Original subtitles

[Upbeat instrumental music]

- What are you doing? - Admiring Riley from afar.

That's the way she likes it with you.

Afar.

Look at her.

She's like a goddess with Go-GURT.

Ha ve you ever seen anything more beautiful?

You know, some people think that there is quite a family resemblance.

Sorry, I don't see it.

Can I ask you something?

If you were Riley, would you like me?

- I like you, Larry. - Yeah?

I mean as a boyfriend.

CHLOE: Larry, don't push it. LARRY: Okay.

Because I've never really had a girlfriend.

Imagine my shock.

Listen, we'll just be friends, okay?

So, let me get this straight.

- You're a girl who is my friend. - Right.

- Can I tell people that? - Sure.

Wow.

Chloe Carlson is my girlfriend.

Hey, Tony, guess what?

Listen to me. If you value your life, Chloe Carlson is a girl who is your friend.

Never ever run those two words together.

- Okay? - Okay.

Now that we're friends, I can ask your advice about stuff, right?

Yeah, I guess that would now fall under our new arrangement.

So, how do I get Riley to like me?

This could be an interesting challenge.

First thing you have to do is stop being so desperate.

That's a tough one.

How about a new hairstyle?

Or just wash the old one.

That is a thought.

I think I've got it.

We have to get a positive buzz going about you.

If other people think you're popular, then Riley might, too.

I get it.

So what you're saying is if Riley sees other kids acting like I'm popular...

then she might like me.

This is going to take a lot of cash.

[Theme song plays]

[Upbeat instrumental music]

Sand.

The mortal enemy of a clean beach house.

Are you all right?

I'm in a permanent pucker.

I'm so sorry.

It's okay. I am beginning to feel my face.

My tongue, my teeth.

My lips are tingling.

I have never been kissed by an appliance before.

And I'll tell you something...

I don't hate it.

[Doorbell rings]

Just rest your pucker. I'll get it.

I'm Fireman Jack Arnold from Malibu station house.

I'm Macy.

I'm going around to all the homeowners in the neighborhood...

to remind them that it's brushfire season.

I wanted to leave some information on brush clearance...

and emergency procedures.

What?

Listen, Macy, I just transferred out here to Malibu...

and I don't get a chance to meet that many attractive women.

Except generally after they've inhaled a lot of smoke.

I guess it's kind of hard to hit on someone wearing an oxygen mask.

Look, if you ever want to know more information about fire prevention...

my number at the station is on the pamphlet.

- Thanks. - If you ever want to start a fire...

here's my number at home.

[Laughs teasingly]

Is it hot in here or is it just him?

Come on, stop that.

Jake and I have only been separated six months.

I'm not ready for that.

I want the best for you and Mr. Carlson.

But a trial separation means you have to try new things...

like maybe a ride on that dude's truck.

Manny!

Don't you have work to do?

It is such a pleasure to work for Mrs. Carlson...

because she hasn't had a date in what, about six months.

[Upbeat pop music plays]

He is so cool.

He's off the hook.

What a hottie.

Did you just see Larry being cool?

I think we better check that out again.

[Tape rewinding]

He is so cool.

He is off the hook.

What a hottie.

Okay, okay. I guess the camera doesn't lie.

Here you go.

My lunch. Enjoy.

Spiderman number 301.

It's the one where he saves Silver Sable...

from the revenge-seeking son of a Nazi war criminal.

It's a classic.

- I hate to see you like this. - What?

Look at you. You're listless.

- I skipped lunch. - You're pale.

I try to stay out of the sun. I freckle.

Stop it. You're a shell of Larry.

And a shell of Larry is not even as good as a whole Larry.

And all this over a girl?

Not just a girl, man. This is Riley Carlson.

- She's like this beautiful-- - Yeah.

She's a flower, she's the sun, she's the moon. Whatever.

Pull yourself together.

You're right. I'm going to pull myself together.

- There she is, man. Help me out, please. - I know.

You know what, her sister said that if she saw me...

and other kids acting like I'm popular, then she might like me.

- Could you maybe go over there.... - And talk you up?

- Please, Tony. - You know what...

I'm your friend, so you just watch and learn.

[Loudly] What's that, Larry?

[Laughing loudly]

Larry, you're great. That is so good.

That Larry just cracks me up.

Is that Larry a funny guy or what?

[Upbeat instrumental music]

JAKE: Thanks for the lift, Manny.

Tedi borrowed my jeep to go do charity work.

Perhaps she did not want her Porsche to smell like poor people.

