Original subtitles

[man] One, two, one, two, three, and...

[opening theme song playing]

♪ Chico Don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man, he ain't So hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico, if you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend A helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good In everyone ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see The morning sun ♪

♪ If you try ♪

♪ And I know Things will be better ♪

♪ Oh, yes, they will For Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yes, they will For Chico and The Man ♪

Five, four, three,

dos, uno, blastoff! [chuckles]

Will you stop throwing those paper planes around?

This place is beginning to look like Lindbergh's rumpus room.

Why aren't you at school?

- It's Sunday. - So go to Sunday school.

I was there already.

I know. Why don't I go to church?

That ought to be fun.

The church ought to be fun?

Sure, I can pretend it's a movie

and I'll sneak in the back way.

Oh, boy.

Will you stop that? What's the matter with you?

I'm bored! There's nothing to do.

What are you talking about?

There's a million things you can do.

- Do you like airplanes? - Yeah.

Why don't you go out to the airport and help people lose their luggage?

Better yet, go to the post office,

watch people stand in the wrong line.

Those things are okay.

I guess.

But they don't thrill me.

You wanna be thrilled?

Go out to the park and scare the pigeons off the winos.

You know, sometimes I think you're not sympathetic to my problems.

Sympathetic to your problems?

Where do you hear that kind of talk?

I read it in Dear Abby.

I don't wanna argue with you. Go upstairs and do your homework.

I did it at school.

Well, then go upstairs, take a long bath.

And don't tell me you did that at school.

I don't feel like taking a long bath.

Well, take two short baths. What do I care? Get up there.

♪ Oh, the sun is bright And the air is clean ♪

♪ There's Louie and Della On the scene ♪

Well, well, well. Look who's here.

Beauty and the beast.

Oh, come on, Ed.

I ain't so beautiful.

You must be, Louie,

'cause you sure ain't getting by on your brains, honey.

Good morning, Ed.

That's your opinion.

Are you in a bad mood again?

No, I'm just resisting the impulse to get in a good mood.

Well, I got something that's gonna put you in a good mood,

whether you like it or not.

Ta-da!

What do you think?

Well, you have "Brown's" all right,

but did you have a little trouble backing into that garage?

What's this all about?

This is the official sweater, Ed, of your basketball team.

I don't have a basketball team.

Oh, but we're gonna straighten that out right now.

You you are going to sponsor one, Ed.

- I am? - Yeah,

for the kids in the barrio, the Merchant Basketball League.

Now, what do you say about that?

No.

Well, don't just say no right away.

Take some time to think about it.

You want me to take a little time to think about it?

Come back in about 40 years and I'll give you an answer.

But, Ed, we don't need that much.

We just need a little money for equipment.

- You know, some team jackets... - [sighs]

- ...some uniforms, a ball and maybe-- - A ball?

You've got a basketball team, you don't have a ball?

- Well, partly. - What do you mean, partly?

We... we got the air.

We just need the leather stuff that goes around it.

Listen, if you two are so interested,

why don't you sponsor the basketball--

Oh, Della's doing her part.

You see, she's supplying the hot dogs and the cold drinks every game.

- Yeah? - Yeah. And Louie's gonna coach the kids.

Nice of you to hire the handicapped.

The answer is no.

Look, Ed, it's your patriotic duty as a citizen

to support this basketball team.

- It is? - [both] Yeah.

Can you think of anything more American than playing basketball?

Sure. Buying a German car and a Japanese camera.

Come on, Ed.

It's not really gonna cost that much, man.

Yeah, I got the figures right here. Look at this, Ed.

Are you kidding?

For that kind of money, I could make a down payment on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

We just want an answer now.

Are you gonna help us, or are you gonna turn us down?

Yes and no.

What kind of... What do you mean, yes and no?

Now, what kind of answer is that?

Yes, I'm turning you down, and, no, I'm not gonna do it.

But, Ed, we're talking about basketball.

Your game.

You, the man who holds the record for consecutive free throws

four years in a row in high school.

The man who holds the records for rebounds,

the man who holds the records for assists.

- The answer is still no. - The man who holds the record

- for cheapness. - Yeah, the answer is yes.

Well, you know, I can't believe it, Ed.

Were you really a star basketball player?

Are you kidding? I was so good, I could have been on the Harlem Globetrotters.

Oh, no, you were never gonna be on Harlem Globetrotters.

- Why not? - Because to be on that team,

you've got to be the same color as the ball.

[loud banging]

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Stop that! Stop that! What's the matter with you?

There's nothing to do.

I'll give you something to do in a minute if you don't stop that noise.

