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1
00:00:07,404 --> 00:00:10,644
Say hello to my little friend.
2
00:00:10,985 --> 00:00:13,025
Don't get me involved. Ha.
3
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:16,435
You've gone fucking viral, mate.
You're all over the internet.
4
00:00:16,489 --> 00:00:19,369
A researcher from a TV show
has got in touch.
5
00:00:19,369 --> 00:00:23,369
They want Martin
to go on as a guest.
6
00:00:23,489 --> 00:00:27,489
My mum's got cancer,
and she's gonna die.
7
00:00:33,569 --> 00:00:37,569
Mimicry often exists
in nature as a survival mechanism.
8
00:00:38,169 --> 00:00:42,169
Some harmless snakes have evolved
to look like poisonous ones.
9
00:00:42,969 --> 00:00:46,969
The lyre bird mimics the call of
other birds to impress the females.
10
00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:50,249
And then I'll, like, wink
at the audience, you know,
11
00:00:50,249 --> 00:00:51,409
and impress the females.
12
00:00:51,409 --> 00:00:54,849
That's really boring, Martin.
I'm a female, I'm not impressed.
13
00:00:54,849 --> 00:00:57,049
It's Brian Cox, he's a scientist.
14
00:00:57,049 --> 00:01:00,289
I'm doing mimicry about mimicry.
It's intelligent, Jean.
15
00:01:00,289 --> 00:01:03,089
I'm pretty sure they don't
want intelligent stuff, Martin,
16
00:01:03,089 --> 00:01:06,609
they've booked an impressionist.
And you've made him a bit too camp.
17
00:01:06,735 --> 00:01:08,415
God, I look old.
18
00:01:08,415 --> 00:01:12,295
Well, you're not 16 anymore,
are you? Then again, who is?
19
00:01:12,295 --> 00:01:13,495
Well, all 16-year-olds.
20
00:01:13,495 --> 00:01:15,855
But they're not 16 for long
these days, are they?
21
00:01:15,855 --> 00:01:19,335
Your hair is a bit grey, isn't it?
22
00:01:19,335 --> 00:01:21,615
No. Light black.
23
00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:24,735
Let me see your teeth.
Oh, yeah, they're a bit grey too.
24
00:01:24,735 --> 00:01:27,975
I think you need
a bit of an overhaul.
25
00:01:27,975 --> 00:01:29,215
Yeah?
26
00:01:29,215 --> 00:01:31,295
Yeah. Bit of a tan
and a teeth whiten and that.
27
00:01:31,295 --> 00:01:34,095
It'd be a good project for me, that.
28
00:01:34,095 --> 00:01:38,095
Be like one of those makeover shows
where they do up an old ruin.
29
00:01:39,055 --> 00:01:42,255
Oh, time.
30
00:01:42,255 --> 00:01:45,335
OK, so this TV interview
will be ten minutes or so,
31
00:01:45,335 --> 00:01:48,655
which will get cut down to about
five when it's on the TV,
32
00:01:48,655 --> 00:01:52,015
and they were asking for a list
of the voices you can do.
33
00:01:52,015 --> 00:01:54,095
Yeah, I've written that up.
34
00:01:54,095 --> 00:01:56,655
Have you had a thought about
what your script's gonna be?
35
00:01:56,655 --> 00:02:00,215
Yeah, I had a few ideas,
but Jean poo-pooed them all.
36
00:02:00,215 --> 00:02:04,215
It was so boring. Made him seem
even older than he looks.
37
00:02:04,895 --> 00:02:08,375
Well, it might be good to get
a few bits worked out,
38
00:02:08,375 --> 00:02:12,375
and maybe you could do something
on the news that day, or...
39
00:02:16,055 --> 00:02:17,535
Are you all right, Dad?
40
00:02:17,535 --> 00:02:19,095
What if I'm not very good on telly?
41
00:02:19,095 --> 00:02:23,095
You will be.
42
00:02:26,975 --> 00:02:29,135
Here we go.
This is my mate's place.
43
00:02:29,135 --> 00:02:32,775
Even if you die on your arse,
you're gonna look amazing, Martin.
44
00:02:32,775 --> 00:02:36,775
You'll feel better once you look
the part.
45
00:02:38,535 --> 00:02:42,535
Good luck.
