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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:05,120 This programme contains some strong language. 2 00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:09,440 - You all right? - Yeah. 3 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:15,090 I'm just looking at how fat all these women have got. - Nice. 4 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:18,050 TABLE SQUEAKS 5 00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:21,650 - It's wobbly, isn't it? - Yeah. 6 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:24,120 I'm worried it's going to break. 7 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,530 - I can't believe you're 60. - Oh, I know, I know. 8 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:32,970 If I met you for the first time I'd be like, 9 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,530 "That woman is no older than 58." 10 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:37,960 - Thanks, love. - That's all right. 11 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:44,490 No, it does feel strange, though. Seems like only yesterday I was 18. 12 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:45,600 Yeah. 13 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,370 It wasn't only yesterday, though, was it, Cathy? 14 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,240 No. 15 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,920 It was 42 years ago. 16 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:01,290 - Do you want to get off that table, love? - Erm... 17 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:03,400 No, I'm good, thanks. 18 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,480 So what age is it when you get the old lady smell? 19 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,200 - What was that? - Erm... 20 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:27,810 - Doesn't matter. - It's funny turning 60. 21 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:29,890 - Yeah? - Yeah. 22 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,250 I was saying to someone the other day. 23 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,290 Someone was being really annoying 24 00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:36,970 and asking me loads of questions about my birthday. 25 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,412 It was one of those people 26 00:01:38,442 --> 00:01:41,610 that always manages to say the wrong thing and you've just got to try 27 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,810 and find a way of biting your tongue. 28 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:47,200 Oh, yes! It was, um... 29 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:51,290 - No-one. - No, go on, who was it? 30 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,800 No, it was no-one, Kelly, honestly. 31 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,250 - You all right, love? - Yeah. 32 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:05,770 I've got, like, eight WhatsApps I need to reply to 33 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:08,770 - and it's sort of getting me down. - Oh, dear. 34 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,850 Why don't you just reply to them? 35 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,130 When? 36 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:14,280 I'm so busy. 37 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:18,250 What time's the carvery booked for? 38 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:19,530 2.30. 39 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:24,330 Your nan and grandad are picking us up around 2.00, so... 40 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,360 Oh, wow! 41 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,490 Kelly did it. 42 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:31,960 - Kel! - Coming! 43 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:34,830 No way! 44 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:38,770 - Kelly, I'm showing Mum the banner! - I'm coming! 45 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,450 - She's enormous. - Kel, I'm showing Mum the banner! 46 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:44,120 I'm coming! 47 00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:48,040 Kelly, I got the banner out! 48 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,680 Kelly! 49 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:59,450 I'm not being annoying, babe, I'm showing my mum the banner! 50 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,240 If I say I'm coming... 51 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:06,900 Kelly! 52 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:09,330 It means I'm coming. 53 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,770 - She loves it. - Really? 54 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:15,410 Yeah, it's amazing, Kelly. Thank you. 55 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:19,330 I did a big number 60 so everyone could see how old you are. 56 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:20,860 Great. 57 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,370 And that's, uh...? 58 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,010 - Skull and crossbones. Yeah. - Yeah. 59 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:29,010 I was trying to capture a sense of the passing of time. 60 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,850 Well, it's definitely done that. 61 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,410 Shall we put it in the kitchen? 62 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:36,201 I don't want the whole street knowing how old I am. 63 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:39,650 What? 64 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,940 THEY LAUGH 65 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,010 What? 66 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:51,690 - I knew something was going on. - Here she is, big sis! 67 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:53,730 - Happy birthday! - Thank you. 68 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:56,410 I thought we were going to see you down the pub? - There's more to me 69 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:58,650 - than meets the eye. - There really isn't. 70 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:01,999 # I got my ticket for the long way round 71 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:08,010 You rotten lot! 72 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,210 Here. 73 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:02,490 - You all right? - Yes, Cathy, I'm all right. 74 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,730 - Derek said you were playing badminton. - Indeed. 