All language subtitles for Chico.and.the.Man.S04E16.A.New.Girl.in.Town.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-BTN_track3_[eng]

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,210 --> 00:00:04,338 [man] One, two, one, two, three, and... 2 00:00:04,422 --> 00:00:05,840 [opening theme song playing] 3 00:00:20,271 --> 00:00:25,776 ♪ Chico Don't be discouraged ♪ 4 00:00:25,818 --> 00:00:31,073 ♪ The Man, he ain't So hard to understand ♪ 5 00:00:31,115 --> 00:00:36,162 ♪ Chico, if you try now ♪ 6 00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:41,625 ♪ I know that you can lend A helping hand ♪ 7 00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:44,962 ♪ Because there's good In everyone ♪ 8 00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,631 ♪ And a new day has begun ♪ 9 00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:50,217 ♪ You can see The morning sun ♪ 10 00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:53,012 ♪ If you try ♪ 11 00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:58,142 ♪ And I know Things will be better ♪ 12 00:00:58,184 --> 00:01:03,939 ♪ Oh, yes, they will For Chico and The Man ♪ 13 00:01:03,981 --> 00:01:07,818 ♪ Yes, they will For Chico and The Man ♪ 14 00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:15,052 [softly] Ah! 15 00:02:15,094 --> 00:02:17,054 I've got to get my vitamins someplace. 16 00:02:18,722 --> 00:02:21,225 Hi. What's for breakfast? 17 00:02:21,267 --> 00:02:23,727 Well, we usually have bacon and eggs... 18 00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:24,854 Who are you? 19 00:02:24,895 --> 00:02:27,106 - I'm Monica. [squeals] - Monica? 20 00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:28,858 What's that thing you're wearing? 21 00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,985 What do you mean, what thing? I always wear this. 22 00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:33,279 Why, are you pregnant? [laughs] 23 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,030 Never mind. 24 00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:36,657 Turn around. I want to get dressed. 25 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:41,871 Okay. 26 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:45,082 Now, how did you get here? 27 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:48,127 - I hitchhiked. - No, no, I don't mean here. I mean, in there. 28 00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:51,171 Oh, some cute little kid named Raul. 29 00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:53,132 He said I could sleep here. [chuckles] 30 00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:56,093 You just wait till I get my hands on that cute little Raul. 31 00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:59,054 I'll rend him limb from limb, that little... 32 00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:02,099 [yells] Hey, that's my bathrobe! Take it off! Take it off! 33 00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:04,101 - Okay, okay. - No, no, no, no, no! 34 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,145 Don't take it off. Don't take it off. 35 00:03:06,228 --> 00:03:08,272 Well, first you say take it off. Then you say don't take it off. 36 00:03:08,314 --> 00:03:10,608 Now make up your mind. What do you want? 37 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,318 I want an explanation. 38 00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:13,776 [sniffing] 39 00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,863 What's that on your breath? 40 00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:17,072 Cornflakes. 41 00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:19,282 Good morning. 42 00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:23,621 [indistinct] 43 00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:26,665 - Hi, Raul. - I see you met Monica. 44 00:03:26,749 --> 00:03:28,959 - Ah, yeah. - Can I keep her, Uncle Ed? 45 00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:31,712 No. I wanna know how she got in here? 46 00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:32,963 Well, it was like this. 47 00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,590 - I was asleep in the van... - Yes. 48 00:03:34,632 --> 00:03:36,091 ...when I heard a noise. 49 00:03:36,133 --> 00:03:37,718 - Yes. - I went out to the alley to take a look 50 00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,803 because I thought it was a robber. 51 00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:43,390 How many times have I told you, if you think it's a robber, invite him in. 52 00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:47,311 He might lose something valuable while he's in here. 53 00:03:47,353 --> 00:03:50,064 And then I saw Monica getting into our tow truck. 54 00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:52,691 That's no place for a nice girl to sleep in. 55 00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,777 So, you invited her in here, huh? 56 00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:58,197 How do you like that? Why am I always being picked on by these teenagers? 57 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,407 What do I look like? Wolfman Jack? 58 00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,535 Say, mind if I take a shower? 59 00:04:03,619 --> 00:04:06,330 - Oh, go ahead. It's right upstairs. - Okay. 60 00:04:06,372 --> 00:04:08,415 No, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 61 00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:10,250 Come back here. 62 00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:14,254 Not in my bathroom. Where did you shower last? 63 00:04:14,338 --> 00:04:16,966 - In Detroit. - Then you better take two showers. 64 00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:20,511 - Try the ladies' lounge. - Okay. 65 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,349 Where is the ladies' lounge? 