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Adrian: Every film I make-

every-

they're always kind of-

it always comes back to this kind of family story.

And I realize-

that everybody's shaped by-

by their family.

When you're adopted-

you spend your life feeling isolated.

When a mother's been gestating this child for like nine months-

and then-

when that child comes out, they're just-

they just kind of disappear.

But they don't disappear.

My adoptive mother-

told me I was from Newfoundland.

And from a young age-

that island in the North Atlantic-

has been a mythical place.

Seeing the name Baby Boy Cousins on my birth records-

changed everything for me.

I realized I used to be someone else.

Linda Swain: This is On Target St. John's.

My in-studio guests are Adrian Wills-

and Anne Roane Sheldon.

And Adrian is a filmmaker.

He's from Montreal.

But born in Newfoundland.

And he's starting a journey.

And you don't know where this is going to take you.

Adrian: No I don't.

What I have is the information that's called a background-

like, non-identifying background summary.

So my biological mother-

she was 20 years old, 5'7 tall.

She was one of five children-

all of whom were in good physical health.

She had completed grade eight in school-

and had been employed-

in a service occupation-

laundry work.

She was a quiet girl-

who did not talk very much.

Nor did she find it easy to express her feelings.

Linda: You can see where the mythology starts though-

Yeah.

because it's almost poetic.

You get this sense of the person she is-

but not who she is.

Anne: Yes.

Linda: You shared with me a very powerful excerpt.

Adrian: And so there's this one quote that I read-

that's from a story by Sandra Newman-

called The Fortunate Ones.

And it says-

An adopted child is really a wolf raised by humans.

We are loved children.

Bastards.

Unrespectable by blood.

The world has chosen to raise us-

from the goodness of its heart.

Our lives are like something found lying in the street.

And ours is the world of magic, fairy-tales, and legends.

Mythical figures don't have parents.

Anne: Wow.

I mean, that was the best- written description-

I've ever heard.

But you can always look at your parents-

and say, I don't look like my dad.

I don't look like mom.

I know I belong here-

because they wanted, they chose me.

They wanted me.

They chose me.

Right?

But there's something in there that says-

I don't belong here.

I'd really like to see somebody that I come from.

Like I'd love to see a photo-

or understand-

you know- who these people are.

Mm-hmm.

So once again, babyboycousins-

with an i-

at gmail.com.

So if anybody has the answers that you're looking for-

they're welcome to send you an email and pass it along.

Adrian: Please do.

Linda: And we wish you all the best-

whatever the outcome might be.

Adrian: Thanks for everything.

Fabulous!

Thank you! Adrian: That was great!

Michael Crummey: If you find-

anything about who these people are-

that will have a huge impact on your sense of yourself.

Yeah I think it's-

I think, you know, making this-

kind of feels like you're-

looking in-

into your own-

but also into other people's secrets.

You know?

And-

you know-

what is it to be a Newfoundlander?

Michael: I've spent my entire adult life-

basically trying to get on paper-

what it is that's unique about this place.

There's a particular kind of person-

that's created by those circumstances-

where you're living very close to the edge.

And in order to get by-

everybody has to rely on everybody else.

There's a particular kind of humour that people developed-

in order to-

to not just survive, but to live.

You know?

Did your adoptive parents-

like how did they find Newfoundland?

Like how did they- ?

Do you have any idea about that?

I like-

the-

my mother-

my adoptive mother is um-

she's maybe not as linear as I am with facts.

Okay .

So, you ever heard of Frog Pond Road?

I haven't.

No.

So- and nobody has.

So, Frog Pond Road was where your-

mother thinks she picked me up.

Wow.

When I was 26-

I went with this friend of mine-

Hannah.

I'd met her in film school.

She said to me, you know-

you really need to go back-

to where you come from.

I got a camera from school-

this big video camera.

And we hitch- hiked around-

around Newfoundland.

I kept trying to pick up my camera and film with people.

But I couldn't.

I wasn't ready.

Michael: I mean, Newfoundland's famous-

for like just sort of trading children around right?

Like-

there's too many kids in the family.

And they just sort of like farm them out-

but don't tell.

No-

they never knew that- they had been farmed out.

They just sort of grew up in another house-

with their parents, they thought.

I mean, my mother tells a story about an aunt and uncle of hers-

who wanted to take me.

Like they just-

they didn't have children of their own.

And they made a pitch.

They said-

Why don't we take this one?

I mean, I think that's another thing here.

It wouldn't have been unusual-

for the parents of the mother to take a child.

Right?

And sometimes the mother is just thought of as a-

a much older sister.

Jean Ann: Early seventies, when I got into adoption first-

there were at any given time-

there were hundreds of young children available for-

being relinquished for adoption on a daily basis-

from the two hospitals.

We had so many children under one minister of social services-

he came up with the idea of advertising babies-

through the local papers.

And if people applied-

to adopt in the fall-

they were guaranteed to have a baby by Christmas day.

Adrian: I'm trying in some way, I think, in this, empathize-

like, with my birth mother.

Yeah, I'm just-

I'm trying to piece it together you know?

I'm trying to understand

what brought those choices.

We had a large Roman Catholic population.

So if you were Roman Catholic-

you weren't practicing birth control.

What would it have been like for her-

when she went in to St. Clare's?

As an unmarried mother?

We were still working with-

an Illegitimacy Act.

And a child, even in the Act, born of unmarried parents-

was in black and white-

a bastard.

