wanted to bake a pie
to celebrate my sister's visit.

Finished, are you?
Can I go now?

-It's hard for me, too.

You must understand, Katie.

-I know you're making life
impossible for me.

First you keep me here,
like a prisoner, for a year.

And now, I know why you asked
my sister to come here.

You didn't think I did, huh?

I know where you want
to send me.

But I'll never go there!
Do you hear me? Never!

[Gate closes]

[Crying]

[Gasps]

[Sniffles]

-We'll do what you want.

Now please get hold of yourself.
Come on, darling.

-I'm going to set up
the camera and flashes

for the last series of pictures.

Come straight back.
-[Continues crying]

-Will you be all right alone?

Will you be all right?

-Do you believe that,
about the tramp, or --

-Or what?
-Or what I told you?

I'm not mad, you know.
I-I don't imagine things.

-Methinks the lady
doth protest too much.

-What? I resent that.

-Listen, love, you have already
ruined enough of my day.

Do you want to fight now?!

Jesus.
You made me lose the way.

Now, how in the hell am I going
to find this bloody place?

[Engine revving]

-See what I mean
about Manchester?

People are wearing COVID masks

50 years ago because
the air is full of crud.

You know, those are just found
shots of typical commuters

looking like zombies themselves

as they go back
and forth to work.

So bored they're not
even interested in the streaker.

[Laughs]

I guess 1974 was the year
of streaking.

What a fad.

You know, some people
were appalled by that.

Some people loved it.

It was sort of
a counterculture protest

against the uptight
establishment.

Apparently in Manchester,

they don't love it or hate it,
they're just bored.

And the first zombie we see

is the old loony Guthrie,
dead for two weeks,

still wet from when
he was drowned in the river.

And that actor
is Fernando Hilbeck,

who will always be remembered
as the first zombie in Europe.

If you'll recall from
when we showed

"Night of the Living Dead,"

that movie came out in 1968

and immediately went
into public domain.

But it took a while
for everyone around the world

to realize it was
in public domain.

So it did not play in Spain
until late 1970,

and then it didn't play
in many countries at all.

So what they're
trying to do here

is outdo Romero
with Romero-type zombies.

And the writer-director
is Jorge Grau,

and he was
a very serious filmmaker.

He made movies
about social issues.

He was always flirting
with censorship

because everything in Spain
had to be approved

by the right-wing censors and --

Let me back up, though.

General Franco came to power
in Spain in 1939,

and he ruled the country
with an iron hand

right through
to his death in 1975.

And he closed Spain off
from the economy of Europe.

So prices there were so low

because of
the depressed economy.

And I can attest to this because
I traveled all over Spain

when I was
a college student,

and it was literally $0.10
to ride in a taxi,

$1 to go to the bullfights,
$2 a night at small hotels.

And, so, the prices were so
crazy low that Hollywood

discovered it
as a shooting location.

And the first big film to shoot

there was
"John Paul Jones" in 1958.

That was a big budget
epic costume drama

starring Robert Stack.

And Franco really liked
that money

pouring in from the outside.
Now, around the same time,

the Italian
and the German filmmakers

started going there, too,
for the same reasons.

But you had to be really
careful when you went to Spain.

You could get arrested
for making jokes about Franco,

and the drug laws were insane.

They would put you away forever

for just simple
marijuana possession.

But Franco started
encouraging Spanish directors

to do coproduction deals
with foreign countries

because he wanted that
foreign money.

But not horror.

He did not like horror
until Jess Franco,

almost by accident,

made the first real
Spanish horror film in 1962,

"The Awful Dr. Orlof."

And he got away with it
by making it entirely in France.

But it ended up
doing very well in Spain.

And, so, the rules got
loosened up a little bit,

and you could make
horror films,

but they had to be shot
outside Spain.

And usually the main characters
in the films

had to not be Spanish.

The other well known
Spanish director, Paul Naschy,

started writing screenplays
around this same time,

and his first one was about
a Spanish nobleman

who turned into a werewolf.

But the government would not
approve his screenplay

until he turned it
into a Polish nobleman

who would change
into a werewolf.

So Jorge Grau,
who made this movie,

wasn't primarily
interested in horror.

He was known for films
that were -- He was known

for films that were
a little dangerous

because they were
about social issues.

But after he saw
"Night of the Living Dead,"

he realized that the best way
to address social issues

was through the subtext
in horror films.

Plus, he wanted
to be more commercial.

He had a lot of friends in Rome

because he had studied
at the Centro Sperimentale,

the famous film school
founded by Mussolini.

And, so, he was aware
of the early work of Mario Bava,

Dario Argento,

and he was also very impressed
by Hammer Films in England

because of the lavish
visuals they used.

Grau was
a very visual filmmaker.

Anyway, he was finally able
to make his first horror film

in 1973 by kind of disguising it
as an historical period drama.

It was the story
of Erzsébet Báthory,

the countess who used
the blood of virgins

to keep herself young.

Many people have made
that story,

but it was called
"The Legend of Blood Castle,"

and it did very well
at the box office.

So, shortly thereafter,

he was approached
by a friend of his who said,

"Let's do the first
all-out zombie film in Europe

in the tradition of Romero."

But they knew
the Franco administration

would never approve that
kind of zombie film in Spain.

So, pretty soon they were
casting and scouting locations

in the East Midlands in England.

And you'll notice
that first scene with Guthrie,

the zombie, very similar to

the "They're coming
to get you, Barbara," scene

in the beginning
of "Night of the Living Dead,"

even to the point of the zombie
trying to break into the car

and then the female
lead having to run away.

Okay.
We're going to talk some more

about the international
cast and crew,

but right now, let's get back to
the dysfunctional relationship

between George and Edna.
And what more middle class names

could you pick
for two English people?

But George is kind of a jerk,
isn't he?

All right, roll the film.

I love the part where the farmer
is giving directions.

You know, this must be the same
all over the world, you know?

All right. Go down that
that second dirt road

till you see an oak tree
that leans to the left.

Don't turn there.
Go straight and then pull off

when you see some bushes
next to a creek,

and you'll find a rock fence.

Turn left there and just
drive a piece, you know?

Thanks for that rural GPS.
That's just wonderful.

[Laughs]

♪♪

[Heavy breathing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Breathing stops]

[Thud, loud screeching]

♪♪

[Heavy breathing]

♪♪

[Tapping on wall]

-Is that you, Martin?

♪♪

[Ghastly moaning]

[Gasps]

[Screams]

[High-pitched hum resonating]

Martin! Martin!

[Grunts] Martin!

[Gasps] Martin!

[Waterfall rushing]

Martin! Martin!

♪♪

-[Moaning]

♪♪

♪♪

-Help me, Martin!

Help!

[Grunts]

[Camera shutter clicks]
-[Gasps]

-Help! Help!

[Crying]
-Katie!

♪♪

♪♪

[Martin screams]

[Camera shutter clicks]

♪♪

-[Screams]

♪♪

[Panting]

♪♪

-Katie! Katie, what happened?
-[Crying]

-What happened? Where's Martin?
-There, by the stream.

[Sobbing]
-It's all right.

It's all right.

[Camera shutter clicks]

[Camera shutter clicks]

-Never seen anything like it.

Somebody certainly
enjoyed themselves here.

-A sadist, huh?
-Or a lunatic.

And enormously strong.

His whole torso's been caved in.
Every bone smashed.

-Have you notified
headquarters yet?

-Yes, Sarge, but they're awfully
busy this morning.

Can't send anyone before
teatime.

-Button up, man.
You're wearing a uniform,

not a pair of pajamas.

-Now, look here, Sergeant.
I've got other things to do.

