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1
00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:03,833
(Shouting outside)
2
00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:05,559
CATHY: Are they OK?
3
00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:07,632
- Kelly's shouting in the street.
- Oh...
4
00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:10,474
At least someone's having a worse
New Year's Eve than me.
5
00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:13,039
- Pauline...
- What's going on?
6
00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:16,192
Jason and Kelly are having an argument,
Maureen.
7
00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:19,193
They were gonna see the New Year in
in the pub but they've come home.
8
00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:22,114
- I don't know why he doesn't just thump her.
- Reg!
9
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:25,716
Not hard, just a little whack.
Just enough to shut her up.
10
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:27,519
Reg, stop it. That's awful.
11
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,478
Well...
12
00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:34,715
If it was up to me, I tell you now, Cathy,
I'd love to have sex with a black man.
13
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:39,560
That's got nothing to do
with anything anyone's talking about.
14
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,439
I would. I'd relish the opportunity.
15
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:46,434
No, Maureen, it's Jason and Kelly,
they're outside having an argument.
16
00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:48,796
- Yeah, I know.
- We're not talking about sex.
17
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:50,599
- I am.
- Kelly's mum's here.
18
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,399
Oh, she's not, is she?
19
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:54,870
- You all right, darling?
- Yes.
20
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,236
Think you might be more comfortable
on the sofa?
21
00:00:57,320 --> 00:00:58,720
I'm fine.
22
00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:01,031
Or a nice Jew.
23
00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:02,998
- How much have you drunk?
- I'm just saying,
24
00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:06,152
before I die, I'd like to have sex
with a black man and a Jew.
25
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,880
- It's Jason and Kelly.
- Yeah, I know.
26
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:12,795
We're not talking about black people
or Jewish people or anything like that.
27
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:16,191
I know. But I've never had sex with one.
28
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,000
- Good. You'd eat him alive.
- Oh, shut up.
29
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:22,118
Like Jews haven't got enough worries
without you sleeping with them.
30
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,520
More sherry, Reg?
31
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,478
Just a drop, Cathy. Don't go mad.
32
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:29,713
Are you kidding me?
33
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:32,879
Why are you having a go at me?
34
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,553
You're being racist.
35
00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:38,156
(Scoffs) I'm saying I wanna make love to 'em!
36
00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,312
Yes, we've heard. Thank you.
37
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,198
(Shouting continues outside)
38
00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:50,236
CAROL: Kell, stop being a drama queen!
39
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,277
Look at the face, Jason!
40
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:56,036
Jason! She does her stupid ugly face!
Look at it!
41
00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:57,793
JASON: Kelly, please!
42
00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:01,078
CAROL: You don't have to be so stupid
all your life, Kell.
43
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:05,234
CAROL: Seriously, babe.
JASON: Just tell me what I've said, Kelly.
44
00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:08,996
♪ I got my ticket for the long way round
KELLY: Happy New Year, Cathy.
45
00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:11,675
♪ Two bottle a'whisky for the way
46
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:15,877
♪ And I sure would like some sweet company
CATHY: Are you all right?
47
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,633
♪ Oh, I'm leavin' tomorrow
48
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,518
♪ What d'ya say?
- All right, Mum?
49
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,353
♪ When I'm gone
♪ When I'm gone
50
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:23,950
♪ When I'm gone
♪ When I'm gone
51
00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:26,271
♪ You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
52
00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:28,872
♪ You're gonna miss me by my hair
53
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,316
♪ You're gonna miss me everywhere
54
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,995
♪ You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
- (Phone rings)
55
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,356
(Carol talking on phone)
56
00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:39,911
♪ I got my ticket for the long way round
57
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,879
♪ The one with the prettiest views
58
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,031
♪ It's got mountains, it's got rivers
59
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:46,918
♪ It's got woods that'll give you shivers
60
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:50,118
♪ But it sure would be prettier with you
61
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:51,720
♪ When I'm gone
62
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:55,555
♪ When I'm gone
♪ When I'm gone
63
00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:58,917
♪ You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
64
00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,876
I can't believe I've upset her.