My name was Wayne Cousins.

So that's Baby Boy Cousins.

Cousins.

Your adoptive mother- ?

Yeah-

was given this?

was given this-

was given my name-

my name at birth.

Do you know of anything on Frog Pond Road?

In Montreal?

No, in St. John's.

- Oh here? - Yeah.

Frog Pond Road?

Never heard of it!

And would it be normal-

that my parents would fly in-

to St. John's for 24 hours-

to pick up a child-

and adopt them at three months-

and then leave?

Sounds a bit fishy.

Like I already didn't have any information-

about my birth parents.

And now I have less information about the story-

that I actually thought-

was the one I've been holding on to my whole life.

You know?

Yeah.

Adrian: So-

so you have-

you have-

you have the name of my birth father?

Elaine: I have an approximate age for him.

Oh wow.

So you have the name of my birth father.

But you can't release it to me?

- Is that-? - You're cutting out.

Oh sorry, can you hear me now?

Is this better?

It's a little bit scratchy.

But okay, yeah.

So you have the name of my birth father.

But you don't have a way of finding him-

because you found a guy-

No.

who's dead.

No no, what I have-

Okay, six-foot tall, dark hair and what?

Um- and from Newfoundland.

And from Newfoundland.

We don't know how many people-

And would the Newfoundland government-

ever give me that name-

do you think?

No.

They won't.

You can look it up in the article of the law.

It's in that letter that I sent you.

You know, at this point-

we don't have any choice but to close the file here.

Linda Swain: Eastern Health is implementing measures-

in preparation for a possible COVID-19 outbreak-

in the province.

VOCM's Linda Swain reports.

Eastern Health says-

an emergency operations centre has been established

and a COVID-19 Assessment Clinic is being set up-

at the Waterford Hospital-

which is expected to be up and running by next week.

I'm nervous to call my mom.

Press record on Zoom.

Nina: Give us a break.

Yeah!

We're not as up on-

Yeah no.

See, he has record down on the bottom.

- Yeah okay, yeah. - So-

Mom- you hear everything mom?

Nina: What?

I can hear, yeah.

Adrian: You can hear me, eh?

- Yeah. - Great.

Nina: So tell me what's the good news.

When I came here in March-

remember I told you I was going to go on radio?

Nina: No.

I did.

We talked about this.

I went to-

I went on radio.

I did a radio show.

It's kind of like a mystery, right?

You're trying to find out who you are, and-

Mom?

Yeah.

I'm listening.

So I've been trying to find out who I am.

Yeah, fair enough.

And what happened?

I got contacted.

Nina: Really?

Adrian: Yeah.

Nina: Wonderful.

By your maternal mother?

My maternal mother passed away.

In one week, I'm going to go meet my aunt.

And she's going to-

uh-

give me pictures of my mother.

Nina: Oh that's nice.

And uh-

Nina: It's lovely.

I'm very happy to hear that.

Yeah.

Why are you crying, Mom?

Nina: It's nice for you.

I'm sad for you in a way.

I'm happy that you found somebody.

That's really very important for you to do that.

I'm happy for you.

We went to the office on Frog Pond Road.

I mean you were dressed up in that little blue hat-

which I saved for you but you never wanted it.

Adrian: Was it a foster home?

Nina: No, no, no.

It was an office-

welfare office.

Not a foster home.

You were never in a foster home, ever.

Adrian: I think I was.

Nina: No you weren't.

Adrian: I'm going to talk to Kristin too, eh?

I want to talk to her about her adoption.

Nina: She actually had been moved around quite a lot.

She didn't trust anybody.

Took her six months for her to settle down.

How do you feel?

Adrian: I'm um-

scared.

Nina: Yeah.

Adrian: So does that-

that means that this is going to last all day.

We can record all conversations-

with my aunt and with her daughter.

Oh, they're going to be here in 25 minutes, so-

We have 20 minutes.

19 minutes.

Josh: So can I get a just-

check check from both you guys?

Mara: Yeah, check check check!

Adrian: Hi!

Really, really nice to meet you!

So nice to meet you!

Mara: I'm Mara.

Adrian: Hi Mara.

Really nice to meet you.

Mara: Nice to meet you too!

Adrian: Wow!

I can't believe you guys showed up!

You know?

Ellen: This is-

Adrian: No but-

Ellen: We were going to leave you in the lurch?

Adrian: Yeah!

I was terrified you weren't going to show up.

Ellen: And this is for Adrian.

Adrian: So this is-

so this is Mary Margaret?

Ellen: It is, yeah.

Adrian: This is Mary Margaret?

Ellen: Yeah.

Adrian: This- wow!

She- she-

she looks so much like me-

when I was like 12!

So this is in Greenspond?

Ellen: Yeah.

Mara: She was happy in Greenspond.

Adrian: She was happy?

Ellen: She was.

Yeah.

Adrian: So- so-

so tell me-

I mean, tell me-

who she was, and-

Ellen: She was-

uh, quiet-

and gentle and kind, you know?

Creative, and-

Adrian: Was she creative?

Ellen: Yeah!

And then that's Mary Margaret-

her first communion.

She was seven there.

And there's my father.

Just look at the height, you know?

He was about 6'7!

Adrian: Your father was 6'7?

Ellen: Yeah!

Lawrence was the one who came from Ireland, from Kilkenny.

Adrian: Okay, so we-

so we came from Kilkenny?

Ellen: Yeah.

That's our origin.

