Original subtitles

♪ You woke up this morning Got yourself a gun ♪

♪ Your mama always said You'd be the chosen one ♪

♪ She said "You're one in a million ♪

♪ And you've got to burn To shine" ♪

♪ But you were born Under a bad sign ♪

♪ With a blue moon In your eyes ♪

♪ And you woke up this morning And all that love had gone ♪

♪ Your papa never told you About right and wrong ♪

♪ But you're looking good Baby ♪

♪ I believe that You're a-feelin' fine ♪

♪ No shame about it ♪

♪ Born under a bad sign ♪

♪ With a blue moon In your eyes ♪

♪ Sing it now ♪

♪ Woke up this morning ♪

♪ You got a blue moon ♪

♪ Got a blue moon In your eyes ♪

♪ Woke up this morning ♪

♪ You say you woke up This morning ♪

♪ The world turned Upside down ♪

♪ Lordy, brother Things ain't been the same ♪

♪ Since the blues Walked in our town ♪

♪ But you're one in a million ♪

♪ 'Cause you got That shotgun shine ♪

♪ No shame about it Born under a bad sign ♪

♪ With a blue moon In your eyes, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah ♪ ♪ Woke up this morning ♪

♪ Got yourself a gun ♪

- ♪ Woke up this morning ♪ ♪ Got yourself a gun ♪

♪ Got yourself a gun ♪

Meadow, do you have a tampon?

I'm spotting, and the dispenser in the ladies' room is out.

You had an examination?

I don't know what's happening.

This is the middle of the month. This never happens to me.

Here.

Imagine having your portrait in a museum like this.

She's just the wife of some rich merchant, Mom.

That's how Rubens made his money.

You sure talk the talk, Miss Art History.

I have never seen grades like this from you.

Well, you take Intro to Semiotics.

Well, if you spent more time in your books and less in Jackie's car.

Please.

That is so over.

Just like that? What happened?

Are you crying?

What's the matter?

I don't know. Just look at it.

Jusepe de Ribera.

"The Mystical Marriage of St. Catherine."

That's the baby Jesus.

She's marrying a baby?

Good luck.

We all do.

What?

I shouldn't be sarcastic.

Just look at her.

With the little baby's hand against her cheek.

She's so at peace.

That beautiful, innocent,

gorgeous little baby.

Come on, let's go eat.

Tony?

Oh, Tony, come on.

I'm sorry about what happened. You won't return my phone calls.

You know what? Go fuck yourself!

Tony...

we have something too special to just...

over one argument.

One argument?

You threw a fucking dinner at my head, Gloria.

If you were a guy, I don't have to tell you

where you'd be right now.

But y-you were late.

You kept me waiting three hours--

What about the present?

You take a nice thought, a nice present,

you throw it out the window in the fuckin' Barnegat Bay.

All right, I...

I'm having a really bad couple of weeks.

Shit with my family and other crap.

I was trying to act all in control

and not dwell on it. It's no excuse, but...

So, what, you can't talk to me about your problems?

I didn't want to bother you with it.

Well, I had a lot on my plate.

Can I see you later?

I'm late for my appointment.

Me and this broad, we're like leather and lace.

A burning ring of fire.

Whatever the fuck. Amour fou.

As the French call it.

Crazy love, all-consuming.

That's it.

I tell you, we push each other's buttons.

Most people don't push your buttons.

Well, that's not true.

Now, I know you think I'm like a hard, cold,

captain-of-industry type.

That's not all there is.

I don't know.

She gets freaky.

I mean, what do you think? Is she a full-blown loop-de-loo or what?

As you well know, I cannot--

Discuss another patient.

What if I duke you an extra five?

I'm not charging you at all this month,

because last month you overpaid.

Well, you gave me a lot of good tips that session.

I won't have it. Don't offer it again.

All right, all right, Jesus.

Let's get back to Gloria.

She never wants any money either.

And you like this about her?

She's, you know, very independent-minded.

That I do like.

You see her as independent, strong.

Why, she's not?

We're talking about your perceptions.

She made her own way in the world.

Irina was such a helpless fucking baby.

And Gloria knows a lot about a lot of shit.

Buddhism, and the movies, and...

She went to Morocco all by herself.

And those eyes.

Those dark, black eyes.

When she stares at you, it's like, uh...

Like a Spanish princess in one of those paintings.

