All language subtitles for Chico.and.the.Man.S04E21.The.Peeping.Tom.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-BTN_track3_[eng]

[man] One, two, one two, three, and...

[opening theme song playing]

♪ Chico, don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't
so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico, if you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend
a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good
in everyone ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun
if you try ♪

♪ And I know
things will be better ♪

♪ Oh, yes, they will
for Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yes, they will
for Chico and The Man ♪

Hey, Monica doesn't drink
and neither does Raul.

We must have an alcoholic mouse.

[groans softly]

Peter, Peter, Peter.

Monica?

Yes, darling.

You'll never guess what
I'm dressed up for.

The Gong Show.

- No, Uncle Ed.
I'm imitating Bette Davis.
- Oh.

I'm auditioning for a part today,

and they're looking for a sophisticated,

passionate and wealthy woman.

Yeah. Well, so am I.

Hey, Uncle Ed, do you think
they'll let me in that picture?

Frankly, I don't think the driver
will even let you on a bus.

Oh, Peter, Peter, Pete--

Hey, I've been looking
all over for this.

- It's my false eyelash.
- Is that what it is?

I've been trying to kill it
with a rolled up newspaper.

Well...

I must be off.

Well, you certainly must be, if you're
going out in public like that.

Oh, Peter, Peter, Peter.

[horn honking]

[vehicle approaching]

[loud honking]

Well, we know your horn is working fine.

You wanna try the lights?

You sell gas, don't you?

I know you get a lot of
that sooner or later.

Well, what do you want?
Regular or supreme?

Leaded or unleaded?
Or high octane or low octane?

[stuttering] What difference does it make?

You've only got one pump.

Yeah, but I've got three
different prices.

I can do without your smart remarks.

I'm glad to hear that.

A little bit tight here.
What's cheap?

Off-hand, I'd say it's that
dress you're wearing.

Well, I never.

Not even once in a while?

- Just fill it up.
- Okay, okay.

- What's taking you so long?
- [metal tinkling]

Well, I sometimes have a little
trouble with these older models.

And this happens to be a brand-new car.

I wasn't talking about the car.

[sighs wearily]

That's him.

- Are you sure?
- Oh, yes. Yes, I'm sure.

Yes. Yes, that's him.
That's the peeping Tom.

Harriett, how can you be so positive?

It was dark. You said
there was no light on.

Well, except for the gleam in his eye.

You could have read Playboy by it.

Well, young man, as long as
you're just standing around,

why don't you check the
air in the tires?

Okay, how many pounds do you want?

- It's 28.
- 28?

Twenty-eight.

Twenty-eight.

Harriet, don't you think

he's too old to be a peeping Tom?

I think he's too old
to be anything else.

Well, it seems as though he
doesn't recognize your face.

Well, that isn't where he was looking.

Aren't you gonna check under the hood?

No. If I found something wrong here,

I'd be stuck with you for
the rest of the afternoon.

Harriet...

[stuttering] Are you sure that
you couldn't be mistaken?

No, I could not be mistaken.

I could never forget that evil face.

That cruel, twisted mouth,

that cruel, twisted nose,

that cruel, twisted forehead.

Honey, you can't see his forehead.
He's wearing a hat.

Yes, and it's a cruel, twisted hat.

That'd be $9.90.

Oh, do you have change for a $10 bill?

Well, I'll look at my safe.

- Good afternoon!
- [gasps] Oh!

That's him.

That Ed Brown is a peeping Tom.

I have half a mind to call the police.

Without proof?

Oh. Well, then why don't you
do something about it?

[stuttering] Well, what
do you expect me to do?

If you were any kind of a man,

you'd walk into that
room and thrash him.

- I would?
- Yes, you would.

- Well...
- So, go do it.

Well, wait.

Wait a minute, hon, can't
we talk this over?

I mean, uh, just suppose
that I do walk in there

and knock him down and his
head hits the concrete.

And he dies from a concussion.

And but, uh, I go to jail,

- charged with first-degree murder...
- [sighs]

...and end up in the electric chair.

Well, it isn't as if I ask you
to do it for me every day.

Now...

There's your change. Ten cents.

You keep it.

You will need it to call your lawyer.

[engine starts]

Raul, we gotta do something
about that door.

