Original subtitles

[MAN] ONCE UPON A TIME,

THERE WAS A LITTLE BOY WHO DREAMED OF A MAGICAL CITY.

HE DREAMED OF A CITY WHERE EVERYONE WAS A LITTLE BOY--

BOYS WHO LIKED TO PARTY,

BOYS WHO LOVED THE SUNSHINE,

BOYS WHO WERE INTERESTED IN EACH OTHER.

THIS BOY DREAMED OF A GAY WORLD,

A NEVER-NEVER LAND OF BOYS WHO NEVER GREW UP.

AND THEN I MOVED THERE,

TO WEST HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA,

IN THE MIDDLE OF LOS ANGELES,

A MAGICAL CITY INSIDE OF A DREAM LAND.

I WATCHED AS EACH GENERATION ARRIVED BY THE BUSLOAD.

BUT I’M NOT THE MAIN CHARACTER IN THIS STORY.

I’M MERELY A FRIEND, AN OBSERVER, A NEIGHBOR,

THERE TO DISPENSE ADVICE AND HIGH-END MARIJUANA.

THIS IS THE STORY OF THREE YOUNG MEN WHO COME TO THIS CITY,

AND ALTOGETHER THEY MAKE A WISH.

WILL THEY GET THEIR WISH?

WILL THEY ACHIEVE THEIR DREAMS?

WILL THEY CRASH AND BURN IN THIS DESPERATELY DIFFICULT CITY?

WELL, THAT’S THE STORY YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE.

HI.

OH. I MADE IT.

WELCOME TO YOUR NEW HOME.

THANK YOU.

OH, MY GOD. L.A.’S SO MUCH HOTTER.

SO DID YOU EVER THINK YOU WERE GOING TO MOVE TO LOS ANGELES?

NO.

IN FACT, I KIND OF FIGURED IT WAS THE LAST PLACE I’D MOVE.

YEAH. NO ONE EVER THINKS THEY’RE GOING TO MOVE TO L.A.

DREAMS AND FANTASIES LEAD PEOPLE HERE,

LIKE SWALLOWS COMING HOME TO ROOST.

OH YOU’RE GONNA LOVE WEST HOLLYWOOD.

IT’S PRETTY MUCH LIKE HOW WE WERE IN COLLEGE,

EXCEPT FOR MORE BLACKOUTS, BAD DECISIONS,

BUT WITH MORE SUNSHINE.

IT’S AMAZING!

SPEAKING OF BAD DECISIONS,

I THINK WE NEED TO WATCH TROOP BEVERLY HILLS

FOR OLD TIMES SAKE.

YEAH, WE HAVE TO PLAY THE GAME

WHERE AFTER EVERY COSTUME CHANGE, WE HAVE TO TAKE A DRINK.

MM-HM. ♪ BECAUSE IT’S COOKIE TIME ♪

[TOGETHER] ♪ IT’S COOKIE TIME, IT’S COOKIE TIME ♪

♪ IT’S COOKIE TIME ♪

OOH, YOU’VE BEEN WORKING ON THAT. HUH?

I HATE TO BE ALL HOITY-TOITY AND BE ALL L.A. ON YOU,

BUT WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU’RE GONNA DO TO MAKE ENDS MEET,

AND HUSTLING DOESN’T COUNT.

REALLY? I CAN’T?

[CHUCKLES]

I FIGURE WORST COMES TO WORST,

I CAN, I DON’T KNOW, TEACH STEP

OR YOGA BOOTIE BALLET

OR SOMETHING AWFUL

THAT WILL BRING IN THE RENT

AND HELP ME PAY FOR DANCE CLASS.

AND GAS AND BILLS AND WATER

AND TRASH AND PARKING.

NO REALLY, I’LL BE FINE.

OKAY. JUST LOOKING OUT FOR YOU.

WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE DRINKING?

CHEERS. THANK YOU. GOD, JOIN ME.

TO A SUMMER OF SHENANIGANS.

SHENANIGANS AND HOOLIGANS.

ALL RIGHT, BOYS,

WE THREE ARE GOING TO MAKE A WISH.

AND WHAT ARE WE WISHING FOR?

MONEY? NO.

GREAT JOBS.

I DON’T THINK SO.

WORLD PEACE.

THAT’S NICE, TOO,

BUT AREN’T WE ALL LOOKING FOR LOVE?

SO NOT SEX, NOT HOT LOVERS,

NOT TORRID AFFAIRS, JUST HONEST-TO-GOODNESS LOVE?

WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO HOPE FOR

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COLLAPSE OF THE WORLD’S ECONOMY,

MASSIVE UNEMPLOYMENT, AND THE RETURN OF 90S FASHION?

ALL RIGHT, PENNY.

ONE FOR YOU. THANK YOU.

PENNY. THANK YOU.

A PENNY FULL OF HAPPINESS.

SO YOU ACTUALLY THINK THAT EVERYBODY IS LOOKING FOR LOVE?

WELL, WE DID THROW THE COINS IN THE FOUNTAIN.

THE REST IS HOLLYWOOD MAGIC.

HOLLYWOOD’S ALREADY STARTING TO FUCK WITH ME.

HOW SO?

WELL, I’VE BEEN HERE A WEEK,

AND I ALREADY FEEL LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON.

LOOK, AM I GOING TO HAVE TO DRAG YOU OUT OF THE CLOSET?

EXCUSE ME?

WE HAVE BEEN SUSPICIOUS ABOUT YOU SINCE COLLEGE.

REALLY?

YOU AND JESSICA?

I LOVE HER, TOO,

BUT THAT WAS NOT A SEXUAL CONNECTION BETWEEN YOU TWO.

WE WERE AS CLOSE AS TWO CAN BE.

LISTEN, YOUR TWO BEST FRIENDS NOW ARE GAY.

YOU CRY WHEN YOU WATCH SWAN LAKE,

AND I CAN SEE YOU CHECKING OUT GUYS.

YOU CAN?

MM-HM.

SO WHAT’S HOLDING YOU BACK?

I DON’T KNOW.

MY FAMILY. PEOPLE’S EXPECTATIONS OF ME.

I’M SCARED.

I MEAN, LOOK,

I JUST WISH I DIDN’T CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THOUGHT.

AND, WHAT IF WHAT IF...

WHAT IF WHAT?

I MEAN, YOU DON’T CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK.

THAT’S RIGHT.

I DON’T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK.

AND WE’RE ALL HAPPIER FOR IT.

YEAH. WE ARE.

THAT PERFORMANCE PIECE YOU DID IN COLLEGE

WHERE YOU HAD EVERYBODY SHAVE YOU ONE BY ONE WHILE YOU WERE NAKED.

YOU COULDN’T HAVE DONE THAT IF YOU CARED WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK.

IT’S ABOUT IDENTITY.

THAT’S WHAT ALL MY WORK DEALS WITH.

WHO AM I?

AND WHO ARE YOU?

NOBODY, AND EVERYBODY.

THE ILLUSION OF THE SELF IS JUST A PERFORMANCE.

AND YOU’RE GAY.

DO YOU FIND DATING IN L.A. DIFFERENT THAN DATING IN--

I DON’T REALLY DATE VERY MUCH BECAUSE I KIND OF HAVE A BOYFRIEND.

DOES ANYBODY LIKE L.A.? I’M STUCK HERE. I CAN’T LEAVE.

I JUST COULDN’T SHOW YOU TO DADDY.

YOU’D BE MY DIRTY SECRET.

YOU KNOW WHO LOVES SALADS? MY EX-BOYFRIEND PAUL.

I DID SUGGEST IT,

BUT I DIDN’T ASSUME YOU WERE GOING TO ORDER CARB-BASED--

DO YOU EVER WEAR JOCK STRAPS AND THINGS LIKE THAT?

BECAUSE I LOVE A LITTLE--

DO YOU HAVE A BIG DICK?

IT’S JUST SOMETHING I WANT TO PURSUE.

BEN, LISTEN. SHH. YOU’RE PRETTY, BUT DON’T TALK.

A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE GAY

YOU CAN’T BE RACIST. THAT’S NOT TRUE.

I JUST DON’T REALLY FEEL IT, LIKE I FEEL IT RIGHT NOW WITH ME AND YOU.

YOU’RE SO NAIVE, YOU’RE SO PRETTY, BUT YOU’RE SO DUMB.

I HATE A LOT OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE. I HATE ASIAN PEOPLE.

I HAVE TOO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE.

I ACTUALLY HATE GAY PEOPLE.

YOU SHOULD LIVE WITH ME.

I AM WAITING FOR SOMETHING SMART

TO COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. I THOUGHT--

YOU SAY THE WORD, AND HE’S OUT.

I’M FLABBERGASTED AT THIS.

I’M ACTUALLY NOT GAY MYSELF.

I’M HERE IN THE BELLY OF THE BEAST.

YOU’RE NOT GAY?

NO, I’LL SLEEP WITH YOU, THOUGH.

[BEN] NO, IT’S NOT THAT I MIND BEING GAY.

IT’S THE GAY WORLD I DON’T LIKE.

[JASON] THERE’S A LOT OF SHADY BITCHES OUT THERE

AND A LOT OF SHADY BITCHES THAT NEED TO GET CUT.

[IMITATES SWITCHBLADE OPENING]

LOOK, I MEAN, THERE’S THAT SIDE TO IT.

BUT LOOK AT THE OTHER SIDE.

I MEAN, IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT,

THERE’S SOMETHING VERY BEAUTIFUL

ABOUT THE GAY EXPERIENCE.

THERE’S SOMETHING VERY COURAGEOUS ABOUT IT.

HOW?

TAKE, FOR EXAMPLE, TWO MEN HOLDING HANDS IN PUBLIC.

THAT’S MORE THAN JUST TWO MEN SHOWING THEIR AFFECTION.

THEY’RE TAKING A STAND AGAINST SOCIETY,

FOR WHAT THEY BELIEVE AND HOW THEY FEEL.

I MEAN, WHAT COULD BE MORE ROMANTIC THAN THAT?

OR MORE BEAUTIFUL?

TRUE.

AND STILL, I DON’T BELIEVE THAT GAYNESS

SHOULD NECESSARILY BE THE CENTER OF ONE’S IDENTITY.

NO, BUT IT IS DEFINITELY A PART OF WHO YOU ARE.

IT’S DEFINITELY PART OF YOUR IDENTITY.

I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT.

IT’S KIND OF LIBERATING IN SOME RESPECTS. ISN’T IT?

ONCE YOU’RE OUT, I MEAN, LIKE, YOU KNOW, I MEAN,

BEFORE YOU’RE OUT, YOU WORRY ABOUT EVERYBODY JUDGING YOU.

AND THEN ONCE YOU ARE, YOU’RE ALREADY GOING AGAINST ALL OF THAT.

WHO GIVES A FUCK IF ANYBODY JUDGES YOU?

WELL, BUT THAT’S THE POINT.

ONCE YOU’RE OUT AND YOU’VE DONE ALL THAT,

YOU DON’T REALLY CARE

ABOUT WHAT SOMEBODY ELSE THINKS OF YOUR CLOTHES

OR SOMETHING ELSE STUPID LIKE THAT.

SO IN SOME RESPECTS, IT’S LIBERATING.

IT IS LIBERATING.

I KNOW FOR A FACT WHEN I GET UP ON STAGE AND I DO MY THING,

IT’S NOT A MATTER OF "OH, HI, I’M GAY.

YOU’RE GOING TO SEE A GAY PERSON NOW."

IT’S MORE LIKE "THIS IS WHAT I DO.

AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE, THEN GO FUCK YOURSELF."

I DON’T CARE.

YOU’RE WASTING MY TIME AND YOU’RE WASTING YOUR TIME.

IT’S NOT WHO I AM.

IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE WHAT I AM.

AND THAT’S HOW I FEEL. AND I’M DONE.

OH, MY GOD.

WE’RE SERIOUSLY TALKING

ABOUT GAY RIGHTS AND DEEP STUFF

WHILE WE’RE AT THE BEACH.

LET’S FORGET THIS. LET’S GO FOR A SWIM.

NO. COME ON. SWIM.

NO. I’M MADE OF SUGAR. I’LL MELT.

SWIM SWIM SWIM!

YOU’RE RUINING MY SUNSHINE.

NO!

I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT I LOOK LIKE SOME CELEBRITIES LATELY.

I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS,

BUT I GUESS THAT’S THE THING TO DO OUT HERE IN L.A.

EVERYBODY LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY.

HOWEVER, I DON’T WANT TO BE TOLD

THAT I LOOK LIKE CERTAIN PEOPLE.

FOR EXAMPLE,

I WAS AT TARGET THE OTHER DAY,

AND I WAS JUST GOING DOWN THE AISLE,

YOU KNOW, BUYING MY NECESSITIES,

YOU KNOW, TOILETRIES, LUBE.

AND THIS LITTLE GIRL CAME UP TO ME

IN THE LUBE SECTION. NO.

AND SHE SAID, "DO YOU KNOW WHO LOOK LIKE?"

AND I WAS LIKE, "WOW, WHAT A MAGICAL MOMENT."

