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1
00:00:08,315 --> 00:00:11,599
I love his Michael Caine.
He's not that good.
2
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:15,339
I think you need to be doing
live performance. Right.
3
00:00:15,413 --> 00:00:19,413
Ladies and
gentlemen, Martin Hurdle.
4
00:00:20,213 --> 00:00:22,292
Martin...
5
00:00:22,293 --> 00:00:23,972
do you love her?
6
00:00:23,973 --> 00:00:26,572
I love her as much as anyone else
I've ever been out with.
7
00:00:26,573 --> 00:00:28,013
Oh, my God.
8
00:00:28,097 --> 00:00:29,297
Will you marry me?
9
00:00:29,298 --> 00:00:31,137
Yes, I'll marry you.
10
00:00:31,137 --> 00:00:34,497
You will need to convert
and you'll have to get circumcised.
11
00:00:34,564 --> 00:00:36,351
On my penis?
12
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:47,084
So, that's four grand for the venue.
Minimum 40 guests, £90 a head.
13
00:00:48,763 --> 00:00:51,363
Photographer, message booth...
14
00:00:51,364 --> 00:00:52,962
What?
15
00:00:52,963 --> 00:00:56,963
Where people leave us
video messages. Flowers, DJ.
16
00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,642
It's going to cost that much.
17
00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:01,882
15 grand?!
18
00:01:01,883 --> 00:01:04,562
Yeah, but that's for everything.
Except the dress.
19
00:01:04,563 --> 00:01:06,603
Well, we'll just have to get a loan.
20
00:01:06,604 --> 00:01:09,562
No, Martin,
my Dad'll pay for everything.
21
00:01:09,563 --> 00:01:13,082
As long as you become Jewish.
22
00:01:13,083 --> 00:01:16,202
Yeah, this whole circumcision thing,
it's a bit drastic.
23
00:01:16,203 --> 00:01:19,162
It's such a small thing, Martin.
24
00:01:19,163 --> 00:01:22,603
I want a proper wedding.
It's every girl's dream.
25
00:01:24,803 --> 00:01:26,923
This is going to end up best
part of 20 grand.
26
00:01:26,923 --> 00:01:30,923
Well, you have to think, don't you?
How much is your foreskin worth?
27
00:01:31,363 --> 00:01:35,363
Is it worth 20 grand?
28
00:01:36,683 --> 00:01:39,922
First impressions are incredibly
important, aren't they?
29
00:01:39,923 --> 00:01:41,482
So here we go.
30
00:01:41,483 --> 00:01:44,162
China is a repressive regime
31
00:01:44,163 --> 00:01:47,042
that snoops on their own people.
32
00:01:47,043 --> 00:01:49,123
We know this
cos we bugged their phones.
33
00:01:49,124 --> 00:01:51,403
Has anybody got an iPhone?
34
00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:54,882
Yeah! They're made in sweatshops
in China. Yeah.
35
00:01:54,883 --> 00:01:57,482
Imagine asking Siri about that.
36
00:01:57,483 --> 00:02:01,483
I'm sorry, I don't know
anything about human rights.
37
00:02:02,283 --> 00:02:06,283
Sorry if that offends any Chinese
people, I'm just being Siri.
38
00:02:08,163 --> 00:02:12,163
Ha, that might be a bit racist,
but...
39
00:02:12,203 --> 00:02:14,243
Do we have any married
couples in tonight?
40
00:02:14,244 --> 00:02:16,282
Yeah.
Huh?
41
00:02:16,283 --> 00:02:19,842
Cos, I'm about to get married
soon to a lovely lady
42
00:02:19,843 --> 00:02:21,602
down in the audience there.
43
00:02:21,603 --> 00:02:23,922
Whoo!
44
00:02:23,923 --> 00:02:27,362
And I'm about to have my stag do
this weekend.
45
00:02:27,363 --> 00:02:31,162
a very modern stag do,
it's at a spa hotel.
46
00:02:31,163 --> 00:02:33,122
It's her idea.
47
00:02:33,123 --> 00:02:36,642
Anyway, I'm probably going to have
to have a massage.
48
00:02:36,643 --> 00:02:40,082
Now, there's one thing that all men
dread whilst having a massage
49
00:02:40,083 --> 00:02:41,722
and that's getting aroused.
50
00:02:41,723 --> 00:02:45,723
But maybe I can use my voices
to try and stay in control.