What's wrong with the door?

Every time somebody comes
through it, they go crazy.

I'm having fun today!

♪ It's your old friend, Louie
Who spends his time alone ♪

♪ When your business
is garbage ♪

♪ You don't smell like
Eau De Cologne ♪

Know what I mean? Every time somebody
comes through that door, they go crazy.

- Uh, say, Ed.
- Yeah?

Do you remember what a great day

November 4th was, 1977?

November 4th, 1977, was a great day?

What made it so great?

That was the last time you paid my bill.

Of course, now, I'm not complaining.

It probably just slipped your mind.

Louie, I would no more
forget to pay your bill

than I would forget to go
bowling on Wednesday night.

You ball on Tuesday.

I do?

How did I do last Tuesday?

- You forgot to go.
- Oh.

Well, I'm going down to the bank,

and I'll, uh, bring your money

as soon as I can get it out of the bank.

Uh...

your dad doesn't seem to be himself.

Has he been acting strange lately?

No.

Uncle Louie, what's a peeping Tom?

Oh, that's someone who
looks at some people

without their clothes on.

Oh, you mean like a doctor?

Well, a peeping Tom is
something like the doctor

because they both wanna

look you over and see what you got.

Why would they wanna do that?

Well, Raul, it's like this.

Now, there are some people who
ain't like other people.

Because if they were, they
wouldn't be like they are.

But would be more like somebody else,

except if they were the same.

You don't know either.

What are you asking a
question like that for?

Uncle Ed's a peeping Tom.

A peeping Tom?

Uncle Ed's a peeping Tom? [laughs]

He can't peel an orange
without blushing.

Now, who told you something like that?

Some lady came in for gas
today, and I heard her say it.

That's ridiculous for anyone
to say anything like that

about your foster father.

Especially, at his age.

He's too pooped to peep.

Well, I hope you're right.

Because the lady said she
was gonna call the police.

And I'm worried.

Oh, that woman don't know
what she's talking about.

- Do you really think so?
- Oh, I'm telling you.

She don't know what she's talking about.

Thanks, Uncle Louie.

I feel a lot better now that I told you.

Okay. Now, I want you to
forget all this nonsense

and get on your skateboard
and go out and play.

And be careful.

And don't worry about your Uncle Ed.

He's completely normal.

Is this, uh, St. William's Hospital?

Well, I'd like to talk
to a psychiatrist.

Yeah. You know, one of those
doctors who don't wash his hands.

Who am I talking to?

Oh, Dr. Wilson?

This is, Louie, your garbage man.

Yeah, Doc. [stuttering]
I... I got a nut on my hand.

His name is Ed Brown.

Yeah, he's a peeping Tom.

Oh, no, he'd never go to a psychiatrist.

And I would consider it a personal favor

if you could come over here.

You will?

Oh, fine. Thank you, Doc.

Now, listen. Now, when
you come over here,

don't let him know that
you're a psychiatrist.

Just pretend that you're just
another regular customer.

[vehicle approaching]

Okay, pal.
What can I do for you?

You can tell me about your childhood.

I gotta get that door fixed.

Well, what do you want?

Regular, supreme or unleaded?

What made you ask that question?

Well, most people that come in
here, come in here to buy gas.

Hmm. Is this something
you've noticed recently,

or has this been going
on for quite some time?

It's been going on for 17 years.

- Seventeen years?
- Yeah.

And you've never discussed these
habits with your doctor?

No, I tried to, um, but
he was more interested

in having me turn my head and cough.

Tell me, do you have headaches?

No, but I'm getting one now.

- That's probably because you're not relaxed.
- No?

- Is there someplace around here where you usually lie down?
- Huh?

- Lie down?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah, I usually lie
down under a car.

Why do you lie down under a car?

Well, I used to lie down under a porch,

but too many cats came
in to have kittens.

See, I don't remember seeing
you around here before.

- Where do you come from?
- The hospital.

Do they know you're missing?

- What?
- Never mind.

Uh, would you like a drink?

- I never drink.
- Oh. Mind if I have one?

- No, go right ahead.
- Okay.

[groans softly]

Is that your favorite place to
keep whiskey, inside the fish?

No. My favorite place to keep whiskey

- is inside of me.
- Ah.

Sit down for a moment.

