Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:10,780
Yo! This is your President speaking.
2
00:00:10,877 --> 00:00:13,697
He's fucking brilliant,
isn't he, Steve?
3
00:00:13,757 --> 00:00:14,835
Flat got flooded.
4
00:00:14,837 --> 00:00:16,155
You should move in with me.
5
00:00:16,157 --> 00:00:17,475
What do you think of Jesse?
6
00:00:17,477 --> 00:00:18,715
He's all right.
7
00:00:18,717 --> 00:00:20,595
You think he's a knob head,
don't you?
8
00:00:20,597 --> 00:00:22,995
No, just don't want to see you
get hurt.
9
00:00:22,997 --> 00:00:24,675
Dionne.
10
00:00:24,677 --> 00:00:26,315
Martin.
11
00:00:26,317 --> 00:00:28,619
Still talking to yourself, then?
12
00:01:03,237 --> 00:01:04,995
He's dumped me, Martin.
13
00:01:04,997 --> 00:01:08,997
Ohh. Come here.
14
00:01:13,117 --> 00:01:14,875
Why is it so big?
15
00:01:14,877 --> 00:01:17,595
It were the last blank card
in the shop.
16
00:01:17,597 --> 00:01:18,635
It's all in here.
17
00:01:18,637 --> 00:01:22,355
Why's everybody keep buying big
things? Feel like I'm shrinking.
18
00:01:22,357 --> 00:01:25,515
Should have come to my shop.
I've got all sort of cards.
19
00:01:25,517 --> 00:01:27,435
There's a good mark-up on cards.
20
00:01:27,437 --> 00:01:30,555
People are paying four quid
for a bit of stiff paper.
21
00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:33,435
It's lunacy!
22
00:01:33,437 --> 00:01:35,395
Shouldn't have done it by card,
though.
23
00:01:35,397 --> 00:01:39,397
Face to face is the rule, isn't it?
24
00:01:41,117 --> 00:01:44,555
It says here that he could get
his words out better in a card.
25
00:01:44,557 --> 00:01:46,315
What, you've not spoken to him?
26
00:01:46,317 --> 00:01:48,395
Phone's switched off.
27
00:01:48,397 --> 00:01:52,397
What a douche bag!
28
00:01:54,837 --> 00:01:58,395
Yeah! That's right!
29
00:01:58,397 --> 00:01:59,915
Just...
30
00:01:59,917 --> 00:02:01,355
Do you want a hand?
31
00:02:01,357 --> 00:02:04,475
Let it go, Jean.
It's more symbolic than anything.
32
00:02:04,477 --> 00:02:08,477
There! Torn into a million pieces!
33
00:02:08,877 --> 00:02:11,355
Can you move back home now, Martin?
34
00:02:11,357 --> 00:02:15,357
Please?
35
00:02:17,797 --> 00:02:21,797
It's for the best. Neil can't
sleep in a car bed for ever.
36
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,435
You know who could,
though, don't you, Jean?
37
00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:27,675
Ha ha!
38
00:02:27,677 --> 00:02:29,397
Ronnie Corbett could!
39
00:02:31,317 --> 00:02:35,317
I'd absolutely
fucking love it! I'm only tiny.
40
00:02:35,917 --> 00:02:37,677
Broom broom! Get out of the way!
41
00:02:39,437 --> 00:02:42,235
I've nine jagerbombs
and I'm going mental.
42
00:02:42,237 --> 00:02:44,835
Has this voice stuff gone
to your head now, then?
43
00:02:44,837 --> 00:02:48,837
Hardly! I'm doing celebrity
voices for SatNavs.
44
00:02:49,677 --> 00:02:51,915
Where am I going to sleep?
45
00:02:51,917 --> 00:02:54,395
My bedroom. On the floor.
46
00:02:54,397 --> 00:02:58,397
On the floor? Still, it's better
than living with Neil.
47
00:03:07,037 --> 00:03:11,037
Oh, cry me a river, mate!
We've all got problems. Typical man!
48
00:03:37,197 --> 00:03:38,635
You missed a bit.
49
00:03:38,637 --> 00:03:39,955
Huh?
50
00:03:39,957 --> 00:03:42,675
Just banter.
You're doing a good job, Mr, err...
51
00:03:42,677 --> 00:03:43,875
Hurdle.
52
00:03:43,877 --> 00:03:45,395
Yeah.
53
00:03:45,397 --> 00:03:48,115
No, I'm not. I'm doing a shit job.