51
00:02:48,723 --> 00:02:50,922
Don't get a stiffy.
52
00:02:50,923 --> 00:02:54,923
Think about something sad,
something very wistful.
53
00:02:55,563 --> 00:02:59,563
It's too
late now! She's down by the thighs!
54
00:03:01,123 --> 00:03:05,123
Stupid boy. Stay in control.
55
00:03:05,683 --> 00:03:08,002
Oh, do you mind?
56
00:03:08,003 --> 00:03:10,003
Something's popped up.
57
00:03:11,243 --> 00:03:14,003
Thank you very much. I'm Martin
Hurdle, you've been great.
58
00:03:14,003 --> 00:03:18,003
Thank you.
59
00:03:23,443 --> 00:03:25,002
He's good isn't he?
60
00:03:25,003 --> 00:03:26,602
Yes, he is.
61
00:03:26,603 --> 00:03:28,722
I'm glad he's making
an honest woman of you.
62
00:03:28,723 --> 00:03:30,243
He's a lucky man.
63
00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:34,244
Oh, is he? Why'd you dump me then?
64
00:03:34,363 --> 00:03:38,363
Harriet, come on.
65
00:03:39,883 --> 00:03:42,242
I hate it
when stand-ups do impressions.
66
00:03:42,243 --> 00:03:44,562
It's like the sinking
feeling you get
67
00:03:44,563 --> 00:03:48,402
when a comedian comes on the stage
with a guitar, times a million.
68
00:03:48,403 --> 00:03:50,162
Jesus.
69
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:54,163
And then he goes onto say that that
Siri joke is racist.
70
00:03:54,243 --> 00:03:57,962
I was never comfortable with that.
bloody Harriet's idea. Mm.
71
00:03:57,963 --> 00:04:01,963
I'm going to drop that.
"Crowbars in impressions"?
72
00:04:02,323 --> 00:04:06,323
Yeah, well, I got some really bad
eBay feedback this week, Martin.
73
00:04:07,763 --> 00:04:11,442
Kingsley, my agent,
reckons I can start branching out,
74
00:04:11,443 --> 00:04:14,162
doing bigger venues
and corporate gigs and that.
75
00:04:14,163 --> 00:04:15,482
He said that?
76
00:04:15,483 --> 00:04:18,722
Well, his ventriloquist dummy said
it, but it's the same thing.
77
00:04:18,723 --> 00:04:22,723
That lot are so cheesy, Martin.
It's going to your head, this.
78
00:04:23,723 --> 00:04:25,082
No, it's not.
79
00:04:25,083 --> 00:04:27,442
I thought you were going to bed
to read anyway.
80
00:04:27,443 --> 00:04:29,402
My book's run out of battery.
81
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:32,802
Oh, couldn't have said that a few
years ago, could ya?
82
00:04:32,803 --> 00:04:34,642
Progress.
83
00:04:34,643 --> 00:04:38,643
Ah, I'll stick that down in me
stand-up observation list.
84
00:04:39,003 --> 00:04:41,522
Can I come on your stag do, Martin?
85
00:04:41,523 --> 00:04:43,522
Need a bit of girlie pampering.
86
00:04:43,523 --> 00:04:44,842
No, you can't.
87
00:04:44,843 --> 00:04:48,843
Oh, come on, mate, don't matter about all
the traditional rules. I'm your best mate.
88
00:04:49,043 --> 00:04:51,602
No, you can't, cos Harriet says
you're not allowed.
89
00:04:51,603 --> 00:04:55,522
Oh, did she now?
90
00:04:55,523 --> 00:04:59,523
Right, I'm going to bed,
got to see my rabbi in the morning.
91
00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,323
How's all that going?
92
00:05:01,323 --> 00:05:04,602
Yeah, good, I like learning
about another culture.
93
00:05:04,603 --> 00:05:06,562
Is she learning about your culture?
94
00:05:06,563 --> 00:05:08,402
What culture?
95
00:05:08,403 --> 00:05:12,402
Well, our culture.
Sunday dinner and that?
96
00:05:12,403 --> 00:05:14,282
Can't really think of anything else.
97
00:05:14,283 --> 00:05:15,882
Morris dancing?
98
00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:19,883
Mm. Hot cross buns.
99
00:05:21,043 --> 00:05:24,162
Bonfire Night, Pancake Day.
100
00:05:24,163 --> 00:05:25,762
Red Nose Day.