46
00:02:55,415 --> 00:02:57,055
Bloody hell.
47
00:02:57,055 --> 00:02:58,575
This is your fault, Jean.
48
00:02:58,575 --> 00:03:01,975
It's fine. Everything just needs
toning down a few notches.
49
00:03:01,975 --> 00:03:05,975
It actually looks racist,
but I'm not exactly sure who to.
50
00:03:06,855 --> 00:03:09,415
I needed a confidence boost
and this has backfired badly.
51
00:03:09,415 --> 00:03:10,655
It's not that bad.
52
00:03:10,655 --> 00:03:12,975
This makeover
is politically incorrect.
53
00:03:12,975 --> 00:03:15,055
I've got to go for dinner
with Dionne later,
54
00:03:15,055 --> 00:03:16,655
it's gonna be a really heavy chat
55
00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:20,415
and I've got to turn up looking like
a member of the Dolmio family!
56
00:03:20,415 --> 00:03:22,455
Ever since you got this telly thing,
Martin,
57
00:03:22,455 --> 00:03:26,455
you've gone right up your own arse.
You've become vain.
58
00:03:32,575 --> 00:03:34,295
Can we get the bill, please?
59
00:03:34,295 --> 00:03:38,295
I don't... Yeah, hang on.
60
00:03:38,575 --> 00:03:42,575
Can we get the bill for these guys?
61
00:03:43,415 --> 00:03:44,855
Yeah, he's just getting it.
62
00:03:44,855 --> 00:03:46,655
Cheers. Can we get a cab?
63
00:03:46,655 --> 00:03:50,655
I don't work here.
I've got to go over there.
64
00:03:57,415 --> 00:03:58,615
Come here.
65
00:03:58,615 --> 00:04:02,615
Give us a hug.
66
00:04:03,655 --> 00:04:07,655
Why didn't you tell me?
67
00:04:08,175 --> 00:04:11,815
I didn't want to be a burden on you.
68
00:04:11,815 --> 00:04:15,015
And then it never really
felt like the right time.
69
00:04:15,015 --> 00:04:18,415
Is this why
you got in touch about Steven?
70
00:04:18,415 --> 00:04:22,415
Well, it was partly I knew
he wanted to meet you,
71
00:04:23,215 --> 00:04:27,215
but, yeah, my condition
did help make my mind up.
72
00:04:28,975 --> 00:04:31,855
How long have you got?
73
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:35,015
It keeps changing.
74
00:04:35,015 --> 00:04:39,015
Bloody hell, Dionne.
75
00:04:39,495 --> 00:04:41,095
Are you all right?
76
00:04:41,095 --> 00:04:44,255
Not really.
77
00:04:44,255 --> 00:04:46,335
But yeah.
78
00:04:46,335 --> 00:04:50,335
Look, I know this is like
a really big moment and stuff,
79
00:04:52,135 --> 00:04:55,895
but I've got to ask,
80
00:04:55,895 --> 00:04:59,895
what the fuck do you look like?
81
00:05:05,895 --> 00:05:09,895
Jean's mate, a so-called beautician,
graffitied me like this.
82
00:05:10,215 --> 00:05:13,015
What the hell did they use,
creosote? Look at your hair!
83
00:05:13,015 --> 00:05:16,495
I know.
84
00:05:16,495 --> 00:05:20,495
How do you feel about it all?
85
00:05:20,575 --> 00:05:22,855
You angry?
86
00:05:22,855 --> 00:05:26,855
I was, but not now.
87
00:05:28,735 --> 00:05:32,095
There's no point.
88
00:05:32,095 --> 00:05:34,655
I have my bad days.
89
00:05:34,655 --> 00:05:37,855
Are you going to do anything
mad like parachute jump
90
00:05:37,855 --> 00:05:39,935
or get fired out of a cannon?
91
00:05:39,935 --> 00:05:43,935
I don't think so.
I'd like to die in Barbados, though.
92
00:05:45,055 --> 00:05:48,055
On a beach, with a cocktail.
93
00:05:48,055 --> 00:05:51,055
We should go back to the beach
in Bournemouth. Do you remember?
94
00:05:51,055 --> 00:05:55,015
Of course I remember. That was where
Steven was conceived, Martin.