You know, a "Goyim."

Those eyes are deep.

Complicated.

I said deep, you said complicated.

- You said dark. - Spit it out.

Whenever I bring her up, you get this weird puss.

And then you ask me, "Does she seem happy?"

Like maybe she's not.

Or, "Does she remind you of somebody?"

With that weird puss on. Like you don't like it.

Our "mofo," or whatever the fuck you call our relationship!

You've told me what you see in Gloria.

What do you think she sees in you?

Oh, please, huh?

What does she see in me?

I don't know, with all the fucking faggots

and crybabies running around,

I mean, whatever else I am, I'm not...

I'm more of a...

well, you know.

Like I said, a captain-of-industry type.

You're a tough guy.

Ah, come on.

It's okay, you can say it.

Come on, you embarrass me with that shit now.

Does Gloria know what you do for a living?

You mentioned fire.

Can we say that there are certain kinds of people

that are drawn to fire,

looking for an inevitable result,

like a moth to a flame?

And this is Gloria?

And I'm the flame?

Why would anybody hit you, of all people,

with a side of beef?

She's complicated.

I said complicated. Dark, you said.

No, I said her eyes are dark.

Nice.

Not bad.

Since we're kicking up,

we were hoping you could, you know, watch our back?

350 buys you a hello.

Watching your back?

That's gonna require

a little more initiative on your part.

Oh, look at the face.

What's he got to be frowning about?

Tell me, Romeo,

now that you moved back home,

are you gonna be humping Tony Soprano's little girl

on our couch?

Fuck her.

Tony, too, with his "stay in school" bullshit.

He could've reached out to somebody at Rutgers.

He should break the dean's legs

'cause you're too lazy to read a fucking book.

Now go ahead. I gotta make some calls.

You did good.

Keep coming by.

Go. Go.

I knew a Moroccan guy once.

He hit-and-ran me. I tracked him down.

I never forget a fez.

Jesus Christ.

That's the oldest joke in the book.

Jesus Christ.

Hello?

No, you have the wrong number.

What?

I thought it might be my sister.

What, that family shit you were telling me about?

Yeah.

It's okay if you don't want to talk about it.

Really.

She said I can never see my niece and nephew again.

Right before Christmas.

You know we had a new Santa Claus

at our Christmas party in the neighborhood?

He wasn't very good.

I love those two children so much.

She said I was turning them against their father,

which I wasn't.

Not that he doesn't deserve it, fucking crackhead sack of shit.

Hannah and Seamus go to this, like,

alternative private elementary school in Santa Monica,

where it's all about the children's self-esteem.

Yeah, I hate that shit.

So I happened to ask Hannah, she's in the third grade.

"Are you gonna be in the Christmas play?"

And she says, "We don't call it the Christmas play,

we call it the Winter Festival."

So I go, "Whatever." I don't say anything.

And then Seamus says,

"We're not allowed to say 'Christmas.'

We call Christmas 'the "C" word.'"

And I fucking flipped out.

What did Seamus say?

The fuck does he know, he's 10.

So my sister gets all pissed off because her husband,

their father, teaches at the school,

except for he's on medical leave for substance abuse treatment.

And one thing led to another,

and she said I always had it in for John.

And she forbid me to ever see them again.

He smokes crack, this fuck?

Without those two kids...

Maybe we'll all get lucky.

The way these trucks go by out here,

maybe I'll get plastered onto a grill.

Hey, what the fuck?

I'm just kidding. It never rains.

I think they're gonna fire me over at Globe.

Fuckin' Arnie Mills sexually harasses me

and then dares me to sue.

Mm-hm.

Anyway, fuck 'em.

You like this song?

It's okay.

I love this song.

Yeah?

♪ I'm the monkey that you've Always been afraid of ♪

♪ I'm the spirit That haunts your dreams ♪

♪ Deep inside, don't you have A little bit of sympathy? ♪

♪ Don't you want to give me Some affection? ♪

- ♪ Why is it so hard? ♪ - ♪ Why is it so hard? ♪

♪ Come on, baby Give me some affection... ♪

Guys, if you're gonna smoke, take it outside.

Fuck's the matter? You don't speak English?

Who the fuck are you?

The owner's a dear friend of ours.

- That should be enough for you. - Fuck him, too.

- What'd you fucking say? - Yo! Chill, chill, relax!

Jackie, what are you doing?