101
00:05:25,763 --> 00:05:29,602
That thing where you chase
the cheese down the hill. Mm.
102
00:05:29,603 --> 00:05:33,002
Did we say Pancake Day?
103
00:05:33,003 --> 00:05:37,003
Go on, one more,
just one more time then you can go.
104
00:05:37,243 --> 00:05:41,162
Now, according to my
papers, all of the Jewish families
105
00:05:41,163 --> 00:05:45,163
in the area are accounted for
apart from the Dreyfuses.
106
00:05:46,603 --> 00:05:49,482
Fuck you, I don't know anything.
107
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:53,483
Well, I have heard the
rumours and I love rumours.
108
00:05:54,243 --> 00:05:58,002
Facts can often be diverted,
but rumours,
109
00:05:58,003 --> 00:06:01,922
whether true or not,
can be so enlightening.
110
00:06:01,923 --> 00:06:04,402
Jackie Mason. Just one more time.
111
00:06:04,403 --> 00:06:08,163
I have enough money to last the rest
of my life, unless I buy something.
112
00:06:08,164 --> 00:06:10,802
Woody Allen.
113
00:06:10,803 --> 00:06:14,803
My one big regret in life is that
I'm not someone else,
114
00:06:15,683 --> 00:06:17,682
like Mel Brooks.
115
00:06:17,683 --> 00:06:19,562
Do him, do him.
116
00:06:19,563 --> 00:06:23,362
As long as the world is turning
and spinning,
117
00:06:23,363 --> 00:06:26,362
we're going to be dizzy
and we're going to make mistakes.
118
00:06:26,363 --> 00:06:29,282
You've done your homework.
119
00:06:29,283 --> 00:06:32,763
This circumcision thing,
is there any way around it?
120
00:06:32,764 --> 00:06:35,442
No.
121
00:06:35,443 --> 00:06:39,443
OK.
122
00:06:40,803 --> 00:06:42,922
No, over there.
123
00:06:42,923 --> 00:06:44,442
Do you love her?
124
00:06:44,443 --> 00:06:45,882
Why's everyone ask me that?
125
00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:48,482
It's happened so quick
and you're making big sacrifices.
126
00:06:48,483 --> 00:06:51,162
Well, if I have to make a few
sacrifices to give Steven
127
00:06:51,163 --> 00:06:52,962
a proper home with two parents,
then...
128
00:06:52,963 --> 00:06:56,162
He's 19, Mart, he ain't a kid.
129
00:06:56,163 --> 00:06:59,642
Anyway, families ain't all they're
cracked up to be.
130
00:06:59,643 --> 00:07:02,602
Mine are pissing me off.
As soon as I got me injury pay-out,
131
00:07:02,603 --> 00:07:06,603
they're all turning up with their
violins. Ha! Want money, do they?
132
00:07:06,763 --> 00:07:10,763
Yep. Being rich, I think
it's more trouble than it's worth.
133
00:07:11,563 --> 00:07:14,203
You know, it's not like I can
run away either.
134
00:07:14,204 --> 00:07:17,603
I mean I could, but me lawyer recommends
I do the wheelchair thing a bit longer.
135
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:20,282
He's great, you know,
he's got me loads more dough.
136
00:07:20,283 --> 00:07:24,283
Everyone's after money these
days. It's sad.
137
00:07:25,363 --> 00:07:27,203
Here, what was it you wanted
to ask me?
138
00:07:27,203 --> 00:07:29,882
Nothing, just wanted to invite
you to the wedding.
139
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:32,602
Ah, cool.
Is it going to be a big wedding then?
140
00:07:32,603 --> 00:07:35,922
Looks like it. Mazel tov!
141
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:39,923
What?
142
00:07:44,563 --> 00:07:46,802
Dinner won't be long.
143
00:07:46,803 --> 00:07:50,562
So, this is
our traditional Sunday lunch.
144
00:07:50,563 --> 00:07:54,563
Yeah. Had it before, Martin.
145
00:07:54,683 --> 00:07:57,882
So, you're a body language expert,
eh?
146
00:07:57,883 --> 00:07:59,922
Can you tell when someone's lying?
147
00:07:59,923 --> 00:08:02,762
Oh, yeah, most of the time
there are some giveaways.
148
00:08:02,763 --> 00:08:06,563
When she lies she touches her
necklace. I don't!
149
00:08:06,564 --> 00:08:10,202
Well, words account for only 7%
of communication.