65
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:09,158
The one thing you have to remember
about women, Jason,
66
00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:11,277
is that they're all despicable.
67
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,317
Oh, come on, Grandad.
68
00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,198
Women are the same as men, if not better.
69
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,078
- Yeah, they're little angels.
- Yeah.
70
00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:20,756
Hmm. You should see your grandmother
in the shower.
71
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,077
That'd burst your bubble.
72
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:27,396
What?
73
00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:29,517
I love New Year's Eve.
74
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:32,593
I've been looking forward to it for,
well, just under a year.
75
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,592
And now look at me.
76
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,356
- (Message alert)
- Do you wanna talk about it, love?
77
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:42,314
I've just been texting my friend, Mary.
78
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:46,280
- The one I met from carol singing.
- Oh, yeah. And what does she say?
79
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:49,717
Well, she's nice. And she listens.
80
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,474
Then she just goes on
about the New Testament.
81
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,995
- Have you read it?
- Not really.
82
00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:57,231
She made me read it.
83
00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:01,715
Poor Jesus. What a way to go.
84
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,393
(Message alert)
85
00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:05,233
Do you know which woman I've always liked?
86
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:07,710
Fergie. Sarah Ferguson.
87
00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:10,593
Oh, yeah. Bloody 'ell.
88
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,392
- And her kids.
- Hmm.
89
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,199
She's really...deep.
90
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:19,599
She really cares about normal people.
It keeps her awake at night.
91
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,275
- She's very down to earth.
- Yeah.
92
00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:25,194
- You read her books?
- No. Are they good?
93
00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:26,680
They're bloody brilliant.
94
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:30,879
And it isn't that he was talking to a girl.
Well, it's Jason, isn't it?
95
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,520
He wouldn't cheat on anyone. Not even me.
96
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:38,790
You know you said
he didn't get that job in Australia?
97
00:04:38,880 --> 00:04:41,236
- Yeah.
- Well, he was telling this girl he did.
98
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,074
- Oh, he was just boasting, love.
- No.
99
00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:48,074
He was telling her all about it,
saying he's gonna move there in February.
100
00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:49,355
(Doorbell)
101
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:51,955
Do you need to answer it? Sorry.
102
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:53,474
No. I'm sure someone will get it.
103
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,791
- (Doorbell)
- My hands are all covered in chicken.
104
00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:57,872
- I'll get it.
- I wanna hear about this budgie.
105
00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:01,351
No, Reg, he's a helicopter.
He just happens to be called Budgie.
106
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:02,715
(Doorbell)
107
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,359
My God.
108
00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,352
- She's clever.
- (Doorbell)
109
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:10,195
Answer it, go on. Don't worry about me.
I need to reply to Mary.
110
00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:12,351
No, I'm sure someone will let them in.
111
00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,079
(Doorbell rings)
112
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,395
(Giggling outside)
113
00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,358
- (Doorbell)
- (Chuckles)
114
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:23,000
- I should probably go down.
- (Laughs) Yeah.
115
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:28,075
Look who I found in the gutter.
116
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,834
(Laughs) Can I make myself a tea, Cathy?
117
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:33,151
- Yeah.
- If I can work out which tin it's in.
118
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:36,233
- (Both laugh)
- Hello, Michael.
119
00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,118
Everything OK with your mum?
120
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:39,350
Yes.
121
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:43,070
He stuck a pillow in her face,
put her out of her misery. (Laughs)
122
00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:46,230
How did she know?
123
00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,678
Do you know where the tea's kept?
124
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:06,152
Pauline, babe,
do you know where the tea's kept?
125
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:10,314
Er...there's a pot somewhere
with "tea" written on it.
126
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,232
Yeah, exactly.