You can't keep me here all day.

I've told you, I've got
nothing to do with this.

-When there's been a murder,
it's a funny thing, you know,

but nobody
ever has anything to do with it.

-I tell you,
I didn't even know the man.

I'm here by chance!

-Continue the interrogation,
Benson.

Maybe we can find out
what "chance" means.

-All right, yes.

-No one's seen
or heard anything?

Any witnesses?
Anything to go on?

-No. It was foggy, Sergeant.

Um, but we've been told --

Well, there's this farmer who
lives about a mile from here,

and he says there was bad blood
between the husband and wife.

A couple of times he saw 'em
fighting.

-Bring him in for questionin'.
-Yes, Sergeant.

♪♪

[Crying]

♪♪

-Well?

-She's very consistent.

She insists it was a man
dressed in black.

Very tall and well built.

-It was the same man who tried
to attack me. I saw him.

-Yes, and you're the only ones.

-But of course I saw him.
Why would I invent such a thing?

-Why? It's very simple, miss.

To back up your sister's story.
That's why.

-Come on. Everything's going to
be all right.

[Drawer opening]

Come on, Katie. Drink your tea.

It'll do you good.

[Katie continues crying]

Everything will be all right.
Come on now. Drink up.

Nothing to be frightened of.

-Now, Mrs. West, you were alone
when your husband was killed.

It wasn't the first time
you had a fight, was it?

Could you tell us what these
pictures are all about?

-I don't know.
I can't remember.

-But how -- how can you think --

You saw what happened to Martin.
Only a very strong man could --

♪♪

-Heroin.

Now, Miss Simmonds,
you must be aware that,

under the influence of drugs,

an individual can do things
that otherwise are beyond

the reach of his normal powers,

and perhaps not even remember
what he's done.

Just as your sister here
doesn't seem to remember

anything about these
photographs.

[Slams table] You took a shot
last night, didn't you?

Come on. Admit it!

-But this is monstrous.

What possible motive could Katie
have had to want to kill Martin?

-Because after having kept her
here for a year

to get her off the stuff,

and after becoming aware
that she was still an addict,

Martin decided to put her
into a clinic.

Isn't that why you came down
here from London?

-Yes, that's true, but --

-And you didn't want to go,
did you?

-No, I didn't want to go!

-In hospital, you wouldn't have
been able to get

any of this lovely stuff,
now, would you?

-But I didn't kill him!
I didn't!

-Excuse me, uh --
-What is it?!

-Sorry, but he says
he's got something

very important
to tell you.

-It's about time.
Let's hear it.

-You can come in.
-Thanks.

Well, it's like this, see?

I came up here yesterday
to see my friends.

-Well?

Well, can't you see, mate?

I've got nothing
to do with this.

I've got my house to look after.
Will you tell him --

-Listen, boy.

You keep getting on my nerves,

and I'm gonna give you another
kind of house to look after,

one with lots of bars
in the windows!

All right, all right!

Take it easy.

Don't get hysterical.

We'll pick this up again later.

I'm finished with you.
And with you too, miss.

For the moment.
-Don't worry, Katie.

-There's a hotel in Southgate.

You can both book rooms there
until you hear from me.

-But I want to stay
with my sister.

-Sorry, miss.
You must stay in the hotel.

-There must be a way
to get her out of this.

-Yeah, a good London barrister.
-You think the police are right?

-Never, especially not him.

-The camera. Of course.

Katie said that,

as she was being followed,
the camera was taking pictures.

There may be a photograph
of the man.

Come on.
Let's tell the sergeant.

-Wait.

You see that cop by the Mini?

-Yes.

-Ask him for a light.

-Why?
-Go on!

I'm gonna do that bloody
Irishman.

-[Coughs] Excuse me.
Do you have a light?

-No, I'm sorry, miss.
Never carry matches.

Haven't smoked in years,
you know. Worst luck.

-What do you mean?

-Well, miss, you see, when I
smoked, I was as thin as a rail.

But now, well...

-You could always
start up again.

-I might do that one day.

-I wish I could stop smoking.
Thanks anyway.

-You're welcome, miss.

-Would you mind telling me
what you're up to?

-Better we have it developed
ourselves.

-Why?
-A little imbroglio, darling.

The cops never like
to admit they're wrong.

[Engine starts]

-Craig.
-Yes, Sergeant?

♪♪

♪♪

[Door chime jingles]

♪♪

-It's going to take ages,
isn't it?

-Nope. He does them himself.

He said they'll be ready
by noon.

I've asked him to blow
'em up, too.

-For a man in love with
solitude, which you say you are,

this does look like the perfect
place, wouldn't you agree?

-Do me a favor, darling.

Don't try to be funny,
all right?

We're in this mess together,
aren't we?

♪♪

♪♪

[Door chimes jingle]

-Good morning.

It won't bite.
You see, it's trained.

Can I help you?
-Have you got any rooms?

-Would you go into the bar,
please?

-Got two rooms?

I guess that must
cost less than a double, right?

-What do you mean by that?
-Nothing.

It's just that we need the rooms
to rest in, nothing more.

-This is a respectable place,
I'll have you know.

-Yes, yes, I can tell.

I intend to spend as little time
in it as possible.

Where can I make a phone call?
-Out there, under the stairs.

You wouldn't be the people
involved in the murder,

would you?
-Why?

-Message for you.

-Yes, I know I was supposed
to arrive yesterday,

but I've been delayed
by an accident.

And I'm here
just a few miles away.

Anyway, wait for me, and I'll be
there as soon as I can.

Of course I'll be there.
[Footsteps approaching]

Just a few things to finish up.
Okay?

-George. George!
-I got to go. Bye.

-Katie's had a breakdown.
The police just phoned.

They're putting her in
the local hospital.

Listen, we must go there.
-But I've got things to do.

I've just --
-Please, I can't even

think anymore.
You must help me.

-All right.
Now, the police inspector

is played by Arthur Kennedy,

who's the only American
in the cast.

He's one of those guys
who goes over to Europe

because his star has faded
in the United States,

but he's still
a big name in Europe.

So Jorge Grau was glad
to have Arthur Kennedy.

He was perfect
for a project like this.

And when he first showed up,

he was obviously
just coming over there

to pick up a paycheck.

But Grau met with him
several times.

He convinced him
this was a serious project,

he was a serious writer
and director.

And, so, Kennedy started
working really hard

on delivering a strong role.

The reason he seems
over-the-top harsh

is that Grau wanted him
to be over-the-top harsh.

Because Arthur Kennedy
is not just a police inspector.

He is
Generalissimo Francisco Franco.

Grau was finally able
to go all out

with what he feels about
the Spanish government.

Strange that people don't talk
much about Arthur Kennedy today.

He was a very accomplished
actor, very popular actor.

He was from Worcester,
Massachusetts,

studied drama at Carnegie Mellon
in Pittsburgh.

I'm amazed he never worked
with George Romero

because Romero had gone
to Carnegie Mellon

and he loved any actor
who studied there.

They had a very prestigious
acting institute there.

Arthur Kennedy did a lot
of regional Shakespeare.

Then he made his Broadway debut
in 1937 in "Richard II."

I love "Richard II,"
by the way.

We should
talk about that some time.

I know, "Richard III"
the show-off role.

But "Richard II"
is amazing.

Anyway, he was very much
noticed on Broadway.

He got a contract
at Warner Brothers.

He had big roles in Westerns
like "High Sierra,"

and "They Died
with Their Boots On."

Then he served in the Air Force
during World War II,

and then after the war,
he really broke out.

Now, this is amazing.

If I could go back in time
and pick out

just one play out
of all history

where I could be
at the premiere,

it would have been this play.