150
00:08:10,203 --> 00:08:12,522
Body language accounts for 55%.
151
00:08:12,523 --> 00:08:14,082
Oh.
152
00:08:14,083 --> 00:08:15,642
So, let's see the ring..
153
00:08:15,643 --> 00:08:18,562
Well, you've seen it before
cos it's a family heirloom.
154
00:08:18,563 --> 00:08:21,602
Yeah, I know, but I want to
see it on.
155
00:08:21,603 --> 00:08:23,162
Oh, that looks lovely.
156
00:08:23,163 --> 00:08:25,242
I'm glad it's finally being used.
157
00:08:25,243 --> 00:08:27,642
That's been with
the Hurdles for many, many years.
158
00:08:27,643 --> 00:08:31,643
Family heirloom? We haven't got any
family heirlooms.
159
00:08:31,883 --> 00:08:35,002
Martin's having his foreskin
cut off, Marjory.
160
00:08:35,003 --> 00:08:37,242
They're talking about this ring.
161
00:08:37,243 --> 00:08:40,203
It's been in the family a long time,
Mum. Remember?
162
00:08:40,203 --> 00:08:42,842
Your memory playing up, Nan?
163
00:08:42,843 --> 00:08:45,482
Cor, I'm really looking forward
to the stag do.
164
00:08:45,483 --> 00:08:49,483
The only heirlooms this family's got
is a Charles and Diana mug.
165
00:08:50,123 --> 00:08:54,123
OK, there's a lot of interesting body
language going on here, guys.
166
00:08:54,963 --> 00:08:57,922
You said you found that
ring in a drain.
167
00:08:57,923 --> 00:08:59,323
What?
168
00:08:59,323 --> 00:09:01,362
Mum, remember?
169
00:09:01,363 --> 00:09:03,763
I told you about the engagement
ring.
170
00:09:03,764 --> 00:09:07,642
Oh, yes, I remember now.
171
00:09:07,643 --> 00:09:11,402
Yeah, that ring,
oh, that's been in the family years.
172
00:09:11,403 --> 00:09:13,682
OK, so everyone's lying, then.
173
00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:17,083
Well... You're really good at
this body language stuff.
174
00:09:17,083 --> 00:09:20,043
I mean, you've cracked this case
straightaway.
175
00:09:20,044 --> 00:09:24,044
It's a beautiful ring, love.
176
00:09:24,283 --> 00:09:27,843
Now, you're allowed to eat beef,
aren't you, Harriet?
177
00:09:27,844 --> 00:09:29,802
It's Taste The Difference organic.
178
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,322
Yeah, thanks.
179
00:09:31,323 --> 00:09:34,122
Yes, it's pork we don't eat.
180
00:09:34,123 --> 00:09:36,162
You ate it yesterday,
181
00:09:36,163 --> 00:09:39,661
when you come round to brief us
on your ring story.
182
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:42,736
Bloody hell,
you remember some things don't ya?
183
00:09:52,817 --> 00:09:55,077
You wearing your stage clothes
in real life now, then?
184
00:09:55,103 --> 00:09:57,063
No, I just like 'em.
185
00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:59,299
You look a bit like a magician.
186
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,098
You wouldn't understand.
187
00:10:01,099 --> 00:10:03,939
Anyway, soon someone will have to
carry my bags for me.
188
00:10:03,939 --> 00:10:05,698
Why, you got a wasting disease?
189
00:10:05,699 --> 00:10:08,138
No.
190
00:10:08,139 --> 00:10:10,018
There's not many of us, are there?
191
00:10:10,019 --> 00:10:12,578
Well, two of me best mates
are women, and don't forget
192
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:14,138
Harriet's brother's coming, too.
193
00:10:14,139 --> 00:10:16,539
What's he like?
Dunno, never met him.
194
00:10:16,540 --> 00:10:18,339
Bet he's here to spy on us.
195
00:10:18,339 --> 00:10:20,898
Oh, it's not too bad, I suppose.
196
00:10:20,899 --> 00:10:23,018
Look, Harriet's paid for everything.
197
00:10:23,019 --> 00:10:26,699
We get champagne, massages,
we've all got our own rooms.
198
00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:29,139
This is how stag dos are now.
199
00:10:29,139 --> 00:10:33,139
Anyway, I'm glad to get away. She's
really pissed off about that ring.
200
00:10:38,499 --> 00:10:42,018
Is that her brother there?
Must be. Glenn?
