All language subtitles for Happys.Place.S01E16.1080p.WEB.h264-ETHEL_track3_[eng]

.

- Shoot!
Shoot!

- What is it?

- I dropped my pen
in this crack.

- On purpose?

- Yes.

I'm waiting for the splash
to see how deep it goes.

No, not on purpose.

And also, how did this
get in here?

- [scoffs] How should I know?

I mean, and even though
I clearly

had nothing to do with that
because I wasn't even here

when I assume some guy did it

because it's always men
who break stuff--

I mean, always--

I will take care of it, OK?

There we go.
Good as new.

Moving on.

- What did you do?
- [sighs]

Remember that new cocktail
I wanted to make

with fresh coconut milk?

- The one that Bobbie
said you couldn't

because of the "no machetes
in the bar" rule?

- Yeah, and that
wasn't even a rule

until she saw me with it.

I mean, it's supposed
to be America, right?

[sighs]

Well, anyway,
I used a hammer instead.

Fun fact: coconuts roll.

But don't you worry.
I will get your pen back.

- How?
- I am not a total loser.

I can do stuff.

Takoda, can you get
Steve's pen?

It fell into the crack.

- I warned you
someone could get hurt.

- [scoffs]
He lost his pen, not his toe.

- Hey, Emmett.

You got any idea how to get
Steve's pen out of here?

- Have you tried dynamite?

Step aside.
I'll get it.

[groans] Gabby, give me
something sticky.

- It's fine.

I was done with it anyway.

- Are you sure
you want to use that knife?

Wouldn't it dull the blade?

- Oh, trust me, this knife
is really, really tough.

[blade snaps and clatters]

- You know what you
should have used?

A machete.

- * Sometimes it feels
like a big ol' fight *

* To get through the day *

* And sleep on
through the night *

* But here
you'll find a place *

* That'll surely
lift your spirits *

* You belong
at Happy's Place *

- I'm so sorry, Emmett.

- Oh, it's OK.
It's just a knife.

- What's going on out here?

Takoda texted,
said y'all needed help.

- You ratted me out?

- I'm not new.

This was going somewhere bad.

- My pen fell in this crack.

- And I broke my knife
going after it.

- Why didn't you just
use a magnet on a string?

- 'Cause I'm a cook,
not a science teacher.

- Gabby, get me Mildred.

- Oh, yeah.

- Whoa!

You named your crowbar?

- Well, it'd be weird
if I named all my other tools

and not her.

- I don't think that's
the right tool to use, Bobbie.

- Says the man
with the broken knife.

I'm just gonna pop open
this little part right here.

- Oh!

- Hell, you should
have used dynamite.

It would be less damage.

- Here's your pen, Steve.

- Thank you, Bobbie.

Come to Daddy.

You're now safe from
the wicked witch of the bar.

- Think anybody will notice?

- I'll get my toolbox.

You took this somewhere bad.

- Hmm.
- Hey.

There's a bottle of whiskey
hidden in there.

- Oh.
- That is so weird.

Who would do that?

- I bet it was Daddy.

Yep.

He was always stashing stuff,

hoping it would be
worth something someday.

- Oh, that's right.
- Yeah.

- Like when he hid
those baseball cards.

- Oh, yeah, he waited
till they were rare and old,

and then he sold them
and went to the World Series.

He loved stuff with themes.

- Like when he hid those
$1 bills because he wanted

to go to the strip club.

- That's not funny.

- Oh, I was kidding.
- Mm-hmm.

- So what do you think
this whiskey was for?

[gasps] Maybe he wanted
to go to the Kentucky Derby.

- [laughs] No.
- No, no.

- No, he loved horse races but
not enough to be in Kentucky.

- Yeah.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, I found it.

I found out why Daddy
stashed that bottle.

- Blueprints?

- Back then, he wanted to build
a patio with a whiskey barn.

- Patio is a good idea.

You know, food just tastes
better without walls.

- When I first started working
for him, he made me promise,

cross my heart, that one day,
we would be together,

having drinks on that patio.
[sighs]

- I'm sorry you didn't
get to do that.

- Yeah, me too.

But maybe
he'd be happier knowing

that his two daughters
will be doing that.

- Mm, you don't think
he'd rather be alive?

- Oh, stop it!

Get online and see how much
this sucker is.