127
00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:14,277
(Laughs)
128
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:32,274
So, how was Christmas?
129
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,238
Yeah, it was quiet. Yeah.
130
00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,994
- We had Reg and Maureen for lunch.
- I bet that was nice.
131
00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:38,594
Michael.
132
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:39,830
How was yours?
133
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:43,118
Yeah, well, it was...
nice to have the girls together.
134
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:44,600
Less nice to see Abi.
135
00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:52,039
- New shoes.
- Yeah, yeah.
136
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,396
- Girls got me them.
- Ah.
137
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,437
And now you feel guilty if you don't wear them.
138
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:58,398
Why do you think I'm wearing this cardigan?
139
00:06:58,480 --> 00:06:59,800
(Both chuckle)
140
00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:02,475
Oh, and Maureen... you'll like this...
141
00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:03,630
(Chuckles)
142
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,757
..she wants to have sex with a black man.
143
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:08,996
Where did that come from?
144
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:10,400
Nowhere.
145
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:14,110
Had nothing to do with anything
that anyone was saying about anything.
146
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,715
- She just came out with it.
- Any black man in particular?
147
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,439
Nope. (Chuckles)
148
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,792
- Lovely.
- Oh, erm...
149
00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:23,792
PAULINE: Cathy...
150
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:27,035
Cathy, can I get the code for your WiFi?
151
00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:29,237
I was just about
to make some tea for Maureen...
152
00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:32,438
Well, there's actually some pretty influential
people trying to contact me
153
00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:35,718
so it's more important than a cup of tea
for that racist bitch.
154
00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,513
Right.
155
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,516
CAROL: You can use my phone
if yours isn't working.
156
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:46,320
PAULINE: It's nothing to do with my phone...
157
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,315
Me and Geoff's New Year's Eve parties
were legendary.
158
00:07:56,360 --> 00:08:00,195
In 2004, at Emma Marston's Easter Brunch,
they were still going on about my blinis.
159
00:08:00,280 --> 00:08:02,636
Well, I'm sure it won't be the same without you.
160
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:04,916
No, it won't. I know it won't.
161
00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:09,071
I mean, they'll all be there.
Peter and Sarah Beckwith, obviously.
162
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,231
They'll leave as soon as they've eaten.
163
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,471
The Morgans and their daughter with the MBE.
164
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,916
Oh, wow. What did she get that for?
165
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:20,791
Oh, please. If it was a CBE I'd be impressed,
Cathy, but an MBE?
166
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:23,876
Come on, it's not even an OBE.
167
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:27,840
Sorry, I'm just trying to think where I put
that little card with the WiFi code on it.
168
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,196
- Don't be sorry, Cathy.
- Thanks.
169
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:31,953
Just be quicker.
170
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:36,036
One year at midnight
we all ended up in the pool.
171
00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:39,192
- No!
- Oh, yeah. They threw me in.
172
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:41,272
You'll have to speak louder. I can't hear you.
173
00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:45,195
- She's not speaking to you, Reg.
- All right, sorry. As you were.
174
00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:46,760
I used to have a swimming pool.
175
00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:49,514
A swimming pool? What did you do in it?
176
00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:52,797
- Swim.
- Where?
177
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:55,395
- To the end.
- Then what?
178
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:57,230
Back again.
179
00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,231
What a fucking waste of time.
180
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:03,637
When my divorce settlement comes through,
181
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:06,155
I'll be able to afford 34 swimming pools.
182
00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:08,755
I'm sure they're all texting you,
wondering where you are.
183
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:12,197
Oh, yes, I know, and saying what a boring party
it is without me. I know.
184
00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,237
I'm not bothered, anyway.
185
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,114
I've heard it's prosecco this year
rather than champagne.
186
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,032
Oh, God! (Laughs)
187
00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,874
- Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
- (Both chuckle)
188
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,391
- Small J.
- How small?
189
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,075
Er...the smallest one you've got.
190
00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,640
Go on.
