Original subtitles

Now, Louise, before we begin recording,

perhaps we could just have a little chat.

Yeah, I think that's a good idea.

Louise, do you think that perhaps you're being

just a little demanding in your requirements?

Because we did have very high hopes for you and Paul,

and I seem to remember him saying that he was really quite smitten.

I don't think my requirements were that demanding.

That of course is entirely your opinion,

but we feel that he did fulfill all your specifications.

So, tell me,

what is it that we can supply this time

that we didn't supply last time?

What am I looking for that's different from last time?

Let me see.

Oh. I know.

I'd like a boyfriend that's not gay.

* Twice upon a time

* The princess kissed the prince

* And missed the point

I think you must have made some kind of mistake.

Paul Bradbury is not gay.

Well, maybe he isn't, but I know for a fact

that the man he dumped me for is.

* Everything is

* Everything is crazy-strange

* And very real

* Close your eyes

* Make up your mind

* And take your time

* I'll always be there

* Maybe Mr. Right

* Is hidden, undiscovered

* Pressed for time

* I'll bet he's coming out tonight

* He's all right

* There's up and there's down

* And there's no way around

* What he's hiding

* Breaking the rules

* Is amazingly cool

* You're invited

* Everything is

* Everything is crazy-strange

* And very real

* Close your eyes

* Make up your mind

* And take your time

* I'll always be there

* Everything is

* Everything is

* Everything is

* Everything

* Everything is

* Everything

* Everything is

* Everything

* Everything is

* Everything

* Everything is

* Everything

* Everything is

* Everything

You're old enough to know better.

Anytime you want to use your parenting skills, it's fine by me.

* One more time

We've all heard about women this has happened to, haven't we?

And if we're honest,

we think it's a bit of a joke.

I mean, you'd know, wouldn't you?

But I didn't,

and I'm used to being around gay people.

I've learnt my lesson.

I'd never introduce my man to my gay friends again.

But I don't mind introducing you to my friends--

Well, at least I thought that they were my friends.

This is my Alex, my best friend.

He wanted to be an actor.

He'd been with Harry for a year.

In fact, it was their anniversary.

Harry was all right,

but he could be a bit... smarmy.

Just kept him happy by buying him things.

And here's Tom.

Tom was about to have a major exhibition,

but he was more concerned about keeping Lars happy.

Lars is very good looking, but he knew it.

You know the type.

He'd got expensive tastes,

but it was always someone else

who picked up the bill.

And William--

William had a tough time over the last few years,

but he was coming out the other side,

and he'd just met Lawrence.

Lawrence is an actor,

so you can imagine what a handful he was.

You'd recognize him.

He was in that doctors thing.

I thought I was the one out of all my friends

who had got it sorted.

So let me tell you what happened to me one day last summer.

I was going on my first proper date with Paul.

I thought he was perfect.

* It's over

Let's go. Let me see 6,

let me see 5, let me see 4.

3. Where's 2? Where's 1?

Let's flip, baby! Let's go!

3, 2, 1.

Get up! Go! Move, move, move!

Let me see that! Let me see that!

Move the feet, quick! Quick! Quick!

Ready to do it again? Let's go!

All right. Fly jumps. You can do it.

Push me up, pull me down.

To the 5, to the 4, to the 3.

Stay with me. 2.

1. Good man.

That's what I'm talking about.

Good to see. Right? Good man.

(cell phone ringing)

Hi, Louise.

Yeah, yeah.

Listen, I'm stuck in traffic.

I- it's not moving.

I reckon I'm gonna have to turn around and go back.

I was really looking forward to fitting your kitchen.

Yeah, listen, the battery on my phone's running low.

I'll give you a call next--

Hello?

Thought you were fixing Louise's washing machine.

Still waiting for a part.

Have another one.

I thought you might have had enough.

You know me. I've never had enough.

Better make sure I don't.

Is that a threat?

Take it any way you want.

I'll take it as a threat, then.

I'll get my stuff and I'll be out of here.

It's not a threat. I'm really sorry. I've just had a hard day.

I'm going now.

Luv!

Tom sees the good in people.

Sees the good in people?

What he sees is a good bit of ass

that he wouldn't stand a chance with

if he didn't have a Gucci store card.

Anyway, getting back to me.

Harry bought me the original artwork

for the 1977 Dalek annual.

It's like the Bible of Doctor Who fans.

All right?

Fine. I can't stop. I've got a meeting.

I wasn't trying to hold you up.

That's all right, now, isn't it?

Isn't that that Greek doctor from Emergency Accident?

He's only a nurse.

How do you know him? Have you... You know?

As if!

He went out with one of my exes.

He's been around forever. I knew him when he was on the dole.

Sorry. Got held up in the edit.

Mwah. Mwah.

How'd the audition go? Don't want to talk about it.

What's the matter with you?

Lawrence Wright's upstairs.

Very Greek name, isn't it?

There are hardly any roles for Greeks as it is,

so why should he get the part above a real one?

Why are you bothered? You're not Greek.

I'm not bothered. I'm not bothered at all.

You write to point of view?

Someone has to stand up for Greek actors.

Do you want me to beat him up for you?

Yes, please. How are you, darling?

She's all right. Come on. We're going to be late.

Hello, how are you?

(friendly chatter)

You don't phone, you don't write.

I've been frantic. Give me a break.

Visiting my mother.

Which we're late for.

Then we get a nice meal.

Just my luck. Our anniversary's on the same day

as his bloody mother's birthday. Congratulations.

We must arrange a Sunday lunch. Bring George.

Don't mention George. Got 3 days' peace.

See you later.

See you. Bye.

Bye-bye, baby. Bye, darling.

Yeah, can you stop off on your way and get time out?

Oh, will you?

* Dolce and Gabbana

* I cannot even say it

* I'll tell you right now it's on my wish list

* Whoa-oh

* You're gonna pay for it

* So you better get rich

* I'm sick of being High Street like everybody I meet

* Ultimately trendy

* Boys wearing girls' shoes

* Imagine

* Whoa-oh

* A fashion statement

* But you do look gay in the pink shirt

* Please, will you buy this for me?

* I'm ritzy

Is it only a year?

Seems so much longer.

I bumped into William earlier. He sends his love.

Oh, William.

They were at Westminster together, you know.

Yes, I know.

(chuckles faintly)

No one guessed until only a few years ago.

Even Harry.

He played rugby for the county.

Mmm. Probably the physical contact

with all those sweaty men that he liked.

Hmm.

When I heard that he'd come out,

I had hoped that William and...

But no.

William found this for me last year.

We think it's a young Thomas Huxley.

Huxley. Biologist.

I'm seeing Tom tomorrow.

Oh, Tom!

So talented.

There was an article on his new exhibition.

I had hoped that Harry and he were...