201
00:10:42,019 --> 00:10:43,858
Martin! Martin!
202
00:10:43,859 --> 00:10:45,098
Yeah.
203
00:10:45,099 --> 00:10:47,178
Wicked. What have you come as?
204
00:10:47,179 --> 00:10:49,978
Just me normal...
This is my dad, Neil.
205
00:10:49,979 --> 00:10:52,658
All right.
All right.
206
00:10:52,659 --> 00:10:54,818
Shall we go in?
207
00:10:54,819 --> 00:10:56,818
Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's have it!
Come on.
208
00:10:56,819 --> 00:10:59,458
Fucking blinding, eh?
What a gaff.
209
00:10:59,459 --> 00:11:03,459
It's got a bell!
210
00:11:03,739 --> 00:11:07,739
OK, ground rules - what happens on
tour stays on tour, yeah?
211
00:11:08,019 --> 00:11:11,818
Yes! Well, it's a spa hotel
and it's a Sunday.
212
00:11:11,819 --> 00:11:14,578
Oh, look, there's a steam museum.
213
00:11:14,579 --> 00:11:17,098
Hi, guys, welcome to Hydrospa.
Do you have a reservation?
214
00:11:17,099 --> 00:11:20,698
Hang on, let me pick up the parts of
my gaydar, which just exploded!
215
00:11:20,699 --> 00:11:23,338
I can see you lads are going to
be a handful.
216
00:11:23,339 --> 00:11:25,098
Sorry, is this the New Forest?
217
00:11:25,099 --> 00:11:28,218
Yes.
What was wrong with the old one? Ha!
218
00:11:28,219 --> 00:11:29,339
I might use that one.
219
00:11:29,339 --> 00:11:32,298
Yeah, we're the Hurdle party.
It's my stag do.
220
00:11:32,299 --> 00:11:34,538
He's my new bro-in-law.
Well, aren't you lucky!
221
00:11:34,539 --> 00:11:36,938
So it's just three rooms booked,
is that right?
222
00:11:36,939 --> 00:11:39,418
Three? Harriet only booked three?
223
00:11:39,419 --> 00:11:41,618
You're all right to share with me,
aren't you, Neil?
224
00:11:41,619 --> 00:11:43,578
Yeah, or I could share with Glenn.
225
00:11:43,579 --> 00:11:45,018
Yeah.
226
00:11:45,019 --> 00:11:48,218
No, you've just met Glenn.
You're MY best man.
227
00:11:48,219 --> 00:11:50,978
My whole house is done out in IKEA
stuff, and the good shit,
228
00:11:50,979 --> 00:11:54,979
like Hemnes, Ektorp, Trendig.
None of that Billy shit.
229
00:11:55,219 --> 00:11:58,538
And I don't build that shit meself.
I get it delivered and built for me.
230
00:11:58,539 --> 00:12:01,779
You can get that if you pay a bit
extra. Is that an iPod Nano?
231
00:12:01,780 --> 00:12:05,139
Yeah. In a waterproof arm case.
I love technology.
232
00:12:05,139 --> 00:12:06,939
I'm what they call an early adopter.
233
00:12:06,940 --> 00:12:08,978
As soon as it's in Argos
I've got it.
234
00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:12,979
Martin hates technology. He does stand-up about
how it's all built in China with no human rights.
235
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:15,818
Yeah, I heard you do some
political shit. I like it.
236
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:17,699
I'm pretty heavily
into feminism meself.
237
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:19,899
You're a feminist?
Yeah, big time.
238
00:12:19,899 --> 00:12:22,858
I've been writing to the hot one
out of Pussy Riot for months.
239
00:12:22,859 --> 00:12:24,338
You getting in, Neil?
240
00:12:24,339 --> 00:12:28,339
I always wait an hour after
eating before getting into water.
241
00:12:28,939 --> 00:12:32,258
Actually, my shrink's told me
to take risks.
242
00:12:32,259 --> 00:12:35,058
Fuck it!
243
00:12:35,059 --> 00:12:39,059
Yay! Live on the edge, dude!
244
00:12:43,099 --> 00:12:46,219
Just had a really good
sports massage.
245
00:12:46,219 --> 00:12:48,178
I might try the hot stones
therapy tomorrow.
246
00:12:48,179 --> 00:12:50,938
There's shots there, Mr H.
We're getting right on it.
247
00:12:50,939 --> 00:12:54,939
Better catch up!
