Original subtitles

[man] One, two, a-one, two, three and...

[opening theme song playing]

♪ Chico, don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't so hard to understand ♪

♪ Chico, if you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good in everyone ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun if you try ♪

♪ And I know things will be better ♪

♪ Oh, yes, they will for Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Yes, they will for Chico and the Man ♪

[alarm clock ringing]

Shut up.

- [alarm stops] - Call me in an hour.

Ed! Ed!

- Who is it? - Wake up. It's Della.

- What day is this? - Wednesday.

Call me Friday.

Will you stop that? What do you want?

I brought breakfast.

Oh, well, put it on the table. I'll eat it later.

It's not for you.

Is that what you woke me up for?

To tell me you didn't bring me breakfast?

It's for Raul. Where is he?

Well, he's gone. Give me the breakfast.

Gone? What do you mean he's gone?

He spent the night here, didn't he?

Yeah, but he must have sneaked out of here

while I was still sleeping

without even a thank you, the ungrateful little wetback.

Don't you call him no wetback.

Look, Della, he came into this country in the trunk of a car.

You want to call him a spare tire? Okay, he's a spare tire.

To me, he's still a wetback.

But that poor child's out there all alone.

Don't you even care anything about that?

Of course I care, but he's illegal.

There's nothing we can do about it.

We can at least go out there and look for him.

Look, Della, there's no reason to look for him.

He doesn't want us to do that.

He knows if we find him, we're gonna send him...

Send him back to his father and mother where he belongs.

Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to get dressed.

I don't care about that. I still I think that--

Don't think. You're too old to start something new.

Ed! Ed!

What's the matter? Are you embarrassed at the sight of a man's body?

- No, I just don't want to laugh so early in the morning. - Ah.

I don't understand him at all.

Morning.

[Della] Oh.

Oh, Raul. Thank goodness. Are you all right?

This is America. What could be bad?

Good point.

We've been looking for you. Where have you been?

Shopping. I'm gonna make Mr. Brown breakfast.

I picked up some milk.

[chuckles] Milk for Ed?

The liquor store was closed.

Hi, Uncle Ed.

Don't call me "Uncle Ed."

Wait a minute. What are you doing here? I thought you ran away.

I'm happy here. Why should I run away?

So I can be happy here.

I told you last night. El scramo.

Don't you understand Spanish?

I think Uncle Ed got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

I think that's the only side his bed has got.

Ed Brown! Just a minute, I want to talk to you.

- Yeah? - Will you stop being so crabby?

Don't you know that child got up before dawn

to go get you some milk for your breakfast?

He did? Aw.

Where did you get the money to buy the milk?

I don't need no money. I got it the American way.

The American way? You mean you're already on welfare?

No, I got it on credit.

I gave the man an IOU.

And he took it?

I don't know. He wasn't there.

I left it in his milk box.

Why, you little thief, that milk is hot.

I'll put it in the icebox.

[Ed] Come back here.

- Oh, you want some? - No, I don't want some.

- You know what I want? - I know. He wants me out of here.

Right. I want you out of this garage and out of the country,

and it's for your own good.

I'm afraid Mr. Brown is right, Raul. Your home is in Mexico.

But this is the worst time to be in Mexico.

- [Della] Oh? - It's full of tourists.

Come one, kid. Get ready. We're going to the bus station.

You're grabbing the Enchilada Express.

Raul, I'll fix you a nice lunch for your trip.

Anything you want, just name it.

Um, uh, a...

- A cheese sandwich. - A cheese sandwich? You got it.

I'd like it on day-old bread.

Sugar, I don't have any day-old bread.

- I'll wait. - [Della laughs]

I'll be right back.

Come on, kid. We gotta get started.

I don't get it. How come you don't like me?

All the tourists like me in Mexico.

[Ed] I'd like you in Mexico, too.

- Now, look, Chico-- - My name is Raul.

I told you before, by me, all you kids are named Chico.

There's no room for you here. Do you realize that last night,

the two of us had to sleep in the same bed?

It was wonderful. That's 11 less than I'm used to.

Senor, please, don't send me home.

My mother and father will be very disappointed.

Are you kidding? Your mother and father will be tickled to death to see you.

Oh, no, I'm here with their blessings.

- And a letter. - A letter?