95
00:05:55,015 --> 00:05:56,135
What, on the beach?
96
00:05:56,135 --> 00:05:58,895
No, in Bournemouth.
97
00:05:58,895 --> 00:06:00,535
Well, let's do it.
98
00:06:00,535 --> 00:06:01,935
Yeah.
99
00:06:01,935 --> 00:06:05,935
It'd be nice. When your
new look's faded a bit, yeah?
100
00:06:31,735 --> 00:06:33,935
Martin.
101
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:35,935
Who photoshopped you?
102
00:06:35,935 --> 00:06:38,095
It's for the telly, innit?
103
00:06:38,095 --> 00:06:40,855
Look, Martin, if you don't wanna
go on telly, don't do it.
104
00:06:40,855 --> 00:06:42,655
Just fuck off somewhere.
105
00:06:42,655 --> 00:06:45,095
I can't let Steven down,
106
00:06:45,095 --> 00:06:49,095
but I've lied to a lot of people,
pretended to be things I'm not.
107
00:06:50,175 --> 00:06:54,175
If I go on telly, I'll be exposed.
108
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:57,015
You don't look that bad really.
109
00:06:57,015 --> 00:07:01,015
Come on, it's your last day. Let's
go and nick you some stationery.
110
00:07:01,375 --> 00:07:04,415
You'll never get caught for it,
anyway -
111
00:07:04,415 --> 00:07:07,615
they'll be looking for
a Greek fella.
112
00:07:17,935 --> 00:07:19,055
Oh, God.
113
00:07:22,055 --> 00:07:23,715
Hello?
114
00:07:23,794 --> 00:07:26,114
Steven, there's an emergency.
It's Martin.
115
00:07:26,114 --> 00:07:28,034
What have you done?
Not botox, please.
116
00:07:28,067 --> 00:07:29,227
He's lost his voice!
117
00:07:29,227 --> 00:07:30,646
Oh, shit.
118
00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:47,212
All right, Martin.
119
00:07:55,932 --> 00:07:58,852
Hello, mate.
120
00:07:58,852 --> 00:08:03,152
Dad. Could this be psychosomatic?
You know, cos of your nerves?
121
00:08:03,852 --> 00:08:05,132
Are you putting this on, Martin?
122
00:08:05,135 --> 00:08:06,415
No.
123
00:08:06,415 --> 00:08:09,415
Doctor couldn't find anything wrong,
he just told him to rest it.
124
00:08:09,415 --> 00:08:12,055
The show's tomorrow,
don't know what to do.
125
00:08:12,055 --> 00:08:15,955
I know someone, he treats my dad,
he'll know what to do,
126
00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:19,955
he's a... you-know doctor.
127
00:08:25,735 --> 00:08:29,035
How do you spell psychosomatic?
128
00:08:51,015 --> 00:08:53,815
What are you limping for?
You've got a sore throat.
129
00:08:53,815 --> 00:08:56,815
I'm not limping.
130
00:09:14,535 --> 00:09:18,135
I know. That's why I don't come
often. Which is also depressing.
131
00:09:18,135 --> 00:09:21,775
And he can't remember when I do
come, so that's depressing.
132
00:09:21,775 --> 00:09:25,775
Basically, whatever happens,
it's depressing.
133
00:09:27,215 --> 00:09:29,135
What's that?
134
00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:31,175
Digital picture frame.
I got it for him.
135
00:09:31,175 --> 00:09:32,575
Who are they?
136
00:09:32,592 --> 00:09:34,872
Fuck knows.
They came with the frame.
137
00:09:34,872 --> 00:09:36,992
I wanted to put a load of family
pictures on there
138
00:09:36,992 --> 00:09:40,672
to help his memory,
but I never got round to it.
139
00:09:40,672 --> 00:09:43,112
No wonder he's bloody confused.
140
00:09:43,112 --> 00:09:46,152
He won't let me take it away now
cos he likes it.
141
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:50,152
Look, Denholm, visitors.
142
00:09:50,592 --> 00:09:51,872
All right?
143
00:09:51,872 --> 00:09:53,392
Yeah, you all right?
144
00:09:53,392 --> 00:09:54,752
Am I all right?