66 00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:26,392 In the men's room. 67 00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:32,356 And remind me to tell her I counted the towels. 68 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:39,279 Isn't she great, Uncle Ed? 69 00:04:39,363 --> 00:04:41,907 She hitchhiked all the way from Kentucky by herself. 70 00:04:41,991 --> 00:04:46,996 Yeah, all by herself, with the aid of a lot of those roadside Romeos. 71 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,123 - Oh, she told me about them, too. - Mmm. 72 00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,582 She really had her hands full. 73 00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:53,043 I'll bet they had their hands full with her, too. 74 00:04:54,378 --> 00:04:58,132 Do you know why Monica came to California? 75 00:04:58,214 --> 00:04:59,883 Why? Because she likes earthquakes? 76 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:04,471 No, she came to Hollywood to make a lot of money in the pictures. 77 00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:07,516 Oh. Well, tell her to open a Fotomat. 78 00:05:07,558 --> 00:05:08,809 Please let her stay. 79 00:05:08,892 --> 00:05:11,437 All she needs is one big break. 80 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,564 Well, put her in a cast. 81 00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:16,065 I wanna do for her what you did for me. 82 00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:18,235 What's that? Chase her all over Mexico? 83 00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:20,654 I want to adopt her. 84 00:05:20,738 --> 00:05:23,282 Come on. You're too young to adopt a girl of that age. 85 00:05:23,365 --> 00:05:26,076 I was too young to adopt a father your age. 86 00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:28,912 But look how good it worked out. 87 00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,914 Hello, everybody. 88 00:05:36,587 --> 00:05:38,213 [Ed speaking indistinctly] 89 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:41,175 My, my, my. What a beautiful morning. 90 00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:43,510 Shut up, Louie. Nobody asked you. 91 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,597 What's the matter with you, Ed? 92 00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,682 Oh, I got a lot of uninvited guests in my house, 93 00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:50,434 I'm getting sick and tired of them. 94 00:05:50,476 --> 00:05:52,269 Well, if that's the way you feel about it, I'll just leave. 95 00:05:52,311 --> 00:05:53,896 No, no. Not you, Uncle Louie. 96 00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:56,690 [whoops] Boy, do I feel better. 97 00:05:56,774 --> 00:05:58,901 Uncle Louie, this is Monica. 98 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,944 - Hi, Monica. - Hey, Louie. 99 00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,654 I brought her home last night. 100 00:06:02,738 --> 00:06:04,448 Attaboy, you're smart as a whip. 101 00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:10,120 Now, most kids just bring home stray dogs. 102 00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:12,456 I'm trying to get him to let her stay. 103 00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:13,707 She's got no place to go. 104 00:06:13,791 --> 00:06:16,001 What are you talking about, no place to go? 105 00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:18,420 There are a thousand garages in Los Angeles. 106 00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:19,713 Thanks, Raul. 107 00:06:19,797 --> 00:06:22,508 But don't worry about me. I can take care of myself. 108 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:24,843 Just point me towards Hollywood. 109 00:06:24,927 --> 00:06:26,428 Monica's going into show business. 110 00:06:26,470 --> 00:06:28,639 - [Ed] Oh, sure. - She's gonna be a big superstar. 111 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:32,059 Every pretty girl wants to come here and become a star in show business. 112 00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,769 Did you ever know one who made it? 113 00:06:33,811 --> 00:06:35,062 - [Louie] Yes. - You did? 114 00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:37,147 I happen to know a girl who came to town 115 00:06:37,189 --> 00:06:39,315 and made a million dollars in the movies. 116 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,318 A million dollars in the movies? 117 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,696 Well, actually, it wasn't in the movies. It was in TV. 118 00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,323 Oh, it was in TV. 119 00:06:46,365 --> 00:06:48,158 Yeah, and come to think about it, 120 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:51,077 it wasn't a million dollars, it was more like $1,000. 121 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,871 A thousand dollars? 122 00:06:52,955 --> 00:06:54,998 - And actually, it wasn't her. - Oh? 123 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,166 - It was her brother. - Her brother? 124 00:06:57,209 --> 00:07:00,796 He didn't make it. He lost it. 125 00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:04,091 Oh. I see. Another one of those Hollywood success stories. 126 00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:08,011 Right. Right. Now, if it could happen to her, it could happen to Monica. 127 00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:12,224 - [Monica] Yeah. - I think I need another shot of cornflakes. 128 00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:15,227 Hey, honey. Now, what do you do in show business? 129 00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,937 Oh, I do everything. 130 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,647 [Louie] Everything? 131 00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:20,774 Yeah. When it comes to talent, you'll find that I am loaded. 