248
00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:10,858
Right, Martin, um...
249
00:13:10,859 --> 00:13:12,898
could I have a word?
250
00:13:12,899 --> 00:13:16,899
Yeah.
251
00:13:30,259 --> 00:13:32,738
Your mum wanted us to have
a little talk this weekend.
252
00:13:32,739 --> 00:13:36,418
Oh, God, sounds like when
you told me about sex.
253
00:13:36,419 --> 00:13:39,458
I hope you know all about that
by now!
254
00:13:39,459 --> 00:13:41,058
Gets better with age, you know.
255
00:13:41,059 --> 00:13:42,898
Oh, Dad, please.
256
00:13:42,899 --> 00:13:45,978
No, we just want to make sure
you're doing the right thing
257
00:13:45,979 --> 00:13:49,538
for the right reasons.
I am.
258
00:13:49,539 --> 00:13:53,539
Your mum's been speaking to Steven
by e-mail about this marriage,
259
00:13:53,619 --> 00:13:56,218
about you trying to make
a family an' all.
260
00:13:56,219 --> 00:13:59,418
Even he seems to think you might be
going about things a bit wrong.
261
00:13:59,419 --> 00:14:02,218
Right, so he doesn't want me
to get married either?
262
00:14:02,219 --> 00:14:06,219
This circumcision... I mean, Glenn's
just had a BLT and a pork pie!
263
00:14:07,659 --> 00:14:09,898
They're not strict Jews, are they?
264
00:14:09,899 --> 00:14:11,338
Dad, please.
265
00:14:11,339 --> 00:14:13,938
Harriet and I are getting married.
I just get the feeling that
266
00:14:13,939 --> 00:14:16,298
some people don't like me
turning my life around.
267
00:14:16,299 --> 00:14:19,818
That's not it at all.
WE love you, son.
268
00:14:19,819 --> 00:14:22,498
Sorry, you sound weird.
We do love you!
269
00:14:22,499 --> 00:14:26,338
No, the chair's making you
sound weird.
270
00:14:26,339 --> 00:14:30,298
Just talk to Steven, OK?
Uuuuggghhh...
271
00:14:30,299 --> 00:14:33,978
Right, we don't have long. My mate
fancies ya, he really likes ya.
272
00:14:33,979 --> 00:14:36,058
You're divorced, he's divorced.
273
00:14:36,059 --> 00:14:39,418
How long did I do?
274
00:14:39,419 --> 00:14:40,858
28 seconds.
275
00:14:40,859 --> 00:14:43,698
Oh, ages.
I like taking these risks. Yeah.
276
00:14:43,699 --> 00:14:46,578
I'm going to leave you alone with
Pauline for a minute, all right?
277
00:14:46,579 --> 00:14:50,579
I'm going to go over there.
278
00:14:53,419 --> 00:14:57,419
Glenn says
you work for the newspapers.
279
00:14:58,339 --> 00:15:01,139
Print media, yeah.
280
00:15:07,059 --> 00:15:11,059
Neil's having it off! He's in there
having it off with a lady we met.
281
00:15:11,099 --> 00:15:13,819
Shit, I need to get in there.
I need me laptop.
282
00:15:13,820 --> 00:15:16,139
What for?
A bit of internet banking?
283
00:15:16,139 --> 00:15:18,338
No, I need to FaceTime my son.
284
00:15:18,339 --> 00:15:20,578
You can't knock.
They're having sex.
285
00:15:20,579 --> 00:15:23,738
It's the last chance I get.
He's going into the outback.
286
00:15:23,739 --> 00:15:25,139
I really need to talk to him.
287
00:15:27,099 --> 00:15:29,259
Who's he got in there?
Serena Williams?
288
00:15:29,259 --> 00:15:33,259
Nah, I think that's Neil's noise.
Text him.
289
00:15:35,699 --> 00:15:37,378
What do you say?
290
00:15:37,379 --> 00:15:39,019
"Are you in our room?"
291
00:15:41,699 --> 00:15:43,739
"Yeah, in room making love."
292
00:15:43,739 --> 00:15:45,458
Told ya! Oh.
293
00:15:45,459 --> 00:15:49,459
Ask him how he's texting.
294
00:15:55,379 --> 00:15:57,379
"Doggy-style."
295
00:15:57,379 --> 00:16:01,379
Well, tell him
you need to get in there.
296
00:16:04,459 --> 00:16:07,579
"I'm going to finish up now.
