Original subtitles

In light of this season's heavy beaver population,

how difficult has work been given your current state?

Oh- well you see,

I got to wrap it up every day to make sure

those buggers don't try to gnaw it off...

I looked over and I saw the tree start to lean

I barely had enough time to throw the camera down and-

Ruin my interview

Naturally, I got my poor little brother

out of the way just in time

That was a close one, wasn't it, Geoff?

Sure was, Rich

Oh, yes, and let me tell you the best part

We were interviewing this logger

Sorry

He had this wooden leg, so

he couldn't really move that well

That moment I hit my-

♪ Cuts in on all my stories, don't know why I'm surprised ♪

♪ Saved his life, he gets the glory ♪

I don't need your help here, kiddo

♪ Don't know why I waste my time ♪

♪ Every girl I met in high school, he'd cut me off and still my line ♪

♪ Never stood a chance against him ♪

Oh, they think he's so dreamy

♪ Cause he does everything right ♪

♪ He does everything right ♪

♪ Make a way 'cause Rich is coming ♪

♪ Look away, his eyes are stunning ♪

♪ He does everything right ♪

♪ He does everything right ♪

♪ He envies me for everything Don't know why I'm surprised ♪

♪ Who saves this boring stories? ♪

Me! Don't worry Geoff, Rich is here

♪ He does everything right ♪

♪ He does everything right Oh, he does everything right ♪

♪ Hear them shout out Rich's praise- your uneventful lives he saves ♪

♪ 'Cause he does everything right ♪

♪ He does everything right ♪

♪ The restaurants insisting that he tours all their kitchens- ♪

♪ Oh, well he does everything right ♪

It's not his fault. What can he do?

Well, when- you know

♪ He does everything right He does everything right ♪

♪ He does everything right ♪

♪ Don't know how he does it ♪

♪ Don't know how I do it ♪

♪ How does he do it all so well? He's the best around here ♪

♪ Guess he's the best ♪

♪ I'm the best and they can tell ♪

♪ How could we deserve him? ♪

♪ I really think I've earned this ♪

♪ ... You can all just go to- ♪

♪ He does everything right He does everything right ♪

♪ He does everything right ♪

Where did you hear about this guy?

Oh, he actually contacted US with the lead- He said he

called every other news station, but that I was the only one-

Wait, so Phil didn't green light this?

Well-

Geoff, picking stories is not your strong suit

Stick to cameras Let me handle everything else

I think you should listen to this guy-

he's got a killer story, and I think he might be THE one to-

I'll be the judge of that

I guess it's up to ol' Rich to polish yet another...

Rich!

Turd

Well, this is Clyde Schaefer- Clyde, Rich, our lead reporter

Mister Brewer!

Gosh, I sure am glad that you're interested in our story

You know, exposure- That is exactly what we need

Absolutely. Clyde, I tell you, I took one look at your story

and I said to myself, now, THIS is news...

Alright, what- what he said- You're all mic'd up, let's get ready to go

Alright.

We're here at Kingdom Beyond Community, just south of Eldritch

with Elder Clyde Schaefer- Clyde, tell us about what's going on out here.

Yes, sir. Well, we have, uh, out here we are part of an amazing community

All right- And we share everything We share struggles, We share possessions,

We share wives

Wives? Is this some sort of... cult?

No- No It's a community!

♪ It's great to be in a community- you all have the same ideals ♪

♪ It's great to be in a community- you can work together on your problems ♪

♪ It's great to be in a community and pay that temple tax ♪

Half our earnings!

♪ It's great to be in a community- we can wear these burlap hats ♪

They're exclusive!

♪ It's great to be in a community- why would we ever leave ♪

We can't

Okay, so... can you tell me why you brought us out here today?

♪ It's great to be in a community We care for you alive or dead ♪

Either one'll do!

Alive OR dead? What do you mean?

Well, a ways back, we lost one of our family members unexpectedly

and then... we brought 'em back to life!

Oh, that's a wrap

Sorry

♪ It's great to be in a community Someday we'll bring them back ♪

Why waste our time? If they can't prove anything, it's not news

He was so sincere, not to mention the fact that the whole group was convinced

Trust me, it's just another ploy to get more losers sucked into their cult

People can be SO self-centered

Could you imagine though, if it was true?

Like, what it would mean to the world to be able to cure death?

Even if it's partially true- which it's not-

best case scenario, we're encouraging grave robbing

But-

You and that little friend of yours need to stop reading so many comics

The dead don't come back to life, Geoff

Alright, let's get to it

Sorry about the interview, Rich

Geoffrey, you gotta vet leads before you waste your brother's time

Zombies...

Quiet

All right, well, before we get to new assignments,

I would like to welcome Jill Coleman

Jill will be interning with research, much like Tina

All right, team, let's get at it

Hey, that's a pretty cool camera

Thanks

My first was a Super 8

Whoa- old school!

Yeah- My dad and I used to make these dorky, old home movies

That's so cool- I used to do the same thing

I'm Jill, by the way

So I've heard

Oh, right

I'm Geoff- I'm one of the field producers here

So I've heard- Just out of curiosity, What was all that zombie stuff about?

Oh, that. Well, Rich and I were-

Your brother, right?

Right. We were interviewing some guy out in the sticks

who said he'd raised someone from the dead

What? Where did you find a crazy lead like that?

Some guy just called the station and said he had something big

to share with the world. I wish I could-

Find someone to offer a tour to this lovely lady? Rich Brewer,

I'm sure you've heard of me. What was your name again?

Uh, Jill Coleman

Oh, Jill- please

Geoffrey- You're right. On paper, you're the most qualified-

By a mile. Mile and a half, even.

But...