132 00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:23,569 If you come around at 4 o'clock, you'll find it unloaded. 133 00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:27,030 - And I can act. - Yeah? 134 00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:32,035 Oh, you were magnificent last night. You were just adorable. 135 00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:34,580 Oh, you little old devil, you. 136 00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:38,375 See, I told you I could act. 137 00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:40,627 - Uh, she can dance, too. Show him, Monica. - [Monica] Okay. 138 00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,215 [scatting] 139 00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:52,598 Hey, you've got a lot of rhythm. 140 00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:55,475 For a person of the Caucasian persuasion. 141 00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:56,977 Hey, thanks. 142 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,479 Now... see, can you do this? 143 00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:01,732 [scatting] 144 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:09,615 You're not bad yourself. Not too bad. 145 00:08:09,698 --> 00:08:11,867 You know something? After watching you two, 146 00:08:11,909 --> 00:08:15,078 I really feel certain there's a place for you in show business. 147 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,663 - Yeah? - Where? 148 00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:18,081 In the audience. 149 00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:19,583 - Now, wait a minute... - [car horn honking] 150 00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,298 - [car horn honking] - Okay. What do you want? 151 00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:28,300 - [man] Fill it up. - Fill it up, he says. 152 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,637 Hi. How about a lift? 153 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,972 Sure, gorgeous. 154 00:08:34,056 --> 00:08:35,265 Where are you headed? 155 00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:37,184 I'm on my way to the big time. 156 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:40,062 Hey, I just happen to go in that way. 157 00:08:40,102 --> 00:08:41,563 Hop in, sweetheart. 158 00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:44,482 What sign are you? 159 00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:46,777 I bet you're a Sagittarius, huh? 160 00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:49,112 - [Ed] I'll get it. I'll get it. - [man] You are a compatible sign for me... 161 00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:50,614 - Uncle Ed. - What? 162 00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,950 You gotta stop her. You can't let her go with him. 163 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:54,243 Why? What's the matter with him? 164 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,119 - He's a weirdo. - Yeah. 165 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,537 What makes you think so? 166 00:08:57,621 --> 00:09:00,249 You ever see a guy wear so much jewelry? 167 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:04,211 My man, next to him, Sammy Davis looks naked. 168 00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:09,174 I guess you're right, Louie. He's got more chrome on him than a '57 Cadillac. 169 00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:11,760 But filling the tank is my business. 170 00:09:11,802 --> 00:09:14,054 Filling the rest of the car is his business. 171 00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:17,391 Well, wouldn't you feel terrible if that girl was your daughter? 172 00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:20,059 I'd feel worse if that guy was my son. 173 00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:23,230 Hey, come on, Ed. Ain't you gonna do something to stop her? 174 00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:25,023 I told you before, I can't do anything. 175 00:09:25,107 --> 00:09:26,817 You want to try to stop her? Go ahead. 176 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,568 - Come on. - Okay. 177 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,197 - Hey, listen, you. - [man] Excuse me. Yes? 178 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,199 I happen to be this young lady's doctor, 179 00:09:34,283 --> 00:09:36,493 and she's not fit to leave this garage. 180 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,828 You are a doctor? 181 00:09:37,910 --> 00:09:41,123 That's right. This is how he dresses for house calls. 182 00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:46,795 Yeah. You should see some of the houses I go into. They're real pigsties. 183 00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:49,881 She doesn't look sick to me. What's wrong with her? 184 00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:52,301 Well, look, you see, she hasn't got it all up here. 185 00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,177 Ain't no telling what she might do. 186 00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:55,554 Now, you see that knapsack? 187 00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:56,847 - Yeah? - You know what it's filled with? 188 00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:59,141 - What? - Tranquilizers. 189 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,184 She'll go bananas any minute. 190 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,769 Yeah, and her father's the same way. 191 00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,688 Yeah. Ain't no telling what he'll do. 192 00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,774 Yeah, that's right. Uh... 193 00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,860 [stutters] The last guy who tried to take her away from me 194 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:11,820 got a lug wrench right through his windshield. 