Well, that was a trip to go to El Segundo to the distressed food store.

Yeah, a lot of people don't know about that place.

I'm on a budget now.

You can get a lot of great deals on damaged canned goods.

They were practically giving away this can of bent peaches.

Of all the places I've been in my life...

I've never seen a can of slightly irregular soup.

Where does this go?

Stick it in the cabinet between the day-old bread and the government cheese.

When I was working...

it was amazing how much money I wasted on federally-inspected food.

Look at the deal I got on this tuna.

I can't believe people take those expiration dates so seriously.

'82 was a very good year for tuna.

Anyway, Manny, thanks for driving me around like this.

- What do you say you stay for lunch? - No.

And I don't think you should stay for lunch either.

[Knocking on door]

Hello, I'm Fire Marshal Jill Carter.

It's brushfire season and we're alerting everyone in the neighborhood...

about safety procedures.

What? What a terrific idea. That is a great program.

I'm a big environmentalist, you know. I believe in protecting our forests.

I recycle. I separate everything. Paper, plastic, cans.

Want to see my trash?

Look at this, isn't that beautiful.

Don't get the wrong idea. My dad is not a dork.

He's just nervous.

He hasn't been on a date with anyone but Mom in 16 years.

I'm sure he was better at it back then.

I always keep one of these around the house.

The trick is, though...

you got to know how to use it.

My dad is not a dork.

My dad is not a dork.

CHLOE: However, here's someone who cannot make that claim.

- One more try. - Okay.

Larry!

[Choking]

Did you like that?

I know six different ways to drink milk through a straw.

And only two of them include my mouth.

Your mother must be very proud.

Who do you think taught me?

What's going on with you and Riley? You were supposed to talk me up.

You guys are getting awfully friendly.

How's she gonna believe me if she doesn't trust me?

Larry, baby, listen to Tony.

By the time I'm done with Riley, she's gonna be crazy about you.

- You're sure? - Am I sure?

- You're like a brother to me. - My brother hates me.

I'm sure he's got his reasons. Forget about him.

Tony won't let you down.

- You sure, man? - Guy, would Tony lie to you?

Of course not.

In fact, I've got a study date with Riley tonight.

And you know I don't study.

I'm going to go to her house for the whole night...

just to tell her how cool a guy you are.

- But don't you think-- - Don't try to thank me. Tony knows.

[Soft instrumental music]

TV ANNOUNCER: California brushfire...

season has begun with a vengeance.

Southern California brushfire season has begun with a vengeance.

TV ANNOUNCER: Three separate fires began near the Ventura County line.

- That's not even close to us. - That's close enough.

TV ANNOUNCER: No structures ha ve been threatened.

So far, no structures have been threatened.

TV ANNOUNCER: Fire fighters are hopeful of containment in the next 36 hours.

And fire fighters are hopeful of containment in 36 hours.

TV ANNOUNCER: Unless Santa Ana winds kick up tonight creating a new firestorm.

Shut up.

This guy with the big hair on Channel 3 is a bummer, dude.

Look how Oprah's weight is yo-yoing again.

Here's the next study question.

In the 13th century, Genghis Khan led his Mongol hordes into Asia...

destroying everything in their paths.

What are the chief lessons that can be learned from this event?

Don't buy real estate near the Mongols.

Come on. We should really do this extra credit report.

I don't usually do the regular credit.

You know, Riley, there's something really special about you.

[Larry yelling]

[Yelling] Larry!

Okay, sometimes you just get caught up in the moment.

I'm gonna go upside your head, bubba.

Okay, kids, everybody just calm down. Everything's gonna be fine.

That little fire just jumped across the creek.

They're evacuating everyone up to the school.

But I'm sure it's just a precaution. I'm sure there's no reason to panic.

Okay, women, children, nannies first.

- Where's Chloe? - She's upstairs, packing.

She's trying to save her cutest outfits. She's a brave little chica.

You know, not many kids can accessorize that well during a natural disaster.

Manny, you take the kids, pack everything in the SUV.

I am gonna call Jake.

He's up there alone in his trailer without his car.

I have to go save the Del Valle family recipes.

It is an awesome responsibility to be entrusted with the knowledge...

of over three hundred things to do to a chicken.

Come on, Jake, pick up.

Pick up!

[Telephone ringing]

[Power tool whirring]

[Instrumental pop music]

MISS WESTMORE: All right, people. You'll find cots and blankets in the cafeteria.

I want the boys' cots on this side. I want the girls' cots on that side.

