Original subtitles

-♪ I've been thinking 'bout our cradle ♪

♪ And the way it used to sway ♪

♪ When the mattress springs were squealing high ♪

♪ And the roaches ran away ♪

♪ Now I'm gone to Memphis ♪

♪ In my brand-new Chevrolet ♪

-Well...

you know how many people in the world

live in a real democracy?

8%.

So maybe we ought to just admit

that we're the ones that are outvoted.

♪♪

-♪ Hey, everybody, have you heard the news? ♪

♪ Joe Bob is back in town ♪

♪ He's over at the drive-in, hanging around ♪

♪ Watching crazy movies, so come on down ♪

♪ To Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Blood, beasties, boobies, and more ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's a spooky good time with monsters and ghosts ♪

♪ Crazy, kooky fun with the world's greatest host ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be legendary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be very scary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

-Okay, Darcy. Let's talk tick removal.

-Okay?

-Big camping weekend. 4th of July.

Skeeters, ticks, snakes,

bears, poison ivy, sunburn, swamp fungus.

-What is swamp fungus?

-You know, when somebody says, "Hey, there's the Buffalo River,

let's jump in the Buffalo River,"

and then you come out and you've got this

oily, sticky green crud all over your skin, you know,

and -- and you just feel like

you want to be dipped in a vat of pig lard

and have your epidermis scraped with a pitchfork.

You know what I mean?

-I mean, not exactly.

-Well, anyway, there is nothing worse

than ticks on a camping trip.

And women don't understand this. You know why?

-Because we're more careful?

-No, because ticks love testicles.

Ticks always go right for the balls.

And it's one thing to remove a tick from your chest

or your arm or your leg or your foot or your armpit.

It is quite another thing to carry out

the delicate process of solo tick eradication

when you're working with the male crotch.

-I had no idea.

-Well, they should actually have a nonprofit foundation

to take care of this.

I mean, the National Testicle-Mangling

Tick Destruction Institute or something.

Because -- Because that's what

we should be aiming for, Darcy --

Total tick eradication, extinction of the species.

-I think that's a little harsh.

-Darcy, do you want the sperm of mankind

to be sucked into an arachnid? Do you?

I do believe the future of the nation is at risk

from just this one problem.

You ever had a tick on your testicle?

-Not that I'm aware of.

-Okay, then stand aside and let me explain this.

There are traditionally three ways to kill an embedded tick.

So Austin, give me that chart, alright?

-Alright.

-You know, maybe we could mention the movie.

-Oh, yeah. Well, excuse my manners.

Our first movie tonight is "Dark Night of the Scarecrow,"

which many consider to be the greatest

made-for-TV horror movie in history.

And there's quite a bit of competition

for that distinction.

-Not really.

-You're not a fan of "Dark Night of the Scarecrow"?

-Oh, I am a super fan of "Dark Night of the Scarecrow."

I just don't think there are that many really good

made-for-TV horror movies.

-Well, the one people always mention besides this one is

"Trilogy of Terror," but that's an anthology film from the '70s.

I don't count anthology films.

And "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark."

They talk about that one. That's also in the '70s.

But -- And I don't even remember who was in

"Don't Be Afraid of the Dark."

-Kim Darby and Jim Hutton.

It was -- It was like a goblin movie.

But the remake was better.

-Well, of course it was better.

The remake was a real film.

But we're talking about films that played only on TV.

-"The Night Stalker"? -"Night Stalker"?

Okay. Alright. We have three now.

So I agree with "The Night Stalker."

-I just -- There aren't that many

because of network taste standards.

-Well, I know there have been some Draculas on TV.

There have been some Jekyll and Hydes.

Maybe one Frankenstein.

You know what, do one of your patented surveys for Fangoria.

You know, you're always writing those articles

about overlooked movies.

Give me your top 10 made exclusively for

network television horror titles.

-Honestly, that is a really good idea. Thank you.

-Okay. I know it's not as exciting

as hopping Chinese vampires, which you did.

-You read my article.

-I read all your articles.

-Well, I mean, you could mention them once in a while.

Hopping Chinese vampires are really freaking cool,

and we don't show enough of them on the show.

-Alright, I'll take that under advisement.

Hop-- Hopping Chinese vampires. -You will?

-Maybe. Alright.

Darcy the Mail Girl, ladies and gentlemen,

here to field your texts,

your tweets, your e-mails, your Instas, your TikToks,

your plaintive cries for films from the '80s

that we will never show.

She is your pipeline and she is your advocate.

-Damn right. -Alright. So --

But, Darcy, the subject at hand is bloodsucking tick removal.

-I'm sorry that I talk so much about movies.

-You're forgiven. Okay. As you can see,

there are three traditional ways to destroy the life of a tick.

And, well, there are actually four ways.

Because the first time you get a tick when you're in Cub Scouts,

you know, your instinct is just rip it off

or pop it like a pimple.

You know, big mistake.

You have just left various tick body parts

embedded in your body, including,

most importantly, the head.

The head of the tick is there.

He's decapitated, but he's still sucking

and you're going to need antibiotics.

So -- Plus, your scoutmaster is going to start a fire

and sterilize the end of his pocket knife, you know.

Ooh, no, thank you.

So first traditional removal method -- tweezers.

Alright?

This is what the school nurse will tell you.

You know, use the tweezers, get them in there

as close to the skin as possible,

squeeze the tick gently and pull it slowly straight up

so that all the legs come out.

You know, like,

"Don't pay any attention to me, little tick man.

I'm just going to lift you a few millimeters

and you will feel fine and then I'll squash you under my shoe."

You know, that's -- that's the plan.

Never works. Never works.

Because the tick freaks out. He goes for broke.

He tries to suck as much blood as possible

before certain death.

So don't even waste time on number one.

It's like working on the bomb squad.

You know, one false move, you're screwed.

Okay, method numero two-o --

suffocate the son of a bitch.

You know, now different people use different substances.

I mean, you're basically going to cut off the tick's air supply

with either Vaseline, Neosporin, wood alcohol,

hydrogen peroxide, vinegar, or just a big old sloppy glob

of nail polish will do it, you know,

But -- But here's why it's not going to work.

It takes too long for him to die.

And when he's in the paroxysms of painful,

desperate breath deprivation or whatever it does to him,

he tenses up and he clamps down with those pincer legs

and you end up with a lifeless smudge

that is nonetheless still attached to you.

Alright, the third way -- I've done this a hundred times,

so do not listen to anybody in the medical community

who warns you not to do this.

Always do this.

Light a match, blow it out,

and immediately put the hot smoldering end of the match

directly on the back of the tick.

It does something to every muscle in his nasty little body

and all his legs stick straight out

and his head comes up out of your epidermis,

often leaving a clean cavity where he's been burrowing,

and a flick of your finger is all it takes

to send 100% of him tumbling through space.

Of course you want to go hunt him down

after he tumbles through space

because you want to finish him off,

even though he's probably already paralyzed

and on his back and begging for euthanasia.

-Wow, I cannot believe you've given

this much thought to ticks.

-Darcy, if you had balls, you would understand.

-I guess.

But, like, wouldn't you burn yourself doing that?

-Yes, you can burn yourself doing that.

You can -- You can double over clutching your groin

like that catcher for the Nationals last year,

Keibert Ruiz,

that catcher who got -- I shouldn't laugh.

-You shouldn't. -He got clocked --

He got clocked with a foul ball in the second inning.

And then by the sixth inning,

his testicles were the size of grapefruits.

I mean, we -- we know that because he told us

they were the size of grapefruits.

But my point is, it's worth the risk to -- to --

to -- to watch this nasty parasite suffer

and watch him expire.

So -- -Well, speaking of balls,

I think it was ballsy of Charles Durning

to take the lead role in "Dark Night of the Scarecrow"

because that is one

of the most hated characters in horror history.

-Are you trying to change the subject?

-Somebody has to, man.

-You know, the summer is upon us.

This is important consumer information.

Bare skin in tick-infested warrens.

-Warrens? -Yes.

You enter a warren near your campsite

and suddenly you're engulfed by ravenous ticks.

-Ticks don't live in warrens.

-Well, they should live in warrens.

-Warrens are rabbit holes.

-Okay. "Dark Night of the Scarecrow."

This is the sensitive story of a megalomaniac, small-town

postmaster who just might be a pedophile

but is so full of downright meanness

that he bullies a mentally challenged man

whose best friend is a 10-year-old girl.

And the result is a series of grisly murders

revolving around a creepy scarecrow

and the local rednecks.

Sure, we've seen it before, but have we seen it

with sophisticated farm machinery

energized by supernatural forces?

I think not.

Let's look at those drive-in totals and get started.

We have 6 dead bodies,

1 vicious canine attack,

1 vigilante round-up,

1 firing squad, with multiple bloody wounds,

1 home-invasion-induced heart attack,

1 exploding house,

1 mail-truck crash,

killpit of the corn.

-Okay.

-Multiple whiskey guzzlings,

shovel to the cranium,

pitchfork through the gizzards,

grave digging, two stepping,

apple bobbing,

flower crushing,

gratuitous garden-gnome montage,

lynch mob fu, brush machine fu,

farm machinery fu, scarecrow fu.