195 00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:13,363 Where's that lug wrench? 196 00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:16,867 Understand? Demented, but devoted. 197 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,076 [mouthing] 198 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:19,328 That'll be 5 bucks. 199 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,453 - [stammers] Here you go. - Okay. 200 00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,205 I'm terribly sorry, young girl. 201 00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:25,208 You see, I just happen to realize that I have... 202 00:10:25,250 --> 00:10:27,711 I have to pick up my wife and my eight children, 203 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:31,048 - and go visit my mother in the hospital. - [engine starts] 204 00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:32,090 Maybe next time. 205 00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:33,550 [tires squeal] 206 00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:44,727 Aw, you want me to stay after all, don't you? 207 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:48,565 Congratulate me. I just became a kid brother. 208 00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:49,900 [kisses] 209 00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:52,277 - Just what the doctor ordered. - [Monica chuckles] 210 00:10:52,361 --> 00:10:53,904 Now, listen, young lady, if you're gonna stay here, 211 00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,114 there's some rules you're gonna have to follow. 212 00:10:56,198 --> 00:10:58,116 Lights out at 9 o'clock. 213 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,578 You'll do the sweeping, the cooking, the laundry, and the window washing. 214 00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:03,580 Phone calls, not over three minutes. 215 00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:07,042 - No dating during the week, and no... - Hold it. 216 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,251 I have something to say. 217 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:10,295 - What's that? - Goodbye. 218 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,589 - Goodbye? - Yes! 219 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,966 That is why I left home in the first place. 220 00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:18,428 - Because your father bossed you around? - Because all six of them did. 221 00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:20,889 My mother had six husbands at last count. 222 00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:23,475 Well, why did she get married so many times? 223 00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:26,436 Well, I guess she just likes to go to weddings. 224 00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:27,938 There's always so much marriage in my house, 225 00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:30,148 there's never any room for any love, so... 226 00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:31,775 Is that why you left home? 227 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:34,611 Yeah. I decided I can run my own life now. 228 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,530 At least as bad as they did. 229 00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:39,491 And without any interference. 230 00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:41,910 Oh, you want to live your life without any interference? 231 00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:44,328 Well, you can leave here right now. 232 00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:47,916 Wait a minute, honey. Uh, Ed, take it easy. 233 00:11:47,958 --> 00:11:51,211 Look, Louie, you take her in your truck right down to the freeway. 234 00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:52,921 She can get a lot of rides there. 235 00:11:53,964 --> 00:11:55,298 Wait a minute, Monica. 236 00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:57,217 You don't know Uncle Ed. 237 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,386 He really doesn't want you to go. 238 00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:00,971 Well, I do. 239 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,556 Come on, Louie. Let's split. 240 00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:07,561 I got to tell you something. 241 00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,313 You sure have a lousy way with children. 242 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:13,482 Good. Then don't talk to me till you grow up. 243 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,862 You just got yourself a deal. 244 00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:23,326 Well, Margaret, what'd you expect me to do? 245 00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:25,662 I tried, didn't I? 246 00:12:26,872 --> 00:12:29,332 It's a lot better if she doesn't stay here. 247 00:12:31,001 --> 00:12:32,502 Maybe the kid is right. 248 00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,338 Maybe I am lousy with children. 249 00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:40,260 But if I'm so lousy, 250 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:42,679 how come they all keep showing up here? 251 00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:01,341 Uncle Ed? Uncle Ed? 252 00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:02,634 [Ed] What? 253 00:14:03,802 --> 00:14:05,679 What happened to your pants? 254 00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:08,932 Termites. 