54
00:03:48,117 --> 00:03:52,117
But not for much longer.
55
00:04:00,757 --> 00:04:02,715
So it's four voices, four hours.
56
00:04:02,717 --> 00:04:04,475
Any more, they have to pay more.
57
00:04:04,477 --> 00:04:07,475
If you don't get it all done today,
then we'll run into tomorrow.
58
00:04:07,477 --> 00:04:10,395
So if you're getting tired,
then let me know.
59
00:04:10,397 --> 00:04:12,395
Yeah, I don't want to lose my voice.
60
00:04:12,397 --> 00:04:16,397
Maybe we should get it insured.
I'll look into that.
61
00:04:20,677 --> 00:04:24,677
Nice drive this, innit?
The radio any good?
62
00:04:25,397 --> 00:04:29,397
Ah, it's all right. Rather listen
to your Terry Wogan, though.
63
00:04:31,117 --> 00:04:34,475
Hello, dear listener!
64
00:04:34,477 --> 00:04:36,237
Hulk Wogan here...
65
00:04:38,037 --> 00:04:42,037
back from the cop shop, where I
was recently held on the charge of
66
00:04:42,997 --> 00:04:45,397
having sex with a cuckoo clock.
67
00:04:47,797 --> 00:04:51,195
But I'm an innocent man,
I tell you. Or am I?
68
00:04:51,197 --> 00:04:54,875
To discuss this and other matters,
I'm joined in the studio by a young
69
00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:58,877
man with a robotic face and the legs
of a robin red breast.
70
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:02,157
Hello!
71
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:06,955
Hello, Terry.
72
00:05:06,957 --> 00:05:08,795
Give us one for level.
73
00:05:08,797 --> 00:05:12,755
You have the right to turn right
74
00:05:12,757 --> 00:05:15,635
or go left or go straight.
75
00:05:15,637 --> 00:05:18,235
Yeah, all levels are good on that.
76
00:05:18,237 --> 00:05:21,755
OK. Crack on with the list.
77
00:05:21,757 --> 00:05:25,075
Take the first exit
at the roundabout.
78
00:05:25,077 --> 00:05:28,915
Take the second exit
at the roundabout.
79
00:05:28,917 --> 00:05:32,075
Take the third exit
at the roundabout.
80
00:05:32,077 --> 00:05:36,077
Take the fourth exit
at the roundabout.
81
00:05:36,277 --> 00:05:38,395
What the hell are you doing?
82
00:05:38,397 --> 00:05:42,397
Recalculating, recalculating.
83
00:05:43,797 --> 00:05:45,795
Martin, I've just got to pop
out for a bit.
84
00:05:45,797 --> 00:05:47,755
You're all right just
carrying on, yeah?
85
00:05:47,757 --> 00:05:49,555
Yeah, I'll just keep reading these.
86
00:05:49,557 --> 00:05:51,595
It's all recording,
so just crack on.
87
00:05:51,597 --> 00:05:55,597
What you're doing is great, yeah?
88
00:06:00,837 --> 00:06:04,075
Recalculating, recalculating.
89
00:06:04,077 --> 00:06:08,077
You idiot! Now we must recalculate.
90
00:06:10,717 --> 00:06:14,717
'Bear left. Bear right.
91
00:06:15,557 --> 00:06:18,995
'Now you got to U-turn.
92
00:06:18,997 --> 00:06:22,997
'Hoorah! Recalculating.'
93
00:06:29,157 --> 00:06:33,157
Umm... I've stopped because
there's a page or two missing.
94
00:06:35,597 --> 00:06:38,755
I don't know whether to come
and look for you or just sit here
95
00:06:38,757 --> 00:06:42,757
and wait.
96
00:07:10,157 --> 00:07:14,157
You have the right to turn right
97
00:07:14,237 --> 00:07:16,435
or go left
98
00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:18,475
or go straight
99
00:07:18,477 --> 00:07:20,475
or gay
100
00:07:20,477 --> 00:07:22,355
or lesbian,
101
00:07:22,357 --> 00:07:24,155
bisexual, transgender.
102
00:07:24,157 --> 00:07:28,157
We are all citizens of the world.
103
00:07:31,997 --> 00:07:35,997
Most of us knew weren't
getting out alive,
104
00:07:36,077 --> 00:07:40,077
so I hid your Daddy's SatNav
in my ass.