Smiley face."
297
00:16:07,579 --> 00:16:08,979
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
298
00:16:10,259 --> 00:16:12,178
What is it?
299
00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:13,779
"Where's Glenn?"
300
00:16:13,779 --> 00:16:16,578
Oh. What do you think of that
Nigel Lord?
301
00:16:16,579 --> 00:16:19,898
He's all right. My sister must have
a thing for impressionists. What?
302
00:16:19,899 --> 00:16:23,458
Well, they used to date, didn't they,
before he dumped her?
303
00:16:23,459 --> 00:16:26,458
I thought her getting you to sign
with his agent was like revenge,
304
00:16:26,459 --> 00:16:28,378
but it's all worked out
for the best, innit?
305
00:16:28,379 --> 00:16:32,379
They used to date? For how long?
Well, about six months or something.
306
00:16:32,459 --> 00:16:33,938
I thought he was a bit cheesy.
307
00:16:33,939 --> 00:16:37,898
She never told me this. Shit.
308
00:16:37,899 --> 00:16:40,258
Am I in trouble? No.
309
00:16:40,259 --> 00:16:42,658
Do you think your dad's insisted
on this circumcision
310
00:16:42,659 --> 00:16:44,818
to put me off marrying Harriet?
311
00:16:44,819 --> 00:16:46,978
Yeah, I think that might
be part of it.
312
00:16:46,979 --> 00:16:49,338
I wouldn't take it personally,
though.
313
00:16:49,339 --> 00:16:53,339
No-one's good enough for him,
not even me.
314
00:17:00,299 --> 00:17:02,899
Sorry, couldn't find her pants.
315
00:17:05,659 --> 00:17:09,659
No, I am happy for you
and I do like Harriet. I just think,
316
00:17:09,699 --> 00:17:11,338
you know, it is a bit quick
317
00:17:11,339 --> 00:17:13,858
and I want you to be sure that
you're doing the right thing.
318
00:17:13,859 --> 00:17:15,538
OK. Right, thanks.
319
00:17:15,539 --> 00:17:19,018
Better go cos I'm on a stag do for a
wedding nobody believes in. Dad...
320
00:17:19,019 --> 00:17:22,018
You better get to your
beach party, hadn't ya?
321
00:17:22,019 --> 00:17:25,979
All right, Dad, I'll talk to you
later, yeah?
322
00:17:29,979 --> 00:17:32,539
Huh, Glenn done a fart!
323
00:17:32,539 --> 00:17:34,818
He done a fart down the phone
and then he hung up.
324
00:17:34,819 --> 00:17:38,819
He's so random! Yeah.
325
00:17:49,179 --> 00:17:51,018
I've got some cigars.
326
00:17:51,019 --> 00:17:55,019
Well, it's meant to be
a celebration, innit?
327
00:17:55,339 --> 00:17:58,138
I've actually got
something a bit stronger.
328
00:17:58,139 --> 00:18:00,218
Oh, got a bit of coke?
329
00:18:00,219 --> 00:18:02,058
No, just weed.
330
00:18:02,059 --> 00:18:04,739
Oh, it's a shame
it's not something stronger.
331
00:18:06,699 --> 00:18:08,259
Hey, drinks!
332
00:18:08,259 --> 00:18:11,618
Here we go.
333
00:18:11,619 --> 00:18:12,858
Cheers.
334
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:15,778
Oh, you can't smoke that in here,
I'm afraid.
335
00:18:15,779 --> 00:18:19,779
No? Not going to smoke it,
I'm going to eat it.
336
00:18:23,379 --> 00:18:25,978
It's not a real spliff.
337
00:18:25,979 --> 00:18:29,338
Martin, you're going to be mashed.
Have to skin up again now.
338
00:18:29,339 --> 00:18:33,339
You're going to regret that.
339
00:18:39,979 --> 00:18:43,218
Hello, it's me,
340
00:18:43,219 --> 00:18:46,978
back on the radio, on wolf-back,
341
00:18:46,979 --> 00:18:50,979
setting off to fight the horizon.
342
00:18:51,659 --> 00:18:54,138
I cried my whole face
down the drain.
343
00:18:54,139 --> 00:18:58,139
Answers on a postcard and you could
win a little wooden boy.
344
00:18:58,779 --> 00:19:02,779
I'm so high
I giggled my own skull up.
345
00:19:09,179 --> 00:19:12,299
The time's gone
all bendy. I don't like it.