Drive-In Academy Award nominations for

Lane Smith as the wood-chipping farmer who says,

"I'm going to teach that moron a lesson."

Charles Durning as Otis, the postal vigilante who says,

"Get the dogs and get the guns."

And "You're not afraid of me, little girl.

I'm the mailman."

Jocelyn Brando as Mama Ritter who says,

"Nobody's going to hurt you.

Mama's not going to let him."

And "There's other justice in this world,"

as she's dragged screaming out of the courtroom.

Tonya Crowe as the 10-year-old girl

in fluffy slippers who loves Bubba.

And Robert F. Lyons as the grease monkey Skeeter

who says, "We killed him. Please stop. I get so confused."

Larry Drake as Bubba the village id--

the village developmentally delayed

intellectual disability victim.

J.D. Feigelson, the writer, for doing things the drive-in way

despite the limitations of network TV.

And Frank De Felitta,

the director, for nailing the ending.

Four stars.

Joe Bob says check it out.

-Wait, I thought you were going to give us

a 4th of July message.

-No, I'm not doing 4th of July message this year

because I decided tick removal technique was more important.

-But your messages are always so cute.

-Nobody wants to hear a horror host waving the flag.

-Sure we do. -Tick removal is more practical.

I mean, first of all, you can't even say

the word America anymore

without somebody saying "Just what do you mean by that?"

You know? So I mean,

it's really hard to talk about the 4th of July anymore

because stuff that used to be common,

you just can't -- you can't say it anymore.

-Can't we just say, "Yay, America is awesome"?

-Oh, Darcy, come on.

-No?

-We're going to get letters just from you saying that.

You know, "America is not awesome."

You know, we're going to get letters.

-So no 4th of July message. -No. Too risky.

-Who would complain?

-Americans.

-Who are you calling an American?

-Exactly. No, that's what I mean. Exactly.

Yeah.

[Laughter]

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-♪ Are the flowers that I've seen ♪

♪ Growing in the fields so gay ♪

♪ To brighten up our way ♪

♪ To brighten up our way ♪

♪ Red and yellow, green and blue ♪

♪ Growing in my garden too ♪

♪ Flowers seem to smile with glee ♪

♪ Just for you and me ♪

♪ Just for you and me ♪

-Okay, give me another one.

Aw, Bubba, look what you did.

You ruined it.

Don't squeeze it like that.

Hold it by the stem like I showed you.

Okay, find me another one.

That's better!

See, you can do it!

-[Laughs]

-Look, Bubba, isn't it beautiful?

It's a lei.

Everybody gets one when they go to Hawaii.

Here's one for you, Bubba.

-[Gasps]

Beautiful.

-Now I have to give you a kiss.

Come on, Bubba!

You have to, it's the custom.

It comes with the flower.

-[Mumbles]

-Then give it back.

Okay then.

Come on, Bubba.

♪♪

-♪ Red and yellow, blue and green ♪

♪ Are the flowers that I've seen ♪

♪♪

[Engine starts]

[Wood chipper whirring]

-Hi, Otis.

-He's out there again.

And he's got the Williams girl.

Unh-unh!

-You know what he's liable to do?

-Yes.

-Well, let's get down there and break it up then.

-Well, what good would it do?

Two days and he'd be back again just like before.

-Not this time.

I'm gonna teach that moron a lesson.

-You're wasting your time.

-Just you wait and see. When I get through with him --

-You're wasting your time!

He's an idiot. He can't remember.

You ought to know that by now. -Well, what'll we do then?

-Nothin'. -Nothin'?

Wait a minute.

I don't understand this.

It was your idea he's dangerous in the first place.

You're the one who always wants to run down there

and rub his face in the dirt.

What happened all of a sudden?

You changed your mind.

♪♪

-He's a blight.

♪♪

Like stinkweed and cutworm that you spray and spray

to get rid of but always keep coming back.

♪♪

No, I haven't changed my mind.

Something's gotta be done.

♪♪

But it has to be permanent.

-Hey, Otis...

I'll kick him around a little...

have a little fun with him, but, uh,

that's as far as I'm gonna go.

-What would you do if somethin' happened out there?

-Well, that's different.

You know what I'd do!

There'd be a reason.

-Uh-huh.

Say hello to the missus for me.

[Engine starts]

♪♪

-♪ For my friends a chain that never ends ♪

♪ A chain that never ends ♪

-Bubba, look!

[Birds chirping]

The Renfros got a fountain!

Isn't it beautiful?

-Beautiful.

-Come on.

Come on!

-No!

-Why?

-Bubba can't go in yard.

-Just to look, we won't hurt anything.

-No.

I'll get in trouble.

-Don't be such a scaredy cat.

There's nobody home anyway.

Okay, you stay here.

I'll go by myself.

-[Laughs]

-[Laughs]

[Dog growling]

♪♪

♪♪

Bubba. Bubba!

♪♪

Bubba!

♪♪

Bubba! Bubba!

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Knocking at door]

-Alright, alright, I'm coming!

-[Crying]

B-Bubba didn't do it!

-[Screams]

[Tires screeching]

-Thank you.

-Otis!

It's happened!

Bubba Ritter. He's done it!

-The Williams girl?

-Just like you said!

-How bad? -She's dead, Otis!

♪♪

♪♪

The Sheriff's calling for volunteers.

Everybody's gonna meet over at the courthouse.

-No!

We'll do this ourselves.

Let's get the dogs and the guns.

♪♪

[Car horn honking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Banging on car]

♪♪

♪♪

-Here they come!

Darby, take over.

[Horn honking]

About time.

♪♪

[Dogs barking]

♪♪

-[Panting]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Come on, come on.

Make a start, let's make a move.

Here we go! -This way!

They're on to him!

-Harless, drive around to the other side.

Let's catch him before he gets home!

-Alright. -Let's go! Let's go!

♪♪

♪♪

[Dogs barking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-You alright, Mr. Philby?

-I'm fine, Skeeter, go on, go.

Go on, yeah, go.

♪♪

-Mama! Mama!

Mama! Mama!

♪♪

Mama! -Bubba, what is it?

-Marylee got hurt!

But I didn't do it, Mama!

I told her not to!

Bubba told her not to!

-Not to? Not to what?

[Dogs barking] -Help me, Mama!

They gonna hurt me!

They gonna hurt Bubba. He's scared, Mama!

But I didn't do nothing bad!

-I know, sweetheart.

You're a good boy.

Now, nobody's gonna hurt you, you hear?

Nobody's gonna hurt you!

Mama's not gonna let 'em!

Damn them!

Anything happen in that town and they come blamin' you!

Now get up here!

Listen to me.

Now, you remember what we did the last time?

We played a game.

The hiding game.

Remember?

-The hiding game?

The hiding game!

I remember! I remem-- the hiding!

I can play good, Mama!

-I know. Now, come on.

We're gonna play it again!

Come on. Come on! -Hiding game!

We're gonna play the game.

-I'm gonna play the hiding game.

-Yes, we're gonna play the game!

♪♪

[Dogs barking]

♪♪

♪♪

-Here! Take the dogs!

You go on ahead.

-I've got 'em, Mr. Hazelrigg!

-You see anything? -No, I haven't seen a thing.

-They're on to somethin' here.

Come on, boys, what is it?

-Come on, we've got him now! Let's go!

Let's go!

♪♪

We got him!

-What are we gonna do?

-Shut off the engine.

Keep the dogs quiet, let me handle it.

Bubba Ritter!

Come on, Bubba, we know where you are!

-Maybe he ain't here, Mr. Hazelrigg.

-Damn it, Bubba, I'm not gonna fool around with you.

You hear me?

Now, you come on out of there!

-What are you men doing on my property?

I asked you what you're doing?

-We've come him, Mrs. Ritter!

-In a pig's eye!

-This is official.

-Official?

Who do you think you are?

The only official you ever done is lick stamps.

Now get off my place!

-He's wanted, Miss Ritter.

-I don't believe it!

You're just out here to torment him again!

What's he supposed to have done?

-What do you think?

-Frank Williams' daughter.

-No!

He wouldn't hurt nobody.

Especially a child!

Don't ya understand? He loves children.

He plays with 'em because he's no older than them

in his head.

-He's 36 years old, Mrs. Ritter.

He's physically mature.

Where is he?

-He ain't here.

[Dogs barking]

-Dogs say different.

-I ain't seen him!

-We'll tear this place apart if we have to.

-Over my dead body.

-I'm warning you, you're obstructing justice.

-And you ain't the law!

-You're obstructing justice and aiding a fugitive!

-And you're trespassing, and this is my property

and you just get the hell off!

-Mrs. Ritter!

Mrs. Ritter!

-Mr. Hazelrigg, they've picked up on somethin' over here.

Don't look like he was in the house.

-Maybe he's headed across the field.

Same thing he did the last time we lost him.

-Not this time.

We got dogs.

We got dogs! Come on!

[Dogs barking]

[Engine starts]

[Dogs barking]

♪♪

-They're onto somethin'!

Mr. Hazelrigg, they're on to somethin' here!

Come on, boys, what is it?

Come on! You can find him, boys!

Come on!

[Dogs barking]

-What's the matter with 'em?

-I don't know!

Come on. Come on!

-Looks like they lost him!

-No, that's impossible!

-Same as they did last time!

-Aw, they think he's the scarecrow!

-Come on! Knock it off!

Come on! -Give me that!

No, don't! Don't, Mr. Hazelrigg!

-Damn eggsuckers!

-Don't kick 'em, Mr. Hazelrigg!

He's okay.

♪♪

-[Whimpering]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Bubba didn't do it!

♪♪

[Crow caws]

[Gunshots]

-Hello, Harless?

Hey, Harless, do you copy? Come back.

Hey, Harless, you out there?

-Yeah, Loomie, go ahead.

-Hey, where you at?

-We out here at the Ritter place.

-What are you doing out there?

They called everything off a half-hour ago.

-What the hell are you talking about?

-Hadn't you heard?

Little girl's alright. It was all a mistake.

Hank Renfro's dog jumped her.

They've already released her from the clinic

and sent her home.

Funny part is ol' Bubba saved her life.

Ain't that a laugh.

♪♪

Harless?

Hey, Harless, you readin' me?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Strong winds blowing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Dogs barking]

♪♪

[Static]

-I love the way the weird wind kicks up

as though the world is now out of joint.

The Earth itself is disturbed by what just happened.

And so by the first commercial break on the CBS network

on the night of October 24, 1981,

exactly one week before Halloween,

everybody was already hooked on this movie.

This was not your normal TV movie

because, first of all, you have Charles Durning as Otis,

not the typical role for a musical comedy star.

And there can only be one reason

why Otis is so interested in

eliminating Bubba from the town --

because he wants Bubba's 10-year-old friend Marylee.

Pretty strong stuff for a family network.

And then we have Larry Drake as Bubba.

Now, this was the second time

he'd played a character named Bubba.

The first time was in the Herschell Gordon Lewis

moonshine movie "This Stuff'll Kill Ya!"

10 years earlier.

But he didn't even get paid for that job,

so this was his first paying job after moving from Tulsa to L.A.,

and he went to director Frank De Felitta's house

and he performed a scene from "Of Mice and Men."

I guess he had played Lenny at some point.

And of course, this character is a version of Lenny

in "Of Mice and --" "Of Mice and Men."

And -- But what's interesting is this character

would kind of define Larry Drake's whole career

because Larry Drake would win two Emmy Awards

as Benny on "L.A. Law,"

the law firm's mentally challenged messenger.

And of course, we also know him as Dr. Giggles

and the tough criminal Robert G. Durant in "Darkman."

But he's best known and loved as Benny.

So here he's doing a version of Benny

five years before "L.A. Law" even existed.

So I have to think that this role played a part

in getting that later role.

And then as though that wasn't enough working against type,

we have Jocelyn Brando as Bubba's mama, Mrs. Ritter.

She was nearing the end of her career,

although she would do "Mommie Dearest" the same year

that this movie came out.

If you remember the scene in "Mommie Dearest"

where Christina confronts her mom, Joan Crawford,

and Joan proceeds to slap her around in front of the reporter,

and then they end up in a knock-down, drag-out fight

and Joan tries to strangle her to death,

well, Jocelyn Brando plays the reporter who helps pry

Joan off of the daughter.

Anyway, it's interesting

to see her going hillbilly in this movie, Jocelyn Brando.

Even though she actually did grow up on a farm.

Karl Malden used to say that Jocelyn Brando

was as great or possibly greater talent

than her famous little brother.

When she was young, she did "Mr. Roberts" on Broadway.

She did "Desire Under the Elms" on Broadway.

But the alcohol got her just like it got their parents.

And by the time this movie comes out,

it's been 30 years since her signature role

as Glenn Ford's wife in the Fritz Lang film noir,

"The Big Heat."

And most people know her, if they know her at all,

for a recurring role on the TV series "Dallas."

And then you add to that -- And normally

I don't talk this much about the casting,

but I got to do it on this movie.

The three yahoos who go out in the cornfield

chasing Bubba with Charles Durning

are all highly respected character actors, veterans.

You got hundreds of years of experience

in the cast of this movie.

Alright, let's see what's going to happen

to the four guys who just blew Bubba to smithereens

while he was cowering inside a scarecrow.

Roll the film.

You know, they shot this movie in Piru, California,

and that's a little town about an hour north of downtown L.A.

It's -- And actually that rundown post office

where Otis works, that's the real post office in Peru.

This may be the only movie -- movie I've ever seen

about a megalomaniac postmaster.

"Get the guns and the dogs."

You know, he even tells Jocelyn Brando,

"You're obstructing justice,"

you know, and she very accurately points out

that postmasters in broken-down mail trucks

don't normally have the right to arrest people.

So anyway, Piru is this town that Hollywood uses

when they need a redneck universe.

I think because it's kind of its own redneck universe.

It's a tiny town, but it's been used in dozens,

if not hundreds of movies

going all the way back to the silent era.

And those mountains in the background,

those are the Topatopas,

which has nothing to do with what I'm talking about.

I just like saying it.

Topatopa. Topatopa Mountains.

♪♪

[Static]

-Objection! Objection, Your Honor!

[Gavel bangs] -Order. Order in this court!

-That point has been established, Your Honor!

-That's not the point at all.

The men had no reason, no right to be out there.

Legal or otherwise.

-Objection! Objection, Your Honor!

The sheriff called for volunteers,

and the District Attorney knows it!

He is deliberately harassing my clients!

-They are vigilantes.

And anyone who doesn't understand that

is either blind or incompetent.

I mean, the man was helpless for God's sake!

-That's a lie, and you know it!

[Spectators murmuring]

-I'm sorry, Your Honor.

I almost forgot.

He had a pitchfork.

Against four men with guns.

He might as well have had a -- a feather duster

against that firing squad.

-I object! I object, Your Honor.

[Gavel bangs] -Everybody get quiet now!

Now, that is the last time I'm gonna put up with that.

Now, either you people are gonna

observe the quorum of this hearing

or I'm gonna hold you in contempt.

Otis,

I want you to tell this court whether you or these men

gave the deceased a chance to surrender himself.

You're under oath.

-Yes, Your Honor, we did.

Several times.

In fact, we even fired shots in the air.

We did everything we possibly could not to hurt him.

We had to defend ourselves.

-Def-- Defend yourselves?

The man had 21 bullet wounds in him!

-Objection. Objection, Your Honor!

[Gavel bangs]

-Now, once more and I'm gonna clear this room!

Will the attorneys come on up here to the bench.

Now, gentlemen, we have got a very delicate situation

on our hands here.

Now, we have to be extremely careful.

Sam, these men are members of the community.

They're not criminals.

-But, Your Honor, they went out --

-Sam! I'll tell you the truth.

After listening to the arguments,

I don't think you have a case against 'em.

-Henry. Your Honor.

These men went out with no legal right, they --

-Sam, Sam, you have produced no witnesses.

You have produced no evidence.

You have not shown me one thing to prove

that what happened is any different than what they say.

Now, do you have anything else?

Do you have anything else to present?

-No.

-Then alright.

After reviewing the evidence and testimony in this hearing,

I find it insufficient to establish probable cause.

And I'm ordering the defendants

released from custody immediately.

-No!

No!

They're murderers!

They killed my son!

They killed my son!

They murdered him! They murdered him!

It ain't right that you let 'em go free.

They killed my boy!

They killed my boy!

You may think that you're getting off free

but there's other justice in this world

besides the law.

[Crying]

[Murmuring]

-Court is adjourned.

[Clamoring]

[Applause]

-Hazelrigg!

Just a minute!

I want to tell you men one thing.

I think you executed that man, and I promise you this --

If I ever find a single shred of evidence,

I'll see every one of you on death row.

Am I keeping you, Mr. Hazelrigg?

-Huh?

Oh, well I was just noticing the time.

It's Tuesday, and Mrs. Bunch'll be havin' fried chicken

over at the boardin' house right now.

[Laughter]

-Fried chicken!

[Laughter]

I thought he was gonna drop his teeth!

Fried chicken!

[Laughter]

♪♪

[Strong winds blowing]

♪♪

[Trash cans clattering]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-How is she?

-Oh, Frank, in these past few weeks,

I've never been so frightened in my life.

-I know, honey.

It's over now.

She's gonna be just fine.

Try and relax.

-You know, I never realized she was so attached to that man.

-What do you mean?

-It's the first thing she asked about.

"Where's Bubba? What's happened to Bubba?"

I have to stop her from getting out of bed.

She was going out to see him!

-Well, didn't you tell her?

-I didn't have the heart to.

Especially in her condition.

I just told her we'd talk about it another time.

Oh, Frank, what am I gonna tell her?

-Don't tell her anything.

Just let it lie.

♪♪

♪♪

[Dog barking in distance]

-Bubba?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Knocks on window]

Bubba?

♪♪

Bubba, you asleep?

♪♪

Olly olly oxen free?

♪♪

Bubba?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Door creaks]

♪♪

Bubba?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Bubba?

♪♪

♪♪

-Child!

What on earth?

Look at you.

What in the world are you doin'

runnin' around this time of night?

And in your gown!

Oh, sweetheart, you should be home in bed.

You're gonna get sick!

We're gonna go down by the fire and get you warm.

-Where's Bubba?

-What?

- He's not in his room, I looked!

-Oh, child!

[Clock ticking]

Nobody told you...

Bubba's gone.

-Gone?

Where?

-Well, where they can't hurt him no more.

-Well, when is he coming back?

-He's not, sweetheart.

-Never?

But he can't sing the flower song by himself.

He only knows his ABC's up to G.

I've gotta find him, Mrs. Ritter!

He was just learning to tie a bow-knot

in his shoe laces.

-Oh, child...

[Crying]

-Don't cry, Mrs. Ritter!

I'll help you find him, really!

I know all the places he likes to go, where he hides.

Come on, I'll show you!

I'll show you! -Marylee!

-Come on! -Marylee, wait, child!

-You don't understand!

Marylee!

Marylee!

Marylee!

Marylee!

-♪ Flowers that I've seen ♪

♪ Growing in the field so gay ♪

♪ To brighten up our way ♪

♪ To brighten up our way ♪

♪ Red and yellow, green and blue ♪

♪ Growing in my garden too ♪

♪ Flowers seem to smile with glee ♪

♪ Just for you and me ♪

♪ Just for you and me ♪

[Insects chirping]

Don't worry, Mrs. Ritter.

Bubba's not gone.

He's just being silly.

Don't you know what he's doing?

He's playing the hiding game.

[Crows cawing]

-Good morning, Mr. Hazelrigg.

-Good morning, Mrs. Whimberly.

-How are you today? -Never better, Mrs. Whimberly.

Never better. -Thank you, thank you.

-Come on, keep it movin', you sucker!

-Hi, Otis!

-Hi, Mrs. Hocker.

See ya again. -Okay.

Harless!

-What?

-We just got an invitation

to the church Halloween carnival.

Ya hear? -What?

-To the church party.

Can we go?

-Oh, I don't care.

-Well, I'd have to let 'em know before Saturday

because they sure do want me...

Harless?

-What now?

-Have you started planting?

-What?

-I said, have you started planting?

-What's the matter with you? Can't you see I'm busy?

You ever seen me plantin' this time of year?

-No.

-Well, why do you ask a lame-brain thing like that?

-Well, I just thought it was kinda strange,

I mean, if you're not plantin',

why would you put up a scarecrow?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

-You know, scarecrows are creepy

even without this storyline.

But this was the invention of the scarecrow subgenre.

This was the very first one.

There is no scarecrow horror

prior to "Dark Night of the Scarecrow."

And since then, there have been a couple dozen of them.

"Night of the Scarecrow" in 1995.

They just got rid of the single word "dark."

Plus, "Children of the Corn 3," "Dark Harvest,"

several episodes of "Goosebumps,"

"Psycho Scarecrow," and then by 2001,

the subgenre was so well-established

that the Japanese made one called simply "Scarecrow."

"Jeepers Creepers" is probably the best one.

There's even a spring break scarecrow movie.

"Scarecrow Gone Wild." And that's not a comedy.

It's not tongue in cheek. They play that totally straight.

Anyway, the actress playing the 10-year-old Marylee

was 10-year-old Tonya Crowe,

who was actually a very seasoned child actress.

Her first role was on "Charlie's Angels" at age five.

And then she guested everywhere --

on "CHiPS" and "Trapper John, MD"

and the "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers" TV series

and "Who's the Boss?"

And she'd been in a couple of after-school specials.

She was in "The Bad News Bears."

What I like about her work in this movie

is that she never for a single moment acts like a kid.

She's in many ways the only mature character.

And when Bubba is missing,

she just puts on her fluffy slippers

and she goes out and hunts him down,

leading to that very disturbing moment

where she's sitting beside the cross

that used to be a scarecrow and singing a song with Bubba

and reassuring Bubba's mom that nothing is wrong.

"Bubba's just playing the hiding game."

So Tonya Crowe would make the transition to grown-up acting,

and she would work for many years

on the nighttime soap "Knots Landing."

In fact, she was one of the major characters,

Olivia Cunningham.

"Dark Night of the Scarecrow" was written by my fellow Texan,

J.D. Feigelson, and he was from Beaumont.

And he had made two earlier movies in Texas.

He made one called "The Wind Splitter."

A motorcycle movie,

sort of copying elements of "Easy Rider."

And in fact, they called it "the Texas 'Easy Rider.'"

And one of the actors in that movie actors was Tobe Hooper.

As far as I know, Tobe's only acting credit.

This would have been three years before

"The Texas Chainsaw Massacre,"

when Tobe was still struggling.

And then J.D. Feigelson made a movie called "Horror High"

that is mostly remembered, when it's remembered at all,

for having a lot of Dallas Cowboys players

in law-enforcement roles.

Craig Morton, for example, is one of the cops,

and both of those were critical and financial flops.

And so J.D. figured, "Okay, I got one more chance."

Now, why did he think he had one more chance?

I don't know. But he came up with the basic premise

for "Dark Night of the Scarecrow."

And J.D. is one of those guys who is so personally charming

that people want to help him.

And one of the people who ended up helping him was Ray Bradbury.

He sent his first draft to Ray Bradbury,

and it came back with all these red lines on it

that Ray Bradbury was basically telling him,

"Throw it out and start over."

But -- But then he went through several drafts.

He did what Ray Bradbury said to do,

and Bradbury agreed to read all of those drafts.

And on the ninth draft,

Bradbury had one red line and a note saying,

"You are finished."

So I love stories like that because it's a major thing

to ask somebody to read your novel or your screenplay.

That is a major time commitment.

So for Ray Bradbury to go through that whole process

with Feigelson, that's pretty amazing.

So after that, he sends it

to various production companies in Hollywood.

Of course, they all turn it down.

But like I said, Feigelson is a very personable guy,

and he ends up cold calling the head of TV movies at CBS

after CBS has already turned it down.

And he told her, "Look,

this is exactly the kind of movie you guys make.

And I think the only reason you turned it down

was the coverage."

And coverage -- What he means by that is coverage

is the synopses and summaries

and recommendations by the script readers

at the network who tend to be young interns.

So the woman who runs TV movies admits to Feigelson

that she had not read the script,

but she promised to read it over the weekend.

She called him back. She said,

"You're right, this is fabulous. Let's go."

So here we are 42 years later,

still talking about this movie.

So let's get back to it. Go.

I don't think it's a big secret that movie executives

and TV executives never read scripts.

I mean...

Even though it's their job to approve scripts.

You know, Larry Gelbart -- Remember Larry?

He was a great writer. He created "M.A.S.H."

Many other shows.

People forget he also wrote for the stage.

And the writer is king on the stage, you know?

Whatever the writer says goes.

So he -- he wrote the book for the Broadway musical

"A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum"

back in the '60s.

That was one of his early successes.

And then he wrote a very funny satire

for Broadway called "City of Angels"

about the culture of Hollywood.

Cy Coleman did the music.

I-I don't think it was that popular, but I-I loved it.

So there's a scene in "City of Angels"

where the screenwriter goes into producer's office

to meet him for the first time,

and the producer says, "I'm your biggest fan.

I've read a synopsis of

every single thing you've ever written,"

and the reason that's funny is that very often that is true.

I mean, you do not get ahead in Hollywood by reading scripts.

♪♪

[Static]

[Tires screeching]

[Indistinct conversations]

-Hey! Harless, over here!

-Come on! Come on!

We're three ahead of you already.

-Sure.

♪♪

-Just what the hell do you think you're pulling?

-What?

-What's the matter?

You got nobody better to kick around now that Bubba's gone?

♪♪

-What the hell are you talking about?

-Don't act dumb!

♪♪

You know damn well what I'm talking about.

Puttin' that thing out there in my field.

-What thing? -The scarecrow.

♪♪

Well?

-Harless, we didn't do it.

♪♪

I swear to God, we didn't do it! It wasn't us!

♪♪

[Indistinct conversations]

[Knock on door]

-Mr. Hazelrigg.

[Knock on door]

Mr. Hazelrigg.

-Yes, what is it?

-You have some visitors downstairs.

-Visitors?

-Yes. I told them you were taking a nap before dinner,

but they insisted I wake you up.

-Okay, Mrs. Bunch, I'll be down in a minute.

Fellas.

-Uh, was wonderin' if we could see you, Otis.

-Couldn't it wait?

I think we're gettin' ready to have dinner.

-Otis.

Now.

-Well, alright.

Come on up.

What the hell is this?

I told you never to come over here!

Do you know how this looks?

-He seen it, Otis.

-Seen what?

-The scarecrow.

The same one.

Bullet holes, everything, just like before!

Except now it's filled with straw.

-Where? -In my pasture.

I figured they done it.

-Wasn't us!

-I swear, Mr. Hazelrigg, I don't know nothin' about it.

-Somebody knows, Otis!

-No.

-He didn't walk out there by itself!

-Nobody knows.

-Somebody put it there.

-Of course!

-Who?

-Who do you think?

-Oh, my God!

-Yes.

-I don't understand.

What is it?

Who you talkin' about?

-Sam Willock!

-The District Attorney? Why?

-Because he's tryin' to shake you!

And you did just exactly what he expected.

-What do we do?

-Nothin'.

-Nothin?

-Mr. Hazelrigg, we can't just sit around and do --

-Go home! You've done enough already.

Just go home and keep your mouth shut.

For God's sake, don't bunch up like this.

You got guilty written all over you.

Go on.

And one other thing, don't ever come over here again.

For anything.

Ever!

[Insects chirping]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Wood chipper whirring]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Wood chipper shuts down]

-Okay, you can come out now.

♪♪

Sam, I know what you're up to!

♪♪

[Rustling]

[Squeaking]

Sam, let's quit playin' games, I'm tired!

[Rustling]

Come on down, Sam!

I gotta close this place up.

♪♪

[Creaking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Come on, Sam!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Sam?

♪♪

♪♪

[Wood chipper whirring]

[Gasping]

♪♪

Brenda! Help! Brenda!

[Electricity zapping]

Brenda!

[Screams]

[Wood chipper whirring]

-More preserves, Mr. Hazelrigg?

-Mm-hmm.

-There you are.

-A little more, please.

-Oh, my pleasure. [Chuckles]

-Thank you.

-You're welcome. -Biscuits, please, Mr. Loomis.

-A lot of excitement this morning.

-Yes, there was.

Did you hear all the sirens?

-Sirens? Eggs, please.

-Must have been before you got up.

Several of them went past.

Guess it was about 6:00, wasn't it, Mr. Loomis?

-5:58.

-Bacon, please?

-Take my walk at 5:30, that's how I know.

It was 5:58 when the sheriff went by.

-Sheriff? -Yeah.

It was 6:00 when the ambulance went past.

And it was 6:09 when the District Attorney took out.

-District Attorney?

-Here, Hazelrigg, you missed the flapjacks.

Yep, went one right after the other.

Went out of town like their tails were on fire.

Say, Hazelrigg, that was Hocker over here last night, wasn't it?

-Mm-hmm.

-Well, what do you know?

You're here one minute and the the next one...

Hocker ground himself up in his brush machine last night.

♪♪

[Radio chatter]

♪♪

[Crows cawing]

-[Crying]

[Car engine starts]

-He was not innocent.

He would have hurt somebody.

-He saved that girl's life!

-It could've been the other way around, couldn't it?

-Well, what about Mr. Hocker?

-What about Harless? -That was an accident.

-Accident?

An accident?

-I'm telling you what they said.

-And you believe that?

-Well, what else?

He was workin', grindin' brush all day.

-In the barn?

In the middle of the night?

-He was drinkin'. They found a bottle out there.

The judge ruled it an accident.

As far as I'm concerned, that finishes it.

-Yeah, but he don't know everythin', Mr. Hazelrigg.

They don't know about that scarecrow.

-[Laughs]

Scarecrow.

There wasn't any scarecrow. I looked!

There wasn't anything out there.

-There was last night.

Otis.

Harless was right.

We're in trouble. Somebody knows!

-Not yet.

But they will, if you don't drop it!

-You said it was Sam Willock.

Well, it don't look like that now!

-Because it was an accident!

Now, don't try to make something that isn't!

-Then who turned the machine off?

-What?

-You said the machine was off when they found him.

-It ran out of gas.

-How do you know?

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Give me that hoe there.

♪♪

-I wonder why they didn't think of this.

-Maybe they did.

♪♪

Good God, it's almost full.

-Well, then, who turned it off?

♪♪

-The same person who turned it on.

♪♪

[Static]

-That was the late, great Lane Smith getting

ground up in that wood chipper.

Actors Studio legend, part of the original cast

of "Glengarry Glen Ross" on Broadway,

lifetime supporting player,

memorable in "My Cousin Vinny" and "Red Dawn"

and "The Mighty Ducks," "Network,"

"Places in the Heart."

Probably the two roles most people remember Lane Smith for

are Perry White in "Lois & Clark:

The New Adventures of Superman" in 1993

and Nixon in "The Final Days" in 1989.

Lots of Broadway work, though.

Sadly, he died of Lou Gehrig's disease in 2005.

He's from Memphis, born around the same time as Elvis.

The great cast was put together by Frank De Felitta,

not one of the better known directors.

He was primarily a writer.

He was actually best known for two

best-selling supernatural/horror novels --

"Audrey Rose," which came out in 1975

and "The Entity" in 1978.

And "Audrey Rose" --

that was a huge deal at the time.

But the movie version in 1977

with Anthony Hopkins and Marsha Mason

didn't really register with the public,

even though it was a very well done movie,

very much in the vein of "The Exorcist"

and "Rosemary's Baby."

We should show that movie sometime.

It's worth showing.

And then we must show "The Entity."

Barbara Hershey

being repeatedly raped by an invisible demon.

Sidney Furie got the directing job on that book.

It came out in 1982 and again,

should have been much more popular than it was.

Both of those novels were based on real people.

Supposedly, De Felitta went to a seance

and he saw a woman getting raped by a demon.

And then "Audrey Rose" was based on the idea

that if a child is killed at the same time

that another child is being born,

reincarnation can happen and the soul of one

is transferred into the other.

And De Felitta thought that that had happened

to his own son,

that he was the reincarnation of another kid.

The son is not so sure about that.

Anyway, Frank De Felitta was born in the Bronx.

He went into the Army Air Corps during World War II as a pilot,

and then his first writing job when he got out of the Army

was doing scripts for "The Whistler,"

the old radio show that was on in the '40s and '50s.

Does anybody besides me listen to those old radio dramas?

You know? No, because that's the nerdiest thing you can do.

But "The Whistler" was an anthology show.

You never knew what the story was gonna be.

But The Whistler himself was this omniscient narrator

who would comment on the story as it went along.

He was like the voice of God.

But anyway, like all radio writers,

De Felitta had to segue into TV

if he wanted to continue to work.

And so he was nominated for an Emmy in 1963

for an episode of "The DuPont Show of the Week."

He loved those anthology shows,

so he only directed eight movies.

They're all very Hitchcockian --

"Killer in the Mirror,"

psychological thriller starring Ann Jillian;

"Scissors" with Sharon Stone and Steve Railsback;

"The Two Worlds of Jennie Logan,"

TV movie, time-travel, psychological thriller movie

with Lindsay Wagner and Marc Singer,

and oh -- the immortal "Trapped,"

1973 TV movie starring James Brolin

as a man trapped in a department store overnight

with six vicious Dobermans.

But anyway, he always had an interest in the supernatural.

He wrote nine episodes of "Tales of Tomorrow."

He wrote 10 episodes of "Armstrong Circle Theatre."

These were all mystery- thriller-horror-type series.

And he was a very versatile guy.

He also did documentaries for NBC.

He did a documentary in 1966 called

"Mississippi: A Self Portrait."

And the documentary included an interview

with a waiter named Booker Wright.

And Booker Wright talked about how shabbily he was treated

while he was working in this whites-only restaurant.

And after the show came out, he lost his job

and he got beat up and his own restaurant

got burned to the ground and eventually he was murdered.

So De Felitta felt terrible, of course,

because it was because of the documentary.

And many years later, he did a follow-up.

He went back and he met with Booker Wright's family,

who were all proud of him, because by then,

Booker Wright had become a civil rights legend.

But still, that is a rough reality check

if you're the filmmaker.

And on that grim note, let's get back to Otis

and his spiffy mail truck.

You notice Charles Durning never changes clothes

throughout the whole movie?

He has one wardrobe.

Anyway. Roll the flick.

I am The Whistler.

And I know many things...

for I walk by night.

I know many strange tales hidden in the hearts of men

and women who have stepped into the shadows.

Yes, I know the nameless terrors

of which they dare not speak.

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

[Static]

-Marylee?

Marylee?

Marylee, wait!

[Knock on door]

-Marylee, did you forget somethin', honey?

Marylee?

What do you want?

-Package for ya.

-You got your nerve.

-Just doin' my job.

-Leave it in the box.

-Can't, gotta sign for it.

Thank you.

-Get off my property.

-A friend of mine was killed the other night.

-So I heard.

-They all think it was an accident.

I don't.

-Is that so?

There's other justice in this world.

-Besides the law?

-It's a fact.

What you sow, so shall you reap.

-An eye for an eye?

-Tooth for a tooth, hand for a hand, foot for a foot.

-A life for a life?

-Now, just a minute.

You think that...

Don't flatter yourself, Hazelrigg.

There ain't 10 like you worth my son's life.

-Word to the wise, Mrs. Ritter.

It's even now.

Let it lie.

-Not hardly.

It ain't even.

Not so long as you're walkin'!

You don't fool me, Hazelrigg, not for a minute.

I seen how you look at that little girl.

You may think you've got the rest of them fooled,

but I know exactly what you are!

Stay away from her, Hazelrigg!

This is a small town.

Everybody talks!

You just remember what I told you, Hazelrigg!

[Insects chirping]

[Pigs grunting]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Upbeat music playing]

[Indistinct chatter]

♪♪

♪♪

-Hey, you guys, I've got a great idea!

Let's go play hide and go seek! -Okay!

-Come on, let's go! Let's go!

-Come on!

-5, 10, 15, 20, 25,

30, 35, 40, 45, 50,

65, 70, 75, 80, 85,

90, 95, 100.

Here I come, ready or not!

-Now, wait, wait a minute.

I'm not gonna hurt you.

Now, you're not afraid of me?

I'm the mailman.

No one's afraid of the mailman.

Let me see your costume.

Isn't that pretty.

Let me see if I can guess who you are.

Fairy princess?

No, no, that's not it.

I know who it is!

Mommy, right?

Huh?

Show your costume to Mrs. Ritter?

Hmm?

She's your friend, isn't she?

Yeah, sure.

She's mine, too.

But you didn't know that, did ya?

Huh?

Do you know somethin'?

I think Mrs. Ritter is tryin' to play a joke

on me and some of my friends.

I bet she told you about it, huh?

[Distant applause]

Is it a secret?

I bet that's what it is, it's a secret!

Well, I can understand that.

You can tell me, I won't say a word.

Come on, I'm not gonna hurt you.

You come whisper in my ear, and it will still be a secret.

♪♪

-I know what you did to Bubba.

And you lied about him.

-Where'd you hear that?

-He told me. He told me everything.

-Marylee.

You know that's not true.

It was Mrs. Ritter, wasn't it?

She told you to say that. -No.

-Yes, it was. Now, you tell the truth!

Then who was it?

-I told you, it was Bubba.

-No, it wasn't, damn it!

Bubba didn't tell you that.

Bubba didn't tell you anything.

Bubba's dead!

-I know.

-Marylee!

Marylee!

Marylee.

-The party's up front.

[Upbeat music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Oh, hello, Mr. Hazelrigg. Can I get you something?

-Something to drink, please.

-This one is plain and this one is fixed.

I forgot, you don't drink.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-I seen it.

♪♪

[Insects chirping]

It was here.

Right here!

-We've gone over this ground a dozen times.

-Well, maybe it's just in another part of --

-No, it was here! Damn it!

Right before dark.

I was right here, looking at it.

It was right here!

Don't you look at me that way!

I'm not crazy.

I saw it!

Just like Harless.

-Okay, okay.

Why don't we come back in the morning?

-No!

I can't wait until the morning.

-At least let's get inside,

someone's gonna see us out here and wonder.

-For God's sake, Otis, is that all you can worry about?

Somebody's gonna see us and wonder?

That thing's pointin' at me!

-Maybe we should just go tell the sheriff.

-Are you crazy?

You wanna spend the rest of your life in prison?

-Well, it's better than dyin'.

Now, you listen to me, Otis, and you listen good.

You got me into this, now you just think of somethin'

to get me out, quick!

Or I'm goin' in.

[Static]

-Is Otis pretty much the worst representative

of the United States Postal Service

in the history of film?

And where did they get that little truck

that he loves so much?

Whenever I think of Charles Durning, I think of him

as the governor in "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas."

He does that "Do a Little Sidestep" musical number.

And you're kind of amazed

that a man that big can dance that well.

But it makes sense because he was a ballroom-dance instructor

prior to becoming an actor.

That was his full-time job.

And he didn't make his first film until he was 40.

But I totally bought him as the governor of Texas.

He reads very Southern to me,

even though he's actually from Highland Falls, New York,

which is the next town to the north of West Point

on the Hudson River.

His mother was actually a maid at West Point,

but he came from a hard-core Irish family.

He had nine brothers and sisters,

and that's probably what I'm picking up on

to read his Southernness.

His breakthrough role

was playing a corrupt cop in "The Sting" in 1973,

and then he had a long run of supporting parts

in big-budget movies like "The Front Page"in 1974.

He was with Charles Bronson in "Breakheart Pass."

He had the role of Spermwhale Whalen in "The Choirboys,"

Doc Hopper in "The Muppet Movie,"

the football coach in "North Dallas Forty,"

the boss of Burt Reynolds in "Sharky's Machine."

He was in several Burt Reynolds movies.

He was in that Burt Reynolds series, "Evening Shade."

He was part of Burt's posse, actually.

He had many guest roles on television.

He played Santa Claus five times,

but he was also a war hero.

And this was something he never talked about.

But other people did talk about it.

He landed on Normandy Beach on D-Day.

He was the only survivor of his unit.

Then he moved with the Army Rangers into France.

He was injured by a German landmine.

He spent six months recovering from that injury.

He went back to the war in Belgium.

He came face to face with this teenage German soldier

and he could not bring himself to shoot him.

And he ended up getting stabbed with a bayonet

and he ended up killing that kid anyway with a rock anyway.

Oh, he was captured by the Nazis at the Battle of the Bulge.

And then he survived what's called the Malmedy massacre

when German soldiers opened fire on 90 prisoners of war.

And then in March 1945,

while they were moving into Germany with the infantry,

he took a bullet to the chest

and he spent the rest of the war in the hospital.

So he ended up with three Purple Hearts and a Silver Star.

And he said he didn't talk about it

because all his heroes were in those graves in Normandy.

But anyway, at some point,

he apparently learned how to carry a movie

because we hate him so much in this role,

and we can't wait to see what he does next.

Hoping somebody will eventually kill him.

He tried to study acting after World War II,

but the American Academy of Dramatic Art kicked him out,

told him he had no talent.

He said that -- Ernie didn't like the fact

that they kicked Charles Durning

out of the American Academy of Dramatic Art.

He said everything he knew about acting

he learned from watching the movies of James Cagney

over and over again.

He was actually working as an usher in a burlesque house

when he got the acting bug

because this actor got drunk one day

and he had to go up on stage and replace him.

And he got some laughs.

And that's when he started studying acting in earnest.

Claimed that he never turned down a role

and never argued with a producer or a director.

And most people who knew him will back that up.

And he worked right up until his death.

And his last movie was "Bleeding Hearts" in 2015.

He played Santa Claus again in --

But it's a pretty gory horror flick, Santa Claus.

But he's buried, get this, in Arlington National Cemetery.

So Otis --

Takes a lot of actor's love

to create that much audience hate.

Roll the flick.

You know...

those actors who came back from World War II,

I've interviewed a few of them.

If they encounter one of those acting teachers

who wants them to write down

all their intense emotional experiences in a journal

so they can use that in their acting,

that's something that they do at the Actor's Studio, for example.

Those guys just say, "Fuck you."

And I kind of get why they feel that way.

And the same thing with football coaches.

I interviewed Frank Leahy one time.

He was the coach at Notre Dame, and he was a coach there in 1946

when the guys were coming back to college

after spending three or four years in France

and Germany and Italy and North Africa.

And so at the first practice, he made one --

he was a student of Knute Rockne.

So he made one of those Knute Rockne speeches,

you know, "We're gonna fight, fight, fight.

We're gonna push them down that field.

We're gonna glory to Notre Dame,"

yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda.

And the guys just kind of stood there and stared at him like,

"Dude, it's just football."

[Laughter]

[Static]

[Clock ticking]

♪♪

♪♪

[Fire crackling]

[Banging]

[Banging stops]

-[Sighs]

[Clock ticking]

[Sighs]

[Tense music playing]

-I warned you.

I warned you and I gave you a chance

and you wouldn't listen.

Now, I'm warning you for the last time.

Stop it!

I know it was you!

I'm not gonna let you panic those men.

Now, I'm willing to make a trade.

An eye for an eye.

We're even! Okay?!

-[Screams] -Stop it!

Stop it, damn you!

You listen to me.

I'm not gonna hurt you!

I'm gonna let you go, okay?

Okay?

No tricks this time, alright?

I'm gonna let you go.

Okay?

♪♪

Now...

♪♪

...there's no reason for you and I to be going on like...

♪♪

Mrs. Ritter?

♪♪

Mrs. Ritter?

[Dramatic music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Kettle whistling]

[Gas hissing]

[Engine starts]

[Hissing continues]

-What do you think, Ray?

-Well, pretty sure started here in the kitchen.

You can tell by the way the flames blew out.

-Any idea what caused it?

-Gas leak. You can still smell it.

-Intentional? -Nah, I doubt it.

Seen this kind of thing before.

These old folks, they let their equipment run down.

Their hoses dry rot, leak, come loose.

This is what you get. -Yeah.

I suppose so.

So, tell you what, though,

I'd like for you to look around a little more.

See if you find anything else.

-Well, now, we went over it pretty close, Sam.

Lookin' for anything special?

-Just one shred.

-What?

-Nothin', just wanna be sure.

-♪ Red and yellow, blue and green ♪

♪ Are the flowers that I've seen ♪

♪ Growing in the fields of May ♪

[Bird squawking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Dell dinging]

♪♪

♪♪

[Insects chirping]

[Pigs grunting]

[Distant rattling]

-[Laughs]

[Ominous music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Engine sputtering]

Start! Start!

♪♪

♪♪

[Sputtering continues]

♪♪

♪♪

[Footsteps approaching]

♪♪

♪♪

No. No. No. No.

No. No! No!

♪♪

[Door slams]

♪♪

♪♪

[Footsteps approaching]

♪♪

♪♪

[Footsteps stop]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Banging]

[Machine whirring]

♪♪

♪♪

[Cries] No!

[Grunting]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

-You know, that death by corn scene gets me every time

because I'm claustrophobic.

And the idea of being buried alive is,

to me, the most frightening way to die.

That is such a great death scene.

But then they don't really give Jocelyn Brando as Mrs. Ritter

a very good death scene at all.

She just gets frightened by Otis and has a quickie heart attack.

I mean, you got Jocelyn Brando in the movie.

Don't give her a throwaway demise.

Anyway Philby, the corn silo victim,

is played by Claude Earl Jones.

And if you're a very observant "Last Drive-In" devotee,

you will remember that Claude Earl Jones

has been on this show twice before.

He was in "Bride of Re-Animator" as the police lieutenant,

and he was in "Evilspeak" as the soccer coach.

And he was also three different characters

in the "Dallas" TV series.

He was in Dave Friedman's classic "She Freak"

set in the carnival world.

But his day job was teaching drama

at Ganesha High School in Pomona, California.

Pomona is about 30 miles east of L.A.

on the last leg of Route 66.

And I don't know why I say it's the last leg.

Could be the first leg if you're going west to east, you know.

But route 66 is like a one-way highway, isn't it?

Everybody just thinks of it as going from Chicago

to Santa Monica

due to the Nat King Cole song, I guess.

Anyway, I digress.

Claude Earl Jones was the beloved drama teacher

at Ganesha High School, but he was originally from Tulsa.

So there's two Tulsans in this movie --

Claude Earl Jones and Larry Drake.

And I was recently at the Circle Cinema in Tulsa,

which has the Oklahoma movie Walk of Fame out in front of it.

And I did not see Claude Earl Jones or Larry Drake

listed among the revered Oklahoma movie icons.

Like, they had Will Rogers.

They had Ben Johnson, they had Heather Langenkamp.

This must be corrected, Tulsans.

I mean, don't you think? It should be.

But I love the way Charles Durning as Otis

is becoming more and more deranged

as the movie progresses.

He will do anything to hold on to his mail truck

and his postmaster badge.

And now that Mrs. Ritter is gone,

there's only one person left who's onto his wiles.

Or are there two?

Hmm.

Back to the movie.

The stunning and -- I know I overuse that word stunning.

But in this case, it's true.

The stunning conclusion to "Dark Night of the Scarecrow."

So roll it.

I have traveled the length of Route 66 four or five times.

But it was back in the days when they had abandoned Route 66.

They didn't even have any markings on it.

So part of the experience was you had to search

for the old roadbed.

It took a long time.

It was before it became cool and historic and and touristy.

But anyway, I always did go east to west,

Chicago to Santa Monica.

I never once went in the opposite direction.

I'm not sure why.

Although you can't really go the whole way east to west

because the highway starts at the foot of Jackson Street

in downtown Chicago.

And Jackson Street is one way heading toward Lake Michigan.

So that means at the very beginning of your trip,

it's a bummer because you have to drive

one block north to Adams

and then 3 miles out toward Malcolm X College

until you hit Ogden Avenue and you take a left on Ogden

and then you're on Route 66 proper.

And the first thing you see on Route 66,

the very first thing you see on Route 66 is North Lawndale,

the North Lawndale neighborhood. And whoa.

Talk about your mean streets, you know,

so they don't sell Route 66 souvenirs in North Lawndale.

So anyway...

You do get a souvenir in North Lawndale.

The emergency room at Saint Anthony's is on 19th Street

at the southern edge of Douglas Park.

So important consumer tip

if you are planning that Route 66 vacation.

[Static]

[Tools clanking]

-Mr. Hazelrigg.

Didn't hear you come in.

Somethin's wrong.

-Philby.

-Uh...ohh.

Let me go. Let me go!

-Stop it! -Let me go!

-It was an accident! -You're lyin'!

-He had a heart attack!

-Well, which was it, accident or heart attack?

-It was both.

They found him this morning bottom of the silo.

The grain fell on him.

-No!

-Don't panic, damn it!

They'll know!

-I don't care!

-You listen to me!

There's no reason to throw it all away now!

-No, no! I don't wanna hear it!

-It was Bubba! -No!

-Yes! -He's dead!

-He's not! -We killed him!

I saw it! I was there!

He's dead as a post!

-We don't know! We left him there!

-Please! Please! Stop!

Don't say anymore!

You twist everything around, I get so confused!

-The other night at the carnival,

I saw the Williams girl.

She told me then, I didn't believe it!

She said she still sees him.

She still sees him, Skeeter!

It's him, it's always been him! -They buried him!

He's rotting under five yards of ground.

-He's not! -He is!

-I'll make you a deal. -No!

-You give me a chance, don't run out!

And I'll prove it to ya, huh?

Come on, come on.

Come on, it's gonna be alright.

[Animals calling, insects chirping]

There it is.

-Mr. Hazelrigg, maybe we shouldn't...

-We've got to.

We've got to know.

Dig!

Here.

Open it.

-Mr. Hazelrigg,

if he's in there,

that don't leave nobody but his spirit.

-Open it!

-Aah! Oh, my God!

It's -- It's him!

-Skeeter!

Stop!

Come back here!

Skeeter!

-Let me go. Let me go!

-You promised.

You gave your word! -I don't care!

-I don't care, let me go!

-You promised! You liar!

-Please, please, Mr. Hazelrigg, we gotta get out now!

-We can't! -We've got to!

There's no more excuses.

There's no one left to blame but us!

For God's sake!

The writing's on the wall!

-I know who it is!

-No! No!

-You listen to me!

-No, no more!

-It's her! It's the girl!

-No! I know what you're thinking!

I don't want any part of it!

-But we have to!

-No way!

-Now, we've come this far.

It's almost over.

-No!

No!

Let me go! Let me go!

Let me go.

[Sobbing]

-Okay, okay.

You win, you win!

Okay, Skeeter.

We'll do it your way, alright?

We'll do it your way.

What are we fighting for?

Here.

I'm sorry.

We have nothin' to fight for.

Come on.

We'll go to the police, if that's what you want.

Here.

We got nothin' to hide.

The body's there, right?

We got nothin' to hide.

-Okay.

-Now first -- first we have to cover up --

We have to cover up the body.

If we're gonna go anywhere,

we can't let the body be like that, right?

Come on, then we'll go wherever you want.

Come on, boy.

Come on.

I'm sorry, Skeeter.

I just lost my temper.

Come on now. Now, we gotta do it.

We gotta -- I can't leave him like that.

Somebody see him like that, then we'd really be in trouble.

You want me to do it?

-No, no, I'll do it.

-That's a good boy.

You got it? -Yeah.

Did you know, Mr. Hazelrigg, that I have a cousin,

lives up in the hills in Arkansas?

Just lives way back there in the woods.

There's just nobody around for miles.

In fact, all's they got's a dirt road

for the last 12 miles, getting' up there.

When I was a kid, I spent the summer there,

just beautiful country.

Fishin', great huntin'.

[Shovel bangs]

[Thud]

[Dramatic music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Sighs]

[Engine starts]

[Ominous music playing]

-Marylee? Marylee!

♪♪

Marylee?

Marylee!

Hey!

Hey!

Wait!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Caught ya! -[Screaming]

-It was you! It was you!

-[Screams]

♪♪

[Engine starts]

♪♪

-Who's there?

♪♪

Sam?

Listen, Sam!

I know what this looks like.

But I can explain!

It was her, Sam!

It was her all the time!

[Metal creaking]

♪♪

Sam?

Sam?!

Sam!

Sam!

♪♪

No!

No!

No!

Sam!

No!

♪♪

No! No!

Sam!

Sam! Sam!

♪♪

Sam! Sam! No!

No! Sam!

♪♪

[Gurgling]

[Wheezing]

[Engine shuts off]

[Bird squawking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Thank you, Bubba.

You know what?

Tomorrow, I think I'll teach you a new game.

Did I ever show you how to play the chasing game?

It's fun, you'll like it!

It's sort of like playing tag.

[Ominous music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Animals calling, insects chirping]

[Static]

-Very creepy moment there at the end

where Scarecrow Bubba gives the little girl a flower.

The only thing that bothers me about that final sequence

is that huge ponderous plow just doesn't seem fast enough

to pursue Otis through that pumpkin patch.

They should have sped up the film or something.

And rounding out the thoroughly professional cast

of "Dark Night of the Scarecrow,"

we have Robert F. Lyons as Skeeter,

New Yorker, tap dancer,

studied with both Stella Adler and Milton Katselas,

so he was thoroughly a product

of the Stanislavski acting system.

Stella on the East Coast, Milton in Beverly Hills.

Skeeter makes that little speech about his childhood memories

of a hiding place in Arkansas

while Otis is raising the shovel to club him to death.

And it's the sound of that hit that sells that effect.

And it's kind of a perfect acting moment

in the middle of a kill.

This would turn out to be the highlight

of J.D. Feigelson's career.

He made "Dark Night of the Scarecrow 2" in 2022,

but nobody much cared by that time.

Mostly a master of the TV movie.

He wrote "Cry for the Strangers,"

"Chiller," "Covenant,"

"Nightmare on the 13th Floor,"

"The Lake," "Red Water."

Any of these ring any bells?

You know, nobody remembers the titles of TV movies.

You know, I say it's a highlight of J.D.'s career,

but maybe he's not done.

He's in his 80s now,

as is Skeeter, Robert F Lions.

He's still available

if any casting directors are watching this show.