145
00:09:54,752 --> 00:09:56,432
Yes, you're doing great.
146
00:09:56,432 --> 00:10:00,432
Do you remember who I am?
147
00:10:00,632 --> 00:10:02,912
No.
148
00:10:02,912 --> 00:10:05,912
See, I'm not doing all right.
149
00:10:05,912 --> 00:10:08,232
Denholm. This is your...
150
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:09,752
Son.
151
00:10:09,752 --> 00:10:10,992
It's your son.
152
00:10:10,992 --> 00:10:14,032
All right.
153
00:10:14,032 --> 00:10:18,032
Well, thanks for coming.
You been on holiday?
154
00:10:18,392 --> 00:10:20,512
Not him, me.
155
00:10:20,512 --> 00:10:23,072
It's so nice to have visitors.
156
00:10:23,072 --> 00:10:26,832
We always say what a beautiful
looking family Denholm has.
157
00:10:26,832 --> 00:10:30,832
Yeah. Is Doctor Sandhu here?
I need to talk to him.
158
00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,312
Yep.
159
00:10:33,312 --> 00:10:37,312
I'll just, erm, wait.
160
00:10:43,272 --> 00:10:47,272
What's wrong with your voice?
161
00:10:50,032 --> 00:10:52,032
I've lost it.
162
00:10:52,032 --> 00:10:53,712
Have you seen my new nurse?
163
00:10:53,712 --> 00:10:55,672
She seems nice.
164
00:10:55,672 --> 00:10:59,672
Hm!
165
00:11:01,192 --> 00:11:05,192
What, have you had sex with her?
166
00:11:06,912 --> 00:11:10,912
I doubt it.
167
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,752
Martin?
168
00:11:13,752 --> 00:11:15,192
Yes, Doctor.
169
00:11:15,192 --> 00:11:17,112
Hi, I'm Dr Sandhu.
170
00:11:17,112 --> 00:11:18,752
Shall we have a little chat?
171
00:11:18,752 --> 00:11:22,752
Yeah.
172
00:11:28,872 --> 00:11:32,872
So Neil tells me
you're nervous about going on TV?
173
00:11:33,592 --> 00:11:34,992
And why is that?
174
00:11:34,992 --> 00:11:38,992
Because, I suppose,
success scares me a bit.
175
00:11:42,232 --> 00:11:44,872
I'm happy having things
not go my way.
176
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,992
Hm, right.
177
00:11:46,992 --> 00:11:50,992
And I've been living a lie by
pretending to be different people.
178
00:11:52,072 --> 00:11:54,712
Yeah, Neil told me
about the Irish man.
179
00:11:54,712 --> 00:11:58,712
I never hurt anyone. I just
sometimes wanted not to be me.
180
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:03,952
But also, my son is my manager,
and he wants me to do it, so...
181
00:12:05,232 --> 00:12:09,232
Whatever you choose,
your son will still love you.
182
00:12:09,952 --> 00:12:12,552
I'm going to give you a tablet.
183
00:12:12,552 --> 00:12:16,552
It will help you relax and
I think your voice will come back,
184
00:12:17,912 --> 00:12:21,912
and then you can make a decision
about what you want to do.
185
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:29,512
Now just swallow, don't chew.
186
00:12:33,352 --> 00:12:35,552
Now, I must get back to my patients.
187
00:12:35,552 --> 00:12:39,392
Take a walk in the grounds, Martin.
It's beautiful out there.
188
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:43,392
Thank you, Doctor.
189
00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:57,472
Ladies and gentlemen, Martin Hurdle.
190
00:12:57,552 --> 00:12:59,432
Hello, hello.
191
00:12:59,432 --> 00:13:02,672
Ladies and gentlemen, Martin Hurdle.
192
00:13:02,672 --> 00:13:05,872
On tonight's show, ladies
and gentlemen, we've got a liar.
193
00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:09,872
Sometimes
a man has to make a decision.
194
00:13:10,192 --> 00:13:13,032
He stands at the crossroads
of his life.
195
00:13:13,032 --> 00:13:14,552
Oh, shut up.
196
00:13:14,552 --> 00:13:17,752
What about
all those people I've lied to?
197
00:13:17,752 --> 00:13:21,752
Hopefully, they'll think you're
eccentric or mentally unstable.