Si, from my father.

Oh.

Mexican stationery.

"Dear to who it may concern--"

[Ed] Wait a minute, your father writes English?

- My mother, too, but my father had the pencil. - Oh, I see.

Okay, let's hear what they have to say.

"Raul is in the USA with our blessings and this here letter.

We want him to stay there and make a lot of money.

And we are sure he will have a good time with you, Mr. Brown. Signed--"

Hold it. Hold it. How did they know my name was "Brown"?

You call all of us "Chico," we call all of you "Brown."

Let me see that.

- Your father wrote this, huh? - Si.

Hey, this comes from Moishes Kosherama down the street.

No, it's from his branch in Ensenada.

Ensenada, my foot. Come on, kid. Get ready.

Tijuana's next. Here.

Hi, Ed. Hi, Raul.

Louie, don't give us any trouble.

I'm putting the kid on the bus. He's going home.

Oh, the kid just got here. His back ain't even dry yet.

You tell him, Louie.

Don't start with me, Louie.

A kid his age should be with his parents.

I wish someone had told my parents that.

You mean they threw you out?

Yeah, that's how I got into garbage. [laughs]

Well, sure nice meeting you, kid. So, I'll see you later.

Oh, no, you won't. Later he's gonna be on a bus.

Louie, make him understand.

I got to stay in America. I'm gonna become a millionaire.

Well, look, kid, if you work hard,

you can become a millionaire by working in Mexico.

I don't want pesos.

I want to be a millionaire in a stable economy.

How do you like that, Louie? We're dealing with Jose D. Rockefeller.

For the last time, kid, you're leaving.

For the last time, I ain't going.

Do you want to bet?

My mind is made up.

If you put me on a bus, I jump off.

You put me on a train, I jump off.

You put me on a plane...

I figure something out.

That's some determined kid, Ed.

Yeah. Never mind that. Louie, give me the keys to your truck.

I'm driving the kid to the border.

You're wasting your time. I'll sneak back.

Well, it looks to me like the only way

you're gonna get him back there is to tie him up,

drive him down to the village and deliver him to his daddy in person.

His daddy is 300 miles away from here.

And I'm not driving a garbage truck through customs.

Well, why don't you meet him at the border? It ain't that far.

Hey, senor, that's a good idea.

Why don't you write my papa a letter and tell him to meet us in Tijuana?

Tell you what, I'll even take it to the mailbox and mail it for you.

Yeah, well, if I know you,

you'll stuff it in a taco and eat it.

Boy, he's a mind reader.

Hey, look, Ed, why don't you send a telegram. It's faster.

Uh, say, kid, do they have a telegraph office down in that village you live in?

Of course they have a telegraph office.

Don't you remember? It's right across the street from the hotel.

Yeah, next to a taco stand.

Everything was next to a taco stand.

Come on, kid. I'm gonna send a telegram to your father.

- What's his name? - Papa.

And I suppose your mother's name is Mama.

How did he know that?

Come on, kid, stop stalling. What's your father's name?

It starts with a "C."

I got no time for crossword puzzles. What's his name?

Carlos Jose Ramon Antonio--

- Just the last name. - Alberto Garcia.

Garcia, huh? Okay, wait a minute, now.

Let's see... "To Carlos Garcia,

El Rosario, Mexico.

We'll deliver your son, Raul,

Mexican side of border.

Advise immediately.

Signed Ed Brown,

20317 South Figueroa, LA, California." There.

Now, those words gonna cost you a whole lot of money, Ed.

Yeah. Why don't you save a couple of bucks?

Leave out your name and address?

When I want advice from a foreigner, I'll ask Henry Kissinger.

Here.

Take this down to Western Union, and see that it goes off.

Okay, Ed. Nothing personal, kid.

I know.

What are you looking at me like that for?

It's nothing personal with me, either.

I didn't have a chance, did I, senor?

You're too smart for me.

You bet your boots I'm too smart for you.

You have to get up pretty early in the morning to put one over on Ed Brown.

- Yeah. Early in the morning. - Yeah.

He forgot one thing. I got up earlier than him this morning.

You're still working on that junk?

It's not junk. It's anti-ques. See?

Anti-ques? It's junk.

I'm only a kid. What do I know?

Well, don't collect more than you can carry.