105
00:07:40,277 --> 00:07:44,277
For seven years, it was telling
me to do a U-turn.
106
00:07:46,957 --> 00:07:50,915
Give me your clothes,
your boots and your motorcycle
107
00:07:50,917 --> 00:07:54,917
and your bumbag
and your correctional shoe.
108
00:07:56,917 --> 00:08:00,917
You leave my correctional shoe.
I was connected! Who do you know?
109
00:08:02,277 --> 00:08:05,835
Hoorah!
110
00:08:05,837 --> 00:08:09,837
Really, I had it easy compared to
the guy who carried your father's
111
00:08:10,197 --> 00:08:14,197
George Foreman grill.
112
00:08:14,997 --> 00:08:18,997
Say hello to my little friend.
113
00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:23,917
Don't get me involved.
114
00:08:23,997 --> 00:08:27,997
Hey, Al!
Why you always got to go so big?
115
00:08:29,757 --> 00:08:33,757
I know! It's like I went up here
in the '80s and now I'm stuck.
116
00:08:34,237 --> 00:08:38,237
I'm not even sure if most of my
characters would even be shouting.
117
00:08:40,397 --> 00:08:43,155
Personally, I like to keep it
all on one level.
118
00:08:43,157 --> 00:08:45,875
That way, there's no
surprises for the audience.
119
00:08:45,877 --> 00:08:49,877
That's not true cos of the whole
"get to the chopper" thing.
120
00:08:50,037 --> 00:08:54,037
Oh yeah, two levels.
Get to the chopper! Aaaarghh!
121
00:08:55,197 --> 00:08:58,435
Why don't you just try bringing
it down gradually, Al?
122
00:08:58,437 --> 00:09:00,795
That's how I got the SatNav out.
123
00:09:00,797 --> 00:09:04,797
OK. Here I am, bringing
it down, all the way down.
124
00:09:07,157 --> 00:09:09,555
May I suggest that we all
bring it down
125
00:09:09,557 --> 00:09:12,675
cos that guy's going to come back?
126
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:15,955
Yeah, he's going to give us
250 quid.
127
00:09:15,957 --> 00:09:17,795
What, each?
128
00:09:17,797 --> 00:09:20,635
There you go, Al.
You went big again.
129
00:09:20,637 --> 00:09:24,637
I won't have to pick up any litter
any more. I could go on holiday.
130
00:09:24,837 --> 00:09:26,155
I could grow a beard.
131
00:09:26,157 --> 00:09:29,435
You have got something under that
dressing gown, haven't you, Martin?
132
00:09:29,437 --> 00:09:31,315
I don't want your balls
touching me bed.
133
00:09:31,317 --> 00:09:35,317
Yes! I've got two pairs of pants and
a pair of pyjama bottoms under here.
134
00:09:36,597 --> 00:09:38,555
Thanks for coming back, mate.
135
00:09:38,557 --> 00:09:42,557
Even this is better than me
being on me own.
136
00:09:44,357 --> 00:09:47,395
What if I never find
a decent fella, Martin?
137
00:09:47,397 --> 00:09:49,275
You will.
138
00:09:49,277 --> 00:09:52,435
Not going to shave me legs
now for ages. Sod it!
139
00:09:52,437 --> 00:09:56,035
Hm! There you go.
140
00:09:56,037 --> 00:09:57,675
You know my mate Kelly?
141
00:09:57,677 --> 00:10:00,435
She met her husband by crashing
into the back of his car.
142
00:10:00,437 --> 00:10:01,635
Did she?
143
00:10:01,637 --> 00:10:04,315
Yeah.
144
00:10:04,317 --> 00:10:08,317
Maybe I should get a car.
145
00:10:09,637 --> 00:10:13,637
Jesse was a knob head, weren't he?
146
00:10:13,877 --> 00:10:17,877
I miss him, though.
147
00:10:18,997 --> 00:10:22,997
What's up, Jean? It's the J Dog,
the Jessinator.
148
00:10:23,637 --> 00:10:25,435
Want to hang out tonight?
149
00:10:25,437 --> 00:10:28,357
Cool, cool!
I like rock up at eight an' shit.
150
00:10:33,157 --> 00:10:34,517
Jean?
151
00:10:35,637 --> 00:10:36,875
What?
152
00:10:36,877 --> 00:10:38,195
I'm not Jesse.
153
00:10:38,197 --> 00:10:41,235
I know you're not, you idiot!