NO ONE’S EVER ASKED ME THAT BEFORE.

I’M THINKING TO MYSELF, OH, I DON’T KNOW.

I’VE NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT THIS--

JOHN MAYER, ASHTON KUTCHER, YOUNG PATRICK SWAYZE.

AND SHE SAYS, "NO, YOU LOOK LIKE FRANKENSTEIN"

AND RAN AWAY.

[AUDIENCE MEMBER] AW. I KNOW.

AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF FIRST, A, WHAT A BITCH.

SHE WAS FIVE.

AND THEN I THINK TO MYSELF,

IS THAT WHAT I LOOK LIKE?

AM I GUY IN THE BAR WITH MY FRIENDS, JUST LIKE

[GROWLING]

"CRUSH CAN.

DROWN CHILD."

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU READING? ARE YOU READING A MAGAZINE? OH, NOTHING.

NO, I WAS JUST FILING SOMETHING. THAT’S FINE.

I DON’T KNOW HOW THAT GOT THERE.

IT’S NOT MINE, BUT YOU CAN READ IT.

IT’S FINE IF YOU WANT TO READ A MAGAZINE.

READING A MAGAZINE? OKAY, HI, JASON.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON RIGHT NOW?

I WAS JUST SENDING OUT THE COVER LETTER FOR THAT AUDITION.

OH, YEAH, I REALLY WANT TO GET THAT AUDITION.

I REALLY GOT TO GET IN THERE. NOT WITHOUT THE MOON.

I THINK THIS IS THE ONE.

UM, MY GOD. ANYWAY, THIS IS HARD.

THIS IS WEIRD.

I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A LOT EASIER, BUT IT’S REALLY HARD.

WE, UM-- JASON, WE REALLY LIKE YOU.

BUT WE-- WE DON’T REALLY HAVE A LOT OF MONEY.

SO WE’RE, LIKE, GOING TO NOT BE ABLE TO PAY YOU ANYMORE,

AND WE’RE, LIKE, LOSING THE OFFICE.

WOW.

NOT SAYING ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHICH IS WEIRD.

WELL, I’M A LITTLE IN SHOCK.

I’M SORRY. THIS IS WEIRD.

WE REALLY LIKE YOU. MY MOM REALLY LIKES YOU.

WELL, SHE USED TO. AM I LOSING MY JOB TO COCKTAILS?

WE DID WAIT FOR YOU FOR, LIKE, 20 MINUTES.

I’M SORRY. I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO

THAN HANG OUT WITH A 75-YEAR-OLD WOMAN AT BRUNCH.

THAT 75-YEAR-OLD WOMAN HAPPENS TO HAVE A NAME,

AND IT’S BARBARA, BUT SHE GOES BY BARBIE GIRL BECAUSE SHE’S AWESOME.

AND THAT 75-YEAR-OLD WOMAN

DRINKS MOJITOS AND LISTENS TO RIHANNA, SO BACK OFF. OKAY?

ALSO, THIS NEED TO BE REFILLED. IT’S OUT. THIS IS OUT OF WATER.

LOOK THERE’S LIKE BARELY ANY WATER IN HERE.

I’M THIRSTY. I’M STARVING!

I GUESS YOU’LL HAVE TO FIND SOMEBODY TO FILL IT UP

BECAUSE I DON’T WORKING HERE ANYMORE.

YOU CAN’T DO IT BEFORE YOU LEAVE?

NO!

BARBIE GIRL WAS SO RIGHT ABOUT YOU.

SHE SAID YOU’RE A TERRIBLE PERSON.

AND I SAID, "NO, HE’S NOT. HE’S GREAT,"

BUT NOW I’M WRONG. I’M ALWAYS WRONG.

THAT’S JUST WEIRD TO ME.

WHY ARE YOU SUCH A HORRIBLE PERSON?

SO YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF. HAVE A GREAT TIME.

OH, MY GOD. FUCK YOU SO HARD.

HEY, LOOK.

[COREY] YOU KNOW WHOSE HOUSE THAT WAS?

[JASON] YO MAMA’S? [LAUGHS] CLOSE.

THAT WAS MERV GRIFFIN’S.

THE TV TALK SHOW HOST?

MORE THAN THAT.

HE WAS ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL MEN IN HOLLYWOOD.

REALLY? YEAH.

AND A GAY MAN.

SLEEPING AROUND WITH THE LIKES OF BURT LANCASTER AND MONTY CLIFT

ANY OTHER HEARTTHROB AROUND.

STILL, IN A TIME WHERE IT WAS SO UNDERGROUND,

AN ENTIRE CAREER COULD BE KILLED WITH JUST ONE MISSTEP.

OH, MY GOD.

LET’S GO UP THERE, PLEASE.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

LET’S GO. HOLD ME.

[GROANS]

WHO DO YOU THINK IS THE MOST POWERFUL GAY MAN IN HOLLYWOOD RIGHT NOW?

THAT WOULD HAVE TO BE DAVID GEFFEN.

DAVID GEFFEN. DAVID GEFFEN.

IS HE MARRIED?

NO. I DON’T THINK SO.

REALLY. YEAH.

SO HE COULD POTENTIALLY MAKE MY ENTIRE CAREER HAPPEN FOR ME

WITH JUST A FEW PHONE CALLS MADE?

IT’S MACHIAVELLI GOES TO HOLLYWOOD.

♪♪ [HUMMING]

LEAVE YOUR HEARTS AT THE DOOR

AND FORGE BRAVELY ONWARD

TO ULTIMATE POWER.

YOU SAY THAT LIKE IT’S A BAD THING.

WELL, LOVE, FOR SOME MEN,

IF IT EXISTS AT ALL,

IS ALWAYS WRAPPED UP IN PRESTIGE.

UGH. COREY, SPARE ME, PLEASE.

THERE’S A RECESSION ON. DADDY NEEDS NEW SHOES.

AND YOU WILL BE...

OH, I KNOW WHAT I’LL BE.

I’LL BE RICH, POWERFUL, AND A COMPLETE SUCCESS.

[ECHOING]

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

WHY IS THAT PEOPLE WORSHIP CELEBRITIES, DO YOU THINK?

BECAUSE JESUS IS SO BORING.

IF WE WEREN’T IN SUCH A MONOTHEISTIC MESS,

THE CUP ALWAYS HALF EMPTY,

MAYBE PEOPLE WOULD HAVE COME UP WITH SOME MORE INTERESTING GODS,

YOU KNOW, SOMETHING WORTH WORSHIPPING.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, I’M SURE CELEBRITIES ARE PERFECTLY NICE PEOPLE,

BUT DO THEY REALLY DESERVE OUR WORSHIP?

I’M TRYING TO SLEEP WITH DAVID GEFFEN,

AND I’M WONDERING IF YOU CAN HELP ME.

WHY?

TO BE FAMOUS. HELLO.

I THOUGHT YOU KNEW THIS.

IT’S JUST A WEIRD GOAL.

I MEAN, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO SLEEP WITH DAVID GEFFEN?

YEAH. I MEAN, THAT’S WHY I’M OUT HERE.

THAT’S WHY I’M DOING THIS.

I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN HELP YOU

ON THE GETTING INTO BED WITH DAVID GEFFEN.

THERE’S OTHER PEOPLE I SUPPOSE YOU COULD SLEEP WITH,

BUT YOU MIGHT HAVE TO SLEEP WITH A LOT.

WELL, THEN THAT WOULD MAKE ME A WHORE.

I FEEL LIKE, SINCE I’VE BEEN OUT HERE,

I CAN’T TALK TO ANYBODY

WITHOUT THEM WANTING TO KNOW WHAT I DO.

AND I DON’T MEAN, LIKE, BECAUSE THEY’RE INTERESTED

OR CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT MY PERSONALITY’S LIKE.

I FEEL LIKE THEY’RE LIKE, "WELL, IF I FUCK YOU,

AM I GONNA GET SOMETHING?"

REALITY IS NOBODY REALLY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT ANYBODY OUT HERE,

SO JUST WORK YOUR GAME, GET WHAT YOU WANT, AND GO.

OKAY, BUT LOVE?

MY GOD, YOU’RE SO MUSHY.

YOU SAY I’M MUSHY,

BUT DO YOU REALLY WANT, JUST, LIKE, ALL THE TIME,

JUST GUY TO GUY, MOVE UP, MOVE UP?

I MEAN, DO YOU EVER WANT ANYTHING MORE?

IF YOU WANT LOVE, IT’LL COME AROUND EVENTUALLY,

MAYBE WHEN YOU’RE A LOT-- A LOT, OLDER.

I FEEL LIKE GAY OR STRAIGHT, WE’RE BUILT TO NEED LOVE.

NO? REALLY?

YOU DON’T EVER WANT ANYBODY TO, LIKE,

TAKE CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU’RE HAVING THOSE HARD TIMES?

IT’S JUST SUCH A TIME COMMITMENT.

IT’S JUST LIKE, "HI, IT’S YOU AGAIN.

YOU’RE OLD NOW."

NO, BUT I MEAN, WHAT ABOUT--

OKAY, NOT JUST NECESSARILY THE BAD TIMES,

BUT THE GOOD TIMES AS, TOO.

YOU WANT TO SHARE THAT SORT OF STUFF WITH PEOPLE.

THAT’S WHY PEOPLE HAVE DOGS.

HEY, UM, GREAT CLASS.

THANKS.

DO YOU ONLY TEACH PILATES?

NO. I TEACH A LITTLE BIT OF YOGA.

AND, I DON’T KNOW, SOME HIP-HOP OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, BUT--

YOU’RE A DANCER.

YEAH, NOT REALLY A HIP-HOP DANCER, ACTUALLY.

HOW DID YOU KNOW?

I CAN TELL.

THE WAY YOU TAUGHT THE CLASS

AND YOUR EXPLANATION OF LINE AND FORM

AND FOLLOWING THROUGH.

I TAKE IT YOU’RE A DANCER, THEN, YOURSELF.

I AM A DANCER.

HUH. WHAT KIND?

I DO WHATEVER PAYS THE RENT, IF THAT MAKES SENSE.

YEAH, I THINK SO.

A LITTLE OF EVERYTHING.

YEAH?

YOU DO BALLET.

I DO, AND YOU DO E.S.P., RIGHT?

I MEAN, HOW DID YOU KNOW?

I CAN JUST TELL. IT’S BEAUTIFUL,

YOUR BODY AND YOUR LINES.

YOU DON’T THINK IT READ TOO--

I FEEL LIKE SOMETIMES I CAN’T SEPARATE THE DANCE FROM THE TEACHING.

OH, NO. NO, NO, NO.

I THOUGHT IT WAS ABSOLUTELY LOVELY.

GOOD. I’M REALLY HAPPY TO HEAR THAT.

DO YOU EVER--

I MEAN, WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE STYLES OF DANCE?

I KNOW YOU SAID YOU DO EVERYTHING, BUT--

I LOVE CONTEMPORARY. UH-HUH.

BUT I LOVE THE OLD HOLLYWOOD MUSICALS.

REALLY? GENE KELLY AND FRED ASTAIRE.

OF COURSE.

AND I’M ALWAYS TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO MARRY THE TWO TOGETHER.

AND I FEEL LIKE THE EMPHASIS IS ON A VERY DIFFERENT TYPE OF DANCE HERE.

YEAH. ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHOREOGRAPHERS--

I’M SO UPSET. SHE ACTUALLY DIED TODAY.

UM, PINA BAUSCH. DO YOU KNOW?

THE IRREVERENT GERMAN CHOREOGRAPHER,

CHANGED THE FACE OF THIS HISTORY OF MODERN DANCE.

OH, WOW.

SHE USED TO DO THESE DANCES

WHERE PEOPLE WOULD JUST WALK AROUND THE STAGE DOING NOTHING,

AND THEN SUDDENLY JUST BREAK OUT

INTO THESE CRAZY SPASTIC MOVEMENTS AND STUFF. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

AND SHE WOULD ASK ALL OF HER DANCERS

ABOUT THEIR PERSONAL LIVES,

ABOUT THEIR PAIN AND THEIR ROMANCE AND EVERYTHING ELSE.

AND THEN SHE WOULD INCLUDE IT.

AND THEN THE DANCES WOULD GROW OUT OF THAT.

YOU DON’T FEEL ANYTHING ELSE WHEN YOU’RE DANCING?

YOU DON’T LIKE TO INCLUDE THOSE THINGS AT ALL?

I THINK THAT I FEEL TERRIBLE MOST OF THE TIME

EXCEPT WHEN I’M DANCING.

WELL, PINA BAUSCH

USED THOSE FEELINGS TO CREATE SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL,

FROM UNDERNEATH, OUT INTO HER ART.

THIS IS LOS ANGELES.

WE USE OUR ART TO CREATE FANTASY.

TO WHAT END? I MEAN...

I DON’T KNOW.

[CRAIG] LOOK, SWAN LAKE.

WELL, THOSE ARE GEESE.

WHAT?

I THOUGHT WE WERE ON THE SAME PAGE HERE.

WE ARE. I LIKE YOU.

I LIKE YOU, TOO.

SO, WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?