The public knows Rich. They see his face all the damn time-

He's got a fan page, for crying out loud

It's just a group of housewives with nothing better to do than-

They have a float with his frickin' face on it, Geoffrey

He's his own biggest fan.

He's an Eldritch icon, and the board isn't willing to upset the core viewers

Right

Look, I'll make a second push for you, all right?

But at least three of the women and one of the men on the board

is in his little fan club, so... there's no guarantees, all right?

But- stay optimistic. It's good for everyone else's morale

Thanks, Phil

Mm-hm

But don't hold your breath, all right? Hang in there

Wanna play on the teeter-totters?

Really? that's-

His LEAST favorite part of the playground, but I like it

Geoff?

Geoff?

Geoff!

Are you all right, man? You keep spacing out

I just can't get over how Rich snaked that promotion from me

It's not a done deal yet. Besides, why do you keep

hanging out with the one person that makes you so miserable?

I'm a victim of circumstance. There are only so many field reporters

and the news station keeps pairing us up

What about you? How's your blog?

Oh, it's going all right, but... I'm pretty sure my nemesis

is the one person that keeps trolling me on there

You've got to stop referring to her as your nemesis, man

What else am I supposed to call her, huh? I mean, ever-

ever since she found out that I still live with my mom-

And that you don't have a license

She keeps posting shit about me on the forum. That was bad enough,

but now it's on my personal blog? Like, I don't care if you're eight-

you need an ass kicking

Can you stop saying those kinds of things in public?

Keep it in the ring. When's your next tournament?

It's, uh, this weekend?

Dude, you promised to come up with me this weekend

I cannot spend the next two days with just my parents and Rich

Like, I don't have a choice, though. With the shit she's been throwing my way

I gotta put her down

Besides, I paid already, so

I cannot believe you're putting this dumb rivalry over my sanity

I thought we were friends, man

You're just jealous that I have two girls in my life

and you can't even get one

Right- I'm jealous of your pre-teen nemesis and your mom

There was a new girl at work today, though

The scary one?

Ugh- no, not Tina. Jill.

She seems to know a lot about cameras

Oh, then you MUST be interested. She hot?

Doesn't even matter. Rich took her on a tour of the station

So?

I just know how these things wind up. What do I have

to offer that Rich can't do better?

Hmm- Yeah, that's a good point. I can't really think of anything

Thanks

Oh, come on, man. Look, Rich can't see anything past his own reflection

So if you show this girl just an ounce of depth, I'm pretty sure she'll dig you

Shit, is that the time? My mom's been waiting in the parking lot for

like, 10 minutes- She's going to be pissed

Dude, why don't you just get your own license?

It gives me an excuse to drink as much as I want.

Have you ever heard of ridesharing?

Is that like the bikes with the two seats for like, two people?

You're- you're messing with me

And then like, like the family...

You know what it is!

Oh, is that the thing that the Flintstones drive?

I've shown you it on my phone

Hey, just remember what I said, okay? And tell your brother to back off

or I'll punch him in his pretty face

Oh, yeah? I thought you were a pacifist

Not with your brother... or punk-ass eight year old girls

I'm coming! Have a good night, man. I'll see you later

♪ All these years I've been competing Wasting energy comparing ♪

♪ to a brother who comes out of everything ahead ♪

♪ Then I got a job on TV, on my own I started dreaming of glory ♪

♪ and then Rich stole that instead ♪

♪ If I told him what I wanted, he'd beat me to it ♪

♪ Hold it tightly to ensure it wasn't mine Didn't even seem to really want it ♪

♪ But if I had something that caught somebody's eye ♪

♪ He'd thunder in and take it every time ♪

♪ Life here would be easy if he'd leave- ♪

♪ Life here would be easy if he'd leave. ♪

♪ Maybe it's my fault- try so hard to be the right guy ♪

♪ Maybe I'm too easy going, no one's cheering for the nice guy ♪

♪ Time to take back what's been taken, Stand up for what I want ♪

♪ Then again, it won't be easy- Is it worth it? Maybe- Maybe not. ♪

♪ What's so great about my brother, Wish I could make him go away♪

♪ Life here would be easy if he'd leave Life here would be easy if he'd... ♪

♪leave ♪

And that's why bigger is not always better

And... cut

Thank you for your time, Mrs. Johnson

I never knew there was so much to learn about sausages!

Oh, you learn a thing or two over the years

Mrs. Johnson! Oh-ho-ho!

All this talk has me thinking about that new girl from the office

What's her face?

You mean Jill?

Jill- that's right! I wonder what she's like

She seems tame, but sometimes the nerdy ones-

Would you stop! Why do you always have to talk about women like that?

You like her, don't you? Too bad she's into me

What? No! I mean... So what?

That doesn't change the fact you're still a douche

Well, nice guys finish last, G-string

So... homecoming is coming around the corner

Do you... have a date yet?

Well, I was hoping that you would go with-

Me! Let's talk about it over lunch

That's what I thought. You need to grow a pair

Let's get this over with

Where's your lame-ass friend?

Hey, Mom- Hey, Dad

Oh, Oh!

Great job on that story about the rabid possum

How many ended up in the hospital on that deal?

Well, this is going to be a killer weekend

Fff-

So when did you meet her?

She's the new girl at the station. Just started this week

Oh, that's my boy- Women can't resist a Brewer!

Ugh

Rich, you ought to give Geoff some pointers about how to

win over the ladies

Well, Dad- if I thought it would do any good...

Ooh! When WAS the last time you asked a girl out, son?

It's just not that simple. I'm waiting for the right girl,

and besides, work is busy. Things keep getting in the way

Well hell, son, don't you and Rich keep the same hours?

He makes it a priority. Doesn't spend his time futzing with cameras

You got to get out there, son! Your mother and I've been

wanting grandchildren for far too long- From the both of you

Your father's right- We would like to see some grandchildren

before we pass away

Oh Heather, did you hear about Rich's new girlfriend?