191
00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:32,473
- Seven.
- Seven?
192
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,199
- Yeah.
- The number or the word, Cathy?
193
00:09:34,280 --> 00:09:35,634
The number.
194
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:37,960
And a capital P.
195
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:39,554
Thank you.
196
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:45,392
They sometimes take a while
to come through, don't they?
197
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,309
- Have you tried refreshing...
- I don't need your help.
198
00:09:58,120 --> 00:09:59,918
Oh, wow, Michael.
199
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:04,279
Yeah, it's some bits and pieces for the family,
to say Happy Christmas.
200
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:09,071
- Lovely. Thanks. I've always wanted diabetes.
- (Both chuckle)
201
00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:10,958
No, thanks. It's really kind of you.
202
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:14,757
- Erm...
CAROL: Michael?
203
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,479
Michael? Come 'ere.
204
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:20,553
Before I come out there
and I grab your lovely little bum.
205
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,791
- Right, I'd better...
- Yeah.
206
00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,951
Sorry.
207
00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:27,874
CAROL: Hey, Michael,
do you know where the tea's kept?
208
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,515
REG: Cathy. Cathy!
209
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:33,159
Can I take this for the cats?
210
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:36,595
- Is Kelly all right?
- Quick, it's dripping!
211
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:41,197
- Not really. I think you should talk to her.
- (Exhales) Yeah, probably.
212
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:44,193
- Cathy!
- Er...people might want some, Reg.
213
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,114
- It's the nice one. It was expensive.
- Good. He'll like that.
214
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,637
- Take all of it. I'll have some in the morning.
- I am.
215
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:52,677
Has she got any roll mops?
216
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,237
Has she got any roll mops?
217
00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,279
- Yeah, it's right next to my bed.
- OK.
218
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,750
Yeah. It's basically next to my pillow.
219
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:02,194
Oh, very nice.
220
00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:04,715
So, in the mornings,
I don't have to get up or anything.
221
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:09,272
I just wake up, reach in my little fridge
and get myself a can of Coke.
222
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:10,680
Very nice.
223
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:15,196
I keep beers in it, too, for bedtime.
224
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,679
- Nice shoes.
- Thanks.
225
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:21,320
Geoff and I didn't have a fridge in our bedroom.
226
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,869
We had a little woman with a limp.
227
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,316
We got her over on a coach from Gdansk.
228
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,313
And we just used to ring a bell
and she'd get us things.
229
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,270
There you are. Has anyone been in touch?
230
00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:40,674
No, not yet, but...it's fine.
I've decided I'm not bothered by it all, so...
231
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:45,351
I'm sure they'll text in the morning
and tell me how bad it was without me.
232
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,877
And in the meantime I'm just gonna relax
and...have a nice evening.
233
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:50,519
(Message alert)
234
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,952
Sorry, I was wondering where you were.
235
00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:01,397
Yes. No, that's fine. Yes.
236
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:02,914
(Doorbell)
237
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,639
Yeah, come in, love, come in.
238
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,552
It's freezing out there.
239
00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,279
She's just upstairs.
240
00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:10,955
- This is my boyfriend, Ryan.
- Ryan.
241
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:12,633
And spelt with a Y, not an I.
242
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:14,875
Yeah.
243
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,520
- A lot of people think it's short for Brian.
- Do they?
244
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:20,434
- Yeah.
- But it's not short for anything, is it, babe?
245
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:23,479
No. It's just a normal name,
like Mark or Jonathan.
246
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,358
- Hmm.
- Interesting.
247
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,000
- All right, babe?
- Kelly, Debbie's here!
248
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:31,960
- And Ryan.
- And Ryan!
249
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:36,398
Aw! Oh, my God. What am I like?
250
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:39,678
- Here she is, the drama queen.
- (All laugh)
251
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,911
Yeah.
252
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,231
(Conversation continues in hall)
253
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,193
- Has Carol made a cocktail?