Well, they spent so much time at university together.

But as usual, a mother's wishes count for nothing.

Which university did you go...?

Ohh.

Yes, of course. We've had this conversation, haven't we?

Tom's taken up with a mad hooker

who's fleecing him for all he's got.

Well, that's not--

That's not strictly true, is it?

Harry tells me you've been doing very well in your job...

as a waiter.

It's not just being a waiter.

It's also helping to prepare the food.

And, anyway, it's only until the acting takes off.

Oh, yes, of course. You want to be an actor, don't you?

Harry tells me that you may be an extra in some soap opera.

(chuckles)

It's nice that Harry keeps you so well-informed.

* I've been thinking of

* All the words I'd like to say

* And I can't believe

* How I feel today

* When the lights go out

* When they shut you down

* You will know that I'm still the same

At last!

I want to have a look around.

Rugby!

Why did you buy this?

I won it.

My-- my team won it, yeah.

Is there any chance of a drink?

No worry. I'll wash the glass afterwards

so there's no DNA evidence that I was ever here.

Shut up. Come here.

* I've been thinking of

* All the words I tried to say

* And I can't believe how I feel today

* When the lights go out

* When they shut you down

* You will know that I'm still the same

Aaahhhh!

Aaahhhh!

(screaming continues)

(gasping)

What do you say, Georgina?

Sorry I frightened you.

I should have left a note to say we'd be back early.

Yeah.

Daddy doesn't let me meet any of his boyfriends.

You amaze me.

We usually keep her locked in the attic.

Shouldn't you be going?

Mm.

It's been lovely meeting you.

Bye.

I'm sorry.

Uh... What are you doing tonight?

I want to spend some time with George.

But I'm free on Wednesday.

Come and see the shells I found.

See you.

Yeah, see you.

And... Action.

And in here...

What do you think?

Good God.

What have you done?

Well, we've...

Done exactly what we thought you'd like.

This is... No.

Well, I don't think...

God, I hate it! I absolutely... Oh, God!

Sorry.

(telephone ringing)

Tell me again, why am I doing this?

The money.

Oh, yes.

The hotel's fucked up and let half our rooms go.

Is there a run on rooms in Northampton?

The weather forecast says it's going to be...

Shit for the week,

so we may have to scale the garden down.

Good.

And the gorgeous Charlie's girlfriend's dumped him again,

so we're expecting trouble.

Tom rang. Can you meet him in the gallery?

He said, or at home.

And lastly... I'm pregnant.

You're fired.

Any idea who the father is?

I've narrowed it down to the fleet auxiliary,

but I've convinced John it's his.

I suppose we have to hug.

It's expected.

Congratulations. Give John my best.

You don't do gay right.

No, it's just I don't do those.

By now, my other gay friends

would be squeezing the life out of me

and screaming about taking me shopping for maternity clothes.

Maybe it's just expected of you

because you are posh and went to private school.

Well, that's it. I'm not gay at all!

It all fits.

I don't like musicals, rows in the street, cocaine.

Well done.

Means I've got to get another assistant.

I'm so glad I didn't get the job.

If you go on a soap opera, you can get typecast,

and that's so not where I want to be at this point in my career.

It's a fact that all the good jobs

go to the extras from the top handful of agencies.

Surprise, surprise, Lawrence Wright was taken on by one of them.

He must have slept with one of the bookers,

'cause he ain't that good.

I know I've got talent and that I'm going to make it.

I think they'll be impressed by the CV.

I know it doesn't show that many roles,

but they'll see from the amount of classes and workshops I've attended

that I have a real dedication.

Alex, listen, I'll have to talk to you later, babe.

Thank you.

Darling, there you are.

Will you stop disappearing like this!

Now, come on.

(power drill whirrs)

How long have you been there? Not long.

What do you think?

I think they're shit.

But as long as people are stupid enough to pay for them,

it's all good with me.

My work represents a positive affirmation

of what it is to be gay in the 21st century.

To me, gayness isn't just about sex,

it's about everything.

I patronize gay restaurants and taxi firms,

and, in a way, I'm developing a totally new gay art.

I wish she would just shut up!

I think it's interesting.

No, you don't! You think it's bollocks!

Shh!

The lines and dots that make up the image

are in actual fact not made up of just one color,

but all the colors of the rainbow--

the gay rainbow.

It's like pointillism, only gay.

* Hey, you're talking

* Blah blah blah

* Blah blah blah

* Blah blah

So, is Harry coming?

Him and Alex went to Brighton for the weekend.

* Hey, you're talking, blah blah blah

So, how much would something like that go for, then?

150 grand.

What?!

Yeah, I know!

I thought that was a fake.

Uh, no, believe me, I have earned it.

So you're not really into him, then.

It's not just the money. He's all right.

I look really bad now, don't I?

Don't mind me. I'm not judging.

I'm off.

Where you going this time?

I told you.

I know he's seeing other people,

but when I confront him about it, he denies it and says

if that's what I believe, I should throw him out.

Maybe you should,

if it's making you unhappy.

No. He knows I never would.

That's why he's messing you around.

He hasn't got any boundaries. He's not a child.

Don't treat him like one, then.

I don't! You do.

He lives rent-free. You buy his clothes.

You give him money, pocket money.

You treat him like a child.

He's not the first, is he?

You really have to stop being ashamed of being gay.

(scoffs)

You're just buying into that straight-dominated way of looking at gay life.

If Lars were a woman, you wouldn't think there was anything strange

about her being supported by a male partner, would you?

And that's all I'm doing.

I'm helping Lars out until he gets his singing career off the ground.

Singing? I thought it was modeling.

Well, that didn't work out.

There's nothing you could do for him, is there?

Wonderful. That's right.

Yep. Yep.

Okay.

That sounds perfect. Thank you.

Alex, please hurry. We don't have time.

Come on, darling.

Excellent.

Actually, I'm going to call you back. Thank you. Okay. Thanks.

Alex, can you just do what I tell you, please?

I think there's something wrong.

I don't pay you to think. These are the wrong ones.

What are you talking about?

These are the returns from Samuelson's.

They may have tasted all right,

but they've been out for God knows how long.

I mean, crawling with E. Coli and stuff. Lethal.

Older people or children could have died.

I've never seen someone look so contrite.

She was in floods. She could have gone to prison.

Trouble is, she doesn't really pay attention.

It's only a hobby hubby organized for her

to keep her occupied while he's doing corporate takeovers.

And her menu is so old-fashioned.

It's like something served halftime at the Battle of Hastings.

I told her about my cinnamon twirls,

and we're going to try them out next week.

You're a real hero. All I do is make crap telly.

Do something about it, then.

What do you want to do?

Seriously.

What I want to do is travel around Asia.

I can't. I've got career responsibilities.

More importantly, in half an hour, the cabby gets here.