When you do give us grandkids, they better be legitimate!

Oh!

Oh Jim, stop that!

I just saw the latest clip for tonight. Great work!

Thanks

You're the best

Thank you

Hey, you're the man

Oh, thanks

You did it!

We're taking a second look at that cult piece,

because it's going to be big

Really?

Yes!

You're doing some great work around here

Thanks, buddy

So amazing

Thank you

Looks like someone is a shoo-in for that new anchor position

Congratulations

Seriously, that's amazing! I can't wait to tell my parents!

When were you going to tell me?

No... No!!!

Was dinner good?

Oh, I put a plate for you in the fridge, sweetie

You know, your father and schedules

Dinner's at 6 so we don't miss the show at 6:30!

♪ He does everything right ♪

♪ I swipe everything right ♪

♪ My favorite show's tonight ♪

Geoff, let's get a fire going in here

Oh!

♪ Make a way 'cause Rich is coming Look away, his eyes are stunning ♪

♪ He does everything right He does everything right ♪

♪ I envy him for everything- don't know why I'm surprised! ♪

♪ Who saves my boring stories? ♪

Rich! Don't worry, Geoff- Rich is here!

♪ And Rich does everything- ♪

Rich! Oh, my God- What do I do? What?

Geoff, is everything all right?

Yeah, Mom. Uh, the news station called- big story or something

They really needed Rich, I'm sorry

Of course- and where's Rich?

Oh, Rich, he's... in the back

All right, well, bye boys!

Bye, Rich! Do me proud, boy

Sure thing, Dad!

Freeze!

Someone walk over your grave?

What? grave? No... no

Hey, Geoff- No hard feelings about the anchor thing, I hope

What? Oh, right- Oh, yeah. It's- It's fine

I, I knew would be a long shot

Good, good. I wouldn't want to be the cause of a rift between your brother and you

Speaking of which, where is he? He was supposed to be in make up

for screen tests an hour ago

Oh, Rich. Uh, he passed... That way- He passed that way.

But he'll be back

Hey- Rich and I were supposed to have some...

studio time... together

Uh, um... so, do you know where he is?

Rich is with the man upstairs... You know, the boss! But-

♪ He'll be back ♪

Is this your plate, Mr. Brewer?

Hey! Rich was supposed to take me to lunch

What? I thought he was taking me!

He's ducking me, isn't he? Wow! I thought he could handle a woman

that's not afraid to go after what she wants. I guess he's just another-

He's in a better place!

There is no better place than-

I mean, he's not here? But-

♪ He'll be back ♪

Ugh.

It was his time...

to get a haircut

He's gone...

to lunch

He's no longer with us

He's on vacation

Hey, I've been looking all over for you- you left work early!

Jeez, I don't know where he is, okay?

Who?

Oh- Sorry! Uh, I've just been getting a lot of questions about Rich, lately

Why were you looking for me?

Well, to be honest, Phil sent me to look for Rich,

but I wanted to talk to you, too

Well, I saw the two of you together, and... I guess I'm just used to

Rich getting what he wants

Well, it seems like to me everyone is used to GIVING Rich what he wants

It doesn't have to be that way

I don't know

Shoot- So you don't know Rich is? Well, I have to keep looking

Let's pick this up over drinks later- I want to hear more about the zombies!

Oh, well, I really, Uh... Yeah, sure, that'd be great!

Uh, the Dunwich on Innsmouth?

Sounds fancy- let's shoot for seven

He was put to sleep...

Too much allergy medicine

He's belly up...

Getting a tan

He's departed...

On a plane

He's, he's dead

What?

Rich! He's dead! I don't... It was an accident!

I was just chopping firewood, and he just-

Okay, okay, why didn't you just call the police right away?

What, Honey?

Nothing, Mom! Nothing!!!

Look, this is bad, Dude, okay?

If you had just called the police right away,

this all could have been explained. But now it's like...

wait, who else knows about this?

Just you

No! Oh, no. No, no, no, no! That makes me an accessory, man

Oh shit- Oh God, I can't go to jail! Do you know what happens to people

in there? Have you seen Ricky-Oh? God, and I can't turn you in- It's like...

Wait, where's the body at?

Oh... well, this is a nightmare. Well, why didn't you call the police,

like, right away? And where'd you get all this ice? Is that the quilt from your bed?

I don't know- I think my life is over, man!

I just wish I could undo this

This is not something you can just undo, Okay?

It's not like you can just bring him back to life!

What, What'd I say?

And it finally worked?

Well, Yes and no

I'm okay

Suit yourself. See, it ain't an exact science,

and we've been working hard every day to iron out the kinks

Iron out the kinks?

Look, raising the dead takes time, dedication... and sacrifice

Hey, I wouldn't drink that, Geoff

See- right there! Your friend is one of those people that gives

groups like ours a bad name. Ain't nothing evil going on out here

Just dabbling in a bit of necromancy

You damn right we dabble!

And we'll keep on dabbling until we get it right

So, who were you trying to bring back?

My wife

Clyde, I'm so sorry

Don't be! Look, when we get this sorted,

we're going to bring back anyone- everyone!

Everyone... How does it work?

Why are you boys so interested in this all of a sudden?

Don't think I didn't notice our story never aired

That is a lot of ice

So I've heard- Can you help us?

You are in quite the pickle. But, uh- there's a problem

Come on

Hey- Hey!

What?