- Yeah.
254
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:53,079
- Want to try some?
- Oh, don't. I can smell it from here.
255
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:54,594
(Both chuckle)
256
00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:56,990
You know she's got Dave's fridge
in her bedroom?
257
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,480
Yeah.
258
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,233
I think that's a good idea, don't you?
259
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,073
Yeah, I thought that. Yeah.
260
00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,836
Put some milk in it, buy a kettle,
and never have to get out of bed.
261
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:07,434
(Chuckles)
262
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:10,671
- Where would you wee?
- The kettle.
263
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,400
- (Laughs)
- Yeah.
264
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:15,836
Just flick on the switch,
make yourself a cup of tea.
265
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,639
Oh, Michael.
266
00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:21,316
Michael. Happy New Year.
I'm wearing a waistcoat.
267
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,757
Hmm. Yeah. Very nice, mate.
268
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:26,710
Feel it, then.
269
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:29,794
(Laughter from the hall)
270
00:13:35,680 --> 00:13:38,275
- How was yours?
- Yeah. Good, actually, thanks.
271
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,670
Pauline likes to spend her Christmas
on the beach,
272
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,717
so I took her to Mykonos.
273
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,200
Didn't I?
274
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:46,431
- Yes.
- I did it all like a big surprise.
275
00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:49,991
I packed her bags for her, got priority boarding
and took off Christmas Eve.
276
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,390
It was freezing cold and nothing was open.
277
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:54,278
Well, it's December, isn't it, darling?
278
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,556
It was warmer in the sea but she wouldn't get in.
279
00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:59,155
- You all right, love?
- Yeah.
280
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,398
I'm great, yeah.
281
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,917
My mum's just being hilarious again.
282
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,639
Oh, Kell...
283
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,159
Yeah.
284
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:13,709
- Erm...
- What, love?
285
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,598
You just called me Kell.
286
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:19,637
Ah.
287
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,996
Does that mean you like me or...?
288
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:26,871
Oh, Kelly, love. Of course I like you.
289
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,952
(Stifles sobs)
290
00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,157
Oh, Kelly.
291
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,118
(Sobs)
292
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:36,955
I'm sorry but...it's just the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
293
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:47,753
Well, this is boring.
294
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,716
I think they've forgotten about us, babe.
295
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:57,439
Honestly, New Year's Eve
and I'm stood in some old woman's hallway.
296
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:02,878
(She sighs)
297
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:04,838
I don't think they liked me, you know.
298
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,479
Course they liked you, babe.
299
00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:08,358
I dunno.
300
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:13,196
Think they might have found me
a bit too...unconventional?
301
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,555
Yeah.
302
00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:18,998
You know what? I wouldn't be surprised.
Actually, they're all, like, so conventional.
303
00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:20,480
Yeah.
304
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:23,394
I know you're, like, four times as old as me...
305
00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:24,596
- (Sniffs)
- Not quite.
306
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:29,880
..but even if Jason does go Australia and dumps
me and I never leave the house again,
307
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:31,360
can we still be friends?
308
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:33,079
Of course we can.
309
00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:38,430
My friend Mary, from carol singing...
(Sniffs)..she's 89.
310
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,910
I'm a little bit younger than her, aren't I?
311
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,356
Oh, you're considerably younger, yeah.
312
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,909
Also... (Sniffs)
..you do look younger than she does.
313
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:47,559
Thanks.
314
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:51,190
No, you do. Honestly. I'm not just saying that.
315
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:52,600
OK.
316
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:54,478
(Sniffs)
317
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:55,880
(Sighs)
318
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,917
I don't want Jason to go.
319
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:02,800
- I can't live in Australia.
- I know.
320
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,320
I feel as sad as the sisters of Lazarus.
321
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:10,277
(Sniffs)
322
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,151
Well, he's upset about something.
323
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,357
Well, no, babe, he smiled at me.
324
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:22,878
No, I can tell these things, babe.
