Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:10,150
'It is I, little old Terry Wogan.'
2
00:00:10,151 --> 00:00:14,406
Bouncing a lady boy on each knee
whilst chasing the dragon.
3
00:00:14,407 --> 00:00:15,667
Look, if I am your dad,
4
00:00:15,737 --> 00:00:18,896
I want to make up for all the things
we missed out on, you know?
5
00:00:18,897 --> 00:00:21,816
My mum's got cancer,
and she's going to die. What?
6
00:00:21,817 --> 00:00:23,456
Are you two going out
with each other?
7
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:25,496
First woman
I've really liked for ages.
8
00:00:25,497 --> 00:00:28,336
A researcher from a TV show
has got in touch,
9
00:00:28,337 --> 00:00:32,337
they want Martin
to go on as a guest.
10
00:00:32,817 --> 00:00:36,817
'Ladies and gentlemen, please give
a warm welcome for Martin Hurdle.'
11
00:00:40,377 --> 00:00:43,056
No-one find him? 'Who was
supposed to be looking after him?'
12
00:00:43,057 --> 00:00:45,256
Everyone come back.
He's dropped from the show.
13
00:00:45,257 --> 00:00:49,257
'He can't have just disappeared.'
14
00:00:57,137 --> 00:00:58,488
This is a low point.
15
00:01:06,777 --> 00:01:09,256
Excuse me.
16
00:01:09,257 --> 00:01:11,557
Oh, thank you, thank you very much.
17
00:01:14,217 --> 00:01:15,756
Thank you very much.
18
00:01:16,957 --> 00:01:18,557
Thank you very much.
19
00:01:21,497 --> 00:01:23,216
Thank you very much.
20
00:01:24,217 --> 00:01:25,817
Thank you very much.
21
00:01:31,177 --> 00:01:34,496
Excuse me, do
you know where Chastillian Way is?
22
00:01:34,497 --> 00:01:37,256
Er, yes, mate, er, Chastillian Way,
yeah, just down there,
23
00:01:37,257 --> 00:01:38,976
straight on, you can't miss it.
24
00:01:38,977 --> 00:01:42,656
Thank you, thank you very much.
25
00:01:42,657 --> 00:01:45,936
All right, mate.
Yeah, all right, mate.
26
00:01:45,937 --> 00:01:48,856
Yeah, all right, mate.
Yeah, down there on the left, yeah.
27
00:01:48,857 --> 00:01:51,056
All right, mate. All right, mate.
28
00:01:51,057 --> 00:01:53,216
'Ere mate, mate, listen.
29
00:01:53,217 --> 00:01:54,496
Excuse me, mate,
30
00:01:54,497 --> 00:01:58,336
I'm looking for Chastillian Way,
it's somewhere down here apparently.
31
00:01:58,337 --> 00:02:00,376
I think this is it.
32
00:02:00,377 --> 00:02:03,816
I'll check my delivery document,
it's something like that.
33
00:02:03,817 --> 00:02:07,136
Yes, Chastillian Way.
What number are you looking for?
34
00:02:07,137 --> 00:02:09,816
I think I am looking for number...
35
00:02:09,817 --> 00:02:11,896
Er, Job Centre.
36
00:02:11,897 --> 00:02:15,097
Just down there.
37
00:02:21,177 --> 00:02:24,656
So, Martin, what was the job
that you had for seven years?
38
00:02:24,657 --> 00:02:27,416
Site maintenance
at a pharmaceutical company.
39
00:02:27,417 --> 00:02:28,776
And why did you leave?
40
00:02:28,777 --> 00:02:32,256
Have you seen an internet video
called Freaky Voice Man?
41
00:02:32,257 --> 00:02:33,416
No.
42
00:02:33,417 --> 00:02:37,296
Hm. Well, that was me.
I do voices, I'm a mimic.
43
00:02:37,297 --> 00:02:39,016
Oh, OK.
44
00:02:39,017 --> 00:02:42,376
Martin had fallen
on hard times like years before,
45
00:02:42,377 --> 00:02:45,936
and ended back up in
the human dustbin, the Job Centre...
46
00:02:45,937 --> 00:02:49,056
Oh, Martin Freeman!