Have you never seen a horror movie before? Because this is the part where

he murders us- To death! And if he doesn't, whatever supernatural stuff he's using will

You're being ridiculous

What's ridiculous is trying to raise somebody back from the dead

and expecting it not to blow up in your face

I've seen how this plays out, Geoff

♪ There was that one time out in Ludlow- ♪

♪ Brought his cat back from the dead and it didn't end well ♪

Stop

♪ Or the girl and all those pranksters- it was prom night, ♪

♪ there was pig's blood- It didn't end well ♪

♪ Don't forget about the family at the hotel ♪

♪Jack went nuts with an axe and it didn't end well ♪

Did I tell you about ♪ That one time, in Castlerock? ♪

Enough! I've read Stephen King, Okay?

Who said anything about Stephen- Look, the point is:

♪ The dead stay dead for a reason and there's some doors ♪

♪ I think we should not open ♪ ♪ Please Geoff, please Geoff, please Geoff ♪

♪ Don't bring him back from the dead ♪

Geoff!

Where did you get all this?

The Kingsport estate sale. We hit the motherlode!

Motherlode of evil

So this is where your... community started?

Well, you know- we already had a, you know, we were a real strong

community before this, but it wasn't until we saw what a lot

of this stuff here could do that we developed that tight bond

In fact, you know what? Let me, let me go grab something

This is the part where the best friend dies and then you

make your great escape. I do not want to end up like a cautionary tale, Geoff

He's been super nice so far. That doesn't make you feel better?

Well- what, about dying? No, no, no, Geoff, no it doesn't

I mean, look at this stuff! Like, what's it for?

Sacrificing virgins? Summoning demons? Bringing on the end of the-

Whoa, look! He's got a puzzle cube!

Don't touch that! Don't touch that!

Don't touch any of this stuff- You don't know what half this

stuff can do! And we ain't sacrificed any virgins... yet

So you boys want our help or what?

Yes! Yes we do. Just hang on a second- Colin...

Dude, this is not a horror film

Just pull yourself together and don't blow this for me!

Okay

Thank you

Yeah, go

Okay, We're good Clyde. Go on

All right. Now-

this here's the book that we do the resurrections with. Go on

Take a look

eh?

I don't know what I'm looking at

Exactly! And we didn't know what we was looking at, neither

Now originally, this came with, like, a journal that explained everything

kind of like a... a guide

Oh! It was like a satanic Rosetta Stone?

Great! So we just need to translate something

Well,

that's the rub. So the last time we did

one of these here, resurrections, things went a little sideways

And one of our members ran off with the journal

Wait, why wouldn't they just take the big scary demon book of death?

Because this book stays under lock and key. Now I reckon

they figured without the journal, we couldn't do none of the resurrections

So where does that leave us?

Well, we know the APPROXIMATE words and ingredients,

so might just take a little bit longer

Well hey- fingers crossed, guys

I'm so glad we're doing this. I'm very glad

You boys ready to see a miracle?

Yeah, yeah! We love playing God. It never goes wrong

Oh, that's the spirit!

All right- I believe we're just about done setting up here, boys

Hey, what's wrong, man? What, cold feet?

I feel like I forgot something

Let us begin

Placere Placere Placere

Placere Placere Placere

♪ Placere, Reducere Vitam

Placere, Reducere Vitam ♪

Huh

What? what happened?

Looks like we missed. All right, let's try again

That poor chicken

Placere Placere

♪ Placere, Et Gratias Ago Tibi

Placere, Et Gratias Ago Tibi ♪

Placere

Its Old Fred- He's back!

Old, Fred? He's- he's been dead for three years

Oh! Ew! Ah!

Let's try this one more time

Placere Placere

♪ Placere Reducere Vitam

Providere Pecunia Etiam ♪

Damn it!

Aah! Let me go! I do not want to end up like "Old Fried"

We have to try until we succeed- Leaving would endanger all of us!

You didn't say that before!

You didn't ask. Last time we broke circle before we were finished...

All right- All together this time

Placere Placere Placere

♪ Placere, Reducere Vitam

Placere, Et Gratias Ago Tibi ♪

♪ Placere, Reducere Vitam

Providere Pecunia Etiam ♪

♪ Placere ♪

Rich, can you hear me?

Yeah

So how are you, buddy?

Uh, good- Good. Can someone turn the lights down?

Its so bright in here

Why are you all staring at me?

Um... a couple of things? First, what's the last thing you remember?

Uh, we were in a house, and, uh, I remember something about

getting wood?

Anything else?

No. what's the second thing?

Oh, well, your eyes, they're kind of... Well...

Your eyes look like shit

Is this normal?

Apparently, it's a side effect. Her eyes were the same

Great. Anything else you forgot to mention?

Irritability?

So what do we do now?

Well, you're going to want to get him back to something familiar,

like a regular routine and uh... hope for the best?

Great. Wonderful. Anything else?

Yeah. Keep a damn close eye on him

Rich, where have you been and why are you wearing shades?

Are you trying to be a bad ass?

Well, I've been right here, and do bad asses wear sunglasses?

Hey, so if you're still planning

to co-anchor next week, I need you to come to the studio so

I can, uh... show you the ropes

Well, I-

He can't

I can't?

Yeah, we've- we've got that big story we need to cover today...

Remember?

Okay, well, as long as you get spun up by the end of the week,

don't wait till the last second

Why did you do that?

Clyde told me to keep an eye on you

I'm not gonna let you go off until I'm sure you're really okay

How long is that going to take?

I don't know

Hey, Jill!

Jill?

I like her

Rich, You stood me up for lunch

Why on earth would I do that?

Well, you can make it up to me. Do you have plans tonight?

Uh-

I do now!

Pick me up at 6:30, we'll do dinner. Nice shades

Why didn't you tell me about her?

Are you feeling okay?

I feel great- Why?

I'm not used to you being so... exuberant

You normally play it off cool

Do I? I'll work on that

Well, I'm not saying don't be yourself. It's just I'm not used to that

So don't work on that

I don't know, just... do what comes naturally

Do what comes naturally. Got it

Shit! I forgot my date with Jill- No wonder she ignored me

You skipped out on a date with her? Why would you do that?