It's all right. It's under control.

Go find a fucking Taco Bell before I cap your asses.

Get the fuck outta here!

Oh, shit.

Here, take this.

Fuck no, bro. He's a made guy.

He's gonna flip when he sees this shit.

Roy's his aunt's cousin.

- What's up? - Hey, Chris.

Fuck happened?

Ask your buddy here.

These spics came in, you know, disrespecting the place.

So I had to straighten them out.

You had to straighten them out? How many?

Three.

Goddamn fucking craziness.

You all right, Roy?

Twenty years, I'm collecting these things.

What the fuck, it's only glass.

Have a seat.

So, how's business? You making money?

We're doing all right. Why, you got something?

My favorite. A truck.

- Cigarettes. - Sounds good.

But we're kinda with Ralphie now.

Besides, wouldn't Tony go fucking ballistic

if I was in on it?

Hey, unless they're paying your nut,

nobody has a right to tell anybody else

how to earn a fucking living.

Finally. Thank you.

Ralphie, huh?

Well, if you ever think about jumping ship,

you know my number.

I need the paperwork on the preowned C5.

Mrs. Soprano?

Yes.

The courtesy van's stuck in traffic.

It should only be, maybe, 20 minutes.

Oh, well, you know, maybe I'll just call a cab.

Oh, you know, that's okay, Jerry, I'll give her a lift.

I'm going out anyway.

Gloria Trillo. Oh, Carmela Soprano.

You're sure you don't mind?

Give me a minute. Let me just grab a demo.

Okay.

This is very sweet of you.

Don't believe it.

Everybody's a potential sale.

So, what do you do?

I'm a homemaker.

Oh.

You must make a very nice home to drive a Benz.

So, you're married.

Yes.

Kids?

Two. You?

No. To both.

Boys? Girls?

One boy, one girl.

The boy's still in high school, and my daughter's in college.

She's not too far away, though.

She's in New York City.

She's at Columbia, actually.

School of Broadcasting?

Oh, no, the university.

It's in the Ivy League. It's one of the top schools.

I know, I was just kidding.

Oh.

Oh, right.

Boy, these kids today,

they got the world by the you-know-what.

Yeah, tell me about it.

At least your daughter doesn't have to

latch on to a man for success.

No, thank God.

That's a beautiful ring.

Thank you.

What's your husband do?

Well, he's involved in a few businesses.

Sounds mysterious.

No, no, it's not really.

My daughter calls us bourgeois.

Well, thank you so much, really.

Oh, it was no problem. It was very nice to meet you.

You too.

Nice house.

Thank you.

Mm-mm.

I'll tell you,

the thing I like about Moltisanti,

he'll even tell Tony Soprano to go fuck himself.

The guy's fearless.

Who's fearless?

Nobody. Chris Moltisanti.

Where's my mother?

She's an early riser.

What about Moltisanti?

Nothing. We were just saying, you know,

he's young to be made, that kinda shit.

He wanted it, so he stepped up and took it.

It's like your old man and Tony Soprano.

How do you think they got their name on the marquee?

How?

- We got any marshmallows? - Come on, what about my father?

When we was kids, we had our own little crew.

Me, your dad, buon anima,

Tony, Silvio Dante.

We'd do Mickey Mouse scores.

You know, moving pot.

Swag, bullshit stuff.

We thought we were like the sixth family.

But who the fuck knew we was even alive, right?

Till one fucking night.

And I gotta give your father credit for this.

He had balls as big as an Irish broad's ass.

There was this old,

old mustache named...

Feech La Manna.

Now, what the hell "Feech" meant, who the fuck knows?

But he was made on the other side,

so, you know, he was an original.

He was an O.G.

Whatever.

He had this Saturday night card game.

And your father sees this as our big chance

to step up to the "A" league.

Connected or not, him, me, and Tony were gonna rob it.

We thought your father lost a marble.

But he said fuck it.

Balls.

What happened?

They took it down.

They walked away with, like, 20 large.

Jesus Christ.

What do you mean, "they"? You didn't go?

Oh, please.

I'm still sick over it.

I caught the clap from some hippie broad I was fucking.

My dick was dripping like a busted pipe.

Anyways, the rest is history.

Your father and Tony was on the fast track to being made,

and I was still a little shit-heel like the two of you.

Then of course, I, whatever. But that was a few years later.

Did they get away with it?