We're definitely Irish.

That's the family home.

Adrian: Wow.

Ellen: My grandfather built that home.

And we were all born in that house.

Adrian: Wow.

Ellen: Yeah.

And that's Mary Margaret and Gerald.

And that's me.

I'm eight years old.

And this is Mary Margaret and Gerald.

And there she is.

I think that one was taken in Greenspond.

Yeah.

Adrian: So when she had me, she was how old?

Ellen: She was 18 when she got pregnant.

Adrian: She was working in laundry works?

Ellen: Yes.

And after she became pregnant-

she moved back home.

Adrian: And your mom knew?

Ellen: Yeah.

Adrian: And then she just went into the hospital and that was-

Ellen: Yeah.

And I went in to see her.

And she was-

lying on her side.

And um- you know-

she was just looking at the wall.

And I left there-

and went to the nursery.

And I asked to see baby Cousins.

And the nurse came.

And she said, I'm sorry.

You can't see that baby.

But she was so harsh, you know?

Norm: I was a pallbearer at the funeral.

Ah.

That's your mom.

That's how I remember her.

I don't think she changed much-

as she got older.

When did you meet Mary?

I guess when she came here with Ernie.

Ernie was the lighthouse keeper on Puffin Island.

And there were times when-

when Mary would-

would go out-

go out with him.

And uh-

the day of the funeral was-

it was snowing.

Not a good day.

We were up-

to the Salvation Army cemetery-

which is up there on the hill.

Why was she buried in the Salvation Army cemetery?

I believe she was a soldier.

It's the quasi- military religion-

an army of God.

When Mary was talking to you-

she'd sort of look right into your eyes.

Several times now, you went-

That's what she used to do.

Oh yeah?

What do you know about how she passed?

I don't know-

if some of Ernie's family-

I didn't know.

All I knew, she had passed away.

But what happened to her, I don't know.

Do you know where she was?

Somewhere on the mainland.

That's all we knew.

Ellen: She went away-

I think it was in '95-

Adrian: to- to- to-

Ellen: to Sault Ste. Marie.

And I have no idea why she went there-

or who she went with-

because she, to my knowledge-

she never left the island.

And here she up and goes to Sault Ste. Marie.

Who goes to Sault Ste. Marie?

Adrian: How did she pass away?

Ellen: She died by choice.

Adrian: Oh wow.

Ellen: She-

I don't know what medication she was taking, you know?

But she took it all-

and died in her sleep.

You know?

Adrian: Ohhh wow.

Ellen: I'm so sorry to have to tell you that Adrian.

Adrian: Ohhh.

I didn't expect that.

I didn't think she was going to-

I didn't think that.

Like I've been walking.

And the last couple of weeks, I was in-

like massive depressions-

I mean, to the point where I couldn't function-

without bursting into tears all the time-

which is just-

not easy, because you can't function.

You can't go through your life-

because you just can't control it.

I want to know her life though.

Van: And then, what are you hoping to get?

I did, like, know-

because I thought I'd be going to see-

and I will, you know-

I thought I'd be going to see people-

and talking to them about their story-

understanding Newfoundland-

like-

you know-

trying to understand kind of like-

what my origin story was-

who these people were-

what they lived-

what I might have lived-

had I been there, you know?

But that's-

it's turning into something else, right?

I think there's something-

always really, really, really necessary-

about finding out the truth-

no matter what the truth is.

Van: Oh yeah?

Adrian: You don't think so?

Van: No.

Do you think you should always look for the truth?

Boy, I don't know.

Yes, I do.

But uh-

I think it-

I think the truth can fuck you up as well, you know?

Like- you know, when people say-

You know, you're better off not knowing that.

That's entirely possible.

Right?

It's entirely possible-

that knowing something you didn't know-

uh, is not going to be helpful at all-

and in fact, may be more painful than not.

But I also-

I don't think there's any sense to living in a dream world-

that if you're not interested in the truth-

then you're not interested in living, really.

You're interested in having a little bubble-

where everything's okay.

Wanda: Hi Adrian.

I got this message-

from this fantastic woman.

And I'll read you what she wrote.

I read your Facebook post-

and recognized the name Mary Cousins.

My mom-

was a loving foster parent for many years.

And I believe that Adrian may have been-

part of our family-

for the first four months of his life, until he was adopted.

Lorraine: I said, Oh I know that baby.

So then I look up-

yes, I've got his bracelet.

Adrian: Wow.

You knew my name just like-

Yes.

Like you remembered my name?

Oh yes!

I don't forget.

We'll see if we can find-

Ohh.

'71.

Wayne Cousins.

That's me.

That's you.

1973.

And you went on May the 4th.

How crazy is that?

That's pretty crazy isn't it?

Four months.

The whole thing's crazy.

All dressed up in your little outfit.

Your mom probably got pictures of that.

Yeah, she does.

Seventeen years.

This is Mom in '67, with two.

That's your mom?

That's not a good picture.

She was a wonderful, wonderful person.

She was very caring.

And you were how old when this started?

I was like maybe 12-

when we had the babies first.

And then all through my teen years.

That's John, I think.

He was so sweet.

I could cuddle him now.

Look at that.

That was so sweet.

And did you-

you knew-

did you know my birth mother?

Did you know Mary Margaret Cousins?

And did you know Ellen Cousins?

Did you know the Cousins?

I knew of the Cousins.

I knew the-

I knew the family-

you know?