Don't you realize people are sleeping?

Who sleeps in the middle of the day.

People in civil service.

Hey, baby, I got an idea.

Did you ever think about learning how to play basketball?

No, I wouldn't be any good.

Why not?

Did you ever see the size of those basketball players?

I'm only 4'6" tall.

I'd tower under them.

Maybe you could lie about your height.

Wait a minute. Size isn't everything.

There's quickness, agility and speed.

Speed was my specialty.

In high school, I was known as Bullet Brown.

Why, in one game, I threw the basketball the entire length of the court

and rushed to the end of court just in time to catch it.

And on the way, I stopped at the stands and sold three bags of peanuts.

That's what he did, all right.

How do you know? Were you there?

Sure. I'm the one who bought the peanuts.

You know something, he never paid me for 'em, either.

Listen, sugar, didn't they have a basketball team in your village in Mexico?

Sure, we had a basketball team.

The Guadalajara Knickerbockers.

But it was a little different than in America.

How come?

Well, the team was so poor, they couldn't afford a ball.

The whole game was seeing who could throw a casaba melon

through the fish net.

A casaba melon?

That must have been pretty tough to play with.

Only when you try to dribble.

Chico, you've been missing one of the great thrills of growing up.

How would you like to play on a real team with first class equipment?

- What team, Uncle Ed? - The one I'm sponsoring.

- Oh, really? - [Ed] Yeah.

- You mean it, Ed? - I certainly do. Why not?

Chico's gonna be on the team. I'll bet you he's gonna be a big superstar.

Yeah. I got a feeling that you need a little work though, Ed.

A little work? What are you talking about?

This is Ed Brown's son. Basketball is in his blood.

Ed, he's your foster son.

Well, maybe it's in his papers.

Well, even so, he's gonna have to learn the fundamentals.

[Ed] What fundamentals?

Well, before he can play in the game,

Ed, he's got to learn how to whistle "Sweet Georgia Brown."

Maybe Uncle Louie is right.

If I play before I'm good enough, the team might not win.

Uncle Louie is wrong.

In America, it's not winning or losing that counts.

It's being related to the guy who owns the ball.

- I'm sponsoring the team. - And I'll get a real uniform?

- [Ed] Yeah. - I won't have to play in my underwears?

Yeah. Yes, sir.

You'll have everything you need.

You'll have uniforms. You'll have sneakers. You'll have liniment.

Is that all it takes to win?

No. I'll also get you the best referees money can buy.

Did you hear that? I'm gonna be on the team.

And I won't let you down, Uncle Ed.

I'll be a star, just like you were.

Good boy.

I can't wait for you to have the thrill

of having your teammates lift you on their shoulders

and carry you across the court.

Is that the only way you could get the ball in the basket?

[Louie and Della laugh]

[indistinct]

Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Let's try it again, okay?

Maybe I was holding the ball upside down.

No, no, no.

I think you better quit before you bend the ball out of shape.

Why don't you go outside

and practice lacing up your sneakers, huh?

- Okay. - Okay.

And here, hey, take this with you.

Somebody lose this?

[Raul] Thank you, Mr. Rivera.

Isn't it about time for a ring job on that cigar?

What brings you here?

Is it true what I hear?

What's that? I don't know what it is, but whatever it is,

rest assured, it's a lot truer than anything you might say.

I mean about you finally parting with a few bucks

to sponsor the basketball team for the kids.

Well, some of us feel we have a responsibility to the community.

You ought to try it sometime, Rivera.

You mean like this?

Rivera's Rockets?

How long you been sponsoring a team?

Four years, while you have been sitting around on your wallet,

and it's going to be a real pleasure

to beat your pants off in that basketball court.

And I mean, for once in your life,

I hope you're not going to be a sore loser.

Oh, no, not this time.

- I'm going to be a sore winner. - [laughs]

Oh, come on, Brown.

We won the league championship four years in a row.

We got the height, we got the speed.

We got the experience.

Yeah, but we've got a secret weapon.

My kid's gonna play on the team.

- You mean that little shrimp? - Right.

Oh, come on. If you play him, you've got to get him some elevator sneakers.

Tell you what, Rivera,

I'll give you a chance to put your money where your cigar is.

I'll bet you we win the opening game. How's that?

Name your poison.

Okay, I'll bet you a lube job against that transistor radio

you got in your shop window.

Why be a biker?

I bet you a portable TV against your two radial tires.

I'll call that TV and raise you a radiator flush.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

I'll see your flush, and bump you a stereophonic system.

I'll call that stereo system with a transmission overhaul.

[both] You got a bet, sucker!

[humming]

Hi, Raul.