I'm an observer. I observe life. It's a gift.
325
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:24,838
(Door opens)
326
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:26,718
Oh... Was that Jason?
327
00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,439
Yeah.
328
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,836
I think they're going upstairs
to have sex together.
329
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,400
- Ryan!
- What?
330
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:38,472
- That's his mum!
- Is it?
331
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:41,120
- Yeah, babe.
- You're kidding me?
332
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:44,477
- I can't believe you just said that.
- Oh, my God, you're kidding me?
333
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,074
She's fit.
334
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,595
But then, you can also wear it...
335
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:50,717
(Chuckles)
336
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,312
Very nice.
337
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:57,791
Yeah. So it's basically like buying two coats
for the price of one.
338
00:16:57,880 --> 00:16:59,951
- Well done, love.
- Yeah.
339
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:01,713
Looks nice, doesn't it?
340
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,712
Oh, it's lovely.
341
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:06,599
- Kelly chose it.
- Aw.
342
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:11,312
So things didn't go well down the pub, then?
343
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:14,719
Erm... (Sighs)
344
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,156
..no. Not really.
345
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:22,198
Yeah.
346
00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:24,636
It's a shame, really,
cos Kelly loves New Year's Eve.
347
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:27,952
- Hmm.
- It's like one of her best days of the year.
348
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:30,111
It's up there with, like, Christmas,
349
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:32,431
Halloween, April Fools' Day.
350
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,830
- Do you remember Kelly on April Fools' Day?
- Yes.
351
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,877
(Both laugh)
352
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:39,270
She's so funny.
353
00:17:41,560 --> 00:17:43,358
(Sighs)
354
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,118
Did she, er...
355
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,834
..did she tell you what's wrong?
356
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,752
Erm...
357
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,392
Yeah, she did, love, yeah.
358
00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:58,952
So, erm...
359
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:01,354
..so what's wrong with her, then?
360
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,277
I think you know what's wrong with her, love.
361
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,152
(Exhales)
362
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,470
Why didn't you tell me you got the job?
363
00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:21,632
You've done so well.
364
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,557
Your dad would have been blown away.
365
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:28,040
- Hm.
- (She chuckles)
366
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:34,913
If you want to go to Australia,
if it's really important to you...
367
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,277
..you have to go.
368
00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,156
I think the problem is, though, Mum, that...
369
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,237
..I love Kelly.
370
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:50,238
I've never met anyone like her.
371
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:53,472
I mean, she's a nutcase
but she makes me laugh.
372
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,711
She's hilarious.
373
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,792
And there's not a bad bone in her body.
374
00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,600
And the way she's been with me
with everything with Dad...
375
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:03,997
I'm so lucky to have her.
376
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:08,118
- And she really likes you.
- Yeah, I've noticed that.
377
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,197
But like...
378
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:15,393
she doesn't wanna go Australia.
379
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,472
She sort of pretends she does but...
she's such a bad liar.
380
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,553
I can't make her move there, can I?
381
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,872
Mum...
382
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:32,989
..I can't, though, can I?
383
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,153
That's not for me to say, love.
384
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:40,720
(Sighs)
385
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,553
You can learn to surf in Cornwall.
386
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,916
- Yeah, I've heard that.
- Hm.
387
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:55,517
And I was thinking maybe one year,
me and Kell can save our holidays up
388
00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,956
and we could go Australia
for a month or something.
389
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:00,430
- Yeah, be lovely.
- Yeah.
390
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,519
(Exhales) I should go and talk to her about it,
shouldn't I?
391
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,675
- Yeah, that'll be a nice thing to do.
- Hm.
392
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,559
What do you think you're gonna say?
393
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,672
Dunno.
394
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:17,596
That I'm not going?
395
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,718
I think...sometimes,
what you gotta do in life, Mum,
396
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:29,477
is you gotta think about what's best
and what's important in the long term.
