Original subtitles

Great. There's no place to sit together.

Hey, Riley, nobody's sitting here.

Can't imagine why.

There's two seats over there.

Are you crazy? Those are seniors! They're bigger. They're older.

They've already been punished for stuff that we haven't even thought of yet.

We have to sit somewhere. I'm starving.

And besides, maybe they won't notice. Come on.

They're reading college catalogs.

I know. It's just so senior.

- Texas A&M. - Georgetown.

It was her idea to sit here.

It's a good school. You should check it out.

Us? College? No, you don't understand. We're lowly freshmen.

Yeah, we have a long time until we have to worry about college.

That's what we thought.

You'd be surprised how fast those four years go by.

No, don't read them here!

- I'm so sorry! - I'm sorry!

We are not worthy.

This is the big one tonight, Jake.

We, the Separated Guys of Malibu, face our biggest rival...

the LWDA Amazons.

- LWDA? - League of Women Divorce Attorneys.

It's vital to get an early lead. They bill us if we go into extra innings.

- Come on. - Okay.

Hey, Ed, listen. Before we hit the field, I just got a question for you.

See, Friday's my wedding anniversary.

The first one since I've been separated, and I'm not really sure I know what to do.

I mean, do I call Macy? Do I buy her flowers? Do I buy her candy?

I mean, I haven't been able to find an appropriate card, anyway.

So actually, I kind of came up with something on my own.

"On this special day, when once we swore our love...

"from your husband, from whom you're separated...

"who sincerely means all the above."

I'm going to need a minute.

What's up with the wedding album?

- Jake actually rented a blue tuxedo? - Worse, he bought it.

He thought it would make him look more like the Commodores.

Don't ask.

Thing is, Friday's our wedding anniversary.

I just.... I don't know how to act. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Am I supposed to call him and acknowledge it? Do I ignore it?

Or if I do call him and then he doesn't even remember....

The pig!

God! You know.... Oh, God, Tedi, why am I putting myself through this?

'Cause you're a woman.

It's in our nature to be sensitive, and sentimental, and romantic.

It's genetic.

It's also not easy for us to give up an occasion where we usually get jewelry.

Hi, Manuelo. How was your weekend off?

Fa n t á s t i c o!

I love living in the great agricultural state of California.

Do you know in the last two days...

I went to the Strawberry Festival, the Artichoke Festival...

the Avocado Festival, the Turkey Jerky Festival...

the Lompoc Lima Bean Festival.

And now, I am going to go into my room...

and have my own personal Pepto-Bismol Festival.

Hey, Manuelo.

Want some chili cheese fries? They're really good.

[Manuelo making vomiting noises]

So, you're looking at colleges, too?

Yeah, I never realized how many really cool schools there are.

Like Columbia University.

New York City, skyscrapers, Greenwich Village.

Lots of great restaurants and shopping.

Yeah, but have you checked out the University of Colorado?

The Rockies, skiing, hiking trails, fresh air.

And not to mention, their fine programs of Humanities and Environmental Science.

Colorado? I don't want to be stuck somewhere out in the sticks.

Okay, New York? Like I wanna go to some concrete jungle.

Well, I guess we could always consider going to different colleges.

Yeah, after all, it is only four years.

Only four years? Think about it, Riley.

We haven't been apart for more than four seconds.

How are we gonna survive in totally different schools...

in totally different states for four years?

Do you realize how totally unprepared we are for that? And I mean totally!

Oh, please. You make it sound like we're glued together.

We don't do everything the same.

I guess we could try spending some time apart.

Yeah, like a trial separation, like Mom and Dad.

So, from now on, for the next three days, there's me and there's you.

But there's no us.

Right. We're two completely different, independent people.

- Right. - Right.

Okay, so it'll take a little time to get used to.

- How's it going? - Guess I'm ready.

- Why is it so heavy? Books? - Shoes.

Someone's on a growth curve.

This is the part I hate. The goodbyes.

Larry, you're not going anywhere. I am.

You're just helping me move to my dad's.

All right, okay. All right, I'll be waiting downstairs.

[Larry tumbling down stairs]

LARRY: I'm okay!

Don't worry!

[Larry tumbling again]

I heal so quickly.

Hey, can I ask you something?

Not that I care one way or the other...

but has Jake said anything to you about our anniversary this Friday?

No.

Oh.

Okay, well, if he does say something, don't say that I said something.

Okay.

Manuelo, come here.

Has Macy said anything to you about our anniversary on Friday?

No.

Oh.

Well, if she does, don't say that I said something.

Okay.

This job is not so hard once you get the hang of it.

So, if you think that Riley and I starting a trial separation is weird...

wait till you see what Dad is about to suggest to Mom.

And remember, they're already in a trial separation.

Confused?

I know I am.

Date?

Did you just say that you think you and I should start to date?

Each other?

Come on, Macy, let's face it. You and me going out with each other...

couldn't be any more confusing than what we're doing now.

I mean, we got an anniversary in three days and we're....

We're floundering.

Okay, so how does it work? Since, you know, we're already married.

Right.

Well, how about this?

How about we just pretend we don't know each other. Never met.

A blank slate? Start from scratch?

Okay, why not?

[Jake clearing throat]

- Would you like to go out tonight? - Well, I don't know. Who are you?

Jake Carlson.

Jake Carlson, what do you do for a living?

Nothing.

And where do you live?

In a trailer.

Check, please.

- Riley! - Hey, Larry.

No, no. Don't look at me. Just turn away. What are you doing here this early?

You are not supposed to be here this early.

I haven't even put myself together yet!

I have not even shaved.

Or have I?

Larry, chill.

The reason I'm here a little earlier is because I didn't come with Chloe.

Who will be late for class because she didn't come with me.

It's about that whole separation, independence thing, right?

Yes. And in the spirit of our new independence...

I went shopping all by myself.

I bought a whole new outfit without Chloe's advice or opinion.

This outfit is all about Riley.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

This can never be able to happen again!

You know what? I have an idea.

I could maybe, you know, spy on her and then call you...

and tell you what she's wearing when she's wearing it...

so that you don't wear it.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life. But do it.

And just remember, this is our little secret.

Now give me your jacket.

- All right. - Thank you.

Wait. But I got to get that back from you 'cause my mom--

- Chloe! - Larry, I need a favor.

Let me guess. Does this have to do with you and Riley wearing the same clothes?

Riley? It's Larry.

Chloe just stepped out on the front porch to get the paper.

She's wearing a white tank top...

you know, the one she sequined, with jeans frayed around the waist.

Chloe? It's Larry.

All right, here's the fashion 411 on Riley.

She's wearing yellow warm-up pants with black rubber sandals.

Purse?

Hello, Riley? By the way, what purse are you bringing today?

A yellow purse.

Isn't that gonna look kind of funny with the yellow pants?

You changed. A floral skirt.

I have a call coming in on the other line.

Chloe? Here's the deal, all right, she's taking a yellow purse.

Yeah, that's what I said, "With the yellow pants?"

No, but see, she changed. Yeah, she's wearing a skirt now.

You are, too?

I have a call coming in. Again.

Malibu Cafe? Yeah, listen, do you deliver?

Good, 'cause I need coffee.

Hey, Ed. If I were a girl, would you think I'm hot?

Is that a trick question?

What's the big deal? You're going out with your wife.

Yeah, but I wanna look good. First impressions count.

What first impression? You're going out with your wife.

You know, Ed? It's just that kind of attitude...

that takes out all the mystery and romance.

What mystery and romance? You're going out with your wife!

[Doorbell ringing]

- Hi, Manuelo. - Can I help you, sir?

Right. Yeah, I'm Jake Carlson. I have a lunch date with Macy.

I'm going to announce your arrival. Please make yourself at home.

Not that much at home.

S e ñ o r a, your big date is here.

- Wow, Macy, you look great. - Thank you, Jake, so do you.

I brought you yellow roses, your favorite.

- Jake! - What?

You're not supposed to know that. This is our first date, remember?

Right. Jeez, I messed up. You wanna try again?

- You busy tomorrow? - Pick me up at 8:00?

Well, he seems like a very nice boy.

I personally think you could do a lot better.

[Doorbell ringing]

Good evening, it's Jake, isn't it?

Oh.

- Macy? - Be right there.

So, what are you two wacky kids gonna do tonight?

Go hang in a malt shop?

No, actually, I thought we'd take in a movie.

That's great. I'd love to see a movie. What do you wanna see?

You know, I thought maybe we could pick one out together.

Okay.

- How about this one? - Saw it.

- This looks interesting. - No, chick flick.

- Too violent. - Bad reviews.