No, Morgan Freeman.
47
00:02:49,057 --> 00:02:52,296
Yeah, Morgan Freeman.
Martin is the star of The Hobbit.
48
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:56,297
Yeah, and Martin's not really
a star's name, is it?
49
00:02:56,417 --> 00:03:00,417
Imagine if Morgan Freeman
was Bilbo Baggins, though.
50
00:03:00,857 --> 00:03:03,496
What the hell is going on here?
51
00:03:03,497 --> 00:03:06,376
I ain't being a burglar
for no dwarves.
52
00:03:06,377 --> 00:03:10,077
Are we singing now? What is this,
a fucking Walt Disney movie?
53
00:03:11,777 --> 00:03:13,016
Come on, Gandalf.
54
00:03:13,017 --> 00:03:16,056
I ain't got no time for
Dungeons And Dragons bullshit.
55
00:03:16,057 --> 00:03:17,176
That's great.
56
00:03:17,177 --> 00:03:20,777
Um, under "Skills," what do I put?
57
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,637
Litter collection.
58
00:03:45,577 --> 00:03:47,896
Who are you?
59
00:03:47,897 --> 00:03:50,897
Oh, sorry! I'm not...
60
00:03:58,377 --> 00:04:00,816
You talking to your mum, Steven?
61
00:04:00,817 --> 00:04:03,917
No, I was talking to work.
62
00:04:10,457 --> 00:04:11,936
They got hold of you, then?
63
00:04:11,937 --> 00:04:14,456
Gary rung, they were
wondering where you'd been.
64
00:04:14,457 --> 00:04:16,416
Yeah, I haven't been going in.
65
00:04:16,417 --> 00:04:19,136
Oh, right.
66
00:04:19,137 --> 00:04:21,576
Oh, this lot.
67
00:04:21,577 --> 00:04:23,256
Blimey. Mm.
68
00:04:23,257 --> 00:04:26,536
They're here every day doing that.
69
00:04:26,537 --> 00:04:30,296
Bit much, innit? Looking down on us,
thinking we're not grieving enough.
70
00:04:30,297 --> 00:04:31,856
I bet they are.
71
00:04:31,857 --> 00:04:35,256
I mean, I cry, I just cry quietly.
72
00:04:35,257 --> 00:04:38,897
Dignified. Cry out loud
if you want, though, Steven.
73
00:04:49,697 --> 00:04:51,616
Well, if we can't beat them
on the crying,
74
00:04:51,617 --> 00:04:54,856
we should go bloody mad
with the flowers.
75
00:04:54,857 --> 00:04:57,016
Do you want a lift into work?
76
00:04:57,017 --> 00:04:59,096
Actually, I just quit.
77
00:04:59,097 --> 00:05:00,856
What, to focus on being my agent?
78
00:05:00,857 --> 00:05:03,296
A few of my mates
are going travelling.
79
00:05:03,297 --> 00:05:06,797
I might go with them. Oh, right.
80
00:05:11,497 --> 00:05:13,216
It's time to cook.
81
00:05:13,217 --> 00:05:16,336
Yo, this is the bomb, bitch.
82
00:05:16,337 --> 00:05:17,656
This is art.
83
00:05:17,657 --> 00:05:20,496
No, this is basic chemistry.
84
00:05:20,497 --> 00:05:22,376
Y'all be careful, Mr White.
85
00:05:22,377 --> 00:05:24,176
I am not in danger,
86
00:05:24,177 --> 00:05:25,937
I AM the danger.
87
00:05:27,977 --> 00:05:30,576
I am the one who knocks, Skyler.
88
00:05:30,577 --> 00:05:32,176
I did knock.
89
00:05:32,177 --> 00:05:33,976
What you doing, Martin?
90
00:05:33,977 --> 00:05:37,456
Cooking. That's not cooking.
Have you sorted a loan out?
91
00:05:37,457 --> 00:05:39,416
I cant even get money
out of Payday Loanz,
92
00:05:39,417 --> 00:05:40,816
and they spell loans with a Z.
93
00:05:40,817 --> 00:05:42,736
Are you going to open all this post?