346
00:19:12,299 --> 00:19:15,018
I want it to go back
in a straight line.
347
00:19:15,019 --> 00:19:19,019
Harriet went out with Nigel Lord?
348
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:23,259
No, that's why she goes
so weird around him.
349
00:19:24,459 --> 00:19:28,459
That's all my friends,
my parents, even my son
350
00:19:30,099 --> 00:19:32,098
and Harriet's father.
351
00:19:32,099 --> 00:19:35,298
Why does nobody believe in me?
352
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:39,299
I'll fucking drown.
353
00:19:40,899 --> 00:19:44,899
The audience love
you, ha! You're going to be a star.
354
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:50,019
That fuckin' Nigel Lord come up
to me, not even a made fuckin' guy.
355
00:19:50,179 --> 00:19:53,378
From now on
be kissing my fuckin' ass.
356
00:19:53,379 --> 00:19:54,698
Are you OK?
357
00:19:54,699 --> 00:19:57,379
Yeah.
358
00:19:57,379 --> 00:20:01,379
It's just something I ate.
359
00:20:02,619 --> 00:20:06,619
I'm in me own room, I've got
a bowl of fruit, a TV. It's great.
360
00:20:07,779 --> 00:20:10,499
Martin, you're having
part of your body cut off.
361
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,619
Yeah, but I've got Sky Movies.
362
00:20:12,619 --> 00:20:14,858
Where's Harriet anyway?
363
00:20:14,859 --> 00:20:16,378
Shopping for the dress.
364
00:20:16,379 --> 00:20:18,378
What, she's not coming to see ya?
365
00:20:18,379 --> 00:20:22,178
She's meant to be.
Probably just caught up.
366
00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:26,179
This might be her now.
367
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:27,659
Hello.
368
00:20:29,099 --> 00:20:32,179
Ha, good one, Glenn.
369
00:20:32,179 --> 00:20:35,298
That was her brother.
370
00:20:35,299 --> 00:20:37,058
Martin, this is mental.
371
00:20:37,059 --> 00:20:40,378
Look, Harriet's dad just
wanted to put me off,
372
00:20:40,379 --> 00:20:44,379
but I won't be pushed around
any more. I'm doing what I want.
373
00:20:44,699 --> 00:20:48,699
Here... have a look at this.
374
00:20:48,939 --> 00:20:50,858
It's what food I want
when I come round.
375
00:20:50,859 --> 00:20:53,538
It's well posh.
376
00:20:53,539 --> 00:20:56,178
Might have the steak -
a little treat.
377
00:20:56,179 --> 00:20:59,338
Do some voices, Martin.
378
00:20:59,339 --> 00:21:01,458
What? You never want me
to do voices.
379
00:21:01,459 --> 00:21:05,458
I do now. Do Christopher Walken.
380
00:21:05,459 --> 00:21:08,378
What would he say about all this?
381
00:21:08,379 --> 00:21:10,978
Hey, what the heck are you
doing in here,
382
00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:14,979
getting part of your manhood
cut off for your fiancee's father?
383
00:21:15,859 --> 00:21:19,138
What are you, a fuckin' pussy?
384
00:21:19,139 --> 00:21:23,139
Mm.
385
00:21:23,619 --> 00:21:27,539
Or maybe I'll have the salmon.
I might want something light.
386
00:21:30,459 --> 00:21:34,459
Oh, Harriet's not going to
get here in time.
387
00:21:35,299 --> 00:21:37,219
Martin, where's your dignity?
388
00:21:37,220 --> 00:21:40,219
Come on, let's go, I'm getting you
out of here. Come on.
389
00:21:40,219 --> 00:21:43,018
What?
390
00:21:43,019 --> 00:21:45,098
I need to tell you something.
391
00:21:45,099 --> 00:21:49,099
What?
392
00:21:56,499 --> 00:21:58,418
I think you're making a mistake.
393
00:21:58,419 --> 00:22:00,338
Not you as well?
394
00:22:00,339 --> 00:22:04,339
I can't believe you're going
through with this.
395
00:22:15,579 --> 00:22:19,579
Hang on a minute.
I'm literally being pushed around.
396
00:22:20,179 --> 00:22:22,539
Stop. What?
397
00:22:22,539 --> 00:22:26,539
Stop the trolley, I want to get off.
What you doing?
398
00:22:26,819 --> 00:22:29,997
I am keeping my dignity.
30757
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