Raul, come here to me.

Didn't you hear me speak to you?

Sorry, Aunt Della. I was thinking about something.

That's not a thinking look. That's a worried look.

Are you feeling all right?

You look kind of worn out.

I guess it's all that basketball practice.

- Oh, yeah. How you doing? - I'm doing great.

- Oh, that's good. - Except for one thing.

What is that, honey?

I'm rotten at it.

Oh, sugar, you'll get better.

The thing that matters is that you really like it.

- I really like it. - Good.

Except for one thing.

What is that, honey?

I hate it.

Well, sweetheart, um, I guess you just have to make up your mind to quit.

But Uncle Ed already made up my mind to play.

Well, honey, you'll have to talk to him.

Why don't you tell him how you feel?

I mean, just sit him down

and explain it to him in a calm, reasonable, logical way.

Do you think that'll do any good?

Not in a million years.

I can't quit.

This is too important to Uncle Ed.

Yeah. He sure does want you to play that awfully bad.

And that's just the way I'm playing.

But I've got to keep on trying.

Aww.

Ed Brown.

I think you're pushing that boy too hard.

Hey, Ed! Ed!

Oh, sorry, sonny.

It's the wrong time of year for trick or treat.

No, Ed, I gotta talk to you about something serious.

Serious? Well, you'd never know it by the way you're dressed.

Get over here. What is it?

We're... we're having problems on the team.

Problems on the team, huh? Okay. What kind of problems?

Well, first there's Raul.

Raul. Okay. What next?

Well, I think that about covers it.

Wel, what exactly is the problem?

Well, he's got them little skinny arms.

Do you want big arms? Get Kate Smith.

Yeah, but, Ed, he's... he's weak.

Even when he tries to dribble, he has trouble getting the ball

all the way down to the floor.

Then we ought to get a higher floor.

- Okay. - Okay. What else?

Ed, look, he even has trouble hanging on to the ball.

Now, yesterday, we threw him at least 200 passes,

and at the end of the day, even the FBI

couldn't have found his fingerprints on that ball.

Did you ever try handing him the ball?

I did, but he keeps dropping it.

Well, there must be some way to keep him from dropping it.

Well, Ed, all I'm saying is, with Raul on the team,

the team's bound to lose.

Well, it's got to be your fault.

You're probably playing him in the wrong position.

Ed, I played him everywhere.

Well, must be something we can do about it.

You can't tell me there's no place in basketball for Ed Brown's son.

Uh, maybe he can make it as a spectator.

Of course, we'd have to bring him along slowly.

Ed, we're gonna have to bench him.

Bench him? You're forgetting one thing, Louie.

- What's that? - I own the bench.

I also own the ball and the uniforms and the sneakers.

And if Chico doesn't play, Ed Brown doesn't pay.

That's blackmail.

Yeah.

Ed, the kid don't even like the game.

What are you talking about? He loves the game.

He thinks basketball, drinks basketball, eats basketball.

No, no, no, he don't eat it,

'cause if he did, he'd probably drop it before it got to his mouth.

Louie, Chico plays, and that's it.

But, Ed, can we compromise?

Sure, we can compromise, Louie.

We'll do it my way.

I knew we could come to an understanding.

Well, I'll go back and break the good news to the team.

Hi, Uncle Louie.

- Keep up the good work, Raul. - Okay.

Come on, kid, we got work to do.

Come on, Uncle Ed. I'm hungry. When are we having dinner?

Right after you make 50 baskets.

I couldn't do that before breakfast.

All right, then we'll work on defense.

Okay, I've got the ball.

Now, you've got to get it away from me.

You're gonna try to slap it away, hmm?

You're gonna try to tie me up?

You're gonna try to block the shot? What?

To tell you the truth, I don't want the ball that bad.

I'm hungry.

Why can't you think about basketball?

Why is eating so important?

At least it's something I'm good at.

That's because you've had a lot of practice.

Listen, kid, I wanna tell you I'm a little ashamed of you.

You've got no drive, no spunk, no spirit.

What am I gonna do with you?

Trade me.

Let's get over here.

Sit down. I've got a story to tell you.

You know, when I was in high school,

there was a fellow on our team that was absolutely sensational.

One of the greatest players I ever saw.

He had only one fault.

He had no desire.

And after a while, he just up and quit.

And from that day on, do you know what his teammates called him?

Lucky?

Wouldn't you like to be the kind of person that people look up to?

Like who?

Like, uh... like Wilt Chamberlain, for example.

You like Wilt Chamberlain, don't you?

Yeah, I like him, all right.

But I wouldn't want him to sit in front of me in the movies.