What shall we do with the time?

It's Thursday.

(chuckles)

That's right.

What if Matron were to find us?

I've been on bedpans all morning,

so I'm entitled.

It's in my equity agreement.

(both laughing)

Sorry.

(knocking on door)

Yes? What do you want, you beastly little peeping tom?

They need you in set in 5 minutes.

My public are calling for me.

I don't suppose you're free later.

Got a parents' meeting.

What time does it finish?

8:.00, but then I've got to be at home.

She keeps waking up during the night lately.

Mum's getting too old to have her sleep disturbed.

I could always come to you, now that she's met me.

I'm not sure, Lawrence.

Hey, look, why don't we have a weekend away?

Georgie's going to see some friends.

We'd have 2 whole nights. What do you reckon?

Okay.

See you later. Break a leg and... Whatever it is you do.

Ciao.

Are you ready, gents?

Action. (cat meows)

Oh, Maggie, that's looking really beautiful.

(Scottish accents) Oh, yes.

It's really, really beautiful.

Jim and Jill will really, really love it.

Right. Let's get that lovely cup of tea we've been promising ourselves,

then we'll see what the gorgeous Charlie's been up to all morning.

Cut.

(Scottish accent) That looks really, really shit.

(cat yowls)

(making choking sounds)

Georgie.

Don't you think you're being a little harsh on this doll.

All she did was say hello to this doll's boyfriend.

(dramatic voice) She must die!

(making choking sounds)

And I'd have expected a bit more to have been done in here.

Remind me again when Jim and Jill are coming back.

Sunday morning.

I think I'd better have a word with the gorgeous Charlie.

You're being a bit of a slow coach today, Charlie.

We've only got until Sunday, you know.

(weeping audibly)

And cut.

I loved her!

(weeping audibly)

By "period," they probably thought they were getting

Victorian Rustic or Edwardian Country House,

not fucking Stalingrad, 1943!

Yeah, well, what are we gonna do?

Let's go to the pub.

* You're gonna make my day

* Hey

* Na-na na-na-na

* Hey

* Na-na na-na-na

* You're gonna make my day

* Row, row, row your boat

* Gently down... On me

* Merrily, merrily, merrily

* You make my life complete

* Everybody wants to touch

* Your fleece that's white as snow

* Everywhere you lead me, babe

* I'm sure that I will go

* Pop goes the weasel

* Hey

Lars! Charlie's dropped out of the show,

and Harry needs you up in Northampton.

This could be your big chance!

No, you put the phone down first.

You do it.

You're a big girl's blouse, you know that.

Speak to you tomorrow. Bye.

Can I come with you on Saturday?

Your Grandma's taking you to Hannah's party.

I thought you were looking forward to the sleepover.

Hanna's a poo-head.

She's your best friend.

She's still a poo-head.

I want to come with you to Brighton.

It'd be boring. We're going to all those antique shops.

Is Lawrence going with you?

He might.

He is. I heard you on the phone.

Why can't I come as well?

Because you wouldn't like it, all right?

Is he gonna live here with us?

Do I call him daddy now?

Harry, we're good to do this.

Will you just get yourself out there now, please?

Great, yeah.

I will not mind.

And, Emma, come on, love.

Uh... Sorry!

Okay, setup, ready to shoot this now.

And, um, thank you.

And action.

(drill whirrs) Can you turn that off, Lars?

Thanks.

Well, it's very sad that our Charlie's been taken ill,

but we're very lucky because the gorgeous Lars

has stepped into the breach.

Well, a boy's got to do what a boy's got to do.

(chuckles)

(distant power tool whirrs)

Yeah, maybe we should cut there.

Me and Louise were just talking about how stupid you are.

He's got a screw loose.

I guarantee he'll be nothing but trouble.

Don't worry, it's your funeral.

Ta-da! What do you think?

It's great, but on you it's gonna be like sticking a sequin on a rat's ass.

You look amazing! Thank you.

No, you look fab. She looks great.

She's got a date with that Paul tonight. She thinks he's the one.

Gorgeous! Thank you, Harry!

Anyway, you can tell Lars

that he's coming for dinner next week.

I've rung Tully and invited him.

I bumped into William. He's bringing his new beau.

I don't know. He's an actor, I think.

And if he hasn't dumped her by then, Louise is bringing Paul.

Better go.

Oh. My. God.

I've found something that even you would look good in.

Thanks.

Are they brother and sister?

I don't know. What do you think? I have no idea.

I just think it's very strange...

Well, Harry. Yeah.

I just want to say, I'm very grateful

for this opportunity.

Oh, hey, don't worry about it.

But don't get your hopes up,

'cause it could only be for the one show.

Still, I know people think I'm trouble,

and you probably could have found somebody else for the job

if you'd really tried.

If it did become a regular gig,

as I said, I'd be very grateful.

Yeah.

(cell phone rings)

(car horns honking)

Hey.

I can't just leave her like this.

Well, I don't know.

She hasn't got a fever.

Yes, darling?

It's your move.

You go back in there and tell Grandma to move for me.

Okay. Thank you.

Sorry.

No. No, of course I understand.

Maybe I could come to you.

We could meet for lunch on Tuesday.

Oh, a whole lunchtime! Are you sure you can manage that?

Twat!

Harry, hello.

Put your tongue back in.

There's a good boy.

I was just... Um...

Thinking about the...

Mmm! These are delicious, darling!

You'll want royalties now, won't you?

That just may be, but...

I can't make a peach smell like a banana, can i?

So...

Right.

Cheers.

I've always thought you were the only one of Tom's friends

who wasn't a fucking idiot.

I'll take that as a compliment.

I've seen you looking,

so don't even pretend you're not interested.

Things happen for a reason,

and this was obviously meant to be.

I'm feeling very positive.

Although you have to know how to deal with negativity,

have to know how to transform a negative into a positive.

For example, I didn't get the job on Londoners, which was a negative.

But on the positive, I took the power back and sent my photo and CV

off to the top actors' agencies.

But they've all written back

saying that they're not interested,

which, again, is a negative.

In other words, I didn't go to fucking RADA

or one of the other good drama schools,

so I don't have that stamp of approval.

Not at all interested in the classes I've attended,

or the commitment I've shown.

It's not all about diplomas and pieces of paper.

What about natural talent?

Van Gogh didn't go to art school,

and he ended up all right, didn't he?

Yeah, I suppose.

Have you seen my red pullover?

Dry cleaners. Shit.

Well? What?

How did it all go?

Oh, it was all right. Yeah.

Same as these things ever are, really.

Lars didn't disgrace himself?

Nope.

No, he was all right.

Are you going to take him on permanently?

No. No, it's just going to be a one-off.

You all right?

Yep.

I'm just knackered actually.

(cell phone rings)

Hello, babe.