What could Feech do?

There was a sit-down,

and the right people got some of their money back.

But the point was made.

Your father and Tony were rising stars that had to be respected.

Cocksuckers.

All right, kiddies, that's enough for tonight.

Oh, Jackie.

Make sure you rinse those plates

before you put them in the dishwasher.

It clogs.

We can't help but be amazed

at the instincts they possess.

To protect all manner of livestock.

To be protective of us.

What can we do to protect them?

Nurture the defenses they were born with,

using the natural body defense system in Pedigree.

What is wrong with me?

Pedigree.

Hi there.

Are you drunk?

How about right here?

You would, wouldn't you, huh?

Does my car look slanted?

Oh, shit.

- What? - If I have a flat.

Oh, my God.

Jesus Christ.

So creepy.

Why?

I don't know.

- What? - What?

Oh, you know who did this, don't you?

What the fuck you talking about?

I saw that look.

The least you could do is not lie to me.

What do I know about your frigging tires?

Fine.

Thanks for your help.

One time...

my ex-girlfriend, she...

you know, got a little jealous, and she slashed my tires.

And that thought went through my mind briefly just then.

- But it couldn't have been her. - The cunt that called the boat?

- Hey, state zitt' with that. - State zitt'? My car is fucked!

So what? You work for a dealership.

What do you think, I get new free fucking tires?

So I'll pay for it, what's the big fucking deal?

All right, now, why would you offer to pay for them

if you didn't have a guilty fucking conscience?

About what?

Well, I don't know. You tell me.

You know what? This is fucking bullshit.

- I'm going home. - Oh, yeah? Well, who else would do it?

Who knows? Kids, maybe.

You know what? Ruin a great fucking evening over this shit!

- Kids! - I don't know.

Maybe your fucking brother-in-law.

Maybe Mr. Globe down at Globe Motors,

since you're America's fucking sweetheart this week.

Oh, where the fuck do you get off?

This immigrant, alcoholic, fucking probably HIV-laden slut...

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa with that.

...slashes my tires, and you have the fucking nerve

to call my life into question?

She wouldn't do it!

I slapped the piss out of her last time!

Oh.

Did you?

Did you really hit her?

All right, look,

she's a poor, confused kid

from an underdeveloped country.

Even if she did do this,

I'll make a couple calls.

I'll have two brand-new Michelins here in an hour.

What are these?

85r16's? What?

Jesus Christ.

A'ight, 17's.

Gene Pontecorvo's got a card game.

We could take it down right now.

What are you, fucking crazy? He's with Ralph.

So, for all intents and purposes, that's Ralph's game.

That's even better.

Fuck him and his "rinse your dishes" bullshit.

You know what?

I think he's a fucking secret fag.

I don't know, Jackie.

Maybe we take Carlo too. He's got a shotgun.

We wear masks, we go in,

we're out in, like, two minutes.

What if they find out that it's us?

We want them to.

Not right away, but, you know, like Ralph said.

And even when they do,

you know it's gonna get squashed.

My old man was Jackie Aprile.

The worse that'll happen, we have to give some of it back.

We pull this off, we're like free agents.

We dictate the terms, not them.

'Cause we show balls.

Go on, call Carlo.

Fuck. There's no signal.

I'd have to be pretty stupid to write a book about killing

and then kill somebody the way I described...

Use that phone.

Oh, yeah, this one.

Come on, hurry up. Call Carlo.

They show my favorite part yet?

No, I think it's coming up.

The answer's no.

I didn't kill him.

Come on, dude, move over. Give me some room.

Fuck you, it's my house.

Here it comes.

Yeah!

Would you like a cigarette, Nick?

You two know each other?

No.

I went to see a psychiatrist, Father.

That's why Father Intintola suggested I talk to you.

He said that you were getting a doctorate in psychiatry

from Seton Hall.

Psychology.

The psychiatrist told me that my whole life is a lie,

and he's right.

And now I think I'm sick.

And if I die, I will never be with God in eternity.

You're ill?

I am pretty sure I have ovarian cancer.

What does your doctor say?

I haven't seen one.

I'm afraid.

Why do you think you're ill?

I'm spotting.

And lower back pain.

My hormones are all over the place.

My cousin Kathy died from it.

God doesn't punish people for mistakes they've made.

He loves you more than you know.

Have you thought that, with your symptoms,

you might be carrying a child?