I’M JUST STRESSED OUT RIGHT NOW.

IT’S NOT A GOOD TIME.

THAT’S OKAY.

I KNOW PLENTY OF WAYS TO DE-STRESS A GUY.

I KNOW.

I’VE BEEN ASKED TO BE A PART OF A DANCE CONCERT COMING UP,

AND I THOUGH MAYBE WE COULD CHOREOGRAPH A PIECE TOGETHER.

YEAH, I’D LOVE THAT.

I MEAN, I WOULD LOVE THAT,

BUT WHY CAN’T WE DO BOTH?

YOU OKAY?

THAT WAS SOME SERIOUS MOMENTUM?

TELL ME, HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PAS DE DEUX WITH ANOTHER GUY?

YEAH. I MEAN, YES AND NO.

I’VE DONE SOME--

I’VE DONE PIECES WITH, LIKE,

TWO GUYS AND A GIRL

NO, I MEAN, I’VE DONE A COUPLE OF THINGS

WHERE IT’S JUST A GUY AND THEY WORK IT IN,

SOME LIFTS WITH GUYS, THINGS LIKE THAT,

BUT IT’S REALLY DIFFERENT.

IT’S THE WEIGHT.

YOU’RE STRONG ENOUGH,

BUT THE FULCRUM POINTS ARE DIFFERENT.

THE BALANCE POINTS ARE DIFFERENT.

YEAH.

IF YOU’RE LIFTING ME, WHAT’S YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH LIFTING?

DO YOU DO-- HAVE YOU DONE A LOT OF THAT?

I MEAN, I’VE DONE A LOT-- I’VE DONE SOME PARTNERING.

I’VE DONE A LOT OF PARTNERING

BUT NEVER WITH, I GUESS, ANOTHER GUY.

OKAY. IT IS DIFFERENT.

THERE’S PROBABLY GONNA BE SOME SORT OF A LEARNING CURVE HERE.

I WOULD IMAGINE. YEAH.

[COREY] THIS DOESN’T LOOK TOO BAD.

WHAT IS IT? PERSONAL ASSISTANT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHY ARE YOU SUDDENLY SEARCHING FOR A JOB?

YOU HAVEN’T WORKED A DAY IN YOUR LIFE.

WORK IS IMPORTANT?

NOT IF YOU HAVE A TRUST FUND.

OKAY, JIG IS UP.

NO MORE TRUST FUND.

IT’S GONE.

AND I NEED TO GET A JOB,

BUT I WANT SOMETHING WHERE I CAN FURTHER MY CAREER

AS A PERFORMANCE ARTIST.

SO, PERSONAL ASSISTANT.

CHECK THAT OUT.

LET’S SEE.

YOU NEED TO LOVE ANIMALS,

NOT WEAR FUR,

BE ABLE TO MAKE YOUR OWN YOGURT,

AND KNOW THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION.

CAN YOU MAKE YOUR OWN YOGURT?

I MIGHT BE WRONG,

BUT IT SOUNDS LIKE THIS COULD BE MARY REYNOLDS.

RIGHT, OF COURSE.

MARY WHO?

MARY REYNOLDS?

YOU KNOW, AQUA GIRL? FROM THE ’70s?

YOU NEVER WATCHED THAT AS A KID? SORRY.

SHE WAS MY HERO.

SHE WAS TRANSFORMING,

TURNING INTO WHATEVER SHE WANTED,

LOTS OF COSTUME CHANGES.

SHE WAS LIKE ALL POWERFUL AND CRAZY SEXY.

OKAY.

YOU DO KNOW THAT THE REAL ACTRESS

ISN’T GOING TO BE ANYTHING LIKE THIS CHARACTER, THOUGH. RIGHT?

IT DOESN’T MATTER.

SHE’S A CULTURAL ICON.

[RINGS DOORBELL]

[WOMAN] THE DOOR’S OPEN.

OF THE 3,000 RESPONSES I GOT ON CRAIGSLIST,

YOU ARE NOW ONE OF THE TOP THREE.

DO YOU KNOW WHY?

NO.

BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHO I AM

AND YOU UNDERSTAND THE BRILLIANCE OF MY CONTRIBUTION TO SOCIETY.

I’M SO EXCITED TO BE HERE.

I HARDLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

DON’T SAY ANYTHING.

ARE YOU PREPARED TO DEDICATE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE

IN SERVICE TO ME?

YES.

WILL YOU RUN ANY ERRAND,

ANY HOUR OF THE DAY OR NIGHT, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK?

YES.

WILL YOU FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF

WITH EVERY IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE TELEVISION INDUSTRY

WHO MIGHT BE CALLING ME,

KNOW THEIR BIOGRAPHY, PERTINENT INFORMATION,

AND THE KIND OF BOTTLED WATER THEY DRINK?

ABSOLUTELY.

WILL YOU MEMORIZE ALL OF THIS INFORMATION

BECAUSE THERE WILL BE ABSOLUTELY NO GOOGLING PEOPLE

WHILE THEY ARE ON THE PHONE?

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

YOU CAN COUNT ON ME.

WELL THEN, YOUNG LADY,

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?

I SO RESPECT YOUR WORK IN FILM AND TELEVISION

THAT NO ACT OF SERVITUDE WOULD BE BENEATH ME.

I EXIST SOLELY TO BE YOUR HUMBLE AND LOYAL SERVANT.

YOU’RE HIRED.

I ALSO HAVE ANOTHER ROOMMATE WHO LIKES TO DRESS UP.

HE WEARS NICE LITTLE COSTUMES,

YOU KNOW, HARMLESS COSTUMES, LIKE, ONE DAY HE’S RONALD MCDONALD.

KIDS LOVE RONALD MCDONALD.

THE NEXT DAY HE’S HITLER.

KIDS LOVE HITLER.

TOMORROW HE MAY BE OPRAH.

MAYBE HE’LL GIVE ME FREE SHIT.

[MARY REYNOLDS] COREY?

YES.

CALL PETA ABOUT THE BENEFIT.

CHECK.

TAKE MY CAR IN FOR DETAILING.

CHECK.

FIND ME SOME UNPASTEURIZED GOATS MILK YOGURT.

WHERE WOULD I FIND THAT?

IF I KNEW, WOULD I BE SENDING YOU OUT?

CALL EVERY GROCERY STORE,

CALL EVERY HEALTH STORE IN LA COUNTY AND FIND IT.

GO TO A GOAT FARM IF YOU HAVE TO.

CHECK.

THERE’S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW.

I HAVE A CAUSE.

YES?

I AM VEHEMENTLY OPPOSED TO THE WEARING OF FUR.

I EXPECT YOU TO UNDERSTAND

THE CRUELTY AND THE SUFFERING

THAT IS PERPETRATED ACROSS THESE POOR DEFENSELESS CREATURES.

I NEED YOU TO DEDICATE YOURSELF

AND TO JOIN ME IN MY CRUSADE.

I NEED YOU TO COMMIT TO THAT.

I AGREE COMPLETELY.

THE NEEDLESS SUFFERING OF ANIMALS MUST BE STOPPED.

RIGHT.

WE’VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.

OKAY. GET TO WORK.

I’VE BEEN NOTICING EVERY DAY, LATELY, IN THE MORNING

THAT YOU’VE BEEN LEAVING AS A WOMAN, EACH TIME.

YOU ONLY GOING TO WORK AS A WOMAN THESE DAYS?

THIS JOB PARTICULARLY BECAUSE MARY WAS ONLY HIRING A WOMAN.

HOW’S THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?

I JUST THINK THAT OUR LIVES HAVE A HIGHER PURPOSE

THAN TO JUST BE SO CAUGHT UP

AND HAVE OUR IDENTITIES SO DEEPLY ENTRENCHED

IN GENDER POLITICS

AND WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK.

WHAT KIND OF REACTION ARE YOU GETTING?

UM, MOSTLY SOME STARES, YOU KNOW, FROM PEOPLE.

YEAH. A FEW THUMBS UP, YOU KNOW.

I DID A ROUND THROUGH THE 99 CENT STORE,

AND IT MADE SOME PEOPLE HAPPY, I THINK.

OH, THAT’S GOOD.

PEOPLE APPRECIATE THE EFFORT.

OH, YEAH. NO, THEY DO.

WOW. IS ANYBODY ASKING FOR MIRACLES?

ANY HEALINGS REQUESTED?

NO. NOTHING FANCY.

[SOBBING]

MARY, WHAT’S THE MATTER?

THE LOBSTERS!

THE LOBSTERS?

OH, GOD. AAH!

DAMN IT.

LOBSTERS DO NOT HAVE

AN AUTOMATED NERVOUS SYSTEM LIKE WE DO

THAT PUTS THEM INTO A STATE OF SHOCK

WHEN PAIN IS INFLICTED ON THEM.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE

TO BE BOILED TO DEATH?

OH, GOD, THE THOUGHT OF IT.

A SEARING, VIOLENT, FEROCIOUS PAIN

TO EVERY SINGLE CELL IN THEIR BODIES

SO THAT WE CAN EAT THEM.

IT’S TERRIBLE.

I CAN’T STAND THE THOUGHT

OF ALL OF THOSE LOBSTER TANKS

AT ALL OF THOSE RESTAURANTS

ALL OVER LOS ANGELES COUNTY.

IT’S OKAY, MARY.

NO IT’S NOT OKAY.

NO, IT’S OKAY. IT’S OKAY.

WE’LL FIGHT FOR THEIR RIGHTS.

YEAH?

YES. IS THERE ANYTHING THAT I CAN DO NOW?

YES.

WHAT ABOUT MY LUNCH?

I HAVE THAT SCHEDULED, UH, 1:00.

DON’T BE LATE ON THAT.

YESTERDAY IT DIDN’T COME UNTIL 1:05.

I’M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THAT.

I WAS ANSWERING YOUR PHONE AT THE SAME TIME.

WHAT DO I PAY YOU FOR,

YOU LOUSY, UNGRATEFUL, INCOMPETENT PIECE OF SHIT?

DON’T EVER BE LATE WITH MY LUNCH AGAIN.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

YES.

YOU MAY GO.

DARLING SWEETIE. SWEETIE DARLING.

I LOVE IT, LOVE ME A LITTLE BIT OF CHARDONNAY.

HAVE YOU HAD ENOUGH, PATS?

UH, HAD A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH, I THINK.

YEAH, JUST LITTLE BIT.

JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE.

YOU KNOW ACTUALLY, THIS IS A BIT DISTURBING.

ALL YOU’VE DONE SINCE YOU LOST YOUR JOB

WAS SIT HERE ON THIS PATIO AND DRINK.

I LOST MY JOB. THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO.

YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DRINK AND BE SAD AND WHATNOT.

SHUT UP.

WHAT IF THE THREE OF US TOGETHER WENT TO AN AA MEETING?

WHY WOULD I DO THAT? IT’S NOT FUN.

BECAUSE YOU’RE KIND OF, LIKE, SLIDING

DOWN THE SLIPPERY SLOPE OF VICE.

I DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU’RE HEADED.

THAT WAS TOO MUCH ALLITERATION, QUENTIN.

YOU HAVE BEEN DRINKING A LOT.

WHAT ARE YOU, A&E NOW?

LIKE, IS THIS MY INTERVENTION OR SOMETHING?

IT’LL BE LIKE THEATER.

I HATE THEATER. NO, NO, WAIT. IT’S FREE.

THERE’S COOKIES.

AND THERE’S CELEBRITIES.

I DON’T WANT TO HANG OUT

WITH A BUNCH OF SAD, LONELY,

"OH, LOOK AT ME, I LOST EVERYTHING,

"AND NOW I HAVE TO SHOP AT WAL-MART

"AND DRINK LISTERINE

BECAUSE MY HUSBAND HIDES AWAY MY VODKA,"

SO, YEAH, I DON’T WANT TO DO THAT.

THEY’RE ALL SAD, PATHETIC LOSERS, AND I’M NOT LIKE THAT.

LOOK, I HAVE A SWIVEL STRAW.

[TOGETHER] GOD, GRANT ME THE SERENITY

TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE,

THE COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN,

AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

GOOD EVENING, GUYS, I AM DAN AND I AM AN ALCOHOLIC.

[GROUP] HI, DAN.

WELCOME TO THE GAY MEN’S STAG AA MEETING, 7:00 T0 8:00.

I DRINK TO HIDE THE FACT THAT I HAVE A HUMONGOUS PENIS.

I WAS THE ONE KICKING PUPPIES AND TELLING MY FRIENDS THEY WERE FAT.

WHEN I DRINK, I GET REALLY REALLY FUN AND ATTRACTIVE.

I WOKE UP IN LISA LAMPANELLI’S BED,

STARING AT WHAT I THOUGHT WAS HER CLEAVAGE

BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY HER BACK FAT.

I JUST WANT TO BE THAT FIVE-YEAR-OLD LITTLE BOY,

PLAYING LITTLE LEAGUE AGAIN.

THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A TWO-HOUR BINGE ON YUENGLING,

AND THEN YOU REDECORATE YOUR MOTHER’S LIVING ROOM WITH MAUVE ACETATE?