It was at the Morosco Theatre,
February the 10th, 1949.

Lee J. Cobb played
the father,

Cameron Mitchell
and Arthur Kennedy

played the two sons.

The world premiere
of Arthur Miller's

"Death of a Salesman,"
and Arthur Kennedy played Biff.

Even though, I mean,
he would have been in his 30s

and not his early 30s,
either, by then.

But he played Biff.

And I think all three of those
guys got Tony Awards.

And then he went on to originate

the role of John Proctor
in "The Crucible" on Broadway.

And he had five
Oscar nominations

for "Champion,"
"Bright Victory," "Trial,"

"Peyton Place,"
and "Some Came Running,"

all very classy productions.

And he was in other high-profile
films like "Elmer Gantry,"

"Lawrence of Arabia,"
"Fantastic Voyage."

But now he's about to turn 60.
And he turns up in England

to make this little Spanish
exploitation movie.

And he is a bitter man.

He's kind of an angry man,
and he's drinking way too much.

And he's resentful
that he's no longer recognized

as an A-list star.

So Jorge Grau
kind of likes that.

He wants him to use that.

He wants him to be
the local dictator.

He wants him to hate George

because George represents
the hippies, you know,

just like General Franco
hates the '60s counterculture,

and he's doing everything
in his power to stamp it out.

So Grau creates this backstory
for the police inspector

that's very similar
to Arthur Kennedy's life.

You know, the police inspector
has been passed

over several times
for a promotion.

He's been stationed
at meaningless posts.

And all that background creates
what a lot of people

thought was Kennedy
overdoing the role.

But what I think,
he's just delivering

exactly what this
movie demanded.

So, back to the flick.

And by the way, this movie
had so many different titles.

People say they can't find it.

Well, the reason
you can't find it is it has --

it has so many different titles.

The title on the script
was "Weekend of the Dead."

The working title
during production

was "The Valley of the Dead."
There was no valley.

I have no idea what valley
they were talking about.

The original release title
in Spain

was "Don't Disturb
the Sleep of the Dead."

The release title in the UK
was just "The Living Dead,"

and it was drastically
cut in the UK,

by the way.

In Italy, it was released as
"Where Are You From?"

[Laughter]

No idea.

But then, somebody realized
that was such a bad title

that no one was ever
going to show up for that.

So after Lucio Fulci "Zombi 2"
came out,

they called it "Zombi 3."
[Laughs]

And then, it had a number
of titles in the States.

It originally opened
at the drive-ins

as "Let Sleeping Corpses Lie."

But it went out
a couple more times,

once as "Breakfast
at the Manchester Morgue."

[Laughter]

And then, some brilliant
marketing guy renamed it

"Don't Open the Window."

Really? I mean, so scary.

"Don't Open the Window."

It ended up on home video

after the turn of the century
under its current title,

but that kind of was --

This title is kind of stupid,
too,

because it doesn't really
take place in Manchester.

I guess they just figured,

"Hey, let's take advantage
of Manchester, how famous it is,

and the tourism there,"
not realizing

that there is no
Manchester tourism.

[Laughter]

♪♪

♪♪

[Heavy breathing]

♪♪

[Breathing stops]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-I'm Mrs. West's sister.
Is it serious, Doctor?

-No.
She's coming round now.

Oh, she needs rest.
Please, don't tire her.

[Door opens, closes]
-[Whimpers]

I didn't do it, Edna.

-Want one? They're perfect
for the long voyage home.

-[Chuckles]
No, thank you.

What do you mean
by "the long voyage home"?

-A touch of inside humor,
I'm afraid.

A little macabre, I know.

You see, from here
to Manchester,

it's quite a way to go
in a freezer unit.

Yes, all the autopsies
and examinations

and tests on various organs
are done in Manchester.

Quite a few people leave their
bodies to science these days.

How about it, young man?

Shall I make a reservation
for you?

[Alarm ringing]
Oh, no. It's the nursery again.

[Ringing continues]

Nurse Jones! Nurse Jones!

Quick, look after her,
will you?

-[Sobbing]

Nurse Jones.
My God, where is everyone?

[Alarm stops]
-[Crying] My God. My God.

It blinded me!

-Oh, my goodness.
What a nasty looking cut.

Come along with me, Nurse.

♪♪

[Door closes]

-Well, here, you can help.
-All right, Doctor.

-Will you hold it still?

[Baby cooing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Door closes,
footsteps approaching]

-Aah!

-It's happened again.

♪♪

♪♪

[Baby crying]

Are you hurt?
-No, but it tried its hardest.

-Hmm.
-What the hell is wrong with it?

-We don't know.

It's the third one born since
yesterday

with an incredible
aggressiveness.

Almost, well,
homicidal in its intensity.

-Uh, some sort of virus?
-No.

We've done every sort of test.

It's very strange.

All the children come from
the same area around Southgate.

Near the river.
We tested the water, too.

-Hmm, that's curious.
-What is?

-Well, there's a farm over there
where they've set up

some sort of machine
to destroy insects

by means of ultrasonic rays
or something.

I thought perhaps...
you know.

-How interesting.

I'd like to have a look at it.

Do you think you could show me
where it is?

[Machine humming]

[Hum resonating]

-You can see, Doctor,

the radiation works on
the insect's nervous system.

It drives them mad,
and they attack one another.

I think we're gonna see a real
revolution in agriculture.

-Not even DDT was this effective
when it first came out.

-DDT causes cancer.
How 'bout this?

-Now, listen, you've been
on our back since last night.

Now, if you want
to go back to nature,

why don't you find yourself a
nice Pacific atoll somewhere --

-Sure. All I'd have to worry
about then is atomic fallout.

Thanks awfully, old chap.

-What's the range
of this machine?

-Oh, about a mile at present.

We're trying to perfect one
up to five miles.

But of course this can't have
anything

to do with the children,
now, could it?

It's absurd!

-Now, Doctor,
you're a man of science.

Surely you can understand
this machine

has undergone
the most stringent testing.

The radiation only affects
the most primitive forms

of nervous systems,
like microbes and insects.

-It has no effect on more
evolved systems,

such as human ones.

It's completely harmless.

-How can you be certain?

-Look, do I look like
I'm about to attack you?

And I'm surrounded by radiation.

-Now, it's all right.
I understand.

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you.

-Well, perhaps they're right.
It's not the answer.

-I'm afraid not.

Still, you know,
a newborn child's nervous system

is still in a very
elementary state.

-Well, if you have any doubts,
why don't you do something?

Make some noise,
insist on more tests?

-It's never wise to exaggerate.

[Engine starts]

We can't even get the government
to act on much more

serious and concrete facts
these days.

Imagine what success we'll have

getting anyone to do anything
on a mere hypothesis.

I'm afraid they'd laugh at us.

-I don't understand.

You can only see Katie.

But look at her.

Doesn't it seem as if someone
or something's after her?

-Mm-hmm.

It's a good thing the police
haven't seen this one.

She really looks as if
she's about to do him in.

-So you think she's guilty, too.

But I tell you, the man exists.
I saw him!

Listen, you knew him.

I mean, that tramp
we heard about,

the one who drowned last week.

-Oh, Guthrie?
-Yes!

-Of course. Why?

-Do you have a picture
of him or anything?

-No.
-Look,

I know it sounds silly,
but is it possible --

I mean, could a film fail to
catch an image for any reason?

-Well, a ghost, maybe.

-No one believes in ghosts
anymore, including the police.

You see, we're not
quite as stupid

as you seem to think we are.

Ah, very interesting.

Now I can see why you wanted
to keep this roll of film.