Because I was trying to bring YOUR ass back to...

We were helping you recover after your accident

And you took me to that Clyde guy

He was close to Mom and Dad's

And Clyde's a doctor?

Clyde... was able to help. He knew a lot about your condition

Well, I'll have to make sure I thank him properly

the next time I see him

What?

I'm just not used to you being so grateful- It's nice

I can't tell you how much I appreciate you looking out for me

Well, you're my brother

I really just wish I could remember what happened

before Clyde's- Everything before that's so... fuzzy

What do you mean by everything?

I don't know. I just don't remember anything before the accident

Wait- So how did you know us?

I just went along with everything

So you don't know us?

Well, I know you're my brother and that you care about me

I know you're my brother's best friend

And I know I'm starting a new position as news anchor, and-

And people like me Like, really, really like me

Like, really, REALLY-

I get it. I get it. I get it

And I know I'm seeing a hot girl tonight

Tina

What?

Her name is Tina

Oh... Tina...

You know, I'm starting to think this date is a really bad idea

I should probably tag along...

Absolutely not, you have plans!

What?

Jill? Rich. Listen, my brother missed your date the other night

because I was in an accident, and he spent the entire night making

Sure I was okay

Yes, I know- He's terribly sweet. Best brother in the whole world

Uh huh. Always has my back.

Would never do anything to hurt me or my chances for a full and happy life

So anyways, he wants to make it up to you by taking you to dinner...

Tonight? Same place, same time?

Great- Fantastic! He'll be very excited

Yeah. okay. Bye, now

There, now we're even!

Was that not okay?

Colin, Can we go outside for a second?

Uh, yeah

I don't know how to handle this

What do you mean?

Clyde told us to watch Rich, but he just got me a second chance with Jill

I'm not used to this

I know, it's weird

It's like the new Rich is, like, likable or something

Right? I never thought I could enjoy spending time with Rich

Well, let's not go too far, okay?

Well, he just seems- he's so happy and excitable about everything

But- but what if...

Can you do me a solid?

Lady's going to have the t-bone. I'm going to have the chicky-sticks

Honey mustard on the side?

So... Rich had an accident?

He had an episode. I really should have called, but things started

happening so suddenly, and-

It sounded pretty serious

It was. I felt so terrible about it. You didn't wait too long, did you?

I- I did wait a little while, but I understand. What happened to him?

It was... personal. I really don't feel comfortable talking about it

I get it. Mind if I step away for a sec?

Yeah, sure. I'll see you in a sec

♪ Who knew that I could be so happy ♪

♪ just by killing the one man in my way? ♪

♪ With a little cult and a lot of chanting ♪

♪ you can make the world a better place ♪

♪ If only I had done it sooner ♪

♪ they'd already know my name ♪

♪ So there's a lesson here I think I'm learning: ♪

♪ violence sometimes saves the day ♪

♪ The cult had all the answers, Some Latin made it right ♪

♪ I Got away with murder and my future's looking bright ♪

Geoff, Geoff- Dude! Dude, mayday, mayday, mayday!

Shit has hit the fan! Sorry, Mom

What happened? How's Rich?

More like where's Rich! Him and Tina snuck out from underneath us

What?

I know. I'm sorry, dude. We were following him,

but my mom drives a minivan

You had one job

This shit is not my fault! Sorry, Mom

I tried- We followed him to the outskirts of town

Clyde told you to keep an eye on him

Am I your brother's keeper? I'm not going to makeout grove with my mom

Again. I still have my dignity!

Thanks for nothing, Colin

Geoff, don't be like-

Is everything okay?

Yeah- Just checking in on Rich

I thought the two of you didn't get along very well

Wasn't he calling your zombie story a fake?

Oh, that. Uh, I... stopped following that

You seemed pretty excited about it before. What happened?

Well, we went back there, and it was just this big, ol-

It really wasn't-

They did it again, didn't they?

I mean, they tried- Wait, What?

They resurrected someone else

How could you possibly know that? Were you following me?

No, Geoff. I know about Clyde and the Kingdom Beyond cult

But, but how?

Because... Clyde is my father

My father isn't a bad man.

He loved me

He loved my mom

We were happy

Then...

She got sick

He wasn't the same after that

We tried to take care of each other, but without her we were broken

Daddy got to where I couldn't even recognize him. But one day...

He started his research.

He found people online that were wanting to bring people back

He became obsessed with seeing Mom again- willing to do anything

He started Kingdom Beyond and they kept getting hints of a solution

That damn Kingsport auction was their breakthrough

He wanted her back

I wanted him back

Something went wrong

That thing that came back wasn't Mom.

I can't unsee what we did- We had no business-

What did my father do? Why were you and Rich there?

Did they do it again?

Did they do it right?

It was Rich. Colin was supposed to watch him tonight, but he ran off

Rich? They brought your brother back and he's gone?

Is that bad? I was going to go look for him after dinner

Weren't you listening? My mom- she wasn't even human

You need to find Rich. Now!

♪ Are we too late to change our course? ♪

♪ Stopping death within our reach ♪

♪ Ignoring human constraints, playing God- we keep failing in our schemes ♪

♪ How far must we go down this road ♪

♪ Before we leave the ones we've mourned alone? ♪

♪Family's never felt this cold before ♪

♪ Failure's gone and made them bold ♪

♪ Family never felt this cold before ♪

Hi, Geoff

Hi, Tina

Ugh

Oh- I like the way you nibble on my ear

Ugh

I am trying really hard to be accommodating

I know you're forgetting things, so let me help you

One: it is not cool to bring a girl to your brother's place

Two: it is super-not-cool to make out in front of your brother

Three-

Sorry about that. I guess I'm still getting used to things

I had a really great time, though. How was your evening?