- Selling hidden liquor--
feels so dangerous!

- [laughs]

It's not exactly bootleggin',
but me too.

Hey, if we start building soon,
we could get the patio

finished by midsummer.

- Wait, Bobbie, look at this.

This can't be right.

We could build
a whole bar with this.

- Clearly you've never
built anything.

But if that's even close,
I can finally keep my promise.

- [sighs] Wow.

You know, last year,
I found $20 in my pocket,

but this is way...
[singsongy] Better.

- You know, Daddy always said
the bar will provide.

Man, was he right.

- Is there anything
alcohol can't fix?

.

- Hey, Emmett.

You got a minute?

- Yeah, I've got a minute,

but I'm gonna use it
for myself.

- I just wanted to let you know
that I feel terrible

that you broke your knife
helping me.

So don't worry.
I will be replacing it.

- Oh, I'm good.

- Don't be silly.

What's a chef
without his knife?

Just a man in a funny hat.

- Well, look around.
I got plenty of knives.

And hell, you can't
throw a knife in here

without hitting another knife.

- Sure, sure, but I know
this was a special one for you.

- Yeah, it was special.

I used it out back once
to kill a rat.

- What?
How could you do that?

- It was a rat, Steve.

- No, not the rat, the knife.

How could you
treat it like that?

- How was I supposed
to treat it,

take it to the movies?

It was a crappy knife.

- Maybe that's true.

Maybe it was crappy.

But you know what you are?

- Confused?

- A jackass.

- What is up with him?

- You don't know?

Check the handle
of that knife you broke.

- [sighs] Aw, man.

"From Steve."

- He gave that to you five
years ago for your birthday.

- That's why I hate
for people to give me gifts.

[upbeat music]

- So we decided to auction it,

and Bobbie's email to
the auction house was perfect.

Tell her what you said.
- OK, I told them--

- I'll tell her.
- OK.

- She said, "You should thank
your lucky stars

that a bottle of Heaven's
Holler landed in your lap."

- Now tell her
what I said at the end.

- [gasps] It was so great.
OK, so she--

- I'll tell her.
- OK.

- OK, I said, "There's a reason
they call it Heaven's Holler.

"The angels took a sip
and hollered

all the way from heaven."

- Yeah.
- Yes! Ha-ha!

- [laughs]

- Ah, boy,
that brings back memories.

Spent a lot of my youth
at auctions.

- I feel like there's
more to that story.

- My mom used to take me
to cattle auctions

because we couldn't afford
to go to the movies.

- Yep.
There it is.

- I got hooked, you know?

The auctioneer
building tension,

ranchers trying
to outbid each other,

bulls running
in the background--

it was intoxicating.

- That smell always is.
- Yeah.

All right.
So listen up, ladies.

When we get there,
you follow my lead.

- Oh, Gabby,
you're not going with us.

- [scoffs] OK, I got to.

I am your auction expert.

- It's sweet that you want
to help, but we got this, OK?

Did you hear that email?

both: Flawless!

- Listen to me,

painting a fun and fancy-free
image of auctions,

but there is an underbelly too.

- Oh, I think we can handle
the little scary world

of selling old stuff.

- Yeah, until you accidentally
buy a black-tagged heifer.

And no one believes that you
were just trying to wave down

your mom, who was getting
into a pickup truck

with a rodeo clown.

[phone rings]

- [gasps]

It's the auction house.

Hi, this is Bobbie.

- OK, let's give her a second.

They probably need
to go over logistics.

So what did you do
with the cow?

- Oh, my mom took her
to a farm upstate

so she could play
with other cows.

- OK.
Thanks for calling.

- That was quick.

- It's an auction house.
They talk fast.

- What did they say?

- Well, they said
it was too late

to get our bottle
into the auction today

and we'll have to come back
next month.

- Well, there goes getting
a patio anytime this summer.

I'm sorry, Bobbie.

- Don't be.

For the last 10 years,
I haven't

kept my promise to our daddy.

That ends today.

Come on, Ethel.

.

- I'm sorry, Bobbie.

I wish we could make it
part of the auction.

Bottles of Heaven's Holler
are hard to find.

- Not if you have a crowbar.

- If it's so rare,
what's the issue?

- Well, we print our catalogs
months in advance,

and that builds interest
in the items,

And that makes for higher bids.