THE COFFEE SUCKS HERE.

WHEN I CAME AND I MADE THE FUCKING COFFEE,

IT WAS GOOD, AND IT WAS ON TIME.

WHY DON’T WE JUST HAVE NEWCOMERS RAISE YOUR HAND AND--

HI, I’D LIKE TO BEGIN. I’D LIKE TO START.

I’LL GO FIRST. I’D LIKE TO START THIS.

HI, MY NAME IS JAKE DELONGPRE, AND MY LIFE IS SHIT.

I CAN BE FOUND IN RANDOM GUTTERS AROUND WEST HOLLYWOOD.

I DON’T MEAN THAT AS A JOKE. THAT’S THE TRUTH.

MY MOM, BARBIE-- IF YOU GUYS KNOW BARBIE, THAT’S MY MOM.

SHE’S A ROCKIN’ BITCH, AND SHE’S MY BEST FRIEND.

SHE FINDS ME A LOT, AND I’VE BEEN DRINKING QUITE A BIT.

MAINLY BECAUSE I’M IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE

WHO DOESN’T KNOW THAT WE’RE IN A RELATIONSHIP.

SO SOME PEOPLE SAY,

"OH JAKE, YOU’RE A STALKER,"

AND I SAY, "OH, FUCK YOU.

GIVE ME ANOTHER MOJITO."

CAN WE SAY THAT HERE? CAN WE GET HONEST?

BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO BE HONEST.

YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEONE I’VE HAD A HORRIBLE NIGHT WITH.

THAT WAS BRUTAL. AWFUL.

JUST SAYING.

HEY, REMEMBER DAN FROM THE MEETING?

DAN FROM THE MEETING? NO.

WHICH ONE.

THE ONE WHO IS STANDING UP THERE.

DO YOU KNOW WHO HE IS?

NO. SHOULD I?

UH, YEAH.

WHO IS IT? COME HERE.

REALLY? MM-HM.

WELL, EXCUSE ME, FELLAS.

I HAVE SOME IMPORTANT BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO.

GOOD DAY, SIR.

[DAN] OKAY, I’LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.

HEY. THAT WAS A REALLY GOOD SHARE IN THERE.

OH, THANKS. NEWCOMER?

YEAH. WELCOME.

NAME’S JASON, BY THE WAY.

JASON. DAN.

NICE TO MEET YOU, DAN. NICE TO MEET YOU.

SO COULD I ASK YOU A QUESTION? JUST BETWEEN ME AND YOU.

UH, YES.

OKAY, I DON’T KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS,

BUT HAVE YOU EVER HIT ROCK BOTTOM?

YES. THAT’S WHY I’M HERE.

HAVE YOU?

HAS YOUR LIFE BECOME UNMANAGEABLE?

I DON’T KNOW. I THINK SO.

I MEAN, I DON’T HAVE A CAR, I DON’T HAVE A JOB,

I HAVEN’T PAID RENT IN THREE MONTHS,

AND YOU KNOW I DRINK EVERY DAY,

SO BUT YOU KNOW THE GOOD IS THAT I LIVE IN LOS ANGELES,

SO MY CAREER’S GOING TO TAKE OFF ANY MOMENT NOW.

IT IS THE LAND OF DREAMS.

FROM MY EXPERIENCE, JASON, EVERYTHING YOU LISTED

MEANS THAT YOUR LIFE HAS BECOME A BIT UNMANAGEABLE.

YES. AND I’M HOPING THAT YOU’VE COME HERE

TO TURN YOUR LIFE OVER TO THE CARE OF GOD OF YOUR UNDERSTANDING.

YEAH, I GUESS SO.

I’M JUST NOT REALLY BIG INTO THE WHOLE GOD THING.

JUST REMEMBER ONE DAY AT A TIME,

AND IT’LL WORK.

YEAH, THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING ALL ALONG.

MY MOTTO IS ONE DAY AT A TIME, RIGHT?

IT IS THE MOTTO.

IT’S GOTTEN ME HERE FOR FOUR YEARS.

YEAH? YEAH.

WELL, IT’S NICE MEETING YOU.

NICE MEETING YOU, TOO.

YEAH. YOU’RE VERY INSPIRING.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT.

WHY DON’T YOU GIVE ME A CALL?

SURE, I’D LIKE THAT A LOT...

DAN.

NICE MEETING YOU.

YEAH, SEE YOU AROUND.

BINGO.

AND THAT IS HOW WE ROLL.

WE ROLL?

MM-HM. WELL, I DO.

YOU NEED TO CATCH UP.

I’D LIKE TO DO SOME SORT OF LIFT RIGHT THERE,

LIKE MAYBE A-- LIKE A HIP,

LIKE UP SIDEWAYS?

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

OKAY.

YOU KNOW, POP YOU UP THERE.

I DO AGREE.

THERE SHOULD BE A LIFT RIGHT THERE.

WHAT’S THE PROBLEM?

I DON’T LIKE TO BE LIFTED, THOUGH.

CAN I LIFT YOU?

OKAY, YOU DO KNOW I LIFT PEOPLE FOR A LIVING, RIGHT?

I DON’T LIKE TO BE IN THE AIR.

IT’S A CONTROL THING.

I FEEL LIKE IT’S A TRUST ISSUE MORE THAN A CONTROL ISSUE.

ALL RIGHT. FINE. FINE.

YOU KNOW WHAT.

I’LL TRY SOMETHING.

AND YOU CAN LIFT ME.

SO I’LL TRUST YOU.

OKAY.

AND WE’LL SEE.

OKAY.

SO LET’S MARK THIS FOR A SECOND.

LIKE THIS? YES, YES.

OKAY. YOUR ARM NEEDS TO GO UP HERE, THOUGH.

HERE. YES.

SO LIKE HOLD ON, DON’T TURN ME.

YOU OKAY?

REALLY?

YOU’RE NOT TRUSTING.

WELL I CAN’T MEET ANY HOT GUYS LIKE THAT.

WHY NOT? WHERE ARE YOU LOOKING?

I DON’T KNOW. I’M GOING TO THE BARS.

I MEAN, I’M SEEING THEM, I’M JUST NOT MEETING THEM.

HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT LOOKING SOMEWHERE ELSE?

HMM... LIKE ON LINE.

I HAVEN’T DONE THE INTERNET THING.

WHAT? WHY NOT?

BECAUSE WE WERE LIVING IN A SMALL TOWN,

AND I WAS STILL BISEXUAL AND STILL DATING WOMEN.

GOD YOU WERE SO CUTE AND SAD.

SO LIKE, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

YOU WANT TO MEET A GUY THAT, WHAT?

I DON’T KNOW.

A GUY I CAN BRING HOME TO MOM AND DAD OF COURSE.

YEAH, I FIGURED AS MUCH,

AND I KINDA JUST THREW UP IN MY MOUTH A LITTLE BIT.

OKAY, DO YOU WANT SEX NOW, IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES? DO YOU WANT IT IN HOURS?

DO YOU WANT TO GET ON I.M. AND G-CHAT ABOUT IT FOR A WHILE AND THEN MEET UP LATER?

DO YOU WANT TO GO ON A COUPLE OF DATES,

THEN HAVE PROMISCUOUS SEX, WHICH EVENTUALLY LEADS TO NOWHERE?

LET’S GO. [SNAPPING FINGERS]

I DON’T KNOW.

OKAY, WHAT SITE DO YOU WANT?

I’VE HEARD OF, WHAT IS IT, ADAM4ADAM? WHAT ELSE IS THERE?

THERE’S MANHUNT, THERE’S "SIT ON MY FACEBOOK.COM."

THERE’S "BACKYARD BARNYARD FUN."

[BLEATS] THERE’S "BLACK MONGOLOID COCK.COM,"

THERE’S "OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT IN MY ASS.COM,"

WHICH IS ALWAYS A HIT WITH THE KIDS.

THERE’S "REACH AROUND RANCH.COM."

AH, REACH AROUND RANCH.

WHY DON’T WE START WITH SOMETHING SIMPLE?

LIKE, I DON’T KNOW, JUST TRYING TO FIND A DATE.

OKAY, FINE.

IT’S TOO BAD BECAUSE THE OTHER SITES ARE WAY FUN.

ARE YOU A TOP OR A BOTTOM?

UM.

[TYPING] VERSATILE FOR NOW.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

SO, LET’S TAKE SOME NAKED PICTURES.

WHAT?

C’MON. NO.

IT’LL BE FUN. NO.

YOU DON’T HAVE ANY NAKED PICTURES?

NO. LET’S TAKE SOME.

NO.

OH, COME ON. WE’RE BEST GIRLFRIENDS.

LET’S DO IT. IT’LL BE FUN.

WE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN COLLEGE.

BECAUSE YOU’VE COME A LONG WAY FROM OHIO. OKAY.

NOW THAT YOU’RE OUT HERE

YOU’RE GONNA HAVE SUCH A VARIETY OF PEOPLE TO CHOOSE FROM.

IT’S GONNA BLOW YOUR MIND.

C’MON, GET UP, GET UP GET UP. GIMME YOUR CAMERA.

I NEED A CAMERA. I’M ON FIRE HERE.

LET’S DO THIS. LET’S DO IT.

HERE. GOOD. PERFECT.

OKAY, GOOD.

NOW WHAT?

NOW, TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT.

YOU CAUGHT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER.

LOOK, I’M SURPRISED. FLEX IT, I SAID FLEX IT!

GET THE PILLOW OUT OF YOUR CROTCH. WE DON’T WANT TO SEE THAT.

MAKE OUT WITH YOURSELF. ADD SOME TONGUE.

GRAB THAT BUTT.

COPPERTONE BABY.

GIMME THAT LITTLE BUBBLE BUTT.

GIMME SEXY EIGHT-YEAR-OLD MACAULAY CULKIN.

FUCK THE BULL. FUCK THE BULL.

YEAH. WORK. YEAH. HOT. OH.

SO...

HAVE YOU EVER BOTTOMED?

NO.

ACTUALLY IT’S NOT REALLY SOMETHING I NORMALLY DO.

I’M USUALLY A TOP.

TODAY’S YOUR LUCKY DAY.

CAN I SEE YOU AGAIN?

SURE.

LET’S UH...

WHEN?

LET’S SEE. HOW ABOUT TOMORROW NIGHT

7:00, KITANO?

SOUNDS GOOD.

I’LL HAVE TO GET YOUR NUMBER FROM YOU

BEFORE I LEAVE, FOR SURE. OKAY.

HE USED TO BE A LITTLE INNOCENT, AND NOW HE’S A BIG WHORE.

WE’LL GO OUT IN PUBLIC,

AND I’LL INTRODUCE HIM TO SOMEONE,

AND IT’S LITERALLY LIKE A DOG HUMPING A LEG.

HE’S IN HEAT. I NEED TO GET HIM NEUTERED.

IT’S LIKE, "HEY HOW’S IT GOING?"

"I’M GOOD." "HOW YOU DOIN’?"

"ALL RIGHT." "YOU LIKE THAT?"

SO I CUT HIS BALLS OFF THIS MORNING.

HOW LONG--

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

...UNITED STATES?

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

I DON’T KNOW IF YOU JUST SAID A YEAR OR A WEEK,

BUT IT DIDN’T SOUND LIKE LONG.

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

YEAH?

FAMILY? YOU SAID FAMILY?

SI, MI FAMILIA. OH,FAMILIA.

YOU HAVE A BROTHER, SISTER?

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

NO, NO, NO...

[SPEAKING SPANISH]

OH.

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

IN THE WORDS OF DONNA SUMMER, AND I QUOTE,

♪ ENOUGH IS ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ♪

♪ I CAN’T GO ON ♪

♪ I CAN’T GO ON WITHOUT YOU ♪

♪ ENOUGH IS ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ♪

[PANTING]

YOU KNOW THE REST. I’M DONE.

I THINK WHAT JASON IS TRYING TO TELL YOU,

AND I’M BACKING HIM UP HERE.

WE NEVER SEE YOU.

EVER SINCE YOU GOT HERE,

YOU’VE BEEN EITHER OFF HAVING SEX

OR BUSY LOOKING FOR IT.

AND WE NEVER GET ANY BEN TIME.

WE’VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR YEARS,

AND I FEEL LIKE I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU ANY MORE.

WELL MAYBE THIS IS A MORE REALISTIC BEN.

MAYBE THE "LOVE" BEN

IS BEFORE L.A., BEFORE I LEARNED SOME THINGS.

EVERY TIME YOU SLEEP WITH ANOTHER GUY

WHO DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU,

YOU LOSE A PIECE OF YOURSELF.

WHAT ABOUT THE FOUNTAIN-WISHING BEN?

YOU’RE NOT JUST HAVING FUN.

YOU WANT MORE THAN THAT.

MAYBE YOU’RE RIGHT.

SO I HAVE KIND OF A WEIRD QUESTION FOR YOU.

YOU EVER GO ON ANY OF THOSE SITES,

LIKE MANHUNT, OR ADAM4ADAM?

I’VE NEVER BEEN ON MANHUNT.