154
00:10:41,237 --> 00:10:45,237
It's bed time now.
You get on the floor.
155
00:10:58,277 --> 00:11:02,277
Maybe I should get a dog.
156
00:11:21,477 --> 00:11:25,477
It's Neil. Martin, it's Neil!
157
00:11:33,017 --> 00:11:37,101
You've gone fucking viral, mate!
You're all over the internet.
158
00:11:40,194 --> 00:11:41,792
What a beautiful lagoon.
159
00:11:41,794 --> 00:11:44,854
They keep this secret, don't they?
160
00:11:44,877 --> 00:11:48,435
'Oh yeah,
they've kept this way secret.
161
00:11:48,437 --> 00:11:50,555
'I know, follow me guys, quickly.'
162
00:11:50,557 --> 00:11:52,515
How did they get it?
163
00:11:52,517 --> 00:11:54,275
Looks like my webcam.
164
00:11:54,277 --> 00:11:56,597
It's had loads of views
on YouTube already,
165
00:11:56,686 --> 00:11:59,084
every time I looked at it,
it went up.
166
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:00,404
That's from you viewing it.
167
00:12:00,406 --> 00:12:02,724
It's in the thousands, Mart.
168
00:12:02,726 --> 00:12:03,804
Bloody hell!
169
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:05,684
You're the new
cat in the wheelie bin lady.
170
00:12:05,686 --> 00:12:06,764
Who?
171
00:12:06,766 --> 00:12:08,766
She put a cat in a wheelie bin.
172
00:12:09,526 --> 00:12:11,884
Why?
173
00:12:11,886 --> 00:12:15,886
I haven't put
a cat in a wheelie bin, Neil.
174
00:12:17,086 --> 00:12:19,444
Hello, hello.
175
00:12:19,446 --> 00:12:22,564
OK, I've seen it,
it's cool, this is good.
176
00:12:22,566 --> 00:12:25,284
I'm a bit pissed off with
the engineer for putting it online,
177
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:27,004
but he thought he was helping.
178
00:12:27,006 --> 00:12:29,604
Seriously, this is not a bad thing,
this is good.
179
00:12:29,606 --> 00:12:31,204
Thousands of views, Steven.
180
00:12:31,206 --> 00:12:33,444
They'll track him down.
181
00:12:33,446 --> 00:12:34,764
Have they got my name?
182
00:12:34,766 --> 00:12:38,766
Nope, they're just calling you
freaky voice man, so...
183
00:12:39,046 --> 00:12:40,204
Can we take it down?
184
00:12:40,206 --> 00:12:43,364
We could, but this is
the kind of publicity you can't buy.
185
00:12:43,366 --> 00:12:45,044
Yeah, stop complaining, Martin.
186
00:12:45,046 --> 00:12:47,524
I post photos of everything
I eat on Twitter
187
00:12:47,526 --> 00:12:50,244
and it's like no-one even cares.
188
00:12:50,246 --> 00:12:53,644
You've just strolled in as
weirdo scary voice man.
189
00:12:53,646 --> 00:12:55,244
Freaky voice man.
190
00:12:55,246 --> 00:12:59,246
Freaky voice man.
191
00:12:59,566 --> 00:13:03,566
That's who you are now.
192
00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:09,084
There's loads of good comments.
193
00:13:09,086 --> 00:13:12,964
"This guy's amazing."
"Give this guy a TV show." See?
194
00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:15,204
Lot of negative things
though, isn't there?
195
00:13:15,206 --> 00:13:18,204
"Ah, it's a freak,
kill it before it breeds."
196
00:13:18,206 --> 00:13:21,604
"Fake. I bet this is
a viral for some bullshit."
197
00:13:21,606 --> 00:13:24,924
"His Obama is bad."
198
00:13:24,926 --> 00:13:28,124
Mind you,
bad means good though, don't it?
199
00:13:28,126 --> 00:13:30,684
Yeah, if you're
a pimp in 1970s New York.
200
00:13:30,686 --> 00:13:34,686
Well,
who knows who these people are?
201
00:13:38,726 --> 00:13:40,204
Hello, yeah.
202
00:13:40,206 --> 00:13:42,444
What's a fuck-tard?
203
00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:43,924
It's on The Sun website.
204
00:13:43,926 --> 00:13:45,884
This is good news, this is great.
205
00:13:45,886 --> 00:13:48,804
It's a good thing.