94
00:05:42,737 --> 00:05:43,816
It's all bills.
95
00:05:43,817 --> 00:05:46,616
Martin, you quit a perfectly good job
to follow your dream.
96
00:05:46,617 --> 00:05:48,696
Steven's going away
so you've lost your agent,
97
00:05:48,697 --> 00:05:51,976
you're late with your rent, you're
worse off now than you were before.
98
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:54,336
What have you been doing while
I've been on holiday?
99
00:05:54,337 --> 00:05:56,656
Watching box sets,
that's my travelling.
100
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:57,696
That's sad.
101
00:05:57,697 --> 00:05:59,616
Stay out of my territory.
102
00:05:59,617 --> 00:06:03,416
I live upstairs, I'm your landlady,
this is my territory.
103
00:06:03,417 --> 00:06:06,936
Right, come on, let's go
and have a look at that car.
104
00:06:06,937 --> 00:06:10,337
Put some trousers on, Martin.
105
00:06:12,617 --> 00:06:16,056
So how was the romantic
cruise of a lifetime?
106
00:06:16,057 --> 00:06:18,857
Not very romantic.
107
00:06:20,777 --> 00:06:23,136
Oh, God. Was it stormy?
108
00:06:23,137 --> 00:06:27,337
No, Martin, that was taken on land.
Drove to Southampton in that.
109
00:06:27,537 --> 00:06:29,856
Did he sleep in it? Yeah.
110
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:32,936
When he wasn't up on deck
looking out for icebergs.
111
00:06:32,937 --> 00:06:35,016
Do they have icebergs
in the Caribbean?
112
00:06:35,017 --> 00:06:39,017
I honestly don't think he knows
what "chillaxify" even means.
113
00:06:39,177 --> 00:06:41,696
We're just two
very different people.
114
00:06:41,697 --> 00:06:45,697
Do you think
you're going to break up?
115
00:06:47,857 --> 00:06:51,136
His wife used to lay his clothes out
in the shape of a person for him.
116
00:06:51,137 --> 00:06:52,656
He wanted me to do it.
117
00:06:52,657 --> 00:06:56,657
What sort of a wally does that?
118
00:06:56,897 --> 00:07:00,897
I only did it couple of times
when I lived with him.
119
00:07:02,017 --> 00:07:03,616
I'm so excited.
120
00:07:03,617 --> 00:07:07,617
I'm getting a car, Martin!
121
00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:10,736
Wish I could afford a new car.
122
00:07:10,737 --> 00:07:14,736
You know that thing that people say
to their mates like, um,
123
00:07:14,737 --> 00:07:17,936
"If we're not married in five years
we should just marry each other."
124
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,896
No. Who says that?
125
00:07:19,897 --> 00:07:22,976
Mates like us that don't want to
get left on the shelf.
126
00:07:22,977 --> 00:07:25,696
Bloody hell, Jean, that's
a bit of a depressing thought.
127
00:07:25,697 --> 00:07:28,997
It's depressing for me as well.
128
00:07:35,457 --> 00:07:38,857
Oh, my God! I love it!
129
00:07:42,497 --> 00:07:45,797
Don't be too keen, you'll blow it.
130
00:07:47,817 --> 00:07:50,016
Martin, don't you do all the talking.
131
00:07:50,017 --> 00:07:53,016
I want him to see that
I know me arse from me elbow.
132
00:07:53,017 --> 00:07:55,536
Well, walk around the car
and check it, then.
133
00:07:55,537 --> 00:07:57,016
Well, what are we looking for?
134
00:07:57,017 --> 00:08:00,016
Making sure it's not two halves of
different cars stuck together.
135
00:08:00,017 --> 00:08:02,256
What, in exactly
the same colour pink?
136
00:08:02,257 --> 00:08:05,557
Don't be silly, Martin.
137
00:08:10,737 --> 00:08:13,137
Kick the tyres, not the car.
138
00:08:18,217 --> 00:08:21,216
It's got quite high mileage.
It's hilly round here, in't it?
139
00:08:21,217 --> 00:08:23,336
A lot of those miles
will have been downhill.
140
00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:27,337
All right, well,
ask him some questions.