I know, that's another--

Would you be more comfortable if we set the sacrament aside

for a moment and stepped into my office?

The psychiatrist said that I should leave my husband.

May God forgive me,

when he said that it seemed so right.

You made a sacred vow.

Divorce is out of the question.

Unless...

is he abusive, your husband?

Not to me.

But he is unfaithful.

He's a good man, basically, but...

I talked to Father Intintola about all this years ago,

and here I still am.

Do you love your husband?

I do.

I love my husband, and I love God.

But my life is financed by crime.

His crime.

$50,000 to my daughter's college.

The psychiatrist says it's all blood money.

And now to maybe bring another child into this?

God understands that we all live in the middle of tensions.

You say your husband has good in him.

What you have to do is learn to live

on what the good part earns.

The what?

There's a point inside yourself,

an inner boundary beyond which you feel culpable.

You've got to come to an awareness

of where that line is,

and forego those things which lay without it.

And the Church has changed so much.

It's a complex world.

Learn to live on the good part.

Forego those things that lay without it.

I think I can do that, Father.

I'll try.

And go see an OB/GYN.

This mad cow disease.

I think it's terrible the English government

didn't tell people sooner.

Maybe they didn't want to create a stampede.

Oh, by the way,

guess which former medical student

is no longer dating the queen of mean?

You're kidding.

Jackie Jr. and Meadow are finished?

Frankly, I am delighted.

Angie Bonpensiero said that Kevin told her

that Jackie was smoking marijuana,

and he was caught cheating on an exam at Rutgers.

Oh, gee, that bad?

She would've been better off with that black kid.

He's got a 4.0,

and he's moving to India for the U.N.

I told you.

I suppose that's my fault.

She wasted three months with Jackie Jr.

Hello?

Mrs. Soprano?

Gloria Trillo, Globe Motors.

Oh, hi, of course. How are you?

I hope I'm not calling you at a bad time,

but the new E-320 just came in,

and I thought you might want to take a look at it.

Oh, no, I don't think so. Thank you, though.

I still have another year on my lease.

Well, run it by your husband. Maybe he'll wanna treat you.

Okay, maybe I will. Thank you for calling.

Okay, bye.

Hope to see you.

Bye-bye.

Well, what a nice woman.

Who?

Just some saleswoman from Globe Motors.

What?

She wants me to test-drive the new "E" -series wagon.

And I'm not interested,

but she was awfully nice to me the other day.

She gave me a ride home while they serviced the wagon.

But I really should hold on to it for another year,

don't you think?

Another year.

Yeah.

I was just wondering if we could switch days off.

Just give me a minute, could you, Martin?

- I just thought we could switch days! - Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

I just got a customer coming in, all right? Tony!

Don't you fucking "Tony" me.

Are you out of your fucking mind talking to my wife?

All right, I was upset about your ex-girlfriend, all right?

"Poor, confused kid."

I thought you should see my version.

I'm sorry, all right?

You drove her home. What the fuck?

Then you look right into my eyes, and you don't tell me?

Well, all right.

It's just normal to be curious about someone

that you love's significant others.

No, it's not. It's fucking twisted.

No, it is not.

Look, I don't want to argue with you.

You're upset, and I understand it's on the margins

for someone like you, and I'm sorry,

- and it'll never happen again, ever. - No shit.

Now you can tell your shrink you ruined eight relationships.

What do you mean?

It's fucking over.

Tony!

You see, Tuesday I can take my kid to hear Raffi.

Left ovary.

Right ovary.

Just tell me right out, Dr. Rotelli.

Don't mince words.

I really did not feel comfortable

with everybody knowing my personal life.

Where's this asshole now? What'd he have, like one song?

What are you doing?

We should be out doing what we gotta do.

Call Carlo, tell him to bring his shit.

Who the fuck was Feech La Manna, anyways?

You know what? Don't come.

You want to spend the rest of your life

with your head up your ass, be my guest.

How's your calamar' salad?

I don't think he's using the right olive oil.

You haven't said two words, Carmela.

I'm sorry.

I just came from Dr. Rotelli's.

Oh, my God, is everything all right?

Apparently I've never been better.

Just a little thyroid thing.

Thank God.

I thought I was pregnant.

Mm! Bite your tongue.

At our age?

I don't know.

With the kids growing up and everything.

What I'd give to have a grandchild.