-Look, she had nothing to do
with it. It was my idea.

-Of course.
You're all in it together.

Aiding and abetting a suspect,
withholding information.

You and your bird here will have
to answer for it at the inquest.

-I don't suppose it ever
occurred to you

that you fellas could
just possibly

be barking up the wrong tree.

-Not when dealing
with people like you.

You're all the same,
the lot of you,

with your long hair
and faggot clothes,

drugs, sex, every sort of filth.

And you hate the police.

Don't ya?
-You make it easy.

-See you at the inquest.

And, uh, don't get any ideas
about not being there.

-Heil Hitler.

[Bell chimes]

We've got ourselves
into enough hot water for today.

Let's get back to the hotel.

-You're off about?

Who's paying for the pictures?
That'll be two quid.

-Here you are.
Thanks for your trouble.

-It was nothing, miss.

Oh, by the way,
you wanted Guthrie's picture.

There's one here
in Monday's paper...

taken right after they
took him out of the water.

♪♪

-[Gasps]
Oh, my God! George.

-What is it?
-It's him!

The man I saw, the one who
killed Martin!

-But that's absurd.
The man's dead.

-But I tell you, it's him!
-Look, love, use your head.

He died last week and Martin
was killed last night.

-George, I tell you,
that is the man,

and his clothes were all wet.

He looked exactly like
someone who drowned.

-Listen, are you certain
he's dead?

I mean, was there
a death certificate?

-Oh, sure. I was there
when they put him in the coffin.

And two days ago,
we took him to the cemetery.

No one wanted to bury him

because he didn't have
any money.

In fact, they didn't even
want him to be cremated.

It's all there in the paper.
You read it.

-Then he must have a twin
brother, that's all.

Thanks a lot.

[Bell chimes]

-What are we going to do now?
-Get in.

[Engine starts]

♪♪

-Okay! Something tells me
that neither George

nor the police inspector
are going to back down.

But how about that super modern
piece of agricultural machinery?

If there's one place where
Jorge Grau's

attention to detail
may have failed him,

it's that piece of cheap sci-fi
tomfoolery from the '50s.

But I'm willing to excuse
that because of the extended

killer baby sequence,

you know,
the babies in the nursery.

And actually,
this was the same year

that Larry Cohen did
killer babies in "It's Alive."

But the newborn
babies in this nursery

are violently attacking
the nurses

and apparently gouging
out their eyes.

Those interiors,
the interiors at the hospital

were filmed at Cinearte studios
in Madrid,

but the exterior
is Barnes Hospital.

I'm going to mention that
because everyone always remarks

about what a strange gothic
building that is.

Is it really a hospital?

But it was,
it was Barnes Hospital.

It's in Cheadle,
a suburb of Manchester.

And it was -- building
was starting to decay

and it was already
getting run down

when Grau picked it out
for a location,

eventually closed in 1999
after 124 years as a hospital.

But some real estate
developers fixed it up,

and today it's condos.

I should mention that the two
leads in the movie,

George and Edna, were speaking
three different languages

at various times.

Of course, all the dialog

was dubbed in post-production.

But George is played
by Ray Lovelock.

He is Italian.

Even though
"Ray Lovelock"

sounds like one of those
made up names

so the actor
can pass as American,

it actually is his real name.

His mother was Italian,
but his father was English.

He was in a lot
of Spaghetti Westerns.

He got several acting awards
playing the lead in a movie

called "Bandits in Milan"
as the main bank robber.

In the -- if you saw the film
version of

"Fiddler on the Roof,"

he was the young Russian farmer

who marries the third
Jewish daughter of Tevye,

even though he's Christian.

He was also
a pretty successful musician.

He wrote and performed
the theme song

to Ruggero Deodato's "Live Like
a Cop, Die Like a Man."

He was also in a fairly well
known giallo called "Autopsy."

Cristina Galbo, who plays Edna,
was born in Madrid.

She became a very successful
child actress in Spanish movies,

but her breakthrough
came after she moved to Rome

and started doing Spaghetti
Westerns and horror films.

She had the lead
in "The House That Screamed,"

"What Have You done to Solange?"
and a Luigi Cozzi movie.

"The Killer Must Kill Again."

But she left movies
in the late '80s

to become a flamenco dancer.

So anyway,
for most of their scenes,

Ray Lovelock would speak Italian

and Cristina Galbo
would speak Spanish,

because, y'know, those languages
are very closely related.

But they also
both knew English.

And so sometimes it was easier
to do the English dialog.

They just know how to do
that stuff in Europe.

I don't know how you would act
if everyone's speaking

all these different languages,
but they know how to do that.

I think the English
language version

of this movie is excellent,

and I always thought
Ray Lovelock was British

until I looked into it.

Okay, we're ramping up
to the climax

of "The Living Dead
at Manchester Morgue."

So, back to the movie.

The castle is about half Italian
and half Spanish,

but the crew was
almost all Italian

and they hated having to eat

that English food
for several weeks.

So, after a while, they started
making their own pasta

because I guess you just
cannot feed haggis

and Marmite and jellied eels

and black pudding
to an Italian, you know.

And I mean, I don't blame --
a lot of that stuff

I can't eat just because
of the way it looks.

I mean, I don't even taste it
because of the way it looks.

They have this canned
food called Spotted Dick.

It's described on the can
as sponge pudding.

And, what the hell?

I mean, it's pink

and it has these giant black
substances sprinkled into it.

Sometimes they look
like insects

and sometimes
they look like tumors.

Yummy.

♪♪

[Engine revving]

-Craig! They're up to something.

Follow them and keep me
up to date.

-Yes, Sergeant.
-Wait, wait.

Better take my car.
-Oh, all right.

-Where are we going?

-To the only place where I can
cure you

of your fancy hallucinations.

[Wind whistling]

♪♪

♪♪

[Tires screeching]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Here we are.

-George. Wait a minute.

-If the man is dead,
he must be here, right?

We'll find out if he's here,
okay?

If he is here,
then I want you to knock it off

about seeing a man in black
and all that rot,

because, love,
the dead don't walk around,

except in very bad paperback
novels.

They're dead, and that's that.
Do we agree?

-If you say so.

[Gate hinges squeak]

[Animal squawking]

[Bird calling]

-Anyone about?

[Clattering]
All right. Let's try in there.

[Hinges creak]

Hello? Anyone at home?

[Thudding]

[Hinges squeaking]

Hello?

-Let's go.
There's no one here.

-No, wait a minute, maybe this
Guthrie's in one of these.

[Wind whistling]

"Mary Duggan."

Hello, darling.

Who are you?

"Edward Keith."

[Wind blowing]

"Guthrie Wilson."
Here he is.

-George, let's go.

-What the...

[Screeching, door slams]

-Hey! You've shut us in!

Hey!
[Pounding]

Let us out!

Let us out!

[Snarling, Edna gasps]

[High-pitched wheezing]

[Low moaning]

[Pounding]

[Wheezing]

George!

[Gasping]

George!

[Sobbing, grunting]

Stop!

[Metal clattering]

[Wheezing]

[Low moaning, wheezing]

-I don't believe it.

[Lid clatters]

[Wheezing]

Get up that ladder --
as fast as you can! Move!

[Clanking]

-[Gasps]
-[Wheezing]

George!

[Body thuds]

[Wheezing]

[Rocks clattering]
-George!

-Get out! Get out!
[Grunting]

Hurry!

Help!

Help!

[Gasping]

[Air wheezing]

[Choked snarling]

[Buzzing]
-Craig here.

-Have you found 'em yet?
-Yes, Sergeant.

They're in the cemetery.
-The cemetery?!

What the hell
are they doing in there?!