198
00:13:21,952 --> 00:13:25,952
You should do it for your son,
you could better both your lives.
199
00:13:26,032 --> 00:13:29,112
He can't help his son and he can't
save the mother, can he?
200
00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:31,992
I still think
she's a bitch for not telling him
201
00:13:31,992 --> 00:13:33,352
she had a son for many years.
202
00:13:33,352 --> 00:13:34,632
Shut up.
203
00:13:34,632 --> 00:13:37,832
Hey, hey, maybe
you're not meant to go on TV
204
00:13:37,832 --> 00:13:39,192
cos you're a thicko.
205
00:13:39,192 --> 00:13:41,352
You failed everything at school.
206
00:13:41,352 --> 00:13:44,752
Maybe you'll always be
site maintenance inside.
207
00:13:44,752 --> 00:13:48,752
You've got no star quality.
You've got no star quality.
208
00:13:49,992 --> 00:13:51,672
Stop it.
209
00:13:51,672 --> 00:13:55,672
Gosh, man,
stay cool, stay off the radar.
210
00:13:55,872 --> 00:13:58,512
Five minutes on a TV show,
it will be forgotten in a week.
211
00:13:58,512 --> 00:14:00,512
What are we, nuts,
standing in the woods
212
00:14:00,512 --> 00:14:03,352
debating whether to go on
a crappy TV show or not?
213
00:14:03,352 --> 00:14:06,472
Look,
just go on telly, do the show,
214
00:14:06,472 --> 00:14:08,832
make a load of money,
215
00:14:08,832 --> 00:14:12,832
buy a house and climb out of
the shit pile and don't look back.
216
00:14:17,112 --> 00:14:18,872
I come out here to do my pisses.
217
00:14:18,872 --> 00:14:20,032
Oh.
218
00:14:20,032 --> 00:14:21,632
Will they be looking for you?
219
00:14:21,632 --> 00:14:24,512
Do you want me to take you back?
220
00:14:24,512 --> 00:14:28,512
No, I'm not a patient, love,
I'm a mimic.
221
00:14:34,192 --> 00:14:38,072
I told him I was
a newsagent for the millionth time,
222
00:14:38,072 --> 00:14:42,072
and he asked me to bring him
some porno mags.
223
00:14:42,592 --> 00:14:44,272
I suppose they can't hurt him.
224
00:14:44,272 --> 00:14:47,232
A lot of them go randy
towards the end, apparently.
225
00:14:47,232 --> 00:14:49,112
Yeah.
226
00:14:49,112 --> 00:14:51,792
You all right?
Your voice seems better.
227
00:14:51,792 --> 00:14:54,912
Yeah. I dunno what that doctor
gave me, bloody strong.
228
00:14:54,998 --> 00:14:57,418
Oh, I know, he helped me
with my anxiety before,
229
00:14:57,515 --> 00:15:00,195
gave me these tablets,
they're amazing.
230
00:15:00,195 --> 00:15:02,835
I took one
and we talked through all my fears,
231
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:05,675
and afterwards
I felt like a new man.
232
00:15:05,675 --> 00:15:07,755
That's how I feel.
I wonder what they are.
233
00:15:07,755 --> 00:15:11,755
I dunno. I bit into one once.
It tasted chocolately.
234
00:16:06,978 --> 00:16:08,818
Have you got any more contemporary
voices?
235
00:16:08,818 --> 00:16:10,858
- A lot of these are really old.
- Um...
236
00:16:10,919 --> 00:16:13,199
Why do impressionists always do
the same voices?
237
00:16:13,199 --> 00:16:14,879
Terry Wogan, Ronnie Corbett.
238
00:16:14,879 --> 00:16:16,319
Well, they're classic voices.
239
00:16:16,319 --> 00:16:18,239
- Can you do Tinchy Stryder?
- Who?
240
00:16:18,239 --> 00:16:20,439
He's on the show, be great
if you could nail him.
241
00:16:20,439 --> 00:16:21,639
I can get you a tape.
242
00:16:21,639 --> 00:16:23,359
Takes a while to learn voices.
243
00:16:23,359 --> 00:16:26,359
- OK, how long? We've got two hours.
- A few days at best.