141
00:08:29,857 --> 00:08:31,976
Erm, how much petrol's it got in it?
142
00:08:31,977 --> 00:08:33,896
I dunno, half a tank.
143
00:08:33,897 --> 00:08:36,536
Ooh, that's good.
Does it take an iPod? Yep.
144
00:08:36,537 --> 00:08:39,896
Ooh, I'll have to get an iPod then.
I'll have to get an iPod.
145
00:08:39,897 --> 00:08:41,176
Can I start it up?
146
00:08:41,177 --> 00:08:43,977
Yeah, keys are in it.
147
00:08:47,377 --> 00:08:48,496
Sounds all right.
148
00:08:48,497 --> 00:08:50,736
Yep, it's never given my wife
any trouble.
149
00:08:50,737 --> 00:08:52,096
Any problems, bring it back.
150
00:08:52,097 --> 00:08:53,296
Right, well, Jean?
151
00:08:53,297 --> 00:08:56,416
I just have one more question.
152
00:08:56,417 --> 00:08:59,496
Can it take those eyelashes
that go on the headlights?
153
00:08:59,497 --> 00:09:01,096
Yeah, I think they just stick on.
154
00:09:01,097 --> 00:09:02,656
That's it, then. I'll take her!
155
00:09:02,657 --> 00:09:04,936
Aww. Does she have a name?
156
00:09:04,937 --> 00:09:06,176
Er, no.
157
00:09:06,177 --> 00:09:09,936
Well, I'll call her...
158
00:09:09,937 --> 00:09:13,337
...Pinkerbell.
159
00:09:16,977 --> 00:09:19,776
Ah, the sailor returns.
160
00:09:19,777 --> 00:09:22,176
You all right, mate? Yeah.
161
00:09:22,177 --> 00:09:23,936
Where's your chair? I got rid of it.
162
00:09:23,937 --> 00:09:26,256
Sitting down's
the new silent killer, Mart.
163
00:09:26,257 --> 00:09:27,976
Chairs are slowly killing us all.
164
00:09:27,977 --> 00:09:31,977
Are they? Yeah. Seated is only
one letter different from sedated.
165
00:09:32,377 --> 00:09:33,856
Does that prove anything?
166
00:09:33,857 --> 00:09:36,736
I mean, Martin is only one letter
different from Martian,
167
00:09:36,737 --> 00:09:40,737
but... Oh, yeah, it is.
168
00:09:40,777 --> 00:09:42,616
What's going on
with you and Jean, then?
169
00:09:42,617 --> 00:09:44,656
It's going brilliant, mate,
creates a real bond
170
00:09:44,657 --> 00:09:47,096
when you've been through
something like that together.
171
00:09:47,097 --> 00:09:49,936
What, a luxury cruise? Well,
it's basically a floating prison.
172
00:09:49,937 --> 00:09:52,416
Jean said there were
four restaurants on it or something.
173
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,776
There were six different
restaurants on board,
174
00:09:54,777 --> 00:09:56,856
but could I get a Ginsters
or a Nesquik? No.
175
00:09:56,857 --> 00:09:59,816
Oh, right. You did some
amazing stuff though, didn't you?
176
00:09:59,817 --> 00:10:01,336
She said you swam with dolphins.
177
00:10:01,337 --> 00:10:04,736
Yeah, they made us do that once
we finally got some shore leave.
178
00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:07,776
Oh, I always wondered,
what do they feel like, dolphins?
179
00:10:07,777 --> 00:10:10,216
They felt like...
180
00:10:10,217 --> 00:10:11,536
..cheap plastic.
181
00:10:11,537 --> 00:10:15,056
Oh, really? So you wouldn't go
on a cruise again?
182
00:10:15,057 --> 00:10:18,176
Well, when I was up
the very front bit of the ship...
183
00:10:18,177 --> 00:10:22,136
On the prow? No, just stood still.
184
00:10:22,137 --> 00:10:24,576
You look at the curve of the earth
and you can see where
185
00:10:24,577 --> 00:10:27,736
the endless blue sea
meets the endless blue sky,
186
00:10:27,737 --> 00:10:29,776
and you think about God.