So I kind of wonder-

whether my mother would have known-

like my birth mother would have known that I was in this house.

No.

No.

No.

Very unlikely.

Uh-

very confidential.

And then what would happen when they came to pick up the baby?

It was quite an emotional time for us.

And of course, Mom-

hoping and praying that you were going to get a good home.

That was always, always-

so important, you know, to her-

and to all of us.

It's super hard to imagine-

that you kind of brought me up for four months.

I know!

You heard my heartbeat-

lots of times.

That's what Mom would-

we've got to take them-

you know, hold them.

That's all they-

that's all babies need.

That's all they want.

They want to be fed.

They want to be kept clean.

They want to be loved.

They want to hear a heartbeat.

Nina: I was not told you were in a foster home at all.

No I met the woman.

She has the records.

And look, Mom.

She has my baby bracelet.

- Look. - Yeah?

My baby bracelet.

Can you see?

Oh my God.

That's just so lovely.

I think she had over 200 or 300 babies, from 19-

like late 1960s-

until early 1980s-

they kept foster children.

Unbelievable.

I was told that you were in a hospital-

because you had a hernia.

And then-

you went straight to me.

Yeah, they didn't tell you the truth.

I don't know why.

Why are you doing this for anyway?

Why?

I wanted to spend time finding things out.

Yeah, that's normal.

And now-

when I've found out that she passed away-

or that she killed herself-

I-

now I want to honour her.

Of course.

And you should honour her.

I mean, she was your maternal-

your mom.

Yeah.

But she-

but you're much stronger than she was.

And uh-

whatever happened to her life-

you don't know what she went through.

Ellen: We were raised devout Catholics, yeah.

Adrian: Right.

They really believed in being educated by the nuns and-

yeah-

And you know, my sister Joan, and then I went to the sisters.

And then Dad got sick.

And the resources weren't there.

I feel that she felt-

that she didn't have the same opportunity.

You know?

But I do believe-

she was sincere in wanting her child to have a chance at life-

because maybe- I don't know.

Maybe she felt she didn't have a chance, you know-

the way things unfolded in the family.

Walter: You were thrown into a place-

that most kids were not thrown into.

Adrian: What was I like-

as a kid?

Do you remember me?

Uh-

you were-

curious.

Very, very curious.

Very, uh-

not reticent to explore.

I met you-

when your adopted mother and father did just that.

They adopted you and were living in Montreal.

I was the best man to their wedding.

So I knew what they were going through-

after marriage.

They wanted kids.

They couldn't have kids.

Hence, the adoption.

Keith tried to work in Montreal.

I think he tried to be an industrial designer.

And he had an office in the house.

And he was there all the time.

I sensed-

while still in college-

that he was gay.

And yet he was married.

Mm-hmm.

By this time-

Nina was very, very interested in the work she did-

and being successful, designing clothes.

And she became so involved with that.

She was at work all the time.

And for him, that was fine.

I would come up to Montreal when I went to do lab work-

film lab work.

And they were very gracious-

to let me stay overnight at their house-

every once in a while.

Do you realize you gave me my first camera?

Did I really?

Yeah.

Do you remember that?

It was kind of like a point and shoot.

- Right? - Oh, okay.

But it was kind of a first time-

that I started looking sort of through a lens.

Van: Where are we going Adrian?

We're going to see Shawn Burry, who was the-

I think-

I think Mary Margaret took him in in Greenspond.

I'm hoping that he can tell me more about Mary Margaret-

and what she was like-

and I guess fundamentally, what she was like as a mother-

you know?

Shawn: You finally found it?

You've got your mother's frame!

You look-

you've got your mother's shape.

Your mother was a smaller woman-

tall but-

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

And I can sort of see you look like her-

some.

So this is okay out here?

Or you rather have been in the house or what?

No this is great.

What was my mother like?

What was Mary like?

Um-

I wouldn't say shy.

But she more or less kept to herself.

My fondest memories-

I guess the most that I would remember-

is just listening to her.

But there was a little- maybe Kelligrews accent?

I don't know.

And so, Mary-

how long did you live with Mary and Ernie?

About nine-

nine or ten months.

I was in grade eight.

I had no money.

I had nowhere to live.

Mary took me in.

She did what she could for me.

I didn't go hungry.

I didn't wear dirty clothes.

I thought it was wonderful.

Yeah, it's-

like when I heard about you-

I couldn't help but think it feels like she's trying-

like she didn't have her own kids.

I couldn't figure that out.

She would be crazy to have a child with Ernie.

Huh.

She would have been.

Mmm.

Because back when Ernie and Mary got together, you know-

Ernie was a bit of a-

a rough character.

I know like when I was growing up-

I can remember lots of times-

someone would say-

Oh, Ernie is coming up the road.

Turn off the lights-

because you didn't want him coming in-

because nine chances out of ten, he was probably drinking.

If I could run into her tomorrow-

I would certainly say-

Mary-

whatever in the name of God possessed you-

to come on a ferry-

to an island-

where you knew no one-

and move in with a drunk?

She was like scared all the time, or nervous-

or watch what she said-

watch where she went-

trying not to upset Ernie.

She didn't have a lot of friends.

Like if he came home drinking-

and drove her out 2:00 in the morning-

where's she going?

Roland: When he was sober-

he could well support himself and his family.

How should I put this?

When Ernest was good, and Mary, they were good.

When they were bad-

they were drunk.

I'm sorry I had to say that.

But-

Was Mary drunk as well?