-I don't know, Sarge, I was just
gonna go and have a look.

-[Groans]

[Wheezing]

-George!

-Strewth!
Give us your hand.

[Edna sobbing]

[George panting]

[Grunts]

Let's get out of here, quick!
-What the devil's
happening here?!

Would you please explain?

[Scraping]

[Moaning]

-Get inside, quickly!

Get inside!

Quickly! Go on!

Go on!

Christ! There's no way out.

[Wheezing]

[Pounding on door]

That's useless.
Come on. Help me.

-They're...
They're dead, aren't they?

-Yeah.

But don't ask me,
'cause I haven't the foggiest.

Christ only knows what brought
them back to life again.

[Hum resonating]

Oh, God.

I think I do know.

The radiation!

Of course! It worked on the
babies' nervous system.

Why not on those of the dead?

-What the hell
are you raving about, man?

-Craig, when a person dies,

perhaps the nervous system
goes on living for a while.

Perhaps, in some very basic,
crude way,

like an insect's.

Or a plant!
Look, you can pick a flower,

but it goes on living
for a while.

-You're right!
That man Guthrie, didn't he die

when they began the experiment?

-Well, all right, he was
the first, but the others --

-They transmit life
to each other

through the blood of the living.

Like a plague.
That's why they kill.

-Now you know who it was
that killed Martin.

-I can just imagine
the sergeant's face

when he finds out.

-I'd like to be there
when he does.

[Crashing, wood creaking]

If we get out of this alive.

[Wheezing]

Let's reinforce that door.

Take the lamp!

-This won't hold very long.

We've got to find a way to
defend ourselves.

-What with, silver bullets
or a wooden stake?

[Buzzing]

-My radio! It's the sergeant
trying to get through.

I must have left it
near that hole outside.

[Buzzes]

If I could just get to it,
or get to the car,

I could call for help!

-So I think you have to admit

those are some pretty damn
impressive zombies.

And that's because they were
made by Giannetto De Rossi.

This was his first foray
into zombies.

He was the guy
who would eventually do make up

for Lucio Fulci on "Zombie"
and "The Beyond"

and "House by the Cemetery,"
and many other horror movies.

But in 1973,

most of his work had been
on Sergio Leone Westerns,

Fellini films, and Jorge Grau
had met him while he was working

as an assistant director during
his learning years in Rome.

So Jorge Grau studied

every frame of
"Night of the Living Dead"

before he made this movie,
and Giannetto De Rossi studied

every frame of
"Night of the Living Dead"

before he made this movie.

So, you could say that Jorge
was the European George Romero

and Giannetto was
the European Tom Savini.

Because this is five years

before "Dawn of the Dead"
came out.

It's almost like they made
the true sequel

to "Night of the Living Dead,"

and they are certainly
the people

who brought modern zombies
to Europe.

They were very dedicated
to the idea

that they wanted their zombies

to be better
than Romero's zombies.

And one advantage they had,
of course, was color.

"Night of the Living Dead"
had been in black and white.

And the other advantage
was they knew

what the controversial scenes
were in the original movie,

the scenes so intense

that people would walk
out of the theater.

They wanted as many of those
as possible.

That's why you see so many shots
of the zombies feasting.

They're feasting on the organs
of their victims.

This film had an enormous impact
on Lucio Fulci

and also on Umberto Lenzi,
not just because of

Giannetto De Rossi
working on it,

but also because of
Vincenzo Tomassi working on it.

He edited the film and he would
eventually become Fulci's editor

for about 15 years.

There were some new zombie
rules in this movie.

If you'll notice, the Guthrie
zombie starts taking fresh blood

and painting it onto the eyelids
of the dead people

in order to turn them
into zombies.

I never saw that before.

And also,
these are kind of noisy zombies.

I mean, they are moaning,
they're wheezing.

It's a miracle they can ever
sneak up on anybody.

They obviously spent
a lot of time

working on the sounds
of the undead

when they made this movie.

All right.
The cops have arrived.

Let's see how good
they are at zombie killing.

Back to the movie.

And, you know, it's a credit
to George Romero

that quite a few other directors
have tried

to do zombies in the early '70s,
but they were not as successful

as the guys who just decided
to copyGeorge Romero.

There was a series of four films
called "Tombs of the Blind Dead"

by another Spanish director,
Amando de Ossorio.

But those zombies were
horseback-riding knights

from medieval times
who had been executed

for practicing black magic.

So they come back as zombies
and they're blind.

So they were not scary.

Not nearly as scary
as these zombies.

Bob Clark's first two movies
had zombies.

"children Shouldn't Play with
Dead Things"

and "Deathdream."

There was a strange
California cheapie

called "Messiah of Evil."

But if you wanted
to do zombies right,

you needed a dedicated zombie
maker like Tom Savini,

and Giannetto De Rossi
was that guy.

I know I go into too much detail

about the technical aspects
of these movies,

but the commercial effectiveness
of a zombie movie

is sort of a 30% story,
70% "how good are the zombies?"

You know, the ones
that just slap them --

slap on a mask
don't really work.

Nobody likes a sloppy zombie.

[Laughter]

[Music fades, static]

[Zombies wheezing]

-Craig, can you hear me?!

What the Christ has happened
to the lazy bastard?

-Ah, he turned his set off.

-Craig, can you hear me?

-The coroner's just completed
his examination, Sergeant.

Will you drive him back?
-Yes.

I sent a man
to trail two suspects,

but I don't get any answer.

It's funny.

I'll send you an ambulance.
Take the body to the hospital.

We'll have to have an autopsy.

[Scraping]

[Grunts]

-Help me to move this.
I'm gonna get the radio.

-Craig, it's madness!
You'll never make it.

-It's our only chance.

Okay.

Maybe you'll think better
of the police

if I can pull this off.

-Good luck, man.

[Shouts]

-Sergeant, this is Craig
reporting at the cemetery.

There are dead people
trying to kill me!

[Grunting]

No!
[Screaming]

[Gagging]

[Wheezing]

[Winces]

♪♪

-Christ, we've got to
get out of here.

-No, George. I'm afraid.

-What difference does that make?
[Crashing]

[Edna gasps]

[Wheezing]

[Glass shatters]

♪♪

[Flames crackling]

♪♪

[Wheezing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Come.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

You take the Mini
back to the cottage

and tell the police
what's happened.

-What about you?

-I'm gonna fix that bloody
machine.

Come on.

It's all over with now.

There's no more danger.

♪♪

-And Martin, his body's still
back there.

The radiation could --
-No.

They only have a range
of a mile or so.

The cottage is at least
three or four miles away.

Go on now.
I'll wait for you at the farm.

♪♪

[Engine starts]

Edna! Edna!

[Heartbeat thumping]

[Quiet wheezing]

[Wheezing grows louder]

-It was the machine!
You've gotta stop it.

-What are you doing?
[Both shouting]

-Wait. Wait. Now, look. Wait!

Listen! You talk about the dead
walkin', about cannibalism.

It's unscientific, man!

-Lots of things are
unscientific,

but they happen just the same.

Turn off that goddamn machine!
-Get along there.

-Aye. It runs like a charm,
laddie.

It's killed every bloody insect
round here, except for you.

And we got the range
up to five miles now.

-Five miles?!
-Aye, five bloody miles.

-Since when?!
-A little while ago.

-Just before you got here.
-Hold him! And stop him!

Stop him!

-Hey, what do you think
you're doing?

I'm gonna have to call
the police, you know.

-Bernard, what are you doing on
the ground?

He's broken our oscilloscope!
I'll go for the police.

-No, don't chase him again,
Clive.

-Come on, Bernard...