244
00:16:26,359 --> 00:16:29,919
Look, this could make you properly
famous, OK, so you need to
245
00:16:29,919 --> 00:16:33,919
step up a bit, you are potentially
our internet star of the week.
246
00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:37,279
Yeah, about that,
what's the thing with the dog again?
247
00:16:37,279 --> 00:16:38,359
I kind of missed it.
248
00:16:38,359 --> 00:16:40,479
OK, it's gonna be you versus
the dog.
249
00:16:40,479 --> 00:16:43,479
You'll both do your bit,
and then the audience will vote.
250
00:16:43,479 --> 00:16:46,719
So you'll be on the seesaw
with the dog on the other end.
251
00:16:46,719 --> 00:16:49,959
Louis, have we worked out how
to keep the dog on the seesaw yet?
252
00:16:49,959 --> 00:16:51,959
We can't tie it down
because it's not allowed.
253
00:16:51,959 --> 00:16:53,319
It's cruel.
254
00:16:53,319 --> 00:16:56,319
Yeah, but you'll be tied down there
because of health and safety.
255
00:16:56,319 --> 00:16:59,439
If they all vote for the dog, it
could be quite a sharp drop for you.
256
00:16:59,439 --> 00:17:01,439
What does the dog do again?
257
00:17:01,439 --> 00:17:03,999
It's learnt how to open a fridge.
It went viral like you.
258
00:17:03,999 --> 00:17:04,919
Didn't you see it?
259
00:17:04,919 --> 00:17:05,959
No.
260
00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:07,559
Oh, hi.
261
00:17:07,559 --> 00:17:10,119
Erm, do you want me
to be on the stage,
262
00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:11,679
because I think I should be really.
263
00:17:11,679 --> 00:17:13,759
No, because of timings.
264
00:17:13,759 --> 00:17:15,719
We're just going
to focus on the dog, really.
265
00:17:15,719 --> 00:17:18,719
Larry wouldn't be here
if it wasn't for me, so...
266
00:17:18,719 --> 00:17:22,719
OK. I'll let you know
if anything changes.
267
00:17:32,759 --> 00:17:36,759
Hello, Mart, you big TV star,
look at you.
268
00:17:36,999 --> 00:17:40,999
Hi. Thanks for coming.
Did you know I'm up against a dog?
269
00:17:42,399 --> 00:17:45,239
Yeah. I'm a bit pissed off
about that.
270
00:17:45,239 --> 00:17:46,599
I'm going on a seesaw.
271
00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:48,679
It's ridiculous. I'm sorry.
272
00:17:48,679 --> 00:17:52,679
Have you seen that dog? I told you
animals are getting braver.
273
00:17:53,079 --> 00:17:54,639
Urban foxes are taking the piss,
274
00:17:54,639 --> 00:17:57,239
pigeons don't even get
out of our way any more.
275
00:17:57,239 --> 00:17:58,319
Arrogance.
276
00:17:58,319 --> 00:18:00,279
Shut up, Neil.
277
00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:02,719
What, are you two going out
with each other?
278
00:18:02,719 --> 00:18:05,199
First woman I've really
liked for ages
279
00:18:05,199 --> 00:18:08,039
who I haven't met on the internet.
280
00:18:08,039 --> 00:18:11,759
Well, we're seeing how things go.
281
00:18:11,759 --> 00:18:14,799
That's good. I suppose.
282
00:18:14,799 --> 00:18:16,639
Right, we should probably
all go back,
283
00:18:16,639 --> 00:18:18,519
they're getting
the audience in now, so...
284
00:18:18,519 --> 00:18:20,199
OK.
285
00:18:20,199 --> 00:18:23,079
Break a leg, Martin. A dog's leg.
286
00:18:23,079 --> 00:18:24,439
Don't.
287
00:18:24,439 --> 00:18:28,199
From tiny acorns,
mighty oaks do grow.
288
00:18:28,199 --> 00:18:30,779
- That's what I tell all the girls.
- Martin!
289
00:18:32,029 --> 00:18:36,029
I mean, don't forget about me when
you grow into a big arrogant tree.
290
00:18:36,224 --> 00:18:38,624
I won't. And I won't.
291
00:18:38,624 --> 00:18:40,664
I love you, Martin.