Yeah, he's here.

It's Lars.

He says your phone's permanently turned off.

Sorry, Lars, he's asleep.

He looks really cute,

except for the dribble trailing out of his mouth.

Yeah, I'll tell him. All right.

* Doesn't it make you cross?

* And racing around

* Tracking her down

He says he's really looking forward to dinner,

and can't wait to meet Alex again.

Oh, fuck.

What's going on?

Nothing.

I know it's difficult for you.

I'm just saying that maybe if you involve me more.

Sorry, but you've got no idea what it's like being a parent.

I have to put her first.

Of course you do. Look, I'm not stupid.

It's been 3 months now, and in gay years,

we're approaching our golden wedding anniversary.

I don't get involved with people like this.

For me normally it's just a bit of fun.

It peaces out after a few weeks.

I... really like you, and...

Well, it's not easy.

This is... new.

Am I boring you?

What? What?

Sorry, no. Just give me a second.

* Wouldn't you like to give up?

* Just for one night put down the fight

* All smoke and mirrors

* Nobody's winning

You'll be safe. They won't ravish you or anything.

I know.

I'm not some kind of hick.

I give money to Amnesty International.

I read The Guardian, for God's sake.

And that bloke who cuts my hair,

I reckon he's gay, and I don't have a problem with that,

so you can't accuse me of being homophobic.

No one's accusing you of anything.

You just seem a little on edge about going.

Well, I'm not.

It's just... They're all gonna be gay.

What am I gonna talk about?

Just talk about normal stuff.

Normal stuff for blokes is football and women's tits.

Now do you see my problem?

You're just being silly.

Don't you have any friends who aren't gay?

Yeah, 'course I do.

There's... Emma, and...

Though I don't see much of her.

And there's Sharon.

Oh, no. Sharon's your sister. She doesn't count.

I don't know. I just get on with gay men. It's not a crime, is it?

No.

Are you calling me a fag-hag?

No.

I'm not a fag-hag!

Fag-hag! I hate that word!

Get off! Stop it!

Look at it through her eyes.

She's had to endure a very acrimonious divorce,

and then she loses her mother in a car crash.

I know you mean well,

but I can't have her getting to know

a succession of lovers just for them to disappear.

She needs stability.

A succession?

That's hardly the point, is it?

I just want to say-- Why don't you fuck off!

I'm sorry. I meant...

... Fuck off, I'm having a private conversation.

Sorry.

Any other day, just not today.

So, is this the way it's going to be?

Oh, please. I've already got one 9-year-old who likes tension.

Yeah, I know.

Well, I picked up a couple of stickers anyway.

Madonna.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, why don't I call everybody

and just, you know, put it off for a while?

Well, you've been through a lot recently, haven't you?

The meat will freeze,

and you can pick up the veg tomorrow.

All right.

I've not been trying to cancel it,

I just didn't think you'd feel up for it, that's all.

All right.

Well, I'll see you later.

I love you.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Hmm.

I suppose it bears a superficial likeness to his style,

and it could be by one of his followers.

But if, as you hope, it's a preparatory drawing for a finished work,

I don't recognize it.

And without that connection to something known to be by him,

it doesn't stand a chance of being accepted.

And let's face it.

Things like that aren't found in charity shops, are they?

* One more night

* Maybe one still sighs

* On the rest of your life

* One husband or wife

* It's all over

* Now

* One more try

* Till you want to waken

* Curious but confined

* Reserved but resigned

* It's all over

* Now

Oh, Harry, will you please keep stirring?

It's not that complicated.

(knock at door)

You'll have to get that.

(clears throat)

Hello! Come in!

Mwah. You look fabulous.

Thank you. Paul, Harry. Harry, Paul. Hello.

He hasn't met gay people before, and he's fascinated.

No, I'm not. I-ignore her.

It's all right. Don't worry. I know what she's like.

Help yourselves to drinks. I'm just on stirring duty.

Oi.

See, I told you it would be different.

That's gay.

I have scented candles.

You're a woman. Straight man, never.

Hi! Come in. This is Lawrence.

Hello. Hi.

Hello again.

Oh, you two have met? We've met.

Yes. You used to go with one of my exes.

That French guy. What was his name?

You make him sound like one of your castoffs.

And it was Marcel.

Oh, that's right. How could I forget Marcel Proust?

It was Muriac, not Proust.

Yes, I know.

Then... Why did you say Proust?

It was a joke. Not very funny.

Marcel Proust, the author.

(chuckles)

Whatever.

Sherry?

Yes, please.

I was going to leave you to introduce yourselves.

I'm gonna... (whistles sharply)

Louise, um, this is Lawrence.

Paul.

Paul, Lawrence.

It's all right. Don't worry. I'm fine.

I... saw you a couple of weeks ago,

when I was with Alex.

Really?

Haven't seen you in ages. How are you?

Yeah, I'm-- I'm all right.

I suppose if I choked on something, you'd know what to do, wouldn't you?

Why?

Well, you're on that doctors thing, aren't you?

It's not real. It's television.

I think he knows that.

(sniffs softly)

Hello!

S-sorry. Hi.

Hello. Hi.

What?

Hi. Aren't you that doctor?

Nurse.

Lars. Lawrence.

(female vocalist vocalizing)

William, we're thinking of doing one of those shit daytime antique shows.

We're looking for experts. I use the term loosely.

But if it comes off, are you interested?

It's not going to be very glamorous, though.

You're going to be grubbing around at boot fairs

at 7 in the morning with fatties.

Where from? Corby. Sounds like heaven.

Red or white?

Have you not heard about this?

It's new gay wine. Where did you get it?

It's mail-order at the moment, but they do it by the glass at Balans.

They've developed these gay grapes

that are only pollinated by other male grapes.

Really? No!

(tittering)

No, I just shaved the labels off

and made these on my computer.

That's not funny. I told you.

Could I have the straight white, please?

Oh, loosen up, Tom. Come on.

Yeah, all right.

It'll be about 20 minutes, guys.

So, William, tell me,

how did you two lovebirds meet?

I sold him a table.

When I delivered it, I asked him out for a drink.

A retzzina, I suppose. "Zie-nuh"

Sorry? Retzzina.

Greek wine. Nurse Zorba, or whatever he's called.

Costa, and it's Retsina.

How's George?

Haven't seen her for ages.

She's a handful, but she's great.

She's a great kid, isn't she?

I wouldn't know.

Lars said he had a great time on House Swap.

Oh? What were you doing on it?

Bit of this, bit of that.

You know, general handyman.

How was I? You never did say.

Oh, fine.

Absolutely fine.

Has it been 20 minutes?

I can't wait.

(happy chatter)

'Kay, go on, luv. I'll go again.

This is very good.

(happy chatter continues)

* When will we know

* This is all

* When will we know

They want me to sign for another 2 years, but it's too long.

I wouldn't be able to do anything else,

and there's talk of a couple of films in the pipeline.

That's great.

How's your acting coming along?

I haven't seen you in anything.

You really must tell Tom and I next time you do something.

We'll come along and support you.

I'll make sure to do that.

Oh, and you must make sure to invite me and Harry

to your first gig at Carnegie Hall.

So, Lawrence, how did you two meet?

Still met when I bought a dining table from him.

Oh, yeah, right. Sorry.

And what a happy day that was.

That was the start of a brand-new experience for me.

I've never had an affair before. It's quite exciting.

Stolen afternoons, furtive meetings.

You're seeing someone else as well as William?

No. To quote someone, there is a third person in this relationship.

Don't be an asshole, Lawrence.

Listen to yourself.

You're jealous of a 9-year-old girl.

I'm not jealous, and I'm not an asshole.

Really.

I was reading a report the other day

that children brought up by gay parents--

Yeah, yeah, Tom.

Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm not a campaigner for gay parenting.

Georgie isn't, of course.

I'm sure I'm doing everything wrong.

All I'm trying to do is bringing her up in an environment

where she can feel secure,

and I'm doing that the best way I know how.

I'm fucking sorry if she gets in the way.

That is not what I said or meant!

There's very little point in carrying on with this.

And there's a double meaning in that.

You can caricature me as being a spiteful, jealous queen, if you like,

but you cannot keep her in a bubble.

She will get hurt again. She will meet people who she will get close to,

and they will go away, but that's life.

You cannot control everything, William.

I'll see myself out.

* Don't fall

* But

* You fall

* You fall into my arms

Aren't you going to run after him?

You've done everything short of putting your tongue down his throat this evening.

I don't run after people.

They run after me. Don't they, Harry?

What's that supposed to mean?

Who the fuck do you think you are?

Harry wouldn't touch you with a sterilized bath pole.

Really?

Nothing. Um... No.

He tried it on, and I turned him down.

His pride's hurt, and he knows he's blown it with the show.

I didn't want to say anything to you,

'cause I knew you'd go mad. You're a fucking maniac.

You should have told him, like I said.

How could you?

It's not me. It's your freak of a boyfriend.

It's fucking Robo-cock.

How could you?

* Trouble behind

* Just food for the wine

* Don't let's

Morning.

That was fantastic.

Mm-hmm?

Last night.

Thank you.

No, not that.

Cheers.

No, no. That as well.

But the dinner.

It was like something out of...

People would pay money to see that on stage.

Mm-hmm.

Is that what all gay people are like?

Pretty much.

Wow.

Oh, God.

There's something you want to tell me, isn't there?

Something you've never been able to tell anyone before?

Like what?

You're gay, aren't you?

What?

It had to happen to me one day.

You know the clich�: "Fag-hag finds Mr. Right,

only for him to turn out gay."

I'm not gay.

Yes, you are.

You haven't admitted it to yourself, but...

I promise you, I am not gay.

Well, you would say that, wouldn't you?

Yeah, and I'd also say it if it was true.

You'd better not be.

So...

I'm Mr. Right, am I?

Mr. Right Now, maybe.

Ooh!

I'll give you gay! Come here!

Morning!

I'm feeling very positive.

I've been thinking, maybe Harry didn't--

Who?

Lars was mad enough to have made it up.

Oh, puh-lease.

He'd been acting guiltily ever since he got back.

Anyway, why wouldn't he? What have I got to offer?

You've got plenty.

Morning!

Oh, thanks again for letting me stop.

This is a test.

Until now, I've been too focused on relationships.

From now on, I'm going to concentrate on my acting,

put negative thoughts behind me, and move forward.

Oh, I put-- The cereal is over there.

Oh. All-grain pyramid.

Excellent.

Where did you get that from at 4 in the morning?

I found it in one of the cupboards.

Well, it's not mine.

It must have been left there by one of my exes.

(chuckles softly)

* One thing you should know

* About me

* Sometimes my life goes all the way down

* So deeply that I cannot see

* The one thing to save me

* One thing you should know about me

* Sometimes the night blows all the way through me

* And it puts out the light inside me

* Might make nothing of me

* And I

* I

* I can't wake up...

Where have you been?

Fucking.

I never know when you're serious.

I'm going to bed.

Just tell me the truth.

What happened between you and Harry?

What do you think?

I think that maybe Harry suggested

that they might take you on the show permanently.

I'm not saying you did a sort of casting couch,

but perhaps one thing led to another,

and you both regretted it afterwards.

Is that what happened?

Yeah. You're so clever.

I'm going to bed.

* I'm here all alone

* It might get the better of me

I didn't know you smoked.

Special occasion.

* Wake up

* With you not beside me

(cell phone rings)

Just leave me alone.

I don't believe you.

There's nothing you can say that's going to make any difference,

so why don't you just stop this?

All you're doing is upsetting me,

so if that's what you want to do,

then you're doing a good job.

Shame. I liked him.

Mmm. Me too.

No, I meant Lars. Thanks.

Well, he was a bit of all right, wasn't he?

Are you sure there wasn't any scratching on bedroom doors

after we'd all gone to bed?

I stand no fucking chance, do I?

You're in the fucking hotel, and you don't believe me.

(both chuckling)

You know, I'd forgotten how provincial this place was.

I stopped off at that caf� in Stafford Street

to get a takeaway mocha.

Big mistake.

The dozy cow serving me

looked like she'd only ever read about them in celebrity magazines.

"Are you from London?"

Oh, it's the poof.

It's the missing link.

Stop it, you two. Oi, oi, oi!

Boots off my furniture!

How long's he here for?

As long as I like.

Tell him he can't go out till it's dark.

I've got a reputation.

Leave him alone. He's had an upset.

Broken a nail?

If you must know,

I've got a married woman pregnant,

and the husband's after me.

God, you're thick!

It's so beautiful.

He was a real genius.

Oh, very much, sir.

And he painted

the Mona Lisa.

Well done. You're right. He did.

The most famous painting in the world,

and it was done by a gay man.

That would make such a statement in the hallway.

If we can agree on the price.

Can I have a word?

I am rather busy at the moment.

Can't wait.

Would you excuse me?

Lars has told me what happened...

Has he?

...And I've forgiven him.

Have you fucking really?

He is a very good-looking man,

and I know how tempting it must have been,

but he's very vulnerable at the moment.

Oh, Tom, grow up! You're pathetic!

Just tell that maniac to call Alex and tell him the truth.

I can't do that, Harry.

If you want to pay hookers and pretend it's love,

that's up to you, but it's a different ballgame when it affects me!

Sorry to interrupt, but I had to tell Tom,

they've just unearthed documents in Florence.

Leonardo wasn't gay.

Said it was a publicity stunt.