255 00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:13,937 Hey, I thought you weren't going to talk to me till you grew up. 256 00:14:13,979 --> 00:14:16,523 I just grew up in the last hour. 257 00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:18,942 You grew up in the last hour? How did you do that? 258 00:14:18,984 --> 00:14:21,611 I was watching Days of Our Lives. 259 00:14:23,446 --> 00:14:26,950 Well, that's better than picking up that stuff on the streets. 260 00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:30,704 [groans] On second thought, I've seen a lot of those soap operas, 261 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:34,165 and you might be better off picking it up off the streets. 262 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,167 I want you to get Monica back. 263 00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:38,628 You can find her. You found me. 264 00:14:38,712 --> 00:14:40,422 What are you talking about? I didn't find you. 265 00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:42,966 I just opened the trunk of Louie's car, and there you were, 266 00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:46,595 passing yourself off as a spare tire. 267 00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:49,889 - And look how wonderful I turned out. - [groans] 268 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:53,602 [Raul] Well, what about Monica? 269 00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:55,562 Will you stop worrying about Monica? 270 00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:57,063 She can take care of herself. 271 00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:59,274 Everybody needs someone to take care of them. 272 00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:03,403 Not me. When I was born, I was able to take care of myself. 273 00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:06,740 As a matter of fact, I hitchhiked home from the hospital. 274 00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:10,076 All I know is that I needed you. 275 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:14,080 Hasn't there ever been anyone in your life that you really needed? 276 00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:16,666 Yes, a bartender. 277 00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,669 Well, I'll tell you where I'd be without you. 278 00:15:19,711 --> 00:15:23,465 - Where? - All alone, hungry, 279 00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:26,426 desperate, and I'd become a pickpocket. 280 00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:29,471 Well, at least you'd be learning a trade. 281 00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:33,516 And during one of my pocket pickings, there's a scuffle. 282 00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:36,019 The victim falls and bangs his head 283 00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,521 and they send me up to San Quentin. 284 00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:42,776 And I end up on death row, 285 00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,903 and the clock ticks away. 286 00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:47,864 Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick... 287 00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:51,618 And then, the guards come for me to walk... 288 00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:55,705 the last mile to the electric chair. 289 00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:58,291 Take my advice. Don't sit down. 290 00:15:58,375 --> 00:16:01,127 No! No, I'm too young to die. 291 00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:02,504 It wasn't my fault. 292 00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,297 It all started when I was a little boy. 293 00:16:04,381 --> 00:16:06,049 Nobody cared about me. 294 00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:09,886 Well? 295 00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:12,847 Thank you, Jimmy Cagney. 296 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,599 Who? Who? 297 00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:17,060 Never mind. 298 00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:20,855 - What? - You mean that didn't make any impression on you at all? 299 00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:23,233 - Nope. - You're not gonna do anything about Monica? 300 00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,318 Of course I'm gonna do something about Monica. 301 00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:27,487 Oh, good. 302 00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:30,156 Well, you just let me know when she gets to death row and I'll call the governor. 303 00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:32,742 Meantime, I'm going upstairs to take a nap. 304 00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:06,109 [in deep voice] Hello, Police Department? 305 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,821 My name is Ed Brown. 306 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:11,948 I wanna report a kidnapping. 307 00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:21,207 - [engines rev] - [tires screech] 308 00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:35,096 According to your story, this is the place, huh? 309 00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:37,557 Yeah. This is Ed Brown's garage. 310 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:38,933 And Ed Brown will straighten out 311 00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:41,269 this misunderstanding in no time at all. 312 00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:44,898 That's right, Officer. Ed Brown is Louie's best friend. 313 00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,816 Yeah, he'd better believe it. 314 00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:51,404 Hey, Ed Brown! My buddy, my main man... 315 00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:55,074 would you come on down here and straighten these people out down here? 316 00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,786 The greatest guy in the world. 