What?

Hoo... That was fast!

Fast? He took a chunk out of her neck and he doesn't

even seem to care!

Ugh- you know I can't keep doing this

I know, I know. This will be the last time, I promise

♪ Placere, Reducere Vitam

Placere Et Gratias Ago Tibi ♪

♪ Placere, Reducere Vitam

Providere Pecunia Etiam ♪

♪ Placere ♪

Are you sure we should just leave her here?

I don't know what else to do. Could you please text some people

on Tina's phone to avoid any suspicion?

What's a text?

It was a joke

All right, we'll send a couple, but that's it

That's fine. We just need to buy enough time until

she's back to normal

And how do you propose that? half of her throat is missing!

Scarves are in, right?

Hi, Tina. I'm just going to-

Uh- Yeah, I'm just... Um- Yeah!

You know, I was curious about what had happened here

Oh, God- put that shit away, man! Doesn't it, like, hurt or something?

No, I don't really feel anything, Just pressure

How did I die?

Died? Uh Why- Why- Why do you think you died?

I figured it out

Uh, well...

There was an accident

And then I killed myself with the axe?

It was the darndest thing. And I couldn't bring myself

to tell mom or dad, so Clyde helped

And he's done this before?

Well, there was his wife, you, and Tina-

Who you tried to eat

Which makes three times

So, let's- let's go over this again

You were- you were making out with her...

She said she liked it when I nibbled on her ear,

so I just kept on nibbling

Yeah. And then you nibbled your way into a buffet

and killed her

She's not dead anymore!

That's not the point! You can't just kill people

Or eat them

All these rules are confusing! I'll never get it

♪ Let's slow this down and break it up for you ♪

♪ Make it easy to digest Run through a few scenarios ♪

♪ and put your moral compass to the test ♪

♪ Someone calls you ugly ♪

Like, because you're freaky eyes or whatever

♪ Do you kill them or forgive? ♪

Kill them!

No ♪ Somebody hits you in the mouth ♪

Like, because you're a big jerk or something

♪ Do you eat them or forgive? ♪

Eat them

No

Oh, then- forgive them?

Yes! Yes, see, you're getting the hang of it!

♪ Don't murder, morals are your friend ♪

♪ But if you accidently murder, just move on and do your best ♪

♪ Someone steals your girl in high school ♪

Like your jerk brother, maybe

♪ Do you stab or let him live? ♪

Stab, stab!

Interesting, but no ♪ Passed up for a promotion ♪

Because your pompous older brother steals it, for example?

♪ Do you axe him through his chest? ♪

Yes...?

You know what? Bad example, moving on

Oh

Look, the point is:

♪ Don't murder, morals are your friend ♪

♪ But if you accidentally murder, just move on and do your best ♪

Now, for your final question, let's up the stakes

♪ You see a trolley coming that's about to kill five men ♪

Wait, why can't they just get off the track?

♪ You can change the trolley's course, but it'll kill your only friend ♪

Wait, that would make it feel like I killed them

Do you do nothing, or do you pull the lever?

Yes? No?

Look, I think he gets it

♪ Don't murder, Morals are your friend ♪

♪ But if you accidentally murder, just move on and do your best! ♪

So, do you understand now?

I think so? Yeah

I got so many cards. Well I'll get you

I'm gonna get you this time

Alright!

I got the read on ya-I got it. dagnabbit! Every time!

You get me every time!

Every time- I'm sorry!

Boys- I got a bad feeling. Where's the girl?

She's fine, Rev- fine! Just sitting back here,

quiet as a church mouse

Damn, if she ain't a sneaky little fox!

This ain't good, brothers

What's wrong, Clyde?

Hey, Rich. Ready for your big debut?

I really like this car

Oh, yeah? I just got it. You know what you drive is

so important when you have an image to maintain

I'm learning new stuff every day

I've got to go inside and talk to Phil Do you mind keeping an eye

on her for a bit? Then when I come back, I can take you for a spin if you'd like

Sounds good

Well, hey- Hey! What are you doing, man?

I like this car. I want to drive it

Okay, well, you can't just take it- That's stealing

But I want to. I...

Wh- Hey!

Don't do that

I want it. I'm taking it

Shit

He seemed to be fighting with himself. And then he drove off without a word

And she's pissed!

Well, when's he bringing it back?

I don't have a clue

Did you call Clyde?

No

You know, call me crazy, but I don't think our ethics class stuck

You think? Oh, come on, Rich. Come on

Its about time you answered

Where are you?

Chill out, Dad. I'm just cruising

You stole a car, Rich!

She told me to watch it. I'm watching it

Bring that car back right now, mister. Or I swear to God, I-

I'm going to let you do this one

Why is everything I do wrong? Don't kill people. Don't steal

Don't bite strangers

Well, to be fair, you really shouldn't bite anybody

I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough for you

Rich. It's not that what you do isn't good enough. We're just...

Freaking out?

Trying to adapt. Where are you?

I'm just out and about. Stop worrying!

please bring the car back. Now. Plus, we have to talk about Tina

You don't need to worry about her

Wait, what's that supposed to mean?

Yeah, what does-

Look, Geoff, I truly appreciate all that you and the Boy Wonder have done for me

Deeply. But I've been doing a lot of soul searching, you might say

I know my purpose

Your purpose?

Yeah. You know: why I'm here?

Why you're here? You're here because your brother cared enough

about you to bring you back from the dead, man

Rich, please come back

His Purpose?

Like I don't even know my purpose

Didn't your parents ever teach you not to plead with your mouth full?