Sorry, no chips. How will you survive?

What's that?

Oh, it's an olive. It's from foreign.

It looks lovely, Alex.

You always were a very good cook.

So, nothing happened with that job on Londoners?

It was such a blessing in disguise.

How long you gonna give it, Alex?

Tell him not to start, Mum.

I'm just saying

you can't go on forever.

Listen, I know that I'm going to make it.

There's no doubt in my mind about that.

I didn't expect you to understand.

I always knew that I was different.

You can say that again.

If you think about it, what is the main difference

between those that make it and those that don't?

Don't know. I'm sure you're going to tell us.

It's talent, for a start.

Perseverance.

Never giving up when the going gets tough,

never taking no for an answer.

That's the spirit...

that's going to keep this country great.

I'm not saying that you can't try,

but maybe you should think about getting a trade as well.

You can try and be famous on your days off.

This is pointless, isn't it?

Mum, you can tell me now. I'm old enough to take it.

I was adopted, right?

Listen, if you're happy living this small-town,

small expectations existence,

that's fine with me.

If you're happy that the most exciting thing you've got to look forward to

is the Whitby shop, then who's stopping you?

But I want more.

But don't you think you might be confusing being a homosexual with--

A "homosexual"?

(chuckles)

It's the right word, isn't it?

Yes, if this was 1948.

All right.

Do you think you're confusing being gay

with wanting to be famous?

You felt different, and you're confusing the 2.

It's not about being famous.

It's about having something in you that--

Oh, what's the point?

Don't know what the big deal is about being gay.

Why does it have to make gay people

want to be actors and hairdressers

and fashion designers?

Why can't you have a normal job?

Why can't you be a gay bus driver, like me?

(laughs)

I don't think you meant that the way it sounded, Dad.

I'm only using "bus driver" as an example.

You could be a butcher, or work in a factory.

Hello, I'm Alex.

I don't think we've ever met.

(cell phone rings)

Hang on. That's your agent.

Got the lead in that snuff movie.

What movie?

Nothing, Mother.

Is that him again?

Come on, he was all right...

For a poof.

I don't know what you're making such a palaver about.

And what part of the palaver am I making too much of?

You'd have thought poofs would have figured it out, wouldn't you?

No, I mean, men...

Should understand the way other men think.

It's not like women, where they're a different species.

Men want to sleep around, Alex.

It's in the genes. It's instinct.

Now, you can't explain that to a woman,

but you'd have thought a man would have got it.

Just a bodily function, mate. Ain't anything.

Oh, so that's why Sandra finished with you, then.

* Hmmm

* Picture this and sail away

* On a cloud that's going your way

* Make a wish and watch it all

(chuckles softly)

* Go the way it's going to

* Call it all impossible

* Breaking all the rules with

* Love

* Love

Will you bloody hurry up?

* And simplify

* The things that made your teeth grind

* Put the bliss on overdrive

* Till there ain't nothing left inside

Keep your head down.

* Calling all unusuals

* Waking up the neighbors

Suppose getting a flat will be difficult,

with the deposit and everything.

I'll survive.

Here.

Take this.

Buy us a yacht when you get famous.

Take it.

Get yourself a new dress or something.

Pig.

(male vocalists whistling)

(male vocalists continue whistling)

There's a good boy.

Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

You're daddy's little boy, aren't you?

Who needs a boyfriend?

You're not going to go after some thick gym queen, are you?

No! No, you're not!

What are you...?

Ugh!

(arcade games beeping)

To new beginnings.

Ooh. I got your moving-in present.

Probably the first of many that'll end their lives here.

A candle?

Don't give me that.

I'm not fucking gay! It's a joke!

It's a lovely thought.

Ugh! He's still eating his droppings!

Apparently it's normal.

Gross, but normal.

Although he does seem to do it rather a lot.

Have you got a name for it yet?

I was thinking of Mushroom, 'cause he's only small,

and he doesn't take up much room.

Don't give up your day job.

Talking of day jobs,

I've got some news.

I was called into work early by Fizz,

and she tells me that she's moving with her husband to New York.

I thought, well, there goes my job.

But she wanted to know if I was interested in buying the business from her.

Well, of course, I said it was a lovely idea,

but there's no way I could raise that kind of money.

She's virtually giving it to me.

Stock, equipment, everything.

All I've got to do is pay for the van,

and she said I could do that whenever I had the money.

I've already thought of no end of improvements I can make with the menu.

I phoned the bank,

and in theory they're going to give me the working capital,

but I don't need much.

* London's burning

* And who can blame it

* Impersonating

* Love

* Love

* Picture this

* It's possible

And... Action.

What do you think of this, William?

Ah, yeah. Now, this is really nice.

Really nice.

Looks like the Omega Workshop,

and if we're really lucky,

it could be by the man himself, Mr. Roger Fry.

This could do well.

Depends on the price.

It was 30 quid.

There was another similar one

in another store for 55,

so I think this one's fucking cheap.

Twat!

You're really showing us up!

Why'd you do it?

It just come out. I don't know.

How can it just come out?

Tell me again, why am I doing this?

(telephone rings)

(champagne cork pops)

It was fate.

We were doing a small corporate lunch,

a couple of dozen people,

at one of your banks in the city.

Anyway, I got talking to this chap Douglas.

He was very interested when I told him that I was an actor.

It turns out that he's a closet writer/director,

and he's got this project that he's been working on for years.

He told me all about it,

and could see that I was fascinated.

Well, where did you put it?

You keep saying. I don't know.

You really are going to have to start getting your stuff ready the night before, okay?

And to cut a long story short,

we're putting on a play.

It's only a one-man thing, but it's being done properly,

all financed by Douglas, who's obviously got a bob or 2.

It's about an economist called Thomas Malthus,

and it's all about this influential theory that he wrote.

"On the Principles of Population -

1798, revised 1803."

Basically saying that--

Well, it's a bit complicated,

but he said that the poor die off

when there's not much work about,

which apparently is a good thing,

or something like that.

Found it!

Come on. We're going to be late.

Why are you reading the paper when I'm trying to talk to you?

Well, it's Heath.

Hey, he's single.

And he's gorgeous.

Hello, mate.

Heath, William.

William. Are you the car boot flogger in the attic?

I take it you're unemployed.

I work from home, but I stretch my lunch breaks.

You'd be flattered if I believed you.

I never really believed that you're a proper antique dealer.

You don't wear the dickey bow.

I know. I hate them. There's no possible excuse for wearing one,

unless you're a gynecologist.

That's an old antique dealers' joke.

From an old antique dealer.

Want to join us? I would love--

Shit! Shit, shit, shit!

What?

Stay cool.

Have to give him the satisfaction, I guess.

I'm--

Yeah. Take care.

Well, you completely blew that.