317 00:17:57,827 --> 00:18:02,165 According to this report, Ed Brown is the one who filed the complaint. 318 00:18:02,207 --> 00:18:04,917 You're gonna believe a lying rat like that? 319 00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:08,630 Well, maybe Raul is here. 320 00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:12,634 Yeah. Yeah. You see, Raul is his son, and Raul is always here. 321 00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:14,093 I bet he'll tell the truth. 322 00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:19,349 Hey, Raul... 323 00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,477 my amigo. 324 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:25,188 It's me, your favorite companero. 325 00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:27,607 Your Uncle Louie. 326 00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:36,157 Come out here, you rotten little gringo. 327 00:18:36,199 --> 00:18:38,535 Uh, officer, I'm sorry about this, 328 00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,537 but I got something I wanna tell you. 329 00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:42,872 No, we've got something that we've got to tell you. 330 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,874 Now you have the right to remain silent. 331 00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,377 If you refuse that right, you have the right to... 332 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,879 [stutters] the attorney... the courts... 333 00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:53,715 Harry, I can never remember the end of that. 334 00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:58,179 Me neither. And I heard them say it last night on Police Story. 335 00:18:58,221 --> 00:19:01,057 Okay. What's going on here? What's going on? 336 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:05,103 Hey, Ed, look. Look what the cops brought me in here. 337 00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:09,232 Louie, how many times have I told you, if you can't hold it, don't drink. 338 00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:12,068 Ed, you don't understand. 339 00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:15,238 - They got a complaint out on me that I kidnapped Monica. - Yeah. 340 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,240 - Monica complained that you kidnapped her? - No! 341 00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:19,284 Now, look what... She's got Louie in trouble. 342 00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:22,369 Look, look, it ain't fair for me to be in trouble. 343 00:19:22,412 --> 00:19:25,080 - Oh? - Yeah, because you're the one who should be in trouble. 344 00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:27,250 - Me? - Yeah. She spent the night in your van. 345 00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:29,252 Now, wait a minute, Louie, don't say... 346 00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:31,379 - Hey, you have the right to remain silent. - Wait a minute. 347 00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:34,799 - If you refuse that right-- - Wait. Wait a minute! Wait a minute! 348 00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:36,843 It's true. She did spend the night in my van, 349 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,595 but it's all perfectly innocent. 350 00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:39,804 What do you mean, perfectly innocent? 351 00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:41,306 I was nowhere near that van. 352 00:19:41,388 --> 00:19:42,765 How far away were you? 353 00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:45,727 Uh... About 50 years. 354 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:49,439 - Mr. Brown. - What? 355 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:52,650 Why did you call up and issue an abduction complaint against your friend here? 356 00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:55,153 What abduction complaint? I've never... 357 00:19:55,236 --> 00:19:58,406 Hey! You! Come back here! Come over here. 358 00:19:58,448 --> 00:20:01,117 I want to hear what you have to say about this. 359 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,785 I have the right to remain silent. 360 00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:04,162 I have the right to an attorney. 361 00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:06,205 You have the right to get a good spanking. 362 00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:08,917 But I don't want to create any brain damage. 363 00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:12,170 Now, let's hear what happened. 364 00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:13,963 - I called the police. - A-ha. 365 00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,506 I didn't want Monica to leave 366 00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:18,176 and I couldn't think of any other way to stop her. 367 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:22,013 Do you know it is a criminal offense to cause a false arrest? 368 00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:24,599 Do you mean you're gonna arrest me? 369 00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:29,729 No, but only because we don't have handcuffs in your size. 370 00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,148 Now, listen, you people, 371 00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,651 we're going to let you straighten this out for yourselves, 372 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:36,194 but if there's any more trouble, 373 00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:38,321 we're gonna bring the whole bunch of you in. 374 00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,364 Come on, Lucius. 