Yes.

Sometimes.

But not-

not to the extent that Ernest used to be drunk.

They'd do anything for anyone.

Anything they could do to help anyone, they would do.

Norm: When Ernie was sober-

he was a different man altogether.

And he tried-

a number of times-

to quit.

Cavell: You see a man that's-

pretty much drunk every day.

Mmm.

Cavell: Mary came along.

And for whatever reason-

it seemed to make a difference.

Settled him down.

And they joined the church.

And from there, you know-

That's where they lived.

The house was-

I can visualize the house now just exactly the way it was.

Yeah you remember the photos I showed you?

And you say that Ernie would like-

go out to the lighthouse?

And on good days, when water wasn't too rough-

he would come in and pick Mary up-

and take her out for a few days.

I wonder if Mary was proud that she was with Ernie-

because he was a lighthouse keeper?

Oh there's no doubt-

working with the government.

And then I guess it was a little bit higher-

higher up on the status ladder-

It was, hey?

type of thing, yeah.

Sure.

In the spring, you'd get the drift ice coming up-

the northern floes.

Everything would be blocked in.

So how would they get back to Greenspond in the winter?

Uh, they'd just have to stay here-

have enough supplies.

Yeah I was amazed-

when I first heard that she-

was with the lighthouse keeper-

I thought it was-

- it was, you know- - Yeah.

I knew nothing about lighthouse keepers right?

It felt like a story or something.

You can't say that anymore.

No.

Adrian: So my Aunt-

Ellen wrote out the Cousins family narrative.

This says-

Josephine Veronica Dwyer was born June 27th, 1913-

to Johannah Bryan and Edward Dwyer-

of Bell Island, Newfoundland.

She first laid eyes on Jack Cousins-

all 6'7" of him, in the church.

It's crazy, man.

Like she wrote this like a story.

Van: She wrote this for you?

She wrote this for me.

Family members-

staying up were having a mug up-

when there was a loud knock on the front door.

My father opened the door.

But no one was there.

He came back to the kitchen and said-

Adrian and Michael: That's strange.

Michael: No sign in the new fallen snow-

of anyone there on the step.

Shortly after, there was a third knock.

Mom shouted from upstairs-

No Jack.

Don't go out.

That's a token.

Pop was close to dying.

And my grandmother, deceased five years earlier-

was giving a sign with the three knocks.

My grandfather died later that day, before noon.

That's-

That's a fantastic story.

And there are all kinds of stories in Newfoundland-

about tokens or signs or the fetch-

which is the-

like the-

a vision of somebody-

who's come to-

They don't say anything.

But the vision basically means-

that they're dead.

And especially around the war-

there are all kinds of fetches showing up.

I mean I think that history here, right-

like history is not the story of great men-

who sort of came and tamed the wilderness and-

History is about where your grandfather fished-

and the garden that your grandmother kept-

and you know, where your people belong.

Adrian: And she just kind of severed contact-

after the pregnancy?

Is that kind of what happened?

Ellen: Yeah, she just went and lived her own life.

Adrian: What's her birthday?

Ellen: November 28th.

So she was 43.

Adrian: Ernest was like 32 years older than her.

And it says, Ever remembered.

Ever loved.

Erected by wife Mary and friend Maggie.

And it says, Mary Margaret-

or Mary M.

1951.

And then it doesn't actually have her-

her death date.

They don't even etch in that she died.

You come out to this lookout a lot?

No, not much.

I went up to the cemetery.

Then I went to Mary and Ernest's grave.

And it has Mary's date, right?

But it doesn't have the death date.

No.

Why?

Maybe the headstone was never paid for.

I guess she just didn't have the money to do it.

Do you think Mary had a good life?

No.

I don't think so.

Adrian: Who was Maggie?

Shawn: Maggie was a girl-

that stayed there.

It was Maggie Burton.

She was younger than me.

But it was one of my friends going to school.

She came in with Ern and Mary-

right at the time I was leaving.

Cavell: Well Maggie-

poor thing-

- was a- - had a hard life.

had a hard life.

She wasn't brought up in a good home environment.

Like there was abuse?

Yeah, the family were not good to her.

Adrian: Okay.

And then Mary took her in?

Cavell: Yeah.

Norm: Yeah.

Shawn: When Ernie became Salvation Army-

and stayed Salvation Army-

they had a car.

And they'd be driving back and forth to The Army.

And Mary in the passenger seat-

Maggie in the back seat.

But I'd say the last 10 years-

that it was probably wonderful for her.

Major Kean: I remember Mary and her husband-

very well.

Very well.

Very nice lady.

Friendly.

Very friendly lady.

She used to pray right soft.

And it was nice.

What was she?

An officer?

No no no, she wasn't.

She was a soldier.

Yeah.

And looked good in her uniform-

boy, I'll tell you-

dressed up to the T.

And when you become a soldier, you-

you look into the rules and regulations of being a soldier-

you know-

testifying for the Lord-

living for the Lord.

And I guess, Mary and Ernie wanted somewhere to go-

that they could feel love.

And people cared for them.

So they came to The Army.

And they became a very, very important part of it.

And when they came, they were embraced, you know?

They were loved!

They were cared for!

They were talked about-

because of their goodness and their love.

And that's why they-

we shared so much.

And it was great just to know them.

Great to know them.

But I didn't know about you.

Like I never met Mary right?

I know you didn't.

I never met her.

But you would've loved to, would you?