- I got a lot of work to do--
- Sit!

Now, I have some pictures here.

- I want you to see.
- You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Put those things away.
I don't go in for that kind of stuff.

- Brown, I'm a doctor.
In fact, I'm a psychiatrist.
- I see.

And I deal, specifically,
in sex problems.

Lemme see those pictures.

What does this look like to you?

How can I tell? Somebody
spilled ink all over it.

- That's the way it's supposed to be.
- Oh.

Now, what does this make you think of?

It makes me think of two fried
eggs cooked by a new bride.

This one.

Oh, that looks like an X-ray of my liver

with sunspots on it wearing a hat.

And this one.

Oh, that looks like two pygmies

trying to patch up a
leaky water buffalo.

You don't see the woman in the picture?

- What woman?
- "What woman?"

[whispering]

- No kidding.
- Oh, yes.

- Lemme see.
- Yeah, see?

- No.
- Oh! Oh, just a minute.

- Okay, I see that now.
- Good, good. Yeah.

You got any more of these?

Oh, yeah. I got lots more of
them back at the office.

I see.

Tell me about your childhood.

- It was rotten.
- Oh.

My mother and father always liked
my brother better than me.

Then, we have to--

- Mr. Brown, my name's Dr. Wilson.
- Yeah.

I'm Chief of Psychiatry at
St. William's Hospital,

and, uh-- Oh, here are my credentials.

There, you see.

Hey, you really are a psychiatrist?

Yes. And I've been called
here to examine you

because you've been accused
of being a peeping Tom.

What? That's outrageous.
That's ridiculous, sir.

I don't remember ever doing
anything like that.

Ah. But you don't remember
also not doing that, do you?

- Well, uh--
- That last question confusing to you?

Hmm. Yeah.

- Typical.
- Hmm.

Now, tell me this.

- Do you find yourself forgetting things lately?
- Yeah.

Do you find yourself, uh,
little things, you know,

slipping back in your mind
and do you find yourself

not knowing which day it is
in the week and so forth?

Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's happened to me a number of times recently.

But I certainly would remember
being a peeping Tom, wouldn't I?

No, not necessarily.

- You see, frequently, people do things they're ashamed of.
- Yeah.

And in your case, you
see what you've done

is avoid the feelings of guilt

by tucking these experiences way
back in your subconscious.

How did I do that?

- Don't let it worry you.
- What do you mean, "Don't let it worry me"?

You just told me I was a peeping Tom.

Yes, yes, yes.
But we can work this out

in therapy in just a matter of months.

Unless the police grab
me in a matter of days.

[Ed sighs]

Louie, lemme tell you the position

you put me in by calling
that psychiatrist.

Do you realize that he could
sign a piece of paper

committing me to a mental institution
for the rest of my life?

And I have you to thank for this.

Hey, what are friends for?

It just could be a case
of mistaken identity.

She just thought it was you.

- It could have been any ugly guy.
- I would--

Well, maybe you're right.

Hey, maybe I oughta go over
and have a talk with her.

Ed, haven't you done enough
for that poor woman?

That's psychiatrist--

That psychiatrist said
I was a peeping Tom.

Oh, look, maybe you ought
to... get a second opinion.

Uh... I got one.

I don't wanna hear it.

I think you ought to be locked up.

You're a big help, Louie.

[stuttering] Where are you going?

Well, I don't trust myself.

I'm a menace to society.

I'm going over the police
station to give myself up.

No.

- I can't do that.
- Why not?

'Cause in order to get
to the police station,

I'd have to pass the YWCA.

- Ed, wait. I'll tell you what.
- What?

- I'll go out and get you a cop.
- Yeah?

Now, it may take a couple of
hours because, you know,

a cop is never around when you want one.

You're right, Louie.

Wait a minute.

You don't have to leave the
garage to find a cop.

I'll show you how to get one.
Watch this.

Operator, I think my
phone is out of order.

Would you call me back and see?

Uh, number is 555-9432.

Thank you very much.

[ringing]

Hello.

Oh, you wanna put $10 on Speedy
Boy in the fifth at Santa Anita?

You got a bet.

[stuttering] How did he do that?

Excuse me, officer.

This gentleman here is Mr. Ed Brown.

Uh, the best friend I've got
in the whole wide world.