Oh, please don't kill me

Oh, why would I? You taste so much better fresh

♪ Wink your way to the top. Flirt your way to the top ♪

♪ Strut your way to the top and fight your way to the top ♪

♪ Do not underestimate a woman that means business ♪

♪ I've got motivation. I don't fear the system ♪

♪ No joking or kissing, inside something's missing ♪

♪ No yes, sir or no, sir, whatever you say, sir ♪

♪ That's done. With my freedom comes power ♪

♪ Push your way to the top. Sneak your way to the top ♪

♪ Kiss your way to the top. Slice your way The top ♪

♪ Do not underestimate a woman that means business ♪

♪ We don't mean to offend, Oh, this woman who means business ♪

♪ She's got motivation, she's not afraid of anything ♪

♪ Yes, ma'am and no, ma'am. Whatever you say, ma'am ♪

♪ That's right, sir. In death I've found power ♪

- No! No! - No!

What is happening?

Stop playing with your food

It took you long enough. I had to start on my own

Surely you saved SOME of the fun?

You tried to warn me

I didn't try to warn you. I DID warn you

and look at where we are now

Up shit creek without a paddle. Up paddle creek without a shit

Not even one

Up creek shit without a

Paddle waddle

Shit Shit

I have been looking for you. Are you guys drunk?

You got us okay? Yeah, we're... sure

Why?

We had to accomplish something today

Yeah, we won!

We won

We won

Okay, this is serious!

Very serious! Oh, is it serious?

Oh is it a little serious?

Stop!

Come on, Jill. Let us take the night off. It's not like the world is going to end

Actually. Yeah, it's a lot like that

Get the ritual ready, but make these changes

Also, bring Clyde

When I ran away, I took the journal with the Necronomicon translations

Wait, what? Wait, the Necronomicon?

Yeah

Clyde Already told us that she took the journal

Not that- Nobody said anything about the Necronomicon!

What does that have to do-

Well actually, the Necronomicon is not even real-

H.P. Lovecraft made it up

Who?

It is real. And its dangerous

Man. Where is Bruce Campbell when you need him?

There's a lot of crazy shit at that estate sale,

But nothing like that book

This is crazy

Crazier than zombies?

I refuse to use that term

Hmm Deadites?

No

Ghouls

Eh, no

Walkers!

NO!

Stop! It doesn't matter what we call them. The point is

that something else has come back with them

Oh? How do you figure, Nancy Drew?

It's all in here. The station's resources have helped, too

Wait, that's why you came to the news station?

For information about a book?

That book is evil. Like, literally evil

I needed to find a way to stop them

Hey, guys, I think we're going to have to pull over

I think I'm going to be sick

We don't have time

Do you have a bag?

♪ Placere, Reducere Vitam

Providere Pecunia Etiam ♪

♪ Placere ♪

How are we going to get your dad?

I- I don't know

What?

What the hell is that?

He must have translated the Necronomicon somehow

But what is it?

Pretty much the end of the world as we know it, starting with Eldritch

But the good news is we'll probably go insane first

Well, that is good news

Clyde, you son of a gun- we did it! A world without death,

and I have you to thank for it

This ain't really what I had in mind

According to this, we still need something called the, uh...

the Silver Key

I vaguely remember seeing it, but I can't seem to find the damn thing anywhere

Where is it, Clyde?

I don't- I don't know what you're talking about

I don't like being lied to, and I REALLY don't like

Not getting what I want

That's what I thought- It's here.

Somewhere-

Tell us where it is, Clyde

It'll save you from any... unpleasantness.

And hey, you could even rejoin your family

No! We need him

But I'm hungry again. We can just bring him back-

I said no!

We can't risk losing what's in your head. Not yet.

Besides, prodigal sons have to be willing

Don't you want to belong again?

♪ It's great to be in a community, you all have the same ideals ♪

♪ It's great to be in a community, you can work together on your problems ♪

♪ Its great to be in a community, and pay that temple tax ♪

Half our souls!

♪ It's great to be in a community. Why would we ever leave? ♪

We can't

Where is he?

Are we sure they're not following us?

This is insane. They're all undead?

Everyone. They killed everyone

That can't be Rich. He's a prick, but he's not a murderer

I don't think your brother's calling the shots, if you know what I mean

Dad, I thought I'd lost you

I didn't mean for you to get into any of this, kid. I'm sorry, I-

I should have stayed. I-

Hey, guys. Don't mean to ruin the Hallmark moment, but

there's definitely someone behind us

Turn down this road

Okay, I think we're good

We are NOT good. Those zombie-

Uh, those not-zombies still have the Necronomicon!

Isn't it just a matter of time till they send something

Through that thing in the sky?

Not without this!

Whoa, ew!

A simple "Thank you for saving my life" would do just fine

Dad, is that-

The Silver Key?

That's the puzzle cube! That was in your pants this whole time?

I couldn't let them get their hands on it. Something just

didn't smell right

Yeah, I'll say

Anyway, hold on. I was able to grab this, though

God, what else do you have in there?

You took a page from the Necronomicon?

Yep

Is that bad?

Not in this case. Look, it shows how to use the Silver Key

What does that thing do?

It has such sites to show you

What? Oh, not Hellraiser fans, I guess?

According to this, different positions allow it to do

just about anything you want

So, it grants wishes

That's a simple way to put it

Okay, so if I want to stop that thing, I just need to make a wish

with that Silver Key thing?

It's not that easy- this could take years to solve

I could do it. I mean, after we sanitize that thing, of course

What? It was in the old man's pants all day- I'm not touching that!

Okay. What makes you think-

It's a puzzle cube. I'm the- I mean, I WAS the regional champ

Was?

Don't ask Don't ask

Just let me see it.