As you can see, I'm completely over him.

Goes without saying.

Where's your stuff gone?

You remember that double-glazing millionaire I was on about?

Well, he just upped his offer.

I did leave you a note... I think.

(dial tone)

I am attacked on all sides

by those reprobates and malcontents

who would undermine the very fabric of this society.

Is it not an obvious fact

that if the poor cannot produce, they must starve?

Is it not verily a law of nature that if they can't--

Law of nature that the weak must cease from breeding?

Filthy, unwanted mouths.

What are you doing?

Working.

And you should be in bed.

Just 5 minutes. I could help.

All right, then. 5 minutes.

And if you want to help, sit here. Have a look at this.

What do you make of these 2?

It's the same lady, only in this one,

she's got her back to us.

They're wearing the same hat.

All the dangly bits match,

just the other way round.

And look.

It's even made of the same straw stuff.

It is her, isn't it?

I am right.

I think you might be.

(knock on door)

Lars only admitted it to Tony out of spite, you know?

Just a parting shot before he sailed off into the sunset

with his double-glazing millionaire.

I always expected something like this would happen.

What? You expected me to go off with someone else?

No, not that.

But I suppose I didn't know what you ever saw in me, anyway.

I always thought you'd wake up to the fact

that I wasn't the person I thought I was.

I always knew who you were.

Did you?

Always.

And I always loved who you are.

Least now I know how Mrs. Gladstone felt.

I can't do this, Harry.

Not now. Not yet.

Putting this play on is a big opportunity for me,

and I just can't be distracted like this.

Well, yeah. I'm shooting in Glasgow for the next 2 weeks.

I'm definitely going to try and make it down for you.

Harry, I don't want you to come.

It's not because I don't want you there, but because...

Just give me a bit of space, okay?

(vocalists vocalizing)

Unh!

Oh, God.

It's broken!

No, it's not, darling.

Serves him right.

Georgie, stop it now.

Say you're sorry. Come on.

No.

There's no real harm done.

All I did was call her dad a "bender," and she hit me.

Barnaby!

I don't know where you children pick up language like that.

But it's true. They said it at school.

Well, no, he's not. And don't use that word.

Now, say you're sorry.

Well, technically,

although I wouldn't quite put it like that, he's telling you the truth.

See?

* Wishing for

* The simple life

She's very protective of you, isn't she?

Can't imagine Barnaby taking up arms in defense of my honor.

She means well, but she goes too far.

How long's it been?

2 years in August.

But we divorced 2 years before that.

Oh.

They're more resilient than you'd think.

Maybe.

But you can never really know what's going on under the surface, can you?

Mmm.

I don't mean to pry, but...

What does she think about you being gay?

She doesn't mind. It's just a fact.

Touch wood.

Maybe I've got that all to come.

I think what bothers her is the thought of someone coming between us.

She's very jealous.

That's understandable, given the circumstances.

But, as I said, as long as you're sensible,

they really are more resilient than you'd imagine.

* It's good to be

(vocalists vocalizing)

(audience applauds)

It appears that Douglas

is the founder of a radical economic pressure group

called the Neo-Malthusians,

who argue that the modern liberal world

interferes with natural checks to population control,

like war, famine, and disease.

Basically, we're--

They--

are calling for the compulsory sterilization

of the long-term unemployed.

It just doesn't say any of this in the script, so how was I to know?

I wish Mum and Dad hadn't been there.

But it wasn't all bad.

There were trips to see it,

organized by the Adam Smith something-or-other.

They seemed to like it.

By the end of the run,

thanks to the pickets from the Anti-Nazi league,

we were playing to almost-empty houses.

Hey.

Oh, Harry.

I'm just fooling myself about everything, aren't i?

No, you're not.

Fancy a fuck?

* I've got your car keys

* You've got my tee-shirt on

* I've got an old tape

* With our favorite songs

* We got what it takes

* To make us love each other

* I'm on the upside

* Where the sunshine falls

* You're on cloud 9

* Where wishes find stars

* We've got (cell phone beeps)

* What it takes (beeping)

* To keep each other warm

* We're gonna give some

* Take some

* There's always a wrong side

* There's a right side

* And we're still on the same side

Want to set up now?

Oh, yes, if you'd like,

or I can send you an invoice, if you prefer?

We'll do it now, shall we?

Sure.

It was very good, by the way.

Everybody said so.

Has the company changed hands recently?

Oh, yes. I took it over a couple of months ago.

It's improved.

Expect a call from Bradley King.

Old Bradley was scoffing those salmon things.

Asked for the name of the caterer between mouthfuls.

Great.

(woman speaking dramatically in French)

No! Mushroom!

(water running)

When are you going to move back properly?

Soon.

Just seems a bit of a waste keeping that place on,

and... you're always here.

I suppose it is.

I'll tell you what.

I'll cook you dinner Saturday evening,

and you can help me move out Sunday morning.

How's that?

Ooh!

That sounds grand!

(chuckling)

Hey. How are you?

And here was I, thinking we'd burned all our bridges.

And there's been a lot of water under the bridge as well.

What's gonna happen to Mushroom?

I'm gonna kill him.

I've got to find him a new home.

Harry's got an allergy.

Do you want him?

He eats his own poo.

Yeah. Mm-hmm.

What do you put on a madera cake?

Dunno.

I think Lawrence said he likes lemon...

Oh, what a mess.

It was an accident. Yeah. I think we've got time to start again.

How many eggs do we have left, Georgie?

I've got some reading

to do for school.

Wait a minute. I want to talk to you.

It'll only take a minute. Please.

Lawrence is coming here to see you as well as me.

He wants to get to know you.

I want you to behave properly, yes?

You can't make me like him.

No, you're right, I can't,

but there's no reason why you wouldn't like him.

Oh, Georgie, there's never going to be anyone more important to me than you.

No one. Ever.

And no one's going to come between us, okay?

Hey,

if I had to choose between you and Lawrence or anyone in the world,

I would always choose you.

You know that, don't you?

Doesn't mean I can't have friends, though.

You have friends.

Does it?

You're a big girl now, Georgie,

and I want you to understand that adults,

they get lonely.

What am I trying to say?

I like Lawrence a lot.

And it would mean so much to me if you would at least try to like him.

If you try and you don't, that's fine,

but I just want you to try, eh?

What do you say?

Can I go read now?

Yeah.

Mmm!

Are you, uh...

Are you going to bring these?

I take it by your tone you don't like them. I didn't say that.

Well, I'm keeping them. They're a moving-in present from Lisa at work.

You all right?

I'm fine.

I'm cooking.

I always get like this when I'm cooking.

(doorbell rings)

Hmm.

That can stay where it is.

And you can chuck that as well.

I know that by heart.

Regardless of the play's content,

the acting was amateur.

The stem of the word "amateur" is amore, "love."