75 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:09,560 I was supposed to be playing with Rosalind Hampton-Jones. 76 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:14,970 Her husband's Sir Nicholas Hampton-Jones. 77 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,330 Oh, yes, I think you've mentioned them before. 78 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,160 Her nephew was at primary school with Kate Middleton. - That's it. 79 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:26,090 But apparently, when she was four, 80 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,480 Middleton was thick as shit. 81 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,250 She pissed herself on a swing, she couldn't ride a bike 82 00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:34,370 and her spelling was a fucking car crash. 83 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:38,170 - Well, it hasn't held her back, has it? - Hmm. 84 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,250 Oh, you didn't need to bring any cake, I've made one. 85 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:42,867 Yes, I thought you might. 86 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:46,890 - Good carvery, is it? - Oh, yeah, it's amazing. 87 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:50,170 - What kind of potatoes? - Boiled, roasted, mash. 88 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:54,330 - Yeah. - Oh, fantastic I love potatoes. - Yeah? - Yeah. 89 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:57,810 I often think I could give it all up and sell the business, 90 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:01,010 move to Ireland and start a potato farm. 91 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:04,120 Ho-ho, I'll be in my element. 92 00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:13,160 Hello? 93 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,760 Anyone? 94 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:39,170 - What is it we're going for? - Carvery. - Carvery, yes. 95 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,170 You'll have to help me a little, Cathy, I've never been to a, uh... 96 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,770 - Carvery. - Carvery, yes. 97 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,490 Well, you've got a treat in store. 98 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,090 It's like a big roast dinner but with four different meats. 99 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,570 Four different meats? How sophisticated. 100 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,130 And do the waiters carve at the table, or...? 101 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,890 No, there's no waiters, you just queue. 102 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:58,890 - In a restaurant? - Well, it's more like a pub, really. 103 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:03,210 You help yourself to veg, there's three types of potato, 104 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,930 and for dessert we get ice cream because it's all-you-can-eat. - Sorry. 105 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,000 No. 106 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,810 OK, this is, uh... 107 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,340 Derek? 108 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,690 - I hear we're going for a carvery. - Yeah. 109 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,490 There's four different meats and three types of potato, 110 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,930 but you can go through the vegetable bit as often as you like. 111 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,970 I'm just going to, erm... 112 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,890 Three types of potato! 113 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,650 Are you out of your fucking mind? 114 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,330 Roasted, boiled, dauphinoise... 115 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:34,170 Come on, Pauline. 116 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,520 Dauphinoise? 117 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,130 - Seeing a flat on Thursday. - Oh, great, love. 118 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,650 Yeah. It's only down the road so we can still come here for our dinner. 119 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:49,930 Good. 120 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,610 Michael's just pulled up. 121 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,250 - Oh, has he? - Yeah. 122 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,955 - You know Debbie, Kelly's cousin? - Yeah. 123 00:07:58,321 --> 00:08:00,169 - Goes out with Ryan? - Yeah. 124 00:08:00,701 --> 00:08:03,730 Black hair. - Yeah, I know who she is, love. - Yeah, she was saying that, 125 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:07,810 like, Michael's got a bit of a thing for you. 126 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,930 LAUGHING: Yeah? 127 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,890 And I was like, "He wishes! 128 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,120 "Like Mum would ever go near him!" 129 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,610 Cathy? Michael's here. 130 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,890 She knows, babe, I told her. 131 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,970 Babe? Can you tell your mum Michael's here? 132 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,040 She knows, babe, I told her. 133 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,770 LOUD POP, HE SHRIEKS 134 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,410 Jesus Christ! 135 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:37,360 HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY 136 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:47,770 - Hello? - Hello, Michael, mate. New shirt? 137 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,050 Yeah. 138 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,130 - You OK? - Yeah, good, actually, yeah. 139 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,330 - I cut my toenails this morning. - Ah, great. 140 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,450 Yeah, got a lot more room in my socks. 141 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,640 - Good feeling. - One of the best, mate. One of the best. 142 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,680 - Hello, Michael. - Hi. 143 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,160 - I like your shirt. - Thanks. 144 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,650 - You had a nice morning? - Yeah. 145 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:14,770 Er... my mum's having problems with her gutters again. 