Terry and her husband are trying again, but...

Speaking of grandkids,

I am just sick about Jackie and Meadow.

I asked him what happened,

he tells me to mind my own business.

So does she, in so many words.

They broke up?

- Is Meadow okay? - Oh, please.

That girl is so different than I was at her age.

It just rolls off her back.

There's no weight loss, no sleepless nights.

Not like the grief we go through with our husbands.

That's because we married these wayos.

It's not just us.

The President of the United States, for crying out loud.

I mean, look what his wife had to put up with,

with the blow jobs and the stained dress.

Hillary Clinton?

I can't stand that woman.

I don't know.

Maybe we could all take a page from her book.

What, to be humiliated in public and then walk around smiling all the time?

That is so false.

I would dig a hole, I would climb into it,

and I would not come out.

All I know is, she stuck by him and put up with the bullshit,

and in the end, what did she do?

She set up her own little thing.

She did.

She took all that negative shit he gave her

and spun it into gold.

You gotta give her credit.

That's true, isn't it?

She's a role model for all of us.

Well, the case is still pending.

Well, they could try me on a simple mail and wire fraud,

but they're holding out.

They'd rather fold it into a major RICO.

Tony, line two.

Who is it?

I don't know. It's a woman.

I think she's crying.

Let me get back to you.

Hello?

Tony?

I don't know...

I don't know!

I don't know! I don't know!

I don't--

I can't understand you.

I don't know what you're trying to say.

I can't take it anymore.

And...

Stay...

I don't know. I don't know why.

I don't know why.

Tony! Tony!

Thanks for coming.

All right.

You want something to drink?

No.

I'm sorry.

There's no one else I can talk to.

What about him?

Laugh if you want. He does help.

Yeah, he's a regular Captain Marvel.

I just want it to be the way it was.

- I love you. - Stop it, Gloria.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Quit fucking crying. I can't stand it.

I want to be with you.

Well, that's not gonna happen.

I know.

I know.

My life's a trip to nowhere.

You bring it on yourself.

You're a beautiful, talented woman...

but you...

you push a man away.

It's not gonna happen again.

The other night with the tires.

I'm a grown man. I've had other women.

What do you think, I lived in a freezer before I met you?

Fine, I'll sit back like a mute

while you screw every woman out there.

See? There's that tone again.

Look...

it's over.

We had our "mofo" or whatever.

And it was great.

And now it's time to put it to bed.

What'd you think,

that you could treat me like some stupid

fucking goombah housewife?

You think I'm gonna let some fucker shit all over me

just 'cause he buys me some ridiculous gaudy fucking ring?

Where the fuck do you get off, huh?

You don't care.

What do you think, you're the only one with problems?

You think my life's a fucking picnic?

Oh, poor you.

You got a fucking dream life compared to mine.

Nobody cares if I'm alive or dead!

I didn't just meet you.

I've known you my whole fucking life.

That's right.

Take a dump wherever you please

and then just walk away.

My mother was just like you.

Bottomless black hole.

Oh. The mother now.

I surrender.

Burn me at the stake.

You know what?

You're fucking crazy.

All I ever asked for was kindness.

Come here. Come here.

You listen to me, and you listen to me good.

No more calls, no more nothing.

You see me, you cross the street.

'Cause you're a dangerous fuck, and I don't want you in my life.

No, don't-- Don't go! Don't go!

I'll call your wife!

What'd you say?

I'll go to Columbia, I'll tell your daughter about us.

Come on!

Come here. Come here.

Now, you listen to me.

You go near my wife or my family,

and I'll fucking kill you, you understand me?

I'll fucking kill you.

Go ahead, kill me.

Kill me, you cock--

- Kill me. - You fucking bitch!

Kill me.

Kill me. Kill me.

Kill me.

Kill me, kill me.

Kill me, kill me, kill me.

Kill me.

Kill me.

All right, this is it.

I don't care if God comes by, you don't move this car.

- When we go in, you do the talking. - Me?

I know Eugene. He'll recognize my voice.

Don't worry about it.

When they see this motherfucker, nobody'll have to say a word.

What's the matter?

I don't know.

You sure you wanna do this?

Why?

Don't you?

Fuck it, let's go down the shore.

Let's do it before the crank wears off.

Ace-high flush. Flush talks.

Anybody want a drink?

Nobody fucking move!

Just take it easy, all right?