You mean, the boys and girls are gonna be sleeping in the same room?

Some will be sleeping. I will be watching.

I'm worried about Mom and Dad.

Don't worry. I'm sure they'll be here any second.

- This spot taken? - Yes, it is.

He kissed you?

- So? - So what?

I need details. Long? Short? Dry? Wet? Give me something here.

I haven't got that much to compare it to.

Plus, it was kind of a sneak attack. I wasn't ready.

- He didn't miss, did he? - No, he definitely got lips.

I'd put some lip-gloss on before, so there was a little slippage.

That's good to know. Bottom line, how was it?

Well, I didn't hate it.

- Sorry, man. - No, I'm sorry.

[Larry stammering]

No, it wasn't me.

[Upbeat instrumental music]

[Insistent knocking on door]

TEDI: Jake! Is anybody home?

Jake, you're all right.

I was feeling a little down. I miss the kids.

I'm trying to keep busy. I'm fixing up the place, building shelves.

No, there's a fire. I brought your jeep back to get you out of here.

- Are Macy and the kids okay? - They're at the school.

I talked to Manuelo, then the cell phone dropped out.

Come on, people are fleeing. Homes are being destroyed.

We gotta evacuate. It's the end of the world outside.

So you stopped to get dressed up?

I got it on sale. This is the new Wonderbustier.

Isn't it wonderful?

It is a wonder, and it is full.

I wore it to the Veterans Hospital.

I go to visit the wards and cheer the guys up.

I bet they like that.

I'll say. I actually got pinched by a guy in a coma.

- We've got to get you out of here. - Let me just grab a few things.

What is here that you'd possibly want to save?

You're right. Let me just put my pants on.

[Knocking on door]

Jake, I was worried that you're....

Not wearing any pants.

Stop looking at her with that dopey stare.

That is my dopey stare.

Mom and Dad should have been here by now. Aren't you worried?

Of course, I'm worried.

I've already put on nine coats of this stuff. I'm gonna OD on strawberry lip balm.

It's not what you think.

- What do you think I think? - We both know what you thought.

You were jealous. You thought Tedi and I were, you know....

Is that what you thought? Oh, honey, please.

It's not that funny.

- I just came here to save him. - Fine. Save him.

- Honey, I don't want him. You save him. - No, I don't want to save him now.

Never mind. I'll save myself.

Can one of you guys give me a lift?

JAKE: I guess the wind changed. MACY: Oh, my God, we're trapped.

Oh, my God, this is a nightmare.

I know. Look at my skin. Even my T-zone dried up.

I gotta book a moisture pack.

Oh, no. The lines are jammed.

Well, yes, the cell lines are often jammed when you're in the middle of an inferno.

Do you think that helicopter saw us?

If he missed me waving this, it really is over.

Okay, this could be our last few minutes on Earth.

I need to write the girls a letter.

Jake, where do you keep the fireproof paper?

- Fireproof paper. Have you lost your mind? - You're right.

Oh, my God. Here.

Hey, help! Choppers! My God, we're saved!

Hey, guys! Over here!

I have to sit up front. I get chopper-sick.

Level with me. I know you didn't want to hurt Macy's feelings before.

Are you saying that with this inferno closing in around us...

and you and I were alone...

and you knew we only had a few minutes left...

you still wouldn't, you know.... With me?

Are you 100% sure we'd die?

Yeah.

RILEY: Mom, Dad, you're okay.

We've been totally stressed out.

I've been such a wreck. I was chain-glossing.

Folks, I wanna make an announcement.

We expect full containment by morning, and you can all return to your homes.

Now, this is my idea of my last three minutes on Earth.

Mine, too.

All right, somebody just throw me back in the fire.

Mr. and Mrs. Carlson. Thank God you're okay.

I've done everything to make sure the girls were okay while you were gone.

I know what you've been doing. Chloe told me what's been going on...

and how hard Larry's been trying to get me to like him.

That's right. My man Larry has a really sweet spot for you.

You said you were gonna help him, and then you didn't.

You turned on your friend.

He's true, and he cares, and he's loyal.

I mean, yeah, he's goofy, and annoying, and he tries way too hard.

And he's got that horrible overbite so he kind of sprays you when he laughs--

"Loyal" would have been a good place to just stop.

But I'd choose Larry over you any day.

So you can just get lost.

I like it when a girl plays hard to get.

So, Riley, does this mean that you're my girlfriend?

Are you insane?

It's a start.

[Upbeat instrumental music]

[Theme song plays]

English - SDH