I’VE BEEN ON, WHAT, CRAIGSLIST,

AND I DON’T KNOW, I GUESS I WAS ON GAY.COM ONCE.

WELL, WHEN YOU MEET PEOPLE AND YOU HOOK UP WITH THEM,

DOES ANYONE EVER CALL YOU BACK?

YOU DON’T GO TO THE GROCERY STORE TO BUY A CAR,

SO YOU DON’T GO TO A SEX LINE TO LOOK FOR MARRIAGE.

I THINK, YOU WANT A BIG RELATIONSHIP,

YOU GOTTA GO TO RELATIONSHIP.COM OR--

BUT, LIKE, THE OTHER NIGHT, IT WENT SO WELL.

WHY CAN’T I EXPECT TO HEAR FROM THIS GUY AGAIN?

BECAUSE IT’S A SEX LINE, DUDE. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

BUT IT WASN’T JUST SEX.

WE GOT ALONG. THE RAPPORT WAS GREAT.

MAYBE HE JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL, AND IT WAS GREAT,

AND IT WAS SEX, AND HE’S DONE.

IF YOU’RE GONNA SET IT UP, I’LL FUCK YOU,

BUT ONLY IF YOU’LL TAKE ME ON A DATE ON TUESDAY.

WELL, MAYBE YOU’LL GET A DATE ON TUESDAY,

BUT IF YOU’RE JUST HAVING SEX AND EXPECTING HIM TO CALL YOU TOMORROW,

I MEAN, I’M SO SURE.

THIS IS LOS ANGELES.

[BONG GURGLING]

I WASN’T REALLY EXPECTING TO MEET ANYONE THERE,

AT LEAST, NOT ANYONE I’D EVER TAKE ON A DATE.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

SOMEHOW CALLING IT A GANG BANG

DOESN’T REALLY HELP THE ROMANCE ANY.

YOU KNOW, IT WASN’T PLANNED AS A GANG BANG.

IT JUST HAPPENED TO BE

THAT THERE WERE EIGHT TOPS THERE AND ONLY ONE BOTTOM.

GO FIGURE.

YOU THINK ANYBODY EVER MEETS THEIR PARTNER AT A SEX PARTY?

YEAH I KNOW A BUNCH LIKE THAT.

REALLY?

YEAH, WHAT’S WRONG WITH MEETING SOMEBODY

AT A GREAT SEXUAL ENCOUNTER?

I MEAN, MEN FUCK AND MEN FALL IN LOVE.

WHY CAN’T YOU MEET SOMEBODY?

I THINK IT’S A GREAT WAY TO MEET GUYS.

I GUESS SOMETIMES THERE’S A CONNECTION.

YEAH, AND IF THERE ISN’T, IT’S LIKE PLAYING A SPORT.

I MEAN, I GO TO THE GYM, I PLAY VOLLEYBALL, I HAVE SEX.

REALLY? HUH.

YOU SEEM SO DIFFERENT

FROM MOST OF THE GUYS I MEET AT THESE THINGS.

YOU DO, TOO.

I MEAN, YOU JUST SEEM SO NEW TO ALL OF THIS.

I AM.

[JASON] SO WHAT DOES HE DO?

HE’S ACTUALLY GOT A GREAT JOB.

HE’S WORKING FOR FRONTIERS MAGAZINE.

HE’S ACTUALLY ONE OF THEIR HEAD WRITERS.

AND BECAUSE OF IT, HE KNOWS EVERYONE.

WE GET IN EVERYWHERE.

HE’S A SWEETHEART.

YOU KNOW.

HE CAN EVEN DANCE WELL.

YEAH. YEAH.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS?

WHAT? HE’S A PROFESSIONAL HOMOSEXUAL.

HE’S KING OF WEST HOLLYWOOD.

HE WRITES FOR A GAY NEWSPAPER.

HE HAS NO WOMEN FRIENDS, I’M ASSUMING.

AND HE GOES OUT EVERY NIGHT LIKE IT’S HIS CAREER.

HE’S JUST GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY.

HE’D PROBABLY MAKE LIZA MINNELLI SAY, "HEY, CALM DOWN."

[BEN] SO WHEN DID YOU COME OUT?

AROUND THE NINTH GRADE. IT WASN’T A BIG DEAL.

YEAH. WHAT ABOUT YOURSELF?

I WAS A LITTLE BIT MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT.

I’M FROM A JEWISH BACKGROUND.

NOT LIKE HARD-LINE ORTHODOX OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT,

BUT STILL MY FATHER’S A RABBI.

OH. YEAH.

INTERESTING. YEAH.

AND I WAS PRETTY SURE I WAS BISEXUAL FOR A LONG TIME.

I EVEN HAD A GIRLFRIEND IN COLLEGE.

DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH HER?

YEAH,

BUT-- IT WAS PRETTY COOL.

SHE WAS REALLY SUPPORTIVE,

AND SHE’S LIKE MY BEST FRIEND.

I GET ALONG WITH GIRLS PRETTY WELL.

YEAH. I CAN SEE THAT.

YOU?

NOT REALLY.

I MEAN, I HAVE A COUPLE OF LESBIAN FRIENDS FROM WORK

AND FROM THE SCENE AND SO ON, BUT--

THE SCENE?

YEAH, YOU KNOW, GOING OUT.

SO YOU DATE A LOT, DON’T YOU?

NO. I MEAN, I HAD A BOYFRIEND LAST YEAR.

AND?

HE’S JUST KIND OF CRAZY

AND AN ASSHOLE.

HOW LONG WERE YOU GUYS TOGETHER?

EIGHT MONTHS,

BUT AROUND MONTH SIX,

HE WAS ALREADY TALKING ABOUT MOVING IN TOGETHER.

AND HE WAS UPSET THAT HE COULDN’T GET MARRIED,

AFTER THE WHOLE GAY MARRIAGE THING HAPPENED.

IT WAS JUST A LITTLE CRAZY.

ESPECIALLY IN THIS TOWN,

YOU’RE INTERESTING UNTIL YOU’RE TOO INTERESTED.

SO, YOU GOTTA BE CAREFUL.

HM.

WHAT? YOU GOTTA FLEX IT.

IT’S FLEXED. NO, THAT’S BETWEEN POINTE AND FLEX.

BUT THEN IT’S JUST THIS-- IT LOOKS LIKE A LAZY POINTE.

UM, I DON’T MEAN TO BE RUDE,

BUT I’M PRETTY SURE POINTED LOOKS BETTER.

I LOOK LIKE A CLOWN. LOOK.

CAN YOU GIVE ME SOME COOL CONTEMPORARY WAY TO LAND,

SO I DON’T LOOK LIKE I’M JUST LIKE--

I JUST FEEL LIKE NOW I LOOK LIKE A BALLET DANCER

WHO FORGOT TO POINT HIS FOOT.

THEN POINT YOUR FOOT. I THINK YOU SHOULD POINT YOUR FOOT.

I’LL FLEX IT FOR YOU.

JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING THAT FOLLOWS--

I THINK YOU SHOULD POINT YOUR FOOT.

I THINK, IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT TO DO...

I RECENTLY LOST MY JOB,

AND I’VE BEEN GOING OUT AND TRYING TO FIND WORK

BECAUSE APPARENTLY YOU HAVE TO PAY BILLS,

AND I WAS FILLING OUT SOME PAPERWORK,

AND ONE OF THE GUYS FROM THE KITCHEN

AT THIS RESTAURANT THAT I WAS WORKING AT--

OR WANTING TO WORK AT--

HE CAME UP TO ME RANDOMLY,

AND HE WAS LIKE, "HEY MAN, YOU KNOW WHO YOU LOOK LIKE?"

AND I’M LIKE, "OH, AGAIN."

JOHN MAYER, ASHTON KUTCHER, YOUNG PATRICK SWAYZE.

HE’S LIKE, "NO, FUCKER, YOU LOOK LIKE LURCH."

AND I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, WELL, AT LEAST I DON’T LOOK ILLEGAL.

AFTER THE ENTIRE KITCHEN STAFF GANG-BANGED MY MOUTH,

I REALIZED THAT I SHOULDN’T SAY THINGS LIKE THAT.

OH, MEXICANS.

[JASON] SO HOW DID YOU BECOME SO SUCCESSFUL?

[DAN] OH. YOU KNOW WHAT? I SUFFERED.

I WAS AT THE DARKEST POINT OF MY LIFE,

AND FAMILY, FRIENDS, JOB. HORRIBLE.

WITH YOUR SOBRIETY.

WELL, YEAH. MY SOBRIETY.

AND A FRIEND OF MINE WAS SOBER,

AND I CALLED HIM.

AND I WAS ON MY KNEES, AND I JUST SAID, "I NEED YOUR HELP."

AND HE MET ME AT MY FIRST MEETING.

AND HERE I AM, FOUR YEARS LATER,

FROM MY HIGHER POWER TO COMMITMENTS

TO DOING THE STEPS

TO BEING OF SERVICE TO DOING EVERYTHING,

TO THE BIG BOOK, YEAH.

I WOULDN’T BE HERE--

AND THAT’S WHAT GOT YOU THROUGH ALL THIS.

OH, YEAH, MAKING AMENDS, CLEANING UP MY PAST, ALL OF IT.

OH, YEAH. I KNOW ABOUT THAT.

I HAD TO MAKE AMENDS WITH SOME OF THE STUFF THAT I MESSED UP

BACK IN THE DAYS. ONE DAY AT A TIME.

YEAH.

SO, IF YOU DON’T MIND ME ASKING,

HOW DID YOU BECOME SO SUCCESSFUL WITH YOUR SHOWS THEN?

OH, THOSE. I--

YOU KNOW WHAT? I ACTUALLY SURRENDERED TO THE OUTCOME.

HUH.

I SUITED UP AND I SHOWED UP, AND I WORKED REALLY HARD,

AND I ASKED FORGIVENESS OF PEOPLE THAT I HAD HURT IN THE PAST,

AND INTEGRITY.

I SHOWED UP WITH AN INTEGRITY,

AND THEY BELIEVED ME, AND THEY TRUSTED ME,

AND ONE STEP AT A TIME,

AND HERE I AM.

THE SEX IS AMAZING, AND HE SAYS WE’RE DATING,

BUT-- BUT?

BUT I DON’T KNOW.

I FEEL LIKE I’M GETTING LOST IN EVERYTHING,

LIKE I CAN’T GET HIM TO FOCUS.

DOES HE HAVE A.D.D.?

WELL, EVERYBODY DOES, I THINK, THESE DAYS.

I DON’T. OKAY, LOOK.

I FEEL LIKE--

LIKE HE’S PUTTING ME--

LIKE I’M GETTING SQUEEZED BETWEEN ALL OF HIS ACTIVITIES.

HAVE YOU SAID ANYTHING,

YOU KNOW, LIKE, INTIMATE, TO HIM?

I DON’T KNOW. I MEAN, I LOVE HIM.

OH, GOD, YOU SAID THAT?

NO, I DIDN’T TELL HIM.

I’M NOT THAT NAIVE.

I WAS THINKING WE’D GO TO A SEX PARTY ON THE WEST SIDE.

I SENT THE GUYS OUR PICTURES, AND SURPRISE,

THEY’RE INTERESTED.

THE GUYS ARE REALLY HOT.

OF COURSE THEY ARE.

LOOK, I WAS JUST THINKING MAYBE WE COULD DO SOMETHING,

JUST, YOU KNOW, MAYBE JUST THE TWO OF US.

TONIGHT?

THAT DOESN’T SOUND VERY FUN OR EXCITING.

THIS IS WEST HOLLYWOOD.

THERE’S PARTIES, SEX, AND FUN TO BE HAD.

YES. AND THERE’S PARTIES, SEX, AND FUN TO BE HAD EVERY NIGHT.

LOOK, I’M JUST SAYING THAT MAYBE NOT TONIGHT.

I’M NOT REALLY COMFORTABLE DOING THAT SORT OF THING RIGHT NOW.

YOU WERE COMFORTABLE WITH IT BEFORE.

WELL, YOU KNOW. MAYBE JUST NOT TOGETHER.

OKAY? NOT RIGHT NOW.

THAT’S EXACTLY HOW BORING STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE.

I DON’T KNOW THAT JUST FUCKING ISN’T HOLY TO BEGIN WITH,

BUT YOU’RE THE ONE WHO IS GOING TO DECIDE WHAT’S SACRED.

IS THERE SOME SORT OF GAY ETIQUETTE FOR THESE SORT OF THINGS?

WE’RE TALKING ABOUT A GAY RELATIONSHIP HERE.

THIS IS NOT-- WE’RE NOT DEALING

WITH 2,000 YEARS OF HETEROSEXUAL CONFORMITY.

I JUST ALWAYS THINK IT’S WEIRD

THAT GAY PEOPLE WANT TO ACT LIKE STRAIGHT PEOPLE.

I FEEL LIKE, YOU KNOW,

DEFINE IT HOWEVER YOU WANT,

BUT YOU HAVE THE FREEDOM TO DEFINE IT.

YOU DON’T HAVE ANY RULES SET UP FOR YOU.

IF I CAN’T EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE OUT OF THIS,

THEN WHY AM I DOING IT?

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I DON’T KNOW.

IT’S JUST LIKE ANYTHING ELSE--

HAPPINESS, OR DANCE, OR WHATEVER.

IT’S GONNA BE A DAILY THING.

YOU WANT MONOGAMY, YOU’RE GONNA WORK ON MONOGAMY.

AND THEN YOU’RE GONNA RENEGOTIATE,

AND YOU’RE GONNA DEAL WITH IT,

AND YOU’RE GONNA BE TURNED ON BY EVERYBODY EVERY DAY.

IT’S GOING TO BE AN INTERESTING SERIES OF CHALLENGES,

BUT, YOU KNOW, SO’S EVERY FUCKING THING ELSE.

LOOK, JUST DO THE WALK WITH ME, OKAY?

I’LL DO THE JUMP.

I’VE TURNED OFF. I DON’T KNOW.

COULD WE CALL IT A DAY?

NO. WE NEED TO GET THROUGH THIS.

ALL RIGHT, DO IT. DO IT.

GO. FINE.

READY? YEAH.

FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT.

PLANNING ON HELPING ME ON THE LIFT?

LOOK AT ME WHEN WE DANCE.

YOU REALLY KNOW DAVID GEFFEN?

OF COURSE I KNOW GEFFEN.

I WENT TO HIS PARTY IN THE HAMPTONS.

THAT’S AWESOME. I WAS JUST GOING TO--

OH, I’M SORRY. BEN THIS IS JOE. JOE, BEN, MY ROOMMATE.

JOE, HUH?

THAT’S INTERESTING.

DO YOU GUYS KNOW EACH OTHER?

I THINK, UM-- I THINK WE DO.

HI, ADAM. HOW ARE YOU?

ACTUALLY, MY FULL NAME IS ADAM JOSEPH LANDAU.

IS IT? YEAH.

THAT’S WEIRD.

YOU SPENT THE EVENING WITH THIS GENTLEMAN?

UH, MAYBE. HM? YEAH?

WHY? OH, I DON’T KNOW.

I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT, UH, YOU REMEMBER,

OH I DON’T KNOW, A LONG TIME AGO, A TUESDAY NIGHT, 7:00 PM,

DATE THAT I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE.

AND SOMEBODY, OH, MAYBE, STOOD ME UP.

ACTUALLY BEN, I CAN EXPLAIN--

AND NEVER CALLED.

I CAN EXPLAIN-- GAVE ME THE WRONG NUMBER.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED.

I HAD A FRIEND, THEY HE HAD A REACTION,

I HAD TO BRING HIM TO THE HOSPITAL,

I COULDN’T MAKE THE DATE, AND I LOST YOUR NUMBER.

OH, MY GOD, DID YOU HEAR? THAT’S HORRIBLE.

YEAH, IT’S TERRIBLE.

THAT’S WHY YOU NEVER CALLED AGAIN, RIGHT?

YOU NEVER CALLED TO TELL ME.

THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO HARD, FOR SURE.

YOU’RE STILL A PRODUCER, RIGHT?

YOU KNOW, THAT’S INTERESTING.

I REMEMBER ACCOUNTANT.

WHAT? YEAH.

OH, I DO BOOKS.

I WORK WITH PEOPLES’ MONEY.

YEAH, I DO BOOKS FOR MOVIES.

I HAVE LOTS OF MONEY.

I DO BOOKS FOR MOTION PICTURES. HM, CALL ME.

I LIVE IN HOLLYWOOD.

YOU TOLD ME YOU LIVED IN THE VALLEY.

[MARY] COREY!

WHAT’S THIS?

HOW DARE YOU LEAVE THE TOILET SEAT UP IN MY HOUSE.

DO YOU KNOW THAT PEOPLE ARE FIRED

AND HAVE THEIR CAREERS CUT SHORT FOR LESS THAN THIS?

I’M SORRY.

I MUST HAVE BEEN ON THE PHONE WHILE I WAS PEEING.

YOU PEE STANDING UP?

YES, I DO.

DO YOU WANT TO BE A WOMAN OR NOT?

[SIGHS]

TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST, NO, I DON’T.

DO TELL.

I’M HAPPY BEING WHO I AM.

I LIKE ADOPTING THE GUISE OF A MAN OR A WOMAN IN PUBLIC,

BUT IN REALITY, I FEEL THAT I’M NEITHER.

I DIDN’T KNOW.

YOU NEVER ASKED ME.

WELL DO YOU SLEEP WITH MEN OR WOMEN?

NEITHER. NEITHER.

I DON’T BELIEVE IN SEX.

I FEEL LIKE IT WOULD BE A DISTRACTION.

I SEE. I GOT IT.

THAT’S WHY YOU’RE SO PROFICIENT.

THAT’S WHY YOUR SO PRODUCTIVE.

COREY, YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY FASCINATING.

YOU DON’T USE YOUR FEMININITY TO MANIPULATE MEN OR WOMEN.

YOU DON’T SEEM TO WANT ANYBODY OR ANYTHING.

IT’S REMARKABLE.

I FEEL THAT I COULD ABSOLUTELY TRUST YOU WITH ANYTHING.

YOU ARE SO PURE AND UTTERLY UNSELFISH.

IT’S VERY RARE IN THIS TOWN.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

HOLD ON.

[TEXTING] BIG DEAL.

WHAT’S IT ABOUT? WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

OKAY.

SENT? SENT.

CAN I SEE IT?

YOU CAN.

IT’S REALLY NICE?

THANKS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

TURNING IT OFF.

WAIT-- YOU NEED TO RELAX.

I KNOW, BUT YOU CAN’T DO THAT.

WHAT IF SOMEONE NEEDS ME?

WELL, THEN THEY’LL HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK.

BUT I DON’T WANT THEM TO CALL ME BACK. WELL YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO

BECAUSE YOU’RE HERE WITH ME NOW.

WHOEVER NEEDS TO GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU CAN GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU LATER.

SEE. HI. HI.

I’M HERE.

JUST RELAX. COME HERE.

YOU HAVE BEEN TENSE ALL THE TIME I HAVE BEEN HERE.

[EXHALES]

NOW, LET’S SEE.

WHAT ELSE DO YOU DO BESIDES ALL THIS CRAZY STUFF?

CRAZY STUFF.

UH, I USED TO PLAY TENNIS.

TENNIS IS GOOD.

A LOT OF BOARD GAMES WITH MY BROTHERS.

BASEBALL. YEAH.

YOU? UP HERE. WHAT DO YOU DO?

LOTS OF SPORTS.

AND I GO RUNNING.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

BACKGAMMON. I LOVE MY BACKGAMMON.

ARE YOU KIDDING? I USED TO LOVE BACKGAMMON AS A KID.

STOP IT. NO, I’M SERIOUS.

OKAY, CLOSE YOUR EYES.

CLOSED? MM-HM.

OKAY.

OKAY, OPEN YOUR EYES.

DO YOU HAVE ANY MONEY? UH--

MY BROTHERS AND I PUT DOWN SOME GOOD DOLLARS.

CAN I PAY YOU BACK LATER?

AN I.O.U.

I HAVE ORANGES.

THOSE ARE MY-- THEY’RE MY ORANGES.

OKAY, READY?

YEAH.

I LOVE TO WIN.

UH, I LOVE TO WIN.

YOU’RE ON.

HONESTLY, L.A. DANCERS KIND OF LOOK AT THOSE DANCERS AND GO,

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELVES?"

REALLY? I FEEL LIKE IT’S A GREAT CAREER STARTER, AND--

NO, NO. THEY MAKE A BUNCH OF MONEY.

NO.

AND, I DON’T KNOW, AND THEY...

THEY’RE EXPLOITED.

THEY DON’T-- YOU DON’T MAKE MONEY UNLESS YOU REALLY WIN

AND MAYBE IF YOU GET ON THE TOUR.

BUT IT’S-- THINK ABOUT IT.

BUT SO MANY PEOPLE FROM L.A. HAVE BEEN IN IT, THOUGH.

HAVEN’T THEY?

YEAH, BUT THEY DON’T WIND UP WORKING IN THE DANCE WORLD.

REALLY? NO.

BECAUSE EVERY CHOREOGRAPHER WHO IS WATCHING,

THEY GO, "THAT PERSON CAN’T DO THIS,

THAT PERSON CAN’T DO THIS, THAT PERSON CAN’T DO THIS,"

WHEREAS YOU GET THE CHOICE IN THIS DANCE BUSINESS

TO DECIDE THIS IS WHAT JOBS I’M GOING TO GO OUT FOR

BECAUSE THIS IS MY STRENGTH.

RIGHT.

AND WE ALL SEE YOUR WEAKNESSES ON THAT SHOW.

AND YOUR FLAWS AS A HUMAN BEING

BECAUSE THEY EDIT YOU.

BECAUSE IT’S A REALITY SHOW.

RIGHT. YEAH.

I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.

WHAT DO YOUR TATTOOS MEAN?

OH, THEY-- I DID THOSE FOR MY FAMILY.

OH, YEAH, YOU PRETTY CLOSE WITH YOUR FAMILY?

I LOVE MY FAMILY.

WELL, ACTUALLY WHEN I WAS DRINKING.

WHEN YOU WERE DRINKING, YOU LOVED YOUR FAMILY?

I LOVED EVERYBODY WHEN I WAS DRINKING,

BUT WHEN I WAS DRINKING, I MESSED UP WITH MY FAMILY,

AND I SPENT YEARS CLEANING IT UP,

BUT THAT ONE RIGHT THERE--

THAT ONE MEANS THE BREATH OF GOD TO MOM,

AND THAT ONE RIGHT THERE IS FOR MY BROTHER.

HE’S MY HEART.

AND THEN ON THE OTHER SIDE,

RESPECT FOR DAD.

AND I HAVE AN OLDER BROTHER, AND THAT MEANS "HERO TO BIG BROTHER."

HUH. YEAH.

THAT’S NICE.

YOU? YOUR FAMILY?

I HAVE A SISTER.

CLOSE?

YEAH.

SHE’S MARRIED.

SHE HAS A BABY.

SO YOU’RE AN UNCLE.

YEAH.

ARE YOU NOT A GOOD UNCLE?

I’M A GOOD UNCLE, I GUESS.

I JUST DON’T-- I DON’T KNOW.

DO YOU WANT KIDS?

NO.

DO YOU?

I DO.

REALLY?

I DO.

WHY?

BECAUSE THEY ARE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE TO ME.

HUH.

WHAT IF YOU GET ONE OF THOSE EVIL BAD-SEED CHILDREN,

LIKE THE ANTICHRIST?

ARE YOU AN EVIL BAD SEED?

IS THAT WHAT YOU’RE TELLING ME?

NO, NO, I’M AN ANGEL.

OH, I SEE SOME HORNS A LITTLE BIT.

[MEOWING]

[COREY] MARY?

COREY, YOU COME GIVE MARY A LITTLE NECK RUB?

NECK RUB?

YES.

[MOANS]

ALL RIGHT.

LOSHEY, LOSHEY.

[MEOWS] OOH, AAH.

COREY. OH, IT FEELS SO GOOD.

NOW COME DOWN A LITTLE LOWER.

[MEOWS]

OH, COREY.

OH, MY GOD.

OH.

AND DOWN TO THE ASS.

AS I SAID IN THERE, JAKE, I LIVED BEYOND MY MEANS.

YOU HAD REALLY GOOD MEANS. I HAD GREAT MEANS.

HANK AND HAZEL. I LOVED THAT SHOW.

HANK AND HAZEL. I LOVED THAT SHOW.

IT WAS REALLY GREAT.

YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED WAS I GOT SO WRAPPED UP IN ALL OF THAT--

I’M AN ACTOR AND A WRITER.

I WROTE A SCRIPT, A SCREENPLAY OF MYSELF,

WHERE I’M PLAY LIKE A REALLY SEXY CHARACTER,

AND I’M WILLING TO DO ANYTHING, I JUST NEED A PRODUCER.

AND SO I’M LIKE WILLING TO, UH

OKAY, BUT THAT’S NOT--

THAT’S GREAT, BUT THAT’S NOT THE PROMISE OF THIS PROGRAM

BECAUSE YOU ASKED ME TO-- I LOVE HANK AND HAZEL.

YOU TALKED TO ME ABOUT SPONSORING.

ARE YOU GOING TO BE MY SPONSOR? BE MY SPONSOR.

PRODUCING MY-- SO LET ME JUST-- OKAY, WHAT YOU NEED TO--

OKAY, IT’S A SCRIPT.

YOU MADE A COMMENT, JAKE.

I PUT IT IN A BLUE FOLDER.

IT’S A NICE FOLDER.

JAKE, STOP.

SPONSORSHIP--

ROCK BOTTOM.

YOU SAID TO ME IN THE MEETING--

YEAH, THIS MORNING I HIT ROCK BOTTOM.

I HAD, LIKE, A ROCK BOTTOM MOMENT THIS MORNING.

SO WHAT HAPPENED? I OVERSLEPT.