- Well, what if we built
interest in our whiskey bottle

right now?
- Well, how would you do that?

- Well, she's got a degree
in psychology.

She can sell ice to a penguin.

- Off the record, if I saw
there was some buzz in the room

for this bottle,
well, I think I might be able

to bend the rules a bit
and auction it.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

- Yes.

- What does a psychology degree
have to do with sales?

- What's it got to do
with anything?

I was just trying to make you
sound impressive.

- Not that I condone this,
but next time,

you could call me Doctor.

- OK, follow my lead.

Lucky for us, I could sell
a rosary to the pope.

- [laughs]

- [humming]

[gasps]

As I live and breathe,

a bottle
of Heaven's Holler whiskey?

I've never seen one
in person before.

- [with Southern accent]
Peanut butter and pork rinds!

It really exists!

- Oh, I know
about Heaven's Holler.

It's pretty rare.

Haven't seen one in years.

- Perhaps because
it's pretty rare.

- [chuckles] Quite so.

- My grandpap was always on
the lookout for some of this.

He said it was
the Bigfoot of bourbon.

- Bigfoot of bourbon?

- Peanut butter and pork rinds?

- I also heard it holds
medicinal properties.

- Well, as they say,
what whiskey will not cure,

there is no cure for.
[laughs]

- [laughs]

Yes, that is what they say.

- OK, don't push.

There's plenty to go around.

Oh, no, there's just one
bottle, and I'm gonna buy it.

- Oh!

Not sure how you're gonna
buy it,

since I'm going
to win it at auction.

- Oh, quite sure
of ourselves, are we?

- Quite sure.

- May the best paddle win.

Mm.

- Looks like you just sold
the pope a penguin.

- Is that how I sound to you?

[upbeat music]

- Brought you some tater tots.

- Don't think for a second
you can erase your cruelty

with deep-fried carbs.

- I made them extra crispy.

- Leave them.

Mmm.
Mm.

Is there something else?

- Yeah.

I thought I'd apologize.

- OK.

Hello.
When?

- Settle down.

I don't do this a lot.

So when you gave me that knife,
it didn't mean much to me.

- I'm just going to break in
and let you know

this isn't going well.

- It didn't mean anything to me
because you didn't either.

- And it just keeps
getting worse.

- I don't look
for friends, Steve.

Never have.

Not because I didn't want any.

- Then why?

- I guess it's because
I didn't want any.

- I never looked
for any friends

because I was afraid
I would never find any.

- And yet...here we are.

- Here we are.

- So now if you ever
give me anything,

just know it will mean
a hell of a lot.

- I'm not giving you
another knife.

- I understand.

- Emmett, wait.

- Thank you.

- Don't kill any rats
with it, psycho.

- Enjoy your tater tots,
jackass.

.

[applause]

- This is it.
We're up.

It's so exciting.
- Yep.

- All right, well,
our next item,

a late addition not listed in
your catalogs, is quite a find.

Sippingwhiskey.org calls it
a velvety gem of a libation.

- BobbieandIsabella.org
call it a patio in a bottle.

[chuckles]

- A limited release,
this bottle of Heaven's Holler

is from the exceptional
vintage year of 2001.

- How cool.

That's the year I was born.

That whiskey and I
are the same age.

- Huh, that's weird.

- Truth be told,
you won't find a better

small batch whiskey than a
Heaven's Holler from July 2001.

- Wait, July?

That's the month I was born.

- Jiminy Christmas!

The month I was born, Daddy
bought a bottle of whiskey

for us to share.

- Weird gift for a newborn.

- For when I was older.

Daddy bought that bottle
to share with you.

That's not patio whiskey.

- [gasps]
It's Isabella whiskey.

- Yes! Oh!

Peanut butter and pork rinds,
we got to get it back.

- Let's start
the bidding at $2,000.

$2,000, thank you, sir.

Do I hear $2,500?

- $2,500.
- $2,500.

- What are you doing?
- Winning some hooch.

- $3,000? Do I hear $3,000?

$3,000, thank you, sir.

- $3,500!
- $3,500.

- What?
What about the patio?

It was Dad's dream.

- It was also his dream

to save that bottle
for his daughter.

- Do I hear $4,000? $4,000.

Thank you.
- Oh.

$4,500!

- $5,000!

- $5,000 to the gentleman.
$5,000, $5,000--

- Bobbie, stop.