187
00:10:29,777 --> 00:10:31,576
And you think,
188
00:10:31,577 --> 00:10:34,056
"Didn't he have any other colours?"
189
00:10:34,057 --> 00:10:37,736
That cruel sea made me take
a long, hard look at my life.
190
00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:41,736
Yeah? Yeah. It's bollocks, this lot.
Selling papers, dying medium, innit?
191
00:10:41,737 --> 00:10:43,696
People get their news on
the internet now.
192
00:10:43,697 --> 00:10:46,376
I must admit I do.
So what you going to do, then?
193
00:10:46,377 --> 00:10:50,377
I'm going to get another job.
Actually, can you check my CV?
194
00:10:51,977 --> 00:10:54,016
38 and a half? Yep.
195
00:10:54,017 --> 00:10:56,936
Well, you didn't need to say
the half. You just say 38.
196
00:10:56,937 --> 00:10:59,136
Oh, I like it.
197
00:10:59,137 --> 00:11:00,696
Little white lie.
198
00:11:00,697 --> 00:11:03,416
I'm 38, then.
199
00:11:03,417 --> 00:11:05,696
"Interests. Going out.
200
00:11:05,697 --> 00:11:07,856
"Eating at restaurants.
201
00:11:07,857 --> 00:11:10,376
"Coming home again."
I love doing that.
202
00:11:10,377 --> 00:11:13,656
What job are you thinking of doing,
then? Well, actually, I've heard
203
00:11:13,657 --> 00:11:15,216
you're looking for a new agent.
204
00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:17,016
A new agent, not a newsagent.
205
00:11:17,017 --> 00:11:18,816
Yeah, its only one letter different.
206
00:11:18,817 --> 00:11:20,136
This letter thing,
207
00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:24,137
it's not a scientific system, Neil.
208
00:11:38,337 --> 00:11:40,336
What's this?
209
00:11:40,337 --> 00:11:41,616
Some crap.
210
00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:44,776
Why are you watching it, then?
Cos it's in 3D.
211
00:11:44,777 --> 00:11:48,496
So is outside.
212
00:11:48,497 --> 00:11:49,976
You all right, Steven?
213
00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:53,977
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
214
00:11:56,057 --> 00:12:00,757
Erm, listen, when were you
thinking of, er, going travelling?
215
00:12:02,497 --> 00:12:04,576
It's just, well, I'm skint, really,
216
00:12:04,577 --> 00:12:08,577
and I wondered if you'd
help me get some voice work.
217
00:12:10,857 --> 00:12:13,776
I got you on a TV show
and you didn't do it.
218
00:12:13,777 --> 00:12:16,216
You ran away and hid in a toilet.
219
00:12:16,217 --> 00:12:19,096
I mean, I know why you
didn't want to do it,
220
00:12:19,097 --> 00:12:23,097
but that would have led
to more work.
221
00:12:24,057 --> 00:12:25,657
OK.
222
00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:32,857
I should be going pretty soon.
223
00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:36,696
You sure you're all right,
Steven, yeah?
224
00:12:36,697 --> 00:12:40,257
Yeah, yeah, all good.
225
00:12:47,737 --> 00:12:49,096
It's an email.
226
00:12:49,097 --> 00:12:50,856
From Mum. Huh?
227
00:12:50,857 --> 00:12:53,336
It's spam!
228
00:12:53,337 --> 00:12:57,136
Spam message from her email address.
So weird.
229
00:12:57,137 --> 00:13:00,976
Getting an email like that...
230
00:13:00,977 --> 00:13:03,096
I'd been asking her for a message.
231
00:13:03,097 --> 00:13:06,496
Didn't think it would be
about penis enlargement.
232
00:13:06,497 --> 00:13:10,497
I think getting away's
going to be really good for you.
233
00:13:12,297 --> 00:13:15,016
Right, you'll do ten till six
with an hour lunch break,
234
00:13:15,017 --> 00:13:16,336
but it's a working lunch.
235
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:19,056
I've got you a sound system
so you won't have to shout.
236
00:13:19,057 --> 00:13:20,736
What's your percentage again?