292
00:18:40,664 --> 00:18:42,984
I love you too, Jean.
293
00:18:42,984 --> 00:18:44,664
Your mum and dad
are in the green room.
294
00:18:44,664 --> 00:18:48,664
Oh, God.
295
00:18:57,904 --> 00:19:00,224
God, you look nervous!
296
00:19:00,224 --> 00:19:01,864
Thanks.
297
00:19:01,864 --> 00:19:05,024
Bloody hell! Did they do that
to you?
298
00:19:05,024 --> 00:19:06,984
No, Jean did it.
299
00:19:06,984 --> 00:19:09,344
The make-up lady's gonna
try and fix it.
300
00:19:09,344 --> 00:19:11,144
That dog's amazing, isn't it?
301
00:19:11,144 --> 00:19:12,304
Bloody clever.
302
00:19:12,304 --> 00:19:13,664
Only opens a fridge.
303
00:19:13,664 --> 00:19:15,104
It's like a little person.
304
00:19:15,104 --> 00:19:17,664
You know you have to vote for me,
don't you?
305
00:19:17,664 --> 00:19:21,664
Yes! Don't worry!
306
00:19:23,064 --> 00:19:26,424
Here, what can we say to Dionne?
Does she know that we know?
307
00:19:26,424 --> 00:19:28,024
Maybe just don't say anything.
308
00:19:28,024 --> 00:19:31,184
- But we've got her a present.
- Sh! We have!
309
00:19:31,184 --> 00:19:33,024
Bloody hell, what is it?
310
00:19:33,024 --> 00:19:34,744
A plant.
311
00:19:34,744 --> 00:19:35,864
Don't give her that!
312
00:19:35,864 --> 00:19:37,304
Why?
313
00:19:37,304 --> 00:19:40,904
Because it will outlive her
and that will depress her.
314
00:19:40,904 --> 00:19:43,104
Not everyone thinks like you do,
Martin.
315
00:19:43,104 --> 00:19:44,304
I thought it was nice.
316
00:19:44,304 --> 00:19:48,304
It is nice, sorry, but terminal
illness is a minefield for presents.
317
00:19:48,744 --> 00:19:50,664
He got her a bloody
get-well-soon card!
318
00:19:50,664 --> 00:19:53,184
Well, that's all they do!
319
00:19:53,184 --> 00:19:54,704
Here he is!
320
00:19:54,704 --> 00:19:56,464
Hello, little fella!
321
00:19:56,464 --> 00:20:00,464
Oh, get a picture of me with him!
322
00:20:01,424 --> 00:20:05,424
You must be so proud.
323
00:20:36,344 --> 00:20:39,024
You shouldn't really be up here
until it's your bit.
324
00:20:39,024 --> 00:20:43,024
OK.
325
00:20:48,184 --> 00:20:50,784
Oh, I like how they put your name
and Larry's name on the door,
326
00:20:50,784 --> 00:20:54,584
no mention of me.
327
00:20:54,584 --> 00:20:56,624
Yeah.
328
00:20:56,624 --> 00:21:00,624
Right. Well, Larry, I need the loo.
I'm sorry but I also have needs.
329
00:21:01,344 --> 00:21:05,344
Today isn't all about you.
330
00:21:05,624 --> 00:21:09,624
This is bollocks, isn't it, Larry?
331
00:21:12,344 --> 00:21:16,344
Oh, I am loving that! OK, ladies
and gentlemen, wasn't that amazing,
332
00:21:17,184 --> 00:21:21,184
let's have a big hand
for Larry the dog.
333
00:21:21,984 --> 00:21:24,224
And a smaller hand
for Larry's fridge.
334
00:21:24,224 --> 00:21:28,224
So next up, the man against the dog,
it's Martin Hurdle.
335
00:21:28,904 --> 00:21:31,544
Now you probably know him best
as freaky voice guy,
336
00:21:31,544 --> 00:21:35,544
the man of a million voices
and one major meltdown.
337
00:21:35,624 --> 00:21:38,984
So without further ado,
let's let him do his thing
338
00:21:38,984 --> 00:21:41,184
and get him on that seesaw.
339
00:21:41,184 --> 00:21:45,184
Ladies and gentlemen, let's have
a warm welcome for Martin Hurdle.
25596
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