MY ALARM WENT OFF, AND I DIDN’T LISTEN TO IT,

AND MY MOM WAS LIKE, "UH, OH YOU OVERSLEPT, YOU HIT ROCK BOTTOM."

GOTTA HAVE A MEETING. GOTTA GO TO A MEETING.

AND I FIGURE YOU COULD BE MY SPONSOR.

OKAY, YOU LIVE WITH YOUR MOM?

BECAUSE YOU’RE WITH JASON.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT I’M WITH JASON?

WELL, I WAS WATCHING YOU GUYS--

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, YOU’RE WATCHING. THIS IS A--

THIS IS A YEAH, I SAW YOU GUYS AT MACARONI GRILL,

AND I WAS LIKE, OH--

WHAT ABOUT THE-- STOP! STOP.

ENOUGH, JAKE-- YOU HAVE NICE HANDS.

JASON. JAKE-- JAKE--

JAKE. I’M JAKE. JAKE, JAKE, JAKE.

BUT JASON’S GREAT. HE’S ON MY MIND, TOO, ALL THE TIME.

[GIGGLES]

I THINK ABOUT JASON ALL THE TIME, TOO, SO IT’S CRAZY.

I DON’T THINK THIS IS GOING TO REALLY WORK,

SO HERE’S THE THING. YOU STOPPED ME. CALL ME.

IS THAT ACID? YOU’RE GIVING ME ACID?

IF YOU NEED ANYTHING-- NO, IT’S NOT-- STOP.

THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK-- SPONSORSHIP.

CALL ME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING,

I’M SURE THERE’S SOMEONE ELSE IN THE ROOMS THAT WILL HELP YOU.

WOW. WOW, WOW, WOW...

THERE’S NO NUMBER ON HERE.

SO YOU’VE BEEN STALKED BEFORE, HUH?

YEAH. I MEAN, THERE’S THE MYSPACE PEOPLE AND THE FACEBOOK PEOPLE.

YOU DO HAVE QUITE THE FOLLOWING ON THERE.

YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY ONLY TO A CERTAIN EXTENT.

I MEAN, IT’S FLATTERING,

BUT WHEN SOMEONE SAYS THAT THEY LOVE ME,

I DON’T BELIEVE IT.

I THINK IT HAPPENS SO MUCH IN THE DATING WORLD, TOO.

YOU MEAN THAT YOU HAD THE COMPLETE WRONG IDEA

OF WHO THEY WERE

BECAUSE YOU JUST PUT A PICTURE OF THEM AHEAD OF YOU.

YOU HAD THIS IDEA OF THEM AND NOT NECESSARILY WHAT THEY WERE.

TOTALLY.

THEY WANT YOU TO LIKE THEM, TOO.

BECAUSE PEOPLE ALWAYS WANT TO BE BETTER THAN WHAT THEY ARE.

SO, HOW WAS THE PARTY?

THE USUAL.

AND THE ONE BEFORE THAT?

BEFORE THAT? OH, MONDAY NIGHT?

WE WENT TO--

WE WENT DOWNTOWN TO MOUSTACHE MONDAYS,

AND THEN CAME BACK TO WEHO

AND WENT TO THE STANDARD FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS,

THEN WENT TO AN AFTER PARTY IN THE HILLS.

IT WAS AMAZING.

AMAZING. YEAH.

GOOD.

YOU’RE NOT EVEN GONNA ASK ME ABOUT MY WEEK, ARE YOU?

OH, UM, SURE.

DO ANYTHING FOR FUN LATELY?

YEAH, ACTUALLY.

I STARTED REHEARSING MY NEW DANCE PIECE.

OH, YEAH, COOL.

YOU SHOULD TRY OUT FOR SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE.

I HAVE.

OH.

LOOK. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKE YOU. RIGHT?

YEAH.

I LIKE YOU, TOO.

THAT’S FUNNY BECAUSE I’M NOT FEELING IT FROM YOU.

IT’S LIKE YOUR FACEBOOK PAGE.

YOU GOT ALL THESE PICTURES OF EVERYBODY ON THERE.

YOU GO TO ALL THESE PARTIES. I GO WITH YOU.

I DON’T SEE A PICTURE OF MYSELF EVER.

THERE’S AN AUDIENCE FOR MY FACEBOOK PAGE,

AND THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU.

RELAX. IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL.

IT IS TO ME.

LOOK, WE HANG OUT. WE HAVE FUN.

WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO CREATE DRAMA?

I’M NOT CREATING DRAMA.

I’M JUST SAYING--

LOOK, I DON’T THINK WE CAN DO THIS ANYMORE.

I DON’T THINK I CAN SEE YOU.

OKAY.

OH, REALLY? "OKAY"? THAT’S IT?

YOU’RE NOT EVEN GONNA TRY TO SAVE IT? NOTHING?

NOT AN "OH, BEN, I’LL MISS YOU"

OR A "HEY LET’S TRY." NOTHING.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

OH, BEN. I’LL MISS YOU TERRIBLY.

I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU.

I NEED YOU IN MY LIFE.

IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME?

YOU’RE SUCH AN ASSHOLE.

LOOK.

WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?

I DON’T KNOW,

BUT I DON’T WANT IT WITH YOU.

MARY, THERE’S SOMETHING I NEED TO TELL YOU.

YES?

I’M QUITTING.

NO, YOU’RE NOT.

YES, I AM.

BUT WHY?

WELL, THIS EXPERIMENT HAS COME TO AN END,

AND I NEED TO START A NEW CHAPTER IN MY LIFE.

WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME?

YOU NEED TO START A NEW CHAPTER IN YOUR LIFE, TOO.

NO, I DON’T.

YES, YOU DO.

WELL, IF THAT’S THE WAY YOU FEEL, GET OUT.

GOODBYE, MARY.

[JASON] I’M JUST WAITING TO HEAR SOMETHING FROM YOU.

WAITING FOR WHAT? FOR ONE, YOU PROMISED ME

THAT YOU WERE GOING TO HELP ME GET MY OWN SHOW.

WAIT, WAIT, WHAT DID I PROMISE YOU?

I CAN’T PROMISE THAT I’M GOING TO HELP YOU PITCH A SHOW IDEA.

WELL, THAT’S WHAT YOU SAID. I CAN’T DO THAT.

WHAT EXPERIENCE DO YOU HAVE PRODUCING,

MUCH LESS STARRING, DIRECTING, AND ACTING IN YOUR OWN SHOW?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME, I WOULD BE GREAT.

OF COURSE YOU’D BE GREAT.

BUT NO ONE IS GOING TO GO OUT

AND GIVE YOU YOUR OWN SHOW RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE,

JASON, IT DOESN’T HAPPEN THAT WAY.

WELL, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT CONFIDENCE LEVEL.

STOP IT.

I BELIEVE IN YOU. I DO. YOU’RE--

LOOK AT ME. YOU HAVE SOMETHING.

YOU’RE HANDSOME, YOU’RE TALENTED, YOU’RE FUNNY.

THANK YOU.

JASON, EVERYONE HAS SOME SORT OF TALENT.

YOU JUST HAVE TO LEARN WHAT THAT IS.

WELL, I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT.

I JUST WANT TO GET PAID FOR WHAT I’M DOING.

WHY DO YOU CONSTANTLY NEED MY VALIDATION?

BECAUSE YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN REALLY HELP ME.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU’RE THE FIRST PERSON IN LOS ANGELES

THAT I’VE ACTUALLY MET THAT ACTUALLY HELP ME DO SOMETHING WITH MY CAREER.

WAIT, I THOUGHT WE WERE WORKING ON A RELATIONSHIP.

BUT OBVIOUSLY THIS IS A BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP FOR YOU.

I GET IT.

DAN, COME HERE.

YOU KNOW THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

THEN WHAT DID YOU MEAN, JASON?

IF WE WEREN’T IN A RELATIONSHIP,

WOULD YOU STILL BELIEVE IN ME?

OF COURSE I WOULD. COME HERE.

THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW.

COME HERE.

[CRAIG] YOU KNOW, I THINK ABOUT IT IN TERMS OF THIS.

ANY TIME THERE’S SOME SORT OF ISOLATION,

LIKE LOOKING, I’M NOT THINKING RIGHT, LEFT.

I’M THINKING CONNECT, CONNECT, CONNECT.

SO CONNECT TO ME AT THAT MOMENT.

SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, SHARP, LIKE BOOM, EYE TO EYE.

OKAY. AND I THINK THAT EVEN HELPS,

LIKE, INTENTION.

I DON’T KNOW IF IT’LL LOOK GOOD FLAT TO THE AUDIENCE.

TWO, THREE, LIKE THAT?

IF YOU TAKE YOUR RIGHT LEG BACK.

SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, SHARP ONE,

SO THE LINE IS SOFT, BUT WE GET THERE FAST.

LIKE THIS.

YES, HIT THE ACCENT.

SO GIVE ME SEVEN, EIGHT.

SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, SHARP ONE.

THAT’S IT.

OKAY I KIND OF HAVE A CONFESSION TO MAKE.

OOH. OOH.

I’M PREGNANT.

AGAIN? I KNOW, RIGHT?

IS IT A GEFFEN? SHUT UP.

NO, I’M BEING SERIOUS.

I DON’T REALLY THINK I’M AN ALCOHOLIC.

YOU MADE A COMMITMENT. THAT’S SERIOUS.

AA SAVES PEOPLE’S LIVES,

AND YOU’RE TOTALLY DISRESPECTING IT.

I JUST DON’T THINK MY LIFE NEEDS SAVING.

I MEAN, I DON’T REALLY THINK THAT I’M LIKE THOSE PEOPLE

WHO GO INTO THOSE MEETINGS

AND TALK ABOUT BEING UNMANAGEABLE

AND RECKLESS AND DESTROYING EVERYTHING

AND JUST HAVE ABSOLUTELY HIT ROCK BOTTOM.

I’M NOT LIKE THAT.

WELL, THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP GOING BACK?

IT’S REALLY INTERESTING AND KIND OF TOUCHING

TO HEAR HOW IT HAS CHANGED THOSE PEOPLES’ LIVES.

OKAY, I HAVE AN IDEA.

WHAT?

YOU GUYS ARE MY BEST FRIENDS.

WELL, OKAY, YOU’RE MORE LIKE MY FAMILY,

BUT I KIND OF WANT TO KNOW

IF YOU WOULD BE INTERESTED IN,

I DON’T KNOW, POSSIBLY GOING TO A BAR WITH ME?

LET’S HAVE A DRINK, JUST ONE DRINK,

ONE DRINK, AND THAT’S IT.

[COREY] THIS IS THE BIG IDEA?

YES, LET’S JUST HAVE ONE DRINK,

AND THEN WE’LL GO HOME,

AND IF I CAN NOT HAVE A DRINK

FOR ABOUT A WEEK,

THEN I HONESTLY DON’T THINK THAT I NEED AA.

YOU THINK ONE DRINK IS GONNA TELL YOU THAT?

WELL, YEAH, JUST ONE. THAT’S ALL I NEED.

YOU’RE HAVING ONE.

YEAH, BUT I’LL PROBABLY HAVE ONE TOMORROW,

AND THAT DOESN’T MEAN THAT I NEED TO BE IN AA.

I KNOW. THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING.

YEAH, BUT YOU WERE HAVING MORE THAN ONE.

YOU WERE HAVING A BOTTLE OF JACK.

I’VE BEEN GOING FOR THREE MONTHS,

SO I THINK I CAN,

I THINK I HAVE A LITTLE RESTRAINT NOW.

IT SOUNDS LIKE IT’S BEEN WORKING FOR YOU.

OKAY.

HERE GOES NOTHING.

NOW, REMEMBER TO SIP SLOWLY.

THANK YOU, MISS MANNERS.

SEE, NOT BAD.

GOD, I ALMOST FORGOT HOW GOOD THAT TASTES.

SO GOOD.

OH, SHIT.

CAN YOU GIVE ME A SECOND?

GIVE ME YOUR JACKET. GIVE ME YOUR JACKET, NOW!

JASON. HI.

HEY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I DON’T KNOW. I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU THE SAME THING.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I’M HERE HAVING A MEETING. YOU?

THAT’S SO WEIRD BECAUSE I’M HAVING A MEETING, TOO.

AND YOU’RE DRINKING.

ACTUALLY THIS ISN’T MINE. THIS IS MY FRIEND’S.

ACTUALLY IT IS YOURS. I JUST SAW YOU DRINK IT.

AH. GOOD ONE.

I’M JUST SURPRISED TO SEE YOU HERE.

COULD WE POSSIBLY TALK ABOUT THIS ANOTHER TIME?

ACTUALLY WE CAN’T

BECAUSE THAT WILL JUST GIVE YOU A LITTLE MORE TIME

TO CREATE SOME MORE LIES.

OKAY, OUR PROGRAM IS ABOUT ANONYMITY,

AND RIGHT NOW WE’RE IN PUBLIC.

SHUT UP.

YOU’RE JUST HERE TO SLEEP YOUR WAY TO GET YOUR WHAT, YOUR SO-CALLED BIG BREAK?