[Banging]

-Hey! Wait! Stop!

I've got to get
to the Madison's place!

[Indistinct chatter]
Hey, wait!

Wait!

We have to burn the corpse!
Don't you understand?

There's not a moment to lose!

Come back!
We're all in danger!

-Well?

-She had any calls
from her sister or that man?

-Nothing at all.
-Thank you.

[Radio buzzes]

No, Sergeant. No one's seen
them, and they haven't called.

-Phone headquarters for
reinforcements

and search for them.

Make a house-to-house
and scour the countryside.

And arm the men -- they killed
Craig and the caretaker,

so if they resist,
shoot to kill.

[Dog barking]

[Animal squawking]

Poor Craig.

If you'd only had time
to notify us.

-The thing I don't understand
is the difference in the bodies.

Those have been
horribly mutilated,

whereas those look like
they were intact.

-What the hell
did they burn the bodies for?

That's what I wanna know.

Couple of drug-crazy maniacs.

-Oh, worse than that, Sergeant.

Have you ever come across any of
these Satanists

in your investigations?

-No, but I've heard about them.

Y-You don't think --

-They vandalize cemeteries.

They profane tombs and,
you know, hold black masses.

That's why you've got
your cross.

It looks to me
like a pretty typical case.

-Now, if I could only
get me hands on them.

[Man chattering]

-Oh, Sergeant? That madman
went to a nearby farm

and caused a row over there.
Perhaps you should talk to them.

Uh, excuse me.

The sergeant's in charge of
the case.

This gentleman's from
the Ministry of Agriculture.

[Wind whistling]

-Sergeant?!

[Doorbell ringing]

[Ringing continues]

Sergeant!

[Horn honking]

Sergeant!

[Screaming]

No!

[Wind howling]

[Glass shattering]

[Edna gasping,
zombie wheezing]

[Wheezes]

[Exhales]

[Car door closes]

[Faint snarling]

[Screams]

[Gasping]

-Edna, what's happened?
What's happened, Edna?

Martin.

-[Gasping]
He tried to kill me.

I ran over him with the car.

He's back there.

[Sobbing]
George!

I'm so --

I'm so frightened!

It's so awful.

-Can you manage?
-Petrol. How many gallons?

-Quick. Help me.
-Oh, the poor lassie.

-Is there a phone about?
-Yes, in there. Inside.

-Okay. Call for an ambulance,
and hurry up!

-Hey, what are you doing?
That's paraffin.

-I haven't time to explain.
I'll be back in a few minutes.

[Engine starts]

-Marie, get her something
to drink.

Now, you just sit down there.

Move!
Get her something to drink.

Water, not whiskey!
She may not have any money.

-[Screams]

-Come on, lass.
We'd better call the hospital!

[Hum resonating]

Are you all right, love?

No!

-You know, there aren't really
any heroes in this movie.

You think maybe George
is going to be a hero,

because at the beginning,
he rockets out of Manchester

on that Norton motorcycle.

A Norton in England

is the equivalent
of a Harley in the U.S.,

and he seems to be passing from
the garbage-strewn urban streets

and nuclear polluters
of modern times

into a clean, picturesque,
quaint part of the countryside.

But then we meet the bigoted,

abusive authority figure
who runs the countryside,

and we realize
there's not any escape

from the hypocrites
and the liars.

Even the farmers
are zapping babies

and turning them
into homicidal monsters.

Plus, why exactly did George
leave Manchester

in the first place?

Because, I mean, because
of his clothing and hair,

he's mistaken for a hippie.

He's actually
a small businessman

who sells things to all those
bored, gray commuter types

he passed on the roadway.

So what's his true mission?

Because he tells different
people different things.

At first he says
he's just leaving to relax

in his weekend cottage.

Later, suddenly,
his story changes.

He's meeting some friends there

so they can all fix up
the cottage together.

But then he's asked about that
exotic carved wooden statue

that he's carrying
in his knapsack,

and he has yet a third reason

for being up there
in the boonies.

He's delivering that statue
to a shopkeeper in Windermere.

Well, which is it, George?

And why would you have
all these changing stories?

Why would you have a device
that's like the Maltese Falcon?

You know, maybe
the police inspector is right.

Maybe he isa drug dealer.

I mean, does he have
drugs in that statue?

The inspector
calls him a hippie,

but he only seems -- it just
seems like half a hippie.

You know, he's got the hair,
but nothing else fits.

You know, what's very clear
is that the police chief

represents everything
that's wrong with the world.

In fact, they never
refer to him by name.

He's always the symbol
of bigoted, abusive power.

He makes it clear that
in Jorge Grau's view,

the real antagonists
in this movie

are the cops,
the captains of industry

who cause environmental
disaster,

religious institutions,

the scientific community --
as I pointed out before,

the reason for filming
in England in the first place

is to create a safe haven

where Grau can criticize
the dictator

who has ruled Spain
for more than 30 years.

And so Arthur Kennedy,
as the authority figure,

never admits
he might be wrong,

never accepts
conflicting evidence,

never allows the accused
to defend himself,

readily assumes
the wildest conspiracy theories.

He thinks George and Edna
are probably in a satanic cult.

And he uses violence
when people don't agree

to be blindly obedient
to his edicts.

And he doesn't
even seem surprised

when George gives him that
sarcastic "Heil, Hitler" salute,

because at some level
he thinks people

should be saluting him
like that.

So we're going to watch
the conclusion

of "The Living Dead
at Manchester Morgue" now.

And Jorge Grau
obviously agrees

with what George Romero
said about his own movie

six years earlier --
he says, "We were hippies.

We did not believe
in happy endings."

So it took six years
for that philosophy

to penetrate the high walls
around Spain.

At this time,
Europe was lagging

a little behind
the U.S. culturally,

but he gives an ending
that the pessimistic Romero

would have definitely
approved of.

So, roll the film.

When Franco was in power,

he thought all the troublemakers
came from Catalonia.

And that's the part of Spain
that Grau was from.

And they don't even speak
the same language there.

They speak Catalan.

So, to show you
how different they are,

they outlawed
bullfighting there in 2011.

That'd be like Alabama outlawing
college football, you know?

I'm surprised the rednecks
didn't burn the place down

when they did that.

And Spanish redneck --

you don't want to deal
with one of those.

I mean, he'll dress up like a
conquistador and lance your ass.

[Laughter]

[Music fades, static]

[Wind howling]

[Car door opens]

[Wind howling]

♪♪

♪♪

-Grab him!

-Let go!

-Sorry to spoil your fun,
old boy,

but we sent Martin's body
to the hospital for an autopsy.

As for poor old Benson,
I'd like to --

-Sergeant, listen to me,
put out an alarm at once.

If Martin arrives at the
hospital, we're right back

where we started.

There are three bodies in there,

and he can bring them
back to life!

-Bring the dead back to life,
is it?

What kind of idiots
do you think we are?!

-It's the truth!
You've got to stop him!

-Get him out of here before --
-Can't you see?

We've got to burn him!
-That's enough of that!

-Go to the hospital
if you don't believe me!

-All right then, Bernard.
See if you can switch on.

-Right.

[Hum resonating]

Well done, Clive.

♪♪

[High-pitched hum resonating]

[Hum continues resonating]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Door opens]

♪♪

♪♪

[Door closes]

♪♪

♪♪

[Snarling, rhythmic thumping]

-And this!
What's the meaning of this?!

-Oh, for crying out loud.
What do you think I am?

I've never been
to a black mass in my life!

How many times do I have to
tell you?

I sell this kind of
stuff, Sergeant.

I was bringing this lot
to a shopkeeper in Windermere.