146 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,450 So, er, yeah, I cleaned out the hopper, 147 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:21,090 fitted a new stop end, replaced some of the brackets 148 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:23,890 that are coming away and then cleaned out the downpipes. 149 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:27,090 There was a lot of leaves and muck and stuff, 150 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,080 but good to get it all out. 151 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:31,400 Hm. 152 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,890 Do you want to have a look at how fat all these women have got? 153 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:38,720 Maybe later? 154 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,850 Can I go now? 155 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,720 - Yeah. - Thanks. 156 00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:48,690 We haven't done our scratchcards, babe. 157 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:51,570 Oh, I forgot about the scratchcards! 158 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:55,280 Scratchcards? I am really good at scratchcards. 159 00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:00,280 INDISTINCT CHATTER IN LIVING ROOM 160 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,130 - Happy birthday. - Oh, hello. 161 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,330 New shirt? 162 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,250 - Yeah. - Straight out of the packet? 163 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,890 - Of course. - Classy. 164 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,330 Do my best. 165 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:21,130 Guess what I've made. 166 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:24,810 - Oh, no. - Victoria sponge. - Don't make me eat it. 167 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,090 I was going to make a great big chocolate one 168 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,000 but I couldn't be arsed. 169 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:33,210 Take your time. 170 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,132 No need to rush, you've got all the time in the world. 171 00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:45,210 Think positively. 172 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,730 You've got to think nice things to get nice things. 173 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:49,440 That's how I got Pauline. 174 00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,080 You? 175 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,530 No. 176 00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:04,570 No. 177 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:08,610 Oh, well. Don't worry, buy another one tomorrow. 178 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:12,290 I just thought I'd bring the presents round before we, er... 179 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:15,090 - Oh, thanks, Michael. - You've not seen them yet. 180 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,730 It's just a bottle of beer and a toilet roll. 181 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,690 Wouldn't surprise me. 182 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,530 Right, well, I'll just use your loo, then. 183 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:23,810 Er... 184 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,650 You didn't need to know that. 185 00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:29,090 And then I'll go and get all the presents from the car. 186 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,280 "All the presents"? 187 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,810 - Yeah. - Wow. 188 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:37,450 - I wouldn't get excited. - No, I'm not. 189 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,676 - I mean, it's you, isn't it? So... - Yeah. Well, I'll, er... 190 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:46,600 - It's quicker that way. - Yeah. 191 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:08,040 Oh, for God's sake. I mean, honestly. Jesus Christ! 192 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:12,650 - What've they done to the house? - They've decorated it. 193 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:15,330 - Why? - Because they're fucking idiots. 194 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,250 All right, Nan, Grandad? 195 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,970 - What's happened to your head? - Nothing, I'm fine. 196 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,250 - I wasn't out for long. - What's that? 197 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:23,570 A banana. 198 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:27,130 What the fuck are you eating one of them for? 199 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:29,290 - Look at that one. - No. 200 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:32,520 - Same person five years later. - No. 201 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,810 What a monster. 202 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,210 What a beast. 203 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,410 I think this one's quite sad, actually, 204 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:42,690 - cos I think she had a breakdown. - I can't look at that. 205 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:47,000 And that's her... 20 years ago. 206 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:53,480 What a big... fat... lazy bitch. 207 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:58,210 - Happy birthday, Cathy. - Thanks, Reg. - How old are you? 208 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,250 60. 209 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,370 - Sorry to hear that. - Thanks! 210 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,250 - Happy birthday, Cathy. - Thanks, Maureen. 211 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:07,570 Give her her present. It's in the bag. 212 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,960 - Which bag, Nan? - The yellow one. 213 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,010 What happened to your head, Reg? 214 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:18,930 She wants me to see a doctor just because I slipped in the shower 215 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,970 and I've had occasional bouts of sickness and memory loss. 216 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,730 And occasional bouts of sickness and memory loss. 217 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,040 HE MUTTERS 218 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:30,970 TOILET FLUSHES 219 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,600 CATHY: Oh, shit. 220 00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:54,000 INDISTINCT CHATTER DOWNSTAIRS 221 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,810 - REG: - Cathy? We're going to the Toby, are we? 222 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,560 - Yeah, the one in Buckhurst Hill. - Right. 223 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,250 So you go left out of the house... 224 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:07,130 Are you listening?! 225 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:10,810 - Yes! Bloody hell, I'm just helping Maureen. - Left out of the house. 226 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:12,450 No need to shout. Blimey, Reg. 227 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,198 You go down the end of the road, you turn left. 228 00:14:15,228 --> 00:14:17,810 - You turn right! - Oh, don't get involved. 229 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:19,770 You go through Woodford. 230 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,290 - Woodford?! - Michael, how do we get to the carvery? 231 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,160 - New shirt? - Yeah. 232 00:14:25,684 --> 00:14:28,055 - You should have ironed it. - Yep. 233 00:14:28,085 --> 00:14:31,330 So it's left out of the house, left at the end of the road, 234 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:35,170 - left onto Chingford Lane. - And then right at the roundabout. 235 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:36,515 Roundabout? 236 00:14:36,740 --> 00:14:41,740 Left out of the house, left at the end of the road and right onto Chingford Lane. 237 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,985 - My right or your right? - It's just a right. 238 00:14:45,015 --> 00:14:48,960 Yeah, but is it your right or her right or my right? 239 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:52,130 Well, it's just a right. It's everybody's right. 240 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,250 It's everybody's right to do what? 241 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:56,130 Do you want to put your phone down, love? 242 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:59,000 I feel like maybe you're not listening properly. 243 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,410 Then instead of going left, 244 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,410 you go right towards Highams Park. 245 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:10,090 You stupid bastard. 246 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,930 Highams Park! 247 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,210 What? 248 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,770 You silly prick. 249 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:20,170 - You all right, mate? - Yeah. 250 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,690 Just popping out to the car to get some presents for your mum. 251 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:25,010 That's nice of ya. You know, 252 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:29,490 people take the piss out of ya, but you're a good bloke. 253 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:31,450 Do they? 254 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,290 Don't like it when you laugh at me. 255 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,290 HE LAUGHS 256 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:38,530 I might not look it but I'm actually quite sensitive. 257 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:40,970 Highams Park! 258 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,760 Highams Park! 259 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:48,610 - Some Milk Tray, a plant and a Now album. - Oh, very nice. 260 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:51,730 Well, it's not every day she's 60. What you got her? 261 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:55,640 - Ah, not much, you know. - Nice motor. - Thanks. 262 00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:01,490 Yeah, just some bits and pieces to keep her busy. 263 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,360 It looks more than it is. 264 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,000 All these are for my mum? 265 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:10,770 Erm... 266 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:12,530 Did you like your presents? 267 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,770 Yes, of course, they're lovely. 268 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,730 Hm. 269 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:18,690 I was going to make one of Dave 270 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:22,330 but I thought it might be weird because he's dead. 271 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:23,610 Yeah. 272 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:28,920 You OK, love? 273 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:35,170 We're like best friends, aren't we? 274 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:39,610 Well, not like friends, but, like... I'm in love with you? 275 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,770 - OK. - Because you know age doesn't matter. 276 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,410 But it does, obviously, 277 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:48,130 cos no-one's going to give a job to a baby or an old person. 278 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,490 Do you want to talk about something? 279 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,280 SHE SIGHS HEAVILY 280 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,530 I've just got all of these thoughts. 281 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,330 I'm not very good at, like, turning them into, like... 282 00:16:58,360 --> 00:16:59,960 It's OK, love. 283 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:06,010 - No, no, but look at it like this - you open the boot... - Yeah. 284 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:09,570 And you're saying you've got presents for my mum. - Yeah. 285 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:13,170 And I'm like, "There's about 20 in there." That one's massive! 