206
00:13:48,806 --> 00:13:52,604
OK, bye.
207
00:13:52,606 --> 00:13:54,604
What?
208
00:13:54,606 --> 00:13:57,124
It's on The Sun website.
209
00:13:57,126 --> 00:14:01,126
Bloody hell.
210
00:14:01,806 --> 00:14:04,524
Yeah, there you are.
211
00:14:04,526 --> 00:14:07,044
"Do you know freaky voice man?
212
00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:09,484
"Call this number now."
213
00:14:09,486 --> 00:14:11,804
'Let's get to the chopper, everybody.
214
00:14:11,806 --> 00:14:15,806
'Come on, run, go,
get to the chopper!'
215
00:14:15,966 --> 00:14:19,966
Well, this will end in tears.
216
00:14:20,726 --> 00:14:23,044
I hate this job, it's rubbish.
217
00:14:23,046 --> 00:14:26,084
Oh, same old jokes.
218
00:14:26,086 --> 00:14:30,086
Looks hard, but you soon pick it up.
219
00:14:33,766 --> 00:14:35,844
I handed in my notice this
morning, Chels.
220
00:14:35,846 --> 00:14:37,044
You what?
221
00:14:37,046 --> 00:14:40,284
Yeah, I'm going to make a go of
it with my voices, you know.
222
00:14:40,286 --> 00:14:42,604
Oh, Martin, I'm proud of you.
223
00:14:42,606 --> 00:14:46,484
Oh, I'll miss you,
but I'm proud of you.
224
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:49,124
Workers aren't allowed to
engage in displays of affection
225
00:14:49,126 --> 00:14:52,564
on company property, including
celebratory or consoling hugs
226
00:14:52,566 --> 00:14:54,044
or kisses.
227
00:14:54,046 --> 00:14:55,524
You'll lose your desk.
228
00:14:55,526 --> 00:14:56,844
Shut up.
229
00:14:56,846 --> 00:15:00,364
Heh!
230
00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:02,524
Don't get stuck here, Chelsea.
231
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:05,124
If you're not careful, it'll be
seven years down the line
232
00:15:05,126 --> 00:15:07,604
and then you'll look around
and wonder where the time...
233
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:09,564
What are they all staring at?
234
00:15:09,566 --> 00:15:13,284
Don't know.
235
00:15:13,286 --> 00:15:15,484
There's this video of me
on the internet.
236
00:15:15,486 --> 00:15:18,084
Oh, my God, what is it?
237
00:15:18,086 --> 00:15:19,964
It's nothing sexual.
238
00:15:19,966 --> 00:15:22,164
It's me doing some voices.
239
00:15:22,166 --> 00:15:24,364
Somebody filmed me
without me knowing
240
00:15:24,366 --> 00:15:28,366
and well, I've gone bloody
viral, Chels.
241
00:15:30,646 --> 00:15:34,646
They've never looked at us before.
242
00:15:38,246 --> 00:15:41,684
Martin, you are drawing more
attention like that.
243
00:15:41,686 --> 00:15:43,284
How? It's just a hat and shades.
244
00:15:43,286 --> 00:15:47,286
That's what famous people wear.
245
00:15:48,886 --> 00:15:50,964
What you scared of, mate?
246
00:15:50,966 --> 00:15:52,324
Nothing.
247
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,724
Are you worried people
think you're a freak?
248
00:15:54,726 --> 00:15:57,844
No.
249
00:15:57,846 --> 00:16:00,684
Are you worried that people like
the people in the Irish club
250
00:16:00,686 --> 00:16:03,444
will see you and know you've been
lying?
251
00:16:03,446 --> 00:16:07,446
A bit.
252
00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:09,924
I used to just do
my voices in the car
253
00:16:09,926 --> 00:16:13,926
and now people are saying that
some of them aren't that good.
254
00:16:15,126 --> 00:16:18,044
It's just one of them things, Martin.
255
00:16:18,046 --> 00:16:22,046
It'll blow over, someone else's
meltdown video tomorrow.
256
00:16:23,326 --> 00:16:26,524
If you're not happy, you know,
you've got to tell Steven.
257
00:16:26,526 --> 00:16:30,364
I know, but he's so into it all.
258
00:16:30,366 --> 00:16:34,324
He wants to make his mum proud.
259
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:37,884
She's nice, isn't she?
260
00:16:37,886 --> 00:16:40,164
She's really, like, wise.
261
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:43,444
You only saw her for two minutes
when she dropped him off.