237
00:13:20,737 --> 00:13:24,737
10%, which I think
is very reasonable.
238
00:13:28,857 --> 00:13:30,136
Busking?
239
00:13:30,137 --> 00:13:32,701
Street performance.
240
00:13:40,112 --> 00:13:41,312
What if people see me?
241
00:13:41,385 --> 00:13:44,984
That's the point -
we're building your profile.
242
00:13:44,985 --> 00:13:48,104
That bloody violin's giving this
a pathos it don't need.
243
00:13:48,105 --> 00:13:52,105
Just be loud then, drown it out.
You'll be great.
244
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:54,864
What if no-one claps?
245
00:13:54,865 --> 00:13:56,184
Don't worry about that.
246
00:13:56,185 --> 00:14:00,185
It's worse if they do a slow
hand clap. That'd be horrible.
247
00:14:00,785 --> 00:14:02,224
Shit!
248
00:14:02,225 --> 00:14:04,304
If they do a slow clap,
you need to clap in the gaps,
249
00:14:04,305 --> 00:14:05,744
turn it into normal clapping.
250
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:09,264
Actually, I'm gonna give you a bit
of space to grow as a performer.
251
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:11,704
As soon as we pay for the hat,
we're in profit.
252
00:14:11,705 --> 00:14:13,744
How much was the hat?
253
00:14:13,745 --> 00:14:15,384
20 quid.
254
00:14:15,385 --> 00:14:19,385
Who pays that for a hat
that goes on the ground?
255
00:14:23,305 --> 00:14:27,305
I'm asking for change.
I'm asking for change right now.
256
00:14:28,065 --> 00:14:31,744
Please give me change
or I will kill you with drones.
257
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:35,745
Keep it light, mate.
258
00:14:36,785 --> 00:14:40,785
Has anyone seen Game Of Thrones?
259
00:14:40,865 --> 00:14:44,865
Hello, my name's Sean Bean.
Now this, my lord,
260
00:14:45,105 --> 00:14:48,424
I have to be in all
these fancy things by law.
261
00:14:48,425 --> 00:14:49,784
I even bring my own sword now.
262
00:14:49,785 --> 00:14:53,584
I'm Tyrian Lennister,
the Imp from Games of Thrones.
263
00:14:53,585 --> 00:14:57,585
He's called the imp in the show -
I'm not being non-PC.
264
00:14:57,985 --> 00:15:01,504
Anyway, has anyone ever noticed,
perchance,
265
00:15:01,505 --> 00:15:04,024
I talk a bit like Victor Meldrew?
266
00:15:04,025 --> 00:15:08,025
People say it,
but I don't believe it.
267
00:15:08,105 --> 00:15:09,864
Oh, dear.
268
00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:13,865
I used to get paid holidays,
sick pay, my own parking space.
269
00:15:15,945 --> 00:15:19,824
I used to have a god-damn
Gore Tex jacket.
270
00:15:19,825 --> 00:15:23,825
I used to be somebody,
I was connected.
271
00:15:31,665 --> 00:15:35,665
Excuse me, mate, where do we go
to the toilet, us street performers?
272
00:15:37,185 --> 00:15:41,185
Just McDonalds or is there a pub
round here that we use?
273
00:15:43,545 --> 00:15:44,824
You can point with your eyes.
274
00:15:44,825 --> 00:15:48,825
I don't move at all. That's
my whole thing - read the sign!
275
00:15:52,625 --> 00:15:54,544
You must go to the toilet.
276
00:15:54,545 --> 00:15:58,545
No, I am in complete
control of my body.
277
00:16:11,585 --> 00:16:14,344
Oi! You've nicked my patch.
278
00:16:14,345 --> 00:16:18,144
Well, you buggered off, so...
279
00:16:18,145 --> 00:16:21,624
You're doing all right, aren't you?
280
00:16:21,625 --> 00:16:24,744
Look, you've gotta keep moving
if you want to make money.
281
00:16:24,745 --> 00:16:27,744
He don't.
282
00:16:27,745 --> 00:16:31,745
Try over there.
Get the Argos people.
283
00:16:41,225 --> 00:16:45,225
Hey, what a great
high street you got going on here.