He was --
Oh, what's the use?

-You expect us to believe all
that after everything

that's happened?

-Look, it's not my fault,
Sergeant,

if Christ and saints
are out of fashion.

And it's not
against the law yet,

so why don't you
get off my back?

-Where's your girlfriend hiding?
-Go and find her,

since you know so much.

-You admitted burning
the corpses.

-Well, I told you why!

-We caught you in the act
as well,

and this here statement clearly
confirms what we already know.

-Sign here, and it'll be a lot
easier for you.

Admit killing two officers,
and it'll be all over.

-It was the corpses.

Don't you understand?
The corpses.

The corpses!

You sit in here wasting time,

and there are people
in real danger!

You, you're the ones
who are crazy, not me!

You bloody idiot!

-The son of a bitch
killed two of my men!

-Get ahold of yourself, man.

-Go clean him up.

-Come with me.
Come with me, please.

[Door closes]

-I disapprove
of your methods, Sergeant.

The police should never
resort to violence.

-And I disapprove of yours,
Mr. Perkins.

If we just had a free hand
with these criminals...

[Water flowing]

[Chomping]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Whistle blowing]

[Whistle continues]
-Sergeant!

Sergeant, he got away.
-Kinsey! Kinsey!

-I tried to stop him,
but I couldn't.

♪♪

♪♪

-Where's she gone?
-Oh, you!

Look at the mess she's made!
You might have told me

she was violent!
But you'll pay for this.

Right down to the last penny!
-Where is she?

-You told me to call
an ambulance.

They took her to the hospital.
-Hospital?

-All that talk about the dead
coming to life.

I think she must be insane.

[Thrumming]

♪♪

-So how was the film?
Come on. Tell me all about it.

[Buzzing]
Hold on.

South Gate Hospital.
Good evening.

-Get me Duffield!
You're all in terrible danger!

-Yes. Can I help you, please?
-Christ! Don't waste time!

-Give me the operating room!
-I can't do that. I mean --

-Look, let me speak to
Dr. Duffield!

He'll understand.
Hurry up, for Christ's sake!

-Hold on a minute, Christine.

You ought to hear the bloke
on the other line. He's balmy.

Yeah.

[Edna crying, babbling]

-No!

[Crying] No! Please!
[Telephone buzzes]

[Buzzing]

[Whimpers]
-Room 5.

Doctor, it's for you.

[Crying]

-Hello!

♪♪

[Tires screeching]

-Hello? Hello?

♪♪

♪♪

-What are you waiting for, man?

[Siren wailing]

-I don't know, Dr. Duffield.
He didn't say who he was.

[Buzzes]
Very well.

[Heartbeat thumping]

Sorry. What were you saying
about that film?

Oh, no. I can't stand him.

He's really awful.

Don't like her much either. No.

Oh, she looks like --

[Gasping, screams]

[Choking]

[Zombies wheezing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Tearing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Siren wailing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Please, Doctor.
Can't you let me see my sister?

Just two minutes --
the officer's gone,

and my sister would be so happy.

-Yes, it'll do her good.

Come along now.

She's up on the second floor.

[Clanging]

♪♪

-[Gasping]

Martin!

No! Help! Martin!

Oh!

Help! Oh!

[Katie screams]

Help!

[Body thuds]

[Siren wailing]

[Tires screeching]

♪♪

♪♪

-Katie.

Don't worry about me.

I'm much better now.

[Screaming]

Help! Help! Help! Help me!

Help me!

[Edna screams]

-What's going on?
-Nothing.

Must be that lunatic
in Room 5.

She was screaming like that
earlier

when they brought her in.
Convulsions.

-Who's with her?
-Dr. Duffield. It's all right.

-[Gasping]

[Gasps, zombies wheezing]

[Rapid footsteps]

-Edna!
-George!

♪♪

George!

George!

Get away from me!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Wheezing, flames crackling]

♪♪

[Zombies wheezing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Edna.

♪♪

[Wheezing]

[Wheezing, gasping]

[Wheezing continues]

[Gunshots]

-I wish the dead could come back
to life, you bastard,

because then
I could kill you again.

♪♪

[Chatter]

[Indistinct chatter]

-Keep out of it, please.
-Out of the way, please.

-Please tell us how to take care
of all the bodies.

-Put 'em on ice
till the coroner gets here.

-Come on. Let's go.

No, that's enough of that,
I said.

Come on. Let's get out.

-Where to?
Back to the station?

-No, I booked a room
in the hotel here.

All I need
is a good night's sleep

and time to forget this whole
bloody mess.

-I don't think you'll do that.

The papers'll be going crazy
over it.

They like you -- It looks like
you'll be a regular hero.

-Justice has been a bit slow
in these parts,

with all this permissive rot
going on.

Maybe people learned a thing or
two from my example here.

[Hum resonating]

[Thrumming louder]

-They say that machine
works wonders.

It killed every parasite
for miles.

We'll have a fabulous
apple crop this year, Sergeant.

I'm mad about apples.
-[Chuckles]

[Bells jingling]

-Good night, Sergeant.
-Good night, Kinsey.

[Sighs]

[Wheezing]

[Louder wheezing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Gunshots]

[Grunting, choking]

♪♪

[Bones snapping]

♪♪

♪♪

[High-pitched hum resonating]

[High-pitched hum resonating]

[Silence]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Well, the ending of
"Night of the Living Dead"

was certainly shocking
when Duane Jones,

as Ben gets shot
through the head

by a sheriff's posse
searching for survivors.

This ending may be
even more downbeat

because the establishment
is so corrupt

that George gets killed out
of what seems like pure hatred.

It was not uncommon
for the protagonist

to be killed at the end

of all the counterculture
movies of this period --

"Easy Rider,"
"Witchfinder General,"

"Scream and Scream Again."

Doing spoilers
on every one of these films.

The Count Yorga films.

The filmmakers of the day
seemed to be saying,

Yes, it's this bad,

the generation running the world
is corrupt, blind and violent.

"The Living Dead
at Manchester Morgue"

had its premiere in Spain
on November 28, 1974,

and it easily made back
its $500,000 budget.

And then it traveled
around Europe on a double bill

with Wes Craven's
"Last House on the Left,"

and the film won
the Grand Jury Award

at the Sitges Film Festival,

the oldest horror film festival
in the world,

and Cristina Galbo as Edna
won the Best Actress award.

Now, it's odd that the film was
not more famous in the States

because it certainly
delivered in color

what George Romero had started
six years before.

Arthur Kennedy would retire from
acting in the late '70s

after making "The Sentinel"
for Michael Winner in New York.

We have to show "The Sentinel"
sometime, very neglected movie.

And then Kennedy would die
of a brain tumor in 1990

at the age of 75.

And we didn't talk
about Vicente Vega,

who plays the well meaning
Dr. Duffield --

the well-meaning but goofy
Dr. Duffield.

He was a distinguished
Spanish theater and film actor

whose career went all the way
back to the 1940s.

And then another veteran
Spanish character actor

Jose Lifante, played Martin,

the photographer who turns into
one of the most vicious zombies.

And then the Spanish actress
Jeannine Mestre played Katie.

She had worked previously
with Jess Franco.

She was one of the vampire
brides of Christopher Lee

in Hammer Films'
"Count Dracula."

Probably the most lasting legacy
of this movie

is that it inspired
Lucio Fulci and Umberto Lenzi

to make all those
Italian horror films

of the late '70s,
early '80s,

and they in turn inspired
other Italian filmmakers.

The only part of the movie
that was filmed in Rome

was the interior of the zombie
attacks in the church

and the exterior
of that churchyard

where they get trapped
by zombies, that belongs to

the Saint Michael
and All Angels Church

in the little village
of Hathersage.