Shut the fuck up!

Empty your pockets, all of you!

Come on!

Very bad, boys. Very bad.

This is a low-level game, guys.

The only thing you're gonna get around here is practice.

You heard what he said. Shut the fuck up!

Hey, take it easy, huh? Take it easy!

You guys know who you're robbing?

Give me your watch. Remember the old adage, son.

"Leave 'em while you're looking good."

Just give it to him, Sunshine.

"Victory has a hundred fathers,

but defeat is an orphan."

Shut up! Shut up!

Stop fucking looking at me!

Come on, hurry up!

Let's get the fuck outta here!

"If you can keep your head while those around you can't,

then you are--"

Where the fuck is he?

Shit.

Shit, come on!

Get the fuck out!

Oh, my God! What are you doing? This is my car!

Jackie!

Jackie, Jackie!

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Hey, cocksucker.

Chris, please.

We didn't know you were in there.

We're with Ralphie.

Please?

If you're one of the thousands of men

who suffer from erectile dysfunction,

you already know that it's no laughing matter.

What you probably don't know, however,

is that treatment is covered by most medical plans.

- Dr. Freid, I'm sorry. - My name is--

Your service said it was an emergency.

Hello?

Jesus Christ.

Not again, Tony. I can't keep doing this.

Well, I'm in the middle of a com--

Can't he go to the emergency room?

I thought he had a green card.

Will you shut the fuck up?

You're gonna make him hit an artery.

Just try to relax. Let the sedative do its job.

You should thank God they didn't hit nothing important.

This fucking prick is really a doctor?

Close. I'm a prick doctor. Get it?

While you're here, maybe he can give you a bulge.

Doc, see if you can remove this ladies' underwear.

You'll be all right.

Little motherfucker.

He's going, Tony. He's going big time.

All right, you sure it was Jackie Jr.?

I find him, I'm doing him tonight.

- No, you're not. - Why not?

- 'Cause I said so. - Why?

I don't gotta explain anything to you.

Because he's Jackie Aprile's kid?

You're not gonna let this go. You can't do that!

He took a shot at me. He tried to kill Furio.

We're made!

Every person you whack, you risk exposure.

Major murder, that's what the feds ask for Christmas.

Bullshit, you're a fucking hypocrite.

What the fuck did you say?

You preach all this wiseguy shit,

and meanwhile the only ones who gotta play by the rules are us!

I loved you!

What happens, I decide. Not you.

Now you don't love me anymore, well, that breaks my heart.

But it's too fucking bad, 'cause don't gotta love me.

But you will respect me.

Ralph Cifaretto's here.

What'd we say?

Ton'.

How you doing?

It's terrible, huh?

Yeah.

Ro's going nuts over this.

She knows he hangs around with this punk Dino

and the other one.

Any word from her son?

No. No.

All right, come on.

This kid...

he did a terrible thing.

Terrible.

Your fucking card game.

I know how close you are to the family.

No, I feel for you.

You're living under the same roof.

And it was my card game.

But, what happened to Sunshine,

it's a disgrace.

But, tell you the truth, Tony...

I wanna give the kid a pass.

Yeah?

That's just me, though.

I know you got bigger concerns. You're the boss.

And I'll make sure your orders are done, whatever they may be.

Well, I think you should go with your instincts on this, Ralph.

You do?

But Furio took a hit, and Chris.

These are made men.

I'll make sure they respect your decision

'cause I'm sure you're gonna do the right thing.

That's why I made you captain.

This is Rosalie's kid.

That's why I'll understand if you wanna give him a pass,

and I'm sure everybody else will too.

And who cares about shit they say,

they don't have the balls to say to your face?

Kid disrespected you.

But they don't have to live with your commitments.

And, hey, your decision goes the other way,

the one thing you cannot do, Ralph, you cannot do,

is blame yourself.

You took this kid under your wing.

You schooled him as best you could.

Didn't you?

Jack spoiled him.

I think this is yours.

Stupid kid was carrying it around during the holidays.

She wanted me to fucking kill her.

Like suicide by cop.

So she set me up?

From the beginning, Gloria saw me as only a fucking hammer?

She loved you.

She looked so good, too, that day in your office.

Just another Irina with a college degree.

Ask yourself.

How did you recognize in Gloria,

underneath all her layers of sophistication,

this deeply wounded, angry being

that would let you replicate once again

your relationship with your mother?