She was a sweet person.

Very sweet person.

Yeah, very sweet person.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I know.

I appreciate it.

Yeah.

Are you still hurt about it?

What's that?

Are you still hurt within your own heart-

because of the adoption?

Or is that too big?

You'd like to have been different?

I'd like to have met her, you know?

I know you would, yeah.

I'd like to have met her and-

It would have been all different then.

I'd like to have hugged her, you know?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Lord, we come into your presence-

in the name of Jesus.

Especially for Adrian, Lord.

So many things that he's getting into-

and wants answers to.

Lord, I pray in a very special way-

he'll learn to trust you-

leave it at your feet.

And when the time is right, you will answer him.

Thank you for your mercy.

Adrian: That year, her husband died.

Her mother Josephine died at Easter time.

Another blow was the loss of her dear friend Maggie.

Ellen: When Mary was in St. John's at Mom's wake-

Maggie had a seizure and died.

So that-

so she felt that if she had been there-

she would have known what to do.

And Maggie wouldn't have died, you know?

So she kind of took all that to herself.

So that was '92, all that happened.

And then, I don't know.

That was the last time I saw her, really.

Adrian: And you know what it's like to go looking for somebody.

Cavell: Yes, I do.

I was 43 when I got to know my father.

Like I would get this feeling-

Well, I've got to find him-

because nobody would tell me anything.

If I asked a question-

What do you want to know that for?

You don't need to know it.

And it took me a long time.

What was it like the first time you saw him?

Cavell: Oh.

What a feeling.

We just sat back and we talked.

And he would come along and smooth-

smooth down my hair.

I'm some glad you found me.

I'm so glad you found me.

I don't know.

It's hard to explain it, Adrian.

It is.

Adrian: Yeah, it's turning out to be-

uh-

Norm: Not what you were hoping for.

I mean, for sure, I was hoping for what you got, you know?

Cavell: Sure you were. Norm: Yeah, yeah.

I wonder Adrian, did she ever try to-

Adrian: -have children?

Cavell: No, try to-

Norm and Cavell: -find you?

I wonder did she ever?

Adrian: You think she might have, like your father?

Cavell: He knew about me.

Adrian: And he was looking.

Cavell: Yeah.

So, you know?

She might have.

Norm: Well you spoke about, you know, finding the truth.

Adrian: Yeah.

Norm: She didn't go to Sault Ste. Marie from Greenspond.

She lived, uh-

with a guy in Dover.

Cavell: Yes, this fellow was something, I think, like Ernie.

He liked his drink.

You know-

it seemed like when she got in with this fellow George-

Norm: George.

Cavell: she sort of went back to where she was before.

Norm: Which was what?

Cavell: Well-

drinking and-

Norm: Uh, she left George-

and gets involved with his great uncle, Frank.

Adrian: Okay, wow.

Cavell: And then, we don't know.

Norm: And you know-

I'm wondering if she met someone-

who took her to Sault Ste. Marie.

A lot of Newfoundlanders are going to the mainland working.

And he might have been one.

I can't see Mary just buying a ticket-

and going to Sault Ste. Marie.

Why would she do that?

Adrian: The more you start investigating-

the more you just want to know the answers.

Michael Rigby: Yeah, well it's like pulling a thread, right?

You know, once you start to pull it-

it just unravels-

and keeps going and going-

and hopefully until you get to the end.

But sometimes you don't.

Yeah.

But uh- yeah.

So you were saying you're a retired police officer?

What- what- ?

Yeah, I was a staff sergeant-

of the Ontario Provincial Police.

You referred to her-

as just committing suicide.

How do you know that?

My aunt Ellen told me.

You know, she-

the first time I met her.

Okay.

Well she saw the nails.

And the nails were blackened, you know?

Right.

That doesn't necessarily mean that it was a drug overdose or-

and if it was-

the question remains whether it was intentional or not.

Well I would-

your best starting point is with the police.

Obviously Sault Ste. Marie has their own police force up there.

You know, there would be a report on file, obviously.

Um-

Someone has called in.

Someone has found her.

And either in medical distress-

or deceased.

And uh, the police become involved.

And the coroner becomes involved.

And it becomes a coroner's case.

And they make a determination of the cause of death.

On the 19th of January, 1997, at approximately 22 hours-

the deceased, Mary Wheeler, was found laying in her bed-

by the landlord of the building, Frank Kment.

There's a synopsis of the facts provided by the boyfriend-

that he attended upstairs and knocked on the door-

and eventually entered, and no one answered the door.

He continued to yell out Mary's name.

He then observed Mary Wheeler-

laying in bed, motionless.

Then he left-

went back home-

and eventually called police.

It won't give me the name of the boyfriend.

He observed the deceased laying in the bedroom-

located to the east of the hallway in the residence.

She was laying on a foldout couch bed-

was wearing pyjamas, not covered.

There was nothing of value found in the apartment-

except a stereo-

and the watch that she was wearing-

which was turned over by Arthur's Funeral Home.

However toxicology and blood alcohol testing-

still had to be done.

He observed a black leather purse beside the bed-

with a pill bottle lid on top.

She made several attempts to leave messages and contact-

blanked out the name-

by telephone, with negative results.

Approximately six calls were made.

There was a note on the floor, beside the bed.

There was a suicide note.

The suicide note was seized by police-

and tagged as Exhibit E38388.

This is a statement that's been completely blanked out.

And that's it.

I wonder why they didn't include the note.