We came here to make money,
and that's more than we need.

- All right,
the bid is $5,000.

Do I hear $6,000? $6,000.

- But Daddy wanted
that bottle for you.

- I know, but it didn't happen,

and that's OK.

I care more
about getting our patio

than a bottle
I only found out was mine,

like, five seconds ago.

- Going once, going twice.

- Are you sure?

[gavel bangs]
Sold to bidder number 33.

Congratulations, sir,
you've just won yourself

a truly remarkable spirit.

- Well, there's that.

- Yep.

Bottle is gone.

Don't have to worry
about it anymore.

We can just enjoy
the thought of our new patio.

- Are those happy tears?

- No.

- But you said selling
the bottle of whiskey

was the right thing to do.

- And now I regret it!

How could I care so much about
something I only found out

was mine five seconds ago?

Why did it take me ten
to realize it?

- Honey, I am so sorry.

Maybe we could stop the sale
or buy it back or do something.

I don't know.

- Bobbie, face it.

It's over.
There's nothing we can do.

- Yeah.
- Aah!

- Oh!

- What are you doing here?

- OK, there's no time.

I'm here to save you rubes.

Do you want your bottle back?

- Desperately.
- How'd you know?

- Oh, please.
Go to a cattle auction.

People with seller's remorse
are as common

as wannabe cowboys
with fake horns on their truck

and fake boobs on their wives.

- Can you help us?
- OK, maybe.

Did you sign an auction
listing agreement?

- No.
We didn't sign anything.

- OK, perfect.

[clears throat]
Mr. Auctioneer, point of order.

You mentioned that that bottle

was never listed
in the catalog.

And if I'm not mistaken,
that is a breach of protocol.

And if not protocol, well,
then certainly tradition.

And if not tradition, sir,
then no doubt common decency.

Am I right?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Am I right?

- Yeah!
[claps]

- I mean, what's next,

taking the ear tag
off of a red Angus

and putting it
on a Belted Galloway

just to get
an extra 70¢ a pound?

- Not cattle.

Not cattle.

- Furthermore, my clients
inform me that you never

had them sign
an auction listing agreement,

which means
you have no legal right

acting as seller's agent.

Ipso facto, there was
no sale to take place,

which means my clients would
like their whiskey back--

no, bottle back.

Whiskey back
means something else.

I know because I am
also a bartender.

[cheers and applause]

- Are you people for real?

- Oh, we're very real.

And I should know.

I'm a doctor.

- Thank you.
No hard feelings.

- Just take the bottle.
Get out.

- OK, look, I know you're mad,
and I totally understand.

Could I interest you in
a free coupon to Happy's Place?

- Security!

- I'll leave it at the front.
Run!

[upbeat music]

* *

Mm.

Salud.
[glasses clink]

- Cheers.

Mmm, perfection.

What do you think?

- [coughs]
Wow.

So this is what
$5,000 whiskey tastes like.

- [chuckles]

- Are my feet
supposed to feel numb?

- That's when you know
you got the good stuff.

It's either that
or it puts hair on your chest.

- Hell, this will
put hair on my feet.

- [laughs]

- [chuckles]

Are you OK you didn't get
to build the patio for Dad?

- Well, we'll do it someday.

But we'd have never
gotten this bottle back.

You know, it's like I feel him
sitting here with us, smiling.

[sighs]

- Shall we pour
one out for him?

- Are you crazy?

I said it's a feeling.

[indistinct chatter]

- That's amazing, Gabby.

I mean, who would have known
going to that many

cattle auctions
would be useful?

- It's so nice
when a deprived childhood

finally comes in handy.

I'm still waiting.

- Well, was I a hero today?

Sure.

Should people hoist me on their
shoulders, chanting my name?

Absolutely.

Should the mayor give me
the key to the city?

Probably.
I emailed him.

I haven't heard back yet.
[laughs]

- Whatever you do,
just don't yell at Emmett.

He'll get all mushy
and make you tater tots.

- Aww!
- [laughs]

- Can someone fetch Mildred?

I'm gonna need to hit Steve.

[laughter]

- I love working here.
- [sighs]

- Aw, that's sweet.

- Thank you, Daddy.
Once again, the bar provides.

[glasses clink]

Love, y'all.
- Love you.

- Cheers.