262
00:16:43,446 --> 00:16:46,924
I'm a good judge of people, me,
Martin.
263
00:16:46,926 --> 00:16:50,926
Except men.
264
00:16:50,966 --> 00:16:53,524
Does she always wear that
headscarf?
265
00:16:53,526 --> 00:16:57,526
Don't know, I think so.
266
00:16:57,766 --> 00:17:01,766
You could've borrowed it,
it would've been a good disguise.
267
00:17:02,566 --> 00:17:04,084
Shall I take it off?
268
00:17:04,086 --> 00:17:08,086
Yeah.
269
00:17:09,246 --> 00:17:13,164
Ooh, it's like Beatle-mania now,
Martin,
270
00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:17,166
we're being crushed.
271
00:17:24,926 --> 00:17:27,484
It's the best thing that
could've happened.
272
00:17:27,486 --> 00:17:31,404
We are going to have dinner
to celebrate.
273
00:17:31,406 --> 00:17:32,964
Not in public though.
274
00:17:32,966 --> 00:17:35,924
Nope. I've spoken to Neil,
he's going to cook.
275
00:17:35,926 --> 00:17:37,564
Oh, God.
276
00:17:37,566 --> 00:17:39,004
Martin, this is good.
277
00:17:39,006 --> 00:17:42,486
It's building our brand
and we'll get loads more voice work.
278
00:17:51,246 --> 00:17:53,044
What?
279
00:17:53,046 --> 00:17:55,124
52 missed calls.
280
00:17:55,126 --> 00:17:57,324
This isn't going away, is it?
281
00:17:57,326 --> 00:18:01,326
We need to think about a website.
282
00:18:05,246 --> 00:18:07,604
How do you do it, Martin?
283
00:18:07,606 --> 00:18:09,004
What?
284
00:18:09,006 --> 00:18:11,564
The voices? What's the technique?
285
00:18:11,566 --> 00:18:13,924
Is it something you can just do?
286
00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:17,926
I don't know, really, I've always
done it since I was a kid.
287
00:18:18,206 --> 00:18:21,484
Well, my hook to get into
Ronnie Corbett,
288
00:18:21,486 --> 00:18:23,284
is, oh, would you believe it!
289
00:18:23,286 --> 00:18:25,884
And then, you know, there's
different levels, like you'll go
290
00:18:25,886 --> 00:18:28,924
all the way up here and then he'll
go down deep.
291
00:18:28,926 --> 00:18:31,964
You know, like the producer's
looking at me now.
292
00:18:31,966 --> 00:18:35,604
I wonder, maybe, it's like...
293
00:18:35,606 --> 00:18:37,884
a bit genetic.
294
00:18:37,886 --> 00:18:39,044
Why?
295
00:18:39,046 --> 00:18:43,046
Can you do it?
296
00:18:43,526 --> 00:18:46,444
I don't like bullshitters,
or arse lickers.
297
00:18:46,446 --> 00:18:48,444
You're fired!
298
00:18:48,446 --> 00:18:49,564
Alan Sugar.
299
00:18:49,566 --> 00:18:51,084
Yeah.
300
00:18:51,086 --> 00:18:53,404
That's all right, that, yeah.
301
00:18:53,406 --> 00:18:57,406
You might have something there, son.
302
00:19:06,486 --> 00:19:08,964
My mum's got cancer
and she's going to die.
303
00:19:08,966 --> 00:19:12,966
What?
304
00:19:16,166 --> 00:19:19,844
She's been in palliative
care for a while now.
305
00:19:19,846 --> 00:19:23,846
Oh, my God.
306
00:19:47,326 --> 00:19:50,884
How old are your kids, Neil?
307
00:19:50,886 --> 00:19:54,404
What? You can tell I've got kids
just from looking at my art?
308
00:19:54,406 --> 00:19:56,204
Oh, you did these?
309
00:19:56,206 --> 00:20:00,206
Yeah, when me wife buggered off,
I had this surge of creativity.
310
00:20:03,046 --> 00:20:04,324
These are kind of...
311
00:20:04,326 --> 00:20:07,004
A cry for help.
312
00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:11,006
No, more sort of therapy, really.
313
00:20:11,886 --> 00:20:14,044
So, what would you call these?
314
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:18,046
Well, this is called,
"Woman With Outstretched Arms."
315
00:20:18,806 --> 00:20:22,806
Oh, but she's got her arms
by her side, though.