397
00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:33,315
And not just always do
what you wanna do in, like, the short term.
398
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:38,916
I sort of don't ever wanna be
away from her, do I?
399
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,992
She's like my twin.
400
00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:44,352
Do you know what I mean?
401
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:48,792
- Yeah, I do.
- (Both chuckle)
402
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,315
(Inhales deeply)
403
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,198
(Exhales)
404
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:06,232
I just need a wee first,
or I won't be able to concentrate.
405
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:09,153
MAUREEN: What's he saying?
406
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:12,358
- And then he comes in with this little mouse.
MAUREEN: Reg...
407
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:15,717
- Tiny little thing it was.
- Sorry, Reg. Pauline's not really in the mood.
408
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,598
All right, all right. Just let me finish.
409
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,912
About this big he was. Still alive.
He's got it in his mouth.
410
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:24,118
MAUREEN: Reg...
- He puts it down on the carpet. Still alive.
411
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:27,113
Tiny little mouse.
Could fit on your finger. Sweet little fella.
412
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,840
He comes in with it in his mouth
and he drops it on the carpet.
413
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,310
- Can we talk about this later?
- It won't take long.
414
00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:36,599
So I take him by his tail- tiny little thing -
I take him by his tail,
415
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:38,319
and he's spinning about.
416
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:39,914
He was absolutely terrified.
417
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,435
I took him by his tail, looked him in the eye,
418
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,751
and smashed his skull against the wall.
419
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,637
MAUREEN: What's he saying?
420
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:51,677
Left a mark on the wallpaper.
421
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,035
- She'll never notice.
- You killed a mouse?
422
00:21:56,240 --> 00:21:58,960
It was only a little one.
423
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:00,959
Oh. (Chuckles)
424
00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:12,237
Thought you'd given up.
425
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:14,277
So did I. (Chuckles)
426
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:22,033
(Fireworks whistle and pop)
427
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,912
Never really liked New Year's Eve.
428
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:30,913
No, me neither.
429
00:22:32,360 --> 00:22:35,512
I never understood what it was
I was supposed to be celebrating.
430
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:39,992
Dave used to love it, didn't he?
431
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,549
- Hmm.
- But then he was like that.
432
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:45,199
Yeah.
433
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:50,838
It's been a funny year.
434
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:53,354
Mm-hm.
435
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:56,760
Lost my husband but I gained Kelly so...
436
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,116
..I guess it evens out.
437
00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:00,953
(Both chuckle)
438
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:04,799
- And your wrist.
- Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.
439
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:06,758
(Laughs)
440
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:08,433
How is it?
441
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:11,319
Oh, yeah, it's completely fine. Yeah.
442
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,078
That's good.
443
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,957
What about you? (Chuckles)
444
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,716
I think you've got a fan in Carol.
445
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:22,473
Oh, no, no, no.
446
00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:25,837
No, no, no, I'll not be going there,
don't worry about that.
447
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:29,072
- Why not?
- (Chuckles) Not my type.
448
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,117
Oh, so you've got a type, have you?
449
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:34,717
Yeah.
450
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,790
Well, thank you for the chocolates
and the biscuits.
451
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:53,157
I'll be sure to let my doctor know
that I'll be eating them.
452
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:56,791
I've been trying to give you this.
453
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:01,436
- Have you?
- Hmm.
454
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:06,470
It's just to say thank you because I don't think
I could have got through this year without you.
455
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,517
The year would have been a lot quicker.
456
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,870
No, it's...it's just a thank you, that's all.
457
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:13,792
Happy Christmas.
458
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:16,999
Thank you.
459
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:20,871
Aren't you gonna open it?
460
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:23,880
Yeah.
461
00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:35,750
(Both chuckle)
462
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,071
It's very nice. Thank you.
463
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,311
Aren't you gonna have a look at the, er...?
464
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:42,560
Yeah.
465
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:44,632
- Ahh.