- Huh. Mm-hmm. - Oh, oh, ooh- Yeah

Yeah. I think it'll just take a little bit of time but I think I can-

Shit

What? What-

I've seen these symbols in my journal, but I've never had

this page before

What is-

There's two different configurations: one to

open a door, the other to close

Well isn't that the point? Well, you're just making it

sound like it's kind of-

Both require a sacrifice

Okay. Clyde, where do you get your chickens?

No, Geoff. The Key requires the bearer's life

No, nope. Clyde, you can shove that thing

right back in your pants

We're running out of time, you guys

There's got to be another way, right? Look, is there

someplace that we can talk about this?

Okay, up a ways is the old Pickman farm- now,

that thing's been abandoned for years. We can hide out there

What the hell was that?

What is that?

Is that a person? Wait- What are you doing?

I think they need help. Maybe they got hit by something

Hello?

Guys. Something's happening. Why is something happening?

What did you do?

Nothing. It just started glowing!

Can you hear me?

Zombies!

You know, I think I should start a new blog after this

Oh? About the occult?

No- about how to pick better friends

Oh.

Thanks for the key, bro

You're not my brother

Oh, that hurts, G-string. You know, Rich is still in here,

we just had to make some room. He says "Hi"

He bit me! Now I'm going to bite you!

Stop! We have plans for him

Fine, but I'm eating someone tonight

Colin...

Dick

You're pretty good with puzzles, aren't you?

Pretty good? Pretty good? I'm on track to go to the nationals

Dude!

Oh, Um... I'm- Yeah, sometimes. Maybe. Not really, though

Uh huh. Listen, I'm going to need you to solve this puzzle for me,

Buddy

And why would I do that, Sport?

Because, Tiger, if you don't, Tina gets to have her way with you

Well, that doesn't sound so bad

Oh, I am done playing nice with the Geek Squad. Solve it,

or my little brother gets a new mouth

He won't do it

Won't I?

Okay, fine. I'll do it. Give it the old college try. I mean,

I didn't go to college, but-

But?

But, but I'll try, okay? Just don't hurt him

Colin, don't-

Take the nerd outside and get everything ready.

Well, I better get out there

It's almost time for tonight's Big Story

Don't hurt him

You going to stop me, G-string?

♪ We never do come out on top ♪

♪ I'm scared as hell we'll miss our shot ♪

♪ He's grown so fast, they're on his side ♪

♪ Clocks running down, we're out of time ♪

♪ Maybe we can do it, we can make it if we fight ♪

♪ Take no more shit from anyone, this time it's do or die ♪

♪ My plans never come about, be dead before the night is out ♪

♪ Somehow that's all we're hoping for, been through all this before ♪

♪ I know we can do this, or at least we've got to try ♪

♪ With everything I've lost already, someone else may have to die ♪

♪ Today is a big day for me, never missed a shot before ♪

♪ I used to just want Eldritch- Now I want so much more ♪

♪ I know I can do it, I can make it if I try ♪

♪ Take everything from everyone, it's time for them to die ♪

♪ Is there time to save this town? Are we too late to try? ♪

♪ Give it everything we've got! ♪

♪ Take everything, kill everyone. This town is going down ♪

♪ We're near the end, not there yet, time to turn this thing around ♪

♪ For, tonight it's do or die ♪

♪ Tonight it's do or die ♪

Everything is ready. When the gate opens, we will receive power

Something funny?

You don't actually think what's going to come through is

going to help you out, do you? Have you guys never seen a horror movie?

Some of us have lives

Well, you HAD lives

We've been freshly reborn!

Huh- you could have fooled me

Wait here

We have to hurry

I can't let Colin solve that puzzle- it will kill him!

What other choice do we have? Its either Colin or everybody else

I'll do it

What?

He's my friend. More than that, he's my brother

More of a brother than Rich ever was

Don't count your chickens just yet

Hurry up, nerd. They're getting impatient

Well, can you tell THEM that I'm going as fast as I can?

Unless if you want to do it... huh, I didn't think so

You're late! Get to chanting!

Placere Placere

Nice night for a ritual, ain't it?

Placere Placere

Placere Placere Placere Placere

The idiot's actually doing it!

Y'ai'Ng'Ngah, Yog-Sothoth

H'ee-L'geb F'ai Throdog...

What's burning?

I can't talk right now, I'm on a deadline

How close are you?

I'm too close

Give it to me for the last move

What?

That thing is going to kill us all. There's no time to argue

Geoff!

Jill!

Jill, catch!

Sorry

Classic

Stop!

Geoff. Just turn it that way and then turn it that way

And that should do it

Right... I love you, man

I know

Ogthrod Ai'f

Geb'L-ee'h Yog-Sothoth!

Goodbye

So, what are you doing after this?

Well, I know a coffee shop that's open pretty late, but-

Really? Well, it just so happens that-

G-string here doesn't even like coffee,

but I think it's pretty amazing. Just like you

Wait! Don't- it'll kill you

I have to do this

But, G- Geoff... you're my brother

Thanks, Rich

Dad?

Had to finish what I started, kid

Don't

It's already done. Sorry I got you into this mess. I love you

I love you

Better get on with it

'Ngah'Ng Ai'y Zhro!

It's been six months since the incident at Kingdom Beyond

In the wake of the event, the community has begun to rebuild

their trust with one another and reintegrate into society

Others affected by the strange occurrence have also been

processing their experience and finding new pathways forward

Eldritch has proven to be surprisingly resilient,

learning to coexist with their... different neighbors,

with a surprising level of tolerance

However, for some, the events at Kingdom Beyond were a catalyst

to chase new opportunities and step out from the shadows of their-

Turn it off!

This is Rich Brewer, signing off

♪ He does everything right He does everything right ♪

♪ He does everything right ♪

Do you need a ride?

So I was thinking maybe about stopping to get a bite to eat

up at this little cafe... You hungry?

Starving