But then I'm like-

who did she write the note to, you know?

Adrian: I've been trying to have conversations-

with the police department.

And I have.

But you know-

everybody who was in the police department is now retired.

And basically, all they could say to me was after five years-

because the note wasn't claimed-

you know, it got destroyed.

You know, you would think-

or I would think that if you wrote a suicide note-

it would just be like kind of stamped for the rest of history.

But I guess nothing is, you know?

So-

So I don't get to read what she said.

And-

you know-

that's not how I'm going to get to know her, I guess.

I don't know if she came here hoping for something-

or if she came here-

knowing it was going to take her.

She wasn't here long.

My name's Adrian.

You're on our property.

So can you please explain why you're trespassing?

- Man: You're in my yard dude. - Sorry dude.

Man: Yeah.

Yeah I was looking because my mother used to live here.

- Woman: Okay. - And that's it.

I just wanted to come by and see where she last lived.

Man: Okay.

That was it. Man: Okay.

That's all- that's why I'm here.

Man: Okay.

You could knock on the door.

Sorry about that.

It's just-

I-

Woman: Okay.

Thanks.

Adrian: I get it.

I get when you go through pain-

that sometimes it hurts so much-

that you just don't want to continue.

I understand that.

Like I understand what it's like when you're-

when you feel like you've been-

or when you feel like-

you don't have anything really to cling to-

and you just feel really alone-

and lost.

And you just kind of-

you know, fall in whatever path you can-

hoping that that's going to help you get through it.

But I mean-

I'm not Mary Margaret, you know?

I'm not-

obviously I made different choices.

Or she made different choices.

Sometimes it feels a bit like a Greek tragedy or something-

that you go looking for-

you go looking for light and happiness.

And what you find is, you know-

the similar tones and colours of things-

that you've already experienced.

I'm going to meet my Aunt Johannah.

She's Mary Margaret's second oldest sister.

She reached out to me via email.

And she's invited me to meet with her.

She left Newfoundland in the mid-70s.

And she's now living in Sedona, Arizona.

Adrian: I can't believe-

Johannah: What?

This.

I mean, I can't believe that I'm here.

I can't believe-

I know!

You're with family!

I know, which is crazy.

Look.

This is what Ellen gave me.

Have you seen this?

No.

Oh I'm not sure.

I don't know.

I haven't-

So she gave me this.

There she is, yeah.

Oh wow.

She looks so much like me-

when I was younger.

Mm-hmm.

It's crazy.

Well, it's your mom.

You know?

It's your mom.

I know.

Oh my gosh.

Mary Margaret, yeah.

Ellen and Betty and Mom and me.

Yeah, it's beautiful.

Yeah.

Oh look at those beautiful dogs.

Yeah, they're beautiful.

Hi! Yeah!

And so, uh-

But like nobody in the family-

told you that she was pregnant when she was pregnant?

No!

Nobody?

No idea!

No idea whatsoever.

Isn't that something?

But you see-

remember, I knew nothing about Dad being sick.

Yeah, wow.

So, you know, they just didn't-

Like, was there a lot of secrets kept in the family?

Apparently!

You were one!

You know?

Yeah.

Um-

Yeah.

So you watched her grow up?

More or less, you know.

But with five years difference-

Right.

You know, there was a whole-

So-

different world.

Here's- like what's weird for me is like-

do you feel like she separated from the family?

I think, um-

I think her life took a whole different direction.

The one who could tell you the stories-

who is no longer with us of course-

is Gerald.

He was the closest to her?

Well they were closest in age.

It was two years, you know?

Actually-

she sounded like me.

Um-

She did?

Yeah.

Yeah.

She did.

And uh-

um-

on the phone, people would, you know, be confused-

thinking it was Margaret, or thinking it was me.

So- yeah.

So she sounded like me.

Yeah, it's beautiful.

I'm happy to share this with you.

This is very special.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I found the-

like I was in a foster home.

Yeah?

Did you know that?

No I did not know that.

You know, Mary Margaret looked for you.

What?

Yeah, she went to-

she thought for sure that her baby boy was in Kelligrews-

with this family.

And she went and she worked for them.

They had-

foster children.

She just knew that her baby was there.

Yeah.

And that was-

Fuck.

Yeah.

Well I mean, you were already gone.

So she was like-

Oh wow, so she thought I was in Newfoundland.

Yeah.

She didn't know where you were.

She didn't realize they adopted me out to another province.

No.

They let her go-

because she was getting too attached to the baby.

Ruth loved-

Ruth loved Mary Margaret.

And Ruth was your daughter, right?

My daughter Ruth, yeah.

Ruth was the baby that Mary Margaret helped to-

helped to take care of when she was born.

Ruth was living in Sault Ste. Marie.

She was married-

and had two children.

And Mary Margaret would go and visit her.

And it was the police who called Ruth to-

gave her the news, you know?

And um-

and Ruth had to identify-

identify her body.

You know what's crazy about that is that like-

and I mean, I found it out, and-

so I was born January 17th, right?

You know that.

Yeah.

And she took her life on January 19th.

I didn't know that.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

Oh Adrian.

You know, I went.

I went to Newfoundland when I was 26.

Did you?

Yeah.

I did.

I didn't have the courage-

to go looking for her.

Mm-hmm.

You know?

I just didn't have the courage to go looking for her.

Fear of rejection.

Ah yeah.

And not just that.

Like I-

The family I was with was-

it- we had-

It was dark.