FIRST OF ALL, JASON,

YOU DON’T HAVE THE TALENT TO CREATE A SO-CALLED SERIES

BECAUSE THAT WOULD MEAN YOU WOULD HAVE TO WORK,

AND IF YOU HAVE TO WORK,

THAT MEANS SEEING SOMETHING TO COME TO FRUITION,

WHICH MEANS YOU WOULD HAVE TO HAVE INTEGRITY.

AND YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT INTEGRITY MEANS.

MY GOD, YOU’RE IN A BAR DRINKING.

YOU’VE BEEN LYING TO ME.

ALL THESE MONTHS YOU’VE BEEN LYING TO ME.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE SOBER.

I KNEW YOU WEREN’T SOBER.

AS FAR AS YOUR DREAMS,

THEY ARE NOT HAPPENING,

NOT WITH ME.

WELL I’LL FIND THEM WITH SOMEONE ELSE, THEN.

I’M SO SORRY. LET’S JUST GO.

I WAS GOING-- I WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET OVER IN HOLLYWOOD,

AND I SAW THIS HOMELESS WOMAN TAKING A PISS

LIKE THERE WAS NO TOMORROW,

IN BROAD DAYLIGHT, I MIGHT ADD.

SHE WAS FIERCE.

AND I’M WALKING DOWN THE STREET,

AND SHE JUST LOOKS OVER AT ME,

YOU KNOW, WHILE SHE’S POPPING HER SQUAT,

"HEY DRACULA."

I LOOK LIKE THREE DEAD PEOPLE.

ONE OF THEM JUST HAPPENS TO BE IMMORTAL,

WHICH IS GREAT.

[COREY] I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE

RECEIVED A TEXT LIKE THAT BEFORE.

"GOODBYE FOREVER"?

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

THAT I COULDN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU.

OF COURSE YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT ME.

WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS, WHO CALLED 911?

I DID, OF COURSE, WHO ELSE WAS HERE?

I’M HAPPY TO SAY THEY CAME RIGHT AWAY.

YOU COULD HAVE CALLED ME, YOU KNOW.

THAT’S JUST IT.

YOU WEREN’T HERE.

WELL, I’M HERE NOW.

OH, COREY.

I HAD THE MOST HORRIBLE DREAM.

MY FATHER LEFT WHEN I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD,

ME AND MY MOTHER,

AND BEFORE HE LEFT, HE WAS VERY CRUEL,

AND HE WAS ABSENT MOST OF THE TIME ANYWAY.

ANYWAY, AFTER 60 YEARS, HE CAME BACK.

THERE HE IS, CLEAR AS DAY,

AND HE HANDS ME THIS NOTE.

AND I--

I TRY AND OPEN IT, AND I CAN’T.

AND I LOOK UP, AND HE SAYS, "MARY, I LOVE YOU."

AND THEN HE WENT AWAY.

AND I CAME TO THE REALIZATION THAT...

I’VE BEEN AN EMPTY SHELL FOR A LONG TIME.

I’VE BEEN LIVING MY LIFE

GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS,

BUT THERE HASN’T BEEN ANY REALITY TO IT.

IT’S BEEN INAUTHENTIC.

YOU’VE REACHED A PLACE OF EMPTINESS,

AND THAT’S OKAY, MARY.

THERE’S A BEAUTY TO THAT.

THIS IS WHERE YOUR LIFE REALLY BEGINS.

I’M VERY TIRED.

I DON’T WANT TO BE A BURDEN ON ANYBODY.

OH, MARY.

IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO START AGAIN.

YOU HAVE EVERYTHING.

MILLIONS OF PEOPLE AROUND THE WORLD ADORE YOU.

THEY ADORE HER, THE ONE ONSCREEN.

DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU WERE THE ONLY AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIP

I’VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE?

WELL, WE’RE THE PERFECT COUPLE.

OH, COREY.

OH, HEY.

SORRY, I THINK SOME OF MY STUFF GOT MIXED UP IN YOUR LAUNDRY.

THAT’S COOL, MAN. WHAT’S GOING ON?

UH, CAN I ASK YOU FOR A FAVOR?

SURE. THANKS.

UM, I THINK I JUST--

WILL YOU JUST HOLD ME FOR A MINUTE?

YEAH, OF COURSE.

THANKS.

YOU OKAY, MAN? HAD A STRESSFUL DAY AT WORK?

NO, IT’S NOT THAT.

IT’S JUST...

I HAVEN’T SEEN ANOTHER BODY IN FRONT OF ME IN SO LONG THAT IT JUST--

WHEN I SAW YOU, I WAS JUST TAKEN FOR A SECOND.

I THINK I JUST NEED TO BE HELD.

IT’S OKAY.

WHY DON’T YOU JUST GO OUT AND HAVE SOME SEX?

NO. I DON’T WANT SEX.

THAT’S-- SEX IS DARK.

I JUST I DON’T WANT THAT.

IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE DARK.

IT CAN ACTUALLY BE REALLY LOVING IF IT’S WITH THE RIGHT PERSON.

I KNOW.

I JUST I DON’T EVEN WANT THE RIGHT PERSON.

I’M TOO INDEPENDENT. I DON’T WANT ANYBODY.

I JUST--

I JUST WANT THIS.

OKAY.

YOU KNOW, YOU’VE GOT TO BE THE EASIEST GAY MAN TO PLEASE.

AU CONTRAIRE, MY FRIEND.

I THINK I’M THE HARDEST.

WHAT IF--

WHAT IF YOU PUT YOUR HAND ON MY HEART, MY CHEST?

OKAY. OKAY.

IT MAKES ME WANT TO GO LIKE THIS.

IT DOES, DOES IT? REACH-- YES.

CHOREOGRAPHICALLY.

OH, OKAY.

WHAT IF WE GRAB-- HERE?

NO. THAT ISN’T--

I’M DEALING WITH A BALLET DANCER. THAT’S RIGHT.

SHOULD I DO THAT?

YES. OKAY.

IT’S BETTER FOR THE LINE.

YOU’RE RIGHT. YOU’RE SO RIGHT.

LOOK AT THAT IN THE MIRROR.

OKAY. OKAY.

WHAT IF WE PULL EACH OTHER THROUGH?

HERE? HERE?

YES. YEAH, THAT’S GREAT.

I FEEL CONNECTED TO YOU IN THIS.

MY QUESTION IS, SO WE’RE ON THE SAME PAGE,

WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?

WHAT STORY ARE WE TRYING TO TELL?

I DON’T KNOW.

I GUESS IT’S JUST KIND OF WRITTEN ITSELF, HASN’T IT?

YEAH. AND I THINK I KNOW, AND I THINK YOU KNOW,

BUT I THINK MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST...

SAY IT? SAY IT.

I THINK IT’S DEFINITELY ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE.

YES.

YOU KNOW IN JUDAISM

WE HAVE A BELIEF

THAT WHEN BEFORE YOU’RE EVEN BORN,

THAT YOU HAVE ANOTHER HALF.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW, LIKE A SOUL MATE SORT OF THING. A SOUL MATE.

BUT ACTUALLY THE PERSON THAT YOU’RE--

THE PERSON THAT COMPLETES YOU.

I KNOW IT SOUNDS SO CLICHé,

BUT THAT REALLY FULFILLS THE PARTS THAT YOU ARE MISSING.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

SURE.

AND THAT PART OF YOUR JOURNEY IN LIFE IS TO FIND THAT PERSON.

AND YOU FIND THEM IN THE RIGHT TIME AND EVERYTHING LIKE THAT.

IS THERE ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN THE MORMON BACKGROUND,

OR DO YOU PERSONALLY BELIEVE IN THAT?

THERE’S SOMETHING KIND OF IN THAT VEIN,

BUT KIND OF WITHOUT THE ROMANTICISM AND THE LOVE PART.

AND HOW DO YOU FEEL?

I MEAN, DO YOU STILL BELIEVE THAT?

I’M DISCOVERING THAT, YES.

YOU KNOW WHEN I MOVED OUT TO LOS ANGELES,

WITHOUT GOING INTO ANY DETAIL,

I WENT A LITTLE HOG WILD.

AND I THINK I STEPPED AWAY FROM THAT NOTION,

BUT I’M COMING AROUND

TO THE IDEA THAT THERE IS SOMEONE MEANT FOR US.

I’D LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT THERE’S SOMEONE THAT’S GONNA COMPLETE ME.

I THINK I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT.

I WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU.

I’D LIKE THAT.

WHAT’S YOUR STATUS?

I’M POSITIVE.

OH.

AND YOU?

I’M NEGATIVE, AS FAR AS I KNOW.

IS THAT A DEAL BREAKER?

NO.

BUMP IN THE ROAD?

WELL, YEAH.

I’M ALWAYS GOING TO WORRY ABOUT MYSELF AND YOU AND CONDOMS.

I WOULDN’T BLAME YOU IF YOU JUST WANTED TO BE FRIENDS.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOUR HISTORY

AND HOW YOU’VE BEEN HANDLING ALL OF THIS.

IT’S OKAY.

WHEN DID YOU FIND OUT?

A YEAR AGO,

ON MY 26TH BIRTHDAY.

OH, SHITTY BIRTHDAY PRESENT.

YEAH, TELL ME ABOUT IT.

I KNEW I WOULD NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN.

YEAH, BUT, IF WE MEET IN OUR HEARTS LIKE WE DO,

I MEAN, REALLY.

DOESN’T IT GO BEYOND THE PHYSICAL?

I WOULD LIKE TO BELIEVE THAT THERE’S MORE,

ESPECIALLY FOR A GAY MAN.

CAN THERE BE MORE?

THE CHANCES ARE UP TO YOU GUYS.

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES AT ANY POINT?

THIS IS NOT A WORLD WHERE YOU CAN BET ON RELATIONSHIP.

YOU JUST HAVE TO DO RELATIONSHIP.

IT’S A YOGA.

YOU KNOW? EVERY DAY.

THAT’S THE GAME.

THERE’S PLENTY OF GOOD CHANCES.

EVERYBODY’S FALLING IN LOVE RIGHT AND LEFT,

BUT WHAT IS IT, 75% OF MARRIAGES END IN DIVORCE?

SO THERE’S CHALLENGES TO THE GAME.

SEX AND LOVE DON’T GO TOGETHER FOR GAY MEN, DO THEY?

MAYBE NOT.

GOD KNOWS I’VE THOUGHT IT BEFORE,

BUT I FEEL LIKE IT’S DIFFERENT WITH US.

I FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH YOU.

WHEN I DANCE WITH YOU, I FEEL AMAZING.

OKAY, SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

I DON’T KNOW.

MAYBE PARTNERSHIP.

BUT WE HAVE THAT CREATIVELY.

YEAH, WE DO.

WHY CAN’T WE HAVE IT ROMANTICALLY, TOO?

♪ OOH, OOH ♪

♪ MM, MM, MM, MM ♪

♪ MAKE A WISH ♪

♪ TEST WHAT FATE HAS PLANNED FOR YOU ♪

♪ LOOK FOR LOVE ♪

♪ YOU CAN HOPE TO FIND ♪

♪ OUR HOPES GET CRUSHED ♪

♪ AND THEN YOU ARE THERE AGAIN ♪

♪ LOOKING FOR THE ONE ♪

♪ WHO WILL BE YOUR DREAM COME TRUE ♪

♪ THROW A COIN ♪

♪ A PENNY FULL OF HAPPINESS ♪

♪ NOTHING’S REAL ♪

♪ LIFE’S A MOVIE PLOT ♪

♪ A WISH IS NOT A PROMISE ♪

♪ NO GUARANTEES ♪

♪ IN THE LAND OF MAKE BELIEVE ♪

♪ TAKE WHAT YOU CAN GET ♪

♪ DREAMERS IN THE DREAMLAND ♪

♪ SOMETIMES LOSE THEIR WAY ♪

♪ WHAT IS THERE TO CLING TO? ♪

♪ TO LOVE ♪

♪ THERE’S ONLY LOVE ♪

♪ THERE’S SOMETHING ♪

♪ MM ♪

♪ MAKE A WISH ♪

♪ MM ♪

♪ DREAM A DREAM ♪

♪ WALKING ON ♪

♪ BOULEVARD OF BROKEN DREAMS ♪

♪ NO ONE WINS ♪

♪ BUT ALONG THE WAY ♪

♪ LOVE UNFOLDS AND FILLS THEIR HEARTS ♪

♪ WITH FANTASIES ♪

♪ LEAVING THEM TO REALLY SEE ♪

♪ JUST WHAT LIFE IS LIKE ♪

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

THAT WAS AN INTERESTING SUMMER, BOYS.

YEAH, I WONDER WHAT’S NEXT.

WELL, I THINK WE SHOULD ALL MAKE ANOTHER WISH.

OH, MY GOD. [CHUCKLES]

BEN, LET ME GUESS.

LET’S WISH FOR LOVE.

NOT JUST LOVE.

SOMETHING THAT EACH OF US LOVE.

I LOVE COCK. [LAUGHS]

HM.

HOW ABOUT A PENNY FULL OF HAPPINESS?

YEAH.