286 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,570 Yeah, no... 287 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:19,600 - I can see why you... - It's a bit weird, Michael, even for you. 288 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,170 No. 289 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,290 These are for MY mum. 290 00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:28,320 Her fingers aren't as good any more so I wrap up her presents for her. 291 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,306 OK. 292 00:17:32,336 --> 00:17:35,800 Yeah, no, they're not for YOUR mum, they're for MY mum. 293 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,730 These are for her great-grandchildren, 294 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:40,320 my niece's kids. 295 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,730 HE LAUGHS 296 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,260 Oh, I see! 297 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,850 Oh, I get it now. Sorry, mate. 298 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,630 This... 299 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:58,410 This is for your mum. Nice bottle of wine and, er... 300 00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,090 - Is that white? - Yeah. 301 00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:03,290 - Oh, yeah, she'll like that. - Good. 302 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,690 And, er... 303 00:18:06,450 --> 00:18:08,050 Yeah, that's about it. 304 00:18:08,719 --> 00:18:12,969 - Do you want me to take that in and give it to her? - No, it's all right. 305 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:16,130 Sorry about that, mate. 306 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,530 That's funny, that, innit? 307 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:19,810 Yeah. 308 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:22,770 That's going to make me chuckle, that is. 309 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:26,890 That's like a classic misunderstanding. 310 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:28,170 Yeah. 311 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,610 But it's going to be so hard for you when you don't have me and Jason 312 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,170 here to look after you. 313 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:49,200 Oh, I guess I'll just sit in the garden, watch whatever telly I like. 314 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:53,370 It's just going to be so, so quiet. 315 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,930 - Is it? - Yeah. 316 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:59,290 Cos me and Jason, we've, like, got each other. 317 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,930 We, like, sleep together. 318 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,010 We have sex. 319 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:05,530 I've noticed. 320 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,250 He's really good at it. 321 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,890 I bet he gets that off you, doesn't he? 322 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,690 - I bet you were really thorough back in the day. - Go and get ready, love. 323 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,570 I think it's very exciting that you and Jason are getting your own 324 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:20,090 place - and you don't need to worry about me at all, I'll be fine. 325 00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:23,250 - Kelly, you ready? - But I do worry about you, though. 326 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:26,730 I think about you even when I'm thinking about other things. 327 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,530 - Thanks. - You don't have to thank me, Cathy. 328 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,080 - I do it because I love you. - Kelly. 329 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:36,210 I was just telling your mum about how empty her life's going to be 330 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:37,810 when we move out... 331 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:41,960 CONVERSATION CARRIES ON INDISTINCTLY 332 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:53,930 She works in Sainsbury's? 333 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:57,040 Yeah, she's been working there for a year or something. 334 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:00,850 Does she get a discount? 335 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,210 WHISPERING: That's what I've been wanting to ask her. 336 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,570 - You all right? - No, good, love, yeah, yeah. 337 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,170 I just need to get my make-up. 338 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,890 Let me get that for you. 339 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,130 Oh, thanks. 340 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,930 - Thank you. - You don't need make-up. 341 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,850 You're beautiful just as you are. 342 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:18,360 Oh. 343 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:20,600 Wow. 344 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,000 Thank you. 345 00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:26,760 Thanks, Reg. 346 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,760 I'll get a discount if it fucking kills me. 347 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:37,810 There he is. Everything sorted? 348 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,480 Let's have a look at all these presents, then. 349 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:44,890 - Happy birthday. - Oh. 350 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:46,970 Ooh, thank you. 351 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,760 Wonder what this is. 352 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,210 - Like I said, it's nothing, really. - Thanks. 353 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:55,920 That's-that's-that's... really very nice. 354 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,160 Yeah, well, that's everything, so... 355 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,640 No, really, that's everything. 356 00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:08,870 Oh, OK. 357 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,760 - Open it, it's white. - Yeah. Yeah. 358 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,930 Ooh, yes, white. 359 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,850 My favourite. 360 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,290 Good. I didn't want to go overboard. 361 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,490 No, no, absolutely. No. 362 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,970 That's very kind of you. Thanks, Michael. 