You're going home as soon as I get an answer from your father.

It's been six days already. Maybe my papa is too lazy to write to you.

What kind of a father would be too lazy to write to get his son back?

A Mexican papa. Those peoples are all lazy.

Why, you little bigot? Who told you all Mexicans are lazy?

You did.

Well, that's the trouble with you people.

You believe everything you hear.

Hello, Ed. Hello, Raul.

Ol' Louie's here and is feelin' cool.

Hi, Uncle Louie.

- [Louie] Hi there, son. - Since when is he "Uncle Louie"?

Since yesterday when I took him on my garbage route.

Most adults take their kids to Disneyland.

Well, it's part of his education, Ed.

The kid's never saw any before.

Yeah, in our village, we're so poor, we don't throw anything away.

But here, you throw away high-class stuff like this chair.

That's high-class?

I'll have you know that chair came from a good neighborhood.

And it's probably a better neighborhood now they got rid of it.

- Hi, fellas. - [Ed] Hi, Della.

What do you say, sunshine?

Hi, Raul. How's business?

About to pick up. What do you want to buy?

Well, I don't want to buy anything, sweetheart.

But you could go over to my truck and help yourself

to some potato chips, if you'd like.

- I'd like. I'm into junk food. - Okay, run on.

- Ed? - What?

- Have you heard anything from Raul's parents? - Not a word.

Are you sure you sent that telegram?

Sure, I'm sure. I gave you the receipt for $14.

I'm still waiting for my $14.

Patience is a virtue, my boy. Bless you.

Maybe you better send another one.

No, you better not. Della, I can't afford it.

Well, how about calling?

No, Raul said they don't have a phone.

- Hey, I just remembered. - What?

You know that guy that took us out fishing on that boat?

- Yeah. - He's got a phone.

- He has? - Yeah.

Oh, good. What was his name again?

Uh, something Spanish, I think.

Good, Louie, that's really good.

- Oh. I remember. Lopez. - Lopez. Yeah.

- What was his first name? - Manuel Lopez.

- Manuel Lopez. - Manuel.

I think I got his number in the office.

I remember when you wrote it down.

Yeah, I'm sure he can get in touch with the kid's parents.

Hey, how much does it cost to call Mexico?

Well, what difference does that make how much it costs?

It's for a worthy cause.

Oh, that's right. Money is no object.

How do you say "reverse the charges" in Spanish?

[Della] Go make the call.

Louie, I brought you a chocolate bar.

Oh, thank you, Raul.

Well, don't thank him. It's my chocolate bar.

Not anymore, it ain't.

I'll see y'all later.

Louie! Oh, Louie!

I'm so glad I found you.

Uh, Mr. Alch, what are you doing here?

Somebody told me they saw your garbage truck drive off

with my little statue of a jockey!

Hey, that's my jockey! You little--

- [Louie] Come on now, Mr. Alch. - You took it.

- [Raul] It's mine! - It's my jockey. It's my jockey.

- Uncle Ed! Uncle Ed! - It belongs to me!

Uncle Ed! Uncle Ed!

He's taking the kid's statue.

Ed, come on, Ed!

[Raul] Uncle Ed! Uncle Ed!

- [Mr. Alch] Don't touch it! - Hold it, hold it, hold it.

What's going on here?

This kid, he stole my jockey.

He stole your--

- Della, grab that phone. - [Della] All right.

Now, what is this all about here?

The kid is a crook.

A crook? How dare you call this young lad a crook?

Take a look at that beautiful face.

Does he look like a crook to you? Huh?

I withdraw the question.

That jockey has stood on my lawn for 20 years.

Now it's here.

Uncle Ed, I didn't steal his jockey.

Yeah, well, it's your word against his. And I believe him.

- Thank you, Uncle Ed. - Shut up, you little crook.

Oh, come on, Ed. The kid ain't no crook.

I remember that jockey was this close to that garbage.

Wha... Why? It couldn't be.

Mr. Alch, did you have another fight with your wife yesterday?

Well... yeah.

You mean she actually did throw it out?

Well, it looks that way.

All right, all right, so she threw it out.

But it's still my jockey. I want it.

I'll let you have it for $50.

$50? It's my jockey.

In that case, $5.

All right, all right. Here's your $5, you little crook.