- This looks good. - Hate sequels.

- How about that? - Yeah, I wanna see that.

Wait, it doesn't open until tomorrow.

- See you then? - Can't wait.

I'm beginning to think that these two are really meant for each other.

- Hi, Dad. - Hey.

I thought you and Mom had a date tonight.

Yeah, we decided to go out tomorrow night instead.

So, what are you up to tonight?

I have this huge test on contemporary history tomorrow.

Probably an all-nighter.

Riley, I know you and Chloe are experimenting with this separation...

but it doesn't mean you can't pick up the phone...

and have her come over and hit the books.

Dad, no! I mean, we made a deal.

I'm gonna get through these tests without her as if I were away at college.

Okay. Well, let me know if you need anything.

All right. Thanks, Dad. But that's okay, because I have a study buddy.

[Knocking at door]

I'm ready to study till dawn.

I've got my notes, I got my lecture tapes, and most important...

two double El Grande lattes.

Larry, that's great, thanks.

So, what do you wanna hit first, World War I or World War II?

That's a deep question.

The Kaiser or the Führer? The Kaiser or the Führer?

You know what? I'm actually....

I'm gonna go think about that and I'll get back to you.

The Kaiser or the Führer? The Kaiser or the Führer?

[Stuck Like Glue by Ritalin playing on stereo]

Mom, what are you doing?

Didn't you tell me that you have a big history test tomorrow?

Okay, well...

I know you and Riley are experimenting with this trial separation thing...

but don't you think you should get her over here to help you?

Mom, Mom, don't worry. I have a study buddy.

The Kaiser or the Führer? The Kaiser or the Führer?

Hello, Larry.

No time to chat. I'm here to study with Chloe.

The Kaiser or the Führer? The Kaiser or the Führer?

[Larry screaming]

I'll be right back. All right.

I don't even want to know.

Okay, during World War II...

what were three major things that civilians did at home...

to support troops overseas?

I know this is gonna be in the essay.

They rationed everything, like meat...

and gas, and coffee.

Speaking of coffee...

we could take a break and I could go get us some more coffee.

But, Larry, we just took a coffee break.

Yeah, we did, but that was for...

the double Guatemalan decaf cappuccino.

What we need now...

is a triple Costa Rican ice-blended mocha frappe cappuccino.

Wait, wait. Wouldn't it be easier if I just made some coffee here?

It's not the same without the little, plastic red stirrer thing.

He's not really like the rest of us, is he?

Okay, Chloe.

Are you ready to play, "Who Wants To Pass The History Test"?

I'm ready, Larry.

During World War II...

who was the fascist dictator who ruled Spain?

Was it, A: Franklin Roosevelt.

B: SpongeBob SquarePants.

C: Francisco Franco.

Or, D: Antonio Banderas?

Well, I'm pretty sure it wasn't Antonio Banderas.

SpongeBob SquarePants doesn't sound very Spanish.

I'm gonna have to go with C...

Francisco Franco.

- Final answer? - Final answer.

- Yes! Francisco Franco! - Yes! I won! I won!

And without a helpline. What have I won?

How about another cup of coffee? I'll be right back.

So, you've got two daughters.

- Yes, Riley and Chloe. - Do you have a picture of them?

I'm sorry, Macy, this thing we're doing is so crazy.

Jake, I've got a crazy idea.

Why don't we go on a date and act like we do know each other?

Macy, I'd love that.

Happy anniversary.

Happy anniversary.

- To 15 years. - Sixteen.

Really?

I'll be right back.

- Chloe. - Oh, Riley.

So, how about that big history test? Piece of cake, huh?

Piece of cake.

So, here it is, our third day.

It's been that long already? Time sure does fly.

Yeah, even faster when you're on your own.

You know, I've been thinking.

- Maybe we should extend our separation. - Oh, no. No, no. Forget it!

You two are getting back together right now...

because you being apart is driving me out of my mind!

And you know what else?

When you go to school in San Francisco...

and you go to school somewhere off in Tennessee...

you know where I'm going? Egypt. Argentina. The Arctic Circle!

Some place a million miles away from you guys...

and what shoes you're wearing...

and what funny guy with a mustache led Germany into war!

Larry, I'm sorry.

Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?

I know, how about we treat you to a nice, big, hot cup of coffee?

Coffee?

Don't ever say that word!

[Screaming]

English - SDH