284
00:16:45,865 --> 00:16:49,865
You got a nice Greggs
and a goddamn Claire's Accessories.
285
00:16:52,225 --> 00:16:56,225
I gotta say, here's Johnny!
286
00:16:57,025 --> 00:17:01,025
Hello, there.
Turn the microphone off, please.
287
00:17:02,905 --> 00:17:04,224
What's the problem?
288
00:17:04,225 --> 00:17:06,864
You've been reported
for aggressive begging.
289
00:17:06,865 --> 00:17:10,864
Oh, no, you see, earlier,
I was being Al Pacino.
290
00:17:10,865 --> 00:17:14,544
Sir, I'm going to have
to ask you to calm down.
291
00:17:14,545 --> 00:17:16,464
Now, have you got a busking license?
292
00:17:16,465 --> 00:17:20,465
What? Bloody hell. Where's Neil?
293
00:17:23,305 --> 00:17:24,784
Come on, Martin, let's go.
294
00:17:24,785 --> 00:17:26,064
Right, who are you, sir?
295
00:17:26,065 --> 00:17:27,224
He's my new agent.
296
00:17:27,225 --> 00:17:28,904
News agent. Big difference.
297
00:17:28,905 --> 00:17:30,144
Come, Martin.
298
00:17:30,145 --> 00:17:33,024
Can everyone stand back, please?
299
00:17:33,025 --> 00:17:35,224
Well, I got over my fear
of performance.
300
00:17:35,225 --> 00:17:36,984
There you go.
301
00:17:36,985 --> 00:17:38,504
How much did we make?
302
00:17:38,505 --> 00:17:42,024
Oh, shit, the hat!
303
00:17:42,025 --> 00:17:45,384
I'm not being a killjoy. I just think
you should have sorted out
304
00:17:45,385 --> 00:17:48,584
Pinkerbell's car insurance
before you set up her Instagram.
305
00:17:48,585 --> 00:17:50,824
Hm.
306
00:17:50,825 --> 00:17:52,744
Can I try that coat on, please?
307
00:17:52,745 --> 00:17:54,144
Yeah.
308
00:17:54,145 --> 00:17:58,145
It's like Hagrid's!
309
00:18:05,305 --> 00:18:06,544
How's Steven?
310
00:18:06,545 --> 00:18:10,545
His doctor says he's depressed.
I don't exactly know what that means.
311
00:18:13,225 --> 00:18:17,225
I think it's like, you know when you
lay there at night away and think
312
00:18:17,625 --> 00:18:21,625
how everyone's gonna die and even
you are as well and how pointless
313
00:18:22,185 --> 00:18:25,744
and scary everything is, and then
when you wake up in the morning
314
00:18:25,745 --> 00:18:28,824
you've forgotten about all that,
and you're just thinking about what
315
00:18:28,825 --> 00:18:32,825
cereal to have and rushing to get
to work and having your hair cut?
316
00:18:33,145 --> 00:18:34,544
Yeah.
317
00:18:34,545 --> 00:18:38,344
Well, I think depression is when
that night-time feeling is still
318
00:18:38,345 --> 00:18:40,784
there in the morning and all day.
319
00:18:40,785 --> 00:18:43,944
Right. He definitely needs to go
travelling, then.
320
00:18:43,945 --> 00:18:47,945
Yeah.
321
00:18:48,425 --> 00:18:52,425
Cheer up, old Jean, Hagrid
here to see you right at Hogwarts.
322
00:18:54,985 --> 00:18:57,184
Ah! Don't rip it.
323
00:18:57,185 --> 00:19:01,185
No, Jean, no, don't be alarmed.
324
00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:06,104
Oh, I love him. Do Dumbledore!
325
00:19:06,105 --> 00:19:07,864
Which one?
326
00:19:07,865 --> 00:19:11,464
Richard Harris did it in the breathy
way, but the real Richard Harris
327
00:19:11,465 --> 00:19:15,465
was Irish, he wasn't very well
by the time he took Dumbledore.
328
00:19:15,865 --> 00:19:19,865
And then Michael Gambon took over
and played it like this.
329
00:19:21,025 --> 00:19:22,425
Harry.