Hey, hey, hey. Hold everything. Didn't you forget something?

- Forget what? - You called that kid a crook. I think you owe him an apology.

You expect me to apologize to a kid?

If you don't, your jockey's gonna become a headless horseman.

All right!

I'm sorry, kid.

I apologize.

That's okay, senor.

I hope it works out with your crazy wife.

Thanks for sticking up for me, Uncle Ed.

I didn't stick up for you. And stop calling me Uncle Ed, you little crook.

Ed, Ed, come on, your call. He's on the line.

Okay. Wait a minute.

Hello? Hello? Who's this?

Oh, Manuel Lopez. How are you? Yeah. This--

Yeah. This is Ed Brown. Um...

Ed Brown! I'm here in Los Angeles!

Yeah. Listen, uh, Manny,

you remember that kid that helped us load the fish in the car?

Yeah, Raul Garcia. He remembers him.

- Yeah, that's him. - All right.

Uh, well, we want you to get in touch

with his father and mother and tell him the kid is--

What?

Well... Well, that can't be. The kid said that--

Oh. Oh, I see.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Okay, Manny. Uh, thanks very much. Yeah.

Well, of course, you were worried there, but you don't have to worry--

Yeah, mmm-hmm.

Okay, we'll keep in touch with you. Thanks, Manny.

What is it, Ed? What did he say?

Raul's parents. He doesn't have any.

- He doesn't? - What?

Yeah. His father was a fisherman.

And he and his boat went down in a storm only last year.

Uh, how about his mother?

Died when he was a baby.

I don't understand that, Ed.

I wonder why the kid's been lying about 'em.

- How would I know? - [Della] Hmm.

Uh, Ed, do you want me to have a talk with the kid?

Eh...

No, no, no, no, no. I'll, uh... I'll handle it.

Well, Margaret, you got me into this.

How are you gonna get me out?

Nothing to say, huh?

Okay.

Uh, listen, Chico.

Yes, Uncle Ed?

About your father--

I was thinking the same thing.

I think maybe he doesn't answer your telegram

because the telegram boy didn't deliver it.

He knows my father's too poor to tip.

So, what I think, is we should write him a letter.

I'll talk, and you write. Okay?

Well, uh, I think this...

is, uh...

Okay.

Dear Papa, I am here in America where you always wanted me to go.

You would like it here.

Am I going too fast for you?

- No. - Good.

I am very lucky to find a nice home with a very nice middle-aged man.

He is much like you. He yells, but don't mean it. He is...

You're not writing, Uncle Ed.

Yeah. Listen, kid, uh...

I just got off the phone with Manuel Lopez.

Manuel Lopez from Mexico?

From Mexico, from your village.

Then you know?

Yep.

Boy, you must think I'm some big liar.

Well put.

Why did you tell me all those stories about your father?

Because I didn't want no charity from you.

If you were gonna let me stay here,

I wanted it to be because you liked me.

Not because I'm a huerfano.

Huerfano? What's a huerfano?

It means orphan. You know, like the little girl

with the dog Sandy and the no eyes.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You mean you, uh... You don't have any relatives?

Uh, brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunts?

Nobody.

Terrific.

See? Aren't you sorry you called Mexico?

When you believed my lies, things were a lot better.

[sighs]

Well, Senor Brown, what happens to me now?

[clicks tongue] I don't know, kid.

It doesn't look too good.

You're an orphan, you've got no money,

and you're in this country illegally.

Si, it's a bummer.

What are we gonna do?

Do you want to know what we're gonna do?

I'll tell you what we're gonna do.

I don't know what we're going to do.

Can I make a suggestion?

Sure.

Let's sleep on it.

Why not?

Uncle Ed, if you don't let me stay here,

- you're making a big mistake. - Yeah?

I could save you a lot of money.

How?

Well, like the movies,

you give me money for the ticket, I go in for half price.

I open the side door, you sneak in,

and we both see the movies for only 50 cents.

No, we don't see the movie.

We both get arrested for trying to sneak in.

What do you mean "we"? I paid.

[Jack Albertson] Chico and the Man was recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC Studios, Burbank, California.

[closing theme song playing]

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time in the street ♪

♪ His mind was craving for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ For Chico and the Man ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ All right ♪