363 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:34,250 Yeah, well, I'll, uh, use your loo again. It's my age. 364 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,530 - And I'll see you at the carvery? - Yeah. 365 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:40,960 - Thanks, that's-that's really very nice. - Yeah. 366 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:48,240 - You ready, Mum? - Nearly, yeah. Um... 367 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,730 I love the Happy Birthday song, don't you? 368 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,650 Yeah, it's catchy. 369 00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:00,930 - Have I told you about my stick? - You have, yes. 370 00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,939 I think I might go back to the park and get another one. 371 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:08,890 - SHE CHUCKLES - How funny. 372 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,855 I've just had another text from Rosalind Hampton-Jones. 373 00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:14,890 Oh, OK. 374 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,770 Her husband's a banker. Her eldest is a lawyer 375 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,570 and her youngest made a fortune out of payday loans. 376 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,130 They sound like a lovely bunch of people. 377 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:26,770 So... Jason and Kelly are moving out? 378 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:30,610 Yes. Well, they've started to look, so... 379 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:32,920 That'll be a kick in the teeth! 380 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,170 - Well... - There's nothing like the sound of a house 381 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:39,179 when you're the only person in it. 382 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:45,160 - Can I, uh...? - Yes, help yourself. 383 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,850 We could live on a houseboat. 384 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,410 We're not living on a houseboat. 385 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,730 - HE LAUGHS - You're so funny, babe. 386 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,782 No, but, seriously, babe - I'm not living on a houseboat. 387 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:06,530 I was just telling Kelly about it. I went to his car... - Right. 388 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,250 And Michael was like, "I'll get your mum's present, " 389 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:12,490 and I looked in his boot and it was full of presents! 390 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:15,970 There were tonnes in there! And I was like, "What?!" 391 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:19,730 - His boot was full of presents? - Yeah! - How funny. 392 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:23,043 He had loads of presents in there. I thought they were for you. 393 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,570 - Are you telling her about Michael? - Yeah. 394 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:31,010 And he was like, "No, they're for my mum to give to her grandkids " 395 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,610 - or something, wasn't it? - Yeah! 396 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:36,970 And I was like, "Classic misunderstanding." 397 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,450 - And they were wrapped in what? - Just birthday wrapping paper. 398 00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:42,600 - Funny. - Yeah! 399 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:49,840 - You find your phone? - Yeah. It was in my hand! 400 00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:51,770 - You coming? - Yeah. 401 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:53,880 No, just give me a minute. 402 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:58,810 - You done your WhatsApps? - No, and I got another one. 403 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:00,370 Babe, I know you've got loads. 404 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,610 - I've got nine now. - You've got loads of them. 405 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,400 Jason, mate, you coming in my car? 406 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:14,290 All done? - Yeah. Should do me for the next 5 minutes or so. 407 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:17,130 - You should look into nappies. - I'm wearing one. 408 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:20,080 Handy for journeys but I can't stand the chafing. 409 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:23,220 Erm... 410 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:26,610 Maybe I could come in your car? 411 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:28,390 Pardon? 412 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,530 Can I get a lift in your car? 413 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,310 Really? 414 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:34,890 Yeah. 415 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,050 OK. 416 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:39,850 Is that a problem? 417 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,200 - No. No, of course not. - Good. 418 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,920 OK if I put something in your boot? 419 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,150 Pardon? 420 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:53,455 Can I put something in your boot? 421 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,360 - My boot? - Yeah. 422 00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,890 Yeah, of course. Yeah. 423 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:02,170 Oh... 424 00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:07,090 No. No, boot's wet. 425 00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:09,410 - Boot's wet? - Mm. 426 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,290 Left it open last night. 427 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:13,290 Can I have a look? 428 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,210 Nah, it's too wet. 429 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:17,490 Wow, that's wet. 430 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:19,530 Well, it's not too wet, but... 431 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:23,680 I mean, that's a really wet boot. I mean, too wet to even look at. 432 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:28,370 - No, it's not too wet to look at. - No? 433 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,930 - No. - Why'd you leave your boot open all night? 434 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:32,982 Why do you need to look in my boot? 32352

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