And I'd like for you to arrest him.

What for?

I'm a peeping Tom.

- You're a peeping Tom?
- That's right.

Okay. Who'd you peep at?

I don't know.

- You don't know?
- No.

Well, I can't charge you with a
crime unless we have a victim.

- Oh.
- Yeah, Ed, that's right.

You see, he's got to know who's
the peeper and who's the peepee.

When did this happen?

I don't know.

Well, where did it happen?

I don't know.

You don't know who the victim is?

You don't know where it happened?

- You don't know when it happened?
- No.

Then how do I know you really did it?

Well, how else would I
know all the details?

Look, buddy, I don't see
any sign of a crime here.

As far as I'm concerned,
you're innocent.

Louie, tell him he's wrong.

Tell him I'm a criminal.

Oh, don't look at me, Ed.
You got yourself out of this.

Now get yourself back in.

- You mean you're not gonna arrest me?
- That's right.

Louie, take down his badge number.

With cops like you
refusing to do your duty,

no wonder we're not safe in the streets.

- [cop] Listen, buddy, lemme tell you...
- A-ha! They got him.

What did I tell you, Ira?
Now, do you believe me?

That is the man who was
looking in my window.

I was looking in your window?

You certainly were.

Louie, instead of calling
a psychiatrist,

you should have called an eye doctor.

Wait a minute, lady.

Are you the one who's been accusing
this man of being a peeping Tom?

Yes, I am.
I was in my unmentionables.

Oh, I have a feeling your unmentionables

were covering up your unlookables.

Officer, I demand you do your duty

and arrest this person.

Louie, if I was looking in her window,

I plead temporary insanity.

Look, now, let em' go ahead
and have your arrested,

then you could take it to court

and charge it with falsely arrest.

Yeah, but...
[speaking indistinctly]

I head what he said and...

[overlapping argument]

Quiet! Quiet!
Will you just quiet down?

Everybody, quiet.
Just please be quiet.

- Yeah.
- All right, let's go downtown.

You... you mean you're gonna arrest me?

I have no choice. This lady
just made a complaint.

- Come on, let's go.
- No, wait a minute, officer.

This has gone far enough.

This man is innocent.

How do you know that?

Because I know who's guilty.

I... I know who's been looking
in my wife's window.

Who?

[hesitantly] It was me. Oh.

Oh, Ira.

What are you talking about?

Yeah, Ira.
What are you talking about?

Yeah, Ira.
What are you talking about?

Well, let me explain.

You see, I... I had a talk
with your psychiatrist.

[stuttering] And he was telling me
what's been bothering you lately.

And, so, he said that you felt that

- you were losing your attractiveness...
- [scoffs]

- ...and that you weren't desirable to men anymore.
- Oh.

And, so, I just thought, you know,

it'd make you feel better if
If you thought other men

were paying attention to you.

Oh, Ira, you took a terrible chance.

You could have fallen out of that
tree and landed on your head.

- Well...
- I think he did that before he got married.

Get out. Just get out! Out!

I realize it was a
foolish thing to do...

but I guess you do foolish things

when you're in love.

Oh, Ira!

- Let's go home.
- [laughs] Oh goodness.

Well, Uncle Ed, what do you think?

I think it's been a long day.

Now, tell me you're dressed up like
this to audition for another part?

No, it's for the same part.

But they've decided they
want a younger woman.

♪ On the good ship ♪

♪ Lollipop, it's a long trip ♪

♪ Into bed we hop and... ♪

Uncle Ed, what's going on?

I keep telling you, Raul,

we gotta do something about that door.

Everybody who goes
through it goes crazy!

Well, Margaret, I guess you
know what happened today.

I almost went to jail
because a guy was peeping

at his own wife through her window.

It took me three hours
to explain it to Raul

and four hours to explain it to Louie.

But, I guess, when you're in love,
you do a lot of crazy things.

- Well...
- Hey, hey, Ed, uh, what's wrong?

Uh...

there's something wrong
with this fountain.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Lemme see here.

That's what's wrong with it.

[indistinct]

[Jack Albertson] Chico and
the Man is recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC
Studios, Burbank, California.

♪ Chico was born
in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time
in the street ♪

♪ His mind was craving
for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly
for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ All right ♪