You know, there were dark things that happened.

Yeah.

And um-

I just didn't want to like-

I didn't want to come and be a blight, you know-

on you guys.

But you know you would have been welcomed.

This photo is amazing.

It was a great moment for me-

you in one arm-

Kristin in the other arm.

And she was carrying-

the baseball bat!

Yeah, it's great.

And look at your expression!

Yeah yeah.

No, I've always-

Yeah, I've always idolized you.

So that expression-

and you look at these other pictures.

And uh-

it's different.

Your adoptive father gets in there.

With Keith, yeah.

Yeah, I haven't spoken to him in like 28 years or something.

I remember when I was a kid, I thought one thing.

I thought okay.

Because I was always told that when you're sick-

it's not your fault.

When you throw up-

because Keith was really-

really, really, really violent, right?

But if you threw up, and um-

he never got angry because you were sick.

And I was like, okay.

And when I was a really young kid, I just decided-

well, Keith was sick.

There was a really angry, angry streak-

in him.

It never happened to me.

Um-

but it happened to you.

And Kristin.

Yeah, it was bad.

Anyway.

Oh, it was bad.

So you-

uh-

Adrian: I couldn't-

I couldn't talk to him anymore.

I was done.

I couldn't-

Really?

Oh yeah.

I couldn't do it.

I quit smoking.

I realized smoking was going to kill me.

And I realized Keith was maybe the exact same thing as smoking.

If I had him in my life, he was going to kill me.

It's really hard-

Johannah: Yeah.

to get information about her.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you feel that way about her?

Um-

I felt like I never knew her.

And yet I did.

The way I see it-

um-

everything-

absolutely everything was taken from her.

There was a-

a sadness in her.

And what-

what I found was, um-

she had been sexually abused-

by the family doctor-

who was known to abuse children.

And I was looking at pictures here in this.

And you can see-

and I could see the lost little girl.

No one did anything about kids, you know, at that time.

Growing up, the doctor was the-

you know-

God almighty.

Mary Margaret-

liked to tell stories.

And she would come home-

and tell that Dad was with one of the women-

that Mom just didn't like.

She would tell the stories to cause problems.

Like she was trying to break up the family?

Yeah.

And you think-

How old was she when she was doing this?

Oh I don't know.

She was a kid.

She was-

um-

teenager.

She-

I mean- but she did create problems with the family.

And I think-

this is why there was the rift.

I don't know.

I looked through her photos.

And I was like trying to find that joy or that spirit-

Yeah.

who she was.

Yeah.

No, there's-

I mean, I'm looking at this picture here.

This is Christmas.

It feels like-

if what you're saying is true, it-

kind of a lot of things make sense.

Mm-hmm.

My journey and her journey-

have too many similarities.

I don't understand why-

Yes?

My adoption wasn't good.

Do you know this point right here?

Mm-hmm.

This is where we hold our traumatic memories, okay?

So I'm just putting my finger here.

And you just take a nice deep breath.

And now we're going to come to-

you're going to meet little Adrian.

At what age do you feel like you'd like to meet him-

and talk to him?

Five.

Okay.

Take a nice deep breath in.

And what does he need from you?

Protection.

Adrian: So you were asking me-

if I resolved things with Keith.

I mean, yeah.

Um-

uh, you know-

I don't wake up with the same amount of pain, you know?

I'm older.

It's a long time ago.

I don't have the same kind of-

you know, but I had to go through a lot of stuff, right?

Like, I had to-

I had to do everything, right?

Drink, and the whole deal, right?

Like everything to get past, uh-

you know.

And I made films.

And the films basically helped me uh-

see people, meet people, find people's kindness.

You were my best friend.

I was your best friend.

I don't know if you remember that, that you know-

I had a film showing.

A feature.

And uh-

I went to the studio before they showed it.

And I did a little introduction.

And I said-

I want to introduce this film-

to my very best young friend-

in Montreal.

Yeah, it was on television.

I was watching on television.

And my name came up.

You had dedicated the film.

You introduced the film to me.

It was amazing.

They've supposedly restored it-

a year ago, or two years ago.

I love her reflections as she's going through.

Yeah.

♪I have been searching through the timeless past♪

♪Because of you my love♪

♪Because of you

Ah, that's beautiful.

Thank you.

Mmm.

How, like-

how did you write it?

I don't know.

I just-

Oh Mama.

It just came to you?

Mara: Yeah, just that day.

I guess I just felt sad-

because we hadn't met you or talked to you or anything-

and just knowing that you would never get to meet Mary Margaret-

and just how sad it was.

That's all.

I don't know.

I guess I just always-

wondered about her.

Ellen: I thought about in-

you know, when you were born-

and I went to the nursery-

and asked to see the baby.

And um-

the nurse came out-

and she just shouted that-

You can't see that baby.

And then, here I am, all this time later.

And you're coming to see me!

So I thought, Oh my God.

I was just-

you know-

Adrian: Yeah.

It's weird.

I've been asking all these people whether-

whether you should go looking for the truth, right?

Mm-hmm.

Ellen: For me, it would be-

Yeah, I would-

I would want to seek the truth of my beginnings.

Yeah.

What about you?

Um- I don't know.

It probably comes to find you anyway eventually.

Johannah: A whole new beginning.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you are a gift-

from Mary Margaret-

to us-

to her family.

Yeah.

That's really sweet.

You are her gift.

That's really sweet.

It's true.