330
00:19:23,865 --> 00:19:27,865
Oh, that's the door bell.
Endless joy.
331
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:35,545
Oh, be a fella in a suit, Harry.
332
00:19:35,705 --> 00:19:38,064
Martin Hurdle? Yes.
333
00:19:38,065 --> 00:19:41,104
Hello. I'm from HMRC - I need to ask
you a few questions.
334
00:19:41,105 --> 00:19:42,144
Where are you from?
335
00:19:42,145 --> 00:19:45,064
Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs.
336
00:19:45,065 --> 00:19:48,064
I need to talk to you about
some undeclared earnings -
337
00:19:48,065 --> 00:19:51,424
the voice work you've been doing
cash in hand and not declaring.
338
00:19:51,425 --> 00:19:52,944
Have you received our letters?
339
00:19:52,945 --> 00:19:54,184
Um, well, um...
340
00:19:54,185 --> 00:19:58,185
We have an outstanding bill
here for you to pay, plus fines.
341
00:19:59,145 --> 00:20:01,544
God. How much?
342
00:20:01,545 --> 00:20:03,064
I can't pay that.
343
00:20:03,065 --> 00:20:07,065
I'm skint.
344
00:20:10,265 --> 00:20:14,265
Well, do you have any assets?
345
00:20:18,505 --> 00:20:22,505
Can I come in?
346
00:20:39,065 --> 00:20:41,104
Not crying so loudly today, are they?
347
00:20:41,105 --> 00:20:44,704
Nope, we won the grieving.
348
00:20:44,705 --> 00:20:48,705
So many flowers. Yeah.
Mum would find this funny.
349
00:20:49,785 --> 00:20:51,224
Yeah, she would have.
350
00:20:51,225 --> 00:20:52,784
She totally will.
351
00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:55,704
You keep using
the present tense, Steven.
352
00:20:55,705 --> 00:20:59,705
Am I? Yeah.
353
00:21:01,585 --> 00:21:03,904
I'm really sorry about the tax.
354
00:21:03,905 --> 00:21:07,905
Oh, it's not your fault. We both
should have thought about it.
355
00:21:08,345 --> 00:21:12,345
I feel like I'm losing you.
I've only just found you.
356
00:21:13,225 --> 00:21:17,225
I just... need a change of scenery.
357
00:21:18,145 --> 00:21:20,464
I will come back, I promise.
358
00:21:20,465 --> 00:21:24,465
Mum would have wanted me to travel.
359
00:21:25,105 --> 00:21:29,105
Yeah, she would have.
360
00:21:31,465 --> 00:21:35,465
Do you want a lift anywhere?
361
00:21:35,865 --> 00:21:39,865
Nah, I'll just stay here for a bit.
362
00:21:50,105 --> 00:21:53,464
Thanks so much for that, mate.
You can stop now.
363
00:21:53,465 --> 00:21:57,465
Well, let me get to the end
of the piece, yeah? Yeah.
364
00:22:08,945 --> 00:22:10,944
It's hard, isn't it?
365
00:22:10,945 --> 00:22:14,304
Yeah. It's beautiful, though.
What's it called?
366
00:22:14,305 --> 00:22:18,224
Oh, no, I was
talking about your life, actually.
367
00:22:18,225 --> 00:22:20,224
Yeah, you're right.
368
00:22:20,225 --> 00:22:24,225
I've got no money, no job, no woman,
369
00:22:24,425 --> 00:22:27,504
no car, and my son's going away.
370
00:22:27,505 --> 00:22:31,464
You've still got your dignity,
though, haven't you?
371
00:22:31,465 --> 00:22:35,465
Yeah, you're right.
372
00:22:43,225 --> 00:22:46,544
And your voices,
you've always got your voices.
373
00:22:46,545 --> 00:22:50,264
Huh? I was just saying
you've always got your voices.
374
00:22:50,265 --> 00:22:54,265
Yes, I may be an imp,
but I'll always have my voices.
375
00:22:55,385 --> 00:22:57,285
Victor Meldrew!
376
00:22:57,315 --> 00:22:58,655
Yeah. Bye!
28699
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof