Original subtitles

Remember, Manny, this time not so much starch on my jeans, por fa vor.

Not a problem.

Problem!

Hey, if you are doing the list for the supermarket...

we are morbidly low on Coco Krunchies.

No, I'm just.... I needed to hire a new production manager.

So I'm just listing all the job duties...

accounting, sales, employee relations.

You know, speaking of employee relations...

I am looking to obtain a raise.

- Oh. - Ah-ha.

I got a lot of responsibilities in this house.

I create all the menus, I do all the cooking...

twenty-one meals a week, plus snacks.

I do the housekeeping every day.

I do the personal shopping...

I do the chauffeuring, I do the family counseling...

I even do small appliance repair.

Now, according to the US labor statistics...

I should be getting $3,000 per week...

or $150,000 a year.

I'm not even close to getting that, am I?

Now, students...

[Snoring]

who can tell me one of six negative impacts...

that recession has on employment opportunities?

- Mr. Slotnick! - What!

Where am I? Who are you?

[Screams]

Come on, people.

We went over this yesterday. Surely one of you was paying attention.

Now, who can tell me...

one of six negative impacts....

[Thinking] Oh, no. She's looking right at me. I don't know the answer.

What am I gonna do? Think fast.

Pencil.

Riley?

She falls for it every time.

[Bell ringing]

WESTMORE: Wait!

You can't all be that eager to get to the cafeteria.

After all, it's Salisbury steak day.

Enough.

Now, in keeping with our study of the economy...

and the ever-changing job market...

Monday will start Career Week.

Each of you will invite someone to the class...

whose occupation would be of interest.

This can include someone whose work you admire, a relative, or, of course...

Mom and Dad.

- It was my idea! - It's mine!

- Mine! Mine! - Mine! Mine!

I don't care whose idea it was to raise hemlines in 1987, give me those!

Report to the Vice-Principal's office!

- Hey, but she started it! - Go!

What?

Come on, Mom and Dad wouldn't be that bad.

- I say we ask them. - But how?

Dad's not working right now, remember?

He's on his inner-journey, his voyage of self-discovery.

So, why can't he come to class and talk about that?

Talk about what? How to eat kale and take a cleansing breath?

And what if he follows Wendel's dad?

The man's a bounty hunter.

I mean, he breaks down doors and tasers people for a living.

- So, we'll just ask Mom. - How's that going to make Dad feel?

You know, I have an idea...

but it would be wrong and deceitful...

completely irresponsible.

Come on, come on, I love it already. What is it?

Okay, we'll just both have to sneak someone else in for Career Day...

without Mom and Dad finding out.

Forget about it. I could never go through with a thing like that.

Yeah, but I could.

Don't you find it interesting that two sisters who look so much alike...

could be so completely different?

Hey, what happened to the family portrait?

Nothing. It's just.... It's old, so I thought I'd have a new one done.

Oh, great! You, the girls, and the new me.

- Okay, what was that? - What?

That look. That "Jake's no longer in the family photo" look.

Jake, how can you say that? The thought never crossed my mind.

Okay, maybe once it did.

But I, you know.... Gosh. We are separated.

Well, yeah, we are, but, I mean, it's not like we're....

You know, come on, we're still family.

You're right. You're family, and it's a family photo...

- so the entire family will be in it. - Great!

Okay, great. So I'll call my hair stylist and make an appointment.

Oh, you're gonna do something with your hair for the portrait?

No. You are.

- Any luck with Career Day? - Batting zero.

I've asked the lifeguard, the pro surfer, and the bodybuilder down at Muscle Beach.

Is there anybody you asked whose uniform does not consist of a Speedo?

Chloe?

Remember when Mom took us to Neptune's Net for lobster the other night?

- Yeah? - I think they're here for revenge.

Oh, it's Larry. We should have known.

Squeeze some lemon on him. Maybe he'll go away.

[Larry yelling]

- Yes, Larry? - Yeah. Hi, Riley.

You're probably wondering why I'm dressed as a crustacean right now.

That's the funny thing. I'm not.

Word on the street is that you guys don't have anybody for Career Day.

- How do you know that? - I kept my antennae up.

Anyways, I was just stopping by to tell you, Riley...

that I'm available for you.

I have a very important job now. I work at Neptune's Net.

Let me guess.

You stand outside the restaurant and wave your claws at cars?

For your information, I have seniority. Okay?

I actually have two soft-shell crabs and a scallop...

that report to me, directly.

Fine. You know what? I see you guys think this is funny.

You guys have less than 12 hours to find somebody for Career Day.

You are on the clock.

[Girls laughing]

LARRY: [Echoing] You are on the clock. Clock. Clock.

Jake, hey, I'm glad you could stop by on such short notice.

Then again, why couldn't you?

Macy, you know, just because I'm not punching a clock...

taking a little time to re-evaluate my life...

doesn't mean I don't have a schedule, okay?

Obligations, responsibilities, an endless list of things to do.

Oh, this.

"Buy peanut butter, extra-crunchy."

No, no. Turn it over.

- "Buy jelly." - No. The part about solving world hunger.

It's last on the list.

Anyway...

I just wanted to discuss the new family photo with you.

I thought maybe we could come up with some ideas...

that would give it a distinctive style.

You know, make it kind of interesting. What do you think of that?

Is that too stuffy?

Isn't that the royal family?

Well, just think of it without the wolfhound.

Actually, that's Prince Charles.

You know, I just got an idea.

How about if we did something like this?

A big box and we each have our head in an individual square?

Yes.

We'd look like the Brady Bunch.

Yeah, you know, you're right.

You know what? Let me see that royal family thing again.

[Doorbell ringing]

Tedi. Oh, cool dress. Where you going?

Going? Girl, I'm just coming back.

I was at this boutique opening in Beverly Hills. It was wild!

Girl, everybody was there.

Chris Rock was in the house. Wesley. Dr. Laura.

And guess whose ear this fell off of?

- Halle Berry? - No. Dennis Rodman.

So where's your mom at?

She wants me to model some casual wear for the new fall line.

She's over at some photographer's house talking about our new family portrait.

Well, I haven't got all day. I've got places to go, people to see.

Clothes to take off. And put back on.

You know, honey, being a supermodel isn't as easy as it looks.

Listen, Tedi, can we talk about something?

But it has to be a secret and you can never ever tell Mom.

- Is this about a boy? - No.

- Career Day. - Say what?

Hola, Riley.

You're not gonna believe who I saw in the supermarket today.

Gee, who, Manuelo? Well, if you should ask me, I'll tell you.

Jennifer Lopez.

She was in the bakery section and she was checking out the buns.

And so was I.

Baby, what is wrong?

Manuelo, can you keep a secret?

I have been in this house for 15 years...

and the secrets are embedded deep into me.

For instance...

do you know who takes this bottle of chocolate sauce...

with him back to the trailer?

Dad?

I can't tell you, it's a secret.

Okay, well, it's Career Day at school tomorrow.

And I can't ask Mom without asking Dad.

And if I ask both of them, you know what would happen.

The two of them in the same room?

That would make good pay-per-view.

Chloe went off and snagged Tedi.

A supermodel. Good.

Exactly. And who do I have?

Larry the lobster.

Well, unless I find somebody else before 9:00 tomorrow morning.

Well, mi hija, that's not gonna be a problem.

But, Manuelo, I need a professional.

You know, someone who's dynamic, outstanding in his field.

Baby, you got me. You can look for me at 9:00 sharp.

RILEY: Huh?

[Shushing]

This is gonna be our little secret.

Honey, I could be wrong.

But it seems like for the past couple of days...

I haven't seen much of you or Chloe.

Almost seems like you've been avoiding me.

You know, come to think of it, I haven't seen much of you guys, either.

- Anything going on? - Like what?

I don't know. Personal issues?

Boy stuff?

Anything going on at school we should know about?

School? No! What? What have you heard?

I mean, no.

Well, why does that make me feel like something fishy is going on?

MACY: Hi. ALL: Bye.

See. Nothing fishy at all.

I don't know if I can go through with this.

I mean, a secret seems like a good idea, until you have to start living it.

What if Tedi slips up or Manuelo blurts something and Mom and Dad find out?

Oh, the anxiety, the guilt.

And how come I'm the one that has it? Chloe's in on this, too.

Do you think this bothers her for a second?

No. Here's Chloe at night.

[Snoring]

And here's me.

Whatever.

I mean, in about an hour...

kids will be lining up getting their seats in class...

getting ready for Career Day.

I sure hope Manuelo's ready, because Tedi's gonna be a hard act to follow.

And now, the moment I know we've all been waiting for.

Let's give a warm welcome...

to someone who will give us an in-depth look at the world of modeling...

internationally-acclaimed fashion model, Tedi.

[Whooping]

[Clearing throat]

[Whooping]

And that's what a fashion model does.

Thank you, Tedi, for that in-depth look.

And thank you, Chloe, for making Tedi's brief appearance possible.

Riley, would you like to introduce your Career Day guest?

Sure. My guest is Manuelo Del Valle.

And he's been with my family for 15 years.

And I guess he'll be talking about...

the stuff he does.

Thank you, Riley, for that fantastic introduction.

Indeed my name is Manuelo Del Valle.

And I am a professional domestic.

So, like, what do you do? Housecleaning, and ironing, and junk?

I do housekeeping, ironing...

[Drum roll]

and so much more.

Now, a lot of you people have a lot of worn-out...

torn, funky, freaky, punky jeans at your house.

You don't want to throw them out. You know what you do?

You do what Manuelo does.

You take a needle, some thread...

and some imagination, and do you know what you have?

Old jeans become a new bag.

Oh, yeah, you go, girl! Look at this....

Old jeans become a beaded belt.

Put that on.

Old jeans become a wallet.

Spend the money. Look at this.

Old jeans become a hat.

You put that on, jefe? Talk to me.

Okay now, ahora, we're going to make Manny's special...

happy birthday, spicy hamburgers. Is okay?

So, you add a little bit of the sofrito and bam!

I can't hear you.

- You take the sofrito and you go.... - Bam!

All right!

And now, Manuelo is going to put on the final touches...

to make the accents bold in the face.

And I present to you...

a new Miss Westmore.

[All gasping]

You know what? I don't hate it.

Manuelo, you're unbelievable.

Are you single?

This concludes the Career Day presentation.

Yeah.

You know, I once toyed with the idea of becoming a photographer.

- Oh? - Oh, yeah.

Nikon, Cannon, Hasselblad.

Not a camera I haven't worked with.

This backlighting can get a little tricky on you.

You really got to know what you're doing.

Let me show you how it's done.

- You can take it from here. - Thank you, I will.

- I'm all ready, Mrs. Carlson. - Great.

Riley! Chloe! Let's go!

- Jake. You wore the blue tie. - Yeah.

I thought we decided you'd wear the red tie.

No, you decided I'd wear the red tie.

Hey, kids, what do you think?

Well, I was hoping you'd wear the tie I gave you for Father's Day.

Now, why would he wear that? It's green and it's got "Dad" written all over it.

Yeah, I mean, I love it. I just didn't think it went with this ensemble.

PHOTOGRAPHER: People! People!

Could we finish the family argument after the family photo?

PHOTOGRAPHER: Okay. Smiles, everyone.

Oh, Manuelo. Don't you look handsome.

Okay, everybody look at me. Nice smile, but be natural.

So, what's the big occasion?

Well, actually, I thought that this was the big occasion.

Apparently, I was wrong.

What do you mean?

Well, a portrait of a family was just taken...

and I assumed that I was part of that family.

Obviously, I was wrong.

- No, no. Come on, Manuelo. - Manuelo.

- Wait a minute. - No, no. It's all very clear to me now.

Although I've worked for this family for 15 years...

to you all, I am still just a domestic.

A domestic that gets a standing ovation, I may add.

So, since I am an employee...

I am going to do what employees do.

I quit.

- No, Manuelo. - No, no, no.

Excuse me, people. Say cheese!

You guys weren't out looking for Manuelo.

- You were on a shopping spree! - When Mom and I feel sad, we shop.

And right now, even though I got these really great new shoes, I feel sad.

Yes, if I know Manuelo, he will walk through that door any second.

You need a new chef? The credentials are impeccable.

You're hired.

I thought it was time for you to meet my parents.

Okay, I wanted to tell you, I swear.

But Manuelo, he would not let me.

He said that if I told you...

that he'd tell you my real name and then you'd just laugh.

Hi again. It's Jesse, better known as Larry.

You're on the set of So Little Time.

Here's a behind-the-scenes look at the making of the opening title sequence...

of our show.

We started the day at the beach...

where you can see there's a lot of green structures.

In post-production, computers will replace the green with video images of the cast.

Mary-Kate and Ashley were the only members of the cast needed on the beach.

It was definitely a cold day at the beach for Mary-Kate, Ashley, and the crew.

After the beach, the crew went back to the studio.

Look at that handsome guy.

Quiet, please. Please settle.

How about that?

Here we shot the rest of the cast members...

for their part of the opening title sequences.

Action!

It was a 14-hour day.

And all for a 30-second main title sequence. But it was worth it.

I think it looks great.

Cut!

English - SDH