An amateur is someone whose only motivation for doing something

is the love of it, so you mustn't be ashamed to be called an amateur.

Do you want me to hit you?

No.

Why are you always so...?

It was a disaster. There's no sugaring the pill.

When they used the word amateur, it wasn't a compliment.

I know, I just--

You just what?

Think I'm dizzy? Think I need protecting?

Sometimes it's like sinking in warm quicksand, being with you.

You make it feel all so comfortable, but it drags me down.

I'm sorry.

But I'm not a child, Harry.

That's a pretty hairclip.

I don't like it.

Oh.

Do you like school?

No. You do.

You do. You're doing a project on Tudors.

Why don't you tell Lawrence all about them.

It's boring.

You said it was interesting,

and you told me all about it yesterday.

Why don't you tell Lawrence about them, then?

All right, I will.

The Tudor Dynasty started when Henry VII

defeated Richard III at the Battle of Bosworth Field.

This is the Battle where Richard says,

"A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse."

This was the end of the Wars of the Roses.

This is where the House of Lancaster

and the House of Cornwall...

What? What?

... Fought to be Kings of England.

Now, when the Wars of the Roses ended,

that was also the end of the Hundred Years' War.

Why weren't you angry?

Hmm?

When I believed Lars and not you.

I mean, if the roles had been reversed, I'd have been furious that

you hadn't trusted my word over that... Where is this going?

Do you think I really did sleep with him?

No. Good.

I did find him attractive,

and I suppose I was responsible for the way he reacted

'cause I led him on.

But... when it came down to it,

I couldn't risk what I had with you.

You didn't seem to have any faith in me.

When King Henry VIII was dying,

he smelled so rotten because of all the pus

from the disease that people were actually sick if they went near him.

And when he died, he was succeeded by his son Edward,

but it didn't last very long. In fact, it was rather boring.

And he was succeeded by Mary, Queen of Scots.

You're wrong!

It wasn't Mary, Queen of Scots.

She came later. It was Bloody Mary.

And she had all the people who didn't like her religion

tortured by being burned

and having their stomachs pulled out

by rusty iron hooks.

That's not true. Is.

Is it? Yeah.

It's disgusting. Mm-hmm.

Harry, I don't want to leave here.

I'm sorry, but I don't want us to go out anymore.

You see, until now, I've never really had any control over my life.

I've always lived with people who took all the responsibility,

whether it was my family or flatmates or lovers.

For the first time, I feel like I've got some power.

You know, I chose this place.

I furnished and decorated it.

If I don't post the money off to the electricity people,

the lights go out.

And the business, it's hard work, but...

I love it,

and it's something I'm good at.

I make mistakes, but I learn from them.

I'd always been looking for someone like you,

a Mr. Right to come along, look after me,

and I found him.

I am going to miss that safety and security

I feel when I'm with him.

I love you.

Oh, I love you, too.

This is possibly the worst,

most difficult decision I'm going to make in my life,

but... I have to let him go.

So, this is it?

It's his drawing style, and the paper's right.

This is Mary Cassatt.

She was an American artist living in Paris. That's where she met Degas.

He drew her many times over the years,

but this one is from 1879.

It's a study for a mural that was never completed,

and it was exhibited at the Fourth Impressionist Exhibition, so...

If I'm right, mine's a fragment of a picture

produced for the same project.

I mean, it's rough.

The hat's superimposed on the hat as almost an afterthought,

but Degas did that with his working drawings.

It's probably cut away from the larger sheet

as a memento for someone, that sort of thing.

I may be wrong, but my instincts are good.

All I know is that it's...

It's beautiful.

It's worth making the effort.

I mean, it's worth taking the risk of being wrong.

It may not work out, but I have to try.

There's a double meaning in that.

Subtitles: Arigon

I'll never get over you, you know?

You made me feel safe.

And wanted.

And happy.

Those are no small things.

But I need to grow up now.

So do you.

Anyway, I couldn't find anyone to take care of Mushroom.

It was either you or him.

Who else was going to stop him from eating his own crap?

* Tenderness

* All you need

* Gentleness

* Is what you give to me

* When I...

What about the Victorian fire tongs?

Are they going to set the auction ablaze?

What about the lovely old gramophone?

* You say it's love

* I say it ain't

Here you go. Have a safe flight.

Thank you. Cheers.

No, 'cause, look, there's 2 Janes.

One Jane.

Is there one Jane?

No, 'cause it's divorced, beheaded, divorced, survived.

No, not beheaded, but divorced, beheaded--

Beheaded!

(laughing)

* 2 outsiders

Fucking hell!

I heard you were off.

God, how boring, sitting around campfires

with doped-up middle class weirdos

who think hugging changes shit.

You're just running away.

I think you should leave.

You really got under my skin,

and I have absolutely no idea why.

I mean, you're nothing to look at, are you?

So, in other words, your double-glazing millionaire's left you?

He never existed.

I made him up to make things worse for Tom.

Evil, aren't i?

I just couldn't stand being with that twat any longer.

Well, if you've come here looking for a credit card and a bed...

I don't want your money.

I'm a personal trainer now.

I'll give you a discount, if you like.

You could do with shifting a few pounds.

Oh, thanks very much.

And you needn't thank me for telling him nothing happened between us.

I wasn't planning to.

I knew he'd come straight to you.

I even surprised myself with that one.

You've ruined me.

I don't want to be like that again.

And you need someone like me.

Someone...

Someone who frightens you.

(dance music playing)

Oh, sorry.

No, you're all right.

Here we go.

Can I get you another one?

No, you're all right, mate.

Hi, Marcel.

Hey, Alex. Sorry about your friend.

It's a good job he's a mate of yours. I'd have kicked his ass!

Yeah, right!

He's a bit of a wipe.

He keeps looking over.

Go on. Go over.

Know you want to.

Maybe it's too soon.

You're right. That doesn't even convince me.

Do you want a drink?

* One thing you should know about me

* Sometimes my life

* Goes all the way down

* So deeply that I cannot see

* The one thing to save me

* I'm feeling like I did before I knew you

* I'm waiting like I don't have time

* I've given all I can

* And go right to you

* And you say you're fine

* I can know you're never gonna get out

* And it's better not to lie

* Now you're living like a lookout

* Always running from your life

* What did anyone say to you

* And me

* This world

* Careful as it is

* I'm a little late

* I'm a little late

(new song begins)

* I've got your car keys

* You've got my tee-shirt on

* I've got an old tape

* With our favorite songs

* We got

* What it takes

* To make us love each other

* I'm on the upside

* Where the sunshine falls

* You're on cloud 9

* Where wishes find stars

* We got

* What it takes

* To keep each other warm

* We're gonna give some

* And take some

* There's always a wrong side

* There's a right side

* And we're still on the same side