316
00:20:23,606 --> 00:20:26,804
No, it's
"Woman Without Stretched Arms".
317
00:20:26,806 --> 00:20:30,124
It's the companion piece to
"Woman With Stretched Arms."
318
00:20:30,126 --> 00:20:32,164
Right.
319
00:20:32,166 --> 00:20:33,844
Everything's for sale.
320
00:20:33,846 --> 00:20:36,684
I haven't really got
any room at home, really.
321
00:20:36,686 --> 00:20:38,924
You not drinking, Dionne?
322
00:20:38,926 --> 00:20:41,444
Nah, I don't really drink.
323
00:20:41,446 --> 00:20:45,446
That's good, in't it?
Keeps you skinny.
324
00:20:50,886 --> 00:20:52,004
You all right, Mum?
325
00:20:52,006 --> 00:20:55,244
Yeah.
326
00:20:55,246 --> 00:20:58,964
You seen my art works, Jean?
327
00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:02,484
I was wondering
what all that was about, Neil.
328
00:21:02,486 --> 00:21:06,486
Blimey, don't give up
the newsagents.
329
00:21:07,046 --> 00:21:11,046
Ha, yeah, it's just silly
sketches, really.
330
00:21:13,206 --> 00:21:16,044
OK, can I propose a toast?
331
00:21:16,046 --> 00:21:20,046
Here's to Martin,
who is an internet sensation now.
332
00:21:20,646 --> 00:21:22,244
To a new job and a new beginning.
333
00:21:22,246 --> 00:21:23,284
Cheers.
334
00:21:23,286 --> 00:21:27,286
Cheers.
335
00:21:28,166 --> 00:21:29,764
And there is something else.
336
00:21:29,766 --> 00:21:31,284
Martin, do you want to tell them?
337
00:21:31,286 --> 00:21:32,964
No, you do it.
338
00:21:32,966 --> 00:21:35,924
A researcher from a TV show
has got in touch,
339
00:21:35,926 --> 00:21:39,564
they want Martin
to go on as a guest.
340
00:21:39,566 --> 00:21:42,684
That is amazing, Martin!
341
00:21:42,686 --> 00:21:44,606
Might not.
342
00:21:48,326 --> 00:21:52,326
That's amazing!
343
00:21:55,806 --> 00:21:58,524
She's really chilled,
Dionne, isn't she?
344
00:21:58,526 --> 00:22:02,526
Yeah.
345
00:22:03,606 --> 00:22:06,804
She's not well, is she, Martin?
346
00:22:06,806 --> 00:22:09,764
No.
347
00:22:09,766 --> 00:22:12,004
Is that why you think
she's got in touch,
348
00:22:12,006 --> 00:22:15,524
cos she's handing Steven over cos
she knows she's not going to be here?
349
00:22:15,526 --> 00:22:18,444
I think so, yeah.
350
00:22:18,446 --> 00:22:21,764
How did you know she was ill?
351
00:22:21,766 --> 00:22:25,766
Don't know. I figured it out
a while ago.
352
00:22:25,846 --> 00:22:28,404
Poor Dionne.
353
00:22:28,406 --> 00:22:32,406
I know.
354
00:22:33,966 --> 00:22:37,966
Neil's funny, isn't he?
355
00:22:38,166 --> 00:22:40,804
He told me
the world was going to end soon.
356
00:22:40,806 --> 00:22:42,004
What?
357
00:22:42,006 --> 00:22:46,006
Oh, can't believe you bought
one of his paintings.
358
00:22:48,126 --> 00:22:50,804
Neither can I.
359
00:22:50,806 --> 00:22:54,806
Don't worry about the end
of the world, Jean.
360
00:22:56,886 --> 00:22:59,524
You're going to be on telly soon,
Martin.
361
00:22:59,526 --> 00:23:02,004
Oh, don't, I might not.
362
00:23:02,006 --> 00:23:03,964
Why, what are you going to do?
363
00:23:03,966 --> 00:23:07,966
Might run away.
364
00:23:08,126 --> 00:23:10,404
Seems like everything's changing.
365
00:23:10,406 --> 00:23:13,884
Yeah.
366
00:23:13,886 --> 00:23:16,164
Don't slip away from me, will you?
367
00:23:16,166 --> 00:23:20,166
Shut up, I won't.
368
00:23:22,366 --> 00:23:23,924
Get on the floor now, Martin.
26491
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