I don't want to fuck my mother.

I don't give a shit what you say.

You're never gonna convince me.

Not fuck.

Try to please her. Try to win her love.

Forty fucking years old.

We need to repeat what's familiar,

even if it's bad for us.

Gloria's need for drama.

The selfishness, the incessant self-regard.

At one time, in your mother's hands,

it passed for love.

All right, look, you're her doctor.

You tell me, do I gotta worry about this broad?

She says she's gonna tell Carmela about us.

I honestly can't predict.

But I think we should deal with

why are you so attracted to dangerous relationships?

Why do you put your marriage in such danger?

Maybe I'm looking for a way out.

- You ever think of that? - Anthony...

you'll never leave your wife.

Bullshit. You know, there's a limit to how much shit--

She might leave you, but you'll never leave her.

Despite your mothering,

you made one good decision in your life vis-à-vis women.

You're not gonna throw that over.

Your own selfishness is too strong to let that happen.

All right, all right.

Actually, in spite of everything,

you're a very conventional man.

I said all right.

We have to stop now.

Got pep, I'll give it that.

Zero to 60 in under seven seconds.

What's the matter, you don't like me?

Look, I'm not back in ten minutes,

they call the cops.

Standard operating procedure.

Here's some standard operating procedure.

Stay the fuck away from Tony Soprano.

Shut the fuck up and listen.

It's over, capisce?

Over and done.

You call or go anywhere near him or his family,

and they'll be scraping your nipples

off these fine leather seats.

And here's the point to remember:

my face is the last one you'll see, not Tony's.

We understand each other?

It won't be cinematic.

♪ Return to me ♪

Any word? Anything?

He probably went down to Florida.

Ro', I'm sure he's fine.

Ro', come on.

Sit down.

Look, um...

this is gonna be hard for you to hear.

Oh, Jesus Christ! No, no, no.

It's okay, it's okay.

It's just, um...

he has a very serious drug problem.

What?

It's coke.

He may owe some money to dealers, something.

Oh!

Oh, my God.

I didn't want to tell you this.

Look, we're doing everything we can.

Look, we're gonna find him,

we'll get him help.

Get him into rehab.

Let's just hope he's not too far gone.

♪ If I've hurt you ♪

♪ I'm sorry ♪

♪ Forgive me ♪

♪ And please say You are mine ♪

♪ Return to me ♪

Something smells good.

Lemon snaps for the bake sale at church.

♪ Hurry back, hurry back ♪

♪ Hurry home to my arms ♪

♪ And in my heart ♪

♪ Return to me ♪

You look good.

I went to step today.

Is that why you don't have any of these loony-tune moods?

All the exercise?

Where's your ring?

I had to bring it in to get it sized.

It's a little big.

Hm.

♪ Hurry home ♪

♪ Won't you please ♪

♪ Hurry home to my heart? ♪

♪ My darling ♪

♪ If I've hurt you I'm sorry ♪

Hi, it's me.

I'll be home in about 20 minutes.

Yeah, I picked up the stuffed shells.

No, the Celentanos. You just gotta heat them up.

♪ Return to me ♪

♪ Please come back, Bella mia ♪

♪ Hurry back, hurry back ♪

♪ Hurry home to my arms ♪

♪ And my heart ♪

♪ I'm the monkey that you've Always been afraid of ♪

♪ I'm the spirit That haunts your dreams ♪

♪ Deep inside ♪

♪ Don't you have a little bit Of sympathy? ♪

♪ Don't you want to Give me some affection? ♪

♪ Why is it so hard? ♪

♪ Come on, baby Give me some affection ♪

♪ Why is it so hard? ♪

♪ Don't you get tired? ♪

♪ Same smiling faces ♪

♪ Don't you get A little bit lonely ♪

♪ Hiding in crowded places? ♪

♪ Don't trust the stranger ♪

♪ You should know better ♪

♪ But this heart of darkness ♪

♪ Can be your shelter ♪

♪ I ain't rich enough I really don't belong here ♪

♪ I don't want to meet Your mommy and daddy ♪

♪ I ain't good-looking But you get used to it ♪

♪ Like I did ♪

♪ Don't you want to Give me some affection? ♪

♪ Why is it so hard? ♪

♪ Come on, baby Give me some affection ♪

♪ Why is it so hard? ♪

♪ Oh, come on, baby ♪