Come on, kid, let's practice.

Uncle Ed, I got homework to do.

What do you think would have happened to Wilt Chamberlain

if he'd wasted all his time on homework?

I got a test tomorrow.

Shut up and play. Get over there.

Break for the basket and I'll feed you for a layup.

Come on, let's go.

Come on. Ready?

Go.

Hey, wait a minute, you two. Hold it, Ed.

Don't you know all this running around is bad for you

so soon after dinner?

It's okay, Aunt Della. We haven't had dinner.

What? You mean you haven't fed this child yet?

First things first.

As my old coach used to say, "Practice before pot roast."

That's ridiculous.

Raul, you go upstairs to your room

because I don't want you to hear what I have to say to your Uncle Ed,

especially on an empty stomach.

Gee, do I have to go?

Yay!

What is the matter with you?

You are driving that child to distraction.

Why are you working him so hard?

Because his whole game is off. I don't understand it.

Do you think he needs glasses?

You're the one that needs glasses

'cause you can't see right in front of your face.

What are you talking about?

That boy doesn't want to play no basketball, Ed.

Of course he does. He loves the game.

It's not basketball that he loves.

It's you. Can't you see that?

- He's just doing this for you. - And I'm doing it for him.

Basketball is a game that promotes character and independence.

And how is he going to be independent

if I'm not there every minute to tell him what to do?

Oh, you're not kidding me. I know what you're doing.

You're just trying to live your old basketball days through that kid.

That's not true.

I just want him to know the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.

He's a 12-year-old child.

All he needs to know is the thrill of ice cream and the agony of homework.

You're trying to turn him into something that he doesn't want to be.

And that's selfish.

Della, if you're gonna be nasty to me,

you might have the decency to do it outside.

Get out of my garage.

All right, I'll go.

But while Louie is coaching Raul in basketball,

you ought to try to find somebody to coach you on how to be a father.

Why, you...

[scoffs]

What has she got against basketball?

And why does she accuse me of all those things?

She knows I'd never force Chico to do something he didn't want.

Ah.

Would I, Margaret?

[spanner clicking]

Come on, Ed, let's go. We'll be late for the game.

I'm not going.

What do you mean, you ain't going?

Tonight's our first game.

We're playing the Rivera Rockets.

Well, I'm not in the mood.

I got this car to fix. It's got a clogged fuel line.

I gotta finish it today.

Look, Ed, today is Sunday.

Now why you gotta fix it today?

Who knows? It may be contagious.

If I don't, every Mustang in the city could be laid up.

Well, in that case, I better get out of here 'cause I don't want to catch it.

[Raul] Hi.

Raul! Why aren't you in your uniform for the game?

Excuse me.

- Uncle Ed. - What?

- I got bad news. - Bad news?

When we were warming up, I slipped and fell.

- I sort of broke my wrist. - You... Oh.

Are you sure you're gonna be all right?

- Yeah. The doctor said I would be okay. - Yeah?

- But I won't be able to play in the game. - Oh.

- Uh, you won't? - No.

Aww. Ain't that too bad?

I can hardly wait to go over and break the bad news to the team. [laughs]

[Ed sighs]

- Uncle Ed. - Mm?

I'm sorry I let you down.

I know how much you wanted me to play.

Well, what's the difference?

It's only a game.

But you said that basketball builds character,

and leadership, and a sense of fair play.

Eh, who needs that stuff? I always get along without it.

Besides, you don't like the game anyhow.

Sure I do.

Well, I almost like it.

Like you almost broke your wrist, huh?

You knew I was faking?

I only did it for the guys on the team.

See, with my help, I knew they would lose.

I guess I'm really not ready to be a basketball star.

Oh, it's okay, kid.

You know, there's an old saying in sports.

"Wait till next year."

And by the way, I'm sorry I pushed you too hard.

I guess I'm just not a perfect father.

Well, wait till next year.

Ed, where are ya?

Oh, oh, there you are.

I got some good news for you, old buddy.

We won the game.

We beat Rivera's Rockets.

That's nice.

Oh, look, Ed, you ought to be more excited.

That means you won the bet from Rivera.

No. We called that bet off.

- Well, all I can say is it was a terrific game. - Yeah?

Yeah, it took four and a half hours,

winning the double overtime.

Really? What was the final score?

15 to 13.

[announcer] Chico and the Man was recorded live before a studio audience

at NBC Studios, Burbank, California.

[closing theme song playing]

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time In the street ♪

♪ His mind was craving For knowledge ♪

♪ His belly For something to eat ♪

♪ Well, times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, baby ♪

♪ It's all right ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