And that building dates
from the 14th century.

The Owl Hotel,
which in one spene --

one scene --is spelled
the O-L-W Hotel

is in another village nearby
to that one called Castleton.

Fernando Hilbeck,
who played Guthrie,

the first zombie, his --
that's his most famous role,

died in 2009 at the age of 75.

Isabel Mestres,
the gossipy receptionist

whose breast gets ripped off?

Everybody always remembers
that -- that scene.

She was 25 years old
at the time of this movie,

but she would later play
Salome in Franco Zeffirelli's

"Jesus of Nazareth."

And Jorge Grau
would make another movie

the following year
called "Violent Bloodbath."

But despite the name,
that was more of a mystery

than a slasher.

And he would make
20 more movies in Spain,

but he would never
return to horror.

He died in 2018.

So, Darcy!
-Yes?

-Talk to me about this movie.

-Well, I was impressed
by the actual zombies.

He really did take
George Romero's concept

and just, like, run with it.

It's a lot better than I was
expecting from the title.

-I know, right?
-[Laughs]

-I think they should have used
the exploitation title,

"Let Sleeping Corpses Lie."

-That is so much better.
-Much better, right?

-Much better.
-Final night of the season,

so I already know
what you're going to do.

-What am I going to do?
-You're going to give me

a heartfelt letter.

-You know me!
-I'm not going to cry.

I am not going to cry.

It's embarrassing
when I cry, so...

-Aww...
-We'll see about that.

I think that might be one of
his goals.

It came in from Kenneth Dunham
of "Mess-ah," Arizona?

-Mesa, Arizona.

-"May-sah," Arizona, I think.
-"Mesa."

We've been there a bunch,
but I --

-My nerves can't take these.
All right.

"Dear Joe Bob, Darcy is always
reading from the mailbag

and finds those stories
that touch her heart deeply

as you have a loving
and kind soul."

Ominous beginning. All right.
-That's good!

-"Sometimes these stories
break my heart along with yours.

Here's a story that is
meant to touch Darcy's heart

and yours.
-Ha-ha!

I don't know.

-"At eight years of age,
I and my younger brother

were abducted as my mother
lay in a hospital bed

with meningitis of the brain.

The perps took us and brutally
raped us for weeks."

-Sorry.
-"We had moved to Arizona

three years prior to that
and had no family nearer

than -- nearer than Illinois.

The man who had beaten
my mother was an alcoholic --

my first stepdad,
who beat her nightly.

As the oldest,
I felt it my responsibility

to try and save my mother
as she cried for help

and protect my younger brother.

Sometimes this didn't work in my
favor, as you can imagine.

The year was 1976, and laws
were much more in favor of

drunken men rather than innocent
women and children.

As the weeks went on

and my mother
lay in a hospital healing,

the torment
and anguish I experienced

was too much for my eight year
old brain to process,

so I immediately shut down.

The next thing I remember
is standing in our kitchen

making cookies
with my grandmother.

She had somehow figured out
from Pleasant Plains, Illinois,

that something was wrong
in Phoenix, Arizona.

I'm now 55 years old

and just beginning the long
journey of processing the pain.

It has been a brutal year,
to say the least.

I've managed to survive through
self-medication,

bingeing on jobs, the gym
and exercise, and horror.

That's where you
and Darcy come in.

I'm so grateful
I found you in 1987.

And then later, Darcy,

when she became your mail girl,

especially learning about Darcy

and what she went through
as a child

and survivor in a horrible
relationship

to becoming empowered

and living her
little girl dream."

Wow. Is this your
little girl dream?

-Let's say yes.

It's one version of it for sure.
-Okay.

"Thank you, Darcy,
for giving me hope

that there is light at the end
of the tunnel of darkness.

Or darkness. LOL."

[Laughter]
"I love and Admire you both.

Thank you.
Kenneth Dunham, Mesa, Arizona."

Okay, well, it sounds like
you got help, Kenneth,

and you're on the road
to total recovery.

And a lot of it
had to do with Darcy.

So, thank you for being
in the mutant fam.

And -- I don't know, Darcy,
I'm always kind of amazed

that people share so much
with us because --

-I am too,
but I think it's because of

the whole marathon story.

-Why? What do you mean?
What do you --

What about the marathon story?

-I don't know.
When you came back on the air

and talking about it and all of
our -- our lean years, you know?

-Yeah, okay. But we're still
just cheap horror hosts.

I mean, some of the-- some of
these letters sound like

they should be sent
to a psychiatrist,

you know, or a priest.

-I'm sure they do that too.

But they want us,
their friends to know.

-Okay, we don't do anything,
we can't help.

-We provide a place to escape
bad reality.

-Bad reality with -- with --

What do we provide, though?
Good fantasy?

[Laughter]
-Sort of, I guess.

-Okay.
I'm not going to analyze.

-You shouldn't.

-But we --
we have one more movie

left in the season,
and it's a biggie.

-Yeah.
-We are ending with the man

Jorge Grau wanted to emulate.
-Yes, we are.

-So we'll do that
after the break.

But for now,
I'm Joe Bob Briggs;

for Darcy the Mail Girl,
reminding you

to always borrow money
from a pessimist.

They don't expect
to get it back.

And the drive-in will never die.

Two Marines...

You ever known a marine
or someone in the service?

-I've known a few Marines.
[Laughter]

-Okay! Two Marines
get on a shuttle flight

out of Dallas
headed for Houston.

And one Marine
sits in the window seat

and the other -- other Marine
sits in the middle seat.

And just before takeoff,
this army guy gets on the plane

and he takes the aisle seat
next to the two Marines.

So this Army soldier
kicks off his shoes

and he settles in, and the
Marine in the window seat says,

"You know, I think I'll get up
and get a Coke

from the flight attendant
before we take off."

And the soldier says,
"No problem.

I'll get that for you."

So while the Army soldier
has gone to get the Coke,

the Marine picks up
the soldier's shoe

and he spits in it.

So the soldier returns
with the Coke.

And the Marine
in the middle seat says,

"You know, that looks good.
I think I'll have one, too."

So again, the soldier,
he obliges the Marine, says,

"Okay,
I'll go fetch the Coke."

And so while he's gone,
the middle seat soldier picks up

the soldier's other shoe,

and -- the middle seat Marine

picks up the soldier's
other shoe and spits in it.

So the soldier returns,
they all sit back,

enjoy the rest
of the short flight to Houston.

Just before landing, the soldier
slips his feet into his shoes

and he knows immediately
what's happened.

And so this Army guy says,
"How long must this go on?

How long this fighting
between our services,

this hatred, this animosity --

how long must this go on?

This spitting in shoes

and peeing in Cokes?"

[Light laughter]

No? No?

-I mean, honestly, it took so
long, I couldn't follow it.

-All right, I'll try --
-I'm sure it was great.

-I'll try again.
-If you must.

-All right. Woman goes
to prison to visit her husband.

He's just been sentenced
to 40 years in jail.

So as soon as she enters
the visiting room, she hugs him.

She has tears in her eyes,
and she says,

"Oh, Roger, 40 years, Roger."

And her husband says,

"Well, my love,
what are you going to do?"

And the wife says,

"Well, Roger, I spoke to the
judge handling your case."

And he says,
"And what did he say?"

And she says, "Well, he told me
that for every time

I make love with him,

he will reduce your prison
sentence by one year."

And Roger says, "What?
What a miserable bastard!

What did you say
to that son of a bitch?"

And she says, "Well, Roger,
we'll talk about it at home.

Pick up your stuff.
Let's go."

-Ha! Better. Better.