375 00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,157 [Ed] Goodbye, Lucius. 376 00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:46,829 Well, I guess it's time for me to split, too. 377 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:48,289 But you can't go. 378 00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,750 I went through all this trouble to get you back. 379 00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:52,126 Well, that's why I'm leaving. 380 00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:55,004 I seem to cause trouble everywhere I go. 381 00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:57,465 No, I think I'm just gonna head on back home. 382 00:20:57,507 --> 00:20:58,925 Who knows? 383 00:20:59,008 --> 00:21:01,010 Maybe Mom got lucky with husband number seven. 384 00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:04,263 Yeah, but Monica, what about the movies? 385 00:21:04,347 --> 00:21:07,016 [clicks tongue] Aw, those are crazy dreams. 386 00:21:07,058 --> 00:21:09,185 I mean, it's just like Mr. Brown said. 387 00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:14,232 Hundreds of girls like me come to Hollywood every week. Nobody ever makes it. 388 00:21:14,315 --> 00:21:17,568 Oh. But everybody's entitled to those crazy dreams. 389 00:21:17,652 --> 00:21:19,362 Let me tell you something. 390 00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:22,031 I got a flock of them in my vaudeville trunk. 391 00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:24,701 And if somebody came here and offered me an audition, 392 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:27,494 I'd sell this garage to buy a tuxedo. 393 00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:28,955 - You would? - Sure. 394 00:21:29,038 --> 00:21:32,083 Sure, he would. He's a crazy old man. 395 00:21:32,166 --> 00:21:34,460 He's right. If you're gonna have crazy dreams, 396 00:21:34,544 --> 00:21:37,005 you might as well have them right here in this city. 397 00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:39,840 The dream capital of the world, right? 398 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,177 Does that mean she can stay? 399 00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:47,432 Sure, she can stay if she wants to. 400 00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:50,435 Well, now, that all depends on the house rules. 401 00:21:50,518 --> 00:21:54,063 - House rules? - Like lights out at 12 o'clock. 402 00:21:54,147 --> 00:21:56,148 - 9 o'clock. - 11:30. 403 00:21:56,232 --> 00:21:58,526 - 9:15. - 11:15. 404 00:21:58,568 --> 00:21:59,902 - 9:30. - 11:00. 405 00:21:59,986 --> 00:22:02,946 - 9:45. - 10:45. 406 00:22:03,031 --> 00:22:04,282 10 o' clock. 407 00:22:10,538 --> 00:22:11,539 [Ed sighs] 408 00:22:12,540 --> 00:22:13,750 - Uncle Ed. - What? 409 00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:15,667 You know, Monica really likes it here. 410 00:22:15,752 --> 00:22:17,211 What gives you that impression? 411 00:22:17,253 --> 00:22:19,589 - She told me so. - Oh. 412 00:22:19,630 --> 00:22:20,590 Don't believe her. 413 00:22:22,258 --> 00:22:25,094 [Monica] No, Frankie, no. We can't. Not here. 414 00:22:25,178 --> 00:22:27,096 [continues indistinctly] 415 00:22:27,138 --> 00:22:29,098 Okay! All right! Everybody out! 416 00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:32,435 - Come on, everybody, out! Out, out, out, out! - Hi! 417 00:22:32,518 --> 00:22:35,563 [stutters] Where's everybody? Where's Frankie? 418 00:22:35,605 --> 00:22:38,691 Frankie is a character in this play I'm reading. I was just rehearsing. 419 00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:41,444 - Oh? - He thought you had someone in there with you. 420 00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:44,363 A-ha! I must have been pretty good to fool ya. 421 00:22:44,446 --> 00:22:46,365 You didn't fool me for one minute. 422 00:22:46,449 --> 00:22:47,992 - I did, too. - No, you didn't. 423 00:22:48,076 --> 00:22:49,619 I was just going along with the gag, that's all. 424 00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:50,994 Oh, come on and admit it. 425 00:22:51,079 --> 00:22:52,413 I really did fool you, didn't I? 426 00:22:52,455 --> 00:22:54,749 No, you didn't fool me for one second. 427 00:22:54,791 --> 00:22:56,501 Okay. Maybe I didn't. 428 00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:58,586 Come on. I'll fix you a sandwich before bed. 429 00:22:58,628 --> 00:22:59,629 [Ed] Okay. 430 00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:02,590 Talk to you later, Frankie. 431 00:23:02,632 --> 00:23:04,300 Come on. Stop fooling around. 432 00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:05,551 [knocking nearby] 433 00:23:08,262 --> 00:23:11,390 All right, Frankie! Everybody out! Come on, you... 434 00:23:11,474 --> 00:23:12,350 Hi. 435 00:23:13,810 --> 00:23:17,730 [indistinct] 436 00:23:17,814 --> 00:23:20,023 [announcer] Chico and The Man was recorded live 437 00:23:20,108 --> 00:23:24,153 before a studio audience at NBC Studios, Burbank, California. 438 00:23:24,195 --> 00:23:26,405 [closing theme song playing] 439 00:23:28,782 --> 00:23:31,702 ♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪ 440 00:23:31,786 --> 00:23:35,455 ♪ Spent much of his time In the street ♪ 441 00:23:35,498 --> 00:23:38,667 ♪ His mind was craving For knowledge ♪ 442 00:23:38,709 --> 00:23:41,170 ♪ His belly For something to eat ♪ 443 00:23:41,212 --> 00:23:44,882 ♪ Well, times are hard ♪ 444 00:23:44,965 --> 00:23:47,510 ♪ For Chico and the Man ♪ 445 00:23:48,761 --> 00:23:51,931 ♪ Times are hard ♪ 446 00:23:52,013 --> 00:23:54,350 ♪ For Chico and the Man ♪ 447 00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:57,686 ♪ Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, baby ♪ 448 00:23:57,728 --> 00:23:59,272 ♪ It's all right ♪ 449 00:24:00,106 --> 00:24:01,232 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 34668

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.