- (She laughs)
466
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:51,353
Do you remember that Chinese meal...?
467
00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:54,160
- I remember. I remember.
- (Both chuckle)
468
00:24:56,640 --> 00:24:59,997
- Oh.
- Oh... I tried my best.
469
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:01,799
Well, it tasted better than it looked.
470
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:03,678
Well, move on.
471
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:07,675
Yeah, I'm not really sure
what that's meant to be.
472
00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:10,036
It's Kelly, wasn't it, on April Fools' Day.
473
00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:13,477
- Oh, yeah. God, she was mad.
- Yeah, I know.
474
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,279
Ah.
475
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:17,916
Ah!
476
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,390
Yeah, well...I got it up eventually.
477
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:23,951
You did very well for a man
who'd never put a telly on a wall.
478
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,751
- I didn't know what to put.
- Very arty.
479
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,718
Thank you.
480
00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,632
Oh... (Laughs)
481
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:34,473
(Laughs)
482
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:36,233
Yeah, thanks. Thanks, Michael.
483
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,551
It's your face. It's funny.
484
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,200
Oh. Well, just wait till we get to November.
485
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:43,556
OK.
486
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:44,710
Ohh.
487
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,315
Ah, that was a long night for you,
you poor wee thing.
488
00:25:47,400 --> 00:25:49,232
But I had you there with me, didn't I?
489
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:52,160
Yeah.
490
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:55,994
Ooooh.
491
00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,479
- (Laughs)
- Oh, no.
492
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,916
I can't even remember taking that.
493
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:07,120
No, I expect you were too busy
smashing my digital photo frame.
494
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,318
(Chuckles)
495
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:48,075
- (Front door opens)
- Oi! Dickheads!
496
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:49,879
It's nearly midnight!
497
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:51,553
(Carol laughs)
498
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:53,438
I think she means us.
499
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:55,274
Yep.
500
00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:57,431
(Fireworks whistle and pop)
501
00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:00,194
I've never really thought of myself
as a dickhead.
502
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:01,430
I have.
503
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:03,989
Have you?
That's very nice of you. Thanks, Michael.
504
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,520
I think I'm more of an arsehole, really.
505
00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:08,875
Oh, yeah, I can see that.
506
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:10,394
- Can you?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
507
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:13,234
I've always definitely thought
you were a right arsehole.
508
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:15,073
(Both laugh)
509
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:22,075
CAROL: Anyone wanna try
some of my cocktail?
510
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,074
Hello, everyone.
511
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:26,152
CAROL: Hello, Cathy.
512
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:28,436
All right, Michael?
513
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:30,830
We're not going Australia.
514
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:32,434
Ah, great, mate.
515
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:35,718
KELLY: Mum, he's not going to Australia.
516
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:37,553
MAUREEN: Who's going to Australia?
517
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:40,155
(Conversation continues)
518
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:01,519
CAROL: Michael! Michael! It's nearly midnight!
519
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:02,954
(Chatter)
520
00:28:03,040 --> 00:28:04,474
Can you put the sound on the TV?
521
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,440
- Big Ben. Shush! It's Big Ben.
- (Chiming on TV)
522
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,515
GUESTS: Ten...nine...eight...
523
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:15,877
seven...six...five...
524
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:19,590
..four...three...two...one!
525
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:22,957
♪ I got my ticket for the long way round
526
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:26,354
♪ Two bottle a'whisky for the way
527
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:30,514
♪ And I sure would like some sweet company
528
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:32,080
♪ And I'm leavin' tomorrow
529
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:33,833
♪ What d'ya say?
530
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:35,479
♪ When I'm gone
531
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:38,275
♪ When I'm gone
532
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:40,875
♪ You're gonna miss me when I'm gone
533
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:43,119
♪ You're gonna miss me by my hair
534
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:45,157
♪ You're gonna miss me everywhere
535
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:48,597
♪ Oh, you're gonna miss me when I'm gone
39827
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