And Charles Durning, by the way,

was a last-minute replacement for Strother Martin.

Strother had been cast as Otis,

but he passed away just before filming began.

And this was actually Durning's very first starring role

and Larry Drake's first paying job.

When Charles Durning was doing his homework for the role --

He was one of those guys that,

you know, really studied for each part.

And he wrote out this extensive backstory for Otis,

and he listed all these miserable things

in his childhood

that would make him turn out the way he did.

And then he went in and had a meeting

with Frank De Felitta, the director,

and he read the whole list to him,

and Frank listened to the list, and then he kind of sighed

and he leaned back in his chair and he said,

"And then again, Charlie, some people are just no damn good."

So [laughs] what do you think, Darcy?

-I love it.

This movie has proved that a made-for-TV movie

can be just as scary as any theatrical release.

-I agree with that.

Frank De Felitta does that thing where he kind of shows you

in advance how the victim is gonna die,

which you would probably not do

if you were making a theatrical film.

And then he builds up to that moment --

like that shovel killing of Skeeter --

and he shows the face of the killer

and he shows the shovel moving through the frame.

But the gore part, of course,

has to happen at the edge of the frame, off camera.

-Yeah, chilling atmosphere, though.

Larry Drake is amazing and he's so sympathetic

and Charles Durning is just so vile.

-Yeah. Well, tell me if you agree with this, though.

I think it inspired Pumpkinhead to some extent.

-Definitely. Yeah.

-And I think "Witness." "Witness" stole from it, too.

-I mean, totally at the ending.

-The reason it doesn't have a bigger following,

I think today is that Warner Bros.

had the home-video contract on it,

and that contract lasted 27 years

and they were just not interested

in putting it out on DVD.

So if you didn't see it on CBS in 1981,

the next chance you had to watch it was 2011.

But I'm glad we could do a TV movie

in our quest to cover every type of horror

ever invented anywhere on the planet.

-Is that what we're doing? -Yes, that's what we're doing.

-I noticed that you were talking a lot

about acting tonight,

like schools of acting and how people learn to act.

-Yeah. -So...

Here's a letter from Darla Spears of Kansas City

asking about your acting.

-My acting? -Yep.

-Oh, God. Alright.

-"Dear Joe Bob, I just watched you in 'Casino.'

You were great."

-There you go.

-Yeah. -"You were great!"

-End of letter. -Yeah. "Casino"!

-"I was wondering if you had ever auditioned

for any other big movie roles

that you did not end up getting."

Movie roles I did not end up getting?

"We mutants would love to see you pop up

in more mainstream films.

Thank you for answering this.

If you do, the drive-in will never die.

Sincerely, Darla Spears, Kansas City, Missouri."

Wow. Well, it's unlikely to happen

that I would appear in any big-budget movies

because I am the world's worst auditioner.

Um, I can't do it.

And one reason I admire character actors so much

and I talk about them so much

is that, more than movie stars,

is that character actors have to audition for every role

they ever get throughout their entire lifetime.

And, you know, and they -- The good ones,

treat the audition itself as a kind of art form.

I'm always extremely embarrassed to even be in the casting room.

-You never seem to, like, freeze up on the show.

-No, because I assume nobody is watching on this show.

-Shudder is gonna love that. -No, I mean, you know,

you can pretend nobody's judging you

when you're doing a show like this,

even though everybody's probably judging you anyway.

-I would really expect you to love auditions

so you can really show off.

-No, I hate auditions.

You know, I lived in L.A. for a year or two

when I was between TV jobs.

And the first day I was in L.A.,

I went out on all these auditions

and the casting directors would say,

"That was nice. That was wonderful.

Oh, thank you for doing that. I enjoyed that."

And so at the end of the day, I call my agent and I say,

"Hey, I think I just got six jobs today"

because I didn't realize in L.A.,

when they say "That was wonderful,"

it means, "Get out of my office, you suck."

And so, you know, if they really want you,

then they start talking to you about the role.

You know, they don't just say, "That was wonderful."

It's much easier to audition in New York.

In New York, they say nothing. They just go, "Next!" You know?

So you immediately know that you sucked.

-Or that you just weren't right for that particular role.

-Well, yeah, and some of the directors are really nice.

If you're auditioning for the director,

they'll tell you why you didn't get the role.

Like, Mel Brooks was extremely nice to me

when I didn't get that role.

John Woo, I got -- I got a smaller role

in a John Woo movie than the one I was auditioning for.

He was extremely nice.

And then when I got to the set,

he came over and he actually bowed.

John Woo bowed, and he said, "I'm so appreciative

that you would take this smaller role."

And I mean, it's John Woo.

I mean, I'm gonna take any role he has,

but he took the time to come over

and we chatted a little bit about Hong Kong movies and --

But other times, you know, I'm thinking of situations

where I was so bad, I can relive it in my mind

and just cringe, like, just horribly, horribly bad,

like, literally stumbling over the words,

losing track of where I am,

not being able to read, stuttering,

not knowing what I'm doing.

-What audition was that?

-I'm not gonna say.

I actually apologized to my agent one time

for looking like an idiot.

-Well, what was the Mel Brooks story?

-The Mel Brooks story was I learned

to do a Cockney accent for this small role in --

I did. You remember "Men in Tights"?

-Yeah. -Mel Brooks satire.

Robin Hood, you know, so...

-Do it for us. -What?

-Do it. -No, no, no, no.

So anyway, Mel Brooks said, you know,

"Hey, I heard you're a really funny guy,

but I need a big guy for this.

I need a humongous guy. So you're really too small."

And so that made me feel better,

you know, like, maybe I didn't suck, but --

but I was too skinny, so, I mean,

it's not a very good story, but, you know, you appreciate --

-Do the Cockney accent.

-The only way I could learn the accent

is I kept listening to Sterling Holloway.

They said -- I said, "What is the Cockney accent?"

And they said, "Sterling Holloway in 'My Fair Lady.'"

So I'm, like, listening to Sterling Holloway

in "My Fair Lady" because he exaggerates

the Cockney accent, because it's a musical.

-Do it. -No, I'm not gonna do it.

-We want to hear it. -Darcy, I just --

I always feel humiliated when I do that stuff like this.

You're -- You are acting like the world's

worst casting director right at this moment.

-I know. Do it.

-[Chanting "Do it"]

-Come on.

-[Cockney accent] ♪ I'm getting married in the morning ♪

[Normal voice] See? [Stammering]

I can only do Sterling Holloway, you know...

[Cockney accent] ♪ Ding dong, the bells are gonna shine ♪

I can't do it, you know? But anyway.

-Thank you for trying.

That was really brave. -Because it sucked. I know.

-It did not totally suck.

-Okay. It was half a suck. It was a mini suck.

So thank you.

Darla Spears of Kansas City,

thank you for subjecting me to public ridicule.

Alright.

-What's the one you're keeping a secret?

-I might tell you later,

but I'm not gonna say that on the air.

-Okay, I'll just post it on Twitter.

-Okay, then, I'm not telling you because,

I mean, fortunately, the director is so famous

that I'm sure he's forgotten me by now.

-Wow. -So I'm happy about that.

-It's that bad, huh? -That bad. Alright.

Okay. Moving on to our second movie of summer-camp night

on the "Last Drive-In" -- "Beyond the Door 3."

-Is that a summer-camp movie?

-I'm saying it is because what summer-camp experience

is complete without some satanic Yugoslavian railroad gore?

Don't you think?

-Totally agree. -Okay. And until then,

I'm Joe Bob Briggs, and she's Darcy the Mail Girl.

And we're reminding you that you can give people free cake

and there will still be somebody bitching about the flavor.

-That's true.

-And the drive-in will never die.

So in keeping with the rural theme of tonight's movies, um...

...I thought maybe we needed a farmer's daughter joke

because I haven't told one of those in a long time.

-I'm sure everyone's pining for a farmer's daughter joke.

-Yeah, and pining is a good way to describe it.

So farmer has three daughters

and he guards them with a shotgun.

And so one Friday night, he hears a knock at the door

and he answers the door with his gun in his hand.

There's a young man in a suit and tie,

and he stands there with flowers.

And the farmer says, "What do you want, boy?"

And the guy says, "Hi, I'm Eddie.

I'm here for Betty.

We're going out for spaghetti. Is she ready?"

And the farmer laughs and he says,

"Okay, that was funny."

And Eddie says, "I rhyme all the time."

And the farmer says, "Well, come on in.

Betty will be ready to go really soon."

So later, a little bit later,

there's a second knock at the door.

And again, the farmer answers with his gun in his hand,

and another well-dressed man shows up with flowers.

And the farmer says, "What do you want, young man?"

And the guy says, "Hello, my name is Joe.

I'm here for Flo. I'd like to take her to a show.

May she -- May she go?"

And the farmer laughs and he says,

"Okay, that was really clever."

Joe says, "I rhyme all the time."

And the farmer says, "Well, come on in.

Flo will be ready to go real soon."

A little bit later, there's a third knock at the door

and the farmer again answers the knock with his gun.

Another well-dressed man shows up with flowers

and the farmer says, "Okay, what do you want?"

And the guy says, "Hi, my name is Chuck."

Farmer shoots him dead.

[Laughter]